1
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Ladies and gentlemen,

2
00:00:01,814 --> 00:00:04,386
the next city councilor
for the great city of Pawnee

3
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Bobby Newport.

4
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Hey.

5
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Thanks, guy.

6
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Hey, all right.

7
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Hi, I'm Bobby Newport.

8
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You know, we're two days
into this campaign,

9
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and so far it's going great.

10
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In fact, I don't know why
they call it a "cam-pain."

11
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Because up until now
it's been a "cam-pleasure."

12
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All right, hey, why don't
we line up for autographs

13
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and free Bobby bars.

14
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Huh?
Who wants a Bobby bar?

15
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Bobby Newport, heir to
the sweetums candy fortune.

16
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My dad made 'em.

17
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He just entered the race,

18
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and he's already
70 points up in all the polls.

19
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He is attractive
and charming.

20
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And his family employs
half the town,

21
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but so what?

22
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I am a lifelong
government bureaucrat

23
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who's well-versed
in the issues.

24
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And those are the kind
of sexy qualifications

25
00:00:51,413 --> 00:00:53,381
that win elections.

26
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How's it going?
I'm Bobby Newport.

27
00:00:54,917 --> 00:00:56,284
But you probably
knew that already.

28
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Well, Mr. Newport,
we meet at last.

29
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I'm Leslie Knope.

30
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Ah, okeydoke.

31
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So do you want me to sign that
to miss Lope or just Nesney?

32
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What? No.

33
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- Leslie's fine.
- Leslie?

34
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Yeah, miss Knope is
a candidate for city council.

35
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Been calling your office
trying to set up a debate.

36
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Oh, no,
you guys are wrong.

37
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I'm running unopposed.

38
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I'm pretty sure
I'm running unopposed, right?

39
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No, you're not running
unopposed.

40
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You've very opposed by me.

41
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Oh, terrific.

44
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We just told you.

45
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We're gonna be running
for city council.

46
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Great.
Here, have a Bobby bar.

47
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Go ahead,
my dad made 'em.

48
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Okay, folks.

49
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Hey, I'm Bobby Newport.

50
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I think we scared him.

51
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Here, have a Bobby bar.
My dad made 'em.

52
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♪

53
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Hey, Ann,
are you still a nurse

54
00:02:00,048 --> 00:02:02,100
or did they fire you because
you slept with all the doctors?

55
00:02:02,151 --> 00:02:03,584
You wanna try that again?

56
00:02:03,619 --> 00:02:06,354
Hey, Ann,
are you still a nurse?

57
00:02:06,388 --> 00:02:08,556
Because Andy's not
feeling well.

58
00:02:08,574 --> 00:02:09,557
What's wrong, Andy?

59
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Just got a headache.

60
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And I'm seeing double.

61
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And I got a song
stuck in my head,

62
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and my teeth hurt.

63
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Also I'm hungry.

64
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Okay, well, some of
those things are symptoms

65
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and some of them
are just being a person.

66
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- Did you hit your head?
- No.

67
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Oh, yes, technically
I did smash my head area

68
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into the wall area.

69
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Yeah, he was hanging up
his gold record.

70
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Oh, my God,
are you okay?

71
00:02:35,918 --> 00:02:37,885
Yeah, I'm good.

72
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Point is,
I have a gold record.

73
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Well, I can help you
with cuts and bruises

74
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but the other stuff you're gonna
have to see a real doctor.

75
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Hey, smart ass,
we can't afford it.

76
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Hey, smart ass,
yes, you can.

77
00:02:49,264 --> 00:02:50,598
You have insurance.

78
00:02:50,616 --> 00:02:52,450
Neither of your asses
are that smart

79
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because insurance is for
if something bad happens

80
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to your car.

81
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P.S. I haven't had it
in years.

82
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Oh, my God,
we used to live together.

83
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Yeah, you still
got it for me.

84
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I'm Bobby Newport.

85
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My family owns nine square
miles of land in this town.

86
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And isn't my family what this
town's really about?

87
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Vote Bobby Newport
for city council.

88
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That guy is everywhere.

89
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I am not complaining.

90
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Well, we have to find
a way to beat him.

91
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And luckily Ben
is going to announce

92
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the most amazing campaign
strategy ever thought of

93
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in the entire history
of western democracy.

94
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Go, Ben,
here's your great idea.

95
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We're all ready for it.
And start.

96
00:03:31,406 --> 00:03:34,108
I'm running for office.
I'm surrounded by my friends.

97
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My campaign manager and I
are in love.

98
00:03:36,712 --> 00:03:38,880
This is exactly
how I dreamed it would be

99
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,114
when I was a kid.

100
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Except I wasn't
70 points behind

101
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and my campaign manager
was Mr. Belvedere.

102
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We are David.

103
00:03:47,289 --> 00:03:50,875
Newport is Goliath.

104
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This is our slingshot.

105
00:03:52,844 --> 00:03:55,796
- Yes, we'll write
an inspiring op-ed piece.

106
00:03:55,831 --> 00:03:58,883
- No, the Pawnee-Eagleton
high school basketball game.

107
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Now, in this town it's bigger
than the Super Bowl.

108
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We take all our money, we air
a TV ad right at halftime.

109
00:04:04,673 --> 00:04:07,708
And I think we should make
an attack ad

110
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against Bobby Newport.

111
00:04:09,728 --> 00:04:11,362
- Oh!
- That is a great idea!

112
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- Thank you.
- Excellent.

113
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- Yay, it's a good idea.
- All right, great.

114
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So let's get to work.

115
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Ron Swanson.
How are you?

116
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Present.

117
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I have a meeting
at public works,

118
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and I was thinking that maybe
you might wanna sit in.

119
00:04:25,527 --> 00:04:27,194
Why would you think that?

120
00:04:27,229 --> 00:04:28,696
They are working on
a number of fascinating,

121
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big-budget projects...

122
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I'm very busy here.

123
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That I am being forced
to brutally cut entirely.

124
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I can make room
in my schedule.

125
00:04:36,872 --> 00:04:38,239
Wonderful.

126
00:04:38,273 --> 00:04:40,575
As you know, I'm not a big fan
of delivering bad news.

127
00:04:40,609 --> 00:04:42,760
Chris, it would be
my absolute pleasure.

128
00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:45,846
Have you considered cutting
the entire fire department?

129
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,432
I've personally put out
several local fires

130
00:04:48,483 --> 00:04:50,618
at no cost
to the taxpayer.

131
00:04:50,652 --> 00:04:52,486
Look to the left.

132
00:04:52,521 --> 00:04:55,439
The right.
Whatever.

133
00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:56,657
Are you
the kind of doctor

134
00:04:56,692 --> 00:04:57,959
who gets hooked
on his own drugs?

135
00:04:57,993 --> 00:04:59,026
I bet you are.

136
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,227
So, Andy,
tell me what happened.

137
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I was reading
an encyclopedia,

138
00:05:02,614 --> 00:05:05,499
and I tripped
or "fell over"

139
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and hit my head

140
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or brain helmet.

141
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Yeah, he sneezed and smacked
his head against the wall.

142
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That sounds about right.

143
00:05:13,959 --> 00:05:16,210
Well, if it's a concussion
it's extremely mild,

144
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so I wouldn't worry about it.

145
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Anything else bothering you?

146
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- Nope.
- Okay.

147
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Well, I mean, yeah,
I've got a weird rash

148
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in my knee pit area.

149
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,054
And my tongue,
on this side,

150
00:05:27,088 --> 00:05:28,889
doesn't taste
anything anymore.

151
00:05:28,924 --> 00:05:30,775
Sometimes when I walk
my ankles make, like,

152
00:05:30,809 --> 00:05:32,810
a weird rattlesnake sound.

153
00:05:32,861 --> 00:05:33,944
What else?

154
00:05:33,979 --> 00:05:36,614
Things that are far away
from my eyes are fuzzy.

155
00:05:36,648 --> 00:05:39,116
I once ate a Twix
with the wrapper on it,

156
00:05:39,151 --> 00:05:41,302
and I've never seen
the wrapper come out.

157
00:05:41,336 --> 00:05:42,737
Also I've swallowed
every piece of gum

158
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,405
that I've chewed
for the past 25 years.

159
00:05:44,439 --> 00:05:45,823
- Andy!
- I don't know.

160
00:05:45,874 --> 00:05:47,658
I broke my thumb
on the way over here.

161
00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:49,943
Just fix me.

162
00:05:49,961 --> 00:05:51,779
Well, I can help you
with the thumb.

163
00:05:51,797 --> 00:05:54,465
And I'll have to give you
referrals for specialists

164
00:05:54,499 --> 00:05:56,417
for the other thousand things.

165
00:05:56,451 --> 00:05:58,753
Wow, thanks for nothing,
Dr. Harris.

166
00:05:58,787 --> 00:06:00,254
You're welcome.

167
00:06:00,288 --> 00:06:02,807
Hey, I'm Bobby Newport.
I'm a regular guy.

168
00:06:02,841 --> 00:06:04,625
I like dogs.

169
00:06:04,643 --> 00:06:07,028
I'm here with my persian
greyhound raclette,

170
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,696
who was given to me
by my buddy,

171
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:11,599
the pretender to the crown
of Alsace-Lorraine.

172
00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:12,767
Vote Bobby Newport
for city council.

173
00:06:12,801 --> 00:06:14,301
Hey, um,
between you and me,

174
00:06:14,336 --> 00:06:17,171
I think that Donna is having
a problem with going negative

175
00:06:17,205 --> 00:06:18,773
in the ad.

176
00:06:18,807 --> 00:06:20,307
- Nah-uh,
I always go negative.

177
00:06:20,325 --> 00:06:22,510
Even if I like the guy
I go negative.

178
00:06:22,544 --> 00:06:23,944
Keeps 'em interested.

179
00:06:23,978 --> 00:06:25,196
Thanks, Donna.

180
00:06:25,247 --> 00:06:26,831
Well, I didn't want
to tell you this,

181
00:06:26,865 --> 00:06:29,116
but Ann is having
a hard time with it.

182
00:06:29,150 --> 00:06:30,151
She's kind of freaking out
right now.

183
00:06:30,185 --> 00:06:31,369
Oh, my God,
this magic marker

184
00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:33,521
smells like cherries.

185
00:06:33,555 --> 00:06:35,523
Hey, here's a question,

186
00:06:35,557 --> 00:06:37,525
do you like the idea?

187
00:06:37,559 --> 00:06:40,461
It's... who...

188
00:06:40,495 --> 00:06:42,179
Do you like it?

189
00:06:42,214 --> 00:06:44,331
Look, you have a vision
of how your campaign should go.

190
00:06:44,349 --> 00:06:45,700
I am your chief strategist,

191
00:06:45,734 --> 00:06:47,101
so I'm sure
we can work it out.

192
00:06:47,135 --> 00:06:48,869
Why don't you just tell me
what you're thinking.

193
00:06:48,904 --> 00:06:50,071
I hate negative ads,

194
00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,706
and I would never do one
in a million years.

195
00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:55,142
Thank you, John,
for coming in.

196
00:06:55,177 --> 00:06:57,344
The public works department
is wonderful,

197
00:06:57,379 --> 00:07:02,183
and you are the best idea man
in the business.

198
00:07:02,217 --> 00:07:04,819
We're cancelling all of
your ongoing projects.

199
00:07:04,853 --> 00:07:05,886
What?

200
00:07:05,921 --> 00:07:07,722
What about
the Pawnee river dam?

201
00:07:07,756 --> 00:07:09,990
Dam's dead.
Have a nice day.

202
00:07:10,025 --> 00:07:12,093
Where will
all the water go?

203
00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,245
Wherever it's headed now.

204
00:07:14,296 --> 00:07:16,731
The important thing is the dam
is never happening

205
00:07:16,765 --> 00:07:19,967
and your dream
has been crushed.

206
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:22,369
- We're very sorry.
- I am not.

207
00:07:22,387 --> 00:07:25,039
Good meeting.

208
00:07:25,073 --> 00:07:27,374
It's not a negative ad.

209
00:07:27,392 --> 00:07:28,926
We're stating facts about him,

210
00:07:28,977 --> 00:07:30,211
and, yeah,
they happen to be negative

211
00:07:30,245 --> 00:07:31,712
because he's a bonehead.

212
00:07:31,747 --> 00:07:33,013
Well, I wanted
to run an ad

213
00:07:33,047 --> 00:07:34,749
that highlights
the good things about me,

214
00:07:34,783 --> 00:07:36,517
not the bad things
about somebody else.

215
00:07:36,551 --> 00:07:39,052
Tom, you are our
communications director.

216
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:41,021
Weigh in here.

217
00:07:41,055 --> 00:07:43,107
Leslie,
I love your idea.

218
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:46,277
I also love your idea.

219
00:07:46,328 --> 00:07:49,447
Two great ideas,
two great people.

220
00:07:49,498 --> 00:07:50,948
I don't know
which idea's better,

221
00:07:50,999 --> 00:07:54,034
but I do know I'll end up
on the winning side.

222
00:07:54,069 --> 00:07:55,336
When I bet on horses,

223
00:07:55,370 --> 00:07:56,537
I never lose.

224
00:07:56,571 --> 00:07:57,838
Why?

225
00:07:57,873 --> 00:08:00,574
I bet on all the horses.

226
00:08:00,609 --> 00:08:02,443
How 'bout we do this,
we split up into teams,

227
00:08:02,477 --> 00:08:04,795
we each make a demo version
of our ad.

228
00:08:04,846 --> 00:08:07,080
Whichever one we like better
we use.

229
00:08:07,098 --> 00:08:08,799
Great idea!

230
00:08:08,850 --> 00:08:10,301
As long as Leslie
thinks so as well.

231
00:08:10,352 --> 00:08:12,920
Sure, I'll pick Ann
and Donna for my team.

232
00:08:12,938 --> 00:08:14,755
You can take Jerry.
What?

233
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,423
Well, you wanted
to go negative.

234
00:08:16,458 --> 00:08:19,109
You got the biggest negative
in the world, buddy.

235
00:08:21,096 --> 00:08:22,096
Okay everybody

236
00:08:22,097 --> 00:08:23,297
I need big smiles from you

237
00:08:23,331 --> 00:08:24,899
We're making
a positive ad here.

238
00:08:24,933 --> 00:08:27,969
So just think of this
as Christmas and your birthday

239
00:08:28,003 --> 00:08:29,837
and the first day of school
all rolled up into one.

240
00:08:29,872 --> 00:08:32,056
Positive is always
better than negative.

241
00:08:32,107 --> 00:08:33,641
Barack Obama said,
"yes we can,"

242
00:08:33,676 --> 00:08:34,892
and now he's president.

243
00:08:34,943 --> 00:08:36,210
Ben says,
"no we shouldn't,"

244
00:08:36,245 --> 00:08:38,479
and now he's working
for his girlfriend.

245
00:08:38,514 --> 00:08:40,064
Guys, I need
double the smiles, okay?

246
00:08:40,115 --> 00:08:42,900
Let's take it back again.
And action.

247
00:08:42,951 --> 00:08:45,737
And this is going great.
We're really positive.

248
00:08:45,788 --> 00:08:48,322
I think we're getting
good stuff, right?

249
00:08:48,356 --> 00:08:51,192
What's the...

250
00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:52,694
Oh, come on.

251
00:08:52,728 --> 00:08:55,580
Leslie, I think Bobby
Newport's bus was in that shot.

252
00:08:55,631 --> 00:08:56,581
Do you think?

253
00:08:56,632 --> 00:09:00,735
E, h, 4, m.

254
00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:02,387
Potato shape.

255
00:09:02,421 --> 00:09:04,572
Coffee mug shape.

256
00:09:04,606 --> 00:09:07,091
Smudge, smudge,
middle finger, smudge.

257
00:09:07,142 --> 00:09:08,760
The rest are all smudges.

258
00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:10,645
Oh, my God,
you drove us here.

259
00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:12,847
We made, like, 100 million
doctors' appointments

260
00:09:12,881 --> 00:09:14,381
for ourselves in one week.

261
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,401
After this we won't
have to go to the doctor

262
00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,019
for, like, ten years,

263
00:09:18,053 --> 00:09:20,905
because we're smart.

264
00:09:20,939 --> 00:09:22,523
Well, you definitely
need glasses.

265
00:09:22,558 --> 00:09:23,791
No, he's not
getting glasses.

266
00:09:23,826 --> 00:09:25,126
I like his face
the way it is.

267
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,661
If you get glasses,
I'll divorce you.

268
00:09:26,695 --> 00:09:28,196
Well, you heard her, doc.

269
00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:30,915
Too handsome for glasses,
no offense.

270
00:09:30,949 --> 00:09:33,901
I gotta admit,
his hair game's on point.

271
00:09:33,919 --> 00:09:35,236
Gotta find out
what kind of product

272
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:36,738
he puts up in his "herr."

273
00:09:36,772 --> 00:09:38,790
Hey, how's
Leslie's ad going?

274
00:09:38,841 --> 00:09:39,974
It's very good.

275
00:09:40,008 --> 00:09:43,644
But yours is also very good.

276
00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:44,929
- You ready for
the voice-over?

277
00:09:44,963 --> 00:09:46,080
Yeah.

278
00:09:46,098 --> 00:09:50,184
Bobby Newport's never
had a real job

279
00:09:50,219 --> 00:09:52,086
in his life.

280
00:09:52,104 --> 00:09:53,254
You gotta give it
more attitude.

281
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:54,922
It's gotta scare people.

282
00:09:54,957 --> 00:09:56,557
Bobby Newport...

283
00:09:56,592 --> 00:09:59,327
Yeah, okay.
All right.

284
00:09:59,361 --> 00:10:01,946
Bobby Newport's never had

285
00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:05,233
a real job in his life.

286
00:10:05,267 --> 00:10:07,235
- Bobby Newport's never had

287
00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:09,303
a real job in his life.

288
00:10:09,338 --> 00:10:10,905
Bobby Newport.

289
00:10:10,939 --> 00:10:12,106
Bobby Newport.

290
00:10:12,141 --> 00:10:13,708
Bobby Newport.

291
00:10:13,742 --> 00:10:15,243
Bobby Newport.

292
00:10:15,277 --> 00:10:17,111
Bobby Newport.

293
00:10:17,146 --> 00:10:18,112
Bobby Newport.

294
00:10:18,147 --> 00:10:20,314
- Bobby.
- Bobby.

295
00:10:20,349 --> 00:10:21,299
Bobby.

296
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,633
Newport.

297
00:10:22,668 --> 00:10:25,303
All right, now we're just
wasting time, Jerry.

298
00:10:25,337 --> 00:10:26,838
Ron Swanson!

299
00:10:26,889 --> 00:10:29,157
I want to thank you for being
so ruthless and cruel

300
00:10:29,191 --> 00:10:30,308
in the meeting
the other day.

301
00:10:30,342 --> 00:10:32,126
You'll have to be
more specific.

302
00:10:32,161 --> 00:10:34,028
With the public works
department about the dam.

303
00:10:34,062 --> 00:10:35,129
Ah.

304
00:10:35,164 --> 00:10:36,347
What do you say
I take you to lunch

305
00:10:36,398 --> 00:10:37,765
and then we can talk
about all the projects

306
00:10:37,799 --> 00:10:38,933
that you want
to get accomplished.

307
00:10:38,967 --> 00:10:40,234
That won't be necessary.

308
00:10:40,269 --> 00:10:41,602
I don't have any projects.

309
00:10:41,637 --> 00:10:42,937
I hate projects.

310
00:10:47,609 --> 00:10:49,977
What a pill.
We should order.

311
00:10:50,012 --> 00:10:52,180
And then we can talk shop.
What are you gonna have?

312
00:10:52,214 --> 00:10:57,001
I'm thinking something
raw and cucumber-based.

313
00:10:57,035 --> 00:10:58,035
A cucumber.

314
00:10:58,086 --> 00:10:59,287
I don't know what happened.

315
00:10:59,321 --> 00:11:01,088
I declined
his invitation.

316
00:11:01,123 --> 00:11:02,490
He started laughing.

317
00:11:02,524 --> 00:11:05,560
And the next thing I knew,
we were at lunch.

318
00:11:05,594 --> 00:11:07,512
Did he drug me?

319
00:11:07,546 --> 00:11:09,030
Hi, I'm Bobby Newport.

320
00:11:09,064 --> 00:11:12,166
My dad is friends
with John Cougar Mellencamp.

321
00:11:12,201 --> 00:11:13,668
That's pretty cool.

322
00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:14,969
What is this guy
running for,

323
00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:16,854
president of being on every
channel all the time?

324
00:11:16,889 --> 00:11:18,723
Reminder, Leslie,
we have less than an hour

325
00:11:18,774 --> 00:11:20,358
to get the ad
to the station.

326
00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:21,842
Ann, you're beautiful
and you're organized.

327
00:11:21,860 --> 00:11:23,644
So in order
not to bias anyone,

328
00:11:23,678 --> 00:11:25,530
these are the two ads
that Ben and I made.

329
00:11:25,564 --> 00:11:26,781
I'm just gonna
pick one randomly,

330
00:11:26,815 --> 00:11:28,282
and we'll play
that one first.

331
00:11:28,317 --> 00:11:29,617
Oh, yay,
the awesome one.

332
00:11:31,353 --> 00:11:32,820
Hi, I'm Leslie Knope.

333
00:11:32,854 --> 00:11:35,039
I'm pro-parks,
pro-public safety,

334
00:11:35,073 --> 00:11:36,707
and I'm pro-clean water.

335
00:11:36,742 --> 00:11:38,793
I'm also pro-environmental
regulation,

336
00:11:38,827 --> 00:11:41,629
and I'm very,
very pro-local propositions

337
00:11:41,663 --> 00:11:43,865
45, 86, and 102f.

338
00:11:43,899 --> 00:11:46,667
But most of all,
I'm pro-Pawnee.

339
00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:49,203
Here are some other things
that I'm pro.

340
00:12:00,432 --> 00:12:01,849
As you can see,

341
00:12:01,883 --> 00:12:03,401
I'm in favor
of a lot of things,

342
00:12:03,435 --> 00:12:04,735
like hot dogs.

343
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:06,320
Right, Charlie?

344
00:12:06,355 --> 00:12:07,755
I'm Leslie Knope,

345
00:12:07,789 --> 00:12:09,190
and I approve
this message.

346
00:12:09,224 --> 00:12:11,242
Yes.
I love it.

347
00:12:11,276 --> 00:12:12,893
Fantastic.

348
00:12:12,911 --> 00:12:14,795
Do we even want
to screen yours?

349
00:12:14,830 --> 00:12:16,397
Uh, yeah,
that was awful.

350
00:12:16,431 --> 00:12:17,465
What do you mean?

351
00:12:17,499 --> 00:12:18,583
Name one thing
that was wrong with it.

352
00:12:18,617 --> 00:12:20,234
Okay, you never
even mentioned

353
00:12:20,269 --> 00:12:21,736
you were running
for office.

354
00:12:21,770 --> 00:12:24,872
You literally never said
the words "city council."

355
00:12:24,907 --> 00:12:27,541
I did... it's implied.

356
00:12:27,575 --> 00:12:29,410
I didn't... we can just
put it in.

357
00:12:29,428 --> 00:12:30,461
Okay.

358
00:12:30,512 --> 00:12:33,631
Leslie is so good
at so many things

359
00:12:33,682 --> 00:12:36,050
and so bad at that.

360
00:12:36,084 --> 00:12:41,305
Bobby Newport's been handed
everything on a silver platter.

361
00:12:41,356 --> 00:12:44,392
His cushy job at his dad's
candy company,

362
00:12:44,426 --> 00:12:46,427
handed to him.

363
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:49,397
His 60-foot boat,
Bobby's boat,

364
00:12:49,431 --> 00:12:53,234
handed to him
when he was 12.

365
00:12:53,268 --> 00:12:55,202
Leslie Knope is running
for city council too,

366
00:12:55,237 --> 00:12:57,738
and she's earned everything
she's ever gotten.

367
00:12:57,773 --> 00:12:59,273
She has.

368
00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:01,208
Bobby Newport wants you
to just hand him

369
00:13:01,243 --> 00:13:02,776
this election.

370
00:13:02,794 --> 00:13:03,778
Don't.

371
00:13:03,812 --> 00:13:05,279
I won't.

372
00:13:05,314 --> 00:13:06,464
- Yes.
- Yes, yes.

373
00:13:06,498 --> 00:13:07,465
I love it.

374
00:13:07,499 --> 00:13:09,650
Now, people,
this is an ad.

375
00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:12,286
- It's succinct, it's punchy.
- It's mean.

376
00:13:12,304 --> 00:13:14,839
It's depressing.
It's awful.

377
00:13:14,890 --> 00:13:18,159
"I am Ben Wyatt, and I want
to destroy Leslie's dreams."

378
00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:21,128
Okay, if you're allergic
to any food,

379
00:13:21,163 --> 00:13:22,563
we'll know
in a few days.

380
00:13:22,597 --> 00:13:23,981
I think
based on the redness

381
00:13:24,016 --> 00:13:26,767
I might be allergic
to getting stabbed by needles.

382
00:13:26,801 --> 00:13:28,319
We have already been to, like,
five different doctors.

383
00:13:28,353 --> 00:13:31,072
- I got my ankles microwaved.
- X-rayed.

384
00:13:31,106 --> 00:13:32,907
They took my blood away
to use for science.

385
00:13:32,941 --> 00:13:33,975
Cholesterol tests.

386
00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:36,477
April had
her sinuses removed?

387
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:37,662
Looked at.

388
00:13:37,696 --> 00:13:39,413
Some guy looked
at my wiener, touched it.

389
00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:40,531
That was weird.

390
00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,116
And that guy
wasn't even a doctor.

391
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:44,335
That...

392
00:13:44,369 --> 00:13:45,652
What?

393
00:13:45,671 --> 00:13:47,455
Now I think it is time
for us to take a vote.

394
00:13:47,489 --> 00:13:49,490
So who's in favor
of Ben's ad?

395
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,192
Traitors!

396
00:13:51,226 --> 00:13:53,694
Ann, I painted
your garage pink.

397
00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:55,429
I did not ask you
to do that.

398
00:13:55,464 --> 00:13:57,631
Leslie, look,
I want you to win,

399
00:13:57,666 --> 00:13:59,300
and Ben's ad
is just better.

400
00:13:59,334 --> 00:14:00,968
Our friendship is over.
No, it's not.

401
00:14:01,003 --> 00:14:02,687
It's not over.
It's never over.

402
00:14:02,721 --> 00:14:04,171
BFF.
I love you forever.

403
00:14:04,206 --> 00:14:05,690
You know what, it seems like
we're kind of evenly split.

404
00:14:05,724 --> 00:14:06,891
I think we should
keep debating.

405
00:14:06,942 --> 00:14:08,893
We're not split.
It's unanimous.

406
00:14:08,944 --> 00:14:10,878
- We air my ad.
- But I...

407
00:14:10,912 --> 00:14:13,364
This is just... it's just not
the way I dreamed it would be.

408
00:14:13,398 --> 00:14:15,883
This is
the right call, okay?

409
00:14:15,917 --> 00:14:17,118
I promise.

410
00:14:17,152 --> 00:14:18,652
Okay.

411
00:14:18,687 --> 00:14:20,687
I'm going to air
a negative ad.

412
00:14:20,706 --> 00:14:22,390
It's out of my hands now.

413
00:14:22,424 --> 00:14:24,558
But you know what,
I'm actually feeling

414
00:14:24,593 --> 00:14:27,528
very zen about this.

415
00:14:27,546 --> 00:14:29,363
- Are you Ben Wyatt?
- Yeah.

416
00:14:29,381 --> 00:14:30,998
Okay, I need that DVD
in the control room.

417
00:14:31,032 --> 00:14:33,234
- Aah!
- Oh, my God.

418
00:14:33,268 --> 00:14:36,370
I am Leslie Knope, and
I do not approve this message.

419
00:14:36,388 --> 00:14:39,140
What are you doing?
What are you...

420
00:14:39,174 --> 00:14:40,174
Ah.

421
00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:43,850
Alright, the good news is,

422
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:45,318
there's only two pieces
of bad news.

423
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,437
The bad news is,
none of our ads aired

424
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:49,172
and we cannot get
our money back.

425
00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:50,340
Oh, God.

426
00:14:50,374 --> 00:14:51,607
There was probably
a better way

427
00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:53,109
for you to tell us that.

428
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,277
You both really blew this.

429
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,746
But I can't wait to hear
your new ideas.

430
00:14:56,780 --> 00:14:58,031
I love 'em already.

431
00:14:58,082 --> 00:14:59,449
Ooh, I'm hungry.

432
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:03,019
Tommy needs a mango.
See ya.

433
00:15:03,053 --> 00:15:05,221
I'm really sorry
I tackled you.

434
00:15:05,255 --> 00:15:08,257
It's just, I'd rather run
the fake campaign ads

435
00:15:08,292 --> 00:15:09,759
that I made
when I was ten

436
00:15:09,793 --> 00:15:11,461
than become negative
and cynical.

437
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:15,531
Look, I really don't wanna
crush your childhood dreams,

438
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:17,033
but I bet in your dreams

439
00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:19,836
you weren't losing an election
by 70 points.

440
00:15:19,870 --> 00:15:21,738
You need to get tougher,
Leslie.

441
00:15:21,772 --> 00:15:23,806
You just have to.

442
00:15:23,841 --> 00:15:25,842
You need to get tougher.

443
00:15:25,876 --> 00:15:28,978
You were pretty easy
to take down.

444
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,046
Thanks.

445
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,532
Ron Swanson!

446
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,183
Just the man
I wanted to see.

447
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,736
I'm going to be going
to a seminar

448
00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:39,539
on the art of
the japanese tea ceremony...

449
00:15:39,573 --> 00:15:41,991
Or "chakai" at the Pawnee
community college,

450
00:15:42,026 --> 00:15:43,493
and I thought you might like
to come with me.

451
00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:45,328
Why?

452
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:46,929
I know how much
you value silence.

453
00:15:46,964 --> 00:15:48,831
A fair point.

454
00:15:48,866 --> 00:15:50,767
But we did just
have lunch last week,

455
00:15:50,801 --> 00:15:53,102
so I feel like we've spent
enough social time together

456
00:15:53,137 --> 00:15:56,205
for the foreseeable...Ever.

457
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,540
All right, well,
if you change your mind,

458
00:15:57,558 --> 00:15:58,925
you know where to find me.

459
00:15:58,976 --> 00:16:01,377
- Donna Meagle!
- Chris Traeger!

460
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,730
For some godforsaken reason
that man is suddenly determined

461
00:16:03,764 --> 00:16:05,381
to hang on with me.

462
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:06,883
You mean hang out?

463
00:16:06,917 --> 00:16:08,551
What is wrong with him?

464
00:16:08,569 --> 00:16:09,786
I don't know, he's got you
doing Ben's job,

465
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:11,320
eating lunch with him
like Ben used to.

466
00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:13,856
Maybe he just misses
his little buddy.

467
00:16:15,609 --> 00:16:16,926
Ow.

468
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,995
Let's get you home
and get me some ice cream.

469
00:16:19,029 --> 00:16:20,129
Here's your bill.

470
00:16:20,164 --> 00:16:21,948
Whoa, yeah,
won't be needing that.

471
00:16:21,999 --> 00:16:23,599
I've got
the free medicine card.

472
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:26,769
Uh, there's a $500 deductible
for dental procedures.

473
00:16:26,804 --> 00:16:28,337
Oh, I think you're wrong.

474
00:16:28,372 --> 00:16:30,907
We have the insurance thing.

475
00:16:30,941 --> 00:16:32,975
- I believe we're covered.
- It's still $500.

476
00:16:33,010 --> 00:16:35,044
Let's see here.

477
00:16:35,079 --> 00:16:37,947
Oh, because,
you know what...

478
00:16:37,981 --> 00:16:40,133
Let's go!
Dine and dash.

479
00:16:40,184 --> 00:16:42,268
Out of the way!

480
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,620
Yeah!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!

481
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:45,855
Ah!

482
00:16:45,889 --> 00:16:47,640
Ah, call an ambulance!

483
00:16:47,691 --> 00:16:50,927
A different ambulance than
the one I ran into.

484
00:16:50,961 --> 00:16:54,330
This is city council
candidate Leslie Knope

485
00:16:54,364 --> 00:16:56,432
when she was ten years old.

486
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:58,267
Hi, I'm Leslie Knope.

487
00:16:58,302 --> 00:16:59,569
I love Pawnee.

488
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:01,571
And I want to make it
even better.

489
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,673
Better schools,
safer streets,

490
00:17:03,707 --> 00:17:06,576
and a more progressive tax
on residential properties.

491
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:10,813
This is city council
candidate Bobby Newport today.

492
00:17:10,848 --> 00:17:12,215
People keep asking me:

493
00:17:12,249 --> 00:17:14,317
Bobby, what are you gonna do
once you get into office?

494
00:17:14,351 --> 00:17:17,887
Um, I'm pretty sure
I'll figure it out.

495
00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:21,174
Leslie Knope had better
ideas when she was ten

496
00:17:21,225 --> 00:17:23,593
than Bobby Newport has now.

497
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:24,994
They do have
one thing in common.

498
00:17:25,028 --> 00:17:26,962
Both: I like dogs.

499
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:28,831
For a better Pawnee,

500
00:17:28,866 --> 00:17:30,466
vote Knope for city council.

501
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:32,768
Well, we already have
a thousand views.

502
00:17:32,803 --> 00:17:34,904
Yeah, but no calls
from reporters,

503
00:17:34,938 --> 00:17:36,155
no interview requests.

504
00:17:36,190 --> 00:17:38,274
I don't care.
I'm proud of it.

505
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,942
You sure?

506
00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:42,044
It is accurate about
my opponent, it does not take...

507
00:17:42,079 --> 00:17:43,979
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold that thought.

508
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:46,482
Ron Swanson!
What a pleasant surprise.

509
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:47,650
And who's this?

510
00:17:47,684 --> 00:17:50,386
This is a great friend
of mine.

511
00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:53,022
He is a fellow
who works in the building...

512
00:17:53,056 --> 00:17:56,292
- ...and he is named Dennis.
- Kyle.

513
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:59,495
He strongly enjoys
japanese culture,

514
00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:01,264
and I thought he might
wanna go with you

515
00:18:01,298 --> 00:18:03,065
to the thing.

516
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,233
- The tea ceremony.
- Yes.

517
00:18:04,268 --> 00:18:05,551
You're a brother
japanophile?

518
00:18:05,602 --> 00:18:08,938
I was eating rice,
and Ron made me come up here.

519
00:18:08,972 --> 00:18:10,873
But sure,
that sounds fun.

520
00:18:10,908 --> 00:18:11,858
Arigato.

521
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:14,944
Ron, a moment.

522
00:18:14,978 --> 00:18:17,914
All right, pal, level with me.
What's going on?

523
00:18:17,948 --> 00:18:21,317
Well, you seemed like
you wanted a friend.

524
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,786
No, no, no, no.

525
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,788
I'm not lonely.
I have me.

526
00:18:25,822 --> 00:18:28,357
And 4,000 Facebook friends
and a hot girlfriend.

527
00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:30,526
I wanted to spend time
with you,

528
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:32,995
because I have to replace Ben
as assistant city manager

529
00:18:33,030 --> 00:18:35,164
and I was giving you
a tryout of sorts.

530
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:38,534
Now, I'll mull my options
for the next few months,

531
00:18:38,569 --> 00:18:40,169
but I'd love you
to keep an open mind.

532
00:18:40,204 --> 00:18:43,206
Kyle-San!
Arigato!

533
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:44,390
Mr. Newport, hello.

534
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,541
Hi.

535
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,710
Leslie Knope.
Ben Wyatt.

536
00:18:47,728 --> 00:18:48,811
- Yeah, hi.
- Good to see you.

537
00:18:48,845 --> 00:18:50,313
Nice to see you.
You guys want anything?

538
00:18:50,347 --> 00:18:52,565
This is a restaurant,
so they have food and stuff.

539
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:53,816
- I'll take a milkshake.
- We're good.

540
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,985
No, we're good.
What can we do for you?

541
00:18:56,019 --> 00:19:00,723
Yes, um, why'd you guys
post that video of me, man?

542
00:19:00,757 --> 00:19:02,792
I mean, that didn't
make me feel good.

543
00:19:02,826 --> 00:19:06,095
It was... it was mean.
You guys are mean.

544
00:19:06,129 --> 00:19:08,531
Well, we used your own ad,

545
00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,733
so I don't think
it was mean.

546
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:12,301
All right, let me
lay it out for you.

547
00:19:12,336 --> 00:19:14,503
My friends keep sending me
links to that video

548
00:19:14,538 --> 00:19:16,239
and they just
make fun of me.

549
00:19:16,273 --> 00:19:18,741
So just stop running, okay?

550
00:19:18,775 --> 00:19:20,760
Just... that... stop.

551
00:19:20,794 --> 00:19:21,794
Stop running the ad?

552
00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:23,279
No, stop running
the campaign.

553
00:19:23,313 --> 00:19:24,981
What?

554
00:19:25,015 --> 00:19:26,182
Just quit.

555
00:19:26,216 --> 00:19:28,150
It would be so cool of you
if you just quit.

556
00:19:28,185 --> 00:19:30,219
Then I can win the election,

557
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:31,420
and I'll have a big party,

558
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:32,955
and I'll put you both
on the guest list,

559
00:19:32,990 --> 00:19:34,273
plus one.

560
00:19:34,308 --> 00:19:35,808
I'm gonna have a man
who does magic.

561
00:19:35,859 --> 00:19:37,193
He's really good.

562
00:19:37,227 --> 00:19:39,595
Not, like, cheesy magic.
Like, good magic.

563
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:42,832
We're not gonna quit
the campaign.

564
00:19:42,866 --> 00:19:44,233
Why would we do that?

565
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:47,403
Because I want it.

566
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:48,471
Come on, give me it.

567
00:19:48,505 --> 00:19:50,273
Give me it.
Give me it.

568
00:19:50,307 --> 00:19:51,607
Come on, give me it.

569
00:19:51,642 --> 00:19:52,842
Just give me the election.

570
00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:54,327
I'm sorry, please.

571
00:19:54,378 --> 00:19:55,795
Please.

572
00:19:55,829 --> 00:19:58,347
Well, Leslie, he does make
a compelling argument.

573
00:19:58,382 --> 00:20:02,018
Come on, ugh!
Come on, guy.

574
00:20:02,052 --> 00:20:03,786
- Bobby.
- Ah, it's not padded!

575
00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:04,954
Can I ask you a question?

576
00:20:04,988 --> 00:20:06,839
Why are you even
running for office?

577
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:08,357
You know what,
I need something to do

578
00:20:08,392 --> 00:20:09,825
to get my dad off my back.

579
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,327
This seemed easy.

580
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:12,828
What about you,
why are you doing it?

581
00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:14,297
Who's your dad?

582
00:20:14,331 --> 00:20:16,399
I'm running for office because
I want to improve the lives

583
00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:17,733
of the people that I love

584
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:19,135
in the city that's
the greatest city in the world.

585
00:20:19,169 --> 00:20:20,970
What?
What does that even mean?

586
00:20:21,004 --> 00:20:22,371
Hey, I've got an idea.

587
00:20:22,406 --> 00:20:25,474
How 'bout you quit running,
then I win,

588
00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:27,810
but then I let you do
all the work.

589
00:20:27,844 --> 00:20:29,111
I'm not going anywhere,

590
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,146
and we are gonna debate soon,

591
00:20:31,164 --> 00:20:34,083
and I need to warn you,
I know my stuff.

592
00:20:34,117 --> 00:20:37,036
So you should toughen up.

593
00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,490
Why are you guys smiling?
I feel bad.

594
00:20:41,508 --> 00:20:42,541
Hey, quick question.

595
00:20:42,592 --> 00:20:44,043
That little girl
from your video.

596
00:20:44,094 --> 00:20:45,544
Oh, my God, she's so cute.

597
00:20:45,595 --> 00:20:46,829
Do you think you can
talk to her

598
00:20:46,847 --> 00:20:49,181
and let her do an ad for me?

599
00:20:49,216 --> 00:20:50,833
That girl is me

600
00:20:50,867 --> 00:20:52,968
as a ten-year-old.

601
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,071
How'd you do that?

602
00:20:56,609 --> 00:20:58,841
Maybe you should see
one of the other doctors.

603
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,876
No.
No more doctors.

604
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:02,661
They're a bunch
of scam artists.

605
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,363
They reel you in
with the free stuff.

606
00:21:04,398 --> 00:21:06,349
Next thing you know, bam,

607
00:21:06,383 --> 00:21:08,801
you run into an ambulance.

608
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:10,336
Every time.

609
00:21:10,354 --> 00:21:12,555
Let's just go home
and care for each other.

610
00:21:12,606 --> 00:21:13,906
We could buy a sewing kit.

611
00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:16,475
You could sew up my lip
underneath a bridge somewhere.

612
00:21:16,510 --> 00:21:18,494
Mmm, so romantic.

613
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:21,530
- Ugh!
- Oh, sorry, I forgot.

614
00:21:21,565 --> 00:21:22,782
Let's go.
All right.

615
00:21:22,816 --> 00:21:25,051
Do you think sewing kits
are covered by insurance?

616
00:21:25,085 --> 00:21:26,852
Or groceries
or, like, Xbox games?

617
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:27,853
What is insurance?

618
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:29,805
I don't know.
Who cares?

619
00:21:29,996 --> 00:21:30,838
<font color="#00ffff">Sync and corrected by Rafael UPD</font>
<font color="#00ffff">www.Addic7ed.com/</font>

