1
00:00:08,531 --> 00:00:10,515
Hello.
2
00:00:10,517 --> 00:00:11,916
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
3
00:00:11,918 --> 00:00:13,551
and welcome to
the premiere episode
4
00:00:13,553 --> 00:00:18,573
of Sheldon Cooper Presents:
Fun with Flags.
5
00:00:18,575 --> 00:00:22,744
Over the next 52 weeks,
you and I are going to explore
6
00:00:22,746 --> 00:00:25,830
the dynamic world
of vexillology.
7
00:00:25,832 --> 00:00:27,866
Hang on, Dr. C.
8
00:00:27,868 --> 00:00:30,001
What's vexillology?
9
00:00:31,404 --> 00:00:34,506
Vexillology is
the study of flags.
10
00:00:34,508 --> 00:00:36,674
Cool.
11
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,795
I think I just
learned something.
12
00:00:40,797 --> 00:00:42,197
Did you have fun doing it?
13
00:00:42,199 --> 00:00:44,933
I'll say.
14
00:00:44,935 --> 00:00:49,087
Fun and information are two
sides to this video podcast,
15
00:00:49,089 --> 00:00:52,307
not unlike the only
two-sided state flag--
16
00:00:52,309 --> 00:00:54,642
Oregon.
17
00:00:54,644 --> 00:00:56,478
Oh, look.
18
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,531
Hello, Mr. Beaver.
19
00:00:59,533 --> 00:01:03,051
In future episodes, we'll answer
some burning questions:
20
00:01:03,053 --> 00:01:05,553
What's the only
non-rectangular flag?
21
00:01:05,555 --> 00:01:08,406
What animal appears
most often on flags?
22
00:01:08,408 --> 00:01:11,593
What animal appears second
most often on flags?
23
00:01:11,595 --> 00:01:13,795
And more.
24
00:01:14,296 --> 00:01:16,464
Sweet!
25
00:01:17,383 --> 00:01:19,834
Why are you waving
a white flag?
26
00:01:19,836 --> 00:01:21,136
I'm surrendering...
27
00:01:21,138 --> 00:01:23,321
to fun.
28
00:01:25,808 --> 00:01:27,926
(laughs)
29
00:01:29,095 --> 00:01:33,481
Now, today's episode of
Fun with Flags is not fun,
30
00:01:33,483 --> 00:01:35,316
but it is important.
31
00:01:35,318 --> 00:01:37,619
"Flags: you gotta know
how to hold 'em,
32
00:01:37,621 --> 00:01:40,772
you gotta know
how to fold 'em."
33
00:01:40,774 --> 00:01:44,109
Let's start by identifying
the parts of our flag.
34
00:01:44,111 --> 00:01:47,061
This edge is the hoist,
and it's used to...
35
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:48,780
Excuse me,
sorry, excuse me.
36
00:01:48,782 --> 00:01:49,864
Cut.
37
00:01:49,866 --> 00:01:53,034
Did you not see
we are rolling?
38
00:01:53,036 --> 00:01:54,285
Sorry. I'm having dinner
with Penny.
39
00:01:54,287 --> 00:01:55,703
I have to get out of here.
40
00:01:55,705 --> 00:01:57,455
And I have flag knowledge
41
00:01:57,457 --> 00:01:59,874
that I have to
get out of here!
44
00:02:05,799 --> 00:02:07,849
No, I'm a little rattled.
45
00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:11,052
But like the flag over
Fort Sumter, I'm still here.
46
00:02:13,139 --> 00:02:15,156
And... take two.
47
00:02:16,008 --> 00:02:18,510
Hello.
48
00:02:18,512 --> 00:02:19,711
I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper,
49
00:02:19,713 --> 00:02:21,146
and welcome to
the premiere episode
50
00:02:21,148 --> 00:02:25,400
of Sheldon Cooper Presents:
Fun with Flags.
51
00:02:25,402 --> 00:02:29,070
Over the next 52 weeks,
you and I are going to explore
52
00:02:29,072 --> 00:02:31,306
the dynamic world
of vexillology.
53
00:02:32,992 --> 00:02:34,859
Hang on, Dr. Cooper.
54
00:02:34,861 --> 00:02:37,128
What's vexillology?
55
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:38,730
Vexillology is...
56
00:02:38,732 --> 00:02:41,916
why is there a face
on that flag?
57
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:43,751
It's Ferdinand T. Flag.
58
00:02:43,753 --> 00:02:46,538
I thought he might help bring in
some younger viewers.
59
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,173
Confound it!
60
00:02:48,175 --> 00:02:49,757
You're right, it's brilliant.
Let's take it from the top.
61
00:02:50,926 --> 00:02:54,562
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
62
00:02:54,564 --> 00:02:57,899
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
63
00:02:57,901 --> 00:02:59,534
♪ The Earth began to cool
64
00:02:59,536 --> 00:03:02,070
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
65
00:03:02,072 --> 00:03:04,739
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
66
00:03:04,741 --> 00:03:07,408
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
67
00:03:07,410 --> 00:03:08,993
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
68
00:03:08,995 --> 00:03:09,472
♪ Bang! ♪
69
00:03:09,497 --> 00:03:12,897
The Big Bang Theory 5x14
The Beta Test Initiation
Original Air Date on January 26, 2012
70
00:03:12,898 --> 00:03:16,198
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
71
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,202
That was a really
nice dinner.
72
00:03:18,204 --> 00:03:19,787
I'm glad you asked me
out again.
73
00:03:19,789 --> 00:03:21,823
Me, too; I missed you.
74
00:03:21,825 --> 00:03:24,208
You see me all the time.
75
00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:26,544
You sure you just
don't miss the sex?
76
00:03:27,746 --> 00:03:30,331
Well, yeah, sex with you
is pretty great.
77
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:33,033
Have you ever tried it?
78
00:03:33,035 --> 00:03:34,302
I have.
79
00:03:34,304 --> 00:03:36,721
You are not wrong.
80
00:03:36,723 --> 00:03:39,140
I just think if we're
gonna try dating again,
81
00:03:39,142 --> 00:03:41,259
we should take things slow.
82
00:03:41,261 --> 00:03:43,511
Oh, I can take it slow.
83
00:03:43,513 --> 00:03:45,546
Did I ever tell you
about my first girlfriend
84
00:03:45,548 --> 00:03:47,732
in high school,
Karen Berberick?
85
00:03:47,734 --> 00:03:51,569
To this day she doesn't know
we were going out.
86
00:03:51,571 --> 00:03:56,390
Made it easier on her
when I broke things off.
87
00:03:56,392 --> 00:03:59,110
Okay, well, maybe
not that slow.
88
00:03:59,112 --> 00:04:00,445
How about this,
89
00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:02,062
are you familiar with
the typical development
90
00:04:02,064 --> 00:04:04,499
for computer software?
91
00:04:04,501 --> 00:04:07,502
You know, just for fun,
let's say I'm not.
92
00:04:07,504 --> 00:04:09,570
Before an application
is released,
93
00:04:09,572 --> 00:04:10,922
they give it a trial run.
94
00:04:10,924 --> 00:04:12,590
W-We could do that.
95
00:04:12,592 --> 00:04:15,676
And if we hit a rough spot,
instead of getting mad,
96
00:04:15,678 --> 00:04:17,595
just say, "Hey, we found a bug,"
97
00:04:17,597 --> 00:04:20,414
and we report it
so it can be fixed.
98
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:22,383
You mean like a beta test?
99
00:04:22,385 --> 00:04:25,436
Well, technically,
this would be an alpha test.
100
00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:27,772
A beta test requires people
that weren't involved
101
00:04:27,774 --> 00:04:29,089
in the development
of the appli...
102
00:04:29,091 --> 00:04:32,109
Seriously, do I not get credit
for knowing beta test?
103
00:04:32,111 --> 00:04:33,861
No, you should.
104
00:04:33,863 --> 00:04:34,896
Absolutely.
105
00:04:34,898 --> 00:04:36,263
That was me being pedantic.
106
00:04:36,265 --> 00:04:38,533
That's our first bug.
107
00:04:38,535 --> 00:04:39,934
You reported it.
108
00:04:39,936 --> 00:04:41,118
I can fix that.
109
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:42,453
See? This is good.
110
00:04:42,455 --> 00:04:43,871
All right.
111
00:04:43,873 --> 00:04:45,105
Let's give it a shot.
112
00:04:45,107 --> 00:04:47,107
Great. You keep a list,
I'll keep a list.
113
00:04:47,109 --> 00:04:48,442
At some point, we'll exchange.
114
00:04:48,444 --> 00:04:50,878
Okay.
115
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,447
- Good night, Leonard.
- Night.
116
00:04:57,970 --> 00:04:59,453
Attaboy, Hofstadter.
117
00:04:59,455 --> 00:05:01,005
Nothing gets the ladies hotter
118
00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:04,291
than software development
analogies.
119
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:07,294
Hey, I'm back.
120
00:05:07,296 --> 00:05:08,930
SHELDON:
Cut.
121
00:05:12,401 --> 00:05:15,453
(sighs)
Take 47.
122
00:05:18,407 --> 00:05:21,409
Here's an interesting
fact about flags.
123
00:05:21,411 --> 00:05:23,644
I will take that action.
124
00:05:23,646 --> 00:05:25,663
The flags
of Liechtenstein and Haiti
125
00:05:25,665 --> 00:05:28,065
were identical by coincidence,
126
00:05:28,067 --> 00:05:30,317
a fact that wasn't discovered
until they competed
127
00:05:30,319 --> 00:05:32,987
against each other
at the 1936 Olympics.
128
00:05:32,989 --> 00:05:33,955
And thankfully,
129
00:05:33,957 --> 00:05:35,423
their embarrassment
was overshadowed
130
00:05:35,425 --> 00:05:37,842
by the rise of Fascism.
131
00:05:40,512 --> 00:05:41,929
Let's see the new phone.
132
00:05:41,931 --> 00:05:43,831
I stopped on the way to work.
133
00:05:43,833 --> 00:05:46,851
Hey, do you want to peel
the plastic off with me?
134
00:05:46,853 --> 00:05:48,719
Really?
135
00:05:48,721 --> 00:05:51,188
Me?
136
00:05:51,190 --> 00:05:52,673
That's, like, the best part.
137
00:05:52,675 --> 00:05:53,941
Grab a corner.
138
00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,175
(chuckles)
139
00:05:55,177 --> 00:05:57,211
Whoa, what's your
hurry, cowboy?
140
00:05:58,196 --> 00:05:59,697
Savor the moment.
141
00:06:11,693 --> 00:06:14,245
Oh, yeah.
142
00:06:16,081 --> 00:06:17,498
Speaking of cowboys,
143
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:22,620
do you know what country has not
one but two cows on its flag?
144
00:06:22,622 --> 00:06:23,554
The tiny
145
00:06:23,556 --> 00:06:25,156
landlocked nation of Andorra.
146
00:06:25,158 --> 00:06:26,674
Oh, the next classic episode
147
00:06:26,676 --> 00:06:28,309
of Sheldon Cooper Presents:
Fun with Flags
148
00:06:28,311 --> 00:06:30,711
is writing itself.
149
00:06:32,014 --> 00:06:34,715
Oh, let me try
the voice recognition.
150
00:06:34,717 --> 00:06:37,868
Hey, I let you peel the plastic,
don't get greedy.
151
00:06:39,571 --> 00:06:41,989
(chimes)
Hello?
152
00:06:41,991 --> 00:06:43,708
(chimes)
SIRI: Hello.
153
00:06:45,577 --> 00:06:47,578
(chimes)
What's your name?
154
00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,614
(chimes)
My name? It's Siri.
155
00:06:49,616 --> 00:06:51,065
(chuckling)
Look at that.
156
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:54,135
There's finally a woman in
your life you can talk to.
157
00:06:54,137 --> 00:06:56,120
(chimes)
Are you single?
158
00:06:56,122 --> 00:06:58,639
(chimes)
I don't have a marital status,
159
00:06:58,641 --> 00:07:00,741
if that's what you're asking.
160
00:07:00,743 --> 00:07:02,793
Yeah, you're right,
that's too personal.
161
00:07:02,795 --> 00:07:04,845
We hardly know each other.
162
00:07:04,847 --> 00:07:06,447
(chimes)
163
00:07:06,449 --> 00:07:07,848
How about a cup of coffee?
164
00:07:07,850 --> 00:07:10,351
(chimes)
I've found six coffee shops.
165
00:07:10,353 --> 00:07:13,554
Three of them
are fairly close to you.
166
00:07:13,556 --> 00:07:16,757
I will see you
gentlemen later.
167
00:07:21,229 --> 00:07:24,799
(exhales)
She is gonna break his heart.
168
00:07:27,252 --> 00:07:31,122
(ethereal music plays on TV)
169
00:07:31,124 --> 00:07:32,757
For someone
who has a machine
170
00:07:32,759 --> 00:07:34,692
that can travel anywhere
in time and space,
171
00:07:34,694 --> 00:07:38,829
Doctor Who sure does have
a thing for modern-day London.
172
00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:41,666
Careful, it's that kind of sass
173
00:07:41,668 --> 00:07:45,486
that can get a person uninvited
to this year's Who Con.
174
00:07:47,288 --> 00:07:49,390
Uh, we're not counting
this as a date,
175
00:07:49,392 --> 00:07:51,175
are we?
176
00:07:51,177 --> 00:07:53,911
Um, I'm not sure,
177
00:07:53,913 --> 00:07:57,982
but I think the right
answer here is "no."
178
00:07:57,984 --> 00:08:01,686
Bug report: When a guy asks me
to spend time with him,
179
00:08:01,688 --> 00:08:03,654
maybe he plans something
a little more interesting
180
00:08:03,656 --> 00:08:06,157
than hanging out at home,
watching TV.
181
00:08:06,159 --> 00:08:09,977
Even Doctor Who?
182
00:08:09,979 --> 00:08:11,195
Even Doctor Who.
183
00:08:11,197 --> 00:08:12,312
SHELDON:
All right, that's it.
184
00:08:12,314 --> 00:08:14,632
(snaps fingers)
Who Con-- you're out.
185
00:08:15,917 --> 00:08:18,953
Okay, bug report taken.
186
00:08:18,955 --> 00:08:21,038
Next time I will
have a better plan
187
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,373
for our evening's activity.
188
00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:24,491
Well, thank you.
I'll see you tomorrow.
189
00:08:24,493 --> 00:08:27,628
Oh, wait, here,
almost forgot.
190
00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:28,963
Here.
191
00:08:28,965 --> 00:08:30,014
What's this?
192
00:08:30,016 --> 00:08:31,498
My bug report to you.
193
00:08:38,006 --> 00:08:42,342
Well, that's quite
a list you got there.
194
00:08:42,344 --> 00:08:44,061
It's color coded.
195
00:08:44,063 --> 00:08:45,813
Oh.
196
00:08:45,815 --> 00:08:48,566
Uh, red means
"fix right away."
197
00:08:48,568 --> 00:08:51,202
Yellow is
198
00:08:51,204 --> 00:08:53,821
"eh, whenever you
get a chance."
199
00:08:53,823 --> 00:08:54,872
And green,
200
00:08:54,874 --> 00:08:57,541
is "I could probably
learn to live with it."
201
00:08:57,543 --> 00:09:00,294
There's a key down
here at the bottom.
202
00:09:00,296 --> 00:09:02,213
It's neat, huh?
203
00:09:02,215 --> 00:09:03,748
(smacks lips)
204
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:06,383
Yep.
205
00:09:06,385 --> 00:09:09,369
So, have a good night.
206
00:09:10,705 --> 00:09:13,958
(smacks lips)
Yep.
207
00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:16,677
Look at that.
208
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,430
Some day, we will tell
future generations
209
00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:21,065
that dating used to be hard.
210
00:09:21,983 --> 00:09:24,485
What's baffling me
is what you
211
00:09:24,487 --> 00:09:26,220
could've possibly put
on the list.
212
00:09:26,222 --> 00:09:28,572
"Hair too golden"?
213
00:09:28,574 --> 00:09:30,407
"Laugh too musical"?
214
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,227
"World too much a better place
215
00:09:33,229 --> 00:09:35,329
for her mere presence in it"?
216
00:09:36,281 --> 00:09:37,615
How about "constantly talks
217
00:09:37,617 --> 00:09:39,566
with food in her mouth"?
218
00:09:39,568 --> 00:09:42,887
Her heart's full of love, no
one cares what's in her mouth.
219
00:09:47,408 --> 00:09:51,912
(chimes)
So, Siri, what's happening?
220
00:09:51,914 --> 00:09:53,747
How are you?
221
00:09:53,749 --> 00:09:56,317
(chimes)
I am well.
222
00:09:56,319 --> 00:09:58,652
(chimes)
What are you doing right now?
223
00:09:58,654 --> 00:10:00,821
(chimes)
What am I doing?
224
00:10:00,823 --> 00:10:02,740
I'm talking with you.
225
00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:06,143
(chimes)
You have a beautiful voice.
226
00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:11,398
(chimes) Thank you,
it's nice to be appreciated.
227
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,685
I bet it is.
228
00:10:14,687 --> 00:10:17,087
(chimes)
Why don't women like me?
229
00:10:17,089 --> 00:10:21,775
(chimes)
Let me check on that.
230
00:10:21,777 --> 00:10:25,579
How about a Web search
for "Why don't women like me?"
231
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:27,631
No need.
232
00:10:27,633 --> 00:10:30,251
I've already done that.
233
00:10:30,253 --> 00:10:33,220
(chimes)
Siri, do you have a last name?
234
00:10:33,222 --> 00:10:35,422
(chimes)
My name is Siri.
235
00:10:35,424 --> 00:10:37,508
Ah, one name.
236
00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:40,460
Like, uh, Cher,
Madonna, Adele.
237
00:10:40,462 --> 00:10:44,849
All the women who rock me.
238
00:10:44,851 --> 00:10:47,768
(chimes) My name is Rajesh,
but you can call me Raj.
239
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:51,005
(chimes) Would you like me
to call you Raj?
240
00:10:51,007 --> 00:10:54,074
(chimes) I'd like you
to call me sexy.
241
00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:57,795
(chimes)
From now on, I'll call you sexy.
242
00:10:57,797 --> 00:11:00,764
Okay?
243
00:11:00,766 --> 00:11:03,000
Okay!
244
00:11:10,010 --> 00:11:13,552
(chimes)
Siri, I'm in the mood for gelato.
245
00:11:13,554 --> 00:11:16,855
(chimes) I found ten restaurants
whose reviews mention gelato.
246
00:11:16,857 --> 00:11:19,291
Seven of them
are fairly close to you.
247
00:11:19,293 --> 00:11:21,877
(chimes)
Thank you, darling.
248
00:11:21,879 --> 00:11:26,164
(chimes) You are most certainly
welcome, sexy.
249
00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:31,653
Well done,
Dr. Koothrappali.
250
00:11:31,655 --> 00:11:32,955
I'm sorry?
251
00:11:32,957 --> 00:11:35,557
You've taken a great
evolutionary leap
252
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,627
by abandoning human interaction
and allowing yourself
253
00:11:38,629 --> 00:11:41,813
to romantically bond
with a soulless machine.
254
00:11:42,665 --> 00:11:44,833
Kudos.
255
00:11:44,835 --> 00:11:46,969
I haven't bonded with it.
256
00:11:46,971 --> 00:11:48,353
Oh, no, of course.
257
00:11:48,355 --> 00:11:49,821
I understand.
258
00:11:49,823 --> 00:11:52,774
You're afraid the world
isn't ready for your taboo love.
259
00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:54,993
Your secret's safe with me.
260
00:11:54,995 --> 00:11:57,145
It's just a phone.
261
00:12:02,051 --> 00:12:04,319
Cooper.
262
00:12:06,122 --> 00:12:08,423
Kripke.
263
00:12:08,425 --> 00:12:09,825
Heads up.
264
00:12:09,827 --> 00:12:12,928
Professor Rothman urinated in
the particle physics wab again,
265
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:16,331
so we're going to move up
his wetirement party.
266
00:12:16,333 --> 00:12:19,017
Fwiday, 5:00-- pot wuck.
267
00:12:19,852 --> 00:12:20,886
Thanks, Barry.
268
00:12:20,888 --> 00:12:22,003
(chimes)
Siri, remind me
269
00:12:22,005 --> 00:12:24,356
Friday morning
to make my famous popovers.
270
00:12:24,358 --> 00:12:27,159
(chimes)
All right, I'll remind you.
271
00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:28,310
You got Siwi, huh?
272
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,479
Voice wecognition
on that thing is terrible.
273
00:12:30,481 --> 00:12:32,180
Wook.
274
00:12:32,182 --> 00:12:35,617
(chimes) Siwi, can you wecommend
a westauwant?
275
00:12:37,470 --> 00:12:40,072
(chimes)
SIRI: I'm sorry, Bawwy.
276
00:12:42,158 --> 00:12:46,194
I don't understand
"wecommend a westauwant."
277
00:12:50,249 --> 00:12:51,550
(chimes)
Wisten to me.
278
00:12:51,552 --> 00:12:54,202
Not westauwant; westauwant.
279
00:12:55,438 --> 00:12:57,139
(chimes)
I don't know what you mean
280
00:12:57,141 --> 00:13:00,342
by "not westauwant; westauwant."
281
00:13:00,344 --> 00:13:02,227
See? Total cwap.
282
00:13:02,229 --> 00:13:04,763
You suck, Siwi.
283
00:13:04,765 --> 00:13:06,264
Hey, don't talk to her
like that.
284
00:13:06,266 --> 00:13:07,683
She's a lady.
285
00:13:07,685 --> 00:13:10,852
Well, that wady
took high-wes pictures
286
00:13:10,854 --> 00:13:13,221
of my junk wast night
for Cwaigswist.
287
00:13:13,223 --> 00:13:14,890
Waiter.
288
00:13:18,828 --> 00:13:21,079
PENNY:
It's open.
289
00:13:21,948 --> 00:13:23,332
Hey.
290
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:24,282
You ready to go?
291
00:13:24,284 --> 00:13:25,417
Yeah, hang on.
292
00:13:25,419 --> 00:13:27,653
Let me just finish this chapter.
293
00:13:27,655 --> 00:13:29,037
Can you finish it later?
294
00:13:29,039 --> 00:13:30,422
No, I can't.
295
00:13:30,424 --> 00:13:34,092
Reading books is a big part of
my life now because, you know,
296
00:13:34,094 --> 00:13:38,246
we'd have more fun things
to talk about if I read more.
297
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:42,801
Great. Good. Great.
298
00:13:42,803 --> 00:13:44,269
What are you reading?
299
00:13:44,271 --> 00:13:47,305
Two Weeks to Rock Hard Abs.
300
00:13:47,307 --> 00:13:49,107
They kind of spoil the ending
301
00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:51,476
right in the name of that,
don't they?
302
00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:53,695
All right.
303
00:13:53,697 --> 00:13:56,348
Look, just remember
how this works.
304
00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,884
We don't get mad
about these things.
305
00:13:58,886 --> 00:14:00,369
Uh, speaking of which,
I've addressed
306
00:14:00,371 --> 00:14:02,454
your bug report on
my date planning.
307
00:14:02,456 --> 00:14:04,289
Got a really fun
evening for you.
308
00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:05,590
It's kind of a surprise.
309
00:14:05,592 --> 00:14:07,275
All right. Terrific.
310
00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:10,162
Well, let me just go find a pair
of shoes that aren't so tall.
311
00:14:10,164 --> 00:14:12,214
We wouldn't want you
to feel like you were
312
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,566
out for a walk with your mommy.
313
00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:19,254
Thank you.
Yeah.
314
00:14:19,256 --> 00:14:20,622
Oh.
315
00:14:20,624 --> 00:14:23,008
Here's my list
for you-- right there.
316
00:14:24,043 --> 00:14:25,877
(clears throat)
317
00:14:29,098 --> 00:14:32,184
All right, fair enough.
318
00:14:32,186 --> 00:14:35,303
I certainly can be quieter
when we kiss.
319
00:14:36,239 --> 00:14:38,240
I thought it was an expression
of passion,
320
00:14:38,242 --> 00:14:40,709
but if it's coming across
as "juicy and weird,"
321
00:14:40,711 --> 00:14:42,861
who wants that?
322
00:14:46,132 --> 00:14:47,982
Uh, uh... I'm sorry.
323
00:14:47,984 --> 00:14:52,087
Can you be more specific
on how my eyebrows are "stupid"?
324
00:14:56,158 --> 00:14:58,977
Na, never mind.
It's right here.
325
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:02,931
Good timing.
326
00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:04,099
Dinner's almost ready.
327
00:15:04,101 --> 00:15:05,350
Great.
328
00:15:05,352 --> 00:15:07,168
Oh, smells
amazing in here.
329
00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:08,503
Oh, what are we eating?
330
00:15:08,505 --> 00:15:10,021
Oh, an exotic little treat.
331
00:15:10,023 --> 00:15:12,557
I was just talking to Siri
about Peking duck,
332
00:15:12,559 --> 00:15:14,976
and she said she knew
about four Chinese grocers,
333
00:15:14,978 --> 00:15:17,846
two of which were
fairly close to me.
334
00:15:17,848 --> 00:15:20,031
Her spontaneity
is contagious.
335
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:23,535
Who's Siri?
336
00:15:23,537 --> 00:15:24,870
Is he dating somebody new?
337
00:15:24,872 --> 00:15:27,706
Yes. His phone.
338
00:15:27,708 --> 00:15:30,024
Oh.
339
00:15:30,026 --> 00:15:32,544
Is that cute
or creepy?
340
00:15:32,546 --> 00:15:35,046
Uh-huh.
341
00:15:36,499 --> 00:15:37,949
Can I pour you
some wine?
342
00:15:37,951 --> 00:15:39,084
I think you'll
enjoy it.
343
00:15:39,086 --> 00:15:40,302
The traditional
choice
344
00:15:40,304 --> 00:15:42,337
with Peking duck
is a sauvignon blanc,
345
00:15:42,339 --> 00:15:45,340
but Siri suggested
an off-dry Riesling.
346
00:15:45,342 --> 00:15:46,508
I wasn't sure,
347
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,426
but I didn't want
to have an argument
348
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:50,762
with her in the middle
of Trader Joe's.
349
00:15:53,099 --> 00:15:57,886
Now, what should we
put Siri in for dinner?
350
00:15:57,888 --> 00:16:01,606
Leopard, sparkles, or
351
00:16:01,608 --> 00:16:03,992
to paraphrase Coco Chanel,
352
00:16:03,994 --> 00:16:07,696
you can never go wrong
with a little black case?
353
00:16:10,917 --> 00:16:13,335
(chimes)
Siri, play some smooth jazz.
354
00:16:13,337 --> 00:16:16,054
(chimes)
Playing smooth jazz.
355
00:16:16,056 --> 00:16:18,223
(Kenny G music playing)
356
00:16:19,025 --> 00:16:22,260
Oh, my God, Kenny G?!
357
00:16:22,262 --> 00:16:24,963
This woman can read me
like a book.
358
00:16:26,232 --> 00:16:28,366
I can't believe
I bought my soul mate
359
00:16:28,368 --> 00:16:30,585
at Glendale Galleria.
360
00:16:35,474 --> 00:16:38,593
(whispering): I don't know if
I want to stay.
361
00:16:41,447 --> 00:16:43,815
(gunfire)
362
00:16:47,987 --> 00:16:49,437
This is amazing.
363
00:16:49,439 --> 00:16:51,156
How did you even get
this idea?
364
00:16:51,158 --> 00:16:52,324
I called your dad.
365
00:16:52,326 --> 00:16:53,575
I asked him what things
366
00:16:53,577 --> 00:16:55,710
you liked to do
when you were a kid.
367
00:16:55,712 --> 00:16:57,996
This seemed easier
than getting a cow out here
368
00:16:57,998 --> 00:17:00,298
so you could tip it.
369
00:17:02,385 --> 00:17:04,803
Okay, you're kind of
really great.
370
00:17:04,805 --> 00:17:06,338
You mean for a person
whose neck massages
371
00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:09,507
feel like an eagle is trying
to carry you to its nest?
372
00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:11,877
Okay, bug report.
373
00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:13,061
I just complimented you.
374
00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:14,713
You should take it and shut up.
375
00:17:14,715 --> 00:17:15,981
Right. Sorry, sorry.
376
00:17:15,983 --> 00:17:17,482
And stop apologizing
all the time.
377
00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:19,684
Right. Sorry.
378
00:17:19,686 --> 00:17:21,236
All right,
let's shoot stuff.
379
00:17:21,238 --> 00:17:23,321
You want me to show you
what to do?
380
00:17:23,323 --> 00:17:26,024
I play a lot of
Grand Theft Auto.
381
00:17:26,026 --> 00:17:28,743
I think I know how
to handle a gat.
382
00:17:28,745 --> 00:17:31,446
Wow. You are cute
when you get all gangsta.
383
00:17:31,448 --> 00:17:33,448
(gunshot)
(yells)
384
00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:35,817
Ooh!
(yelling)
385
00:17:36,702 --> 00:17:38,336
(whining)
386
00:17:39,505 --> 00:17:41,706
(panting)
387
00:17:43,793 --> 00:17:46,160
So, I've got a
gunshot wound.
388
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:50,181
That's pretty
bad-ass.
389
00:17:50,183 --> 00:17:52,851
No, you've got a Reebok
with a gunshot wound
390
00:17:52,853 --> 00:17:54,853
and an ouchie on your pinkie toe.
391
00:17:54,855 --> 00:17:56,855
(laughs)
392
00:17:56,857 --> 00:17:58,974
Hello? They gave
me a Band-Aid.
393
00:17:58,976 --> 00:18:00,341
Hospitals do not
issue Band-Aids
394
00:18:00,343 --> 00:18:01,893
unless it is
medically necessary.
395
00:18:01,895 --> 00:18:03,211
That is the law.
396
00:18:03,213 --> 00:18:05,513
(laughs)
397
00:18:05,515 --> 00:18:08,450
Well, thank you
for a really cool evening.
398
00:18:08,452 --> 00:18:10,518
Thank you for hiding
my Star Wars socks
399
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,537
at the emergency room.
400
00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:14,355
(laughs)
401
00:18:14,357 --> 00:18:17,325
Is it a good time to
evaluate the beta test
402
00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:18,910
and see where we stand?
403
00:18:18,912 --> 00:18:21,413
Things are looking good.
404
00:18:21,415 --> 00:18:23,131
So, are we still
taking things slow?
405
00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:24,499
Because a gunshot
wound today,
406
00:18:24,501 --> 00:18:27,252
and last week, I slammed my
thumb in the kitchen drawer.
407
00:18:27,254 --> 00:18:29,454
We don't know how
much time I have.
408
00:18:30,339 --> 00:18:32,206
Good night, you.
409
00:18:41,317 --> 00:18:43,401
(Bavarian music playing)
410
00:18:48,357 --> 00:18:50,892
Guten Tag, das YouTube.
411
00:18:50,894 --> 00:18:53,895
Ich bin ein Bavarian.
412
00:18:53,897 --> 00:18:56,231
Und ich bin eine pretzel!
413
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,368
Und dis is Sheldon
Cooper Presents: Fun...
414
00:19:00,370 --> 00:19:01,786
Mit...
Flags.
415
00:19:01,788 --> 00:19:05,788
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
416
00:19:12,379 --> 00:19:13,996
First door on the left.
417
00:19:13,998 --> 00:19:16,165
Thank you.
418
00:19:17,334 --> 00:19:19,802
(sighs)
419
00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:26,509
Dave, I found six vacuum cleaner
repair shops in your area.
420
00:19:26,511 --> 00:19:29,011
Four are fairly close to you.
421
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:31,447
(clearing his throat)
422
00:19:32,282 --> 00:19:33,966
Hello, sexy.
423
00:19:33,968 --> 00:19:36,469
What can I help you with?
424
00:19:44,761 --> 00:19:47,580
If you'd like to make
love to me, just tell me.
425
00:19:50,951 --> 00:19:53,236
(guttural utterances)
426
00:19:53,238 --> 00:19:56,038
I'm sorry. I don't
understand...
427
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,374
(guttural utterances)
428
00:19:59,593 --> 00:20:01,827
No!