1 00:00:09,565 --> 00:00:11,466 (exclaiming) 2 00:00:16,489 --> 00:00:18,323 (school bell ringing) 3 00:00:20,476 --> 00:00:21,426 (Barney belches) 4 00:00:21,494 --> 00:00:23,445 (whistle blows) 5 00:00:23,513 --> 00:00:25,380 (yells) 6 00:00:29,769 --> 00:00:30,936 (beeping) 7 00:00:35,221 --> 00:00:37,055 (playing the blues) 8 00:00:38,408 --> 00:00:41,943 (playing the blues) 9 00:00:42,011 --> 00:00:43,178 (tires screeching) 10 00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:47,010 D'oh! 11 00:00:47,078 --> 00:00:48,077 (tires screeching) 12 00:00:48,102 --> 00:00:49,302 (grunts) 13 00:00:49,327 --> 00:00:54,327 ('60s themed music) 14 00:00:54,352 --> 00:00:57,852 ♪ The Simpsons 23x12 ♪ Moe Goes From Rags to Riches Original Air Date on January 29, 2012 15 00:00:57,877 --> 00:01:01,377 == sync, corrected by elderman == 16 00:01:04,026 --> 00:01:07,245 ('70s themed music) 17 00:01:07,329 --> 00:01:08,179 (thud) 18 00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:15,136 ('80s piano music) 19 00:01:19,141 --> 00:01:20,642 (all yelling) 20 00:01:24,513 --> 00:01:26,514 (sighs) 21 00:01:34,890 --> 00:01:37,225 And that's why I really don't believe there's a God. 22 00:01:37,293 --> 00:01:39,477 Thank you, and God bless America. 23 00:01:39,545 --> 00:01:42,614 You were only supposed to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. 24 00:01:42,681 --> 00:01:45,049 I'm pretty sure it was in there somewhere. 25 00:01:45,117 --> 00:01:48,570 Oh. Now, let me conclude by thanking Moe the bartender 26 00:01:48,637 --> 00:01:49,788 for hosting this meeting 27 00:01:49,872 --> 00:01:52,240 while City Hall is fumigated for bedbugs. 28 00:01:52,308 --> 00:01:53,575 Bedbugs? 29 00:01:53,642 --> 00:01:54,742 Just why is there a bed in City Hall? 30 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,144 (crowd murmurs) 31 00:01:56,212 --> 00:01:58,313 Er, uh, meeting adjourned! 32 00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,114 (record scratches) ♪ All night long 33 00:02:00,182 --> 00:02:01,816 ♪ All night ♪ 34 00:02:01,884 --> 00:02:03,351 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 35 00:02:03,419 --> 00:02:04,886 ♪ All night long 36 00:02:04,954 --> 00:02:06,304 ♪ All night ♪ 37 00:02:06,388 --> 00:02:07,755 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 38 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,090 ♪ All night long 39 00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:10,658 ♪ All night ♪ 40 00:02:10,726 --> 00:02:12,260 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 41 00:02:12,328 --> 00:02:13,812 ♪ All night long 44 00:02:16,882 --> 00:02:19,200 ♪ Everyone you meet 45 00:02:19,268 --> 00:02:21,319 ♪ They're jamming in the street ♪ ♪ All night ♪ 46 00:02:21,403 --> 00:02:23,438 ♪ All night long ♪ All night ♪ 47 00:02:23,506 --> 00:02:24,906 ♪ Yeah, I said... 48 00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:27,375 This is so convenient! 49 00:02:27,443 --> 00:02:29,394 I can go straight from doing my civic duty 50 00:02:29,461 --> 00:02:31,396 to having a beer with my best friend Carl. 51 00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:34,115 And I can toss back a Duff Sangre de los Muertos 52 00:02:34,183 --> 00:02:36,417 with my best friend: Mexican Duffman. 53 00:02:36,485 --> 00:02:37,952 Ho-la! 54 00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:39,988 Hey, Moe, who's your best friend? 55 00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:41,322 Uh... 56 00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:43,858 Well, uh... Well, I just made friends 57 00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:47,929 with Pepto-Bismol on Facebook, and, uh... um... 58 00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:50,915 Hey, would you look at that? There's a spot on the bar. 59 00:02:50,983 --> 00:02:52,750 Come on! (grunting) (squeaking) 60 00:02:52,818 --> 00:02:54,853 You know what? 61 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,622 I think Moe's best friend is really that bar rag. 62 00:02:57,690 --> 00:02:59,557 (bar crowd laughs) 63 00:02:59,625 --> 00:03:02,260 That's even sadder than being friends with Milhouse! 64 00:03:02,328 --> 00:03:05,930 (chuckles) You know something, Bart? 65 00:03:05,998 --> 00:03:08,299 I'm getting tired of things like that. 66 00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,869 Tired of what? I dump on you, and you take it. 67 00:03:10,936 --> 00:03:12,503 That's how friendship works. 68 00:03:12,571 --> 00:03:15,557 Not anymore. Friendship over. 69 00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:18,693 Taxi! (door slams) 70 00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:21,179 What gives? He's not crawling back. 71 00:03:21,247 --> 00:03:25,783 Even a kid who wears a "Finding Nemo" back brace has some pride. 72 00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:28,903 You went too far this time, Bart. 73 00:03:28,971 --> 00:03:33,641 Hey, Moe! I got a job here for your "best friend," the bar rag. 74 00:03:33,709 --> 00:03:36,811 Me, too! (laughs) 75 00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:39,247 (all laughing) Witty. 76 00:03:39,315 --> 00:03:40,531 (growls) 77 00:03:40,599 --> 00:03:41,783 Great meeting, though. 78 00:03:44,186 --> 00:03:48,206 Yes, that's right, everyone laugh at the rag. 79 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,024 But I was not always 80 00:03:50,075 --> 00:03:52,577 this be-stainèd swatch you see before you. 81 00:03:52,661 --> 00:03:54,862 Oh, no, gentles. 82 00:03:54,914 --> 00:03:59,601 We begin in early medieval France... 83 00:03:59,668 --> 00:04:04,172 (mandolin Renaissance music) 84 00:04:04,223 --> 00:04:08,059 BAR RAG: A young peasant wife struggles to feed her family... 85 00:04:08,127 --> 00:04:10,511 Maman, we are starving... 86 00:04:10,579 --> 00:04:13,131 Listen to the grumbling of our estomacs! 87 00:04:13,198 --> 00:04:15,099 (human grumblings) 88 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,001 That's not your estomacs! 89 00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:18,653 It's some men speaking French! 90 00:04:18,721 --> 00:04:21,990 (speaking French) 91 00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:24,275 Now, I have work to do. Complain to your papa. 92 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,028 Papa? He is no help at all. 93 00:04:27,096 --> 00:04:29,831 Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders! 94 00:04:29,898 --> 00:04:32,467 Stupid Flanders. 95 00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:36,270 (trumpet fanfare blows) 96 00:04:36,338 --> 00:04:39,807 All tremble before the duc de Springfield! 97 00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,142 That's enough! 98 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:43,044 Madame, I would like you 99 00:04:43,112 --> 00:04:45,647 to weave me a tapestry with the following images: 100 00:04:45,714 --> 00:04:47,215 Me healing the sick. 101 00:04:47,282 --> 00:04:48,583 Me killing the healthy. 102 00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:50,418 Me marrying my sister. 103 00:04:50,486 --> 00:04:51,953 A long winter where nothing happens. 104 00:04:52,021 --> 00:04:54,255 Me relaxing with friends. 105 00:04:54,323 --> 00:04:55,590 You know, the standard stuff. 106 00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:58,192 For this, I shall pay you two copper coins. 107 00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:00,161 You have 25 years to complete it. 108 00:05:00,229 --> 00:05:03,598 You may have one 15-minute déjeuner. 109 00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:09,721 (bleating) 110 00:05:09,788 --> 00:05:13,091 Oh, these innocent creatures are blocking my path. 111 00:05:13,158 --> 00:05:15,293 I could walk six paces that way... 112 00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:18,830 or I could kill them all right now! 113 00:05:18,914 --> 00:05:20,882 I am heartily sorry and confess all my sins. 114 00:05:20,949 --> 00:05:22,617 Absolved! 115 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:25,586 Avancez! (neighs) 116 00:05:25,637 --> 00:05:27,138 BAR RAG: In their dying fury, 117 00:05:27,222 --> 00:05:32,226 those beasts began expelling demon wool. 118 00:05:32,294 --> 00:05:35,229 And the restless spirits of those murdered sheep 119 00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:39,067 compelled Marguerite to loom ceaselessly, 120 00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:42,236 even as her husband went off to fight 121 00:05:42,304 --> 00:05:46,674 again and again... 122 00:05:46,742 --> 00:05:49,477 and again. 123 00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:59,653 (grunting) 124 00:05:59,705 --> 00:06:01,622 BAR RAG: As the years went by, 125 00:06:01,673 --> 00:06:05,126 the images she loomed were not of the Duc, 126 00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:07,595 but rather depictions of the adventures 127 00:06:07,662 --> 00:06:12,033 that cloth would experience over the centuries. 128 00:06:12,101 --> 00:06:14,569 Oh, and by the way... 129 00:06:14,636 --> 00:06:17,538 that tapestry was me. 130 00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:19,857 Right, and I was the Gutenberg Bible. 131 00:06:19,942 --> 00:06:22,009 Maman, we have failed to grow. 132 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,112 We've had too little food! 133 00:06:24,179 --> 00:06:27,615 Is it too little food or too much complaining? 134 00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:30,952 Maman, you are overstressed. You need a vacation. 135 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:32,687 Perhaps to the South of France. 136 00:06:32,755 --> 00:06:35,206 We're in the South of France! 137 00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:38,126 BAR RAG: One day, as rosy-fingered Dawn 138 00:06:38,193 --> 00:06:41,496 wiped the morning gunk from her eyes, 139 00:06:41,547 --> 00:06:45,149 the Duc came to claim his infernal drapes. 140 00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:48,369 What an age for prosthetics we live in. 141 00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:53,141 Silence! I have reached my verdict. 142 00:06:53,208 --> 00:06:55,209 It's not what I expected. 143 00:06:55,277 --> 00:06:56,444 (gasping) 144 00:06:56,512 --> 00:06:58,780 And yet... it's beautiful! 145 00:06:58,847 --> 00:06:59,947 (sighing) 146 00:07:00,015 --> 00:07:01,282 But it's also not what I expected. 147 00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,351 Burn down their house! 148 00:07:05,788 --> 00:07:06,988 (hoofbeat) 149 00:07:07,055 --> 00:07:10,224 (explosion) 150 00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:12,610 BAR RAG: But Le Duc was about to be called home 151 00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:15,997 to the worst kind of hell: medieval hell. 152 00:07:17,249 --> 00:07:18,399 (neighs) (yells) 153 00:07:25,874 --> 00:07:29,743 Hey, let's show some French courage and beat up the corpse! 154 00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:34,015 Come on, Ralphie, have a try. 155 00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:38,302 Oh! We're submitting that 156 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,921 to France's Funniest Cave Paintings. 157 00:07:42,975 --> 00:07:45,476 Hm-hmm, mm-hm. 158 00:07:46,678 --> 00:07:48,913 Mm-hmm, hm. 159 00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:51,866 BAR RAG: Even for a tapestry made of demon wool, 160 00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:53,951 this was hard to watch. 161 00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:56,370 I was moved to a magnificent cathedral 162 00:07:56,438 --> 00:07:58,372 and learned that tapestries 163 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,541 were the rock stars of the Middle Ages. 164 00:08:00,609 --> 00:08:02,109 (excited screaming) 165 00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,695 I had legions of what you now call groupies. 166 00:08:04,763 --> 00:08:06,514 It felt like the good times 167 00:08:06,582 --> 00:08:09,300 known as the Dark Ages would never end. 168 00:08:09,368 --> 00:08:13,271 But then cruel fate knocked upon the door... 169 00:08:13,338 --> 00:08:17,308 (yelling) 170 00:08:17,376 --> 00:08:19,911 Guys, it ain't working-- the door's too strong. 171 00:08:19,978 --> 00:08:21,946 (grunting) 172 00:08:22,014 --> 00:08:23,648 (yelling) 173 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,517 Go, Vikings. 174 00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:29,854 Ow! Stop it! 175 00:08:29,922 --> 00:08:31,772 You just broke your vow of silence. 176 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,858 It wasn't a vow. I just didn't want to talk to you. 177 00:08:33,942 --> 00:08:35,743 Oh! 178 00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:37,812 This Viking stuff is too dangerous. 179 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,548 I'm going to become a gentleman art thief. 180 00:08:40,616 --> 00:08:42,183 (yells) 181 00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:43,718 (laughing) 182 00:08:43,785 --> 00:08:45,219 Huh? 183 00:08:45,287 --> 00:08:46,554 Hmm, what the...? 184 00:08:46,622 --> 00:08:47,655 (delighted chuckle) 185 00:08:47,723 --> 00:08:48,656 (gasps) 186 00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:50,391 Spooky. 187 00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,411 Hmm... hmm. 188 00:08:53,478 --> 00:08:57,315 BAR RAG: That was the first time I knew anguish and fear. 189 00:08:57,382 --> 00:09:02,019 Nothing will ever staunch the pain of that memory. 190 00:09:02,087 --> 00:09:05,740 Oh. Well, that helps. (belches) 191 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,134 (rock hits window) BART: Milhouse! 192 00:09:09,372 --> 00:09:10,906 Milhouse! (sighs) 193 00:09:11,588 --> 00:09:13,188 What do you-- 194 00:09:13,256 --> 00:09:15,290 (choking) 195 00:09:15,358 --> 00:09:16,191 Hmm? 196 00:09:20,263 --> 00:09:22,931 What is it, Bart? 197 00:09:22,999 --> 00:09:25,334 Listen, um... after our fight, I couldn't sleep. 198 00:09:25,402 --> 00:09:27,736 Well, I was doing fine. 199 00:09:27,804 --> 00:09:31,106 Warm glass of milk, some choice cuts from The Wriggles 200 00:09:31,174 --> 00:09:33,175 and I was out. 201 00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:36,111 Come on, man. At least listen to what I have to say. 202 00:09:36,179 --> 00:09:37,980 Okay... 203 00:09:38,048 --> 00:09:40,582 Um... well... 204 00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:43,952 this is usually the part where you say you're sorry. 205 00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:45,621 Bart, I'm not your puppet. 206 00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:48,307 I know, I made you into a real boy last week. 207 00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,142 And I'll always be grateful. 208 00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,678 But it's time you started treating me with respect. 209 00:09:53,813 --> 00:09:55,597 (rocks hitting window) 210 00:09:55,648 --> 00:09:58,400 (sighs) They're a tough pair, huh? 211 00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,087 (choking) 212 00:10:02,155 --> 00:10:04,056 If you let me in, I'll give you the Heimlich. 213 00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:05,324 Hm-mm. 214 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:10,262 So to recap: I had been unjustly torn 215 00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,648 from my lofty perch. 216 00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:16,552 I wound up as a barter in Persia. 217 00:10:16,619 --> 00:10:17,953 You have taken our gold 218 00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,923 and jewels and given us this faded cloth?! 219 00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:23,625 That's right. And if anyone asked who swindled you, 220 00:10:23,693 --> 00:10:25,360 it was Christians. 221 00:10:25,428 --> 00:10:28,130 Remember that name: Christians. 222 00:10:28,198 --> 00:10:30,399 (growling) 223 00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:33,235 BAR RAG: I found myself in the court of the young Persian king, 224 00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:35,738 a cruel king who demanded 225 00:10:35,805 --> 00:10:38,023 constant entertainment from his wives. 226 00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:39,391 ♪ 227 00:10:48,101 --> 00:10:50,569 Eh. Throw her in the pit of boring wives. 228 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:54,723 (thud) 229 00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:56,325 We never go out anymore. 230 00:10:56,392 --> 00:10:57,626 Are you even listening to me? 231 00:10:57,694 --> 00:10:58,961 My sister has a much bigger pit. 232 00:10:59,028 --> 00:11:03,215 Dude, you've already discarded, like, 500 wives. 233 00:11:03,283 --> 00:11:04,917 I think it's weird that you're counting. 234 00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:06,185 Send in the next one! 235 00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:13,158 Good evening, Your Majesty. 236 00:11:13,226 --> 00:11:16,628 May I tell you your slippers are as curly as everyone says? 237 00:11:16,696 --> 00:11:18,764 (laughing nervously) 238 00:11:18,832 --> 00:11:20,616 Eh, pit her. 239 00:11:20,683 --> 00:11:21,617 Wait, wait, wait! 240 00:11:21,684 --> 00:11:24,386 I can, uh, tell you a story! 241 00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:25,988 Cease your dragging! 242 00:11:27,390 --> 00:11:32,561 Uh... There once was a boy named Ali Baba. 243 00:11:32,629 --> 00:11:35,164 He and his elder brother Cassim 244 00:11:35,231 --> 00:11:36,732 were the sons of a merchant 245 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,700 who traded in camels and spices and-- 246 00:11:38,768 --> 00:11:42,171 Okay, just a couple thoughts on your direction so far. 247 00:11:46,526 --> 00:11:48,393 One day, while out for a walk, 248 00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:51,296 Ali Baba was set upon by a thief. 249 00:11:51,364 --> 00:11:52,564 (yawning) 250 00:11:52,632 --> 00:11:53,732 Make that two thieves! 251 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,766 (more interested yawn) 252 00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:55,934 A million thieves! 253 00:11:56,002 --> 00:11:57,002 (yawning): Too many. 254 00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,437 (sighs) Forty thieves. 255 00:11:58,505 --> 00:11:59,805 (pleasant yawning) 256 00:11:59,873 --> 00:12:02,941 BAR RAG: With her inventiveness and wit, 257 00:12:03,009 --> 00:12:04,643 the clever wife entertained her king 258 00:12:04,711 --> 00:12:07,896 for a thousand and one nights. 259 00:12:07,964 --> 00:12:12,551 And while he slept, she freed her imprisoned compatriots. 260 00:12:20,193 --> 00:12:24,096 Uh, it was cooler in the pit. 261 00:12:29,319 --> 00:12:32,788 And that's how the camel got its hump. (fake sigh) 262 00:12:32,856 --> 00:12:34,940 Another story! 263 00:12:35,008 --> 00:12:37,860 (exasperated sigh) For once, couldn't you just take 264 00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:40,796 a few minutes to let the previous story sink in? 265 00:12:40,864 --> 00:12:43,298 You dare refuse your king? 266 00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:44,666 Guards! 267 00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:45,534 Uh-oh. 268 00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:56,745 BAR RAG: My downward spiral continued. 269 00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:11,126 Only cowards use blindfolds. 270 00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:13,795 (screams) I didn't know you were doing that! 271 00:13:16,866 --> 00:13:20,018 BAR RAG: I was unfit for even the most sordid uses. 272 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:23,322 How's your neck, Your Lordship? No splinters or nuffin'? 273 00:13:23,389 --> 00:13:26,291 I fear the axe less than that filthy rag. 274 00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:28,927 You talk fancy now, but you'll twitch like the rest. 275 00:13:28,995 --> 00:13:30,362 All too true, I fear. 276 00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:32,064 Shut up! 277 00:13:32,131 --> 00:13:34,566 Your tongue is even sharper than your-- 278 00:13:34,634 --> 00:13:37,402 BAR RAG: But then, at my lowest ebb, a moment of hope. 279 00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:40,872 I played a pivotal role in creating 280 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,841 one of the masterpieces of Western art. 281 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,776 Michelangelo! 282 00:13:44,844 --> 00:13:46,411 When will you be finished? 283 00:13:46,479 --> 00:13:48,947 Hey, you want a quickie? You go to Raphael, baby. 284 00:13:49,015 --> 00:13:50,482 BAR RAG: The artist was never satisfied. 285 00:13:53,002 --> 00:13:55,604 How about now? Nope. 286 00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:01,493 That's perfect! 287 00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:03,061 Now would you like to protect your investment 288 00:14:03,129 --> 00:14:04,563 with a clear coat? 289 00:14:04,631 --> 00:14:07,449 Hm, let me discuss it with my wife. 290 00:14:07,516 --> 00:14:10,452 BAR RAG: The masterpiece was finished 291 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,487 and so was the use for me. 292 00:14:12,555 --> 00:14:14,323 And then... 293 00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:18,427 (pained moaning) 294 00:14:18,494 --> 00:14:21,863 You know, Moe, it might be time to buy a new bar rag. 295 00:14:21,931 --> 00:14:23,865 Yeah, yeah, sure thing. I'll get right on it. 296 00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:27,002 No way I would abandon you, Raggie. 297 00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:29,537 (sobs) You're my best friend. 298 00:14:29,589 --> 00:14:32,341 ("The Great Pumpkin Waltz playing) 299 00:14:36,012 --> 00:14:38,263 (contented sigh) 300 00:14:38,348 --> 00:14:41,149 (music continues) 301 00:14:41,217 --> 00:14:42,751 (rat squeaks, music stops) 302 00:14:42,819 --> 00:14:45,253 So, I guess you didn't eat that "special cheese" 303 00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:48,557 that I gave you yesterday, huh? (wry chuckle) Yeah. 304 00:14:57,802 --> 00:14:59,420 Oh, Milhouse, 305 00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:01,388 what do I have to do, besides changing in any way, 306 00:15:01,473 --> 00:15:03,173 to get you to forgive me? 307 00:15:03,241 --> 00:15:06,427 Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- 308 00:15:06,494 --> 00:15:08,329 Milhousey. 309 00:15:08,396 --> 00:15:10,698 Really? It's not that bad, is it? 310 00:15:10,765 --> 00:15:13,033 (sighs) Bart, you'll never learn. 311 00:15:13,101 --> 00:15:17,671 "Milhouse, you're the closest thing I have to a brother. 312 00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:20,708 "A brother with the wisdom of an older sister. 313 00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:24,511 "And that's why we squabble, 'cause families always do. 314 00:15:24,579 --> 00:15:26,947 "But in the end, they're still a family. 315 00:15:27,015 --> 00:15:29,416 What do you say... brother?" 316 00:15:29,484 --> 00:15:32,953 Not bad. Did Lisa write that? 317 00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:35,172 Yes, I did. Now I'm going to bed. 318 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:36,640 (sucking pacifier) 319 00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:39,943 I want something that comes from you, Bart. We're done here. 320 00:15:40,011 --> 00:15:41,095 But-but-but... 321 00:15:41,162 --> 00:15:43,497 The glasses are off! 322 00:15:50,188 --> 00:15:52,890 My degradation continued. 323 00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:55,025 BAR RAG: An enterprising seamstress 324 00:15:55,093 --> 00:15:57,861 turned me into the flag of a fledgling nation. 325 00:15:57,912 --> 00:16:01,465 Unfortunately, a nation on the wrong side of history. 326 00:16:01,533 --> 00:16:04,952 ("Dixie" playing) 327 00:16:05,036 --> 00:16:07,421 (chuckles) 328 00:16:07,505 --> 00:16:10,691 BAR RAG: Like everyone else, I was hit hard by the depression. 329 00:16:10,759 --> 00:16:12,009 (Southern accent): What's for dinner, Ma? 330 00:16:12,076 --> 00:16:13,961 Rag soup! 331 00:16:17,015 --> 00:16:18,816 (slurping, lips smacking) 332 00:16:18,883 --> 00:16:20,851 Needs flavor. 333 00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:26,156 Mmm, that's better! 334 00:16:28,777 --> 00:16:30,277 BAR RAG: I was part of an expedition 335 00:16:30,361 --> 00:16:32,679 to the top of Mount Everest, 336 00:16:32,747 --> 00:16:36,200 one that had the distinction of failing un-heroically. 337 00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:38,735 (panting): Oxygen... 338 00:16:38,787 --> 00:16:41,572 I need oxygen! 339 00:16:41,623 --> 00:16:44,124 Come on, man. A few more balloons and this'll look really awesome. 340 00:16:44,192 --> 00:16:45,325 D'oh! 341 00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:48,128 Worst... climbing... Everest. 342 00:16:50,732 --> 00:16:52,716 BAR RAG: A yeti found me 343 00:16:52,784 --> 00:16:55,385 and brought me home as a present to his son. 344 00:16:55,453 --> 00:16:57,321 Ah, ah! 345 00:16:57,388 --> 00:16:58,788 Mmm... 346 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:03,877 (sighs) And now my thousand-year fall from grace is complete. 347 00:17:03,945 --> 00:17:07,848 I guess I should be happy here, with my sad, but predictable... 348 00:17:07,916 --> 00:17:09,783 Moe! Moe! Wake up! 349 00:17:09,851 --> 00:17:12,753 Oh no, I don't want to find out what's worse than you! 350 00:17:16,181 --> 00:17:17,415 BART: Milhouse! 351 00:17:17,483 --> 00:17:19,117 I've been out here all night, man. 352 00:17:19,184 --> 00:17:21,452 Just let me know what it'll take for you to forgive me. 353 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,454 Can I punch you? Sure. 354 00:17:23,522 --> 00:17:25,223 Can I have someone else punch you? 355 00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:26,457 Sure. What've you got? 356 00:17:26,525 --> 00:17:28,226 Puppy Goo-Goo coming my way? 357 00:17:28,293 --> 00:17:29,694 (snaps) 358 00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:33,297 Ay carumba! 359 00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:37,101 I'm glad it's over. 360 00:17:37,169 --> 00:17:40,004 I wasn't comfortable having the upper hand. 361 00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:43,107 From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize. 362 00:17:43,175 --> 00:17:46,077 That's all I ever wanted. 363 00:17:46,145 --> 00:17:47,645 Where'd it go? Where'd it go? 364 00:17:47,713 --> 00:17:50,281 Hey, Chief Wiggum! Can you help me find my bar rag? 365 00:17:50,349 --> 00:17:53,384 I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. 366 00:17:53,452 --> 00:17:56,954 There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside. 367 00:17:57,022 --> 00:17:59,090 Hey! Hey! (tires squealing, gunshots) 368 00:17:59,157 --> 00:18:01,459 Can you throw me my house key? Please! 369 00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:03,294 It's got a green thingy on it! 370 00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:04,312 Stop! (tires screech) 371 00:18:04,379 --> 00:18:05,396 Ooh! 372 00:18:05,464 --> 00:18:06,931 (grunting) 373 00:18:06,999 --> 00:18:08,199 Hey, there's some Pringles in here. 374 00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:11,269 (metal tab pops) (coughs) Nope. Tear gas. 375 00:18:11,336 --> 00:18:12,737 (coughing) (tires squealing) 376 00:18:12,804 --> 00:18:15,973 Haven't forgotten about your rag, Moe! 377 00:18:16,024 --> 00:18:18,359 (to rhythm of dryer): I'm in hell, I'm in hell, I'm in hell, 378 00:18:18,443 --> 00:18:20,228 I'm in hell... (grunts) 379 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,535 (wearily): Perhaps one of you garments 380 00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:29,337 would like to narrate for a while. 381 00:18:29,404 --> 00:18:31,439 Men's extra large underwear? 382 00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:33,508 I'm saving my strength. 383 00:18:33,575 --> 00:18:35,977 He's going bike riding today. 384 00:18:36,044 --> 00:18:38,145 (humming) 385 00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:39,747 (doorbell rings) Come on in! 386 00:18:43,602 --> 00:18:45,203 You've got my rag! But how? 387 00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:46,971 Well, during the town meeting, 388 00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:48,839 which now seems like years ago, 389 00:18:48,907 --> 00:18:51,375 I forgot my purse at your bar. 390 00:18:51,443 --> 00:18:53,811 MARGE: And when I came back to get it, 391 00:18:53,879 --> 00:18:56,180 I saw how much you love that rag. 392 00:18:56,231 --> 00:18:59,767 Num-num-num-num-num-num. 393 00:18:59,835 --> 00:19:02,203 MARGE: It seemed a little "ripe," 394 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:04,305 so I brought it home to clean it for you. 395 00:19:04,373 --> 00:19:05,606 Thanks, Marge. 396 00:19:05,674 --> 00:19:08,442 That rag is my only friend in the world. 397 00:19:08,510 --> 00:19:10,595 Well, that's not true! 398 00:19:10,662 --> 00:19:12,896 Everyone in this family is your friend. 399 00:19:12,948 --> 00:19:14,865 Your bar is the closest thing this town has 400 00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,068 to an Algonquin roundtable. 401 00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:20,371 What about that Round Table Pizza run by that Algonquin guy? 402 00:19:20,422 --> 00:19:22,823 Yeah, yeah, okay, second closest. 403 00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:25,509 So you's all like me? Even you, maestro? 404 00:19:25,577 --> 00:19:26,711 Milhouse. 405 00:19:26,762 --> 00:19:27,912 Yeah, I, I knew it was something stupid. 406 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,615 Well, thanks, everybody. 407 00:19:30,682 --> 00:19:33,551 I... I'm always gonna remember today as the day 408 00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:36,053 that I learned to open my heart to human beings 409 00:19:36,121 --> 00:19:38,389 and not old pieces of cloth. 410 00:19:38,457 --> 00:19:42,926 Ha, crazy me, Thinking I needed a rag for a friend. 411 00:19:42,978 --> 00:19:43,811 (chuckles) 412 00:19:47,616 --> 00:19:50,001 So, this is how it ends. 413 00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:53,070 The once magnificent tapestry tossed aside 414 00:19:53,138 --> 00:19:55,840 yet again like a common Kleenex. 415 00:19:55,907 --> 00:19:57,925 Good-bye, cruel... What the...? 416 00:20:02,914 --> 00:20:04,548 In all my years, 417 00:20:04,616 --> 00:20:07,918 this is a love like I have never felt. 418 00:20:07,986 --> 00:20:10,671 Sweet, pure and forever. 419 00:20:10,756 --> 00:20:12,974 (sweet melody playing) 420 00:20:17,596 --> 00:20:19,397 (growling) 421 00:20:19,464 --> 00:20:22,233 BAR RAG: Well, all marriages have their ups and downs. 422 00:20:22,301 --> 00:20:26,301 == sync, corrected by elderman ==