1 00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:47,010 D'oh! 2 00:00:54,352 --> 00:00:57,852 ♪ The Simpsons 23x12 ♪ Moe Goes From Rags to Riches Original Air Date on January 29, 2012 3 00:00:57,877 --> 00:01:01,377 == sync, corrected by elderman == 4 00:01:34,890 --> 00:01:37,225 And that's why I really don't believe there's a God. 5 00:01:37,293 --> 00:01:39,477 Thank you, and God bless America. 6 00:01:39,545 --> 00:01:42,614 You were only supposed to lead us in the Pledge of Allegiance. 7 00:01:42,681 --> 00:01:45,049 I'm pretty sure it was in there somewhere. 8 00:01:45,117 --> 00:01:48,570 Oh. Now, let me conclude by thanking Moe the bartender 9 00:01:48,637 --> 00:01:49,788 for hosting this meeting 10 00:01:49,872 --> 00:01:52,240 while City Hall is fumigated for bedbugs. 11 00:01:52,308 --> 00:01:53,575 Bedbugs? 12 00:01:53,642 --> 00:01:54,742 Just why is there a bed in City Hall? 13 00:01:56,212 --> 00:01:58,313 Er, uh, meeting adjourned! 14 00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:00,114 ♪ All night long 15 00:02:00,182 --> 00:02:01,816 ♪ All night ♪ 16 00:02:01,884 --> 00:02:03,351 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 17 00:02:03,419 --> 00:02:04,886 ♪ All night long 18 00:02:04,954 --> 00:02:06,304 ♪ All night ♪ 19 00:02:06,388 --> 00:02:07,755 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 20 00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:09,090 ♪ All night long 21 00:02:09,158 --> 00:02:10,658 ♪ All night ♪ 22 00:02:10,726 --> 00:02:12,260 ♪ All night ♪ All night ♪ 23 00:02:12,328 --> 00:02:13,812 ♪ All night long 24 00:02:13,879 --> 00:02:15,196 ♪ All night ♪ 25 00:02:15,264 --> 00:02:16,815 ♪ Unh! 26 00:02:16,882 --> 00:02:19,200 ♪ Everyone you meet 27 00:02:19,268 --> 00:02:21,319 ♪ They're jamming in the street ♪ ♪ All night ♪ 28 00:02:21,403 --> 00:02:23,438 ♪ All night long ♪ All night ♪ 29 00:02:23,506 --> 00:02:24,906 ♪ Yeah, I said... 30 00:02:26,075 --> 00:02:27,375 This is so convenient! 31 00:02:27,443 --> 00:02:29,394 I can go straight from doing my civic duty 32 00:02:29,461 --> 00:02:31,396 to having a beer with my best friend Carl. 33 00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:34,115 And I can toss back a Duff Sangre de los Muertos 34 00:02:34,183 --> 00:02:36,417 with my best friend: Mexican Duffman. 35 00:02:36,485 --> 00:02:37,952 Ho-la! 36 00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:39,988 Hey, Moe, who's your best friend? 37 00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:41,322 Uh... 38 00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:43,858 Well, uh... Well, I just made friends 39 00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:47,929 with Pepto-Bismol on Facebook, and, uh... um... 40 00:02:47,980 --> 00:02:50,915 Hey, would you look at that? There's a spot on the bar. 41 00:02:50,983 --> 00:02:52,750 Come on! 44 00:02:59,625 --> 00:03:02,260 That's even sadder than being friends with Milhouse! 45 00:03:02,328 --> 00:03:05,930 You know something, Bart? 46 00:03:05,998 --> 00:03:08,299 I'm getting tired of things like that. 47 00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:10,869 Tired of what? I dump on you, and you take it. 48 00:03:10,936 --> 00:03:12,503 That's how friendship works. 49 00:03:12,571 --> 00:03:15,557 Not anymore. Friendship over. 50 00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:18,693 Taxi! 51 00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:21,179 What gives? He's not crawling back. 52 00:03:21,247 --> 00:03:25,783 Even a kid who wears a "Finding Nemo" back brace has some pride. 53 00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:28,903 You went too far this time, Bart. 54 00:03:28,971 --> 00:03:33,641 Hey, Moe! I got a job here for your "best friend," the bar rag. 55 00:03:33,709 --> 00:03:36,811 Me, too! 56 00:03:36,862 --> 00:03:39,247 Witty. 57 00:03:40,599 --> 00:03:41,783 Great meeting, though. 58 00:03:44,186 --> 00:03:48,206 Yes, that's right, everyone laugh at the rag. 59 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:50,024 But I was not always 60 00:03:50,075 --> 00:03:52,577 this be-stainèd swatch you see before you. 61 00:03:52,661 --> 00:03:54,862 Oh, no, gentles. 62 00:03:54,914 --> 00:03:59,601 We begin in early medieval France... 63 00:04:04,223 --> 00:04:08,059 A young peasant wife struggles to feed her family... 64 00:04:08,127 --> 00:04:10,511 Maman, we are starving... 65 00:04:10,579 --> 00:04:13,131 Listen to the grumbling of our estomacs! 66 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:17,001 That's not your estomacs! 67 00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:18,653 It's some men speaking French! 68 00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:24,275 Now, I have work to do. Complain to your papa. 69 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,028 Papa? He is no help at all. 70 00:04:27,096 --> 00:04:29,831 Marguerite, I leave to fight in Flanders! 71 00:04:29,898 --> 00:04:32,467 Stupid Flanders. 72 00:04:36,338 --> 00:04:39,807 All tremble before the duc de Springfield! 73 00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,142 That's enough! 74 00:04:41,210 --> 00:04:43,044 Madame, I would like you 75 00:04:43,112 --> 00:04:45,647 to weave me a tapestry with the following images: 76 00:04:45,714 --> 00:04:47,215 Me healing the sick. 77 00:04:47,282 --> 00:04:48,583 Me killing the healthy. 78 00:04:48,651 --> 00:04:50,418 Me marrying my sister. 79 00:04:50,486 --> 00:04:51,953 A long winter where nothing happens. 80 00:04:52,021 --> 00:04:54,255 Me relaxing with friends. 81 00:04:54,323 --> 00:04:55,590 You know, the standard stuff. 82 00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:58,192 For this, I shall pay you two copper coins. 83 00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:00,161 You have 25 years to complete it. 84 00:05:00,229 --> 00:05:03,598 You may have one 15-minute déjeuner. 85 00:05:09,788 --> 00:05:13,091 Oh, these innocent creatures are blocking my path. 86 00:05:13,158 --> 00:05:15,293 I could walk six paces that way... 87 00:05:15,361 --> 00:05:18,830 or I could kill them all right now! 88 00:05:18,914 --> 00:05:20,882 I am heartily sorry and confess all my sins. 89 00:05:20,949 --> 00:05:22,617 Absolved! 90 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:25,586 Avancez! 91 00:05:25,637 --> 00:05:27,138 In their dying fury, 92 00:05:27,222 --> 00:05:32,226 those beasts began expelling demon wool. 93 00:05:32,294 --> 00:05:35,229 And the restless spirits of those murdered sheep 94 00:05:35,297 --> 00:05:39,067 compelled Marguerite to loom ceaselessly, 95 00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:42,236 even as her husband went off to fight 96 00:05:42,304 --> 00:05:46,674 again and again... 97 00:05:46,742 --> 00:05:49,477 and again. 98 00:05:59,705 --> 00:06:01,622 As the years went by, 99 00:06:01,673 --> 00:06:05,126 the images she loomed were not of the Duc, 100 00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:07,595 but rather depictions of the adventures 101 00:06:07,662 --> 00:06:12,033 that cloth would experience over the centuries. 102 00:06:12,101 --> 00:06:14,569 Oh, and by the way... 103 00:06:14,636 --> 00:06:17,538 that tapestry was me. 104 00:06:17,606 --> 00:06:19,857 Right, and I was the Gutenberg Bible. 105 00:06:19,942 --> 00:06:22,009 Maman, we have failed to grow. 106 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:24,112 We've had too little food! 107 00:06:24,179 --> 00:06:27,615 Is it too little food or too much complaining? 108 00:06:27,683 --> 00:06:30,952 Maman, you are overstressed. You need a vacation. 109 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:32,687 Perhaps to the South of France. 110 00:06:32,755 --> 00:06:35,206 We're in the South of France! 111 00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:38,126 One day, as rosy-fingered Dawn 112 00:06:38,193 --> 00:06:41,496 wiped the morning gunk from her eyes, 113 00:06:41,547 --> 00:06:45,149 the Duc came to claim his infernal drapes. 114 00:06:45,217 --> 00:06:48,369 What an age for prosthetics we live in. 115 00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:53,141 Silence! I have reached my verdict. 116 00:06:53,208 --> 00:06:55,209 It's not what I expected. 117 00:06:56,512 --> 00:06:58,780 And yet... it's beautiful! 118 00:07:00,015 --> 00:07:01,282 But it's also not what I expected. 119 00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,351 Burn down their house! 120 00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:12,610 But Le Duc was about to be called home 121 00:07:12,694 --> 00:07:15,997 to the worst kind of hell: medieval hell. 122 00:07:25,874 --> 00:07:29,743 Hey, let's show some French courage and beat up the corpse! 123 00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:34,015 Come on, Ralphie, have a try. 124 00:07:35,567 --> 00:07:38,302 Oh! We're submitting that 125 00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,921 to France's Funniest Cave Paintings. 126 00:07:42,975 --> 00:07:45,476 Hm-hmm, mm-hm. 127 00:07:46,678 --> 00:07:48,913 Mm-hmm, hm. 128 00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:51,866 Even for a tapestry made of demon wool, 129 00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:53,951 this was hard to watch. 130 00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:56,370 I was moved to a magnificent cathedral 131 00:07:56,438 --> 00:07:58,372 and learned that tapestries 132 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,541 were the rock stars of the Middle Ages. 133 00:08:02,177 --> 00:08:04,695 I had legions of what you now call groupies. 134 00:08:04,763 --> 00:08:06,514 It felt like the good times 135 00:08:06,582 --> 00:08:09,300 known as the Dark Ages would never end. 136 00:08:09,368 --> 00:08:13,271 But then cruel fate knocked upon the door... 137 00:08:17,376 --> 00:08:19,911 Guys, it ain't working-- the door's too strong. 138 00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,517 Go, Vikings. 139 00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:29,854 Ow! Stop it! 140 00:08:29,922 --> 00:08:31,772 You just broke your vow of silence. 141 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,858 It wasn't a vow. I just didn't want to talk to you. 142 00:08:33,942 --> 00:08:35,743 Oh! 143 00:08:35,810 --> 00:08:37,812 This Viking stuff is too dangerous. 144 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,548 I'm going to become a gentleman art thief. 145 00:08:43,785 --> 00:08:45,219 Huh? 146 00:08:45,287 --> 00:08:46,554 Hmm, what the...? 147 00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:50,391 Spooky. 148 00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:53,411 Hmm... hmm. 149 00:08:53,478 --> 00:08:57,315 - That was the first time - I knew anguish and fear. 150 00:08:57,382 --> 00:09:02,019 Nothing will ever staunch the pain of that memory. 151 00:09:02,087 --> 00:09:05,740 Oh. Well, that helps. 152 00:09:07,667 --> 00:09:09,134 Milhouse! 153 00:09:09,372 --> 00:09:10,906 Milhouse! 154 00:09:11,588 --> 00:09:13,188 What do you-- 155 00:09:15,358 --> 00:09:16,191 Hmm? 156 00:09:20,263 --> 00:09:22,931 What is it, Bart? 157 00:09:22,999 --> 00:09:25,334 Listen, um... after our fight, I couldn't sleep. 158 00:09:25,402 --> 00:09:27,736 Well, I was doing fine. 159 00:09:27,804 --> 00:09:31,106 Warm glass of milk, some choice cuts from The Wriggles 160 00:09:31,174 --> 00:09:33,175 and I was out. 161 00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:36,111 Come on, man. At least listen to what I have to say. 162 00:09:36,179 --> 00:09:37,980 Okay... 163 00:09:38,048 --> 00:09:40,582 Um... well... 164 00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:43,952 this is usually the part where you say you're sorry. 165 00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:45,621 Bart, I'm not your puppet. 166 00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:48,307 I know, I made you into a real boy last week. 167 00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:50,142 And I'll always be grateful. 168 00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,678 But it's time you started treating me with respect. 169 00:09:55,648 --> 00:09:58,400 They're a tough pair, huh? 170 00:10:02,155 --> 00:10:04,056 If you let me in, I'll give you the Heimlich. 171 00:10:04,124 --> 00:10:05,324 Hm-mm. 172 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:10,262 So to recap: I had been unjustly torn 173 00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,648 from my lofty perch. 174 00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:16,552 I wound up as a barter in Persia. 175 00:10:16,619 --> 00:10:17,953 You have taken our gold 176 00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,923 and jewels and given us this faded cloth?! 177 00:10:20,990 --> 00:10:23,625 That's right. And if anyone asked who swindled you, 178 00:10:23,693 --> 00:10:25,360 it was Christians. 179 00:10:25,428 --> 00:10:28,130 Remember that name: Christians. 180 00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:33,235 I found myself in the court of the young Persian king, 181 00:10:33,303 --> 00:10:35,738 a cruel king who demanded 182 00:10:35,805 --> 00:10:38,023 constant entertainment from his wives. 183 00:10:38,091 --> 00:10:39,391 ♪ 184 00:10:48,101 --> 00:10:50,569 Eh. Throw her in the pit of boring wives. 185 00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:56,325 We never go out anymore. 186 00:10:56,392 --> 00:10:57,626 Are you even listening to me? 187 00:10:57,694 --> 00:10:58,961 My sister has a much bigger pit. 188 00:10:59,028 --> 00:11:03,215 Dude, you've already discarded, like, 500 wives. 189 00:11:03,283 --> 00:11:04,917 I think it's weird that you're counting. 190 00:11:04,984 --> 00:11:06,185 Send in the next one! 191 00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:13,158 Good evening, Your Majesty. 192 00:11:13,226 --> 00:11:16,628 May I tell you your slippers are as curly as everyone says? 193 00:11:18,832 --> 00:11:20,616 Eh, pit her. 194 00:11:20,683 --> 00:11:21,617 Wait, wait, wait! 195 00:11:21,684 --> 00:11:24,386 I can, uh, tell you a story! 196 00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:25,988 Cease your dragging! 197 00:11:27,390 --> 00:11:32,561 Uh... There once was a boy named Ali Baba. 198 00:11:32,629 --> 00:11:35,164 He and his elder brother Cassim 199 00:11:35,231 --> 00:11:36,732 were the sons of a merchant 200 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,700 who traded in camels and spices and-- 201 00:11:38,768 --> 00:11:42,171 Okay, just a couple thoughts on your direction so far. 202 00:11:46,526 --> 00:11:48,393 One day, while out for a walk, 203 00:11:48,461 --> 00:11:51,296 Ali Baba was set upon by a thief. 204 00:11:52,632 --> 00:11:53,732 Make that two thieves! 205 00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:55,934 A million thieves! 206 00:11:56,002 --> 00:11:57,002 Too many. 207 00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,437 Forty thieves. 208 00:11:59,873 --> 00:12:02,941 With her inventiveness and wit, 209 00:12:03,009 --> 00:12:04,643 the clever wife entertained her king 210 00:12:04,711 --> 00:12:07,896 for a thousand and one nights. 211 00:12:07,964 --> 00:12:12,551 And while he slept, she freed her imprisoned compatriots. 212 00:12:20,193 --> 00:12:24,096 Uh, it was cooler in the pit. 213 00:12:29,319 --> 00:12:32,788 And that's how the camel got its hump. 214 00:12:32,856 --> 00:12:34,940 Another story! 215 00:12:35,008 --> 00:12:37,860 For once, couldn't you just take 216 00:12:37,927 --> 00:12:40,796 a few minutes to let the previous story sink in? 217 00:12:40,864 --> 00:12:43,298 You dare refuse your king? 218 00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:44,666 Guards! 219 00:12:44,734 --> 00:12:45,534 Uh-oh. 220 00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:56,745 My downward spiral continued. 221 00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:11,126 Only cowards use blindfolds. 222 00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:13,795 I didn't know you were doing that! 223 00:13:16,866 --> 00:13:20,018 I was unfit for even the most sordid uses. 224 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:23,322 How's your neck, Your Lordship? No splinters or nuffin'? 225 00:13:23,389 --> 00:13:26,291 I fear the axe less than that filthy rag. 226 00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:28,927 You talk fancy now, but you'll twitch like the rest. 227 00:13:28,995 --> 00:13:30,362 All too true, I fear. 228 00:13:30,430 --> 00:13:32,064 Shut up! 229 00:13:32,131 --> 00:13:34,566 Your tongue is even sharper than your-- 230 00:13:34,634 --> 00:13:37,402 But then, at my lowest ebb, a moment of hope. 231 00:13:37,470 --> 00:13:40,872 I played a pivotal role in creating 232 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,841 one of the masterpieces of Western art. 233 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,776 Michelangelo! 234 00:13:44,844 --> 00:13:46,411 When will you be finished? 235 00:13:46,479 --> 00:13:48,947 Hey, you want a quickie? You go to Raphael, baby. 236 00:13:49,015 --> 00:13:50,482 The artist was never satisfied. 237 00:13:53,002 --> 00:13:55,604 How about now? Nope. 238 00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:01,493 That's perfect! 239 00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:03,061 Now would you like to protect your investment 240 00:14:03,129 --> 00:14:04,563 with a clear coat? 241 00:14:04,631 --> 00:14:07,449 Hm, let me discuss it with my wife. 242 00:14:07,516 --> 00:14:10,452 The masterpiece was finished 243 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,487 and so was the use for me. 244 00:14:12,555 --> 00:14:14,323 And then... 245 00:14:18,494 --> 00:14:21,863 You know, Moe, it might be time to buy a new bar rag. 246 00:14:21,931 --> 00:14:23,865 Yeah, yeah, sure thing. I'll get right on it. 247 00:14:23,933 --> 00:14:27,002 No way I would abandon you, Raggie. 248 00:14:27,070 --> 00:14:29,537 You're my best friend. 249 00:14:42,819 --> 00:14:45,253 So, I guess you didn't eat that "special cheese" 250 00:14:45,321 --> 00:14:48,557 - that I gave you yesterday, huh? - Yeah. 251 00:14:57,802 --> 00:14:59,420 Oh, Milhouse, 252 00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:01,388 what do I have to do, besides changing in any way, 253 00:15:01,473 --> 00:15:03,173 to get you to forgive me? 254 00:15:03,241 --> 00:15:06,427 Gee, Bart, you seem, uh-- how can I put it?-- 255 00:15:06,494 --> 00:15:08,329 Milhousey. 256 00:15:08,396 --> 00:15:10,698 Really? It's not that bad, is it? 257 00:15:10,765 --> 00:15:13,033 Bart, you'll never learn. 258 00:15:13,101 --> 00:15:17,671 "Milhouse, you're the closest thing I have to a brother. 259 00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:20,708 "A brother with the wisdom of an older sister. 260 00:15:20,775 --> 00:15:24,511 "And that's why we squabble, 'cause families always do. 261 00:15:24,579 --> 00:15:26,947 "But in the end, they're still a family. 262 00:15:27,015 --> 00:15:29,416 What do you say... brother?" 263 00:15:29,484 --> 00:15:32,953 Not bad. Did Lisa write that? 264 00:15:33,021 --> 00:15:35,172 Yes, I did. Now I'm going to bed. 265 00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:39,943 I want something that comes from you, Bart. We're done here. 266 00:15:40,011 --> 00:15:41,095 But-but-but... 267 00:15:41,162 --> 00:15:43,497 The glasses are off! 268 00:15:50,188 --> 00:15:52,890 My degradation continued. 269 00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:55,025 An enterprising seamstress 270 00:15:55,093 --> 00:15:57,861 turned me into the flag of a fledgling nation. 271 00:15:57,912 --> 00:16:01,465 Unfortunately, a nation on the wrong side of history. 272 00:16:07,505 --> 00:16:10,691 - Like everyone else, I - was hit hard by the depression. 273 00:16:10,759 --> 00:16:12,009 What's for dinner, Ma? 274 00:16:12,076 --> 00:16:13,961 Rag soup! 275 00:16:18,883 --> 00:16:20,851 Needs flavor. 276 00:16:23,521 --> 00:16:26,156 Mmm, that's better! 277 00:16:28,777 --> 00:16:30,277 I was part of an expedition 278 00:16:30,361 --> 00:16:32,679 to the top of Mount Everest, 279 00:16:32,747 --> 00:16:36,200 one that had the distinction of failing un-heroically. 280 00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:38,735 Oxygen... 281 00:16:38,787 --> 00:16:41,572 I need oxygen! 282 00:16:41,623 --> 00:16:44,124 Come on, man. A few more balloons and this'll look really awesome. 283 00:16:44,192 --> 00:16:45,325 D'oh! 284 00:16:45,410 --> 00:16:48,128 Worst... climbing... Everest. 285 00:16:50,732 --> 00:16:52,716 A yeti found me 286 00:16:52,784 --> 00:16:55,385 and brought me home as a present to his son. 287 00:16:55,453 --> 00:16:57,321 Ah, ah! 288 00:16:57,388 --> 00:16:58,788 Mmm... 289 00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:03,877 And now my thousand-year fall from grace is complete. 290 00:17:03,945 --> 00:17:07,848 I guess I should be happy here, with my sad, but predictable... 291 00:17:07,916 --> 00:17:09,783 Moe! Moe! Wake up! 292 00:17:09,851 --> 00:17:12,753 Oh no, I don't want to find out what's worse than you! 293 00:17:16,181 --> 00:17:17,415 Milhouse! 294 00:17:17,483 --> 00:17:19,117 I've been out here all night, man. 295 00:17:19,184 --> 00:17:21,452 Just let me know what it'll take for you to forgive me. 296 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,454 Can I punch you? Sure. 297 00:17:23,522 --> 00:17:25,223 Can I have someone else punch you? 298 00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:26,457 Sure. What've you got? 299 00:17:26,525 --> 00:17:28,226 Puppy Goo-Goo coming my way? 300 00:17:31,997 --> 00:17:33,297 Ay carumba! 301 00:17:35,434 --> 00:17:37,101 I'm glad it's over. 302 00:17:37,169 --> 00:17:40,004 I wasn't comfortable having the upper hand. 303 00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:43,107 From now on I'll dominate you in ways you don't realize. 304 00:17:43,175 --> 00:17:46,077 That's all I ever wanted. 305 00:17:46,145 --> 00:17:47,645 Where'd it go? Where'd it go? 306 00:17:47,713 --> 00:17:50,281 Hey, Chief Wiggum! Can you help me find my bar rag? 307 00:17:50,349 --> 00:17:53,384 I can't even find my car in the parking lot at the mall. 308 00:17:53,452 --> 00:17:56,954 There was half a kilo of heroin and two suspects inside. 309 00:17:57,022 --> 00:17:59,090 Hey! Hey! 310 00:17:59,157 --> 00:18:01,459 Can you throw me my house key? Please! 311 00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:03,294 It's got a green thingy on it! 312 00:18:03,345 --> 00:18:04,312 Stop! 313 00:18:04,379 --> 00:18:05,396 Ooh! 314 00:18:06,999 --> 00:18:08,199 Hey, there's some Pringles in here. 315 00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:11,269 Nope. Tear gas. 316 00:18:12,804 --> 00:18:15,973 Haven't forgotten about your rag, Moe! 317 00:18:16,024 --> 00:18:18,359 I'm in hell, I'm in hell, I'm in hell, 318 00:18:18,443 --> 00:18:20,228 I'm in hell... 319 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,535 Perhaps one of you garments 320 00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:29,337 would like to narrate for a while. 321 00:18:29,404 --> 00:18:31,439 Men's extra large underwear? 322 00:18:31,507 --> 00:18:33,508 I'm saving my strength. 323 00:18:33,575 --> 00:18:35,977 He's going bike riding today. 324 00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:39,747 Come on in! 325 00:18:43,602 --> 00:18:45,203 You've got my rag! But how? 326 00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:46,971 Well, during the town meeting, 327 00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:48,839 which now seems like years ago, 328 00:18:48,907 --> 00:18:51,375 I forgot my purse at your bar. 329 00:18:51,443 --> 00:18:53,811 And when I came back to get it, 330 00:18:53,879 --> 00:18:56,180 I saw how much you love that rag. 331 00:18:56,231 --> 00:18:59,767 Num-num-num-num-num-num. 332 00:18:59,835 --> 00:19:02,203 It seemed a little "ripe," 333 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:04,305 so I brought it home to clean it for you. 334 00:19:04,373 --> 00:19:05,606 Thanks, Marge. 335 00:19:05,674 --> 00:19:08,442 That rag is my only friend in the world. 336 00:19:08,510 --> 00:19:10,595 Well, that's not true! 337 00:19:10,662 --> 00:19:12,896 Everyone in this family is your friend. 338 00:19:12,948 --> 00:19:14,865 Your bar is the closest thing this town has 339 00:19:14,933 --> 00:19:17,068 to an Algonquin roundtable. 340 00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:20,371 What about that Round Table Pizza run by that Algonquin guy? 341 00:19:20,422 --> 00:19:22,823 Yeah, yeah, okay, second closest. 342 00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:25,509 So you's all like me? Even you, maestro? 343 00:19:25,577 --> 00:19:26,711 Milhouse. 344 00:19:26,762 --> 00:19:27,912 Yeah, I, I knew it was something stupid. 345 00:19:27,980 --> 00:19:30,615 Well, thanks, everybody. 346 00:19:30,682 --> 00:19:33,551 I... I'm always gonna remember today as the day 347 00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:36,053 that I learned to open my heart to human beings 348 00:19:36,121 --> 00:19:38,389 and not old pieces of cloth. 349 00:19:38,457 --> 00:19:42,926 Ha, crazy me, Thinking I needed a rag for a friend. 350 00:19:47,616 --> 00:19:50,001 So, this is how it ends. 351 00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:53,070 The once magnificent tapestry tossed aside 352 00:19:53,138 --> 00:19:55,840 yet again like a common Kleenex. 353 00:19:55,907 --> 00:19:57,925 Good-bye, cruel... What the...? 354 00:20:02,914 --> 00:20:04,548 In all my years, 355 00:20:04,616 --> 00:20:07,918 this is a love like I have never felt. 356 00:20:07,986 --> 00:20:10,671 Sweet, pure and forever. 357 00:20:19,464 --> 00:20:22,233 Well, all marriages have their ups and downs. 358 00:20:22,301 --> 00:20:26,301 == sync, corrected by elderman ==