1
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:07,840
Chamomile and honey for my lady.
Beer and Clamato for me.
2
00:00:07,965 --> 00:00:10,516
Thank you.
Why in the hell you drink that stuff?
3
00:00:10,641 --> 00:00:12,164
Right back at you.
4
00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:16,808
Hey, you given any thought on what
you like to do for our honeymoon?
5
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,269
Kind of had my heart set
on intercourse.
6
00:00:20,561 --> 00:00:22,939
Obviously, that's contingent on
how much I drink at the reception.
7
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:25,075
Oh, no. You'll be putting out, pal.
8
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:27,569
It's my wedding night, and I plan
on losing my virginity again.
9
00:00:28,337 --> 00:00:29,868
Duly noted.
10
00:00:31,486 --> 00:00:32,871
Now, I know its kinda cliché,
11
00:00:32,996 --> 00:00:36,328
but I was thinking honeymooning
in Paris could be really romantic.
12
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,947
Paris, France?
13
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,657
No, Mike. Paris, Tennessee.
14
00:00:41,659 --> 00:00:44,827
You jest, but it does
have a mini Eiffel Tower
15
00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:47,246
and is home to the world's
largest fish fry.
16
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:52,001
Why did I ever buy you that
Eatin' Atlas of America?
17
00:00:52,003 --> 00:00:54,387
It's the best Christmas
present I ever got.
18
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,055
It's my bible and my wish book.
19
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:59,708
And the most dog-eared piece
of literature in the bathroom.
20
00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:03,062
But I was thinking more of
the European Paris.
21
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:06,382
Springtime, we're sitting
at a sidewalk cafe,
22
00:01:06,384 --> 00:01:08,384
sipping little
cups of chocolat...
23
00:01:08,386 --> 00:01:10,486
Hey, if it's chocolate
you're craving,
24
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:13,022
we should just go to
the belly of the beast.
25
00:01:13,024 --> 00:01:15,024
Hershey, Pennsylvania.
26
00:01:15,026 --> 00:01:18,771
It's an entire city dedicated
to the magical cocoa bean.
27
00:01:18,896 --> 00:01:21,364
Very tempting, but, um...
28
00:01:21,366 --> 00:01:25,418
Paris has history
and these amazing museums
29
00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:26,702
and beautiful architecture.
30
00:01:26,704 --> 00:01:28,570
You know what
you just described?
31
00:01:28,572 --> 00:01:30,756
Cleveland, Ohio.
32
00:01:32,209 --> 00:01:34,076
They got the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame there,
33
00:01:34,078 --> 00:01:35,511
and it's shaped like
a big guitar.
34
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,380
Good to know.
35
00:01:37,382 --> 00:01:40,633
That's history, architecture
and museum combined.
36
00:01:40,635 --> 00:01:43,969
It's the Jell-O 1-2-3
of vacation spots.
37
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:47,807
All roads really do lead back
to food for you, don't they?
38
00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:50,843
I just want to go
somewhere special.
39
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:52,812
Then how about
driving to Missouri
40
00:01:52,814 --> 00:01:55,114
and taking an old-timey
paddleboat ride
41
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,482
down the mighty Mississip?
44
00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:04,156
How'd you know
about Ozark puddin'?
45
00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,658
Ah, I read.
46
00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,160
Vince, drop it!
47
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,946
I told you, he's an old friend,
and we're having dinner!
48
00:02:10,948 --> 00:02:12,665
Not just any old friend,
an old boyfriend!
49
00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:16,118
Ugh! Will you explain to this
lunkhead that a woman is capable
50
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:18,787
of being "just friends"
with an old, former lover?
51
00:02:18,789 --> 00:02:21,474
Hey, if it didn't end with name
calling and tire slashing,
52
00:02:21,476 --> 00:02:24,477
then the embers of desire
are still smoldering.
53
00:02:24,479 --> 00:02:27,229
Actually, Vince, I'm friends
with almost all my exes.
54
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:28,898
Yeah, but they were
all "swishes."
55
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:29,982
How'd you put it, Mike?
56
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:32,351
"Like the front row
of a Cher concert"?
57
00:02:33,270 --> 00:02:35,938
I never used the word "swish""
58
00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:37,189
I said "pansy""
59
00:02:38,942 --> 00:02:40,576
Mom, who are you meeting,
anyway?
60
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,610
Remember Richard?
61
00:02:41,612 --> 00:02:43,529
Ooh, Richard. Wow.
62
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,781
What does that mean,
"Ooh, Richard. Wow"?
63
00:02:45,783 --> 00:02:46,866
Nothing.
64
00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:50,252
I forbid you to go out
with Ooh Richard Wow!
65
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,621
Oh, you forbid me?
66
00:02:52,623 --> 00:02:55,091
Well, that changes
everything.
67
00:02:55,093 --> 00:02:56,208
Don't wait up!
68
00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:58,627
Okay, you can go.
69
00:02:58,629 --> 00:03:00,496
But I want you
back here by 10:00!
70
00:03:00,498 --> 00:03:02,681
And your panties better
not be in your purse!
71
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:03,999
Don't be such an ass!
72
00:03:04,001 --> 00:03:06,769
You know I never wear
panties with this dress.
73
00:03:07,722 --> 00:03:09,355
Story of my life.
74
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,523
I give a woman my heart,
75
00:03:10,525 --> 00:03:12,491
and she says, "No thanks."
76
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,710
Balls, please."
77
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:17,346
Mike, say something.
78
00:03:17,348 --> 00:03:18,614
Oh. Sure.
79
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,900
Vince, when somebody says
the word "chocolate,"
80
00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:23,786
what city springs to mind?
81
00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:28,624
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
82
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:31,994
♪ I see love.
83
00:03:32,119 --> 00:03:33,926
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.com/
84
00:03:46,067 --> 00:03:47,351
She expects me to believe
85
00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,603
that some old boyfriend calls
her up out of the blue,
86
00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:51,405
and just wants
to take her to dinner.
87
00:03:51,407 --> 00:03:53,107
Who the hell does that?
88
00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:55,659
Well, Vince, human behavior
has changed a lot
89
00:03:55,661 --> 00:03:58,712
since you slithered out
of the ocean and lost your tail.
90
00:03:59,498 --> 00:04:01,582
I don't even know
what that means.
91
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:02,566
Was that a shot?
92
00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:04,067
Yes, it was.
93
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,786
It's not a big deal.
94
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:07,955
Mom and Richard dated
a long time ago.
95
00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:10,240
He was a pilot, she was working
as a flight attendant.
96
00:04:10,242 --> 00:04:13,377
I know what goes on
between pilots and "stews."
97
00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:16,180
I've seen more than
my share of pornography.
98
00:04:16,182 --> 00:04:17,414
Ugh.
99
00:04:17,416 --> 00:04:18,549
He's not wrong.
100
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:20,818
It is one of the more
popular storylines.
101
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,904
Which I don't watch.
102
00:04:25,089 --> 00:04:27,308
I'll bet at this very minute,
she's helping that jet jockey
103
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:29,543
into his full
and upright position.
104
00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:31,145
Vince, you're talking
about my mother.
105
00:04:31,147 --> 00:04:33,814
You're right.
Not for your ears.
106
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:36,483
Her mother's a sexual volcano.
107
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,601
Insatiable.
108
00:04:37,603 --> 00:04:39,770
I can still hear you.
109
00:04:39,772 --> 00:04:41,956
Apologies.
110
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,959
One time,
111
00:04:44,961 --> 00:04:47,411
we were at the Olive Garden,
112
00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,830
and she took her shoe off
under the table...
113
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,282
Get him out of here.
114
00:04:51,284 --> 00:04:52,883
Vince, let's go grab a beer.
115
00:04:52,885 --> 00:04:54,501
And I don't know
how she does it,
116
00:04:54,503 --> 00:04:55,786
but her big toe and second toe
117
00:04:55,788 --> 00:04:57,304
can form an almost
perfect circle.
118
00:04:57,306 --> 00:05:00,591
If I didn't know any better,
I'd swear it was my own hand.
119
00:05:05,647 --> 00:05:07,514
I should have locked
Joyce in her closet,
120
00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:11,569
and then met that guy at the
restaurant, swinging a rake.
121
00:05:11,571 --> 00:05:13,354
You know, that's
technically kidnapping
122
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:14,655
and assault with
a deadly weapon.
123
00:05:14,657 --> 00:05:15,990
Oh, what are you
gonna be tonight?
124
00:05:15,992 --> 00:05:17,658
A cop or a friend?
125
00:05:17,660 --> 00:05:20,110
I'm kind of feeling
the need to be both.
126
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:21,612
Look, when you're
in a relationship,
127
00:05:21,614 --> 00:05:23,764
you can't just forbid the other
person from doing stuff.
128
00:05:23,766 --> 00:05:25,833
Otherwise, it's guaranteed
they're gonna do it.
129
00:05:25,835 --> 00:05:27,368
That's just human nature.
130
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:28,919
What the hell
are you talking about?
131
00:05:28,921 --> 00:05:30,788
Threats and ultimatums
are the glue of love.
132
00:05:30,790 --> 00:05:34,541
Without it, we're no better
than animals.
133
00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,661
In my experience, you have
to have give and take.
134
00:05:37,663 --> 00:05:39,930
Like this whole honeymoon
thing with me and Molly.
135
00:05:39,932 --> 00:05:42,433
She wants to go to
Paris and I don't.
136
00:05:42,435 --> 00:05:44,501
What do you got against Paris?
It's beautiful.
137
00:05:44,503 --> 00:05:46,804
Plus, if you can stomach
pit hair on chicks,
138
00:05:46,806 --> 00:05:49,139
you can see free boobs on TV.
139
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:52,693
You should be a travel agent.
140
00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:56,013
But I'm still not gonna
risk my life flying
141
00:05:56,015 --> 00:05:58,181
half way across the world
just to see free boobs.
142
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,034
That's where you and I differ.
143
00:06:00,036 --> 00:06:02,820
I'd fly to Bangladesh
to see a pair of knockers.
144
00:06:04,005 --> 00:06:05,205
So what's the problem?
145
00:06:05,207 --> 00:06:06,423
You afraid of flying?
146
00:06:06,425 --> 00:06:07,858
No! But when I'm traveling,
147
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,293
I like knowing
if there's trouble,
148
00:06:09,295 --> 00:06:11,795
I can jump out of a window
without plummeting to my death.
149
00:06:11,797 --> 00:06:14,581
Can you imagine
the size crater you'd make?
150
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,384
Tourists could ride mules
to the bottom.
151
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:24,725
What I'm saying is,
I can't just say to Molly,
152
00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:26,143
"We're not going to Paris""
153
00:06:26,145 --> 00:06:28,228
because then we'd definitely
be going to Paris.
154
00:06:28,230 --> 00:06:32,433
So you're telling me if I don't
want Joyce to bang that guy,
155
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:36,287
I should say,
"Hey, Joyce, go bang that guy"?
156
00:06:36,289 --> 00:06:39,089
No, that's not even close
to what I'm saying.
157
00:06:39,091 --> 00:06:41,909
Then make your point and stop
dancing around the subject
158
00:06:41,911 --> 00:06:44,895
like some kind of woman.
159
00:06:44,897 --> 00:06:46,113
Look...
160
00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:47,614
if you really care about Joyce,
161
00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,533
maybe try using
a gentler approach.
162
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:51,335
Less shouting, more listening.
163
00:06:51,337 --> 00:06:52,453
You mean, like...
164
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:56,340
"Joyce, love of my life,
answer to my prayers,
165
00:06:56,342 --> 00:06:58,876
"if I find out you're
banging that flyboy,
166
00:06:58,878 --> 00:07:01,462
I'll kill all three of us."
167
00:07:03,247 --> 00:07:07,384
You know, I think this is why
we don't hang out more.
168
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:14,942
So did you and Mike figure out
a honeymoon spot yet?
169
00:07:14,944 --> 00:07:17,277
Well, I'm still hoping for
a pied-Ã terre in Paris,
170
00:07:17,279 --> 00:07:20,064
but he's still pushing for a
pop-up camper in the backyard.
171
00:07:20,066 --> 00:07:22,816
I would say try and
meet in the middle,
172
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:25,569
but I can't imagine
where that would be.
173
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,938
I'm starting to think
he's not too keen on flying.
174
00:07:27,940 --> 00:07:30,791
Every time I bring it up,
he turns all pale and clammy.
175
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:34,111
He gets the same way when I ask
who ate all my Chips Ahoy.
176
00:07:34,113 --> 00:07:36,997
Yeah, pale and clammy
is kind of his tell.
177
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:38,115
Mine's whistling.
178
00:07:38,117 --> 00:07:39,733
You are a nervous whistler.
179
00:07:41,285 --> 00:07:44,621
Hey, what if you cured his
fear of flying with hypnosis?
180
00:07:44,623 --> 00:07:46,140
And while he's under,
181
00:07:46,142 --> 00:07:49,059
tell him my cookies are
actually rattlesnakes.
182
00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:53,480
Hey. There she is.
183
00:07:53,482 --> 00:07:54,932
And home by 10:30.
184
00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:56,183
How was your date?
185
00:07:56,185 --> 00:07:58,185
What are you talking about?
It wasn't a date!
186
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,270
It was dinner. Nothing more.
187
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,905
Sorry.
188
00:08:01,907 --> 00:08:03,607
Every time you go out to dinner,
is it a date?
189
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:06,744
Yes, but not with every date
do I get dinner.
190
00:08:06,746 --> 00:08:09,580
Yeah, well,
this was just dinner.
191
00:08:09,582 --> 00:08:12,482
We ate, we caught up,
I got the hell out of there.
192
00:08:12,484 --> 00:08:13,917
Okay, fine.
193
00:08:13,919 --> 00:08:16,253
Why don't you worry
about your own lives?
194
00:08:16,255 --> 00:08:18,539
God. Two grown women
with nothing better to do
195
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:21,959
than gossip about their mother
while sucking down her wine!
196
00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:25,012
Wow, what's up with her?
197
00:08:25,014 --> 00:08:26,496
Hard to say.
198
00:08:26,498 --> 00:08:30,267
Having dinner with an old
boyfriend can be very emotional.
199
00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:34,688
Especially when they slide an
STD pamphlet across the table.
200
00:08:39,694 --> 00:08:41,028
Morning.
201
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:42,362
Morning, sweetheart.
202
00:08:42,364 --> 00:08:44,648
You want some breakfast?
203
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:46,516
No. I don't want to
put you out.
204
00:08:46,518 --> 00:08:49,036
Besides, I'm pretty sure
those are your eggs.
205
00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:50,737
Oh, that.
206
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:54,124
Well. You know how nasty
I get when I drink rum.
207
00:08:54,126 --> 00:08:57,027
I'm like a pirate
that way.
208
00:08:57,029 --> 00:08:59,546
Except louder, meaner,
and no parrot.
209
00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:04,251
I apologize.
210
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,353
Now, let Mommy make you
an omelette?
211
00:09:08,223 --> 00:09:09,423
Thanks.
212
00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:11,642
You're welcome, sweetheart.
213
00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:15,762
Look, I'm not trying
to pry or anything,
214
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,515
but did everything go all right
with you and Richard last night?
215
00:09:18,517 --> 00:09:20,434
What are you implying?
216
00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:22,686
Nothing, I'm just
worried about you.
217
00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:25,722
When the hell are you gonna get
your own house, anyway?
218
00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,775
I think I'll pass on
the omelette, Red Beard.
219
00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,727
Excuse me while
I go answer your door.
220
00:09:30,729 --> 00:09:32,529
Yeah, damn right
it's my door.
221
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,997
And it's my toilet!
222
00:09:33,999 --> 00:09:38,368
Tell your boyfriend other people
in this house have to poop, too!
223
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,340
Hey, Vince.
224
00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:44,758
Please excuse
my showing up unannounced.
225
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,677
I just wanted to stop by
226
00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:48,428
and give these flowers
to your mother.
227
00:09:48,430 --> 00:09:50,214
I'll make sure she gets them.
228
00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,683
I got a friend in Little Armenia
who gives me a deal.
229
00:09:52,685 --> 00:09:55,886
That's why they smell like
grilled lamb and Drakkar Noir.
230
00:09:57,255 --> 00:09:58,772
What are you doing here?
231
00:09:58,774 --> 00:10:00,274
Come to check up on me?
232
00:10:00,276 --> 00:10:02,192
Golly, no.
233
00:10:02,194 --> 00:10:04,261
I suppose you want to know
what time I got home.
234
00:10:04,263 --> 00:10:06,429
No, I do not.
I trust you implicitly.
235
00:10:06,431 --> 00:10:08,615
- 3:00 A.M.
- What are you talking about?
236
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:10,433
Your car pulled in
the driveway at 10:30,
237
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,736
and you were
lights out by 11:15.
238
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,755
You were spying on me?
239
00:10:14,757 --> 00:10:16,073
No!
240
00:10:16,075 --> 00:10:18,625
I gave the old lady across
the street 20 bucks to do it.
241
00:10:18,627 --> 00:10:20,994
She's got her own
night-vision goggles.
242
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:23,330
I can't live like this!
243
00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:26,216
If this ring is
a tracking device,
244
00:10:26,218 --> 00:10:27,467
then I don't want it!
245
00:10:27,469 --> 00:10:28,752
Mom.
246
00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:29,703
What's going on?
247
00:10:29,705 --> 00:10:31,872
Oh, everybody needs an update.
248
00:10:31,874 --> 00:10:33,257
Here's the headline.
249
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:36,293
I'm giving this sneaky little
weasel his walking papers!
250
00:10:36,295 --> 00:10:37,728
Mom, what has gotten into you?
251
00:10:37,730 --> 00:10:40,147
Nobody's gotten into me!
252
00:10:40,149 --> 00:10:44,518
Now, if Officer Cop-A-Squat
is done warming my toilet seat,
253
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,771
I'd like to take a shower
and get on with my new life!
254
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,775
I lit a candle.
255
00:11:02,211 --> 00:11:04,095
Hey, you snoopy old witch!
256
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,764
You want to spy on me?
257
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:08,884
Spy on this!
258
00:11:08,886 --> 00:11:11,770
God, I hope it's
just her ass.
259
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,271
I hate to say it,
260
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,656
but if this behavior continues,
261
00:11:14,658 --> 00:11:17,225
we should really consider
putting Mom in a nursing home.
262
00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:18,860
Victoria.
263
00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:21,396
I'm talking about a nice one,
with activities and a pool.
264
00:11:21,398 --> 00:11:23,532
That way, when we visit her
in the summer,
265
00:11:23,534 --> 00:11:25,567
we can lay out and tan.
266
00:11:25,569 --> 00:11:27,652
Actually, I was thinking we
could just take her out tonight,
267
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,921
have a few drinks,
see what's going on.
268
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:31,373
Smart.
269
00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:33,925
Get her drunk so she'll sign
the power of attorney papers
270
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:37,395
and climb into the back of
the senior shuttle on her own.
271
00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:40,298
Hey.
272
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,300
Hey, sweetie.
273
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,469
Your mom and Vince
make up yet?
274
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,022
Nope. She called him
and told him to come and pick up
275
00:11:47,024 --> 00:11:49,774
his kimono and boner pills.
276
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:53,428
Ugh. You see that combination
coming down the stairs one time,
277
00:11:53,430 --> 00:11:55,614
you'll be seeing it
in your dreams.
278
00:11:55,616 --> 00:11:58,617
Again, thanks for
covering my eyes.
279
00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:02,904
It's too bad he and your mom
can't work this out.
280
00:12:02,906 --> 00:12:04,456
Well, communication's
the key.
281
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:06,608
That's the only way a
relationship can survive.
282
00:12:06,610 --> 00:12:08,743
Couldn't have
put it better myself.
283
00:12:08,745 --> 00:12:10,612
You know, if there's ever
anything bothering you,
284
00:12:10,614 --> 00:12:11,880
you can always
tell me.
285
00:12:11,882 --> 00:12:15,383
Insecurities,
phobias, whatever.
286
00:12:15,385 --> 00:12:16,885
Good to know.
287
00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:19,638
I'm only asking 'cause I'm
starting to think the idea
288
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,424
of flying somewhere on our
honeymoon is spooking you.
289
00:12:22,426 --> 00:12:23,508
Spooking me?
290
00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,060
I'm a Chicago police officer.
291
00:12:25,062 --> 00:12:27,062
We're known far and wide
as The Unspookables.
292
00:12:27,064 --> 00:12:28,980
Where you going?
293
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:31,016
I'm gonna lay down.
I'm feeling a little woozy.
294
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:37,188
I don't think
you're going to Paris.
295
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:40,442
Not unless I can get
Big Clammy in a kayak.
296
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:55,006
This is fun.
297
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:59,127
Three Flynn gals out
for a night on the town.
298
00:12:59,129 --> 00:13:00,845
Why don't we do this more often?
299
00:13:00,847 --> 00:13:02,681
Because it's cheaper
to get drunk at home,
300
00:13:02,683 --> 00:13:04,666
and Mom can take her pants off.
301
00:13:04,668 --> 00:13:06,051
Right, right.
302
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,385
Did you hear that, Mom?
303
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,521
Yeah, I heard it.
304
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,806
Sorry about you and Vince.
305
00:13:11,808 --> 00:13:12,891
Me, too.
306
00:13:12,893 --> 00:13:13,892
Thanks.
307
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:14,893
You doing okay?
308
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,177
Yep.
309
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,513
Just want to have a quiet drink
and not talk about it.
310
00:13:18,515 --> 00:13:20,949
Fine by me.
311
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,688
So, here's a funny thing.
312
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:29,040
Uh, Mike,
the big lug,
313
00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:31,859
is completely panic-stricken
to get on an airplane.
314
00:13:31,861 --> 00:13:33,828
Oh, my God, what have I done?!
315
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,196
Mom, it's okay.
316
00:13:35,198 --> 00:13:37,332
I'm a terrible person!
317
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:39,167
No, you're not.
318
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:42,370
Being engaged to one guy
and sleeping with another guy
319
00:13:42,372 --> 00:13:44,222
doesn't make you
a terrible person,
320
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,891
it just makes you
a slutty person.
321
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:49,644
What are you talking about?!
322
00:13:49,646 --> 00:13:52,347
I didn't sleep with Richard.
323
00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:55,266
He wanted me to,
but I told him I was engaged.
324
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,919
So... wait, nothing happened?
325
00:13:57,921 --> 00:13:59,070
I kissed him, okay?
326
00:14:00,157 --> 00:14:02,223
On the winky?
327
00:14:02,225 --> 00:14:04,275
What?!
328
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,327
No, not on the winky!
329
00:14:06,329 --> 00:14:08,563
What kind of woman do you think
your mother is?!
330
00:14:08,565 --> 00:14:12,083
Sorry, I just assumed
it was hereditary.
331
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,070
So that's it?
332
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:17,672
Just a kiss? Nothing else?
333
00:14:17,674 --> 00:14:20,008
Okay.
334
00:14:20,010 --> 00:14:21,743
You want all the dirty details?
335
00:14:21,745 --> 00:14:22,627
Absolutely.
336
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,546
Sure.
337
00:14:24,548 --> 00:14:27,849
We kissed,
there was a little tongue
338
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:30,251
and maybe a few seconds of
339
00:14:30,253 --> 00:14:32,737
over-the-sweater
"good morning, Tokyo."
340
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:37,726
I don't know what that is.
341
00:14:37,728 --> 00:14:41,362
Old men like to fiddle with
your boobs like it's a radio.
342
00:14:44,483 --> 00:14:47,602
Well, that's more disturbing
than cheating.
343
00:14:47,604 --> 00:14:50,155
Yeah, I never count
over the sweater.
344
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,939
You never count under the skirt.
345
00:14:51,941 --> 00:14:53,658
Hand, no.
346
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,293
Head, yes.
347
00:14:57,213 --> 00:14:59,080
The point is,
I kissed another man,
348
00:14:59,082 --> 00:15:01,649
so I got no business
being engaged to Vince.
349
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,918
More to the point,
you stopped kissing another man
350
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,170
because you're engaged to Vince.
351
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:07,422
Yeah, that makes you
practically Superwoman.
352
00:15:07,424 --> 00:15:10,792
Once I got a fella's tongue
in my mouth, it's on till dawn.
353
00:15:10,794 --> 00:15:12,960
I did stop myself, didn't I?
354
00:15:12,962 --> 00:15:13,961
Mm-hmm.
355
00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:15,296
Of course, his comb-over
356
00:15:15,298 --> 00:15:18,149
and man girdle helped influence
my decision.
357
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,150
Well,
358
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,518
whatever it takes.
359
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,104
But you did the right thing;
You should be proud of yourself.
360
00:15:23,106 --> 00:15:26,441
I guess the thing to do now
is to tell Vince.
361
00:15:26,443 --> 00:15:27,575
- No! No!
- No!
362
00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:28,643
You out of your mind?
363
00:15:28,645 --> 00:15:30,144
You take that to your grave.
364
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,480
Keep talking crazy like that,
we're gonna put you in a home.
365
00:15:33,306 --> 00:15:35,416
A nice one with a pool.
366
00:15:38,337 --> 00:15:40,672
You know, I don't understand
what you're so afraid of.
367
00:15:40,674 --> 00:15:43,124
Air travel is the safest form
of transportation.
368
00:15:43,126 --> 00:15:46,144
And I don't understand why you
flap your arms and scream like
369
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:49,848
a little girl when you see a
spider the size of a pinto bean.
370
00:15:49,850 --> 00:15:51,783
Oh, I love Carl's
371
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:55,169
itsy bitsy spider dance.
372
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,639
For your information, flapping
your arms and making loud noises
373
00:15:57,641 --> 00:15:59,524
is how you scare
those nasty bastards away.
374
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:00,975
You are thinking
of grizzly bears.
375
00:16:00,977 --> 00:16:04,279
Spiders you just flick off
the table or casually step on.
376
00:16:04,281 --> 00:16:06,114
That doesn't always work.
377
00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:08,015
They'll hide in the crevice
of your shoe,
378
00:16:08,017 --> 00:16:10,535
crawl up your pant leg
and lay eggs in your ear.
379
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,320
Just...
380
00:16:12,322 --> 00:16:15,240
I'd rather have
a tarantula hotel in my head
381
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:18,743
than be hurled through the air
in chitty-chitty crash-crash.
382
00:16:20,228 --> 00:16:22,714
My big fear is nuns and clowns.
383
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:25,633
And one time I saw a clown
dressed as a nun.
384
00:16:25,635 --> 00:16:28,136
Nearly soiled my dashiki.
385
00:16:29,204 --> 00:16:31,706
Oh, man, a clown
dressed as a nun?
386
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,308
That's like a fever dream.
387
00:16:33,310 --> 00:16:35,620
More like a wrong turn
on gay pride day.
388
00:16:37,196 --> 00:16:40,064
And if you add hot pants and
roller skates to that picture,
389
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:43,002
you will sleep with the lights
on for the rest of your life.
390
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:48,139
All right, nothing left
to remember me by
391
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,859
but a hair dye stain
on her pillow and enough DNA
392
00:16:50,861 --> 00:16:54,195
on the bedspread to clone
an army of Morantos.
393
00:16:54,197 --> 00:16:57,899
Well, uh, best
of luck, Vince.
394
00:16:57,901 --> 00:16:59,868
I'm really gonna
miss you around here.
395
00:16:59,870 --> 00:17:02,370
I guess this means I won't
be attending your wedding.
396
00:17:02,372 --> 00:17:04,289
But at least one of us
397
00:17:04,291 --> 00:17:07,408
will get to stick his flag
in a Flynn girl.
398
00:17:08,844 --> 00:17:10,511
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
399
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:11,462
No more words!
400
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:14,265
Just hold me,
you big bastard!
401
00:17:16,752 --> 00:17:18,970
Oh, Vince, you're still here.
402
00:17:18,972 --> 00:17:20,188
On my way out.
403
00:17:20,190 --> 00:17:22,640
And once you spray a little Zout
on the pillowcase,
404
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,109
I am but a distant memory.
405
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,094
I got something
I need to tell you,
406
00:17:27,096 --> 00:17:28,980
and I'm not gonna feel right
until I do.
407
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,698
Mom.
What are you doing?
408
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,767
Just being honest
with the man.
409
00:17:32,769 --> 00:17:34,535
Let me have it.
410
00:17:34,537 --> 00:17:38,156
I care about you very much,
and I never want to hurt you.
411
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,290
Where are you
going with this?
412
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,826
- I got it.
- Okay.
413
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,244
You deserve
to know the truth.
414
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:44,712
And I can't go on
living with this.
415
00:17:44,714 --> 00:17:45,964
Mom...
Shh!
416
00:17:45,966 --> 00:17:49,300
Vincent Moranto...
417
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:51,302
I want you to come
live with me.
418
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:53,554
What?!
419
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:56,391
We're engaged!
420
00:17:56,393 --> 00:17:59,594
There's absolutely no one else
I'm interested in,
421
00:17:59,596 --> 00:18:01,429
plus your waterbed
makes me nauseous.
422
00:18:01,431 --> 00:18:03,231
Hey, in '88, that
was top of the line.
423
00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:04,682
Cost me 600 bucks.
424
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,234
Yeah, well,
it makes my ass sweat
425
00:18:06,236 --> 00:18:07,819
and it smells like
grilled lamb.
426
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:09,938
Why didn't you tell
me you hated it?
427
00:18:09,940 --> 00:18:11,272
We shouldn't
have secrets.
428
00:18:11,274 --> 00:18:12,440
What else aren't
you telling me?
429
00:18:12,442 --> 00:18:14,642
That's it.
Nothing. Nothing.
430
00:18:15,694 --> 00:18:18,496
Why don't we go upstairs
and unpack your things.
431
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,416
Whatever you
say, my angel.
432
00:18:21,418 --> 00:18:23,835
Clean up after you're done.
433
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,037
I don't like
waking up to a mess.
434
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:32,627
You want to tell me what
really went on with your mom?
435
00:18:32,629 --> 00:18:33,761
Yeah, you heard her.
436
00:18:33,763 --> 00:18:35,830
She wants him
to live here.
437
00:18:35,832 --> 00:18:37,999
And we think
it's great.
438
00:18:38,001 --> 00:18:39,050
Mm-hmm.
439
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:40,018
We do?
440
00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:42,270
Yeah, we do.
Mm.
441
00:19:08,340 --> 00:19:10,757
Listen, I think we need to
talk about our honeymoon.
442
00:19:10,759 --> 00:19:12,258
Okay.
What are you thinking?
443
00:19:12,260 --> 00:19:15,011
A dude ranch where
we cook our own cow?
444
00:19:15,013 --> 00:19:16,529
No.
445
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:20,133
Although, Wilbur, Wyoming is
a beautiful slice of heaven.
446
00:19:20,135 --> 00:19:22,218
Mike, I don't care
where we go.
447
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:25,355
Only thing I care about
is that we're together.
448
00:19:25,357 --> 00:19:30,794
Well, I've heard Paris is
lovely in the springtime.
449
00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:33,880
Paris... France?
450
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,167
You know we can't drive there.
451
00:19:37,169 --> 00:19:38,034
I know.
452
00:19:38,036 --> 00:19:39,319
It's a pretty long flight.
453
00:19:39,321 --> 00:19:40,570
I get it.
454
00:19:40,572 --> 00:19:43,339
In an airplane.
455
00:19:43,341 --> 00:19:44,374
Stop talking about it.
456
00:19:44,376 --> 00:19:46,443
I feel like I got
spiders in my ears.
457
00:19:46,445 --> 00:19:50,130
Aw, baby,
you're the greatest.
458
00:19:52,282 --> 00:19:53,616
Kimono boner!
459
00:19:55,554 --> 00:19:57,537
Listen, I'm making
sardines on toast.
460
00:19:57,539 --> 00:19:58,621
Any takers?
461
00:19:58,623 --> 00:20:00,924
We're good!
462
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:06,563
Maybe we should
keep that Paris money
463
00:20:06,565 --> 00:20:08,732
and start saving
for a place of our own.
464
00:20:08,734 --> 00:20:10,567
Or at least buy
him a longer robe.
465
00:20:10,692 --> 00:20:12,303
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.Addic7ed.com/