1
00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:06,550
Gentlemen, I think
I've come up with a
2
00:00:06,551 --> 00:00:09,318
fun way to get young people
interested in science.
3
00:00:10,037 --> 00:00:13,006
Physics Mad-Libs.
4
00:00:14,541 --> 00:00:16,809
- Now, give me a number.
- Five.
5
00:00:16,811 --> 00:00:18,311
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:18,313 --> 00:00:20,596
And an irrational constant.
7
00:00:20,598 --> 00:00:22,265
"E."
8
00:00:22,267 --> 00:00:23,850
And a funny Greek letter.
9
00:00:23,852 --> 00:00:25,068
Gamma.
10
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:26,769
I said funny.
11
00:00:26,771 --> 00:00:28,738
Upsilon?
12
00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:30,106
Good one.
13
00:00:30,824 --> 00:00:32,892
And an electrical charge.
14
00:00:32,894 --> 00:00:34,193
Positive.
15
00:00:34,195 --> 00:00:35,528
(laughs) Perfect.
16
00:00:35,530 --> 00:00:37,563
SHELDON:
Okay. Get this.
17
00:00:37,565 --> 00:00:38,865
(clears throat)
18
00:00:38,867 --> 00:00:42,401
"Professor Jones told the
symposium he had a new method
19
00:00:42,403 --> 00:00:45,204
"for calculating
the mass of a muon.
20
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:50,960
Five times the limit of (laughs)
'E' to the upsilon as..."
21
00:00:50,962 --> 00:00:52,178
(laughing)
22
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:54,847
(clearing throat):
Okay. No, no.
23
00:00:54,849 --> 00:00:55,848
I'll start over.
24
00:00:55,850 --> 00:00:57,100
"Professor..."
25
00:00:57,102 --> 00:00:58,267
(cracking up)
26
00:01:00,304 --> 00:01:02,271
I haven't seen him
laugh that hard
27
00:01:02,273 --> 00:01:05,257
since the day Leonard
made that multiplication error.
28
00:01:05,259 --> 00:01:07,927
Oh, Oh, Lord, that
multiplication error!
29
00:01:07,929 --> 00:01:09,645
(laughing): He thought
he carried the one.
30
00:01:09,647 --> 00:01:10,947
But he didn't.
31
00:01:10,949 --> 00:01:12,665
(laughing)
32
00:01:12,667 --> 00:01:13,900
It's not funny.
33
00:01:13,902 --> 00:01:15,318
That mistake got published.
34
00:01:15,320 --> 00:01:18,037
Stop! I'm going to wet myself!
35
00:01:18,039 --> 00:01:21,273
Hey, guys, guys, President
Siebert is headed this way.
36
00:01:21,275 --> 00:01:22,942
I wonder
what he wants.
37
00:01:22,944 --> 00:01:24,077
Doesn't look happy,
so I'm guessing
38
00:01:24,079 --> 00:01:25,244
he wants to talk to Sheldon.
39
00:01:25,246 --> 00:01:26,278
Dr. Cooper?
40
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,113
Told ya.
41
00:01:27,115 --> 00:01:28,498
Oh, President Siebert,
44
00:01:33,721 --> 00:01:37,123
No, and stop installing
suggestion boxes everywhere.
45
00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:39,509
You don't like
written suggestions.
46
00:01:39,511 --> 00:01:41,310
You don't like when I give them
to you while we're urinating
47
00:01:41,312 --> 00:01:43,012
in the men's room.
48
00:01:43,014 --> 00:01:45,064
If I didn't know you any better,
I'd say that you're one of those
49
00:01:45,066 --> 00:01:47,967
stubborn people
who are not open to suggestions.
50
00:01:47,969 --> 00:01:50,803
Dr. Cooper, the physics
department chair tells me
51
00:01:50,805 --> 00:01:52,405
you're refusing
to take your vacation.
52
00:01:52,407 --> 00:01:54,073
I don't need a vacation.
53
00:01:54,075 --> 00:01:55,324
You're obligated to take one.
54
00:01:55,326 --> 00:01:57,410
And I'd also like you to know
the most-often received
55
00:01:57,412 --> 00:02:00,079
suggestion in my suggestion box
you installed without asking me
56
00:02:00,081 --> 00:02:02,849
is "Can Dr. Cooper
take a vacation?"
57
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:04,984
Okay, settled, then.
58
00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:07,703
I'll see y'all of you Monday,
except for you.
59
00:02:07,705 --> 00:02:09,088
But if I don't come into work,
60
00:02:09,090 --> 00:02:10,540
what am I supposed
to do with myself?
61
00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:12,875
Read, rest, travel.
62
00:02:12,877 --> 00:02:15,962
I hear Afghanistan
is nice this time of year.
63
00:02:17,831 --> 00:02:19,549
Sarcasm?
64
00:02:19,551 --> 00:02:21,634
No. You should go.
65
00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:26,172
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
66
00:02:26,174 --> 00:02:30,009
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
67
00:02:30,011 --> 00:02:31,527
♪ The Earth began to cool
68
00:02:31,529 --> 00:02:34,096
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
69
00:02:34,098 --> 00:02:36,232
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
70
00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:39,018
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
71
00:02:39,020 --> 00:02:41,137
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
72
00:02:41,139 --> 00:02:43,005
♪ Bang! ♪
73
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:47,030
The Big Bang Theory 5x16
The Vacation Solution
Original Air Date on February 9, 2012
74
00:02:47,031 --> 00:02:51,031
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
75
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:56,693
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
76
00:02:56,695 --> 00:03:00,113
♪ And tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
77
00:03:00,115 --> 00:03:05,201
♪ And tonight's
gonna be a good, good night ♪
78
00:03:05,203 --> 00:03:07,103
♪ Tonight's the night, uh, uh ♪
79
00:03:07,105 --> 00:03:08,488
♪ Let's live it up, uh ♪
80
00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:11,958
♪ I got my money,
let's spend it up... ♪
81
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,627
Good Lord!
82
00:03:13,629 --> 00:03:16,263
Would you stop
that caterwauling!
83
00:03:17,131 --> 00:03:18,832
(sighs)
84
00:03:18,834 --> 00:03:20,500
What the hell are you doing?!
85
00:03:20,502 --> 00:03:23,253
Bleeding from my ears.
86
00:03:23,255 --> 00:03:25,221
What are you doing
hiding back there?
87
00:03:25,223 --> 00:03:26,506
I'm sneaking into work.
88
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:28,808
Now, if the guard
at the university asks
89
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:29,959
what's under the blanket,
90
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,395
you tell him
it's some lobster traps.
91
00:03:32,397 --> 00:03:34,731
- Lobster traps?
- Yes.
92
00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:36,016
That's how Velma and Scooby
93
00:03:36,018 --> 00:03:38,801
smuggled Shaggy
into the old lighthouse.
94
00:03:38,803 --> 00:03:42,072
What are you going to do when
you get to the university?
95
00:03:42,074 --> 00:03:43,823
People are going
to recognize you.
96
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:47,077
Will they, Leonard?
97
00:03:50,748 --> 00:03:54,034
Fine. Just get back
under your blanket,
98
00:03:54,036 --> 00:03:55,368
and I'll drive you there.
99
00:03:56,787 --> 00:03:58,288
And no more singing.
100
00:03:59,957 --> 00:04:01,992
Fine.
101
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,931
SHELDON: I have GPS on my phone.
102
00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:10,800
I know you turned around.
103
00:04:11,936 --> 00:04:14,220
I'm so glad you
talked Howard
104
00:04:14,222 --> 00:04:17,674
out of having your wedding
invitations in Klingon.
105
00:04:17,676 --> 00:04:20,660
Turn it over.
106
00:04:22,697 --> 00:04:25,565
I'm hoping my relatives
think it's Hebrew.
107
00:04:27,485 --> 00:04:29,653
(sighs) This is
really happening.
108
00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:31,237
I'm gonna be a maid of honor.
109
00:04:31,239 --> 00:04:34,057
I'm gonna wear a beautiful dress
and walk down that aisle
110
00:04:34,059 --> 00:04:38,128
and, finally, I will
have my special day.
111
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:39,946
You mean my special day?
112
00:04:39,948 --> 00:04:43,917
They're gonna need an extra-
large veil for somebody's head.
113
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,253
If I ever actually
ever get married.
114
00:04:47,255 --> 00:04:48,371
Why wouldn't you?
115
00:04:48,373 --> 00:04:49,723
My dad...
116
00:04:49,725 --> 00:04:51,508
'Cause I make a lot more
money than Howie,
117
00:04:51,510 --> 00:04:53,843
he's putting a lot of pressure
on me to get a prenup.
118
00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:55,211
Ouch.
119
00:04:55,213 --> 00:04:57,647
Yeah. Howie's gonna freak out.
120
00:04:57,649 --> 00:04:59,349
Parental pressure
can be daunting.
121
00:04:59,351 --> 00:05:03,186
I remember the battle with my
mother about shaving my legs.
122
00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:06,940
Last year, I finally gave in
and let her do it.
123
00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:11,828
I just don't know how I'm gonna
break it to him.
124
00:05:11,830 --> 00:05:13,496
You know, I'm a big believer
in breaking bad news
125
00:05:13,498 --> 00:05:14,781
to a guy when you're
in bed with him.
126
00:05:14,783 --> 00:05:16,533
That's how I told
my high school boyfriend
127
00:05:16,535 --> 00:05:18,201
I slept with his brother.
128
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:21,755
That's how I told
his brother the same thing.
129
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,959
I don't know, I don't want
to manipulate him with sex.
130
00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:28,478
Oh, sweetie,
that's what sex is for.
131
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,680
You know, the connection
132
00:05:30,682 --> 00:05:32,432
between marriage and money
is nothing new.
133
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:35,418
In fact, the term "wed" referred
to the money and livestock
134
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:37,353
that the groom paid
the bride's father.
135
00:05:37,355 --> 00:05:38,388
For example,
136
00:05:38,390 --> 00:05:39,556
you're adorable,
137
00:05:39,558 --> 00:05:40,890
intelligent
and a good earner.
138
00:05:40,892 --> 00:05:42,859
I could conservatively see
you going for
139
00:05:42,861 --> 00:05:45,061
at least two oxen and a goose.
140
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,315
You would fetch
a unicorn.
141
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:55,655
Sheldon, there are a million
great vacations you could take.
142
00:05:55,657 --> 00:05:57,040
What about Hawaii?
143
00:05:57,042 --> 00:06:01,878
Hawaii is a former leper colony
on top of an active volcano
144
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,582
where the disappointing ending
to Lost was filmed.
145
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:10,620
Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.
146
00:06:10,622 --> 00:06:12,138
How about Florida?
147
00:06:12,140 --> 00:06:13,406
They got Cape Canaveral,
148
00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:15,391
they got Disney,
they got my Aunt Ida
149
00:06:15,393 --> 00:06:18,144
and the world's largest
collection of diabetic candy.
150
00:06:18,146 --> 00:06:19,562
Plus, if you get sweaty enough,
151
00:06:19,564 --> 00:06:22,849
her plastic-covered furniture
is like a flume ride.
152
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:26,986
My family took a trip
to Florida when I was a child.
153
00:06:26,988 --> 00:06:31,241
A seagull stole a hot dog
from me on the beach.
154
00:06:31,243 --> 00:06:32,442
I got the message.
155
00:06:34,245 --> 00:06:36,312
You know, if I had a week off,
I'd go back
156
00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,531
to the Two Bunch Palms Resort
and Spa in the desert.
157
00:06:38,533 --> 00:06:40,950
I tell you, an hour on the
massage table with Trevor,
158
00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:44,487
and you'll feel like
you were born without bones.
159
00:06:44,489 --> 00:06:48,675
I don't think I could ever
let a guy give me a massage.
160
00:06:48,677 --> 00:06:50,794
Really? What was I doing
to your neck last night
161
00:06:50,796 --> 00:06:52,445
while you were playing X-Box?
162
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:56,549
It's like I'm living
in a dictatorship.
163
00:06:56,551 --> 00:06:58,885
"You must take a vacation,
you must have fun,
164
00:06:58,887 --> 00:07:02,055
you must enjoy life."
165
00:07:02,057 --> 00:07:04,958
I don't think you have
a good handle on dictatorships.
166
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,977
Sheldon, everybody
takes vacations.
167
00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:10,613
One time they tried to make
Richard Feynman take a vacation,
168
00:07:10,615 --> 00:07:13,032
but he chose instead
to expand his mind
169
00:07:13,034 --> 00:07:14,200
and learn something new.
170
00:07:14,202 --> 00:07:16,619
He went to work
in his friend's biology lab.
171
00:07:16,621 --> 00:07:19,539
Richard Feynman was a famous
American physicist,
172
00:07:19,541 --> 00:07:20,957
part of the Manhattan Project.
173
00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:25,628
Everyone in the world of science
knows who Richard Feynman was.
174
00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:26,830
Now you do, too.
175
00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:32,502
Oh! I have a
brilliant idea.
176
00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:35,622
Amy's a biologist.
I'll go work in her lab.
177
00:07:35,624 --> 00:07:38,057
Isn't that just Feynman's idea?
178
00:07:38,059 --> 00:07:39,759
Ten seconds ago, you
never heard of him.
179
00:07:39,761 --> 00:07:41,194
Now you're an expert.
180
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:45,849
Hey.
181
00:07:45,851 --> 00:07:47,567
- Hey, you.
- Is that your laundry?
182
00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:49,385
You only have, like,
six things in there.
183
00:07:49,387 --> 00:07:50,720
Yeah, I didn't have
any quarters,
184
00:07:50,722 --> 00:07:52,355
so I've been sneaking stuff
185
00:07:52,357 --> 00:07:54,440
into other people's
loads all day.
186
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,742
Hey, if I tell
you something,
187
00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:57,660
will you promise
not to tell anybody?
188
00:07:57,662 --> 00:07:59,746
It doesn't matter what I say,
you're gonna tell me anyway.
189
00:07:59,748 --> 00:08:03,416
What? That
is not true.
190
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,587
Bernadette wants
a prenup.
191
00:08:07,589 --> 00:08:10,256
Wow. That's rough.
192
00:08:10,258 --> 00:08:13,176
So you're saying if I
became a famous movie star,
193
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,178
we got married,
you wouldn't sign a prenup?
194
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,846
Absolutely not.
195
00:08:16,848 --> 00:08:19,432
If I'm gonna be stuck
at home with the kids
196
00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:20,516
while you're on location
197
00:08:20,518 --> 00:08:23,753
cheating on me
with Ryan Gosling...
198
00:08:23,755 --> 00:08:26,472
then Leonard gots
to get paid.
199
00:08:27,358 --> 00:08:30,443
So, you think
about us getting married?
200
00:08:30,445 --> 00:08:32,362
I think about
a lot of things.
201
00:08:32,364 --> 00:08:33,763
I think about us
getting married,
202
00:08:33,765 --> 00:08:35,148
I think about us
breaking up.
203
00:08:35,150 --> 00:08:36,783
Once in a while, I think
204
00:08:36,785 --> 00:08:38,651
about how I didn't leave
a note on that Mercedes
205
00:08:38,653 --> 00:08:40,203
I dinged in the parking
lot last month,
206
00:08:40,205 --> 00:08:42,538
but then I have a glass of wine
and it passes.
207
00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:45,742
Joke all you want,
but you think about it.
208
00:08:45,744 --> 00:08:47,443
Well, tell you
one thing,
209
00:08:47,445 --> 00:08:50,463
if I ever do get married,
no Klingon invitations.
210
00:08:50,465 --> 00:08:54,350
Good luck catching a man
with that attitude.
211
00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,787
Boy, oh, boy!
212
00:08:57,789 --> 00:09:00,623
This vacation is off
to a wonderful start.
213
00:09:00,625 --> 00:09:03,343
The smell of formaldehyde...
214
00:09:04,261 --> 00:09:06,512
the whir of the centrifuge,
215
00:09:06,514 --> 00:09:08,631
the distant chatter
of lab animals
216
00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,633
being dispatched
for dissection.
217
00:09:10,635 --> 00:09:15,438
Mm, I can already feel
my cares just melting away.
218
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,240
I'm excited to work
with my boyfriend.
219
00:09:17,242 --> 00:09:18,307
It's gonna be romantic.
220
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:20,860
Way to kill the mood.
221
00:09:20,862 --> 00:09:22,745
Come on, Sheldon.
222
00:09:22,747 --> 00:09:25,114
We can be like Marie Curie
and her husband, Pierre,
223
00:09:25,116 --> 00:09:27,450
who spent their days working
side by side,
224
00:09:27,452 --> 00:09:29,452
bathed in the glow of their love
and the radium
225
00:09:29,454 --> 00:09:31,204
that ultimately killed her.
226
00:09:32,122 --> 00:09:33,873
Screw Beauty and the Beast;
227
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:35,992
that's the love story
Disney should tell.
228
00:09:35,994 --> 00:09:38,995
Okay, what do we start with?
229
00:09:38,997 --> 00:09:42,465
Maybe splicing some
genes, clone a sheep,
230
00:09:42,467 --> 00:09:45,051
perhaps grow a human ear
on a mouse's back?
231
00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:47,553
Ha-ha, I'm a freak!
232
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,140
Oh, I'm gonna
be doing
233
00:09:51,142 --> 00:09:52,225
some brain stem histology
234
00:09:52,227 --> 00:09:55,194
while you put yourself
on the business end
235
00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:57,313
of a sponge
and wash those beakers.
236
00:09:57,315 --> 00:09:59,232
Wash those bea...
237
00:09:59,234 --> 00:10:03,019
Oh, I get it, a little
hazing for the new fella.
238
00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:05,154
Yeah, I'd better keep
and eye out for, what,
239
00:10:05,156 --> 00:10:06,706
shoe polish on
the microscope,
240
00:10:06,708 --> 00:10:09,659
or mad cow disease in my
grilled cheese sandwich?
241
00:10:09,661 --> 00:10:11,411
No, I just need
those beakers washed.
242
00:10:11,413 --> 00:10:12,829
Hippity-hop,
quick like a bunny.
243
00:10:12,831 --> 00:10:15,197
Wha...? Excuse
me, you have
244
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,883
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
in your lab.
245
00:10:16,885 --> 00:10:18,251
You're gonna make
him do the dishes?
246
00:10:18,253 --> 00:10:20,136
That's like asking
the Incredible Hulk
247
00:10:20,138 --> 00:10:22,338
to open a pickle jar.
248
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,642
Sheldon, you've never worked
in a lab like this before.
249
00:10:26,644 --> 00:10:29,228
You have no experience
in the field of biology.
250
00:10:29,230 --> 00:10:31,647
I have plenty of
experience in biology.
251
00:10:31,649 --> 00:10:34,650
I bought a Tamagotchi
in 1998.
252
00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:35,768
And...
253
00:10:35,770 --> 00:10:37,236
it's still alive.
254
00:10:37,238 --> 00:10:38,738
Let's do this.
255
00:10:49,227 --> 00:10:51,428
- Where's Howard?
- No "Hi, Raj"?
256
00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:52,980
No "How are you, Raj?"
257
00:10:52,982 --> 00:10:55,733
Just straight to "Where's the
other white guy?"
258
00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:57,467
I'm sorry.
259
00:10:57,469 --> 00:10:58,852
So, listen,
260
00:10:58,854 --> 00:11:00,521
I heard something about him.
261
00:11:00,523 --> 00:11:02,439
Can you keep it between us?
262
00:11:02,441 --> 00:11:03,807
Ooh, gossip.
263
00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,160
When I first got here,
I thought you Americans
264
00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:07,861
really gossiped around
the water cooler.
265
00:11:07,863 --> 00:11:09,813
So I hung out there
for, like, a month,
266
00:11:09,815 --> 00:11:12,366
but the only gossip I ever heard
was about some creepy guy
267
00:11:12,368 --> 00:11:14,585
hanging out by the water cooler.
268
00:11:15,653 --> 00:11:18,072
Bernadette wants
to get a prenup.
269
00:11:18,074 --> 00:11:21,008
Oh, that's a shame--
he's gonna be devastated.
270
00:11:21,010 --> 00:11:23,043
I never know what to do
in these situations.
271
00:11:23,045 --> 00:11:24,545
Should I give
him a heads-up?
272
00:11:24,547 --> 00:11:27,014
Hmm. I'm gonna
give you the same advice
273
00:11:27,016 --> 00:11:30,184
I yell at the TV when the
Bachelor's handing out roses.
274
00:11:31,686 --> 00:11:34,171
Follow your heart.
275
00:11:35,273 --> 00:11:36,807
Check it out.
276
00:11:36,809 --> 00:11:38,675
Look at the size of that
277
00:11:38,677 --> 00:11:39,843
Rice Krispie Treat!
278
00:11:39,845 --> 00:11:41,779
Same price. (chuckles)
279
00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:44,281
Hey, Howard, I need
to tell you something.
280
00:11:44,283 --> 00:11:46,116
I know, it's not
on my wedding diet.
281
00:11:46,118 --> 00:11:48,035
I don't care.
282
00:11:49,454 --> 00:11:51,822
Uh, l-listen, I...
283
00:11:51,824 --> 00:11:55,042
heard that Bernadette's thinking
about asking you for a prenup.
284
00:11:56,327 --> 00:11:58,412
A prenup?
285
00:11:58,414 --> 00:12:00,414
(laughs) Wow.
286
00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:02,316
What are you gonna do?
287
00:12:02,318 --> 00:12:05,936
I... don't know.
288
00:12:05,938 --> 00:12:08,188
Follow your heart.
289
00:12:14,012 --> 00:12:17,314
You know what, it's...
not a big deal.
290
00:12:17,316 --> 00:12:19,733
She makes more money than me.
291
00:12:19,735 --> 00:12:23,270
She wants to protect
her financial interests.
292
00:12:23,272 --> 00:12:25,322
It's completely reasonable.
293
00:12:25,324 --> 00:12:26,657
Good. That's a healthy attitude.
294
00:12:26,659 --> 00:12:28,642
Yeah, actually,
it's good for both of us.
295
00:12:28,644 --> 00:12:30,160
I have assets to protect, too.
296
00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:32,312
Like what?
297
00:12:32,314 --> 00:12:34,397
I've got some rare comic books.
298
00:12:34,399 --> 00:12:37,084
The Vespa's almost paid off.
299
00:12:38,269 --> 00:12:41,038
And Ma and I have a primo double
cemetery plot at Mt. Sinai
300
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,941
right near the guy who played
Mr. Roper on Three's Company.
301
00:12:43,943 --> 00:12:47,094
Mr. Roper's dead?!
302
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,849
You can't just spring
that on a guy!
303
00:12:53,051 --> 00:12:55,018
Here you go.
304
00:12:55,020 --> 00:12:56,854
This is now
the only lab
305
00:12:56,856 --> 00:12:59,556
with glassware washed
by a man with two doctorates
306
00:12:59,558 --> 00:13:03,110
and a restraining order
signed by Carl Sagan.
307
00:13:03,978 --> 00:13:05,779
Soap spots. Wash 'em again.
308
00:13:05,781 --> 00:13:07,815
Y... You're
being ridiculous!
309
00:13:07,817 --> 00:13:09,783
Those are perfectly clean.
310
00:13:09,785 --> 00:13:12,769
Sheldon, this beaker used
to contain cerebral spinal fluid
311
00:13:12,771 --> 00:13:15,038
from an elephant
that died of syphilis.
312
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,657
If it's, in fact,
perfectly clean,
313
00:13:16,659 --> 00:13:17,991
drink from it.
314
00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:27,134
Biologists are mean.
315
00:13:28,469 --> 00:13:30,254
All right,
perhaps this task
316
00:13:30,256 --> 00:13:32,389
will be a little bit
more up your alley.
317
00:13:32,391 --> 00:13:34,411
I need you to count
the bacteria spores
318
00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:35,459
on these petri dishes.
319
00:13:35,460 --> 00:13:37,644
There was something wrong
with that detergent.
320
00:13:37,646 --> 00:13:39,980
That was way too bubbly.
321
00:13:39,982 --> 00:13:41,598
I'm sure it was.
I intend to write
322
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,434
that soap company
a strongly worded letter.
323
00:13:44,436 --> 00:13:46,987
Yeah, good for you.
Now, start counting.
324
00:13:47,972 --> 00:13:49,940
You know what this place needs?
325
00:13:49,942 --> 00:13:52,309
A suggestion box.
326
00:13:53,444 --> 00:13:56,079
366...
327
00:13:56,081 --> 00:13:58,065
367...
328
00:13:58,067 --> 00:13:59,433
How's it going?
329
00:13:59,435 --> 00:14:01,001
How's counting going?
330
00:14:01,003 --> 00:14:02,536
When I was in
kindergarten,
331
00:14:02,538 --> 00:14:05,205
I recited pi
to a thousand places
332
00:14:05,207 --> 00:14:07,207
for the school talent show.
333
00:14:07,209 --> 00:14:09,293
I think I got this.
334
00:14:09,295 --> 00:14:10,377
Great.
335
00:14:15,266 --> 00:14:17,134
Aw, nuts!
336
00:14:20,004 --> 00:14:22,356
One...
337
00:14:22,358 --> 00:14:25,292
This is preposterous!
338
00:14:25,294 --> 00:14:26,894
I think you're
giving me these tasks
339
00:14:26,896 --> 00:14:28,462
because you're afraid
if you give me
340
00:14:28,464 --> 00:14:30,814
anything meaningful to do,
I'll show you up.
341
00:14:30,816 --> 00:14:33,734
Really?
Is that what you think?
342
00:14:33,736 --> 00:14:35,235
Yes, that's what I think.
343
00:14:35,237 --> 00:14:39,022
And I'm super smart,
so it's probably true.
344
00:14:39,024 --> 00:14:40,741
Hey, I've been training
in the field
345
00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:42,159
of neurobiology for 12 years.
346
00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:43,710
You've been here
for three hours,
347
00:14:43,712 --> 00:14:46,196
and you've spent one of them
in the bathroom.
348
00:14:46,198 --> 00:14:48,382
I'm sorry!
It takes me a while
349
00:14:48,384 --> 00:14:51,335
to get things going
on an unfamiliar toilet.
350
00:14:51,337 --> 00:14:53,837
Sheldon, I've given you
the simplest things to do,
351
00:14:53,839 --> 00:14:56,056
and you haven't done
one of them right.
352
00:14:56,058 --> 00:14:57,891
Maybe that's because
I'm not being challenged.
353
00:14:57,893 --> 00:15:00,543
It's the same reason
Einstein failed math.
354
00:15:00,545 --> 00:15:02,729
Maybe the math was
too bubbly for him.
355
00:15:02,731 --> 00:15:05,349
You think you're doing science
by cutting up that brain?
356
00:15:05,351 --> 00:15:07,768
They could do the same
thing at any Quiznos.
357
00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:11,571
And they'd offer
to toast it for me, too.
358
00:15:11,573 --> 00:15:12,856
Okay, smart guy.
359
00:15:12,858 --> 00:15:15,192
I'm about to remove
the locus coeruleus,
360
00:15:15,194 --> 00:15:17,778
which is incredibly
delicate work.
361
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:19,413
Have at it.
362
00:15:20,915 --> 00:15:22,416
All right.
363
00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:26,569
I'm no stranger to
a little gray matter.
364
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,842
Locus coeruleus.
365
00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:37,180
Locus coeruleus.
366
00:15:37,182 --> 00:15:40,467
You're getting warmer--
it is, indeed, in the brain.
367
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:43,420
Hope your hands
are steady.
368
00:15:43,422 --> 00:15:45,355
It's the width
of a single hair.
369
00:15:45,357 --> 00:15:47,819
But this is just biology,
so I'm sure it's no problem
370
00:15:47,844 --> 00:15:48,860
for a genius like you.
371
00:15:48,861 --> 00:15:51,528
It's not. I'll have you know,
in the field of physics,
372
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,196
we work with particles so small,
373
00:15:53,198 --> 00:15:56,083
they make fat jokes
about the locus coeruleus.
374
00:15:57,601 --> 00:16:00,287
I.e., when your locus coeruleus
sits around the house,
375
00:16:00,289 --> 00:16:02,939
it sits around the house.
376
00:16:07,045 --> 00:16:09,629
Oh... are we nervous,
Dr. Cooper?
377
00:16:09,631 --> 00:16:11,164
No.
378
00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:12,782
What you see
379
00:16:12,784 --> 00:16:16,169
is a man trembling
with confidence.
380
00:16:20,258 --> 00:16:22,893
Does a locus coeruleus
normally bleed that much?
381
00:16:22,895 --> 00:16:25,529
No. But your thumb does.
382
00:16:28,016 --> 00:16:30,017
Oh, dear.
383
00:16:33,121 --> 00:16:36,823
Yeah, you're a biologist.
384
00:16:40,144 --> 00:16:42,329
What are you doing here?
385
00:16:42,331 --> 00:16:44,281
I'm on vacation.
386
00:16:44,283 --> 00:16:46,083
Social convention dictates
387
00:16:46,085 --> 00:16:49,453
that I let my hair down
at a local watering hole.
388
00:16:52,006 --> 00:16:54,541
Social convention is stupid.
389
00:16:55,493 --> 00:16:57,961
What happened
to your thumb?
390
00:16:57,963 --> 00:16:59,829
You know, I have
ten fingers and ten toes.
391
00:16:59,831 --> 00:17:02,182
If I tell you a story
about each one of them,
392
00:17:02,184 --> 00:17:04,468
we'll be here all day--
let's just move on.
393
00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:06,269
What can I get you?
394
00:17:06,271 --> 00:17:08,972
Ah, seeing as I'm on vacation,
395
00:17:08,974 --> 00:17:11,391
uh, piña colada
seems appropriate.
396
00:17:11,393 --> 00:17:14,177
Extra pineapple slices,
extra whipped cream,
397
00:17:14,179 --> 00:17:16,363
extra cherries, extra umbrellas,
398
00:17:16,365 --> 00:17:18,665
and, uh, hold the rum.
399
00:17:19,867 --> 00:17:23,203
Don't let me have
too many of those.
400
00:17:23,205 --> 00:17:24,871
Hey, what are you
guys doing here?
401
00:17:24,873 --> 00:17:28,024
We're grown men;
we drink at bars.
402
00:17:28,026 --> 00:17:30,660
No and no.
403
00:17:32,380 --> 00:17:34,498
Everything okay
with you and Bernadette?
404
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,550
(chuckles):
Oh, yeah, sure.
405
00:17:36,552 --> 00:17:38,218
You and Amy? Good?
406
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:40,420
Oh, better
than good.
407
00:17:41,406 --> 00:17:42,939
You know those girls text me
408
00:17:42,941 --> 00:17:45,208
every detail of their lives
as it happens.
409
00:17:45,210 --> 00:17:47,644
I'm not signing a prenup.
410
00:17:47,646 --> 00:17:49,429
All right, Howard Wolowitz,
listen up.
411
00:17:49,431 --> 00:17:51,932
You sign anything
she puts in front of you,
412
00:17:51,934 --> 00:17:53,767
because you are
the luckiest man alive.
413
00:17:53,769 --> 00:17:55,235
If you let her go,
there is no way
414
00:17:55,237 --> 00:17:57,404
you can find anyone else--
speaking on behalf of all women,
415
00:17:57,406 --> 00:17:59,439
it is not gonna happen;
we had a meeting.
416
00:18:01,742 --> 00:18:03,110
And you, a grown man
417
00:18:03,112 --> 00:18:05,890
fainting at the sight
of a little blood.
418
00:18:05,915 --> 00:18:06,730
Excuse me,
419
00:18:06,731 --> 00:18:09,616
this is a fairly
substantial wound.
420
00:18:09,618 --> 00:18:11,168
You...
421
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:13,286
(heavy thud)
422
00:18:15,773 --> 00:18:18,408
(light tapping)
SHELDON: Amy? Amy?
423
00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:20,410
Amy?
424
00:18:21,629 --> 00:18:23,463
What do you want?
425
00:18:23,465 --> 00:18:27,551
I was kind of hoping
I could continue vacationing
426
00:18:27,553 --> 00:18:29,186
in your laboratory.
427
00:18:29,188 --> 00:18:32,389
After all, I did book
the whole week.
428
00:18:33,524 --> 00:18:36,593
Do you honestly think you
can just waltz back in here
429
00:18:36,595 --> 00:18:38,278
after the way
you behaved yesterday?
430
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,814
I was not myself.
431
00:18:40,816 --> 00:18:44,484
I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
432
00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:47,287
That's not an apology.
433
00:18:47,289 --> 00:18:49,723
That is your opinion.
434
00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:52,125
I want a real apology.
435
00:18:53,494 --> 00:18:56,746
I'm sorry that you
weren't able to...
436
00:18:56,748 --> 00:18:58,331
No.
437
00:18:58,333 --> 00:19:00,333
...that my genius...
438
00:19:00,335 --> 00:19:01,585
No.
439
00:19:01,587 --> 00:19:03,170
...that the
soap was...
440
00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:04,888
Sheldon.
441
00:19:07,341 --> 00:19:08,842
Fine.
442
00:19:11,479 --> 00:19:13,930
Sorry.
443
00:19:13,932 --> 00:19:15,798
You're forgiven.
444
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,269
Now, if you want to stay,
get started on those beakers.
445
00:19:19,271 --> 00:19:21,771
They're still dirty
from yesterday.
446
00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:27,494
Next year I'm
going to Epcot.
447
00:19:37,889 --> 00:19:39,923
Are you mad at me?
448
00:19:39,925 --> 00:19:41,925
No. I'm not
mad at you.
449
00:19:41,927 --> 00:19:43,060
I just...
450
00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:44,678
wish you would have come to me,
451
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,865
so I didn't have to hear it
through the nerd-vine.
452
00:19:50,217 --> 00:19:51,944
So, what are
we gonna do?
453
00:19:51,969 --> 00:19:53,169
(sighs)
454
00:19:53,188 --> 00:19:55,555
You really want me
to sign a prenup?
455
00:19:55,557 --> 00:19:56,690
I don't know.
456
00:19:56,692 --> 00:19:59,242
My dad's pretty insistent
on it, though.
457
00:19:59,244 --> 00:20:02,496
Why don't I talk to
your dad, man-to-man?
458
00:20:02,498 --> 00:20:05,064
Really?
Oh, that'd be so great!
459
00:20:05,066 --> 00:20:06,700
Done.
460
00:20:06,702 --> 00:20:10,454
I should probably give you a
heads-up about a couple of things.
461
00:20:11,839 --> 00:20:13,790
Even though he's retired
from the police force,
462
00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:15,425
he still carries his gun.
463
00:20:16,828 --> 00:20:18,378
But don't worry,
he won't shoot it.
464
00:20:18,380 --> 00:20:20,597
It's more
of a fashion statement.
465
00:20:21,849 --> 00:20:23,216
Okay.
466
00:20:23,218 --> 00:20:26,085
And just to be safe,
when you talk to him,
467
00:20:26,087 --> 00:20:28,472
don't bring up Jimmy Carter,
gardeners,
468
00:20:28,474 --> 00:20:30,390
foreign people, homosexuals,
469
00:20:30,392 --> 00:20:32,793
Sean Penn, Vatican II,
gun control, organic food,
470
00:20:32,795 --> 00:20:34,762
the designated hitter rule,
recycling or the fact
471
00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:36,087
that you're Jewish.
472
00:20:39,266 --> 00:20:41,568
Got it, got it.
473
00:20:41,570 --> 00:20:44,955
Will you e-mail me
that list?
474
00:20:44,957 --> 00:20:47,207
So the thing
to watch for,
475
00:20:47,209 --> 00:20:48,992
if he's shouting at you,
you're okay,
476
00:20:48,994 --> 00:20:50,961
but if he starts
to get real quiet,
477
00:20:50,963 --> 00:20:53,997
leave as quickly as you can
without making eye contact.
478
00:20:55,616 --> 00:20:59,669
Not in a straight line-- throw
some zigs and zigs in there.
479
00:21:01,506 --> 00:21:03,507
You know, this
isn't that pressing.
480
00:21:03,509 --> 00:21:06,092
Why don't I talk to him
about it in May.
481
00:21:06,094 --> 00:21:09,179
In May you're gonna be on
the International Space Station.
482
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:11,696
They got a phone.
483
00:21:11,698 --> 00:21:15,698
== sync, corrected by elderman ==