1
00:00:03,287 --> 00:00:05,501
Gentlemen, I think
I've come up with a
2
00:00:05,502 --> 00:00:08,269
fun way to get young people
interested in science.
3
00:00:08,988 --> 00:00:11,957
Physics Mad-Libs.
4
00:00:13,492 --> 00:00:15,760
- Now, give me a number.
- Five.
5
00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:17,262
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:17,264 --> 00:00:19,547
And an irrational constant.
7
00:00:19,549 --> 00:00:21,216
"E."
8
00:00:21,218 --> 00:00:22,801
And a funny Greek letter.
9
00:00:22,803 --> 00:00:24,019
Gamma.
10
00:00:24,021 --> 00:00:25,720
I said funny.
11
00:00:25,722 --> 00:00:27,689
Upsilon?
12
00:00:27,691 --> 00:00:29,057
Good one.
13
00:00:29,775 --> 00:00:31,843
And an electrical charge.
14
00:00:31,845 --> 00:00:33,144
Positive.
15
00:00:33,146 --> 00:00:34,479
(laughs) Perfect.
16
00:00:34,481 --> 00:00:36,514
SHELDON:
Okay. Get this.
17
00:00:36,516 --> 00:00:37,816
(clears throat)
18
00:00:37,818 --> 00:00:41,352
"Professor Jones told the
symposium he had a new method
19
00:00:41,354 --> 00:00:44,155
"for calculating
the mass of a muon.
20
00:00:44,157 --> 00:00:49,911
Five times the limit of (laughs)
'E' to the upsilon as..."
21
00:00:49,913 --> 00:00:51,129
(laughing)
22
00:00:52,331 --> 00:00:53,798
(clearing throat):
Okay. No, no.
23
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,799
I'll start over.
24
00:00:54,801 --> 00:00:56,051
"Professor..."
25
00:00:56,053 --> 00:00:57,218
(cracking up)
26
00:00:59,255 --> 00:01:01,222
I haven't seen him
laugh that hard
27
00:01:01,224 --> 00:01:04,208
since the day Leonard
made that multiplication error.
28
00:01:04,210 --> 00:01:06,878
Oh, Oh, Lord, that
multiplication error!
29
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,596
(laughing): He thought
he carried the one.
30
00:01:08,598 --> 00:01:09,898
But he didn't.
31
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,616
(laughing)
32
00:01:11,618 --> 00:01:12,851
It's not funny.
33
00:01:12,853 --> 00:01:14,269
That mistake got published.
34
00:01:14,271 --> 00:01:16,988
Stop! I'm going to wet myself!
35
00:01:16,990 --> 00:01:20,224
Hey, guys, guys, President
Siebert is headed this way.
36
00:01:20,226 --> 00:01:21,893
I wonder
what he wants.
37
00:01:21,895 --> 00:01:23,028
Doesn't look happy,
so I'm guessing
38
00:01:23,030 --> 00:01:24,195
he wants to talk to Sheldon.
39
00:01:24,197 --> 00:01:25,229
Dr. Cooper?
40
00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:26,064
Told ya.
41
00:01:26,066 --> 00:01:27,449
Oh, President Siebert,
44
00:01:32,672 --> 00:01:36,074
No, and stop installing
suggestion boxes everywhere.
45
00:01:36,076 --> 00:01:38,460
You don't like
written suggestions.
46
00:01:38,462 --> 00:01:40,261
You don't like when I give them
to you while we're urinating
47
00:01:40,263 --> 00:01:41,963
in the men's room.
48
00:01:41,965 --> 00:01:44,015
If I didn't know you any better,
I'd say that you're one of those
49
00:01:44,017 --> 00:01:46,918
stubborn people
who are not open to suggestions.
50
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,754
Dr. Cooper, the physics
department chair tells me
51
00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:51,356
you're refusing
to take your vacation.
52
00:01:51,358 --> 00:01:53,024
I don't need a vacation.
53
00:01:53,026 --> 00:01:54,275
You're obligated to take one.
54
00:01:54,277 --> 00:01:56,361
And I'd also like you to know
the most-often received
55
00:01:56,363 --> 00:01:59,030
suggestion in my suggestion box
you installed without asking me
56
00:01:59,032 --> 00:02:01,800
is "Can Dr. Cooper
take a vacation?"
57
00:02:02,701 --> 00:02:03,935
Okay, settled, then.
58
00:02:03,937 --> 00:02:06,654
I'll see y'all of you Monday,
except for you.
59
00:02:06,656 --> 00:02:08,039
But if I don't come into work,
60
00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:09,491
what am I supposed
to do with myself?
61
00:02:09,493 --> 00:02:11,826
Read, rest, travel.
62
00:02:11,828 --> 00:02:14,913
I hear Afghanistan
is nice this time of year.
63
00:02:16,782 --> 00:02:18,500
Sarcasm?
64
00:02:18,502 --> 00:02:20,585
No. You should go.
65
00:02:21,787 --> 00:02:25,123
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
66
00:02:25,125 --> 00:02:28,960
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
67
00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,478
♪ The Earth began to cool
68
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,047
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
69
00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:35,183
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
70
00:02:35,185 --> 00:02:37,969
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
71
00:02:37,971 --> 00:02:40,088
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
72
00:02:40,090 --> 00:02:41,956
♪ Bang! ♪
73
00:02:41,981 --> 00:02:45,981
The Big Bang Theory 5x16
The Vacation Solution
Original Air Date on February 9, 2012
74
00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:49,982
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
75
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:53,144
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
76
00:02:53,146 --> 00:02:56,564
♪ And tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
77
00:02:56,566 --> 00:03:01,652
♪ And tonight's
gonna be a good, good night ♪
78
00:03:01,654 --> 00:03:03,554
♪ Tonight's the night, uh, uh ♪
79
00:03:03,556 --> 00:03:04,939
♪ Let's live it up, uh ♪
80
00:03:04,941 --> 00:03:08,109
♪ I got my money,
let's spend it up... ♪
81
00:03:08,111 --> 00:03:09,778
Good Lord!
82
00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:12,414
Would you stop
that caterwauling!
83
00:03:13,282 --> 00:03:14,983
(sighs)
84
00:03:14,985 --> 00:03:16,651
What the hell are you doing?!
85
00:03:16,653 --> 00:03:19,404
Bleeding from my ears.
86
00:03:19,406 --> 00:03:21,372
What are you doing
hiding back there?
87
00:03:21,374 --> 00:03:22,657
I'm sneaking into work.
88
00:03:22,659 --> 00:03:24,959
Now, if the guard
at the university asks
89
00:03:24,961 --> 00:03:26,110
what's under the blanket,
90
00:03:26,112 --> 00:03:28,546
you tell him
it's some lobster traps.
91
00:03:28,548 --> 00:03:30,882
- Lobster traps?
- Yes.
92
00:03:30,884 --> 00:03:32,167
That's how Velma and Scooby
93
00:03:32,169 --> 00:03:34,952
smuggled Shaggy
into the old lighthouse.
94
00:03:34,954 --> 00:03:38,223
What are you going to do when
you get to the university?
95
00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:39,974
People are going
to recognize you.
96
00:03:40,810 --> 00:03:43,228
Will they, Leonard?
97
00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:50,185
Fine. Just get back
under your blanket,
98
00:03:50,187 --> 00:03:51,519
and I'll drive you there.
99
00:03:52,938 --> 00:03:54,439
And no more singing.
100
00:03:56,108 --> 00:03:58,143
Fine.
101
00:04:01,697 --> 00:04:04,082
SHELDON: I have GPS on my phone.
102
00:04:04,084 --> 00:04:06,951
I know you turned around.
103
00:04:08,087 --> 00:04:10,371
I'm so glad you
talked Howard
104
00:04:10,373 --> 00:04:13,825
out of having your wedding
invitations in Klingon.
105
00:04:13,827 --> 00:04:16,811
Turn it over.
106
00:04:18,848 --> 00:04:21,716
I'm hoping my relatives
think it's Hebrew.
107
00:04:23,636 --> 00:04:25,804
(sighs) This is
really happening.
108
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:27,388
I'm gonna be a maid of honor.
109
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:30,208
I'm gonna wear a beautiful dress
and walk down that aisle
110
00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:34,279
and, finally, I will
have my special day.
111
00:04:34,281 --> 00:04:36,097
You mean my special day?
112
00:04:36,099 --> 00:04:40,068
They're gonna need an extra-
large veil for somebody's head.
113
00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:43,404
If I ever actually
ever get married.
114
00:04:43,406 --> 00:04:44,522
Why wouldn't you?
115
00:04:44,524 --> 00:04:45,874
My dad...
116
00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:47,659
'Cause I make a lot more
money than Howie,
117
00:04:47,661 --> 00:04:49,994
he's putting a lot of pressure
on me to get a prenup.
118
00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:51,362
Ouch.
119
00:04:51,364 --> 00:04:53,798
Yeah. Howie's gonna freak out.
120
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,500
Parental pressure
can be daunting.
121
00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:59,337
I remember the battle with my
mother about shaving my legs.
122
00:05:00,339 --> 00:05:03,091
Last year, I finally gave in
and let her do it.
123
00:05:05,144 --> 00:05:07,979
I just don't know how I'm gonna
break it to him.
124
00:05:07,981 --> 00:05:09,647
You know, I'm a big believer
in breaking bad news
125
00:05:09,649 --> 00:05:10,932
to a guy when you're
in bed with him.
126
00:05:10,934 --> 00:05:12,684
That's how I told
my high school boyfriend
127
00:05:12,686 --> 00:05:14,352
I slept with his brother.
128
00:05:15,404 --> 00:05:17,906
That's how I told
his brother the same thing.
129
00:05:19,441 --> 00:05:22,110
I don't know, I don't want
to manipulate him with sex.
130
00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:24,629
Oh, sweetie,
that's what sex is for.
131
00:05:25,781 --> 00:05:26,831
You know, the connection
132
00:05:26,833 --> 00:05:28,583
between marriage and money
is nothing new.
133
00:05:28,585 --> 00:05:31,569
In fact, the term "wed" referred
to the money and livestock
134
00:05:31,571 --> 00:05:33,504
that the groom paid
the bride's father.
135
00:05:33,506 --> 00:05:34,539
For example,
136
00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:35,707
you're adorable,
137
00:05:35,709 --> 00:05:37,041
intelligent
and a good earner.
138
00:05:37,043 --> 00:05:39,010
I could conservatively see
you going for
139
00:05:39,012 --> 00:05:41,212
at least two oxen and a goose.
140
00:05:42,598 --> 00:05:45,466
You would fetch
a unicorn.
141
00:05:48,754 --> 00:05:51,806
Sheldon, there are a million
great vacations you could take.
142
00:05:51,808 --> 00:05:53,191
What about Hawaii?
143
00:05:53,193 --> 00:05:58,029
Hawaii is a former leper colony
on top of an active volcano
144
00:05:58,031 --> 00:06:01,733
where the disappointing ending
to Lost was filmed.
145
00:06:03,268 --> 00:06:06,771
Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.
146
00:06:06,773 --> 00:06:08,289
How about Florida?
147
00:06:08,291 --> 00:06:09,557
They got Cape Canaveral,
148
00:06:09,559 --> 00:06:11,542
they got Disney,
they got my Aunt Ida
149
00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:14,295
and the world's largest
collection of diabetic candy.
150
00:06:14,297 --> 00:06:15,713
Plus, if you get sweaty enough,
151
00:06:15,715 --> 00:06:19,000
her plastic-covered furniture
is like a flume ride.
152
00:06:20,118 --> 00:06:23,137
My family took a trip
to Florida when I was a child.
153
00:06:23,139 --> 00:06:27,392
A seagull stole a hot dog
from me on the beach.
154
00:06:27,394 --> 00:06:28,593
I got the message.
155
00:06:30,396 --> 00:06:32,463
You know, if I had a week off,
I'd go back
156
00:06:32,465 --> 00:06:34,682
to the Two Bunch Palms Resort
and Spa in the desert.
157
00:06:34,684 --> 00:06:37,101
I tell you, an hour on the
massage table with Trevor,
158
00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:40,638
and you'll feel like
you were born without bones.
159
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:44,826
I don't think I could ever
let a guy give me a massage.
160
00:06:44,828 --> 00:06:46,945
Really? What was I doing
to your neck last night
161
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:48,596
while you were playing X-Box?
162
00:06:50,399 --> 00:06:52,700
It's like I'm living
in a dictatorship.
163
00:06:52,702 --> 00:06:55,036
"You must take a vacation,
you must have fun,
164
00:06:55,038 --> 00:06:58,206
you must enjoy life."
165
00:06:58,208 --> 00:07:01,109
I don't think you have
a good handle on dictatorships.
166
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,128
Sheldon, everybody
takes vacations.
167
00:07:04,130 --> 00:07:06,764
One time they tried to make
Richard Feynman take a vacation,
168
00:07:06,766 --> 00:07:09,183
but he chose instead
to expand his mind
169
00:07:09,185 --> 00:07:10,351
and learn something new.
170
00:07:10,353 --> 00:07:12,770
He went to work
in his friend's biology lab.
171
00:07:12,772 --> 00:07:15,690
Richard Feynman was a famous
American physicist,
172
00:07:15,692 --> 00:07:17,108
part of the Manhattan Project.
173
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:21,779
Everyone in the world of science
knows who Richard Feynman was.
174
00:07:21,781 --> 00:07:22,981
Now you do, too.
175
00:07:26,118 --> 00:07:28,653
Oh! I have a
brilliant idea.
176
00:07:28,655 --> 00:07:31,773
Amy's a biologist.
I'll go work in her lab.
177
00:07:31,775 --> 00:07:34,208
Isn't that just Feynman's idea?
178
00:07:34,210 --> 00:07:35,910
Ten seconds ago, you
never heard of him.
179
00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:37,345
Now you're an expert.
180
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:42,000
Hey.
181
00:07:42,002 --> 00:07:43,718
- Hey, you.
- Is that your laundry?
182
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,536
You only have, like,
six things in there.
183
00:07:45,538 --> 00:07:46,871
Yeah, I didn't have
any quarters,
184
00:07:46,873 --> 00:07:48,506
so I've been sneaking stuff
185
00:07:48,508 --> 00:07:50,591
into other people's
loads all day.
186
00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:51,893
Hey, if I tell
you something,
187
00:07:51,895 --> 00:07:53,811
will you promise
not to tell anybody?
188
00:07:53,813 --> 00:07:55,897
It doesn't matter what I say,
you're gonna tell me anyway.
189
00:07:55,899 --> 00:07:59,567
What? That
is not true.
190
00:08:00,903 --> 00:08:03,738
Bernadette wants
a prenup.
191
00:08:03,740 --> 00:08:06,407
Wow. That's rough.
192
00:08:06,409 --> 00:08:09,327
So you're saying if I
became a famous movie star,
193
00:08:09,329 --> 00:08:11,329
we got married,
you wouldn't sign a prenup?
194
00:08:11,331 --> 00:08:12,997
Absolutely not.
195
00:08:12,999 --> 00:08:15,583
If I'm gonna be stuck
at home with the kids
196
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:16,667
while you're on location
197
00:08:16,669 --> 00:08:19,904
cheating on me
with Ryan Gosling...
198
00:08:19,906 --> 00:08:22,623
then Leonard gots
to get paid.
199
00:08:23,509 --> 00:08:26,594
So, you think
about us getting married?
200
00:08:26,596 --> 00:08:28,513
I think about
a lot of things.
201
00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:29,914
I think about us
getting married,
202
00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:31,299
I think about us
breaking up.
203
00:08:31,301 --> 00:08:32,934
Once in a while, I think
204
00:08:32,936 --> 00:08:34,802
about how I didn't leave
a note on that Mercedes
205
00:08:34,804 --> 00:08:36,354
I dinged in the parking
lot last month,
206
00:08:36,356 --> 00:08:38,689
but then I have a glass of wine
and it passes.
207
00:08:38,691 --> 00:08:41,893
Joke all you want,
but you think about it.
208
00:08:41,895 --> 00:08:43,594
Well, tell you
one thing,
209
00:08:43,596 --> 00:08:46,614
if I ever do get married,
no Klingon invitations.
210
00:08:46,616 --> 00:08:50,501
Good luck catching a man
with that attitude.
211
00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:53,938
Boy, oh, boy!
212
00:08:53,940 --> 00:08:56,774
This vacation is off
to a wonderful start.
213
00:08:56,776 --> 00:08:59,494
The smell of formaldehyde...
214
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:02,663
the whir of the centrifuge,
215
00:09:02,665 --> 00:09:04,782
the distant chatter
of lab animals
216
00:09:04,784 --> 00:09:06,784
being dispatched
for dissection.
217
00:09:06,786 --> 00:09:11,589
Mm, I can already feel
my cares just melting away.
218
00:09:11,591 --> 00:09:13,391
I'm excited to work
with my boyfriend.
219
00:09:13,393 --> 00:09:14,458
It's gonna be romantic.
220
00:09:14,460 --> 00:09:17,011
Way to kill the mood.
221
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:18,896
Come on, Sheldon.
222
00:09:18,898 --> 00:09:21,265
We can be like Marie Curie
and her husband, Pierre,
223
00:09:21,267 --> 00:09:23,601
who spent their days working
side by side,
224
00:09:23,603 --> 00:09:25,603
bathed in the glow of their love
and the radium
225
00:09:25,605 --> 00:09:27,355
that ultimately killed her.
226
00:09:28,273 --> 00:09:30,024
Screw Beauty and the Beast;
227
00:09:30,026 --> 00:09:32,143
that's the love story
Disney should tell.
228
00:09:32,145 --> 00:09:35,146
Okay, what do we start with?
229
00:09:35,148 --> 00:09:38,616
Maybe splicing some
genes, clone a sheep,
230
00:09:38,618 --> 00:09:41,202
perhaps grow a human ear
on a mouse's back?
231
00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:43,704
Ha-ha, I'm a freak!
232
00:09:46,008 --> 00:09:47,291
Oh, I'm gonna
be doing
233
00:09:47,293 --> 00:09:48,376
some brain stem histology
234
00:09:48,378 --> 00:09:51,345
while you put yourself
on the business end
235
00:09:51,347 --> 00:09:53,464
of a sponge
and wash those beakers.
236
00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:55,383
Wash those bea...
237
00:09:55,385 --> 00:09:59,170
Oh, I get it, a little
hazing for the new fella.
238
00:09:59,172 --> 00:10:01,305
Yeah, I'd better keep
and eye out for, what,
239
00:10:01,307 --> 00:10:02,857
shoe polish on
the microscope,
240
00:10:02,859 --> 00:10:05,810
or mad cow disease in my
grilled cheese sandwich?
241
00:10:05,812 --> 00:10:07,562
No, I just need
those beakers washed.
242
00:10:07,564 --> 00:10:08,980
Hippity-hop,
quick like a bunny.
243
00:10:08,982 --> 00:10:11,348
Wha...? Excuse
me, you have
244
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:13,034
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
in your lab.
245
00:10:13,036 --> 00:10:14,402
You're gonna make
him do the dishes?
246
00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:16,287
That's like asking
the Incredible Hulk
247
00:10:16,289 --> 00:10:18,489
to open a pickle jar.
248
00:10:20,192 --> 00:10:22,793
Sheldon, you've never worked
in a lab like this before.
249
00:10:22,795 --> 00:10:25,379
You have no experience
in the field of biology.
250
00:10:25,381 --> 00:10:27,798
I have plenty of
experience in biology.
251
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:30,801
I bought a Tamagotchi
in 1998.
252
00:10:30,803 --> 00:10:31,919
And...
253
00:10:31,921 --> 00:10:33,387
it's still alive.
254
00:10:33,389 --> 00:10:34,889
Let's do this.
255
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:44,910
- Where's Howard?
- No "Hi, Raj"?
256
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,462
No "How are you, Raj?"
257
00:10:46,464 --> 00:10:49,215
Just straight to "Where's the
other white guy?"
258
00:10:49,217 --> 00:10:50,949
I'm sorry.
259
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:52,334
So, listen,
260
00:10:52,336 --> 00:10:54,003
I heard something about him.
261
00:10:54,005 --> 00:10:55,921
Can you keep it between us?
262
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,289
Ooh, gossip.
263
00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:59,642
When I first got here,
I thought you Americans
264
00:10:59,644 --> 00:11:01,343
really gossiped around
the water cooler.
265
00:11:01,345 --> 00:11:03,295
So I hung out there
for, like, a month,
266
00:11:03,297 --> 00:11:05,848
but the only gossip I ever heard
was about some creepy guy
267
00:11:05,850 --> 00:11:08,067
hanging out by the water cooler.
268
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:11,554
Bernadette wants
to get a prenup.
269
00:11:11,556 --> 00:11:14,490
Oh, that's a shame--
he's gonna be devastated.
270
00:11:14,492 --> 00:11:16,525
I never know what to do
in these situations.
271
00:11:16,527 --> 00:11:18,027
Should I give
him a heads-up?
272
00:11:18,029 --> 00:11:20,496
Hmm. I'm gonna
give you the same advice
273
00:11:20,498 --> 00:11:23,666
I yell at the TV when the
Bachelor's handing out roses.
274
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:27,653
Follow your heart.
275
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,289
Check it out.
276
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,157
Look at the size of that
277
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,325
Rice Krispie Treat!
278
00:11:33,327 --> 00:11:35,261
Same price. (chuckles)
279
00:11:35,263 --> 00:11:37,763
Hey, Howard, I need
to tell you something.
280
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:39,598
I know, it's not
on my wedding diet.
281
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,517
I don't care.
282
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:45,304
Uh, l-listen, I...
283
00:11:45,306 --> 00:11:48,524
heard that Bernadette's thinking
about asking you for a prenup.
284
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:51,894
A prenup?
285
00:11:51,896 --> 00:11:53,896
(laughs) Wow.
286
00:11:53,898 --> 00:11:55,798
What are you gonna do?
287
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,418
I... don't know.
288
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:01,670
Follow your heart.
289
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:10,796
You know what, it's...
not a big deal.
290
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:13,215
She makes more money than me.
291
00:12:13,217 --> 00:12:16,752
She wants to protect
her financial interests.
292
00:12:16,754 --> 00:12:18,804
It's completely reasonable.
293
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,139
Good. That's a healthy attitude.
294
00:12:20,141 --> 00:12:22,124
Yeah, actually,
it's good for both of us.
295
00:12:22,126 --> 00:12:23,642
I have assets to protect, too.
296
00:12:23,644 --> 00:12:25,794
Like what?
297
00:12:25,796 --> 00:12:27,879
I've got some rare comic books.
298
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:30,566
The Vespa's almost paid off.
299
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,520
And Ma and I have a primo double
cemetery plot at Mt. Sinai
300
00:12:34,522 --> 00:12:37,423
right near the guy who played
Mr. Roper on Three's Company.
301
00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:40,576
Mr. Roper's dead?!
302
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,331
You can't just spring
that on a guy!
303
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:48,500
Here you go.
304
00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:50,336
This is now
the only lab
305
00:12:50,338 --> 00:12:53,038
with glassware washed
by a man with two doctorates
306
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,592
and a restraining order
signed by Carl Sagan.
307
00:12:57,460 --> 00:12:59,261
Soap spots. Wash 'em again.
308
00:12:59,263 --> 00:13:01,297
Y... You're
being ridiculous!
309
00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:03,265
Those are perfectly clean.
310
00:13:03,267 --> 00:13:06,251
Sheldon, this beaker used
to contain cerebral spinal fluid
311
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,520
from an elephant
that died of syphilis.
312
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,139
If it's, in fact,
perfectly clean,
313
00:13:10,141 --> 00:13:11,473
drink from it.
314
00:13:18,148 --> 00:13:20,616
Biologists are mean.
315
00:13:21,951 --> 00:13:23,736
All right,
perhaps this task
316
00:13:23,738 --> 00:13:25,871
will be a little bit
more up your alley.
317
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,893
I need you to count
the bacteria spores
318
00:13:27,918 --> 00:13:28,941
on these petri dishes.
319
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,126
There was something wrong
with that detergent.
320
00:13:31,128 --> 00:13:33,462
That was way too bubbly.
321
00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:35,080
I'm sure it was.
I intend to write
322
00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:37,916
that soap company
a strongly worded letter.
323
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,469
Yeah, good for you.
Now, start counting.
324
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,422
You know what this place needs?
325
00:13:43,424 --> 00:13:45,791
A suggestion box.
326
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,561
366...
327
00:13:49,563 --> 00:13:51,547
367...
328
00:13:51,549 --> 00:13:52,915
How's it going?
329
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:54,483
How's counting going?
330
00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,018
When I was in
kindergarten,
331
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,687
I recited pi
to a thousand places
332
00:13:58,689 --> 00:14:00,689
for the school talent show.
333
00:14:00,691 --> 00:14:02,775
I think I got this.
334
00:14:02,777 --> 00:14:03,859
Great.
335
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,616
Aw, nuts!
336
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,838
One...
337
00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,774
This is preposterous!
338
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,376
I think you're
giving me these tasks
339
00:14:20,378 --> 00:14:21,944
because you're afraid
if you give me
340
00:14:21,946 --> 00:14:24,296
anything meaningful to do,
I'll show you up.
341
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:27,216
Really?
Is that what you think?
342
00:14:27,218 --> 00:14:28,717
Yes, that's what I think.
343
00:14:28,719 --> 00:14:32,504
And I'm super smart,
so it's probably true.
344
00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:34,223
Hey, I've been training
in the field
345
00:14:34,225 --> 00:14:35,641
of neurobiology for 12 years.
346
00:14:35,643 --> 00:14:37,192
You've been here
for three hours,
347
00:14:37,194 --> 00:14:39,678
and you've spent one of them
in the bathroom.
348
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:41,864
I'm sorry!
It takes me a while
349
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:44,817
to get things going
on an unfamiliar toilet.
350
00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:47,319
Sheldon, I've given you
the simplest things to do,
351
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,538
and you haven't done
one of them right.
352
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,373
Maybe that's because
I'm not being challenged.
353
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:54,025
It's the same reason
Einstein failed math.
354
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,211
Maybe the math was
too bubbly for him.
355
00:14:56,213 --> 00:14:58,831
You think you're doing science
by cutting up that brain?
356
00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:01,250
They could do the same
thing at any Quiznos.
357
00:15:01,252 --> 00:15:05,053
And they'd offer
to toast it for me, too.
358
00:15:05,055 --> 00:15:06,338
Okay, smart guy.
359
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,674
I'm about to remove
the locus coeruleus,
360
00:15:08,676 --> 00:15:11,260
which is incredibly
delicate work.
361
00:15:11,262 --> 00:15:12,895
Have at it.
362
00:15:14,397 --> 00:15:15,898
All right.
363
00:15:16,883 --> 00:15:20,051
I'm no stranger to
a little gray matter.
364
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:25,324
Locus coeruleus.
365
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,662
Locus coeruleus.
366
00:15:30,664 --> 00:15:33,949
You're getting warmer--
it is, indeed, in the brain.
367
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:36,902
Hope your hands
are steady.
368
00:15:36,904 --> 00:15:38,837
It's the width
of a single hair.
369
00:15:38,839 --> 00:15:41,301
But this is just biology,
so I'm sure it's no problem
370
00:15:41,326 --> 00:15:42,342
for a genius like you.
371
00:15:42,343 --> 00:15:45,010
It's not. I'll have you know,
in the field of physics,
372
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,678
we work with particles so small,
373
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,565
they make fat jokes
about the locus coeruleus.
374
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:53,769
I.e., when your locus coeruleus
sits around the house,
375
00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:56,421
it sits around the house.
376
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,111
Oh... are we nervous,
Dr. Cooper?
377
00:16:03,113 --> 00:16:04,646
No.
378
00:16:04,648 --> 00:16:06,264
What you see
379
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:09,651
is a man trembling
with confidence.
380
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,375
Does a locus coeruleus
normally bleed that much?
381
00:16:16,377 --> 00:16:19,011
No. But your thumb does.
382
00:16:21,498 --> 00:16:23,499
Oh, dear.
383
00:16:26,603 --> 00:16:30,305
Yeah, you're a biologist.
384
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,811
What are you doing here?
385
00:16:35,813 --> 00:16:37,763
I'm on vacation.
386
00:16:37,765 --> 00:16:39,565
Social convention dictates
387
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:42,935
that I let my hair down
at a local watering hole.
388
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:48,023
Social convention is stupid.
389
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:51,443
What happened
to your thumb?
390
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:53,311
You know, I have
ten fingers and ten toes.
391
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,664
If I tell you a story
about each one of them,
392
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:57,950
we'll be here all day--
let's just move on.
393
00:16:57,952 --> 00:16:59,751
What can I get you?
394
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:02,454
Ah, seeing as I'm on vacation,
395
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,873
uh, piña colada
seems appropriate.
396
00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,659
Extra pineapple slices,
extra whipped cream,
397
00:17:07,661 --> 00:17:09,845
extra cherries, extra umbrellas,
398
00:17:09,847 --> 00:17:12,147
and, uh, hold the rum.
399
00:17:13,349 --> 00:17:16,685
Don't let me have
too many of those.
400
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:18,353
Hey, what are you
guys doing here?
401
00:17:18,355 --> 00:17:21,506
We're grown men;
we drink at bars.
402
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,142
No and no.
403
00:17:25,862 --> 00:17:27,980
Everything okay
with you and Bernadette?
404
00:17:27,982 --> 00:17:30,032
(chuckles):
Oh, yeah, sure.
405
00:17:30,034 --> 00:17:31,700
You and Amy? Good?
406
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,902
Oh, better
than good.
407
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,421
You know those girls text me
408
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,690
every detail of their lives
as it happens.
409
00:17:38,692 --> 00:17:41,126
I'm not signing a prenup.
410
00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:42,911
All right, Howard Wolowitz,
listen up.
411
00:17:42,913 --> 00:17:45,414
You sign anything
she puts in front of you,
412
00:17:45,416 --> 00:17:47,249
because you are
the luckiest man alive.
413
00:17:47,251 --> 00:17:48,717
If you let her go,
there is no way
414
00:17:48,719 --> 00:17:50,886
you can find anyone else--
speaking on behalf of all women,
415
00:17:50,888 --> 00:17:52,921
it is not gonna happen;
we had a meeting.
416
00:17:55,224 --> 00:17:56,592
And you, a grown man
417
00:17:56,594 --> 00:17:59,372
fainting at the sight
of a little blood.
418
00:17:59,397 --> 00:18:00,212
Excuse me,
419
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:03,098
this is a fairly
substantial wound.
420
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,650
You...
421
00:18:04,652 --> 00:18:06,768
(heavy thud)
422
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,890
(light tapping)
SHELDON: Amy? Amy?
423
00:18:11,892 --> 00:18:13,892
Amy?
424
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:16,945
What do you want?
425
00:18:16,947 --> 00:18:21,033
I was kind of hoping
I could continue vacationing
426
00:18:21,035 --> 00:18:22,668
in your laboratory.
427
00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:25,871
After all, I did book
the whole week.
428
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:30,075
Do you honestly think you
can just waltz back in here
429
00:18:30,077 --> 00:18:31,760
after the way
you behaved yesterday?
430
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:34,296
I was not myself.
431
00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:37,966
I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
432
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,769
That's not an apology.
433
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:43,205
That is your opinion.
434
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:45,607
I want a real apology.
435
00:18:46,976 --> 00:18:50,228
I'm sorry that you
weren't able to...
436
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,813
No.
437
00:18:51,815 --> 00:18:53,815
...that my genius...
438
00:18:53,817 --> 00:18:55,067
No.
439
00:18:55,069 --> 00:18:56,652
...that the
soap was...
440
00:18:56,654 --> 00:18:58,370
Sheldon.
441
00:19:00,823 --> 00:19:02,324
Fine.
442
00:19:04,961 --> 00:19:07,412
Sorry.
443
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:09,280
You're forgiven.
444
00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:12,751
Now, if you want to stay,
get started on those beakers.
445
00:19:12,753 --> 00:19:15,253
They're still dirty
from yesterday.
446
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,976
Next year I'm
going to Epcot.
447
00:19:28,347 --> 00:19:30,381
Are you mad at me?
448
00:19:30,383 --> 00:19:32,383
No. I'm not
mad at you.
449
00:19:32,385 --> 00:19:33,518
I just...
450
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,136
wish you would have come to me,
451
00:19:35,138 --> 00:19:39,323
so I didn't have to hear it
through the nerd-vine.
452
00:19:40,675 --> 00:19:42,402
So, what are
we gonna do?
453
00:19:42,427 --> 00:19:43,627
(sighs)
454
00:19:43,646 --> 00:19:46,013
You really want me
to sign a prenup?
455
00:19:46,015 --> 00:19:47,148
I don't know.
456
00:19:47,150 --> 00:19:49,700
My dad's pretty insistent
on it, though.
457
00:19:49,702 --> 00:19:52,954
Why don't I talk to
your dad, man-to-man?
458
00:19:52,956 --> 00:19:55,522
Really?
Oh, that'd be so great!
459
00:19:55,524 --> 00:19:57,158
Done.
460
00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:00,912
I should probably give you a
heads-up about a couple of things.
461
00:20:02,297 --> 00:20:04,248
Even though he's retired
from the police force,
462
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:05,883
he still carries his gun.
463
00:20:07,286 --> 00:20:08,836
But don't worry,
he won't shoot it.
464
00:20:08,838 --> 00:20:11,055
It's more
of a fashion statement.
465
00:20:12,307 --> 00:20:13,674
Okay.
466
00:20:13,676 --> 00:20:16,543
And just to be safe,
when you talk to him,
467
00:20:16,545 --> 00:20:18,930
don't bring up Jimmy Carter,
gardeners,
468
00:20:18,932 --> 00:20:20,848
foreign people, homosexuals,
469
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:23,251
Sean Penn, Vatican II,
gun control, organic food,
470
00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:25,220
the designated hitter rule,
recycling or the fact
471
00:20:25,245 --> 00:20:26,545
that you're Jewish.
472
00:20:29,724 --> 00:20:32,026
Got it, got it.
473
00:20:32,028 --> 00:20:35,413
Will you e-mail me
that list?
474
00:20:35,415 --> 00:20:37,665
So the thing
to watch for,
475
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:39,450
if he's shouting at you,
you're okay,
476
00:20:39,452 --> 00:20:41,419
but if he starts
to get real quiet,
477
00:20:41,421 --> 00:20:44,455
leave as quickly as you can
without making eye contact.
478
00:20:46,074 --> 00:20:50,127
Not in a straight line-- throw
some zigs and zigs in there.
479
00:20:51,964 --> 00:20:53,965
You know, this
isn't that pressing.
480
00:20:53,967 --> 00:20:56,550
Why don't I talk to him
about it in May.
481
00:20:56,552 --> 00:20:59,637
In May you're gonna be on
the International Space Station.
482
00:21:00,688 --> 00:21:02,154
They got a phone.
483
00:21:02,156 --> 00:21:06,156
== sync, corrected by elderman ==