1
00:00:03,236 --> 00:00:05,450
Gentlemen, I think
I've come up with a
2
00:00:05,451 --> 00:00:08,218
fun way to get young people
interested in science.
3
00:00:08,937 --> 00:00:11,906
Physics Mad-Libs.
4
00:00:13,441 --> 00:00:15,709
- Now, give me a number.
- Five.
5
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,211
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:17,213 --> 00:00:19,496
And an irrational constant.
7
00:00:19,498 --> 00:00:21,165
"E."
8
00:00:21,167 --> 00:00:22,750
And a funny Greek letter.
9
00:00:22,752 --> 00:00:23,968
Gamma.
10
00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:25,669
I said funny.
11
00:00:25,671 --> 00:00:27,638
Upsilon?
12
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,006
Good one.
13
00:00:29,724 --> 00:00:31,792
And an electrical charge.
14
00:00:31,794 --> 00:00:33,093
Positive.
15
00:00:33,095 --> 00:00:34,428
Perfect.
16
00:00:34,430 --> 00:00:36,463
Okay. Get this.
17
00:00:37,767 --> 00:00:41,301
"Professor Jones told the
symposium he had a new method
18
00:00:41,303 --> 00:00:44,104
"for calculating
the mass of a muon.
19
00:00:44,106 --> 00:00:49,860
Five times the limit of
'E' to the upsilon as..."
20
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:53,747
Okay. No, no.
21
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:54,748
I'll start over.
22
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,000
"Professor..."
23
00:00:59,204 --> 00:01:01,171
I haven't seen him
laugh that hard
24
00:01:01,173 --> 00:01:04,157
since the day Leonard
made that multiplication error.
25
00:01:04,159 --> 00:01:06,827
Oh, Oh, Lord, that
multiplication error!
26
00:01:06,829 --> 00:01:08,545
He thought
he carried the one.
27
00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:09,847
But he didn't.
28
00:01:11,567 --> 00:01:12,800
It's not funny.
29
00:01:12,802 --> 00:01:14,218
That mistake got published.
30
00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:16,937
Stop! I'm going to wet myself!
31
00:01:16,939 --> 00:01:20,173
Hey, guys, guys, President
Siebert is headed this way.
32
00:01:20,175 --> 00:01:21,842
I wonder
what he wants.
33
00:01:21,844 --> 00:01:22,977
Doesn't look happy,
so I'm guessing
34
00:01:22,979 --> 00:01:24,144
he wants to talk to Sheldon.
35
00:01:24,146 --> 00:01:25,178
Dr. Cooper?
36
00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:26,013
Told ya.
37
00:01:26,015 --> 00:01:27,398
Oh, President Siebert,
38
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,951
I assume you'd like to respond
to one of the suggestions
39
00:01:30,953 --> 00:01:32,619
I put in the box by your office.
40
00:01:32,621 --> 00:01:36,023
No, and stop installing
suggestion boxes everywhere.
41
00:01:36,025 --> 00:01:38,409
You don't like
written suggestions.
44
00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:43,964
If I didn't know you any better,
I'd say that you're one of those
45
00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:46,867
stubborn people
who are not open to suggestions.
46
00:01:46,869 --> 00:01:49,703
Dr. Cooper, the physics
department chair tells me
47
00:01:49,705 --> 00:01:51,305
you're refusing
to take your vacation.
48
00:01:51,307 --> 00:01:52,973
I don't need a vacation.
49
00:01:52,975 --> 00:01:54,224
You're obligated to take one.
50
00:01:54,226 --> 00:01:56,310
And I'd also like you to know
the most-often received
51
00:01:56,312 --> 00:01:58,979
suggestion in my suggestion box
you installed without asking me
52
00:01:58,981 --> 00:02:01,749
is "Can Dr. Cooper
take a vacation?"
53
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:03,884
Okay, settled, then.
54
00:02:03,886 --> 00:02:06,603
I'll see y'all of you Monday,
except for you.
55
00:02:06,605 --> 00:02:07,988
But if I don't come into work,
56
00:02:07,990 --> 00:02:09,440
what am I supposed
to do with myself?
57
00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:11,775
Read, rest, travel.
58
00:02:11,777 --> 00:02:14,862
I hear Afghanistan
is nice this time of year.
59
00:02:16,731 --> 00:02:18,449
Sarcasm?
60
00:02:18,451 --> 00:02:20,534
No. You should go.
61
00:02:21,736 --> 00:02:25,072
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
62
00:02:25,074 --> 00:02:28,909
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
63
00:02:28,911 --> 00:02:30,427
♪ The Earth began to cool
64
00:02:30,429 --> 00:02:32,996
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
65
00:02:32,998 --> 00:02:35,132
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
66
00:02:35,134 --> 00:02:37,918
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
67
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,037
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
68
00:02:40,039 --> 00:02:41,905
♪ Bang! ♪
69
00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:43,339
The Big Bang Theory 5x16
The Vacation Solution
Original Air Date on February 9, 2012
70
00:02:44,522 --> 00:02:48,522
== sync by Sp8ky , corrected by elderman ==
71
00:02:49,122 --> 00:02:52,184
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
72
00:02:52,186 --> 00:02:55,604
♪ And tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
73
00:02:55,606 --> 00:03:00,692
♪ And tonight's
gonna be a good, good night ♪
74
00:03:00,694 --> 00:03:02,594
♪ Tonight's the night, uh, uh ♪
75
00:03:02,596 --> 00:03:03,979
♪ Let's live it up, uh ♪
76
00:03:03,981 --> 00:03:07,449
♪ I got my money,
let's spend it up... ♪
77
00:03:07,851 --> 00:03:09,518
Good Lord!
78
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,154
Would you stop
that caterwauling!
79
00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,391
What the hell are you doing?!
80
00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:19,144
Bleeding from my ears.
81
00:03:19,146 --> 00:03:21,112
What are you doing
hiding back there?
82
00:03:21,114 --> 00:03:22,397
I'm sneaking into work.
83
00:03:22,399 --> 00:03:24,699
Now, if the guard
at the university asks
84
00:03:24,701 --> 00:03:25,850
what's under the blanket,
85
00:03:25,852 --> 00:03:28,286
you tell him
it's some lobster traps.
86
00:03:28,288 --> 00:03:30,622
- Lobster traps?
- Yes.
87
00:03:30,624 --> 00:03:31,907
That's how Velma and Scooby
88
00:03:31,909 --> 00:03:34,692
smuggled Shaggy
into the old lighthouse.
89
00:03:34,694 --> 00:03:37,963
What are you going to do when
you get to the university?
90
00:03:37,965 --> 00:03:39,714
People are going
to recognize you.
91
00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:42,968
Will they, Leonard?
92
00:03:46,639 --> 00:03:49,925
Fine. Just get back
under your blanket,
93
00:03:49,927 --> 00:03:51,259
and I'll drive you there.
94
00:03:52,678 --> 00:03:54,179
And no more singing.
95
00:03:55,848 --> 00:03:57,883
Fine.
96
00:04:01,437 --> 00:04:03,822
I have GPS on my phone.
97
00:04:03,824 --> 00:04:06,691
I know you turned around.
98
00:04:07,827 --> 00:04:10,111
I'm so glad you
talked Howard
99
00:04:10,113 --> 00:04:13,565
out of having your wedding
invitations in Klingon.
100
00:04:13,567 --> 00:04:16,551
Turn it over.
101
00:04:18,588 --> 00:04:21,456
I'm hoping my relatives
think it's Hebrew.
102
00:04:23,376 --> 00:04:25,544
This is
really happening.
103
00:04:25,546 --> 00:04:27,128
I'm gonna be a maid of honor.
104
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,948
I'm gonna wear a beautiful dress
and walk down that aisle
105
00:04:29,950 --> 00:04:34,019
and, finally, I will
have my special day.
106
00:04:34,021 --> 00:04:35,837
You mean my special day?
107
00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:39,808
They're gonna need an extra-
large veil for somebody's head.
108
00:04:40,759 --> 00:04:43,144
If I ever actually
ever get married.
109
00:04:43,146 --> 00:04:44,262
Why wouldn't you?
110
00:04:44,264 --> 00:04:45,614
My dad...
111
00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:47,399
'Cause I make a lot more
money than Howie,
112
00:04:47,401 --> 00:04:49,734
he's putting a lot of pressure
on me to get a prenup.
113
00:04:49,736 --> 00:04:51,102
Ouch.
114
00:04:51,104 --> 00:04:53,538
Yeah. Howie's gonna freak out.
115
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:55,240
Parental pressure
can be daunting.
116
00:04:55,242 --> 00:04:59,077
I remember the battle with my
mother about shaving my legs.
117
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:02,831
Last year, I finally gave in
and let her do it.
118
00:05:04,884 --> 00:05:07,719
I just don't know how I'm gonna
break it to him.
119
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:09,387
You know, I'm a big believer
in breaking bad news
120
00:05:09,389 --> 00:05:10,672
to a guy when you're
in bed with him.
121
00:05:10,674 --> 00:05:12,424
That's how I told
my high school boyfriend
122
00:05:12,426 --> 00:05:14,092
I slept with his brother.
123
00:05:15,144 --> 00:05:17,646
That's how I told
his brother the same thing.
124
00:05:19,181 --> 00:05:21,850
I don't know, I don't want
to manipulate him with sex.
125
00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:24,369
Oh, sweetie,
that's what sex is for.
126
00:05:25,521 --> 00:05:26,571
You know, the connection
127
00:05:26,573 --> 00:05:28,323
between marriage and money
is nothing new.
128
00:05:28,325 --> 00:05:31,309
In fact, the term "wed" referred
to the money and livestock
129
00:05:31,311 --> 00:05:33,244
that the groom paid
the bride's father.
130
00:05:33,246 --> 00:05:34,279
For example,
131
00:05:34,281 --> 00:05:35,447
you're adorable,
132
00:05:35,449 --> 00:05:36,781
intelligent
and a good earner.
133
00:05:36,783 --> 00:05:38,750
I could conservatively see
you going for
134
00:05:38,752 --> 00:05:40,952
at least two oxen and a goose.
135
00:05:42,338 --> 00:05:45,206
You would fetch
a unicorn.
136
00:05:48,494 --> 00:05:51,546
Sheldon, there are a million
great vacations you could take.
137
00:05:51,548 --> 00:05:52,931
What about Hawaii?
138
00:05:52,933 --> 00:05:57,769
Hawaii is a former leper colony
on top of an active volcano
139
00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:01,473
where the disappointing ending
to Lost was filmed.
140
00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:06,511
Mahalo for nothing, Hawaii.
141
00:06:06,513 --> 00:06:08,029
How about Florida?
142
00:06:08,031 --> 00:06:09,297
They got Cape Canaveral,
143
00:06:09,299 --> 00:06:11,282
they got Disney,
they got my Aunt Ida
144
00:06:11,284 --> 00:06:14,035
and the world's largest
collection of diabetic candy.
145
00:06:14,037 --> 00:06:15,453
Plus, if you get sweaty enough,
146
00:06:15,455 --> 00:06:18,740
her plastic-covered furniture
is like a flume ride.
147
00:06:19,858 --> 00:06:22,877
My family took a trip
to Florida when I was a child.
148
00:06:22,879 --> 00:06:27,132
A seagull stole a hot dog
from me on the beach.
149
00:06:27,134 --> 00:06:28,333
I got the message.
150
00:06:30,136 --> 00:06:32,203
You know, if I had a week off,
I'd go back
151
00:06:32,205 --> 00:06:34,422
to the Two Bunch Palms Resort
and Spa in the desert.
152
00:06:34,424 --> 00:06:36,841
I tell you, an hour on the
massage table with Trevor,
153
00:06:36,843 --> 00:06:40,378
and you'll feel like
you were born without bones.
154
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:44,566
I don't think I could ever
let a guy give me a massage.
155
00:06:44,568 --> 00:06:46,685
Really? What was I doing
to your neck last night
156
00:06:46,687 --> 00:06:48,336
while you were playing X-Box?
157
00:06:50,139 --> 00:06:52,440
It's like I'm living
in a dictatorship.
158
00:06:52,442 --> 00:06:54,776
"You must take a vacation,
you must have fun,
159
00:06:54,778 --> 00:06:57,946
you must enjoy life."
160
00:06:57,948 --> 00:07:00,849
I don't think you have
a good handle on dictatorships.
161
00:07:01,900 --> 00:07:03,868
Sheldon, everybody
takes vacations.
162
00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:06,504
One time they tried to make
Richard Feynman take a vacation,
163
00:07:06,506 --> 00:07:08,923
but he chose instead
to expand his mind
164
00:07:08,925 --> 00:07:10,091
and learn something new.
165
00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:12,510
He went to work
in his friend's biology lab.
166
00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:15,430
Richard Feynman was a famous
American physicist,
167
00:07:15,432 --> 00:07:16,848
part of the Manhattan Project.
168
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:21,519
Everyone in the world of science
knows who Richard Feynman was.
169
00:07:21,521 --> 00:07:22,721
Now you do, too.
170
00:07:25,858 --> 00:07:28,393
Oh! I have a
brilliant idea.
171
00:07:28,395 --> 00:07:31,513
Amy's a biologist.
I'll go work in her lab.
172
00:07:31,515 --> 00:07:33,948
Isn't that just Feynman's idea?
173
00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:35,650
Ten seconds ago, you
never heard of him.
174
00:07:35,652 --> 00:07:37,085
Now you're an expert.
175
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:41,740
Hey.
176
00:07:41,742 --> 00:07:43,458
- Hey, you.
- Is that your laundry?
177
00:07:43,460 --> 00:07:45,276
You only have, like,
six things in there.
178
00:07:45,278 --> 00:07:46,611
Yeah, I didn't have
any quarters,
179
00:07:46,613 --> 00:07:48,246
so I've been sneaking stuff
180
00:07:48,248 --> 00:07:50,331
into other people's
loads all day.
181
00:07:50,333 --> 00:07:51,633
Hey, if I tell
you something,
182
00:07:51,635 --> 00:07:53,551
will you promise
not to tell anybody?
183
00:07:53,553 --> 00:07:55,637
It doesn't matter what I say,
you're gonna tell me anyway.
184
00:07:55,639 --> 00:07:59,307
What? That
is not true.
185
00:08:00,643 --> 00:08:03,478
Bernadette wants
a prenup.
186
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,147
Wow. That's rough.
187
00:08:06,149 --> 00:08:09,067
So you're saying if I
became a famous movie star,
188
00:08:09,069 --> 00:08:11,069
we got married,
you wouldn't sign a prenup?
189
00:08:11,071 --> 00:08:12,737
Absolutely not.
190
00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:15,323
If I'm gonna be stuck
at home with the kids
191
00:08:15,325 --> 00:08:16,407
while you're on location
192
00:08:16,409 --> 00:08:19,644
cheating on me
with Ryan Gosling...
193
00:08:19,646 --> 00:08:22,363
then Leonard gots
to get paid.
194
00:08:23,249 --> 00:08:26,334
So, you think
about us getting married?
195
00:08:26,336 --> 00:08:28,253
I think about
a lot of things.
196
00:08:28,255 --> 00:08:29,654
I think about us
getting married,
197
00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:31,039
I think about us
breaking up.
198
00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:32,674
Once in a while, I think
199
00:08:32,676 --> 00:08:34,542
about how I didn't leave
a note on that Mercedes
200
00:08:34,544 --> 00:08:36,094
I dinged in the parking
lot last month,
201
00:08:36,096 --> 00:08:38,429
but then I have a glass of wine
and it passes.
202
00:08:38,431 --> 00:08:41,633
Joke all you want,
but you think about it.
203
00:08:41,635 --> 00:08:43,334
Well, tell you
one thing,
204
00:08:43,336 --> 00:08:46,354
if I ever do get married,
no Klingon invitations.
205
00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:50,241
Good luck catching a man
with that attitude.
206
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:53,678
Boy, oh, boy!
207
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,514
This vacation is off
to a wonderful start.
208
00:08:56,516 --> 00:08:59,234
The smell of formaldehyde...
209
00:09:00,152 --> 00:09:02,403
the whir of the centrifuge,
210
00:09:02,405 --> 00:09:04,522
the distant chatter
of lab animals
211
00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:06,524
being dispatched
for dissection.
212
00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:11,329
Mm, I can already feel
my cares just melting away.
213
00:09:11,331 --> 00:09:13,131
I'm excited to work
with my boyfriend.
214
00:09:13,133 --> 00:09:14,198
It's gonna be romantic.
215
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,751
Way to kill the mood.
216
00:09:16,753 --> 00:09:18,636
Come on, Sheldon.
217
00:09:18,638 --> 00:09:21,005
We can be like Marie Curie
and her husband, Pierre,
218
00:09:21,007 --> 00:09:23,341
who spent their days working
side by side,
219
00:09:23,343 --> 00:09:25,343
bathed in the glow of their love
and the radium
220
00:09:25,345 --> 00:09:27,095
that ultimately killed her.
221
00:09:28,013 --> 00:09:29,764
Screw Beauty and the Beast;
222
00:09:29,766 --> 00:09:31,883
that's the love story
Disney should tell.
223
00:09:31,885 --> 00:09:34,886
Okay, what do we start with?
224
00:09:34,888 --> 00:09:38,356
Maybe splicing some
genes, clone a sheep,
225
00:09:38,358 --> 00:09:40,942
perhaps grow a human ear
on a mouse's back?
226
00:09:40,944 --> 00:09:43,444
Ha-ha, I'm a freak!
227
00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:47,031
Oh, I'm gonna
be doing
228
00:09:47,033 --> 00:09:48,116
some brain stem histology
229
00:09:48,118 --> 00:09:51,085
while you put yourself
on the business end
230
00:09:51,087 --> 00:09:53,204
of a sponge
and wash those beakers.
231
00:09:53,206 --> 00:09:55,123
Wash those bea...
232
00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:58,910
Oh, I get it, a little
hazing for the new fella.
233
00:09:58,912 --> 00:10:01,045
Yeah, I'd better keep
and eye out for, what,
234
00:10:01,047 --> 00:10:02,597
shoe polish on
the microscope,
235
00:10:02,599 --> 00:10:05,550
or mad cow disease in my
grilled cheese sandwich?
236
00:10:05,552 --> 00:10:07,302
No, I just need
those beakers washed.
237
00:10:07,304 --> 00:10:08,720
Hippity-hop,
quick like a bunny.
238
00:10:08,722 --> 00:10:11,088
Wha...? Excuse
me, you have
239
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:12,774
Dr. Sheldon Cooper
in your lab.
240
00:10:12,776 --> 00:10:14,142
You're gonna make
him do the dishes?
241
00:10:14,144 --> 00:10:16,027
That's like asking
the Incredible Hulk
242
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:18,229
to open a pickle jar.
243
00:10:19,932 --> 00:10:22,533
Sheldon, you've never worked
in a lab like this before.
244
00:10:22,535 --> 00:10:25,119
You have no experience
in the field of biology.
245
00:10:25,121 --> 00:10:27,538
I have plenty of
experience in biology.
246
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:30,541
I bought a Tamagotchi
in 1998.
247
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:31,659
And...
248
00:10:31,661 --> 00:10:33,127
it's still alive.
249
00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:34,629
Let's do this.
250
00:10:42,619 --> 00:10:44,820
- Where's Howard?
- No "Hi, Raj"?
251
00:10:44,822 --> 00:10:46,372
No "How are you, Raj?"
252
00:10:46,374 --> 00:10:49,125
Just straight to "Where's the
other white guy?"
253
00:10:49,127 --> 00:10:50,859
I'm sorry.
254
00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,244
So, listen,
255
00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:53,913
I heard something about him.
256
00:10:53,915 --> 00:10:55,831
Can you keep it between us?
257
00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:57,199
Ooh, gossip.
258
00:10:57,201 --> 00:10:59,552
When I first got here,
I thought you Americans
259
00:10:59,554 --> 00:11:01,253
really gossiped around
the water cooler.
260
00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:03,205
So I hung out there
for, like, a month,
261
00:11:03,207 --> 00:11:05,758
but the only gossip I ever heard
was about some creepy guy
262
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,977
hanging out by the water cooler.
263
00:11:09,045 --> 00:11:11,464
Bernadette wants
to get a prenup.
264
00:11:11,466 --> 00:11:14,400
Oh, that's a shame--
he's gonna be devastated.
265
00:11:14,402 --> 00:11:16,435
I never know what to do
in these situations.
266
00:11:16,437 --> 00:11:17,937
Should I give
him a heads-up?
267
00:11:17,939 --> 00:11:20,406
Hmm. I'm gonna
give you the same advice
268
00:11:20,408 --> 00:11:23,576
I yell at the TV when the
Bachelor's handing out roses.
269
00:11:25,078 --> 00:11:27,563
Follow your heart.
270
00:11:28,665 --> 00:11:30,199
Check it out.
271
00:11:30,201 --> 00:11:32,067
Look at the size of that
272
00:11:32,069 --> 00:11:33,235
Rice Krispie Treat!
273
00:11:33,237 --> 00:11:35,171
Same price.
274
00:11:35,173 --> 00:11:37,673
Hey, Howard, I need
to tell you something.
275
00:11:37,675 --> 00:11:39,508
I know, it's not
on my wedding diet.
276
00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:41,427
I don't care.
277
00:11:42,846 --> 00:11:45,214
Uh, l-listen, I...
278
00:11:45,216 --> 00:11:48,434
heard that Bernadette's thinking
about asking you for a prenup.
279
00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:51,804
A prenup?
280
00:11:51,806 --> 00:11:53,806
Wow.
281
00:11:53,808 --> 00:11:55,708
What are you gonna do?
282
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:59,328
I... don't know.
283
00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:01,580
Follow your heart.
284
00:12:07,404 --> 00:12:10,706
You know what, it's...
not a big deal.
285
00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:13,125
She makes more money than me.
286
00:12:13,127 --> 00:12:16,662
She wants to protect
her financial interests.
287
00:12:16,664 --> 00:12:18,714
It's completely reasonable.
288
00:12:18,716 --> 00:12:20,049
Good. That's a healthy attitude.
289
00:12:20,051 --> 00:12:22,034
Yeah, actually,
it's good for both of us.
290
00:12:22,036 --> 00:12:23,552
I have assets to protect, too.
291
00:12:23,554 --> 00:12:25,704
Like what?
292
00:12:25,706 --> 00:12:27,789
I've got some rare comic books.
293
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:30,476
The Vespa's almost paid off.
294
00:12:31,661 --> 00:12:34,430
And Ma and I have a primo double
cemetery plot at Mt. Sinai
295
00:12:34,432 --> 00:12:37,333
right near the guy who played
Mr. Roper on Three's Company.
296
00:12:37,335 --> 00:12:40,486
Mr. Roper's dead?!
297
00:12:42,272 --> 00:12:45,241
You can't just spring
that on a guy!
298
00:12:46,443 --> 00:12:48,410
Here you go.
299
00:12:48,412 --> 00:12:50,246
This is now
the only lab
300
00:12:50,248 --> 00:12:52,948
with glassware washed
by a man with two doctorates
301
00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:56,502
and a restraining order
signed by Carl Sagan.
302
00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:59,171
Soap spots. Wash 'em again.
303
00:12:59,173 --> 00:13:01,207
Y... You're
being ridiculous!
304
00:13:01,209 --> 00:13:03,175
Those are perfectly clean.
305
00:13:03,177 --> 00:13:06,161
Sheldon, this beaker used
to contain cerebral spinal fluid
306
00:13:06,163 --> 00:13:08,430
from an elephant
that died of syphilis.
307
00:13:08,432 --> 00:13:10,049
If it's, in fact,
perfectly clean,
308
00:13:10,051 --> 00:13:11,383
drink from it.
309
00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:20,526
Biologists are mean.
310
00:13:21,861 --> 00:13:23,646
All right,
perhaps this task
311
00:13:23,648 --> 00:13:25,781
will be a little bit
more up your alley.
312
00:13:25,783 --> 00:13:27,803
I need you to count
the bacteria spores
313
00:13:27,828 --> 00:13:28,851
on these petri dishes.
314
00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:31,036
There was something wrong
with that detergent.
315
00:13:31,038 --> 00:13:33,372
That was way too bubbly.
316
00:13:33,374 --> 00:13:34,990
I'm sure it was.
I intend to write
317
00:13:34,992 --> 00:13:37,826
that soap company
a strongly worded letter.
318
00:13:37,828 --> 00:13:40,379
Yeah, good for you.
Now, start counting.
319
00:13:41,364 --> 00:13:43,332
You know what this place needs?
320
00:13:43,334 --> 00:13:45,701
A suggestion box.
321
00:13:46,836 --> 00:13:49,471
366...
322
00:13:49,473 --> 00:13:51,457
367...
323
00:13:51,459 --> 00:13:52,825
How's it going?
324
00:13:52,827 --> 00:13:54,393
How's counting going?
325
00:13:54,395 --> 00:13:55,928
When I was in
kindergarten,
326
00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:58,597
I recited pi
to a thousand places
327
00:13:58,599 --> 00:14:00,599
for the school talent show.
328
00:14:00,601 --> 00:14:02,685
I think I got this.
329
00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:03,769
Great.
330
00:14:08,658 --> 00:14:10,526
Aw, nuts!
331
00:14:13,396 --> 00:14:15,748
One...
332
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:18,684
This is preposterous!
333
00:14:18,686 --> 00:14:20,286
I think you're
giving me these tasks
334
00:14:20,288 --> 00:14:21,854
because you're afraid
if you give me
335
00:14:21,856 --> 00:14:24,206
anything meaningful to do,
I'll show you up.
336
00:14:24,208 --> 00:14:27,126
Really?
Is that what you think?
337
00:14:27,128 --> 00:14:28,627
Yes, that's what I think.
338
00:14:28,629 --> 00:14:32,414
And I'm super smart,
so it's probably true.
339
00:14:32,416 --> 00:14:34,133
Hey, I've been training
in the field
340
00:14:34,135 --> 00:14:35,551
of neurobiology for 12 years.
341
00:14:35,553 --> 00:14:37,102
You've been here
for three hours,
342
00:14:37,104 --> 00:14:39,588
and you've spent one of them
in the bathroom.
343
00:14:39,590 --> 00:14:41,774
I'm sorry!
It takes me a while
344
00:14:41,776 --> 00:14:44,727
to get things going
on an unfamiliar toilet.
345
00:14:44,729 --> 00:14:47,229
Sheldon, I've given you
the simplest things to do,
346
00:14:47,231 --> 00:14:49,448
and you haven't done
one of them right.
347
00:14:49,450 --> 00:14:51,283
Maybe that's because
I'm not being challenged.
348
00:14:51,285 --> 00:14:53,935
It's the same reason
Einstein failed math.
349
00:14:53,937 --> 00:14:56,121
Maybe the math was
too bubbly for him.
350
00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:58,741
You think you're doing science
by cutting up that brain?
351
00:14:58,743 --> 00:15:01,160
They could do the same
thing at any Quiznos.
352
00:15:01,162 --> 00:15:04,963
And they'd offer
to toast it for me, too.
353
00:15:04,965 --> 00:15:06,248
Okay, smart guy.
354
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:08,584
I'm about to remove
the locus coeruleus,
355
00:15:08,586 --> 00:15:11,170
which is incredibly
delicate work.
356
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:12,805
Have at it.
357
00:15:14,307 --> 00:15:15,808
All right.
358
00:15:16,793 --> 00:15:19,961
I'm no stranger to
a little gray matter.
359
00:15:22,732 --> 00:15:25,234
Locus coeruleus.
360
00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:30,572
Locus coeruleus.
361
00:15:30,574 --> 00:15:33,859
You're getting warmer--
it is, indeed, in the brain.
362
00:15:35,612 --> 00:15:36,812
Hope your hands
are steady.
363
00:15:36,814 --> 00:15:38,747
It's the width
of a single hair.
364
00:15:38,749 --> 00:15:41,211
But this is just biology,
so I'm sure it's no problem
365
00:15:41,236 --> 00:15:42,252
for a genius like you.
366
00:15:42,253 --> 00:15:44,920
It's not. I'll have you know,
in the field of physics,
367
00:15:44,922 --> 00:15:46,588
we work with particles so small,
368
00:15:46,590 --> 00:15:49,475
they make fat jokes
about the locus coeruleus.
369
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,679
I.e., when your locus coeruleus
sits around the house,
370
00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:56,331
it sits around the house.
371
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:03,021
Oh... are we nervous,
Dr. Cooper?
372
00:16:03,023 --> 00:16:04,556
No.
373
00:16:04,558 --> 00:16:06,174
What you see
374
00:16:06,176 --> 00:16:09,561
is a man trembling
with confidence.
375
00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:16,285
Does a locus coeruleus
normally bleed that much?
376
00:16:16,287 --> 00:16:18,921
No. But your thumb does.
377
00:16:21,408 --> 00:16:23,409
Oh, dear.
378
00:16:26,513 --> 00:16:30,215
Yeah, you're a biologist.
379
00:16:33,536 --> 00:16:35,721
What are you doing here?
380
00:16:35,723 --> 00:16:37,673
I'm on vacation.
381
00:16:37,675 --> 00:16:39,475
Social convention dictates
382
00:16:39,477 --> 00:16:42,845
that I let my hair down
at a local watering hole.
383
00:16:45,398 --> 00:16:47,933
Social convention is stupid.
384
00:16:48,885 --> 00:16:51,353
What happened
to your thumb?
385
00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:53,221
You know, I have
ten fingers and ten toes.
386
00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:55,574
If I tell you a story
about each one of them,
387
00:16:55,576 --> 00:16:57,860
we'll be here all day--
let's just move on.
388
00:16:57,862 --> 00:16:59,661
What can I get you?
389
00:16:59,663 --> 00:17:02,364
Ah, seeing as I'm on vacation,
390
00:17:02,366 --> 00:17:04,783
uh, piña colada
seems appropriate.
391
00:17:04,785 --> 00:17:07,569
Extra pineapple slices,
extra whipped cream,
392
00:17:07,571 --> 00:17:09,755
extra cherries, extra umbrellas,
393
00:17:09,757 --> 00:17:12,057
and, uh, hold the rum.
394
00:17:13,259 --> 00:17:16,595
Don't let me have
too many of those.
395
00:17:16,597 --> 00:17:18,263
Hey, what are you
guys doing here?
396
00:17:18,265 --> 00:17:21,416
We're grown men;
we drink at bars.
397
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:24,052
No and no.
398
00:17:25,772 --> 00:17:27,890
Everything okay
with you and Bernadette?
399
00:17:27,892 --> 00:17:29,942
Oh, yeah, sure.
400
00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:31,610
You and Amy? Good?
401
00:17:31,612 --> 00:17:33,812
Oh, better
than good.
402
00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:36,331
You know those girls text me
403
00:17:36,333 --> 00:17:38,600
every detail of their lives
as it happens.
404
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:41,036
I'm not signing a prenup.
405
00:17:41,038 --> 00:17:42,821
All right, Howard Wolowitz,
listen up.
406
00:17:42,823 --> 00:17:45,324
You sign anything
she puts in front of you,
407
00:17:45,326 --> 00:17:47,159
because you are
the luckiest man alive.
408
00:17:47,161 --> 00:17:48,627
If you let her go,
there is no way
409
00:17:48,629 --> 00:17:50,796
you can find anyone else--
speaking on behalf of all women,
410
00:17:50,798 --> 00:17:52,831
it is not gonna happen;
we had a meeting.
411
00:17:55,134 --> 00:17:56,502
And you, a grown man
412
00:17:56,504 --> 00:17:59,282
fainting at the sight
of a little blood.
413
00:17:59,307 --> 00:18:00,122
Excuse me,
414
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:03,008
this is a fairly
substantial wound.
415
00:18:03,010 --> 00:18:04,560
You...
416
00:18:09,165 --> 00:18:11,800
Amy? Amy?
417
00:18:11,802 --> 00:18:13,802
Amy?
418
00:18:15,021 --> 00:18:16,855
What do you want?
419
00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:20,943
I was kind of hoping
I could continue vacationing
420
00:18:20,945 --> 00:18:22,578
in your laboratory.
421
00:18:22,580 --> 00:18:25,781
After all, I did book
the whole week.
422
00:18:26,916 --> 00:18:29,985
Do you honestly think you
can just waltz back in here
423
00:18:29,987 --> 00:18:31,670
after the way
you behaved yesterday?
424
00:18:31,672 --> 00:18:34,206
I was not myself.
425
00:18:34,208 --> 00:18:37,876
I had lost a lot of thumb blood.
426
00:18:38,928 --> 00:18:40,679
That's not an apology.
427
00:18:40,681 --> 00:18:43,115
That is your opinion.
428
00:18:43,117 --> 00:18:45,517
I want a real apology.
429
00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:50,138
I'm sorry that you
weren't able to...
430
00:18:50,140 --> 00:18:51,723
No.
431
00:18:51,725 --> 00:18:53,725
...that my genius...
432
00:18:53,727 --> 00:18:54,977
No.
433
00:18:54,979 --> 00:18:56,562
...that the
soap was...
434
00:18:56,564 --> 00:18:58,280
Sheldon.
435
00:19:00,733 --> 00:19:02,234
Fine.
436
00:19:04,871 --> 00:19:07,322
Sorry.
437
00:19:07,324 --> 00:19:09,190
You're forgiven.
438
00:19:09,192 --> 00:19:12,661
Now, if you want to stay,
get started on those beakers.
439
00:19:12,663 --> 00:19:15,163
They're still dirty
from yesterday.
440
00:19:18,668 --> 00:19:20,886
Next year I'm
going to Epcot.
441
00:19:28,281 --> 00:19:30,315
Are you mad at me?
442
00:19:30,317 --> 00:19:32,317
No. I'm not
mad at you.
443
00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:33,452
I just...
444
00:19:33,454 --> 00:19:35,070
wish you would have come to me,
445
00:19:35,072 --> 00:19:39,257
so I didn't have to hear it
through the nerd-vine.
446
00:19:40,609 --> 00:19:42,336
So, what are
we gonna do?
447
00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:45,947
You really want me
to sign a prenup?
448
00:19:45,949 --> 00:19:47,082
I don't know.
449
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:49,634
My dad's pretty insistent
on it, though.
450
00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:52,888
Why don't I talk to
your dad, man-to-man?
451
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:55,456
Really?
Oh, that'd be so great!
452
00:19:55,458 --> 00:19:57,092
Done.
453
00:19:57,094 --> 00:20:00,846
I should probably give you a
heads-up about a couple of things.
454
00:20:02,231 --> 00:20:04,182
Even though he's retired
from the police force,
455
00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:05,817
he still carries his gun.
456
00:20:07,220 --> 00:20:08,770
But don't worry,
he won't shoot it.
457
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,989
It's more
of a fashion statement.
458
00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:13,608
Okay.
459
00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:16,477
And just to be safe,
when you talk to him,
460
00:20:16,479 --> 00:20:18,864
don't bring up Jimmy Carter,
gardeners,
461
00:20:18,866 --> 00:20:20,782
foreign people, homosexuals,
462
00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:23,185
Sean Penn, Vatican II,
gun control, organic food,
463
00:20:23,187 --> 00:20:25,154
the designated hitter rule,
recycling or the fact
464
00:20:25,179 --> 00:20:26,479
that you're Jewish.
465
00:20:29,658 --> 00:20:31,960
Got it, got it.
466
00:20:31,962 --> 00:20:35,347
Will you e-mail me
that list?
467
00:20:35,349 --> 00:20:37,599
So the thing
to watch for,
468
00:20:37,601 --> 00:20:39,384
if he's shouting at you,
you're okay,
469
00:20:39,386 --> 00:20:41,353
but if he starts
to get real quiet,
470
00:20:41,355 --> 00:20:44,389
leave as quickly as you can
without making eye contact.
471
00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:50,061
Not in a straight line-- throw
some zigs and zigs in there.
472
00:20:51,898 --> 00:20:53,899
You know, this
isn't that pressing.
473
00:20:53,901 --> 00:20:56,484
Why don't I talk to him
about it in May.
474
00:20:56,486 --> 00:20:59,571
In May you're gonna be on
the International Space Station.
475
00:21:00,622 --> 00:21:02,088
They got a phone.
476
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:06,090
== sync by Sp8ky , corrected by elderman ==