1
00:00:10,673 --> 00:00:12,374
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,730
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:22,567
(Barney belches)
4
00:00:22,635 --> 00:00:24,586
(whistle blows)
5
00:00:24,653 --> 00:00:26,521
(yells)
6
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:31,960
(beeping)
7
00:00:37,333 --> 00:00:39,250
(playing the blues)
8
00:00:40,453 --> 00:00:42,820
(playing the blues)
9
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,044
(tires screeching)
10
00:00:47,182 --> 00:00:48,382
D'oh!
11
00:00:48,602 --> 00:00:49,802
(tires screeching)
12
00:00:49,853 --> 00:00:51,454
(grunts)
13
00:00:51,497 --> 00:00:54,031
Happy 500th episode!
14
00:00:54,099 --> 00:00:55,466
(tooting)
15
00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:58,603
("Auld Lang Syne" plays)
16
00:00:58,670 --> 00:01:00,505
(elephant trumpets)
17
00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:06,527
Hmm?
18
00:01:06,595 --> 00:01:09,230
This is episode 499.
19
00:01:09,318 --> 00:01:11,286
Aw, geez.
Well, I got news for ya,
20
00:01:11,353 --> 00:01:13,555
Fox ain't doin' this again.
(dejected sighs)
21
00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:17,580
♪ The Simpsons 23x13 ♪
The Daughter Also Rises
Original Air Date on February 12, 2012
22
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:21,605
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
23
00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:26,317
How'd you get so
many more Valentines?
24
00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:27,785
I got one from Lisa
25
00:01:27,853 --> 00:01:29,887
and one from my optometrist.
26
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:30,788
That's a bill.
27
00:01:30,856 --> 00:01:32,757
No, it's got a love stamp!
28
00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:34,859
Maybe we should
just watch TV.
29
00:01:37,162 --> 00:01:38,429
♪
30
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:49,657
Aw...
31
00:01:49,725 --> 00:01:51,626
(coughing and grunting)
32
00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:53,411
(both laughing)
33
00:01:53,479 --> 00:01:57,265
Now, son, you know Itchy and
Scratchy give you night terrors.
34
00:01:57,349 --> 00:01:59,750
Last night
you had the night terrors.
35
00:01:59,802 --> 00:02:02,136
Yeah, I dreamt I got fired
from that job
36
00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,022
I dreamt I got
the night before.
37
00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,274
Oh...
38
00:02:06,358 --> 00:02:08,943
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to MythCrackers,
39
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:12,196
where we debunk rumors,
legends,
40
00:02:12,264 --> 00:02:16,050
and all religions
except the Jesus-based ones.
41
00:02:16,118 --> 00:02:18,086
It's a beautiful afternoon.
44
00:02:21,991 --> 00:02:24,626
are... multi.
(chuckles)
45
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:25,810
(theme music plays)
46
00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:29,063
No TV on the computer!
47
00:02:29,131 --> 00:02:30,932
(theme music plays)
48
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,800
No TV on a smart phone!
49
00:02:34,019 --> 00:02:35,403
(horn honking)
50
00:02:35,471 --> 00:02:37,372
Tonight, we take on
the classic myth
51
00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:39,540
that a cat will always
land on its feet.
52
00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:41,509
Now, we didn't want to hurt
a real cat,
53
00:02:41,593 --> 00:02:43,511
so we took this
Build-A-Bear carcass...
54
00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:45,179
Stuffed it with
ballistic gel,
55
00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:48,266
shot it with a 20 foot barrel
steam cannon...
56
00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:56,824
And made a scatter plot
of the remains!
57
00:02:56,892 --> 00:02:58,192
Boo-yah!
58
00:02:58,260 --> 00:02:59,994
What was it we trying
to prove again?
59
00:03:00,062 --> 00:03:01,462
Don't know, don't care!
60
00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,364
(vocalizing)
61
00:03:03,432 --> 00:03:04,699
♪ Blow it up.
62
00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:07,985
Hey, Bart, why don't we
become MythCrackers?
63
00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:11,572
I bet those guys get
so many Valentines.
64
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,509
That might be a good idea, but
then again, you thought it up.
65
00:03:14,576 --> 00:03:16,077
Eh, why not?
66
00:03:16,145 --> 00:03:18,346
Okay, first myth,
67
00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:21,599
using a cell phone at a
gas station is dangerous.
68
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,234
(electrical crackling)
69
00:03:23,302 --> 00:03:25,853
(explosion)
70
00:03:25,921 --> 00:03:28,740
Well, at least I'm cool now!
71
00:03:28,807 --> 00:03:30,775
(groans)
72
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,688
Why does the guy have
to do everything
73
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,623
for the girl
on Valentine's Day?
74
00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:48,526
We show girls love
on Valentine's Day,
75
00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:51,763
and they let us blow stuff
up on the Fourth of July.
76
00:03:51,830 --> 00:03:54,699
I just pray they never
fall on the same day.
77
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,718
Homie, read this.
78
00:03:56,785 --> 00:03:58,653
MARGE:
"My darling husband.
79
00:03:58,721 --> 00:04:00,421
"This Valentine's Day,
80
00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:02,440
I have a present for you."
81
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,808
Thanks for reading it
to me.
82
00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,410
My pleasure.
83
00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:08,613
"I want you to have a fun
night doing guy stuff.
84
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,082
Don't worry about
me, I'll be fine."
85
00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:14,051
(gasps) Oh, Marge,
this is brilliant!
86
00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,254
Mwah!
87
00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:18,256
I just think we should do things
every day
88
00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,057
to show our love for each other.
89
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:21,726
(yells)
90
00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,060
Hmm?
91
00:04:23,128 --> 00:04:24,562
It's okay, Homie.
92
00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:26,397
Go. Have a good time.
93
00:04:26,465 --> 00:04:28,032
Take Bart with you.
94
00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,234
Oh, which one
do you want?
95
00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,855
You have the most wonderful
mom in the world,
96
00:04:33,922 --> 00:04:36,591
which is why I have no idea
where she is
97
00:04:36,658 --> 00:04:38,609
or what she's doing.
98
00:04:38,677 --> 00:04:40,461
(grunts)
99
00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:41,863
That's right, sucker!
100
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,464
It's Valentine's Day,
101
00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:46,300
and I've got a date
with some fastballs!
102
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:47,351
(grunts)
103
00:04:47,419 --> 00:04:49,253
Lucky bastard.
104
00:04:49,321 --> 00:04:51,389
I mean, my darling,
I was looking at myself
105
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,658
in the side view mirror.
(nervous laughing)
106
00:04:53,725 --> 00:04:56,744
(Homer laughing and taunting)
107
00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:59,147
I hope you hit one off the
handle and your hands sting!
108
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:00,615
(laughing)
109
00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:01,599
Ow!
(laughing)
110
00:05:02,768 --> 00:05:05,303
(both laughing)
111
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,238
(thud, grunts)
112
00:05:18,817 --> 00:05:20,685
(engines accelerating)
113
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,355
(gunshots)
114
00:05:27,726 --> 00:05:29,594
(both laughing)
115
00:05:32,130 --> 00:05:33,531
(laughing)
116
00:05:34,850 --> 00:05:36,067
(dings)
117
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:46,744
Lisa, I love spending
mother-daughter time with you.
118
00:05:46,812 --> 00:05:50,464
We have so much in
common. Like, um...
119
00:05:50,532 --> 00:05:51,966
(gasps)
Oh, no!
120
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:54,202
Someone's about to put
the Thousand Island ladle
121
00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:55,770
into the vinaigrette!
122
00:06:07,766 --> 00:06:09,584
Hmm?
123
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:14,772
Sorry, sorry.
I didn't mean to be nosey.
124
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,173
Don't apologize.
125
00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:18,476
It was dark, then a light
came through the crack.
126
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,044
The light was you.
127
00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:22,580
Oh...
You have a way with words.
128
00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:25,082
Words are just nails
we use to build ideas.
129
00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:27,585
Care to continue this
discussion at the dessert table?
130
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,787
Mom, I'm gonna look
at the desserts!
131
00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:32,456
Don't panic.
This can be separated out.
132
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:34,792
Quick, does anyone
have a centrifuge?!
133
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,861
(sighs, mutters)
134
00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:40,381
All I wanted was
one romantic night.
135
00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:44,952
(exasperated shout)
136
00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:47,188
Yep, you're the
crack head.
137
00:06:47,256 --> 00:06:48,689
(chuckles nervously)
138
00:06:48,757 --> 00:06:50,658
What dessert are
you gonna get?
139
00:06:50,726 --> 00:06:52,326
I'll toss this fork
into the air
140
00:06:52,394 --> 00:06:54,562
and wherever it lands,
that's what I'll eat. Hiya!
141
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:57,248
(gasps)
142
00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:00,017
As Hemingway said, "The shortest
answer is doing the thing."
143
00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:04,956
Um, I should probably
get back to my mom.
144
00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:06,457
By the way,
my name is...
145
00:07:06,525 --> 00:07:08,326
No! When I first hear
your name,
146
00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:10,094
I want to be
somewhere important,
147
00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:11,562
the peak of Kilimanjaro...
148
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,731
the back of a
vaporetto in Venice, the...
149
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:17,168
Lisa! Now this is the most
important place in the world.
150
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:21,172
Now that's a spicy
meet-cute! Mwah!
151
00:07:21,239 --> 00:07:22,740
Lisa?
152
00:07:22,808 --> 00:07:24,241
MOE:
Hey, Midge.
153
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:25,576
Want a piece of my ziti?
154
00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:30,748
That cost a nickel,
but, uh, we'll settle up later.
155
00:07:34,032 --> 00:07:36,495
Today we tackle the most
terrifying myth
156
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,132
in the history of
Springfield Elementary,
157
00:07:39,187 --> 00:07:41,721
that if you press E-8
on the candy machine,
158
00:07:41,789 --> 00:07:44,124
you get electrocuted and die.
159
00:07:44,192 --> 00:07:44,819
Wow.
160
00:07:44,844 --> 00:07:47,781
Did you invent a robot hand
to touch the buttons?
161
00:07:47,895 --> 00:07:48,962
Something like that.
162
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:50,113
(Milhouse gasps)
163
00:07:54,552 --> 00:07:56,787
(children gasping)
164
00:07:56,854 --> 00:07:58,588
(motor whirring,
children whimpering)
165
00:07:58,656 --> 00:08:00,290
(thud)
166
00:08:00,358 --> 00:08:04,027
Ladies and gentlemen,
that myth is cracked!
167
00:08:04,095 --> 00:08:05,896
Candy cigarettes?
168
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,631
I didn't know they made these.
169
00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:09,733
They were discontinued
because they were thought
170
00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:12,602
to encourage impressionable
children to smoke.
171
00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:15,138
How dumb do they think we are?
172
00:08:17,642 --> 00:08:19,092
Mm-hmm.
173
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,677
Mmm!
174
00:08:24,232 --> 00:08:27,083
I can quit
any time I want!
175
00:08:32,023 --> 00:08:33,790
This place is great!
176
00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:37,828
If I cover my peripheral vision,
I feel like I'm in France.
177
00:08:37,895 --> 00:08:42,415
(French accordion music plays)
178
00:08:42,483 --> 00:08:44,651
(hip-hop music plays)
179
00:08:44,719 --> 00:08:47,420
(accordion music plays)
180
00:08:47,488 --> 00:08:50,090
(hip-hop music plays)
181
00:08:50,174 --> 00:08:52,025
(accordion music plays)
182
00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:54,361
(hip-hop music plays)
183
00:08:54,428 --> 00:08:56,997
(accordion music plays)
184
00:08:57,064 --> 00:08:58,832
(hip-hop music plays)
185
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,033
Ew...
186
00:09:00,101 --> 00:09:02,102
How 'bout I just
look at you.
187
00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:04,971
(Spanish guitar plays)
188
00:09:05,056 --> 00:09:08,742
El Puerco,
I must break up with you.
189
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:12,379
Oh, but the hand-holding
is just too good.
190
00:09:12,446 --> 00:09:14,297
(grunts angrily)
191
00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:17,701
Your juice boxes.
192
00:09:18,970 --> 00:09:20,053
(slurps)
193
00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:22,289
It's... nice.
194
00:09:22,356 --> 00:09:24,824
Perhaps we can try a little
harder, for the lady.
195
00:09:24,892 --> 00:09:26,993
Such is the life
of the juice boxiér.
196
00:09:29,363 --> 00:09:31,565
Oh.
197
00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:35,535
Marge, since you're by yourself,
198
00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:38,038
would you like to borrow
one of my twins?
199
00:09:38,105 --> 00:09:41,174
But remember, the one you pick
may not be the one you get.
200
00:09:44,579 --> 00:09:46,529
Mom, I'm sorry
I'm late.
201
00:09:46,597 --> 00:09:49,566
No excuse, I just forgot
all about you.
202
00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:55,038
I'm not sure that patch really
represents who I am right now.
203
00:09:55,106 --> 00:09:57,207
Well, if you'd been here
for the design phase,
204
00:09:57,275 --> 00:09:58,975
you could've registered
that objection.
205
00:09:59,043 --> 00:10:00,810
Now start quilting!
206
00:10:00,878 --> 00:10:02,712
(melodic grunting)
207
00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:04,547
Now there's
three of you?
208
00:10:04,615 --> 00:10:06,917
ALL: Or maybe you're
losing your mind.
209
00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:18,778
According to the wisdom
of our elders...
210
00:10:19,914 --> 00:10:22,182
...if you go all the way
around on the swing,
211
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,485
your body will
turn inside-out!
212
00:10:25,553 --> 00:10:29,756
Cool! Now my beauty
will be on the outside!
213
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:35,278
(Milhouse yelling)
214
00:10:38,916 --> 00:10:40,917
He's still
inside-in, folks!
215
00:10:40,985 --> 00:10:42,352
And just to prove it...
216
00:10:42,420 --> 00:10:44,304
(camera snaps)
217
00:10:44,372 --> 00:10:45,672
ALL:
Whoa!
218
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:48,608
("Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien"
by Edith Piaf playing)
219
00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:09,212
♪
220
00:11:30,301 --> 00:11:32,118
(song ends)
221
00:11:32,186 --> 00:11:35,055
MARGE: "She had now come to the part
that Peter Pan hated.
222
00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:37,891
'I do like a mother's
love,' said Tootles..."
223
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,225
Mom, I have a crush!
224
00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:40,994
Is it on your father?
225
00:11:41,062 --> 00:11:43,830
Little girls always get
crushes on their fathers.
226
00:11:43,898 --> 00:11:45,865
Somehow I missed that phase.
227
00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:48,368
Almost there, boy.
Almost there.
228
00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:50,303
Almost there.
I'm getting closer.
229
00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:51,604
It's just within reach.
230
00:11:51,672 --> 00:11:54,774
The boy I like
is Hemingway-esque!
231
00:11:54,842 --> 00:11:58,545
Okay. Let's "esque" him
to dinner. (chuckles)
232
00:11:58,612 --> 00:12:01,281
Wow, Nick here in our house!
233
00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:04,084
I hope it doesn't make him
think less of me.
234
00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:06,653
This house is not an
embarrassment!
235
00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:11,057
Hm, usually when I say
something like that,
236
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:13,860
something extremely
embarrassing happens.
237
00:12:13,928 --> 00:12:16,996
I'm gonna say good night
before it does. Good night.
238
00:12:18,432 --> 00:12:19,766
(door bell rings)
239
00:12:21,402 --> 00:12:24,237
Well, Lisa didn't tell me
that she had a sister.
240
00:12:24,305 --> 00:12:25,739
(chuckles)
241
00:12:25,806 --> 00:12:26,706
Or a daughter.
242
00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:30,744
Oh, my.
243
00:12:30,811 --> 00:12:34,130
I don't know if anyone's
ever kissed my hand before.
244
00:12:34,198 --> 00:12:35,765
Well, your arms are lanky.
245
00:12:35,833 --> 00:12:37,534
It's kind of a
long trip down there.
246
00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:39,352
My mother said
I should bring some wine.
247
00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:43,456
Hmm, the French have gotten
into the wine game?
248
00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:45,892
Ha, good luck catchin' up
with the big boys.
249
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,794
I'll get a couple glasses.
250
00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:51,464
Mrs. Simpson, I'd like your
permission to take your daughter
251
00:12:51,532 --> 00:12:54,667
to the Doritos Nutrition Fair
at the school gym.
252
00:12:54,735 --> 00:12:59,005
Well, I usually take Lisa,
but I can just go with Bart.
253
00:12:59,073 --> 00:13:00,573
Wait. What?
No!
254
00:13:00,641 --> 00:13:01,841
You're going with me!
255
00:13:01,909 --> 00:13:03,643
But, Lisa, after this,
256
00:13:03,711 --> 00:13:06,679
I don't want you to spend
so much time with this boy.
257
00:13:06,747 --> 00:13:10,350
If you do, it'll mean you're
a separate person from me.
258
00:13:10,418 --> 00:13:12,185
That'll stop her
from seeing him.
259
00:13:19,852 --> 00:13:22,521
Mom can't appreciate
the kind of boy Nick is,
260
00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:24,022
because although I love Dad,
261
00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:26,625
he's a completely
different creature.
262
00:13:26,693 --> 00:13:28,527
Yeah, there's a lot
of fish in the sea,
263
00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:30,462
but she picked out
a drunken walrus.
264
00:13:30,530 --> 00:13:32,497
But you and this Nick fella
sound to me
265
00:13:32,565 --> 00:13:35,200
like the story
of Pyramus and Thisbe.
266
00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,102
Which inspired Romeo and Juliet,
267
00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:38,837
which inspired West Side Story,
268
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,273
which inspired me to say "eh."
269
00:13:41,341 --> 00:13:45,360
Pyramus and Thisbe were
lovers from ancient times!
270
00:13:45,428 --> 00:13:49,131
They lived next door but their
families despised each other.
271
00:13:49,198 --> 00:13:52,384
I don't like to babble on,
but I sure do like Babylon.
272
00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:54,136
(gurgling)
273
00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:59,174
The lovers had to whisper
their sweet nothings
274
00:13:59,242 --> 00:14:00,442
through a crack in the wall.
275
00:14:00,493 --> 00:14:01,943
LISA:
Wait a minute!
276
00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:06,748
Nick and I met talking through
a crack between two booths!
277
00:14:06,799 --> 00:14:09,951
ABE: And the power of that
forbidden smooch
278
00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:12,254
made them love
each other forever.
279
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,058
(grunting)
280
00:14:16,125 --> 00:14:17,292
(laughing)
281
00:14:19,595 --> 00:14:21,763
LISA: Man, that company
thinks every time
282
00:14:21,831 --> 00:14:24,599
it adds a wisecracking parrot
to a story, they own it.
283
00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:26,652
Talk to the wing, Thisbe!
284
00:14:26,719 --> 00:14:31,173
Grampa, would you help take me
on a foolish romantic mission?
285
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,658
Let me check my schedule.
286
00:14:32,725 --> 00:14:33,892
This might work.
287
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:34,960
I think I'm free.
288
00:14:35,028 --> 00:14:36,328
Tuesday's open.
289
00:14:36,396 --> 00:14:38,096
You got it, kiddo!
290
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,019
Legend has it
a girl named Eleanor Mackie
291
00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:45,987
drowned on this very spot.
292
00:14:46,039 --> 00:14:48,473
Now they say if you
call her name three times
293
00:14:48,541 --> 00:14:51,410
while looking in this mirror,
you will die.
294
00:14:51,477 --> 00:14:52,561
Milhouse?
295
00:14:56,632 --> 00:14:58,867
(sighs)
296
00:14:58,935 --> 00:15:02,003
Eleanor Mackie.
Eleanor Mackie.
297
00:15:02,071 --> 00:15:04,439
Eleanor Mackie!
(all scream)
298
00:15:04,507 --> 00:15:06,608
Aw, gimme a break.
299
00:15:06,676 --> 00:15:10,245
The one day the lunch lady
decides to wash her hands.
300
00:15:10,313 --> 00:15:13,081
Okay, that was
the last school myth
301
00:15:13,149 --> 00:15:15,117
and it's officially cracked.
302
00:15:15,184 --> 00:15:18,353
So, school is just
everything we see?
303
00:15:18,421 --> 00:15:20,589
That's sad, man.
304
00:15:20,656 --> 00:15:22,524
(dejected sighs)
305
00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:26,895
You into cigars now?
306
00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:29,164
It's a Twix.
307
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:31,133
I can't be the guy who
killed everybody's fun.
308
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,968
That's Skinner's job.
309
00:15:33,035 --> 00:15:36,271
Don't blame me.
You killed the fun, fun-killer.
310
00:15:36,339 --> 00:15:37,856
(yawning)
311
00:15:37,924 --> 00:15:40,058
(growls)
312
00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:42,561
Milhouse, I've just figured out
a way to make school cool again.
313
00:15:42,628 --> 00:15:45,263
American Girl doll day?!
314
00:15:45,331 --> 00:15:46,998
You might be surprised at
315
00:15:47,066 --> 00:15:49,434
the number of boys who have
American Girl dolls.
316
00:15:49,502 --> 00:15:52,637
It's not weird 'cause
they're historic figures.
317
00:15:52,705 --> 00:15:53,805
(groaning)
318
00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:54,806
(growling)
319
00:15:54,874 --> 00:15:55,941
(yelps)
320
00:15:57,877 --> 00:16:00,679
I have found one
last myth to destroy,
321
00:16:00,747 --> 00:16:04,583
the so-called legend of
Groundskeeper Were-Willie.
322
00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:07,519
Prepare to be disappointed!
323
00:16:09,155 --> 00:16:11,123
(moans)
324
00:16:11,207 --> 00:16:14,443
(howling)
325
00:16:14,510 --> 00:16:16,611
(all screaming)
326
00:16:16,679 --> 00:16:19,848
Gentlemen, we just
created a myth.
327
00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:23,068
Now there's a myth about me
I'd like you to correct--
328
00:16:23,136 --> 00:16:25,103
I'm not from Edinburgh!
329
00:16:25,171 --> 00:16:28,190
I'm also not from Glasgow!
330
00:16:28,257 --> 00:16:30,759
I'm from Kirkwall in Orkney!
331
00:16:30,827 --> 00:16:34,196
Me father was an Uppie,
and me mother was a Doonie.
332
00:16:34,263 --> 00:16:35,831
It tore the
family apart!
333
00:16:35,898 --> 00:16:37,866
(sobbing)
334
00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:47,576
(police siren wails)
Ow!
335
00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:53,248
Pull over. You're wanted for
grand theft retirement home.
336
00:16:53,299 --> 00:16:55,584
The TV remote is in your pocket!
337
00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:57,636
(on TV):
Hola! Yo soy Maury Povich.
338
00:16:57,703 --> 00:16:59,921
Uno de estos siete hombres es
339
00:16:59,989 --> 00:17:03,024
el verdadero padre de este
"crack baby."
340
00:17:03,092 --> 00:17:05,527
Everyone's speaking Spanish!
341
00:17:05,595 --> 00:17:08,563
But, if we stop now, we'll never
make it there by sunset.
342
00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:11,817
Run, young lovers!
343
00:17:11,901 --> 00:17:13,318
I'll take care
of the cops!
344
00:17:13,386 --> 00:17:15,086
But, Grampa...
Go ahead!
345
00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:16,771
I ain't afraid of no prison!
346
00:17:18,307 --> 00:17:20,308
(grunts angrily)
347
00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:23,011
Sir, we're gonna bring you back
to your retirement home.
348
00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,413
No!
349
00:17:27,033 --> 00:17:28,533
(gunfire)
350
00:17:28,618 --> 00:17:29,701
Chief, we heard gunfire!
351
00:17:29,785 --> 00:17:31,920
Relax! It's
just my back!
352
00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:33,288
(gunshot)
And my hip.
353
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,856
(gunshot)
Spinal column!
354
00:17:34,924 --> 00:17:36,458
(gunshot)
355
00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:42,659
Thanks for the ride,
Mr. Spuckler.
356
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:45,695
Yeah, I don't normally
approve of out-breeding,
357
00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,564
but you two seem nice.
358
00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,834
We can take this boat.
359
00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:59,175
I don't know, this water's
a little choppy.
360
00:17:59,243 --> 00:18:02,295
I thought you rowed up the
Zambezi without a guide.
361
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:05,215
Right, right.
362
00:18:05,266 --> 00:18:07,150
(sighs)
363
00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:14,023
So, Dad, what kind of stupid
idea did you put in Lisa's head?
364
00:18:14,091 --> 00:18:18,144
She wants to steal a kiss,
like Pyramus and Thisbe.
365
00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:19,946
Did you say
"ultimate Frisbee"?!
366
00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:21,398
No!
Oh...
367
00:18:24,719 --> 00:18:27,053
(annoyed whining)
368
00:18:29,824 --> 00:18:31,658
(grunting)
369
00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:42,569
Women and shoes, am I right?
370
00:18:42,636 --> 00:18:44,954
(grunting)
371
00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,728
Your hands are
really cold.
372
00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:55,432
You know,
you were a lot more
373
00:18:55,499 --> 00:18:57,400
adventurous
at the dessert table.
374
00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,035
I sure was-- I'm
allergic to chocolate!
375
00:18:59,103 --> 00:19:00,770
Shut up and kiss me.
376
00:19:03,657 --> 00:19:07,444
Lisa, it's Hadley Richardson,
Hemingway's first wife.
377
00:19:07,495 --> 00:19:09,929
Trust me,
you're making a big mistake.
378
00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:12,699
If you don't believe me,
ask Pauline Pfeiffer.
379
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,167
I was his second wife.
380
00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:16,236
There were two more after me.
381
00:19:16,303 --> 00:19:19,205
Tortured writers
make horrible husbands.
382
00:19:19,273 --> 00:19:21,207
At least you chose
to be with him.
383
00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:24,410
I was just swimmin' along,
mindin' my own business.
384
00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:26,780
Next thing I know,
I was hanging on his wall!
385
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:28,515
He used to pee
in the fireplace!
386
00:19:28,582 --> 00:19:29,682
(sobbing)
387
00:19:30,851 --> 00:19:33,386
Wait, how long
is this love for again?
388
00:19:33,471 --> 00:19:34,804
Eternity.
389
00:19:34,855 --> 00:19:36,806
Oh, that's a
pretty long time.
390
00:19:36,874 --> 00:19:39,609
Now my lips
are getting cold.
391
00:19:39,676 --> 00:19:41,494
(panting)
Lisa!
392
00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:45,031
This isn't working out.
393
00:19:45,099 --> 00:19:47,267
Lisa, I'm sorry that
God gave me this gift
394
00:19:47,334 --> 00:19:49,302
of lying to girls,
for a little while.
395
00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,670
I'll see ya.
396
00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:55,241
(panting)
397
00:19:55,309 --> 00:19:58,595
I feel kinda silly I walked
all the way out here.
398
00:19:58,662 --> 00:20:01,764
You're just fine.
You always are.
399
00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:04,400
Thanks.
But I couldn't do it, Mom.
400
00:20:04,468 --> 00:20:06,836
I mean, the person you kiss
under a mulberry tree
401
00:20:06,904 --> 00:20:09,639
is someone you'll love
for the rest of your life.
402
00:20:14,395 --> 00:20:16,145
Mwah!
403
00:20:20,017 --> 00:20:22,051
(grunting)
404
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,020
Don't worry, ladies,
I'm-a comin'!
405
00:20:24,071 --> 00:20:27,073
D'oh!
(gurgling): D'oh...
406
00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:31,141
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
407
00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:38,586
Ooh, you know, I've heard if a
fat guy stops moving, he floats.
408
00:21:22,975 --> 00:21:24,809
Shh!