1 00:00:47,182 --> 00:00:48,382 D'oh! 2 00:00:51,497 --> 00:00:54,031 Happy 500th episode! 3 00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:58,603 ("Auld Lang Syne" plays) 4 00:01:05,194 --> 00:01:06,527 Hmm? 5 00:01:06,595 --> 00:01:09,230 This is episode 499. 6 00:01:09,318 --> 00:01:11,286 Aw, geez. Well, I got news for ya, 7 00:01:11,353 --> 00:01:13,555 Fox ain't doin' this again. 8 00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:17,580 ♪ The Simpsons 23x13 ♪ The Daughter Also Rises Original Air Date on February 12, 2012 9 00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:21,605 == sync, corrected by elderman == 10 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:26,317 How'd you get so many more Valentines? 11 00:01:26,385 --> 00:01:27,785 I got one from Lisa 12 00:01:27,853 --> 00:01:29,887 and one from my optometrist. 13 00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:30,788 That's a bill. 14 00:01:30,856 --> 00:01:32,757 No, it's got a love stamp! 15 00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:34,859 Maybe we should just watch TV. 16 00:01:37,162 --> 00:01:38,429 ♪ 17 00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:49,657 Aw... 18 00:01:53,479 --> 00:01:57,265 Now, son, you know Itchy and Scratchy give you night terrors. 19 00:01:57,349 --> 00:01:59,750 Last night you had the night terrors. 20 00:01:59,802 --> 00:02:02,136 Yeah, I dreamt I got fired from that job 21 00:02:02,221 --> 00:02:04,022 I dreamt I got the night before. 22 00:02:04,089 --> 00:02:06,274 Oh... 23 00:02:06,358 --> 00:02:08,943 Welcome to MythCrackers, 24 00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:12,196 where we debunk rumors, legends, 25 00:02:12,264 --> 00:02:16,050 and all religions except the Jesus-based ones. 26 00:02:16,118 --> 00:02:18,086 It's a beautiful afternoon. 27 00:02:18,153 --> 00:02:19,554 No TV. 28 00:02:19,622 --> 00:02:21,923 Luckily, she doesn't know that our viewing platforms 29 00:02:21,991 --> 00:02:24,626 are... multi. 30 00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:29,063 No TV on the computer! 31 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,800 No TV on a smart phone! 32 00:02:35,471 --> 00:02:37,372 Tonight, we take on the classic myth 33 00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:39,540 that a cat will always land on its feet. 34 00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:41,509 Now, we didn't want to hurt a real cat, 35 00:02:41,593 --> 00:02:43,511 so we took this Build-A-Bear carcass... 36 00:02:43,579 --> 00:02:45,179 Stuffed it with ballistic gel, 37 00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:48,266 shot it with a 20 foot barrel steam cannon... 38 00:02:54,890 --> 00:02:56,824 And made a scatter plot of the remains! 39 00:02:56,892 --> 00:02:58,192 Boo-yah! 40 00:02:58,260 --> 00:02:59,994 What was it we trying to prove again? 41 00:03:00,062 --> 00:03:01,462 Don't know, don't care! 44 00:03:08,053 --> 00:03:11,572 I bet those guys get so many Valentines. 45 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,509 That might be a good idea, but then again, you thought it up. 46 00:03:14,576 --> 00:03:16,077 Eh, why not? 47 00:03:16,145 --> 00:03:18,346 Okay, first myth, 48 00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:21,599 using a cell phone at a gas station is dangerous. 49 00:03:25,921 --> 00:03:28,740 Well, at least I'm cool now! 50 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,688 Why does the guy have to do everything 51 00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:45,623 for the girl on Valentine's Day? 52 00:03:45,691 --> 00:03:48,526 We show girls love on Valentine's Day, 53 00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:51,763 and they let us blow stuff up on the Fourth of July. 54 00:03:51,830 --> 00:03:54,699 I just pray they never fall on the same day. 55 00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,718 Homie, read this. 56 00:03:56,785 --> 00:03:58,653 "My darling husband. 57 00:03:58,721 --> 00:04:00,421 "This Valentine's Day, 58 00:04:00,489 --> 00:04:02,440 I have a present for you." 59 00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:03,808 Thanks for reading it to me. 60 00:04:03,876 --> 00:04:05,410 My pleasure. 61 00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:08,613 "I want you to have a fun night doing guy stuff. 62 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,082 Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." 63 00:04:11,150 --> 00:04:14,051 Oh, Marge, this is brilliant! 64 00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,254 Mwah! 65 00:04:16,321 --> 00:04:18,256 I just think we should do things every day 66 00:04:18,323 --> 00:04:20,057 to show our love for each other. 67 00:04:21,794 --> 00:04:23,060 Hmm? 68 00:04:23,128 --> 00:04:24,562 It's okay, Homie. 69 00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:26,397 Go. Have a good time. 70 00:04:26,465 --> 00:04:28,032 Take Bart with you. 71 00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:30,234 Oh, which one do you want? 72 00:04:31,904 --> 00:04:33,855 You have the most wonderful mom in the world, 73 00:04:33,922 --> 00:04:36,591 which is why I have no idea where she is 74 00:04:36,658 --> 00:04:38,609 or what she's doing. 75 00:04:40,529 --> 00:04:41,863 That's right, sucker! 76 00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,464 It's Valentine's Day, 77 00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:46,300 and I've got a date with some fastballs! 78 00:04:47,419 --> 00:04:49,253 Lucky bastard. 79 00:04:49,321 --> 00:04:51,389 I mean, my darling, I was looking at myself 80 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,658 in the side view mirror. 81 00:04:56,812 --> 00:04:59,147 I hope you hit one off the handle and your hands sting! 82 00:05:00,699 --> 00:05:01,599 Ow! 83 00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:46,744 Lisa, I love spending mother-daughter time with you. 84 00:05:46,812 --> 00:05:50,464 We have so much in common. Like, um... 85 00:05:50,532 --> 00:05:51,966 Oh, no! 86 00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:54,202 Someone's about to put the Thousand Island ladle 87 00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:55,770 into the vinaigrette! 88 00:06:07,766 --> 00:06:09,584 Hmm? 89 00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:14,772 Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to be nosey. 90 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:16,173 Don't apologize. 91 00:06:16,241 --> 00:06:18,476 It was dark, then a light came through the crack. 92 00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:20,044 The light was you. 93 00:06:20,112 --> 00:06:22,580 Oh... You have a way with words. 94 00:06:22,648 --> 00:06:25,082 Words are just nails we use to build ideas. 95 00:06:25,150 --> 00:06:27,585 Care to continue this discussion at the dessert table? 96 00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:29,787 Mom, I'm gonna look at the desserts! 97 00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:32,456 Don't panic. This can be separated out. 98 00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:34,792 Quick, does anyone have a centrifuge?! 99 00:06:36,929 --> 00:06:40,381 All I wanted was one romantic night. 100 00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:47,188 Yep, you're the crack head. 101 00:06:48,757 --> 00:06:50,658 What dessert are you gonna get? 102 00:06:50,726 --> 00:06:52,326 I'll toss this fork into the air 103 00:06:52,394 --> 00:06:54,562 and wherever it lands, that's what I'll eat. Hiya! 104 00:06:57,316 --> 00:07:00,017 As Hemingway said, "The shortest answer is doing the thing." 105 00:07:02,754 --> 00:07:04,956 Um, I should probably get back to my mom. 106 00:07:05,023 --> 00:07:06,457 By the way, my name is... 107 00:07:06,525 --> 00:07:08,326 No! When I first hear your name, 108 00:07:08,393 --> 00:07:10,094 I want to be somewhere important, 109 00:07:10,162 --> 00:07:11,562 the peak of Kilimanjaro... 110 00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,731 the back of a vaporetto in Venice, the... 111 00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:17,168 Lisa! Now this is the most important place in the world. 112 00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:21,172 Now that's a spicy meet-cute! Mwah! 113 00:07:21,239 --> 00:07:22,740 Lisa? 114 00:07:22,808 --> 00:07:24,241 Hey, Midge. 115 00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:25,576 Want a piece of my ziti? 116 00:07:28,313 --> 00:07:30,748 That cost a nickel, but, uh, we'll settle up later. 117 00:07:34,032 --> 00:07:36,495 Today we tackle the most terrifying myth 118 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:39,132 in the history of Springfield Elementary, 119 00:07:39,187 --> 00:07:41,721 that if you press E-8 on the candy machine, 120 00:07:41,789 --> 00:07:44,124 you get electrocuted and die. 121 00:07:44,192 --> 00:07:44,819 Wow. 122 00:07:44,844 --> 00:07:47,781 Did you invent a robot hand to touch the buttons? 123 00:07:47,895 --> 00:07:48,962 Something like that. 124 00:08:00,358 --> 00:08:04,027 Ladies and gentlemen, that myth is cracked! 125 00:08:04,095 --> 00:08:05,896 Candy cigarettes? 126 00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:07,631 I didn't know they made these. 127 00:08:07,698 --> 00:08:09,733 They were discontinued because they were thought 128 00:08:09,801 --> 00:08:12,602 to encourage impressionable children to smoke. 129 00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:15,138 How dumb do they think we are? 130 00:08:17,642 --> 00:08:19,092 Mm-hmm. 131 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,677 Mmm! 132 00:08:24,232 --> 00:08:27,083 I can quit any time I want! 133 00:08:32,023 --> 00:08:33,790 This place is great! 134 00:08:33,858 --> 00:08:37,828 If I cover my peripheral vision, I feel like I'm in France. 135 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,033 Ew... 136 00:09:00,101 --> 00:09:02,102 How 'bout I just look at you. 137 00:09:05,056 --> 00:09:08,742 El Puerco, I must break up with you. 138 00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:12,379 Oh, but the hand-holding is just too good. 139 00:09:16,133 --> 00:09:17,701 Your juice boxes. 140 00:09:20,121 --> 00:09:22,289 It's... nice. 141 00:09:22,356 --> 00:09:24,824 Perhaps we can try a little harder, for the lady. 142 00:09:24,892 --> 00:09:26,993 Such is the life of the juice boxiér. 143 00:09:29,363 --> 00:09:31,565 Oh. 144 00:09:33,401 --> 00:09:35,535 Marge, since you're by yourself, 145 00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:38,038 would you like to borrow one of my twins? 146 00:09:38,105 --> 00:09:41,174 But remember, the one you pick may not be the one you get. 147 00:09:44,579 --> 00:09:46,529 Mom, I'm sorry I'm late. 148 00:09:46,597 --> 00:09:49,566 No excuse, I just forgot all about you. 149 00:09:51,269 --> 00:09:55,038 I'm not sure that patch really represents who I am right now. 150 00:09:55,106 --> 00:09:57,207 Well, if you'd been here for the design phase, 151 00:09:57,275 --> 00:09:58,975 you could've registered that objection. 152 00:09:59,043 --> 00:10:00,810 Now start quilting! 153 00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:04,547 Now there's three of you? 154 00:10:04,615 --> 00:10:06,917 Or maybe you're losing your mind. 155 00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:18,778 According to the wisdom of our elders... 156 00:10:19,914 --> 00:10:22,182 ...if you go all the way around on the swing, 157 00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,485 your body will turn inside-out! 158 00:10:25,553 --> 00:10:29,756 Cool! Now my beauty will be on the outside! 159 00:10:38,916 --> 00:10:40,917 He's still inside-in, folks! 160 00:10:40,985 --> 00:10:42,352 And just to prove it... 161 00:10:44,372 --> 00:10:45,672 Whoa! 162 00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:48,608 ("Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien" by Edith Piaf playing) 163 00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:09,212 ♪ 164 00:11:32,186 --> 00:11:35,055 "She had now come to the part that Peter Pan hated. 165 00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:37,891 'I do like a mother's love,' said Tootles..." 166 00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,225 Mom, I have a crush! 167 00:11:39,293 --> 00:11:40,994 Is it on your father? 168 00:11:41,062 --> 00:11:43,830 Little girls always get crushes on their fathers. 169 00:11:43,898 --> 00:11:45,865 Somehow I missed that phase. 170 00:11:45,933 --> 00:11:48,368 Almost there, boy. Almost there. 171 00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:50,303 Almost there. I'm getting closer. 172 00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:51,604 It's just within reach. 173 00:11:51,672 --> 00:11:54,774 The boy I like is Hemingway-esque! 174 00:11:54,842 --> 00:11:58,545 Okay. Let's "esque" him to dinner. 175 00:11:58,612 --> 00:12:01,281 Wow, Nick here in our house! 176 00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:04,084 I hope it doesn't make him think less of me. 177 00:12:04,151 --> 00:12:06,653 This house is not an embarrassment! 178 00:12:08,589 --> 00:12:11,057 Hm, usually when I say something like that, 179 00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:13,860 something extremely embarrassing happens. 180 00:12:13,928 --> 00:12:16,996 I'm gonna say good night before it does. Good night. 181 00:12:21,402 --> 00:12:24,237 Well, Lisa didn't tell me that she had a sister. 182 00:12:25,806 --> 00:12:26,706 Or a daughter. 183 00:12:29,343 --> 00:12:30,744 Oh, my. 184 00:12:30,811 --> 00:12:34,130 I don't know if anyone's ever kissed my hand before. 185 00:12:34,198 --> 00:12:35,765 Well, your arms are lanky. 186 00:12:35,833 --> 00:12:37,534 It's kind of a long trip down there. 187 00:12:37,601 --> 00:12:39,352 My mother said I should bring some wine. 188 00:12:39,420 --> 00:12:43,456 Hmm, the French have gotten into the wine game? 189 00:12:43,524 --> 00:12:45,892 Ha, good luck catchin' up with the big boys. 190 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,794 I'll get a couple glasses. 191 00:12:49,630 --> 00:12:51,464 Mrs. Simpson, I'd like your permission to take your daughter 192 00:12:51,532 --> 00:12:54,667 to the Doritos Nutrition Fair at the school gym. 193 00:12:54,735 --> 00:12:59,005 Well, I usually take Lisa, but I can just go with Bart. 194 00:12:59,073 --> 00:13:00,573 Wait. What? No! 195 00:13:00,641 --> 00:13:01,841 You're going with me! 196 00:13:01,909 --> 00:13:03,643 But, Lisa, after this, 197 00:13:03,711 --> 00:13:06,679 I don't want you to spend so much time with this boy. 198 00:13:06,747 --> 00:13:10,350 If you do, it'll mean you're a separate person from me. 199 00:13:10,418 --> 00:13:12,185 That'll stop her from seeing him. 200 00:13:19,852 --> 00:13:22,521 Mom can't appreciate the kind of boy Nick is, 201 00:13:22,589 --> 00:13:24,022 because although I love Dad, 202 00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:26,625 he's a completely different creature. 203 00:13:26,693 --> 00:13:28,527 Yeah, there's a lot of fish in the sea, 204 00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:30,462 but she picked out a drunken walrus. 205 00:13:30,530 --> 00:13:32,497 But you and this Nick fella sound to me 206 00:13:32,565 --> 00:13:35,200 like the story of Pyramus and Thisbe. 207 00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,102 Which inspired Romeo and Juliet, 208 00:13:37,170 --> 00:13:38,837 which inspired West Side Story, 209 00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:41,273 which inspired me to say "eh." 210 00:13:41,341 --> 00:13:45,360 Pyramus and Thisbe were lovers from ancient times! 211 00:13:45,428 --> 00:13:49,131 They lived next door but their families despised each other. 212 00:13:49,198 --> 00:13:52,384 I don't like to babble on, but I sure do like Babylon. 213 00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:59,174 The lovers had to whisper their sweet nothings 214 00:13:59,242 --> 00:14:00,442 through a crack in the wall. 215 00:14:00,493 --> 00:14:01,943 Wait a minute! 216 00:14:02,011 --> 00:14:06,748 Nick and I met talking through a crack between two booths! 217 00:14:06,799 --> 00:14:09,951 And the power of that forbidden smooch 218 00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:12,254 made them love each other forever. 219 00:14:19,595 --> 00:14:21,763 Man, that company thinks every time 220 00:14:21,831 --> 00:14:24,599 it adds a wisecracking parrot to a story, they own it. 221 00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:26,652 Talk to the wing, Thisbe! 222 00:14:26,719 --> 00:14:31,173 Grampa, would you help take me on a foolish romantic mission? 223 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,658 Let me check my schedule. 224 00:14:32,725 --> 00:14:33,892 This might work. 225 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:34,960 I think I'm free. 226 00:14:35,028 --> 00:14:36,328 Tuesday's open. 227 00:14:36,396 --> 00:14:38,096 You got it, kiddo! 228 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,019 Legend has it a girl named Eleanor Mackie 229 00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:45,987 drowned on this very spot. 230 00:14:46,039 --> 00:14:48,473 Now they say if you call her name three times 231 00:14:48,541 --> 00:14:51,410 while looking in this mirror, you will die. 232 00:14:51,477 --> 00:14:52,561 Milhouse? 233 00:14:58,935 --> 00:15:02,003 Eleanor Mackie. Eleanor Mackie. 234 00:15:02,071 --> 00:15:04,439 Eleanor Mackie! 235 00:15:04,507 --> 00:15:06,608 Aw, gimme a break. 236 00:15:06,676 --> 00:15:10,245 The one day the lunch lady decides to wash her hands. 237 00:15:10,313 --> 00:15:13,081 Okay, that was the last school myth 238 00:15:13,149 --> 00:15:15,117 and it's officially cracked. 239 00:15:15,184 --> 00:15:18,353 So, school is just everything we see? 240 00:15:18,421 --> 00:15:20,589 That's sad, man. 241 00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:26,895 You into cigars now? 242 00:15:26,963 --> 00:15:29,164 It's a Twix. 243 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:31,133 I can't be the guy who killed everybody's fun. 244 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,968 That's Skinner's job. 245 00:15:33,035 --> 00:15:36,271 Don't blame me. You killed the fun, fun-killer. 246 00:15:40,126 --> 00:15:42,561 Milhouse, I've just figured out a way to make school cool again. 247 00:15:42,628 --> 00:15:45,263 American Girl doll day?! 248 00:15:45,331 --> 00:15:46,998 You might be surprised at 249 00:15:47,066 --> 00:15:49,434 the number of boys who have American Girl dolls. 250 00:15:49,502 --> 00:15:52,637 It's not weird 'cause they're historic figures. 251 00:15:57,877 --> 00:16:00,679 I have found one last myth to destroy, 252 00:16:00,747 --> 00:16:04,583 the so-called legend of Groundskeeper Were-Willie. 253 00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:07,519 Prepare to be disappointed! 254 00:16:16,679 --> 00:16:19,848 Gentlemen, we just created a myth. 255 00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:23,068 Now there's a myth about me I'd like you to correct-- 256 00:16:23,136 --> 00:16:25,103 I'm not from Edinburgh! 257 00:16:25,171 --> 00:16:28,190 I'm also not from Glasgow! 258 00:16:28,257 --> 00:16:30,759 I'm from Kirkwall in Orkney! 259 00:16:30,827 --> 00:16:34,196 Me father was an Uppie, and me mother was a Doonie. 260 00:16:34,263 --> 00:16:35,831 It tore the family apart! 261 00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:47,576 Ow! 262 00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:53,248 Pull over. You're wanted for grand theft retirement home. 263 00:16:53,299 --> 00:16:55,584 The TV remote is in your pocket! 264 00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:57,636 Hola! Yo soy Maury Povich. 265 00:16:57,703 --> 00:16:59,921 Uno de estos siete hombres es 266 00:16:59,989 --> 00:17:03,024 el verdadero padre de este "crack baby." 267 00:17:03,092 --> 00:17:05,527 Everyone's speaking Spanish! 268 00:17:05,595 --> 00:17:08,563 But, if we stop now, we'll never make it there by sunset. 269 00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:11,817 Run, young lovers! 270 00:17:11,901 --> 00:17:13,318 I'll take care of the cops! 271 00:17:13,386 --> 00:17:15,086 But, Grampa... Go ahead! 272 00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:16,771 I ain't afraid of no prison! 273 00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:23,011 Sir, we're gonna bring you back to your retirement home. 274 00:17:23,079 --> 00:17:25,413 No! 275 00:17:28,618 --> 00:17:29,701 Chief, we heard gunfire! 276 00:17:29,785 --> 00:17:31,920 Relax! It's just my back! 277 00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:33,288 And my hip. 278 00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,856 Spinal column! 279 00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:42,659 Thanks for the ride, Mr. Spuckler. 280 00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:45,695 Yeah, I don't normally approve of out-breeding, 281 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,564 but you two seem nice. 282 00:17:49,133 --> 00:17:50,834 We can take this boat. 283 00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:59,175 I don't know, this water's a little choppy. 284 00:17:59,243 --> 00:18:02,295 I thought you rowed up the Zambezi without a guide. 285 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:05,215 Right, right. 286 00:18:10,688 --> 00:18:14,023 So, Dad, what kind of stupid idea did you put in Lisa's head? 287 00:18:14,091 --> 00:18:18,144 She wants to steal a kiss, like Pyramus and Thisbe. 288 00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:19,946 Did you say "ultimate Frisbee"?! 289 00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:21,398 No! Oh... 290 00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:42,569 Women and shoes, am I right? 291 00:18:49,827 --> 00:18:51,728 Your hands are really cold. 292 00:18:53,464 --> 00:18:55,432 You know, you were a lot more 293 00:18:55,499 --> 00:18:57,400 adventurous at the dessert table. 294 00:18:57,468 --> 00:18:59,035 I sure was-- I'm allergic to chocolate! 295 00:18:59,103 --> 00:19:00,770 Shut up and kiss me. 296 00:19:03,657 --> 00:19:07,444 Lisa, it's Hadley Richardson, Hemingway's first wife. 297 00:19:07,495 --> 00:19:09,929 Trust me, you're making a big mistake. 298 00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:12,699 If you don't believe me, ask Pauline Pfeiffer. 299 00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,167 I was his second wife. 300 00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:16,236 There were two more after me. 301 00:19:16,303 --> 00:19:19,205 Tortured writers make horrible husbands. 302 00:19:19,273 --> 00:19:21,207 At least you chose to be with him. 303 00:19:21,275 --> 00:19:24,410 I was just swimmin' along, mindin' my own business. 304 00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:26,780 Next thing I know, I was hanging on his wall! 305 00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:28,515 He used to pee in the fireplace! 306 00:19:30,851 --> 00:19:33,386 Wait, how long is this love for again? 307 00:19:33,471 --> 00:19:34,804 Eternity. 308 00:19:34,855 --> 00:19:36,806 Oh, that's a pretty long time. 309 00:19:36,874 --> 00:19:39,609 Now my lips are getting cold. 310 00:19:39,676 --> 00:19:41,494 Lisa! 311 00:19:42,730 --> 00:19:45,031 This isn't working out. 312 00:19:45,099 --> 00:19:47,267 Lisa, I'm sorry that God gave me this gift 313 00:19:47,334 --> 00:19:49,302 of lying to girls, for a little while. 314 00:19:49,370 --> 00:19:50,670 I'll see ya. 315 00:19:55,309 --> 00:19:58,595 I feel kinda silly I walked all the way out here. 316 00:19:58,662 --> 00:20:01,764 You're just fine. You always are. 317 00:20:01,832 --> 00:20:04,400 Thanks. But I couldn't do it, Mom. 318 00:20:04,468 --> 00:20:06,836 I mean, the person you kiss under a mulberry tree 319 00:20:06,904 --> 00:20:09,639 is someone you'll love for the rest of your life. 320 00:20:14,395 --> 00:20:16,145 Mwah! 321 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,020 Don't worry, ladies, I'm-a comin'! 322 00:20:24,071 --> 00:20:27,073 D'oh! D'oh... 323 00:20:27,141 --> 00:20:31,141 == sync, corrected by elderman == 324 00:20:33,365 --> 00:20:38,586 Ooh, you know, I've heard if a fat guy stops moving, he floats. 325 00:21:22,975 --> 00:21:24,809 Shh!