1
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:47,976
D'oh!
2
00:00:51,208 --> 00:00:53,742
Happy 500th episode!
3
00:01:04,084 --> 00:01:05,417
Hmm?
4
00:01:05,976 --> 00:01:08,611
This is episode 499.
5
00:01:08,889 --> 00:01:10,857
Aw, geez.
Well, I got news for ya,
6
00:01:10,924 --> 00:01:13,126
Fox ain't doin' this again.
7
00:01:13,151 --> 00:01:17,151
♪ The Simpsons 23x13 ♪
The Daughter Also Rises
Original Air Date on February 12, 2012
8
00:01:17,176 --> 00:01:21,176
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
9
00:01:23,415 --> 00:01:25,716
How'd you get so
many more Valentines?
10
00:01:25,784 --> 00:01:27,184
I got one from Lisa
11
00:01:27,252 --> 00:01:29,286
and one from my optometrist.
12
00:01:29,354 --> 00:01:30,187
That's a bill.
13
00:01:30,255 --> 00:01:32,156
No, it's got a love stamp!
14
00:01:32,224 --> 00:01:34,258
Maybe we should
just watch TV.
15
00:01:47,589 --> 00:01:49,056
Aw...
16
00:01:52,878 --> 00:01:56,664
Now, son, you know Itchy and
Scratchy give you night terrors.
17
00:01:56,748 --> 00:01:59,149
Last night
you had the night terrors.
18
00:01:59,201 --> 00:02:01,535
Yeah, I dreamt I got fired
from that job
19
00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,421
I dreamt I got
the night before.
20
00:02:03,488 --> 00:02:05,673
Oh...
21
00:02:05,757 --> 00:02:08,342
Welcome to MythCrackers,
22
00:02:08,410 --> 00:02:11,595
where we debunk rumors,
legends,
23
00:02:11,663 --> 00:02:15,449
and all religions
except the Jesus-based ones.
24
00:02:15,517 --> 00:02:17,485
It's a beautiful afternoon.
25
00:02:17,552 --> 00:02:18,953
No TV.
26
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:21,322
Luckily, she doesn't know
that our viewing platforms
27
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:24,025
are... multi.
28
00:02:25,277 --> 00:02:28,462
No TV on the computer!
29
00:02:30,399 --> 00:02:32,199
No TV on a smart phone!
30
00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:36,771
Tonight, we take on
the classic myth
31
00:02:36,838 --> 00:02:38,939
that a cat will always
land on its feet.
32
00:02:39,007 --> 00:02:40,908
Now, we didn't want to hurt
a real cat,
33
00:02:40,992 --> 00:02:42,910
so we took this
Build-A-Bear carcass...
34
00:02:42,978 --> 00:02:44,578
Stuffed it with
ballistic gel,
35
00:02:44,646 --> 00:02:47,665
shot it with a 20 foot barrel
steam cannon...
36
00:02:54,289 --> 00:02:56,223
And made a scatter plot
of the remains!
37
00:02:56,291 --> 00:02:57,591
Boo-yah!
38
00:02:57,659 --> 00:02:59,393
What was it we trying
to prove again?
39
00:02:59,461 --> 00:03:00,861
Don't know, don't care!
40
00:03:02,831 --> 00:03:04,098
♪ Blow it up.
41
00:03:04,166 --> 00:03:07,384
Hey, Bart, why don't we
become MythCrackers?
44
00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:15,476
Eh, why not?
45
00:03:15,544 --> 00:03:17,745
Okay, first myth,
46
00:03:17,813 --> 00:03:20,998
using a cell phone at a
gas station is dangerous.
47
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,139
Well, at least I'm cool now!
48
00:03:41,787 --> 00:03:43,087
Why does the guy have
to do everything
49
00:03:43,155 --> 00:03:45,022
for the girl
on Valentine's Day?
50
00:03:45,090 --> 00:03:47,925
We show girls love
on Valentine's Day,
51
00:03:47,993 --> 00:03:51,162
and they let us blow stuff
up on the Fourth of July.
52
00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:54,098
I just pray they never
fall on the same day.
53
00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:56,117
Homie, read this.
54
00:03:56,184 --> 00:03:58,052
"My darling husband.
55
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,820
"This Valentine's Day,
56
00:03:59,888 --> 00:04:01,839
I have a present for you."
57
00:04:01,907 --> 00:04:03,207
Thanks for reading it
to me.
58
00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:04,809
My pleasure.
59
00:04:04,876 --> 00:04:08,012
"I want you to have a fun
night doing guy stuff.
60
00:04:08,079 --> 00:04:10,481
Don't worry about
me, I'll be fine."
61
00:04:10,549 --> 00:04:13,450
Oh, Marge,
this is brilliant!
62
00:04:13,518 --> 00:04:15,653
Mwah!
63
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,655
I just think we should do things
every day
64
00:04:17,722 --> 00:04:19,456
to show our love for each other.
65
00:04:21,193 --> 00:04:22,459
Hmm?
66
00:04:22,527 --> 00:04:23,961
It's okay, Homie.
67
00:04:24,029 --> 00:04:25,796
Go. Have a good time.
68
00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:27,431
Take Bart with you.
69
00:04:27,499 --> 00:04:29,633
Oh, which one
do you want?
70
00:04:31,303 --> 00:04:33,254
You have the most wonderful
mom in the world,
71
00:04:33,321 --> 00:04:35,990
which is why I have no idea
where she is
72
00:04:36,057 --> 00:04:38,008
or what she's doing.
73
00:04:39,928 --> 00:04:41,262
That's right, sucker!
74
00:04:41,329 --> 00:04:42,863
It's Valentine's Day,
75
00:04:42,931 --> 00:04:45,699
and I've got a date
with some fastballs!
76
00:04:46,818 --> 00:04:48,652
Lucky bastard.
77
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,788
I mean, my darling,
I was looking at myself
78
00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,057
in the side view mirror.
79
00:04:56,211 --> 00:04:58,546
I hope you hit one off the
handle and your hands sting!
80
00:05:00,098 --> 00:05:00,998
Ow!
81
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:46,143
Lisa, I love spending
mother-daughter time with you.
82
00:05:46,211 --> 00:05:49,863
We have so much in
common. Like, um...
83
00:05:49,931 --> 00:05:51,365
Oh, no!
84
00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:53,601
Someone's about to put
the Thousand Island ladle
85
00:05:53,668 --> 00:05:55,169
into the vinaigrette!
86
00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:08,983
Hmm?
87
00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:14,171
Sorry, sorry.
I didn't mean to be nosey.
88
00:06:14,239 --> 00:06:15,572
Don't apologize.
89
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,875
It was dark, then a light
came through the crack.
90
00:06:17,943 --> 00:06:19,443
The light was you.
91
00:06:19,511 --> 00:06:21,979
Oh...
You have a way with words.
92
00:06:22,047 --> 00:06:24,481
Words are just nails
we use to build ideas.
93
00:06:24,549 --> 00:06:26,984
Care to continue this
discussion at the dessert table?
94
00:06:27,052 --> 00:06:29,186
Mom, I'm gonna look
at the desserts!
95
00:06:29,254 --> 00:06:31,855
Don't panic.
This can be separated out.
96
00:06:31,923 --> 00:06:34,191
Quick, does anyone
have a centrifuge?!
97
00:06:36,328 --> 00:06:39,780
All I wanted was
one romantic night.
98
00:06:44,419 --> 00:06:46,587
Yep, you're the
crack head.
99
00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:50,057
What dessert are
you gonna get?
100
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:51,725
I'll toss this fork
into the air
101
00:06:51,793 --> 00:06:53,961
and wherever it lands,
that's what I'll eat. Hiya!
102
00:06:56,715 --> 00:06:59,416
As Hemingway said, "The shortest
answer is doing the thing."
103
00:07:02,153 --> 00:07:04,355
Um, I should probably
get back to my mom.
104
00:07:04,422 --> 00:07:05,856
By the way,
my name is...
105
00:07:05,924 --> 00:07:07,725
No! When I first hear
your name,
106
00:07:07,792 --> 00:07:09,493
I want to be
somewhere important,
107
00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:10,961
the peak of Kilimanjaro...
108
00:07:11,029 --> 00:07:13,130
the back of a
vaporetto in Venice, the...
109
00:07:13,198 --> 00:07:16,567
Lisa! Now this is the most
important place in the world.
110
00:07:16,634 --> 00:07:20,571
Now that's a spicy
meet-cute! Mwah!
111
00:07:20,638 --> 00:07:22,139
Lisa?
112
00:07:22,207 --> 00:07:23,640
Hey, Midge.
113
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:24,975
Want a piece of my ziti?
114
00:07:27,712 --> 00:07:30,147
That cost a nickel,
but, uh, we'll settle up later.
115
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,207
Today we tackle the most
terrifying myth
116
00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:38,844
in the history of
Springfield Elementary,
117
00:07:38,899 --> 00:07:41,433
that if you press E-8
on the candy machine,
118
00:07:41,501 --> 00:07:43,836
you get electrocuted and die.
119
00:07:43,904 --> 00:07:44,531
Wow.
120
00:07:44,556 --> 00:07:47,493
Did you invent a robot hand
to touch the buttons?
121
00:07:47,607 --> 00:07:48,674
Something like that.
122
00:08:00,070 --> 00:08:03,739
Ladies and gentlemen,
that myth is cracked!
123
00:08:03,807 --> 00:08:05,608
Candy cigarettes?
124
00:08:05,675 --> 00:08:07,343
I didn't know they made these.
125
00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:09,445
They were discontinued
because they were thought
126
00:08:09,513 --> 00:08:12,314
to encourage impressionable
children to smoke.
127
00:08:12,382 --> 00:08:14,850
How dumb do they think we are?
128
00:08:17,354 --> 00:08:18,804
Mm-hmm.
129
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:20,389
Mmm!
130
00:08:23,944 --> 00:08:26,795
I can quit
any time I want!
131
00:08:31,735 --> 00:08:33,502
This place is great!
132
00:08:33,570 --> 00:08:37,540
If I cover my peripheral vision,
I feel like I'm in France.
133
00:08:58,612 --> 00:08:59,745
Ew...
134
00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:01,814
How 'bout I just
look at you.
135
00:09:04,768 --> 00:09:08,454
El Puerco,
I must break up with you.
136
00:09:08,521 --> 00:09:12,091
Oh, but the hand-holding
is just too good.
137
00:09:15,845 --> 00:09:17,413
Your juice boxes.
138
00:09:19,833 --> 00:09:22,001
It's... nice.
139
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,536
Perhaps we can try a little
harder, for the lady.
140
00:09:24,604 --> 00:09:26,705
Such is the life
of the juice boxiér.
141
00:09:29,075 --> 00:09:31,277
Oh.
142
00:09:33,113 --> 00:09:35,247
Marge, since you're by yourself,
143
00:09:35,315 --> 00:09:37,750
would you like to borrow
one of my twins?
144
00:09:37,817 --> 00:09:40,886
But remember, the one you pick
may not be the one you get.
145
00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:46,241
Mom, I'm sorry
I'm late.
146
00:09:46,309 --> 00:09:49,278
No excuse, I just forgot
all about you.
147
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,750
I'm not sure that patch really
represents who I am right now.
148
00:09:54,818 --> 00:09:56,919
Well, if you'd been here
for the design phase,
149
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,687
you could've registered
that objection.
150
00:09:58,755 --> 00:10:00,522
Now start quilting!
151
00:10:02,492 --> 00:10:04,259
Now there's
three of you?
152
00:10:04,327 --> 00:10:06,629
Or maybe you're
losing your mind.
153
00:10:16,239 --> 00:10:18,490
According to the wisdom
of our elders...
154
00:10:19,626 --> 00:10:21,894
...if you go all the way
around on the swing,
155
00:10:21,962 --> 00:10:25,197
your body will
turn inside-out!
156
00:10:25,265 --> 00:10:29,468
Cool! Now my beauty
will be on the outside!
157
00:10:38,628 --> 00:10:40,629
He's still
inside-in, folks!
158
00:10:40,697 --> 00:10:42,064
And just to prove it...
159
00:10:44,084 --> 00:10:45,384
Whoa!
160
00:11:31,898 --> 00:11:34,767
"She had now come to the part
that Peter Pan hated.
161
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:37,603
'I do like a mother's
love,' said Tootles..."
162
00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:38,937
Mom, I have a crush!
163
00:11:39,005 --> 00:11:40,706
Is it on your father?
164
00:11:40,774 --> 00:11:43,542
Little girls always get
crushes on their fathers.
165
00:11:43,610 --> 00:11:45,577
Somehow I missed that phase.
166
00:11:45,645 --> 00:11:48,080
Almost there, boy.
Almost there.
167
00:11:48,148 --> 00:11:50,015
Almost there.
I'm getting closer.
168
00:11:50,083 --> 00:11:51,316
It's just within reach.
169
00:11:51,384 --> 00:11:54,486
The boy I like
is Hemingway-esque!
170
00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:58,257
Okay. Let's "esque" him
to dinner.
171
00:11:58,324 --> 00:12:00,993
Wow, Nick here in our house!
172
00:12:01,061 --> 00:12:03,796
I hope it doesn't make him
think less of me.
173
00:12:03,863 --> 00:12:06,365
This house is not an
embarrassment!
174
00:12:08,301 --> 00:12:10,769
Hm, usually when I say
something like that,
175
00:12:10,837 --> 00:12:13,572
something extremely
embarrassing happens.
176
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,708
I'm gonna say good night
before it does. Good night.
177
00:12:21,114 --> 00:12:23,949
Well, Lisa didn't tell me
that she had a sister.
178
00:12:25,518 --> 00:12:26,418
Or a daughter.
179
00:12:29,055 --> 00:12:30,456
Oh, my.
180
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:33,842
I don't know if anyone's
ever kissed my hand before.
181
00:12:33,910 --> 00:12:35,477
Well, your arms are lanky.
182
00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:37,246
It's kind of a
long trip down there.
183
00:12:37,313 --> 00:12:39,064
My mother said
I should bring some wine.
184
00:12:39,132 --> 00:12:43,168
Hmm, the French have gotten
into the wine game?
185
00:12:43,236 --> 00:12:45,604
Ha, good luck catchin' up
with the big boys.
186
00:12:45,672 --> 00:12:47,506
I'll get a couple glasses.
187
00:12:49,342 --> 00:12:51,176
Mrs. Simpson, I'd like your
permission to take your daughter
188
00:12:51,244 --> 00:12:54,379
to the Doritos Nutrition Fair
at the school gym.
189
00:12:54,447 --> 00:12:58,717
Well, I usually take Lisa,
but I can just go with Bart.
190
00:12:58,785 --> 00:13:00,285
Wait. What?
No!
191
00:13:00,353 --> 00:13:01,553
You're going with me!
192
00:13:01,621 --> 00:13:03,355
But, Lisa, after this,
193
00:13:03,423 --> 00:13:06,391
I don't want you to spend
so much time with this boy.
194
00:13:06,459 --> 00:13:10,062
If you do, it'll mean you're
a separate person from me.
195
00:13:10,130 --> 00:13:11,897
That'll stop her
from seeing him.
196
00:13:19,486 --> 00:13:22,155
Mom can't appreciate
the kind of boy Nick is,
197
00:13:22,223 --> 00:13:23,656
because although I love Dad,
198
00:13:23,724 --> 00:13:26,259
he's a completely
different creature.
199
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,161
Yeah, there's a lot
of fish in the sea,
200
00:13:28,229 --> 00:13:30,096
but she picked out
a drunken walrus.
201
00:13:30,164 --> 00:13:32,131
But you and this Nick fella
sound to me
202
00:13:32,199 --> 00:13:34,834
like the story
of Pyramus and Thisbe.
203
00:13:34,902 --> 00:13:36,736
Which inspired Romeo and Juliet,
204
00:13:36,804 --> 00:13:38,471
which inspired West Side Story,
205
00:13:38,539 --> 00:13:40,907
which inspired me to say "eh."
206
00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:44,994
Pyramus and Thisbe were
lovers from ancient times!
207
00:13:45,062 --> 00:13:48,765
They lived next door but their
families despised each other.
208
00:13:48,832 --> 00:13:52,018
I don't like to babble on,
but I sure do like Babylon.
209
00:13:56,340 --> 00:13:58,808
The lovers had to whisper
their sweet nothings
210
00:13:58,876 --> 00:14:00,076
through a crack in the wall.
211
00:14:00,127 --> 00:14:01,577
Wait a minute!
212
00:14:01,645 --> 00:14:06,382
Nick and I met talking through
a crack between two booths!
213
00:14:06,433 --> 00:14:09,585
And the power of that
forbidden smooch
214
00:14:09,637 --> 00:14:11,888
made them love
each other forever.
215
00:14:19,229 --> 00:14:21,397
Man, that company
thinks every time
216
00:14:21,465 --> 00:14:24,233
it adds a wisecracking parrot
to a story, they own it.
217
00:14:24,301 --> 00:14:26,286
Talk to the wing, Thisbe!
218
00:14:26,353 --> 00:14:30,807
Grampa, would you help take me
on a foolish romantic mission?
219
00:14:30,874 --> 00:14:32,292
Let me check my schedule.
220
00:14:32,359 --> 00:14:33,526
This might work.
221
00:14:33,594 --> 00:14:34,594
I think I'm free.
222
00:14:34,662 --> 00:14:35,962
Tuesday's open.
223
00:14:36,030 --> 00:14:37,730
You got it, kiddo!
224
00:14:40,834 --> 00:14:43,653
Legend has it
a girl named Eleanor Mackie
225
00:14:43,721 --> 00:14:45,621
drowned on this very spot.
226
00:14:45,673 --> 00:14:48,107
Now they say if you
call her name three times
227
00:14:48,175 --> 00:14:51,044
while looking in this mirror,
you will die.
228
00:14:51,111 --> 00:14:52,195
Milhouse?
229
00:14:58,569 --> 00:15:01,637
Eleanor Mackie.
Eleanor Mackie.
230
00:15:01,705 --> 00:15:04,073
Eleanor Mackie!
231
00:15:04,141 --> 00:15:06,242
Aw, gimme a break.
232
00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:09,879
The one day the lunch lady
decides to wash her hands.
233
00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:12,715
Okay, that was
the last school myth
234
00:15:12,783 --> 00:15:14,751
and it's officially cracked.
235
00:15:14,818 --> 00:15:17,987
So, school is just
everything we see?
236
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:20,223
That's sad, man.
237
00:15:25,162 --> 00:15:26,529
You into cigars now?
238
00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:28,798
It's a Twix.
239
00:15:28,866 --> 00:15:30,767
I can't be the guy who
killed everybody's fun.
240
00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:32,602
That's Skinner's job.
241
00:15:32,669 --> 00:15:35,905
Don't blame me.
You killed the fun, fun-killer.
242
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,195
Milhouse, I've just figured out
a way to make school cool again.
243
00:15:42,262 --> 00:15:44,897
American Girl doll day?!
244
00:15:44,965 --> 00:15:46,632
You might be surprised at
245
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,068
the number of boys who have
American Girl dolls.
246
00:15:49,136 --> 00:15:52,271
It's not weird 'cause
they're historic figures.
247
00:15:57,511 --> 00:16:00,313
I have found one
last myth to destroy,
248
00:16:00,381 --> 00:16:04,217
the so-called legend of
Groundskeeper Were-Willie.
249
00:16:04,284 --> 00:16:07,153
Prepare to be disappointed!
250
00:16:16,313 --> 00:16:19,482
Gentlemen, we just
created a myth.
251
00:16:19,550 --> 00:16:22,702
Now there's a myth about me
I'd like you to correct--
252
00:16:22,770 --> 00:16:24,737
I'm not from Edinburgh!
253
00:16:24,805 --> 00:16:27,824
I'm also not from Glasgow!
254
00:16:27,891 --> 00:16:30,393
I'm from Kirkwall in Orkney!
255
00:16:30,461 --> 00:16:33,830
Me father was an Uppie,
and me mother was a Doonie.
256
00:16:33,897 --> 00:16:35,465
It tore the
family apart!
257
00:16:44,425 --> 00:16:47,210
Ow!
258
00:16:49,263 --> 00:16:52,882
Pull over. You're wanted for
grand theft retirement home.
259
00:16:52,933 --> 00:16:55,218
The TV remote is in your pocket!
260
00:16:55,269 --> 00:16:57,270
Hola! Yo soy Maury Povich.
261
00:16:57,337 --> 00:16:59,555
Uno de estos siete hombres es
262
00:16:59,623 --> 00:17:02,658
el verdadero padre de este
"crack baby."
263
00:17:02,726 --> 00:17:05,161
Everyone's speaking Spanish!
264
00:17:05,229 --> 00:17:08,197
But, if we stop now, we'll never
make it there by sunset.
265
00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:11,451
Run, young lovers!
266
00:17:11,535 --> 00:17:12,952
I'll take care
of the cops!
267
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:14,720
But, Grampa...
Go ahead!
268
00:17:14,788 --> 00:17:16,405
I ain't afraid of no prison!
269
00:17:20,010 --> 00:17:22,645
Sir, we're gonna bring you back
to your retirement home.
270
00:17:22,713 --> 00:17:25,047
No!
271
00:17:28,252 --> 00:17:29,335
Chief, we heard gunfire!
272
00:17:29,419 --> 00:17:31,554
Relax! It's
just my back!
273
00:17:31,622 --> 00:17:32,922
And my hip.
274
00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,490
Spinal column!
275
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:42,293
Thanks for the ride,
Mr. Spuckler.
276
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:45,329
Yeah, I don't normally
approve of out-breeding,
277
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,198
but you two seem nice.
278
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,468
We can take this boat.
279
00:17:56,475 --> 00:17:58,809
I don't know, this water's
a little choppy.
280
00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,929
I thought you rowed up the
Zambezi without a guide.
281
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:04,849
Right, right.
282
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:13,657
So, Dad, what kind of stupid
idea did you put in Lisa's head?
283
00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:17,778
She wants to steal a kiss,
like Pyramus and Thisbe.
284
00:18:17,863 --> 00:18:19,580
Did you say
"ultimate Frisbee"?!
285
00:18:19,664 --> 00:18:21,032
No!
Oh...
286
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:42,203
Women and shoes, am I right?
287
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,362
Your hands are
really cold.
288
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:55,066
You know,
you were a lot more
289
00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:57,034
adventurous
at the dessert table.
290
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:58,669
I sure was-- I'm
allergic to chocolate!
291
00:18:58,737 --> 00:19:00,404
Shut up and kiss me.
292
00:19:03,291 --> 00:19:07,078
Lisa, it's Hadley Richardson,
Hemingway's first wife.
293
00:19:07,129 --> 00:19:09,563
Trust me,
you're making a big mistake.
294
00:19:09,631 --> 00:19:12,333
If you don't believe me,
ask Pauline Pfeiffer.
295
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,801
I was his second wife.
296
00:19:13,869 --> 00:19:15,870
There were two more after me.
297
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:18,839
Tortured writers
make horrible husbands.
298
00:19:18,907 --> 00:19:20,841
At least you chose
to be with him.
299
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:24,044
I was just swimmin' along,
mindin' my own business.
300
00:19:24,112 --> 00:19:26,414
Next thing I know,
I was hanging on his wall!
301
00:19:26,481 --> 00:19:28,149
He used to pee
in the fireplace!
302
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:33,020
Wait, how long
is this love for again?
303
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,438
Eternity.
304
00:19:34,489 --> 00:19:36,440
Oh, that's a
pretty long time.
305
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:39,243
Now my lips
are getting cold.
306
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:41,128
Lisa!
307
00:19:42,364 --> 00:19:44,665
This isn't working out.
308
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:46,901
Lisa, I'm sorry that
God gave me this gift
309
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,936
of lying to girls,
for a little while.
310
00:19:49,004 --> 00:19:50,304
I'll see ya.
311
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:58,229
I feel kinda silly I walked
all the way out here.
312
00:19:58,296 --> 00:20:01,398
You're just fine.
You always are.
313
00:20:01,466 --> 00:20:04,034
Thanks.
But I couldn't do it, Mom.
314
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:06,470
I mean, the person you kiss
under a mulberry tree
315
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:09,273
is someone you'll love
for the rest of your life.
316
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,779
Mwah!
317
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:23,654
Don't worry, ladies,
I'm-a comin'!
318
00:20:23,705 --> 00:20:26,707
D'oh!
D'oh...
319
00:20:26,775 --> 00:20:30,775
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
320
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:38,220
Ooh, you know, I've heard if a
fat guy stops moving, he floats.
321
00:21:22,609 --> 00:21:24,443
Shh!