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Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.
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- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
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Uh, can... can we squeeze in here?
4
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Oh.
Oh, perfect.
5
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Thanks.
6
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Do you realize this is the first time
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all three of us have been
in a relationship
8
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at the same time?
9
00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:17,775
Yeah, they're gonna need
10
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to get a bigger couch in here.
11
00:00:19,168 --> 00:00:21,563
Or maybe you can just get
a smaller ex-husband.
12
00:00:21,729 --> 00:00:23,815
Hey, who's that girl
mark's talking to at the bar?
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Her name's Katie.
14
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They've been together non-stop
for the past couple days.
15
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- He's really into her.
- Aww. Mark thinks he's people.
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The last two days have been fun.
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I know. So fun.
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I really like you.
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Me too.
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I wish I liked you
just a little more.
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Excuse me?
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I know.
I'm so bummed.
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Well, maybe I should go.
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You should definitely go.
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Well, at least we can always
count on mark
26
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to be single.
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Dude, what happened?
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You know what they say.
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If you're not sure in 48 hours,
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you gotta pull the rip cord.
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Is "they" you, Pauly D,
and the situation,
32
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by any chance?
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No.
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You ever heard
of mastersofpsychology.net?
35
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Nope.
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Because a guy who's written for them
37
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coined the term
"48 hour rule" on his vlog.
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He says you know in 48 hours
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if someone is right for you,
and if you don't,
40
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you're just talking yourself into it
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for the hot monkey sex.
44
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Oh. No.
45
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It took me way longer.
46
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No way. It was, like,
exactly 48 hours.
47
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You're remembering it wrong.
48
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How do you know?
You were bombed.
49
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I was not bombed, okay?
She was bombed.
50
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Oh, no, I was more high than bombed.
51
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I was sober.
52
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I was drunk.
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I hadn't met you guys yet,
54
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but I know what night
you're talking about.
55
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- Hmm.
- Hmm.
56
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Hmm.
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Wake up!
All right. Ahh.
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Okay. Oh, I'm plowed.
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You know, this may be
the beer goggles talking,
60
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but I think we are
the cutest chicks in here.
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Mm-hmm.
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I mean, we are
the only chicks in here.
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Yeah.
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This makes me feel like
we're missing a sale.
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Hey. There is nothing to worry about.
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We are single ladies in 2008,
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and we don't need a thing.
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I need some Tequila.
I'm shaking.
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Okay.
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Oh, Roxanne's coming over here.
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Be nice.
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What? I like Roxanne.
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We just don't have
that much in common.
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It's like, she doesn't really drink.
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She's always all over Lance.
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I just don't know how
to deal with girls
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who are defined
by their relationship, you know?
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Mm.
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Shoot me if I'm ever like that, okay?
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- Hey, you guys.
- Hi.
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Thank you so much for coming.
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Hi, Roxanne.
Happy Birthday, Lance.
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Oh, thanks, but isn't
every day we don't die
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a happy new birth day?
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Oh.
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Man, it's been forever
since I've seen you guys.
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But I'll have more free time now,
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since Hillary lost the nomination
89
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and our phone bank closed.
90
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Oh.
91
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:02,406
I can't believe our next president
92
00:03:02,531 --> 00:03:03,767
could be the only black guy
in Chicago
93
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lily hasn't slept with.
94
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:08,522
Still got five months.
95
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Oh, no.
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00:03:15,594 --> 00:03:19,940
Well, we found where Chicago
keeps all its dudes.
97
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Yeah, really.
98
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The prettiest girl in here
is that Asian guy.
99
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All right, well,
let's go get a drink,
100
00:03:25,721 --> 00:03:26,597
and then we'll head out.
101
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Just text that girl Karen.
102
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She has some cute friends.
103
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No, I don't want to text Karen.
104
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She's so boring.
105
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She doesn't have any opinions,
106
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and she never has anything to say.
107
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Oh.
108
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Yeah, definitely don't text
the perfect woman.
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Uh...
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Seriously?
You're not gonna let me in?
111
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Not without I.D.
112
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Uh, I left it at my office,
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where I work,
'cause I'm 30 years old.
114
00:03:57,194 --> 00:04:01,665
But why do you still dress
like a nine-year-old?
115
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:05,620
Wake up! Okay.
All right.
116
00:04:05,786 --> 00:04:07,321
- I'm up.
- I'm up.
117
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Think I'll have that cigarette.
118
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Okay.
119
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Be so much easier if you could
just snort cigarettes.
120
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Ugh.
121
00:04:17,606 --> 00:04:20,135
Hey, check it out.
There's a girl.
122
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I think we've struck bronze.
123
00:04:25,748 --> 00:04:27,017
Yeah, well, there's one of her,
124
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and there's two of us,
so how should we play this?
125
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I don't know.
126
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She should probably be in the middle.
127
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Okay, well, first of all,
128
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"probably"?
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Second of all,
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I'm talking about we should
rock, paper, scissors for her.
131
00:04:45,743 --> 00:04:47,704
Oh.
132
00:04:50,139 --> 00:04:53,293
Guess I'm gonna go find
that Asian guy.
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Hi.
134
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Okay, here we go.
135
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Listen, I never do this, but...
136
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Oh, God, please stop.
137
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Every time a guy says,
"I never do this,"
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he always does this.
139
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- Really?
- Yes.
140
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Because what I was gonna say is, uh,
141
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I never do this, but I could
tell all the way
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00:05:16,398 --> 00:05:18,902
from the other end of the bar
that your personality sucks.
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- Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh, okay.
144
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Someone read the game.
145
00:05:23,872 --> 00:05:25,749
Oh, yeah, no, I read the game,
146
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but you're only supposed
to use those moves
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for girls that you're
actually attracted to.
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- Ah!
- Yeah.
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00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:31,164
Wow.
150
00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:32,874
No, you're supposed to have
a comeback for that.
151
00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,625
Okay, why don't you come back
152
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:36,795
as someone I'd be interested in?
153
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That answers my question
on what you're doing alone
154
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in a bar full of guys.
155
00:05:43,342 --> 00:05:44,427
You know what?
I'm just gonna...
156
00:05:50,966 --> 00:05:54,354
Hey, are you bipolar?
157
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,023
Are you bisexual?
158
00:05:57,189 --> 00:05:59,609
Well, I am attracted to you.
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00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:01,194
Okay, I'm leaving.
160
00:06:05,881 --> 00:06:08,492
Are you coming?
161
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,870
Ooh, she's playing hard to get.
162
00:06:14,456 --> 00:06:17,401
You know, we're not even
choosing to talk
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00:06:17,526 --> 00:06:18,502
to each other right now.
164
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Our bodies chose for us.
165
00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:22,806
It's millions of years of evolution.
166
00:06:22,931 --> 00:06:26,343
Are you familiar with pheromones?
167
00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:29,236
White guys, man.
168
00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:33,651
Ahem.
169
00:06:33,776 --> 00:06:36,053
'Scuse me.
170
00:06:36,178 --> 00:06:37,355
Sorry.
171
00:06:37,521 --> 00:06:39,399
Weirdo.
172
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,466
Okay, uh...
173
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This is a copy
of my birth certificate.
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Hm.
175
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:49,701
Can I please go in now?
176
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,669
No.
177
00:06:51,794 --> 00:06:53,163
Now you just want it too much.
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00:07:00,769 --> 00:07:02,997
Oh.
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00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,090
That guy.
180
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,629
Morning, Whitney.
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00:07:13,163 --> 00:07:14,758
Morning...
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00:07:15,459 --> 00:07:16,460
You.
183
00:07:21,761 --> 00:07:23,580
{pub}You know what?
I really have to get to work.
184
00:07:23,705 --> 00:07:25,682
The boss is kind of a stickler, so...
185
00:07:25,807 --> 00:07:29,783
Uh, you're a freelance
photographer, Whitney.
186
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,387
You showed me a billboard
you did last night.
187
00:07:31,512 --> 00:07:33,022
It was right after you got
into an argument
188
00:07:33,147 --> 00:07:35,080
with a parking meter.
189
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,209
Look, um, I never do this, so...
190
00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:40,864
First of all, when a girl says
she never does this,
191
00:07:40,989 --> 00:07:43,500
she always does this.
192
00:07:43,625 --> 00:07:44,868
Second of all, I actually don't have
193
00:07:44,993 --> 00:07:46,508
many one-night stands either.
194
00:07:46,674 --> 00:07:48,905
Oh, no, no, no, one-night
stands are, like, my jam.
195
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:50,957
I normally, um, never sleep over.
196
00:07:51,082 --> 00:07:52,514
So I'm just gonna...
197
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:54,891
Oh, well, great.
Go.
198
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:57,413
Um...
199
00:07:57,538 --> 00:07:58,937
Okay. Ahem.
200
00:07:59,103 --> 00:08:01,314
What, now you have dignity?
201
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,520
Look, dude.
202
00:08:03,645 --> 00:08:04,988
Here's the thing.
I just, um...
203
00:08:05,113 --> 00:08:07,112
Dude?
204
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,906
You don't even know my name, do you?
205
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:12,278
Okay, I'm sorry.
I forgot.
206
00:08:12,403 --> 00:08:15,286
I'm sure you said it, like,
ten times last night, but...
207
00:08:15,452 --> 00:08:17,872
Yeah, you know, you said it
a few times, too.
208
00:08:19,127 --> 00:08:20,750
Your name is slow down?
209
00:08:20,916 --> 00:08:22,877
Okay, look, I'm sorry.
210
00:08:23,043 --> 00:08:24,838
It's just that, um, ahem,
211
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,442
I just got out of something,
212
00:08:26,567 --> 00:08:29,217
and I really need to work
on myself right now.
213
00:08:31,039 --> 00:08:32,554
Okay.
214
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:33,633
I'm serious.
215
00:08:33,758 --> 00:08:35,018
I just, um, ahem,
216
00:08:35,143 --> 00:08:36,850
I could really see myself...
217
00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,187
Falling for me?
218
00:08:38,312 --> 00:08:39,686
And you don't want to take
things too seriously?
219
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,479
You know what? It's okay.
You don't have to do this.
220
00:08:41,645 --> 00:08:44,107
You don't ever have to justify
casual sex to a dude.
221
00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:45,461
Great! Okay.
222
00:08:45,586 --> 00:08:46,896
Okay, great. Perfect.
223
00:08:47,021 --> 00:08:48,898
We don't have to pretend
this is more than it is.
224
00:08:49,023 --> 00:08:51,364
You know, I mean,
sometimes sex is just sex.
225
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,450
Totally.
So what do I owe you?
226
00:09:02,203 --> 00:09:04,377
I'm so glad we're hanging out.
227
00:09:04,543 --> 00:09:06,649
We never get to have
one-on-one girl time.
228
00:09:06,774 --> 00:09:08,715
I mean, without Whitney.
229
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:11,926
I usually only see you
when you're out... partying.
230
00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:13,067
Oh, right.
231
00:09:13,192 --> 00:09:15,892
What else do you like to do?
232
00:09:16,017 --> 00:09:17,891
Uh, mushrooms.
233
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:21,664
Yeah, I love to do mushrooms and...
234
00:09:21,789 --> 00:09:23,666
Oh. Oh, oh. Okay.
235
00:09:23,791 --> 00:09:25,435
See, I was, um, I was thinking
more along the lines
236
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,233
of rock climbing.
237
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:28,838
Oh, no, rock climbing on mushrooms
238
00:09:28,963 --> 00:09:30,987
would be super-dangerous.
239
00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:32,942
What do you like to do?
240
00:09:33,067 --> 00:09:34,727
She likes making jewelry, meditating,
241
00:09:34,852 --> 00:09:36,195
and dancing in my dreams.
242
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,202
Hey!
243
00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:39,482
Didn't know Lance was coming.
244
00:09:39,607 --> 00:09:40,747
For a girls' night.
245
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:41,706
Just pretend I'm not here.
246
00:09:42,101 --> 00:09:43,124
Yeah, you know what?
247
00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:45,738
Lance is basically
one of the girls anyway.
248
00:09:45,863 --> 00:09:47,290
So tell me about this idea you had
249
00:09:47,415 --> 00:09:49,005
for a food blog.
250
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:52,028
Oh, well, I have
a very sophisticated palate,
251
00:09:52,153 --> 00:09:55,553
and I failed out of college, so...
252
00:09:55,719 --> 00:09:58,473
Uh, can I get a shot?
253
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:02,162
And a shotgun.
254
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,809
Alex, do you remember
when you were like,
255
00:10:06,934 --> 00:10:09,612
"I'll have a small
strawberry banana smoothie,"
256
00:10:09,737 --> 00:10:10,713
and I was like,
257
00:10:10,838 --> 00:10:13,216
"do you want
a free boost with that...
258
00:10:13,341 --> 00:10:15,073
Like my phone number?"
259
00:10:15,376 --> 00:10:17,033
You remember that?
260
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:18,554
Uh, yeah.
261
00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:21,329
Well, it was two days ago
at Jamba Juice.
262
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:24,260
Are you mad at me?
263
00:10:24,385 --> 00:10:26,584
No. Why would I be mad at you?
264
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:28,665
I'm just... I'm just being weird
265
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:33,049
because you didn't notice
my new haircut.
266
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:34,671
Well, that's because
we only met once,
267
00:10:34,796 --> 00:10:37,428
and you were wearing a visor.
268
00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:38,675
Excuse me.
269
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,182
These drinks are compliments
of the lady over there.
270
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,983
Okay.
271
00:10:47,108 --> 00:10:48,773
A beer for you.
272
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:51,317
And a Shirley temple for the lady.
273
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:54,028
She wasn't sure that your friend
was of legal drinking age.
274
00:10:56,584 --> 00:10:57,699
Unbelievable.
275
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:58,950
Who is he?
276
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,129
Is he in a band?
277
00:11:00,254 --> 00:11:02,398
Are they better than my band?
278
00:11:02,523 --> 00:11:03,705
Does he have any weed?
279
00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:07,083
Honestly, I don't even know his name.
280
00:11:07,249 --> 00:11:09,672
This basket of bread is compliments
281
00:11:09,797 --> 00:11:12,964
of the gentleman over there.
282
00:11:16,216 --> 00:11:17,814
He said he was worried
you may have traded
283
00:11:17,939 --> 00:11:19,387
all your food for heroine.
284
00:11:22,443 --> 00:11:24,393
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
285
00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:29,509
Hey, hey, hey.
286
00:11:29,634 --> 00:11:31,127
Uh, that was really cute
what you did back there
287
00:11:31,252 --> 00:11:32,108
with the drinks.
288
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:33,651
Thanks for the fight.
289
00:11:33,817 --> 00:11:34,797
I'm sorry.
290
00:11:34,922 --> 00:11:35,865
I didn't mean to cause a rift
291
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:38,656
between you and your daughter.
292
00:11:38,822 --> 00:11:40,783
Do you have her
for the whole weekend?
293
00:11:40,949 --> 00:11:41,951
I met her two days ago.
294
00:11:42,117 --> 00:11:43,911
At build-a-bear?
295
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:45,621
Come on, she's 26.
296
00:11:45,787 --> 00:11:47,477
Okay, I'm 26.
297
00:11:47,602 --> 00:11:49,584
She looks ten years younger than me.
298
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,748
You know, I'm not quite sure
who you're insulting.
299
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,200
So I'm more clear:
300
00:11:54,325 --> 00:11:55,518
You need to get some product
for that hair,
301
00:11:55,643 --> 00:11:58,092
because you look like Courtney Cox.
302
00:11:58,258 --> 00:11:59,856
No, no, no.
Clean hair, fresh shave.
303
00:11:59,981 --> 00:12:01,220
That's, like, my thing.
304
00:12:01,386 --> 00:12:03,159
Oh.
305
00:12:03,284 --> 00:12:04,761
Well, you should probably
get back to your date.
306
00:12:04,886 --> 00:12:06,517
She probably needs you
to cut up her hot dog.
307
00:12:06,683 --> 00:12:08,264
Well, you should probably
get back to your date.
308
00:12:08,389 --> 00:12:10,683
He's dead.
309
00:12:10,808 --> 00:12:11,814
Your date is terrible.
310
00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:14,387
Your date is the worst.
311
00:12:14,512 --> 00:12:16,639
- Hey, what the hell?
- Mm. Mm.
312
00:12:16,764 --> 00:12:17,907
Oh, you know what?
I-I can't.
313
00:12:18,032 --> 00:12:20,100
- Hey, my name is Alex.
- Okay, great.
314
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:27,288
{pub}Hello?
315
00:12:27,454 --> 00:12:28,498
Hey.
316
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:29,622
I just got your message.
317
00:12:29,747 --> 00:12:31,709
You had sex in the bathroom?
318
00:12:31,875 --> 00:12:33,211
Yeah.
319
00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:34,295
When are you gonna see her again?
320
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,588
I don't know.
I haven't called her.
321
00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:37,131
You don't call her,
I'm gonna call her.
322
00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:38,716
No... no, I don't have her number.
323
00:12:38,882 --> 00:12:40,385
Oh, well, did you get a last name?
324
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,951
No.
325
00:12:42,076 --> 00:12:43,119
I mean, she said it was cummings,
326
00:12:43,244 --> 00:12:45,223
but that's obviously a joke.
327
00:12:46,682 --> 00:12:49,852
You had sex in the men's bathroom?
328
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:54,023
Thank God your feet
never touched the ground.
329
00:12:54,189 --> 00:12:55,698
Oh, my gosh.
330
00:12:55,823 --> 00:12:57,193
This is so exciting.
331
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,534
You know what?
332
00:12:58,659 --> 00:13:00,320
I'm gonna have a second drink.
333
00:13:03,998 --> 00:13:05,868
Oh, my God.
He texted me.
334
00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:07,954
How did he even get my number?
335
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:09,746
What's it say?
336
00:13:09,871 --> 00:13:11,881
"I miss you."
337
00:13:12,006 --> 00:13:14,183
This guy does not get me.
338
00:13:15,977 --> 00:13:19,674
"My penis wrote that."
339
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,926
He totally gets you.
340
00:13:22,092 --> 00:13:24,637
- Text him back.
- No, no.
341
00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:26,262
Come... admit it.
342
00:13:26,387 --> 00:13:27,932
You like this guy.
343
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,716
Okay, fine.
344
00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:31,501
I like him, okay?
345
00:13:31,626 --> 00:13:35,038
He's really funny and super smart
346
00:13:35,163 --> 00:13:37,273
and totally calls me out on my crap.
347
00:13:37,398 --> 00:13:39,442
But I am not dumb enough
to think that I could have
348
00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:40,843
something real with him, okay?
349
00:13:40,968 --> 00:13:42,178
I mean, what kind of person
leaves their date
350
00:13:42,303 --> 00:13:43,713
in a restaurant
to go have sex with someone
351
00:13:43,838 --> 00:13:45,992
in a bathroom?
352
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,493
You.
353
00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:48,584
Okay.
354
00:13:48,709 --> 00:13:51,521
Yeah, and I'm a terrible person.
355
00:13:51,646 --> 00:13:52,522
Okay?
356
00:13:52,647 --> 00:13:54,357
I mean, he's a random hookup,
357
00:13:54,482 --> 00:13:55,751
and he's obviously a player.
358
00:13:55,917 --> 00:13:58,528
But he tracked you down.
359
00:13:58,653 --> 00:14:01,674
I mean, this guy could be
your soul mate.
360
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,533
Come on.
Don't you believe in fate?
361
00:14:03,658 --> 00:14:04,927
Or destiny?
362
00:14:05,093 --> 00:14:07,536
Hey, I do not believe
in fate or destiny, okay?
363
00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:09,722
Fate and destiny
are names of strippers
364
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:13,042
who wind up being identified
by their dental records.
365
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:15,111
Okay, our waitress clearly quit.
366
00:14:15,236 --> 00:14:17,380
I'm gonna go get us drinks.
367
00:14:17,505 --> 00:14:18,524
Classic Whitney.
368
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,016
Every time she likes a guy,
369
00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:21,150
she pushes him away.
370
00:14:21,275 --> 00:14:22,737
I knew she wouldn't text him back.
371
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,937
Oh, she's texting him back.
372
00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:26,723
Okay, but if you want
to sound like her,
373
00:14:26,848 --> 00:14:28,159
it has to be something sexual.
374
00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:29,826
Okay, uh...
375
00:14:31,235 --> 00:14:33,831
I feel like I'm cheating on Lance.
376
00:14:33,997 --> 00:14:36,132
For God's sakes, give it to me.
377
00:14:36,257 --> 00:14:38,794
"Da da da-da da, from behind."
Send.
378
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,505
Oh!
379
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:43,840
Okay, you guys, seriously, let's go.
380
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:45,551
This place is dead.
381
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:46,959
No! Dead?
Are... are you kidding?
382
00:14:47,084 --> 00:14:48,678
I mean, did you even notice?
383
00:14:48,803 --> 00:14:51,265
Look, there's word jumbles
on the napkins.
384
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:52,382
Yeah, plus,
385
00:14:52,507 --> 00:14:55,019
I'm so drunk I can't even move.
386
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:56,252
I just need to sit...
387
00:14:56,377 --> 00:14:57,487
Okay, we can go.
388
00:14:57,612 --> 00:14:58,856
Oh.
389
00:15:02,617 --> 00:15:03,528
Hey.
390
00:15:03,694 --> 00:15:05,128
Hi.
391
00:15:05,253 --> 00:15:06,322
What are you doing here?
392
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,658
Well, I-I got your text.
393
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:10,660
- My text?
- Yeah.
394
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,568
Okay, I'm gonna kill them.
395
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:14,270
I did not text you.
396
00:15:14,395 --> 00:15:15,957
They texted you.
397
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:18,541
- Ah.
- So, ahem.
398
00:15:18,666 --> 00:15:20,810
Well, uh...
399
00:15:20,935 --> 00:15:23,005
I'm here now.
Do you wanna go hang out?
400
00:15:23,171 --> 00:15:24,714
Okay, you think you can just
say the word,
401
00:15:24,839 --> 00:15:27,183
and I'm gonna
have sex with you again?
402
00:15:27,308 --> 00:15:29,585
Well, no.
403
00:15:29,710 --> 00:15:32,655
I mean, yeah,
that would probably work, but...
404
00:15:32,780 --> 00:15:34,457
And your friends made
some pretty big promises
405
00:15:34,582 --> 00:15:36,060
on that text, but...
406
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:40,129
I-I'm saying that we could go
somewhere else
407
00:15:40,254 --> 00:15:41,941
and... and just hang out.
408
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,433
Okay, Alex.
409
00:15:43,558 --> 00:15:45,820
You seem like a very nice guy, Alex.
410
00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,437
Alex. I...
Look, I know you know my name.
411
00:15:47,562 --> 00:15:49,539
But you... you're being an idiot.
412
00:15:49,664 --> 00:15:51,284
There's obviously something here.
413
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,326
Like what?
414
00:15:52,492 --> 00:15:54,077
Most girls I date are boring.
415
00:15:54,202 --> 00:15:56,112
And, you know, you surprise me.
416
00:15:56,237 --> 00:15:57,880
Mostly it's the bad kind
of surprise, yeah, sure.
417
00:15:58,005 --> 00:16:00,116
Of course.
418
00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:01,417
But it's still a surprise.
419
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:02,885
And you know what?
420
00:16:03,010 --> 00:16:04,505
I don't know how this ends.
421
00:16:06,047 --> 00:16:09,192
I'm sorry, but I just don't
want a relationship.
422
00:16:09,317 --> 00:16:11,194
Okay?
I am on my own.
423
00:16:11,319 --> 00:16:13,264
And I like it that way.
424
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,533
So, ahem.
425
00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:15,698
All right, tough guy.
426
00:16:15,823 --> 00:16:17,891
You think you're tough
'cause you got sneakers.
427
00:16:19,894 --> 00:16:21,237
What are you doing?
Are you... are you choking?
428
00:16:21,362 --> 00:16:22,705
Oh, hey.
Everybody give us some room.
429
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,040
Give us some room.
Here, here we go.
430
00:16:24,165 --> 00:16:25,174
- Okay, I'm okay.
- One, two, three.
431
00:16:25,299 --> 00:16:26,209
Okay, I'm...
432
00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:27,987
Come on, shut up.
Breathe!
433
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,011
Agh!
434
00:16:29,136 --> 00:16:30,847
It's... I'm fine!
435
00:16:30,972 --> 00:16:32,482
It was an ice cube.
It melted.
436
00:16:32,607 --> 00:16:33,733
I'm fine.
437
00:16:33,858 --> 00:16:35,251
Okay.
438
00:16:35,376 --> 00:16:37,079
Thank you.
439
00:16:37,245 --> 00:16:40,156
Yeah, you're welcome.
440
00:16:40,281 --> 00:16:43,092
You just tried to save me.
That's... pfft.
441
00:16:43,217 --> 00:16:46,672
No guy I've ever dated
would've done that.
442
00:16:46,838 --> 00:16:49,008
What kind of guys
have you been dating?
443
00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:57,224
I told Lance
he was not allowed to come.
444
00:16:57,390 --> 00:16:59,575
Just us girls.
445
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:02,104
Am I drunk?
'Cause if I am, I like it.
446
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,846
You've had two drinks.
447
00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:04,981
It gets way better.
448
00:17:05,106 --> 00:17:07,450
Oh, we should order Jagerbombs.
449
00:17:07,575 --> 00:17:09,418
You know, 'cause we still
haven't seen each other naked.
450
00:17:09,543 --> 00:17:11,437
Wha... oh, okay.
451
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:16,577
Oh, hang on.
That's Lance.
452
00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,195
You know what?
453
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,498
I'll just let it go to voicemail.
454
00:17:20,664 --> 00:17:22,532
Hey, I'm sorry,
455
00:17:22,657 --> 00:17:25,334
you know, that I get annoyed
you're always with Lance.
456
00:17:25,459 --> 00:17:27,129
I-I think maybe I'm just jealous.
457
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:28,589
You guys seem like
the perfect couple,
458
00:17:28,755 --> 00:17:32,718
and sometimes I just wish
I could meet the right guy.
459
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,431
Uh, Lance and I
are not the perfect couple.
460
00:17:37,597 --> 00:17:38,648
We fight a lot.
461
00:17:38,773 --> 00:17:40,977
I know it seems
like we don't, but... we do.
462
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,351
Yeah, but that... that's okay.
463
00:17:42,476 --> 00:17:44,021
I mean, everyone fights.
Just makes you normal.
464
00:17:44,187 --> 00:17:45,638
Yeah, no, yeah.
Pfft. You're right.
465
00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:48,275
I mean, we're probably just
going through a tough time.
466
00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:49,475
You see, this is good.
467
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:50,726
This is why we have girl time.
468
00:17:50,851 --> 00:17:52,113
So we can open up.
469
00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:54,063
Yeah, we thought that having
a baby might solve it,
470
00:17:54,188 --> 00:17:56,032
but we just have not been able
to get pregnant, you know.
471
00:17:56,157 --> 00:17:58,452
The doctor thinks I might have
a tipped uterus, so.
472
00:17:58,618 --> 00:18:01,664
Wow, okay.
Throwing it wide open.
473
00:18:04,965 --> 00:18:07,128
You know, I'm kind of
disappointed in you.
474
00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:08,878
It's predictable
and not surprising at all
475
00:18:09,003 --> 00:18:11,090
to sleep with a guy
that saved your life.
476
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,148
Okay, you did not save my life,
477
00:18:12,273 --> 00:18:13,332
and I'm not gonna sleep.
478
00:18:13,457 --> 00:18:14,427
Whoa, hold on.
479
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:15,720
You're not gonna spend the night?
480
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:17,179
No. That's not my thing.
481
00:18:17,345 --> 00:18:18,888
It's not your thing.
Got it.
482
00:18:19,013 --> 00:18:20,923
Look, uh, hey.
483
00:18:21,048 --> 00:18:22,648
I think you should go.
484
00:18:23,684 --> 00:18:24,854
Excuse me?
485
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,145
Yeah, if you're not
gonna spend the night,
486
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:29,298
then I think you should go.
487
00:18:29,423 --> 00:18:30,609
Okay.
488
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:33,493
You're not gonna sleep with me?
489
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:35,771
Nuh-uh.
490
00:18:35,896 --> 00:18:38,159
Bye-bye.
491
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:39,875
Okay, what game is this?
492
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:41,327
'Cause I will play, and I will win.
493
00:18:41,452 --> 00:18:43,831
I just need to know the rules.
494
00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:44,914
Look, it's not a game.
495
00:18:45,039 --> 00:18:46,082
I don't want to play a game with you.
496
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:47,250
I like you, okay?
497
00:18:47,375 --> 00:18:48,417
The whole thing where we hook up
498
00:18:48,542 --> 00:18:49,986
and then you leave, I do that too.
499
00:18:50,111 --> 00:18:51,687
But I don't want
to do that with you, all right?
500
00:18:51,812 --> 00:18:54,624
Trust me, I can get a much less
exhausting version of that
501
00:18:54,749 --> 00:18:57,386
with other girls.
502
00:18:57,552 --> 00:19:00,347
Okay, well,
so I'm just gonna sleep here?
503
00:19:00,513 --> 00:19:02,865
No, you're gonna sleep
here, all right?
504
00:19:02,990 --> 00:19:04,643
'Cause I sleep here.
505
00:19:04,809 --> 00:19:06,552
And if you're still here
in the morning,
506
00:19:06,677 --> 00:19:08,481
then this is happening, okay?
507
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:11,674
So good night.
508
00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:14,236
And hopefully,
you're here in the morning.
509
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:16,822
Okay, I know what this game is.
510
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:19,867
It's not a game.
Shut up. Go to sleep.
511
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,837
Ha, ha.
You're my girlfriend.
512
00:20:07,711 --> 00:20:09,333
{pub}Three years later,
and we're still here.
513
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:10,389
I guess you have to admit
514
00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:12,545
mark's 48 hour rule is true.
515
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,926
Okay, I liked you,
516
00:20:14,051 --> 00:20:15,761
but it wasn't
until 3:00 in the morning,
517
00:20:15,886 --> 00:20:19,218
so technically, that's 53 hours.
518
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,799
Oh, I guess we should just
call it, then.
519
00:20:20,924 --> 00:20:22,304
You know, it's probably for the best.
520
00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:25,804
It's been a long time
since you surprised me.
521
00:20:29,477 --> 00:20:30,642
That was a surprise.
522
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:32,177
You know what would surprise me
523
00:20:32,302 --> 00:20:33,445
would be if you cleaned it up.
524
00:20:35,505 --> 00:20:36,949
Okay, fine.
I'll give you a real one.
525
00:20:37,074 --> 00:20:38,450
Something I've never told you before
526
00:20:38,575 --> 00:20:40,652
is the morning after I saw you
at the restaurant,
527
00:20:40,777 --> 00:20:41,853
I looked you up.
528
00:20:41,978 --> 00:20:42,888
I knew it.
529
00:20:43,013 --> 00:20:44,556
You were into me from day two.
530
00:20:44,681 --> 00:20:45,624
You insulted me,
531
00:20:45,749 --> 00:20:46,925
you had sex with me in a bathroom,
532
00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:48,193
and you told me to leave.
533
00:20:48,318 --> 00:20:50,495
I mean, I'm only human.
534
00:20:52,796 --> 00:20:56,005
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
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