1
00:00:03,181 --> 00:00:05,042
It was a nice
retirement party.
2
00:00:05,044 --> 00:00:06,228
I guess.
3
00:00:06,229 --> 00:00:07,264
Still, it's a shame
4
00:00:07,265 --> 00:00:10,166
Professor Rothman was forced
to step down.
5
00:00:10,168 --> 00:00:12,201
What choice did
the university have?
6
00:00:12,203 --> 00:00:13,335
He snapped.
7
00:00:13,337 --> 00:00:16,088
It happens to theoretical
physicists all the time.
8
00:00:16,090 --> 00:00:18,340
I wonder how long
Sheldon's got.
9
00:00:20,410 --> 00:00:22,294
These shrimp are
all the same size.
10
00:00:22,296 --> 00:00:24,930
There's no the logical order
to eat them in.
11
00:00:26,016 --> 00:00:30,186
Can't be very long.
12
00:00:30,188 --> 00:00:32,555
Hey, look, there's Rothman's
empty office.
13
00:00:32,557 --> 00:00:34,306
- Sad.
- Mm, indeed.
14
00:00:34,308 --> 00:00:35,524
Yeah.
15
00:00:35,526 --> 00:00:37,142
So sad.
16
00:00:37,144 --> 00:00:39,311
Dibs.
17
00:00:39,313 --> 00:00:41,096
(tape measure retracting)
18
00:00:41,098 --> 00:00:43,782
What's up, fellas?
19
00:00:43,784 --> 00:00:45,784
What are you doing
here, Kripke?
20
00:00:45,786 --> 00:00:48,621
Ah, measuring my new office
for drapes.
21
00:00:48,623 --> 00:00:49,989
This is not your office.
22
00:00:49,991 --> 00:00:51,707
It hasn't been assigned yet.
23
00:00:51,709 --> 00:00:53,409
Well, I called dibs
at the Christmas party
24
00:00:53,411 --> 00:00:54,943
when Professor Rothman tried
to have intercourse
25
00:00:54,945 --> 00:00:56,629
with the Toys for Tots
collection box.
26
00:00:57,780 --> 00:00:58,914
Dibs?!
27
00:00:58,916 --> 00:01:00,916
This is a university,
not a playground.
28
00:01:00,918 --> 00:01:02,117
Offices are not assigned
29
00:01:02,119 --> 00:01:03,619
because someone called dibs.
30
00:01:03,621 --> 00:01:04,803
You just called dibs.
31
00:01:04,805 --> 00:01:06,338
Shut it.
32
00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:08,424
Offices are assigned
by seniority.
33
00:01:08,426 --> 00:01:10,726
I arrived
at the university first.
34
00:01:10,728 --> 00:01:13,562
I arrived at the office first.
35
00:01:13,564 --> 00:01:15,314
I'm the proverbial early bird.
36
00:01:15,316 --> 00:01:17,399
Gentlemen.
37
00:01:17,401 --> 00:01:19,401
ALL:
Professor Rothman.
38
00:01:20,654 --> 00:01:22,855
Good evening.
39
00:01:22,857 --> 00:01:25,107
(others muttering
"Good evening" )
40
00:01:27,694 --> 00:01:30,829
I'm glad
that men are wearing hats again.
41
00:01:31,698 --> 00:01:34,533
They're so distinguished.
44
00:01:43,044 --> 00:01:44,643
♪ The Earth began to cool
45
00:01:44,645 --> 00:01:47,212
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
46
00:01:47,214 --> 00:01:49,882
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
47
00:01:49,884 --> 00:01:52,551
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
48
00:01:52,553 --> 00:01:54,470
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
49
00:01:54,472 --> 00:01:56,438
♪ Bang! ♪
50
00:01:56,463 --> 00:01:58,853
The Big Bang Theory 5x17
The Rothman Disintegration
Original Air Date on February 16, 2012
51
00:01:58,973 --> 00:02:03,078
== sync by Sp8ky , corrected by elderman ==
52
00:02:03,939 --> 00:02:05,606
I got you a little something.
53
00:02:05,608 --> 00:02:07,441
A little something?
54
00:02:07,443 --> 00:02:09,593
Oh, it...
55
00:02:11,613 --> 00:02:13,781
Oh, this is huge.
56
00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:15,849
What's huge is
what you've done for me.
57
00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:17,952
Oh, no, Amy,
I haven't done anything.
58
00:02:17,954 --> 00:02:20,405
No, no, before I met you,
I was a mousy wallflower.
59
00:02:20,338 --> 00:02:21,721
But look at me now.
60
00:02:21,723 --> 00:02:24,991
I'm like some kind of downtown
hipster party girl.
61
00:02:25,693 --> 00:02:27,060
With a posse, a boyfriend
62
00:02:27,062 --> 00:02:30,480
and a new lace bra that hooks
in the front, of all things.
63
00:02:30,482 --> 00:02:31,882
Open it.
64
00:02:31,884 --> 00:02:32,849
Open it.
65
00:02:32,851 --> 00:02:35,035
Okay.
66
00:02:43,711 --> 00:02:46,213
I wanted to get you something
you didn't have.
67
00:02:46,215 --> 00:02:49,432
Wow!
68
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:51,167
I... I don't know what to...
69
00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:53,253
Wow.
70
00:02:53,255 --> 00:02:54,704
Do you like it?
71
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:57,057
Do I like it? Wow.
72
00:02:57,059 --> 00:02:59,876
So, uh, where are you
gonna hang it?
73
00:02:59,878 --> 00:03:01,978
Oh, my God.
Hang it. Wow.
74
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:04,598
Um, you know,
I'd have to go get a hook
75
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,382
and nails and a hammer and...
76
00:03:06,384 --> 00:03:07,901
No problem.
Oh, look.
77
00:03:07,903 --> 00:03:09,236
(laughs) You got...
78
00:03:09,238 --> 00:03:12,722
You just... you got it all
right there. Wow.
79
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:20,063
I found him.
He's in the bathroom.
80
00:03:20,065 --> 00:03:22,115
President Siebert?
81
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:23,617
Can't this wait?
82
00:03:23,619 --> 00:03:25,418
I'm sorry.
We just need a word.
83
00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:29,589
Now? You realize I'm your boss,
and I am holding my penis?
84
00:03:29,591 --> 00:03:32,509
Sheldon, give the
man some privacy.
85
00:03:32,511 --> 00:03:35,679
I'm sorry. This guy's got
no respect for boundaries.
86
00:03:35,681 --> 00:03:37,881
What do you want?
87
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:39,415
Will you tell
this lunatic
88
00:03:39,417 --> 00:03:41,101
that Professor Rothman's
office is rightfully mine?
89
00:03:41,103 --> 00:03:43,303
Can't you take this up
with your department chairman?
90
00:03:43,305 --> 00:03:46,106
We tried. His assistant said
he was on sabbatical.
91
00:03:46,108 --> 00:03:50,193
Although we distinctly heard
his office window open and shut.
92
00:03:50,195 --> 00:03:52,896
Gentlemen, there's a task I'm
trying to accomplish here,
93
00:03:52,898 --> 00:03:54,514
and I'm having
trouble doing it.
94
00:03:54,516 --> 00:03:58,434
Oh, my. President Siebert,
I don't mean to be an alarmist,
95
00:03:58,436 --> 00:04:01,504
but difficulty initiating a
urine stream could be a symptom
96
00:04:01,506 --> 00:04:03,506
of benign prostatic hyperplasia.
97
00:04:03,508 --> 00:04:05,075
If you're interested,
98
00:04:05,077 --> 00:04:07,644
I can send you a link
to a YouTube video
99
00:04:07,646 --> 00:04:09,980
that'll show you how
to perform your own rectal exam.
100
00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:14,451
Uh, helpful hint--
trim your nails first.
101
00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:18,388
Ignore him,
President Siebert.
102
00:04:18,390 --> 00:04:20,857
I'm sure a young man such as
yourself has a perfectly...
103
00:04:20,859 --> 00:04:22,592
(pats)
healthy prostate.
104
00:04:22,594 --> 00:04:24,861
Oh, he's just trying
to butter you up.
105
00:04:24,863 --> 00:04:26,062
And for the record,
106
00:04:26,064 --> 00:04:29,332
butter is an excellent lubricant
for your rectal exam.
107
00:04:29,334 --> 00:04:32,335
Gentlemen, I'm going to allow
the two of you to work this out
108
00:04:32,337 --> 00:04:34,504
because A) you're both
brilliant scientists,
109
00:04:34,506 --> 00:04:36,072
and B) as far
as who gets
110
00:04:36,074 --> 00:04:38,441
Rothman's office,
I couldn't give the furry crack
111
00:04:38,443 --> 00:04:39,976
of a rat's behind.
112
00:04:43,914 --> 00:04:45,915
Well, as long
as we're here,
113
00:04:45,917 --> 00:04:48,151
I might as well
take a leak.
114
00:04:50,521 --> 00:04:52,489
Kripke?
115
00:04:52,491 --> 00:04:53,390
Yes?
116
00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:55,392
You're in my spot.
117
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,441
(both sigh)
118
00:05:12,777 --> 00:05:14,944
That is big.
119
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:17,514
So big.
120
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:19,049
And ugly.
121
00:05:19,051 --> 00:05:20,617
So ugly.
122
00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:22,252
What am I gonna do?
123
00:05:22,254 --> 00:05:24,354
I don't know.
124
00:05:24,356 --> 00:05:26,289
You can't take it down.
You'll break her heart.
125
00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:28,558
Look at that face.
126
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,194
That enormous, unsettling,
127
00:05:31,196 --> 00:05:33,730
crazy face.
128
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:37,834
Is there any chance
I'll learn to love it?
129
00:05:37,836 --> 00:05:39,969
That depends.
Do you like pictures of yourself
130
00:05:39,971 --> 00:05:41,771
where you look like a man?
131
00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,909
All right, it's got to go.
132
00:05:45,911 --> 00:05:48,144
What will you tell Amy?
133
00:05:48,146 --> 00:05:49,379
How about I tell her
134
00:05:49,381 --> 00:05:50,947
the painting makes
you feel jealous
135
00:05:50,949 --> 00:05:52,348
because you're
not in it?
136
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:55,785
Nuh-uh. What if she gets me one?
137
00:05:57,688 --> 00:05:59,923
I already have a picture
of me and Howard's mom
138
00:05:59,925 --> 00:06:01,624
getting our hair cornrowed
in Venice Beach.
139
00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:03,593
I've suffered enough.
140
00:06:03,595 --> 00:06:05,929
Well, I guess I could
take it down and put it up
141
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:07,697
when she comes over,
but it's kind of heavy.
142
00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:10,967
Oh, too bad you're not as strong
as the dude in the painting.
143
00:06:15,172 --> 00:06:16,473
Would you look
at this?
144
00:06:16,475 --> 00:06:18,775
I paid $25
to some kid on eBay
145
00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:21,644
for a handcrafted
Harry Potter wand.
146
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:23,780
He sent me a stick.
147
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:29,319
He went into his backyard,
he picked up a stick.
148
00:06:29,321 --> 00:06:31,855
It's numbered.
149
00:06:31,857 --> 00:06:33,890
Ooh, limited edition.
150
00:06:33,892 --> 00:06:35,425
Nice.
151
00:06:35,427 --> 00:06:37,260
(knocking)
152
00:06:37,262 --> 00:06:38,561
Oh, that'll be Kripke.
153
00:06:38,563 --> 00:06:40,063
LEONARD:
What's he doing here?
154
00:06:40,065 --> 00:06:42,816
We're going to work this office
situation out like gentlemen.
155
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:45,869
And if that doesn't work,
I'm going to poison his tea.
156
00:06:46,954 --> 00:06:49,456
Cooper.
Kripke. Come in.
157
00:06:49,458 --> 00:06:51,291
I'm making tea.
158
00:06:51,293 --> 00:06:53,776
Would you like a cup?
159
00:06:53,778 --> 00:06:55,278
Am I wearing a
summer frock?
160
00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:57,113
No, I don't want tea.
161
00:06:58,115 --> 00:07:00,416
Let's get down
to brass tacks.
162
00:07:00,418 --> 00:07:04,204
Fine. In the interest
of preserving our friendship...
163
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:05,288
We're not friends.
164
00:07:05,290 --> 00:07:06,806
Well, that's a little hard
165
00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:08,508
to hear, but all right.
166
00:07:09,844 --> 00:07:13,930
As you know, the essence
of diplomacy is compromise.
167
00:07:13,932 --> 00:07:15,348
With that in mind,
168
00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:16,632
I propose the following.
169
00:07:16,634 --> 00:07:19,302
I will take Rothman's office,
170
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:23,640
and you will find a way
to be okay with that.
171
00:07:25,159 --> 00:07:27,494
How about
I take Rothman's office,
172
00:07:27,496 --> 00:07:29,863
and you go suck a lemon?
173
00:07:32,649 --> 00:07:34,834
(airy laugh)
174
00:07:36,370 --> 00:07:39,139
You sure I can't get you
that cup of tea?
175
00:07:40,074 --> 00:07:41,257
How about
you decide this
176
00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:44,427
with Rock-Paper-Scissors
Lizard-Spock?
177
00:07:44,429 --> 00:07:47,046
What the frig is that?
178
00:07:47,048 --> 00:07:50,517
Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock
was created
179
00:07:50,519 --> 00:07:53,553
by Internet pioneer Sam Kass
as an improvement
180
00:07:53,555 --> 00:07:55,855
on the classic game
Rock-Paper-Scissors.
181
00:07:55,857 --> 00:07:57,023
All hail Sam Kass.
182
00:07:57,025 --> 00:07:59,025
ALL:
Hail.
183
00:07:59,027 --> 00:08:01,477
How does it work?
184
00:08:01,479 --> 00:08:02,979
Oh, it's very simple.
185
00:08:02,981 --> 00:08:05,148
Scissors cuts paper,
paper covers rock,
186
00:08:05,150 --> 00:08:08,368
rock crushes lizard,
lizard poisons Spock,
187
00:08:08,370 --> 00:08:11,321
Spock smashes scissors,
scissors decapitates lizard,
188
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:14,523
lizard eats paper,
paper disproves Spock,
189
00:08:14,525 --> 00:08:16,459
Spock vaporizes rock,
190
00:08:16,461 --> 00:08:18,995
and as it always has,
rock crushes scissors.
191
00:08:23,801 --> 00:08:26,135
I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?
192
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:28,304
Well, of course.
193
00:08:28,306 --> 00:08:29,705
Scissors cuts paper, paper
194
00:08:29,707 --> 00:08:30,890
covers rock, rock
195
00:08:30,892 --> 00:08:32,725
crushes lizard,
lizard poisons Spock,
196
00:08:32,727 --> 00:08:34,093
Spock smashes scissors,
197
00:08:34,095 --> 00:08:35,595
scissors
decapitates lizard,
198
00:08:35,597 --> 00:08:37,213
lizard eats paper, paper
199
00:08:37,215 --> 00:08:39,015
disproves Spock,
Spock vaporizes rock,
200
00:08:39,017 --> 00:08:42,886
and as it always has,
rock crushes scissors.
201
00:08:44,588 --> 00:08:46,606
Almost got it.
One more time.
202
00:08:46,608 --> 00:08:48,775
Surely. Scissors cuts paper,
paper covers rock, rock...
203
00:08:48,777 --> 00:08:50,360
Sheldon, stop.
204
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:51,611
He's screwing with you.
205
00:08:51,613 --> 00:08:53,746
Is he?
206
00:08:53,748 --> 00:08:55,281
Well, then,
207
00:08:55,283 --> 00:08:57,500
it seems
we have reached an impasse.
208
00:08:57,502 --> 00:09:00,620
I see no other option than
to challenge you to a duel.
209
00:09:00,622 --> 00:09:03,239
I'd smack you with a glove,
but just last week,
210
00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:05,341
I packed away my winter things.
211
00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,127
It's the 21st century.
212
00:09:08,129 --> 00:09:09,429
You can't
have a duel.
213
00:09:09,431 --> 00:09:12,098
H-Hang on, Howard.
214
00:09:13,634 --> 00:09:16,919
Barry, how good
of a shot are you?
215
00:09:17,938 --> 00:09:19,772
Not pistols. Minds.
216
00:09:19,774 --> 00:09:21,391
A trivia contest,
217
00:09:21,393 --> 00:09:23,059
and you may choose
the field of battle.
218
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:26,562
Star Trek trivia, Star Trek:
Next Generation trivia,
219
00:09:26,564 --> 00:09:27,914
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
trivia,
220
00:09:27,916 --> 00:09:30,199
Star Trek:
Voyager trivia,
221
00:09:30,201 --> 00:09:32,619
or model trains.
222
00:09:32,621 --> 00:09:35,538
You have a complete
advantage in trivia.
223
00:09:35,540 --> 00:09:36,939
You have an eidetic memory.
224
00:09:36,941 --> 00:09:38,408
Plus, I haven't watched
Star Trek
225
00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:40,627
since I discovered
the strip club near my apartment
226
00:09:40,629 --> 00:09:43,413
has a free buffet.
227
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:44,747
LEONARD:
It's gonna be hard
228
00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:47,216
to find something
you're both equally good at.
229
00:09:47,218 --> 00:09:49,385
Is there anything
you're both equally bad at?
230
00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:51,587
BOTH: Sports.
231
00:09:56,939 --> 00:09:58,439
All right,
this is one-on-one.
232
00:09:58,441 --> 00:10:01,276
First person to five
wins the office. Any questions?
233
00:10:01,278 --> 00:10:02,043
Yes, Sheldon.
234
00:10:02,045 --> 00:10:04,029
Five what?
235
00:10:04,031 --> 00:10:07,215
Balls in the basket.
236
00:10:10,253 --> 00:10:11,503
Ew!
237
00:10:18,811 --> 00:10:20,812
(grunting)
238
00:10:23,299 --> 00:10:26,485
It's out, right?
239
00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:35,994
Time.
240
00:10:35,996 --> 00:10:37,913
Ran out of room.
241
00:10:40,917 --> 00:10:42,701
You know all those
terrible things
242
00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:43,952
bullies used
to do to us?
243
00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:45,003
Yeah.
244
00:10:45,005 --> 00:10:47,005
I get it.
245
00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:54,079
Ooh, aah!
246
00:10:56,716 --> 00:10:59,151
Hey!
247
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,620
He did that on purpose!
248
00:11:01,622 --> 00:11:03,021
No, he didn't.
249
00:11:03,023 --> 00:11:06,525
Nothing that's happening here
is being done on purpose.
250
00:11:06,527 --> 00:11:09,394
Okay, uh, forget one-on-one.
251
00:11:09,396 --> 00:11:10,962
Let's try
a free throw contest.
252
00:11:10,964 --> 00:11:14,032
First person who makes a basket
wins the office.
253
00:11:14,034 --> 00:11:15,934
Making it too easy there,
Hofstadter.
254
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:18,603
No. No, I'm not.
255
00:11:21,407 --> 00:11:23,175
Use the force, Sheldon.
256
00:11:23,177 --> 00:11:26,077
Use the force.
257
00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:30,916
I'm gonna need more force.
258
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:36,588
All right, Cooper, prepare
to have your heart broken.
259
00:11:38,808 --> 00:11:40,508
(sighs)
260
00:11:40,510 --> 00:11:42,710
Do I get points for that?
261
00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:55,440
Oh!
262
00:11:55,442 --> 00:11:56,925
(thud)
263
00:11:57,693 --> 00:11:59,727
(panting)
(panting)
264
00:11:59,729 --> 00:12:02,364
(Sheldon and Kripke
gasping loudly for breath)
265
00:12:02,366 --> 00:12:05,533
All right,
we gave it 45 minutes.
266
00:12:05,535 --> 00:12:07,836
It's no longer funny.
Let's try something else.
267
00:12:09,238 --> 00:12:10,622
What do you propose?
268
00:12:10,624 --> 00:12:12,207
Uh, on the count of three,
269
00:12:12,209 --> 00:12:14,593
both of you bounce the balls
as hard as you can.
270
00:12:14,595 --> 00:12:16,011
The highest bounce
wins the office.
271
00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:18,013
Oh, you are going down, Cooper.
272
00:12:18,015 --> 00:12:19,381
I don't think so, Kripke.
273
00:12:19,383 --> 00:12:21,766
I've bounced many a rubber ball
in my day.
274
00:12:21,768 --> 00:12:24,135
All right,
that's enough trash talk.
275
00:12:25,638 --> 00:12:27,022
LEONARD:
One,
276
00:12:27,024 --> 00:12:29,190
two, three.
277
00:12:30,926 --> 00:12:32,727
Sheldon
was higher.
278
00:12:32,729 --> 00:12:33,945
Congratulations,
279
00:12:33,947 --> 00:12:35,146
Sheldon. You win office.
280
00:12:35,148 --> 00:12:38,766
Who's unsatisfactory
in P.E. now?
281
00:12:41,904 --> 00:12:43,688
♪ We go together
282
00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:46,408
♪ Like rama lama lama
ka dinga da dinga dong ♪
283
00:12:46,410 --> 00:12:47,626
♪ Remembered forever...
284
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:49,344
Oh, what a great movie.
285
00:12:49,346 --> 00:12:51,663
I cannot believe
you've never seen Grease.
286
00:12:51,665 --> 00:12:53,465
My mother didn't allow me
to watch it.
287
00:12:53,467 --> 00:12:55,967
She was afraid it might
encourage me to join a gang.
288
00:12:58,287 --> 00:12:59,638
I've got to go.
289
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:00,972
I've got to get up early.
290
00:13:00,974 --> 00:13:02,624
My company's testing
a new steroid
291
00:13:02,626 --> 00:13:04,459
that supposedly
doesn't shrink testicles,
292
00:13:04,461 --> 00:13:08,096
and the last one there
has to do the measuring.
293
00:13:08,098 --> 00:13:10,265
I guess I should get going, too.
294
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,352
Good night, painting Penny.
295
00:13:14,354 --> 00:13:16,404
Good night, real Penny.
296
00:13:16,406 --> 00:13:18,773
Good night, real Amy.
297
00:13:18,775 --> 00:13:22,077
You don't have to say
good night to painting Amy,
298
00:13:22,079 --> 00:13:24,062
'cause she's never leaving.
299
00:13:26,666 --> 00:13:28,533
Good night, real Penny.
300
00:13:28,535 --> 00:13:30,335
Bye.
301
00:13:30,337 --> 00:13:32,253
Good night, transvestite Penny.
302
00:13:35,157 --> 00:13:36,291
(sighs)
303
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:38,543
Okay. Let us take you
off the wall.
304
00:13:41,347 --> 00:13:43,548
Out of sight, out of mind.
305
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,168
I wish.
306
00:13:48,821 --> 00:13:51,556
You know, can I
borrow that movie?
307
00:13:51,558 --> 00:13:53,858
Those singing hooligans
really got my motor running.
308
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:56,061
Sure, sure. Enjoy.
309
00:13:56,063 --> 00:13:58,396
I mean, get it back
to me when you can, or...
310
00:13:58,398 --> 00:13:59,781
you know what, actually,
you keep it.
311
00:13:59,783 --> 00:14:01,199
It's just going to be
my gift to you.
312
00:14:01,201 --> 00:14:02,901
- Bye.
- Thank you.
313
00:14:02,903 --> 00:14:04,852
Wait...
Where'd the painting go?
314
00:14:04,854 --> 00:14:06,404
It's right over there.
315
00:14:07,606 --> 00:14:09,791
Why?
316
00:14:10,459 --> 00:14:12,660
I have no idea.
That is weird.
317
00:14:15,364 --> 00:14:16,798
- You hate it.
- No.
318
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,918
No, no.
It's just, it's a little big.
319
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,137
- I feel like an idiot.
- No, come on, you're not an idiot.
320
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:23,488
Look, just help me
put it back up.
321
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,540
Why? So you can just
take it down when I leave?
322
00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:27,892
I don't need your pity.
Oh, Amy, come on...
323
00:14:27,894 --> 00:14:31,429
(choking up): I'm just glad I didn't
go for the sculpture.
324
00:14:34,266 --> 00:14:37,802
Ah, the spoils.
325
00:14:37,804 --> 00:14:39,604
I see why victors love them.
326
00:14:41,507 --> 00:14:42,941
I'm happy for you, Sheldon.
327
00:14:42,943 --> 00:14:45,643
But I have to admit I'm going to
miss sharing an office with you.
328
00:14:45,645 --> 00:14:47,112
Oh, of course you are.
329
00:14:47,114 --> 00:14:49,347
Feel free to drop
by any time.
330
00:14:49,349 --> 00:14:51,416
Thank you.
Yeah. Call first.
331
00:14:57,256 --> 00:14:59,324
Oh. Hello.
332
00:15:01,627 --> 00:15:02,594
Professor Rothman.
333
00:15:02,596 --> 00:15:04,396
This isn't your
office anymore.
334
00:15:04,398 --> 00:15:05,797
You're retired.
335
00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:11,569
I think the word you're
looking for is... "invisible."
336
00:15:15,141 --> 00:15:17,675
I came to say I'm sorry.
337
00:15:17,677 --> 00:15:19,477
Don't bother.
338
00:15:19,479 --> 00:15:21,446
Oh, Amy, please.
I'm so humiliated.
339
00:15:21,448 --> 00:15:23,681
I sat there the whole time
that we were watching "Grease,"
340
00:15:23,683 --> 00:15:26,151
thinking you liked the painting.
I know.
341
00:15:26,153 --> 00:15:28,186
I was a fool from "Summer
Lovin'" to the very last
342
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:30,155
"rama lama lama ke ding
a de dinga a dong."
343
00:15:32,024 --> 00:15:33,525
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
344
00:15:33,527 --> 00:15:35,059
I should have
been honest with you
345
00:15:35,061 --> 00:15:36,928
and told you
the gift was too much.
346
00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:39,030
Yes, too much.
347
00:15:39,032 --> 00:15:41,032
Because our friendship
is fundamentally asymmetrical.
348
00:15:41,034 --> 00:15:44,202
I clearly like you
more than you like me.
349
00:15:44,204 --> 00:15:45,970
I don't think you can
put a number on
350
00:15:45,972 --> 00:15:47,572
how much one person
likes another.
351
00:15:47,574 --> 00:15:50,508
I bought you a painting
that's 12 square feet in area.
352
00:15:50,510 --> 00:15:51,576
There's a number.
353
00:15:51,578 --> 00:15:53,645
Amy, come on...
354
00:15:53,647 --> 00:15:55,280
If you don't like feet,
you can try dollars.
355
00:15:55,282 --> 00:15:56,848
The painting set me back
three grand.
356
00:15:56,850 --> 00:16:00,118
Three gr... Oh, my God!
357
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,454
Look, look, Amy,
358
00:16:02,456 --> 00:16:05,156
all you need to know is,
you are my friend
359
00:16:05,158 --> 00:16:07,559
and I don't want to
lose you out of my life.
360
00:16:07,561 --> 00:16:11,196
I'm sorry, I'm just having
trouble believing you right now.
361
00:16:13,799 --> 00:16:15,266
Grab your hammer.
362
00:16:15,268 --> 00:16:17,735
No. Damage is done.
363
00:16:17,737 --> 00:16:22,607
Okay, look, I didn't want to say
this, but the real reason
364
00:16:22,609 --> 00:16:25,043
I took the painting down was...
365
00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:28,847
because it made
Bernadette very jealous.
366
00:16:28,849 --> 00:16:31,049
Oh, my goodness,
367
00:16:31,051 --> 00:16:33,218
how could I have not seen that?
368
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,352
The painting is
369
00:16:34,354 --> 00:16:36,554
a constant reminder
that of the three of us,
370
00:16:36,556 --> 00:16:39,090
she is the least cool.
371
00:16:39,092 --> 00:16:43,261
Yeah, that's...
that's what it is, so...
372
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:44,696
You have such a good heart.
373
00:16:44,698 --> 00:16:47,398
Yeah... I try.
374
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,234
Come on.
375
00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:50,735
Whoa, whoa, where are we going?
376
00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:52,370
We're going to go put
this painting back up
377
00:16:52,372 --> 00:16:53,872
in your apartment.
Well, what about Bernadette?
378
00:16:53,874 --> 00:16:56,608
Oh, screw her. She's just lucky
we let her hang out with us.
379
00:16:59,545 --> 00:17:01,713
(air conditioner blowing loudly)
380
00:17:19,832 --> 00:17:21,032
What are you doing?
381
00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:23,501
I'm trying to raise
the temperature in here
382
00:17:23,503 --> 00:17:25,770
before my nipples tear
through my shirt.
383
00:17:26,939 --> 00:17:29,807
Why don't you just
turn up the thermostat?
384
00:17:29,809 --> 00:17:31,342
Aha! Good question.
385
00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:33,878
It turns out the thermostat
for my new office
386
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,548
isn't in my new office.
No. It's next door,
387
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:38,416
in Professor Davenport's office,
388
00:17:38,418 --> 00:17:40,151
who is currently
enjoying the hot flashes
389
00:17:40,153 --> 00:17:41,986
associated with menopause.
390
00:17:42,855 --> 00:17:45,023
Why is there a hole here?
391
00:17:45,025 --> 00:17:47,025
Why is there a hole
in my new office?
392
00:17:47,027 --> 00:17:49,327
I've narrowed it down
to two possibilities:
393
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:51,095
"There was something in the wall
394
00:17:51,097 --> 00:17:53,565
that someone outside
the wall wanted,"
395
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:54,799
or the more disturbing,
396
00:17:54,801 --> 00:17:58,069
"there was something
in the wall that wanted out."
397
00:17:59,471 --> 00:18:01,873
Well, at least you
finally got a window that opens.
398
00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:02,807
That's nice.
399
00:18:02,809 --> 00:18:05,176
Is it? Listen.
400
00:18:05,178 --> 00:18:06,277
(wind chimes jangle faintly)
401
00:18:06,279 --> 00:18:07,445
What, you don't like
wind chimes?
402
00:18:07,447 --> 00:18:09,681
No, I hate them,
but it gets worse.
403
00:18:11,483 --> 00:18:12,917
(mockingbird whistling)
404
00:18:12,919 --> 00:18:15,553
- There it is.
- The bird?
405
00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:18,289
It's completely out of tune
with the wind chimes.
406
00:18:19,191 --> 00:18:20,158
So?
407
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:21,392
You don't get it, do you?
408
00:18:21,394 --> 00:18:22,860
That's a mockingbird.
409
00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:24,929
Mockingbirds can
change their song,
410
00:18:24,931 --> 00:18:26,831
which means he's
out of tune on purpose.
411
00:18:26,833 --> 00:18:28,266
(mockingbird continues singing)
412
00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:29,867
He's mocking me.
413
00:18:29,869 --> 00:18:30,969
(rumbling)
414
00:18:30,971 --> 00:18:33,271
Oh dear. There it is again.
Do you feel it?
415
00:18:33,273 --> 00:18:37,342
The growing realization that
you are one wacky bastard? Yep.
416
00:18:37,344 --> 00:18:39,677
No. The vibration.
417
00:18:39,679 --> 00:18:41,679
We are directly underneath
the geology lab,
418
00:18:41,681 --> 00:18:44,282
and they're running their
confounded sieve shakers again.
419
00:18:44,284 --> 00:18:45,583
Hey, gravel monkeys,
420
00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:48,886
if you need to shake rocks,
try jiggling your heads around!
421
00:18:48,888 --> 00:18:51,189
Sheldon, relax.
422
00:18:51,191 --> 00:18:52,256
How can I relax?
423
00:18:52,258 --> 00:18:54,125
My nervous system is
being stretched out
424
00:18:54,127 --> 00:18:57,395
like the strings of a harp
and plucked by holes and birds
425
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,964
and wind and the
low-hanging scrotum
426
00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:01,733
of the difficult-to-evict
Professor Rothman.
427
00:19:04,303 --> 00:19:05,470
If you're not happy,
428
00:19:05,472 --> 00:19:07,105
why don't you just let
Kripke have the office?
429
00:19:07,107 --> 00:19:08,473
Wait, and let him win?
430
00:19:08,475 --> 00:19:10,475
Do I look crazy to you?
431
00:19:10,477 --> 00:19:11,843
(rumbling)
We're trying to think down here,
432
00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:14,495
you geode-loving
feldspar jockeys!
433
00:19:14,497 --> 00:19:16,130
(mockingbird whistles)
And you...
434
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:18,683
the notes are
C, D, E, G and A.
435
00:19:18,685 --> 00:19:21,452
You pick one or I am
chopping down that tree!
436
00:19:28,459 --> 00:19:29,970
How's that?
437
00:19:29,971 --> 00:19:32,755
Little higher on the right.
438
00:19:32,757 --> 00:19:34,674
- Now?
- Little more.
439
00:19:34,676 --> 00:19:36,759
No. That's got it.
440
00:19:38,679 --> 00:19:41,264
Yeah, okay.
That's, uh, that's good.
441
00:19:42,182 --> 00:19:43,622
I'll let you in
on a little secret.
442
00:19:43,647 --> 00:19:44,768
Mm.
443
00:19:44,769 --> 00:19:47,654
Originally
we were painted nude.
444
00:19:53,594 --> 00:19:56,562
But I had him add clothes,
'cause I thought
445
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:59,749
it was an unnecessary challenge
to our heterosexuality.
446
00:20:02,036 --> 00:20:04,504
Yeah, good call.
447
00:20:04,506 --> 00:20:06,789
But if you ever change
your mind, all it would take
448
00:20:06,791 --> 00:20:09,842
is some warm, soapy water
and a couple of sponges.
449
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,164
You're talking about
the painting, right?
450
00:20:12,189 --> 00:20:13,389
Sure.
451
00:20:19,019 --> 00:20:21,721
SHELDON:
Help! Somebody help!
452
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:26,542
What happened?
453
00:20:26,544 --> 00:20:30,296
I was trying to see what was
in here and my head got stuck.
454
00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:32,431
Why would you do that?
455
00:20:32,433 --> 00:20:35,234
It's called
scientific curiosity!
456
00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:38,521
Now go get butter.
457
00:20:38,523 --> 00:20:39,939
Hang in there.
458
00:20:39,941 --> 00:20:41,741
I'll be right back.
459
00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:47,043
== sync by Sp8ky , corrected by elderman ==