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Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ Good morning, USA!
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
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♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, USA!
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You fellas interested
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in playing a little
b-ball after work today?
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I can't do it today.
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I'm going to a camping store
with my kids
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to get some new hiking equipment.
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Hey, how'd you get your kids
so into hiking?
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Well, Hayley's always loved
being outdoors,
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And Steve got into it
because I called it trekking,
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and he thought
Nimoy would be involved.
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You got a dumb nerd son, Stan.
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My ultimate goal is to climb this.
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Bret Michaels?
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Kilimanjaro.
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What magazine is that?
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People.
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Damn it!
Bullock just told me
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I can't do the Urban
Assault Vehicle presentation
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to the Joint Chiefs of Staff!
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What?!
Oh, come on!
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I think Bullock's right.
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You're too old.
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That's why I told Bullock
I'd do the presentation.
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Who are you to say I'm too old?!
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Ray, you microwaved
a sponge yesterday,
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thinking it was a Hot Pocket.
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You cooked it for 30 seconds,
flipped it over,
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and then cooked it
another 30 seconds.
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You had a lot of opportunities
to see it wasn't food.
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Stan, you're gonna be my age one day.
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We'll see how you feel then.
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Ray, when I'm your age, I want
to be dead for ten years.
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(grunts)
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What a terrible holiday
that would be.
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Thousands of pigeons would die
from overfeeding.
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You're taking way
too long up here, buddy.
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I mean, what could you
possibly be buying?
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This isn't a pharmacy.
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Dad, go easy on this guy.
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I'm just being honest.
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Old people just get in the way.
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Their lives are worthless.
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Young people like me do things.
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I work. I contribute.
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I'm gonna climb
Mount Kilimanjaro one day.
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The only thing this geezer's
gonna climb into
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is a lukewarm bath
his Filipino nurse drew for him.
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He'll yell at her
for making it too hot,
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but she knows it's just right.
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She'll never win with this guy.
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She'll just cool it off,
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and then, he'll yell at her
for making it too cold.
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Thank God she has her
herb garden to keep her sane.
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You know, old people have
their place in society, Dad.
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Yeah, it's called a coffin.
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Ingredior in meus calceus
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quod vos mos agnosco.
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(whirring)
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(rhythmic beeping)
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What the hell did he just say to me?
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Well, it was in a foreign language,
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so it was probably
"Death to America."
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I think he said "I'm losing
the war against gingivitis."
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Whew.
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I like yours.
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We're gonna go with yours.
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♪
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Five, six, seven, eight.
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(Francine groans)
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(Roger grunts)
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Oh, my God, you stupid
bitch, why did you drop me?
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I can't breathe. Why
can't you do that move?
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You stupid bitch, I'll kill you.
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Please, Roger.
I'm trying.
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God, six months of rehearsing,
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and you still can't do that move!
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How do you expect us to win
the Vizio $100,000 Dance-Off,
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sponsored by Capezio?
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I'm just not sure
I'm ever gonna get it.
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You better get it.
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I'm getting it, and I'm dealing
with some serious wig problems.
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Why can't they make a good red wig?
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I look like Garfield had
a miscarriage on my head.
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Please, Roger.
That move is so hard.
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Look, if you put your mind
to it, you can achieve it.
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You have to keep at it.
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It's called tenacity.
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And this is called Fine Ass City.
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Population: One
policeman's flashlight.
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(alarm buzzes)
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Ugh, I look terrible.
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I look like Chelsea Handler
12 years ago.
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(snores, farts)
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Uh. What... What time is it?
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7:45.
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You've been sleeping
through Monk repeats
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and cutting wake-up farts.
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What is it with me today?
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I know, you're acting so stupid, man.
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(groans)
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(grunts)
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(grunting)
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(snores, farts)
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Oh, I'm up!
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Stan, you look horrible.
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And he's acting so stupid, man.
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I think you should see a doctor.
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Maybe we shouldn't go
to the dance contest.
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Nonsense.
He's fine.
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All you need to worry about is
dancing your little fanny off.
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See a doctor immediately.
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You're obviously dying.
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Well, Mr. Smith,
it seems that you have aged.
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I have AIDS?!
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No, no, not AIDS.
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You've aged.
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I'm being paged?
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No, not paged. Aged.
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I have AIDS?! Again?!
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This should help your hearing,
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but more importantly, end this bit.
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Mr. Smith, my concern is
that two months ago,
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you were in great health,
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but now you have the body
of a 75-year-old man.
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What?!
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You're aging at an alarming rate.
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How did this happen?!
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Well, let's see.
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- Do you smoke?
- No.
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Are you President
of the United States?
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No.
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Mm-hmm.
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Have you been cursed
and/or hexed recently
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by someone old and/or magical?
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Dad, I think maybe that creepy guy
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at the camping store hexed you,
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and now you're
turning into an old man.
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Wait. Are hexes even real?
149
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I find that most things are.
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Y'all sayin' Texas ain't real?
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No. Hexes.
152
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Oh, okay, good, yeah.
153
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'Cause Texas is real,
that's for sure.
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Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna have my penis removed,
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in the first of many painful steps
156
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Hey, what are you guys watching?
157
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Dad got hexed, so I rented a bunch
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of hex-based Disney movies
to figure out how to break it.
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First up is Freaky Friday.
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That's a body switching movie,
you dink.
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You want to learn about a hex,
watch The Shaggy Dog.
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You want to learn how to feel,
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I mean really feel,
watch Marley & Me.
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That phrase the old man
said to you was in Latin,
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but I can't find the translation.
166
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What did he say exactly?
167
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It was something "in meus calceus,"
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something "mos agnosco."
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"Ingredior in meus calceus quod
vos mos agnosco."
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It means, "Walk in my shoes,
and you will know."
171
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It's a really good hex.
172
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How do you knoso much about hexes?
173
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I do a lot of reading
because, you know,
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I sit in a (bleep)
bowl all (bleep) day.
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I'm not giving into this hex.
176
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I'm a young man, and by gum,
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I'm going to live like a young man!
178
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Did you just say "by gum"?
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Aah!
180
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Okay. Radical.
181
00:07:01,642 --> 00:07:04,086
Okay, what's with the getup, Stan?
182
00:07:04,211 --> 00:07:06,422
I just got back
from Beer Pong Coachella,
183
00:07:06,547 --> 00:07:09,124
and didn't have time to change.
184
00:07:09,249 --> 00:07:10,993
Why, hello, Shia LaBeouf.
185
00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,327
I loved youu in Holes.
186
00:07:12,452 --> 00:07:13,829
I'm joking, Smith.
187
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I knew it was you.
188
00:07:15,289 --> 00:07:16,265
You look ridiculous.
189
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Now let's go.
190
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It's time to demonstrate
the Urban Assault Vehicle
191
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to the Joint Chiefs.
192
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Is that a hearing aid in your ear?
193
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,340
No. It's my Bluetooth.
194
00:07:25,465 --> 00:07:26,792
Yo, what up, Slick?
195
00:07:26,917 --> 00:07:28,193
It's my homey, Slick.
196
00:07:28,318 --> 00:07:30,295
All right then, Slick.
197
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:31,897
(clinking on ground)
198
00:07:32,022 --> 00:07:34,466
Stan, you didn't
tell Slick I said hello.
199
00:07:34,591 --> 00:07:38,374
Slick was my homey
long before he was yours.
200
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♪
201
00:07:42,149 --> 00:07:43,308
(turns off radio)
202
00:07:43,433 --> 00:07:45,160
Okay, here's today's itinerary.
203
00:07:45,285 --> 00:07:47,663
We check into the hotel,
I shower real quick,
204
00:07:47,788 --> 00:07:50,199
then we go to the hotel's
common room to rehearse.
205
00:07:50,324 --> 00:07:53,035
I'm still a little nervous about
getting that dance move down.
206
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,286
You'll get it.
207
00:07:54,411 --> 00:07:56,162
Remember, it's all about tenacity.
208
00:08:00,187 --> 00:08:01,160
(brakes squeak)
209
00:08:01,285 --> 00:08:02,678
Why are we stopping here?
210
00:08:02,803 --> 00:08:05,013
Francine, I haven't been
entirely truthful with you.
211
00:08:05,138 --> 00:08:06,849
There is no dance competition.
212
00:08:06,974 --> 00:08:09,084
What?!
You mean they cancelled it?
213
00:08:09,209 --> 00:08:10,532
No, it never existed.
214
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,521
You see, a dear friend
of mine's been sick,
215
00:08:12,646 --> 00:08:15,657
and I needed a way to make sure
you'd come with me to Louisville
216
00:08:15,782 --> 00:08:17,092
when she finally passed away.
217
00:08:17,217 --> 00:08:18,677
You know, for emotional support.
218
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,375
This seemed easier
than just asking you.
219
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,915
Uh, I... I...
I don't understand.
220
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,551
We've been rehearsing for six months.
221
00:08:25,676 --> 00:08:27,549
Look... Look what I'm wearing!
222
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,871
I know.
223
00:08:28,996 --> 00:08:30,439
You're gonna look ridiculous.
224
00:08:30,564 --> 00:08:32,608
I was going to pack
you something dressy,
225
00:08:32,733 --> 00:08:34,860
but then I decided to
pack my ukulele instead.
226
00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:36,762
(playing tune)
227
00:08:36,887 --> 00:08:38,738
I suck at this.
228
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,002
(microphone squeaks feedback)
229
00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:46,038
Gentlemen, our finest agent,
Stan Smith,
230
00:08:46,163 --> 00:08:49,207
will demonstrate
the 2010 Urban Assault Vehicle.
231
00:08:49,486 --> 00:08:50,542
(whirring)
232
00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,211
(crowd murmuring)
233
00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:53,783
Crab apples!
234
00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:57,432
Gentlemen, it's the
fastest tank we've ever built.
235
00:08:57,557 --> 00:08:59,535
Tops over 90 miles an hour.
236
00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:01,510
(horn blows)
237
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:14,804
(engine whooshing)
238
00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:17,599
(metallic rattling)
239
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,767
(engine sputtering)
240
00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:23,146
(engine revving, tires squealing)
241
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,010
Smith, you have
the emergency brake on.
242
00:09:25,135 --> 00:09:26,862
Release it now!
243
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:29,819
(alarms sounding)
244
00:09:29,985 --> 00:09:32,892
(tires squealing, engine revving)
245
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:36,021
(yelling)
(screaming)
246
00:09:36,146 --> 00:09:37,172
(yelling)
247
00:09:37,297 --> 00:09:38,440
(crying)
248
00:09:38,565 --> 00:09:40,058
Code Red!
249
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,165
(metallic clacking)
250
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,094
That went well.
251
00:09:44,219 --> 00:09:46,715
Is that your revenge, Ray? Hmm?
252
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,975
Saying that line to me?
253
00:09:51,882 --> 00:09:54,289
(doors squeak open)
254
00:09:54,414 --> 00:09:56,892
Why is everybody staring at us?
255
00:09:57,017 --> 00:10:00,519
Maybe 'cause we're at a funeral,
and you got your taters out.
256
00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:08,316
You've got some nerve coming here.
257
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:11,156
Roger, what is going on here?
258
00:10:11,281 --> 00:10:13,292
Francine, I haven't been
entirely truthful with you.
259
00:10:13,417 --> 00:10:15,294
The woman who died
wasn't exactly a friend.
260
00:10:15,419 --> 00:10:16,461
She was my ex-wife.
261
00:10:16,586 --> 00:10:18,096
What?!
262
00:10:18,221 --> 00:10:20,515
Unfortunately, I left her
when she was terminally ill.
263
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:21,850
I hate you.
264
00:10:21,975 --> 00:10:23,101
Settle down, Vincent.
265
00:10:23,226 --> 00:10:25,103
Vincent was my stepson
for a brief time.
266
00:10:25,228 --> 00:10:26,889
How's online college, Vincent?
267
00:10:27,014 --> 00:10:29,315
You a court reporter yet?
268
00:10:30,484 --> 00:10:31,851
(brakes squeak)
269
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,797
Dad, wha-what's wrong?
270
00:10:35,922 --> 00:10:38,054
The CIA put me on temporary leave.
271
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,768
What?! Why?!
272
00:10:39,893 --> 00:10:41,336
Oh, I-I filed something wrong.
273
00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:42,671
It-It certainly wasn't
274
00:10:42,796 --> 00:10:44,406
because I killed the
Secretary of Defense.
275
00:10:44,531 --> 00:10:46,508
Oh, Dad, I'm so sorry.
276
00:10:46,633 --> 00:10:48,577
They also said I have dementia.
277
00:10:48,702 --> 00:10:50,566
(sighs)
You know what?
278
00:10:50,732 --> 00:10:52,147
They're right to do it.
279
00:10:52,272 --> 00:10:54,149
I'm a useless old man.
280
00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:55,951
I have no sense of temperature,
281
00:10:56,076 --> 00:10:58,086
I got a pocket full of wet hankies,
282
00:10:58,211 --> 00:11:00,055
and all I want is 45 more seconds
283
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,657
to speak at a town council meeting.
284
00:11:01,782 --> 00:11:02,925
Just hang in there, Dad.
285
00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:04,914
We'll figure out
how to break this hex.
286
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,595
You know, in every classic hex movie,
287
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,698
the victim has to prove himself
by performing some grand feat.
288
00:11:09,823 --> 00:11:11,466
For example, in The Santa Clause,
289
00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:13,802
Tim Allen had to deliver
all of Santa's presents
290
00:11:13,927 --> 00:11:16,592
on Christmas Eve
to break his cocaine hex.
291
00:11:16,758 --> 00:11:18,540
Wait.
What did the old man say again?
292
00:11:18,665 --> 00:11:20,742
Something about walking
a mile in his shoes.
293
00:11:20,867 --> 00:11:23,545
Walk a mile in his shoes.
294
00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:24,746
(gasps)
295
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,102
Kilimanjaro!
296
00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,483
He wants me to climb Kilimanjaro!
297
00:11:28,608 --> 00:11:31,119
But in his shoes...
as an old man!
298
00:11:31,244 --> 00:11:32,688
I don't know about that, Dad.
299
00:11:32,813 --> 00:11:34,777
No, no, no, Stan might be right here.
300
00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:37,780
He did tell the old man in
the store he was gonna climb it.
301
00:11:37,946 --> 00:11:39,328
How did you hear about that?
302
00:11:39,453 --> 00:11:41,163
My buddy Phil works there
part-time selling sleeping bags.
303
00:11:41,288 --> 00:11:43,298
The rest of the week
he's out in the woods
304
00:11:43,423 --> 00:11:44,533
banging married chicks.
305
00:11:44,658 --> 00:11:46,802
I don't think Phil's
ever gonna grow up.
306
00:11:46,927 --> 00:11:48,971
You know what, Dad?
If climbing Kilimanjaro
307
00:11:49,096 --> 00:11:51,940
is what you think you need to do,
we'll help you.
308
00:11:52,065 --> 00:11:53,709
Right, Hayley?
Sure, Dad.
309
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:56,011
You kids are all right!
310
00:11:56,136 --> 00:11:58,304
(nose honking)
311
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,518
(crow cawing)
312
00:12:03,805 --> 00:12:05,320
(birds chirping)
313
00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:07,556
(sobbing)
314
00:12:07,681 --> 00:12:09,524
You really loved her, didn't you?
315
00:12:09,649 --> 00:12:11,293
Yeah, we had fun.
316
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:12,961
She pushed me to do things,
317
00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:15,197
like take adult education classes.
318
00:12:15,322 --> 00:12:17,532
The last one was
Native American Tribal Law.
319
00:12:17,657 --> 00:12:19,301
I challenge you to find
320
00:12:19,426 --> 00:12:21,837
a bigger waste of time than that.
321
00:12:21,962 --> 00:12:23,672
(sighs):
Ah...
322
00:12:23,797 --> 00:12:25,624
Okay, Frannie, we're
digging this stiff up.
323
00:12:25,749 --> 00:12:27,259
What? Why?!
324
00:12:27,384 --> 00:12:29,494
Francine, I haven't been
entirely truthful with you.
325
00:12:29,619 --> 00:12:31,930
- Oh, my God!
- I really brought you here
326
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,900
because I need someone to help
me dump her body in Shelby Lake.
327
00:12:35,025 --> 00:12:36,964
I-I'm not doing that!
328
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:39,054
Look, her folks want her
buried in the family plot,
329
00:12:39,179 --> 00:12:40,722
but she told me
her final resting place
330
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:42,124
should be in water.
331
00:12:42,249 --> 00:12:44,543
Shelby Lake was where
we went on our first date.
332
00:12:44,668 --> 00:12:46,044
Ah, we had a picnic.
333
00:12:46,169 --> 00:12:48,046
As the sun set, we made love.
334
00:12:48,171 --> 00:12:49,518
It was awful.
335
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:50,812
I just laid there.
336
00:12:50,978 --> 00:12:52,884
Th-Th-Th-This is insane!
337
00:12:53,009 --> 00:12:54,152
I'm leaving!
338
00:12:54,277 --> 00:12:55,566
Francine, wait!
339
00:12:55,732 --> 00:12:58,590
I know I was a bad husband
to her in life, but...
340
00:12:58,715 --> 00:13:01,159
maybe I can be a good one
to her in death.
341
00:13:01,284 --> 00:13:02,885
It's my last shot at redemption.
342
00:13:04,087 --> 00:13:06,998
Okay, Roger.
343
00:13:07,123 --> 00:13:09,434
But no more lies.
344
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,236
Thanks, Francine.
345
00:13:11,361 --> 00:13:13,512
Now grab a shovel and dig.
346
00:13:14,614 --> 00:13:16,465
Okay, lunch!
347
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,635
Mmm.
348
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:25,179
(birds singing)
349
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:26,501
All right, kids.
350
00:13:26,626 --> 00:13:29,061
Let's climb that mountain
and break that hex!
351
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:32,498
Pee break.
352
00:13:33,812 --> 00:13:35,501
(unzippering)
353
00:13:37,637 --> 00:13:39,538
(sound of liquid dropping
intermittently)
354
00:13:42,742 --> 00:13:45,116
(liquid dropping)
355
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,589
(buzzing)
356
00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:49,841
Ow!
357
00:13:49,966 --> 00:13:52,177
Oh, look at the little guy.
He's still alive.
358
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:53,545
Oh, yeah.
359
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:54,579
Resilient little fella.
360
00:13:54,704 --> 00:13:56,381
(hearing aid squeaking)
361
00:13:56,506 --> 00:13:57,649
We should kill him.
362
00:13:57,774 --> 00:13:59,217
Put him out of his misery.
363
00:13:59,342 --> 00:14:01,787
Yeah, I'm sure he'd rather
be dead than live like this.
364
00:14:01,912 --> 00:14:03,188
Oh, my God!
365
00:14:03,313 --> 00:14:05,190
They took me out here to kill me.
366
00:14:05,315 --> 00:14:06,875
They don't believe
me climbing Kilimanjaro
367
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,460
will break the curse.
368
00:14:08,585 --> 00:14:10,862
They think I'm gonna be
a burden on them forever.
369
00:14:10,987 --> 00:14:12,998
You gonna take me
out here and shoot me?
370
00:14:13,123 --> 00:14:14,382
Well, guess what, kids?
371
00:14:14,507 --> 00:14:16,685
I'm gonna kill you
before you kill me.
372
00:14:16,810 --> 00:14:19,357
Your old man's got a few tricks up...
373
00:14:19,482 --> 00:14:21,123
(liquid dripping)
Ah!
374
00:14:21,248 --> 00:14:23,425
Oh, that's good.
That's so good.
375
00:14:23,550 --> 00:14:26,282
My kids are so dead.
This is so good.
376
00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,082
Dad, you should eat something.
377
00:14:35,248 --> 00:14:37,710
Yeah, I'm not really hungry
for poison.
378
00:14:37,876 --> 00:14:39,446
Steve's right.
You're gonna need your strength
379
00:14:39,571 --> 00:14:42,182
if we're gonna make it to the
top of the mountain tomorrow.
380
00:14:42,307 --> 00:14:43,466
Whoops! Sorry!
381
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,135
I'm just a shaky old man.
382
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,870
Can't control my body or my mouth.
383
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:48,121
Too many Mexicans!
384
00:14:48,246 --> 00:14:49,389
(laughs)
See?
385
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:50,874
I don't even believe that.
386
00:14:50,999 --> 00:14:52,542
I believe it a little.
387
00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:53,860
(flames crackling)
388
00:14:53,985 --> 00:14:55,118
(insects chirping)
389
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,600
Which one should I do first?
390
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,902
Steve.
391
00:15:03,068 --> 00:15:04,320
(unzippering)
392
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:05,538
Sorry, kiddo.
393
00:15:05,663 --> 00:15:07,524
I'm getting to the
top of the mountain
394
00:15:07,649 --> 00:15:10,267
and breaking that curse, and
you kids aren't gonna stop me.
395
00:15:12,337 --> 00:15:15,632
(crow cawing, birds singing, snoring)
396
00:15:15,757 --> 00:15:17,591
Hey, Papa.
397
00:15:19,093 --> 00:15:21,371
Looks like you did a little
sleepwalking last night.
398
00:15:21,496 --> 00:15:23,373
You had a knife, and we figured
399
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:24,674
you were gonna whittle something,
400
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,977
so, we went ahead and did it for you.
401
00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:31,664
It's the five hosts of Family Feud,
402
00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:33,767
from Richard Dawson
through Steve Harvey.
403
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,769
You forgot John O'Hurley.
404
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,979
I told you!
405
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:40,523
(wind blowing)
406
00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:43,067
What is this?
407
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,727
Sorry. My neck boil burst.
408
00:15:44,852 --> 00:15:46,720
(laughs)
Yuck! Don't get old, huh?
409
00:15:51,092 --> 00:15:53,860
Oops, guess there was
more boil juice in there.
410
00:15:58,616 --> 00:16:00,835
Shish kebab time.
411
00:16:03,187 --> 00:16:05,298
(Stan snoring, crow cawing,
birds singing)
412
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:07,801
Papa? Hey, Papa?
413
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:10,003
Papa, we found you holding a lighter.
414
00:16:10,128 --> 00:16:11,938
Bon Jovi's not here, Papa.
415
00:16:12,063 --> 00:16:14,223
You're on a mountain.
416
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:16,726
(insects chirping)
417
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:19,212
I can't believe I'm saying this,
418
00:16:19,337 --> 00:16:21,781
but I admire what you're doing here.
419
00:16:21,906 --> 00:16:24,083
In fact, this might
be the most noble thing
420
00:16:24,208 --> 00:16:26,252
you've ever done.
421
00:16:26,377 --> 00:16:28,500
Francine, I haven't been
entirely truthful with you.
422
00:16:28,625 --> 00:16:30,046
Oh, come on!
423
00:16:30,171 --> 00:16:31,891
I don't really know where
she wanted to be buried.
424
00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:33,492
Hell, I don't even remember her name.
425
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,753
But one thing I do remember
is her hair.
426
00:16:39,324 --> 00:16:42,669
I told you that no one
makes a decent red wig these days.
427
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,554
So I had to go find my own.
428
00:16:44,679 --> 00:16:47,048
Took her years to finally croak,
but it was worth the wait.
429
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,982
(humming tune)
430
00:17:01,029 --> 00:17:03,072
You're pretty happy, aren't you?
431
00:17:03,197 --> 00:17:04,607
I am content, yes.
432
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,709
This whole trip was
completely ridiculous,
433
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,244
but you actually proved your point.
434
00:17:08,369 --> 00:17:09,570
What point was that?
435
00:17:09,736 --> 00:17:11,214
About being tenacious.
436
00:17:11,339 --> 00:17:15,326
You wanted a red wig so you did
everything you could to get it.
437
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,954
Oh, yeah, so I did.
438
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,389
Pull over.
439
00:17:19,514 --> 00:17:21,247
I want to try the move.
440
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:24,001
♪
441
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:26,587
Five, six, seven, eight...
442
00:17:31,424 --> 00:17:33,594
You did it!
443
00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:36,456
You did it!
444
00:17:36,581 --> 00:17:38,432
For absolutely no reason at all!
445
00:17:38,598 --> 00:17:42,144
Roger, I haven't been entirely
truthful with you.
446
00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:45,981
The only reason
I wanted to do the move
447
00:17:46,147 --> 00:17:48,084
is so I could do this!
448
00:17:48,209 --> 00:17:50,253
I have the car keys in my pocket,
449
00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:52,612
you stupid...
(voice fading): bitch!
450
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:56,784
(wind blowing)
451
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,711
I'm worried about Dad.
452
00:17:58,836 --> 00:18:00,113
Where did he go now?
453
00:18:00,238 --> 00:18:02,048
He said something about Orientals,
454
00:18:02,173 --> 00:18:03,600
then went to find a toothpick.
455
00:18:03,725 --> 00:18:04,834
Dad?
456
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,102
Dad?!
457
00:18:06,227 --> 00:18:07,303
Papa?!
458
00:18:07,428 --> 00:18:08,879
STAN:
Help! Children!
459
00:18:09,045 --> 00:18:10,857
I've lost my equilibrium!
460
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:12,308
Dad, are you okay?
461
00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:14,160
Thank you for helping an old man.
462
00:18:14,285 --> 00:18:15,361
Now this!
(screams)
463
00:18:15,486 --> 00:18:16,512
Ow!
464
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:18,305
What are you doing?!
465
00:18:18,471 --> 00:18:20,099
Killing you before you kill me!
466
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,153
No one's trying to kill you.
467
00:18:24,278 --> 00:18:25,479
You have dementia.
468
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:26,564
Crab apples.
469
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,869
(screaming)
470
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:43,747
(grunts)
Oh, God!
471
00:18:45,081 --> 00:18:46,542
(gasps)
472
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:47,960
I'm almost at the top.
473
00:18:51,806 --> 00:18:53,883
I did it.
474
00:18:54,008 --> 00:18:55,268
I reached the top.
475
00:18:55,393 --> 00:18:57,077
Make me young again.
476
00:18:58,713 --> 00:18:59,889
What the heck?
477
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:01,056
Oh, no!
478
00:19:01,222 --> 00:19:02,992
Oh! Ow! Aw!
479
00:19:03,117 --> 00:19:04,951
Help! (grunting)
480
00:19:07,538 --> 00:19:10,157
(grunting)
481
00:19:11,909 --> 00:19:13,319
(screaming)
482
00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:16,739
Still?
483
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,157
Really?
484
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:19,825
Still falling.
485
00:19:19,991 --> 00:19:21,660
(grunting)
486
00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:31,086
(groans)
487
00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:34,057
(yelling)
488
00:19:34,182 --> 00:19:36,016
(grinding)
489
00:19:39,454 --> 00:19:41,931
Good boy.
490
00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,766
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
491
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,651
No. I didn't break the hex.
492
00:19:45,776 --> 00:19:47,019
I'm still old.
493
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:48,654
That's an understatement.
494
00:19:48,779 --> 00:19:50,023
You're ancient.
495
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,357
What are you even doing out here,
496
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,659
junking up the mountain
with your old bones.
497
00:19:53,784 --> 00:19:54,994
Hey...
498
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:56,679
You should be at home, man,
499
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,832
sitting on a super-padded
toilet seat, right, right,
500
00:19:59,957 --> 00:20:01,868
farting out your soup, uh-huh,
501
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,703
while your gross yellow toenails
click on the linoleum.
502
00:20:04,869 --> 00:20:06,055
That's not very nice.
503
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:07,223
Or fair.
504
00:20:07,348 --> 00:20:08,666
I just climbed that mountain.
505
00:20:08,832 --> 00:20:10,693
Did you really climb it?
506
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:13,003
Or are you just having
another "senior moment"?
507
00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:16,132
Hey, listen,
I used to think like you, too,
508
00:20:16,257 --> 00:20:18,034
but I wrong.
509
00:20:18,159 --> 00:20:20,203
I accomplished a big dream
of mine today,
510
00:20:20,328 --> 00:20:22,555
and I did it as an old man.
511
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,844
I admit it, it's not fun being old,
512
00:20:24,969 --> 00:20:27,482
but we can still live rich,
productive lives.
513
00:20:29,068 --> 00:20:32,248
Dude, you're dying, you're
going to Heaven right now.
514
00:20:32,373 --> 00:20:33,816
Hey, if you see my grandma,
515
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:36,869
ask her why her breath was so nasty.
516
00:20:36,994 --> 00:20:40,406
No, I'm not dying, I broke the hex!
517
00:20:40,531 --> 00:20:44,944
Your elder abuse made me realize
how it truly feels to be old.
518
00:20:45,069 --> 00:20:48,147
That's what the old man wanted
me to learn... sympathy.
519
00:20:48,272 --> 00:20:50,450
Or empathy.
Whichever one fits.
520
00:20:50,575 --> 00:20:51,634
Kids.
Kids, look.
521
00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:52,869
I broke the hex.
522
00:20:52,994 --> 00:20:54,169
I'm getting young again.
523
00:20:54,335 --> 00:20:55,905
(weakly):
That's really great, Dad.
524
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:59,091
Yeah, Dad, we're
really proud of... Oh.
525
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:01,034
What? What now?
526
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,750
All right, Dad, think.
527
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:08,008
What was the last interaction
you had with a black person?
528
00:21:09,069 --> 00:21:13,647
It was at the T-Mobile store,
and it was not positive.
529
00:21:13,813 --> 00:21:15,645
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com