1 00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,431 Good morning. 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,439 Lukewarm coffee for you. 3 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:08,531 Hey, Whit. 4 00:00:08,608 --> 00:00:11,771 Do you have any interest in being a totally different person? 5 00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:13,534 I'm listening. 6 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:16,140 Well, you know, we just finished that whole story 7 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:17,615 on the body enhancement thing, 8 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:20,050 and I don't know what to do with all this leftover stuff. 9 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:21,610 What is this? A fake butt? 10 00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:24,950 Is this what Tyler Perry used to make Madea? 11 00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,283 Yeah. 12 00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:29,089 Well, apparently, we're supposed to starve ourselves, 13 00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:30,322 and then go to the gym, 14 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:32,888 and then pay $47 to replace the weight we lost. 15 00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:35,196 Hmm. What is this? 16 00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:37,064 That is the SandKini. 17 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:40,072 Hmm. A bra filled with sand that triples your cup 18 00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,233 and gives you realistic breasts. 19 00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:44,242 Why does everyone hate women? 20 00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:46,206 (PHONE RlNGlNG) 21 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:48,278 Ugh, it's Lance. 22 00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:50,615 Why is he calling you? You guys broke up a week ago. 23 00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,708 Because he wants the rest of his stuff back. 24 00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,378 And I don't want to talk to him. 25 00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:56,281 And I don't want to talk about him. 26 00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,620 Okay. Well, my offer still stands to kill him. 27 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,056 No. Then, I'd have to give you the day off. 28 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,088 Wow, you are really good at that. 29 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:07,827 I was homeless for, like, four days. 30 00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:10,265 And a slut for, like, six years. 31 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:14,195 Whoa. 32 00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,434 I have boobs. 33 00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,878 And self-esteem. 34 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,280 And options. 35 00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,209 Whoa, whoa, listen. I'm even talking quieter. 36 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:28,377 I suddenly don't feel the need to overcompensate by being loud. 37 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:30,748 Delivery for Roxanne Harris. 38 00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,917 Oh. Yeah. I've got it. I'm her assistant. 39 00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,128 How are you today? 40 00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:38,186 Fine. Thanks. 41 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,160 Pretty handwriting. 44 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,105 Hey, Busy. 45 00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:53,308 Okay. We're not doing this, Howard. 46 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:55,940 In here, we are. 47 00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,042 What? (LAUGHS) 48 00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:01,684 Unbelievable. 49 00:02:01,754 --> 00:02:05,588 Wow. It is a whole new world when you have a D cup. 50 00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:07,148 These are amazing. 51 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,352 Now I get why Katy Perry loves God so much. 52 00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:16,398 WHlTNEY: Whitney is taped in front of a live studio audience. 53 00:02:16,569 --> 00:02:17,228 So... 54 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,636 Lily, I didn't say that we have to get a prenup. 55 00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:25,802 Okay. I am hearing you. 56 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,540 I am receiving you. 57 00:02:27,747 --> 00:02:29,009 I am rejecting you. 58 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,144 Because when you say prenup, 59 00:02:31,217 --> 00:02:33,412 I hear our marriage is going to fail. 60 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,044 It's just something that my parents mentioned, 61 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:36,952 and I thought it made sense. 62 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,251 Why are you so in love with your parents? 63 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,656 You're, like, obsessed with them. 64 00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:41,887 Okay. 65 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,255 No, we're going in circles here. 66 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,126 A prenup is like having car insurance. 67 00:02:45,198 --> 00:02:47,666 You get it even though you don't plan on getting in an accident. 68 00:02:47,734 --> 00:02:51,636 Okay. Well, that's a terrible metaphor because I'm a bad driver. 69 00:02:51,704 --> 00:02:53,501 I don't need insurance on my relationship 70 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,131 because I'm excellent at love. 71 00:02:55,775 --> 00:02:58,175 Okay. Okay. Well, you've been in other relationships before 72 00:02:58,244 --> 00:03:00,144 that you probably thought were never going to end. 73 00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:01,305 Those were different. 74 00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,747 Most of my other relationships started at Coachella. 75 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:05,273 Look... 76 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,717 Marriage should be about love and romance. 77 00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:10,051 And planning and responsibility. 78 00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,353 Okay. Neal, I feel like we're going in circles here. 79 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,187 The circles thing is my thing. I just said that. 80 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:18,663 You don't own circles. 81 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:23,294 You see, this is my point. I want to share everything with you. 82 00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,200 I believe what's mine is yours. 83 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:29,104 Lil. In all fairness, pretty much all you own are tiny blazers and tights. 84 00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:32,369 Well, I think this is ridiculous and insane, 85 00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:33,935 and I'm done talking about it. 86 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,043 And thank you for calling me tiny. 87 00:03:40,286 --> 00:03:41,583 Hey. Hey. 88 00:03:41,654 --> 00:03:44,452 I have the funniest thing to show you. 89 00:03:44,524 --> 00:03:48,483 Roxanne got a sand bra at work. Check it out. 90 00:03:49,128 --> 00:03:50,459 (GlGGLES) 91 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:54,030 Whoa. Those are crazy. I know, right? 92 00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:57,502 I got out of a parking ticket. I got a free latte. 93 00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,936 I feel like I could sing anything right now 94 00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,371 and it would go to number one. 95 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,938 Wow. Well, what do they feel like? 96 00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:06,672 Mmm. See for yourself. 97 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:08,213 Really? Mmm-hmm. 98 00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:10,374 All right. Uh... Ah... I'm, like, so nervous. 99 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,645 I don't know. Uh... 100 00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:17,718 Oh, my God. They feel weird. 101 00:04:17,790 --> 00:04:18,779 I know. 102 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,758 (LAUGHS) They feel so weird. I know. 103 00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,795 They feel weird. They're feeling less weird. 104 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:24,489 It feels less weird. 105 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,860 Okay, I'm going to take this off. 106 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,697 I think it's sanding off the little boob I actually have. 107 00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:33,404 Oh. Hey, hey, little lady. Where's the fire? 108 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,341 Huh? What are you doing? 109 00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:40,641 Are you getting turned on right now? 110 00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:42,442 Oh. What? No. 111 00:04:45,251 --> 00:04:46,240 (SCOFFS) 112 00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:47,308 (LAUGHS) 113 00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,084 Yo, Whit. 114 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:00,631 Oh. What the hell? 115 00:05:02,435 --> 00:05:03,697 Good morning. 116 00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,795 What are you doing, you weirdo? 117 00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:08,136 Well, l... Yeah. I don't know. I get... I just... 118 00:05:08,207 --> 00:05:09,401 I had fun last night. 119 00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:13,909 You want to put that bra on again? 120 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,114 I don't even know where it is. 121 00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:19,478 Oh. Yeah, I think I saw it somewhere over... Oh, wait. 122 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:20,780 Yeah, here it is. 123 00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:24,219 Ooh. 124 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,255 (lMlTATlNG BlRD WHlSTLE) 125 00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,791 (lMlTATlNG SQUAWKlNG) 126 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,558 (PURRlNG) 127 00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:35,095 Seriously? 128 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,897 I don't know. It's fun. It's stupid. Yeah, but it's like... 129 00:05:36,969 --> 00:05:39,870 I don't know. It's like I'm getting to have sex with someone else. 130 00:05:43,943 --> 00:05:44,932 (BLEEP) 131 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,977 Okay. That obviously came out wrong. 132 00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:55,111 Look, I would give anything to just... 133 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,850 Ifyou let me take that back and say it in a different way. 134 00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:00,452 Go for it. 135 00:06:00,593 --> 00:06:03,562 Okay. Uh, it... It's like having sex with you, 136 00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:07,699 only more fun. 137 00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:08,994 No. 138 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:12,626 Wow. 139 00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:14,696 Oh, God. Okay. That... That's not what I meant to say. 140 00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:15,900 Um... Okay. You know what it's like? 141 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,806 It's like having sex with you... 142 00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:19,139 You... You. 143 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:20,669 Okay. Wait. 144 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,840 You know, when, like, you're together with somebody for a long time 145 00:06:22,915 --> 00:06:24,246 and you get tired of their body? 146 00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:25,306 (GROANS) 147 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,382 Okay. How about the one time you had strep throat, okay, 148 00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:31,684 and I got you frozen yogurt? 149 00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,589 And I didn't have to do that, and it was snowing out, 150 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,217 and I didn't have to do that. Okay. 151 00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:39,253 Okay. You spent the past three years convincing me that monogamy works. 152 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,993 And now, you spring it on me 153 00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,364 that you want to be with other people. 154 00:06:42,435 --> 00:06:43,527 No. No. I didn't say that. 155 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,695 All right? Look. 156 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:47,865 Just, sometimes, it feels kind of exciting to, like, be with, like, a new you. 157 00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:49,567 All right? Like the time... The time... 158 00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,576 Oh. The time that you got your wisdom teeth pulled out 159 00:06:51,644 --> 00:06:52,906 and your face was, like, all swollen. 160 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,646 Okay. 161 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,740 You wish I had bigger boobs. Just say it. 162 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:07,554 I'm not going to say that. 163 00:07:08,327 --> 00:07:11,490 The takeaway here is you do not accept me for who I am. 164 00:07:11,564 --> 00:07:13,031 No, I didn't say that. All right? 165 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,828 Look. Okay. Oh, you can't tell me that, occasionally, 166 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:17,665 if some things were a little different about me, that you wouldn't be into it. 167 00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:20,137 Okay. I can absolutely say that. 168 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,334 Okay? I love you exactly the way you are. 169 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,042 Stupid and shallow. 170 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:27,136 All right. Well... 171 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:28,407 No, sometimes, you say that you wish 172 00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:29,573 I was more assertive. All right? 173 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:30,741 That I took charge more. 174 00:07:30,817 --> 00:07:32,011 That I was more old-school. 175 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:35,281 Okay. That is different. You want somebody else. 176 00:07:35,354 --> 00:07:38,118 I want you, but better. 177 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,817 Okay, but it's not just that. All right? 178 00:07:41,894 --> 00:07:43,384 Oh... What about the guy from Mad Men? 179 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,794 You're obsessed with the guy from Mad Men. All right? 180 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,593 You tell me right now... Look at my face and say that 181 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:47,826 you wouldn't want to be with him. Say it. Go. 182 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:53,338 Okay, If I wanted to be with Jon Hamm, I would be with Jon Hamm. 183 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,000 Okay. And how exactly would you land Jon Hamm? 184 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,975 Okay, I would wear the bra for him. 185 00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,841 The Mark department is here. 186 00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,250 Nobody gets stuff in boxes faster than this guy. 187 00:08:09,388 --> 00:08:11,652 And I can also help you pack up Lance's stuff. 188 00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,026 So, what all do we need to pack up? 189 00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:16,959 Did you guys get that box metaphor? 190 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,093 Yes, Mark. It's been your status update for a week now. 191 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,293 I'm just trying to lighten the mood. 192 00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:25,133 I know that you are heartbroken. 193 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,631 I'm really not, you guys. I'm actually okay. 194 00:08:28,774 --> 00:08:30,435 Rox, it's Mark. 195 00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,475 I was here the last time around 196 00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:35,139 when this house of cards that you call a life collapsed. 197 00:08:36,048 --> 00:08:37,743 Uh, hey, Roxanne, whose speakers are these? 198 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:40,214 I don't know. We bought them together. 199 00:08:40,686 --> 00:08:42,415 I guess I should keep one... 200 00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:44,422 And break the other one. 201 00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:47,053 I really wish we'd gotten a prenup 202 00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:50,152 so I wouldn't have to start writing that alimony check again every month. 203 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:51,457 Oh, hey, Lil, we should, um... 204 00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,623 Yes, Neal, I heard her, too. 205 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:56,031 And I already agreed to go to the prenup lawyer, so relax! 206 00:08:58,170 --> 00:09:00,798 Okay. I was just going to say that we should go feed the parking meter soon, 207 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,239 but I'm glad it's not on your mind. 208 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:07,406 Hey. What do they ask you on one of those things? 209 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,641 Oh, I have no idea. When I googled prenup, 210 00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,878 it just kept saying, "Do you mean the NBA?" 211 00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,053 Our lawyer already sent us a draft. 212 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,454 It's just a bunch of questions that we've already talked about. 213 00:09:18,524 --> 00:09:19,889 It's not a big deal at all. 214 00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:21,824 Uh, do you have any credit card debt? 215 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:22,952 No. 216 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,256 No. 217 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,054 NEAL: Do you have a good credit score? 218 00:09:26,132 --> 00:09:27,121 Yes. 219 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:28,188 Yes. 220 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:33,265 Uh, hey. Lil, can I get your opinion on something? 221 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,328 Yeah. 222 00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:40,674 What are you doing? What? 223 00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:44,405 I know for a fact that you have seven grand in credit card debt. 224 00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:48,211 Oh. Yeah, well, there's some things about me Neal doesn't know. 225 00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:50,346 Maybe a little mystery is good. 226 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:54,553 You know? Like, he doesn't know that I'm 5'3" 227 00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:56,857 or that I dabbled in Scientology. 228 00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:02,498 What? What... Okay. When do you plan on telling him all this? 229 00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:04,762 Well, once we're married, none of that stuff is going to matter. 230 00:10:04,837 --> 00:10:07,499 Yeah. He'll be less judgmental and I'll be pregnant. 231 00:10:08,207 --> 00:10:10,732 You have got to be honest about your differences. 232 00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,469 I mean, I'm only telling you this because I've learned it, 233 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,446 forgot it, and then I just re-learned it. 234 00:10:15,514 --> 00:10:18,176 Okay. Okay. You're right. 235 00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:19,576 Okay. 236 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,148 Do I have to tell him I've never seen Star Wars? 237 00:10:22,221 --> 00:10:25,520 What? No. God, no. Take that to your grave. 238 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:29,049 Hey. 239 00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:30,755 Hey, dollface. 240 00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:34,827 Dollface? What is wrong with you? 241 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:35,889 What... Are you drunk? 242 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,634 Why are you wearing a suit? 243 00:10:39,705 --> 00:10:41,366 Oh, my God. Did Nana die? 244 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,468 The only thing dead is this scotch. 245 00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:46,035 (RATTLlNG lCE CUBES) 246 00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,411 Now, why don't you go to the kitchen and fix daddy up another? 247 00:11:06,198 --> 00:11:07,529 Don't make me mad. 248 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:12,027 I can be very Mad Men. 249 00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:17,639 (LAUGHS) Okay, I see what's happening here. 250 00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:20,842 Mr. Draper, thank you so much for stopping by. 251 00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:25,145 But I have a boyfriend that I love exactly the way he is. 252 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:28,513 Less talky, more drinky, dollface. 253 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:31,949 Call me dollface one more time. 254 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,288 I'll call you what I want and you'll like it. 255 00:11:35,327 --> 00:11:38,057 Why would I like that? 256 00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,597 Because maybe I'm a man of mystery. 257 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:42,099 Maybe I have an unhappy marriage and I have a lot of affairs. 258 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,500 But when I pitched the Kodak Carousel account, what could... 259 00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:47,300 Okay. Did you just Wikipedia Mad Men? 260 00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:50,564 Yeah. 261 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,283 I have not yet seen the episode 262 00:12:03,355 --> 00:12:05,755 where he smokes a cigarette like a little bitch. 263 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:08,518 (COUGHS) 264 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,456 Hey, dollface. 265 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,541 Hey, thanks for helping me ship this crap back to Lance. 266 00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,202 I'll do anything to use a tape gun. 267 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,044 Or any gun. 268 00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:32,346 It's just so weird to be sending him stuff back again. 269 00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:33,543 I guess in life, sometimes, 270 00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,314 you have to make the same mistake twice. 271 00:12:35,387 --> 00:12:36,979 I can relate to that. Really? 272 00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,149 Yeah. I helped you do this last time. 273 00:12:40,392 --> 00:12:41,950 I mean, this is embarrassing. 274 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:43,823 And maybe it's not even Lance. 275 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:47,426 Maybe I wouldn't be good in any relationship. 276 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,294 You... Whoa. Whoa. 277 00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:53,497 What are you doing? 278 00:12:53,672 --> 00:12:54,696 What... What... What are you doing? 279 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,905 Did you just lean in to kiss me? 280 00:12:56,976 --> 00:13:01,140 I didn't lean in. You lured me in with your whole vibe. 281 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,503 What? 282 00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:05,476 I... You're broken-hearted and I'm trying to cheer you up. 283 00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:08,577 What... Well... Were you doing it for real? 284 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,144 No! No. It just... 285 00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:11,985 It seemed like a moment where I was supposed to kiss you. 286 00:13:12,057 --> 00:13:13,547 Like... I don't know... 287 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,351 Like, if I was in a movie, that's where I would have. 288 00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:16,792 I thought that I was supposed to. 289 00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:19,220 We're not in a movie. 290 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:24,436 Roxanne, I was just trying to do you a favor by being your rebound. 291 00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:27,236 I was throwing myself on a grenade! 292 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,767 Good. 293 00:13:29,842 --> 00:13:32,606 Because there's nothing going on between us. 294 00:13:32,678 --> 00:13:34,077 Obviously. 295 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:37,013 Although you're in my top eight friends and you're hot and you're fit. 296 00:13:37,082 --> 00:13:38,242 You're a mess. 297 00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:41,348 Fine. Because I find you revolting 298 00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:44,753 and I would never have sex with you under any circumstances. 299 00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:46,249 Well... 300 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:48,190 Are you out of your mind? 301 00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:50,728 Come on! That was it! "l hate you." 302 00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:54,857 "l hate you." Boom. That's a perfect movie-kiss moment. 303 00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,534 Have you ever seen a movie? 304 00:13:57,603 --> 00:14:01,972 Yes! And this is the movie where we barely speak and never touch. 305 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,368 Cool. Good. 306 00:14:05,444 --> 00:14:06,672 Let's go to UPS before it closes. 307 00:14:06,745 --> 00:14:07,939 Great. 308 00:14:09,648 --> 00:14:11,912 You bought a whole carton of cigarettes? 309 00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,509 How long did you think this bit was going to go on? 310 00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:17,087 Look, I was trying to prove a point to you. 311 00:14:17,156 --> 00:14:19,056 Oh. Well, you proved my point. 312 00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:20,819 I don't want you to change. 313 00:14:20,893 --> 00:14:22,793 I don't want somebody else. 314 00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:24,622 Well, I don't want you to be somebody else, either. 315 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,599 Yes, you do. You wish I had a rack like Christina Hendricks. 316 00:14:28,834 --> 00:14:30,495 No, I don't. All right? Look. 317 00:14:30,569 --> 00:14:32,867 To be honest, her boobs are too big for my taste. 318 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,200 Really? Yeah. 319 00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:38,437 At some point, it's just, like, crowd control. 320 00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:42,442 Okay. She's, like, gorgeous. 321 00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:45,615 Yeah. I don't know. I think you're prettier. 322 00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,412 Ha! 323 00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:51,022 Okay. What about January Jones? 324 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:52,784 I mean, l... Yeah. I... 325 00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,621 I can see why some guys would think that she's hot. 326 00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:58,925 But I have a tough time separating the body from who the person is inside. 327 00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:00,056 You know? It's like... 328 00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:03,260 I can tell just by looking at those women that they're probably boring. 329 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:06,595 I... I don't know about that. 330 00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:10,999 Well, yeah. I mean, you know. Like... You know, take Jessica Alba. 331 00:15:11,076 --> 00:15:13,237 You know, it's like, does she make me laugh? 332 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,640 Do we have things in common? Would she have... 333 00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,244 Would she have this with me? 334 00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,943 Where was this guy this morning? 335 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,885 Oh. I don't have any idea. 336 00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,919 Because he doesn't exist. 337 00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:28,417 What? 338 00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:29,518 Come on, Whit. Really? 339 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:32,655 You fell for that? What am l? A blind gay guy? 340 00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,690 Okay. So, you were just lying to me. 341 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,360 I was just trying to prove to you that, sometimes, 342 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,801 you do want me to be somebody else. 343 00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:40,998 I mean, come on. Those girls are gorgeous. 344 00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:43,974 Jessica Alba? She's made of butter. 345 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:50,882 I'm sorry that I get turned on by my boyfriend who loves me for me. 346 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,815 Okay, well, that's what you have. All right? 347 00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:55,519 I'm sorry that I acted like an idiot about the bra stuff. 348 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:56,781 But... 349 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,048 If I wanted to be with somebody else, 350 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,318 then I'd be with somebody else. All right? 351 00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,824 This is one of the cool things about not being married, 352 00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,591 is that there's nothing else that's keeping me here. 353 00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:07,389 Except you. 354 00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:10,462 Okay, that's hot. 355 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,461 All right. Well, it's true. Okay? 356 00:16:17,343 --> 00:16:21,074 So, uh, if Jessica Alba is made of butter, 357 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,308 what am l made out of? 358 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:26,341 I love you. 359 00:16:28,354 --> 00:16:31,414 So, so much. I... I love you so much. 360 00:16:33,592 --> 00:16:37,892 So, a prenup can be, you know, a little uncomfortable for couples. 361 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:40,693 But the good news is if you make it through this, 362 00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,494 you can make it through anything. 363 00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:45,668 And that is a figure of speech, 364 00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:47,338 not a binding legal promise. 365 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,131 Well, I think this is going to be easy money for you, Valerie. 366 00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:54,646 Because we're on the same page about everything. 367 00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:59,511 Well, everything is a lot, but... (CLEARS THROAT) Okay. 368 00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,147 Let's begin. 369 00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:04,246 So, do either of you own any property? 370 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:07,292 My parents have some land in Ohio. Okay. 371 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:14,255 And I have a lot of ideas for, like, books and greeting cards, 372 00:17:14,333 --> 00:17:16,995 so I have intellectual property. 373 00:17:18,237 --> 00:17:19,226 Okay. 374 00:17:19,805 --> 00:17:21,136 What about investments? 375 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,140 Uh, I have stocks and a 401K. 376 00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,231 Oh, good. 377 00:17:25,744 --> 00:17:28,975 I have invested a lot in myself. 378 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:34,250 Like, emotional capital into my spiritual well-being. 379 00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,455 Okay. I'll put that down. Okay. 380 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,652 Lil, this is going to go faster if you're serious. 381 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,086 I am serious. 382 00:17:43,295 --> 00:17:46,753 I guess what they say is true, huh? Opposites attract. 383 00:17:47,366 --> 00:17:49,561 Next, I need to know about any current debts owed. 384 00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,933 Uh, no. No debts for either one of us. Okay. 385 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,104 Actually... Sorry. Actually, l... 386 00:17:56,175 --> 00:18:01,010 I owe $7,000 to Chase and $300 to Victoria's Secret. 387 00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:03,840 Because they would no longer take my Chase card. 388 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,112 What? You told me that you had great credit. 389 00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,177 And I may not have paid our cell phone bill this month. 390 00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,119 Lily. I couldn't find a stamp. 391 00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:13,456 I'm sorry. 392 00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,723 Could you excuse us for a second? 393 00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:16,886 Oh. Sure. 394 00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:24,469 Uh... Do you know if there's a Williams-Sonoma in this neighborhood? 395 00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,295 You know what? I'll just go. 396 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,239 What is going on? Why did you lie to me about that stuff? 397 00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:37,606 Because when I tell you the truth, you just get mad at me. 398 00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:38,945 You can be very judgmental. 399 00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:40,609 Well, you can be really irresponsible. 400 00:18:40,686 --> 00:18:41,675 Yeah. See? That's... 401 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:44,950 That's why I've been pretending to be this person that you want me to be. 402 00:18:45,891 --> 00:18:46,880 I voted for Nader. 403 00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,620 Okay. Putting that aside. 404 00:18:50,762 --> 00:18:53,026 When have you ever had to pretend to be somebody that you're not? 405 00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:56,261 Right now. Being here with the prenup lawyer. 406 00:18:56,335 --> 00:18:58,303 It goes against everything I believe in. 407 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,428 I hate museums. 408 00:19:00,906 --> 00:19:03,204 You said that you were fine with a prenup. 409 00:19:03,275 --> 00:19:04,367 Oh, I lied. 410 00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:07,503 Just like I lied about knowing what kind of lndian you are. 411 00:19:09,081 --> 00:19:11,049 Is it Punjabi? 412 00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,974 No! 413 00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:15,086 What have we been doing? 414 00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:20,524 Pretending, clearly. I pretend a lot so we don't fight. 415 00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,383 Well, it's going great. 416 00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,023 We are so different. 417 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:28,225 I mean, tell me you don't see that. 418 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,324 If we can't be ourselves, then why are we getting married? 419 00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:32,228 I don't know. 420 00:19:37,509 --> 00:19:39,636 Hey, buddy. Hey. Um... 421 00:19:40,612 --> 00:19:41,874 Can I crash with you tonight? 422 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,442 No, is your DlRECTV out? 423 00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,276 Yeah, my DlRECTV is out. 424 00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:50,811 Get in here, man. Get in here right now. 425 00:19:50,889 --> 00:19:52,288 The A.T. is on. 426 00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:58,195 Hey, Whit. 427 00:20:03,468 --> 00:20:05,527 This is only going to happen once, 428 00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,231 so make it count. 429 00:20:07,306 --> 00:20:09,274 Oh, but it's going to go so fast. 430 00:20:09,341 --> 00:20:10,933 (CHUCKLlNG) 431 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,844 Whose... Whose hair is this? 432 00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:21,877 Mine. Hmm. 433 00:20:24,756 --> 00:20:26,656 Why is it... Okay. My lips are burning. 434 00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:28,215 What is that? That's the lip plumper. 435 00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:29,885 It burns your lips to make them bigger. 436 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:35,465 Ow! Ow! It's... It's... It's in my eye now. 437 00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:37,332 Ow. 438 00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,804 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 439 00:20:45,043 --> 00:20:46,908 Is this your ass? 440 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,774 Uh-huh. Oh, God. Get away from me, you monster. 441 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,482 Fake ain't so good now, is it, bitch? 442 00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:56,487 No. No. Get out of here.