1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:04,304
I'm just gonna run to the
store and get a few things.
2
00:00:04,306 --> 00:00:05,339
I'll pick you up
when you're done.
3
00:00:05,341 --> 00:00:06,790
Okay.
4
00:00:06,792 --> 00:00:09,665
I like it a little better
when you stay, but all right.
5
00:00:09,666 --> 00:00:10,864
Hey, Sheldon.
6
00:00:10,866 --> 00:00:12,700
Hello. I'm here for my haircut
7
00:00:12,702 --> 00:00:14,034
with Mr. D'Onofrio.
8
00:00:14,036 --> 00:00:15,970
I'm sorry, Uncle Tony's
in the hospital.
9
00:00:15,972 --> 00:00:17,171
He's pretty sick.
10
00:00:17,173 --> 00:00:21,008
Oh, dear, Mr. D'Onofrio's
in the hospital.
11
00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:23,578
Why do these things
always happen to me?
12
00:00:24,379 --> 00:00:25,563
I can cut it for you.
13
00:00:25,565 --> 00:00:27,448
You're not Mr. D'Onofrio.
14
00:00:28,267 --> 00:00:30,351
I get my hair cut
by Mr. D'Onofrio.
15
00:00:30,353 --> 00:00:31,652
You believe
this guy?
16
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,888
Excuse us for a second.
17
00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:36,407
Sheldon, it's okay,
he can do it.
18
00:00:36,409 --> 00:00:37,525
He's a barber.
19
00:00:37,527 --> 00:00:40,328
He's not a barber,
he's the nephew.
20
00:00:40,330 --> 00:00:41,862
He's an example
of the kind
21
00:00:41,864 --> 00:00:45,166
of nepotism that runs rampant
in the barbering industry.
22
00:00:45,168 --> 00:00:46,834
Besides, Mr.
D'Onofrio knows
23
00:00:46,836 --> 00:00:49,403
exactly how I like my
hair done because he has
24
00:00:49,405 --> 00:00:52,607
all my haircut records
from my barber in Texas.
25
00:00:52,609 --> 00:00:54,408
What are you talking about?
26
00:00:54,410 --> 00:00:55,543
When I first
moved here,
27
00:00:55,545 --> 00:00:58,179
I was nervous about
finding a new barber,
28
00:00:58,181 --> 00:01:00,097
so my mother had all
my haircut records
29
00:01:00,099 --> 00:01:02,249
sent here to
Mr. D'Onofrio.
30
00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:06,721
There's no such thing
as haircut records.
31
00:01:06,723 --> 00:01:09,523
Yes, there are.
32
00:01:09,525 --> 00:01:10,725
Have you ever seen them?
33
00:01:10,727 --> 00:01:13,294
No, but my mother assured
me they were sent here,
34
00:01:13,296 --> 00:01:15,112
and I'll bet you
dollars to donuts
35
00:01:15,114 --> 00:01:16,714
that this one
doesn't have them.
36
00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:18,549
Uh, excuse me.
37
00:01:18,551 --> 00:01:21,152
Do you have access
to my haircut records?
38
00:01:21,154 --> 00:01:22,787
Your what?
39
00:01:22,789 --> 00:01:24,605
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot,
40
00:01:24,607 --> 00:01:26,123
this is the way
the world ends--
41
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:29,126
not with a bang
but with a nephew.
44
00:01:37,303 --> 00:01:39,119
Just sit down
45
00:01:39,121 --> 00:01:40,137
and let him do it.
46
00:01:40,139 --> 00:01:41,789
Fine, but if I come
out of this
47
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:43,774
looking like a dork,
it's on you.
48
00:01:52,485 --> 00:01:54,185
So my kid said
the funniest thing today.
49
00:01:54,187 --> 00:01:55,269
Nope.
50
00:01:59,324 --> 00:02:01,659
When you tell this story later,
51
00:02:01,661 --> 00:02:05,079
the word we usually use is
"quirky."
52
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:08,449
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
53
00:02:08,451 --> 00:02:12,036
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
54
00:02:12,038 --> 00:02:13,604
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
55
00:02:13,606 --> 00:02:16,090
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
56
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:18,759
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
57
00:02:18,761 --> 00:02:21,479
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
58
00:02:21,481 --> 00:02:23,381
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
59
00:02:23,383 --> 00:02:24,380
♪ Bang! ♪
60
00:02:24,381 --> 00:02:28,381
The Big Bang Theory 5x18
The Werewolf Transformation
Original Air Date on February 23, 2012
61
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:31,882
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
62
00:02:34,507 --> 00:02:35,718
Can you pass
the Parmesan cheese?
63
00:02:35,719 --> 00:02:37,969
Sure.
64
00:02:46,029 --> 00:02:47,613
What are you doing?
65
00:02:47,615 --> 00:02:49,648
I'm trying to get the hair
out of my eyes.
66
00:02:49,798 --> 00:02:50,656
Sheldon,
67
00:02:50,657 --> 00:02:53,191
you are one day late
for your haircut.
68
00:02:53,193 --> 00:02:55,877
Thank you for captioning
my nightmare.
69
00:02:57,729 --> 00:03:00,331
Lookie here,
I got my travel orders.
70
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:04,035
"Payload Specialist Howard
Wolowitz is requested
71
00:03:04,037 --> 00:03:06,737
"to report to the NASA
Johnson Space Center,
72
00:03:06,739 --> 00:03:07,839
"Houston, Texas,
73
00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:10,008
for astronaut training
Monday 8:00 a.m."
74
00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:13,011
Yeah, but it's from NASA,
so it's 0800.
75
00:03:13,013 --> 00:03:14,762
But it says
"8:00 a.m""
76
00:03:16,181 --> 00:03:18,416
You read it as "0800."
77
00:03:18,418 --> 00:03:20,518
It doesn't have an
"O" in front of it.
78
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,221
You know what does have
an "oh" in front of it?
79
00:03:23,223 --> 00:03:26,074
"Oh, my God, I'm an astronaut,
and you're dying of jealousy."
80
00:03:28,093 --> 00:03:29,360
So, what kind of
things are they...?
81
00:03:29,362 --> 00:03:31,929
Will you stop that?
82
00:03:31,931 --> 00:03:36,417
I can't help it,
I feel like a teen heartthrob.
83
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,937
You know, Sheldon,
I used to cut my brother's hair.
84
00:03:39,939 --> 00:03:40,938
I could do it for you.
85
00:03:40,940 --> 00:03:43,908
Penny, I know you mean well,
86
00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:46,794
offering the skills
of the hill folk, but, um,
87
00:03:46,796 --> 00:03:48,579
here in town,
88
00:03:48,581 --> 00:03:50,498
we don't churn our own butter,
89
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:52,667
we don't make dresses
out of gunny sacks,
90
00:03:52,669 --> 00:03:55,136
and, uh, we sure as shootin'
don't get our hair cut
91
00:03:55,138 --> 00:03:56,137
by bottle-blonde...
92
00:03:56,139 --> 00:03:58,022
Sheldon, be nice.
93
00:03:58,024 --> 00:04:00,591
I'm sorry,
it's the bad boy attitude
94
00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:01,976
that comes with this hair.
95
00:04:05,797 --> 00:04:06,814
You could go to my guy.
96
00:04:06,816 --> 00:04:08,683
He's at Juan-Juan
in Beverly Hills.
97
00:04:08,685 --> 00:04:10,735
They bring you a cup of tea,
they'll massage your scalp.
98
00:04:10,737 --> 00:04:13,804
It's about $200, but sometimes
you look in the next chair
99
00:04:13,806 --> 00:04:17,191
and you see a superstar
like Tony Danza.
100
00:04:19,312 --> 00:04:21,329
Have we actually changed
the conversation
101
00:04:21,331 --> 00:04:22,864
from "I'm going
to astronaut training"
102
00:04:22,866 --> 00:04:25,649
to "Sheldon can't
get a haircut"?
103
00:04:25,651 --> 00:04:26,801
Now who's dying of jealousy?
104
00:04:26,803 --> 00:04:30,288
"Oh," it's you.
105
00:04:32,758 --> 00:04:35,626
♪ I'm a cowboy ♪
106
00:04:35,628 --> 00:04:38,463
♪ On a steel horse
I ride ♪
107
00:04:38,465 --> 00:04:41,165
♪ I'm wanted ♪
108
00:04:43,135 --> 00:04:45,837
♪ I'm wanted ♪
109
00:04:47,556 --> 00:04:49,557
♪ Wanted ♪
110
00:04:49,559 --> 00:04:52,226
♪ Dead or alive. ♪
111
00:04:52,228 --> 00:04:53,511
Sheldon,
112
00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:55,246
you're ruining girlfriend-
boyfriend sing-along night.
113
00:04:55,248 --> 00:04:57,515
I'm sorry.
114
00:04:57,517 --> 00:05:00,735
I'm looking for a barber
and I'm running out of time.
115
00:05:00,737 --> 00:05:01,836
My hair is growing at the rate
116
00:05:01,838 --> 00:05:05,239
of 4.6 yoctometers
per femtosecond.
117
00:05:06,108 --> 00:05:08,876
I mean, if you're quiet,
you can hear it.
118
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:12,530
What about Supercuts?
119
00:05:12,532 --> 00:05:13,531
I tried once.
120
00:05:13,533 --> 00:05:14,849
They do men's and women's hair
121
00:05:14,851 --> 00:05:17,251
in the same room
at the same time.
122
00:05:17,253 --> 00:05:20,221
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah
with mousse.
123
00:05:20,223 --> 00:05:22,807
Well, this isn't
a crisis.
124
00:05:22,809 --> 00:05:24,926
Why don't you just let
your hair grow out a little?
125
00:05:24,928 --> 00:05:26,043
Why don't I let
126
00:05:26,045 --> 00:05:27,161
my hair grow out?
127
00:05:27,163 --> 00:05:29,797
Um, why don't I start
wearing Birkenstocks
128
00:05:29,799 --> 00:05:32,817
and seeking validation
of my opinions by asking
129
00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:34,368
"Can you dig it?"
130
00:05:34,370 --> 00:05:37,038
Well, I don't know.
131
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,173
I think you might look
sexy with long hair.
132
00:05:40,409 --> 00:05:43,161
The kind that flows down
to your shoulders
133
00:05:43,163 --> 00:05:46,614
and blows back
while riding on a horse.
134
00:05:48,717 --> 00:05:51,352
Bareback and bare-chested.
135
00:05:53,622 --> 00:05:56,374
I'm gonna go brush my teeth;
it might take a while.
136
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:02,547
Hi.
137
00:06:02,549 --> 00:06:03,948
Hi, sweetie.
138
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,149
I miss you.
139
00:06:05,151 --> 00:06:06,717
I miss you, too.
140
00:06:06,719 --> 00:06:09,303
So tell me
all about your first day.
141
00:06:09,305 --> 00:06:11,789
Oh, wow, where do I even start?
142
00:06:11,791 --> 00:06:15,109
I got to experience
zero gravity.
143
00:06:15,111 --> 00:06:16,394
Cool. How do they do that?
144
00:06:16,396 --> 00:06:17,395
It's pretty neat.
145
00:06:17,397 --> 00:06:18,629
You get in this plane
146
00:06:18,631 --> 00:06:22,650
that goes almost straight up
for, like, 20 seconds,
147
00:06:22,652 --> 00:06:27,288
and then straight back down
like it's going to crash, and
148
00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:28,573
they do it
149
00:06:28,575 --> 00:06:30,575
over and over again, you know,
150
00:06:30,577 --> 00:06:32,776
no matter how many times
you throw up.
151
00:06:32,778 --> 00:06:34,612
You threw up?
152
00:06:34,614 --> 00:06:38,166
Yeah... and the craziest part
is, because there's no gravity,
153
00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:42,920
the throw-up kind of
floats there...
154
00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:44,121
in a little ball,
155
00:06:44,123 --> 00:06:45,606
and
156
00:06:45,608 --> 00:06:49,143
if your mouth is open
because you're screaming...
157
00:06:50,712 --> 00:06:53,898
...sometimes it just floats
right back in.
158
00:06:57,135 --> 00:07:00,354
Boy, does everyone laugh
at you when that happens.
159
00:07:00,356 --> 00:07:01,355
That sounds mean.
160
00:07:01,357 --> 00:07:02,406
No.
161
00:07:02,408 --> 00:07:03,908
Yeah, I would have laughed, too,
162
00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:06,077
but I didn't want the vomit
to come back out.
163
00:07:09,115 --> 00:07:11,082
Anyway...
164
00:07:11,084 --> 00:07:12,983
Oh, could you do me a favor
165
00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:16,337
and overnight me
some more underwear?
166
00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:17,655
Sure, why?
167
00:07:17,657 --> 00:07:19,040
I got a look at the centrifuge
168
00:07:19,042 --> 00:07:20,741
they're going to spin me
around in tomorrow,
169
00:07:20,743 --> 00:07:23,110
and I have a hunch
I packed a little light.
170
00:07:31,186 --> 00:07:33,854
Mr. D'Onofrio?
171
00:07:33,856 --> 00:07:35,640
It's Sheldon.
172
00:07:36,475 --> 00:07:38,392
They didn't have
anything barber-themed
173
00:07:38,394 --> 00:07:42,146
in the gift shop,
so I got you this.
174
00:07:42,148 --> 00:07:44,181
I don't know if you can read
his little T-shirt.
175
00:07:44,183 --> 00:07:47,201
It says, um,
"Get well bear-y soon."
176
00:07:48,787 --> 00:07:50,955
Trust me, if you were even
a little conscious right now,
177
00:07:50,957 --> 00:07:51,989
you'd be laughing.
178
00:07:54,910 --> 00:07:58,212
Anyway...
179
00:07:58,214 --> 00:08:02,883
There's new studies that show,
people in comas are aware
180
00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:05,202
of everything going on
around them.
181
00:08:05,204 --> 00:08:08,256
With that in mind,
if you can hear me,
182
00:08:08,258 --> 00:08:10,174
move away from the light
183
00:08:10,176 --> 00:08:13,978
and toward the sound
of these scissors.
184
00:08:15,064 --> 00:08:16,731
Can I help you?
185
00:08:16,733 --> 00:08:17,982
Yes.
186
00:08:17,984 --> 00:08:21,936
Do you have something
I could use as a cape?
187
00:08:21,938 --> 00:08:24,555
Oh, dear,
did we spit out our pills,
188
00:08:24,557 --> 00:08:28,159
slip out of the ninth floor,
and go on a little adventure?
189
00:08:28,161 --> 00:08:30,161
Oh, no,
190
00:08:30,163 --> 00:08:33,230
no, I'm just here
to get my hair cut.
191
00:08:36,001 --> 00:08:37,952
I-I see.
192
00:08:37,954 --> 00:08:40,921
J-Jus-Just wait here one moment.
193
00:08:40,923 --> 00:08:42,957
Security!
194
00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:45,576
I got to run.
195
00:08:45,578 --> 00:08:48,796
But not with scissors--
that would be unsafe.
196
00:08:57,919 --> 00:09:02,238
So, if I move
my horsey here...
197
00:09:04,124 --> 00:09:07,243
...isn't that checkmate
and I win?
198
00:09:13,601 --> 00:09:15,351
Hmm.
199
00:09:16,153 --> 00:09:19,055
Well, is it
or isn't it?
200
00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:22,959
You know, I think this is
a good stopping point.
201
00:09:23,928 --> 00:09:25,895
Uh, it's your
first real game.
202
00:09:25,897 --> 00:09:27,730
I threw a lot
of information at you.
203
00:09:27,732 --> 00:09:28,898
Well, no,
204
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,266
I mean,
your king is trapped.
205
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:33,069
He can't go here
because of my lighthouse,
206
00:09:33,071 --> 00:09:35,771
and...
207
00:09:35,773 --> 00:09:39,909
he can't go here because
of my pointy-head guy.
208
00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:43,746
Like I said, complicated game.
209
00:09:43,748 --> 00:09:45,965
So did I win or not?
210
00:09:45,967 --> 00:09:47,250
Did you have fun?
211
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:49,052
Because if you had fun,
then you are, you are a winner.
212
00:09:49,054 --> 00:09:51,337
That's, that-that's
what chess is all about.
213
00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:54,007
Hello.
214
00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:55,008
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
215
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:56,392
Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move.
Eh, why?
216
00:09:56,394 --> 00:10:00,280
My spot, your spot--
what difference does it make?
217
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:06,269
Okay, what just happened?
218
00:10:06,271 --> 00:10:07,637
I don't know.
219
00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:09,739
Between you playing chess
like Bobby Fischer
220
00:10:09,741 --> 00:10:12,692
and Sheldon being okay
with you in his spot,
221
00:10:12,694 --> 00:10:15,078
I'm guessing someone went
back in time, stepped on a bug,
222
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,647
and changed the course
of human events.
223
00:10:18,482 --> 00:10:21,000
Uh, sweetie,
are you all right?
224
00:10:21,002 --> 00:10:23,503
No, I'm not all right.
225
00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:26,205
It's been six days since I
was supposed to get a haircut
226
00:10:26,207 --> 00:10:28,625
and nothing horrible
has happened.
227
00:10:28,627 --> 00:10:31,678
Okay, I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
228
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,296
Leonard, explain it to her.
229
00:10:33,298 --> 00:10:36,466
Oh, uh, he's crazy.
230
00:10:37,635 --> 00:10:39,352
I have spent my whole life
231
00:10:39,354 --> 00:10:41,554
trying to bring order
to the universe
232
00:10:41,556 --> 00:10:44,507
by carefully planning
every moment of every day.
233
00:10:44,509 --> 00:10:45,675
But all my efforts--
234
00:10:45,677 --> 00:10:48,111
our dinner schedule,
my pajama rotation,
235
00:10:48,113 --> 00:10:50,346
my bowel movement spreadsheet--
236
00:10:50,348 --> 00:10:52,848
it's clear now,
237
00:10:52,850 --> 00:10:54,651
I've been wasting my time.
238
00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:58,988
Good. I'm taking that
disgusting chart off the fridge.
239
00:10:58,990 --> 00:11:01,541
You know, Sh-Sheldon,
240
00:11:01,543 --> 00:11:03,293
sometimes it's nice
not knowing what's coming.
241
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:04,627
I mean, look at me and Leonard.
242
00:11:04,629 --> 00:11:06,829
We went out, we broke up,
now we're trying again.
243
00:11:06,831 --> 00:11:08,197
We don't know
what's gonna happen.
244
00:11:08,199 --> 00:11:11,050
Oh, please, everyone knows
what's going to happen.
245
00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:14,704
But I see your point.
246
00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,339
I think this could
be good for you.
247
00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:18,925
Maybe it's time for you
to shake things up a bit.
248
00:11:18,927 --> 00:11:21,094
You're right.
249
00:11:21,096 --> 00:11:23,346
I should embrace the chaos.
250
00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:25,098
Great.
251
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,566
What are you going
to do first?
252
00:11:26,568 --> 00:11:27,600
I don't know.
253
00:11:27,602 --> 00:11:29,068
I could do anything.
254
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:31,070
All bets are off.
255
00:11:31,072 --> 00:11:34,524
The world is my oyster.
256
00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:35,875
I got it.
257
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:39,245
I'm going to put
on my Tuesday pajamas tonight.
258
00:11:43,701 --> 00:11:46,285
I got to tell you,
I'm a little worried about him.
259
00:11:46,287 --> 00:11:48,121
If I were you, I'd be
worried that a girl
260
00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:51,407
who's never played chess in
her life just kicked your ass.
261
00:12:04,371 --> 00:12:06,873
Hi.
262
00:12:06,875 --> 00:12:09,008
Howie, what happened to you?
263
00:12:09,010 --> 00:12:12,945
We did overnight survival
training in the wilderness.
264
00:12:12,947 --> 00:12:14,697
Big fun.
265
00:12:14,699 --> 00:12:17,533
Big, big fun.
266
00:12:17,535 --> 00:12:20,153
I was gonna freshen up for you
267
00:12:20,155 --> 00:12:24,307
but I blacked out a little
on the way to the bathroom.
268
00:12:25,743 --> 00:12:26,826
Survival training?
269
00:12:26,828 --> 00:12:27,943
Is that like camping?
270
00:12:27,945 --> 00:12:28,995
Uh-huh.
271
00:12:28,997 --> 00:12:31,731
Except you don't
have food or water,
272
00:12:31,733 --> 00:12:35,234
and they don't have
a sunset Sabbath service
273
00:12:35,236 --> 00:12:38,254
like they do
at Camp Hess-Kramer.
274
00:12:38,256 --> 00:12:40,807
Do you sleep in tents?
275
00:12:40,809 --> 00:12:41,958
No.
276
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,460
I slept in a hole
277
00:12:44,462 --> 00:12:48,431
I dug in the ground
with my bare hands.
278
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:51,868
And at some point
during the night,
279
00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:55,338
an armadillo crawled in
280
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:57,940
and spooned me.
281
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,360
Poor baby.
282
00:13:01,362 --> 00:13:02,495
But I did it.
283
00:13:02,497 --> 00:13:04,414
I survived.
284
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:08,935
I wasn't sure I was going to
when the sandstorm hit.
285
00:13:08,937 --> 00:13:12,672
I just pulled my turtleneck
up over my head
286
00:13:12,674 --> 00:13:16,342
and waited for death.
287
00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:20,129
But somehow as I sat there,
288
00:13:20,131 --> 00:13:24,500
wrapped in a cocoon
of my own neck-sweat,
289
00:13:24,502 --> 00:13:29,288
I found that primal part
of the human spirit
290
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:33,342
that just wants
to keep on living,
291
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:36,078
no matter what the cost.
292
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,396
You're so brave.
293
00:13:37,398 --> 00:13:39,065
I'm proud of you.
294
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:42,752
I ate a butterfly.
295
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,345
It was so small and...
296
00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:54,747
beautiful,
297
00:13:54,749 --> 00:13:57,467
but I was so hungry.
298
00:14:00,804 --> 00:14:02,889
Are you crying?
299
00:14:02,891 --> 00:14:05,708
No, I don't think it's possible.
300
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:09,212
I'm severely dehydrated.
301
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:12,799
My pee is like toothpaste.
302
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:16,686
Howie, if you're not able
to do this, come home.
303
00:14:16,688 --> 00:14:19,722
It won't change
how I feel about you.
304
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:22,742
Thanks, honey, but I can't quit.
305
00:14:22,744 --> 00:14:25,828
If I do, I'll just be a guy
306
00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:29,832
who had a chance to be an
astronaut and gave it up.
307
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:32,067
Well, is there anything
I could do to help?
308
00:14:32,069 --> 00:14:34,170
No.
309
00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:35,338
Wait.
310
00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:39,275
Send more underwear.
311
00:14:48,118 --> 00:14:51,521
Don't let this
be Sheldon playing bongos.
312
00:15:06,620 --> 00:15:10,389
Hello, Leonard,
do you like my bongos?
313
00:15:11,792 --> 00:15:15,110
Bet you didn't know
that I had bongos.
314
00:15:16,330 --> 00:15:18,280
Sheldon, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
315
00:15:18,282 --> 00:15:19,448
3:00 in the morning
316
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:23,285
is a good time for bongos.
317
00:15:23,287 --> 00:15:24,887
I was sleeping.
318
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:28,123
Leonard sleeps
while I play bongos.
319
00:15:29,292 --> 00:15:31,561
No, he doesn't.
320
00:15:31,563 --> 00:15:34,347
Leonard no sleep
while I play bongos.
321
00:15:34,349 --> 00:15:36,465
Bongo solo.
322
00:15:40,737 --> 00:15:42,104
Stop! Stop it!
323
00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:44,240
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
324
00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:51,664
- What the hell?!
- Oh, hi,
325
00:15:51,666 --> 00:15:52,815
Penny, guess what?
326
00:15:52,817 --> 00:15:55,001
Sheldon got bongos.
327
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:56,619
Why did you get bongos?
328
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:58,487
Richard Feynman
played the bongos.
329
00:15:58,489 --> 00:15:59,922
I thought I'd give that a try.
330
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:01,657
Richard Feynman
was a famous physicist.
331
00:16:01,659 --> 00:16:03,325
Oh, Leonard, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
332
00:16:03,327 --> 00:16:05,211
I don't care if Richard Feynman
was a purple leprechaun
333
00:16:05,213 --> 00:16:07,179
who lived in my butt.
334
00:16:08,131 --> 00:16:11,217
Penny meant if he were
a purple leprechaun.
335
00:16:11,219 --> 00:16:12,334
Penny forgot
336
00:16:12,336 --> 00:16:14,520
to use the subjunctive.
337
00:16:15,522 --> 00:16:18,173
Sheldon, go to bed.
338
00:16:18,175 --> 00:16:19,692
You have work in the morning.
339
00:16:19,694 --> 00:16:20,943
Maybe, maybe not.
340
00:16:20,945 --> 00:16:23,846
Maybe tomorrow I start
a bongo band and tour the world.
341
00:16:25,282 --> 00:16:28,200
No, no, hang on,
uh, uh,
342
00:16:28,202 --> 00:16:29,518
Roommate Agreement.
343
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:32,622
No hootenannies, sing-a-longs,
or barbershop quartets
344
00:16:32,624 --> 00:16:35,041
after 10:00 p.m.
345
00:16:35,043 --> 00:16:36,242
Roommate Agreement?
346
00:16:36,244 --> 00:16:37,359
Are you kidding?
347
00:16:37,361 --> 00:16:38,661
We are living in a world
348
00:16:38,663 --> 00:16:40,630
of chaos.
349
00:16:40,632 --> 00:16:42,648
Roommate Agreement.
350
00:16:43,834 --> 00:16:45,835
Where are you going?
351
00:16:45,837 --> 00:16:48,037
Wherever the music
takes me, kitten.
352
00:16:51,008 --> 00:16:52,925
I play bongos
353
00:16:52,927 --> 00:16:54,060
walking down the stairs.
354
00:16:54,062 --> 00:16:57,480
Oh! Oh!
355
00:16:59,683 --> 00:17:03,719
Never play bongos
walking down the stairs.
356
00:17:09,493 --> 00:17:10,609
Surprise.
357
00:17:10,611 --> 00:17:12,445
What are you doing here?
358
00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:14,163
I'm here to help you
get through this.
359
00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:16,332
You can't do it on your own,
you need someone
360
00:17:16,334 --> 00:17:17,583
to take care of you.
361
00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:18,884
Oh, I love you so much.
362
00:17:18,886 --> 00:17:20,202
Oh, I love you.
363
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:23,589
Howard,
your bath is getting cold!
364
00:17:25,709 --> 00:17:28,094
Don't worry, once
she falls asleep,
365
00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:30,846
I'll spoon you
like an armadillo.
366
00:17:35,052 --> 00:17:39,138
He showed up in the middle
of the night with his bongos.
367
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:43,092
I foolishly thought it was some
sort of musical booty call.
368
00:17:44,111 --> 00:17:46,128
Poor guy.
369
00:17:46,130 --> 00:17:48,898
He must have been exhausted.
370
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,734
Sheldon like to sleep
while Leonard play the bongo!
371
00:17:54,270 --> 00:17:56,455
That was kind of uncalled for.
372
00:17:56,457 --> 00:17:57,940
No, it was called for.
373
00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:00,626
What's going on?
374
00:18:00,628 --> 00:18:01,627
All right, Sheldon,
375
00:18:01,629 --> 00:18:03,129
this craziness
has gone on long enough.
376
00:18:03,131 --> 00:18:05,414
Please come home
so I can cut your hair.
377
00:18:05,416 --> 00:18:07,750
Penny, you're not trained.
378
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:09,251
You're not licensed.
379
00:18:09,253 --> 00:18:13,222
Most importantly, you don't have
access to my haircut records.
380
00:18:16,059 --> 00:18:18,044
All right, honey, look,
381
00:18:18,046 --> 00:18:20,396
we've known each other
for a long time now, right?
382
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:22,798
I've taken you to Disneyland,
383
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,934
I kicked a bully
in the nuts for you,
384
00:18:24,936 --> 00:18:26,936
I sing you "Soft Kitty"
385
00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:28,938
when you're sick,
386
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,523
you've even saw me naked once.
387
00:18:30,525 --> 00:18:33,676
I'm sorry,
what?
388
00:18:33,678 --> 00:18:35,644
It was a long story.
389
00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:37,980
Anyway, Sheldon, I promise
I know what I'm doing.
390
00:18:37,982 --> 00:18:39,532
Please let me cut your hair.
391
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:42,535
Amy, what do you think?
392
00:18:42,537 --> 00:18:46,321
There's not a hair on my body
I wouldn't let this woman trim.
393
00:18:54,714 --> 00:18:56,849
Fine, let's go.
394
00:19:00,303 --> 00:19:02,221
Thank you for letting me
sleep on your couch.
395
00:19:02,223 --> 00:19:04,006
There's only so many times
a woman can say,
396
00:19:04,008 --> 00:19:05,357
"How about the bed?"
397
00:19:08,645 --> 00:19:11,180
What's this
about Sheldon seeing you naked?
398
00:19:11,182 --> 00:19:15,034
Oh, relax. It was just
her bottom and her breasts.
399
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:27,152
Almost done.
400
00:19:27,154 --> 00:19:28,954
At the end of the haircut,
401
00:19:28,956 --> 00:19:32,324
Mr. D'Onofrio
would tell me a dirty joke.
402
00:19:32,326 --> 00:19:35,928
Sorry, I don't know
any dirty jokes.
403
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:39,281
That's okay,
I never understood them anyway.
404
00:19:41,217 --> 00:19:43,385
Okay, what do you think?
405
00:19:45,438 --> 00:19:48,023
Hm, well,
406
00:19:48,025 --> 00:19:50,959
it's a little Hollywood.
407
00:19:52,061 --> 00:19:54,296
But I think
I can pull it off.
408
00:19:54,298 --> 00:19:55,631
Well done, Penny.
409
00:19:55,633 --> 00:19:56,848
Ha, told you.
410
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:58,700
Okay, I'm just gonna clean up
your neck a little
411
00:19:58,702 --> 00:20:01,787
and then you are good to go.
Fun time.
412
00:20:02,873 --> 00:20:05,791
Sorry, sometimes the clippers
tickle me.
413
00:20:05,793 --> 00:20:07,326
Okay.
414
00:20:14,567 --> 00:20:16,885
Okay, yep, we're all done now.
415
00:20:16,887 --> 00:20:17,869
It's just... it's good.
416
00:20:17,871 --> 00:20:20,422
Let me just take that
away from you.
417
00:20:20,424 --> 00:20:22,090
- Okay.
- Thank you very much.
418
00:20:22,092 --> 00:20:24,259
You are welcome.
419
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:34,999
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move.
420
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:39,133
== sync, corrected by elderman ==