1
00:00:03,535 --> 00:00:05,469
I'm just gonna run to the
store and get a few things.
2
00:00:05,471 --> 00:00:06,504
I'll pick you up
when you're done.
3
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:07,955
Okay.
4
00:00:07,957 --> 00:00:10,830
I like it a little better
when you stay, but all right.
5
00:00:10,831 --> 00:00:12,029
Hey, Sheldon.
6
00:00:12,031 --> 00:00:13,865
Hello. I'm here for my haircut
7
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:15,199
with Mr. D'Onofrio.
8
00:00:15,201 --> 00:00:17,135
I'm sorry, Uncle Tony's
in the hospital.
9
00:00:17,137 --> 00:00:18,336
He's pretty sick.
10
00:00:18,338 --> 00:00:22,173
Oh, dear, Mr. D'Onofrio's
in the hospital.
11
00:00:22,175 --> 00:00:24,743
Why do these things
always happen to me?
12
00:00:25,544 --> 00:00:26,728
I can cut it for you.
13
00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:28,613
You're not Mr. D'Onofrio.
14
00:00:29,432 --> 00:00:31,516
I get my hair cut
by Mr. D'Onofrio.
15
00:00:31,518 --> 00:00:32,817
You believe
this guy?
16
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,053
Excuse us for a second.
17
00:00:36,055 --> 00:00:37,572
Sheldon, it's okay,
he can do it.
18
00:00:37,574 --> 00:00:38,690
He's a barber.
19
00:00:38,692 --> 00:00:41,493
He's not a barber,
he's the nephew.
20
00:00:41,495 --> 00:00:43,027
He's an example
of the kind
21
00:00:43,029 --> 00:00:46,331
of nepotism that runs rampant
in the barbering industry.
22
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:47,999
Besides, Mr.
D'Onofrio knows
23
00:00:48,001 --> 00:00:50,568
exactly how I like my
hair done because he has
24
00:00:50,570 --> 00:00:53,772
all my haircut records
from my barber in Texas.
25
00:00:53,774 --> 00:00:55,573
What are you talking about?
26
00:00:55,575 --> 00:00:56,708
When I first
moved here,
27
00:00:56,710 --> 00:00:59,344
I was nervous about
finding a new barber,
28
00:00:59,346 --> 00:01:01,262
so my mother had all
my haircut records
29
00:01:01,264 --> 00:01:03,414
sent here to
Mr. D'Onofrio.
30
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:07,886
There's no such thing
as haircut records.
31
00:01:07,888 --> 00:01:10,688
Yes, there are.
32
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:11,890
Have you ever seen them?
33
00:01:11,892 --> 00:01:14,459
No, but my mother assured
me they were sent here,
34
00:01:14,461 --> 00:01:16,277
and I'll bet you
dollars to donuts
35
00:01:16,279 --> 00:01:17,879
that this one
doesn't have them.
36
00:01:18,447 --> 00:01:19,714
Uh, excuse me.
37
00:01:19,716 --> 00:01:22,317
Do you have access
to my haircut records?
38
00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:23,952
Your what?
39
00:01:23,954 --> 00:01:25,770
To paraphrase T.S. Eliot,
40
00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:27,288
this is the way
the world ends--
41
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:30,291
not with a bang
but with a nephew.
44
00:01:38,468 --> 00:01:40,284
Just sit down
45
00:01:40,286 --> 00:01:41,302
and let him do it.
46
00:01:41,304 --> 00:01:42,954
Fine, but if I come
out of this
47
00:01:42,956 --> 00:01:44,939
looking like a dork,
it's on you.
48
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:55,350
So my kid said
the funniest thing today.
49
00:01:55,352 --> 00:01:56,434
Nope.
50
00:02:00,489 --> 00:02:02,824
When you tell this story later,
51
00:02:02,826 --> 00:02:06,244
the word we usually use is
"quirky."
52
00:02:06,246 --> 00:02:09,614
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
53
00:02:09,616 --> 00:02:13,201
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
54
00:02:13,203 --> 00:02:14,769
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
55
00:02:14,771 --> 00:02:17,255
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
56
00:02:17,257 --> 00:02:19,924
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
57
00:02:19,926 --> 00:02:22,644
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
58
00:02:22,646 --> 00:02:24,546
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
59
00:02:24,548 --> 00:02:25,545
♪ Bang! ♪
60
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,846
The Big Bang Theory 5x18
The Werewolf Transformation
Original Air Date on February 23, 2012
61
00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:32,147
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
62
00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:33,798
Can you pass
the Parmesan cheese?
63
00:02:33,799 --> 00:02:36,049
Sure.
64
00:02:44,109 --> 00:02:45,693
What are you doing?
65
00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:47,728
I'm trying to get the hair
out of my eyes.
66
00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:48,736
Sheldon,
67
00:02:48,737 --> 00:02:51,271
you are one day late
for your haircut.
68
00:02:51,273 --> 00:02:53,957
Thank you for captioning
my nightmare.
69
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:58,411
Lookie here,
I got my travel orders.
70
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:02,115
"Payload Specialist Howard
Wolowitz is requested
71
00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,817
"to report to the NASA
Johnson Space Center,
72
00:03:04,819 --> 00:03:05,919
"Houston, Texas,
73
00:03:05,921 --> 00:03:08,088
for astronaut training
Monday 8:00 a.m."
74
00:03:08,090 --> 00:03:11,091
Yeah, but it's from NASA,
so it's 0800.
75
00:03:11,093 --> 00:03:12,842
But it says
"8:00 a.m""
76
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,496
You read it as "0800."
77
00:03:16,498 --> 00:03:18,598
It doesn't have an
"O" in front of it.
78
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,301
You know what does have
an "oh" in front of it?
79
00:03:21,303 --> 00:03:24,154
"Oh, my God, I'm an astronaut,
and you're dying of jealousy."
80
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,440
So, what kind of
things are they...?
81
00:03:27,442 --> 00:03:30,009
Will you stop that?
82
00:03:30,011 --> 00:03:34,497
I can't help it,
I feel like a teen heartthrob.
83
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,017
You know, Sheldon,
I used to cut my brother's hair.
84
00:03:38,019 --> 00:03:39,018
I could do it for you.
85
00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:41,988
Penny, I know you mean well,
86
00:03:41,990 --> 00:03:44,874
offering the skills
of the hill folk, but, um,
87
00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:46,659
here in town,
88
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,578
we don't churn our own butter,
89
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,747
we don't make dresses
out of gunny sacks,
90
00:03:50,749 --> 00:03:53,216
and, uh, we sure as shootin'
don't get our hair cut
91
00:03:53,218 --> 00:03:54,217
by bottle-blonde...
92
00:03:54,219 --> 00:03:56,102
Sheldon, be nice.
93
00:03:56,104 --> 00:03:58,671
I'm sorry,
it's the bad boy attitude
94
00:03:58,673 --> 00:04:00,056
that comes with this hair.
95
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:04,894
You could go to my guy.
96
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,763
He's at Juan-Juan
in Beverly Hills.
97
00:04:06,765 --> 00:04:08,815
They bring you a cup of tea,
they'll massage your scalp.
98
00:04:08,817 --> 00:04:11,884
It's about $200, but sometimes
you look in the next chair
99
00:04:11,886 --> 00:04:15,271
and you see a superstar
like Tony Danza.
100
00:04:17,392 --> 00:04:19,409
Have we actually changed
the conversation
101
00:04:19,411 --> 00:04:20,944
from "I'm going
to astronaut training"
102
00:04:20,946 --> 00:04:23,729
to "Sheldon can't
get a haircut"?
103
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,881
Now who's dying of jealousy?
104
00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:28,368
"Oh," it's you.
105
00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,706
♪ I'm a cowboy ♪
106
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:36,543
♪ On a steel horse
I ride ♪
107
00:04:36,545 --> 00:04:39,245
♪ I'm wanted ♪
108
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:43,917
♪ I'm wanted ♪
109
00:04:45,636 --> 00:04:47,637
♪ Wanted ♪
110
00:04:47,639 --> 00:04:50,306
♪ Dead or alive. ♪
111
00:04:50,308 --> 00:04:51,591
Sheldon,
112
00:04:51,593 --> 00:04:53,326
you're ruining girlfriend-
boyfriend sing-along night.
113
00:04:53,328 --> 00:04:55,595
I'm sorry.
114
00:04:55,597 --> 00:04:58,815
I'm looking for a barber
and I'm running out of time.
115
00:04:58,817 --> 00:04:59,916
My hair is growing at the rate
116
00:04:59,918 --> 00:05:03,319
of 4.6 yoctometers
per femtosecond.
117
00:05:04,188 --> 00:05:06,956
I mean, if you're quiet,
you can hear it.
118
00:05:07,774 --> 00:05:10,610
What about Supercuts?
119
00:05:10,612 --> 00:05:11,611
I tried once.
120
00:05:11,613 --> 00:05:12,929
They do men's and women's hair
121
00:05:12,931 --> 00:05:15,331
in the same room
at the same time.
122
00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:18,301
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah
with mousse.
123
00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:20,887
Well, this isn't
a crisis.
124
00:05:20,889 --> 00:05:23,006
Why don't you just let
your hair grow out a little?
125
00:05:23,008 --> 00:05:24,123
Why don't I let
126
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:25,241
my hair grow out?
127
00:05:25,243 --> 00:05:27,877
Um, why don't I start
wearing Birkenstocks
128
00:05:27,879 --> 00:05:30,897
and seeking validation
of my opinions by asking
129
00:05:30,899 --> 00:05:32,448
"Can you dig it?"
130
00:05:32,450 --> 00:05:35,118
Well, I don't know.
131
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,253
I think you might look
sexy with long hair.
132
00:05:38,489 --> 00:05:41,241
The kind that flows down
to your shoulders
133
00:05:41,243 --> 00:05:44,694
and blows back
while riding on a horse.
134
00:05:46,797 --> 00:05:49,432
Bareback and bare-chested.
135
00:05:51,702 --> 00:05:54,454
I'm gonna go brush my teeth;
it might take a while.
136
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,627
Hi.
137
00:06:00,629 --> 00:06:02,028
Hi, sweetie.
138
00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:03,229
I miss you.
139
00:06:03,231 --> 00:06:04,797
I miss you, too.
140
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:07,383
So tell me
all about your first day.
141
00:06:07,385 --> 00:06:09,869
Oh, wow, where do I even start?
142
00:06:09,871 --> 00:06:13,189
I got to experience
zero gravity.
143
00:06:13,191 --> 00:06:14,474
Cool. How do they do that?
144
00:06:14,476 --> 00:06:15,475
It's pretty neat.
145
00:06:15,477 --> 00:06:16,709
You get in this plane
146
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:20,730
that goes almost straight up
for, like, 20 seconds,
147
00:06:20,732 --> 00:06:25,368
and then straight back down
like it's going to crash, and
148
00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:26,653
they do it
149
00:06:26,655 --> 00:06:28,655
over and over again, you know,
150
00:06:28,657 --> 00:06:30,856
no matter how many times
you throw up.
151
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,692
You threw up?
152
00:06:32,694 --> 00:06:36,246
Yeah... and the craziest part
is, because there's no gravity,
153
00:06:36,248 --> 00:06:41,000
the throw-up kind of
floats there...
154
00:06:41,002 --> 00:06:42,201
in a little ball,
155
00:06:42,203 --> 00:06:43,686
and
156
00:06:43,688 --> 00:06:47,223
if your mouth is open
because you're screaming...
157
00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:51,978
...sometimes it just floats
right back in.
158
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:58,434
Boy, does everyone laugh
at you when that happens.
159
00:06:58,436 --> 00:06:59,435
That sounds mean.
160
00:06:59,437 --> 00:07:00,486
No.
161
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:01,988
Yeah, I would have laughed, too,
162
00:07:01,990 --> 00:07:04,157
but I didn't want the vomit
to come back out.
163
00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:09,162
Anyway...
164
00:07:09,164 --> 00:07:11,063
Oh, could you do me a favor
165
00:07:11,065 --> 00:07:14,417
and overnight me
some more underwear?
166
00:07:14,419 --> 00:07:15,735
Sure, why?
167
00:07:15,737 --> 00:07:17,120
I got a look at the centrifuge
168
00:07:17,122 --> 00:07:18,821
they're going to spin me
around in tomorrow,
169
00:07:18,823 --> 00:07:21,190
and I have a hunch
I packed a little light.
170
00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:31,934
Mr. D'Onofrio?
171
00:07:31,936 --> 00:07:33,720
It's Sheldon.
172
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,472
They didn't have
anything barber-themed
173
00:07:36,474 --> 00:07:40,226
in the gift shop,
so I got you this.
174
00:07:40,228 --> 00:07:42,261
I don't know if you can read
his little T-shirt.
175
00:07:42,263 --> 00:07:45,281
It says, um,
"Get well bear-y soon."
176
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:49,035
Trust me, if you were even
a little conscious right now,
177
00:07:49,037 --> 00:07:50,069
you'd be laughing.
178
00:07:52,990 --> 00:07:56,292
Anyway...
179
00:07:56,294 --> 00:08:00,963
There's new studies that show,
people in comas are aware
180
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,282
of everything going on
around them.
181
00:08:03,284 --> 00:08:06,336
With that in mind,
if you can hear me,
182
00:08:06,338 --> 00:08:08,254
move away from the light
183
00:08:08,256 --> 00:08:12,058
and toward the sound
of these scissors.
184
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:14,811
Can I help you?
185
00:08:14,813 --> 00:08:16,062
Yes.
186
00:08:16,064 --> 00:08:20,016
Do you have something
I could use as a cape?
187
00:08:20,018 --> 00:08:22,635
Oh, dear,
did we spit out our pills,
188
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:26,239
slip out of the ninth floor,
and go on a little adventure?
189
00:08:26,241 --> 00:08:28,241
Oh, no,
190
00:08:28,243 --> 00:08:31,310
no, I'm just here
to get my hair cut.
191
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,032
I-I see.
192
00:08:36,034 --> 00:08:39,001
J-Jus-Just wait here one moment.
193
00:08:39,003 --> 00:08:41,037
Security!
194
00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:43,656
I got to run.
195
00:08:43,658 --> 00:08:46,876
But not with scissors--
that would be unsafe.
196
00:08:53,646 --> 00:08:57,965
So, if I move
my horsey here...
197
00:08:59,851 --> 00:09:02,970
...isn't that checkmate
and I win?
198
00:09:09,328 --> 00:09:11,078
Hmm.
199
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,782
Well, is it
or isn't it?
200
00:09:15,817 --> 00:09:18,686
You know, I think this is
a good stopping point.
201
00:09:19,655 --> 00:09:21,622
Uh, it's your
first real game.
202
00:09:21,624 --> 00:09:23,457
I threw a lot
of information at you.
203
00:09:23,459 --> 00:09:24,625
Well, no,
204
00:09:24,627 --> 00:09:25,993
I mean,
your king is trapped.
205
00:09:25,995 --> 00:09:28,796
He can't go here
because of my lighthouse,
206
00:09:28,798 --> 00:09:31,498
and...
207
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:35,636
he can't go here because
of my pointy-head guy.
208
00:09:36,521 --> 00:09:39,473
Like I said, complicated game.
209
00:09:39,475 --> 00:09:41,692
So did I win or not?
210
00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:42,977
Did you have fun?
211
00:09:42,979 --> 00:09:44,779
Because if you had fun,
then you are, you are a winner.
212
00:09:44,781 --> 00:09:47,064
That's, that-that's
what chess is all about.
213
00:09:48,317 --> 00:09:49,734
Hello.
214
00:09:49,736 --> 00:09:50,735
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
215
00:09:50,737 --> 00:09:52,119
Sorry, Sheldon, I'll move.
Eh, why?
216
00:09:52,121 --> 00:09:56,007
My spot, your spot--
what difference does it make?
217
00:09:59,494 --> 00:10:01,996
Okay, what just happened?
218
00:10:01,998 --> 00:10:03,364
I don't know.
219
00:10:03,366 --> 00:10:05,466
Between you playing chess
like Bobby Fischer
220
00:10:05,468 --> 00:10:08,419
and Sheldon being okay
with you in his spot,
221
00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:10,805
I'm guessing someone went
back in time, stepped on a bug,
222
00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:13,374
and changed the course
of human events.
223
00:10:14,209 --> 00:10:16,727
Uh, sweetie,
are you all right?
224
00:10:16,729 --> 00:10:19,230
No, I'm not all right.
225
00:10:19,232 --> 00:10:21,932
It's been six days since I
was supposed to get a haircut
226
00:10:21,934 --> 00:10:24,352
and nothing horrible
has happened.
227
00:10:24,354 --> 00:10:27,405
Okay, I'm sorry,
I don't understand.
228
00:10:27,407 --> 00:10:29,023
Leonard, explain it to her.
229
00:10:29,025 --> 00:10:32,193
Oh, uh, he's crazy.
230
00:10:33,362 --> 00:10:35,079
I have spent my whole life
231
00:10:35,081 --> 00:10:37,281
trying to bring order
to the universe
232
00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:40,234
by carefully planning
every moment of every day.
233
00:10:40,236 --> 00:10:41,402
But all my efforts--
234
00:10:41,404 --> 00:10:43,838
our dinner schedule,
my pajama rotation,
235
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,073
my bowel movement spreadsheet--
236
00:10:46,075 --> 00:10:48,575
it's clear now,
237
00:10:48,577 --> 00:10:50,378
I've been wasting my time.
238
00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:54,715
Good. I'm taking that
disgusting chart off the fridge.
239
00:10:54,717 --> 00:10:57,268
You know, Sh-Sheldon,
240
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:59,020
sometimes it's nice
not knowing what's coming.
241
00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:00,354
I mean, look at me and Leonard.
242
00:11:00,356 --> 00:11:02,556
We went out, we broke up,
now we're trying again.
243
00:11:02,558 --> 00:11:03,924
We don't know
what's gonna happen.
244
00:11:03,926 --> 00:11:06,777
Oh, please, everyone knows
what's going to happen.
245
00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:10,431
But I see your point.
246
00:11:10,433 --> 00:11:12,066
I think this could
be good for you.
247
00:11:12,068 --> 00:11:14,652
Maybe it's time for you
to shake things up a bit.
248
00:11:14,654 --> 00:11:16,821
You're right.
249
00:11:16,823 --> 00:11:19,073
I should embrace the chaos.
250
00:11:19,075 --> 00:11:20,825
Great.
251
00:11:20,827 --> 00:11:22,293
What are you going
to do first?
252
00:11:22,295 --> 00:11:23,327
I don't know.
253
00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:24,795
I could do anything.
254
00:11:24,797 --> 00:11:26,797
All bets are off.
255
00:11:26,799 --> 00:11:30,251
The world is my oyster.
256
00:11:30,253 --> 00:11:31,602
I got it.
257
00:11:31,604 --> 00:11:34,972
I'm going to put
on my Tuesday pajamas tonight.
258
00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:42,012
I got to tell you,
I'm a little worried about him.
259
00:11:42,014 --> 00:11:43,848
If I were you, I'd be
worried that a girl
260
00:11:43,850 --> 00:11:47,134
who's never played chess in
her life just kicked your ass.
261
00:12:00,098 --> 00:12:02,600
Hi.
262
00:12:02,602 --> 00:12:04,735
Howie, what happened to you?
263
00:12:04,737 --> 00:12:08,672
We did overnight survival
training in the wilderness.
264
00:12:08,674 --> 00:12:10,424
Big fun.
265
00:12:10,426 --> 00:12:13,260
Big, big fun.
266
00:12:13,262 --> 00:12:15,880
I was gonna freshen up for you
267
00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:20,034
but I blacked out a little
on the way to the bathroom.
268
00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:22,553
Survival training?
269
00:12:22,555 --> 00:12:23,670
Is that like camping?
270
00:12:23,672 --> 00:12:24,722
Uh-huh.
271
00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:27,458
Except you don't
have food or water,
272
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:30,961
and they don't have
a sunset Sabbath service
273
00:12:30,963 --> 00:12:33,981
like they do
at Camp Hess-Kramer.
274
00:12:33,983 --> 00:12:36,534
Do you sleep in tents?
275
00:12:36,536 --> 00:12:37,685
No.
276
00:12:37,687 --> 00:12:40,187
I slept in a hole
277
00:12:40,189 --> 00:12:44,158
I dug in the ground
with my bare hands.
278
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:47,595
And at some point
during the night,
279
00:12:47,597 --> 00:12:51,065
an armadillo crawled in
280
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:53,667
and spooned me.
281
00:12:55,837 --> 00:12:57,087
Poor baby.
282
00:12:57,089 --> 00:12:58,222
But I did it.
283
00:12:58,224 --> 00:13:00,141
I survived.
284
00:13:00,143 --> 00:13:04,662
I wasn't sure I was going to
when the sandstorm hit.
285
00:13:04,664 --> 00:13:08,399
I just pulled my turtleneck
up over my head
286
00:13:08,401 --> 00:13:12,069
and waited for death.
287
00:13:12,071 --> 00:13:15,856
But somehow as I sat there,
288
00:13:15,858 --> 00:13:20,227
wrapped in a cocoon
of my own neck-sweat,
289
00:13:20,229 --> 00:13:25,015
I found that primal part
of the human spirit
290
00:13:25,017 --> 00:13:29,069
that just wants
to keep on living,
291
00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:31,805
no matter what the cost.
292
00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:33,123
You're so brave.
293
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:34,792
I'm proud of you.
294
00:13:34,794 --> 00:13:38,479
I ate a butterfly.
295
00:13:45,053 --> 00:13:48,072
It was so small and...
296
00:13:48,074 --> 00:13:50,474
beautiful,
297
00:13:50,476 --> 00:13:53,194
but I was so hungry.
298
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,616
Are you crying?
299
00:13:58,618 --> 00:14:01,435
No, I don't think it's possible.
300
00:14:01,437 --> 00:14:04,939
I'm severely dehydrated.
301
00:14:04,941 --> 00:14:08,526
My pee is like toothpaste.
302
00:14:08,528 --> 00:14:12,413
Howie, if you're not able
to do this, come home.
303
00:14:12,415 --> 00:14:15,449
It won't change
how I feel about you.
304
00:14:15,451 --> 00:14:18,469
Thanks, honey, but I can't quit.
305
00:14:18,471 --> 00:14:21,555
If I do, I'll just be a guy
306
00:14:21,557 --> 00:14:25,559
who had a chance to be an
astronaut and gave it up.
307
00:14:25,561 --> 00:14:27,794
Well, is there anything
I could do to help?
308
00:14:27,796 --> 00:14:29,897
No.
309
00:14:29,899 --> 00:14:31,065
Wait.
310
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:35,002
Send more underwear.
311
00:14:43,845 --> 00:14:47,248
Don't let this
be Sheldon playing bongos.
312
00:15:02,347 --> 00:15:06,116
Hello, Leonard,
do you like my bongos?
313
00:15:07,519 --> 00:15:10,837
Bet you didn't know
that I had bongos.
314
00:15:12,057 --> 00:15:14,007
Sheldon, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
315
00:15:14,009 --> 00:15:15,175
3:00 in the morning
316
00:15:15,177 --> 00:15:19,012
is a good time for bongos.
317
00:15:19,014 --> 00:15:20,614
I was sleeping.
318
00:15:20,616 --> 00:15:23,850
Leonard sleeps
while I play bongos.
319
00:15:25,019 --> 00:15:27,288
No, he doesn't.
320
00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:30,074
Leonard no sleep
while I play bongos.
321
00:15:30,076 --> 00:15:32,192
Bongo solo.
322
00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:37,831
Stop! Stop it!
323
00:15:37,833 --> 00:15:39,967
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
324
00:15:45,006 --> 00:15:47,391
- What the hell?!
- Oh, hi,
325
00:15:47,393 --> 00:15:48,542
Penny, guess what?
326
00:15:48,544 --> 00:15:50,728
Sheldon got bongos.
327
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:52,346
Why did you get bongos?
328
00:15:52,348 --> 00:15:54,214
Richard Feynman
played the bongos.
329
00:15:54,216 --> 00:15:55,649
I thought I'd give that a try.
330
00:15:55,651 --> 00:15:57,384
Richard Feynman
was a famous physicist.
331
00:15:57,386 --> 00:15:59,052
Oh, Leonard, it's 3:00 o'clock
in the morning.
332
00:15:59,054 --> 00:16:00,938
I don't care if Richard Feynman
was a purple leprechaun
333
00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:02,906
who lived in my butt.
334
00:16:03,858 --> 00:16:06,944
Penny meant if he were
a purple leprechaun.
335
00:16:06,946 --> 00:16:08,061
Penny forgot
336
00:16:08,063 --> 00:16:10,247
to use the subjunctive.
337
00:16:11,249 --> 00:16:13,900
Sheldon, go to bed.
338
00:16:13,902 --> 00:16:15,419
You have work in the morning.
339
00:16:15,421 --> 00:16:16,670
Maybe, maybe not.
340
00:16:16,672 --> 00:16:19,573
Maybe tomorrow I start
a bongo band and tour the world.
341
00:16:21,009 --> 00:16:23,927
No, no, hang on,
uh, uh,
342
00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:25,245
Roommate Agreement.
343
00:16:25,247 --> 00:16:28,349
No hootenannies, sing-a-longs,
or barbershop quartets
344
00:16:28,351 --> 00:16:30,768
after 10:00 p.m.
345
00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:31,969
Roommate Agreement?
346
00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:33,086
Are you kidding?
347
00:16:33,088 --> 00:16:34,388
We are living in a world
348
00:16:34,390 --> 00:16:36,357
of chaos.
349
00:16:36,359 --> 00:16:38,375
Roommate Agreement.
350
00:16:39,561 --> 00:16:41,562
Where are you going?
351
00:16:41,564 --> 00:16:43,764
Wherever the music
takes me, kitten.
352
00:16:46,735 --> 00:16:48,652
I play bongos
353
00:16:48,654 --> 00:16:49,787
walking down the stairs.
354
00:16:49,789 --> 00:16:53,207
Oh! Oh!
355
00:16:55,410 --> 00:16:59,446
Never play bongos
walking down the stairs.
356
00:17:05,220 --> 00:17:06,336
Surprise.
357
00:17:06,338 --> 00:17:08,172
What are you doing here?
358
00:17:08,174 --> 00:17:09,890
I'm here to help you
get through this.
359
00:17:09,892 --> 00:17:12,059
You can't do it on your own,
you need someone
360
00:17:12,061 --> 00:17:13,310
to take care of you.
361
00:17:13,312 --> 00:17:14,611
Oh, I love you so much.
362
00:17:14,613 --> 00:17:15,929
Oh, I love you.
363
00:17:15,931 --> 00:17:19,316
Howard,
your bath is getting cold!
364
00:17:21,436 --> 00:17:23,821
Don't worry, once
she falls asleep,
365
00:17:23,823 --> 00:17:26,573
I'll spoon you
like an armadillo.
366
00:17:30,779 --> 00:17:34,865
He showed up in the middle
of the night with his bongos.
367
00:17:34,867 --> 00:17:38,819
I foolishly thought it was some
sort of musical booty call.
368
00:17:39,838 --> 00:17:41,855
Poor guy.
369
00:17:41,857 --> 00:17:44,625
He must have been exhausted.
370
00:17:44,627 --> 00:17:47,461
Sheldon like to sleep
while Leonard play the bongo!
371
00:17:49,997 --> 00:17:52,182
That was kind of uncalled for.
372
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:53,667
No, it was called for.
373
00:17:54,803 --> 00:17:56,353
What's going on?
374
00:17:56,355 --> 00:17:57,354
All right, Sheldon,
375
00:17:57,356 --> 00:17:58,856
this craziness
has gone on long enough.
376
00:17:58,858 --> 00:18:01,141
Please come home
so I can cut your hair.
377
00:18:01,143 --> 00:18:03,477
Penny, you're not trained.
378
00:18:03,479 --> 00:18:04,978
You're not licensed.
379
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:08,949
Most importantly, you don't have
access to my haircut records.
380
00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:13,771
All right, honey, look,
381
00:18:13,773 --> 00:18:16,123
we've known each other
for a long time now, right?
382
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:18,525
I've taken you to Disneyland,
383
00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:20,661
I kicked a bully
in the nuts for you,
384
00:18:20,663 --> 00:18:22,663
I sing you "Soft Kitty"
385
00:18:22,665 --> 00:18:24,665
when you're sick,
386
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,250
you've even saw me naked once.
387
00:18:26,252 --> 00:18:29,403
I'm sorry,
what?
388
00:18:29,405 --> 00:18:31,371
It was a long story.
389
00:18:31,373 --> 00:18:33,707
Anyway, Sheldon, I promise
I know what I'm doing.
390
00:18:33,709 --> 00:18:35,259
Please let me cut your hair.
391
00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:38,262
Amy, what do you think?
392
00:18:38,264 --> 00:18:42,048
There's not a hair on my body
I wouldn't let this woman trim.
393
00:18:50,441 --> 00:18:52,576
Fine, let's go.
394
00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:57,948
Thank you for letting me
sleep on your couch.
395
00:18:57,950 --> 00:18:59,733
There's only so many times
a woman can say,
396
00:18:59,735 --> 00:19:01,084
"How about the bed?"
397
00:19:04,372 --> 00:19:06,907
What's this
about Sheldon seeing you naked?
398
00:19:06,909 --> 00:19:10,761
Oh, relax. It was just
her bottom and her breasts.
399
00:19:17,846 --> 00:19:19,747
Almost done.
400
00:19:19,749 --> 00:19:21,549
At the end of the haircut,
401
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:24,919
Mr. D'Onofrio
would tell me a dirty joke.
402
00:19:24,921 --> 00:19:28,523
Sorry, I don't know
any dirty jokes.
403
00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:31,876
That's okay,
I never understood them anyway.
404
00:19:33,812 --> 00:19:35,980
Okay, what do you think?
405
00:19:38,033 --> 00:19:40,618
Hm, well,
406
00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:43,554
it's a little Hollywood.
407
00:19:44,656 --> 00:19:46,891
But I think
I can pull it off.
408
00:19:46,893 --> 00:19:48,226
Well done, Penny.
409
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,443
Ha, told you.
410
00:19:49,445 --> 00:19:51,295
Okay, I'm just gonna clean up
your neck a little
411
00:19:51,297 --> 00:19:54,382
and then you are good to go.
Fun time.
412
00:19:55,468 --> 00:19:58,386
Sorry, sometimes the clippers
tickle me.
413
00:19:58,388 --> 00:19:59,921
Okay.
414
00:20:07,162 --> 00:20:09,480
Okay, yep, we're all done now.
415
00:20:09,482 --> 00:20:10,464
It's just... it's good.
416
00:20:10,466 --> 00:20:13,017
Let me just take that
away from you.
417
00:20:13,019 --> 00:20:14,685
- Okay.
- Thank you very much.
418
00:20:14,687 --> 00:20:16,854
You are welcome.
419
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:27,594
Yeah, I'm gonna have to move.
420
00:20:27,728 --> 00:20:31,728
== sync, corrected by elderman ==