1
00:00:00,374 --> 00:00:01,216
Hey, honey.
2
00:00:01,341 --> 00:00:03,511
For Amy's birthday party,
we're just gonna invite
3
00:00:03,636 --> 00:00:05,280
the people that are in our
play group, right?
4
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:06,564
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay, good.
5
00:00:06,689 --> 00:00:08,300
Except for Carson,
'cause he's a biter.
6
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,484
Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:10,928
And his mom 'cause she's a bitch.
8
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:12,888
Totally, those two really
deserve each other, don't they?
9
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,161
Oh, I love this one.
10
00:00:14,286 --> 00:00:15,140
Wait a minute.
11
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,725
Sweetie, for Amy's first word,
12
00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,159
you put down "Dada."
13
00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:20,103
Oh, yeah, whatever.
14
00:00:20,269 --> 00:00:21,096
No, not whatever, Chris.
15
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,230
Her first word was "mama."
16
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:23,565
Remember, I came home from work,
17
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,776
she put her arms out towards me.
She said, "mama."
18
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,068
In the mama ballpark.
19
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,303
I'll give you that, but...
20
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,447
I thought that if we
were gonna count that...
21
00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:31,949
Which we are.
22
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,708
Then she did say Dada
to me at the playground
23
00:00:33,833 --> 00:00:34,701
a couple of days before that.
24
00:00:34,867 --> 00:00:36,478
Very convenient that I was not
25
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:38,372
there to witness said Dada.
26
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,457
Well, luckily, I got it on video.
27
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:44,336
Notice the timestamp.
It's great.
28
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,504
That could be altered.
29
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,554
You're a little paranoid.
30
00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:48,340
Shows you're nervous.
31
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,299
Wait for it, here it comes.
32
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:50,725
And...
33
00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,803
- Da.
- Boom.
34
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,329
Dude, she wasn't even looking at you.
35
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:56,390
She was probably pointing at a slide.
36
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,266
So no Dada.
37
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:00,477
Mama, first word.
38
00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,153
- Say Dada.
- Say mama.
39
00:01:04,278 --> 00:01:05,540
- Say Dada.
- Say mama.
40
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:06,923
- Dada.
- Say mama.
41
00:01:07,048 --> 00:01:08,527
Amy, say mama, ma-ma.
44
00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:17,995
Is that something?
45
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,220
Something?
That's a car.
46
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:20,288
She knows about cars!
47
00:01:20,454 --> 00:01:22,916
I think she said kiosk.
48
00:01:23,082 --> 00:01:24,376
From when we got the phone
covers in the mall!
49
00:01:24,542 --> 00:01:26,003
- At the mall!
- Yes!
50
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,195
For her first birthday!
51
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,672
- She's a genius!
- She's a genius.
52
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:31,717
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:49,717
Wanna go in?
Go in there?
54
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,619
Hey, honey.
55
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,120
Really, you're gonna bring
the chicken suit
56
00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:54,122
to a play date, honey?
57
00:01:54,247 --> 00:01:55,240
Isn't that a little much?
58
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:56,324
Babe, I don't think you're
59
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,535
fully aware of my play date persona.
60
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,678
I'm freewheelin'.
61
00:02:00,803 --> 00:02:02,456
Just a good time Charlie.
62
00:02:02,622 --> 00:02:04,098
Ah, the kids love it.
63
00:02:04,223 --> 00:02:05,834
But, parents love it too, so...
64
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,570
Nah, I think maybe
one parent loves it.
65
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,295
You.
66
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:11,381
Mama.
67
00:02:11,547 --> 00:02:15,510
Oh, honey, now we're
just rubbing it in.
68
00:02:15,676 --> 00:02:17,111
You know what,
she's kind of chatty today.
69
00:02:17,236 --> 00:02:18,236
I think I'm gonna get
the video camera.
70
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:19,981
Okay.
71
00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:21,975
Hey, let's get a couple
dadas in there, huh?
72
00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:23,935
- Hey there, neighbor.
- Hey.
73
00:02:24,101 --> 00:02:25,145
- Hey.
- Headed out?
74
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,789
Um, I... yes, I am headed...
75
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:31,735
I'm just, um, just waiting
for Reagan to...
76
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:36,198
- How are you guys doing?
- Great!
77
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,666
We, uh, hadn't gotten our invitation
78
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:41,703
to Amy's birthday party yet...
79
00:02:41,869 --> 00:02:45,273
Oh, yeah, you know,
we hadn't really decided
80
00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:47,167
what we were gonna do yet, so...
81
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,585
That's what we were hoping you'd say!
82
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,213
How'd you like to have a joint party?
83
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:52,881
For our young ones?
84
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:55,509
Reagan, honey?
85
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:56,651
Could really use some...
86
00:02:56,776 --> 00:02:57,986
We could share entertainment,
87
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,112
decorations, a bounce house,
88
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,932
the whole kit and caboodle.
89
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,057
Not that it's about money.
90
00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:05,059
Oh, tell that to our forever-off ac.
91
00:03:06,185 --> 00:03:07,161
We'd just love to share that
92
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:08,814
special day with your family.
93
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,799
Look, I...
94
00:03:11,924 --> 00:03:14,669
Um...
95
00:03:14,794 --> 00:03:15,821
Fine, yes.
96
00:03:15,987 --> 00:03:17,872
Hooray!
97
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:20,534
So, uh, what do you say we
take care of the food and drinks
98
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,160
and, uh, we have
the party at your place?
99
00:03:22,326 --> 00:03:25,497
It's like you always say, your
house has the primo party flow.
100
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,457
Ah, God, I do always say that.
101
00:03:27,623 --> 00:03:29,100
♪ joint birthday party!
102
00:03:29,225 --> 00:03:31,253
♪ Joint birthday party!
103
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,487
♪ Joint birthday party!
104
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:33,713
What are they chanting about?
105
00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,299
I may have just agreed to hosting
106
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,386
a joint birthday party for
Amy and Roger at our house.
107
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:40,445
Chris, oh, my God!
108
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:42,080
I was gone, like, 30 seconds.
109
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:43,140
They ambushed me, babe.
110
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,449
I need you to be the hammer
111
00:03:44,574 --> 00:03:46,534
in situations like that,
and they just...
112
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:48,061
I'm just a get-along guy.
113
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:49,872
We're gonna reserve a clown, okay?
114
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:50,730
- Sure.
- No.
115
00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:51,648
They're in!
116
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:53,525
Christopher!
117
00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,126
There.
118
00:03:55,251 --> 00:03:56,111
Hey, ladies.
119
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,904
- There's daddy.
- Hi.
120
00:03:58,070 --> 00:03:59,747
- Daddy's here.
- Hi.
121
00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:01,158
What are you doing here?
122
00:04:01,324 --> 00:04:02,850
Yeah, just handing out
some invitations
123
00:04:02,975 --> 00:04:04,744
to some of my playground peeps.
124
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:05,803
We'll see who's gonna make the cut.
125
00:04:05,928 --> 00:04:06,971
There he is, Kenny.
126
00:04:07,096 --> 00:04:08,389
Congratulations, buddy, you made it.
127
00:04:08,514 --> 00:04:10,292
And, hey, Brendan.
'Sup, dude?
128
00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:11,976
Brendan did not make the cut,
129
00:04:12,101 --> 00:04:13,503
so just be cool.
130
00:04:13,669 --> 00:04:14,662
Hey, can I ask you a question?
131
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:15,997
Are you going
to invite Finn over there
132
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,465
and his... daddy?
133
00:04:17,631 --> 00:04:19,259
'Cause I've seen you two chatting.
134
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:22,070
Oh, Ned, yeah, Ned's a good guy.
135
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:22,929
Aww...
136
00:04:23,412 --> 00:04:24,931
Nice daddies.
137
00:04:25,097 --> 00:04:28,626
Cute... nice... daddies.
138
00:04:28,751 --> 00:04:30,211
Listen, this is totally awkward,
139
00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,829
but, could I ask you a favor?
140
00:04:31,954 --> 00:04:33,356
Would you be able to introduce us?
141
00:04:33,522 --> 00:04:36,417
Because I think we've kind of
been making eyes at each other,
142
00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:40,054
and... I know he's recently
divorced and, you know,
143
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:43,033
I haven't been on a date
in a long time, 22 months.
144
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,159
- Hmm.
- Yeah.
145
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,286
Yowza.
146
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:47,762
Nancy's a little antsy in the pantsy,
147
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,247
if you know what I'm saying.
148
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:52,000
Yeah, so it can definitely be
a wham, bam, thank you ma'am
149
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,334
type of situation.
150
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,587
One-pump chump, two-beat treat.
151
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,131
You know, this is very weird
playground conversation.
152
00:04:58,297 --> 00:04:59,674
What do you say, Chris,
you think you can help me?
153
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,509
Whatever it takes to just end this.
154
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:04,262
- Oh, Chris, Chris, Chris!
- Okay.
155
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,034
Oh, my God, what is...
156
00:05:10,159 --> 00:05:11,452
Honey, this is, like,
157
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:13,588
90% Gene and Terry people here.
158
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:14,622
Yeah, no kidding.
159
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:16,290
Hey, guys, guys.
160
00:05:16,415 --> 00:05:17,325
I thought that we
agreed that you were
161
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,152
- only gonna be inviting family.
- Yeah.
162
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,403
This is just family.
163
00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:22,030
Between my side and Terry's,
164
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,950
birthday boy's got, oh,
eight great-grandparents,
165
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:28,519
four grandparents, two parents,
uh, eight uncles,
166
00:05:28,644 --> 00:05:31,039
six aunts and, uh, more cousins
than we can count.
167
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,333
Our family loves making babies.
168
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:35,043
And then we don't die!
169
00:05:37,019 --> 00:05:39,256
Oh, Roy, how are you?
170
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,281
Oh, my God.
171
00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:41,949
Oh, look at this old-timer.
172
00:05:42,074 --> 00:05:43,484
Not caring for the feet.
173
00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:45,386
His shoe is touching the cheese.
174
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:46,370
I can't take it anymore, honey.
175
00:05:46,495 --> 00:05:47,371
I have to go say something.
176
00:05:47,496 --> 00:05:48,949
- Brinkleys!
- Yeah?
177
00:05:49,074 --> 00:05:50,850
Oh... oh, Ava, wow.
178
00:05:51,016 --> 00:05:52,018
Very fancy.
179
00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:53,544
Christopher.
180
00:05:53,669 --> 00:05:54,938
Your wife's right here.
181
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,983
Of course I'm gonna bring it
on such a special day for us!
182
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:02,503
Missy is almost finished putting
out the classy appetizers
183
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:06,199
for our v.I.P.S, a.K.A. Amy's guests.
184
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,676
Missy has been given
very strict instructions
185
00:06:08,801 --> 00:06:11,746
not to serve any of
the Gene and Terry people.
186
00:06:11,912 --> 00:06:13,707
Missy, what are our red flags again?
187
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,617
Pleated khakis,
polar performance fleeces,
188
00:06:16,742 --> 00:06:18,770
denim shirts with
looney tune characters.
189
00:06:18,895 --> 00:06:21,689
That's right, the off-brand
guests can help themselves
190
00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,883
to their best value potato
discs and diet Dr. Popper.
191
00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:26,469
- Okay.
- My meal is just the beginning.
192
00:06:26,635 --> 00:06:29,806
I cannot wait for the two
of you to open Amy's gift.
193
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,766
Please, honey, don't go
too crazy, okay?
194
00:06:31,932 --> 00:06:32,950
Or crazy at all.
195
00:06:33,075 --> 00:06:33,935
That's an option.
196
00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:36,604
I am taking this very seriously.
197
00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:38,039
I mean, you may be the parents,
198
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:39,257
which is very important, of course.
199
00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:41,476
But I am the godparent.
200
00:06:41,601 --> 00:06:42,694
God.
201
00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:44,612
What is he doing with Sushi?
202
00:06:44,778 --> 00:06:47,365
Missy, we have a breach!
203
00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:49,433
Why does Ava think she's
the godmother, honey?
204
00:06:49,558 --> 00:06:52,136
I mean, your sister's the godmother.
205
00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,997
Oh, you know what must have happened?
206
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,666
Well, uh, both my girls
are doing great.
207
00:06:56,832 --> 00:06:57,667
All right, I love you.
208
00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,044
I'm Amy's godmother, right?
209
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,695
Yes.
210
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,263
Chris!
211
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:04,198
Oh, my God.
212
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,800
I'm sorry, I hadn't slept.
213
00:07:05,966 --> 00:07:06,968
I just... I just assumed that
214
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,602
at some point that Ava
would bring it up to you
215
00:07:08,727 --> 00:07:09,770
and that you would set her straight.
216
00:07:09,895 --> 00:07:11,639
Like, now-ish.
217
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,541
You need to learn
how to say no, Chris.
218
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:14,559
No.
219
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,077
Hey, look, I'm a people pleaser.
220
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:17,812
It's what I bring
to our relationship.
221
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,022
The chill factor.
222
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,149
You know why you get
to bring the chill factor?
223
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,610
Which, by the way, that stinks.
224
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:24,903
Agreed.
225
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,087
Is because you always know
that I will be there
226
00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:27,088
to say no for you.
227
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,056
I always have to be the bad cop.
228
00:07:29,181 --> 00:07:30,408
You gotta admit, you're good at it.
229
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:31,759
I'm sick of it.
230
00:07:31,884 --> 00:07:32,994
You need to be the bad cop
every once in a while.
231
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:33,995
And you can start
232
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,029
by going and telling her
233
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:36,998
that she is not the godmother.
234
00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:38,199
Listen, why tell her?
235
00:07:38,324 --> 00:07:39,300
The issue only ever comes up
236
00:07:39,425 --> 00:07:40,401
if you and I die at the same time.
237
00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:41,402
And let's face it.
238
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:42,403
If you and I go together,
239
00:07:42,528 --> 00:07:43,804
in all likelihood, Ava will have
240
00:07:43,929 --> 00:07:46,132
died with us or she'll have been
the one who killed us.
241
00:07:46,298 --> 00:07:51,179
No, you are gonna go tell her,
because until you step up,
242
00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:52,138
I'm out.
243
00:07:52,304 --> 00:07:53,556
- Out?
- Starting now.
244
00:07:53,722 --> 00:07:55,016
Right now, I'm just gonna...
245
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,317
I'm just gonna enjoy this party.
246
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,085
I'm just gonna go with the flow.
247
00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:00,814
Things get messy, prissy Chrissy
can get his hands dirty.
248
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:03,733
Prissy Chri... wow, that just
rolled off your tongue.
249
00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:05,902
Excuse me.
250
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:06,994
Hi, there, sir.
251
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:07,987
Welcome to our home.
252
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:09,430
Why don't you just feel free to
253
00:08:09,555 --> 00:08:10,789
kick those shoes off over there.
254
00:08:16,685 --> 00:08:17,775
{pub}- Hey.
- Hi.
255
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:19,422
Yeah, we're just having a little
256
00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:21,209
funny face contest over there.
257
00:08:21,375 --> 00:08:23,336
- I'm totally winning.
- Are you?
258
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:27,028
Hey, listen, one of the Gene and
Terrys is watching TV inside.
259
00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:28,260
- Oh.
- Yeah.
260
00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:30,485
Yeah, at a birthday party, so...
261
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,597
Oh, you know what, I'm fine, honey.
262
00:08:32,722 --> 00:08:34,399
But, you kn... if it's
bothering you, then,
263
00:08:34,524 --> 00:08:35,932
you gotta do something about it.
264
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:38,136
- Hey.
- Thanks.
265
00:08:38,261 --> 00:08:39,137
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey.
266
00:08:39,262 --> 00:08:40,639
Listen, um, sorry about
267
00:08:40,764 --> 00:08:42,213
the whole Nancy thing...
268
00:08:42,338 --> 00:08:43,692
Oh, no, no, no, no.
269
00:08:43,817 --> 00:08:45,177
We went out last night.
270
00:08:45,302 --> 00:08:46,394
It was amazing, really.
271
00:08:46,519 --> 00:08:48,319
I mean, she is so beautiful
272
00:08:48,485 --> 00:08:51,030
and she's vulnerable and sweet.
273
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:52,073
So thank you.
274
00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:53,218
Really.
275
00:08:53,343 --> 00:08:54,352
Oh, gosh, that's great, man.
276
00:08:54,477 --> 00:08:55,353
You're welcome, buddy.
277
00:08:55,478 --> 00:08:57,072
That's... that's ra... that...
278
00:08:57,197 --> 00:08:59,791
Oh... that's a deep hug, man.
279
00:08:59,916 --> 00:09:01,576
All right, good news.
280
00:09:01,701 --> 00:09:03,668
- Hey... whoa.
- You gotta get Ned off my jock.
281
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,130
Wait, what?
I thought it went great.
282
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:06,129
Oh, no, it totally did.
283
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,382
I mean, I got what I needed.
284
00:09:07,507 --> 00:09:09,417
He got the job done,
if you know what I mean.
285
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:10,758
- Yeah, I do.
- I mean, he got his.
286
00:09:10,924 --> 00:09:12,218
Then I got mine.
287
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:14,422
Look, I'm glad that
you both got... yours.
288
00:09:14,547 --> 00:09:15,555
But then he wouldn't leave.
289
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:18,391
He stayed until lunchtime,
just wanting to chat.
290
00:09:18,557 --> 00:09:20,101
And then he made tea.
291
00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:22,896
So listen, Chris, I need you
to talk to him for me, please.
292
00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:24,939
Oh, jeez, Nancy, I don't know.
293
00:09:25,105 --> 00:09:26,651
Reagan, honey, do you
have a take on this?
294
00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:28,359
I do not.
295
00:09:30,027 --> 00:09:34,032
Cannot wait for you guys to
open Amy's present any longer!
296
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:36,127
Amy.
297
00:09:36,252 --> 00:09:37,327
Familia.
298
00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:38,396
Becoming a godmother
299
00:09:38,521 --> 00:09:40,999
has been so meaningful for me.
300
00:09:41,124 --> 00:09:42,867
It's... it's got me going to
church again.
301
00:09:42,992 --> 00:09:44,417
Well, not "going" going.
302
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:45,919
I just have a spiritualist come
to the house once a week
303
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,879
and we pray together and then
he gives me a massage.
304
00:09:48,045 --> 00:09:50,340
Enough of me.
305
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,509
May I present to you...
306
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,719
Amy.
307
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,049
Isn't she glorious?
308
00:09:58,174 --> 00:09:59,267
I had it commissioned
309
00:09:59,392 --> 00:10:03,228
by famed Neo-Victorian painter,
Daniel Beauregand.
310
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,354
He doesn't usually do babies.
311
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,396
No kidding.
312
00:10:05,562 --> 00:10:07,565
The question now is where to hang it.
313
00:10:07,731 --> 00:10:08,893
Maybe not even here.
314
00:10:09,018 --> 00:10:11,236
I mean, uh, maybe, a museum, perhaps?
315
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,654
Like the Getty.
316
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,132
Or that's probably too close,
maybe, like, uh,
317
00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:18,236
a east coast... museum or just,
like, Bermuda would be good.
318
00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,705
No, this is my goddaughter
we're talking about.
319
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:23,873
It has got to be someplace
here, prominent.
320
00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:27,418
I think that it should
go above the fireplace.
321
00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:29,088
I do.
322
00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:31,950
That way, we can see it
all the time and...
323
00:10:32,075 --> 00:10:34,300
It can see us.
324
00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:36,886
I mean, of course, unless you
have a problem with that, honey?
325
00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:40,056
No, I do not, honey.
326
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:42,060
Yes!
327
00:10:42,185 --> 00:10:43,643
I'm gonna go get my camera,
328
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:45,019
and then I want to
take a picture of Amy.
329
00:10:45,185 --> 00:10:46,479
Be right back.
330
00:10:46,806 --> 00:10:49,517
It's one of those ones
where the eyes follow you...
331
00:10:49,642 --> 00:10:50,769
Wherever you...
332
00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:55,113
Yeah, I think I just saw it
lick its lips.
333
00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:56,990
Oh, look at this, huh?
334
00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:59,027
Ooh.
335
00:10:59,152 --> 00:11:01,160
- What's going on over here?
- Check it out.
336
00:11:01,326 --> 00:11:04,640
This total Gene and Terry lady,
she's doing her laundry here.
337
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,335
Yeah, she claimed that her kid
had a real blow-out diaper,
338
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:09,168
which were her words.
339
00:11:09,334 --> 00:11:11,379
Oh, don't smile about...
It's making you crazy.
340
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,624
You know what?
341
00:11:12,749 --> 00:11:15,466
I think that we are seeing
the real Chris here.
342
00:11:15,632 --> 00:11:16,884
What do you mean?
343
00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:20,498
Yeah, maybe this, like,
cool, take-it-easy dude,
344
00:11:20,623 --> 00:11:23,601
maybe he only exists because
I have always been the reactor
345
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,560
in the family, and I've
kept the heat off of you.
346
00:11:25,726 --> 00:11:27,895
Maybe all these years,
I have allowed you
347
00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:29,564
to think that you're
someone that you're not.
348
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:30,940
No, no, no, no.
349
00:11:31,106 --> 00:11:32,360
I think that now that I'm making you
350
00:11:32,485 --> 00:11:33,511
deal with all this stuff,
351
00:11:33,636 --> 00:11:35,111
we're seeing the real you, honey.
352
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,149
And the real you looks
a lot like this.
353
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,410
Oh, no.
354
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:43,788
Hey, it's time to sing
the birthday song
355
00:11:43,913 --> 00:11:45,330
to the birthday boy
and the birthday girl.
356
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:46,789
Yay.
357
00:11:46,955 --> 00:11:48,526
♪ Joint birthday party, ah
358
00:11:48,651 --> 00:11:50,328
♪ joint birthday party, huh ♪
359
00:11:50,453 --> 00:11:52,378
♪ joint birthday party, ho
360
00:11:52,544 --> 00:11:54,198
I thought we were gonna sing
Happy Birthday twice.
361
00:11:54,323 --> 00:11:55,366
Once for each kid.
362
00:11:55,491 --> 00:11:57,967
That's fine, honey, it's fine.
363
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,969
And, as is our birthday custom,
364
00:12:00,135 --> 00:12:02,040
let's all hold hands as we sing.
365
00:12:02,165 --> 00:12:03,181
Wait, what?
366
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,375
No, no, no, I'm not gonna... hey, man...
367
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:05,894
Don't grab people's...
368
00:12:06,019 --> 00:12:09,520
♪ Happy Birthday to you
369
00:12:09,686 --> 00:12:13,608
♪ Happy Birthday to you
370
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,354
♪ Happy Birthday dear
371
00:12:16,479 --> 00:12:18,757
♪ Amy
372
00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:22,825
♪ Happy Birthday to you
373
00:12:28,190 --> 00:12:30,735
That's okay, baby.
It's fine.
374
00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:31,736
Don't be sad, mommy's here.
375
00:12:31,861 --> 00:12:32,960
Her party dress is ruined.
376
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:34,706
She wore it one time, boom.
377
00:12:34,831 --> 00:12:35,874
All because we had to eat
378
00:12:35,999 --> 00:12:37,075
that garbage people
sheet cake out there.
379
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,218
Oh, Chris, will you calm down?
380
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:42,178
Are you kidding?
381
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:43,998
Has society broken down?
382
00:12:44,123 --> 00:12:45,016
Sir?
383
00:12:45,141 --> 00:12:46,017
What is this, mad Max?
384
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:46,974
Oh, now.
385
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,720
Did you hear the bad news?
386
00:12:48,845 --> 00:12:49,888
It's okay, Ter.
387
00:12:50,013 --> 00:12:52,730
Guys, Yoinks the clown didn't show.
388
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,774
The kids are so sad.
389
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,261
Roger's only gonna turn one once.
390
00:12:56,386 --> 00:12:58,096
I wanted to be there
for his first clown.
391
00:12:58,221 --> 00:13:00,265
- It's gonna be okay.
- For you!
392
00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,323
All you care about is getting
your deposit back.
393
00:13:02,489 --> 00:13:04,702
My father was a depression baby!
394
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,187
Oh, you have an old-ass father.
395
00:13:06,312 --> 00:13:07,787
- Big deal.
- Wh...
396
00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,741
Our daughter's
first birthday is ruined.
397
00:13:09,866 --> 00:13:11,666
We're never getting this back.
398
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,168
You know what?
I got this covered.
399
00:13:14,334 --> 00:13:17,322
Here you go.
Excuse me.
400
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,718
Chris, hey.
I've been looking for you.
401
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,855
Um, so I'm getting, like, uh,
402
00:13:23,980 --> 00:13:25,638
mixed signals from Nancy.
403
00:13:25,804 --> 00:13:30,810
For the first time since Betsy
left, I felt alive last night,
404
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,997
and it's not just
'cause of the love-making.
405
00:13:33,122 --> 00:13:34,199
Was it not?
406
00:13:34,324 --> 00:13:36,482
It's the tenderness and the spooning.
407
00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:38,102
Listen, uh, as much as I love
408
00:13:38,227 --> 00:13:39,938
to hear about other dudes spooning,
409
00:13:40,063 --> 00:13:41,487
I gotta level with you here, Ned.
410
00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:42,697
Oh, God.
411
00:13:42,863 --> 00:13:43,781
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
412
00:13:43,947 --> 00:13:44,991
- She doesn't...
- No... d-don't.
413
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:45,908
Please... please don't, please don't.
414
00:13:46,074 --> 00:13:47,744
- Please don't, no, no, no.
- No. Ohh!
415
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,454
Don't you cry while
I'm holding a baby.
416
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,456
- Look at me, right here.
- I'm stupid.
417
00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:52,700
It's good, it's great.
418
00:13:52,825 --> 00:13:55,153
She had the best time
of her life, she said.
419
00:13:55,278 --> 00:13:56,210
Yeah?
420
00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:58,907
So just be happy and congratulations
421
00:13:59,032 --> 00:14:00,792
and be happy, okay?
422
00:14:00,917 --> 00:14:01,841
So are we... thanks.
423
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:04,886
Okay.
424
00:14:05,740 --> 00:14:07,262
A dryer sheet?
425
00:14:07,387 --> 00:14:09,807
Are you [Bleep] Me?
426
00:14:09,973 --> 00:14:13,019
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
427
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,937
we have a special treat for you.
428
00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:18,927
Give it up, give all up...
429
00:14:19,052 --> 00:14:22,153
For the birthday chicken!
430
00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:33,348
♪
431
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:51,917
- I'm naked in here.
- Oh, you're not the first.
432
00:14:57,509 --> 00:14:58,773
{pub}- Babe.
- Yes?
433
00:14:59,537 --> 00:15:01,025
That was pretty awesome, babe.
434
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,519
- It was, wasn't it?
- Yep.
435
00:15:02,644 --> 00:15:03,520
You know what?
436
00:15:03,645 --> 00:15:04,855
Pretending to go with the flow,
437
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:07,124
there ended up being
some actual flow going.
438
00:15:07,249 --> 00:15:09,534
I, my friend, am a good-time Charlie.
439
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,628
I mean, damn it, you took my persona.
440
00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:13,697
You're actually better at being
441
00:15:13,822 --> 00:15:15,039
a good-time Charlie than me.
442
00:15:15,205 --> 00:15:16,183
I am better.
443
00:15:16,308 --> 00:15:17,851
And you, honey, are a pretty
444
00:15:17,976 --> 00:15:19,460
hi-larious, uptight guy.
445
00:15:19,626 --> 00:15:20,837
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
446
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:23,339
You wanna open your presents?
447
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:24,924
Let's open your presents.
448
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,109
- Okay.
- Okay.
449
00:15:26,234 --> 00:15:27,268
Can we open the one
from my sister first?
450
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,062
- Yeah, sure.
- All right.
451
00:15:29,187 --> 00:15:31,682
Let's see what she has to say.
452
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:32,683
Happy first birth...
453
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:34,451
Hey, Amy.
454
00:15:34,576 --> 00:15:35,476
Happy Birthday.
455
00:15:35,642 --> 00:15:36,620
We wish we could be there to see
456
00:15:36,745 --> 00:15:38,038
our beautiful niece and goddaughter
457
00:15:38,163 --> 00:15:39,355
on her special day.
458
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,566
We love you, sweetie.
459
00:15:43,702 --> 00:15:46,612
They think they're the godparents.
460
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:51,784
Oh.
461
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,578
Oh, it's me who...
462
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,329
Ava...
463
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:58,291
Oh... well... great.
464
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,144
'Cause it probably means a lot
to the... voice from that card.
465
00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:03,270
And I don't care.
466
00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:06,757
Oh!
467
00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:08,602
Gah!
468
00:16:08,727 --> 00:16:09,427
Aah!
469
00:16:10,111 --> 00:16:11,445
Uhh!
470
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,640
Hi.
471
00:16:14,806 --> 00:16:18,978
Honey, I'm so sorry.
472
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,598
Ava, I-I... I'm sorry that I-I said
473
00:16:21,723 --> 00:16:22,666
that you could be the godmother.
474
00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:24,418
It's just that...
475
00:16:24,543 --> 00:16:26,569
I'm not great at saying no to people.
476
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:28,571
Chris, you're such a sweetheart.
477
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,241
I think that's why I went to
you to ask to be the godmother
478
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,284
instead of going to Reagan.
479
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,994
Because I knew you would
want someone else.
480
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,012
Oh, honey.
481
00:16:36,137 --> 00:16:39,415
Someone dependable and stable
482
00:16:39,540 --> 00:16:42,419
and not "unfairly
maligned in the tabloids"
483
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:46,213
for "trying to run over
Deion Sanders."
484
00:16:46,379 --> 00:16:48,507
I'm assuming your sister's
a different kind of gal?
485
00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:49,842
Yeah, she is.
486
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:50,968
She sounds boring.
487
00:16:51,134 --> 00:16:53,429
Well, no, I mean, she's my sis... yeah.
488
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:54,815
Let's face it.
489
00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:56,666
I'm never gonna have a baby.
490
00:16:56,791 --> 00:17:00,403
And when Amy was born,
I... I just thought
491
00:17:00,528 --> 00:17:04,023
being godmother would be
the next best thing.
492
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,575
Sweetie, that's just a title.
493
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,778
I mean, who's more important, really?
494
00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:09,794
You're the one who's here every day.
495
00:17:09,919 --> 00:17:11,832
You're babysitting,
you're catering parties,
496
00:17:11,957 --> 00:17:15,452
- you're commissioning... art.
- Art.
497
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,795
And my sister, she lives on
the other side of the country.
498
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:19,689
- Yeah.
- I mean, she hasn't seen Amy
499
00:17:19,814 --> 00:17:21,082
since she was, like, two months old.
500
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:22,458
She might be the godmother,
501
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:27,755
but, come on, you are
special auntie Ava.
502
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:32,426
Aww, you guys.
503
00:17:32,592 --> 00:17:33,770
Yep.
504
00:17:33,895 --> 00:17:35,021
Group hug.
505
00:17:35,146 --> 00:17:37,014
- Okay. Oh!
- Ooh!
506
00:17:37,180 --> 00:17:37,824
- Okay.
- I can't quite...
507
00:17:37,949 --> 00:17:39,159
- Oh, boy, there you go.
- Whoa.
508
00:17:39,284 --> 00:17:40,476
Come on back up.
There we go, let's get a hug.
509
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:44,414
- Oh, excuse me.
- Oh, you guys, there it is.
510
00:17:44,539 --> 00:17:46,333
Yeah, sweetie, that's my boob.
511
00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:50,361
Aww, special auntie Ava.
512
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,489
Well, then, special auntie Ava,
513
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:53,757
I think that there might be
514
00:17:53,882 --> 00:17:54,991
a little birthday girl in there
515
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,243
who is due for a diaper change.
516
00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:01,038
Ugh, is she still doing that?
517
00:18:01,204 --> 00:18:02,766
I'm just kidding.
518
00:18:02,891 --> 00:18:05,418
What is it, a pee-pee?
519
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:06,669
Who knows?
520
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:10,840
Either way, I love that girl.
521
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:13,968
- I love changing diapers.
- Okay.
522
00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:15,678
- Yeah, cool.
- Sorry, kids.
523
00:18:17,656 --> 00:18:20,016
Babe.
524
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,017
Yeah.
525
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,852
- It's after 6:00.
- Huh?
526
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,520
Those people are still
hunkering down up there.
527
00:18:24,645 --> 00:18:25,755
Oh, God.
528
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,290
All right, that's it.
Nope, that's it.
529
00:18:27,415 --> 00:18:28,358
All right, it's enough.
530
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,726
I'm gonna go crack some skulls.
531
00:18:29,851 --> 00:18:32,528
No, no, no.
532
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:33,612
I got this.
533
00:18:33,778 --> 00:18:36,032
Okay, everybody, time to go.
534
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,950
Yeah, sorry.
535
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:39,452
Loved having you,
but the party's over.
536
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,371
Oh, but Chris, come on,
we're having so much fun.
537
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:42,538
Everyone's having so much fun.
538
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,415
Fluff and fold, forget it, okay?
539
00:18:44,581 --> 00:18:48,169
Hey, old man foot cheese,
we're done, all right?
540
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:50,546
Yeah, and...
and bedroom/bathroom guy adios.
541
00:18:50,712 --> 00:18:52,089
And take the magazine with you.
542
00:18:52,255 --> 00:18:54,175
Nancy, honey, I love you.
543
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,677
Ned brews tea and he likes to spoon.
544
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:58,888
I suggest that you try
to make this one work.
545
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,190
Okay, bye, everybody.
Bye.
546
00:19:00,315 --> 00:19:01,599
Let's keep
the good-bye train rolling.
547
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,350
Thank you, bye, bye.
That's ours.
548
00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:05,144
Yeah, down and out.
549
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,163
- Thank you.
- Yes, thank you.
550
00:19:07,288 --> 00:19:09,432
Thank you guys so much for hosting.
551
00:19:09,557 --> 00:19:11,284
- This was amazing.
- Yeah.
552
00:19:11,409 --> 00:19:12,619
Hey, never too early
to start planning
553
00:19:12,744 --> 00:19:14,236
for birthday party numero dos!
554
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:15,529
Nope.
555
00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:16,506
You guys.
556
00:19:16,631 --> 00:19:17,990
The Brinkleys, you're nuts.
557
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:19,492
Not gonna happen.
558
00:19:21,826 --> 00:19:22,995
We're not going to do that.
559
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,248
We're laughing,
560
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:28,084
but we're saying "no," and it's real.
561
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:29,352
It isn't either.
562
00:19:29,477 --> 00:19:30,419
You're just too much.
563
00:19:30,585 --> 00:19:31,939
This was a horrible mistake.
564
00:19:32,064 --> 00:19:33,423
- Okay.
- Dudes!
565
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:36,359
One of the worst experiences
of our life, if not the worst.
566
00:19:36,484 --> 00:19:37,426
Okay?
567
00:19:37,592 --> 00:19:39,929
There we go, and...
568
00:19:40,095 --> 00:19:42,723
- Wow, did that feel good.
- Doesn't it, though?
569
00:19:42,889 --> 00:19:45,017
Just to say no.
570
00:19:45,183 --> 00:19:46,435
Yeah, I'm loving it.
Just "no."
571
00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:48,062
- No.
- No!
572
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,823
No, no, no, no, no.
573
00:19:49,948 --> 00:19:52,316
Am I your special auntie Ava?
574
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:56,713
- Yeah? Auntie Ava...
- Ava.
575
00:19:56,838 --> 00:19:57,914
She said Ava.
576
00:19:58,039 --> 00:20:00,074
Amy said Ava.
Oh, my God!
577
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,285
Is that her first word?
578
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,553
Yes.
579
00:20:03,678 --> 00:20:04,554
- Yes.
- Yep.
580
00:20:04,679 --> 00:20:05,955
Say it again, sweetie, say Ava.
581
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:06,997
Ava.
582
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:08,249
- Ava
- Ava.
583
00:20:10,852 --> 00:20:11,978
Oh!
584
00:20:12,103 --> 00:20:13,754
Guys, it's so great
to see you so happy.
585
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,423
- I am so happy.
- Yay.
586
00:20:16,589 --> 00:20:19,593
Listen, we're not gonna keep
that painting, okay?
587
00:20:19,759 --> 00:20:20,886
- What painting?
- Oh, good.
588
00:20:21,052 --> 00:20:22,822
Honey, this way.
589
00:20:22,947 --> 00:20:25,949
Ava.
Ava.
590
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:30,462
{pub}Oh, sweet girl.
591
00:20:30,587 --> 00:20:32,565
Happy Birthday.
Mwah!
592
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,892
I just wanna tell you
that this last year
593
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:39,280
has been the very best year
of our lives.
594
00:20:39,446 --> 00:20:40,948
Hmm.
595
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,449
Do you wanna bounce?
596
00:20:42,615 --> 00:20:44,368
Do you wanna bounce?
597
00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:46,035
Do you wanna bounce?
598
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,855
Bouncy, bouncy,
bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.
599
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,833
Oh, jeez, what...
600
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:52,542
Really? What, do they
think that we can't see them?
601
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,670
Are you kidding?
They want us to see them.
602
00:20:54,836 --> 00:20:55,628
Oh, gross.
603
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:57,013
- Oh, Nancy.
- Okay, don't... no.
604
00:20:57,138 --> 00:20:59,466
- Amy, don't look.
- Amy, look over here.
605
00:20:59,632 --> 00:21:02,428
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