1
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,414
This is so depressing.
2
00:00:07,539 --> 00:00:08,415
I was almost married.
3
00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:10,552
I was so close to being done.
4
00:00:10,718 --> 00:00:15,505
Living a life of no makeup,
wearing flats,
5
00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:17,893
being on the bottom.
6
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,876
Maybe I was wrong about marriage,
7
00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:22,814
it sounds awesome.
8
00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:24,481
Look, don't worry, Lil.
9
00:00:24,606 --> 00:00:26,716
I mean, it's normal to feel this way.
10
00:00:26,841 --> 00:00:28,551
It's not normal to make us
put on these dresses
11
00:00:28,676 --> 00:00:31,490
and sing Kanye West.
12
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,200
But, you know what?
Anything to help you get over Neal.
13
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,741
Uh, uh, uh.
14
00:00:34,866 --> 00:00:36,593
I told you, no one is allowed
to say "the n word"
15
00:00:36,718 --> 00:00:39,831
in this apartment.
16
00:00:39,997 --> 00:00:42,960
Shouldn't no one say
"the n word," ever?
17
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:47,089
Then we should probably
stop singing Kanye West.
18
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:48,705
You know what?
I'm over it.
19
00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:50,123
I'm not even thinking about it.
20
00:00:50,248 --> 00:00:52,976
Someone pass me another Neal.
21
00:00:53,101 --> 00:00:54,972
Uh, I mean, a beer.
22
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:58,225
Okay, let's just focus
on the positive, okay?
23
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,299
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, I just got out
24
00:00:59,424 --> 00:01:00,817
of a relationship too,
we've never been
25
00:01:00,942 --> 00:01:03,520
single at the same time,
this could be fun.
26
00:01:03,645 --> 00:01:05,816
- Ah, I don't know.
- No, it'll be good.
27
00:01:05,982 --> 00:01:08,124
You guys can go to clubs,
and you can do "special k,"
28
00:01:08,249 --> 00:01:12,114
and, um, you can have sex
with European backpackers.
29
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,783
Okay, I haven't been single
in a while.
30
00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,783
You know what?
You guys are right.
31
00:01:16,908 --> 00:01:18,267
I've got to get out
of this apartment.
32
00:01:18,392 --> 00:01:19,454
Take my mind off of him.
33
00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:20,453
Yes, yes, see?
34
00:01:20,578 --> 00:01:21,454
Good, we'll go out tonight.
35
00:01:21,579 --> 00:01:22,624
Yes.
36
00:01:22,897 --> 00:01:25,711
I mean, I'm already buzzed
and wearing spanx.
37
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:29,381
I think that's the name
of Chelsea handler's new book.
38
00:01:29,547 --> 00:01:31,381
Hmm, yeah.
39
00:01:31,506 --> 00:01:35,470
Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.
40
00:01:35,636 --> 00:01:39,141
Don't lie, staying with me has
been pretty awesome, right?
41
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,768
Yeah, this couch is
surprisingly comfortable.
44
00:01:47,815 --> 00:01:50,235
Right in the balls.
45
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,279
And of all the people that you
know, you came to me.
46
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,031
Well, I didn't want to impose
on Alex and Whitney, and...
47
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,450
Bup bup bup bup bup.
48
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,158
I'm just happy somebody
finally recognized
49
00:01:58,283 --> 00:02:02,378
I'm the emotional go-to guy
for our group.
50
00:02:02,503 --> 00:02:03,498
I was actually just about
to say that I...
51
00:02:03,664 --> 00:02:06,293
Shh.
52
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,785
Look, I used to be
just like you, okay?
53
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:11,488
Shut down, always trying
to be the tough guy.
54
00:02:11,613 --> 00:02:13,633
Do you know how many times
I cried in a helmet?
55
00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:15,177
I'm fine.
56
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,826
Your engagement broke off last week.
57
00:02:16,951 --> 00:02:18,628
Now you're sleeping
on the couch of a guy
58
00:02:18,753 --> 00:02:21,224
whose middle name you
probably don't even know.
59
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:22,768
Patrick.
60
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:25,552
Fine, we're best friends.
61
00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:27,314
But you can't tell me you're
not hurting right now.
62
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,733
Look, honestly, I don't
know how I'm feeling, okay?
63
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:30,974
There's a lot of things going
on in my mind right now,
64
00:02:31,099 --> 00:02:32,903
and I just need
to sort some things out.
65
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:34,274
We will, I promise you.
66
00:02:34,399 --> 00:02:38,655
Two nights on my couch and
I will get inside of you.
67
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,416
Feel like we got off
to a weird start.
68
00:02:54,455 --> 00:02:55,465
It's so nice out.
69
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:56,883
I know.
70
00:02:57,008 --> 00:02:59,836
Walking outside, in the fresh air...
71
00:02:59,961 --> 00:03:01,598
We should get a treadmill.
72
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:05,393
You know, it's so weird that
lily and Neal actually broke up.
73
00:03:05,559 --> 00:03:07,143
I know, it's a classic story.
74
00:03:07,268 --> 00:03:09,579
Couple falls in love,
decides to get engaged,
75
00:03:09,704 --> 00:03:12,317
disaster and heartbreak follow.
76
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,736
What kind of fairy tales
were you read as a kid?
77
00:03:14,902 --> 00:03:17,954
My favorite one was called
"eviction notice,"
78
00:03:18,079 --> 00:03:21,691
where the princess had
to move to a new castle.
79
00:03:21,816 --> 00:03:23,078
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,538
Did your dad ever hug you?
81
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:25,956
Aw, come here.
82
00:03:28,749 --> 00:03:29,960
Mm, not like that.
83
00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,000
Well, I can think
of some other things
84
00:03:31,125 --> 00:03:32,462
your dad never did to you.
85
00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:36,072
- Okay, first of all, ew.
- Mm.
86
00:03:36,197 --> 00:03:38,677
Second of all, ew.
87
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:42,597
And third of all, sex in public
never goes according to plan.
88
00:03:42,763 --> 00:03:43,890
That's true.
89
00:03:44,172 --> 00:03:46,516
You always just realize how much
gravel there is in the world.
90
00:03:46,641 --> 00:03:48,151
All right, nice and calm,
91
00:03:48,276 --> 00:03:50,021
hand over your wallet and your purse.
92
00:03:50,187 --> 00:03:53,024
Okay, man, look,
just take it easy, okay, I...
93
00:04:00,321 --> 00:04:01,322
Wow.
94
00:04:06,263 --> 00:04:07,873
Oh, my God, thank God you're okay!
95
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,627
Are you okay?
96
00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:16,089
I don't know, my girlfriend
stood me up at a mugging.
97
00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:19,593
I can't believe you
just stayed with him.
98
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,187
I didn't just stay with him.
99
00:04:21,312 --> 00:04:23,889
He's not an injured bird, Whit.
100
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,141
He kind of made
my attendance mandatory.
101
00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:27,642
Okay, why didn't you call me?
102
00:04:27,808 --> 00:04:29,795
Ah, the mugger wouldn't
let me borrow the phone
103
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:32,105
that he mugged from me.
104
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:33,398
Why did you run?
105
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,066
That's what you're supposed to do.
106
00:04:35,232 --> 00:04:38,437
That is not at all
what you're supposed to do.
107
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:40,572
Even the mugger thought
that was weird.
108
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:43,392
Everybody knows that when
a couple gets mugged,
109
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,327
you're supposed to run
in opposite directions.
110
00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,746
He can't shoot both of you.
111
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:51,291
No, just the guy still
standing there next to him.
112
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,159
I thought you knew what to do.
113
00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:54,519
I do.
114
00:04:54,644 --> 00:04:59,007
You do whatever the guy with
the gun is telling you to do.
115
00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:00,675
Give me the phone,
I need to call the police.
116
00:05:00,841 --> 00:05:02,995
Why? We're fine.
117
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,597
I'm not fine!
I was mugged!
118
00:05:05,763 --> 00:05:08,308
Because you didn't run.
119
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,102
It's like you have
the brain of a deer.
120
00:05:11,268 --> 00:05:13,539
Running works, okay?
121
00:05:13,664 --> 00:05:16,274
I learned at a very early age,
you don't try to be the hero.
122
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,210
Okay, I ran from bullies,
I ran from cops,
123
00:05:18,335 --> 00:05:20,654
I ran from feelings.
124
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,314
Okay, I have very
good survival instincts.
125
00:05:22,439 --> 00:05:23,749
If it wasn't for those,
I would have been
126
00:05:23,874 --> 00:05:26,618
moshed to death at the warped tour.
127
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,271
Okay, survival instincts,
yeah, all right.
128
00:05:29,396 --> 00:05:32,165
What are you supposed to do
when there's a tornado coming?
129
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:33,332
Run.
130
00:05:34,041 --> 00:05:36,195
Where?
131
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,380
Away.
132
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,173
No, you're supposed
to go into the basement.
133
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:41,300
Wha... go to the basement?
134
00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:42,468
Where the laundry is?
135
00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:46,372
What am I, gonna do a load of whites?
136
00:05:46,497 --> 00:05:47,973
All right, well what about
if there's an earthquake?
137
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:48,941
Run.
138
00:05:49,066 --> 00:05:50,270
Again, with the running.
139
00:05:50,395 --> 00:05:51,677
You know, it's times like
this where you really
140
00:05:51,802 --> 00:05:52,894
see someone's true colors.
141
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:56,064
Is that a song?
142
00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,450
No, it's a real emotion,
Whitney, all right?
143
00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:00,085
You know that we're in
a relationship, right?
144
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,487
We're supposed to be together,
we're supposed to be a team.
145
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:03,822
Yes, we're on a team.
146
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,032
It's called "team stay alive."
147
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:08,661
Okay, teammate, can you
tell me one situation
148
00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:10,954
where your first thought
wouldn't be to run?
149
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:15,667
I guess if I had
a bomb strapped to me.
150
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,378
Thatwhen you'd stay with me?
151
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:26,712
Come on, man, let it out.
152
00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:27,679
What you feeling?
153
00:06:27,845 --> 00:06:29,151
Mark, I don't...
154
00:06:29,276 --> 00:06:34,019
Dude, for the last time,
don't tell me, tell her.
155
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:39,524
Again, Mark, that picture
makes me really uncomfortable.
156
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:40,459
Good, go with that.
157
00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:41,818
Why does it make you uncomfortable?
158
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,595
Because I've never seen it before,
159
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,832
and I don't know where you got it.
160
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:47,866
I'm sensing anger.
161
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,968
Let's give it a place to go.
162
00:06:50,093 --> 00:06:51,369
Rip out a few sets
on the muscle-maker.
163
00:06:51,535 --> 00:06:51,995
No.
164
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,105
Break something.
165
00:06:53,230 --> 00:06:54,189
Just don't break anything that's...
166
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,149
You know what?
Just break my nose.
167
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:57,242
Look, Mark,
168
00:06:57,367 --> 00:06:58,777
I can't give you
what you're looking for,
169
00:06:58,902 --> 00:07:01,254
because the things that I'm
feeling I can't put into words.
170
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,499
And that's the problem with people.
171
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,869
We want to use words,
and words are dumb.
172
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,429
You know how the grizzly
bear processes loss?
173
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,523
Yeah, I think they go
to sleep for like six months,
174
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:14,351
and nobody bothers them.
175
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:18,813
The grizzly bear climbs
to the top of the nearest hill,
176
00:07:18,979 --> 00:07:21,733
and it roars, Neal.
177
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:22,801
Neal, this is your hill.
178
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:23,802
Yeah, I am not going to...
179
00:07:23,927 --> 00:07:26,504
Yah!
180
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,281
Oh, that feels so good.
181
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,943
Hoo-ah!
182
00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:34,371
My friend, you have
lost your she-bear.
183
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:37,983
And I am not going to stop
until I hear you roar.
184
00:07:38,108 --> 00:07:41,669
Naa-ah!
185
00:07:43,614 --> 00:07:47,258
Ah.
186
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,805
Ah.
187
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:02,774
Ow.
188
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:05,777
Ah, oh, no.
189
00:08:05,943 --> 00:08:08,196
Uck, oh, no.
190
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:12,484
Oh, no.
Is that blood?
191
00:08:12,609 --> 00:08:13,535
Or wine?
192
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:14,744
Wait, blood or wine?
193
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,913
Blood or wine?
194
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:19,358
Uh, that's wine.
195
00:08:19,483 --> 00:08:22,111
That's blood.
196
00:08:22,236 --> 00:08:24,629
We had fun last night.
197
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,923
Uh, why are you wearing
my wedding dress?
198
00:08:27,089 --> 00:08:30,844
It was the only way to keep
you from putting it on again.
199
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,572
Whoa, why am I sore?
200
00:08:33,697 --> 00:08:36,724
Did we get drunk and do Pilates?
201
00:08:36,890 --> 00:08:41,547
No, we did jump in that guy's
convertible, and you missed.
202
00:08:41,672 --> 00:08:43,022
Oh, I was wrong.
203
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:45,859
That is blood.
204
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:50,622
Whoa, I sent some texts
I am going to regret.
205
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:52,240
Who is Johan?
206
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,325
I was texting all night
207
00:08:54,491 --> 00:08:56,728
with some guy named Johan.
208
00:08:56,853 --> 00:08:58,746
I gotta go home and rehydrate
so I can cry.
209
00:08:58,912 --> 00:09:02,250
No, no, no, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, don't go, no.
210
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,403
You're single, I'm single,
our day is free, right?
211
00:09:04,528 --> 00:09:07,088
We could go to spin class, or
biking, or horseback riding...
212
00:09:07,254 --> 00:09:11,176
Wh... why do you hate my vagina?
213
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,296
Ah, all right, just let me get out
214
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:17,449
of this blood-soaked wedding dress.
215
00:09:17,574 --> 00:09:20,543
And that is not the first time
I've said that sentence.
216
00:09:24,014 --> 00:09:27,609
Okay, so that's Johan.
217
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:31,362
He's bleeding too.
218
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:36,151
Ah.
219
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,163
Surprise!
220
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,748
I got us an alarm system.
221
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:43,942
Yeah, that's an awesome
thing to do to a guy
222
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:46,169
who just got mugged.
223
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,746
Scare him in his own house.
224
00:09:47,871 --> 00:09:48,947
What would you do to a rape victim?
225
00:09:49,072 --> 00:09:51,667
Sign them up for speed dating?
226
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,001
Okay, this is my way of showing you
227
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,503
that we are on the same team, okay?
228
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:57,263
We are now prepared
in case of all emergencies.
229
00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:59,349
You bought an alarm system
without telling me?
230
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:03,595
Well, you couldn't pay for it,
because you don't have a wallet.
231
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:07,941
And I couldn't call you, because
you don't have a cell phone.
232
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:12,445
And you couldn't be closer
to not having a boyfriend.
233
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,489
We just bought a bed together.
You're not going anywhere.
234
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:18,043
Okay, so we have an alarm
for intruders, one for fire,
235
00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:19,536
and one for when you cry.
236
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,829
Whit, I think
that water droplet means flood.
237
00:10:21,995 --> 00:10:25,708
I don't think so.
238
00:10:25,874 --> 00:10:27,819
Okay, so I googled "escape
plans," and the first thing
239
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,288
we do if there's a fire
in the middle of the night
240
00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:30,572
is wake each other up.
241
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:32,591
And then we feel the door
to see if it's hot.
242
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:35,394
If it is, we go down
the fire escape together,
243
00:10:35,676 --> 00:10:36,344
together,
244
00:10:36,820 --> 00:10:38,697
and once we are safely outside,
we talk to a news crew
245
00:10:38,822 --> 00:10:41,224
and hope they auto-tune us later.
246
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,068
Aw, you googled something besides,
247
00:10:43,193 --> 00:10:45,728
"Maria Menounous, what's your job?"
248
00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,218
Fire! Fire!
249
00:11:17,384 --> 00:11:18,177
Good, you're up.
250
00:11:18,395 --> 00:11:19,554
That door's not hot, so we can go.
251
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,307
What is wrong with you?
252
00:11:28,432 --> 00:11:29,759
What happened to your plan
and all this talk
253
00:11:29,884 --> 00:11:31,357
about us working together?
254
00:11:31,523 --> 00:11:32,859
Okay, I can't believe you tested me.
255
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:34,397
I can't believe your answer
to the test
256
00:11:34,522 --> 00:11:37,739
was to push me into the fire!
257
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,670
Not only did you run,
and not save me,
258
00:11:40,795 --> 00:11:41,838
you made it harder for me
to save myself
259
00:11:41,963 --> 00:11:43,661
by body-checking me into the wall.
260
00:11:43,827 --> 00:11:46,342
Okay, well, to be fair,
261
00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:47,877
in a fire, your hair products
262
00:11:48,002 --> 00:11:50,460
put you in much more
danger than I do.
263
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,448
Look, these past few days made
me realize something, all right?
264
00:11:52,573 --> 00:11:53,963
People are either
"fight" or "flight."
265
00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:55,006
I'm "fight,"
266
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:56,341
and you're... you're "flight."
267
00:11:56,507 --> 00:11:59,255
Okay, I'm "fight" too.
268
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,512
I hit you on the way out.
269
00:12:01,678 --> 00:12:04,807
Do you really not
see the problem here?
270
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:07,096
Okay, I don't know what it is, okay?
271
00:12:07,221 --> 00:12:08,269
This is all I know.
272
00:12:08,435 --> 00:12:10,980
It's like I was raised by wolves.
273
00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:13,191
No, you weren't.
Wolves stay in a pack.
274
00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:15,469
You know what?
Look, I guess it's fine,
275
00:12:15,594 --> 00:12:17,890
it's just, when it comes
to emergency situations,
276
00:12:18,015 --> 00:12:18,988
I'm on my own.
277
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:20,843
Come on, that is not true, all right?
278
00:12:20,968 --> 00:12:22,283
We are a team.
279
00:12:22,449 --> 00:12:24,647
We're like Sonny and Cher.
280
00:12:24,772 --> 00:12:27,997
Cher left Sonny, and then Sonny died.
281
00:12:29,410 --> 00:12:31,918
On a Mountain, in an emergency.
282
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:41,547
I think Jack Daniels is a racist,
283
00:12:41,672 --> 00:12:46,426
because he does not get along
with Jose Cuervo.
284
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:50,673
Oh, come on, it's 11:00,
we've got to move
285
00:12:50,798 --> 00:12:53,022
or we're going to be late
for our emotional cooking class.
286
00:12:55,096 --> 00:12:56,846
Okay, Lil, you know what,
we've been on
287
00:12:56,971 --> 00:12:58,881
a three day bender.
288
00:12:59,006 --> 00:13:00,383
Going out and drinking all night,
289
00:13:00,508 --> 00:13:04,487
and doing stuff off
daily candy all day.
290
00:13:04,612 --> 00:13:05,827
I mean, I never thought
I'd say this, but...
291
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:10,665
I actually miss being
alone with my thoughts.
292
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:11,861
I don't.
293
00:13:11,986 --> 00:13:13,459
We're having so much fun.
294
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:16,129
Okay, Lil, I'm tired, all right?
295
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,067
I'm sorry, but I can't
do this anymore.
296
00:13:18,192 --> 00:13:22,343
I think I'm too old
to be an alcoholic.
297
00:13:22,509 --> 00:13:23,506
And I am definitely too old to be
298
00:13:23,631 --> 00:13:27,265
grinding teenagers in "da club."
299
00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:28,594
Oh, well, that's okay.
300
00:13:28,719 --> 00:13:30,179
I mean, there's plenty
we can do without drinking.
301
00:13:30,304 --> 00:13:31,681
Can I just say three words to you?
302
00:13:31,806 --> 00:13:35,648
Architectural boat tour.
303
00:13:36,787 --> 00:13:40,640
Lil, I feel like maybe you're
trying a little too hard
304
00:13:40,765 --> 00:13:42,058
to keep your mind off Neal.
305
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:43,526
Oh, pft, don't be ridiculous.
306
00:13:43,651 --> 00:13:44,949
I'm completely fine.
307
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,553
Should I get braces?
308
00:13:47,951 --> 00:13:50,705
Honestly, I saw an infomercial,
it really got me thinking.
309
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,469
Oh, my God, it's Neal.
310
00:13:53,594 --> 00:13:55,438
He's on his way,
he wants to pick up his key.
311
00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:56,439
I don't want to see him.
We've gotta get out of here.
312
00:13:56,564 --> 00:13:57,378
I've got to go, grab my uggs!
313
00:13:57,544 --> 00:13:59,922
Lil, Lil, stop, stop, stop.
314
00:14:00,088 --> 00:14:04,847
Look, I know this sucks.
315
00:14:04,972 --> 00:14:07,667
But you can't just run from this.
316
00:14:07,792 --> 00:14:08,918
Or drink from this.
317
00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:12,727
Or yoga from this,
or invisalign from this.
318
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:13,723
I'm not.
319
00:14:13,848 --> 00:14:14,840
I'm just keeping busy.
320
00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:16,898
And taking advantage of my groupons.
321
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,695
Come on, Lil.
322
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:21,797
I see what you're doing.
323
00:14:21,922 --> 00:14:24,267
You don't want to be alone
in this apartment.
324
00:14:24,392 --> 00:14:26,602
You're attached at the hip
with a best friend,
325
00:14:26,727 --> 00:14:28,571
you're trying to drink away
the pain of a breakup,
326
00:14:28,696 --> 00:14:32,538
I mean, you're not dealing
with reality.
327
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:34,540
How do you know?
328
00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:39,348
Because I'm doing it too.
329
00:14:39,473 --> 00:14:40,716
Only, in my case it's even sadder,
330
00:14:40,841 --> 00:14:43,468
because I have not changed
my underwear in three days.
331
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:50,009
Yeah, you're right, I have to deal.
332
00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,762
I've got to cancel
all the wedding stuff,
333
00:14:52,887 --> 00:14:53,763
and find a new place.
334
00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:54,519
Can I live with you?
335
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:58,000
Wow, that's aggressive.
336
00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:02,972
But, uh, yeah.
Will you, please?
337
00:15:03,097 --> 00:15:05,071
I don't want to go home alone.
338
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:10,660
All right, Johan, grab your passport.
339
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:14,163
The party's moving.
340
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:20,339
All right, all right,
I got our drinks.
341
00:15:20,464 --> 00:15:21,691
And look what else I got.
342
00:15:21,816 --> 00:15:23,759
Michelle, here, works for Ticketron,
343
00:15:23,884 --> 00:15:27,430
and penny is currently
suing a major airline.
344
00:15:27,555 --> 00:15:30,299
You guys should have plenty to
talk about, because Neal here
345
00:15:30,424 --> 00:15:34,704
has bought tickets for an airplane.
346
00:15:34,829 --> 00:15:36,138
What are you doing?
347
00:15:36,263 --> 00:15:39,375
I am sending you to "pound town."
348
00:15:39,500 --> 00:15:42,311
I don't want to go there.
349
00:15:42,436 --> 00:15:46,649
Ladies, excuse us.
350
00:15:46,774 --> 00:15:47,717
Before you say anything,
351
00:15:47,842 --> 00:15:49,782
I'm comfortable with any combination.
352
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:52,388
Look, Mark, I'm not
in the mood to hook up
353
00:15:52,513 --> 00:15:53,828
with a random stranger.
354
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:56,425
They're not random.
355
00:15:56,550 --> 00:16:00,543
I hand-picked them.
356
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,264
Look, when you go through
a break up, your body
357
00:16:02,389 --> 00:16:05,368
stops producing dopamine,
and serotonin.
358
00:16:05,493 --> 00:16:07,403
You know what it does
not stop producing?
359
00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:10,177
Sperm.
360
00:16:10,343 --> 00:16:14,634
Let the pain, and the sperm, out.
361
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,815
Look, there is no pain, okay?
362
00:16:19,940 --> 00:16:21,384
I mean, there should be,
but there isn't.
363
00:16:21,509 --> 00:16:22,718
I should be devastated.
364
00:16:22,843 --> 00:16:24,954
But, I'm not, I'm...
365
00:16:25,079 --> 00:16:25,955
I'm mostly just relieved.
366
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:26,986
And it's nothing.
367
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,758
That's not nothing.
Nothing is something.
368
00:16:28,883 --> 00:16:32,962
Feeling nothing is what... it's
what being a guy is all about.
369
00:16:33,087 --> 00:16:33,951
Go with that.
370
00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:37,166
Okay.
371
00:16:37,291 --> 00:16:41,137
I feel a little ashamed
that I feel relieved.
372
00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:44,607
Because I should feel terrible,
and I don't.
373
00:16:44,732 --> 00:16:47,673
And you're right,
it does feel good to say that.
374
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:52,261
Dam... broken!
375
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:54,300
Go-to guy!
376
00:16:54,425 --> 00:16:58,454
Hey, girls! I did it.
377
00:16:58,579 --> 00:17:00,461
I broke this dude's dam.
378
00:17:04,439 --> 00:17:06,317
Hey, I'm going to bed.
379
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:07,526
Okay, I love you.
380
00:17:07,821 --> 00:17:11,697
You can sleep outside if it
makes you feel more comfortable.
381
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:14,450
Oh, and make sure to close
the window so the alarm sets.
382
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,911
I got it.
See? Go team!
383
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,641
Uh, or you can just keep it
open, in case there's a fire,
384
00:17:19,766 --> 00:17:22,166
so you can just throw me out of it.
385
00:17:22,332 --> 00:17:23,353
I love you.
386
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,799
Ugh.
387
00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,759
Oh, balls.
388
00:17:36,429 --> 00:17:37,840
Oh, my God, a squirrel!
Aah!
389
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:39,183
Okay, calm down.
390
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:40,262
I... I can't.
391
00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:41,464
You know I hate rats.
392
00:17:41,589 --> 00:17:42,895
Okay, it's just a squirrel.
393
00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:44,467
No, no, squirrels are just sexy rats.
394
00:17:44,592 --> 00:17:45,468
Everybody knows that.
395
00:17:45,593 --> 00:17:47,066
I think it touched my leg, ugh.
396
00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:48,150
Where is it?
397
00:17:48,316 --> 00:17:49,271
I don't know, I don't know,
398
00:17:49,396 --> 00:17:51,445
all I feel is a squirrel touch, ugh.
399
00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:52,691
Okay, it's fine, all right?
400
00:17:52,816 --> 00:17:55,491
It is much more scared of us
than we are of it, all right?
401
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,112
It just wants something to eat,
and then it's going to leave.
402
00:17:57,237 --> 00:17:59,248
Let's just make a path of chips
to the window so it can get out,
403
00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:00,516
but we can't feed
it anything too nice
404
00:18:00,641 --> 00:18:01,984
or else we will never
be able to get rid of it.
405
00:18:02,109 --> 00:18:04,875
Okay, well, that was
my mistake with you.
406
00:18:12,215 --> 00:18:15,831
Well, hello there.
407
00:18:15,956 --> 00:18:19,602
Mr. Squirrel, I know exactly
how you feel.
408
00:18:19,727 --> 00:18:20,725
I hate people too.
409
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,476
Come on.
410
00:18:22,642 --> 00:18:24,895
Come on.
411
00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:27,560
I've been in the same situation.
412
00:18:27,685 --> 00:18:30,145
Stuck in a strange guy's bedroom,
413
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:32,153
just looking for some nuts.
414
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:33,988
Come on.
415
00:18:36,656 --> 00:18:38,367
Come on.
416
00:18:38,533 --> 00:18:40,286
Dude.
417
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:45,291
Bam.
418
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,029
Oh, my God, that was awesome.
419
00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:48,127
How did you know how to do that?
420
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,199
I was raised on a lot of cartoons.
421
00:18:50,324 --> 00:18:51,589
Who was the guys, the, um...
422
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:55,301
The... Chucky, and Bucky.
Bucky?
423
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:56,093
Who?
424
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:58,804
Chuck... no, Chuck, and the guy
with the, the, the...
425
00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:01,223
Are you talking about
rocky and Bullwinkle?
426
00:19:01,389 --> 00:19:02,711
Yes.
427
00:19:02,836 --> 00:19:04,518
Do you know them?
428
00:19:04,684 --> 00:19:06,771
They were basically my parents.
429
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:08,814
Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting
you were raised in the wild.
430
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,986
Well, not actually that you
were raised in the wild,
431
00:19:11,111 --> 00:19:14,904
but more that you were, just,
kind of not raised at all.
432
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,822
But, uh, hey, this is the
first time it came in handy.
433
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:18,527
I don't know what to tell you.
434
00:19:18,652 --> 00:19:21,196
You fell in love with a hood rat.
435
00:19:21,321 --> 00:19:22,531
Hood rat.
Huh.
436
00:19:22,656 --> 00:19:24,933
Oh, my God, you don't even
know what are animals
437
00:19:25,058 --> 00:19:26,040
and what aren't.
438
00:19:26,460 --> 00:19:28,988
Okay, can we please just focus
on the fact that in that moment
439
00:19:29,113 --> 00:19:32,922
we just made a pretty good team?
440
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,548
Well, yeah, I don't know,
I didn't do much.
441
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:36,946
Well, that's what a team is.
442
00:19:37,071 --> 00:19:39,512
You're not supposed to have
the same strengths, you know.
443
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:40,971
You're supposed to trade off.
444
00:19:41,137 --> 00:19:42,651
Like, with the squirrel,
I was strong,
445
00:19:42,776 --> 00:19:45,554
and with the mugger,
you basically hung out with him
446
00:19:45,679 --> 00:19:46,811
and played Wii.
447
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,525
You know, I'd like to
see how brave you'd be
448
00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:51,961
if the little squirrel
pulled out a tiny gun
449
00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:53,234
and asked you for your wallet.
450
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,664
If the squirrel pulled out a tiny gun
451
00:19:55,789 --> 00:19:59,782
and asked for my wallet,
we would be millionaires.
452
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:07,106
Okay, in a hundred-meter sprint,
453
00:20:07,231 --> 00:20:09,075
I am beating you every time.
454
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:13,245
In high school
my nickname was "fast Whitney."
455
00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:15,014
Look, I'm sure that's true,
but I'm talking about
456
00:20:15,139 --> 00:20:16,415
physical speed, all right?
457
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:18,717
I'm pretty sure that
I'm faster than you.
458
00:20:18,883 --> 00:20:21,053
Okay, you do a lot of things fast,
459
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,523
but running is not one of them.
460
00:20:24,648 --> 00:20:26,325
All right, look, we're not
having this discussion
461
00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:27,660
right now, all right?
462
00:20:27,785 --> 00:20:30,730
Men are faster than women,
end of story, good night.
463
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:35,323
- Really?
- Really.
464
00:20:41,302 --> 00:20:44,610
All right, on your marks, get set...
465
00:20:44,735 --> 00:20:45,702
Go!
466
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:50,916
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com