1
00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:06,514
This is so depressing.
2
00:00:06,639 --> 00:00:07,515
I was almost married.
3
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:09,652
I was so close to being done.
4
00:00:09,818 --> 00:00:14,605
Living a life of no makeup,
wearing flats,
5
00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,993
being on the bottom.
6
00:00:17,159 --> 00:00:18,976
Maybe I was wrong about marriage,
7
00:00:19,101 --> 00:00:21,914
it sounds awesome.
8
00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:23,581
Look, don't worry, Lil.
9
00:00:23,706 --> 00:00:25,816
I mean, it's normal to feel this way.
10
00:00:25,941 --> 00:00:27,651
It's not normal to make us
put on these dresses
11
00:00:27,776 --> 00:00:30,590
and sing Kanye West.
12
00:00:30,756 --> 00:00:32,300
But, you know what?
Anything to help you get over Neal.
13
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,841
Uh, uh, uh.
14
00:00:33,966 --> 00:00:35,693
I told you, no one is allowed
to say "the n word"
15
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:38,931
in this apartment.
16
00:00:39,097 --> 00:00:42,060
Shouldn't no one say
"the n word," ever?
17
00:00:42,226 --> 00:00:46,189
Then we should probably
stop singing Kanye West.
18
00:00:46,355 --> 00:00:47,805
You know what?
I'm over it.
19
00:00:47,930 --> 00:00:49,223
I'm not even thinking about it.
20
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:52,076
Someone pass me another Neal.
21
00:00:52,201 --> 00:00:54,072
Uh, I mean, a beer.
22
00:00:54,238 --> 00:00:57,325
Okay, let's just focus
on the positive, okay?
23
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:58,399
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean, I just got out
24
00:00:58,524 --> 00:00:59,917
of a relationship too,
we've never been
25
00:01:00,042 --> 00:01:02,620
single at the same time,
this could be fun.
26
00:01:02,745 --> 00:01:04,916
- Ah, I don't know.
- No, it'll be good.
27
00:01:05,082 --> 00:01:07,224
You guys can go to clubs,
and you can do "special k,"
28
00:01:07,349 --> 00:01:11,214
and, um, you can have sex
with European backpackers.
29
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:13,883
Okay, I haven't been single
in a while.
30
00:01:14,049 --> 00:01:15,883
You know what?
You guys are right.
31
00:01:16,008 --> 00:01:17,367
I've got to get out
of this apartment.
32
00:01:17,492 --> 00:01:18,554
Take my mind off of him.
33
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:19,553
Yes, yes, see?
34
00:01:19,678 --> 00:01:20,554
Good, we'll go out tonight.
35
00:01:20,679 --> 00:01:21,724
Yes.
36
00:01:21,997 --> 00:01:24,811
I mean, I'm already buzzed
and wearing spanx.
37
00:01:24,977 --> 00:01:28,481
I think that's the name
of Chelsea handler's new book.
38
00:01:28,647 --> 00:01:30,481
Hmm, yeah.
39
00:01:30,606 --> 00:01:34,570
Whitney is taped in front
of a live studio audience.
40
00:01:34,736 --> 00:01:38,241
Don't lie, staying with me has
been pretty awesome, right?
41
00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:40,868
Yeah, this couch is
surprisingly comfortable.
44
00:01:46,915 --> 00:01:49,335
Right in the balls.
45
00:01:49,501 --> 00:01:51,379
And of all the people that you
know, you came to me.
46
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,131
Well, I didn't want to impose
on Alex and Whitney, and...
47
00:01:53,297 --> 00:01:55,550
Bup bup bup bup bup.
48
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,258
I'm just happy somebody
finally recognized
49
00:01:57,383 --> 00:02:01,478
I'm the emotional go-to guy
for our group.
50
00:02:01,603 --> 00:02:02,598
I was actually just about
to say that I...
51
00:02:02,764 --> 00:02:05,393
Shh.
52
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,885
Look, I used to be
just like you, okay?
53
00:02:08,010 --> 00:02:10,588
Shut down, always trying
to be the tough guy.
54
00:02:10,713 --> 00:02:12,733
Do you know how many times
I cried in a helmet?
55
00:02:12,899 --> 00:02:14,277
I'm fine.
56
00:02:14,443 --> 00:02:15,926
Your engagement broke off last week.
57
00:02:16,051 --> 00:02:17,728
Now you're sleeping
on the couch of a guy
58
00:02:17,853 --> 00:02:20,324
whose middle name you
probably don't even know.
59
00:02:20,490 --> 00:02:21,868
Patrick.
60
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:24,652
Fine, we're best friends.
61
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,414
But you can't tell me you're
not hurting right now.
62
00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,833
Look, honestly, I don't
know how I'm feeling, okay?
63
00:02:28,999 --> 00:02:30,074
There's a lot of things going
on in my mind right now,
64
00:02:30,199 --> 00:02:32,003
and I just need
to sort some things out.
65
00:02:32,169 --> 00:02:33,374
We will, I promise you.
66
00:02:33,499 --> 00:02:37,755
Two nights on my couch and
I will get inside of you.
67
00:02:42,721 --> 00:02:45,516
Feel like we got off
to a weird start.
68
00:02:53,555 --> 00:02:54,565
It's so nice out.
69
00:02:54,690 --> 00:02:55,983
I know.
70
00:02:56,108 --> 00:02:58,936
Walking outside, in the fresh air...
71
00:02:59,061 --> 00:03:00,698
We should get a treadmill.
72
00:03:00,864 --> 00:03:04,493
You know, it's so weird that
lily and Neal actually broke up.
73
00:03:04,659 --> 00:03:06,243
I know, it's a classic story.
74
00:03:06,368 --> 00:03:08,679
Couple falls in love,
decides to get engaged,
75
00:03:08,804 --> 00:03:11,417
disaster and heartbreak follow.
76
00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:13,836
What kind of fairy tales
were you read as a kid?
77
00:03:14,002 --> 00:03:17,054
My favorite one was called
"eviction notice,"
78
00:03:17,179 --> 00:03:20,791
where the princess had
to move to a new castle.
79
00:03:20,916 --> 00:03:22,178
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:22,344 --> 00:03:23,638
Did your dad ever hug you?
81
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,056
Aw, come here.
82
00:03:27,849 --> 00:03:29,060
Mm, not like that.
83
00:03:29,226 --> 00:03:30,100
Well, I can think
of some other things
84
00:03:30,225 --> 00:03:31,562
your dad never did to you.
85
00:03:31,728 --> 00:03:35,172
- Okay, first of all, ew.
- Mm.
86
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:37,777
Second of all, ew.
87
00:03:37,943 --> 00:03:41,697
And third of all, sex in public
never goes according to plan.
88
00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:42,990
That's true.
89
00:03:43,272 --> 00:03:45,616
You always just realize how much
gravel there is in the world.
90
00:03:45,741 --> 00:03:47,251
All right, nice and calm,
91
00:03:47,376 --> 00:03:49,121
hand over your wallet and your purse.
92
00:03:49,287 --> 00:03:52,124
Okay, man, look,
just take it easy, okay, I...
93
00:03:59,421 --> 00:04:00,422
Wow.
94
00:04:05,963 --> 00:04:07,573
{pub}Oh, my God, thank God you're okay!
95
00:04:11,034 --> 00:04:12,327
Are you okay?
96
00:04:12,493 --> 00:04:15,789
I don't know, my girlfriend
stood me up at a mugging.
97
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:19,293
I can't believe you
just stayed with him.
98
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:20,887
I didn't just stay with him.
99
00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:23,589
He's not an injured bird, Whit.
100
00:04:23,755 --> 00:04:25,841
He kind of made
my attendance mandatory.
101
00:04:26,007 --> 00:04:27,342
Okay, why didn't you call me?
102
00:04:27,508 --> 00:04:29,495
Ah, the mugger wouldn't
let me borrow the phone
103
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:31,805
that he mugged from me.
104
00:04:31,971 --> 00:04:33,098
Why did you run?
105
00:04:33,264 --> 00:04:34,766
That's what you're supposed to do.
106
00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:38,137
That is not at all
what you're supposed to do.
107
00:04:38,262 --> 00:04:40,272
Even the mugger thought
that was weird.
108
00:04:40,438 --> 00:04:43,092
Everybody knows that when
a couple gets mugged,
109
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:45,027
you're supposed to run
in opposite directions.
110
00:04:45,193 --> 00:04:47,446
He can't shoot both of you.
111
00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:50,991
No, just the guy still
standing there next to him.
112
00:04:51,157 --> 00:04:52,859
I thought you knew what to do.
113
00:04:53,409 --> 00:04:54,219
I do.
114
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:58,707
You do whatever the guy with
the gun is telling you to do.
115
00:04:58,873 --> 00:05:00,375
Give me the phone,
I need to call the police.
116
00:05:00,541 --> 00:05:02,695
Why? We're fine.
117
00:05:02,820 --> 00:05:05,297
I'm not fine!
I was mugged!
118
00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:08,008
Because you didn't run.
119
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:10,802
It's like you have
the brain of a deer.
120
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:13,239
Running works, okay?
121
00:05:13,364 --> 00:05:15,974
I learned at a very early age,
you don't try to be the hero.
122
00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:17,910
Okay, I ran from bullies,
I ran from cops,
123
00:05:18,035 --> 00:05:20,354
I ran from feelings.
124
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,014
Okay, I have very
good survival instincts.
125
00:05:22,139 --> 00:05:23,449
If it wasn't for those,
I would have been
126
00:05:23,574 --> 00:05:26,318
moshed to death at the warped tour.
127
00:05:26,484 --> 00:05:28,971
Okay, survival instincts,
yeah, all right.
128
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,865
What are you supposed to do
when there's a tornado coming?
129
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:33,032
Run.
130
00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,895
Where?
131
00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:38,080
Away.
132
00:05:38,246 --> 00:05:39,873
No, you're supposed
to go into the basement.
133
00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:41,000
Wha... go to the basement?
134
00:05:41,125 --> 00:05:42,168
Where the laundry is?
135
00:05:42,293 --> 00:05:46,072
What am I, gonna do a load of whites?
136
00:05:46,197 --> 00:05:47,673
All right, well what about
if there's an earthquake?
137
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:48,641
Run.
138
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:49,970
Again, with the running.
139
00:05:50,095 --> 00:05:51,377
You know, it's times like
this where you really
140
00:05:51,502 --> 00:05:52,594
see someone's true colors.
141
00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:55,764
Is that a song?
142
00:05:55,930 --> 00:05:58,150
No, it's a real emotion,
Whitney, all right?
143
00:05:58,275 --> 00:05:59,785
You know that we're in
a relationship, right?
144
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:02,187
We're supposed to be together,
we're supposed to be a team.
145
00:06:02,353 --> 00:06:03,522
Yes, we're on a team.
146
00:06:03,647 --> 00:06:05,732
It's called "team stay alive."
147
00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:08,361
Okay, teammate, can you
tell me one situation
148
00:06:08,486 --> 00:06:10,654
where your first thought
wouldn't be to run?
149
00:06:10,820 --> 00:06:15,367
I guess if I had
a bomb strapped to me.
150
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:18,078
Thatwhen you'd stay with me?
151
00:06:25,126 --> 00:06:26,412
Come on, man, let it out.
152
00:06:26,537 --> 00:06:27,379
What you feeling?
153
00:06:27,545 --> 00:06:28,851
Mark, I don't...
154
00:06:28,976 --> 00:06:33,719
Dude, for the last time,
don't tell me, tell her.
155
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:39,224
Again, Mark, that picture
makes me really uncomfortable.
156
00:06:39,390 --> 00:06:40,159
Good, go with that.
157
00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:41,518
Why does it make you uncomfortable?
158
00:06:42,019 --> 00:06:43,295
Because I've never seen it before,
159
00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:46,532
and I don't know where you got it.
160
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:47,566
I'm sensing anger.
161
00:06:47,732 --> 00:06:49,668
Let's give it a place to go.
162
00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:51,069
Rip out a few sets
on the muscle-maker.
163
00:06:51,235 --> 00:06:51,695
No.
164
00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:52,805
Break something.
165
00:06:52,930 --> 00:06:53,889
Just don't break anything that's...
166
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,849
You know what?
Just break my nose.
167
00:06:56,115 --> 00:06:56,942
Look, Mark,
168
00:06:57,067 --> 00:06:58,477
I can't give you
what you're looking for,
169
00:06:58,602 --> 00:07:00,954
because the things that I'm
feeling I can't put into words.
170
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,199
And that's the problem with people.
171
00:07:03,324 --> 00:07:06,569
We want to use words,
and words are dumb.
172
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:09,129
You know how the grizzly
bear processes loss?
173
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:11,223
Yeah, I think they go
to sleep for like six months,
174
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:14,051
and nobody bothers them.
175
00:07:14,217 --> 00:07:18,513
The grizzly bear climbs
to the top of the nearest hill,
176
00:07:18,679 --> 00:07:21,433
and it roars, Neal.
177
00:07:21,599 --> 00:07:22,501
Neal, this is your hill.
178
00:07:22,626 --> 00:07:23,502
Yeah, I am not going to...
179
00:07:23,627 --> 00:07:26,204
Yah!
180
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:27,981
Oh, that feels so good.
181
00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:30,643
Hoo-ah!
182
00:07:30,768 --> 00:07:34,071
My friend, you have
lost your she-bear.
183
00:07:34,237 --> 00:07:37,683
And I am not going to stop
until I hear you roar.
184
00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:41,369
Naa-ah!
185
00:07:43,314 --> 00:07:46,958
[Weakly]
Ah.
186
00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:51,505
Ah.
187
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:02,474
Ow.
188
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,477
Ah, oh, no.
189
00:08:05,643 --> 00:08:07,896
Uck, oh, no.
190
00:08:08,062 --> 00:08:12,184
Oh, no.
Is that blood?
191
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:13,235
Or wine?
192
00:08:13,401 --> 00:08:14,444
Wait, blood or wine?
193
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,613
Blood or wine?
194
00:08:16,779 --> 00:08:19,058
Uh, that's wine.
195
00:08:19,183 --> 00:08:21,811
That's blood.
196
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:24,329
We had fun last night.
197
00:08:24,495 --> 00:08:26,623
Uh, why are you wearing
my wedding dress?
198
00:08:26,789 --> 00:08:30,544
It was the only way to keep
you from putting it on again.
199
00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,272
Whoa, why am I sore?
200
00:08:33,397 --> 00:08:36,424
Did we get drunk and do Pilates?
201
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:41,247
No, we did jump in that guy's
convertible, and you missed.
202
00:08:41,372 --> 00:08:42,722
Oh, I was wrong.
203
00:08:42,888 --> 00:08:45,559
That is blood.
204
00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:50,322
Whoa, I sent some texts
I am going to regret.
205
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:51,940
Who is Johan?
206
00:08:52,106 --> 00:08:54,025
I was texting all night
207
00:08:54,191 --> 00:08:56,428
with some guy named Johan.
208
00:08:56,553 --> 00:08:58,446
I gotta go home and rehydrate
so I can cry.
209
00:08:58,612 --> 00:09:01,950
No, no, no, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, don't go, no.
210
00:09:02,116 --> 00:09:04,103
You're single, I'm single,
our day is free, right?
211
00:09:04,228 --> 00:09:06,788
We could go to spin class, or
biking, or horseback riding...
212
00:09:06,954 --> 00:09:10,876
Wh... why do you hate my vagina?
213
00:09:11,042 --> 00:09:13,996
Ah, all right, just let me get out
214
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:17,149
of this blood-soaked wedding dress.
215
00:09:17,274 --> 00:09:20,243
And that is not the first time
I've said that sentence.
216
00:09:23,714 --> 00:09:27,309
Okay, so that's Johan.
217
00:09:27,475 --> 00:09:31,062
He's bleeding too.
218
00:09:31,228 --> 00:09:32,464
[Alarm wails]
219
00:09:32,589 --> 00:09:35,851
Ah.
220
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,277
[Alarm stops]
221
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,863
Surprise!
222
00:09:40,029 --> 00:09:41,448
I got us an alarm system.
223
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:43,642
Yeah, that's an awesome
thing to do to a guy
224
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:45,869
who just got mugged.
225
00:09:46,035 --> 00:09:47,446
Scare him in his own house.
226
00:09:47,571 --> 00:09:48,647
What would you do to a rape victim?
227
00:09:48,772 --> 00:09:51,367
Sign them up for speed dating?
228
00:09:51,492 --> 00:09:52,701
Okay, this is my way of showing you
229
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,203
that we are on the same team, okay?
230
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:56,963
We are now prepared
in case of all emergencies.
231
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,049
You bought an alarm system
without telling me?
232
00:09:59,215 --> 00:10:03,295
Well, you couldn't pay for it,
because you don't have a wallet.
233
00:10:03,420 --> 00:10:07,641
And I couldn't call you, because
you don't have a cell phone.
234
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:12,145
And you couldn't be closer
to not having a boyfriend.
235
00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:14,189
We just bought a bed together.
You're not going anywhere.
236
00:10:14,355 --> 00:10:17,743
Okay, so we have an alarm
for intruders, one for fire,
237
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,236
and one for when you cry.
238
00:10:19,402 --> 00:10:21,529
Whit, I think
that water droplet means flood.
239
00:10:21,695 --> 00:10:25,408
I don't think so.
240
00:10:25,574 --> 00:10:27,519
Okay, so I googled "escape
plans," and the first thing
241
00:10:27,644 --> 00:10:28,988
we do if there's a fire
in the middle of the night
242
00:10:29,113 --> 00:10:30,272
is wake each other up.
243
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,291
And then we feel the door
to see if it's hot.
244
00:10:32,416 --> 00:10:35,094
If it is, we go down
the fire escape together,
245
00:10:35,376 --> 00:10:36,044
together,
246
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,397
and once we are safely outside,
we talk to a news crew
247
00:10:38,522 --> 00:10:40,924
and hope they auto-tune us later.
248
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:42,768
Aw, you googled something besides,
249
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:45,428
"Maria Menounous, what's your job?"
250
00:10:58,542 --> 00:10:59,918
Fire! Fire!
251
00:11:00,043 --> 00:11:02,904
[Alarm wails]
252
00:11:12,055 --> 00:11:13,623
[Alarm stops]
253
00:11:17,084 --> 00:11:17,877
Good, you're up.
254
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,254
That door's not hot, so we can go.
255
00:11:26,610 --> 00:11:28,607
{pub}What is wrong with you?
256
00:11:28,732 --> 00:11:30,059
What happened to your plan
and all this talk
257
00:11:30,184 --> 00:11:31,657
about us working together?
258
00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:33,159
Okay, I can't believe you tested me.
259
00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:34,697
I can't believe your answer
to the test
260
00:11:34,822 --> 00:11:38,039
was to push me into the fire!
261
00:11:38,205 --> 00:11:40,970
Not only did you run,
and not save me,
262
00:11:41,095 --> 00:11:42,138
you made it harder for me
to save myself
263
00:11:42,263 --> 00:11:43,961
by body-checking me into the wall.
264
00:11:44,127 --> 00:11:46,642
Okay, well, to be fair,
265
00:11:46,767 --> 00:11:48,177
in a fire, your hair products
266
00:11:48,302 --> 00:11:50,760
put you in much more
danger than I do.
267
00:11:50,926 --> 00:11:52,748
Look, these past few days made
me realize something, all right?
268
00:11:52,873 --> 00:11:54,263
People are either
"fight" or "flight."
269
00:11:54,429 --> 00:11:55,306
I'm "fight,"
270
00:11:55,472 --> 00:11:56,641
and you're... you're "flight."
271
00:11:56,807 --> 00:11:59,555
Okay, I'm "fight" too.
272
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,812
I hit you on the way out.
273
00:12:01,978 --> 00:12:05,107
Do you really not
see the problem here?
274
00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:07,396
Okay, I don't know what it is, okay?
275
00:12:07,521 --> 00:12:08,569
This is all I know.
276
00:12:08,735 --> 00:12:11,280
It's like I was raised by wolves.
277
00:12:11,446 --> 00:12:13,491
No, you weren't.
Wolves stay in a pack.
278
00:12:14,741 --> 00:12:15,769
You know what?
Look, I guess it's fine,
279
00:12:15,894 --> 00:12:18,190
it's just, when it comes
to emergency situations,
280
00:12:18,315 --> 00:12:19,288
I'm on my own.
281
00:12:19,454 --> 00:12:21,143
Come on, that is not true, all right?
282
00:12:21,268 --> 00:12:22,583
We are a team.
283
00:12:22,749 --> 00:12:24,947
We're like Sonny and Cher.
284
00:12:25,072 --> 00:12:28,297
Cher left Sonny, and then Sonny died.
285
00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:32,218
On a Mountain, in an emergency.
286
00:12:38,056 --> 00:12:41,847
I think Jack Daniels is a racist,
287
00:12:41,972 --> 00:12:46,726
because he does not get along
with Jose Cuervo.
288
00:12:48,692 --> 00:12:50,973
Oh, come on, it's 11:00,
we've got to move
289
00:12:51,098 --> 00:12:53,322
or we're going to be late
for our emotional cooking class.
290
00:12:55,396 --> 00:12:57,146
Okay, Lil, you know what,
we've been on
291
00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:59,181
a three day bender.
292
00:12:59,306 --> 00:13:00,683
Going out and drinking all night,
293
00:13:00,808 --> 00:13:04,787
and doing stuff off
daily candy all day.
294
00:13:04,912 --> 00:13:06,127
I mean, I never thought
I'd say this, but...
295
00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:10,965
I actually miss being
alone with my thoughts.
296
00:13:11,131 --> 00:13:12,161
I don't.
297
00:13:12,286 --> 00:13:13,759
We're having so much fun.
298
00:13:13,925 --> 00:13:16,429
Okay, Lil, I'm tired, all right?
299
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,367
I'm sorry, but I can't
do this anymore.
300
00:13:18,492 --> 00:13:22,643
I think I'm too old
to be an alcoholic.
301
00:13:22,809 --> 00:13:23,806
And I am definitely too old to be
302
00:13:23,931 --> 00:13:27,565
grinding teenagers in "da club."
303
00:13:27,731 --> 00:13:28,894
Oh, well, that's okay.
304
00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:30,479
I mean, there's plenty
we can do without drinking.
305
00:13:30,604 --> 00:13:31,981
Can I just say three words to you?
306
00:13:32,106 --> 00:13:35,948
Architectural boat tour.
307
00:13:37,087 --> 00:13:40,940
Lil, I feel like maybe you're
trying a little too hard
308
00:13:41,065 --> 00:13:42,358
to keep your mind off Neal.
309
00:13:42,483 --> 00:13:43,826
Oh, pft, don't be ridiculous.
310
00:13:43,951 --> 00:13:45,249
I'm completely fine.
311
00:13:45,415 --> 00:13:46,853
Should I get braces?
312
00:13:47,167 --> 00:13:48,085
[Phone vibrates]
313
00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:51,005
Honestly, I saw an infomercial,
it really got me thinking.
314
00:13:51,171 --> 00:13:53,769
Oh, my God, it's Neal.
315
00:13:53,894 --> 00:13:55,738
He's on his way,
he wants to pick up his key.
316
00:13:55,863 --> 00:13:56,739
I don't want to see him.
We've gotta get out of here.
317
00:13:56,864 --> 00:13:57,678
I've got to go, grab my uggs!
318
00:13:57,844 --> 00:14:00,222
Lil, Lil, stop, stop, stop.
319
00:14:00,388 --> 00:14:05,147
Look, I know this sucks.
320
00:14:05,272 --> 00:14:07,967
But you can't just run from this.
321
00:14:08,092 --> 00:14:09,218
Or drink from this.
322
00:14:09,343 --> 00:14:13,027
Or yoga from this,
or invisalign from this.
323
00:14:13,193 --> 00:14:14,023
I'm not.
324
00:14:14,148 --> 00:14:15,140
I'm just keeping busy.
325
00:14:15,265 --> 00:14:17,198
And taking advantage of my groupons.
326
00:14:17,364 --> 00:14:19,995
Come on, Lil.
327
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,097
I see what you're doing.
328
00:14:22,222 --> 00:14:24,567
You don't want to be alone
in this apartment.
329
00:14:24,692 --> 00:14:26,902
You're attached at the hip
with a best friend,
330
00:14:27,027 --> 00:14:28,871
you're trying to drink away
the pain of a breakup,
331
00:14:28,996 --> 00:14:32,838
I mean, you're not dealing
with reality.
332
00:14:33,004 --> 00:14:34,840
How do you know?
333
00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:39,648
Because I'm doing it too.
334
00:14:39,773 --> 00:14:41,016
Only, in my case it's even sadder,
335
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,768
because I have not changed
my underwear in three days.
336
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:50,309
Yeah, you're right, I have to deal.
337
00:14:50,434 --> 00:14:53,062
I've got to cancel
all the wedding stuff,
338
00:14:53,187 --> 00:14:54,063
and find a new place.
339
00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:54,819
Can I live with you?
340
00:14:54,985 --> 00:14:58,300
Wow, that's aggressive.
341
00:14:58,425 --> 00:15:03,272
But, uh, yeah.
Will you, please?
342
00:15:03,397 --> 00:15:05,371
I don't want to go home alone.
343
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:10,960
All right, Johan, grab your passport.
344
00:15:11,126 --> 00:15:14,463
The party's moving.
345
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:20,639
All right, all right,
I got our drinks.
346
00:15:20,764 --> 00:15:21,991
And look what else I got.
347
00:15:22,116 --> 00:15:24,059
Michelle, here, works for Ticketron,
348
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:27,730
and penny is currently
suing a major airline.
349
00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:30,599
You guys should have plenty to
talk about, because Neal here
350
00:15:30,724 --> 00:15:35,004
has bought tickets for an airplane.
351
00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:36,438
What are you doing?
352
00:15:36,563 --> 00:15:39,675
I am sending you to "pound town."
353
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,611
I don't want to go there.
354
00:15:42,736 --> 00:15:46,949
Ladies, excuse us.
355
00:15:47,074 --> 00:15:48,017
Before you say anything,
356
00:15:48,142 --> 00:15:50,082
I'm comfortable with any combination.
357
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:52,688
Look, Mark, I'm not
in the mood to hook up
358
00:15:52,813 --> 00:15:54,128
with a random stranger.
359
00:15:54,294 --> 00:15:56,725
They're not random.
360
00:15:56,850 --> 00:16:00,843
I hand-picked them.
361
00:16:01,009 --> 00:16:02,564
Look, when you go through
a break up, your body
362
00:16:02,689 --> 00:16:05,668
stops producing dopamine,
and serotonin.
363
00:16:05,793 --> 00:16:07,703
You know what it does
not stop producing?
364
00:16:07,828 --> 00:16:10,477
Sperm.
365
00:16:10,643 --> 00:16:14,934
Let the pain, and the sperm, out.
366
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:20,115
Look, there is no pain, okay?
367
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,684
I mean, there should be,
but there isn't.
368
00:16:21,809 --> 00:16:23,018
I should be devastated.
369
00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:25,254
But, I'm not, I'm...
370
00:16:25,379 --> 00:16:26,255
I'm mostly just relieved.
371
00:16:26,380 --> 00:16:27,286
And it's nothing.
372
00:16:27,452 --> 00:16:29,058
That's not nothing.
Nothing is something.
373
00:16:29,183 --> 00:16:33,262
Feeling nothing is what... it's
what being a guy is all about.
374
00:16:33,387 --> 00:16:34,251
Go with that.
375
00:16:34,417 --> 00:16:37,466
Okay.
376
00:16:37,591 --> 00:16:41,437
I feel a little ashamed
that I feel relieved.
377
00:16:41,562 --> 00:16:44,907
Because I should feel terrible,
and I don't.
378
00:16:45,032 --> 00:16:47,973
And you're right,
it does feel good to say that.
379
00:16:48,139 --> 00:16:52,561
Dam... broken!
380
00:16:52,727 --> 00:16:54,600
Go-to guy!
381
00:16:54,725 --> 00:16:58,754
Hey, girls! I did it.
382
00:16:58,879 --> 00:17:00,761
I broke this dude's dam.
383
00:17:04,739 --> 00:17:06,617
Hey, I'm going to bed.
384
00:17:06,783 --> 00:17:07,826
Okay, I love you.
385
00:17:08,121 --> 00:17:11,997
You can sleep outside if it
makes you feel more comfortable.
386
00:17:12,163 --> 00:17:14,750
Oh, and make sure to close
the window so the alarm sets.
387
00:17:14,916 --> 00:17:17,211
I got it.
See? Go team!
388
00:17:17,377 --> 00:17:19,941
Uh, or you can just keep it
open, in case there's a fire,
389
00:17:20,066 --> 00:17:22,466
so you can just throw me out of it.
390
00:17:22,632 --> 00:17:23,653
I love you.
391
00:17:27,804 --> 00:17:30,099
Ugh.
392
00:17:30,265 --> 00:17:32,059
Oh, balls.
393
00:17:36,729 --> 00:17:38,140
Oh, my God, a squirrel!
Aah!
394
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,483
Okay, calm down.
395
00:17:39,649 --> 00:17:40,562
I... I can't.
396
00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:41,764
You know I hate rats.
397
00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:43,195
Okay, it's just a squirrel.
398
00:17:43,361 --> 00:17:44,767
No, no, squirrels are just sexy rats.
399
00:17:44,892 --> 00:17:45,768
Everybody knows that.
400
00:17:45,893 --> 00:17:47,366
I think it touched my leg, ugh.
401
00:17:47,532 --> 00:17:48,450
Where is it?
402
00:17:48,616 --> 00:17:49,571
I don't know, I don't know,
403
00:17:49,696 --> 00:17:51,745
all I feel is a squirrel touch, ugh.
404
00:17:51,911 --> 00:17:52,991
Okay, it's fine, all right?
405
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:55,791
It is much more scared of us
than we are of it, all right?
406
00:17:55,957 --> 00:17:57,412
It just wants something to eat,
and then it's going to leave.
407
00:17:57,537 --> 00:17:59,548
Let's just make a path of chips
to the window so it can get out,
408
00:17:59,673 --> 00:18:00,816
but we can't feed
it anything too nice
409
00:18:00,941 --> 00:18:02,284
or else we will never
be able to get rid of it.
410
00:18:02,409 --> 00:18:05,175
Okay, well, that was
my mistake with you.
411
00:18:12,515 --> 00:18:16,131
Well, hello there.
412
00:18:16,256 --> 00:18:19,902
Mr. Squirrel, I know exactly
how you feel.
413
00:18:20,027 --> 00:18:21,025
I hate people too.
414
00:18:21,191 --> 00:18:22,776
Come on.
415
00:18:22,942 --> 00:18:25,195
Come on.
416
00:18:25,361 --> 00:18:27,860
I've been in the same situation.
417
00:18:27,985 --> 00:18:30,445
Stuck in a strange guy's bedroom,
418
00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:32,453
just looking for some nuts.
419
00:18:32,619 --> 00:18:34,288
Come on.
420
00:18:36,956 --> 00:18:38,667
Come on.
421
00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:40,586
Dude.
422
00:18:44,464 --> 00:18:45,591
Bam.
423
00:18:45,757 --> 00:18:47,329
Oh, my God, that was awesome.
424
00:18:47,454 --> 00:18:48,427
How did you know how to do that?
425
00:18:48,593 --> 00:18:50,499
I was raised on a lot of cartoons.
426
00:18:50,624 --> 00:18:51,889
Who was the guys, the, um...
427
00:18:52,055 --> 00:18:55,601
The... Chucky, and Bucky.
Bucky?
428
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:56,393
Who?
429
00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:59,104
Chuck... no, Chuck, and the guy
with the, the, the...
430
00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:01,523
Are you talking about
rocky and Bullwinkle?
431
00:19:01,689 --> 00:19:03,011
Yes.
432
00:19:03,136 --> 00:19:04,818
Do you know them?
433
00:19:04,984 --> 00:19:07,071
They were basically my parents.
434
00:19:07,237 --> 00:19:09,114
Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting
you were raised in the wild.
435
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,286
Well, not actually that you
were raised in the wild,
436
00:19:11,411 --> 00:19:15,204
but more that you were, just,
kind of not raised at all.
437
00:19:15,370 --> 00:19:17,122
But, uh, hey, this is the
first time it came in handy.
438
00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:18,827
I don't know what to tell you.
439
00:19:18,952 --> 00:19:21,496
You fell in love with a hood rat.
440
00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:22,831
Hood rat.
Huh.
441
00:19:22,956 --> 00:19:25,233
Oh, my God, you don't even
know what are animals
442
00:19:25,358 --> 00:19:26,340
and what aren't.
443
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,288
Okay, can we please just focus
on the fact that in that moment
444
00:19:29,413 --> 00:19:33,222
we just made a pretty good team?
445
00:19:33,388 --> 00:19:34,848
Well, yeah, I don't know,
I didn't do much.
446
00:19:35,014 --> 00:19:37,246
Well, that's what a team is.
447
00:19:37,371 --> 00:19:39,812
You're not supposed to have
the same strengths, you know.
448
00:19:39,978 --> 00:19:41,271
You're supposed to trade off.
449
00:19:41,437 --> 00:19:42,951
Like, with the squirrel,
I was strong,
450
00:19:43,076 --> 00:19:45,854
and with the mugger,
you basically hung out with him
451
00:19:45,979 --> 00:19:47,111
and played Wii.
452
00:19:47,277 --> 00:19:49,825
You know, I'd like to
see how brave you'd be
453
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:52,261
if the little squirrel
pulled out a tiny gun
454
00:19:52,386 --> 00:19:53,534
and asked you for your wallet.
455
00:19:53,700 --> 00:19:55,964
If the squirrel pulled out a tiny gun
456
00:19:56,089 --> 00:20:00,082
and asked for my wallet,
we would be millionaires.
457
00:20:12,369 --> 00:20:14,406
{pub}Okay, in a hundred-meter sprint,
458
00:20:14,531 --> 00:20:16,375
I am beating you every time.
459
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:20,545
In high school
my nickname was "fast Whitney."
460
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:22,314
Look, I'm sure that's true,
but I'm talking about
461
00:20:22,439 --> 00:20:23,715
physical speed, all right?
462
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,017
I'm pretty sure that
I'm faster than you.
463
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,353
Okay, you do a lot of things fast,
464
00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:31,823
but running is not one of them.
465
00:20:31,948 --> 00:20:33,625
All right, look, we're not
having this discussion
466
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:34,960
right now, all right?
467
00:20:35,085 --> 00:20:38,030
Men are faster than women,
end of story, good night.
468
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:42,623
- Really?
- Really.
469
00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:51,910
All right, on your marks, get set...
470
00:20:52,035 --> 00:20:53,002
Go!
471
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:58,216
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com