1
00:00:00,507 --> 00:00:03,007
Tessa: Winter, spring, summer,
fall,
2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,140
I was familiar with
all four seasons.
3
00:00:05,187 --> 00:00:08,687
So you can imagine how surprised I was
to learn that Chatswin
4
00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:10,482
had one more season.
5
00:00:10,541 --> 00:00:11,457
Croquet.
6
00:00:11,492 --> 00:00:13,042
(Clatters)
7
00:00:14,611 --> 00:00:16,245
(Man) ♪ let's go
8
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,417
♪ let's go, let's go
9
00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:26,856
technique was important,
10
00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:29,709
but so was chemistry
between partners.
11
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,562
Hey, y'all.
This is Sven from Iceland.
12
00:00:32,596 --> 00:00:35,448
He's uncircumcised.
13
00:00:35,499 --> 00:00:36,566
(Thud)
Ow.
14
00:00:39,636 --> 00:00:43,339
Having the wrong partner could
really throw off the game.
15
00:00:47,685 --> 00:00:49,936
(Dallas laughs)
16
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:51,804
(Sighs)
17
00:00:55,226 --> 00:00:56,192
(Gasps)
18
00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:58,578
Do they have croquet in Mexico?
19
00:00:58,612 --> 00:01:00,413
Oh, I'm from Guatemala.
20
00:01:00,447 --> 00:01:03,733
Croquet season coincided
with mating season,
21
00:01:03,784 --> 00:01:06,686
and Dallas seemed to be
enjoying her newly single life,
22
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,588
even if it was raising
a few eyebrows.
23
00:01:08,622 --> 00:01:09,589
(Dallas chuckles)
24
00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:10,557
(Whispers)
That's a woman.
25
00:01:10,591 --> 00:01:12,242
I can see that, Fred.
26
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:14,193
(Dallas giggles)
27
00:01:15,713 --> 00:01:19,498
Meanwhile, a new woman had just
entered my life as well.
28
00:01:19,516 --> 00:01:21,334
(Anya Marina)
♪ Semester is out
29
00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:22,986
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh
30
00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:24,804
♪ the teacher is in
31
00:01:24,838 --> 00:01:26,422
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh
32
00:01:26,457 --> 00:01:27,590
♪ there ain't no exams
33
00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:29,008
(Tessa) Cool.
34
00:01:29,043 --> 00:01:31,527
♪ You better bet
you're gonna learn something ♪
35
00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:33,846
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh
36
00:01:33,881 --> 00:01:37,450
♪ oh, uh-huh, uh-huh
37
00:01:37,468 --> 00:01:39,719
♪ oh, uh-huh, uh-huh
38
00:01:39,737 --> 00:01:42,705
Okay. What do you think
about this one?
39
00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:44,657
I think it's weird that
you've tried on three outfits
40
00:01:44,692 --> 00:01:45,892
for a poetry class.
41
00:01:45,926 --> 00:01:47,060
That's because you don't
get it, George.
44
00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:52,832
You know, in my day...
The early '90s...
45
00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:55,118
Coolness was about
not trying to look cool.
46
00:01:55,152 --> 00:01:56,702
Nirvana taught us that.
47
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,706
Don't be stupid, George.
Ms. Evans is from San Francisco.
48
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:00,974
She has a shoulder tattoo,
49
00:02:01,008 --> 00:02:02,709
and she once made out
with Casey Affleck.
50
00:02:02,743 --> 00:02:05,261
I'm gonna go
try on some chunky glasses.
51
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:09,261
(Doorbell rings)
52
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,647
Sorry to bother you, George,
but it's an emergency.
53
00:02:11,681 --> 00:02:12,648
It's about Dallas.
54
00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:13,782
There's been an accident.
55
00:02:13,816 --> 00:02:15,050
Oh, my God. Is she okay?
56
00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:16,085
No, she's not.
57
00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:18,086
Quite frankly,
she's a hot mess.
58
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,688
She's been parading
a bunch of traveling men
59
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,156
around the croquet field.
60
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:22,858
Okay, that doesn't sound
like an accident.
61
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,360
It's a social accident.
62
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,694
People are talking.
63
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,196
To be fair, it's mostly us.
64
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,530
And that's usually
how it starts.
65
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,366
She's been acting like
a real tramp.
66
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,634
And that's gonna drive down
property values.
67
00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,436
I don't see how it could.
"Tramp town"?
68
00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:36,171
I don't want to live there.
I might plan a day trip...
69
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:37,539
George, Dallas needs help
70
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,258
and stability
and a croquet partner
71
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:40,876
who doesn't look like
he has...
72
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,044
Crabs.
73
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,128
Okay, look, I don't know
74
00:02:43,179 --> 00:02:45,214
if Dallas would want me
to be her partner.
75
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,715
The last time I tried
to give her personal advice,
76
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,217
we got into a fight.
77
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,319
She's a little sensitive
post-divorce.
78
00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:52,254
Well, no better way
to mend hurt feelings
79
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,789
than with a mallet
and some balls.
80
00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:55,090
Amen.
81
00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:58,694
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
82
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:03,465
(Alih Jay) ♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪
83
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,652
♪ da-da-da-da,
da, da, da, da ♪
84
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:07,636
(Door creaks)
85
00:03:07,670 --> 00:03:09,505
Sheila!
86
00:03:09,539 --> 00:03:12,991
We closed early for inventory.
87
00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:15,344
You home?
88
00:03:15,378 --> 00:03:17,713
(Singsongy) Hello?
89
00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:20,349
Anybody home?
90
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:23,168
(Chuckles)
91
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,356
All right.
92
00:03:27,390 --> 00:03:31,860
Hank moody, whose Booty
shall we plunder today?
93
00:03:31,895 --> 00:03:34,346
Damn it!
94
00:03:34,397 --> 00:03:36,231
Ohh!
95
00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:38,734
(Remote control clatters)
96
00:03:42,405 --> 00:03:43,639
Ohh.
97
00:03:43,673 --> 00:03:47,359
Where is that stupid password?
98
00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:49,478
Oh, really?
99
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,749
(Sighs)
100
00:03:53,783 --> 00:03:56,285
(Sheila's voice) "I had
the dream again last night.
101
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,420
I had just finished scolding
Lisa..." (Doorbell rings)
102
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,538
"When the doorbell rang..."
103
00:03:59,589 --> 00:04:01,790
(Door creaks)
"And George was there.
104
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,325
"He complimented
my parenting skills
105
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,827
"and noticed how tidy
the house was.
106
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:07,329
"I went to fix him
a cup of tea,
107
00:04:07,363 --> 00:04:08,680
"and when I returned,
108
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,350
"he was completely nude
and covered in oil...
109
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,103
"Not the dirty, black oil,
110
00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:16,171
"but the sexy, clear kind.
111
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,207
"He stood there glistening,
112
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:19,858
"and then he opened my mouth
113
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:22,227
and kissed me like
a frenchman."
114
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:25,697
(Sighs) Aah!
115
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:26,882
(Book thuds)
116
00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:28,150
(Sighs)
117
00:04:28,562 --> 00:04:30,063
(Tessa)
The arrival of Ms. Evans
118
00:04:30,097 --> 00:04:32,597
made me realize what I'd really
been missing in Chatswin...
119
00:04:32,821 --> 00:04:35,522
A role model, someone cool
whose style and taste
120
00:04:35,557 --> 00:04:37,374
i could actually look up to.
121
00:04:37,376 --> 00:04:40,795
You all did a great job on
your first in-class assignment,
122
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:44,065
but I want to single out
a special student in our midst.
123
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,767
In fact, I don't even know
if we can really call
124
00:04:45,801 --> 00:04:47,469
this person a "student,"
125
00:04:47,503 --> 00:04:50,304
for I believe she's here
to teach us.
126
00:04:50,596 --> 00:04:52,063
It wasn't like me to showboat,
127
00:04:52,097 --> 00:04:54,298
but it also wasn't like me
to question the judgment
128
00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:56,734
of someone
as cool as Ms. Evans.
129
00:04:56,769 --> 00:04:59,904
Dalia Royce,
will you do us the honor
130
00:04:59,938 --> 00:05:02,407
of reading your poem,
"Aids frowny face,"
131
00:05:02,441 --> 00:05:03,875
for the class?
132
00:05:03,909 --> 00:05:05,309
Dalia Royce?
133
00:05:05,344 --> 00:05:06,611
Is that bitch high?
134
00:05:06,645 --> 00:05:08,529
(School bell rings)
135
00:05:12,532 --> 00:05:14,416
Ms. Evans...
136
00:05:14,451 --> 00:05:16,602
Are you high?
137
00:05:16,636 --> 00:05:18,904
Never mind.
138
00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:21,774
I'm super excited
for this class,
139
00:05:21,808 --> 00:05:24,877
and I... really
love poetry.
140
00:05:24,911 --> 00:05:28,747
Thanks, Tessa.
That's a great attitude.
141
00:05:28,782 --> 00:05:30,766
(Lowered voice)
Poetry loves you, too.
142
00:05:30,817 --> 00:05:32,451
(Gasps) Good.
143
00:05:33,326 --> 00:05:35,393
(Chuckles)
I was hoping it did.
144
00:05:35,428 --> 00:05:37,295
Look, I just wanted
to let you know,
145
00:05:37,330 --> 00:05:40,515
unlike everyone else
in this town, I get it.
146
00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:41,900
(Singsongy)
Chatswin is super weird...
147
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:43,201
(Normal voice)
And kinda shallow,
148
00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:45,820
and if you ever need
someone to stand apart
149
00:05:45,855 --> 00:05:48,206
and observe
the shallow weirdness
150
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,625
with an acerbic wit,
151
00:05:50,676 --> 00:05:51,976
I'm your girl.
152
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:55,213
I'll keep that in mind.
153
00:05:55,247 --> 00:05:57,282
A 72?
154
00:05:57,316 --> 00:06:00,719
A lot of people think
you can't assign a number grade
155
00:06:00,753 --> 00:06:03,254
to something as subjective
as a poem,
156
00:06:03,289 --> 00:06:04,689
but you can.
157
00:06:04,724 --> 00:06:06,157
Huh.
158
00:06:06,192 --> 00:06:07,425
Don't be so hard
on yourself.
159
00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:10,428
We can't all be Dalia Royce
right out of the gate.
160
00:06:10,463 --> 00:06:11,730
You know, I have been
teaching poetry
161
00:06:11,764 --> 00:06:14,198
for 2 1/4 years now,
162
00:06:14,216 --> 00:06:17,369
and I have never seen anyone
quite like her before.
163
00:06:18,425 --> 00:06:19,658
Yeah, she's unique.
164
00:06:19,693 --> 00:06:22,528
She's able to make
small revelations seem complex.
165
00:06:22,562 --> 00:06:25,748
Her voice has
a sort of detached opacity.
166
00:06:25,782 --> 00:06:28,134
Oh, is that what it has?
167
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:30,069
Some of that acerbic wit
you were referring to?
168
00:06:30,137 --> 00:06:32,121
Not bad, Tessa. Not bad.
169
00:06:32,155 --> 00:06:33,705
I'd give it a 74.
170
00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:35,307
I know what
you're thinking,
171
00:06:35,342 --> 00:06:38,644
and, yes,
you can also grade wit.
172
00:06:38,678 --> 00:06:40,112
Thanks.
173
00:06:40,147 --> 00:06:41,580
Mm-hmm.
174
00:06:44,122 --> 00:06:46,707
(Indistinct conversations)
175
00:06:46,742 --> 00:06:48,759
I heard this group was looking
for a fourth.
176
00:06:48,810 --> 00:06:50,177
Really, Sheila?
177
00:06:50,212 --> 00:06:52,646
George Altman? That's who you
wanted to set me up with?
178
00:06:52,664 --> 00:06:55,967
Yes, for croquet.
Lookin' good, George.
179
00:06:56,018 --> 00:06:59,020
Really? I'd say he's looking
a little fat in the face.
180
00:06:59,054 --> 00:07:01,305
Fred, nice to see you.
181
00:07:01,356 --> 00:07:02,690
So, George, are you here
to tell me how to live
182
00:07:02,724 --> 00:07:05,610
my newly single life,
oppress me, finesse me,
183
00:07:05,644 --> 00:07:08,228
redress me, wrap me
head to toe in a sherpa?
184
00:07:08,246 --> 00:07:09,931
I-I think you mean a burka.
185
00:07:09,998 --> 00:07:12,099
I refuse to be corrected
by the likes of you.
186
00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:14,835
I may have used the wrong word,
but that's my right.
187
00:07:14,853 --> 00:07:17,638
I'm a full-grown woman,
George Altman. Full-grown.
188
00:07:17,906 --> 00:07:20,541
(Chuckles) Dallas, relax.
No one thinks you're...
189
00:07:20,575 --> 00:07:21,675
Still growing.
190
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,360
- Good.
- Look, I come in peace.
191
00:07:23,394 --> 00:07:24,444
I just thought
it might be nice
192
00:07:24,479 --> 00:07:26,246
to be on the same team
for a change.
193
00:07:26,264 --> 00:07:27,814
Well, we'll just see
about that, George.
194
00:07:27,849 --> 00:07:29,066
I'd like to reserve judgment
195
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:30,968
until I see
how you handle your mallet.
196
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:32,186
Oh, this?
197
00:07:32,220 --> 00:07:34,054
I got this.
198
00:07:35,056 --> 00:07:36,557
Boom!
199
00:07:36,591 --> 00:07:37,691
(Chuckles) What was that?
200
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,109
(Chuckles)
Was that your swing? (Laughs)
201
00:07:39,143 --> 00:07:40,794
- That's not how it's done, George.
- Ohh.
202
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:41,745
It's through the legs.
203
00:07:41,779 --> 00:07:42,796
Let me show you.
I'll show him.
204
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,882
Stand down, Fred.
205
00:07:45,626 --> 00:07:48,986
First of all, you gotta get
a good grip on that shaft, okay?
206
00:07:49,037 --> 00:07:51,547
Okay. Tight, but don't
choke it, all right?
207
00:07:51,977 --> 00:07:53,024
Nice. Good.
208
00:07:53,259 --> 00:07:55,128
Slow thrust here. Thrust...
209
00:07:55,163 --> 00:07:56,163
Mm-hmm.
210
00:07:56,197 --> 00:07:57,447
With a lot
of follow-through.
211
00:07:57,498 --> 00:07:58,498
Mm-hmm.
All right.
212
00:07:58,533 --> 00:08:01,184
Gonna use your body
to drive it.
213
00:08:01,236 --> 00:08:03,470
Drive it. Drive it.
214
00:08:03,504 --> 00:08:04,838
Drive it, George.
215
00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,873
Drive it. Good. Drive it.
216
00:08:06,908 --> 00:08:07,858
Drive it
in a straight line.
217
00:08:07,909 --> 00:08:09,916
Drive it! All right.
Drive it, George!
218
00:08:10,845 --> 00:08:12,079
- Whoo!
- Beautiful!
219
00:08:12,113 --> 00:08:13,913
That was beautiful!
220
00:08:13,932 --> 00:08:16,016
It really was. Go, George!
221
00:08:16,050 --> 00:08:20,029
(Billy squier's
"Everybody wants you" playing)
222
00:08:20,647 --> 00:08:22,857
Right through that hole.
223
00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:24,875
♪ You see 'em comin' at you
224
00:08:24,909 --> 00:08:27,294
whoo! Uhh!
225
00:08:27,328 --> 00:08:28,495
♪ Strung on pretension
226
00:08:28,529 --> 00:08:30,247
♪ they fall for you
at first sight ♪
227
00:08:30,298 --> 00:08:32,266
Ow! (Grunts)
228
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:35,369
Timber! Ha ha ha ha!
229
00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:37,871
♪ Say good-bye
to conventional ways ♪
230
00:08:37,905 --> 00:08:39,640
♪ you can't escape the hours
231
00:08:39,674 --> 00:08:41,408
♪ you lose track of the days
232
00:08:41,442 --> 00:08:42,942
♪ the more you understand
233
00:08:44,059 --> 00:08:45,612
(George)
Right through, ladies!
234
00:08:45,647 --> 00:08:47,347
♪ You never get away
235
00:08:47,382 --> 00:08:49,067
(grunts)
236
00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:51,718
♪ Everybody wants you
237
00:08:51,736 --> 00:08:53,870
(George) Ha ha ha!
238
00:08:53,921 --> 00:08:56,390
♪ Whoo
239
00:08:57,951 --> 00:08:59,185
(lowered voice) Enough.
240
00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:00,886
- What?
- You've made your point.
241
00:09:00,954 --> 00:09:02,988
You're a croquet God.
242
00:09:03,023 --> 00:09:06,158
Now stick it back in your pants
and show a little dignity.
243
00:09:06,193 --> 00:09:07,560
Whoa. Fred,
what's wrong with you?
244
00:09:07,594 --> 00:09:11,199
You are frothing my wife up
into a frothy frenzy,
245
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,815
and I would appreciate
a little decorum.
246
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,267
Uh, okay. I didn't mean
to froth anyone.
247
00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:18,300
Well, you just remember this,
George Altman.
248
00:09:18,331 --> 00:09:20,616
Sheila's last name is
the same as mine,
249
00:09:20,618 --> 00:09:23,810
so no matter how much
she may fantasiz about
250
00:09:23,846 --> 00:09:27,133
your tumescent addendum,
I'm the man she married.
251
00:09:27,182 --> 00:09:28,215
Got it?
252
00:09:28,249 --> 00:09:30,050
I-I don't know what
that means.
253
00:09:30,085 --> 00:09:32,086
What is that on your face?
Is that dirt?
254
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,456
(Scoffs) I have no idea
what you're talking about.
255
00:09:40,462 --> 00:09:44,281
(Indistinct conversations)
256
00:09:44,622 --> 00:09:46,407
What do you think
they're talking about?
257
00:09:46,441 --> 00:09:48,141
Who?
258
00:09:48,159 --> 00:09:49,877
Ms. Evans is probably
telling Dalia
259
00:09:49,911 --> 00:09:53,046
about some cool, new band
whose bass player
260
00:09:53,081 --> 00:09:55,082
she used to date,
261
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:58,035
a band Dalia would never
in a million years be into,
262
00:09:58,086 --> 00:10:00,226
but I would have loved.
263
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:02,211
Well, I'm not
a professional lip-reader,
264
00:10:02,238 --> 00:10:05,874
but I think Dalia just said
something about brownies?
265
00:10:05,908 --> 00:10:08,293
Or bran eyes?
Brown thighs.
266
00:10:08,327 --> 00:10:11,146
I hope Dalia enjoys
the attention while it lasts,
267
00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:14,449
because that's
gonna be me soon.
268
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:16,918
Once Ms. Evans reads
the poem I just finished...
269
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:19,437
(Exhales deeply)
Things are gonna go
270
00:10:19,472 --> 00:10:21,306
a little differently
around here.
271
00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:22,591
You're gonna have
a tough time competing
272
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:24,542
with the one I wrote
about Ryan.
273
00:10:24,577 --> 00:10:26,611
Well, I'm not messing
around anymore.
274
00:10:26,646 --> 00:10:27,612
(Paper rustles loudly)
275
00:10:27,647 --> 00:10:29,931
I decided to go there.
276
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:32,047
Are you...
277
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:33,633
Playing the "mom left
when I was young" card?
278
00:10:33,668 --> 00:10:37,037
Yeah. Yes, I am.
279
00:10:37,071 --> 00:10:38,805
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
280
00:10:39,761 --> 00:10:41,699
Seems pretty desperate.
281
00:10:45,070 --> 00:10:47,939
That's the first time
I've beaten the Shays ever.
282
00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:50,251
Felt good. Felt real good.
283
00:10:50,269 --> 00:10:51,603
Thank you.
284
00:10:51,637 --> 00:10:54,722
Did you notice anything
strange about Sheila today?
285
00:10:55,296 --> 00:10:56,491
You mean the shoes?
286
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,059
I wasn't gonna go there,
but it looked like
287
00:10:58,093 --> 00:10:59,861
she stole 'em off
a court Jester.
288
00:10:59,895 --> 00:11:01,779
There! Somebody said it.
289
00:11:01,814 --> 00:11:03,848
(Lowered voice) I wasn't
talking about her shoes.
290
00:11:03,933 --> 00:11:06,033
Did you notice her
throwing me any vibes?
291
00:11:06,051 --> 00:11:08,690
Vibes? What kind of vibes?
292
00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,405
(Sighs) Sexual vibes.
293
00:11:10,439 --> 00:11:12,474
I think
you're stone-cold trippin'.
294
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,185
If I recall, just recently,
295
00:11:14,219 --> 00:11:16,587
you accused me of being
into you as well.
296
00:11:16,622 --> 00:11:18,256
After you kissed me,
not to harp,
297
00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,674
but this...
This is different.
298
00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:22,260
(Chuckles) Sounds like
someone's decided
299
00:11:22,294 --> 00:11:24,868
they're the white Wesley Snipes
of Chatswin.
300
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,781
The whole female population's
in some sort
301
00:11:26,815 --> 00:11:28,049
of hormonal tizzy...
(Cell phone alert chimes)
302
00:11:28,083 --> 00:11:31,030
Since you rolled into town.
Is that it, George? (Sighs)
303
00:11:31,121 --> 00:11:34,223
(Whispers) I'm not wearing
any underwear. (Gasps)
304
00:11:38,761 --> 00:11:42,230
"Bugatti Veyron.
Lamborghini Murceilago.
305
00:11:42,264 --> 00:11:45,967
"Pagani Zonda. Ferrari Enzo.
306
00:11:46,353 --> 00:11:47,420
"Think about it.
307
00:11:47,454 --> 00:11:49,522
"You guys.
308
00:11:49,557 --> 00:11:51,374
Cars."
309
00:11:58,731 --> 00:12:00,432
Boom.
310
00:12:00,466 --> 00:12:01,900
(Whispers) Wow.
311
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:03,134
(Normal voice) Powerful.
312
00:12:04,336 --> 00:12:07,188
Wow. I just got it.
313
00:12:08,091 --> 00:12:12,110
Welcome, Lisa...
To getting it.
314
00:12:12,145 --> 00:12:14,195
Okay. (Chuckles) Whew.
315
00:12:14,465 --> 00:12:16,733
(Chuckles)
Who'd like to go next?
316
00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:19,851
Although I can't imagine trying
to follow that act.
317
00:12:26,025 --> 00:12:28,126
(Sighs)
318
00:12:28,161 --> 00:12:29,428
"Mother.
319
00:12:30,103 --> 00:12:33,131
"Girl turns 3
on a store-bought cake.
320
00:12:33,166 --> 00:12:36,435
"Extinguished the candles
but not the hate.
321
00:12:36,469 --> 00:12:39,204
"No kiss good night.
322
00:12:39,238 --> 00:12:41,054
"No lipstick red.
323
00:12:42,421 --> 00:12:44,076
"No cool hand
324
00:12:44,315 --> 00:12:46,268
touching her feverish..."
325
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,528
(Voice breaks) "Head."
326
00:12:51,318 --> 00:12:52,495
Okeydokey.
327
00:12:52,742 --> 00:12:54,643
(School bell rings)
328
00:12:55,388 --> 00:12:56,755
Tessa, can I see you
for a moment?
329
00:12:56,789 --> 00:12:59,557
(Singsong voice, under breath)
Finally. Some recognition.
330
00:12:59,575 --> 00:13:01,610
(Whispers) Okay.
331
00:13:01,661 --> 00:13:03,895
Can I ask you
something personal?
332
00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:06,498
Oh, God, yes!
Ask me anything.
333
00:13:06,532 --> 00:13:08,000
Let's connect.
334
00:13:08,034 --> 00:13:10,402
Was there any truth
behind your poem today?
335
00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:12,704
A lot of truth.
336
00:13:12,739 --> 00:13:14,406
So much truth, truly.
337
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,241
Huh. Strange.
338
00:13:16,275 --> 00:13:17,976
I found myself not caring.
339
00:13:18,011 --> 00:13:19,111
Not...
340
00:13:19,145 --> 00:13:21,813
Caring at all,
and it pained me
341
00:13:21,848 --> 00:13:24,383
to see you grasping
at straws creatively.
342
00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:27,269
Dalia, would you consider
working with Tessa
343
00:13:27,303 --> 00:13:28,603
on her poetry?
344
00:13:28,638 --> 00:13:30,755
Ugh. Do I have to?
345
00:13:30,773 --> 00:13:32,190
No, certainly not.
Totally up to you.
346
00:13:32,225 --> 00:13:33,625
I really don't like Tessa.
347
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:37,062
Wow. You don't pull
any punches, do you?
348
00:13:37,096 --> 00:13:38,296
(Whispers) That's brave.
349
00:13:38,331 --> 00:13:40,532
It's just
I really can't stand Tessa.
350
00:13:40,566 --> 00:13:43,001
So honest.
351
00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:45,837
Look, I can throw in
a little extra credit for you.
352
00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:48,774
Okay. Fine.
353
00:13:48,807 --> 00:13:51,997
I guess I'll do it,
since it's for extra credit.
354
00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:54,183
You are both true and wise
355
00:13:54,263 --> 00:13:56,477
- Dalia Royce.
- I know.
356
00:13:57,878 --> 00:14:00,678
- Good news, she's willing..
- Yeah.
357
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,280
I heard.
358
00:14:06,448 --> 00:14:08,655
I don't have
an original idea in my head.
359
00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,764
Poetry class not going well?
360
00:14:10,798 --> 00:14:12,950
Teacher didn't give you an "A"
for those chunky glasses?
361
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:14,801
- She's not into me.
- Oh, come on.
362
00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:16,536
Believe me, no one's
more surprised than I am.
363
00:14:16,571 --> 00:14:20,087
Ms. Evans is inexplicably
enamored with... Dalia.
364
00:14:20,368 --> 00:14:22,052
Dalia Royce.
365
00:14:22,086 --> 00:14:23,877
- I don't get it.
- Yikes.
366
00:14:24,057 --> 00:14:26,106
Yeah. It stings.
It stings a lot.
367
00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:28,108
Dalia is the most vapid,
shallow, black hole
368
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:29,343
of a human being
I've ever met.
369
00:14:29,377 --> 00:14:31,645
Oh, o-okay.
Don't take it out on Dalia.
370
00:14:31,679 --> 00:14:33,914
H-have you ever considered that
maybe it's not so easy being
371
00:14:33,948 --> 00:14:35,148
the object of affection?
372
00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:36,316
- No.
- I'm just saying,
373
00:14:36,351 --> 00:14:39,353
sometimes it hard to be
aggressively adored
374
00:14:39,387 --> 00:14:41,705
by someone whose attention
you don't really want.
375
00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:45,225
Maybe, just maybe,
Dalia is the real victim here.
376
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,426
Really? This is where
you want to take
377
00:14:46,461 --> 00:14:48,362
the conversation, George?
Sympathy for Dalia?
378
00:14:48,396 --> 00:14:50,264
You are a horrible dad.
379
00:14:51,211 --> 00:14:54,551
Now that's the kind of negative
attention I'm used to.
380
00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:07,014
(Sighs)
381
00:15:07,048 --> 00:15:10,250
(Lowered voice) What are you
dreaming about, Sheila?
382
00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:13,765
Are you dreaming about
gorgeous George Altman?
383
00:15:14,592 --> 00:15:16,960
Is he the hot delivery boy
tonight,
384
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:19,830
coming to your door
with a pile of fresh meat?
385
00:15:20,296 --> 00:15:23,865
No. No, no, no.
Stop dreaming about him.
386
00:15:24,159 --> 00:15:25,759
Dream about Fred,
387
00:15:26,263 --> 00:15:28,905
comfortable, steadfast Fred,
388
00:15:28,939 --> 00:15:31,307
always-there-for-you Fred,
389
00:15:31,375 --> 00:15:34,610
Fred
of the killer foot massage.
390
00:15:34,645 --> 00:15:37,146
(Sighs) Ohh.
I can't take it.
391
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:38,247
I can't take it.
(Switch clicks)
392
00:15:38,281 --> 00:15:40,476
What? What is it?
Is it a night prowler?
393
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:41,584
(Sighs) No.
394
00:15:42,016 --> 00:15:43,650
(Sighs)
Sheila, we need to talk.
395
00:15:43,685 --> 00:15:45,586
I-I read your diary.
396
00:15:45,620 --> 00:15:48,889
What? Fred, that's
a violation of my privacy.
397
00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:51,225
I know. I'm sorry.
398
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,245
Believe me,
I wish I hadn't seen it,
399
00:15:53,318 --> 00:15:56,643
because now I know
how you feel about George,
400
00:15:56,683 --> 00:15:58,117
and I can't get it out
of my head.
401
00:15:58,151 --> 00:15:59,121
(Sighs)
402
00:16:00,620 --> 00:16:03,155
Well...
Maybe it's for the best.
403
00:16:03,189 --> 00:16:04,356
What?
404
00:16:04,374 --> 00:16:06,492
Having it out in the open,
I mean.
405
00:16:06,526 --> 00:16:08,427
It's a schoolgirl fantasy.
406
00:16:08,461 --> 00:16:10,129
But you're not a schoolgirl.
407
00:16:10,163 --> 00:16:11,964
(Sighs)
408
00:16:11,998 --> 00:16:14,066
I'm glad you know.
409
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:15,701
I love you, Fred,
410
00:16:15,735 --> 00:16:17,035
and that is unchanged
by the fact
411
00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:20,472
that I lust endlessly
over George.
412
00:16:21,941 --> 00:16:23,659
(Sighs) Ohh.
413
00:16:23,710 --> 00:16:26,628
(Panting)
414
00:16:28,848 --> 00:16:32,001
(Lowered voice)
Grow, you bastard. Grow.
415
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:33,821
(Inhales deeply and sighs)
416
00:16:34,173 --> 00:16:36,057
Whether or not
Dalia was actually good
417
00:16:36,092 --> 00:16:37,559
at poetry didn't matter.
418
00:16:37,593 --> 00:16:40,829
Ms. Evans thought she was,
and I had to find out why.
419
00:16:40,863 --> 00:16:42,297
How?
420
00:16:42,331 --> 00:16:43,798
It's easy.
421
00:16:43,833 --> 00:16:46,357
I just empty my head,
and words pop in it.
422
00:16:47,503 --> 00:16:50,205
Could you walk me through
that process step-by-step?
423
00:16:50,239 --> 00:16:53,141
You know, you suck
right now, even for you.
424
00:16:53,175 --> 00:16:54,242
Just tell me how to write
good poetry
425
00:16:54,276 --> 00:16:55,410
that Ms. Evans will like!
426
00:16:55,444 --> 00:16:57,629
Just stop trying so hard!
427
00:16:57,663 --> 00:16:58,613
(Brush clatters)
428
00:16:58,631 --> 00:16:59,781
You know,
you're totally fanning out
429
00:16:59,815 --> 00:17:02,317
over some gross teacher
with greasy hair.
430
00:17:02,351 --> 00:17:03,351
Ms. Evans is awesome.
431
00:17:03,386 --> 00:17:04,552
How would you know?
432
00:17:04,587 --> 00:17:07,155
All you know is
that she doesn't like you.
433
00:17:07,189 --> 00:17:08,690
She's your Scott Strauss.
434
00:17:08,724 --> 00:17:10,091
- What?
- Remember when he was dating
435
00:17:10,126 --> 00:17:12,411
- that really ugly girl...
- That was me.
436
00:17:12,435 --> 00:17:14,796
And the more he didn't jock me,
the more I jocked him?
437
00:17:15,290 --> 00:17:16,657
That's you,
438
00:17:16,692 --> 00:17:21,285
except with a sad, middle-aged,
weirdo poetry teacher with B.O.
439
00:17:21,402 --> 00:17:25,405
Did I just receive a lesson
in human nature
440
00:17:25,424 --> 00:17:28,126
from the least human person
I know?
441
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,828
Yeah, you think
about that, beeyotch,
442
00:17:30,863 --> 00:17:32,797
because I see it
sinking in.
443
00:17:32,831 --> 00:17:34,282
(Doorbell rings)
444
00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:36,100
I want you to make love
to my wife.
445
00:17:36,135 --> 00:17:38,603
Fred, diggin' the goatee.
446
00:17:38,637 --> 00:17:39,987
(Sighs)
Come on in.
447
00:17:41,156 --> 00:17:42,457
I can't.
448
00:17:42,491 --> 00:17:45,827
I-I care about you
as a friend, but I can't.
449
00:17:45,861 --> 00:17:46,844
I won't.
450
00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:48,813
Okay, look, George, Noah,
451
00:17:48,847 --> 00:17:52,050
I've put a lot of thought
into this. A lot.
452
00:17:52,084 --> 00:17:53,584
I love my wife.
453
00:17:53,619 --> 00:17:55,720
She means the world to me,
454
00:17:55,754 --> 00:17:58,356
but she has needs
that I'm not fulfilling,
455
00:17:58,390 --> 00:18:00,425
and I want them to be fulfilled.
456
00:18:00,459 --> 00:18:01,426
Fred, please...
457
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:03,029
Hear the man out.
(Chuckles)
458
00:18:03,084 --> 00:18:06,186
(Sighs)
I-I have pride, sure,
459
00:18:06,220 --> 00:18:08,489
but I can crumple
that pride up
460
00:18:08,523 --> 00:18:09,990
into a little ball
and eat it.
461
00:18:10,025 --> 00:18:12,259
For Sheila, I can eat it,
and I will.
462
00:18:12,294 --> 00:18:14,061
Fred, Sheila loves you.
463
00:18:14,095 --> 00:18:16,196
If there is
some fleeting infatuation
464
00:18:16,231 --> 00:18:19,566
that she has going on with me,
it's just that... fleeting.
465
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:23,036
Are you saying no? I mean,
you won't satisfy my wife?
466
00:18:23,054 --> 00:18:26,056
What, is she not good enough
for you, Mr. Altman?
467
00:18:26,091 --> 00:18:27,057
'Cause let me tell you
something.
468
00:18:27,092 --> 00:18:28,742
She will do things to you...
469
00:18:28,777 --> 00:18:30,978
Things you can't
even imagine,
470
00:18:31,012 --> 00:18:32,646
things that aren't
even legal.
471
00:18:32,681 --> 00:18:33,781
I believe it.
472
00:18:33,815 --> 00:18:35,482
Okay, Fred,
go home to your wife.
473
00:18:35,517 --> 00:18:38,402
Go work this thing out,
the two of you.
474
00:18:39,654 --> 00:18:42,356
Well, this isn't very neighborly
of you, George.
475
00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:45,359
It's not very neighborly at all,
476
00:18:45,393 --> 00:18:47,728
so let's just see what happens
the next time
477
00:18:47,746 --> 00:18:50,581
you want to borrow my rake,
shall we?
478
00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:55,629
I have a rake.
479
00:18:57,823 --> 00:18:59,340
I'm gonna try
to transfer out.
480
00:18:59,374 --> 00:19:01,192
After failing gym,
I can't really afford
481
00:19:01,226 --> 00:19:02,960
a "C" in poetry.
(Spritzing)
482
00:19:02,995 --> 00:19:04,862
Wow. So you're off
Ms. Evans, huh?
483
00:19:04,896 --> 00:19:05,930
It's weird.
484
00:19:05,964 --> 00:19:07,498
I don't know what made me
so desperate
485
00:19:07,532 --> 00:19:09,917
for the approval
of a withholding older woman
486
00:19:09,951 --> 00:19:13,371
who clearly wanted nothing
to do with me.
487
00:19:13,405 --> 00:19:14,581
Yeah.
488
00:19:15,807 --> 00:19:17,775
Yeahno. Me either.
489
00:19:17,809 --> 00:19:19,777
Yeah.
490
00:19:20,609 --> 00:19:22,082
It's a puzzler.
491
00:19:22,165 --> 00:19:25,050
Yeah. No, it is.
It's curious.
492
00:19:25,084 --> 00:19:26,318
Mm-hmm.
493
00:19:26,336 --> 00:19:28,587
(Door creaks open)
494
00:19:28,621 --> 00:19:31,156
Fred, where have you been?
I have been worried sick.
495
00:19:31,190 --> 00:19:33,292
Sheila, I need to speak
to you privately.
496
00:19:33,326 --> 00:19:36,128
I failed you. George wouldn't
agree to make love to you.
497
00:19:36,162 --> 00:19:40,465
I asked him, but he denied me.
Hey, Tessa. Hello, Lisa.
498
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,301
What in God's name
are you talking about?
499
00:19:42,335 --> 00:19:44,937
George Altman...
Your fantasy.
500
00:19:44,971 --> 00:19:47,172
I'm only sorry I couldn't
make him your reality.
501
00:19:47,206 --> 00:19:48,523
He won't have intercourse
with you,
502
00:19:48,558 --> 00:19:49,942
won't even consider it.
503
00:19:49,976 --> 00:19:52,194
Fred, I am not attracted
to George Altman.
504
00:19:52,228 --> 00:19:54,513
I couldn't be less attracted
to George Altman.
505
00:19:54,547 --> 00:19:56,548
He's... unkempt!
506
00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,952
The George from my diary
is George Stephanopoulos.
507
00:19:59,986 --> 00:20:02,487
The little Greek man
from "Good morning America"?
508
00:20:02,521 --> 00:20:05,297
I like a tidy, petite man.
You know that.
509
00:20:06,094 --> 00:20:08,293
(Sighs) You couldn't
have used a last name?
510
00:20:08,328 --> 00:20:09,761
I don't know how
to spell his name.
511
00:20:09,796 --> 00:20:12,731
It's not my fault.
It's a ridiculous last name!
512
00:20:12,765 --> 00:20:14,866
Oh, Sheila Shay-Shay.
513
00:20:14,901 --> 00:20:16,885
(Both laugh)
514
00:20:16,919 --> 00:20:18,053
(Door closes)
515
00:20:18,087 --> 00:20:19,838
(TV playing indistinctly)
516
00:20:19,872 --> 00:20:22,674
- Where's George? I've got news.
- He's about to do something drastic.
517
00:20:22,709 --> 00:20:25,456
I tried to talk him out of it,
but he wouldn't listen to me.
518
00:20:26,512 --> 00:20:29,414
(Buzzing)
519
00:20:29,449 --> 00:20:32,401
Just do it.
520
00:20:32,435 --> 00:20:33,552
Wait!
521
00:20:33,586 --> 00:20:34,653
Stop.
(Buzzing stops)
522
00:20:34,687 --> 00:20:37,055
Tessa, I love it, too,
but it's gotta go,
523
00:20:37,073 --> 00:20:38,690
for everyone's good.
524
00:20:38,725 --> 00:20:40,559
(Sighs) I think
it's just too sexy.
525
00:20:40,593 --> 00:20:42,394
Dad, Sheila's not obsessed
with you.
526
00:20:42,428 --> 00:20:44,997
She's obsessed with the George
from "Good morning America,"
527
00:20:45,031 --> 00:20:48,442
so you may not be the Casanova
of Chatswin after all.
528
00:20:49,377 --> 00:20:50,481
Oh.
529
00:20:52,572 --> 00:20:54,306
Hi. What's... what's this?
530
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:57,509
It's a ball carrier
for you to carry your balls.
531
00:20:58,711 --> 00:20:59,744
"George-ass"?
532
00:20:59,762 --> 00:21:01,763
Oh, it's pronounced
"George-uhs."
533
00:21:01,798 --> 00:21:03,765
It's a combination
of both our names,
534
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,184
like Bennifer, Brangelina,
or Ceelo.
535
00:21:06,219 --> 00:21:07,848
I-I think
he's just one guy.
536
00:21:07,938 --> 00:21:09,639
He couldn't possibly be.
537
00:21:09,822 --> 00:21:12,724
Well... (Sighs) It's time
to make it official, George,
538
00:21:12,758 --> 00:21:14,760
since we're gonna be
partners and all.
539
00:21:14,794 --> 00:21:16,728
So are we?
540
00:21:16,898 --> 00:21:20,398
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com