1
00:00:05,813 --> 00:00:09,692
Yeah, okay.
2
00:00:09,817 --> 00:00:10,910
So does Alex keep
3
00:00:11,035 --> 00:00:14,464
his tax returns in a folder or a box?
4
00:00:14,589 --> 00:00:16,332
I don't know.
I never come down here.
5
00:00:16,457 --> 00:00:18,935
I have a mild case of claustrophobia,
6
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,721
so the last time I was
in a space this dark and small,
7
00:00:21,846 --> 00:00:24,511
I ate my twin.
8
00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:28,612
Okay.
This isn't so bad.
9
00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:31,147
Whit, look, I know
that you've been talking
10
00:00:31,272 --> 00:00:32,532
to Lily, and...
11
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,049
Look, Neal, I don't want
12
00:00:34,174 --> 00:00:36,486
you and Lily's break-up
to affect our relationship.
13
00:00:36,611 --> 00:00:40,332
I want to make sure that
we always stay acquaintances.
14
00:00:40,498 --> 00:00:42,742
No, Lily is still
on my cell phone plan.
15
00:00:42,867 --> 00:00:44,944
You guys talk and text way too much.
16
00:00:45,069 --> 00:00:46,463
What, are you guys planning a heist?
17
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,215
Why don't you just tell her
to get her own plan?
18
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,634
'Cause I haven't really talked
to her since we broke up,
19
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,286
and I can't call her
for the first time about this.
20
00:00:53,411 --> 00:00:54,721
I'll seem like a jerk.
21
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:56,205
You just need, like, a casual run-in.
22
00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:57,757
You know, just go some place
where she always goes.
23
00:00:57,882 --> 00:00:59,258
It makes it less weird,
'cause there's nothing
24
00:00:59,383 --> 00:01:00,409
more awkward than seeing your ex
25
00:01:00,534 --> 00:01:01,844
for the first time after a break-up.
26
00:01:01,969 --> 00:01:04,231
That's why I never watch Lockup.
27
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:07,767
Hey, is this stuff yours?
28
00:01:07,892 --> 00:01:11,104
No.
I don't wear scrunchies
29
00:01:11,229 --> 00:01:13,306
or short shorts.
30
00:01:13,431 --> 00:01:14,724
Or tube tops.
31
00:01:14,849 --> 00:01:15,942
You know what this means?
32
00:01:16,067 --> 00:01:19,195
Somewhere, Heather Graham is naked.
33
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,998
Oh, snap.
34
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:24,867
This must be stuff from one
of Alex's old girlfriends.
35
00:01:24,992 --> 00:01:27,069
This is an Xbox.
36
00:01:27,194 --> 00:01:29,789
Whoa.
37
00:01:29,914 --> 00:01:31,040
This is them in Paris.
38
00:01:31,165 --> 00:01:32,875
They went to Paris together?
39
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,611
And Italy?
40
00:01:35,736 --> 00:01:38,080
And to see the pyramids?
41
00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:40,809
Whitney, those are all in Vegas.
44
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:52,294
- Hey, roomie.
- Hey, roomie.
45
00:01:52,419 --> 00:01:54,397
Did you just cut your hair
46
00:01:54,522 --> 00:01:56,199
in the bathroom?
47
00:01:56,365 --> 00:01:57,884
Oh, yeah.
48
00:01:58,009 --> 00:01:59,494
What do you think?
49
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:02,538
I think it looks great there
on your head.
50
00:02:02,663 --> 00:02:05,917
A little less great on my toothbrush.
51
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:07,660
Oh.
Oh, my God.
52
00:02:07,785 --> 00:02:09,111
That was totally my bad.
53
00:02:09,236 --> 00:02:10,422
It will not happen again.
54
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,415
Oh, good, good.
Good, Lil.
55
00:02:12,540 --> 00:02:13,950
Thank you.
56
00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:15,284
How great is it that we can just say
57
00:02:15,409 --> 00:02:17,512
these things to each other,
and it's not weird,
58
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:19,188
- you know?
- Yeah.
59
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:21,757
Like, I could just say,
"we don't keep
60
00:02:21,882 --> 00:02:23,393
our vitamins all over the end table."
61
00:02:23,559 --> 00:02:26,438
Just...
62
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:29,599
Or, "hey, here's
where I keep the coasters."
63
00:02:29,724 --> 00:02:32,486
Hello.
64
00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:33,686
But your coasters are so cute.
65
00:02:33,811 --> 00:02:36,522
I didn't want to leave a ring on 'em.
66
00:02:36,647 --> 00:02:38,909
Okay.
67
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:47,366
Okay, now I got to find
a new home for all of you.
68
00:02:49,243 --> 00:02:50,378
Lil?
69
00:02:50,544 --> 00:02:51,621
You all right?
70
00:02:51,746 --> 00:02:57,552
Uh, yeah, I just broke my... laptop.
71
00:02:57,718 --> 00:02:59,328
Crap.
72
00:02:59,453 --> 00:03:02,849
Now I got to break my laptop.
73
00:03:04,592 --> 00:03:06,719
Hey.
74
00:03:06,844 --> 00:03:10,022
Hey.
75
00:03:10,147 --> 00:03:11,650
Hey?
76
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:17,823
Hey.
77
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:22,101
Heyyy...
78
00:03:22,226 --> 00:03:24,570
It's really no biggie.
79
00:03:24,695 --> 00:03:27,073
That's just
from an old girlfriend Chloe.
80
00:03:27,198 --> 00:03:29,042
Who is Chloe?
81
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,919
Haven't I mentioned Chloe?
I must have mentioned her.
82
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:33,029
No, and I have a very special gift
83
00:03:33,154 --> 00:03:35,581
for remembering ex-girlfriends...
Fiona, Jillian, and Kiki,
84
00:03:35,706 --> 00:03:37,783
the backup dancer
who still to this day
85
00:03:37,908 --> 00:03:41,221
is the only reason I go to the gym.
86
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,556
Come on, you can't expect me
to remember
87
00:03:43,681 --> 00:03:45,100
every girl I ever dated.
88
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:48,937
Okay, David spade.
89
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:54,934
And you didn't just date her.
90
00:03:55,059 --> 00:03:56,435
I mean, you took her to Vegas.
91
00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:58,488
You don't have a box
full of my stuff.
92
00:03:58,654 --> 00:04:03,559
Yeah, I do.
I live in it.
93
00:04:03,684 --> 00:04:04,619
Look, all right, come on,
94
00:04:04,785 --> 00:04:05,978
so, what, I dated Chloe.
95
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:07,196
I also kissed a girl
in the sixth grade.
96
00:04:07,321 --> 00:04:08,430
Her name was Mary.
Should I have told you
97
00:04:08,555 --> 00:04:10,333
- about that too?
- You did tell me about that.
98
00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:13,102
Okay, we had a conversation
about all our serious exes.
99
00:04:13,227 --> 00:04:14,504
Why did you lie about her?
100
00:04:14,670 --> 00:04:16,405
No.
It wasn't a lie.
101
00:04:16,530 --> 00:04:18,124
Okay, I didn't mention it,
102
00:04:18,249 --> 00:04:22,179
so, technically, that is an omission.
103
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,613
Yeah.
Talk down to me.
104
00:04:24,738 --> 00:04:29,269
That always works out well for you.
105
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:31,637
And people only omit things
that they know
106
00:04:31,762 --> 00:04:32,888
are gonna get them in trouble.
107
00:04:33,013 --> 00:04:34,691
I never omit anything.
108
00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:35,808
Okay, in all fairness,
109
00:04:35,933 --> 00:04:37,176
how could you
possibly ever omit anything?
110
00:04:37,301 --> 00:04:39,446
You never stop talking.
111
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,463
Okay.
112
00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:43,533
One fight at a time.
113
00:04:43,699 --> 00:04:44,483
I'm sorry.
I'll just...
114
00:04:44,608 --> 00:04:45,619
I'll get rid of the box, all right?
115
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:46,936
No, no, I'm gonna keep this box here
116
00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:49,247
until I figure out
why you're acting so weird.
117
00:04:49,413 --> 00:04:50,999
- No, I'm not acting weird.
- So very weird.
118
00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,659
You're weird.
119
00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:55,194
You're acting so weird, I half expect
120
00:04:55,319 --> 00:04:56,478
there to be another box
in the basement
121
00:04:56,603 --> 00:04:59,132
filled with pieces of Chloe.
122
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:01,150
Nope.
123
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:04,930
I never wanted to dismember
any of my girlfriends.
124
00:05:05,930 --> 00:05:07,557
Until very, very recently.
125
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,854
{pub}Can you believe Alex's
trying to pass these off
126
00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:15,065
as an omission, and not a lie?
127
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,274
An omission is a lie.
128
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:18,066
Exactly.
129
00:05:18,191 --> 00:05:20,654
Man, I wish we could date.
130
00:05:23,196 --> 00:05:24,950
I'm almost there.
131
00:05:27,034 --> 00:05:28,727
I mean, I need to figure out
why he didn't tell me
132
00:05:28,852 --> 00:05:30,662
about this Chloe girl,
and I think the answer
133
00:05:30,787 --> 00:05:32,981
might be in this box.
134
00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:35,710
Ooh!
135
00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:37,128
What are you doing?
136
00:05:37,294 --> 00:05:39,798
Shopping.
137
00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:40,822
These are cute.
138
00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:45,220
Oh, oh, I like that bracelet.
139
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,980
Roxanne, do you need
to borrow some money?
140
00:05:48,105 --> 00:05:50,100
Are you gambling again?
141
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,519
Look, after all the things
I've lost in break-ups,
142
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,481
karma-wise, this is all fair game.
143
00:05:56,647 --> 00:05:59,191
Okay, I've dated so many losers that,
144
00:05:59,316 --> 00:06:01,193
if relationship karma
was a real thing,
145
00:06:01,318 --> 00:06:03,195
I would be dating the actual Jesus
146
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,447
and not just some lookalike.
147
00:06:10,444 --> 00:06:12,037
So, after I broke the lamp,
I tried to shove it
148
00:06:12,162 --> 00:06:13,906
in the cabinet and broke the door,
149
00:06:14,031 --> 00:06:15,874
and then I took a screw
from the chair
150
00:06:15,999 --> 00:06:17,242
to fix the cabinet,
and that turned out
151
00:06:17,367 --> 00:06:21,047
to be, like,
a really important screw.
152
00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:23,248
Is it, mark?
153
00:06:23,373 --> 00:06:25,417
Mark?
154
00:06:25,542 --> 00:06:27,304
- Mark?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
155
00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:30,339
I wasn't listening to any of that.
156
00:06:30,464 --> 00:06:35,644
I can't multitask.
It's my one flaw.
157
00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:37,095
I don't know what's wrong with me.
158
00:06:37,220 --> 00:06:39,441
Roxanne's in my head
about keeping everything neat,
159
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:41,016
and she's doing me such a huge favor,
160
00:06:41,141 --> 00:06:42,184
I just don't want to ruin it.
161
00:06:42,309 --> 00:06:43,778
You really think
you can fix all this?
162
00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:47,239
Ha.
Lily, I'm a guy.
163
00:06:47,364 --> 00:06:51,119
I will never admit
that I can't fix something.
164
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:02,630
- Hey, mark.
- What up, bro?
165
00:07:02,796 --> 00:07:06,842
Are you drinking
while you're working out?
166
00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:09,387
I'm stronger when I'm drunk.
167
00:07:09,553 --> 00:07:10,879
Okay.
168
00:07:11,004 --> 00:07:13,381
Um, I just wanted
to ask you something
169
00:07:13,506 --> 00:07:15,226
about one of Alex's ex-girlfriends.
170
00:07:15,392 --> 00:07:18,570
Then you turn right around.
171
00:07:18,695 --> 00:07:20,205
Because Alex is my best friend.
172
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:21,523
His secrets are safe with me,
173
00:07:21,648 --> 00:07:24,319
and I'm not gonna sell him out
for some girl.
174
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,321
Okay, well,
175
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,146
I mean, how do you even know
that you know
176
00:07:28,271 --> 00:07:29,514
all of his secrets?
177
00:07:29,639 --> 00:07:32,751
I mean, I probably know
more about him than you do.
178
00:07:32,876 --> 00:07:35,080
I don't think so.
179
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,582
Well, do you know about Chloe?
180
00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:40,960
Uh, yeah.
181
00:07:41,126 --> 00:07:43,963
Well, did you know that they
went to Vegas together?
182
00:07:44,129 --> 00:07:47,248
Uh, yeah.
183
00:07:47,373 --> 00:07:50,428
And did you know
that they were engaged?
184
00:07:54,231 --> 00:07:55,850
They were engaged?
185
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:58,060
Uh-oh.
186
00:07:58,185 --> 00:08:00,629
Oh, God, no, no, no.
187
00:08:00,754 --> 00:08:04,740
It turns out
I'm weaker when I'm drunk.
188
00:08:06,993 --> 00:08:07,779
Okay.
189
00:08:08,445 --> 00:08:09,771
When were they engaged?
190
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,866
I mean, how long
were they engaged for?
191
00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:13,274
No, no, I'm not gonna tell you.
192
00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:16,578
And, please, don't tell Alex
that I told you.
193
00:08:16,703 --> 00:08:19,548
He's my BFF.
194
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:22,134
Please don't take away
that second "f".
195
00:08:22,259 --> 00:08:23,669
Hey...
196
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:26,338
Okay, no, I'm not gonna tell Alex.
197
00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:27,556
I am gonna give him the opportunity
198
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:29,091
to tell me himself.
199
00:08:29,216 --> 00:08:31,459
Okay, I...
I am gonna handle this
200
00:08:31,584 --> 00:08:32,720
like a lady.
201
00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:35,140
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
202
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:39,060
Don't handle this like a lady!
203
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:44,906
- Hey.
- Hey.
204
00:08:45,031 --> 00:08:48,026
So I'm working on this poem.
205
00:08:48,151 --> 00:08:50,612
You know, like ladies do.
206
00:08:50,779 --> 00:08:55,452
And I'm a little stuck.
207
00:08:55,618 --> 00:08:57,119
I was wondering...
Can you think of any words
208
00:08:57,244 --> 00:09:00,039
that rhyme with Beyonce?
209
00:09:00,205 --> 00:09:05,420
Ti-ance?
Li-ance?
210
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:09,965
I know about your fiancee.
211
00:09:10,090 --> 00:09:11,633
Oh, no.
212
00:09:11,758 --> 00:09:14,095
Oh, God.
Mark told you?
213
00:09:14,511 --> 00:09:16,888
Oh, okay, okay, look,
I'm... I'm so sorry.
214
00:09:17,013 --> 00:09:18,940
I was literally...
I was just gonna tell you
215
00:09:19,065 --> 00:09:20,675
about it, but then you asked me
216
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,178
for help with that poem.
217
00:09:23,303 --> 00:09:25,346
Okay.
You lied to me.
218
00:09:25,471 --> 00:09:27,733
All right, you referred to her
as your ex-girlfriend
219
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,069
when she was actually
your ex-Beyonce.
220
00:09:31,236 --> 00:09:33,205
All right, but Chloe and I
had a terrible relationship.
221
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:34,532
All right?
All we did was fight.
222
00:09:34,698 --> 00:09:37,959
Okay, then why aren't you
better at fighting?
223
00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:40,579
Okay, I mean, you were engaged
to this girl.
224
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:42,664
Getting engaged is, like,
the biggest decision
225
00:09:42,789 --> 00:09:44,833
you make as a man,
and you never told me?
226
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,753
All right, okay,
it wasn't a real engagement.
227
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,755
All right?
She was just always so needy
228
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,040
and clingy,
and then her grandfather died,
229
00:09:52,165 --> 00:09:54,926
and I wanted to make her feel better,
230
00:09:55,051 --> 00:09:58,046
but I panicked, so I...
231
00:09:58,171 --> 00:09:59,891
Proposed to her at the funeral.
232
00:10:01,524 --> 00:10:04,269
Okay, well, I don't think
Zales will be using that story
233
00:10:04,394 --> 00:10:06,731
any time soon.
234
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,490
Then I tried to break up
with her, like, a million times,
235
00:10:08,615 --> 00:10:09,891
but she was always so fragile,
236
00:10:10,016 --> 00:10:11,493
and I... I wanted to get out of it,
237
00:10:11,618 --> 00:10:12,494
but I didn't know what to do,
238
00:10:12,619 --> 00:10:14,696
so I panicked again,
239
00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:18,201
and I sent her a text.
240
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:22,788
- That is the worst.
- No, no.
241
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:26,000
No, that's not the worst.
242
00:10:26,166 --> 00:10:28,293
My text got autocorrected,
243
00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:32,297
so the last words she ever got
from me were,
244
00:10:32,422 --> 00:10:35,927
"sorry, I can't do this anal more."
245
00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:44,143
Okay, so there was no follow-up text?
246
00:10:44,309 --> 00:10:46,479
No.
I know.
247
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:47,929
And I feel terrible about it.
248
00:10:48,054 --> 00:10:51,150
Look, it's literally
the worst thing I've ever done.
249
00:10:51,316 --> 00:10:53,201
And I never wanted
to tell you about that,
250
00:10:53,326 --> 00:10:54,903
because I didn't want you to think
251
00:10:55,028 --> 00:10:56,656
that I was that bad of a guy.
252
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,874
I think all guys are bad.
253
00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:01,576
And, my God, no wonder
this poor girl never came
254
00:11:01,701 --> 00:11:02,828
to get her stuff back.
255
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:03,871
She was crushed.
256
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:06,291
You have got to return
this box to her.
257
00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,377
Or.
Or.
258
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:11,136
Or...
259
00:11:11,261 --> 00:11:12,971
I don't do that.
260
00:11:13,096 --> 00:11:17,260
And, instead, we both go get Sushi.
261
00:11:21,021 --> 00:11:23,598
Look, she probably doesn't
even want that stuff anymore.
262
00:11:23,723 --> 00:11:24,683
It's just a box of junk.
263
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,729
Okay.
264
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,690
And her grandfather's watch.
265
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:32,807
My God.
And look.
266
00:11:32,932 --> 00:11:36,571
It's engraved with some kind
of ancient language.
267
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,655
It's cursive.
268
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,120
Okay, well, until you return
this box to her,
269
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:46,671
some part of you is still that guy
270
00:11:46,796 --> 00:11:48,374
who treated her so badly.
271
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,508
Yeah.
272
00:11:50,633 --> 00:11:51,993
I do have to give this
back to her, huh?
273
00:11:52,118 --> 00:11:54,012
Yeah.
You need closure on this
274
00:11:54,137 --> 00:11:55,096
for yourself too.
275
00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:56,464
If you handle this now,
276
00:11:56,589 --> 00:12:00,011
you won't have to feel guilty
anal more.
277
00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:06,726
{pub}- Hey.
- Hello
278
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:07,818
roomie.
279
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:08,936
How was your day?
280
00:12:09,102 --> 00:12:11,888
Well, I accidentally hit "reply all"
281
00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:14,274
to an email, so now I have
six less friends.
282
00:12:14,441 --> 00:12:17,362
So pretty good.
283
00:12:17,528 --> 00:12:19,196
Hey, mark.
284
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:21,498
Look at you.
You put all your vitamins away.
285
00:12:21,623 --> 00:12:23,993
Yeah.
And I alphabetized them.
286
00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:25,285
I thought you'd like that.
287
00:12:25,452 --> 00:12:28,164
I do like that.
288
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,790
Hey.
Why don't you sit down,
289
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:33,711
and I'll get you a glass of wine
to put on a coaster.
290
00:12:33,877 --> 00:12:35,713
Thanks, Lil.
291
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:39,582
Wow, you know, I had my doubts
about us living together,
292
00:12:39,707 --> 00:12:40,767
but I shouldn't have.
293
00:12:40,892 --> 00:12:42,345
You heard me.
294
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,514
And that feels so just...
295
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,058
Okay.
There goes my hymen again.
296
00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:50,478
Well, it was more fun this time.
297
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,098
Okay, if you want to talk to Lily,
298
00:12:55,223 --> 00:12:56,192
just call her.
299
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:57,451
God, now I really can't.
300
00:12:57,576 --> 00:12:58,452
She's over her minutes.
301
00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:00,279
It'll cost me money.
302
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:02,906
Okay, you just need an excuse
to go over to Roxanne's.
303
00:13:03,031 --> 00:13:04,458
You know what,
go buy a bottle of lotion,
304
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:05,993
tell her she left it at your place.
305
00:13:06,159 --> 00:13:07,745
What if it's not the kind she uses?
306
00:13:07,911 --> 00:13:09,663
Okay, every girl has at least
30 bottles of lotion.
307
00:13:09,788 --> 00:13:13,543
I have six in my purse
right now just for my neck.
308
00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:14,718
Okay.
309
00:13:14,843 --> 00:13:16,546
Hey, where's Alex?
310
00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,256
I sent him to go patch things
up with his ex-girlfriend.
311
00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:21,258
Pretty sure Drew Barrymore
and Matthew McConaughey
312
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,810
are shooting this movie as we speak.
313
00:13:23,935 --> 00:13:26,129
Taylor swift is doing the music.
314
00:13:26,254 --> 00:13:28,765
And no one wants to go see it.
315
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:31,685
Thank you so much for meeting me.
316
00:13:31,852 --> 00:13:34,272
How have you been?
You still working at the bank?
317
00:13:34,438 --> 00:13:36,573
No, I haven't worked there in years.
318
00:13:36,698 --> 00:13:38,191
After the text,
319
00:13:38,316 --> 00:13:40,694
as me and my therapy group call it,
320
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:43,580
I sort of stopped showing up,
321
00:13:43,705 --> 00:13:46,816
so... they fired me.
322
00:13:46,941 --> 00:13:48,585
But that's okay.
323
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:53,499
The universe has a plan.
324
00:13:53,665 --> 00:13:55,926
God, I f... I feel terrible.
325
00:13:56,051 --> 00:13:57,994
- I'm so sorry, Chloe.
- No, it's okay.
326
00:13:58,119 --> 00:13:59,346
I mean, it was a pretty long commute
327
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:00,673
from my condo anyway.
328
00:14:00,839 --> 00:14:02,592
Oh, yeah, so you're
still living at the same place?
329
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:05,218
No.
No, after I drove my car
330
00:14:05,343 --> 00:14:07,638
into that park, the judge said
that I couldn't live alone.
331
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,892
So I moved in with my dad
and his new wife,
332
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,477
and she has a 16-year-old daughter,
333
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:14,861
and I share a room with her.
334
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:20,735
She... she draws penises
on my face when I'm sleeping.
335
00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:25,615
It's making me stronger.
336
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:29,285
Oh, well, um, hopefully,
337
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,378
this helps too.
338
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:32,955
This is yours.
339
00:14:33,121 --> 00:14:34,247
Sorry it took so long
340
00:14:34,372 --> 00:14:35,958
to get back to you.
341
00:14:36,124 --> 00:14:38,752
So you just came here
to return a box?
342
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,588
Okay.
343
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,673
Well, no, not just that.
344
00:14:43,798 --> 00:14:46,543
I-I... actually,
I wanted to apologize,
345
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:49,729
because I was young and stupid.
346
00:14:49,854 --> 00:14:51,264
You were
in a really vulnerable place,
347
00:14:51,389 --> 00:14:54,151
and so I'm sorry I acted like a jerk,
348
00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:56,729
and I-I really should have
handled it better.
349
00:14:56,895 --> 00:14:59,773
Wow.
Thank you for saying that.
350
00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:05,612
You've really matured, Alexander.
351
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,697
You know, I was kind of on the fence
352
00:15:07,822 --> 00:15:10,900
about us getting back together,
but what the hell?
353
00:15:11,025 --> 00:15:13,371
Let's do it.
354
00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:14,921
Let's call my therapy group
355
00:15:15,046 --> 00:15:17,834
and be like, "suck it, fatties."
356
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:23,880
No, no.
No, look, that's not...
357
00:15:24,005 --> 00:15:25,591
We're having closure.
358
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:28,418
Oh, well, I don't want closure.
359
00:15:28,543 --> 00:15:32,755
I mean, I want to get out
of that bunk bed.
360
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,226
Chloe, I have a girlfriend.
361
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:37,677
Girlfriend.
362
00:15:37,802 --> 00:15:40,981
Wow, that was quick.
363
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:45,611
- Oh.
- Four years.
364
00:15:45,777 --> 00:15:47,821
Yeah, and I've been faithful.
365
00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:50,773
I mean, unless you count the
disturbingly accurate penises
366
00:15:50,898 --> 00:15:53,035
that were drawn on my face.
367
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:57,230
Wow.
368
00:15:57,355 --> 00:16:02,168
The chair, the lamp,
and the cabinet door?
369
00:16:02,335 --> 00:16:04,671
I mean, is there anything else
I should know about?
370
00:16:04,838 --> 00:16:06,674
I don't know.
I just...
371
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,217
Lily is fresh off a break-up.
372
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:10,219
She's afraid
that you're gonna dump her too.
373
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:12,896
Okay, mark,
clearly you don't understand
374
00:16:13,021 --> 00:16:14,932
how female friendships work.
375
00:16:15,098 --> 00:16:20,438
Well, I own every season
Gilmore Gals on DVD.
376
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,356
You're afraid you make
one little mistake,
377
00:16:23,481 --> 00:16:27,244
and Roxanne's gonna stop
being your friend.
378
00:16:27,369 --> 00:16:28,912
Watch this.
379
00:16:29,037 --> 00:16:32,241
Lily, throw this on the ground.
380
00:16:32,407 --> 00:16:33,784
What?
No, she'll hate me.
381
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:36,454
See.
Throw it on the ground.
382
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,748
Mark, please don't tell her
to break my things.
383
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,090
Come on.
Throw it.
384
00:16:40,215 --> 00:16:41,459
Throw it.
385
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,419
Throw it, throw it, throw it.
386
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:45,545
Ooh!
387
00:16:45,712 --> 00:16:46,923
You guys still friends?
388
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:49,182
With her? Yes.
389
00:16:49,307 --> 00:16:53,095
But not with you.
390
00:16:55,246 --> 00:16:57,266
- God, that feels good.
- Yeah.
391
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:58,642
You need to loosen up too.
392
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,603
You can't control everything.
393
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:04,230
Break this plate.
Oh.
394
00:17:04,397 --> 00:17:07,567
- Okay.
- Okay, I'm done. I'm done.
395
00:17:07,734 --> 00:17:09,402
Mark, it is not gonna happen.
396
00:17:09,569 --> 00:17:11,854
Just because there are
no rings on your coffee table
397
00:17:11,979 --> 00:17:13,907
does not mean everything
in your life is in order.
398
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:15,534
Bad things are gonna happen to you,
399
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,952
- and some day you're gonna die.
- Just...
400
00:17:17,118 --> 00:17:20,956
Whoa!
401
00:17:21,122 --> 00:17:22,716
I'm not gonna lie, you guys,
402
00:17:22,841 --> 00:17:26,337
this is really working for me.
403
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:28,629
Who wants to take their shirts off?
404
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,678
You're an idiot.
405
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:35,895
And, you know what, so are you.
406
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:37,515
I wouldn't stop being friends
with you
407
00:17:37,681 --> 00:17:38,932
just because you don't understand
408
00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:41,101
the rudimentary elements of
living with another human being.
409
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,521
Okay, I do have some work to do.
410
00:17:45,780 --> 00:17:47,483
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Neal.
411
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,402
Oh, looks like living
together's going well.
412
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:50,493
Hey.
413
00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:53,163
It's so good to see you.
414
00:17:53,288 --> 00:17:54,573
What's up?
415
00:17:54,739 --> 00:17:56,282
Oh, I wanted to give you this lotion
416
00:17:56,407 --> 00:17:57,743
you left in our bathroom.
417
00:17:57,909 --> 00:17:59,836
Oh, my God.
418
00:17:59,961 --> 00:18:03,289
I have literally
been missing this every day.
419
00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:05,091
And I didn't want to ask,
because I thought
420
00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:06,877
it would be weird.
421
00:18:07,043 --> 00:18:09,479
It's not weird,
422
00:18:09,604 --> 00:18:11,965
and, hey, look,
we got through the first time.
423
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,850
Good, so now we can see each other
424
00:18:13,975 --> 00:18:15,802
and call and text whenever.
425
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,520
Great.
You know what's good for me
426
00:18:17,645 --> 00:18:20,099
is free nights and weekends.
427
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,934
So...
428
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:25,729
So what are you guys doing?
429
00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,948
I am fixing things
between Roxanne and Lily,
430
00:18:29,073 --> 00:18:31,284
and, if you hadn't walked in
when you did,
431
00:18:31,409 --> 00:18:34,447
it could have gotten amazing
between the three of us.
432
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:37,707
I would like to point out
that a new bottle of lotion
433
00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:42,212
has been thrown into the mix.
434
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:52,121
Hey.
435
00:18:52,246 --> 00:18:54,050
How'd it go with Chloe?
436
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:58,511
Well, she thought
we were getting back together,
437
00:18:58,636 --> 00:19:02,148
so I had to break up with her
all over again.
438
00:19:02,273 --> 00:19:07,480
Then we just had
some really hot breakup sex.
439
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,857
Hasn't that poor girl
been through enough?
440
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,077
Hey, look, thanks
for not freaking out
441
00:19:14,202 --> 00:19:18,365
about this like I know
you're totally capable of doing.
442
00:19:18,531 --> 00:19:20,917
Come on, this is
not the first secret fiancee
443
00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:24,704
I've discovered.
My dad had three.
444
00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:25,998
Well, anyway, you're right.
445
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,824
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
446
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,175
I mean, you were 26.
447
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,660
If we're gonna judge each other
based on the things
448
00:19:30,785 --> 00:19:33,413
we were doing when we were 26...
449
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:35,715
Let's just not.
450
00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:38,594
Okay, well, there is one more thing
that I want to say about this.
451
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,597
Are you sure?
'Cause we've talked about this a lot.
452
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,524
No, I just...
I don't know.
453
00:19:44,649 --> 00:19:46,593
I guess it just kind of bothers me
454
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,945
that I will never be the first girl
455
00:19:49,070 --> 00:19:50,897
that you propose to.
456
00:19:51,022 --> 00:19:52,198
So...
457
00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:53,359
I know that's stupid.
458
00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:55,535
No, that's the sweetest thing
459
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,612
that you've ever said to me.
460
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:58,922
- Really?
- Yeah.
461
00:19:59,047 --> 00:20:02,959
You don't really say
that many sweet things to me.
462
00:20:03,084 --> 00:20:05,995
Well, if makes you feel any better,
463
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:09,041
I don't think them either.
464
00:20:14,759 --> 00:20:16,382
{pub}Hi, I'm Chloe.
465
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,608
Hi. Oh!
You know where we live.
466
00:20:19,733 --> 00:20:21,993
That's so great.
467
00:20:22,118 --> 00:20:24,312
Oh, come on in.
468
00:20:24,437 --> 00:20:26,815
I just wanted to return this to Alex.
469
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,978
- Okay.
- Um...
470
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:32,398
There's nothing in here.
471
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,732
Yeah, I know.
472
00:20:33,898 --> 00:20:36,341
I just wanted to return the box
that my stuff was in.
473
00:20:36,466 --> 00:20:38,237
Closure.
474
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:44,702
And I just wanted to see
if you were prettier than me.
475
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,897
So...
476
00:20:49,807 --> 00:20:51,250
Yeah, I'm good.
477
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:56,422
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