1
00:00:06,313 --> 00:00:10,192
Yeah, okay.
2
00:00:10,317 --> 00:00:11,410
[Sighs]
So does Alex keep
3
00:00:11,535 --> 00:00:14,964
his tax returns in a folder or a box?
4
00:00:15,089 --> 00:00:16,832
I don't know.
I never come down here.
5
00:00:16,957 --> 00:00:19,435
I have a mild case of claustrophobia,
6
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:22,221
so the last time I was
in a space this dark and small,
7
00:00:22,346 --> 00:00:25,011
I ate my twin.
8
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,112
Okay.
This isn't so bad.
9
00:00:29,278 --> 00:00:31,647
Whit, look, I know
that you've been talking
10
00:00:31,772 --> 00:00:33,032
to Lily, and...
11
00:00:33,198 --> 00:00:34,549
Look, Neal, I don't want
12
00:00:34,674 --> 00:00:36,986
you and Lily's break-up
to affect our relationship.
13
00:00:37,111 --> 00:00:40,832
I want to make sure that
we always stay acquaintances.
14
00:00:40,998 --> 00:00:43,242
No, Lily is still
on my cell phone plan.
15
00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:45,444
You guys talk and text way too much.
16
00:00:45,569 --> 00:00:46,963
What, are you guys planning a heist?
17
00:00:47,129 --> 00:00:48,715
Why don't you just tell her
to get her own plan?
18
00:00:48,881 --> 00:00:51,134
'Cause I haven't really talked
to her since we broke up,
19
00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:53,786
and I can't call her
for the first time about this.
20
00:00:53,911 --> 00:00:55,221
I'll seem like a jerk.
21
00:00:55,387 --> 00:00:56,705
You just need, like, a casual run-in.
22
00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:58,257
You know, just go some place
where she always goes.
23
00:00:58,382 --> 00:00:59,758
It makes it less weird,
'cause there's nothing
24
00:00:59,883 --> 00:01:00,909
more awkward than seeing your ex
25
00:01:01,034 --> 00:01:02,344
for the first time after a break-up.
26
00:01:02,469 --> 00:01:04,731
That's why I never watch Lockup.
27
00:01:04,897 --> 00:01:08,267
Hey, is this stuff yours?
28
00:01:08,392 --> 00:01:11,604
No.
I don't wear scrunchies
29
00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:13,806
or short shorts.
30
00:01:13,931 --> 00:01:15,224
Or tube tops.
31
00:01:15,349 --> 00:01:16,442
You know what this means?
32
00:01:16,567 --> 00:01:19,695
Somewhere, Heather Graham is naked.
33
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:21,498
Oh, snap.
34
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:25,367
This must be stuff from one
of Alex's old girlfriends.
35
00:01:25,492 --> 00:01:27,569
This is an Xbox.
36
00:01:27,694 --> 00:01:30,289
Whoa.
37
00:01:30,414 --> 00:01:31,540
This is them in Paris.
38
00:01:31,665 --> 00:01:33,375
They went to Paris together?
39
00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,111
And Italy?
40
00:01:36,236 --> 00:01:38,580
And to see the pyramids?
41
00:01:38,705 --> 00:01:41,309
Whitney, those are all in Vegas.
44
00:01:49,191 --> 00:01:52,794
- Hey, roomie.
- Hey, roomie.
45
00:01:52,919 --> 00:01:54,897
Did you just cut your hair
46
00:01:55,022 --> 00:01:56,699
in the bathroom?
47
00:01:56,865 --> 00:01:58,384
Oh, yeah.
48
00:01:58,509 --> 00:01:59,994
What do you think?
49
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,038
I think it looks great there
on your head.
50
00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:06,417
A little less great on my toothbrush.
51
00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:08,160
Oh.
Oh, my God.
52
00:02:08,285 --> 00:02:09,611
That was totally my bad.
53
00:02:09,736 --> 00:02:10,922
It will not happen again.
54
00:02:11,088 --> 00:02:12,915
Oh, good, good.
Good, Lil.
55
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,450
Thank you.
56
00:02:14,575 --> 00:02:15,784
How great is it that we can just say
57
00:02:15,909 --> 00:02:18,012
these things to each other,
and it's not weird,
58
00:02:18,178 --> 00:02:19,688
- you know?
- Yeah.
59
00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:22,257
Like, I could just say,
"we don't keep
60
00:02:22,382 --> 00:02:23,893
our vitamins all over the end table."
61
00:02:24,059 --> 00:02:26,938
Just...
62
00:02:27,104 --> 00:02:30,099
Or, "hey, here's
where I keep the coasters."
63
00:02:30,224 --> 00:02:32,986
Hello.
64
00:02:33,152 --> 00:02:34,186
But your coasters are so cute.
65
00:02:34,311 --> 00:02:37,022
I didn't want to leave a ring on 'em.
66
00:02:37,147 --> 00:02:39,409
Okay.
67
00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:47,866
Okay, now I got to find
a new home for all of you.
68
00:02:47,991 --> 00:02:49,618
[Gasps]
69
00:02:49,743 --> 00:02:50,878
Lil?
70
00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:52,121
You all right?
71
00:02:52,246 --> 00:02:58,052
Uh, yeah, I just broke my... laptop.
72
00:02:58,218 --> 00:02:59,828
Crap.
73
00:02:59,953 --> 00:03:03,349
Now I got to break my laptop.
74
00:03:05,092 --> 00:03:07,219
Hey.
75
00:03:07,344 --> 00:03:10,522
Hey.
76
00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:12,150
Hey?
77
00:03:16,069 --> 00:03:18,323
Hey.
78
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:22,601
Heyyy...
79
00:03:22,726 --> 00:03:25,070
It's really no biggie.
80
00:03:25,195 --> 00:03:27,573
That's just
from an old girlfriend Chloe.
81
00:03:27,698 --> 00:03:29,542
Who is Chloe?
82
00:03:29,708 --> 00:03:31,419
Haven't I mentioned Chloe?
I must have mentioned her.
83
00:03:31,585 --> 00:03:33,529
No, and I have a very special gift
84
00:03:33,654 --> 00:03:36,081
for remembering ex-girlfriends...
Fiona, Jillian, and Kiki,
85
00:03:36,206 --> 00:03:38,283
the backup dancer
who still to this day
86
00:03:38,408 --> 00:03:41,721
is the only reason I go to the gym.
87
00:03:41,887 --> 00:03:44,056
Come on, you can't expect me
to remember
88
00:03:44,181 --> 00:03:45,600
every girl I ever dated.
89
00:03:45,766 --> 00:03:49,437
Okay, David spade.
90
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:55,434
And you didn't just date her.
91
00:03:55,559 --> 00:03:56,935
I mean, you took her to Vegas.
92
00:03:57,060 --> 00:03:58,988
You don't have a box
full of my stuff.
93
00:03:59,154 --> 00:04:04,059
Yeah, I do.
I live in it.
94
00:04:04,184 --> 00:04:05,119
Look, all right, come on,
95
00:04:05,285 --> 00:04:06,478
so, what, I dated Chloe.
96
00:04:06,603 --> 00:04:07,696
I also kissed a girl
in the sixth grade.
97
00:04:07,821 --> 00:04:08,930
Her name was Mary.
Should I have told you
98
00:04:09,055 --> 00:04:10,833
- about that too?
- You did tell me about that.
99
00:04:10,999 --> 00:04:13,602
Okay, we had a conversation
about all our serious exes.
100
00:04:13,727 --> 00:04:15,004
Why did you lie about her?
101
00:04:15,170 --> 00:04:16,905
No.
It wasn't a lie.
102
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:18,624
Okay, I didn't mention it,
103
00:04:18,749 --> 00:04:22,679
so, technically, that is an omission.
104
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,113
Yeah.
Talk down to me.
105
00:04:25,238 --> 00:04:29,769
That always works out well for you.
106
00:04:29,935 --> 00:04:32,137
And people only omit things
that they know
107
00:04:32,262 --> 00:04:33,388
are gonna get them in trouble.
108
00:04:33,513 --> 00:04:35,191
I never omit anything.
109
00:04:35,357 --> 00:04:36,308
Okay, in all fairness,
110
00:04:36,433 --> 00:04:37,676
how could you
possibly ever omit anything?
111
00:04:37,801 --> 00:04:39,946
You never stop talking.
112
00:04:40,112 --> 00:04:41,963
Okay.
113
00:04:42,088 --> 00:04:44,033
One fight at a time.
114
00:04:44,199 --> 00:04:44,983
I'm sorry.
I'll just...
115
00:04:45,108 --> 00:04:46,119
I'll get rid of the box, all right?
116
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,436
No, no, I'm gonna keep this box here
117
00:04:47,561 --> 00:04:49,747
until I figure out
why you're acting so weird.
118
00:04:49,913 --> 00:04:51,499
- No, I'm not acting weird.
- So very weird.
119
00:04:51,665 --> 00:04:54,159
You're weird.
120
00:04:54,284 --> 00:04:55,694
You're acting so weird, I half expect
121
00:04:55,819 --> 00:04:56,978
there to be another box
in the basement
122
00:04:57,103 --> 00:04:59,632
filled with pieces of Chloe.
123
00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:01,650
Nope.
124
00:05:01,775 --> 00:05:05,430
I never wanted to dismember
any of my girlfriends.
125
00:05:06,430 --> 00:05:08,057
Until very, very recently.
126
00:05:11,643 --> 00:05:13,354
{pub}Can you believe Alex's
trying to pass these off
127
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:15,565
as an omission, and not a lie?
128
00:05:15,731 --> 00:05:16,774
An omission is a lie.
129
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:18,566
Exactly.
130
00:05:18,691 --> 00:05:21,154
Man, I wish we could date.
131
00:05:23,696 --> 00:05:25,450
I'm almost there.
132
00:05:27,534 --> 00:05:29,227
I mean, I need to figure out
why he didn't tell me
133
00:05:29,352 --> 00:05:31,162
about this Chloe girl,
and I think the answer
134
00:05:31,287 --> 00:05:33,481
might be in this box.
135
00:05:33,606 --> 00:05:36,210
[Clears throat]
Ooh!
136
00:05:36,376 --> 00:05:37,628
What are you doing?
137
00:05:37,794 --> 00:05:40,298
Shopping.
138
00:05:40,464 --> 00:05:41,322
These are cute.
139
00:05:41,447 --> 00:05:45,720
Oh, oh, I like that bracelet.
140
00:05:45,886 --> 00:05:48,480
Roxanne, do you need
to borrow some money?
141
00:05:48,605 --> 00:05:50,600
Are you gambling again?
142
00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:54,019
Look, after all the things
I've lost in break-ups,
143
00:05:54,144 --> 00:05:56,981
karma-wise, this is all fair game.
144
00:05:57,147 --> 00:05:59,691
Okay, I've dated so many losers that,
145
00:05:59,816 --> 00:06:01,693
if relationship karma
was a real thing,
146
00:06:01,818 --> 00:06:03,695
I would be dating the actual Jesus
147
00:06:03,820 --> 00:06:04,947
and not just some lookalike.
148
00:06:05,113 --> 00:06:07,950
[Laughs]
149
00:06:10,944 --> 00:06:12,537
So, after I broke the lamp,
I tried to shove it
150
00:06:12,662 --> 00:06:14,406
in the cabinet and broke the door,
151
00:06:14,531 --> 00:06:16,374
and then I took a screw
from the chair
152
00:06:16,499 --> 00:06:17,742
to fix the cabinet,
and that turned out
153
00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:21,547
to be, like,
a really important screw.
154
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:23,748
Is it, mark?
155
00:06:23,873 --> 00:06:25,917
Mark?
156
00:06:26,042 --> 00:06:27,804
- Mark?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
157
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,839
I wasn't listening to any of that.
158
00:06:30,964 --> 00:06:36,144
I can't multitask.
It's my one flaw.
159
00:06:36,269 --> 00:06:37,595
I don't know what's wrong with me.
160
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:39,941
Roxanne's in my head
about keeping everything neat,
161
00:06:40,107 --> 00:06:41,516
and she's doing me such a huge favor,
162
00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:42,684
I just don't want to ruin it.
163
00:06:42,809 --> 00:06:44,278
You really think
you can fix all this?
164
00:06:44,444 --> 00:06:47,739
Ha.
Lily, I'm a guy.
165
00:06:47,864 --> 00:06:51,619
I will never admit
that I can't fix something.
166
00:06:56,472 --> 00:07:01,295
[Knock at door]
167
00:07:01,461 --> 00:07:03,130
- Hey, mark.
- What up, bro?
168
00:07:03,296 --> 00:07:07,342
Are you drinking
while you're working out?
169
00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:09,887
I'm stronger when I'm drunk.
170
00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:11,379
Okay.
171
00:07:11,504 --> 00:07:13,881
Um, I just wanted
to ask you something
172
00:07:14,006 --> 00:07:15,726
about one of Alex's ex-girlfriends.
173
00:07:15,892 --> 00:07:19,070
Then you turn right around.
174
00:07:19,195 --> 00:07:20,705
Because Alex is my best friend.
175
00:07:20,830 --> 00:07:22,023
His secrets are safe with me,
176
00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:24,819
and I'm not gonna sell him out
for some girl.
177
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:26,821
Okay, well,
178
00:07:26,987 --> 00:07:28,646
I mean, how do you even know
that you know
179
00:07:28,771 --> 00:07:30,014
all of his secrets?
180
00:07:30,139 --> 00:07:33,251
I mean, I probably know
more about him than you do.
181
00:07:33,376 --> 00:07:35,580
I don't think so.
182
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:38,082
Well, do you know about Chloe?
183
00:07:38,248 --> 00:07:41,460
Uh, yeah.
184
00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:44,463
Well, did you know that they
went to Vegas together?
185
00:07:44,629 --> 00:07:47,748
Uh, yeah.
186
00:07:47,873 --> 00:07:50,928
And did you know
that they were engaged?
187
00:07:54,731 --> 00:07:56,350
They were engaged?
188
00:07:56,516 --> 00:07:58,560
Uh-oh.
189
00:07:58,685 --> 00:08:01,129
Oh, God, no, no, no.
190
00:08:01,254 --> 00:08:05,240
It turns out
I'm weaker when I'm drunk.
191
00:08:07,493 --> 00:08:08,279
Okay.
192
00:08:08,945 --> 00:08:10,271
When were they engaged?
193
00:08:10,396 --> 00:08:12,366
I mean, how long
were they engaged for?
194
00:08:12,532 --> 00:08:13,774
No, no, I'm not gonna tell you.
195
00:08:13,899 --> 00:08:17,078
And, please, don't tell Alex
that I told you.
196
00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:20,048
He's my BFF.
197
00:08:20,173 --> 00:08:22,634
Please don't take away
that second "f".
198
00:08:22,759 --> 00:08:24,169
Hey...
199
00:08:24,294 --> 00:08:26,838
Okay, no, I'm not gonna tell Alex.
200
00:08:26,963 --> 00:08:28,056
I am gonna give him the opportunity
201
00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:29,591
to tell me himself.
202
00:08:29,716 --> 00:08:31,959
Okay, I...
I am gonna handle this
203
00:08:32,084 --> 00:08:33,220
like a lady.
204
00:08:33,386 --> 00:08:35,640
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
205
00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:39,560
Don't handle this like a lady!
206
00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:42,437
[Television chatter]
207
00:08:42,562 --> 00:08:45,406
- Hey.
- Hey.
208
00:08:45,531 --> 00:08:48,526
So I'm working on this poem.
209
00:08:48,651 --> 00:08:51,112
You know, like ladies do.
210
00:08:51,279 --> 00:08:55,952
And I'm a little stuck.
211
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:57,619
I was wondering...
Can you think of any words
212
00:08:57,744 --> 00:09:00,539
that rhyme with Beyonce?
213
00:09:00,705 --> 00:09:05,920
Ti-ance?
Li-ance?
214
00:09:06,086 --> 00:09:10,465
I know about your fiancee.
215
00:09:10,590 --> 00:09:12,133
Oh, no.
216
00:09:12,258 --> 00:09:14,595
Oh, God.
Mark told you?
217
00:09:15,011 --> 00:09:17,388
Oh, okay, okay, look,
I'm... I'm so sorry.
218
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,440
I was literally...
I was just gonna tell you
219
00:09:19,565 --> 00:09:21,175
about it, but then you asked me
220
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:23,678
for help with that poem.
221
00:09:23,803 --> 00:09:25,846
Okay.
You lied to me.
222
00:09:25,971 --> 00:09:28,233
All right, you referred to her
as your ex-girlfriend
223
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,569
when she was actually
your ex-Beyonce.
224
00:09:31,736 --> 00:09:33,705
All right, but Chloe and I
had a terrible relationship.
225
00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:35,032
All right?
All we did was fight.
226
00:09:35,198 --> 00:09:38,459
Okay, then why aren't you
better at fighting?
227
00:09:38,584 --> 00:09:41,079
Okay, I mean, you were engaged
to this girl.
228
00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:43,164
Getting engaged is, like,
the biggest decision
229
00:09:43,289 --> 00:09:45,333
you make as a man,
and you never told me?
230
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,253
All right, okay,
it wasn't a real engagement.
231
00:09:48,378 --> 00:09:50,255
All right?
She was just always so needy
232
00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:52,540
and clingy,
and then her grandfather died,
233
00:09:52,665 --> 00:09:55,426
and I wanted to make her feel better,
234
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:58,546
but I panicked, so I...
235
00:09:58,671 --> 00:10:00,391
Proposed to her at the funeral.
236
00:10:02,024 --> 00:10:04,769
Okay, well, I don't think
Zales will be using that story
237
00:10:04,894 --> 00:10:07,231
any time soon.
238
00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:08,990
Then I tried to break up
with her, like, a million times,
239
00:10:09,115 --> 00:10:10,391
but she was always so fragile,
240
00:10:10,516 --> 00:10:11,993
and I... I wanted to get out of it,
241
00:10:12,118 --> 00:10:12,994
but I didn't know what to do,
242
00:10:13,119 --> 00:10:15,196
so I panicked again,
243
00:10:15,321 --> 00:10:18,701
and I sent her a text.
244
00:10:20,293 --> 00:10:23,288
- That is the worst.
- No, no.
245
00:10:23,455 --> 00:10:26,500
No, that's not the worst.
246
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:28,793
My text got autocorrected,
247
00:10:28,918 --> 00:10:32,797
so the last words she ever got
from me were,
248
00:10:32,922 --> 00:10:36,427
"sorry, I can't do this anal more."
249
00:10:42,348 --> 00:10:44,643
Okay, so there was no follow-up text?
250
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:46,979
No.
I know.
251
00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:48,429
And I feel terrible about it.
252
00:10:48,554 --> 00:10:51,650
Look, it's literally
the worst thing I've ever done.
253
00:10:51,816 --> 00:10:53,701
And I never wanted
to tell you about that,
254
00:10:53,826 --> 00:10:55,403
because I didn't want you to think
255
00:10:55,528 --> 00:10:57,156
that I was that bad of a guy.
256
00:10:57,322 --> 00:10:59,374
I think all guys are bad.
257
00:10:59,499 --> 00:11:02,076
And, my God, no wonder
this poor girl never came
258
00:11:02,201 --> 00:11:03,328
to get her stuff back.
259
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:04,371
She was crushed.
260
00:11:04,537 --> 00:11:06,791
You have got to return
this box to her.
261
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:09,877
Or.
Or.
262
00:11:10,043 --> 00:11:11,636
Or...
263
00:11:11,761 --> 00:11:13,471
I don't do that.
264
00:11:13,596 --> 00:11:17,760
And, instead, we both go get Sushi.
265
00:11:21,521 --> 00:11:24,098
Look, she probably doesn't
even want that stuff anymore.
266
00:11:24,223 --> 00:11:25,183
It's just a box of junk.
267
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:28,229
Okay.
268
00:11:28,395 --> 00:11:31,190
[Sighs]
And her grandfather's watch.
269
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:33,307
My God.
And look.
270
00:11:33,432 --> 00:11:37,071
It's engraved with some kind
of ancient language.
271
00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:40,155
It's cursive.
272
00:11:44,411 --> 00:11:45,620
Okay, well, until you return
this box to her,
273
00:11:45,745 --> 00:11:47,171
some part of you is still that guy
274
00:11:47,296 --> 00:11:48,874
who treated her so badly.
275
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:51,008
Yeah.
276
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,493
I do have to give this
back to her, huh?
277
00:11:52,618 --> 00:11:54,512
Yeah.
You need closure on this
278
00:11:54,637 --> 00:11:55,596
for yourself too.
279
00:11:55,721 --> 00:11:56,964
If you handle this now,
280
00:11:57,089 --> 00:12:00,511
you won't have to feel guilty
anal more.
281
00:12:06,141 --> 00:12:07,226
{pub}- Hey.
- Hello
282
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:08,318
roomie.
283
00:12:08,443 --> 00:12:09,436
How was your day?
284
00:12:09,602 --> 00:12:12,388
Well, I accidentally hit "reply all"
285
00:12:12,513 --> 00:12:14,774
to an email, so now I have
six less friends.
286
00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:17,862
So pretty good.
287
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,696
Hey, mark.
288
00:12:19,821 --> 00:12:21,998
Look at you.
You put all your vitamins away.
289
00:12:22,123 --> 00:12:24,493
Yeah.
And I alphabetized them.
290
00:12:24,659 --> 00:12:25,785
I thought you'd like that.
291
00:12:25,952 --> 00:12:28,664
I do like that.
292
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:30,290
Hey.
Why don't you sit down,
293
00:12:30,415 --> 00:12:34,211
and I'll get you a glass of wine
to put on a coaster.
294
00:12:34,377 --> 00:12:36,213
Thanks, Lil.
295
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:40,082
Wow, you know, I had my doubts
about us living together,
296
00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:41,267
but I shouldn't have.
297
00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:42,845
You heard me.
298
00:12:43,011 --> 00:12:45,014
And that feels so just...
[Gasps]
299
00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:48,558
Okay.
There goes my hymen again.
300
00:12:48,683 --> 00:12:50,978
Well, it was more fun this time.
301
00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,598
Okay, if you want to talk to Lily,
302
00:12:55,723 --> 00:12:56,692
just call her.
303
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:57,951
God, now I really can't.
304
00:12:58,076 --> 00:12:58,952
She's over her minutes.
305
00:12:59,077 --> 00:13:00,779
It'll cost me money.
306
00:13:00,945 --> 00:13:03,406
Okay, you just need an excuse
to go over to Roxanne's.
307
00:13:03,531 --> 00:13:04,958
You know what,
go buy a bottle of lotion,
308
00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:06,493
tell her she left it at your place.
309
00:13:06,659 --> 00:13:08,245
What if it's not the kind she uses?
310
00:13:08,411 --> 00:13:10,163
Okay, every girl has at least
30 bottles of lotion.
311
00:13:10,288 --> 00:13:14,043
I have six in my purse
right now just for my neck.
312
00:13:14,209 --> 00:13:15,218
Okay.
313
00:13:15,343 --> 00:13:17,046
Hey, where's Alex?
314
00:13:17,212 --> 00:13:19,756
I sent him to go patch things
up with his ex-girlfriend.
315
00:13:19,881 --> 00:13:21,758
Pretty sure Drew Barrymore
and Matthew McConaughey
316
00:13:21,883 --> 00:13:24,310
are shooting this movie as we speak.
317
00:13:24,435 --> 00:13:26,629
Taylor swift is doing the music.
318
00:13:26,754 --> 00:13:29,265
And no one wants to go see it.
319
00:13:29,390 --> 00:13:32,185
Thank you so much for meeting me.
320
00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:34,772
How have you been?
You still working at the bank?
321
00:13:34,938 --> 00:13:37,073
No, I haven't worked there in years.
322
00:13:37,198 --> 00:13:38,691
After the text,
323
00:13:38,816 --> 00:13:41,194
as me and my therapy group call it,
324
00:13:41,319 --> 00:13:44,080
I sort of stopped showing up,
325
00:13:44,205 --> 00:13:47,316
so... they fired me.
326
00:13:47,441 --> 00:13:49,085
But that's okay.
327
00:13:49,210 --> 00:13:53,999
The universe has a plan.
328
00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,426
God, I f... I feel terrible.
329
00:13:56,551 --> 00:13:58,494
- I'm so sorry, Chloe.
- No, it's okay.
330
00:13:58,619 --> 00:13:59,846
I mean, it was a pretty long commute
331
00:13:59,971 --> 00:14:01,173
from my condo anyway.
332
00:14:01,339 --> 00:14:03,092
Oh, yeah, so you're
still living at the same place?
333
00:14:03,258 --> 00:14:05,718
No.
No, after I drove my car
334
00:14:05,843 --> 00:14:08,138
into that park, the judge said
that I couldn't live alone.
335
00:14:10,140 --> 00:14:12,392
So I moved in with my dad
and his new wife,
336
00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:13,977
and she has a 16-year-old daughter,
337
00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:15,361
and I share a room with her.
338
00:14:15,486 --> 00:14:21,235
She... she draws penises
on my face when I'm sleeping.
339
00:14:22,902 --> 00:14:26,115
It's making me stronger.
340
00:14:26,281 --> 00:14:29,785
Oh, well, um, hopefully,
341
00:14:29,951 --> 00:14:31,878
this helps too.
342
00:14:32,003 --> 00:14:33,455
This is yours.
343
00:14:33,621 --> 00:14:34,747
Sorry it took so long
344
00:14:34,872 --> 00:14:36,458
to get back to you.
345
00:14:36,624 --> 00:14:39,252
So you just came here
to return a box?
346
00:14:39,377 --> 00:14:42,088
Okay.
347
00:14:42,255 --> 00:14:44,173
Well, no, not just that.
348
00:14:44,298 --> 00:14:47,043
I-I... actually,
I wanted to apologize,
349
00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:50,229
because I was young and stupid.
350
00:14:50,354 --> 00:14:51,764
You were
in a really vulnerable place,
351
00:14:51,889 --> 00:14:54,651
and so I'm sorry I acted like a jerk,
352
00:14:54,776 --> 00:14:57,229
and I-I really should have
handled it better.
353
00:14:57,395 --> 00:15:00,273
Wow.
Thank you for saying that.
354
00:15:00,398 --> 00:15:06,112
You've really matured, Alexander.
355
00:15:06,279 --> 00:15:08,197
You know, I was kind of on the fence
356
00:15:08,322 --> 00:15:11,400
about us getting back together,
but what the hell?
357
00:15:11,525 --> 00:15:13,871
Let's do it.
358
00:15:14,037 --> 00:15:15,421
Let's call my therapy group
359
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:18,334
and be like, "suck it, fatties."
360
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:24,380
No, no.
No, look, that's not...
361
00:15:24,505 --> 00:15:26,091
We're having closure.
362
00:15:26,257 --> 00:15:28,918
Oh, well, I don't want closure.
363
00:15:29,043 --> 00:15:33,255
I mean, I want to get out
of that bunk bed.
364
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:35,726
Chloe, I have a girlfriend.
365
00:15:35,892 --> 00:15:38,177
Girlfriend.
366
00:15:38,302 --> 00:15:41,481
Wow, that was quick.
367
00:15:41,648 --> 00:15:46,111
- Oh.
- Four years.
368
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:48,321
Yeah, and I've been faithful.
369
00:15:48,446 --> 00:15:51,273
I mean, unless you count the
disturbingly accurate penises
370
00:15:51,398 --> 00:15:53,535
that were drawn on my face.
371
00:15:53,701 --> 00:15:57,730
Wow.
372
00:15:57,855 --> 00:16:02,668
The chair, the lamp,
and the cabinet door?
373
00:16:02,835 --> 00:16:05,171
I mean, is there anything else
I should know about?
374
00:16:05,338 --> 00:16:07,174
I don't know.
I just...
375
00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:08,717
Lily is fresh off a break-up.
376
00:16:08,883 --> 00:16:10,719
She's afraid
that you're gonna dump her too.
377
00:16:10,885 --> 00:16:13,396
Okay, mark,
clearly you don't understand
378
00:16:13,521 --> 00:16:15,432
how female friendships work.
379
00:16:15,598 --> 00:16:20,938
Well, I own every season
Gilmore Gals on DVD.
380
00:16:21,104 --> 00:16:23,856
You're afraid you make
one little mistake,
381
00:16:23,981 --> 00:16:27,744
and Roxanne's gonna stop
being your friend.
382
00:16:27,869 --> 00:16:29,412
Watch this.
383
00:16:29,537 --> 00:16:32,741
Lily, throw this on the ground.
384
00:16:32,907 --> 00:16:34,284
What?
No, she'll hate me.
385
00:16:34,450 --> 00:16:36,954
See.
Throw it on the ground.
386
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,248
Mark, please don't tell her
to break my things.
387
00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:40,590
Come on.
Throw it.
388
00:16:40,715 --> 00:16:41,959
Throw it.
389
00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:43,919
Throw it, throw it, throw it.
390
00:16:44,085 --> 00:16:46,045
Ooh!
391
00:16:46,212 --> 00:16:47,423
You guys still friends?
392
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:49,682
With her? Yes.
393
00:16:49,807 --> 00:16:53,595
But not with you.
394
00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:55,621
[Exhales]
395
00:16:55,746 --> 00:16:57,766
- God, that feels good.
- Yeah.
396
00:16:57,932 --> 00:16:59,142
You need to loosen up too.
397
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:01,103
You can't control everything.
398
00:17:01,269 --> 00:17:04,730
Break this plate.
Oh.
399
00:17:04,897 --> 00:17:08,067
- Okay.
- Okay, I'm done. I'm done.
400
00:17:08,234 --> 00:17:09,902
Mark, it is not gonna happen.
401
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:12,354
Just because there are
no rings on your coffee table
402
00:17:12,479 --> 00:17:14,407
does not mean everything
in your life is in order.
403
00:17:14,532 --> 00:17:16,034
Bad things are gonna happen to you,
404
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,452
- and some day you're gonna die.
- Just...
405
00:17:17,618 --> 00:17:21,456
Whoa!
406
00:17:21,622 --> 00:17:23,216
I'm not gonna lie, you guys,
407
00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:26,837
this is really working for me.
408
00:17:27,003 --> 00:17:29,129
Who wants to take their shirts off?
409
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,178
You're an idiot.
410
00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,395
And, you know what, so are you.
411
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,015
I wouldn't stop being friends
with you
412
00:17:38,181 --> 00:17:39,432
just because you don't understand
413
00:17:39,557 --> 00:17:41,601
the rudimentary elements of
living with another human being.
414
00:17:41,726 --> 00:17:44,021
Okay, I do have some work to do.
415
00:17:44,187 --> 00:17:46,155
[Knock at door]
416
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,983
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Neal.
417
00:17:48,149 --> 00:17:49,902
Oh, looks like living
together's going well.
418
00:17:50,068 --> 00:17:50,993
Hey.
419
00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:53,663
It's so good to see you.
420
00:17:53,788 --> 00:17:55,073
What's up?
421
00:17:55,239 --> 00:17:56,782
Oh, I wanted to give you this lotion
422
00:17:56,907 --> 00:17:58,243
you left in our bathroom.
423
00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:00,336
Oh, my God.
424
00:18:00,461 --> 00:18:03,789
I have literally
been missing this every day.
425
00:18:03,914 --> 00:18:05,591
And I didn't want to ask,
because I thought
426
00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:07,377
it would be weird.
427
00:18:07,543 --> 00:18:09,979
It's not weird,
428
00:18:10,104 --> 00:18:12,465
and, hey, look,
we got through the first time.
429
00:18:12,632 --> 00:18:14,350
Good, so now we can see each other
430
00:18:14,475 --> 00:18:16,302
and call and text whenever.
431
00:18:16,469 --> 00:18:18,020
Great.
You know what's good for me
432
00:18:18,145 --> 00:18:20,599
is free nights and weekends.
433
00:18:20,765 --> 00:18:22,434
So...
434
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:26,229
So what are you guys doing?
435
00:18:26,354 --> 00:18:29,448
I am fixing things
between Roxanne and Lily,
436
00:18:29,573 --> 00:18:31,784
and, if you hadn't walked in
when you did,
437
00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:34,947
it could have gotten amazing
between the three of us.
438
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:38,207
I would like to point out
that a new bottle of lotion
439
00:18:38,332 --> 00:18:42,712
has been thrown into the mix.
440
00:18:42,837 --> 00:18:46,375
[Clicks tongue]
441
00:18:50,503 --> 00:18:52,621
Hey.
442
00:18:52,746 --> 00:18:54,550
How'd it go with Chloe?
443
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:59,011
Well, she thought
we were getting back together,
444
00:18:59,136 --> 00:19:02,648
so I had to break up with her
all over again.
445
00:19:02,773 --> 00:19:07,980
Then we just had
some really hot breakup sex.
446
00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:11,357
Hasn't that poor girl
been through enough?
447
00:19:11,524 --> 00:19:14,577
Hey, look, thanks
for not freaking out
448
00:19:14,702 --> 00:19:18,865
about this like I know
you're totally capable of doing.
449
00:19:19,031 --> 00:19:21,417
Come on, this is
not the first secret fiancee
450
00:19:21,542 --> 00:19:25,204
I've discovered.
My dad had three.
451
00:19:25,329 --> 00:19:26,498
Well, anyway, you're right.
452
00:19:26,664 --> 00:19:28,324
- I'm sorry.
- That's okay.
453
00:19:28,449 --> 00:19:29,675
I mean, you were 26.
454
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,160
If we're gonna judge each other
based on the things
455
00:19:31,285 --> 00:19:33,913
we were doing when we were 26...
456
00:19:34,038 --> 00:19:36,215
Let's just not.
457
00:19:36,671 --> 00:19:39,094
Okay, well, there is one more thing
that I want to say about this.
458
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:42,097
Are you sure?
'Cause we've talked about this a lot.
459
00:19:42,263 --> 00:19:45,024
No, I just...
I don't know.
460
00:19:45,149 --> 00:19:47,093
I guess it just kind of bothers me
461
00:19:47,218 --> 00:19:49,445
that I will never be the first girl
462
00:19:49,570 --> 00:19:51,397
that you propose to.
463
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:52,698
So...
464
00:19:52,823 --> 00:19:53,859
I know that's stupid.
465
00:19:54,025 --> 00:19:56,035
No, that's the sweetest thing
466
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,112
that you've ever said to me.
467
00:19:57,278 --> 00:19:59,422
- Really?
- Yeah.
468
00:19:59,547 --> 00:20:03,459
You don't really say
that many sweet things to me.
469
00:20:03,584 --> 00:20:06,495
Well, if makes you feel any better,
470
00:20:06,620 --> 00:20:09,541
I don't think them either.
471
00:20:09,707 --> 00:20:11,710
[Laughs]
472
00:20:14,759 --> 00:20:16,382
{pub}Hi, I'm Chloe.
473
00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:19,608
Hi. Oh!
You know where we live.
474
00:20:19,733 --> 00:20:21,993
That's so great.
475
00:20:22,118 --> 00:20:24,312
Oh, come on in.
476
00:20:24,437 --> 00:20:26,815
I just wanted to return this to Alex.
477
00:20:26,940 --> 00:20:28,978
- Okay.
- Um...
478
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:32,398
There's nothing in here.
479
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:33,732
Yeah, I know.
480
00:20:33,898 --> 00:20:36,341
I just wanted to return the box
that my stuff was in.
481
00:20:36,466 --> 00:20:38,237
Closure.
482
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,948
[Clears throat]
483
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:44,702
And I just wanted to see
if you were prettier than me.
484
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,897
So...
485
00:20:49,807 --> 00:20:51,250
Yeah, I'm good.
486
00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:56,422
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
Resync by into-the-light
www.addic7ed.com