1
00:00:02,635 --> 00:00:05,160
NEAL: So, this is
your storage unit?

2
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:08,134
Yeah. Okay.

3
00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:11,774
Ah. So, does Alex

4
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:15,178
keep his tax returns
in a folder or a box...

5
00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:17,478
Oh, I don't know.
I never come down here.

6
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:19,541
I have a mild case
of claustrophobia.

7
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:22,315
So, the last time
I was in a space
this dark and small,

8
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,879
I ate my twin.

9
00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:27,517
Okay.

10
00:00:28,161 --> 00:00:29,287
This isn't so bad.

11
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,556
Whit.

12
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:33,190
Look, I know that you've
been talking to Lily.
And, uh...

13
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,290
Look, Neal.

14
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,097
I don't want you
and Lily's breakup
to affect our relationship.

15
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:40,537
I want to make sure
that we always stay
acquaintances.

16
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,302
No, Lily is still
on my cell phone plan.

17
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,867
And you guys
talk and text
way too much.

18
00:00:45,945 --> 00:00:47,173
What, are you guys
planning a heist?

19
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,874
Why don't you just tell her
to get her own plan?

20
00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,307
Because I haven't
really talked to her
since we broke up.

21
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,818
And I can't call her
for the first time
about this.

22
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,377
I'll seem like a jerk.

23
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:56,854
Mmm. You just need,
like, a casual run-in.

24
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:58,481
You know, just go some place
where she always goes.

25
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:00,321
It makes it less weird.
Because there's nothing
more awkward

26
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,588
than seeing your ex
for the first time
after a breakup.

27
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,926
That's why I never
watch Lock Up.

28
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,631
Hey, is this stuff yours?

29
00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:12,034
No. I don't wear
scrunchies

30
00:01:12,639 --> 00:01:14,106
or short shorts.

31
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,436
Or tube tops.

32
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:16,736
You know what
this means.

33
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,244
Somewhere,
Heather Graham is naked.

34
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:21,676
Oh, snap.

35
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,384
This must be stuff
from one of Alex's
old girlfriends.

36
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,747
This is an ex box.

37
00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:30,446
Whoa.

38
00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:33,788
This is them in Paris.
They went to Paris together?

39
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,154
And ltaly?

40
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,694
And to see the pyramids?

41
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:41,492
Whitney,
those are all in Vegas.

44
00:01:50,343 --> 00:01:52,538
Hey, roomie.
Hey, roomie.

45
00:01:53,012 --> 00:01:55,981
Did you just cut your
hair in the bathroom?

46
00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,547
Oh, yeah.
What do you think?

47
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:03,086
I think it looks great
there on your head.

48
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:06,148
A little less great
on my toothbrush.

49
00:02:06,726 --> 00:02:08,421
Oh. Oh, my God.

50
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,621
That was totally
my bad.

51
00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:11,061
It... It will not
happen again.

52
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,656
Oh, good. Good.
Good, Lil. Thank you.

53
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:14,722
(LAUGHS)

54
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:15,893
How great is it
that we can just

55
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,164
say these things
to each other
and it's not weird?

56
00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:19,296
You know?
Yeah.

57
00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:21,537
Like I could just say,

58
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:24,076
"We don't keep our vitamins
all over the end table."

59
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:30,910
Or, "Hey, here's where
I keep the coasters. Hello."

60
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:34,277
But your coasters
are so cute.

61
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,083
I didn't want to
leave a ring on them.

62
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:39,319
Okay.

63
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:44,758
Okay.

64
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,925
Now, I've got to find
a new home for all of you.

65
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,593
(GASPS)
(CRASHES)

66
00:02:50,036 --> 00:02:51,025
ROXANNE: Lil?

67
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,298
You all right?

68
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:53,532
Uh, yeah.

69
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:56,370
I just broke my laptop.

70
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,909
Crap. Now, I've got
to break my laptop.

71
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:05,675
Hey.

72
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,344
Hey.

73
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:12,317
Hey.

74
00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:17,854
Hey.

75
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,259
Hey...

76
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,170
Listen, it's...
It's really no biggie.

77
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:27,001
That's just from an
old girlfriend, Chloe.

78
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:29,706
Who is Chloe?

79
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,573
Haven't I mentioned Chloe?
I must have mentioned her.

80
00:03:31,644 --> 00:03:33,737
No. And I have
a very special gift

81
00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:34,939
for remembering
ex-girlfriends.

82
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,345
Fiona, Jillian,
and Kiki,

83
00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,543
the backup dancer
who still, to this day,

84
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:41,052
is the only reason
I go to the gym.

85
00:03:42,689 --> 00:03:45,749
Come on. You can't
expect me to remember
every girl I ever dated.

86
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,959
Okay, David Spade.

87
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,364
And you didn't
just date her.

88
00:03:55,435 --> 00:03:57,335
I mean,
you took her to Vegas.

89
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,132
You don't have a box
full of my stuff.

90
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:01,173
Yeah, I do.
I live in it.

91
00:04:04,143 --> 00:04:05,269
Look.
All right, come on.

92
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:06,505
So, what? I dated Chloe.

93
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:07,841
I also kissed a girl
in the sixth grade.

94
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,779
Her name was Mary.
Should I have told you
about that, too?

95
00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:10,975
You did tell me
about that.
Well...

96
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:13,746
Okay? We had a conversation
about all our serious exes.

97
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,219
Why did you
lie about her?

98
00:04:15,288 --> 00:04:17,552
No. It wasn't a lie.
Okay?

99
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:18,750
I didn't mention it.

100
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:22,818
So, technically,
that is an omission.

101
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,363
Yeah. Talk down to me.

102
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,865
That always works out
well for you.

103
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,561
And people only
omit things

104
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,503
that they know are going
to get them in trouble.

105
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,336
I never omit anything.

106
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:37,842
Okay. In all fairness,
how could you possibly
ever omit anything?

107
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,810
You never stop talking.

108
00:04:40,313 --> 00:04:41,575
Okay.

109
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,980
(LAUGHS)
One fight at a time.

110
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,444
I'm sorry. I'll just...
I'll get rid of the box.

111
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:46,542
All right?
No, no, no.

112
00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:47,643
I'm going to keep
this box here

113
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,745
until I figure out
why you're acting so weird.

114
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:50,846
No, I'm not acting weird.

115
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:53,221
So very weird.
You're weird.

116
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,352
You're acting so weird,

117
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,157
I half expect there
to be another box
in the basement

118
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,323
filled with
pieces of Chloe.

119
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,595
Nope. I never
wanted to dismember
any of my girlfriends.

120
00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:08,269
Until very,
very recently.

121
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:14,808
Can you believe Alex
tried to pass this off

122
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,042
as an omission
and not a lie?

123
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:18,140
An omission is a lie.

124
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:19,548
Exactly.

125
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,144
Man, I wish
we could date.

126
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:26,855
I'm almost there.

127
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,154
(LAUGHS)

128
00:05:28,428 --> 00:05:29,895
I mean,
I need to figure out

129
00:05:29,962 --> 00:05:31,793
why he didn't tell me
about this Chloe girl.

130
00:05:31,864 --> 00:05:33,855
And I think the answer
might be in this box.

131
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:37,602
Ooh!

132
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,103
What are you doing?

133
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,662
Shopping.

134
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,002
These are cute.

135
00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:45,203
Oh. Oh, I like
that bracelet.

136
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,944
Roxanne, do you need
to borrow some money?

137
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,950
Are you gambling again?

138
00:05:52,785 --> 00:05:55,549
Look. After all the things
I've lost in breakups,

139
00:05:55,621 --> 00:05:58,112
karma-wise,
this is all fair game.

140
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,756
Okay. I've dated
so many losers

141
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:03,091
that if relationship
karma was a real thing,

142
00:06:03,162 --> 00:06:05,062
I would be dating
the actual Jesus

143
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,325
and not just
some look-alike.

144
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:08,399
(LAUGHlNG)

145
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,397
So, after l
broke the lamp,

146
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,906
I tried to shove it
in the cabinet

147
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,066
and broke the door.

148
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:18,576
And then, I took
a screw from the chair
to fix the cabinet,

149
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:22,205
and that turned out
to be, like,
a really important screw.

150
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,217
Is it, Mark?

151
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:26,645
Mark.

152
00:06:27,286 --> 00:06:29,220
Mark.
Oh, I'm sorry.

153
00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:31,688
I wasn't listening
to any of that.

154
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,294
I can't multitask.
It's my one flaw.

155
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,030
I don't know
what's wrong with me.

156
00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:41,089
Just, Roxanne's
in my head about
keeping everything neat.

157
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,657
And she's doing me
such a huge favor,

158
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:44,168
I just don't
want to ruin it.

159
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,670
You really think
you can fix all this?

160
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,968
Ha. Lily. I'm a guy.

161
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:52,334
I will never admit
that I can't fix something.

162
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,077
(KNOCKlNG AT DOOR)

163
00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:04,552
Hey, Mark.
What up, bro?

164
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:08,787
Are you drinking
while you're working out?

165
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,296
I'm stronger
when I'm drunk.

166
00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:12,855
Okay.

167
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,059
Um, I just wanted
to ask you something

168
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,125
about one of Alex's
ex-girlfriends.

169
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,467
Then, you turn
right around.

170
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,000
Because Alex
is my best friend.

171
00:07:22,074 --> 00:07:23,336
His secrets
are safe with me.

172
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:26,071
And I'm not going to
sell him out for some girl.

173
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:27,570
Okay.

174
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:31,174
Well, I mean, how do you
even know that you know
all of his secrets?

175
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:34,515
I mean, I probably know more
about him than you do.

176
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,786
I don't think so.

177
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,518
Oh. Well, do you know
about Chloe?

178
00:07:39,592 --> 00:07:41,253
Uh, yeah, yeah.

179
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,897
Well, did you know
that they went to
Vegas together?

180
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:47,832
Uh, yeah.

181
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:52,333
And did you know
that they were engaged?

182
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:57,774
They were engaged?

183
00:07:58,444 --> 00:07:59,741
Uh-oh.

184
00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,912
Oh, God.
No, no, no, no.

185
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,848
Oh. It turns out
I'm weaker when I'm drunk.

186
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,678
Okay.

187
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:11,613
When were they engaged?

188
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,784
I mean, how...
How long were
they engaged for?

189
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,327
No, no. I'm not
going to tell you.

190
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:18,557
And please don't tell
Alex that I told you.

191
00:08:18,631 --> 00:08:20,223
He's my BFF.

192
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,565
Please don't take away
that second F.

193
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:24,694
Hey.

194
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,166
Okay, no. I mean,
I'm not going
to tell Alex.

195
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,971
I am going to give him
the opportunity to
tell me himself.

196
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,169
Okay, l...

197
00:08:32,245 --> 00:08:34,645
I am going to handle
this like a lady.

198
00:08:35,047 --> 00:08:37,106
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

199
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,811
Don't handle this
like a lady!

200
00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:43,254
(TV PLAYlNG)

201
00:08:44,056 --> 00:08:45,284
Hey.
Hey.

202
00:08:47,126 --> 00:08:48,184
So, um...

203
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,222
I'm working
on this poem.

204
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:52,491
You know,
like ladies do.

205
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,229
And I'm a little stuck.

206
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,859
I, uh, was wondering.

207
00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:01,270
Can you think of any words
that rhyme with Beyoncé?

208
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:04,732
Ti-ance.

209
00:09:05,411 --> 00:09:06,878
Li-ance.

210
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:11,080
I know about
your fiancée.

211
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:13,551
Oh, no.

212
00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,109
Oh, God.

213
00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:16,313
Mark told you?
Mmm-hmm.

214
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,516
Uh, okay. Okay, look.
I'm... I'm so sorry.

215
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,458
I was... I was literally...
I was just going to
tell you about it. It...

216
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,792
Oh.
But then, you asked me
for help with that poem.

217
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:25,853
Okay.

218
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,627
You lied to me.
All right?

219
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:29,668
You referred to her
as your ex-girlfriend

220
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,329
when she was actually
your ex-Beyoncé.

221
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:35,096
All right, but...
But Chloe and I had
a terrible relationship.

222
00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:36,471
All right? All...
All we did was fight.

223
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:39,534
Okay. Then, why aren't
you better at fighting?

224
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,547
Okay? I mean, you were
engaged to this girl.

225
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:45,243
Getting engaged is, like,
the biggest decision
you make as a man.

226
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,808
And you never told me?

227
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:48,353
All right. Okay. It...

228
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,218
It wasn't a real
engagement. All right?

229
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,314
She was just always
so needy and clingy.

230
00:09:52,391 --> 00:09:54,518
And then,
her grandfather died and...

231
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,392
(SlGHS) l... I wanted to
make her feel better, but...

232
00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,226
I panicked. So, l...

233
00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,826
...proposed to her
at the funeral.

234
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,869
Okay. Well, I don't think
Zales will be using
that story anytime soon.

235
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,368
Then, I tried to
break up with her,
like, a million times,

236
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,274
but she was always
so fragile. And l...

237
00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,607
I wanted to get
out of it, but l...

238
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,738
I didn't know what to do.
So, I panicked

239
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,578
again and, uh...

240
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:20,145
I sent her a text.

241
00:10:21,854 --> 00:10:24,152
(SCOFFS) That is the worst.

242
00:10:24,223 --> 00:10:25,884
No, no, no.
No, that's not the worst.

243
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:26,947
Uh...

244
00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,127
My text got
auto-corrected.

245
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,595
So...

246
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:34,098
The last words she ever
got from me were,

247
00:10:34,166 --> 00:10:36,726
"Sorry,
I can't do this anal more."

248
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,109
Okay. So, there was
no follow-up text?

249
00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:48,410
No. I know.

250
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,641
And I feel terrible
about it.

251
00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:50,773
I know. Look.

252
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:53,114
It's literally
the worst thing
I've ever done.

253
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:55,710
And l... I never wanted
to tell you about that
because l...

254
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:58,586
I didn't want you to think
that I was that bad of a guy.

255
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,058
Okay, I think
all guys are bad.

256
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,822
And my God,
no wonder this poor girl

257
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:04,590
never came to
get her stuff back.

258
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,824
She was crushed.

259
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,259
You have got to
return this box to her.

260
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,033
Or... Or...

261
00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:12,764
Or...

262
00:11:13,639 --> 00:11:15,106
I don't do that

263
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,972
and, instead,
we both go get sushi.

264
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,441
Look, she probably
doesn't even want
that stuff anymore.

265
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,644
It's just a box of junk.

266
00:11:26,952 --> 00:11:28,249
Okay.

267
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:32,457
Uh... And her
grandfather's watch.

268
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:34,689
My God. And, look.

269
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:38,121
It's engraved
with some kind
of ancient language.

270
00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:40,255
It's cursive.

271
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:47,135
Okay. Well, until you
return this box to her,

272
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,334
some part of you
is still that guy
who treated her so badly.

273
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,305
Yeah.

274
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,778
I do have to give
this back to her, huh?
Yeah.

275
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,879
You need closure on this
for yourself, too.

276
00:11:56,949 --> 00:11:58,348
If you handle this now,

277
00:11:58,417 --> 00:12:01,113
you won't have to
feel guilty anal more.

278
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:09,654
LlLY: Hey.
Hello.

279
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,822
Roomie,
how was your day?

280
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:15,363
Well, I accidentally hit
"reply all" to an email.

281
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,197
So, now, I have
six less friends.

282
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:19,462
So, pretty good.

283
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:22,863
Hey, Mark.
Look at you.

284
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,103
You put all your
vitamins away.

285
00:12:25,177 --> 00:12:26,940
Yeah.
And I alphabetized them.

286
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:28,206
I thought you'd like that.

287
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,941
I do like that.

288
00:12:31,183 --> 00:12:32,616
Hey. Why don't
you sit down

289
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:36,143
and I'll get you
a glass ofwine
to put on a coaster?

290
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:38,588
Thanks, Lil.

291
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:40,315
Wow. You know,

292
00:12:40,659 --> 00:12:42,217
I had my doubts
about us living together.

293
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,761
But I shouldn't have.

294
00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,296
You heard me.

295
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,161
And that feels
so just...
(GASPS)

296
00:12:48,033 --> 00:12:50,331
Okay. There goes
my hymen again.

297
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:53,396
Well, it was
more fun this time.

298
00:12:56,709 --> 00:12:59,177
If you want to
talk to Lily,
just call her.

299
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:01,338
Ah, now, I really can't.
She's over her minutes.

300
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,074
It will cost me money.

301
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,610
Okay, you just need an excuse
to go over to Roxanne's.

302
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,481
You know what?
Go buy a bottle of lotion.

303
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:08,918
Tell her she left it
at your place.

304
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,588
What if it's not
the kind she uses?

305
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,487
Okay. Every girl has
at least 30 bottles of lotion.

306
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:15,721
I have six
in my purse right now
just for my neck.

307
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,995
Okay.
Mmm-hmm.

308
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:19,530
Hey. Uh, where's Alex?

309
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:22,158
I sent him to go
patch things up
with his ex-girlfriend.

310
00:13:22,234 --> 00:13:24,134
I'm pretty sure
Drew Barrymore
and Matthew McConaughey

311
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,728
are shooting this movie
as we speak.

312
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,831
Taylor Swift
is doing the music.

313
00:13:28,908 --> 00:13:31,103
And no one
wants to go see it.

314
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:34,605
Thank you so much
for meeting me.
Yeah.

315
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,205
Uh, how have you been?
You... You still
working at the bank?

316
00:13:37,283 --> 00:13:39,217
No, I haven't
worked there in years.

317
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,253
After, um, "The Text"

318
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,788
as me and my
therapy group call it,

319
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,256
I sort of stopped
showing up.

320
00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,849
So...

321
00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,417
They fired me.

322
00:13:50,262 --> 00:13:51,729
But that's okay.

323
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,889
The universe
has a plan.

324
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,833
God. I... I...

325
00:13:57,903 --> 00:13:59,530
I feel terrible.
I'm so sorry, Chloe.

326
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:00,731
No. It's okay.

327
00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:03,639
I mean, it was
a pretty long commute
from my condo, anyway.

328
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:05,540
Oh, yeah? So, are you still
living at the same place?

329
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:08,808
No. No. After I drove
my car into that park,

330
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,576
the judge said
that I couldn't live alone.

331
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,646
So, I moved in with
my dad and his new wife.

332
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,712
And she has a
16-year-old daughter,
and I share a room with her.

333
00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:19,290
She, um...

334
00:14:19,491 --> 00:14:22,688
She draws penises on my face
when I'm sleeping.

335
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:28,024
It's making me stronger.

336
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,828
Oh. Well, um...

337
00:14:31,503 --> 00:14:33,164
Hopefully,
this helps, too.

338
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,706
Um... This is yours.

339
00:14:35,975 --> 00:14:38,910
Uh, sorry it took so long
to get back to you.

340
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,776
So, you just came here
to return a box.

341
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:43,877
Okay.

342
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,575
Well, no.
Not just that. I... I...

343
00:14:47,653 --> 00:14:49,314
Actually,
I wanted to apologize.

344
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:52,050
Because I was young
and stupid, and...

345
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,855
You were in a really
vulnerable place.

346
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,986
And so, I'm sorry
I acted like a jerk.

347
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,690
And l... I really should
have handled it better.

348
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:00,959
Wow.

349
00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:02,933
Thank you
for saying that.

350
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:04,936
You've really matured,
Alexander.

351
00:15:08,607 --> 00:15:10,575
You know, I was
kind of on the fence

352
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,440
about us getting
back together.

353
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:14,775
But what the hell.
Let's do it.

354
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:16,441
Wha... Uh...

355
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,540
Let's call
my therapy group
and be like,

356
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,448
"Suck it, fatties."

357
00:15:21,887 --> 00:15:23,855
No, no. Uh, no.
Uh, look.

358
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,015
That's not, um...

359
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,421
(CLEARS THROAT)

360
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,516
We're having closure.

361
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,824
Well, I don't want closure.

362
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,665
I mean, I want to
get out of that bunk bed.

363
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:38,164
Chloe,
I have a girlfriend.

364
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:39,735
Girlfriend?

365
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:42,436
Wow, that was quick.

366
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:45,571
Oh.

367
00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:47,209
Four years.

368
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:50,741
Yeah,
and I've been faithful.

369
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,478
I mean, unless you
count the disturbingly
accurate penises

370
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,577
that were drawn
on my face.

371
00:15:57,623 --> 00:15:58,817
Wow.

372
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,789
The chair, the lamp,
and the cabinet door.

373
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,630
I mean, is there
anything else
I should know about?

374
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:09,592
I don't know. I just...

375
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:11,158
Lily is fresh
off a breakup.

376
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,131
She's afraid that you're
going to dump her, too.

377
00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,638
Okay. Mark,

378
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,698
clearly, you don't understand
how female friendships work.

379
00:16:16,775 --> 00:16:17,867
(LAUGHlNG)

380
00:16:17,943 --> 00:16:21,435
Well, I own every season
of Gilmore Girls on DVD.

381
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,247
You're afraid you're going
to make one little mistake

382
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:27,945
and Roxanne's going
to stop being your friend.

383
00:16:28,420 --> 00:16:29,444
No.

384
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:30,879
Watch this.

385
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:32,116
What are you
doing, Mark?

386
00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,625
Lily. Throw this
on the ground.

387
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,727
What? No.
She'll hate me.

388
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:37,853
See?

389
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,388
Throw it on the ground.

390
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,695
Mark, please don't
tell her to break my things.

391
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,832
Come on.
Throw it. Throw it.

392
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,370
Throw it.
Throw it.
Throw it.

393
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,200
Whoo!

394
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:49,871
You guys still friends?

395
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:51,938
With her, yes.

396
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:53,069
But not with you.

397
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:57,548
(EXHALES)

398
00:16:58,384 --> 00:17:00,181
God, that feels good.
Yeah.

399
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:01,514
You need to
loosen up, too.

400
00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:03,521
You can't control
everything.

401
00:17:03,589 --> 00:17:04,988
Break this plate.

402
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,217
Oh.

403
00:17:07,226 --> 00:17:08,818
Okay.
Okay, I'm done.
I'm done.

404
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,326
Mark, it is not
going to happen.

405
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:14,662
Just because
there are no rings
on your coffee table

406
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:16,792
does not mean everything
in your life is in order.

407
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,427
Bad things are going
to happen to you

408
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:19,869
and, some day,
you're going to die.

409
00:17:19,938 --> 00:17:21,462
Just stop!
Whoa!

410
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:25,600
I'm not going to lie,
you guys.

411
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:28,145
This is really
working for me.

412
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:32,282
Who wants to
take their shirts off?

413
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,578
You're an idiot.

414
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:38,584
And you know what?
So are you.

415
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:40,147
I wouldn't stop
being friends with you

416
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:42,352
just because you don't
understand the
rudimentary elements

417
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:43,759
of living with
another human being.

418
00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,423
(CHUCKLES) Okay,
I do have some work to do.

419
00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:47,829
(KNOCKlNG)

420
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,458
Oh. Hey, guys.

421
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:50,559
Hey, Neal.

422
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:52,365
Oh. Looks like
living together
is going well.

423
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,632
It's, um,
so good to see you.

424
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:57,470
What's up?

425
00:17:57,543 --> 00:18:00,706
Oh, I wanted to give you
this lotion you left
in our bathroom.

426
00:18:01,413 --> 00:18:02,641
Oh, my God.

427
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:05,808
I have literally been
missing this every day.

428
00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:09,782
And I didn't want to ask
because I thought
it would be weird.

429
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,785
It's not weird.

430
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,285
And, hey...

431
00:18:13,358 --> 00:18:14,848
Look, we got through
the first time.

432
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,656
Good. So, now,
we can see each other

433
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:18,696
and call and text
whenever.

434
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,755
Great. Uh, you know
what's good for me is,

435
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,063
um, free nights
and weekends.

436
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:28,606
So, uh,
what are you guys doing?

437
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,734
I am fixing things
between Roxanne and Lily.

438
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:34,472
And if you hadn't
walked in when you did,

439
00:18:34,546 --> 00:18:37,379
it could have gotten amazing
between the three of us.

440
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:41,049
I would like to point out
that a new bottle of lotion

441
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,247
has been thrown
into the mix.

442
00:18:46,391 --> 00:18:47,881
(lNAUDlBLE)

443
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:54,963
Hey.

444
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,892
How did it go
with Chloe?

445
00:18:57,402 --> 00:19:00,235
Uh, well, she thought
we were getting
back together.

446
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,329
(CHUCKLES)

447
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,237
So, I had to break up
with her all over again.

448
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:06,034
And then,

449
00:19:06,111 --> 00:19:09,478
we just had some
really hot breakup sex.

450
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,784
Hasn't that poor girl
been through enough?

451
00:19:14,953 --> 00:19:17,217
Hey. Look, thanks for not
freaking out about this

452
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:19,689
Iike I know you're
totally capable of doing.

453
00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:21,282
(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

454
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:24,318
Come on. This is not
the first secret fiancée
I've discovered.

455
00:19:24,396 --> 00:19:26,023
My dad had three.

456
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:28,898
Well, anyway,
you were right.

457
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,594
I'm sorry.
It's okay.

458
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:31,829
I mean, you were 26.

459
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,098
If we're going to
judge each other

460
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,231
based on the things
we were doing
when we were 26...

461
00:19:35,307 --> 00:19:36,399
(CHUCKLES)

462
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:37,999
Let's just not.

463
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:41,511
Okay, well, there is
one more thing that
I want to say about this.

464
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:44,481
Are you sure? Because we've
talked about this a lot.

465
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,649
No, I just, um...
I don't know.

466
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:49,311
I guess it just
kind of bothers me

467
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:53,688
that I will never be
the first girl
that you propose to.

468
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:54,987
So...

469
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:56,288
I know that's stupid.

470
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:57,419
No.

471
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:59,589
That's the sweetest thing
that you've ever said to me.

472
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,394
Really?
Yeah.

473
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,561
You don't really say
that many sweet things to me.

474
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,669
Well, if it makes you
feel any better,

475
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,267
I don't think them, either.

476
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:12,974
(GlGGLlNG)

477
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:17,445
(KNOCKlNG)

478
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,277
Hi, I'm Chloe.

479
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:21,712
Hi.

480
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:25,086
Oh, you know
where we live.
That's so great.

481
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,358
Ah. Come on in.

482
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:30,987
I just wanted to
return this to Alex.

483
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,553
Okay. Um...

484
00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:36,332
Uh, there's
nothing in here.

485
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:37,698
Yeah, I know.

486
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,828
I just wanted to return
the box that my stuff was in.

487
00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,372
Okay.
Closure.

488
00:20:43,141 --> 00:20:44,665
(CLEARS THROAT)

489
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:47,110
And I just wanted to see
if you were prettier than me.

490
00:20:49,314 --> 00:20:50,611
So...

491
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:55,246
Yeah, I'm good.