1
00:00:03,585 --> 00:00:04,784
(barks, whimpers)
2
00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:09,043
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,068 --> 00:00:10,268
(tires screeching)
4
00:00:10,333 --> 00:00:11,834
(grunts)
5
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:15,470
♪ The Simpsons 23x16 ♪
How I Wet Your Mother
Original Air Date on March 11, 2012
6
00:00:15,495 --> 00:00:18,995
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
7
00:00:28,118 --> 00:00:29,351
(beep)
8
00:00:29,419 --> 00:00:31,687
(whirring)
9
00:00:31,755 --> 00:00:32,688
(door creaks)
10
00:00:32,756 --> 00:00:33,672
(buzzing)
11
00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:34,790
(zapping)
12
00:00:37,944 --> 00:00:39,845
Item being procured:
13
00:00:39,913 --> 00:00:42,348
one standard-sized paper clip.
14
00:00:43,984 --> 00:00:45,151
Hmm.
15
00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:50,990
Did you guys see
that stupid foul call
16
00:00:51,074 --> 00:00:52,658
in the game last night?
17
00:00:52,743 --> 00:00:56,345
See it? We followed the ref home
and beat the crap out of him.
18
00:00:56,413 --> 00:00:58,998
Yeah, I ill think that might've been
a kid who worked at Foot Locker.
19
00:00:59,082 --> 00:01:00,349
Hey, the supply
room's open.
20
00:01:00,417 --> 00:01:01,383
I better close it.
21
00:01:04,454 --> 00:01:08,274
Unguarded stuff...!
22
00:01:08,341 --> 00:01:10,443
(grunts, chuckles)
23
00:01:10,510 --> 00:01:12,845
Attention, lovers
of free office supplies!
24
00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:16,398
Come and steal things
you can easily afford!
25
00:01:16,466 --> 00:01:18,617
♪ ♪
26
00:01:23,490 --> 00:01:26,225
(sizzling)
27
00:01:26,293 --> 00:01:28,794
♪ ♪
28
00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:32,681
(loud scraping, rattling)
29
00:01:32,749 --> 00:01:34,583
(horn honking, tires screech)
30
00:01:35,769 --> 00:01:37,453
(stapling)
31
00:01:37,521 --> 00:01:39,238
(chuckles)
32
00:01:39,306 --> 00:01:40,662
Can someone open this
bottle of mother wolf
33
00:01:40,687 --> 00:01:41,887
placenta for me?
34
00:01:42,576 --> 00:01:44,977
(gasps)
Mr. Burns!
35
00:01:45,045 --> 00:01:46,662
Save me, panic!
Huh?
36
00:01:47,898 --> 00:01:50,049
MAN:
Oh!
37
00:01:50,116 --> 00:01:51,166
Whoo-hoo!
38
00:01:51,218 --> 00:01:52,318
(rapid clicking)
39
00:01:52,385 --> 00:01:54,236
(gasps)
My rubberized bands!
40
00:01:54,304 --> 00:01:55,638
My binder clips!
41
00:01:55,705 --> 00:01:57,907
(shudders)
My accordion Post-its!
44
00:02:01,645 --> 00:02:04,513
Oh, Lenny, why would
you steal my bear?
45
00:02:04,581 --> 00:02:06,482
I just wanted something
to cuddle at night.
46
00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:07,750
That's my cuddle bear!
47
00:02:07,818 --> 00:02:10,002
I loved him, I shot
him-- he's mine!
48
00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:11,353
(crow caws)
49
00:02:11,421 --> 00:02:12,822
It has come to my attention
50
00:02:12,889 --> 00:02:14,490
that you lunch-bagging
wage lizards
51
00:02:14,558 --> 00:02:16,025
are robbing me blind.
52
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:19,662
If you paid us better,
we wouldn't have to steal!
53
00:02:19,729 --> 00:02:21,230
You don't even work here!
54
00:02:21,298 --> 00:02:24,066
Wha...?! You mean I've been
calling in sick for nothing?
55
00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:26,385
I might not be here
tomorrow, that's for sure.
56
00:02:26,453 --> 00:02:28,037
Only one of you monkeys
wasn't caught
57
00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:29,989
with his sticky paw
in my tin cup.
58
00:02:30,056 --> 00:02:31,340
Homer Simpson.
59
00:02:31,408 --> 00:02:32,942
(chuckles)
How you doing there?
60
00:02:33,009 --> 00:02:34,360
Wow, he threw us
61
00:02:34,427 --> 00:02:36,011
under the bus,
and now he's sitting
62
00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,463
in the bus driver's lap.
63
00:02:37,531 --> 00:02:39,698
Now, Simpson, how
is it that you alone
64
00:02:39,766 --> 00:02:42,551
managed to keep your moral
compass pointed to true north?
65
00:02:42,602 --> 00:02:44,954
Well, sir, before
I do anything,
66
00:02:45,021 --> 00:02:46,265
I stop and ask myself:
67
00:02:46,290 --> 00:02:49,518
"What would Jesus
and Mr. Burns do?"
68
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,861
You are garbage made flesh!
69
00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:53,262
This is a mockery!
70
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:55,698
Hush! Now, while Simpson
gets the day off,
71
00:02:55,765 --> 00:02:58,500
the rest of you will write
30-page essays entitled
72
00:02:58,568 --> 00:03:01,253
"Homer Simpson:
Moral Lodestar."
73
00:03:01,321 --> 00:03:02,855
Question: Can we
have fun with it?
74
00:03:02,923 --> 00:03:04,023
No, you may not.
75
00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:05,858
(grumbling)
76
00:03:05,926 --> 00:03:07,226
(birds chirping)
77
00:03:07,294 --> 00:03:08,661
(chuckles)
You know, boy,
78
00:03:08,728 --> 00:03:11,630
my dad used to take me fishing
just like this.
79
00:03:11,698 --> 00:03:13,966
(text chimes sounding)
80
00:03:14,034 --> 00:03:17,169
(chuckles)
More angry texts from work.
81
00:03:17,237 --> 00:03:20,205
(whistles)
That's a lot of eights.
82
00:03:20,273 --> 00:03:22,541
I can't believe you got all your
friends in trouble
83
00:03:22,609 --> 00:03:24,143
and you got the day off!
84
00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:26,078
Hey, it's called karma.
85
00:03:27,614 --> 00:03:29,582
Isn't karma where if
you do something bad,
86
00:03:29,649 --> 00:03:31,350
bad things
happen to you?
87
00:03:31,418 --> 00:03:33,869
(chuckles)
A common misconception.
88
00:03:35,055 --> 00:03:36,872
Suck it, karma! Yeah!
89
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:38,657
I'm talking to you, karma!
90
00:03:38,725 --> 00:03:39,942
Ha-ha-ha!
91
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:41,877
Karma's a bitch, karma!
92
00:03:42,946 --> 00:03:44,546
(yawns)
93
00:03:44,614 --> 00:03:48,350
Ah, nothing better
than a lazy Saturday morning
94
00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:51,020
lying in a warm, moist bed,
95
00:03:51,087 --> 00:03:52,788
because weekends are...
96
00:03:52,856 --> 00:03:54,256
Moist?!
97
00:03:54,324 --> 00:03:56,425
I wet the bed!
98
00:03:56,493 --> 00:03:59,295
The one embarrassing thing
I've never done!
99
00:04:01,669 --> 00:04:03,303
(whimpering):
I...
100
00:04:03,370 --> 00:04:04,637
(muttering)
101
00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:06,906
Marge, from time to time
I've heard you speak
102
00:04:06,974 --> 00:04:09,909
of a "washing machine."
103
00:04:09,977 --> 00:04:12,178
Where would I find
this marvelous contraption?
104
00:04:12,246 --> 00:04:14,747
Why? Are you going
to do the laundry?
105
00:04:16,016 --> 00:04:17,183
Not just the laundry.
106
00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:18,451
That would be weird,
107
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,086
and you might ask questions.
108
00:04:20,154 --> 00:04:21,988
I'm gonna do all the chores.
109
00:04:22,056 --> 00:04:24,073
HOMES BRAIN:
What the hell are you doing!
110
00:04:24,141 --> 00:04:25,341
Don't yell at me, brain.
111
00:04:25,409 --> 00:04:27,093
This happened on your watch.
112
00:04:27,161 --> 00:04:29,596
You have two jobs--
thinking and bladder control!
113
00:04:29,663 --> 00:04:31,831
I'm doing the best
with what I got.
114
00:04:31,899 --> 00:04:33,766
All you feed me
is reality shows!
115
00:04:33,834 --> 00:04:36,402
I like to watch
Lamar Odom play Xbox
116
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:38,505
while his giant wife
yells at him.
117
00:04:38,572 --> 00:04:40,240
Is that so nuts?!
118
00:04:41,442 --> 00:04:42,342
Huh?!
119
00:04:43,577 --> 00:04:45,428
Yeah, shut you up.
120
00:04:45,495 --> 00:04:46,629
(birds chirping)
121
00:04:48,048 --> 00:04:50,116
Now, I'm sure
yesterday's incident
122
00:04:50,184 --> 00:04:53,253
of urination domination
was a one-time deal.
123
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,655
But just to make sure...
124
00:04:55,723 --> 00:04:56,890
(shrieks)
125
00:04:56,957 --> 00:04:59,909
Oh, why can't
I cork my wang-wine?
126
00:04:59,977 --> 00:05:01,477
Homer...
127
00:05:01,545 --> 00:05:04,480
you do not yet understand
the meaning of karma.
128
00:05:04,548 --> 00:05:07,233
But isn't karma just an
expression of the dharma?
129
00:05:07,301 --> 00:05:08,468
(stammering)
130
00:05:08,536 --> 00:05:09,669
That is
beside the point, okay?
131
00:05:09,737 --> 00:05:11,538
If something bad
is happening to you,
132
00:05:11,605 --> 00:05:14,123
it must be because of
something you did to others.
133
00:05:14,191 --> 00:05:15,291
(gasps)
134
00:05:15,359 --> 00:05:16,692
Deep down, I must be
feeling guilty
135
00:05:16,744 --> 00:05:18,595
about getting
my friends in trouble!
136
00:05:18,662 --> 00:05:22,532
And my problem won't stop till
I make things right with them!
137
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:26,402
But first, a little
more sleep, hm?
138
00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:28,454
(grunting)
(snoring)
139
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,326
This is the best "I'm sorry"
party Homer's ever thrown.
140
00:05:33,394 --> 00:05:34,861
Who the hell are you?
141
00:05:34,929 --> 00:05:36,362
I'm sorry.
Cheese on that?
142
00:05:36,430 --> 00:05:37,964
Sorry. Hey, Lenny.
143
00:05:38,032 --> 00:05:39,132
Sorry.
144
00:05:39,199 --> 00:05:40,466
One more announcement.
145
00:05:40,534 --> 00:05:42,101
Make sure you whack
146
00:05:42,169 --> 00:05:44,921
"piñata me"
and not "real me."
147
00:05:44,989 --> 00:05:47,490
(grunting)
148
00:05:47,558 --> 00:05:49,142
A lot of work
149
00:05:49,209 --> 00:05:50,627
went into this thing.
150
00:05:50,694 --> 00:05:52,645
(grunting)
151
00:05:52,713 --> 00:05:54,213
Die! Die!
152
00:05:54,281 --> 00:05:56,182
Die!
So, I got to know,
153
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:57,450
do you guys
forgive me?
154
00:05:57,518 --> 00:05:58,952
OTHERS:
Oh, yeah!
155
00:05:59,036 --> 00:06:03,456
Ain't no problem that free food
and free booze won't fix.
156
00:06:03,524 --> 00:06:04,924
Free?! Uh...
157
00:06:04,992 --> 00:06:06,793
Oh...
158
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:08,328
Free it is!
159
00:06:08,395 --> 00:06:09,662
(cheering, whooping)
160
00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:11,264
Thanks, guys.
161
00:06:11,332 --> 00:06:12,298
(chuckles)
162
00:06:12,366 --> 00:06:13,633
Tomorrow morning
163
00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:16,736
my sheets will be as dry
as the surface of Mars,
164
00:06:16,804 --> 00:06:18,371
except for the poles.
165
00:06:18,439 --> 00:06:19,572
(birds chirping)
166
00:06:24,328 --> 00:06:25,695
(gasps)
What the...?
167
00:06:25,763 --> 00:06:27,230
Wet? Again?
168
00:06:27,298 --> 00:06:29,999
Oh, I did the right thing
for nothing!
169
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:32,936
There's only one solution left.
170
00:06:34,171 --> 00:06:35,121
(grunting)
171
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:37,674
Mm-hmm.
172
00:06:37,741 --> 00:06:39,542
Mm-hmm-hmm.
173
00:06:47,084 --> 00:06:49,018
MAN (over loudspeakers):
Homer Simpson!
174
00:06:49,086 --> 00:06:52,588
You forgot your receipt for
your adult bedwetting product!
175
00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:54,157
Homer Simpson!
176
00:06:54,224 --> 00:06:55,692
Are you there?!
177
00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:56,826
(light scraping)
178
00:07:02,299 --> 00:07:04,767
Mm-hmm, okay.
179
00:07:04,835 --> 00:07:08,421
Place detection pad here.
180
00:07:08,489 --> 00:07:12,342
Connect alarm hook-up... here.
181
00:07:12,409 --> 00:07:15,845
Now, that's what I call
looking out for number one.
182
00:07:15,913 --> 00:07:17,113
(chuckles)
183
00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:20,049
(Homer snoring)
184
00:07:20,117 --> 00:07:21,517
(alarm blaring)
185
00:07:21,585 --> 00:07:23,369
(gasps)
What's going on?
186
00:07:23,437 --> 00:07:25,438
Uh, uh, that was
just the fire alarm.
187
00:07:25,506 --> 00:07:27,223
Try to go back to sleep.
188
00:07:27,291 --> 00:07:28,875
(grunting)
Shut up!
189
00:07:28,942 --> 00:07:30,777
(alarm stops)
Oh... (gasps)
190
00:07:30,844 --> 00:07:31,911
(laughs):
Whoa-hoa-hoa!
191
00:07:31,979 --> 00:07:32,879
What's going on?
192
00:07:32,963 --> 00:07:34,480
Is this a joke?
193
00:07:34,548 --> 00:07:37,984
Son, I'm afraid the
Uralarm Whiz-no-more 9000
194
00:07:38,052 --> 00:07:39,686
is no joke.
195
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:41,054
What is going on?
196
00:07:41,121 --> 00:07:42,288
(groans)
197
00:07:42,356 --> 00:07:44,123
Kids, there's something
I have to tell you.
198
00:07:44,191 --> 00:07:46,492
Your mother and I
are wetting the bed.
199
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,194
"We're" wetting the bed?
200
00:07:48,262 --> 00:07:50,930
Hey, when you were pregnant,
everything was "we."
201
00:07:50,998 --> 00:07:52,265
(grumbles)
202
00:07:52,332 --> 00:07:53,666
(smooching, moaning)
203
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:55,201
HOMER:
I'm so turned on.
204
00:07:55,269 --> 00:07:57,303
(both moaning)
205
00:07:59,073 --> 00:08:00,740
(grumbles)
What?
206
00:08:00,808 --> 00:08:02,375
I'm sorry, Homie.
207
00:08:02,443 --> 00:08:04,343
A diaper just isn't sexy.
208
00:08:04,411 --> 00:08:05,845
What about Cupid?
209
00:08:05,913 --> 00:08:07,180
He's smokin' hot.
210
00:08:07,247 --> 00:08:08,881
He's a baby with wings.
211
00:08:08,949 --> 00:08:12,752
Marge, it's not the diaper,
it's what's inside.
212
00:08:12,820 --> 00:08:13,853
(chuckles)
213
00:08:13,921 --> 00:08:16,956
(singing striptease music)
214
00:08:18,225 --> 00:08:20,359
(continues singing
striptease music)
215
00:08:20,427 --> 00:08:22,462
That's just not
doing it for me.
216
00:08:22,529 --> 00:08:23,863
Oh...
217
00:08:25,466 --> 00:08:26,766
(Homer snoring)
218
00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:28,801
(continues snoring)
219
00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:32,972
♪ ♪
220
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:38,611
(explosion, yelling)
221
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,348
Professor Frink,
are you all right?
222
00:08:42,416 --> 00:08:44,500
Oh, yes, yes,
I'm fine, my dear.
223
00:08:44,568 --> 00:08:47,453
I was just trying to get past
the New York Times pay-wall,
224
00:08:47,538 --> 00:08:48,871
and then kaboy!
225
00:08:48,939 --> 00:08:51,107
And what brings you out
in the middle of the night?
226
00:08:51,175 --> 00:08:53,276
It's kind of embarrassing.
227
00:08:53,343 --> 00:08:56,295
Yes, I heard about your
husband's bedwetting problem.
228
00:08:56,363 --> 00:08:58,097
How do you know
about it?
229
00:08:58,165 --> 00:09:00,933
Tweeted by Bart,
re-tweeted by Krusty.
230
00:09:01,001 --> 00:09:02,168
(grumbles)
231
00:09:02,236 --> 00:09:03,503
Well, perhaps I can help.
232
00:09:03,570 --> 00:09:05,638
You see, I have
invented a device
233
00:09:05,706 --> 00:09:08,474
that allows you to enter
someone else's dreams
234
00:09:08,542 --> 00:09:10,777
and explore their
subconscious.
235
00:09:10,844 --> 00:09:13,279
So we can go inside
Homer's sleeping mind
236
00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:15,731
and find out why
he's wetting the bed?
237
00:09:15,799 --> 00:09:17,667
Uh, yes. In fact,
I just used it
238
00:09:17,734 --> 00:09:20,803
to cure another Springfielder
of his particular obsession.
239
00:09:20,871 --> 00:09:23,372
Normal Stu likes
normal things!
240
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,507
Hmm.
241
00:09:24,575 --> 00:09:25,708
(Homer snoring)
242
00:09:27,244 --> 00:09:28,945
(continues snoring)
243
00:09:29,012 --> 00:09:31,514
We're actually entering
Dad's dreams?
244
00:09:31,582 --> 00:09:33,850
Yes, yes. You see,
it's the only way
245
00:09:33,917 --> 00:09:36,919
you can uncover the
psychological trauma
246
00:09:36,987 --> 00:09:39,689
that is causing your
father's secret shame.
247
00:09:39,756 --> 00:09:41,858
Why does Maggie
have to go?
248
00:09:41,925 --> 00:09:43,559
What am I,
a babysitter?!
249
00:09:43,627 --> 00:09:44,677
(click)
250
00:09:44,745 --> 00:09:47,013
(sigh) So no
school for me.
251
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:48,848
(whooshing, zapping)
252
00:09:48,916 --> 00:09:51,818
♪ ♪
253
00:09:51,902 --> 00:09:53,970
(grunting)
254
00:09:54,037 --> 00:09:56,472
(chuckles) Hey, guys,
whatcha doing in my dream?
255
00:09:56,523 --> 00:09:58,107
Trying to fix your broken brain.
256
00:09:58,175 --> 00:09:59,575
My brain's fine.
257
00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:01,861
In my dreams, I'm
an intermediate skier!
258
00:10:03,213 --> 00:10:05,498
♪ ♪
259
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:07,300
(Maggie sucking pacifier)
260
00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:10,870
(sinister laughter)
261
00:10:10,954 --> 00:10:12,755
Ski patrol!
Everybody be cool!
262
00:10:12,822 --> 00:10:14,674
It's Death!
I recognize him
263
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:16,825
from 40th birthday cards.
264
00:10:16,877 --> 00:10:18,611
(Death chuckling)
265
00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,346
Homie, this
might be a clue.
266
00:10:20,430 --> 00:10:21,597
What's in that coffin
267
00:10:21,665 --> 00:10:24,183
could be behind your
nighttime oopsies.
268
00:10:24,268 --> 00:10:25,718
You wet the bed?!
269
00:10:25,802 --> 00:10:28,187
Oh... great!
Now Death knows!
270
00:10:30,023 --> 00:10:32,842
(whimpering)
271
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:33,976
(screams)
272
00:10:34,044 --> 00:10:35,027
What do you see?
273
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:36,845
Uh, nothing,
typical dream nonsense.
274
00:10:40,834 --> 00:10:41,868
(all screaming)
275
00:10:41,952 --> 00:10:43,202
Relax.
276
00:10:43,287 --> 00:10:45,321
Everyone knows
that if you die in a dream,
277
00:10:45,372 --> 00:10:46,522
you just wake up.
278
00:10:46,573 --> 00:10:47,990
(phone rings)
279
00:10:48,041 --> 00:10:49,742
Oh, uh, actually,
280
00:10:49,826 --> 00:10:53,829
because I neglected to install
the latest Adobe Acrobat update,
281
00:10:53,897 --> 00:10:56,966
if you die in the dream,
you die in real life.
282
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:57,867
(gasps)
283
00:10:57,935 --> 00:10:59,402
Incidentally, I've also proven
284
00:10:59,469 --> 00:11:02,071
that Hell is real,
and everyone goes there.
285
00:11:02,139 --> 00:11:03,089
Frink out.
286
00:11:03,156 --> 00:11:05,141
(all screaming)
287
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,459
(screaming)
288
00:11:09,243 --> 00:11:11,361
Wait a minute,
I can't die.
289
00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:13,297
(roaring)
290
00:11:13,364 --> 00:11:14,498
Mommy.
291
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:17,167
(screaming resumes)
292
00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,385
Listen, everyone.
293
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:20,220
We should fall asleep
in this dream.
294
00:11:20,305 --> 00:11:21,672
One minute at this level
295
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,491
equals two hours one
dream level below.
296
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,875
Wait, dreams have rules?
297
00:11:25,927 --> 00:11:27,728
Everything has rules, Bart.
298
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,379
Not me, when I hit
the dance floor.
299
00:11:29,430 --> 00:11:31,264
(making goofy noises)
300
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:37,821
Ooh-ooh-ooh!
Ah-ah-ah!
301
00:11:42,393 --> 00:11:43,777
(snoring)
302
00:11:48,132 --> 00:11:49,866
(belches)
Bart!
303
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:52,719
Can the chatter
and fetch me a baloney sandwich.
304
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:54,521
Why don't you
fetch it yourself, man.
305
00:11:55,857 --> 00:11:57,958
Bart's making faces!
306
00:11:58,026 --> 00:12:00,644
Shut up, you kids,
and bring me baloney.
307
00:12:00,712 --> 00:12:02,646
(grunting)
308
00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:04,815
Wait nicely.
309
00:12:04,882 --> 00:12:06,750
Simpson family?
310
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,089
Now, I believe that to
solve Homer's problem,
311
00:12:12,156 --> 00:12:13,890
he must face what's
inside the coffin.
312
00:12:13,958 --> 00:12:15,926
Forget it, Doc.
313
00:12:15,993 --> 00:12:17,694
What if that's
my marriage in there?
314
00:12:17,762 --> 00:12:18,762
Marriage, shmarriage.
315
00:12:18,830 --> 00:12:20,197
What's in the box, man?
316
00:12:21,999 --> 00:12:22,916
(yelling)
317
00:12:24,485 --> 00:12:27,070
See what your monkeyshines
have done, boy?
318
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,239
Still smells better than
your gym socks, man.
319
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,724
Why you little...
320
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:34,177
I'll teach you to make fun
of my socks.
321
00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:35,195
Here, quick!
322
00:12:35,263 --> 00:12:36,797
Everyone into my dream!
323
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,454
(gasps)
324
00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:49,292
What brings thy merry band
to Stratford's plains?
325
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:50,444
Forsooth,
a myst'ry doth confound...
326
00:12:50,511 --> 00:12:52,379
In your dreams.
327
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,150
We never do my thing.
328
00:13:00,538 --> 00:13:02,239
Ooh...
329
00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:03,273
Huh?
330
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,475
(grunts, gasps)
331
00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:09,145
I know this dream.
332
00:13:09,197 --> 00:13:11,014
It's the land of my
innermost thoughts
333
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,816
and fondest desires.
334
00:13:12,884 --> 00:13:14,718
At last we'll get
to the bottom of...
335
00:13:14,786 --> 00:13:16,153
WOMAN:
Welcome back, handsome.
336
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,606
(nervous giggles)
337
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,842
Uh, Marge,
this is my friend Keggy.
338
00:13:21,909 --> 00:13:23,894
Mmm...
339
00:13:23,961 --> 00:13:25,228
Oh...
340
00:13:53,841 --> 00:13:55,308
(doors ding)
341
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:02,799
In this fantasy Kwik-E-Mart,
you get your change in bacon.
342
00:14:02,867 --> 00:14:04,017
Whoo-hoo!
343
00:14:09,407 --> 00:14:12,275
MOES: In this place mothers
are for drunk driving.
344
00:14:12,343 --> 00:14:14,544
ALL:
Chug! Chug! Chug!
345
00:14:14,612 --> 00:14:16,379
Hey Dad, if this is
your fantasy world,
346
00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:17,931
how come Flanders is here?
347
00:14:17,999 --> 00:14:19,332
Hi-diddly-ho, dream team!
348
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,684
(screams)
349
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,102
Where's my God now?
350
00:14:22,170 --> 00:14:23,603
(laughing)
351
00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:24,955
Homie!
352
00:14:25,022 --> 00:14:27,190
We're here to find answers
to your problem.
353
00:14:27,258 --> 00:14:28,825
We know there's a
marriage in trouble,
354
00:14:28,893 --> 00:14:30,393
and it has something
to do with fish.
355
00:14:31,562 --> 00:14:33,096
Oh, lighten up, Marge.
356
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:34,865
I take you
to the Disneyland of me,
357
00:14:34,932 --> 00:14:37,033
and you just want
to go to the lost and found.
358
00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:38,268
Well, guess what?
359
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,670
We're staying
in this dream forever.
360
00:14:43,207 --> 00:14:45,108
(laughing)
361
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:48,144
Whoo-hoo! (laughs)
Wheeee!
362
00:14:48,212 --> 00:14:50,280
I'm in me!
(laughs)
363
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,816
Oh, I love the down part!
364
00:14:52,884 --> 00:14:54,351
Here it comes! Whoo-hoo!
365
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,554
(humming)
366
00:15:00,224 --> 00:15:03,493
Unplug these people,
Dr. Ker-dork-ian!
367
00:15:03,561 --> 00:15:05,712
Oh, you foolish man,
if I unhook them now,
368
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,315
I won't know if this
is safe to use on chimps!
369
00:15:08,382 --> 00:15:09,716
All right,
I'll do it myself.
370
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,618
Give me that, give me it!
No!
371
00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:12,769
Oh, the largeness!
372
00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:26,783
(screaming)
373
00:15:35,927 --> 00:15:37,260
(shrieks) Quick!
374
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:38,628
Gum up the gears with Moes.
375
00:15:43,351 --> 00:15:45,085
Hey, you know what's good for
cleaning Moe gunk
376
00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:46,186
out of your gears?
377
00:15:46,254 --> 00:15:47,654
White vinegar. Yeah.
378
00:15:47,722 --> 00:15:48,555
(screaming)
379
00:16:00,461 --> 00:16:02,298
Uh, we're goona be here
a long time.
380
00:16:21,995 --> 00:16:24,543
Oh Death, you're a life saver.
381
00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:33,042
Thank you, Death.
382
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:35,536
May I ask, what's
taken so long with Larry King?
383
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,274
I am not...
384
00:16:38,113 --> 00:16:38,846
Death.
385
00:16:38,871 --> 00:16:39,781
Mom?!
386
00:16:39,806 --> 00:16:41,006
Grandma
387
00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:42,636
So your alive?
388
00:16:42,661 --> 00:16:45,703
No. But I live on
in Homer's dreams.
389
00:16:45,728 --> 00:16:48,129
Just like my hair.
390
00:16:48,154 --> 00:16:50,653
It's Jennifer Aniston's hair
on Friends.
391
00:16:50,678 --> 00:16:54,061
Exactly like Chandler,
always criticizing.
392
00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:56,723
Now, I have something
to show you.
393
00:16:56,748 --> 00:16:59,938
Something that just
might help Homer wake up dry.
394
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,426
Hmm.
Wow.
395
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,641
Roomy.
396
00:17:10,147 --> 00:17:11,830
While you boys are out
playing in the boat
397
00:17:11,855 --> 00:17:14,074
I'll go to the store
and pick us up some dinner.
398
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,304
No need. With two Simpson
men in the boat
399
00:17:16,329 --> 00:17:19,216
will bring you back
a pile of fish.
400
00:17:19,241 --> 00:17:21,274
I'm in charge
of the tackle box
401
00:17:24,979 --> 00:17:26,973
Ha-ha. And we're off
402
00:17:26,998 --> 00:17:28,198
Bye.
403
00:17:28,986 --> 00:17:31,957
(laughing) Man Homer, you've
always been a loser.
404
00:17:32,450 --> 00:17:35,048
Why you little...
there's nothing in this dream
405
00:17:35,073 --> 00:17:37,092
world that can't strangle you.
406
00:17:38,673 --> 00:17:42,391
Um, I hear you and mommy
yelling again last night.
407
00:17:42,416 --> 00:17:44,453
Oh, no, no.
408
00:17:44,478 --> 00:17:46,578
It was just a TV show.
409
00:17:46,613 --> 00:17:49,715
Mitch Miller was yelling
at one of his idiot singers.
410
00:17:49,783 --> 00:17:52,351
You just concentrate
on catching the fish
411
00:17:52,418 --> 00:17:55,521
and not whether there'll be
someone there to cook it.
412
00:17:55,588 --> 00:17:56,822
I got a bite!
413
00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:58,590
We got a fish!
We got a fish!
414
00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:00,442
All right,
settle down there, boy.
415
00:18:00,527 --> 00:18:02,261
After we eat it,
can we let it go?
416
00:18:02,328 --> 00:18:03,629
Can we catch
a submarine?
417
00:18:03,696 --> 00:18:04,596
(both scream)
418
00:18:07,684 --> 00:18:09,852
MONA: You got home hours late
with no fish.
419
00:18:09,919 --> 00:18:11,453
It was only
a few weeks later
420
00:18:11,521 --> 00:18:13,205
that I left your father
for good.
421
00:18:13,273 --> 00:18:16,291
You left him because
I tipped the boat over
422
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,026
and ruined the vacation?
423
00:18:18,094 --> 00:18:19,394
Pathetic.
424
00:18:19,462 --> 00:18:21,046
A kid who can't keep
his parents' marriage together
425
00:18:21,114 --> 00:18:22,447
is no kid at all.
426
00:18:22,515 --> 00:18:23,599
It's true!
427
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:26,134
I failed the basic duty
of childhood.
428
00:18:26,202 --> 00:18:27,436
(gasps)
429
00:18:27,504 --> 00:18:29,071
And then when
I took Bart fishing,
430
00:18:29,138 --> 00:18:32,207
it all came back, and the guilt
made me wet the bed.
431
00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:34,126
Case closed.
432
00:18:34,194 --> 00:18:35,260
Mm-hmm.
433
00:18:35,328 --> 00:18:37,262
Now, let's return
our dream skis.
434
00:18:37,330 --> 00:18:38,897
Case not closed.
Hmm?
435
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:41,517
Homer, you have nothing
to feel guilty about,
436
00:18:41,584 --> 00:18:43,385
and I can show you.
437
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:44,353
Roll the
film, Cletus.
438
00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:45,787
"Roll the film, Cletus."
439
00:18:45,855 --> 00:18:46,955
"Kiss me, Cletus."
440
00:18:47,023 --> 00:18:49,558
Whatever you say, boss lady.
441
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,377
Sorry, Mona.
442
00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:55,180
We had more of an adventure
than we planned on.
443
00:18:55,248 --> 00:18:56,582
It's okay, Abe.
444
00:18:56,649 --> 00:18:59,017
You brought back
the only treasure I care about.
445
00:19:01,037 --> 00:19:04,139
And when the time came that
I had to leave your father,
446
00:19:04,207 --> 00:19:06,024
I knew you were
in good hands.
447
00:19:06,092 --> 00:19:07,376
I'm cured!
448
00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,344
I'll never
wet the bed again.
449
00:19:09,429 --> 00:19:11,246
And maybe you'll stop
overeating, too.
450
00:19:11,314 --> 00:19:12,648
No can do, baby.
451
00:19:12,715 --> 00:19:14,666
(loud rumbling)
452
00:19:16,469 --> 00:19:18,370
And never
forget, Homer:
453
00:19:18,438 --> 00:19:22,257
the three of us will always
be together, in your memory.
454
00:19:22,325 --> 00:19:24,109
Right next to
the movie trivia.
455
00:19:24,177 --> 00:19:26,011
Stanley Kubrick
wanted Robin Williams
456
00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:27,596
to star in The Shining.
457
00:19:27,664 --> 00:19:30,999
Casablanca was originally
going to star Ronald Reagan.
458
00:19:31,067 --> 00:19:33,435
There was a Grease 2,
and I wasn't in it.
459
00:19:33,503 --> 00:19:34,503
Whoa!
Hey, watch it!
460
00:19:34,571 --> 00:19:35,821
There you go again.
Shazbot!
461
00:19:35,872 --> 00:19:40,092
And now you'd better
run along, sweetheart.
462
00:19:40,159 --> 00:19:41,627
Good-bye.
463
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,914
Hmm?
464
00:19:45,982 --> 00:19:47,599
Hmm?
465
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:49,268
Huh?
466
00:19:49,335 --> 00:19:51,203
(mumbles)
467
00:19:51,271 --> 00:19:53,171
(grunts)
468
00:19:53,239 --> 00:19:55,974
(gasping)
469
00:19:56,042 --> 00:19:58,043
Whoo-hoo! I'm dry!
470
00:19:58,111 --> 00:20:00,979
Come on, everybody,
feel Daddy's underpants!
471
00:20:01,047 --> 00:20:02,581
We'll take your
word for it.
472
00:20:03,983 --> 00:20:05,350
So what do I do again?
473
00:20:05,418 --> 00:20:06,685
Spin the top.
474
00:20:06,753 --> 00:20:08,937
If it falls over,
we're in reality.
475
00:20:09,005 --> 00:20:11,540
If it spins forever,
we're still in a dream.
476
00:20:11,608 --> 00:20:12,474
All right.
477
00:20:14,877 --> 00:20:16,411
Look at it go!
478
00:20:16,479 --> 00:20:17,913
All right!
479
00:20:17,981 --> 00:20:19,314
Hey, since it's a dream,
480
00:20:19,382 --> 00:20:21,617
let's ride our bikes naked
around town.
481
00:20:21,857 --> 00:20:23,625
Sounds like a plan.
482
00:20:23,692 --> 00:20:25,243
(both laughing)
483
00:20:29,615 --> 00:20:30,915
MARGE:
Is that hail coming down?
484
00:20:30,983 --> 00:20:32,050
HOMER:
It's just dream hail.
485
00:20:32,118 --> 00:20:33,318
Ow! Ooh! Ow!
486
00:20:33,385 --> 00:20:35,982
Dream hail!
(screaming)
487
00:20:36,057 --> 00:20:37,658
Hey, there's a dream truck.
488
00:20:37,726 --> 00:20:39,393
(thud)
Ow!
489
00:20:39,461 --> 00:20:42,661
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
490
00:20:42,682 --> 00:20:47,413
♪ When you were little,
you dreamed you were big ♪
491
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:52,384
♪ You must have been something,
a real tiny kid ♪
492
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:57,088
♪ When you were big
and needed advice ♪
493
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:59,591
♪ You reached for your mom ♪
494
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:03,890
♪ You dreamed me alive ♪
495
00:21:05,310 --> 00:21:10,500
♪ And your dream had a name ♪
496
00:21:10,525 --> 00:21:16,222
♪ And the name told your story ♪
497
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:20,766
♪ It's called, growing up ♪
498
00:21:20,791 --> 00:21:25,921
♪ You're the dream operator ♪