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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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(upbeat march plays)
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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Oh, my.
What a cute beret.
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Cute?!
Puppies are cute!
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Reese Witherspoon before
children was cute.
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Ma'am, this hat symbolizes
the Army's transition
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into a 21st-century
fighting force
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with the power to slug it out
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and win campaigns decisively!
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(chuckles) It must be fun
to play an Army guy.
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Play?!
Puppies play!
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Reese Witherspoon plays
to her strengths
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when she takes on
middle-of-the-road
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romantic comedies
like Sweet Home Alabama!
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Ma'am, Sergeant Pepper
serves his country
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in the Army Reserves,
preserving freedom!
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No matter how dangerous it gets,
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no matter who I have to kill...
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("Cold Hearted" by Paula Abdul plays)
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♪ He's a coldhearted snake ♪
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♪ Look into his eyes ♪
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♪ Uh-oh ♪
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♪ He's been telling lies ♪
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♪ He's a lover boy at play... ♪
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Oh, I have to take this.
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I love hanging out with your parents.
35
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They were right about my colors.
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I am an autumn.
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Yeah, my folks are the best.
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Hey, Dads.
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Why are we pretending to
be his parents again?
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Because neither one of us
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has anything left
to say to each other.
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I know.
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Sorry I'm late.
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I was in IKEA, and I couldn't
figure out how to leave.
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Every path led back
to "Home Office."
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It's okay, Dr. Penguin.
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(sighs) I've been feeling
really guilty about...
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Hold on.
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00:02:06,129 --> 00:02:07,263
Well, I've just been...
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Oh, hang on.
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There we go. Shoot.
54
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Dr. Penguin,
I'm still hiding
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my new girlfriend from my mom and dad.
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Uh-oh.
That's normal--
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a teenager embarrassed of his parents.
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It's more than that.
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I've actually been
pretending my neighbors,
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Greg and Terry, are my parents.
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Yes, I know them.
I painted them.
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My folks would be devastated
if they knew the truth.
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What should I do?
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(inhales deeply)
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Wow. I am hungrier
than I thought.
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(sniffs)
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And you need to keep lying.
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What?!
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Eventually, it'll become second nature
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and you'll stop feeling guilty.
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Okay.
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Thanks, Dr. Penguin.
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I always feel safe here.
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How many times have you
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been playing with yourself a day?
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Three. We're going to up that to five.
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You can take this prescription
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to any room in the house
with Kleenex and have it filled.
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Thanks, Doc.
80
00:03:01,234 --> 00:03:04,336
Ugh. I can't believe the family
comes to you for therapy.
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00:03:04,404 --> 00:03:06,272
People shouldn't ignore their emotions
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and avoid their problems.
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What do you know?
You're just a stupid fish.
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I am a man in a fish's body.
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I studied psychology
at Frankfurt University!
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If they came to me
with their problems,
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I could actually help
them, not to mention get
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the respect I deserve in this family!
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Snow globe!
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No! Nooooooo!
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00:03:26,910 --> 00:03:29,245
I've got a couple more hours
here at the office, honey,
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but I'll definitely be home
for dinner.
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Babe, I got to go.
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Somebody just dropped a bunch
of work on my desk.
95
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What?
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I eat here every day before I go home
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because I can't stand
my wife's cooking.
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What, you never lie to your wife?
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Sir, I'm a woman.
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Uh, of course you are.
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I should have noticed.
You're clearly pregnant.
102
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No, I'm not.
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Of course you're not.
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You're far too old to be pregnant.
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I'm 23.
106
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Well, I would apologize to you
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if you didn't look like a fat old man.
108
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It doesn't mean I love her any less.
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It's just her food, right?
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Of course.
What's important here
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is to avoid the truth at all costs.
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I've always said,
"What's important here
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is to avoid the truth
at all costs."
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Jeff, we're ready for you.
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Hey.
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Hi.
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Whenever Hayley wants to have sex,
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I have to think about Francine.
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It's the only way I can get excited.
120
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
121
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Jeff, do you have belly hair?
122
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What? We'll circle back, Jeff.
123
00:04:33,643 --> 00:04:35,945
My advice to you is to stop
worrying about it.
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Ugh. What?!
125
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It's natural to think about Francine
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when you're sleeping with Hayley.
127
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No!
That's terrible advice!
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What people don't know
can't hurt them.
129
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Oh, you're so
wise, Dr. P.
130
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No! Listen to me!
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Relationships are much stronger
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when they are based
on truth and honesty.
133
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(sighs) Punch a fish, make a wish.
134
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Can Cost Plus make something
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that doesn't smell funny
and break two days later?
136
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:07,409
So nice of you to have me to dinner.
137
00:05:07,477 --> 00:05:09,278
I don't ordinarily
dine with my patients.
138
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I tend to suck on food erotically,
139
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and it makes people uncomfortable.
140
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Lentils are ready.
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Delicious!
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(whirring)
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(animal snarling)
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Mail came.
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I'm going to eat after I do my miles.
146
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Mmm! Mmm. Mmm.
147
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Who's Sergeant Pepper?
148
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Well, thank you for a lovely evening.
149
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I see you didn't open
the wine I brought,
150
00:05:41,394 --> 00:05:43,412
so I am taking it with me.
151
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:46,131
Just drinking a nice young
Beaujolais with the boys.
152
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Heard I got some mail.
153
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Oh. I see.
154
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It's happened.
155
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I've been called on to serve.
156
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,308
What? Where?
In Iraq.
157
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Oh, no!
It's all right, ma'am.
158
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That's what all that
training was for, I suppose.
159
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Say your prayers, Iraqis,
and I'll say mine.
160
00:06:04,217 --> 00:06:05,951
Ow! I stepped
on that glass!
161
00:06:06,019 --> 00:06:08,387
I stepped on that
mother-lovin' glass!
162
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:10,489
You're all sued when I get back!
163
00:06:10,557 --> 00:06:12,424
Wait. Can I still see
Dr. Penguin?
164
00:06:12,492 --> 00:06:14,259
If Pepper's going to Iraq,
165
00:06:14,327 --> 00:06:16,628
I think it's pretty
obvious that Dr. Penguin
166
00:06:16,696 --> 00:06:19,698
will be staying with his
Aunt Evelyn for a while.
167
00:06:20,934 --> 00:06:22,551
Wait. You can't
go to Iraq.
168
00:06:22,619 --> 00:06:24,219
I'm still lying to Jeff
169
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about where I go
when I say I'm jogging.
170
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I need Dr. Penguin
to tell me it's fine.
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No can do.
It's official.
172
00:06:32,178 --> 00:06:34,029
(laughing maniacally)
173
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Bye-bye, Dr. Penguin!
174
00:06:36,499 --> 00:06:39,768
Dr. Klaus is in the house.
175
00:06:39,836 --> 00:06:43,272
Well, who else shall I send to Iraq?
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That jerk at the dry cleaners
who lost my tie.
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(sobbing)
178
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How could this happen?
179
00:06:52,949 --> 00:06:54,983
You're not even in the Reserves.
180
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Don't worry. I know a place
where they'll never find me.
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(buzzer sounds)
182
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Shh...
183
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(sobbing)
184
00:07:20,777 --> 00:07:22,340
Save your tears, maggots.
185
00:07:22,460 --> 00:07:24,646
I'm off to Iraq to
preserve your freedom.
186
00:07:24,823 --> 00:07:27,458
Keep you in two-ply
toilet paper and soy milk.
187
00:07:27,526 --> 00:07:30,027
You pansies make me sick!
188
00:07:30,095 --> 00:07:31,262
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm.
189
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Wait for me.
190
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(sighs dreamily)
191
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,201
Good day to everyone.
192
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I just wanted to say
that I will be taking over
193
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Dr. Penguin's practice
while he's away.
194
00:07:42,174 --> 00:07:43,574
You can't just put on glasses
195
00:07:43,642 --> 00:07:45,276
and pretend to be a doctor, Klaus.
196
00:07:45,343 --> 00:07:48,245
The glasses are prescription,
and I am not pretending.
197
00:07:48,313 --> 00:07:50,147
Ugh. Stop talking, fish.
198
00:07:50,215 --> 00:07:52,149
I am not a fish.
199
00:07:52,217 --> 00:07:54,752
I am a man in a fish's body.
200
00:07:54,819 --> 00:07:56,820
Look, all of you have serious issues,
201
00:07:56,888 --> 00:07:58,622
and I can help you.
202
00:07:58,690 --> 00:08:01,792
Now, I will have office hours
in the attic from 9:00 to 5:00.
203
00:08:04,162 --> 00:08:05,462
Or whenever.
204
00:08:05,530 --> 00:08:06,897
Any time is good.
205
00:08:06,965 --> 00:08:07,998
If you can't find me,
206
00:08:08,066 --> 00:08:08,999
check the pantry.
207
00:08:09,067 --> 00:08:10,067
I go in there
208
00:08:10,135 --> 00:08:11,101
to eat baking chocolate
209
00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:12,336
and cry sometimes.
210
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:17,741
Can you help me, Klaus?
211
00:08:24,749 --> 00:08:26,984
Of course I can help you.
212
00:08:27,052 --> 00:08:29,019
I can't find my phone.
Have you seen it?
213
00:08:29,087 --> 00:08:30,387
Ph-Phone?!
214
00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:33,057
But what about the lies
you tell your husband?
215
00:08:33,124 --> 00:08:34,225
Oh, wait. (sighs)
216
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:36,060
I left it in the kitchen.
217
00:08:42,734 --> 00:08:45,436
ROGER: You hear an IED
blew a troop transport
218
00:08:45,503 --> 00:08:46,937
over on its side yesterday?
Yes, Sergeant.
219
00:08:47,022 --> 00:08:48,872
On the got-dang
main road.
220
00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:50,407
Till they get a Boomerang
221
00:08:50,475 --> 00:08:52,343
anti-sniper system on
that son of a bitch,
222
00:08:52,410 --> 00:08:54,545
I'd rather drag ass through
the streets on foot.
223
00:08:54,613 --> 00:08:56,380
Uh, Sarge, the bot isn't working.
224
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:57,848
It stopped halfway to the target.
225
00:09:04,189 --> 00:09:05,422
I'm suiting up.
226
00:09:05,507 --> 00:09:06,473
But, sir, don't you think...
227
00:09:06,541 --> 00:09:07,608
I don't think.
228
00:09:07,676 --> 00:09:08,943
That's why I'm the perfect soldier.
229
00:09:09,010 --> 00:09:10,911
And the perfect guy
to watch movies with.
230
00:09:10,979 --> 00:09:13,297
I don't poke holes.
I just enjoy the ride.
231
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:17,518
Give me some sizzle.
232
00:09:17,585 --> 00:09:19,753
(both make sizzling sound)
233
00:09:26,745 --> 00:09:28,929
I'm going in on foot.
234
00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:31,448
(filtered breathing)
235
00:09:40,859 --> 00:09:41,925
(door creaking)
236
00:09:41,993 --> 00:09:43,394
(flies buzzing)
237
00:09:43,461 --> 00:09:46,397
He is the ballsiest
outhouse cleaner we got.
238
00:09:46,464 --> 00:09:49,099
Let's do this.
239
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:51,852
(vacuum whirring)
240
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,137
(thump)
241
00:09:53,221 --> 00:09:54,855
Oh, we got a meat clog, Private.
242
00:09:54,923 --> 00:09:56,857
Up the suction.
243
00:09:59,661 --> 00:10:01,729
No one showed up
to my office hours, Charlie.
244
00:10:01,796 --> 00:10:05,332
I... I just can't get them
to take me seriously.
245
00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:09,353
Why, that's good advice, Charlie.
246
00:10:09,421 --> 00:10:11,422
I'll... I'll try that.
247
00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:13,741
What?
Now, that's strange.
248
00:10:13,808 --> 00:10:16,143
Did you wait three days
to cash it like I asked you?
249
00:10:16,211 --> 00:10:17,745
Because I have the money.
250
00:10:17,812 --> 00:10:20,814
I have, like, way more money
than that, even.
251
00:10:20,882 --> 00:10:22,616
(sobbing)
252
00:10:22,684 --> 00:10:25,519
I don't have very much money.
253
00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:30,507
(chuckles) Here we go.
254
00:10:30,575 --> 00:10:33,444
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
255
00:10:33,511 --> 00:10:35,245
Hello, Stan.
256
00:10:35,313 --> 00:10:36,914
(sighs) What now?
257
00:10:36,981 --> 00:10:39,049
What now?
Oh, nothing.
258
00:10:39,117 --> 00:10:42,753
Just that Steve has a girlfriend
he hasn't introduced you to.
259
00:10:42,821 --> 00:10:45,122
What? He doesn't
have a girlfriend.
260
00:10:45,190 --> 00:10:47,057
(laughs) He does.
261
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:49,293
He's so embarrassed
of you and Francine
262
00:10:49,361 --> 00:10:51,962
that he's pretending
Greg and Terry are his parents.
263
00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:53,814
(gasps) Look, there they are now,
264
00:10:53,882 --> 00:10:55,549
acting out Rocky Horror.
265
00:11:00,422 --> 00:11:02,122
Francine, get in here.
266
00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:04,224
What happened?
Did I win?
267
00:11:04,292 --> 00:11:06,160
Steve is pretending that Greg
and Terry are his parents!
268
00:11:06,227 --> 00:11:07,494
What?
269
00:11:07,545 --> 00:11:09,446
That little son of a b's
got a girlfriend
270
00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:11,315
and he's hiding us from her
because he's embarrassed.
271
00:11:11,383 --> 00:11:13,434
KLAUS: You should
talk to a professional.
272
00:11:13,501 --> 00:11:15,069
Now, my office hours
are 9:00 to--
273
00:11:15,136 --> 00:11:16,754
That four-eyed bastard!
274
00:11:16,838 --> 00:11:19,390
That malnourished, pasty geek!
275
00:11:19,457 --> 00:11:21,592
I knew I should've aborted him.
276
00:11:21,659 --> 00:11:22,726
Goodness!
277
00:11:26,398 --> 00:11:27,898
How you doing in there, Sarge?
278
00:11:27,966 --> 00:11:30,717
It's 110 in here
and I'm on the wrong end
279
00:11:30,769 --> 00:11:32,686
of a falafel plate,
that's how I'm doing.
280
00:11:32,754 --> 00:11:35,139
Damn it!
The Shnozzle attachment fell in.
281
00:11:36,991 --> 00:11:38,325
PRIVATE: I don't like
this, it's too quiet.
282
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:39,193
Get outta there, Sarge.
283
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,994
Just need a few more seconds...
284
00:11:46,835 --> 00:11:48,268
Oh.
285
00:11:48,336 --> 00:11:49,236
PRIVATE:
Sarge, don't go in!
286
00:11:49,304 --> 00:11:50,204
It's not worth it!
287
00:11:59,731 --> 00:12:01,632
We got a native inbound!
288
00:12:01,699 --> 00:12:02,699
PRIVATE:
Come on! Get outta there.
289
00:12:02,767 --> 00:12:04,435
Oh, man! Oh, man!
290
00:12:04,502 --> 00:12:05,836
Maybe he's just going number one.
291
00:12:05,904 --> 00:12:10,441
He's got a magazine!
292
00:12:10,508 --> 00:12:13,377
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.
293
00:12:14,579 --> 00:12:16,013
(farting echoes)
294
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,948
(Roger screams)
295
00:12:20,118 --> 00:12:21,285
(short, squishy fart)
296
00:12:23,922 --> 00:12:25,689
We know you have a girlfriend!
297
00:12:25,757 --> 00:12:27,791
Me?! A girlfriend?!
298
00:12:27,859 --> 00:12:29,393
Isn't that a little far fetched?
299
00:12:29,461 --> 00:12:30,794
It is a little far fetched...
300
00:12:30,862 --> 00:12:32,196
You just saw her, Stan!
301
00:12:32,263 --> 00:12:33,597
I just saw her, Steve!
302
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:34,765
Klaus, what the hell?!
303
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,066
What the hell, you!
304
00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:38,619
Tell them how you feel, Steve.
305
00:12:38,686 --> 00:12:40,387
I feel like I can't
bring anyone around here
306
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:41,672
'cause Dad's a lunatic!
307
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:43,073
And if he doesn't drive 'em away,
308
00:12:43,141 --> 00:12:44,708
Mom's food will probably kill them!
309
00:12:44,776 --> 00:12:46,059
How dare you!
310
00:12:46,127 --> 00:12:47,478
I'm a great cook!
311
00:12:47,545 --> 00:12:49,046
Yes! The best!
So much!
312
00:12:49,113 --> 00:12:52,866
Come on, Stan, it's
your turn to be honest.
313
00:12:52,934 --> 00:12:55,269
Leaving work at
4:00 every day...
314
00:12:55,336 --> 00:12:56,737
the pre-eating...
315
00:12:56,804 --> 00:12:58,205
What's he talking about?
316
00:12:58,273 --> 00:13:00,507
Sometimes I'll have
a snack before dinner...
317
00:13:00,575 --> 00:13:02,009
Your cooking goes here!
318
00:13:04,913 --> 00:13:07,598
He hasn't eaten a meal
of yours in ten years!
319
00:13:07,665 --> 00:13:10,200
Some of these wolves
are fourth generation!
320
00:13:10,268 --> 00:13:11,802
Inbred dinner wolves!
321
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:13,203
This is what I'm talking about!
322
00:13:13,271 --> 00:13:14,671
Embarrassing!
323
00:13:14,739 --> 00:13:17,007
Stan, you have some nerve!
324
00:13:17,075 --> 00:13:18,342
Francine.
325
00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:20,494
The "emergency fund?"
326
00:13:20,562 --> 00:13:22,246
Wait, wait, wait,
what's the emergency fund?
327
00:13:22,313 --> 00:13:25,682
So I take $50 from
your wallet every week.
328
00:13:25,750 --> 00:13:26,884
For...
329
00:13:26,951 --> 00:13:28,151
(quietly):
Drugs.
330
00:13:28,219 --> 00:13:29,853
What?!
Drugs.
331
00:13:29,921 --> 00:13:32,055
Drugs, okay?
332
00:13:32,123 --> 00:13:33,840
Jeff and Hayley, come in.
333
00:13:33,892 --> 00:13:36,810
We're undoing years of damage
caused by Dr. Penguin.
334
00:13:36,878 --> 00:13:39,079
Come on, Jeff, out with it.
335
00:13:39,147 --> 00:13:40,430
No way.
336
00:13:40,498 --> 00:13:42,766
I'll start you off and you finish.
337
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:46,870
Hayley, Jeff can only
have sex with you if...
338
00:13:46,938 --> 00:13:48,772
if...
339
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:50,290
he's thinking about your mother.
340
00:13:50,358 --> 00:13:52,359
Oops, I said the whole thing.
341
00:13:52,427 --> 00:13:53,760
That's sick!
342
00:13:53,828 --> 00:13:55,762
Hayley, you should be honest about
343
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:58,865
what you really do
when you go "jogging."
344
00:13:58,933 --> 00:14:00,100
You shut your mouth.
345
00:14:00,168 --> 00:14:02,102
She's playing Ultimate
Frisbee without you.
346
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:03,870
Noooo!
347
00:14:03,938 --> 00:14:05,706
Why, Hayley?!
Why?!
348
00:14:05,773 --> 00:14:07,007
Because this is you throwing.
349
00:14:07,075 --> 00:14:08,041
"Ehh."
350
00:14:08,109 --> 00:14:09,176
And this is you catching.
351
00:14:09,244 --> 00:14:10,310
"Ahh!"
352
00:14:10,378 --> 00:14:12,246
That's wonderful mime work!
353
00:14:12,313 --> 00:14:15,749
I guess you're just
good at everything!
354
00:14:15,817 --> 00:14:18,085
Jeff, wait! Now that
the truth is out,
355
00:14:18,152 --> 00:14:21,021
we need to discuss ways for you
and Hayley to regain intimacy!
356
00:14:21,089 --> 00:14:22,456
Yeah, Jeff, come back.
357
00:14:22,523 --> 00:14:23,924
I came out of your favorite place.
358
00:14:23,992 --> 00:14:25,692
Maybe you can still smell it on me!
359
00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:29,096
I guess Jeff gets turned on
by thieves, huh, Francine?
360
00:14:29,163 --> 00:14:31,365
Shut up, you pre-eating
douche bag!
361
00:14:31,432 --> 00:14:35,469
Okay, guys, guys, if we do the
work, we can get through this...
362
00:14:35,536 --> 00:14:37,387
This is why I don't bring
my girlfriend home!
363
00:14:37,455 --> 00:14:39,373
You know what they're doing
at my two dads' house?
364
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:40,741
Eating cheeses!
365
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:41,694
From Europe!
366
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:43,398
Sans crackers!
367
00:14:43,518 --> 00:14:45,860
That's right, I said a French word!
368
00:14:45,913 --> 00:14:47,614
I learned it over there!
369
00:14:47,682 --> 00:14:49,483
Au revoir, les enfants!
370
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:51,715
That means (bleep) you!
371
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:55,489
Well, this feels like
a natural stopping point.
372
00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:09,126
Aah! Stop it, Stan!
373
00:15:09,246 --> 00:15:10,736
You destroyed my family!
374
00:15:10,856 --> 00:15:13,252
But if you would all just
listen to me, I could fix it!
375
00:15:13,381 --> 00:15:15,382
The only one who can fix
this is Dr. Penguin!
376
00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:17,417
Ow, okay, fine!
377
00:15:17,485 --> 00:15:20,504
For some reason, Roger is the
only therapist you'll listen to!
378
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:22,072
I'll get him back!
379
00:15:22,140 --> 00:15:24,910
How the hell is a fish going to
get an alien back from Iraq?
380
00:15:38,126 --> 00:15:39,389
Where's Sergeant Pepper?
381
00:15:39,457 --> 00:15:40,724
Are you in the Army?
382
00:15:40,792 --> 00:15:42,159
Are you in the dummy?
383
00:15:42,226 --> 00:15:43,360
Now where's Pepper?
384
00:15:43,428 --> 00:15:44,961
He's in the Rec Tent.
385
00:15:45,029 --> 00:15:48,432
If you ever need some bitches,
remember, White James.
386
00:15:54,989 --> 00:15:56,923
You Sergeant Pepper?
387
00:15:56,991 --> 00:15:59,209
You the one who cleaned
the toilet by the grotto?
388
00:15:59,277 --> 00:16:00,761
Uh, uh, yes, sir.
389
00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:02,763
You're a wild man, you know that?
390
00:16:02,830 --> 00:16:04,564
He's a wild man, you know that?
391
00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:06,283
I wanna shake your hand.
392
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:07,517
Thank you, sir.
393
00:16:07,602 --> 00:16:09,836
How many toilets have you cleaned?
394
00:16:09,904 --> 00:16:10,871
I'm not quite sure...
395
00:16:10,938 --> 00:16:12,806
Sergeant, I asked you a question.
396
00:16:12,857 --> 00:16:14,291
Eight hundred and seventy-three.
397
00:16:14,358 --> 00:16:18,161
Eight hundred...
and seventy-three.
398
00:16:18,229 --> 00:16:19,529
That has to be a record.
399
00:16:19,597 --> 00:16:22,232
What's the best way to clean
one of them stink holes?
400
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,601
The way that you don't get
turd in your hair, sir.
401
00:16:24,669 --> 00:16:27,804
(laughing):
That's a good one.
402
00:16:27,872 --> 00:16:29,740
Spoken like a wild man.
403
00:16:31,542 --> 00:16:32,876
Sergeant Pepper.
404
00:16:32,944 --> 00:16:34,745
You've been officially discharged.
405
00:16:36,581 --> 00:16:37,931
Nothin' doin'.
406
00:16:37,999 --> 00:16:40,500
I can't fit in with
civilized society no more!
407
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:42,068
When I go to bed at night,
408
00:16:42,136 --> 00:16:44,855
I see men hovering over me with
their naked asses in my face.
409
00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:46,389
I'm not ready to leave that.
410
00:16:48,493 --> 00:16:49,693
KLAUS:
Ugh, bring me up!
411
00:16:49,761 --> 00:16:52,462
Let me talk to him!
412
00:16:52,530 --> 00:16:54,197
But you have to come back!
413
00:16:54,265 --> 00:16:56,500
I ruined the family!
414
00:16:56,567 --> 00:16:58,635
They need Dr. Penguin!
415
00:16:58,703 --> 00:17:01,004
Tough Titicacas.
416
00:17:01,072 --> 00:17:03,206
What now, White James?
417
00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:05,909
You always think of something, Klaus.
418
00:17:05,977 --> 00:17:07,244
Like when you convinced my parents
419
00:17:07,328 --> 00:17:08,595
to let me go to art school.
420
00:17:10,398 --> 00:17:11,832
(crickets chirping)
421
00:17:11,899 --> 00:17:13,834
(snoring)
422
00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:19,339
Good-bye,
Sergeant Pepper.
423
00:17:19,407 --> 00:17:22,209
(reveille plays)
424
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,503
What am I doing here?!
425
00:17:33,571 --> 00:17:35,505
This isn't a Chablis.
426
00:17:35,573 --> 00:17:36,840
This isn't my aunt's place!
427
00:17:36,908 --> 00:17:38,108
Aunt Evelyn?!
428
00:17:38,176 --> 00:17:39,810
Aunt Evelyn!
It's me, Rafael!
429
00:17:39,877 --> 00:17:41,344
Rafael Penguin!
430
00:17:41,412 --> 00:17:43,013
Good morning,
Dr. Penguin.
431
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,214
Ready to come home?
432
00:17:46,584 --> 00:17:48,185
Hold onto your wallets.
433
00:17:48,252 --> 00:17:49,252
Thief's in the room.
434
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,253
Cute.
435
00:17:50,321 --> 00:17:52,289
If you even look at her,
436
00:17:52,356 --> 00:17:54,558
I'll pour this hot coffee
down your pants, pervert.
437
00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:55,892
Yeah, well, it'll be the first time
438
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,211
you got me hot in
a while, Frisbee whore.
439
00:17:58,279 --> 00:18:00,163
Oh, look who it is.
440
00:18:00,231 --> 00:18:01,748
The ungrateful son.
441
00:18:01,816 --> 00:18:03,683
Leave me alone, embarrassing
straight parents
442
00:18:03,751 --> 00:18:05,185
or I'll pee in your cereal!
443
00:18:05,253 --> 00:18:06,586
KLAUS:
Oh, good, you're all here!
444
00:18:06,654 --> 00:18:08,588
I have a surprise for you!
445
00:18:08,656 --> 00:18:11,358
What's black and white
and lives in Antarctica?!
446
00:18:11,425 --> 00:18:13,360
Halle Berry if she
moves to Antarctica?
447
00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:16,162
(laughs) No, but that's funny.
448
00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:17,163
Very funny.
449
00:18:17,231 --> 00:18:19,165
It's Dr. Penguin!
450
00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:21,017
Dr. Penguin!
You're back!
451
00:18:21,085 --> 00:18:22,152
Oh, thank god!
Help us!
452
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:23,453
Don't worry, don't worry.
453
00:18:23,521 --> 00:18:25,088
Klaus filled me in on
the whole situation.
454
00:18:25,156 --> 00:18:26,606
Here's what you all have to do.
455
00:18:28,743 --> 00:18:30,560
Everybody go back to
lying to each other.
456
00:18:31,562 --> 00:18:32,646
That's not going to work.
457
00:18:32,713 --> 00:18:34,231
The secrets are all out in the open.
458
00:18:34,298 --> 00:18:35,398
We can't just forget them.
459
00:18:35,466 --> 00:18:36,600
Oh.
460
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:37,834
Well.
That's my only thing.
461
00:18:37,919 --> 00:18:39,002
I can't help you.
462
00:18:39,070 --> 00:18:41,120
I guess I'm done
with Dr. Penguin.
463
00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:45,442
Okay, now we can deal with our
problems the healthy way...
464
00:18:45,509 --> 00:18:47,978
Suck it, fish!
465
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:50,397
There! You hot and bothered now?
Take that!
466
00:18:50,464 --> 00:18:52,566
That hot enough for you, Jeff?
Whoa, oops!
467
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:56,636
Time to catch up on current events.
468
00:18:56,704 --> 00:18:59,923
Oh, I see Taye Diggs
is still perfect looking.
469
00:18:59,991 --> 00:19:02,459
(sighs happily) That's comforting.
470
00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:03,793
He's my constant.
471
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:05,729
My ebony North Star.
472
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,364
Ach! I give up!
473
00:19:07,431 --> 00:19:08,598
What was that?
I wasn't listening.
474
00:19:08,666 --> 00:19:10,100
See! That is the problem.
475
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:11,835
No one listens to me.
476
00:19:11,903 --> 00:19:13,970
But now that their secrets are out,
477
00:19:14,038 --> 00:19:16,573
they have to work through
them so they can heal!
478
00:19:16,641 --> 00:19:20,110
Wait, that actually makes sense.
479
00:19:20,177 --> 00:19:22,646
Maybe because I was looking
at US Weekly and not you.
480
00:19:22,713 --> 00:19:24,314
I heard the words,
481
00:19:24,382 --> 00:19:26,650
but I didn't see them coming
out of a stupid fish's mouth.
482
00:19:26,717 --> 00:19:28,101
Say something else.
483
00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:31,004
Why is there a hole in
Daniel Craig's mouth?
484
00:19:31,072 --> 00:19:32,939
He was hungry and I was
feeding him something.
485
00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,541
Put down that magazine!
486
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:37,777
(gasps) I did it!
487
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:39,546
That's the first time
I've listened to you.
488
00:19:39,614 --> 00:19:45,218
Maybe it's because it me from
a man and not from a fish...
489
00:19:45,286 --> 00:19:46,653
(gasps) I have an idea!
490
00:19:46,721 --> 00:19:48,188
(shouting, fighting)
491
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,356
Listen up, maggots!
492
00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:51,341
You people have major issues.
493
00:19:51,409 --> 00:19:53,777
You can't run from
them all your lives.
494
00:19:53,844 --> 00:19:55,028
You need to face your problems!
495
00:19:55,079 --> 00:19:56,062
But...
496
00:19:56,130 --> 00:19:57,297
(whimpers)
497
00:19:57,365 --> 00:19:58,665
You, sack up and eat your wife's grub!
498
00:19:58,733 --> 00:20:00,800
And you missy, you take
your emergency fund
499
00:20:00,868 --> 00:20:02,802
and sign up for a cooking class!
500
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:04,204
And you, bring your
girlfriend to dinner!
501
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:06,106
Be grateful you have
two parents who love you!
502
00:20:06,173 --> 00:20:07,874
And that you don't come
from a broken home
503
00:20:07,942 --> 00:20:09,042
like Reese Witherspoon's kids.
504
00:20:09,110 --> 00:20:11,211
Damn I love that girl!
Plucky!
505
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,196
And you, gussy up for your husband!
506
00:20:13,264 --> 00:20:15,632
Maybe some sort of bra?!
And wash your hair.
507
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,067
Hippies are not sexy, they're dirty!
508
00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:18,551
Exactly!
509
00:20:18,602 --> 00:20:21,271
And you, if you're tossing
it to your mother-in-law
510
00:20:21,339 --> 00:20:22,656
it damn well better be a Frisbee!
511
00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:24,724
Sir, yes, sir!
512
00:20:24,792 --> 00:20:27,093
Hey, no one is dismissed!
513
00:20:27,161 --> 00:20:28,862
Not until you thank this fish!
514
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,630
These are all his ideas!
515
00:20:30,698 --> 00:20:32,799
I'm just an authoritative mouthpiece!
516
00:20:34,535 --> 00:20:37,137
Are these really all your ideas?
517
00:20:37,204 --> 00:20:38,705
Ja, they are.
518
00:20:38,773 --> 00:20:40,106
Wow.
519
00:20:40,174 --> 00:20:42,108
Sorry we didn't listen to you.
520
00:20:42,176 --> 00:20:44,978
Sometimes we forget you are
a man in a fish's body.
521
00:20:45,046 --> 00:20:48,448
Oh, it feels so good
to finally be validated.
522
00:20:48,516 --> 00:20:50,617
How can we ever thank you?
523
00:20:52,219 --> 00:20:54,187
Take your pick, Klaus.
524
00:20:54,255 --> 00:20:56,656
Your family paid for
a full quarter hour.
525
00:20:56,724 --> 00:20:58,558
Eh...
526
00:20:58,626 --> 00:20:59,859
I'll take the ugly one.
527
00:21:01,962 --> 00:21:07,233
Time for Klaus to show how
much of a man he really is.
528
00:21:07,301 --> 00:21:08,768
(wailing)
529
00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:11,302
I'm not very much of a man!
530
00:21:11,622 --> 00:21:15,912
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
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