1
00:00:00,894 --> 00:00:03,648
(upbeat march plays)
2
00:00:03,768 --> 00:00:06,726
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
3
00:00:06,846 --> 00:00:10,404
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
4
00:00:10,472 --> 00:00:13,341
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
5
00:00:13,408 --> 00:00:17,512
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
6
00:00:19,615 --> 00:00:23,133
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
7
00:00:23,185 --> 00:00:24,936
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
8
00:00:24,987 --> 00:00:26,320
Aah!
9
00:00:27,823 --> 00:00:31,008
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
10
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:37,748
Oh, my.
What a cute beret.
11
00:00:37,816 --> 00:00:39,717
Cute?!
Puppies are cute!
12
00:00:39,785 --> 00:00:41,836
Reese Witherspoon before
children was cute.
13
00:00:41,904 --> 00:00:44,455
Ma'am, this hat symbolizes
the Army's transition
14
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:45,990
into a 21st-century
fighting force
15
00:00:46,058 --> 00:00:47,675
with the power to slug it out
16
00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:49,243
and win campaigns decisively!
17
00:00:49,311 --> 00:00:52,513
(chuckles) It must be fun
to play an Army guy.
18
00:00:52,598 --> 00:00:53,998
Play?!
Puppies play!
19
00:00:54,066 --> 00:00:56,234
Reese Witherspoon plays
to her strengths
20
00:00:56,301 --> 00:00:58,019
when she takes on
middle-of-the-road
21
00:00:58,086 --> 00:01:00,288
romantic comedies
like Sweet Home Alabama!
22
00:01:00,355 --> 00:01:02,290
Ma'am, Sergeant Pepper
serves his country
23
00:01:02,357 --> 00:01:04,392
in the Army Reserves,
preserving freedom!
24
00:01:04,476 --> 00:01:05,893
No matter how dangerous it gets,
25
00:01:05,961 --> 00:01:07,745
no matter who I have to kill...
26
00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:09,997
("Cold Hearted" by Paula Abdul plays)
27
00:01:10,065 --> 00:01:12,350
♪ He's a coldhearted snake ♪
28
00:01:12,417 --> 00:01:14,835
♪ Look into his eyes ♪
29
00:01:14,903 --> 00:01:16,470
♪ Uh-oh ♪
30
00:01:16,538 --> 00:01:17,872
♪ He's been telling lies ♪
31
00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:19,640
♪ He's a lover boy at play... ♪
32
00:01:19,708 --> 00:01:21,459
Oh, I have to take this.
33
00:01:23,946 --> 00:01:25,446
I love hanging out with your parents.
34
00:01:25,514 --> 00:01:26,847
They were right about my colors.
35
00:01:26,915 --> 00:01:28,149
I am an autumn.
36
00:01:28,216 --> 00:01:30,351
Yeah, my folks are the best.
37
00:01:30,419 --> 00:01:32,320
Hey, Dads.
38
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,489
Why are we pretending to
be his parents again?
39
00:01:35,557 --> 00:01:36,857
Because neither one of us
40
00:01:36,925 --> 00:01:38,559
has anything left
to say to each other.
41
00:01:38,627 --> 00:01:39,860
You know what I'm talking about.
44
00:01:45,767 --> 00:01:47,368
Sorry I'm late.
45
00:01:47,436 --> 00:01:50,171
I was in IKEA, and I couldn't
figure out how to leave.
46
00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,973
Every path led back
to "Home Office."
47
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:53,708
It's okay, Dr. Penguin.
48
00:01:53,775 --> 00:01:56,344
(sighs) I've been feeling
really guilty about...
49
00:01:56,411 --> 00:01:57,912
Hold on.
50
00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:03,084
Well, I've just been...
51
00:02:03,151 --> 00:02:05,786
Oh, hang on.
52
00:02:05,854 --> 00:02:07,521
There we go. Shoot.
53
00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:09,774
Dr. Penguin,
I'm still hiding
54
00:02:09,841 --> 00:02:11,876
my new girlfriend from my mom and dad.
55
00:02:11,943 --> 00:02:13,511
Uh-oh.
That's normal--
56
00:02:13,578 --> 00:02:15,313
a teenager embarrassed of his parents.
57
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:16,914
It's more than that.
58
00:02:16,982 --> 00:02:18,549
I've actually been
pretending my neighbors,
59
00:02:18,617 --> 00:02:20,351
Greg and Terry, are my parents.
60
00:02:20,419 --> 00:02:22,820
Yes, I know them.
I painted them.
61
00:02:25,223 --> 00:02:27,491
My folks would be devastated
if they knew the truth.
62
00:02:27,559 --> 00:02:29,126
What should I do?
63
00:02:29,194 --> 00:02:31,462
(inhales deeply)
64
00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:34,498
Wow. I am hungrier
than I thought.
65
00:02:34,566 --> 00:02:36,267
(sniffs)
66
00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:39,470
And you need to keep lying.
67
00:02:39,538 --> 00:02:40,604
What?!
68
00:02:40,672 --> 00:02:41,906
Eventually, it'll become second nature
69
00:02:41,973 --> 00:02:43,407
and you'll stop feeling guilty.
70
00:02:43,475 --> 00:02:44,742
Okay.
71
00:02:44,810 --> 00:02:45,976
Thanks, Dr. Penguin.
72
00:02:46,044 --> 00:02:47,111
I always feel safe here.
73
00:02:47,179 --> 00:02:48,312
How many times have you
74
00:02:48,380 --> 00:02:49,847
been playing with yourself a day?
75
00:02:49,915 --> 00:02:51,515
Three. We're going to up that to five.
76
00:02:51,583 --> 00:02:52,917
You can take this prescription
77
00:02:52,984 --> 00:02:55,386
to any room in the house
with Kleenex and have it filled.
78
00:02:55,454 --> 00:02:56,987
Thanks, Doc.
79
00:02:57,055 --> 00:03:00,157
Ugh. I can't believe the family
comes to you for therapy.
80
00:03:00,225 --> 00:03:02,093
People shouldn't ignore their emotions
81
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,494
and avoid their problems.
82
00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:05,563
What do you know?
You're just a stupid fish.
83
00:03:05,630 --> 00:03:08,265
I am a man in a fish's body.
84
00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:10,918
I studied psychology
at Frankfurt University!
85
00:03:10,986 --> 00:03:13,020
If they came to me
with their problems,
86
00:03:13,088 --> 00:03:15,556
I could actually help
them, not to mention get
87
00:03:15,624 --> 00:03:18,626
the respect I deserve in this family!
88
00:03:18,694 --> 00:03:20,010
Snow globe!
89
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:22,663
No! Nooooooo!
90
00:03:22,731 --> 00:03:25,066
I've got a couple more hours
here at the office, honey,
91
00:03:25,133 --> 00:03:27,218
but I'll definitely be home
for dinner.
92
00:03:27,285 --> 00:03:28,853
Babe, I got to go.
93
00:03:28,887 --> 00:03:31,288
Somebody just dropped a bunch
of work on my desk.
94
00:03:33,191 --> 00:03:35,092
What?
95
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,228
I eat here every day before I go home
96
00:03:37,295 --> 00:03:39,196
because I can't stand
my wife's cooking.
97
00:03:39,264 --> 00:03:40,965
What, you never lie to your wife?
98
00:03:41,032 --> 00:03:42,199
Sir, I'm a woman.
99
00:03:42,267 --> 00:03:43,601
Uh, of course you are.
100
00:03:43,668 --> 00:03:45,069
I should have noticed.
You're clearly pregnant.
101
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,137
No, I'm not.
102
00:03:46,204 --> 00:03:47,304
Of course you're not.
103
00:03:47,372 --> 00:03:48,739
You're far too old to be pregnant.
104
00:03:48,807 --> 00:03:49,940
I'm 23.
105
00:03:50,008 --> 00:03:51,459
Well, I would apologize to you
106
00:03:51,526 --> 00:03:53,661
if you didn't look like a fat old man.
107
00:03:55,113 --> 00:03:56,714
It doesn't mean I love her any less.
108
00:03:56,782 --> 00:03:58,082
It's just her food, right?
109
00:03:58,150 --> 00:04:00,017
Of course.
What's important here
110
00:04:00,085 --> 00:04:02,486
is to avoid the truth at all costs.
111
00:04:02,554 --> 00:04:04,722
I've always said,
"What's important here
112
00:04:04,790 --> 00:04:06,657
is to avoid the truth
at all costs."
113
00:04:06,725 --> 00:04:08,559
Jeff, we're ready for you.
114
00:04:09,928 --> 00:04:11,295
Hey.
115
00:04:11,363 --> 00:04:12,763
Hi.
116
00:04:18,203 --> 00:04:20,070
Whenever Hayley wants to have sex,
117
00:04:20,138 --> 00:04:22,473
I have to think about Francine.
118
00:04:22,541 --> 00:04:23,991
It's the only way I can get excited.
119
00:04:24,059 --> 00:04:26,160
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
120
00:04:26,228 --> 00:04:27,895
Jeff, do you have belly hair?
121
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:29,396
What? We'll circle back, Jeff.
122
00:04:29,464 --> 00:04:31,766
My advice to you is to stop
worrying about it.
123
00:04:31,833 --> 00:04:33,567
Ugh. What?!
124
00:04:33,635 --> 00:04:35,569
It's natural to think about Francine
125
00:04:35,637 --> 00:04:36,904
when you're sleeping with Hayley.
126
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,506
No!
That's terrible advice!
127
00:04:38,573 --> 00:04:40,908
What people don't know
can't hurt them.
128
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,810
Oh, you're so
wise, Dr. P.
129
00:04:42,878 --> 00:04:44,779
No! Listen to me!
130
00:04:44,846 --> 00:04:46,680
Relationships are much stronger
131
00:04:46,748 --> 00:04:49,283
when they are based
on truth and honesty.
132
00:04:50,819 --> 00:04:52,920
(sighs) Punch a fish, make a wish.
133
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:55,256
Can Cost Plus make something
134
00:04:55,323 --> 00:04:58,392
that doesn't smell funny
and break two days later?
135
00:05:01,196 --> 00:05:03,230
So nice of you to have me to dinner.
136
00:05:03,298 --> 00:05:05,099
I don't ordinarily
dine with my patients.
137
00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,134
I tend to suck on food erotically,
138
00:05:07,202 --> 00:05:08,702
and it makes people uncomfortable.
139
00:05:08,770 --> 00:05:10,638
Lentils are ready.
140
00:05:13,508 --> 00:05:15,743
Delicious!
141
00:05:17,479 --> 00:05:18,479
(whirring)
142
00:05:18,547 --> 00:05:19,630
(animal snarling)
143
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:20,815
Mail came.
144
00:05:20,882 --> 00:05:22,449
I'm going to eat after I do my miles.
145
00:05:28,807 --> 00:05:30,774
Mmm! Mmm. Mmm.
146
00:05:30,842 --> 00:05:32,409
Who's Sergeant Pepper?
147
00:05:33,678 --> 00:05:35,279
Well, thank you for a lovely evening.
148
00:05:35,347 --> 00:05:37,147
I see you didn't open
the wine I brought,
149
00:05:37,215 --> 00:05:39,233
so I am taking it with me.
150
00:05:39,301 --> 00:05:41,952
Just drinking a nice young
Beaujolais with the boys.
151
00:05:42,003 --> 00:05:43,153
Heard I got some mail.
152
00:05:45,390 --> 00:05:46,957
Oh. I see.
153
00:05:47,025 --> 00:05:48,192
It's happened.
154
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,994
I've been called on to serve.
155
00:05:50,061 --> 00:05:52,129
What? Where?
In Iraq.
156
00:05:52,197 --> 00:05:54,098
Oh, no!
It's all right, ma'am.
157
00:05:54,165 --> 00:05:56,634
That's what all that
training was for, I suppose.
158
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,970
Say your prayers, Iraqis,
and I'll say mine.
159
00:06:00,038 --> 00:06:01,772
Ow! I stepped
on that glass!
160
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,208
I stepped on that
mother-lovin' glass!
161
00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,310
You're all sued when I get back!
162
00:06:06,378 --> 00:06:08,245
Wait. Can I still see
Dr. Penguin?
163
00:06:08,313 --> 00:06:10,080
If Pepper's going to Iraq,
164
00:06:10,148 --> 00:06:12,449
I think it's pretty
obvious that Dr. Penguin
165
00:06:12,517 --> 00:06:15,519
will be staying with his
Aunt Evelyn for a while.
166
00:06:16,755 --> 00:06:18,372
Wait. You can't
go to Iraq.
167
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,040
I'm still lying to Jeff
168
00:06:20,108 --> 00:06:22,009
about where I go
when I say I'm jogging.
169
00:06:22,093 --> 00:06:24,178
I need Dr. Penguin
to tell me it's fine.
170
00:06:24,262 --> 00:06:26,647
No can do.
It's official.
171
00:06:27,999 --> 00:06:29,850
(laughing maniacally)
172
00:06:29,935 --> 00:06:32,253
Bye-bye, Dr. Penguin!
173
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,589
Dr. Klaus is in the house.
174
00:06:35,657 --> 00:06:39,093
Well, who else shall I send to Iraq?
175
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,963
That jerk at the dry cleaners
who lost my tie.
176
00:06:45,016 --> 00:06:46,650
(sobbing)
177
00:06:46,718 --> 00:06:48,702
How could this happen?
178
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,804
You're not even in the Reserves.
179
00:06:50,872 --> 00:06:53,097
Don't worry. I know a place
where they'll never find me.
180
00:06:54,509 --> 00:06:56,477
(buzzer sounds)
181
00:07:06,119 --> 00:07:08,522
Shh...
182
00:07:16,082 --> 00:07:17,816
(sobbing)
183
00:07:17,884 --> 00:07:19,447
Save your tears, maggots.
184
00:07:19,567 --> 00:07:21,753
I'm off to Iraq to
preserve your freedom.
185
00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:24,565
Keep you in two-ply
toilet paper and soy milk.
186
00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:27,134
You pansies make me sick!
187
00:07:27,202 --> 00:07:28,369
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm.
188
00:07:28,436 --> 00:07:29,603
Wait for me.
189
00:07:31,456 --> 00:07:32,640
(sighs dreamily)
190
00:07:32,707 --> 00:07:34,308
Good day to everyone.
191
00:07:34,376 --> 00:07:36,910
I just wanted to say
that I will be taking over
192
00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,213
Dr. Penguin's practice
while he's away.
193
00:07:39,281 --> 00:07:40,681
You can't just put on glasses
194
00:07:40,749 --> 00:07:42,383
and pretend to be a doctor, Klaus.
195
00:07:42,450 --> 00:07:45,352
The glasses are prescription,
and I am not pretending.
196
00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:47,254
Ugh. Stop talking, fish.
197
00:07:47,322 --> 00:07:49,256
I am not a fish.
198
00:07:49,324 --> 00:07:51,859
I am a man in a fish's body.
199
00:07:51,926 --> 00:07:53,927
Look, all of you have serious issues,
200
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:55,729
and I can help you.
201
00:07:55,797 --> 00:07:58,899
Now, I will have office hours
in the attic from 9:00 to 5:00.
202
00:08:01,269 --> 00:08:02,569
Or whenever.
203
00:08:02,637 --> 00:08:04,004
Any time is good.
204
00:08:04,072 --> 00:08:05,105
If you can't find me,
205
00:08:05,173 --> 00:08:06,106
check the pantry.
206
00:08:06,174 --> 00:08:07,174
I go in there
207
00:08:07,242 --> 00:08:08,208
to eat baking chocolate
208
00:08:08,276 --> 00:08:09,443
and cry sometimes.
209
00:08:13,014 --> 00:08:14,848
Can you help me, Klaus?
210
00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:24,091
Of course I can help you.
211
00:08:24,159 --> 00:08:26,126
I can't find my phone.
Have you seen it?
212
00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:27,494
Ph-Phone?!
213
00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:30,164
But what about the lies
you tell your husband?
214
00:08:30,231 --> 00:08:31,332
Oh, wait. (sighs)
215
00:08:31,399 --> 00:08:33,167
I left it in the kitchen.
216
00:08:39,841 --> 00:08:42,543
ROGER: You hear an IED
blew a troop transport
217
00:08:42,610 --> 00:08:44,044
over on its side yesterday?
Yes, Sergeant.
218
00:08:44,129 --> 00:08:45,979
On the got-dang
main road.
219
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:47,514
Till they get a Boomerang
220
00:08:47,582 --> 00:08:49,450
anti-sniper system on
that son of a bitch,
221
00:08:49,517 --> 00:08:51,652
I'd rather drag ass through
the streets on foot.
222
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,487
Uh, Sarge, the bot isn't working.
223
00:08:53,555 --> 00:08:54,955
It stopped halfway to the target.
224
00:09:01,296 --> 00:09:02,529
I'm suiting up.
225
00:09:02,614 --> 00:09:03,580
But, sir, don't you think...
226
00:09:03,648 --> 00:09:04,715
I don't think.
227
00:09:04,783 --> 00:09:06,050
That's why I'm the perfect soldier.
228
00:09:06,117 --> 00:09:08,018
And the perfect guy
to watch movies with.
229
00:09:08,086 --> 00:09:10,404
I don't poke holes.
I just enjoy the ride.
230
00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:14,625
Give me some sizzle.
231
00:09:14,692 --> 00:09:16,860
(both make sizzling sound)
232
00:09:23,852 --> 00:09:26,036
I'm going in on foot.
233
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,555
(filtered breathing)
234
00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:39,032
(door creaking)
235
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:40,501
(flies buzzing)
236
00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:43,504
He is the ballsiest
outhouse cleaner we got.
237
00:09:43,571 --> 00:09:46,206
Let's do this.
238
00:09:46,274 --> 00:09:48,959
(vacuum whirring)
239
00:09:49,027 --> 00:09:50,244
(thump)
240
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:51,962
Oh, we got a meat clog, Private.
241
00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:53,964
Up the suction.
242
00:09:56,768 --> 00:09:58,836
No one showed up
to my office hours, Charlie.
243
00:09:58,903 --> 00:10:02,439
I... I just can't get them
to take me seriously.
244
00:10:03,908 --> 00:10:06,460
Why, that's good advice, Charlie.
245
00:10:06,528 --> 00:10:08,529
I'll... I'll try that.
246
00:10:08,596 --> 00:10:10,848
What?
Now, that's strange.
247
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:13,250
Did you wait three days
to cash it like I asked you?
248
00:10:13,318 --> 00:10:14,852
Because I have the money.
249
00:10:14,919 --> 00:10:17,921
I have, like, way more money
than that, even.
250
00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:19,723
(sobbing)
251
00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:22,626
I don't have very much money.
252
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:27,614
(chuckles) Here we go.
253
00:10:27,682 --> 00:10:30,551
No more Mr. Nice Guy.
254
00:10:30,618 --> 00:10:32,352
Hello, Stan.
255
00:10:32,420 --> 00:10:34,021
(sighs) What now?
256
00:10:34,088 --> 00:10:36,156
What now?
Oh, nothing.
257
00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:39,860
Just that Steve has a girlfriend
he hasn't introduced you to.
258
00:10:39,928 --> 00:10:42,229
What? He doesn't
have a girlfriend.
259
00:10:42,297 --> 00:10:44,164
(laughs) He does.
260
00:10:44,232 --> 00:10:46,400
He's so embarrassed
of you and Francine
261
00:10:46,468 --> 00:10:49,069
that he's pretending
Greg and Terry are his parents.
262
00:10:49,137 --> 00:10:50,921
(gasps) Look, there they are now,
263
00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:52,656
acting out Rocky Horror.
264
00:10:57,529 --> 00:10:59,229
Francine, get in here.
265
00:10:59,297 --> 00:11:01,331
What happened?
Did I win?
266
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:03,267
Steve is pretending that Greg
and Terry are his parents!
267
00:11:03,334 --> 00:11:04,601
What?
268
00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:06,553
That little son of a b's
got a girlfriend
269
00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:08,422
and he's hiding us from her
because he's embarrassed.
270
00:11:08,490 --> 00:11:10,541
KLAUS: You should
talk to a professional.
271
00:11:10,608 --> 00:11:12,176
Now, my office hours
are 9:00 to--
272
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:13,861
That four-eyed bastard!
273
00:11:13,945 --> 00:11:16,497
That malnourished, pasty geek!
274
00:11:16,564 --> 00:11:18,699
I knew I should've aborted him.
275
00:11:18,766 --> 00:11:19,833
Goodness!
276
00:11:23,505 --> 00:11:25,005
How you doing in there, Sarge?
277
00:11:25,073 --> 00:11:27,824
It's 110 in here
and I'm on the wrong end
278
00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:29,793
of a falafel plate,
that's how I'm doing.
279
00:11:29,861 --> 00:11:32,246
Damn it!
The Shnozzle attachment fell in.
280
00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:35,432
PRIVATE: I don't like
this, it's too quiet.
281
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,300
Get outta there, Sarge.
282
00:11:36,367 --> 00:11:38,101
Just need a few more seconds...
283
00:11:43,942 --> 00:11:45,375
Oh.
284
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:46,343
PRIVATE:
Sarge, don't go in!
285
00:11:46,411 --> 00:11:47,311
It's not worth it!
286
00:11:56,838 --> 00:11:58,739
We got a native inbound!
287
00:11:58,806 --> 00:11:59,806
PRIVATE:
Come on! Get outta there.
288
00:11:59,874 --> 00:12:01,542
Oh, man! Oh, man!
289
00:12:01,609 --> 00:12:02,943
Maybe he's just going number one.
290
00:12:03,011 --> 00:12:07,548
He's got a magazine!
291
00:12:07,615 --> 00:12:10,484
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.
292
00:12:11,686 --> 00:12:13,120
(farting echoes)
293
00:12:13,187 --> 00:12:15,055
(Roger screams)
294
00:12:17,225 --> 00:12:18,392
(short, squishy fart)
295
00:12:21,029 --> 00:12:22,796
We know you have a girlfriend!
296
00:12:22,864 --> 00:12:24,898
Me?! A girlfriend?!
297
00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,500
Isn't that a little far fetched?
298
00:12:26,568 --> 00:12:27,901
It is a little far fetched...
299
00:12:27,969 --> 00:12:29,303
You just saw her, Stan!
300
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:30,704
I just saw her, Steve!
301
00:12:30,772 --> 00:12:31,872
Klaus, what the hell?!
302
00:12:31,940 --> 00:12:33,173
What the hell, you!
303
00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:35,726
Tell them how you feel, Steve.
304
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:37,494
I feel like I can't
bring anyone around here
305
00:12:37,562 --> 00:12:38,779
'cause Dad's a lunatic!
306
00:12:38,863 --> 00:12:40,180
And if he doesn't drive 'em away,
307
00:12:40,248 --> 00:12:41,815
Mom's food will probably kill them!
308
00:12:41,883 --> 00:12:43,166
How dare you!
309
00:12:43,234 --> 00:12:44,585
I'm a great cook!
310
00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:46,153
Yes! The best!
So much!
311
00:12:46,220 --> 00:12:49,973
Come on, Stan, it's
your turn to be honest.
312
00:12:50,041 --> 00:12:52,376
Leaving work at
4:00 every day...
313
00:12:52,443 --> 00:12:53,844
the pre-eating...
314
00:12:53,911 --> 00:12:55,312
What's he talking about?
315
00:12:55,380 --> 00:12:57,614
Sometimes I'll have
a snack before dinner...
316
00:12:57,682 --> 00:12:59,116
Your cooking goes here!
317
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:04,705
He hasn't eaten a meal
of yours in ten years!
318
00:13:04,772 --> 00:13:07,307
Some of these wolves
are fourth generation!
319
00:13:07,375 --> 00:13:08,909
Inbred dinner wolves!
320
00:13:08,977 --> 00:13:10,310
This is what I'm talking about!
321
00:13:10,378 --> 00:13:11,778
Embarrassing!
322
00:13:11,846 --> 00:13:14,114
Stan, you have some nerve!
323
00:13:14,182 --> 00:13:15,449
Francine.
324
00:13:15,516 --> 00:13:17,601
The "emergency fund?"
325
00:13:17,669 --> 00:13:19,353
Wait, wait, wait,
what's the emergency fund?
326
00:13:19,420 --> 00:13:22,789
So I take $50 from
your wallet every week.
327
00:13:22,857 --> 00:13:23,991
For...
328
00:13:24,058 --> 00:13:25,258
(quietly):
Drugs.
329
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:26,960
What?!
Drugs.
330
00:13:27,028 --> 00:13:29,162
Drugs, okay?
331
00:13:29,230 --> 00:13:30,947
Jeff and Hayley, come in.
332
00:13:30,999 --> 00:13:33,917
We're undoing years of damage
caused by Dr. Penguin.
333
00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:36,186
Come on, Jeff, out with it.
334
00:13:36,254 --> 00:13:37,537
No way.
335
00:13:37,605 --> 00:13:39,873
I'll start you off and you finish.
336
00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:43,977
Hayley, Jeff can only
have sex with you if...
337
00:13:44,045 --> 00:13:45,879
if...
338
00:13:45,947 --> 00:13:47,397
he's thinking about your mother.
339
00:13:47,465 --> 00:13:49,466
Oops, I said the whole thing.
340
00:13:49,534 --> 00:13:50,867
That's sick!
341
00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:52,869
Hayley, you should be honest about
342
00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:55,972
what you really do
when you go "jogging."
343
00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,207
You shut your mouth.
344
00:13:57,275 --> 00:13:59,209
She's playing Ultimate
Frisbee without you.
345
00:13:59,277 --> 00:14:00,977
Noooo!
346
00:14:01,045 --> 00:14:02,813
Why, Hayley?!
Why?!
347
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,114
Because this is you throwing.
348
00:14:04,182 --> 00:14:05,148
"Ehh."
349
00:14:05,216 --> 00:14:06,283
And this is you catching.
350
00:14:06,351 --> 00:14:07,417
"Ahh!"
351
00:14:07,485 --> 00:14:09,353
That's wonderful mime work!
352
00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:12,856
I guess you're just
good at everything!
353
00:14:12,924 --> 00:14:15,192
Jeff, wait! Now that
the truth is out,
354
00:14:15,259 --> 00:14:18,128
we need to discuss ways for you
and Hayley to regain intimacy!
355
00:14:18,196 --> 00:14:19,563
Yeah, Jeff, come back.
356
00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:21,031
I came out of your favorite place.
357
00:14:21,099 --> 00:14:22,799
Maybe you can still smell it on me!
358
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:26,203
I guess Jeff gets turned on
by thieves, huh, Francine?
359
00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:28,472
Shut up, you pre-eating
douche bag!
360
00:14:28,539 --> 00:14:32,576
Okay, guys, guys, if we do the
work, we can get through this...
361
00:14:32,643 --> 00:14:34,494
This is why I don't bring
my girlfriend home!
362
00:14:34,562 --> 00:14:36,480
You know what they're doing
at my two dads' house?
363
00:14:36,547 --> 00:14:37,848
Eating cheeses!
364
00:14:37,915 --> 00:14:38,801
From Europe!
365
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:40,505
Sans crackers!
366
00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,967
That's right, I said a French word!
367
00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:44,721
I learned it over there!
368
00:14:44,789 --> 00:14:46,590
Au revoir, les enfants!
369
00:14:46,657 --> 00:14:48,822
That means (bleep) you!
370
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:52,596
Well, this feels like
a natural stopping point.
371
00:15:06,233 --> 00:15:07,784
Aah! Stop it, Stan!
372
00:15:07,904 --> 00:15:09,394
You destroyed my family!
373
00:15:09,514 --> 00:15:11,910
But if you would all just
listen to me, I could fix it!
374
00:15:12,039 --> 00:15:14,040
The only one who can fix
this is Dr. Penguin!
375
00:15:14,108 --> 00:15:16,075
Ow, okay, fine!
376
00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:19,162
For some reason, Roger is the
only therapist you'll listen to!
377
00:15:19,229 --> 00:15:20,730
I'll get him back!
378
00:15:20,798 --> 00:15:23,568
How the hell is a fish going to
get an alien back from Iraq?
379
00:15:36,784 --> 00:15:38,047
Where's Sergeant Pepper?
380
00:15:38,115 --> 00:15:39,382
Are you in the Army?
381
00:15:39,450 --> 00:15:40,817
Are you in the dummy?
382
00:15:40,884 --> 00:15:42,018
Now where's Pepper?
383
00:15:42,086 --> 00:15:43,619
He's in the Rec Tent.
384
00:15:43,687 --> 00:15:47,090
If you ever need some bitches,
remember, White James.
385
00:15:53,647 --> 00:15:55,581
You Sergeant Pepper?
386
00:15:55,649 --> 00:15:57,867
You the one who cleaned
the toilet by the grotto?
387
00:15:57,935 --> 00:15:59,419
Uh, uh, yes, sir.
388
00:15:59,486 --> 00:16:01,421
You're a wild man, you know that?
389
00:16:01,488 --> 00:16:03,222
He's a wild man, you know that?
390
00:16:03,290 --> 00:16:04,941
I wanna shake your hand.
391
00:16:05,008 --> 00:16:06,175
Thank you, sir.
392
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:08,494
How many toilets have you cleaned?
393
00:16:08,562 --> 00:16:09,529
I'm not quite sure...
394
00:16:09,596 --> 00:16:11,464
Sergeant, I asked you a question.
395
00:16:11,515 --> 00:16:12,949
Eight hundred and seventy-three.
396
00:16:13,016 --> 00:16:16,819
Eight hundred...
and seventy-three.
397
00:16:16,887 --> 00:16:18,187
That has to be a record.
398
00:16:18,255 --> 00:16:20,890
What's the best way to clean
one of them stink holes?
399
00:16:20,958 --> 00:16:23,259
The way that you don't get
turd in your hair, sir.
400
00:16:23,327 --> 00:16:26,462
(laughing):
That's a good one.
401
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:28,398
Spoken like a wild man.
402
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,534
Sergeant Pepper.
403
00:16:31,602 --> 00:16:33,403
You've been officially discharged.
404
00:16:35,239 --> 00:16:36,589
Nothin' doin'.
405
00:16:36,657 --> 00:16:39,158
I can't fit in with
civilized society no more!
406
00:16:39,226 --> 00:16:40,726
When I go to bed at night,
407
00:16:40,794 --> 00:16:43,513
I see men hovering over me with
their naked asses in my face.
408
00:16:43,580 --> 00:16:45,047
I'm not ready to leave that.
409
00:16:47,151 --> 00:16:48,351
KLAUS:
Ugh, bring me up!
410
00:16:48,419 --> 00:16:51,120
Let me talk to him!
411
00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:52,855
But you have to come back!
412
00:16:52,923 --> 00:16:55,158
I ruined the family!
413
00:16:55,225 --> 00:16:57,293
They need Dr. Penguin!
414
00:16:57,361 --> 00:16:59,662
Tough Titicacas.
415
00:16:59,730 --> 00:17:01,864
What now, White James?
416
00:17:01,932 --> 00:17:04,567
You always think of something, Klaus.
417
00:17:04,635 --> 00:17:05,902
Like when you convinced my parents
418
00:17:05,986 --> 00:17:07,253
to let me go to art school.
419
00:17:09,056 --> 00:17:10,490
(crickets chirping)
420
00:17:10,557 --> 00:17:12,492
(snoring)
421
00:17:14,661 --> 00:17:17,997
Good-bye,
Sergeant Pepper.
422
00:17:18,065 --> 00:17:20,867
(reveille plays)
423
00:17:30,710 --> 00:17:32,161
What am I doing here?!
424
00:17:32,229 --> 00:17:34,163
This isn't a Chablis.
425
00:17:34,231 --> 00:17:35,498
This isn't my aunt's place!
426
00:17:35,566 --> 00:17:36,766
Aunt Evelyn?!
427
00:17:36,834 --> 00:17:38,468
Aunt Evelyn!
It's me, Rafael!
428
00:17:38,535 --> 00:17:40,002
Rafael Penguin!
429
00:17:40,070 --> 00:17:41,671
Good morning,
Dr. Penguin.
430
00:17:41,738 --> 00:17:42,872
Ready to come home?
431
00:17:45,242 --> 00:17:46,843
Hold onto your wallets.
432
00:17:46,910 --> 00:17:47,910
Thief's in the room.
433
00:17:47,978 --> 00:17:48,911
Cute.
434
00:17:48,979 --> 00:17:50,947
If you even look at her,
435
00:17:51,014 --> 00:17:53,216
I'll pour this hot coffee
down your pants, pervert.
436
00:17:53,283 --> 00:17:54,550
Yeah, well, it'll be the first time
437
00:17:54,618 --> 00:17:56,869
you got me hot in
a while, Frisbee whore.
438
00:17:56,937 --> 00:17:58,821
Oh, look who it is.
439
00:17:58,889 --> 00:18:00,406
The ungrateful son.
440
00:18:00,474 --> 00:18:02,341
Leave me alone, embarrassing
straight parents
441
00:18:02,409 --> 00:18:03,843
or I'll pee in your cereal!
442
00:18:03,911 --> 00:18:05,244
KLAUS:
Oh, good, you're all here!
443
00:18:05,312 --> 00:18:07,246
I have a surprise for you!
444
00:18:07,314 --> 00:18:10,016
What's black and white
and lives in Antarctica?!
445
00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:12,018
Halle Berry if she
moves to Antarctica?
446
00:18:12,085 --> 00:18:14,820
(laughs) No, but that's funny.
447
00:18:14,888 --> 00:18:15,821
Very funny.
448
00:18:15,889 --> 00:18:17,823
It's Dr. Penguin!
449
00:18:17,891 --> 00:18:19,675
Dr. Penguin!
You're back!
450
00:18:19,743 --> 00:18:20,810
Oh, thank god!
Help us!
451
00:18:20,878 --> 00:18:22,111
Don't worry, don't worry.
452
00:18:22,179 --> 00:18:23,746
Klaus filled me in on
the whole situation.
453
00:18:23,814 --> 00:18:25,264
Here's what you all have to do.
454
00:18:27,401 --> 00:18:29,218
Everybody go back to
lying to each other.
455
00:18:30,220 --> 00:18:31,304
That's not going to work.
456
00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:32,889
The secrets are all out in the open.
457
00:18:32,956 --> 00:18:34,056
We can't just forget them.
458
00:18:34,124 --> 00:18:35,258
Oh.
459
00:18:35,325 --> 00:18:36,492
Well.
That's my only thing.
460
00:18:36,577 --> 00:18:37,660
I can't help you.
461
00:18:37,728 --> 00:18:39,778
I guess I'm done
with Dr. Penguin.
462
00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:44,100
Okay, now we can deal with our
problems the healthy way...
463
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:46,636
Suck it, fish!
464
00:18:46,703 --> 00:18:49,055
There! You hot and bothered now?
Take that!
465
00:18:49,122 --> 00:18:51,224
That hot enough for you, Jeff?
Whoa, oops!
466
00:18:51,291 --> 00:18:55,294
Time to catch up on current events.
467
00:18:55,362 --> 00:18:58,581
Oh, I see Taye Diggs
is still perfect looking.
468
00:18:58,649 --> 00:19:01,117
(sighs happily) That's comforting.
469
00:19:01,184 --> 00:19:02,451
He's my constant.
470
00:19:02,519 --> 00:19:04,387
My ebony North Star.
471
00:19:04,454 --> 00:19:06,022
Ach! I give up!
472
00:19:06,089 --> 00:19:07,256
What was that?
I wasn't listening.
473
00:19:07,324 --> 00:19:08,758
See! That is the problem.
474
00:19:08,825 --> 00:19:10,493
No one listens to me.
475
00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:12,628
But now that their secrets are out,
476
00:19:12,696 --> 00:19:15,231
they have to work through
them so they can heal!
477
00:19:15,299 --> 00:19:18,768
Wait, that actually makes sense.
478
00:19:18,835 --> 00:19:21,304
Maybe because I was looking
at US Weekly and not you.
479
00:19:21,371 --> 00:19:22,972
I heard the words,
480
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,308
but I didn't see them coming
out of a stupid fish's mouth.
481
00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:26,759
Say something else.
482
00:19:26,827 --> 00:19:29,662
Why is there a hole in
Daniel Craig's mouth?
483
00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:31,597
He was hungry and I was
feeding him something.
484
00:19:31,665 --> 00:19:33,199
Put down that magazine!
485
00:19:34,968 --> 00:19:36,435
(gasps) I did it!
486
00:19:36,503 --> 00:19:38,204
That's the first time
I've listened to you.
487
00:19:38,272 --> 00:19:43,876
Maybe it's because it me from
a man and not from a fish...
488
00:19:43,944 --> 00:19:45,311
(gasps) I have an idea!
489
00:19:45,379 --> 00:19:46,846
(shouting, fighting)
490
00:19:46,913 --> 00:19:48,014
Listen up, maggots!
491
00:19:48,081 --> 00:19:49,999
You people have major issues.
492
00:19:50,067 --> 00:19:52,435
You can't run from
them all your lives.
493
00:19:52,502 --> 00:19:53,686
You need to face your problems!
494
00:19:53,737 --> 00:19:54,720
But...
495
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,031
You, sack up and eat your wife's grub!
496
00:19:57,151 --> 00:19:59,458
And you missy, you take
your emergency fund
497
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:01,460
and sign up for a cooking class!
498
00:20:01,528 --> 00:20:02,862
And you, bring your
girlfriend to dinner!
499
00:20:02,929 --> 00:20:04,764
Be grateful you have
two parents who love you!
500
00:20:04,831 --> 00:20:06,532
And that you don't come
from a broken home
501
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,700
like Reese Witherspoon's kids.
502
00:20:07,768 --> 00:20:09,869
Damn I love that girl!
Plucky!
503
00:20:09,936 --> 00:20:11,854
And you, gussy up for your husband!
504
00:20:11,922 --> 00:20:14,290
Maybe some sort of bra?!
And wash your hair.
505
00:20:14,358 --> 00:20:15,725
Hippies are not sexy, they're dirty!
506
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:17,209
Exactly!
507
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:19,929
And you, if you're tossing
it to your mother-in-law
508
00:20:19,997 --> 00:20:21,314
it damn well better be a Frisbee!
509
00:20:21,381 --> 00:20:23,382
Sir, yes, sir!
510
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:25,751
Hey, no one is dismissed!
511
00:20:25,819 --> 00:20:27,520
Not until you thank this fish!
512
00:20:27,587 --> 00:20:29,288
These are all his ideas!
513
00:20:29,356 --> 00:20:31,457
I'm just an authoritative mouthpiece!
514
00:20:33,193 --> 00:20:35,795
Are these really all your ideas?
515
00:20:35,862 --> 00:20:37,363
Ja, they are.
516
00:20:37,431 --> 00:20:38,764
Wow.
517
00:20:38,832 --> 00:20:40,766
Sorry we didn't listen to you.
518
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:43,636
Sometimes we forget you are
a man in a fish's body.
519
00:20:43,704 --> 00:20:47,106
Oh, it feels so good
to finally be validated.
520
00:20:47,174 --> 00:20:49,275
How can we ever thank you?
521
00:20:50,877 --> 00:20:52,845
Take your pick, Klaus.
522
00:20:52,913 --> 00:20:55,314
Your family paid for
a full quarter hour.
523
00:20:55,382 --> 00:20:57,216
Eh...
524
00:20:57,284 --> 00:20:58,517
I'll take the ugly one.
525
00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:05,891
Time for Klaus to show how
much of a man he really is.
526
00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:07,426
(wailing)
527
00:21:07,494 --> 00:21:09,960
I'm not very much of a man!
528
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:14,570
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
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