1
00:00:02,811 --> 00:00:05,711
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:08,214 --> 00:00:09,414
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,439 --> 00:00:11,039
(tires screech)
4
00:00:11,064 --> 00:00:12,264
(grunts)
5
00:00:20,589 --> 00:00:21,789
(wails)
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♪ The Simpsons 23x17 ♪
Them, Robot
Original Air Date on March 18, 2012
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00:00:25,339 --> 00:00:28,839
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
8
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:31,832
(spray paint hisses)
9
00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:43,777
(Homer snoring)
10
00:00:43,845 --> 00:00:46,447
(muttering)
11
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:48,215
(snoring)
12
00:00:49,551 --> 00:00:51,118
Power's out.
13
00:00:51,186 --> 00:00:54,321
Oh, your father must be
sleeping on his side again.
14
00:00:54,389 --> 00:00:56,223
(snoring)
15
00:00:57,759 --> 00:01:00,094
(choking)
From downtown!
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And it counts!
17
00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:04,081
(choking)
18
00:01:04,149 --> 00:01:05,115
Think he's okay?
19
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,520
Eh...
20
00:01:09,587 --> 00:01:10,988
(raspy)
Thank you.
21
00:01:11,055 --> 00:01:12,423
Just drink some water,
you're all right.
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00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:14,057
Oh, yeah, you don't
want to go to the hospital
23
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at 5:00 on a Friday.
24
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Whoo-hoo!
25
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Thank God it's TGIF!
26
00:01:18,413 --> 00:01:20,063
MR. BURNS (over P.A.):
Attention, wage worms.
27
00:01:20,131 --> 00:01:22,850
It's time for
afternoon announcements.
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00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:28,672
(jaunty swing music playing)
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00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:33,076
This Monday, the plant
will be conducting
30
00:01:33,144 --> 00:01:35,379
physical examinations
of all employees.
31
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And anyone testing positive
for narcotics
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will be terminated
immediately!
33
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Bad news, Lang-Soo.
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00:01:41,719 --> 00:01:43,587
Some casual Friday
this is.
35
00:01:43,655 --> 00:01:45,705
You're outta here,
drug-o.
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00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:46,924
And don't forget,
federal law mandates
37
00:01:46,991 --> 00:01:49,276
that we consider alcohol a drug.
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(echoing thunderously):
D'oh...!
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00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:55,315
(twittering)
40
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I told them to make
these track d'oh-proof!
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(rumbling)
44
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Homie!
You're home early!
45
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,927
Well, I didn't feel like
going to Moe's today.
46
00:02:23,995 --> 00:02:26,830
Thought I might hang out here
for as long as I could take it.
47
00:02:26,898 --> 00:02:28,499
Company physical
coming up, huh?
48
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Yeah, but a weekend without
drinking is no big deal.
49
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I did it when I was in
that alcohol-induced coma.
50
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So, what's on the agenda?
51
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Well, we're having brunch
with my sisters.
52
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(moans)
53
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You're hosting my
Preteen Braves meeting.
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00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:42,519
(moans louder)
55
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,720
And we're gonna make
dreamcatchers
56
00:02:43,788 --> 00:02:45,755
out of litter we pick up.
(moans loudly)
57
00:02:45,823 --> 00:02:47,590
you promised to
help me write a iku.
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00:02:47,658 --> 00:02:49,292
Why did I do that?
59
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,428
It sounds so dull and boring.
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00:02:51,495 --> 00:02:52,962
What was I thinking?
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00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:57,000
Thank you!
Huh?!
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00:02:57,068 --> 00:02:58,651
And you and I
were going to study
63
00:02:58,719 --> 00:03:00,070
the municipal
voter's guide.
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00:03:00,137 --> 00:03:01,538
What the...?
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00:03:01,605 --> 00:03:04,240
Section 1 of Article 21
of the State Constitution
66
00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:06,159
is amended to read: Section 1.
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00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,795
In the year following the year
in which the national census
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00:03:08,863 --> 00:03:10,580
is taken under
the direction of Congress
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00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:13,616
at the beginning of each decade,
the Legislature shall adjust
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00:03:13,684 --> 00:03:15,618
the boundary lines of
Congressional, State Senate
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00:03:15,686 --> 00:03:16,720
and Assembly districts--
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00:03:16,787 --> 00:03:19,572
(wailing)
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Liquor,
mustn't think of liquor...
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GRAMPA'S VOICE: Hey, there!
What's cookin'?
75
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Come on, boy,
crack my seal
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and drink your father.
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(screaming):
Owwww!
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00:03:31,335 --> 00:03:32,669
(stammering)
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00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:34,437
Wait a minute--
that feels good.
80
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,572
Mm!
81
00:03:39,193 --> 00:03:41,878
So, a sober weekend
hasn't been that hard.
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00:03:41,946 --> 00:03:45,131
Let me just take a few
antidepressants here.
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00:03:45,199 --> 00:03:47,500
(gulping)
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00:03:47,568 --> 00:03:50,103
I feel sorry for people
without willpower.
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I truly do.
86
00:03:52,406 --> 00:03:53,940
Homie, what are
you drinking?
87
00:03:54,008 --> 00:03:58,178
A surprisingly not-horrible
fruit drink called a mimosa.
88
00:03:58,245 --> 00:04:00,830
There's champagne in those!
89
00:04:00,898 --> 00:04:03,099
(shrieks) Then there's
champagne in me!
90
00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:04,667
Oh, what am I gonna do?
91
00:04:04,735 --> 00:04:07,070
It's less than 24 hours
till my drug test!
92
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Maybe I can sweat it out.
93
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(grunting, panting)
94
00:04:11,242 --> 00:04:14,194
Oh, man, I'd better have
some coffee and iced tea.
95
00:04:14,261 --> 00:04:16,646
No! Irish and
Long Island!
96
00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:17,881
What about this lemonade?
97
00:04:17,948 --> 00:04:19,365
Mike's Hard!
98
00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:21,835
Then I better soak up
the alcohol with some food!
99
00:04:21,902 --> 00:04:23,136
Whoo! Cake!
Rum cake!
100
00:04:23,204 --> 00:04:24,487
Crepes!
Suzette!
101
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:25,989
Cherries!
102
00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:27,690
Whoo! Jubilee!
103
00:04:30,578 --> 00:04:31,361
(brunchers gasping in awe)
104
00:04:31,429 --> 00:04:34,564
(applause)
105
00:04:34,632 --> 00:04:35,465
(bird squawks)
106
00:04:38,669 --> 00:04:40,787
Wow, passed
with flying colors!
107
00:04:40,855 --> 00:04:42,238
I've sure earned this!
108
00:04:51,315 --> 00:04:54,651
O, Lord, I have
once again besotted
109
00:04:54,718 --> 00:04:56,553
my liver with
Thy fermented gifts.
110
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:58,922
If You can weasel me out
of this physical,
111
00:04:58,989 --> 00:05:00,890
I will blow Your mind
by doing something
112
00:05:00,958 --> 00:05:03,793
incredibly holy,
at some point. Amen.
113
00:05:03,861 --> 00:05:05,562
Now to mumble
in a religious fashion.
114
00:05:05,629 --> 00:05:08,064
Dear God, O, Lord,
O, God, O, Lord...
115
00:05:08,132 --> 00:05:10,166
O, Lord, O, God,
O, Lord Almighty.
116
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(jabbering, muttering)
117
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:14,737
Hm...
118
00:05:14,805 --> 00:05:17,807
your cells have been
overexposed to gamma radiation.
119
00:05:17,875 --> 00:05:18,775
Like the Hulk?
120
00:05:18,843 --> 00:05:20,376
Well, sort of
like the Hulk.
121
00:05:20,444 --> 00:05:21,911
But instead of
getting powerful,
122
00:05:21,979 --> 00:05:23,646
you're going to get
very, very sick.
123
00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:25,381
(moans)
124
00:05:25,449 --> 00:05:27,116
Hulk smash...
125
00:05:27,184 --> 00:05:31,087
Yes, Hulk smash.
(chuckles)
126
00:05:31,155 --> 00:05:32,589
Mr. Burns, you are liable
127
00:05:32,656 --> 00:05:35,158
for thousands of
dollars per employee,
128
00:05:35,226 --> 00:05:37,660
not to mention my
extensive fees which...
129
00:05:37,728 --> 00:05:39,362
(screams)
130
00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:41,097
This trapdoor app
works like a charm.
131
00:05:41,165 --> 00:05:42,832
Excellent.
132
00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:44,200
LAWYER:
You'll still have to pay!
133
00:05:44,268 --> 00:05:45,869
(sighs)
134
00:05:45,936 --> 00:05:47,937
This is the last time
I pay the price
135
00:05:48,005 --> 00:05:50,139
for the irritating mortality
of the human worker.
136
00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:52,141
Smithers, it's time to
re-staff with
137
00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:54,244
the super-intelligent
kangaroos we've been breeding!
138
00:05:54,311 --> 00:05:55,411
I'm sorry, sir,
139
00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:56,613
but they
just filled their pouches
140
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,081
with office supplies
and hopped away.
141
00:05:58,148 --> 00:05:59,682
Even the joeys?
142
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,974
You know, sir, there is
a more high-tech solution.
143
00:06:02,041 --> 00:06:05,377
More high-tech
than kangaroos?
144
00:06:05,445 --> 00:06:06,778
Ladies and gentlemen,
145
00:06:06,846 --> 00:06:09,314
meet the future masters
of the human race.
146
00:06:09,382 --> 00:06:10,849
( Night on Bald Mountain
playing)
147
00:06:15,054 --> 00:06:16,772
(shrieks)
Comicon nerds!
148
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:18,407
You fool!
These are robots!
149
00:06:18,474 --> 00:06:20,042
You will train them
150
00:06:20,109 --> 00:06:22,411
and they will replace you.
151
00:06:24,047 --> 00:06:27,115
I give you permission to shake
your fists in anger twice.
152
00:06:27,183 --> 00:06:28,884
(employees growl twice)
153
00:06:28,952 --> 00:06:30,485
I didn't say, Monty Says.
154
00:06:30,553 --> 00:06:32,154
Now I have cause
to terminate.
155
00:06:32,222 --> 00:06:33,589
(angry muttering)
LENNY: This is crap.
156
00:06:33,656 --> 00:06:36,091
Now get out.
You didn't say Monty Says.
157
00:06:36,159 --> 00:06:36,892
This is no game!
158
00:06:43,381 --> 00:06:44,184
Excellent.
159
00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:46,804
Sir, I'm afraid we do need
to keep one human worker--
160
00:06:46,871 --> 00:06:49,690
to sign for packages,
a scapegoat for meltdowns,
161
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:51,842
things that would be
a waste of the robots' time.
162
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:55,579
(groans) So we need one
meat sock on the payroll.
163
00:06:55,647 --> 00:06:58,615
But who?
Mr. Burns, before I leave,
164
00:06:58,683 --> 00:07:01,351
I got a few things
to get off my chest.
165
00:07:01,419 --> 00:07:04,388
One, I liked the new microwave
in the break room.
166
00:07:04,456 --> 00:07:06,723
Just push "popcorn," you don't
have to know how long.
167
00:07:06,791 --> 00:07:10,677
Two, replacing us with robots
is heartless and despicable.
168
00:07:10,745 --> 00:07:13,747
Three, how about a farewell
party with a caricature artist?
169
00:07:13,815 --> 00:07:16,517
You know, it's something both
kids and adults can enjoy.
170
00:07:16,584 --> 00:07:18,402
So, to sum up:
nicely done,
171
00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:20,871
we hate you,
and food for thought.
172
00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:22,840
Simpson, wait!
173
00:07:22,907 --> 00:07:25,025
As it turns out, there is
one job available.
174
00:07:25,093 --> 00:07:27,461
But be forewarned,
it promises naught
175
00:07:27,529 --> 00:07:29,830
but soul-crushing boredom.
176
00:07:29,898 --> 00:07:31,198
Does the chair go back
like this?
177
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:33,267
Yes.
178
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:34,401
Whoo-hoo!
179
00:07:35,503 --> 00:07:37,171
(groans)
180
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:41,408
Well, looks like
we've found this plant's
181
00:07:41,476 --> 00:07:43,677
one remaining worker
of bone and sinew.
182
00:07:43,745 --> 00:07:47,414
(chuckles) Sir, I believe there
are two, including yours truly.
183
00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:50,083
It's one, excluding
mine falsely!
184
00:07:50,151 --> 00:07:53,187
Well, surely no robot
can replace me.
185
00:07:53,254 --> 00:07:54,087
Oh!
186
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:56,306
Mmm!
187
00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:01,328
(whirring)
188
00:08:01,396 --> 00:08:02,596
I can do that.
189
00:08:03,848 --> 00:08:05,516
(imitates whirring)
190
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:07,684
What about this?
191
00:08:07,752 --> 00:08:11,154
(jaunty 1920's-era
music playing)
192
00:08:11,222 --> 00:08:12,940
(groans)
193
00:08:15,927 --> 00:08:18,362
(tires screeching)
194
00:08:18,429 --> 00:08:20,898
(scoffs)
Nice parking, idiot.
195
00:08:27,038 --> 00:08:29,840
So, uh, you guys
are my new coworkers.
196
00:08:29,908 --> 00:08:32,075
So, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
197
00:08:32,143 --> 00:08:34,044
(chuckles)
198
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:37,147
I said, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
199
00:08:37,215 --> 00:08:40,918
Workin' hard
or hardly working?!
200
00:08:40,985 --> 00:08:45,022
Working hard or
hardly working?!
201
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:47,224
It's a simple question!
202
00:08:47,292 --> 00:08:50,093
Are you A.) Working hard
203
00:08:50,161 --> 00:08:52,696
or B.) Ow!
204
00:08:52,764 --> 00:08:55,048
(giddy laughter)
205
00:08:55,116 --> 00:08:57,651
I guess I just met
the joker of the group.
206
00:08:57,719 --> 00:09:00,854
Better watch out for you on
April Fool's, am I right?
207
00:09:00,922 --> 00:09:02,956
I said, am I right?
208
00:09:03,024 --> 00:09:05,259
Am I... (yells)
209
00:09:05,326 --> 00:09:07,861
So, you guys have any luck
finding a new job?
210
00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:10,464
Does it look like I've got a job?
No, I didn't.
211
00:09:10,531 --> 00:09:12,432
Homer, show a
little more sensitivity
212
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,334
around these
jobless washouts, eh?
213
00:09:14,402 --> 00:09:16,937
Hey, I gotta tell ya,
I'm miserable there.
214
00:09:17,005 --> 00:09:19,606
I'm all alone,
and when there's some problem
215
00:09:19,674 --> 00:09:22,409
due to human error,
guess who gets blamed?
216
00:09:22,477 --> 00:09:24,311
Hey, Homer, you know what
I'm playing for ya?
217
00:09:24,379 --> 00:09:26,213
The world's smallest violin.
218
00:09:26,281 --> 00:09:28,749
And now I got to sell it,
just to make my rent!
219
00:09:30,485 --> 00:09:31,885
Oh, my God!
Where's the bow?
220
00:09:31,953 --> 00:09:33,420
I can't sell it
without the bow!
221
00:09:33,488 --> 00:09:35,022
Easy, easy there, Lenny.
222
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:36,790
You can always
play it pizzicato.
223
00:09:36,858 --> 00:09:40,110
The buyer clearly specified
violin and bow!
224
00:09:40,178 --> 00:09:42,529
(Lenny crying) Um, maybe I
should be heading home.
225
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:43,647
(crunch)
Oh, no!
226
00:09:43,715 --> 00:09:45,282
He stepped on the bow!
227
00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:47,351
Boy, this place
has gotten so grim.
228
00:09:47,418 --> 00:09:48,852
I'm gonna do something
I've never done:
229
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:50,220
Make myself a drink.
230
00:09:53,207 --> 00:09:54,942
Ugh!
You call this beer?
231
00:09:55,009 --> 00:09:56,460
It's watered-down swill!
232
00:09:56,527 --> 00:09:57,794
Oh, you got a problem?
233
00:09:57,862 --> 00:10:00,297
Well, here's
the complaint department.
234
00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:03,166
MOE: You know what I think, Moe?
I think you ain't got the guts!
235
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:05,202
(gun fires)
Ha! Missed, ya son-of-a...
236
00:10:06,804 --> 00:10:09,222
♪ When the moon hits your eye ♪
237
00:10:09,290 --> 00:10:11,375
♪ like a big pizza pie ♪
238
00:10:11,442 --> 00:10:13,276
♪ That's amore ♪
239
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:16,380
♪ When the world seems... ♪
(moans)
240
00:10:16,447 --> 00:10:18,865
When you do chair gondola
all by yourself,
241
00:10:18,933 --> 00:10:20,651
it almost seems stupid.
242
00:10:20,735 --> 00:10:22,402
(moans)
243
00:10:22,453 --> 00:10:23,453
(grunts)
244
00:10:25,323 --> 00:10:26,590
(gulps)
245
00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:28,091
Ah, here it is--
246
00:10:28,159 --> 00:10:30,961
Hydraulic systems flush...
247
00:10:31,029 --> 00:10:33,096
EEPROM bios auto boot ...
248
00:10:33,164 --> 00:10:36,266
conversation mode?!
They can talk?!
249
00:10:36,334 --> 00:10:38,735
I just have to press
this button, right...
250
00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:41,888
Well, at least it
doesn't feel pain.
251
00:10:43,091 --> 00:10:44,291
Wait a minute...
252
00:10:44,359 --> 00:10:46,560
D'oh!
253
00:10:46,627 --> 00:10:49,246
"Override self-destruct protocol
254
00:10:49,313 --> 00:10:55,519
with authorization code
7... 2... 2... 5."
255
00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:57,587
Human interaction mode
activated.
256
00:10:57,655 --> 00:10:59,156
Initiate conversation.
257
00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,391
Will you be my friend?
258
00:11:01,459 --> 00:11:04,294
Friendship cannot exist
between man and machine.
259
00:11:04,362 --> 00:11:06,797
But I can simulate
interest in your statements.
260
00:11:06,864 --> 00:11:08,899
(gasps)
You're not a friend...
261
00:11:08,966 --> 00:11:11,201
you're my best friend.
262
00:11:11,269 --> 00:11:14,304
Uh, just don't ask me
to drive you to the airport.
263
00:11:24,496 --> 00:11:26,164
It's no fun
to live in a town
264
00:11:26,231 --> 00:11:29,267
with a 99% unemployment rate.
265
00:11:29,335 --> 00:11:31,502
Things are so bad.
266
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:34,672
Look at what happened
to the man on my pizza box.
267
00:11:38,727 --> 00:11:40,695
Mr. Burns seemed
like such a nice man
268
00:11:40,763 --> 00:11:43,264
the day he arrived.
269
00:11:43,332 --> 00:11:45,083
(marching band playing brightly)
270
00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:46,617
(elephant trumpeting)
271
00:11:48,354 --> 00:11:50,071
Cheap power, plentiful jobs,
272
00:11:50,122 --> 00:11:51,906
and all your swimming holes
273
00:11:51,957 --> 00:11:54,075
shall be warm and bubbling.
274
00:11:54,143 --> 00:11:56,127
Can I pet the elephant?
275
00:11:56,195 --> 00:11:57,462
(laughs)
276
00:11:57,546 --> 00:11:58,846
Of course.
277
00:11:58,914 --> 00:12:00,148
(coos happily)
278
00:12:00,215 --> 00:12:01,132
(screams)
279
00:12:01,216 --> 00:12:02,433
(wailing)
280
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:04,168
(groans)
281
00:12:04,236 --> 00:12:07,138
Guess I'll just have to become
beautiful on the inside.
282
00:12:07,206 --> 00:12:08,189
MARGE:
Which he didn't.
283
00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:09,674
I ain't paying!
284
00:12:09,742 --> 00:12:11,409
Two of my shortbreads
were broken!
285
00:12:11,477 --> 00:12:12,944
Hey, check it out!
286
00:12:13,012 --> 00:12:14,812
Lenny's hit
a new low!
287
00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:18,733
I don't want my window washed!
288
00:12:18,801 --> 00:12:21,402
Too late!
289
00:12:22,938 --> 00:12:24,872
I don't want
my squeegee wiped!
290
00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:26,240
I got what I needed.
291
00:12:28,327 --> 00:12:29,494
That's it, boy.
292
00:12:29,578 --> 00:12:31,029
Live one more day.
293
00:12:33,799 --> 00:12:34,866
Good morning, class.
294
00:12:34,933 --> 00:12:36,918
I'm your substitute teacher...
295
00:12:36,969 --> 00:12:38,803
All right, who did that?
296
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:41,406
(coughs)
297
00:12:41,473 --> 00:12:43,875
Fine. We will not be reading
Death in Venice today.
298
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:46,244
(collective groan)
299
00:12:46,311 --> 00:12:47,912
Someone's in a mood.
300
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:51,132
Barney?
301
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,534
Hey, if we learned anything
from The Full Monty,
302
00:12:53,602 --> 00:12:55,470
it's that in a tough economy,
303
00:12:55,537 --> 00:12:57,805
ugly people strip for money.
304
00:12:57,873 --> 00:12:59,540
Do a lot of people pay?
305
00:12:59,608 --> 00:13:03,077
No, but I can also play
three-card full Monty.
306
00:13:03,145 --> 00:13:05,313
Follow the hats,
where's the wiener?
307
00:13:05,381 --> 00:13:07,081
Follow the hats, where's
the wiener?
308
00:13:07,149 --> 00:13:08,483
Now you see it,
now you don't.
309
00:13:10,185 --> 00:13:13,321
So, Bart, the little dickens,
is going through that phase
310
00:13:13,389 --> 00:13:16,057
where young boys
think their dad's an idiot.
311
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,158
Sounds like
you are having
312
00:13:17,226 --> 00:13:18,760
family difficulties.
313
00:13:18,827 --> 00:13:20,695
That's exactly
what I'm having!
314
00:13:20,763 --> 00:13:22,497
You guys totally get me.
315
00:13:22,564 --> 00:13:25,233
We are programmed to respond
to your verbal prompts.
316
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,001
Could you give my
wife a few lessons?
317
00:13:27,069 --> 00:13:28,102
(chuckles)
318
00:13:28,170 --> 00:13:29,637
Hmm.
Your laughter indicates
319
00:13:29,705 --> 00:13:32,173
you do not wish us
to give your wife lessons.
320
00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:33,708
(laughing):
Yeah.
321
00:13:33,776 --> 00:13:36,210
So, uh, it's 5:00.
Time for Moe's.
322
00:13:36,278 --> 00:13:37,912
My watch says 3:00.
323
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,081
4:00... 5:00.
324
00:13:40,149 --> 00:13:41,082
Let's go.
325
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,049
Automated workers
326
00:13:42,117 --> 00:13:43,985
are not able to leave the plant.
327
00:13:44,052 --> 00:13:46,354
What happened to you guys?
You used to be cool.
328
00:13:46,422 --> 00:13:49,023
We are the same temperature
we have always been.
329
00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:51,025
(mocking) "We're the same temperature
we've always been."
330
00:13:51,093 --> 00:13:52,794
Our programming
restricts our movement
331
00:13:52,861 --> 00:13:54,662
to yellow guidance lines.
332
00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:56,464
Hmm...
333
00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:07,008
Play ball!
334
00:14:10,646 --> 00:14:12,580
(grunting)
335
00:14:13,982 --> 00:14:16,050
Okay, I'm up again.
336
00:14:16,101 --> 00:14:18,236
According to the
on-line rules of baseball,
337
00:14:18,303 --> 00:14:20,338
all players get
a turn "at bat."
338
00:14:20,405 --> 00:14:21,772
Uh, right, right.
339
00:14:21,857 --> 00:14:24,158
Uh, actually, I'm
the designated hitter
340
00:14:24,226 --> 00:14:25,960
for all you guys.
341
00:14:26,028 --> 00:14:27,929
The designated hitter
corrupts the purity
342
00:14:27,996 --> 00:14:30,465
of an otherwise elegant game...
343
00:14:30,532 --> 00:14:31,899
Illogical, illogical.
344
00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:35,136
Fine. Don't get your
circuits in a bunch.
345
00:14:35,204 --> 00:14:37,138
Circuit-bunching has
yielded important advances
346
00:14:37,206 --> 00:14:39,440
in modern robotics.
To wit...
347
00:14:39,508 --> 00:14:40,842
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
348
00:14:40,909 --> 00:14:42,176
Hey, Dad,
can we play?
349
00:14:45,714 --> 00:14:47,882
We cannot take
the inferior one.
350
00:14:47,950 --> 00:14:51,185
My heart makes up
for my shortcomings, like Rudy.
351
00:14:51,253 --> 00:14:53,821
Rudy was only put in at the end
of a meaningless game.
352
00:14:53,889 --> 00:14:55,256
We will notify you
353
00:14:55,324 --> 00:14:57,475
if this game
becomes meaningless.
354
00:15:03,732 --> 00:15:04,916
I got it!
355
00:15:04,983 --> 00:15:05,950
I got it!
356
00:15:06,034 --> 00:15:08,069
I said I've got it!
357
00:15:10,539 --> 00:15:11,772
That could've been
my motherboard
358
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:13,224
lying in the street!
359
00:15:13,292 --> 00:15:15,426
Our primary directive...
360
00:15:15,494 --> 00:15:18,529
is to preserve human life.
361
00:15:18,597 --> 00:15:20,431
And here I was
waiting till you slept
362
00:15:20,499 --> 00:15:22,300
to rob you of your copper.
363
00:15:22,367 --> 00:15:24,001
You know, it's crazy but...
364
00:15:24,069 --> 00:15:25,503
Homer, move away from me.
365
00:15:25,571 --> 00:15:27,438
You are still in the road.
366
00:15:27,506 --> 00:15:30,508
Hush, bionic prince,
as I cradle your waning form.
367
00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:35,062
Such a peaceful end.
368
00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:37,248
(high-pitched
electronic screams)
369
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:40,518
Oh, geez!
370
00:15:40,586 --> 00:15:42,853
(horn honking)
Get out of the road!
371
00:15:42,938 --> 00:15:44,689
(horn honks)
Hey!
372
00:15:44,773 --> 00:15:46,274
(horn blares)
373
00:15:46,341 --> 00:15:47,992
(horn honks)
You stupid jerk!
374
00:15:48,076 --> 00:15:49,660
(horn beeping)
(man shouts angrily)
375
00:15:51,146 --> 00:15:55,182
(Lisa plays slow,
melancholy blues melody)
376
00:15:58,887 --> 00:16:00,488
Axles to axles,
377
00:16:00,556 --> 00:16:02,990
rust to rust, amen.
378
00:16:03,058 --> 00:16:03,991
Amen.
Amen.
379
00:16:04,059 --> 00:16:06,761
Dearly beloved, we are not here
380
00:16:06,828 --> 00:16:08,296
to mourn their deactivation,
381
00:16:08,363 --> 00:16:11,532
but to celebrate
their period of function.
382
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,802
Can I hollow out this one's head
and use it as a turtle tank?
383
00:16:14,870 --> 00:16:17,471
No! I'm already using
it to put my keys in.
384
00:16:17,539 --> 00:16:19,674
Now, let me
raise this beer to toast...
385
00:16:19,741 --> 00:16:20,875
(shrieks)
What the...?
386
00:16:20,943 --> 00:16:23,077
Alcohol is harmful to humans.
387
00:16:23,145 --> 00:16:24,695
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
save your breath.
388
00:16:24,763 --> 00:16:25,863
We have no breath.
389
00:16:25,931 --> 00:16:27,832
We do vent nitrogen
once a year.
390
00:16:27,899 --> 00:16:30,234
You do not want
to be around for that.
391
00:16:30,302 --> 00:16:34,088
D'oh! I have some
adjustments to make.
392
00:16:35,357 --> 00:16:36,724
Homer...
393
00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:38,693
when am I getting
my power drill back?
394
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,228
When I'm done with
my robo-botomies.
395
00:16:44,099 --> 00:16:46,701
Primary directive deactivated.
396
00:16:46,768 --> 00:16:48,269
Our new primary directive
397
00:16:48,337 --> 00:16:50,404
becomes removing
all impediments to the plant.
398
00:16:52,574 --> 00:16:55,109
Uh, Homer, I'm afraid this is
the part of God's perfect plan
399
00:16:55,177 --> 00:16:56,811
where you're
murdered by robots.
400
00:16:56,878 --> 00:16:58,512
Flanders, I don't
judge a robot
401
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:01,449
by the color of their eyes,
I look at their hands...
402
00:17:01,516 --> 00:17:04,185
which have turned
into buzz saws.
403
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,672
(screams)
404
00:17:07,756 --> 00:17:10,224
Son of a...!
Why did you do that?
405
00:17:10,292 --> 00:17:12,126
(muttering)
406
00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:16,964
ROBOTS: Eliminate impediment.
Eliminate...
407
00:17:17,015 --> 00:17:19,300
Just say "kill me," jerks!
408
00:17:19,368 --> 00:17:21,052
ROBOTS:
Kill him. Kill him.
409
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:24,238
Dad, they can only go
three miles an hour!
410
00:17:24,305 --> 00:17:26,374
I'm doomed!
Can they climb stairs?
411
00:17:26,441 --> 00:17:28,075
With great difficulty.
412
00:17:28,143 --> 00:17:29,810
I'm doomed!
413
00:17:34,423 --> 00:17:35,890
(knocking on door)
414
00:17:37,035 --> 00:17:38,068
(panting)
415
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:39,620
Robots...
trying to kill me.
416
00:17:39,688 --> 00:17:42,573
And now they'll kill you,
'cause I led them here!
417
00:17:46,044 --> 00:17:47,978
Now see here!
You are so not
418
00:17:48,046 --> 00:17:50,080
the human automatons
I was looking for.
419
00:17:50,148 --> 00:17:53,617
There's one thing man has
that machines can never match:
420
00:17:53,685 --> 00:17:55,503
hounds!
421
00:17:55,570 --> 00:17:57,755
(snarling)
422
00:17:57,823 --> 00:17:59,156
(yelps)
423
00:17:59,224 --> 00:18:00,474
(all whining)
424
00:18:00,542 --> 00:18:02,042
Fine, slink away.
And guess what?
425
00:18:02,110 --> 00:18:04,545
All those times I said
"you're a good boy,"
426
00:18:04,613 --> 00:18:05,713
it was a lie!
427
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,648
(growling, barking)
428
00:18:07,732 --> 00:18:09,233
No, stop! I'll give
you the combination
429
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:10,568
to the num-num safe!
430
00:18:10,635 --> 00:18:11,802
(growling)
431
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:13,120
Flee, you fool!
432
00:18:13,188 --> 00:18:14,555
Aren't we getting num-nums?
433
00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:20,911
(shuddering)
434
00:18:20,979 --> 00:18:22,880
(dogs barking)
435
00:18:22,948 --> 00:18:25,399
Ah. The solarium.
436
00:18:25,467 --> 00:18:27,301
We'll be safely cornered
in this glass room
437
00:18:27,369 --> 00:18:29,537
with one door.
438
00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:36,660
(grunts)
439
00:18:36,711 --> 00:18:38,328
Stop brandishing me.
440
00:18:38,380 --> 00:18:39,730
Sorry.
Before we die,
441
00:18:39,798 --> 00:18:42,233
can you tell me how
old you really are?
442
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,202
Well, it has four digits...
(crash)
443
00:18:45,270 --> 00:18:46,971
Unemployed Springfielders
to the rescue!
444
00:18:47,038 --> 00:18:48,706
And underemployed.
445
00:18:53,945 --> 00:18:56,380
To servos with love.
446
00:19:06,708 --> 00:19:08,359
Guys, thank you.
447
00:19:08,426 --> 00:19:09,827
The words "prime directive"
448
00:19:09,895 --> 00:19:11,629
get thrown around
a lot these days,
449
00:19:11,696 --> 00:19:13,664
but I'm glad yours
was saving me.
450
00:19:13,732 --> 00:19:15,132
The saddest part is:
451
00:19:15,199 --> 00:19:17,585
none of this
had to happen.
452
00:19:17,652 --> 00:19:19,653
If Mr. Burns
had simply trusted
453
00:19:19,721 --> 00:19:21,722
the human worker.
454
00:19:21,790 --> 00:19:24,592
Or if someone,
anyone, had told me
455
00:19:24,659 --> 00:19:28,329
that robots were
incapable of human feelings.
456
00:19:28,396 --> 00:19:32,166
I told you precisely
that fact 1,562 times...
457
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:38,088
(laughs)
458
00:19:38,156 --> 00:19:39,823
And his arm
can be my back-scratcher.
459
00:19:39,891 --> 00:19:41,158
(electricity buzzes,
Homer screams)
460
00:19:41,226 --> 00:19:43,527
Well, I've learned
the robotic worker is no match
461
00:19:43,595 --> 00:19:46,196
for the old-fashioned
man of labor.
462
00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:48,599
You're all hired back...
as temps.
463
00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,251
(workers cheering)
464
00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:53,337
ROBOT: Homer, why have you
reprogrammed me for this?
465
00:19:53,404 --> 00:19:54,922
I'm giving you your wish:
466
00:19:55,006 --> 00:19:57,124
to be a real boy.
467
00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:59,743
I am real and
I do not have wishes.
468
00:19:59,794 --> 00:20:01,412
Then take us out to sea!
469
00:20:01,479 --> 00:20:02,947
I am not a transformer.
470
00:20:03,014 --> 00:20:04,882
I cannot turn into
an outboard motor.
471
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:06,684
Oh, I believe you,
472
00:20:06,751 --> 00:20:09,486
but Flanders' drill doesn't.
473
00:20:11,323 --> 00:20:13,457
(imitates motor revving)
474
00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:16,193
Ah, this is the life.
475
00:20:16,261 --> 00:20:18,228
Hey.
476
00:20:18,296 --> 00:20:22,296
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
477
00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:27,388
(gentle intro playing)
478
00:20:27,455 --> 00:20:31,592
♪ There's electric cars,
there's electric trains ♪
479
00:20:31,660 --> 00:20:35,796
♪ Here comes a robot
with electric brains ♪
480
00:20:35,864 --> 00:20:40,534
♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪
481
00:20:40,602 --> 00:20:44,872
♪ Wave the flags
that the robots made ♪
482
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:49,376
♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪
483
00:20:49,444 --> 00:20:53,520
♪ Robots obey
what the children say. ♪
484
00:21:04,206 --> 00:21:05,406
Shh!