1
00:00:02,411 --> 00:00:05,311
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:07,814 --> 00:00:09,014
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:10,639
(tires screech)
4
00:00:10,664 --> 00:00:11,864
(grunts)
5
00:00:20,189 --> 00:00:21,389
(wails)
6
00:00:21,414 --> 00:00:24,914
♪ The Simpsons 23x17 ♪
Them, Robot
Original Air Date on March 18, 2012
7
00:00:24,939 --> 00:00:28,439
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
8
00:00:30,632 --> 00:00:31,432
(spray paint hisses)
9
00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:43,377
(Homer snoring)
10
00:00:43,445 --> 00:00:46,047
(muttering)
11
00:00:46,098 --> 00:00:47,815
(snoring)
12
00:00:49,151 --> 00:00:50,718
Power's out.
13
00:00:50,786 --> 00:00:53,921
Oh, your father must be
sleeping on his side again.
14
00:00:53,989 --> 00:00:55,823
(snoring)
15
00:00:57,359 --> 00:00:59,694
(choking)
From downtown!
16
00:00:59,761 --> 00:01:00,928
And it counts!
17
00:01:00,996 --> 00:01:03,681
(choking)
18
00:01:03,749 --> 00:01:04,715
Think he's okay?
19
00:01:07,402 --> 00:01:09,120
Eh...
20
00:01:09,187 --> 00:01:10,588
(raspy)
Thank you.
21
00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:12,023
Just drink some water,
you're all right.
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Oh, yeah, you don't
want to go to the hospital
23
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at 5:00 on a Friday.
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Whoo-hoo!
25
00:01:16,111 --> 00:01:17,945
Thank God it's TGIF!
26
00:01:18,013 --> 00:01:19,663
MR. BURNS (over P.A.):
Attention, wage worms.
27
00:01:19,731 --> 00:01:22,450
It's time for
afternoon announcements.
28
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(jaunty swing music playing)
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00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:32,676
This Monday, the plant
will be conducting
30
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,979
physical examinations
of all employees.
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00:01:35,047 --> 00:01:37,648
And anyone testing positive
for narcotics
32
00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:39,250
will be terminated
immediately!
33
00:01:39,317 --> 00:01:41,252
Bad news, Lang-Soo.
34
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Some casual Friday
this is.
35
00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:45,305
You're outta here,
drug-o.
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00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:46,524
And don't forget,
federal law mandates
37
00:01:46,591 --> 00:01:48,876
that we consider alcohol a drug.
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(echoing thunderously):
D'oh...!
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(twittering)
40
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I told them to make
these track d'oh-proof!
41
00:02:13,068 --> 00:02:14,568
(rumbling)
44
00:02:18,607 --> 00:02:21,242
Homie!
You're home early!
45
00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:23,527
Well, I didn't feel like
going to Moe's today.
46
00:02:23,595 --> 00:02:26,430
Thought I might hang out here
for as long as I could take it.
47
00:02:26,498 --> 00:02:28,099
Company physical
coming up, huh?
48
00:02:28,166 --> 00:02:30,851
Yeah, but a weekend without
drinking is no big deal.
49
00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,487
I did it when I was in
that alcohol-induced coma.
50
00:02:36,041 --> 00:02:37,958
So, what's on the agenda?
51
00:02:38,026 --> 00:02:39,077
Well, we're having brunch
with my sisters.
52
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(moans)
53
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:41,247
You're hosting my
Preteen Braves meeting.
54
00:02:41,272 --> 00:02:42,119
(moans louder)
55
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,320
And we're gonna make
dreamcatchers
56
00:02:43,388 --> 00:02:45,355
out of litter we pick up.
(moans loudly)
57
00:02:45,423 --> 00:02:47,190
you promised to
help me write a iku.
58
00:02:47,258 --> 00:02:48,892
Why did I do that?
59
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,028
It sounds so dull and boring.
60
00:02:51,095 --> 00:02:52,562
What was I thinking?
61
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,600
Thank you!
Huh?!
62
00:02:56,668 --> 00:02:58,251
And you and I
were going to study
63
00:02:58,319 --> 00:02:59,670
the municipal
voter's guide.
64
00:02:59,737 --> 00:03:01,138
What the...?
65
00:03:01,205 --> 00:03:03,840
Section 1 of Article 21
of the State Constitution
66
00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:05,759
is amended to read: Section 1.
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00:03:05,827 --> 00:03:08,395
In the year following the year
in which the national census
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00:03:08,463 --> 00:03:10,180
is taken under
the direction of Congress
69
00:03:10,248 --> 00:03:13,216
at the beginning of each decade,
the Legislature shall adjust
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00:03:13,284 --> 00:03:15,218
the boundary lines of
Congressional, State Senate
71
00:03:15,286 --> 00:03:16,320
and Assembly districts--
72
00:03:16,387 --> 00:03:19,172
(wailing)
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Liquor,
mustn't think of liquor...
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00:03:23,044 --> 00:03:24,411
GRAMPA'S VOICE: Hey, there!
What's cookin'?
75
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Come on, boy,
crack my seal
76
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and drink your father.
77
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(screaming):
Owwww!
78
00:03:30,935 --> 00:03:32,269
(stammering)
79
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,037
Wait a minute--
that feels good.
80
00:03:34,105 --> 00:03:35,172
Mm!
81
00:03:38,793 --> 00:03:41,478
So, a sober weekend
hasn't been that hard.
82
00:03:41,546 --> 00:03:44,731
Let me just take a few
antidepressants here.
83
00:03:44,799 --> 00:03:47,100
(gulping)
84
00:03:47,168 --> 00:03:49,703
I feel sorry for people
without willpower.
85
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,938
I truly do.
86
00:03:52,006 --> 00:03:53,540
Homie, what are
you drinking?
87
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:57,778
A surprisingly not-horrible
fruit drink called a mimosa.
88
00:03:57,845 --> 00:04:00,430
There's champagne in those!
89
00:04:00,498 --> 00:04:02,699
(shrieks) Then there's
champagne in me!
90
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:04,267
Oh, what am I gonna do?
91
00:04:04,335 --> 00:04:06,670
It's less than 24 hours
till my drug test!
92
00:04:06,738 --> 00:04:07,971
Maybe I can sweat it out.
93
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,774
(grunting, panting)
94
00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:13,794
Oh, man, I'd better have
some coffee and iced tea.
95
00:04:13,861 --> 00:04:16,246
No! Irish and
Long Island!
96
00:04:16,314 --> 00:04:17,481
What about this lemonade?
97
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:18,965
Mike's Hard!
98
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:21,435
Then I better soak up
the alcohol with some food!
99
00:04:21,502 --> 00:04:22,736
Whoo! Cake!
Rum cake!
100
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,087
Crepes!
Suzette!
101
00:04:24,155 --> 00:04:25,589
Cherries!
102
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:27,290
Whoo! Jubilee!
103
00:04:30,178 --> 00:04:30,961
(brunchers gasping in awe)
104
00:04:31,029 --> 00:04:34,164
(applause)
105
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,065
(bird squawks)
106
00:04:38,269 --> 00:04:40,387
Wow, passed
with flying colors!
107
00:04:40,455 --> 00:04:41,838
I've sure earned this!
108
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:54,251
O, Lord, I have
once again besotted
109
00:04:54,318 --> 00:04:56,153
my liver with
Thy fermented gifts.
110
00:04:56,220 --> 00:04:58,522
If You can weasel me out
of this physical,
111
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,490
I will blow Your mind
by doing something
112
00:05:00,558 --> 00:05:03,393
incredibly holy,
at some point. Amen.
113
00:05:03,461 --> 00:05:05,162
Now to mumble
in a religious fashion.
114
00:05:05,229 --> 00:05:07,664
Dear God, O, Lord,
O, God, O, Lord...
115
00:05:07,732 --> 00:05:09,766
O, Lord, O, God,
O, Lord Almighty.
116
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,602
(jabbering, muttering)
117
00:05:12,670 --> 00:05:14,337
Hm...
118
00:05:14,405 --> 00:05:17,407
your cells have been
overexposed to gamma radiation.
119
00:05:17,475 --> 00:05:18,375
Like the Hulk?
120
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,976
Well, sort of
like the Hulk.
121
00:05:20,044 --> 00:05:21,511
But instead of
getting powerful,
122
00:05:21,579 --> 00:05:23,246
you're going to get
very, very sick.
123
00:05:23,314 --> 00:05:24,981
(moans)
124
00:05:25,049 --> 00:05:26,716
Hulk smash...
125
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:30,687
Yes, Hulk smash.
(chuckles)
126
00:05:30,755 --> 00:05:32,189
Mr. Burns, you are liable
127
00:05:32,256 --> 00:05:34,758
for thousands of
dollars per employee,
128
00:05:34,826 --> 00:05:37,260
not to mention my
extensive fees which...
129
00:05:37,328 --> 00:05:38,962
(screams)
130
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:40,697
This trapdoor app
works like a charm.
131
00:05:40,765 --> 00:05:42,432
Excellent.
132
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,800
LAWYER:
You'll still have to pay!
133
00:05:43,868 --> 00:05:45,469
(sighs)
134
00:05:45,536 --> 00:05:47,537
This is the last time
I pay the price
135
00:05:47,605 --> 00:05:49,739
for the irritating mortality
of the human worker.
136
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,741
Smithers, it's time to
re-staff with
137
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,844
the super-intelligent
kangaroos we've been breeding!
138
00:05:53,911 --> 00:05:55,011
I'm sorry, sir,
139
00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:56,213
but they
just filled their pouches
140
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,681
with office supplies
and hopped away.
141
00:05:57,748 --> 00:05:59,282
Even the joeys?
142
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,574
You know, sir, there is
a more high-tech solution.
143
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:04,977
More high-tech
than kangaroos?
144
00:06:05,045 --> 00:06:06,378
Ladies and gentlemen,
145
00:06:06,446 --> 00:06:08,914
meet the future masters
of the human race.
146
00:06:08,982 --> 00:06:10,449
( Night on Bald Mountain
playing)
147
00:06:14,654 --> 00:06:16,372
(shrieks)
Comicon nerds!
148
00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:18,007
You fool!
These are robots!
149
00:06:18,074 --> 00:06:19,642
You will train them
150
00:06:19,709 --> 00:06:22,011
and they will replace you.
151
00:06:23,647 --> 00:06:26,715
I give you permission to shake
your fists in anger twice.
152
00:06:26,783 --> 00:06:28,484
(employees growl twice)
153
00:06:28,552 --> 00:06:30,085
I didn't say, Monty Says.
154
00:06:30,153 --> 00:06:31,754
Now I have cause
to terminate.
155
00:06:31,822 --> 00:06:33,189
(angry muttering)
LENNY: This is crap.
156
00:06:33,256 --> 00:06:35,691
Now get out.
You didn't say Monty Says.
157
00:06:35,759 --> 00:06:36,492
This is no game!
158
00:06:41,433 --> 00:06:42,236
Excellent.
159
00:06:42,237 --> 00:06:44,856
Sir, I'm afraid we do need
to keep one human worker--
160
00:06:44,923 --> 00:06:47,742
to sign for packages,
a scapegoat for meltdowns,
161
00:06:47,793 --> 00:06:49,894
things that would be
a waste of the robots' time.
162
00:06:49,962 --> 00:06:53,631
(groans) So we need one
meat sock on the payroll.
163
00:06:53,699 --> 00:06:56,667
But who?
Mr. Burns, before I leave,
164
00:06:56,735 --> 00:06:59,403
I got a few things
to get off my chest.
165
00:06:59,471 --> 00:07:02,440
One, I liked the new microwave
in the break room.
166
00:07:02,508 --> 00:07:04,775
Just push "popcorn," you don't
have to know how long.
167
00:07:04,843 --> 00:07:08,729
Two, replacing us with robots
is heartless and despicable.
168
00:07:08,797 --> 00:07:11,799
Three, how about a farewell
party with a caricature artist?
169
00:07:11,867 --> 00:07:14,569
You know, it's something both
kids and adults can enjoy.
170
00:07:14,636 --> 00:07:16,454
So, to sum up:
nicely done,
171
00:07:16,522 --> 00:07:18,923
we hate you,
and food for thought.
172
00:07:18,991 --> 00:07:20,892
Simpson, wait!
173
00:07:20,959 --> 00:07:23,077
As it turns out, there is
one job available.
174
00:07:23,145 --> 00:07:25,513
But be forewarned,
it promises naught
175
00:07:25,581 --> 00:07:27,882
but soul-crushing boredom.
176
00:07:27,950 --> 00:07:29,250
Does the chair go back
like this?
177
00:07:30,552 --> 00:07:31,319
Yes.
178
00:07:31,386 --> 00:07:32,453
Whoo-hoo!
179
00:07:33,555 --> 00:07:35,223
(groans)
180
00:07:37,392 --> 00:07:39,460
Well, looks like
we've found this plant's
181
00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:41,729
one remaining worker
of bone and sinew.
182
00:07:41,797 --> 00:07:45,466
(chuckles) Sir, I believe there
are two, including yours truly.
183
00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:48,135
It's one, excluding
mine falsely!
184
00:07:48,203 --> 00:07:51,239
Well, surely no robot
can replace me.
185
00:07:51,306 --> 00:07:52,139
Oh!
186
00:07:53,592 --> 00:07:54,358
Mmm!
187
00:07:57,930 --> 00:07:59,380
(whirring)
188
00:07:59,448 --> 00:08:00,648
I can do that.
189
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:03,568
(imitates whirring)
190
00:08:03,635 --> 00:08:05,736
What about this?
191
00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:09,206
(jaunty 1920's-era
music playing)
192
00:08:09,274 --> 00:08:10,992
(groans)
193
00:08:13,979 --> 00:08:16,414
(tires screeching)
194
00:08:16,481 --> 00:08:18,950
(scoffs)
Nice parking, idiot.
195
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,892
So, uh, you guys
are my new coworkers.
196
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,127
So, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
197
00:08:30,195 --> 00:08:32,096
(chuckles)
198
00:08:32,164 --> 00:08:35,199
I said, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
199
00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:38,970
Workin' hard
or hardly working?!
200
00:08:39,037 --> 00:08:43,074
Working hard or
hardly working?!
201
00:08:43,141 --> 00:08:45,276
It's a simple question!
202
00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:48,145
Are you A.) Working hard
203
00:08:48,213 --> 00:08:50,748
or B.) Ow!
204
00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:53,100
(giddy laughter)
205
00:08:53,168 --> 00:08:55,703
I guess I just met
the joker of the group.
206
00:08:55,771 --> 00:08:58,906
Better watch out for you on
April Fool's, am I right?
207
00:08:58,974 --> 00:09:01,008
I said, am I right?
208
00:09:01,076 --> 00:09:03,311
Am I... (yells)
209
00:09:03,378 --> 00:09:05,913
So, you guys have any luck
finding a new job?
210
00:09:05,981 --> 00:09:08,516
Does it look like I've got a job?
No, I didn't.
211
00:09:08,583 --> 00:09:10,484
Homer, show a
little more sensitivity
212
00:09:10,552 --> 00:09:12,386
around these
jobless washouts, eh?
213
00:09:12,454 --> 00:09:14,989
Hey, I gotta tell ya,
I'm miserable there.
214
00:09:15,057 --> 00:09:17,658
I'm all alone,
and when there's some problem
215
00:09:17,726 --> 00:09:20,461
due to human error,
guess who gets blamed?
216
00:09:20,529 --> 00:09:22,363
Hey, Homer, you know what
I'm playing for ya?
217
00:09:22,431 --> 00:09:24,265
The world's smallest violin.
218
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,801
And now I got to sell it,
just to make my rent!
219
00:09:28,537 --> 00:09:29,937
Oh, my God!
Where's the bow?
220
00:09:30,005 --> 00:09:31,472
I can't sell it
without the bow!
221
00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:33,074
Easy, easy there, Lenny.
222
00:09:33,141 --> 00:09:34,842
You can always
play it pizzicato.
223
00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:38,162
The buyer clearly specified
violin and bow!
224
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:40,581
(Lenny crying) Um, maybe I
should be heading home.
225
00:09:40,632 --> 00:09:41,699
(crunch)
Oh, no!
226
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:43,334
He stepped on the bow!
227
00:09:43,402 --> 00:09:45,403
Boy, this place
has gotten so grim.
228
00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:46,904
I'm gonna do something
I've never done:
229
00:09:46,972 --> 00:09:48,272
Make myself a drink.
230
00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:52,994
Ugh!
You call this beer?
231
00:09:53,061 --> 00:09:54,512
It's watered-down swill!
232
00:09:54,579 --> 00:09:55,846
Oh, you got a problem?
233
00:09:55,914 --> 00:09:58,349
Well, here's
the complaint department.
234
00:09:58,417 --> 00:10:01,218
MOE: You know what I think, Moe?
I think you ain't got the guts!
235
00:10:01,286 --> 00:10:03,254
(gun fires)
Ha! Missed, ya son-of-a...
236
00:10:04,856 --> 00:10:07,274
♪ When the moon hits your eye ♪
237
00:10:07,342 --> 00:10:09,427
♪ like a big pizza pie ♪
238
00:10:09,494 --> 00:10:11,328
♪ That's amore ♪
239
00:10:11,396 --> 00:10:14,432
♪ When the world seems... ♪
(moans)
240
00:10:14,499 --> 00:10:16,917
When you do chair gondola
all by yourself,
241
00:10:16,985 --> 00:10:18,703
it almost seems stupid.
242
00:10:18,787 --> 00:10:20,454
(moans)
243
00:10:20,505 --> 00:10:21,505
(grunts)
244
00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:24,642
(gulps)
245
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,143
Ah, here it is--
246
00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:29,013
Hydraulic systems flush...
247
00:10:29,081 --> 00:10:31,148
EEPROM bios auto boot ...
248
00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:34,318
conversation mode?!
They can talk?!
249
00:10:34,386 --> 00:10:36,787
I just have to press
this button, right...
250
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:39,940
Well, at least it
doesn't feel pain.
251
00:10:41,143 --> 00:10:42,343
Wait a minute...
252
00:10:42,411 --> 00:10:44,612
D'oh!
253
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,298
"Override self-destruct protocol
254
00:10:47,365 --> 00:10:53,571
with authorization code
7... 2... 2... 5."
255
00:10:53,638 --> 00:10:55,639
Human interaction mode
activated.
256
00:10:55,707 --> 00:10:57,208
Initiate conversation.
257
00:10:57,275 --> 00:10:59,443
Will you be my friend?
258
00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:02,346
Friendship cannot exist
between man and machine.
259
00:11:02,414 --> 00:11:04,849
But I can simulate
interest in your statements.
260
00:11:04,916 --> 00:11:06,951
(gasps)
You're not a friend...
261
00:11:07,018 --> 00:11:09,253
you're my best friend.
262
00:11:09,321 --> 00:11:12,356
Uh, just don't ask me
to drive you to the airport.
263
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:23,088
It's no fun
to live in a town
264
00:11:23,155 --> 00:11:26,191
with a 99% unemployment rate.
265
00:11:26,259 --> 00:11:28,426
Things are so bad.
266
00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:31,596
Look at what happened
to the man on my pizza box.
267
00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:37,619
Mr. Burns seemed
like such a nice man
268
00:11:37,687 --> 00:11:40,188
the day he arrived.
269
00:11:40,256 --> 00:11:42,007
(marching band playing brightly)
270
00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:43,541
(elephant trumpeting)
271
00:11:45,278 --> 00:11:46,995
Cheap power, plentiful jobs,
272
00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:48,830
and all your swimming holes
273
00:11:48,881 --> 00:11:50,999
shall be warm and bubbling.
274
00:11:51,067 --> 00:11:53,051
Can I pet the elephant?
275
00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:54,386
(laughs)
276
00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:55,770
Of course.
277
00:11:55,838 --> 00:11:57,072
(coos happily)
278
00:11:57,139 --> 00:11:58,056
(screams)
279
00:11:58,140 --> 00:11:59,357
(wailing)
280
00:11:59,425 --> 00:12:01,092
(groans)
281
00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,062
Guess I'll just have to become
beautiful on the inside.
282
00:12:04,130 --> 00:12:05,113
MARGE:
Which he didn't.
283
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,598
I ain't paying!
284
00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:08,333
Two of my shortbreads
were broken!
285
00:12:08,401 --> 00:12:09,868
Hey, check it out!
286
00:12:09,936 --> 00:12:11,736
Lenny's hit
a new low!
287
00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:15,657
I don't want my window washed!
288
00:12:15,725 --> 00:12:18,326
Too late!
289
00:12:19,862 --> 00:12:21,796
I don't want
my squeegee wiped!
290
00:12:21,864 --> 00:12:23,164
I got what I needed.
291
00:12:25,251 --> 00:12:26,418
That's it, boy.
292
00:12:26,502 --> 00:12:27,953
Live one more day.
293
00:12:30,723 --> 00:12:31,790
Good morning, class.
294
00:12:31,857 --> 00:12:33,842
I'm your substitute teacher...
295
00:12:33,893 --> 00:12:35,727
All right, who did that?
296
00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:38,330
(coughs)
297
00:12:38,397 --> 00:12:40,799
Fine. We will not be reading
Death in Venice today.
298
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,168
(collective groan)
299
00:12:43,235 --> 00:12:44,836
Someone's in a mood.
300
00:12:46,105 --> 00:12:48,056
Barney?
301
00:12:48,124 --> 00:12:50,458
Hey, if we learned anything
from The Full Monty,
302
00:12:50,526 --> 00:12:52,394
it's that in a tough economy,
303
00:12:52,461 --> 00:12:54,729
ugly people strip for money.
304
00:12:54,797 --> 00:12:56,464
Do a lot of people pay?
305
00:12:56,532 --> 00:13:00,001
No, but I can also play
three-card full Monty.
306
00:13:00,069 --> 00:13:02,237
Follow the hats,
where's the wiener?
307
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,005
Follow the hats, where's
the wiener?
308
00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:05,407
Now you see it,
now you don't.
309
00:13:07,109 --> 00:13:10,245
So, Bart, the little dickens,
is going through that phase
310
00:13:10,313 --> 00:13:12,981
where young boys
think their dad's an idiot.
311
00:13:13,049 --> 00:13:14,082
Sounds like
you are having
312
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:15,684
family difficulties.
313
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,619
That's exactly
what I'm having!
314
00:13:17,687 --> 00:13:19,421
You guys totally get me.
315
00:13:19,488 --> 00:13:22,157
We are programmed to respond
to your verbal prompts.
316
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:23,925
Could you give my
wife a few lessons?
317
00:13:23,993 --> 00:13:25,026
(chuckles)
318
00:13:25,094 --> 00:13:26,561
Hmm.
Your laughter indicates
319
00:13:26,629 --> 00:13:29,097
you do not wish us
to give your wife lessons.
320
00:13:29,165 --> 00:13:30,632
(laughing):
Yeah.
321
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,134
So, uh, it's 5:00.
Time for Moe's.
322
00:13:33,202 --> 00:13:34,836
My watch says 3:00.
323
00:13:34,904 --> 00:13:37,005
4:00... 5:00.
324
00:13:37,073 --> 00:13:38,006
Let's go.
325
00:13:38,074 --> 00:13:38,973
Automated workers
326
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,909
are not able to leave the plant.
327
00:13:40,976 --> 00:13:43,278
What happened to you guys?
You used to be cool.
328
00:13:43,346 --> 00:13:45,947
We are the same temperature
we have always been.
329
00:13:46,015 --> 00:13:47,949
(mocking) "We're the same temperature
we've always been."
330
00:13:48,017 --> 00:13:49,718
Our programming
restricts our movement
331
00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,586
to yellow guidance lines.
332
00:13:51,654 --> 00:13:53,388
Hmm...
333
00:14:02,365 --> 00:14:03,932
Play ball!
334
00:14:07,570 --> 00:14:09,504
(grunting)
335
00:14:10,906 --> 00:14:12,974
Okay, I'm up again.
336
00:14:13,025 --> 00:14:15,160
According to the
on-line rules of baseball,
337
00:14:15,227 --> 00:14:17,262
all players get
a turn "at bat."
338
00:14:17,329 --> 00:14:18,696
Uh, right, right.
339
00:14:18,781 --> 00:14:21,082
Uh, actually, I'm
the designated hitter
340
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:22,884
for all you guys.
341
00:14:22,952 --> 00:14:24,853
The designated hitter
corrupts the purity
342
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,389
of an otherwise elegant game...
343
00:14:27,456 --> 00:14:28,823
Illogical, illogical.
344
00:14:28,891 --> 00:14:32,060
Fine. Don't get your
circuits in a bunch.
345
00:14:32,128 --> 00:14:34,062
Circuit-bunching has
yielded important advances
346
00:14:34,130 --> 00:14:36,364
in modern robotics.
To wit...
347
00:14:36,432 --> 00:14:37,766
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
348
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,100
Hey, Dad,
can we play?
349
00:14:42,638 --> 00:14:44,806
We cannot take
the inferior one.
350
00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:48,109
My heart makes up
for my shortcomings, like Rudy.
351
00:14:48,177 --> 00:14:50,745
Rudy was only put in at the end
of a meaningless game.
352
00:14:50,813 --> 00:14:52,180
We will notify you
353
00:14:52,248 --> 00:14:54,399
if this game
becomes meaningless.
354
00:15:00,656 --> 00:15:01,840
I got it!
355
00:15:01,907 --> 00:15:02,874
I got it!
356
00:15:02,958 --> 00:15:04,993
I said I've got it!
357
00:15:07,463 --> 00:15:08,696
That could've been
my motherboard
358
00:15:08,764 --> 00:15:10,148
lying in the street!
359
00:15:10,216 --> 00:15:12,350
Our primary directive...
360
00:15:12,418 --> 00:15:15,453
is to preserve human life.
361
00:15:15,521 --> 00:15:17,355
And here I was
waiting till you slept
362
00:15:17,423 --> 00:15:19,224
to rob you of your copper.
363
00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:20,925
You know, it's crazy but...
364
00:15:20,993 --> 00:15:22,427
Homer, move away from me.
365
00:15:22,495 --> 00:15:24,362
You are still in the road.
366
00:15:24,430 --> 00:15:27,432
Hush, bionic prince,
as I cradle your waning form.
367
00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:31,986
Such a peaceful end.
368
00:15:32,054 --> 00:15:34,172
(high-pitched
electronic screams)
369
00:15:35,174 --> 00:15:37,442
Oh, geez!
370
00:15:37,510 --> 00:15:39,777
(horn honking)
Get out of the road!
371
00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:41,613
(horn honks)
Hey!
372
00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:43,198
(horn blares)
373
00:15:43,265 --> 00:15:44,916
(horn honks)
You stupid jerk!
374
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,584
(horn beeping)
(man shouts angrily)
375
00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:52,106
(Lisa plays slow,
melancholy blues melody)
376
00:15:55,811 --> 00:15:57,412
Axles to axles,
377
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,914
rust to rust, amen.
378
00:15:59,982 --> 00:16:00,915
Amen.
Amen.
379
00:16:00,983 --> 00:16:03,685
Dearly beloved, we are not here
380
00:16:03,752 --> 00:16:05,220
to mourn their deactivation,
381
00:16:05,287 --> 00:16:08,456
but to celebrate
their period of function.
382
00:16:08,524 --> 00:16:11,726
Can I hollow out this one's head
and use it as a turtle tank?
383
00:16:11,794 --> 00:16:14,395
No! I'm already using
it to put my keys in.
384
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:16,598
Now, let me
raise this beer to toast...
385
00:16:16,665 --> 00:16:17,799
(shrieks)
What the...?
386
00:16:17,867 --> 00:16:20,001
Alcohol is harmful to humans.
387
00:16:20,069 --> 00:16:21,619
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
save your breath.
388
00:16:21,687 --> 00:16:22,787
We have no breath.
389
00:16:22,855 --> 00:16:24,756
We do vent nitrogen
once a year.
390
00:16:24,823 --> 00:16:27,158
You do not want
to be around for that.
391
00:16:27,226 --> 00:16:31,012
D'oh! I have some
adjustments to make.
392
00:16:32,281 --> 00:16:33,648
Homer...
393
00:16:33,716 --> 00:16:35,617
when am I getting
my power drill back?
394
00:16:35,684 --> 00:16:38,152
When I'm done with
my robo-botomies.
395
00:16:41,023 --> 00:16:43,625
Primary directive deactivated.
396
00:16:43,692 --> 00:16:45,193
Our new primary directive
397
00:16:45,261 --> 00:16:47,328
becomes removing
all impediments to the plant.
398
00:16:49,498 --> 00:16:52,033
Uh, Homer, I'm afraid this is
the part of God's perfect plan
399
00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:53,735
where you're
murdered by robots.
400
00:16:53,802 --> 00:16:55,436
Flanders, I don't
judge a robot
401
00:16:55,504 --> 00:16:58,373
by the color of their eyes,
I look at their hands...
402
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,109
which have turned
into buzz saws.
403
00:17:02,544 --> 00:17:04,596
(screams)
404
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,148
Son of a...!
Why did you do that?
405
00:17:07,216 --> 00:17:09,050
(muttering)
406
00:17:11,553 --> 00:17:13,888
ROBOTS: Eliminate impediment.
Eliminate...
407
00:17:13,939 --> 00:17:16,224
Just say "kill me," jerks!
408
00:17:16,292 --> 00:17:17,976
ROBOTS:
Kill him. Kill him.
409
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:21,162
Dad, they can only go
three miles an hour!
410
00:17:21,229 --> 00:17:23,298
I'm doomed!
Can they climb stairs?
411
00:17:23,365 --> 00:17:24,999
With great difficulty.
412
00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:26,734
I'm doomed!
413
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:31,047
(knocking on door)
414
00:17:32,192 --> 00:17:33,225
(panting)
415
00:17:33,277 --> 00:17:34,777
Robots...
trying to kill me.
416
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:37,730
And now they'll kill you,
'cause I led them here!
417
00:17:41,201 --> 00:17:43,135
Now see here!
You are so not
418
00:17:43,203 --> 00:17:45,237
the human automatons
I was looking for.
419
00:17:45,305 --> 00:17:48,774
There's one thing man has
that machines can never match:
420
00:17:48,842 --> 00:17:50,660
hounds!
421
00:17:50,727 --> 00:17:52,912
(snarling)
422
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:54,313
(yelps)
423
00:17:54,381 --> 00:17:55,631
(all whining)
424
00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:57,199
Fine, slink away.
And guess what?
425
00:17:57,267 --> 00:17:59,702
All those times I said
"you're a good boy,"
426
00:17:59,770 --> 00:18:00,870
it was a lie!
427
00:18:00,937 --> 00:18:02,805
(growling, barking)
428
00:18:02,889 --> 00:18:04,390
No, stop! I'll give
you the combination
429
00:18:04,457 --> 00:18:05,725
to the num-num safe!
430
00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:06,959
(growling)
431
00:18:07,027 --> 00:18:08,277
Flee, you fool!
432
00:18:08,345 --> 00:18:09,712
Aren't we getting num-nums?
433
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:16,068
(shuddering)
434
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,037
(dogs barking)
435
00:18:18,105 --> 00:18:20,556
Ah. The solarium.
436
00:18:20,624 --> 00:18:22,458
We'll be safely cornered
in this glass room
437
00:18:22,526 --> 00:18:24,694
with one door.
438
00:18:28,832 --> 00:18:31,817
(grunts)
439
00:18:31,868 --> 00:18:33,485
Stop brandishing me.
440
00:18:33,537 --> 00:18:34,887
Sorry.
Before we die,
441
00:18:34,955 --> 00:18:37,390
can you tell me how
old you really are?
442
00:18:37,457 --> 00:18:40,359
Well, it has four digits...
(crash)
443
00:18:40,427 --> 00:18:42,128
Unemployed Springfielders
to the rescue!
444
00:18:42,195 --> 00:18:43,863
And underemployed.
445
00:18:49,102 --> 00:18:51,537
To servos with love.
446
00:19:01,865 --> 00:19:03,516
Guys, thank you.
447
00:19:03,583 --> 00:19:04,984
The words "prime directive"
448
00:19:05,052 --> 00:19:06,786
get thrown around
a lot these days,
449
00:19:06,853 --> 00:19:08,821
but I'm glad yours
was saving me.
450
00:19:08,889 --> 00:19:10,289
The saddest part is:
451
00:19:10,356 --> 00:19:12,742
none of this
had to happen.
452
00:19:12,809 --> 00:19:14,810
If Mr. Burns
had simply trusted
453
00:19:14,878 --> 00:19:16,879
the human worker.
454
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,749
Or if someone,
anyone, had told me
455
00:19:19,816 --> 00:19:23,486
that robots were
incapable of human feelings.
456
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:27,323
I told you precisely
that fact 1,562 times...
457
00:19:31,978 --> 00:19:33,245
(laughs)
458
00:19:33,313 --> 00:19:34,980
And his arm
can be my back-scratcher.
459
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,315
(electricity buzzes,
Homer screams)
460
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,684
Well, I've learned
the robotic worker is no match
461
00:19:38,752 --> 00:19:41,353
for the old-fashioned
man of labor.
462
00:19:41,421 --> 00:19:43,756
You're all hired back...
as temps.
463
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:45,408
(workers cheering)
464
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:48,494
ROBOT: Homer, why have you
reprogrammed me for this?
465
00:19:48,561 --> 00:19:50,079
I'm giving you your wish:
466
00:19:50,163 --> 00:19:52,281
to be a real boy.
467
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:54,900
I am real and
I do not have wishes.
468
00:19:54,951 --> 00:19:56,569
Then take us out to sea!
469
00:19:56,636 --> 00:19:58,104
I am not a transformer.
470
00:19:58,171 --> 00:20:00,039
I cannot turn into
an outboard motor.
471
00:20:00,107 --> 00:20:01,841
Oh, I believe you,
472
00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:04,643
but Flanders' drill doesn't.
473
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,614
(imitates motor revving)
474
00:20:08,682 --> 00:20:11,350
Ah, this is the life.
475
00:20:11,418 --> 00:20:13,385
Hey.
476
00:20:13,453 --> 00:20:17,453
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
477
00:20:20,944 --> 00:20:22,545
(gentle intro playing)
478
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:26,749
♪ There's electric cars,
there's electric trains ♪
479
00:20:26,817 --> 00:20:30,953
♪ Here comes a robot
with electric brains ♪
480
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:35,691
♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪
481
00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:40,029
♪ Wave the flags
that the robots made ♪
482
00:20:40,096 --> 00:20:44,533
♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪
483
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:48,677
♪ Robots obey
what the children say. ♪
484
00:20:59,363 --> 00:21:00,563
Shh!