1
00:00:02,811 --> 00:00:05,711
♪ The Simpsons ♪
2
00:00:08,214 --> 00:00:09,414
D'oh!
3
00:00:09,445 --> 00:00:11,045
(tires screech)
4
00:00:11,064 --> 00:00:12,264
(grunts)
5
00:00:20,589 --> 00:00:21,789
(wails)
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♪ The Simpsons 23x17 ♪
Them, Robot
Original Air Date on March 18, 2012
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00:00:25,339 --> 00:00:28,839
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
8
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(spray paint hisses)
9
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(Homer snoring)
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(muttering)
11
00:00:46,252 --> 00:00:47,969
(snoring)
12
00:00:49,305 --> 00:00:50,872
Power's out.
13
00:00:50,940 --> 00:00:54,075
Oh, your father must be
sleeping on his side again.
14
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(snoring)
15
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(choking)
From downtown!
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And it counts!
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(choking)
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Think he's okay?
19
00:01:07,556 --> 00:01:09,274
Eh...
20
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(raspy)
Thank you.
21
00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,177
Just drink some water,
you're all right.
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Oh, yeah, you don't
want to go to the hospital
23
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at 5:00 on a Friday.
24
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Whoo-hoo!
25
00:01:16,265 --> 00:01:18,099
Thank God it's TGIF!
26
00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:19,817
MR. BURNS (over P.A.):
Attention, wage worms.
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00:01:19,885 --> 00:01:22,604
It's time for
afternoon announcements.
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00:01:22,671 --> 00:01:28,426
(jaunty swing music playing)
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00:01:30,679 --> 00:01:32,830
This Monday, the plant
will be conducting
30
00:01:32,898 --> 00:01:35,133
physical examinations
of all employees.
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And anyone testing positive
for narcotics
32
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will be terminated
immediately!
33
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Bad news, Lang-Soo.
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Some casual Friday
this is.
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00:01:43,409 --> 00:01:45,459
You're outta here,
drug-o.
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00:01:45,511 --> 00:01:46,678
And don't forget,
federal law mandates
37
00:01:46,745 --> 00:01:49,030
that we consider alcohol a drug.
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(echoing thunderously):
D'oh...!
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(twittering)
40
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I told them to make
these track d'oh-proof!
41
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(rumbling)
44
00:02:18,761 --> 00:02:21,396
Homie!
You're home early!
45
00:02:21,463 --> 00:02:23,681
Well, I didn't feel like
going to Moe's today.
46
00:02:23,749 --> 00:02:26,584
Thought I might hang out here
for as long as I could take it.
47
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Company physical
coming up, huh?
48
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Yeah, but a weekend without
drinking is no big deal.
49
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I did it when I was in
that alcohol-induced coma.
50
00:02:36,195 --> 00:02:37,734
So, what's on the agenda?
51
00:02:37,734 --> 00:02:39,732
Well, we're having brunch
with my sisters.
52
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(moans)
53
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,225
You're hosting my
Preteen Braves meeting.
54
00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:42,982
(moans louder)
55
00:02:42,982 --> 00:02:44,102
And we're gonna make
dreamcatchers
56
00:02:44,102 --> 00:02:46,066
out of litter we pick up.
(moans loudly)
57
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,833
you promised to
help me write a haiku.
58
00:02:47,964 --> 00:02:49,598
Why did I do that?
59
00:02:49,666 --> 00:02:51,734
It sounds so dull and boring.
60
00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:53,268
What was I thinking?
61
00:02:55,271 --> 00:02:57,306
Thank you!
Huh?!
62
00:02:57,374 --> 00:02:58,957
And you and I
were going to study
63
00:02:59,025 --> 00:03:00,376
the municipal
voter's guide.
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00:03:00,443 --> 00:03:01,844
What the...?
65
00:03:01,911 --> 00:03:04,546
Section 1 of Article 21
of the State Constitution
66
00:03:04,597 --> 00:03:06,465
is amended to read: Section 1.
67
00:03:06,533 --> 00:03:09,101
In the year following the year
in which the national census
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00:03:09,169 --> 00:03:10,886
is taken under
the direction of Congress
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00:03:10,954 --> 00:03:13,922
at the beginning of each decade,
the Legislature shall adjust
70
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,924
the boundary lines of
Congressional, State Senate
71
00:03:15,992 --> 00:03:17,026
and Assembly districts--
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00:03:17,093 --> 00:03:19,878
(wailing)
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Liquor,
mustn't think of liquor...
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GRAMPA'S VOICE: Hey, there!
What's cookin'?
75
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Come on, boy,
crack my seal
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and drink your father.
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(screaming):
Owwww!
78
00:03:31,641 --> 00:03:32,975
(stammering)
79
00:03:33,043 --> 00:03:34,743
Wait a minute--
that feels good.
80
00:03:34,811 --> 00:03:35,878
Mm!
81
00:03:39,499 --> 00:03:42,184
So, a sober weekend
hasn't been that hard.
82
00:03:42,252 --> 00:03:45,437
Let me just take a few
antidepressants here.
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(gulping)
84
00:03:47,874 --> 00:03:50,409
I feel sorry for people
without willpower.
85
00:03:50,477 --> 00:03:52,644
I truly do.
86
00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:54,246
Homie, what are
you drinking?
87
00:03:54,314 --> 00:03:58,484
A surprisingly not-horrible
fruit drink called a mimosa.
88
00:03:58,551 --> 00:04:01,136
There's champagne in those!
89
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(shrieks) Then there's
champagne in me!
90
00:04:03,473 --> 00:04:04,973
Oh, what am I gonna do?
91
00:04:05,041 --> 00:04:07,376
It's less than 24 hours
till my drug test!
92
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Maybe I can sweat it out.
93
00:04:08,745 --> 00:04:11,480
(grunting, panting)
94
00:04:11,548 --> 00:04:14,500
Oh, man, I'd better have
some coffee and iced tea.
95
00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,952
No! Irish and
Long Island!
96
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,187
What about this lemonade?
97
00:04:18,254 --> 00:04:19,671
Mike's Hard!
98
00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:22,141
Then I better soak up
the alcohol with some food!
99
00:04:22,208 --> 00:04:23,442
Whoo! Cake!
Rum cake!
100
00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:24,793
Crepes!
Suzette!
101
00:04:24,861 --> 00:04:26,295
Cherries!
102
00:04:26,362 --> 00:04:27,996
Whoo! Jubilee!
103
00:04:30,884 --> 00:04:31,667
(brunchers gasping in awe)
104
00:04:31,735 --> 00:04:34,870
(applause)
105
00:04:34,938 --> 00:04:35,771
(bird squawks)
106
00:04:38,975 --> 00:04:41,093
Wow, passed
with flying colors!
107
00:04:41,161 --> 00:04:42,544
I've sure earned this!
108
00:04:51,621 --> 00:04:54,957
O, Lord, I have
once again besotted
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00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:56,859
my liver with
Thy fermented gifts.
110
00:04:56,926 --> 00:04:59,228
If You can weasel me out
of this physical,
111
00:04:59,295 --> 00:05:01,196
I will blow Your mind
by doing something
112
00:05:01,264 --> 00:05:04,099
incredibly holy,
at some point. Amen.
113
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:05,868
Now to mumble
in a religious fashion.
114
00:05:05,935 --> 00:05:08,370
Dear God, O, Lord,
O, God, O, Lord...
115
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:10,472
O, Lord, O, God,
O, Lord Almighty.
116
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(jabbering, muttering)
117
00:05:13,376 --> 00:05:15,043
Hm...
118
00:05:15,111 --> 00:05:18,113
your cells have been
overexposed to gamma radiation.
119
00:05:18,181 --> 00:05:19,081
Like the Hulk?
120
00:05:19,149 --> 00:05:20,682
Well, sort of
like the Hulk.
121
00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:22,217
But instead of
getting powerful,
122
00:05:22,285 --> 00:05:23,952
you're going to get
very, very sick.
123
00:05:24,020 --> 00:05:25,687
(moans)
124
00:05:25,755 --> 00:05:27,422
Hulk smash...
125
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:31,393
Yes, Hulk smash.
(chuckles)
126
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,895
Mr. Burns, you are liable
127
00:05:32,962 --> 00:05:35,464
for thousands of
dollars per employee,
128
00:05:35,532 --> 00:05:37,966
not to mention my
extensive fees which...
129
00:05:38,034 --> 00:05:39,668
(screams)
130
00:05:39,736 --> 00:05:41,403
This trapdoor app
works like a charm.
131
00:05:41,471 --> 00:05:43,138
Excellent.
132
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LAWYER:
You'll still have to pay!
133
00:05:44,574 --> 00:05:46,175
(sighs)
134
00:05:46,242 --> 00:05:48,243
This is the last time
I pay the price
135
00:05:48,311 --> 00:05:50,445
for the irritating mortality
of the human worker.
136
00:05:50,513 --> 00:05:52,447
Smithers, it's time to
re-staff with
137
00:05:52,515 --> 00:05:54,550
the super-intelligent
kangaroos we've been breeding!
138
00:05:54,617 --> 00:05:55,717
I'm sorry, sir,
139
00:05:55,785 --> 00:05:56,919
but they
just filled their pouches
140
00:05:56,986 --> 00:05:58,387
with office supplies
and hopped away.
141
00:05:58,454 --> 00:05:59,988
Even the joeys?
142
00:06:00,056 --> 00:06:02,280
You know, sir, there is
a more high-tech solution.
143
00:06:02,347 --> 00:06:05,683
More high-tech
than kangaroos?
144
00:06:05,751 --> 00:06:07,084
Ladies and gentlemen,
145
00:06:07,152 --> 00:06:09,620
meet the future masters
of the human race.
146
00:06:09,688 --> 00:06:11,155
( Night on Bald Mountain
playing)
147
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,078
(shrieks)
Comicon nerds!
148
00:06:17,145 --> 00:06:18,713
You fool!
These are robots!
149
00:06:18,780 --> 00:06:20,348
You will train them
150
00:06:20,415 --> 00:06:22,717
and they will replace you.
151
00:06:24,353 --> 00:06:27,421
I give you permission to shake
your fists in anger twice.
152
00:06:27,489 --> 00:06:29,190
(employees growl twice)
153
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,791
I didn't say, Monty Says.
154
00:06:30,859 --> 00:06:32,460
Now I have cause
to terminate.
155
00:06:32,528 --> 00:06:33,895
(angry muttering)
LENNY: This is crap.
156
00:06:33,962 --> 00:06:36,397
Now get out.
You didn't say Monty Says.
157
00:06:36,465 --> 00:06:37,198
This is no game!
158
00:06:44,523 --> 00:06:45,421
Excellent.
159
00:06:45,452 --> 00:06:48,071
Sir, I'm afraid we do need
to keep one human worker--
160
00:06:48,138 --> 00:06:50,957
to sign for packages,
a scapegoat for meltdowns,
161
00:06:51,008 --> 00:06:53,109
things that would be
a waste of the robots' time.
162
00:06:53,177 --> 00:06:56,846
(groans) So we need one
meat sock on the payroll.
163
00:06:56,914 --> 00:06:59,882
But who?
Mr. Burns, before I leave,
164
00:06:59,950 --> 00:07:02,618
I got a few things
to get off my chest.
165
00:07:02,686 --> 00:07:05,655
One, I liked the new microwave
in the break room.
166
00:07:05,723 --> 00:07:07,990
Just push "popcorn," you don't
have to know how long.
167
00:07:08,058 --> 00:07:11,944
Two, replacing us with robots
is heartless and despicable.
168
00:07:12,012 --> 00:07:15,014
Three, how about a farewell
party with a caricature artist?
169
00:07:15,082 --> 00:07:17,784
You know, it's something both
kids and adults can enjoy.
170
00:07:17,851 --> 00:07:19,669
So, to sum up:
nicely done,
171
00:07:19,737 --> 00:07:22,138
we hate you,
and food for thought.
172
00:07:22,206 --> 00:07:24,107
Simpson, wait!
173
00:07:24,174 --> 00:07:26,292
As it turns out, there is
one job available.
174
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:28,728
But be forewarned,
it promises naught
175
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:31,097
but soul-crushing boredom.
176
00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:32,465
Does the chair go back
like this?
177
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:34,534
Yes.
178
00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:35,668
Whoo-hoo!
179
00:07:36,770 --> 00:07:38,438
(groans)
180
00:07:40,607 --> 00:07:42,675
Well, looks like
we've found this plant's
181
00:07:42,743 --> 00:07:44,944
one remaining worker
of bone and sinew.
182
00:07:45,012 --> 00:07:48,681
(chuckles) Sir, I believe there
are two, including yours truly.
183
00:07:48,749 --> 00:07:51,350
It's one, excluding
mine falsely!
184
00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:54,454
Well, surely no robot
can replace me.
185
00:07:54,521 --> 00:07:55,354
Oh!
186
00:07:56,807 --> 00:07:57,573
Mmm!
187
00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:02,595
(whirring)
188
00:08:02,663 --> 00:08:03,863
I can do that.
189
00:08:05,115 --> 00:08:06,783
(imitates whirring)
190
00:08:06,850 --> 00:08:08,951
What about this?
191
00:08:09,019 --> 00:08:12,421
(jaunty 1920's-era
music playing)
192
00:08:12,489 --> 00:08:14,207
(groans)
193
00:08:17,194 --> 00:08:19,629
(tires screeching)
194
00:08:19,696 --> 00:08:22,165
(scoffs)
Nice parking, idiot.
195
00:08:28,305 --> 00:08:31,107
So, uh, you guys
are my new coworkers.
196
00:08:31,175 --> 00:08:33,342
So, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
197
00:08:33,410 --> 00:08:35,311
(chuckles)
198
00:08:35,379 --> 00:08:38,414
I said, workin' hard
or hardly workin'?
199
00:08:38,482 --> 00:08:42,185
Workin' hard
or hardly working?!
200
00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:46,289
Working hard or
hardly working?!
201
00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:48,491
It's a simple question!
202
00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,360
Are you A.) Working hard
203
00:08:51,428 --> 00:08:53,963
or B.) Ow!
204
00:08:54,031 --> 00:08:56,315
(giddy laughter)
205
00:08:56,383 --> 00:08:58,918
I guess I just met
the joker of the group.
206
00:08:58,986 --> 00:09:02,121
Better watch out for you on
April Fool's, am I right?
207
00:09:02,189 --> 00:09:04,223
I said, am I right?
208
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:06,526
Am I... (yells)
209
00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:09,128
So, you guys have any luck
finding a new job?
210
00:09:09,196 --> 00:09:11,731
Does it look like I've got a job?
No, I didn't.
211
00:09:11,798 --> 00:09:13,699
Homer, show a
little more sensitivity
212
00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,601
around these
jobless washouts, eh?
213
00:09:15,669 --> 00:09:18,204
Hey, I gotta tell ya,
I'm miserable there.
214
00:09:18,272 --> 00:09:20,873
I'm all alone,
and when there's some problem
215
00:09:20,941 --> 00:09:23,676
due to human error,
guess who gets blamed?
216
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:25,578
Hey, Homer, you know what
I'm playing for ya?
217
00:09:25,646 --> 00:09:27,480
The world's smallest violin.
218
00:09:27,548 --> 00:09:30,016
And now I got to sell it,
just to make my rent!
219
00:09:31,752 --> 00:09:33,152
Oh, my God!
Where's the bow?
220
00:09:33,220 --> 00:09:34,687
I can't sell it
without the bow!
221
00:09:34,755 --> 00:09:36,289
Easy, easy there, Lenny.
222
00:09:36,356 --> 00:09:38,057
You can always
play it pizzicato.
223
00:09:38,125 --> 00:09:41,377
The buyer clearly specified
violin and bow!
224
00:09:41,445 --> 00:09:43,796
(Lenny crying) Um, maybe I
should be heading home.
225
00:09:43,847 --> 00:09:44,914
(crunch)
Oh, no!
226
00:09:44,982 --> 00:09:46,549
He stepped on the bow!
227
00:09:46,617 --> 00:09:48,618
Boy, this place
has gotten so grim.
228
00:09:48,685 --> 00:09:50,119
I'm gonna do something
I've never done:
229
00:09:50,187 --> 00:09:51,487
Make myself a drink.
230
00:09:54,474 --> 00:09:56,209
Ugh!
You call this beer?
231
00:09:56,276 --> 00:09:57,727
It's watered-down swill!
232
00:09:57,794 --> 00:09:59,061
Oh, you got a problem?
233
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:01,564
Well, here's
the complaint department.
234
00:10:01,632 --> 00:10:04,433
MOE: You know what I think, Moe?
I think you ain't got the guts!
235
00:10:04,501 --> 00:10:06,469
(gun fires)
Ha! Missed, ya son-of-a...
236
00:10:08,071 --> 00:10:10,489
♪ When the moon hits your eye ♪
237
00:10:10,557 --> 00:10:12,642
♪ like a big pizza pie ♪
238
00:10:12,709 --> 00:10:14,543
♪ That's amore ♪
239
00:10:14,611 --> 00:10:17,647
♪ When the world seems... ♪
(moans)
240
00:10:17,714 --> 00:10:20,132
When you do chair gondola
all by yourself,
241
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,918
it almost seems stupid.
242
00:10:22,002 --> 00:10:23,669
(moans)
243
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:24,720
(grunts)
244
00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:27,857
(gulps)
245
00:10:27,925 --> 00:10:29,358
Ah, here it is--
246
00:10:29,426 --> 00:10:32,228
Hydraulic systems flush...
247
00:10:32,296 --> 00:10:34,363
EEPROM bios auto boot ...
248
00:10:34,431 --> 00:10:37,533
conversation mode?!
They can talk?!
249
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:40,002
I just have to press
this button, right...
250
00:10:41,722 --> 00:10:43,155
Well, at least it
doesn't feel pain.
251
00:10:44,358 --> 00:10:45,558
Wait a minute...
252
00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:47,827
D'oh!
253
00:10:47,894 --> 00:10:50,513
"Override self-destruct protocol
254
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:56,786
with authorization code
7... 2... 2... 5."
255
00:10:56,853 --> 00:10:58,854
Human interaction mode
activated.
256
00:10:58,922 --> 00:11:00,423
Initiate conversation.
257
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:02,658
Will you be my friend?
258
00:11:02,726 --> 00:11:05,561
Friendship cannot exist
between man and machine.
259
00:11:05,629 --> 00:11:08,064
But I can simulate
interest in your statements.
260
00:11:08,131 --> 00:11:10,166
(gasps)
You're not a friend...
261
00:11:10,233 --> 00:11:12,468
you're my best friend.
262
00:11:12,536 --> 00:11:15,571
Uh, just don't ask me
to drive you to the airport.
263
00:11:26,833 --> 00:11:28,501
It's no fun
to live in a town
264
00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:31,604
with a 99% unemployment rate.
265
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,836
Things are so bad.
266
00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:37,188
Look at what happened
to the man on my pizza box.
267
00:11:41,189 --> 00:11:43,157
Mr. Burns seemed
like such a nice man
268
00:11:43,225 --> 00:11:45,726
the day he arrived.
269
00:11:45,794 --> 00:11:47,545
(marching band playing brightly)
270
00:11:47,612 --> 00:11:49,079
(elephant trumpeting)
271
00:11:50,816 --> 00:11:52,533
Cheap power, plentiful jobs,
272
00:11:52,584 --> 00:11:54,368
and all your swimming holes
273
00:11:54,419 --> 00:11:56,537
shall be warm and bubbling.
274
00:11:56,605 --> 00:11:58,589
Can I pet the elephant?
275
00:11:58,657 --> 00:11:59,924
(laughs)
276
00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:01,308
Of course.
277
00:12:01,376 --> 00:12:02,610
(coos happily)
278
00:12:02,677 --> 00:12:03,594
(screams)
279
00:12:03,678 --> 00:12:04,895
(wailing)
280
00:12:04,963 --> 00:12:06,630
(groans)
281
00:12:06,698 --> 00:12:09,600
Guess I'll just have to become
beautiful on the inside.
282
00:12:09,668 --> 00:12:10,651
MARGE:
Which he didn't.
283
00:12:10,718 --> 00:12:12,136
I ain't paying!
284
00:12:12,204 --> 00:12:13,871
Two of my shortbreads
were broken!
285
00:12:13,939 --> 00:12:15,406
Hey, check it out!
286
00:12:15,474 --> 00:12:17,274
Lenny's hit
a new low!
287
00:12:19,127 --> 00:12:21,195
I don't want my window washed!
288
00:12:21,263 --> 00:12:23,864
Too late!
289
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,334
I don't want
my squeegee wiped!
290
00:12:27,402 --> 00:12:28,702
I got what I needed.
291
00:12:30,789 --> 00:12:31,956
That's it, boy.
292
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,491
Live one more day.
293
00:12:36,261 --> 00:12:37,328
Good morning, class.
294
00:12:37,395 --> 00:12:39,380
I'm your substitute teacher...
295
00:12:39,431 --> 00:12:41,265
All right, who did that?
296
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:43,868
(coughs)
297
00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:46,337
Fine. We will not be reading
Death in Venice today.
298
00:12:47,138 --> 00:12:48,706
(collective groan)
299
00:12:48,773 --> 00:12:50,374
Someone's in a mood.
300
00:12:51,643 --> 00:12:53,594
Barney?
301
00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:55,996
Hey, if we learned anything
from The Full Monty,
302
00:12:56,064 --> 00:12:57,932
it's that in a tough economy,
303
00:12:57,999 --> 00:13:00,267
ugly people strip for money.
304
00:13:00,335 --> 00:13:02,002
Do a lot of people pay?
305
00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:05,539
No, but I can also play
three-card full Monty.
306
00:13:05,607 --> 00:13:07,775
Follow the hats,
where's the wiener?
307
00:13:07,843 --> 00:13:09,543
Follow the hats, where's
the wiener?
308
00:13:09,611 --> 00:13:10,945
Now you see it,
now you don't.
309
00:13:12,647 --> 00:13:15,783
So, Bart, the little dickens,
is going through that phase
310
00:13:15,851 --> 00:13:18,519
where young boys
think their dad's an idiot.
311
00:13:18,587 --> 00:13:19,620
Sounds like
you are having
312
00:13:19,688 --> 00:13:21,222
family difficulties.
313
00:13:21,289 --> 00:13:23,157
That's exactly
what I'm having!
314
00:13:23,225 --> 00:13:24,959
You guys totally get me.
315
00:13:25,026 --> 00:13:27,695
We are programmed to respond
to your verbal prompts.
316
00:13:27,762 --> 00:13:29,463
Could you give my
wife a few lessons?
317
00:13:29,531 --> 00:13:30,564
(chuckles)
318
00:13:30,632 --> 00:13:32,099
Hmm.
Your laughter indicates
319
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,635
you do not wish us
to give your wife lessons.
320
00:13:34,703 --> 00:13:36,170
(laughing):
Yeah.
321
00:13:36,238 --> 00:13:38,672
So, uh, it's 5:00.
Time for Moe's.
322
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:40,374
My watch says 3:00.
323
00:13:40,442 --> 00:13:42,543
4:00... 5:00.
324
00:13:42,611 --> 00:13:43,544
Let's go.
325
00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:44,511
Automated workers
326
00:13:44,579 --> 00:13:46,447
are not able to leave the plant.
327
00:13:46,514 --> 00:13:48,816
What happened to you guys?
You used to be cool.
328
00:13:48,884 --> 00:13:51,485
We are the same temperature
we have always been.
329
00:13:51,553 --> 00:13:53,487
(mocking) "We're the same temperature
we've always been."
330
00:13:53,555 --> 00:13:55,256
Our programming
restricts our movement
331
00:13:55,323 --> 00:13:57,124
to yellow guidance lines.
332
00:13:57,192 --> 00:13:58,926
Hmm...
333
00:14:07,903 --> 00:14:09,470
Play ball!
334
00:14:13,108 --> 00:14:15,042
(grunting)
335
00:14:16,444 --> 00:14:18,512
Okay, I'm up again.
336
00:14:18,563 --> 00:14:20,698
According to the
on-line rules of baseball,
337
00:14:20,765 --> 00:14:22,800
all players get
a turn "at bat."
338
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:24,234
Uh, right, right.
339
00:14:24,319 --> 00:14:26,620
Uh, actually, I'm
the designated hitter
340
00:14:26,688 --> 00:14:28,422
for all you guys.
341
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:30,391
The designated hitter
corrupts the purity
342
00:14:30,458 --> 00:14:32,927
of an otherwise elegant game...
343
00:14:32,994 --> 00:14:34,361
Illogical, illogical.
344
00:14:34,429 --> 00:14:37,598
Fine. Don't get your
circuits in a bunch.
345
00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:39,600
Circuit-bunching has
yielded important advances
346
00:14:39,668 --> 00:14:41,902
in modern robotics.
To wit...
347
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,304
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
348
00:14:43,371 --> 00:14:44,638
Hey, Dad,
can we play?
349
00:14:48,176 --> 00:14:50,344
We cannot take
the inferior one.
350
00:14:50,412 --> 00:14:53,647
My heart makes up
for my shortcomings, like Rudy.
351
00:14:53,715 --> 00:14:56,283
Rudy was only put in at the end
of a meaningless game.
352
00:14:56,351 --> 00:14:57,718
We will notify you
353
00:14:57,786 --> 00:14:59,937
if this game
becomes meaningless.
354
00:15:06,194 --> 00:15:07,378
I got it!
355
00:15:07,445 --> 00:15:08,412
I got it!
356
00:15:08,496 --> 00:15:10,531
I said I've got it!
357
00:15:13,001 --> 00:15:14,234
That could've been
my motherboard
358
00:15:14,302 --> 00:15:15,686
lying in the street!
359
00:15:15,754 --> 00:15:17,888
Our primary directive...
360
00:15:17,956 --> 00:15:20,991
is to preserve human life.
361
00:15:21,059 --> 00:15:22,893
And here I was
waiting till you slept
362
00:15:22,961 --> 00:15:24,762
to rob you of your copper.
363
00:15:24,829 --> 00:15:26,463
You know, it's crazy but...
364
00:15:26,531 --> 00:15:27,965
Homer, move away from me.
365
00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:29,900
You are still in the road.
366
00:15:29,968 --> 00:15:32,970
Hush, bionic prince,
as I cradle your waning form.
367
00:15:35,857 --> 00:15:37,524
Such a peaceful end.
368
00:15:37,592 --> 00:15:39,710
(high-pitched
electronic screams)
369
00:15:40,712 --> 00:15:42,980
Oh, geez!
370
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:45,315
(horn honking)
Get out of the road!
371
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,151
(horn honks)
Hey!
372
00:15:47,235 --> 00:15:48,736
(horn blares)
373
00:15:48,803 --> 00:15:50,454
(horn honks)
You stupid jerk!
374
00:15:50,538 --> 00:15:52,122
(horn beeping)
(man shouts angrily)
375
00:15:53,608 --> 00:15:57,644
(Lisa plays slow,
melancholy blues melody)
376
00:16:01,349 --> 00:16:02,950
Axles to axles,
377
00:16:03,018 --> 00:16:05,452
rust to rust, amen.
378
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,453
Amen.
Amen.
379
00:16:06,521 --> 00:16:09,223
Dearly beloved, we are not here
380
00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:10,758
to mourn their deactivation,
381
00:16:10,825 --> 00:16:13,994
but to celebrate
their period of function.
382
00:16:14,062 --> 00:16:17,264
Can I hollow out this one's head
and use it as a turtle tank?
383
00:16:17,332 --> 00:16:19,933
No! I'm already using
it to put my keys in.
384
00:16:20,001 --> 00:16:22,136
Now, let me
raise this beer to toast...
385
00:16:22,203 --> 00:16:23,337
(shrieks)
What the...?
386
00:16:23,405 --> 00:16:25,539
Alcohol is harmful to humans.
387
00:16:25,607 --> 00:16:27,157
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
save your breath.
388
00:16:27,225 --> 00:16:28,325
We have no breath.
389
00:16:28,393 --> 00:16:30,294
We do vent nitrogen
once a year.
390
00:16:30,361 --> 00:16:32,696
You do not want
to be around for that.
391
00:16:32,764 --> 00:16:36,550
D'oh! I have some
adjustments to make.
392
00:16:37,819 --> 00:16:39,186
Homer...
393
00:16:39,254 --> 00:16:41,155
when am I getting
my power drill back?
394
00:16:41,222 --> 00:16:43,690
When I'm done with
my robo-botomies.
395
00:16:46,561 --> 00:16:49,163
Primary directive deactivated.
396
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,731
Our new primary directive
397
00:16:50,799 --> 00:16:52,866
becomes removing
all impediments to the plant.
398
00:16:55,036 --> 00:16:57,571
Uh, Homer, I'm afraid this is
the part of God's perfect plan
399
00:16:57,639 --> 00:16:59,273
where you're
murdered by robots.
400
00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:00,974
Flanders, I don't
judge a robot
401
00:17:01,042 --> 00:17:03,911
by the color of their eyes,
I look at their hands...
402
00:17:03,978 --> 00:17:06,647
which have turned
into buzz saws.
403
00:17:08,082 --> 00:17:10,134
(screams)
404
00:17:10,218 --> 00:17:12,686
Son of a...!
Why did you do that?
405
00:17:12,754 --> 00:17:14,588
(muttering)
406
00:17:17,091 --> 00:17:19,426
ROBOTS: Eliminate impediment.
Eliminate...
407
00:17:19,477 --> 00:17:21,762
Just say "kill me," jerks!
408
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:23,514
ROBOTS:
Kill him. Kill him.
409
00:17:23,581 --> 00:17:26,700
Dad, they can only go
three miles an hour!
410
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:28,836
I'm doomed!
Can they climb stairs?
411
00:17:28,903 --> 00:17:30,537
With great difficulty.
412
00:17:30,605 --> 00:17:32,272
I'm doomed!
413
00:17:37,612 --> 00:17:39,079
(knocking on door)
414
00:17:40,224 --> 00:17:41,257
(panting)
415
00:17:41,309 --> 00:17:42,809
Robots...
trying to kill me.
416
00:17:42,877 --> 00:17:45,762
And now they'll kill you,
'cause I led them here!
417
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:51,167
Now see here!
You are so not
418
00:17:51,235 --> 00:17:53,269
the human automatons
I was looking for.
419
00:17:53,337 --> 00:17:56,806
There's one thing man has
that machines can never match:
420
00:17:56,874 --> 00:17:58,692
hounds!
421
00:17:58,759 --> 00:18:00,944
(snarling)
422
00:18:01,012 --> 00:18:02,345
(yelps)
423
00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:03,663
(all whining)
424
00:18:03,731 --> 00:18:05,231
Fine, slink away.
And guess what?
425
00:18:05,299 --> 00:18:07,734
All those times I said
"you're a good boy,"
426
00:18:07,802 --> 00:18:08,902
it was a lie!
427
00:18:08,969 --> 00:18:10,837
(growling, barking)
428
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:12,422
No, stop! I'll give
you the combination
429
00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:13,757
to the num-num safe!
430
00:18:13,824 --> 00:18:14,991
(growling)
431
00:18:15,059 --> 00:18:16,309
Flee, you fool!
432
00:18:16,377 --> 00:18:17,744
Aren't we getting num-nums?
433
00:18:21,899 --> 00:18:24,100
(shuddering)
434
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:26,069
(dogs barking)
435
00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:28,588
Ah. The solarium.
436
00:18:28,656 --> 00:18:30,490
We'll be safely cornered
in this glass room
437
00:18:30,558 --> 00:18:32,726
with one door.
438
00:18:36,864 --> 00:18:39,849
(grunts)
439
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,517
Stop brandishing me.
440
00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:42,919
Sorry.
Before we die,
441
00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:45,422
can you tell me how
old you really are?
442
00:18:45,489 --> 00:18:48,391
Well, it has four digits...
(crash)
443
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:50,160
Unemployed Springfielders
to the rescue!
444
00:18:50,227 --> 00:18:51,895
And underemployed.
445
00:18:57,134 --> 00:18:59,569
To servos with love.
446
00:19:09,897 --> 00:19:11,548
Guys, thank you.
447
00:19:11,615 --> 00:19:13,016
The words "prime directive"
448
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,818
get thrown around
a lot these days,
449
00:19:14,885 --> 00:19:16,853
but I'm glad yours
was saving me.
450
00:19:16,921 --> 00:19:18,321
The saddest part is:
451
00:19:18,388 --> 00:19:20,774
none of this
had to happen.
452
00:19:20,841 --> 00:19:22,842
If Mr. Burns
had simply trusted
453
00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:24,911
the human worker.
454
00:19:24,979 --> 00:19:27,781
Or if someone,
anyone, had told me
455
00:19:27,848 --> 00:19:31,518
that robots were
incapable of human feelings.
456
00:19:31,585 --> 00:19:35,355
I told you precisely
that fact 1,562 times...
457
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:41,277
(laughs)
458
00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,012
And his arm
can be my back-scratcher.
459
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,347
(electricity buzzes,
Homer screams)
460
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:46,716
Well, I've learned
the robotic worker is no match
461
00:19:46,784 --> 00:19:49,385
for the old-fashioned
man of labor.
462
00:19:49,453 --> 00:19:51,788
You're all hired back...
as temps.
463
00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:53,440
(workers cheering)
464
00:19:53,507 --> 00:19:56,526
ROBOT: Homer, why have you
reprogrammed me for this?
465
00:19:56,593 --> 00:19:58,111
I'm giving you your wish:
466
00:19:58,195 --> 00:20:00,313
to be a real boy.
467
00:20:00,397 --> 00:20:02,932
I am real and
I do not have wishes.
468
00:20:02,983 --> 00:20:04,601
Then take us out to sea!
469
00:20:04,668 --> 00:20:06,136
I am not a transformer.
470
00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,071
I cannot turn into
an outboard motor.
471
00:20:08,139 --> 00:20:09,873
Oh, I believe you,
472
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:12,675
but Flanders' drill doesn't.
473
00:20:14,512 --> 00:20:16,646
(imitates motor revving)
474
00:20:16,714 --> 00:20:19,382
Ah, this is the life.
475
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,417
Hey.
476
00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:25,485
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
477
00:20:28,976 --> 00:20:30,577
(gentle intro playing)
478
00:20:30,644 --> 00:20:34,781
♪ There's electric cars,
there's electric trains ♪
479
00:20:34,849 --> 00:20:38,985
♪ Here comes a robot
with electric brains ♪
480
00:20:39,053 --> 00:20:43,723
♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪
481
00:20:43,791 --> 00:20:48,061
♪ Wave the flags
that the robots made ♪
482
00:20:48,128 --> 00:20:52,565
♪ Robot parade, robot parade ♪
483
00:20:52,633 --> 00:20:56,709
♪ Robots obey
what the children say. ♪
484
00:21:07,395 --> 00:21:08,595
Shh!