1
00:00:01,935 --> 00:00:03,398
All right.
2
00:00:03,399 --> 00:00:04,970
This should be
more than enough kibble
3
00:00:04,971 --> 00:00:06,805
to last until I
get back from Branson.
4
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,112
One bowl in the morning
and another one at night.
5
00:00:09,113 --> 00:00:12,282
That's easy to remember...
My sister's on the same schedule.
6
00:00:13,762 --> 00:00:15,197
It's that
kind of flipping attitude
7
00:00:15,198 --> 00:00:17,483
that will put Jim
on a missing dog poster
8
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,247
or spread eagle in a car grill.
9
00:00:19,248 --> 00:00:21,887
She cannot be trusted
with your little brother.
10
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:23,455
Don't worry
about anything.
11
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:25,557
Just relax and enjoy
your trip.
12
00:00:25,558 --> 00:00:26,796
Well, the Altar
Rosary Society
13
00:00:26,797 --> 00:00:29,778
has been planning
this senior excursion for ages.
14
00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,447
In fact, the lady who
spearheaded the whole thing
15
00:00:32,448 --> 00:00:34,471
went toes up last month.
16
00:00:34,472 --> 00:00:35,805
Oh, that's tragic.
17
00:00:35,806 --> 00:00:37,349
We're still taking her with us.
18
00:00:37,350 --> 00:00:39,505
She wanted her ashes
scattered in the sawdust
19
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,102
on the dance floor
at Gilley's.
20
00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:44,356
That's nice.
21
00:00:44,357 --> 00:00:46,128
Well, she loved to boot,
scoot, and boogie.
22
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,263
Plus, she was an alcoholic
who never met a cowboy
23
00:00:48,264 --> 00:00:50,487
she couldn't buck
before the bell.
24
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,366
- Sounds like a sweetie.
- I didn't care for her.
25
00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:57,368
Anyway,
26
00:00:57,369 --> 00:00:59,120
make sure Jim
has got his chew toy.
27
00:01:01,290 --> 00:01:03,912
Otherwise, he'll be whisker-deep
in his poop-shoot.
28
00:01:03,913 --> 00:01:05,364
Mike's exactly
the same way.
29
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,754
I've got to put Tabasco
in his underpants.
30
00:01:09,882 --> 00:01:12,454
You know what, if yuck-a-puck
can't keep a cork in it,
31
00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:14,010
I'm just gonna stay here.
32
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:16,429
No, Mom,
33
00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:18,460
it's good for you
to take these little trips.
34
00:01:18,461 --> 00:01:19,545
When you go on vacation,
35
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:22,477
it's kind of a vacation
for all of us.
36
00:01:22,478 --> 00:01:23,978
Peggy, relax.
37
00:01:23,979 --> 00:01:26,481
We're gonna take wonderful
care of little...
38
00:01:26,482 --> 00:01:29,150
Mr. Fuzzyface here.
39
00:01:29,151 --> 00:01:30,856
Don't call him silly dog names.
40
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:32,320
It just embarrasses him.
41
00:01:32,321 --> 00:01:34,726
Either call him by
his Christian name, Jim,
44
00:01:39,983 --> 00:01:42,163
Jim it is.
45
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:44,620
All right,
we're out of here.
46
00:01:44,621 --> 00:01:46,084
You just have
a good time
47
00:01:46,085 --> 00:01:47,706
and we'll take
great care of him.
48
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,254
Hopefully, it'll
teach you silly hearts
49
00:01:49,255 --> 00:01:50,826
some responsibility
for when you decide
50
00:01:50,827 --> 00:01:53,133
to have your own
little 14-pound miracle.
51
00:01:55,739 --> 00:01:57,299
Well, I'm sure
if we ever have kids,
52
00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:58,750
we'll look back on
babysitting your dog
53
00:01:58,751 --> 00:02:00,807
- as a valuable learning experience.
- Hmm.
54
00:02:00,808 --> 00:02:02,671
What do you mean,
"if we have kids"?
55
00:02:02,672 --> 00:02:04,757
- You mean "when," right?
- That's what I said.
56
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:07,397
- No. You said, "if."
- What's the difference?
57
00:02:07,398 --> 00:02:09,645
"When" means we have to figure
out the right time
58
00:02:09,646 --> 00:02:12,402
to have them, "if" means
you and I need to talk.
59
00:02:12,403 --> 00:02:14,733
Aw, I hate it when
we need to talk.
60
00:02:15,985 --> 00:02:18,950
When were you planning
on dropping this bombshell?
61
00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:21,323
On our honeymoon when you're
double-bagging your junk?
62
00:02:21,324 --> 00:02:22,858
Why are you harping on this?
63
00:02:22,859 --> 00:02:24,026
You know how I am.
64
00:02:24,027 --> 00:02:25,665
Crap just falls
out of my mouth.
65
00:02:25,666 --> 00:02:27,162
It's your fault
for listening.
66
00:02:27,163 --> 00:02:28,363
Forget
something?
67
00:02:28,364 --> 00:02:29,915
Oh, I was just
teasing him.
68
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:31,033
You know how brothers are.
69
00:02:31,034 --> 00:02:33,590
Just giving you
the business, James Douglas.
70
00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:40,125
You're lucky you're neutered.
71
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,010
I'm just saying, with
the wedding and everything,
72
00:02:42,011 --> 00:02:43,679
don't we have enough
crap to worry about
73
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,214
without bringing
kids into the mix?
74
00:02:45,215 --> 00:02:47,799
I'm not asking you to plant
your seed on the ride home.
75
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,551
But I-I'd like
to know that you're open
76
00:02:49,552 --> 00:02:51,019
to having a family.
Yeah, I guess!
77
00:02:51,020 --> 00:02:53,522
I don't know.
If it happens, it happens.
78
00:02:53,523 --> 00:02:55,590
Do you have any idea
how this works?
79
00:02:55,591 --> 00:02:57,893
Did you sleep
through health class?
80
00:02:57,894 --> 00:03:00,563
Look, we don't even have
our own place.
81
00:03:00,564 --> 00:03:01,947
You really want
to raise a child
82
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,815
in a house
with your mom and sister?
83
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:06,789
His first birthday party will be
at the Betty Ford Clinic.
84
00:03:06,790 --> 00:03:08,120
When I said
85
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,405
I wanted three kids
and you said "sounds good,"
86
00:03:10,406 --> 00:03:12,462
were you just
saying that to shut me up?
87
00:03:12,463 --> 00:03:14,797
If I was,
it clearly didn't work.
88
00:03:17,738 --> 00:03:18,830
We are getting married
in a few months,
89
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,666
and I'd like to know
that these breasts
90
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,597
are gonna bring happiness
to someone besides you.
91
00:03:22,598 --> 00:03:24,803
When did you become
so baby crazy?
92
00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:26,922
Am I gonna have to sleep
with one eye open
93
00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:28,257
so you don't
steal my sperm?
94
00:03:28,258 --> 00:03:30,225
You're gonna have to sleep
with one eye open
95
00:03:30,226 --> 00:03:31,793
so I don't smother you
with a pillow!
96
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,579
Oh, ha, ha.
Real mature.
97
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:36,348
Ha, ha.
Real mature.
98
00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:39,268
You forgot the dog again.
99
00:03:39,269 --> 00:03:40,986
No, you forgot the dog.
100
00:03:40,987 --> 00:03:43,305
Great mom you'd be.
101
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:49,477
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
102
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:52,814
♪ I see love.
103
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,043
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/
104
00:04:07,673 --> 00:04:10,405
- Morning.
- Morning.
105
00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:13,014
I heard screaming coming out
of your bedroom last night,
106
00:04:13,015 --> 00:04:15,243
and it didn't sound
like the good kind.
107
00:04:15,244 --> 00:04:18,019
Do you want to talk about
some of the disturbing things
108
00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:19,998
I've heard
coming out of your bedroom?
109
00:04:19,999 --> 00:04:21,406
"Hot buns coming at ya."
110
00:04:21,407 --> 00:04:22,721
Really, Mom?
111
00:04:24,243 --> 00:04:26,880
You're the one who gave me
the chef's hat and apron.
112
00:04:26,881 --> 00:04:28,882
To be used in the kitchen!
113
00:04:28,883 --> 00:04:31,939
I would, but I don't want
you kids walking in on us.
114
00:04:35,221 --> 00:04:36,421
Morning, Mrs. Flynn.
115
00:04:36,422 --> 00:04:38,892
Hello.
Yeah. Whatever.
116
00:04:38,893 --> 00:04:40,518
How'd you sleep, Mike?
117
00:04:40,519 --> 00:04:43,104
Back-to-back.
118
00:04:43,105 --> 00:04:45,563
Not gonna have
a baby that way.
119
00:04:45,564 --> 00:04:48,566
Unless he's some
kind of circus freak.
120
00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:52,570
Have a pleasant morning.
121
00:04:52,571 --> 00:04:54,989
Good day to you.
Yeah, whatever.
122
00:04:56,275 --> 00:04:57,619
Okay, want
to talk about it?
123
00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,028
No.
124
00:05:01,363 --> 00:05:02,997
He's been leading me on
this whole time,
125
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:04,565
making me think
he wants a family,
126
00:05:04,566 --> 00:05:06,724
and now he's backpedaling.
127
00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:10,838
Remember when I took
you kids to the circus
128
00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,635
and we saw that big bear
on a unicycle?
129
00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:14,940
Hmm.
130
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:26,815
W-What does that
have to do with anything?
131
00:05:26,816 --> 00:05:29,190
Beats me. It just
popped in my head.
132
00:05:33,729 --> 00:05:34,862
I'm not getting any younger.
133
00:05:34,863 --> 00:05:37,431
And if we want to have kids,
two girls and a boy,
134
00:05:37,432 --> 00:05:38,483
Charlotte, Zelda, and Scott,
135
00:05:38,484 --> 00:05:40,245
he's gonna have
to get on the stick.
136
00:05:40,246 --> 00:05:44,582
Technically, you're the one
who has to be on the stick.
137
00:05:44,583 --> 00:05:46,001
I thought we had this talk.
138
00:05:46,002 --> 00:05:47,825
Yes, we did when I was 12.
139
00:05:47,826 --> 00:05:51,047
I just got over it
about a year ago.
140
00:05:51,048 --> 00:05:52,547
I'm just saying,
141
00:05:52,548 --> 00:05:54,282
you can't plan these things.
142
00:05:54,283 --> 00:05:55,917
I mean, take me for example.
143
00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:57,637
I never wanted children.
144
00:05:57,638 --> 00:06:00,098
What?
145
00:06:00,099 --> 00:06:01,472
Hell, no!
146
00:06:01,473 --> 00:06:02,807
Only reason you're even here
147
00:06:02,808 --> 00:06:04,726
is because of
too many tequila shots
148
00:06:04,727 --> 00:06:06,311
and an expired
gas station condom.
149
00:06:06,312 --> 00:06:07,605
Oh, God.
150
00:06:07,606 --> 00:06:09,597
Don't want to know,
don't need to know.
151
00:06:09,598 --> 00:06:10,598
Oh, geez.
152
00:06:10,599 --> 00:06:12,402
I was a wreck
when I found out.
153
00:06:12,403 --> 00:06:14,569
I mean, you know,
I'm happy now,
154
00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:16,364
you were a blessing,
blah, blah, blah...
155
00:06:16,365 --> 00:06:18,366
But, oh boy,
156
00:06:18,367 --> 00:06:20,975
those were dark days.
157
00:06:21,944 --> 00:06:23,161
Mom, f-feel free
158
00:06:23,162 --> 00:06:25,913
to take some
of this to your grave.
159
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:28,533
The real fluke was your sister.
160
00:06:28,534 --> 00:06:31,485
Your daddy and I
were watching the Cubs on TV
161
00:06:31,486 --> 00:06:33,321
and there was a rain delay.
162
00:06:33,322 --> 00:06:36,090
The ground crew had time
to roll out their tarp,
163
00:06:36,091 --> 00:06:38,023
but your daddy and I didn't.
164
00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:42,113
I walked this ugly bastard
nine blocks
165
00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:45,049
and he wouldn't
squeeze one out.
166
00:06:46,668 --> 00:06:48,052
Nary a turd.
167
00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:50,221
I, on the other hand,
had to duck-walk
168
00:06:50,222 --> 00:06:52,150
to the 7-Eleven
and take a crap
169
00:06:52,151 --> 00:06:55,624
with a dog on my lap.
170
00:06:58,677 --> 00:06:59,847
I'm gonna...
171
00:06:59,848 --> 00:07:02,077
just go to work.
172
00:07:02,078 --> 00:07:03,868
Oh, have a good day.
173
00:07:03,869 --> 00:07:05,830
You know, in the last
couple of years,
174
00:07:05,831 --> 00:07:09,096
you girls have really started
to grow on me.
175
00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:14,078
I'd pet you, but...
176
00:07:14,079 --> 00:07:16,311
I'm actually
more of a cat person.
177
00:07:21,453 --> 00:07:23,721
I'm not saying I don't
ever want to be a dad.
178
00:07:23,722 --> 00:07:25,640
But I'm not just gonna
blindly jump into it.
179
00:07:25,641 --> 00:07:27,602
I'm the kind of guy that
likes to think things through.
180
00:07:27,603 --> 00:07:29,977
Since when? I once saw you
bite into a marshmallow
181
00:07:29,978 --> 00:07:31,869
that was still on fire.
182
00:07:34,183 --> 00:07:35,883
It was falling off the stick.
183
00:07:35,884 --> 00:07:38,219
I had to do something.
184
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:40,772
The point is, I really like
what Molly and I have.
185
00:07:40,773 --> 00:07:43,243
And if we throw a kid into the
mix, it'll change everything.
186
00:07:43,244 --> 00:07:45,526
Well, that's true. No more naked
leap frog in the living room
187
00:07:45,527 --> 00:07:47,362
when little Mikey's in there
watching Road Runner,
188
00:07:47,363 --> 00:07:49,415
and gnawing on
a big wheel of cheese.
189
00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:50,615
Well, our foreplay
190
00:07:50,616 --> 00:07:52,250
usually just involves
me rubbing her feet
191
00:07:52,251 --> 00:07:55,736
and turning off the TV,
but I know what you're saying.
192
00:07:55,737 --> 00:07:57,257
On the other hand,
193
00:07:57,258 --> 00:07:58,756
you and Molly are good people
194
00:07:58,757 --> 00:08:00,635
and would certainly
make fine parents.
195
00:08:00,636 --> 00:08:03,127
But that doesn't guarantee
what kind of kid you're gonna get.
196
00:08:03,128 --> 00:08:04,556
Take that idiot we
arrested this morning.
197
00:08:04,557 --> 00:08:06,514
I'm sure his parents
are lovely people
198
00:08:06,515 --> 00:08:09,250
who never imagined that one day
the little bundle of joy
199
00:08:09,251 --> 00:08:13,189
would try to rob a liquor store
using an ear of corn.
200
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:15,473
His mistake was taking it
out of his pocket
201
00:08:15,474 --> 00:08:17,485
and trying to fire
a warning shot.
202
00:08:17,486 --> 00:08:20,761
No, his mistake was waking up
this morning saying,
203
00:08:20,762 --> 00:08:24,367
"I'm gonna knock off a liquor
store with an ear of corn."
204
00:08:24,368 --> 00:08:25,933
A banana I could understand.
205
00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:27,485
That's got
a natural pistol grip.
206
00:08:27,486 --> 00:08:28,508
But corn?
207
00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:31,720
That's just lazy.
208
00:08:32,791 --> 00:08:35,609
Point being...
209
00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:37,662
somewhere, there are
two nice people
210
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:39,883
who had high hopes
for that moron.
211
00:08:39,884 --> 00:08:41,749
It's true. My parents
had 14 children
212
00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:44,637
and a couple
have been major disappointments.
213
00:08:44,638 --> 00:08:46,431
Ah, don't be so hard on
yourself, Samuel.
214
00:08:46,432 --> 00:08:48,473
I mean, being a waiter
215
00:08:48,474 --> 00:08:50,425
may not be glamorous
or even lucrative,
216
00:08:50,426 --> 00:08:52,020
but it's a good, honest living.
217
00:08:52,021 --> 00:08:54,061
I was actually referring
to my brothers,
218
00:08:54,062 --> 00:08:56,514
the pimp and
the blood diamond smuggler.
219
00:08:58,267 --> 00:09:00,207
But thank you for the ego boost.
220
00:09:01,634 --> 00:09:03,156
Absolutely.
221
00:09:04,492 --> 00:09:06,326
Hey, could I get a glass
of orange juice?
222
00:09:06,327 --> 00:09:09,026
Of course. I shall fetch
a special glass of OJ
223
00:09:09,027 --> 00:09:10,745
just for you.
224
00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:12,636
Fresh squeezed.
225
00:09:14,104 --> 00:09:16,669
I wouldn't drink that
if I were you.
226
00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:17,879
Why not?
227
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,520
See?
228
00:09:19,521 --> 00:09:22,479
And your parents probably
had high hopes for you, too.
229
00:09:31,066 --> 00:09:33,684
He's been doing
it all day.
230
00:09:33,685 --> 00:09:36,187
First it was funny,
then it got sad,
231
00:09:36,188 --> 00:09:38,578
now it's back to
being funny again.
232
00:09:41,507 --> 00:09:44,512
You never see a cat
carrying on like this.
233
00:09:44,513 --> 00:09:45,613
They're dignified animals.
234
00:09:45,614 --> 00:09:47,295
Clean their butts
with their tongues.
235
00:09:49,264 --> 00:09:51,519
He still grinding
his balloon knot?
236
00:09:52,905 --> 00:09:55,289
Yeah, he's really
rubbing it raw.
237
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:57,375
I'm a little worried
he's gonna start a fire.
238
00:09:57,376 --> 00:09:59,462
Probably a roid.
239
00:09:59,463 --> 00:10:01,412
My uncle Benny used to get
the same way.
240
00:10:01,413 --> 00:10:03,729
But instead of a rug he'd use
a long shoe horn.
241
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:08,179
I hope he's okay.
242
00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:10,193
He's fine, he's in Miami Beach.
243
00:10:11,495 --> 00:10:13,518
Got a nurse
that rubs ointment on it.
244
00:10:13,519 --> 00:10:16,437
She meant the dog, Vince.
245
00:10:16,438 --> 00:10:19,230
Him? He's having
the time of his life.
246
00:10:19,231 --> 00:10:21,232
He's scratching his ass
on a nice rug
247
00:10:21,233 --> 00:10:24,070
with a coupla pretty ladies
watching him.
248
00:10:24,071 --> 00:10:28,533
Aw, "pretty"? You're sweet.
249
00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:29,941
Hey, what's going on?
250
00:10:29,942 --> 00:10:31,325
Your house guest is christening
251
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:33,300
my new throw rug with his
sphincter.
252
00:10:35,686 --> 00:10:37,665
Ah, did he eat something weird?
253
00:10:37,666 --> 00:10:40,503
He won't eat at all.
Plus, he hasn't pooped all day.
254
00:10:40,504 --> 00:10:42,714
That is miserable.
255
00:10:42,715 --> 00:10:45,206
When I was taking pain pills for
my back,
256
00:10:45,207 --> 00:10:47,091
I couldn't buy
a good bowel movement.
257
00:10:47,092 --> 00:10:51,295
And believe me, after nine days,
money is no object.
258
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:55,266
Jim just threw
up a little.
259
00:10:55,267 --> 00:10:57,562
Well, somebody was bound to.
260
00:11:00,232 --> 00:11:02,223
Jim just threw up a lot.
261
00:11:02,224 --> 00:11:03,558
And he's not eating it.
Mm-mm.
262
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,811
This is serious. Okay,
we gotta go to the vet.
263
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:10,565
Come on, come on!
Let's move it, people!
264
00:11:10,566 --> 00:11:14,078
Molly, calm down.
I'm sure Jim will be fine.
265
00:11:14,079 --> 00:11:17,165
Hey, if anything happens to that dog,
you tell that vet to put me down.
266
00:11:17,166 --> 00:11:19,824
Otherwise, Peggy will come after
me and do it her way.
267
00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:22,628
And it will be slow,
and it will be painful.
268
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:37,184
Got yourself a sick
lizard there, huh?
269
00:11:37,185 --> 00:11:38,519
He's an iguana.
270
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:41,420
And yes, he's not feeling a
hundred percent right now.
271
00:11:41,421 --> 00:11:44,131
Looks fine to me.
I mean, fine for a big, scary lizard.
272
00:11:44,132 --> 00:11:46,894
Iguana.
Iguana.
273
00:11:46,895 --> 00:11:50,470
Jacob's been very stressed out
since my husband and I split up.
274
00:11:50,471 --> 00:11:53,140
He's listless, lethargic.
He doesn't want to do anything.
275
00:11:53,141 --> 00:11:55,183
Well, I can see why you split up
with him.
276
00:11:55,184 --> 00:11:58,089
I'm talking about the iguana.
I know, I know.
277
00:11:58,090 --> 00:12:00,174
I just... I joke
when I get upset.
278
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:02,441
My future mother-in-
law's dog is sick
279
00:12:02,442 --> 00:12:03,844
and it happened on my watch.
280
00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:05,444
And she's not exactly
my biggest fan.
281
00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:09,583
Not that I'm hanging her poster in
my locker, if you know what I mean...
282
00:12:09,584 --> 00:12:13,910
So, what do you, what do you
feed this, uh... thing here?
283
00:12:15,391 --> 00:12:17,789
Bugs or some kind
of lizard chow?
284
00:12:17,790 --> 00:12:19,082
Iguana.
285
00:12:20,529 --> 00:12:23,295
Boy, you don't open the door
a crack, do you?
286
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,765
Peggy, hey!
How's Branson?
287
00:12:34,766 --> 00:12:38,612
Oh, everybody can't be stupid.
288
00:12:40,632 --> 00:12:43,501
Jim?
Jim's fine.
289
00:12:43,502 --> 00:12:46,053
Uh, he can't talk right now.
290
00:12:46,054 --> 00:12:48,789
He's, uh, doing business.
291
00:12:50,375 --> 00:12:54,011
Uh... solid, I guess.
292
00:12:54,012 --> 00:12:56,680
Tapering nicely...
293
00:12:57,766 --> 00:12:59,790
Well, uh, neighbors are watching
out the window,
294
00:12:59,791 --> 00:13:02,236
so I'd better pretend
to pick it up.
295
00:13:02,237 --> 00:13:03,821
Okay, bye.
296
00:13:07,109 --> 00:13:08,965
Sorry it took so long.
297
00:13:08,966 --> 00:13:12,469
I was burning a doob
back by the dumpst.
298
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:15,472
Oh, my God,
that dog is really sick.
299
00:13:17,203 --> 00:13:20,560
Iguana. And head's up,
he's got the personality.
300
00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:25,482
So is Jim gonna be okay,
301
00:13:25,483 --> 00:13:28,819
or do we need to find another
dog that looks just like him?
302
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:31,348
They're still
doing more tests.
303
00:13:31,349 --> 00:13:33,017
But keep an eye peeled.
304
00:13:33,018 --> 00:13:35,617
We may have to shave
and paint a cat.
305
00:13:35,618 --> 00:13:38,161
Been there, done that.
306
00:13:38,162 --> 00:13:40,858
Who belongs to Jim?
307
00:13:40,859 --> 00:13:43,360
Oh, right here.
Is he okay?
308
00:13:43,361 --> 00:13:45,062
Well, he's got some
sort of obstruction.
309
00:13:45,063 --> 00:13:46,545
Looks like he
swallowed something.
310
00:13:46,546 --> 00:13:48,866
Is there any idea of how long
it's been in there?
311
00:13:48,867 --> 00:13:51,466
Could this have happened
a couple of days ago?
312
00:13:51,467 --> 00:13:52,636
Possibly.
Yes.
313
00:13:52,637 --> 00:13:54,010
Could have happened
on Peggy's watch.
314
00:13:54,011 --> 00:13:55,656
What did he swallow?
315
00:13:55,657 --> 00:13:57,681
I've seen this kind
of blockage before,
316
00:13:57,682 --> 00:14:01,393
and with a small dog it's usually
a sponge or more likely, a tampon.
317
00:14:02,999 --> 00:14:06,273
Well, Peggy's got
an airtight alibi.
318
00:14:07,385 --> 00:14:09,036
One, two...
319
00:14:09,037 --> 00:14:11,505
Damn it.
320
00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:18,262
How would you feel about you
and Molly adopting a baby?
321
00:14:18,263 --> 00:14:20,147
It doesn't matter if it
comes from her womb
322
00:14:20,148 --> 00:14:23,484
or some teen mom in Kentucky,
you still gotta raise it.
323
00:14:23,485 --> 00:14:25,625
Well, with adoption you
get the exact model you want.
324
00:14:25,626 --> 00:14:28,489
If it was me, I'd get a little
Japanese kid.
325
00:14:28,490 --> 00:14:29,723
They're smart, loyal
326
00:14:29,724 --> 00:14:31,298
and they don't bring their shoes
in the house.
327
00:14:31,299 --> 00:14:33,694
Sure. Plus, they'll do your
taxes,
328
00:14:33,695 --> 00:14:36,845
walk on your back and chauffeur
your Green Hornet car.
329
00:14:36,846 --> 00:14:39,431
Are you telling me you wouldn't
want to have your own little Kato?
330
00:14:39,432 --> 00:14:41,016
Of course, who wouldn't?
331
00:14:41,017 --> 00:14:43,120
But you gotta be realistic.
332
00:14:43,121 --> 00:14:45,923
One day, Kate's gonna need
braces and wanna go to college.
333
00:14:45,924 --> 00:14:47,208
NO, Kato don't need
to go to college.
334
00:14:47,209 --> 00:14:48,481
He's gonna be street smart.
335
00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:50,044
Plus, if you're carrying a set
of nunchucks,
336
00:14:50,045 --> 00:14:51,985
ain't nobody gonna make fun of
your teeth.
337
00:14:55,934 --> 00:14:58,074
Hey Mom, how's Branson?
338
00:14:58,075 --> 00:15:00,368
Well, everybody can't be stupid.
339
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:04,706
Jim? I don't know,
I'm at work...
340
00:15:04,707 --> 00:15:08,095
No, I'm sure he's fine.
Don't come home.
341
00:15:08,096 --> 00:15:10,397
Look, I'll check on him
and I'll call you later.
342
00:15:10,398 --> 00:15:13,267
Boy, if she loved me half as
much as she loves that dog,
343
00:15:13,268 --> 00:15:15,967
I'd weigh 130 pounds.
344
00:15:15,968 --> 00:15:17,988
You can certainly
understand her worry.
345
00:15:17,989 --> 00:15:19,221
That dog is like a son to her.
346
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:21,742
Oh no, she treats him
way better than a son.
347
00:15:21,743 --> 00:15:24,328
She'd give one of her kidneys
to that ugly mutt, but wouldn't
348
00:15:24,329 --> 00:15:26,659
drive seven blocks to pick me up
at school when I broke my arm.
349
00:15:26,660 --> 00:15:27,852
You're kidding.
350
00:15:27,853 --> 00:15:31,886
She said she was busy putting
air on her toe knuckles...
351
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:33,554
so she told me to hoof it.
352
00:15:33,555 --> 00:15:35,472
Said, "You don't walk on your
arm anyway."
353
00:15:35,473 --> 00:15:37,989
Which is ironically how
I broke it.
354
00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:44,148
Hey Molly, what's up?
355
00:15:44,149 --> 00:15:46,317
Jim swallowed a what?
356
00:15:46,318 --> 00:15:48,602
Operate?
357
00:15:48,603 --> 00:15:51,105
Well, can't they
just pull the string?
358
00:15:54,526 --> 00:15:56,383
Tell that doctor, whatever
359
00:15:56,384 --> 00:16:00,447
has to do, no matter how much it
costs, keep that dog alive.
360
00:16:00,448 --> 00:16:03,367
Seriously, if he needs a new
heart, come out, take mine.
361
00:16:03,368 --> 00:16:05,502
That dog must live!
362
00:16:06,747 --> 00:16:08,228
How's he doing?
363
00:16:08,229 --> 00:16:11,125
They're operating on him
to remove the blockage.
364
00:16:11,126 --> 00:16:12,732
Mike, I'm so sorry about this.
365
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:14,442
It's not your fault.
It is.
366
00:16:14,443 --> 00:16:16,513
I left my purse open
and laying around.
367
00:16:16,514 --> 00:16:17,988
I should be more responsible.
368
00:16:17,989 --> 00:16:20,768
Hey, some of this is on Jim.
It's not like your tampons
369
00:16:20,769 --> 00:16:23,187
are made out of rawhide
and wrapped in bacon.
370
00:16:23,188 --> 00:16:27,706
Doesn't bode well for my
"let's have a baby" campaign.
371
00:16:27,707 --> 00:16:31,061
Ah, don't be silly.
That mutt's a garbage can.
372
00:16:31,062 --> 00:16:32,780
He once ate a keychain
flashlight.
373
00:16:32,781 --> 00:16:35,182
Pooped it halfway out
and took off running.
374
00:16:35,183 --> 00:16:38,152
Looked like he was having a
movie premiere in his butt.
375
00:16:41,239 --> 00:16:43,991
I understand why you're
nervous about having kids.
376
00:16:43,992 --> 00:16:47,934
And you're right, it isn't
something we should rush into.
377
00:16:50,248 --> 00:16:54,441
Molly, the truth is, I'm just
afraid I won't be a good dad.
378
00:16:54,442 --> 00:16:57,304
What are you talking about?
379
00:16:57,305 --> 00:17:01,406
My mom wasn't exactly the
most compassionate person.
380
00:17:01,407 --> 00:17:06,119
Or loving or tolerant...
or even nice to be around.
381
00:17:07,558 --> 00:17:10,017
I don't wanna pass that on
to the next generation.
382
00:17:10,018 --> 00:17:12,208
Are you kidding? You are
nothing like your mother.
383
00:17:12,209 --> 00:17:16,273
You are a joy to be around,
and your feet are smaller.
384
00:17:17,610 --> 00:17:20,050
You're just saying that
'cause you wanna have kids.
385
00:17:20,051 --> 00:17:24,321
I don't just want kids.
I want your kids.
386
00:17:24,322 --> 00:17:29,442
You are the kindest, sweetest
man that I have ever known.
387
00:17:29,443 --> 00:17:33,813
I don't even think I wanted to
have kids before I met you.
388
00:17:33,814 --> 00:17:35,565
Really?
389
00:17:35,566 --> 00:17:38,452
Hey, I teach fourth grade. There's
no better birth control than that.
390
00:17:40,388 --> 00:17:44,291
Well, thanks to Mom, I
certainly know what not to do.
391
00:17:44,292 --> 00:17:45,859
Hmm...
392
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,994
I'm guessing that's
half the battle.
393
00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:50,981
And we can figure the
rest out together.
394
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:53,466
When the time is right.
395
00:17:53,467 --> 00:17:57,237
Okay, when the time is right.
396
00:17:57,238 --> 00:17:59,005
You can feed 'em
and change 'em,
397
00:17:59,006 --> 00:18:01,358
and I'll keep 'em from
swallowing your lady things.
398
00:18:01,359 --> 00:18:03,160
Deal.
399
00:18:03,161 --> 00:18:05,362
I'll just do what my
mom used to do.
400
00:18:05,363 --> 00:18:09,333
When we went to the grocery store, she'd
pull a pair of pantyhose over my head.
401
00:18:09,334 --> 00:18:11,518
I looked like a three-year old
bank robber, but it kept me
402
00:18:11,519 --> 00:18:14,354
from shoving a stick of
deodorant in my mouth.
403
00:18:14,355 --> 00:18:18,566
I'm no fan of your mother's,
but that's actually brilliant.
404
00:18:30,107 --> 00:18:31,845
Look at my baby boy.
405
00:18:31,846 --> 00:18:34,130
He's gonna be scarred up for
the rest of his life.
406
00:18:34,131 --> 00:18:37,217
You don't think it looks manly?
Kinda...
407
00:18:37,218 --> 00:18:41,221
Kinda gives him like a rugged,
"don't mess with me" thing.
408
00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:45,275
If I wasn't afraid of leaving
Jim alone, you and I would be
409
00:18:45,276 --> 00:18:48,728
in the driveway right now
settling this bare-knuckle style.
410
00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:51,231
Come on, Ma,
411
00:18:51,232 --> 00:18:55,527
your driveway-fighting days are
behind you.
412
00:18:55,528 --> 00:18:57,421
Tell that to
the bouncer at Gilley's
413
00:18:57,422 --> 00:19:00,824
who tried to take away my coffee
can full of Dolores.
414
00:19:00,825 --> 00:19:03,377
He's gonna be fine.
The stitches come out in about
415
00:19:03,378 --> 00:19:05,870
ten days, and the vet said it
won't leave much of a scar.
416
00:19:05,871 --> 00:19:08,515
Then I can thank her for feeding
my baby boy
417
00:19:08,516 --> 00:19:10,709
one of her cotton pontoons.
418
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:16,131
Why can't you wear a pad,
like a normal person?
419
00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:19,393
'Cause they're bulky and
uncomfortable,
420
00:19:19,394 --> 00:19:22,512
and I feel like I'm sitting
on a phone book. I...
421
00:19:22,513 --> 00:19:24,598
Plus, I... I lead an active
lifest...
422
00:19:24,599 --> 00:19:28,184
Fine, I'll wear one.
I'll just strap it on.
423
00:19:28,185 --> 00:19:30,704
It'll be a cold day in hell
before I forget this.
424
00:19:30,705 --> 00:19:34,124
I trusted you to take care of
the only thing in this world
425
00:19:34,125 --> 00:19:35,400
I give a damn about.
426
00:19:35,401 --> 00:19:38,027
Yeah, I'll bet you'd drive seven
blocks if he broke his arm.
427
00:19:38,028 --> 00:19:39,329
He wouldn't break his arm
428
00:19:39,330 --> 00:19:40,989
showing off for
the girls' swim club.
429
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:44,492
When you told me the story, you didn't
tell me there were girls involved.
430
00:19:44,493 --> 00:19:46,136
Of course there were girls
involved.
431
00:19:46,137 --> 00:19:48,204
Why else would you try to walk
on your hands?
432
00:19:48,205 --> 00:19:50,924
All right, all right!
433
00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:54,177
We should be thankful that Jim
is healthy, happy and...
434
00:19:54,178 --> 00:19:55,753
and loved.
435
00:19:55,754 --> 00:19:58,339
Like you, Peggy.
436
00:20:00,568 --> 00:20:03,511
Now why don't I go
make us a sandwich?
437
00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:05,763
What are you gonna put in it?
Rat poison?
438
00:20:05,764 --> 00:20:11,645
I was thinking about tuna fish,
but whatever you want.
439
00:20:11,646 --> 00:20:13,747
Mike, why don't
you come help me?
440
00:20:14,616 --> 00:20:16,533
Miracle Whip, not mayo!
441
00:20:16,534 --> 00:20:20,504
Whatever you
want, Mama Biggs.
442
00:20:20,505 --> 00:20:21,780
Hear that, Jim?
443
00:20:21,781 --> 00:20:24,174
Whatever I want.
444
00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:28,161
This guilt trip might get me
a granddaughter named Peggy.
445
00:20:28,162 --> 00:20:31,289
Or a grandson named Jim.
446
00:20:35,136 --> 00:20:38,080
You know what? That does make
you look more rugged.
447
00:20:40,235 --> 00:20:43,009
Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/