1 00:00:00,222 --> 00:00:02,182 Tonight I'm taking my show to Newcastle, 2 00:00:02,183 --> 00:00:05,501 with guest star Alan Shearer, music from Rizzle Kicks, 3 00:00:05,502 --> 00:00:08,901 and I'll be going undercover as Hollywood producer Kip Brady. 4 00:00:08,902 --> 00:00:11,221 ♪ I'm on the highway, ain't looking back 5 00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:13,301 ♪ Nothing in the rear view, I'm getting out 6 00:00:13,302 --> 00:00:15,782 ♪ Pedal to the metal, 105 7 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,102 ♪ Coming into your town, I feel alive 8 00:00:19,782 --> 00:00:21,982 ♪ Because I'm a travelling man ♪ 9 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,643 Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells http://UKsubtitles.ru 10 00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:40,857 Hello and welcome to Hit The Road Jack! 11 00:00:43,417 --> 00:00:46,817 Each week, a different region of Britain becomes 12 00:00:46,817 --> 00:00:49,337 the star of the show. This week, it's Newcastle! 13 00:00:51,337 --> 00:00:52,817 Oh, yes! 14 00:00:54,177 --> 00:00:57,256 I've been here all week discovering this fantastic part of Britain. 15 00:00:57,257 --> 00:01:00,136 I've been out on the toon, I've met some of Geordie Shore, 16 00:01:00,137 --> 00:01:03,416 and tonight I have got with me all show this evening 17 00:01:03,417 --> 00:01:06,097 one of the finest music acts working in the country today. 18 00:01:06,097 --> 00:01:08,537 Rizzle Kicks are with me! 19 00:01:12,097 --> 00:01:14,816 I have to say, guys, I'm so excited to be here in Newcastle, 20 00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:18,097 the party capital of the world. 21 00:01:18,097 --> 00:01:19,895 You guys know how to have a good time. 22 00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:22,175 I love going out in Newcastle. What a place to party. 23 00:01:22,176 --> 00:01:24,137 Bigg Market... that place is incredible. 24 00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:27,057 The people on Bigg Market don't know when to stop. 25 00:01:27,057 --> 00:01:29,337 Any hour of the day, you go down there like five o'clock 26 00:01:29,338 --> 00:01:32,216 in the morning, people just stumbling back home, 27 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,616 lifting up their shirts, 28 00:01:33,617 --> 00:01:37,257 shouting at cabs, pissing in the middle of the street. 29 00:01:37,257 --> 00:01:39,057 And the men are pretty bad as well. 30 00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:42,537 Last time I was in Newcastle, get this, I was on Bigg Market, 31 00:01:42,537 --> 00:01:46,857 I saw a man trying to pay for a kebab with one of his shoes. 32 00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,415 Your nightclubs are legendary as well. 33 00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:52,335 Whenever you talk to people about Newcastle, 34 00:01:52,336 --> 00:01:53,695 they all know the nightclubs. 35 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:56,057 Whenever I mention Newcastle, people are always like, 36 00:01:56,058 --> 00:01:59,977 "Oh, my God, have you heard about Tuxedo?" 37 00:01:59,977 --> 00:02:03,657 The nightclub on a boat with a revolving dancefloor. 38 00:02:04,897 --> 00:02:08,416 Is that a good thing, to have a revolving dancefloor on a nightclub? 39 00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:12,096 Just leave some poor Geordie lass at the end of the evening 40 00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:15,657 that no-one wants to pull going round like a sad rotisserie chicken. 41 00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:19,377 "Nobody wants me. Why does nobody love me?" 44 00:02:25,897 --> 00:02:27,656 I always pray that it's Tuxedo. 45 00:02:27,657 --> 00:02:31,776 You give it a week, they'll be praying to let them go. 46 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:34,856 "Please, let us go back to Somalia. 47 00:02:34,857 --> 00:02:38,056 "They've been playing Let's Get Ready To Rumble on loop, 48 00:02:38,057 --> 00:02:40,777 "and a 50-year-old woman in a leopardskin leotard 49 00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:42,697 "just sat on a bottle of Hooch." 50 00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:48,016 I have not yet mentioned Geordie Shore. 51 00:02:48,017 --> 00:02:51,976 For those of you that don't know what Geordie Shore is, 52 00:02:51,977 --> 00:02:53,616 the lucky ones, it is a show... 53 00:02:53,617 --> 00:02:56,696 Basically, it's like these reality shows, like mock reality shows 54 00:02:56,697 --> 00:02:58,376 like The Only Way Is Essex. 55 00:02:58,377 --> 00:03:01,096 Although Geordie Shore isn't like The Only Way Is Essex. 56 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,976 Geordie Shore makes The Only Way Is Essex 57 00:03:03,977 --> 00:03:05,776 look like fucking Downton Abbey. 58 00:03:05,777 --> 00:03:08,617 On Geordie Shore they just fuck everything. 59 00:03:08,617 --> 00:03:10,897 There's been outrage, though, over Geordie Shore. 60 00:03:10,898 --> 00:03:13,016 The MP for Newcastle said that Geordie Shore 61 00:03:13,017 --> 00:03:14,936 is borderline pornographic. 62 00:03:14,937 --> 00:03:17,176 I have seen Geordie Shore only once. 63 00:03:17,177 --> 00:03:20,016 It was the most haunting thing I've ever seen. 64 00:03:20,017 --> 00:03:21,817 I implore you to never watch it. 65 00:03:21,817 --> 00:03:23,657 I saw a man whip down a girl's trousers 66 00:03:23,658 --> 00:03:26,777 and then turn to the camera and genuinely say, 67 00:03:26,777 --> 00:03:28,817 "Oh, pet, that's a canny fanny." 68 00:03:31,977 --> 00:03:33,855 I know, there's about 100 guys in here, 69 00:03:33,856 --> 00:03:35,337 "I'm fucking using that one." 70 00:03:38,057 --> 00:03:40,056 Maybe I'm giving them a hard time. 71 00:03:40,057 --> 00:03:42,176 Geordie Shore has stormed the TV screens 72 00:03:42,177 --> 00:03:44,816 and has made stars of some unlikely people. 73 00:03:44,817 --> 00:03:47,456 But I wanted to know how far they would go 74 00:03:47,457 --> 00:03:50,536 to take their new-found fame to another level. 75 00:03:50,537 --> 00:03:52,216 I posed as Kip Brady, 76 00:03:52,217 --> 00:03:54,376 an American network executive 77 00:03:54,377 --> 00:03:57,817 offering to make them American movie stars. 78 00:03:57,817 --> 00:03:59,697 Some of the acting you are about to see 79 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:02,257 would make Robson Green turn in his grave. 80 00:04:03,457 --> 00:04:05,417 He's not dead? Oh. 81 00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:14,136 Hi, I'm Kip Brady. I'm a network executive. 82 00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:17,656 I'm here in Geordieland to meet some of its most hungry for fame 83 00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:21,856 and feed them a big old slice of Hollywood pie. 84 00:04:21,857 --> 00:04:25,016 So I got some pretty big ideas for Sophie from Geordie Shore, 85 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:27,376 Greg from Geordie Shore, 86 00:04:27,377 --> 00:04:30,376 and Kia, who auditioned for Geordie Shore. 87 00:04:30,377 --> 00:04:33,536 I need to know just how far these guys will go for fame. 88 00:04:33,537 --> 00:04:34,897 Sophie, right? 89 00:04:34,897 --> 00:04:35,937 Yeah, nice to meet you. 90 00:04:35,938 --> 00:04:37,456 From Geordie Shore. 91 00:04:37,457 --> 00:04:39,416 I basically got a lot of ideas 92 00:04:39,417 --> 00:04:42,536 for taking your career to the next level. 93 00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:44,257 Getting your over to America. 94 00:04:44,257 --> 00:04:44,935 OK. 95 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:45,695 Is that something you'd be up for? 96 00:04:45,696 --> 00:04:46,737 Yeah, definitely. 97 00:04:46,738 --> 00:04:48,096 You like Shakespeare? 98 00:04:48,097 --> 00:04:51,457 I've never really read any Shakespeare. 99 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,537 You read books? 100 00:04:52,538 --> 00:04:53,777 Katie Price. 101 00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:57,697 Katie Price is a bit like Shakespeare? 102 00:04:58,777 --> 00:05:00,017 Yeah, for girls. 103 00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:04,896 How do think Lynsey Lohan made bail? Boom! 104 00:05:04,897 --> 00:05:08,536 They don't call her Blow-han for nothing. I plead guilty. 105 00:05:08,537 --> 00:05:10,576 This is another idea. 106 00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:15,417 It's a big CGI movie. It's like an epic, Greek-style film. 107 00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:16,937 It's called Chariots. 108 00:05:21,537 --> 00:05:25,016 Now, what I want you to do is pretend you're in a battle scene. 109 00:05:25,017 --> 00:05:27,376 You're there and you're just stabbing a guy. 110 00:05:27,377 --> 00:05:30,176 You've got a sword in your hand. We'll CGI that in later. 111 00:05:30,177 --> 00:05:31,937 Yeah, that's nice. That's better. 112 00:05:31,937 --> 00:05:33,097 That's really good, man. 113 00:05:33,098 --> 00:05:35,817 Now you're just stabbing him on the floor. 114 00:05:35,817 --> 00:05:38,017 Really tugging, I mean, stabbing. 115 00:05:38,897 --> 00:05:41,456 He's absolutely loving it, I mean, hating it. 116 00:05:41,457 --> 00:05:43,856 This villain is so bad-ass, man, 117 00:05:43,857 --> 00:05:49,896 the only way that he can truly die is if you drink his blood. 118 00:05:49,897 --> 00:05:55,216 ♪ Je t'aime, je t'aime, oui, je t'aime... ♪ 119 00:05:55,217 --> 00:05:57,937 Then when you're finished, just roll over 120 00:05:57,937 --> 00:05:59,897 and just bask in the glory. 121 00:06:01,497 --> 00:06:04,297 All the men have been dealt with. 122 00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:05,497 That's a cut on that scene. 123 00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,616 Is that something you might be interested in? 124 00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,096 Yeah. 125 00:06:09,097 --> 00:06:12,616 CGI is incredible. You can do anything with it. 126 00:06:12,617 --> 00:06:16,016 You know the actor John Cusack? He doesn't actually have a mouth. 127 00:06:16,017 --> 00:06:18,336 We're going to try one more. Bees 3D. 128 00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:21,576 A swarm of bees arrive. He swats them away. 129 00:06:21,577 --> 00:06:25,176 Swatting. He kicks some, stamps. Headbutts a bee. 130 00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:31,256 Then he catches one in his hand, kills it, again using a head butt. 131 00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:33,136 Sweet Jesus, 132 00:06:33,137 --> 00:06:35,696 it's worse than I ever thought possible. 133 00:06:35,697 --> 00:06:38,217 This is only the beginning of Bee Day. 134 00:06:38,217 --> 00:06:41,097 Like D-Day, but with bees. 135 00:06:41,937 --> 00:06:43,496 Right, this guy's an extra. 136 00:06:43,497 --> 00:06:46,337 Just kick the shit out of him, you know what I mean? 137 00:06:46,337 --> 00:06:47,017 Give me honey! 138 00:06:47,018 --> 00:06:48,336 Attack the bee. 139 00:06:48,337 --> 00:06:50,136 Give me the honey! 140 00:06:50,137 --> 00:06:52,016 Getting really annoyed. 141 00:06:52,017 --> 00:06:53,056 Oh, sorry. 142 00:06:53,057 --> 00:06:54,697 Insult the bee. 143 00:06:54,697 --> 00:06:56,897 Yeah, you fucking fat fucking... 144 00:06:58,417 --> 00:07:00,055 Give me the honey, you fucking whore. 145 00:07:00,056 --> 00:07:01,297 This is the queen bee, 146 00:07:01,298 --> 00:07:05,057 and actually in my script the only way you can kill the queen bee 147 00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:06,737 is actually to fuck her. So, action. 148 00:07:06,738 --> 00:07:08,577 Oh, you fucking come here! 149 00:07:18,657 --> 00:07:20,817 Just keep going! 150 00:07:24,217 --> 00:07:26,497 That's absolutely great. You're really good, man. 151 00:07:26,498 --> 00:07:28,896 So, could you see yourself playing that role? 152 00:07:28,897 --> 00:07:30,337 Yeah, definitely. 153 00:07:30,337 --> 00:07:31,735 Who would you like to play the bee? 154 00:07:31,736 --> 00:07:32,977 That lad from Glee. 155 00:07:36,617 --> 00:07:41,297 And Sophie, Greg and Kia are here with us tonight. 156 00:07:43,577 --> 00:07:46,936 Being here in Newcastle, I obviously wanted to invite to the show 157 00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:49,376 someone with a little bit of local knowledge. 158 00:07:49,377 --> 00:07:52,696 Now, here tonight we have a man who has scored more goals for Newcastle 159 00:07:52,697 --> 00:07:55,737 than anybody else in history, one of the best English footballers ever. 160 00:07:55,737 --> 00:07:59,217 It's the living legend that is Alan Shearer! 161 00:08:03,977 --> 00:08:07,017 Shearer! Shearer! Shearer! 162 00:08:12,817 --> 00:08:15,017 Alan, thank you very much for coming on to my show. 163 00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:16,096 Thank you. 164 00:08:16,097 --> 00:08:19,097 So we just had a little look there 165 00:08:19,097 --> 00:08:20,897 at some of the stars of Geordie Shore. 166 00:08:20,898 --> 00:08:25,216 As a Geordie yourself, is that a show that you've seen? 167 00:08:25,217 --> 00:08:28,137 I've seen about two or three seconds of it, 168 00:08:28,137 --> 00:08:30,537 I've sat there watching it with both my daughters. 169 00:08:30,538 --> 00:08:32,536 One of the girls in the show 170 00:08:32,537 --> 00:08:35,537 flicked the sheets back when she was in bed with one of the guys, 171 00:08:35,537 --> 00:08:37,775 and she went, "Oh, my God, look at the size of that." 172 00:08:37,776 --> 00:08:38,897 I said, "That's enough." 173 00:08:42,457 --> 00:08:44,937 Now, when people think of you, they think of you as being 174 00:08:44,938 --> 00:08:46,576 a very traditional footballer 175 00:08:46,577 --> 00:08:49,136 and sort of quite old fashioned in some ways. 176 00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:52,136 Do you get exasperated when you look at modern footballers, 177 00:08:52,137 --> 00:08:55,176 if you know, like sleeping around with Big Brother contestants 178 00:08:55,177 --> 00:08:57,216 and twittering about it and stuff like that? 179 00:08:57,217 --> 00:09:00,457 No, I would do it if I wasn't married, but I am. 180 00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:03,657 I got married when I was 21. 181 00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,977 One of the things as well, modern footballers is, 182 00:09:10,978 --> 00:09:13,696 desperate to get their kit off. They love posing. 183 00:09:13,697 --> 00:09:17,536 Like Beckham there, Cristiano Ronaldo as well. 184 00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:19,576 Woo! 185 00:09:19,577 --> 00:09:22,896 Look at that. You'd never do anything like that, would you? 186 00:09:22,897 --> 00:09:25,176 No, I would never do anything like that. 187 00:09:25,177 --> 00:09:27,976 That's exactly what I thought. You'd never do anything like that. 188 00:09:27,977 --> 00:09:29,537 And then I found this. 189 00:09:29,537 --> 00:09:32,137 Oh, no, what have you got for me? 190 00:09:36,817 --> 00:09:38,097 Now, that... 191 00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:44,297 You've dug that up from the depths, haven't you? 192 00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:46,417 Oh, my God. What am I doing there? 193 00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:50,297 What I love about that is before I came to Newcastle, 194 00:09:50,298 --> 00:09:52,417 I was, "Oh, they're all into male grooming." 195 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,577 Clearly not everyone. 196 00:09:55,617 --> 00:09:57,257 My kids will be horrified. 197 00:09:59,297 --> 00:10:02,096 So, whenever I come to a new place, 198 00:10:02,097 --> 00:10:04,896 I like to properly embed myself in the culture 199 00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,976 and try and become a little bit of a local. 200 00:10:06,977 --> 00:10:10,896 So one of the ways of doing that is to stay with a local family. 201 00:10:10,897 --> 00:10:14,257 So what I did, Alan, was I cast out the net and see 202 00:10:14,257 --> 00:10:16,135 if there was anybody up for having me. 203 00:10:16,136 --> 00:10:16,897 Should've rang me. 204 00:10:16,898 --> 00:10:18,856 I could've come and stay with you? 205 00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:21,416 Charge you rent, though. 206 00:10:21,417 --> 00:10:24,777 I stayed with an incredible family who looked after me. 207 00:10:24,777 --> 00:10:27,457 They let me into their homes. They were amazing. The Nigrellis. 208 00:10:33,977 --> 00:10:36,617 'I was a little bit late to meet Paul and Lino.' 209 00:10:36,617 --> 00:10:37,337 How are you? 210 00:10:37,338 --> 00:10:38,856 Very good. 211 00:10:38,857 --> 00:10:42,577 It was very clear that they wanted me to hit the ground running. 212 00:10:42,577 --> 00:10:43,937 There's no time to sit down. 213 00:10:43,938 --> 00:10:45,656 Going to get gym, sunbed for you. 214 00:10:45,657 --> 00:10:47,097 Don't think I need that. 215 00:10:47,097 --> 00:10:49,857 You look pasty. And then a big night, big boy stuff. 216 00:10:54,137 --> 00:10:58,177 To be a proper Geordie, Paul told me that I had to work on my guns. 217 00:10:58,177 --> 00:10:59,497 No problem. 218 00:11:00,977 --> 00:11:01,977 Well, sort of. 219 00:11:01,977 --> 00:11:04,697 I am about to fucking anal prolapse. 220 00:11:07,897 --> 00:11:11,137 It'd be so much easier if I just fucking took steroids. 221 00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:17,256 So I'd manned up, and now it was time to get tanned up. 222 00:11:17,257 --> 00:11:19,536 Do I have to take off my clothes? 223 00:11:19,537 --> 00:11:21,136 Yep, get undressed. 224 00:11:21,137 --> 00:11:22,977 What about my penis? 225 00:11:22,977 --> 00:11:24,057 He doesn't want to burn his penis. 226 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,337 OK. 227 00:11:25,337 --> 00:11:26,737 Ah! 228 00:11:28,497 --> 00:11:29,976 You all right, mate? 229 00:11:29,977 --> 00:11:32,497 Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just going to get the ass as well. 230 00:11:32,497 --> 00:11:33,497 Excellent. 231 00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:39,335 Excellent. 232 00:11:39,336 --> 00:11:40,455 Good, isn't it? 233 00:11:40,456 --> 00:11:41,577 I mean, red's a good look. 234 00:11:43,097 --> 00:11:44,897 I look like David Dickinson. 235 00:11:44,897 --> 00:11:46,817 Whay-fucking-aye! 236 00:11:48,857 --> 00:11:50,337 Paul introduced me to his mates. 237 00:11:50,338 --> 00:11:53,176 Paul's mates seem like nice guys, 238 00:11:53,177 --> 00:11:55,537 and we're going out on the toon drinking, 239 00:11:55,537 --> 00:11:57,337 maybe there'll be a bit of fighting later. 240 00:11:57,338 --> 00:12:01,176 Maybe going out somewhere to get laid. 241 00:12:01,177 --> 00:12:03,696 On the way, Paul wanted me to try to speak a bit of Geordie. 242 00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,337 All right, mate. 243 00:12:05,337 --> 00:12:07,137 All right, mate. 244 00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:10,217 He said, what's the toon like? 245 00:12:10,218 --> 00:12:12,616 What is the town like? What time your time? 246 00:12:12,617 --> 00:12:14,057 It's been busy? 247 00:12:14,057 --> 00:12:15,337 Dat's all right. 248 00:12:15,338 --> 00:12:17,697 You had Jamaican written all over that. 249 00:12:17,697 --> 00:12:21,737 We're going to go and have a jully neet eet, all reet? 250 00:12:28,697 --> 00:12:30,896 They tried to get me hammered. 251 00:12:30,897 --> 00:12:34,177 But I had my sneaky ways of staying sober. 252 00:12:34,177 --> 00:12:36,137 Don't tell them I'm drinking water. 253 00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:39,977 I might need like a Berocca or Alka Seltzer or something. 254 00:12:39,977 --> 00:12:41,497 Oh, not more! 255 00:12:43,977 --> 00:12:45,617 We arrived at Legends nightclub, 256 00:12:45,617 --> 00:12:50,657 and after about 10 minutes in, I don't remember a fucking thing. 257 00:12:59,137 --> 00:13:02,257 ♪ You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals 258 00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:04,857 ♪ So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel... ♪ 259 00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:21,497 Friends are here with me tonight. Woo! 260 00:13:21,497 --> 00:13:22,577 Thank you so much. 261 00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:27,817 What about my gym workout there? 262 00:13:27,818 --> 00:13:30,777 I'm impressed. You got a bit of work to do. 263 00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:31,897 A bit of work to do? 264 00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:37,057 Those weights were really big, and it really did hurt quite a lot. 265 00:13:37,057 --> 00:13:39,457 But, Alan, you know what I had in the forefront of my mind 266 00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:42,817 throughout all of the pain... if I get to the end of this, 267 00:13:42,817 --> 00:13:45,097 you know what I could end up looking like? 268 00:13:48,337 --> 00:13:52,136 I had it there, right there! That's what I was thinking. The guns. 269 00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:53,977 That's bad, that's bad. 270 00:13:53,977 --> 00:13:55,337 That's the last time we show it, I promise. 271 00:13:55,338 --> 00:13:56,896 Thanks. 272 00:13:56,897 --> 00:13:58,776 Now, Alan, you're a legend here. 273 00:13:58,777 --> 00:14:01,976 But there's another local legend who's famous around Newcastle. 274 00:14:01,977 --> 00:14:05,336 He's one of the most famous fans, a man who's literally at every game. 275 00:14:05,337 --> 00:14:07,897 His name is Keith "Beefy" Roberts. 276 00:14:07,897 --> 00:14:09,337 There he is. 277 00:14:10,537 --> 00:14:14,896 Keith's thing is, when Newcastle score, he gets out his chest and... 278 00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:15,977 breasts. 279 00:14:15,977 --> 00:14:17,135 Now, that's a chest, isn't it! 280 00:14:17,136 --> 00:14:18,177 That is a chest. 281 00:14:18,178 --> 00:14:21,336 Do you know of him, Keith "Beefy" Roberts? 282 00:14:21,337 --> 00:14:22,896 I've seen a few times on TV, yeah. 283 00:14:22,897 --> 00:14:25,176 He's more famous than I am in Newcastle. 284 00:14:25,177 --> 00:14:28,336 We've actually got Keith "Beefy" Roberts here, 285 00:14:28,337 --> 00:14:31,616 and as a little treat, Rizzle Kicks, who are here with us all night, 286 00:14:31,617 --> 00:14:36,256 have arranged a very special version of the Newcastle national anthem, 287 00:14:36,257 --> 00:14:37,816 Let's Get Ready To Rumble, 288 00:14:37,817 --> 00:14:42,816 with a belly accompaniment from Keith "Beefy" Roberts. 289 00:14:42,817 --> 00:14:45,456 After the break we'll be talking more to Alan Shearer 290 00:14:45,457 --> 00:14:47,976 and you'll see me going mortal on the toon. Take it away! 291 00:14:47,977 --> 00:14:51,056 ♪ Let's get ready, ready, let's get ready, ready 292 00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,816 ♪ Let's get ready to rumble! 293 00:14:52,817 --> 00:14:55,457 ♪ Watch us rock the mic, watch us rock the mic 294 00:14:55,457 --> 00:14:56,697 ♪ Watch us rock the mic, psych! ♪ 295 00:15:01,617 --> 00:15:04,896 Welcome back. I've spent this week in the party capital of Britain 296 00:15:04,897 --> 00:15:07,416 and I'm here tonight at the Newcastle Civic Centre 297 00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:09,056 revealing all I've discovered. 298 00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:12,497 Newcastle and England legend, Alan Shearer is here with me! 299 00:15:12,497 --> 00:15:14,817 CHEERING 300 00:15:16,337 --> 00:15:18,656 Now, Alan. This is the story that I discovered. 301 00:15:18,657 --> 00:15:21,376 "Geordie is voted the friendliest accent." 302 00:15:21,377 --> 00:15:23,696 We love our accent. Everyone loves our accent. 303 00:15:23,697 --> 00:15:27,136 I was in America recently and they couldn't get enough of me speaking, 304 00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:32,096 which I know is unusual but, no, we all do love our accent up here. 305 00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:35,216 Yeah, it's a brilliant accent but I want to put this to the test 306 00:15:35,217 --> 00:15:37,816 about the Geordie accent being the most friendly. 307 00:15:37,817 --> 00:15:41,216 So, I thought the logical thing was to dress up as a doctor 308 00:15:41,217 --> 00:15:45,136 and see whether receiving bad news from a Geordie accent 309 00:15:45,137 --> 00:15:47,096 was easier to hear as a patient. 310 00:15:47,097 --> 00:15:50,016 I got some members of the Geordie public to help me 311 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:52,377 and some actors to play some patients 312 00:15:52,377 --> 00:15:54,097 with some quite weird ailments. 313 00:15:56,937 --> 00:16:01,176 This gentleman was in a very serious car accident. 314 00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:02,897 He ended up falling into a coma. 315 00:16:02,897 --> 00:16:06,537 So he has been in a coma for five years. 316 00:16:08,337 --> 00:16:10,537 When do you think you will go back to work? 317 00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,497 I'd like to find out about me job at Woolworths. 318 00:16:13,977 --> 00:16:17,176 You were saying you worked in Woolworths. Was it the one in town? 319 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,296 Yeah. 320 00:16:18,297 --> 00:16:20,216 Cos that's actually closed down. 321 00:16:20,217 --> 00:16:23,136 You must have family savings of some sort or...? 322 00:16:23,137 --> 00:16:25,696 I've got some savings with Northern Rock. 323 00:16:25,697 --> 00:16:28,216 Erm... Northern Rock went bankrupt. 324 00:16:28,217 --> 00:16:30,496 There's been a lot going on with the recession 325 00:16:30,497 --> 00:16:32,616 and everyone losing their jobs. 326 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:35,936 Is there regular patterns of leisure activities 327 00:16:35,937 --> 00:16:38,176 that you partake in? 328 00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:40,016 I do... I do like me music. 329 00:16:40,017 --> 00:16:42,737 I was thinking... I don't know if he's touring in the UK, 330 00:16:42,737 --> 00:16:45,257 but I'd go and see Michael Jackson or something. 331 00:16:46,817 --> 00:16:48,256 I'm a massive fan. 332 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:52,936 Well, that is bad news, as well... he's actually passed away. 333 00:16:52,937 --> 00:16:55,736 I might go and see Oasis, or somebody like that, you know. 334 00:16:55,737 --> 00:16:58,696 I'm not quite sure but I did hear that Oasis split up, but... 335 00:16:58,697 --> 00:17:00,057 Oh. 336 00:17:00,057 --> 00:17:03,017 It's not going very well so far, is it? 337 00:17:07,097 --> 00:17:10,297 Thank you very much to Hayley for taking part in that. 338 00:17:11,617 --> 00:17:14,136 But it does seem though, in my time in Newcastle, 339 00:17:14,137 --> 00:17:17,896 that people love you so much that they would do anything for you. 340 00:17:17,897 --> 00:17:20,056 I decided that I would put that to the test. 341 00:17:20,057 --> 00:17:21,736 Ooh! 342 00:17:21,737 --> 00:17:25,056 So what I've done, I've set up a man who's a massive Newcastle fan. 343 00:17:25,057 --> 00:17:28,696 He's come along and he's in another room in this building 344 00:17:28,697 --> 00:17:31,577 and he's here being interviewed for the role of an assistant 345 00:17:31,577 --> 00:17:35,337 to a Newcastle dignitary, and that Newcastle dignitary is you! 346 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,216 What we're going to do is, you'll put in a small earpiece, 347 00:17:40,217 --> 00:17:43,816 I'm going to communicate to you via the earpiece and you'll go up 348 00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:48,697 and throw out a couple of last minute prerequisites for the job. 349 00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:49,737 Are you up for that? 350 00:17:49,738 --> 00:17:50,817 Sounds fun. 351 00:17:50,817 --> 00:17:52,615 Time to go and meet your new assistant. 352 00:17:52,616 --> 00:17:53,377 OK. 353 00:17:53,378 --> 00:17:54,377 And you're up! 354 00:17:57,617 --> 00:17:58,735 You will be able to? 355 00:17:58,736 --> 00:17:59,255 Yes. 356 00:17:59,256 --> 00:18:00,377 Brilliant. Let me... 357 00:18:01,377 --> 00:18:03,657 Bear with me a moment. Thanks, Craig. 358 00:18:04,697 --> 00:18:05,777 OK, send him in. 359 00:18:06,897 --> 00:18:07,937 Alan, take a seat. 360 00:18:07,938 --> 00:18:10,977 Scratch your ear when you sit down if you can hear me. 361 00:18:12,337 --> 00:18:12,817 How you doing? All right? 362 00:18:12,818 --> 00:18:13,856 Yeah. 363 00:18:13,857 --> 00:18:15,977 This job is to be my assistant. 364 00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:17,775 Well, this job is to be my assistant. 365 00:18:17,776 --> 00:18:18,455 'Are you OK with that?' 366 00:18:18,456 --> 00:18:19,695 You all right with that? 367 00:18:19,696 --> 00:18:19,937 Yeah, brilliant. 368 00:18:19,938 --> 00:18:20,977 Good, good. 369 00:18:20,977 --> 00:18:22,135 D'you know who I am? 370 00:18:22,136 --> 00:18:23,177 D'you know who I am? 371 00:18:23,178 --> 00:18:25,136 Of course! 372 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:27,976 One thing I do like when I get a little bit down... 373 00:18:27,977 --> 00:18:31,096 One thing I do like when I get a bit down is... 374 00:18:31,097 --> 00:18:32,856 I like my assistant to chant... 375 00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:34,856 I do like my assistants to chant... 376 00:18:34,857 --> 00:18:36,816 "Shearer, Shearer!" 377 00:18:36,817 --> 00:18:38,736 "Shearer, Shearer!" 378 00:18:38,737 --> 00:18:40,256 Could you have a go at that? 379 00:18:40,257 --> 00:18:42,376 Can you have a go at that? Can you do it? 380 00:18:42,377 --> 00:18:44,177 Shearer, Shearer! 381 00:18:44,177 --> 00:18:45,657 Can you do arms in prayer? 382 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,536 Can you do arms in prayer? 383 00:18:47,537 --> 00:18:49,177 'Like, "Shearer, Shearer?" ' 384 00:18:49,177 --> 00:18:50,535 Like, "Shearer, Shearer?" 385 00:18:50,536 --> 00:18:51,697 What, the full thing? 386 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,736 Yeah, summat like that. 387 00:18:53,737 --> 00:18:56,937 Shearer, Shearer, Shearer! 388 00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:57,977 That's brilliant. 389 00:18:57,978 --> 00:18:59,816 Are you OK with nudity? 390 00:18:59,817 --> 00:19:01,616 Are you OK with nudity? 391 00:19:01,617 --> 00:19:05,376 Lineker and Hansen like doing Match Of The Day rehearsals in the nude. 392 00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:08,577 Lineker and Hansen both like doing rehearsals for Match Of The Day 393 00:19:08,577 --> 00:19:09,617 with nothing on. 394 00:19:09,618 --> 00:19:11,657 'Is that cool with you?' 395 00:19:11,657 --> 00:19:12,817 Is that all right? 396 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,177 Alan Hansen is a bit scary... 397 00:19:15,177 --> 00:19:16,817 I've seen him and he's rather large. 398 00:19:19,097 --> 00:19:21,816 Sometimes if Alan Hansen's been mean to me, I need a hug. 399 00:19:21,817 --> 00:19:26,017 Cos if Hansen's been mean to me, I do need a bit of a hug sometimes. 400 00:19:26,017 --> 00:19:27,017 Can you give me a hug? 401 00:19:27,018 --> 00:19:28,097 Give me a hug? 402 00:19:28,097 --> 00:19:29,375 If you want, I'll hug you. 403 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,375 I'll have a hug. 404 00:19:30,376 --> 00:19:31,455 Give big Al a hug. 405 00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:32,457 C'mon, give me a hug. 406 00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:33,537 Aw! 407 00:19:33,537 --> 00:19:34,577 There you are. 408 00:19:36,377 --> 00:19:38,377 Now, before I give you the job... 409 00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:39,657 Right, before I give you the job... 410 00:19:39,658 --> 00:19:41,456 I need to tell you one last thing. 411 00:19:41,457 --> 00:19:43,097 I must tell you one last thing. 412 00:19:43,097 --> 00:19:44,097 My deepest, darkest secret. 413 00:19:44,098 --> 00:19:46,937 Deepest, darkest secret. 414 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:48,215 I've never told anyone this. 415 00:19:48,216 --> 00:19:49,375 Never told anyone. 416 00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:50,375 You have to swear to keep it secret. 417 00:19:50,376 --> 00:19:51,855 Swear you'll keep it secret? 418 00:19:51,856 --> 00:19:52,217 Yes, Alan. 419 00:19:52,218 --> 00:19:53,257 'Promise?' 420 00:19:53,257 --> 00:19:54,017 Promise? 421 00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:55,017 Yeah. OK. 422 00:19:55,018 --> 00:19:56,457 I'm a Sunderland fan. 423 00:19:57,537 --> 00:19:59,377 Now, you're taking it too far there! 424 00:19:59,378 --> 00:20:00,377 OK? 425 00:20:02,457 --> 00:20:04,656 Go on, Alan! Say it! 426 00:20:04,657 --> 00:20:05,816 Come on. 427 00:20:05,817 --> 00:20:07,377 "I'm a Sunderland fan." 428 00:20:07,377 --> 00:20:08,577 I'm not saying that. 429 00:20:08,578 --> 00:20:10,337 You're a Sunderland fan, say it! 430 00:20:10,337 --> 00:20:12,377 "I love Sunderland!" 431 00:20:13,177 --> 00:20:15,216 Say it, Shearer! You're a Sunderland fan! 432 00:20:15,217 --> 00:20:18,736 I refuse to say that. 433 00:20:18,737 --> 00:20:21,536 Alan, point out to the gentleman he's on hidden camera, 434 00:20:21,537 --> 00:20:22,976 he's live on television. 435 00:20:22,977 --> 00:20:25,897 Give him another hug and come back down here, Alan! 436 00:20:25,897 --> 00:20:26,937 Come on. 437 00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,177 Alan Shearer! 438 00:20:33,897 --> 00:20:36,576 That is my time in Newcastle nearly up. 439 00:20:36,577 --> 00:20:38,296 Newcastle, you've been brilliant 440 00:20:38,297 --> 00:20:40,376 and if anyone asks me what I've learnt, 441 00:20:40,377 --> 00:20:42,016 I shall simply show them this. 442 00:20:42,017 --> 00:20:44,016 And hey, if the Newcastle Tourist Board 443 00:20:44,017 --> 00:20:46,216 want to get in touch and use it, by my guests! 444 00:20:46,217 --> 00:20:51,016 Newcastle, a city that's forever evolving. 445 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:55,297 A city that's built on passion and pride. 446 00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:59,297 A city where winter can go fuck itself! 447 00:21:00,857 --> 00:21:02,456 It's where rap music was born. 448 00:21:02,457 --> 00:21:04,376 ♪ Watch us wreck the mic... ♪ 449 00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:05,376 And died. 450 00:21:05,377 --> 00:21:07,457 ♪ Fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine 451 00:21:07,457 --> 00:21:08,577 ♪ Fog on the Tyne is all mine... ♪ 452 00:21:08,578 --> 00:21:09,657 Come on! 453 00:21:09,657 --> 00:21:12,537 It's a multicultural, tolerant city. 454 00:21:16,537 --> 00:21:19,897 Where the golden age of chivalry never died. 455 00:21:19,897 --> 00:21:22,457 Go on, give her one from me! 456 00:21:24,017 --> 00:21:26,297 Don't panic, cos wherever you are, 457 00:21:26,297 --> 00:21:29,937 the Angel of the North's got her eye on you. 458 00:21:32,097 --> 00:21:33,376 Help! 459 00:21:33,377 --> 00:21:36,016 Cos Newcastle will always look after you... 460 00:21:36,017 --> 00:21:40,537 even if you're a crazed gunman in a stand-off with the police. 461 00:21:40,537 --> 00:21:42,217 Come here, Gazza! 462 00:21:43,657 --> 00:21:44,937 It's chicken time! 463 00:21:44,938 --> 00:21:49,817 So, get your tache on and come to Newcastle. 464 00:21:54,097 --> 00:21:56,457 I've had an amazing time here in Newcastle 465 00:21:56,457 --> 00:21:58,017 and it's down to Alan Shearer! 466 00:22:00,457 --> 00:22:01,937 His new assistant, Craig! 467 00:22:03,097 --> 00:22:05,736 The Nigrellis! And you, the good people of Newcastle 468 00:22:05,737 --> 00:22:07,296 for coming out and joining in! 469 00:22:07,297 --> 00:22:10,817 Thank you for watching, to play us out tonight, it's Rizzle Kicks. 470 00:22:10,817 --> 00:22:12,097 See you next week! 471 00:22:14,377 --> 00:22:15,977 Whoo! 472 00:22:20,017 --> 00:22:21,017 Go! 473 00:22:22,297 --> 00:22:24,737 Newcastle, make some noise! 474 00:22:29,497 --> 00:22:30,576 Yo! 475 00:22:30,577 --> 00:22:32,656 ♪ Coming in with a sound fresher than cut grass 476 00:22:32,657 --> 00:22:33,737 ♪ Fun starts 477 00:22:33,737 --> 00:22:35,297 ♪ Second that we enter if you must ask 478 00:22:35,298 --> 00:22:37,577 ♪ Rush past, like you've forgotten your mind 479 00:22:37,577 --> 00:22:40,017 ♪ The driver's all up in your face, like, "Can I see a bus pass?" 480 00:22:40,018 --> 00:22:41,096 ♪ Nah 481 00:22:41,097 --> 00:22:42,736 ♪ We just wanna lickle rhyme, bruv 482 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,456 ♪ Call me what you want but you should not call it a night, love 483 00:22:45,457 --> 00:22:47,817 ♪ And I might just join the Mile High Club 484 00:22:47,817 --> 00:22:50,297 ♪ Only problem being that I couldn't give a flying (BLEEP)! 485 00:22:50,298 --> 00:22:52,097 ♪ Yeah, let me touch back down 486 00:22:52,097 --> 00:22:53,497 ♪ Slap her on the bum until it 487 00:22:53,498 --> 00:22:55,016 ♪ Comes back round 488 00:22:55,017 --> 00:22:57,577 ♪ Half the room's like, "Oi, what's this all about?" 489 00:22:57,577 --> 00:22:58,855 ♪ With the other half jiving 490 00:22:58,856 --> 00:22:59,937 ♪ I love that sound 491 00:22:59,938 --> 00:23:00,937 ♪ Yeah, yeah 492 00:23:00,938 --> 00:23:02,376 ♪ I love that sound 493 00:23:02,377 --> 00:23:03,457 ♪ And Shearer 494 00:23:03,457 --> 00:23:04,577 ♪ I love that sound 495 00:23:04,578 --> 00:23:08,016 ♪ So flick your fag butts at once on a mad one, like, 496 00:23:08,017 --> 00:23:09,817 ♪ Yeah, your mama can hump... ♪ 497 00:23:09,817 --> 00:23:11,737 Everyone put your hands in the air. 498 00:23:11,738 --> 00:23:13,617 We're going to do the hump. 499 00:23:14,657 --> 00:23:16,656 ♪ Mama do the hump, mama do the hump, hump 500 00:23:16,657 --> 00:23:19,656 ♪ Mama won't you please, let me do the hump, hump 501 00:23:19,657 --> 00:23:21,656 ♪ Mama do the hump, mama do the hump, hump 502 00:23:21,657 --> 00:23:24,656 ♪ Mama won't you please, let me do the hump, hump 503 00:23:24,657 --> 00:23:26,937 ♪ Mama do the hump, mama do the hump, hump 504 00:23:26,937 --> 00:23:29,217 ♪ Mama won't you please, let me do the hump, hump 505 00:23:29,218 --> 00:23:31,776 ♪ Yo, it's been a long week 506 00:23:31,777 --> 00:23:34,376 ♪ How I've got this much energy is beyond me 507 00:23:34,377 --> 00:23:37,136 ♪ I just want all of these girls to be on me 508 00:23:37,137 --> 00:23:39,296 ♪ And maybe even one of them could be Beyonce 509 00:23:39,297 --> 00:23:41,377 ♪ We ain't gonna pack that rap noise in 510 00:23:41,377 --> 00:23:42,657 ♪ All of that cheesy stuff 511 00:23:42,658 --> 00:23:44,017 ♪ Clap, clap, sing 512 00:23:44,017 --> 00:23:46,457 ♪ And we're gonna burn some calories, right here, right now 513 00:23:46,458 --> 00:23:49,216 ♪ Ain't over till the Fat Boy Slims 514 00:23:49,217 --> 00:23:51,217 ♪ Mama do the hump, mama do the hump, hump 515 00:23:51,217 --> 00:23:52,855 ♪ Mama won't you please, let me do the hump, hump 516 00:23:52,856 --> 00:23:53,935 ♪ Do the hump, Mama 517 00:23:53,936 --> 00:23:55,855 ♪ Mama do the hump, mama do the hump, hump 518 00:23:55,856 --> 00:23:58,297 ♪ Mama won't you please, let me do the hump, hump 519 00:23:58,298 --> 00:24:00,737 ♪ Yeah, knock a rum back down 520 00:24:00,737 --> 00:24:02,217 ♪ Bust a little jiggy as the 521 00:24:02,218 --> 00:24:03,576 ♪ Drum track pounds 522 00:24:03,577 --> 00:24:05,736 ♪ Half the room are just making their own crowd 523 00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:07,297 ♪ With the other half jivin' 524 00:24:07,297 --> 00:24:08,377 ♪ I love that sound 525 00:24:08,378 --> 00:24:09,737 ♪ Yeah, yeah 526 00:24:09,737 --> 00:24:10,737 ♪ I love that sound 527 00:24:10,738 --> 00:24:11,857 ♪ Yeah, yeah 528 00:24:11,857 --> 00:24:12,937 ♪ I'll hug that sound 529 00:24:12,938 --> 00:24:15,656 ♪ So flick your fag butts at once 530 00:24:15,657 --> 00:24:17,217 ♪ On a mad one like, yeah, 531 00:24:17,217 --> 00:24:18,457 ♪ Your mama can hump. ♪ 532 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,577 Do the hump! 533 00:24:20,577 --> 00:24:22,017 Yeah! Yeah!