1
00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:05,661
Good morning.

2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,367
Good morning,
future husband.

3
00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:11,376
Oh, I can't believe
we got engaged
last night.

4
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:14,341
I can't tell
if you're hugging me

5
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:16,245
or trying to keep me
from running.

6
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:18,581
Oh, both.

7
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:21,618
Okay, why would
I run from you?

8
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,179
I mean, you're not
even family, yet.

9
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,583
So, does this mean
that you're taking
my last name?

10
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:29,661
You think I'm going
to keep the last name
Cummings?

11
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:31,652
This is so exciting.

12
00:00:31,731 --> 00:00:32,925
For the first time
in my life,

13
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:35,593
people are going to
be able to google me
without porn coming up.

14
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:36,726
(CHUCKLES)

15
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:39,931
Oh, you know what?
There's actually a porn star
with the name Whitney Miller.

16
00:00:40,006 --> 00:00:41,564
She bleaches...

17
00:00:45,111 --> 00:00:46,976
We're getting married.

18
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:48,905
So, how do you want
to do this?

19
00:00:48,982 --> 00:00:50,813
What, do you want,
like, an engagement ring
or something?

20
00:00:50,917 --> 00:00:52,509
Oh, you know what?
Ifyou're going
to do that,

21
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:55,520
I'd rather just
have the cash,
if that's cool.

22
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:57,620
All right, so, uh...

23
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:58,714
How are we going
to do this?

24
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,555
You're, like, the girl
that hates weddings.

25
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:03,892
Okay. I'm going to do
whatever you want to do.
Okay?

26
00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:06,124
Ifyou want to do it
in a church, 500 people...

27
00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:08,099
As long as
you're there, I'm there.

28
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,568
I may not be sober,
but I'm there.

29
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:12,462
I mean, I don't know.
A big wedding...

30
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:13,699
That doesn't really
sound like us. You know?

31
00:01:13,773 --> 00:01:16,071
It doesn't matter to me.
Okay.
So, what should we do?

32
00:01:16,376 --> 00:01:18,173
Oh, let's just
go down to City Hall
and knock it out.

33
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:20,212
You know?
No family, no tux,
no stupid dress.

34
00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,477
Just me and you
standing naked
in front of a judge.

35
00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:26,743
That actually won't
be the first time for me.

36
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:29,417
That's exactly why
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you.

37
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:30,820
(CHUCKLES)

38
00:01:31,124 --> 00:01:32,148
Okay, so, when?

39
00:01:33,359 --> 00:01:34,758
You know what?
This sounds kind
of crazy,

40
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:36,386
but what if we do it
tomorrow? All right?

41
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:39,364
I mean, tomorrow
will be my grandparents'
60th anniversary.

44
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,798
Okay, let's do it.
Okay.

45
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:50,969
This is so exciting.
I mean, from now on,
if you want to leave me,

46
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,742
you're going to have
to pay me.

47
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:55,839
I like it.

48
00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:57,678
Yeah, I like the way
you think.
(LAUGHS) Okay.

49
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:03,151
WHlTNEY: Whitney is taped
in front of a live
studio audience.

50
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,315
So...

51
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:08,919
Dude, I don't know
what to do about
this Roxanne situation.

52
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,986
I mean, I can't
stop thinking about her.

53
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,361
It's really
pissing me off.

54
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:16,166
It is so weird that
you are into her.

55
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,464
You know,
Lily's almost home.

56
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:19,402
Talk to her about it.
She'll know what to do.

57
00:02:19,506 --> 00:02:21,838
Oh, dude, you and
Lily's relationship
is so weird.

58
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,569
I mean,
you were engaged,
you broke up,

59
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,043
you come out as bi,
gay, whatever,

60
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,876
and... And now,
you just hang out
at her apartment

61
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,472
when she's not home?
Yeah.

62
00:02:30,550 --> 00:02:33,075
I feel like
our relationship could
probably win Sundance.

63
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,451
Hi.
Oh, hey, Lil. Uh...

64
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:38,880
Mark and I have
something to talk
to you about.

65
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:41,358
Oh. Oh, I know
you two are hooking up.

66
00:02:41,628 --> 00:02:43,027
What?
No, we're not.

67
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,887
Oh, never mind.
What's up?

68
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:48,229
I'm having this
weird thing going on
with Roxanne.

69
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,997
I think I have
feelings for her.

70
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,196
What?

71
00:02:52,739 --> 00:02:55,902
You like Roxanne?
How is that possible?

72
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:58,637
She's over 30
and has her own car.

73
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,579
I know. It doesn't
make any sense.

74
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,881
Oh, my God. Did...
Did you just find out
about this, too?

75
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,076
Yes.

76
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:08,748
No. Wow.

77
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:12,188
Now that we're not engaged,
I have lost all interest
in lying to you.

78
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,559
You guys, I think
about her a lot.

79
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,061
Like, I'll see a cute baby
and I'll be, like...

80
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,325
"Oh, Roxanne
would hate that."

81
00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:21,728
Or, like,
"Look at that alley.

82
00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:24,361
"Roxanne is probably
sleeping in it."

83
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,300
You know, Mark,
maybe this is happening

84
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,363
because you haven't
hooked up with anyone
for a while.

85
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,903
Yeah,
maybe you're frustrated.

86
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,170
But Roxanne
is the reason

87
00:03:31,244 --> 00:03:32,541
I haven't hooked up
with anybody.

88
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:34,136
I compare every girl
I meet to her.

89
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,945
Oh, God, Mark.
Nut up. Okay?

90
00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,382
Roxanne has been
through too much.

91
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,386
The last thing she needs
is you messing
with her head.

92
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:43,046
So, get over it.

93
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,757
Okay. No, you're right.
I'll shake it off.

94
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,953
I'm lrish Catholic.
I've repressed feelings
all my life.

95
00:03:49,429 --> 00:03:51,920
Good. Because
after our breakup

96
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:55,126
and Neal flying
half a rainbow flag,

97
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,733
our group can't take
any more stress.

98
00:03:57,804 --> 00:04:00,136
No... You know,
no more big life events.

99
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:02,003
No more bombs are
allowed to be dropped.

100
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,932
Guys, guess what!

101
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,034
We're getting married!

102
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,373
Tomorrow!

103
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:15,049
All right.
Here we are.

104
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,817
Uh, so, window three
is for marriage licenses.

105
00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,415
It's two down from
the D.U.I. window.

106
00:04:21,227 --> 00:04:22,216
What? I know.
I told them.

107
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:24,627
They should just
combine the two.

108
00:04:24,998 --> 00:04:27,831
(LAUGHS) Okay.
You guys get in line.
We'll be there in a sec.

109
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,265
Okay.
Whoo!

110
00:04:29,335 --> 00:04:30,962
(LAUGHlNG)
Oh, you're
getting married.

111
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:32,664
Oh, my God.
What?

112
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,037
We forgot flowers.
You need flowers.

113
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,542
You know what?
I've got some pot
in my glove compartment.

114
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,868
Oh, wait.
Do we have
the stuff for...

115
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,641
What is it?
The thing with
something old,

116
00:04:41,714 --> 00:04:43,204
something new,
something borrowed,
something blue...

117
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,444
Um, okay. Okay.
This dress is new.

118
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:48,715
And I plan on
returning it tomorrow,
so it is also borrowed.

119
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,812
(LAUGHS)
Nice.

120
00:04:49,889 --> 00:04:51,220
Okay. What about
old or blue?

121
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,020
Okay, I don't have
anything old.

122
00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,583
But I did tell Alex
no sex until
after the wedding,

123
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,721
so he's got two things
that are blue.

124
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,162
(LAUGHS)
Thank you.

125
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:02,830
Dude, you gave me
no time to throw you
a bachelor party.

126
00:05:02,902 --> 00:05:06,497
Luckily, I have pictures
of naked girls
on my phone.

127
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:08,105
(CHUCKLlNG)

128
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,276
Party's over.
All right.
Good luck.

129
00:05:11,844 --> 00:05:13,505
Should have been me,
but it's fine.

130
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:15,342
I mean, I think
we can all agree
that it's weird

131
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:16,677
Whitney's getting married
before me, but...

132
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,812
I'm good.
I'm going to go
get that pot, so...

133
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:22,513
ALlClA: Next.

134
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:23,987
Hi.
Hi. How can
I help you?

135
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,288
Hey. I am tired
of getting free milk

136
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:30,056
and I would like to
purchase this cow.

137
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,759
Okay. I'm going
to need to see
two forms of l.D.

138
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:38,133
Okay.
From you and
your lovely cow.

139
00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:39,601
(CLEARS THROAT)

140
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,137
All right.

141
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:44,173
This driver's license
is expired.

142
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:45,769
What?
Yeah.

143
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,107
You need a current
driver's license

144
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,613
ifyou want
to get married.

145
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,512
And also to, you know,
be a person.

146
00:05:50,583 --> 00:05:51,675
I mean, I don't...
Ugh!

147
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,513
Do you have
another form of l.D.?

148
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,184
Oh. Uh, do you have
your social security card?

149
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,721
(SCOFFS)

150
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,252
What... What do we do?

151
00:06:01,327 --> 00:06:02,351
You need to go
to the D.M.V.

152
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:03,986
and renew your license
so you can get married.

153
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:06,661
Oh, come on.
Don't you have, like,
a database or something

154
00:06:06,733 --> 00:06:08,360
where you can look
that stuff up online?

155
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,627
Sir, this is City Hall.

156
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:13,563
(LAUGHlNG) We...
We don't have
the lnternet.

157
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,101
Next.

158
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,270
How do you fail
a multiple choice
driving test?

159
00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:22,712
(SlGHS)
You've been driving
for 13 years.

160
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:25,444
Okay. Every question
was about school zones
and school buses.

161
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,282
I mean, you have
to be a pedophile
to pass that thing.

162
00:06:28,354 --> 00:06:30,652
All right. Well, now,
you can't take the test
for another three weeks.

163
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,122
So, there goes that.
Okay, no.

164
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:33,590
We are going to
get married today.
Okay?

165
00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:35,593
I just need to figure out
another form of l.D.

166
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,124
All right.
Well, it's already 4:00.

167
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:38,185
So, we only have
an hour left.

168
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:41,025
I'll call my dad.
He'll fax me
my birth certificate.

169
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,202
Uh, no.
We don't want to
risk him coming.

170
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,896
Because
that will ruin...

171
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:46,264
What we're
already ruining.

172
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:47,532
Okay. First of all,
he's my dad.

173
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,336
He was barely there
when I was conceived.

174
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,234
Second, he's in Arizona.

175
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,801
He would never
make it in time.
Okay.

176
00:06:55,982 --> 00:06:57,916
Dad. Hey.
It's Whitney.

177
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:00,049
Cummings.

178
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,416
Uh, I need you to fax me
my birth certificate

179
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:05,548
because I'm here with Alex
and we are getting married.

180
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:07,889
So... Okay.

181
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:12,156
Great. Great.
Okay. Thank you.

182
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:13,764
Okay, bye.

183
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:15,825
Well, that was easy.

184
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:17,764
Yeah, uh, well,
he is not going
to fax it.

185
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,304
We have to
go pick it up.

186
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:22,138
Well... In Arizona?

187
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:24,403
No. He's here.
In Chicago.

188
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,078
Come on.
I'll scream in the car.

189
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:30,007
Ugh.

190
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,587
Dad.
Oh.

191
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,558
Hi.
Here comes the bug...

192
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,417
(VOCALlZlNG)

193
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:45,396
And Mr. Groom Bug.
I can't believe it.

194
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:48,096
My daughter's
first marriage.

195
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,002
Vince, I thought you said
we were meeting
at your office.

196
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,504
Oh, this is it.
I move around too much
to sign a lease.

197
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:54,801
Look at this place.

198
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:58,401
I got everything I need.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.

199
00:07:58,878 --> 00:07:59,970
Ha.
(CHUCKLlNG)

200
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,541
So, uh, we really need
that birth certificate.

201
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:02,638
We're kind of
in a hurry.

202
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,878
Oh, right, right, right.
One certificate of birth
coming right up.

203
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,977
I've got the corporate
headquarters right here.

204
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,546
All right. And, uh...

205
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:15,320
Now, just wait
one hot doggone minute.

206
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:18,394
If you want to
marry my daughter,

207
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,726
you're going to have
to ask me properly
for permission.

208
00:08:21,467 --> 00:08:22,456
Dad.

209
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,093
Go see if there's some
loose change in that
vending machine over there.

210
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,464
Ugh!

211
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:28,671
Just like old times.

212
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,204
Uh, you know,
I'm sorry, Vince.

213
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:34,144
Um... May I have
your daughter's hand
in marriage?

214
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:35,840
For a price.

215
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:39,279
I'm kidding.
(LAUGHlNG)
Oh, okay. I don't...

216
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:42,686
You know,
before I give you
my permission, though,

217
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:45,553
I just want to
make sure you're in it
for the long haul.

218
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:50,028
I mean, Whitney,
for... For whatever reason,
has trouble trusting men.

219
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,154
And...
Hmm.

220
00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,425
You know, I blame
the public school system.

221
00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:56,796
Yeah. Yeah. I...
I promise, I am.

222
00:08:56,936 --> 00:08:58,733
Well, you better be.

223
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:00,770
Because if you ever
hurt her,

224
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,604
I've got a guy
who is available
at a moment's notice.

225
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:06,144
In three-to-five years.

226
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,214
Okay. Understood.
Yes, sir.

227
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,408
All right.
Congratulations.

228
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:15,613
You are the proud owner
of one Whitney Cummings.

229
00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:17,849
As is. No returns.

230
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,882
Okay. Okay, we can still
make it back by 5:00.

231
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:21,949
Yeah.
Whoa.

232
00:09:22,028 --> 00:09:23,393
You... You want to
get married today?
Yeah.

233
00:09:23,462 --> 00:09:27,489
No. City Hall closes
at 4:30 on Tuesdays.

234
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:30,295
(GROANS)
No. Ugh.

235
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:32,437
Now, we can't get
married until tomorrow.

236
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:33,494
(GRUNTS)

237
00:09:33,706 --> 00:09:35,867
Oh, I can't
make it tomorrow.

238
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:39,071
I promise I'll be
at the next one.

239
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,178
Hi.
Hey, is Roxanne here?

240
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,615
No, she's not.

241
00:09:45,685 --> 00:09:48,051
Mark, you are
obsessed, man.
Let it go.

242
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,645
Oh, no, I have.
Actually, I realized
I don't like her at all.

243
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,052
Like is something
that's supposed to
make you happy.

244
00:09:52,124 --> 00:09:53,648
She's making me
miserable.

245
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,994
So, where is big,
fat Roxanne, anyway?

246
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:57,623
She's on a date.

247
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,956
Okay. Okay. See that?
Now, that makes me
nauseous.

248
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,827
(EXHALES)
I really do hate
that woman.

249
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:07,038
Oh, God.
Oh, no. Mark.

250
00:10:07,573 --> 00:10:09,040
I think you might be
in love with her.

251
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:12,839
What? Well, then,
I have been lied to.

252
00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:17,648
By Rachel McAdams
and Babyface...

253
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:20,879
(CHUCKLlNG)
Oh, hey, guys.

254
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,887
Everybody,
this is Nick.

255
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:24,113
Hey.

256
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,415
Nick, huh?
Uh-huh.

257
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,560
What are you doing, man?

258
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:31,092
You're bringing a girl home
at 9:00 at night.
Are you loco?

259
00:10:31,230 --> 00:10:33,790
(LAUGHS) What?
Mark, what the hell?
Calm down.

260
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,000
You stay out ofthis.

261
00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,336
Okay. I'm going
to head out.

262
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:40,702
(LAUGHlNG) Okay.
So, it was...

263
00:10:40,773 --> 00:10:42,604
Ooh. Keep it
in your pants, man.
(LAUGHlNG)

264
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,904
She, uh...
She said goodbye.

265
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,606
What...
Okay, Nick,
I'll call...

266
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:50,505
Mark...
Are you okay?

267
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,807
What? Of course I'm okay.
Are you insane?

268
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:53,943
Did he hurt you?

269
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,317
What? Did Mark see
Drive again?

270
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,720
Uh, Mark has something
that he needs to tell you.

271
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,491
Yeah, we'll...
We'll give you two
some space.

272
00:11:05,564 --> 00:11:06,758
(EXHALES)

273
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:10,199
Okay. Mark,
what's going on?

274
00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:12,260
Why are you
acting like this?

275
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,568
Wait, did l...
Did I do something wrong?

276
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,139
Yes.
You're in my brain.

277
00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:18,437
Get out.

278
00:11:19,378 --> 00:11:20,470
What?

279
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,278
I think about you
all the time.

280
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:29,684
I'm always thinking
of things to...
To make you laugh.

281
00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:35,350
Those, uh...
Those fancy wine glasses
that I have at my apartment?

282
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:36,793
Those weren't
from my aunt.

283
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,853
I got those for you,
so that you would
have something

284
00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:41,126
to drink out of
when you come over.

285
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,136
And this morning,
there was a woman
in the grocery store.

286
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:49,334
She smelled like you,
and so I followed her
around for half an hour.

287
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,110
Wow. Wow, um...

288
00:11:54,413 --> 00:11:57,246
Wow, I don't know even...
I don't even know
what to say.

289
00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,485
Lily thinks
I'm in love with you.

290
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,850
What do you think?

291
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:07,721
Mark. Um...

292
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,623
We're friends.
You know?

293
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:16,157
And I don't think
we should be anything
more than that.

294
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:20,331
Coo.

295
00:12:21,974 --> 00:12:23,134
Coo.

296
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:25,737
Mark,
I'm really
sorry. I...

297
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:28,405
No. No, no, no.
No way, Jose.

298
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:30,978
Come on, Mark.
No, no.
I'm totally fine, Jose.

299
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:42,254
It's impossible to
make an honest woman
out of you.

300
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:43,727
(LAUGHS)

301
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:47,425
I'm sorry. But tomorrow
we are going to
get married so hard.

302
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,967
Oh, yeah? Um...
(CLEARlNG THROAT)

303
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,901
Hey, listen,
I know you said

304
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,234
you didn't want me
to get you a ring,

305
00:12:54,306 --> 00:12:56,399
but I figure since
we're getting married
tomorrow anyway,

306
00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:59,740
I might as well
stop caring about
what you want now.

307
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,342
Oh, my God.

308
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:05,881
Now, before you say
that this isn't us,

309
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:09,580
I want you to know
that this little diamond
right here is just like you.

310
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:13,421
It's hard and pretty
and full of flaws.

311
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:18,428
Oh, my God.
It's beautiful.

312
00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,866
Ah, it's too small.
It doesn't fit.

313
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,902
Oh, no. I got it.
(SPlTS)

314
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,232
Classy.

315
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:29,639
Oh, my God.

316
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,834
Did you just get this
so that guys wouldn't
hit on me?

317
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,002
No, your personality
does that already.

318
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,137
(LAUGHS)

319
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,880
Oh, my God.

320
00:13:38,951 --> 00:13:41,044
I kind of get the whole
ring thing now.

321
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,920
I mean, I don't get
the posting 500 photos of it
on Facebook, but...

322
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,016
I do kind ofwant to
show this to a couple
of girls I hate.

323
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:51,054
I love you.
I love you.

324
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,995
Ah. You know, uh...
I know we said

325
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:59,502
we weren't going
to have sex until
the wedding, but...

326
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,633
I did buy you a ring.

327
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:08,305
(SCREAMS)

328
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:10,137
Oh! Why did
you do that?

329
00:14:10,216 --> 00:14:11,547
Oh, my God.
You okay?

330
00:14:11,884 --> 00:14:13,647
Did you lose weight?
I'm fine.

331
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:14,947
Are you okay?
Are you sure?
I'm fine.

332
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,146
Okay. All right.
Okay, okay.

333
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:17,211
Ah.
All right.

334
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,984
I was dropped like that
all the time as a kid.

335
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:20,719
Okay.
Oh, my God.
My ring.

336
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:23,051
(SCREAMlNG)

337
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,161
(BOTH SCREAMlNG)

338
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,002
How come we can't talk
about getting married

339
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,630
without winding up
in the hospital?

340
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,104
We've got to move.
We've got to
cut this ring off

341
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,164
or we're going to
lose the finger.

342
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:39,404
No. That's my
engagement ring.
Alex gave me that.

343
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,169
Ma'am,
your finger is dying.

344
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,739
Look, Whit, it's just...
Come on. Shut up.
It's just a stupid ring.

345
00:14:43,849 --> 00:14:44,838
Ugh.

346
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,450
Okay, but do not cut off
my middle finger.

347
00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:50,249
I need it to communicate
with strangers.

348
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:52,681
Here you go.

349
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:54,020
Thanks.

350
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,061
I'll be back
to set the finger.

351
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:57,493
(SlGHS)

352
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,024
All right, I'm sorry.
This is just so weird.

353
00:15:00,099 --> 00:15:01,191
I mean, you have
10 fingers.

354
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,565
And out of all of them,
your ring finger is
the one that breaks?

355
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,069
(SCOFFS) So?

356
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:08,504
So... I'm just saying,
it's hard not to
take it as a sign.

357
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:12,066
I mean, your finger
had an engagement ring
on it for three minutes

358
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:13,702
and it tried
to kill itself.

359
00:15:14,313 --> 00:15:16,508
Hey. The only thing
this is a sign of

360
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:19,608
is that we are going to
get so much Vicodin.

361
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:24,020
Okay. Nothing is going
to stop us now.

362
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:25,584
All right. We've got
all the documents.

363
00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,057
We've got
two forms of l.D.

364
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,423
We've got
all 20 fingers.

365
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:31,088
And another line
to wait in.

366
00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:35,230
God, I'd love
a place to sit.

367
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:38,498
Oh, is that something
that you could love?
You could love that?

368
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:43,137
Great. I knew
our group would
get weird.

369
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:46,200
Now, I know
what it was like
to be in No Doubt.

370
00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:47,771
Are you seriously
trying to tell me

371
00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:49,711
that the idea of us never
even crossed your mind?

372
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,545
I don't know.
Maybe once or twice.

373
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:54,017
You know?
It was when I was really
drunk and desperate.

374
00:15:54,219 --> 00:15:55,880
That's every day.

375
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,317
You know what?
You take me for granted.

376
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:02,221
Sometimes, you need
to see somebody be
with somebody else

377
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,228
to realize
that you have
feelings for them.

378
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,696
Lily? Come here.

379
00:16:06,765 --> 00:16:08,824
I need to
borrow your face.

380
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:11,997
Oh, my...

381
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:19,301
You're acting like
a crazy person.

382
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,036
Yeah, I can tell
that made you
a little bit jealous.

383
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:24,442
I know that look.

384
00:16:26,251 --> 00:16:27,582
What look?

385
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:33,189
That face you made
is the face that you make
when you're into someone.

386
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:34,247
What? Lily!

387
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,896
I... I did not
like that.

388
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:42,559
I'm just...
It was very confusing.

389
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:46,362
How is it possible
that I am the least

390
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,100
sexually confused person
in this group?

391
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:53,337
Is my middle name Ann
with an "E" or no "E"?

392
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,401
No "E."

393
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,640
I don't know.
It looks weird.

394
00:16:56,815 --> 00:17:00,182
Duration of marriage?
We have to decide that now?

395
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,649
Ten years, or...
When is our lease up?

396
00:17:05,557 --> 00:17:07,218
She gave us
divorce forms.

397
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:09,791
Ugh.

398
00:17:09,895 --> 00:17:11,021
All right. I'll go
get the right ones.

399
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:12,085
No, wait. Wait.
Hold on.

400
00:17:12,164 --> 00:17:13,961
What are we doing?
This is crazy.

401
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,091
I love you.

402
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,657
I love you, too.
I'll be right back.
But, Whit...

403
00:17:16,735 --> 00:17:17,724
What?

404
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,161
I love you.

405
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:21,097
I love you, too.

406
00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,199
Do you have cancer?

407
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,173
No, look.
Ever since you said yes
to marrying me,

408
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:28,338
nothing has gone right.
All right?

409
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:30,813
The D.M.V.,
the emergency room,
your dad...

410
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,350
And... And now, this.

411
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:33,680
Look, maybe I do
have cancer.

412
00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:36,552
Honey, I know this is
stressful and awful,

413
00:17:36,655 --> 00:17:39,715
but I'm pretty sure
that's what marriage
is supposed to be like.

414
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:42,725
Hey, look, I know
you don't believe
in fate. All right?

415
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:45,263
But I do.
I think it was fate
that we met.

416
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,592
I think it was fate
that we fell in love.

417
00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:48,690
And... I don't know.

418
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:51,292
Now, maybe fate is trying
to tell us something here.

419
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,137
That I should have
worn underwear?

420
00:17:54,206 --> 00:17:56,174
No. (CHUCKLES)

421
00:17:58,210 --> 00:18:00,041
Look, the whole idea
of us having this wedding

422
00:18:00,112 --> 00:18:02,103
was that we wanted to find
the perfect thing for us.

423
00:18:02,514 --> 00:18:04,414
But maybe
the universe is...

424
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:07,850
Is trying to tell us that
we've already found it.

425
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:13,454
Okay. So, I've been
telling you that
for three years.

426
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:16,926
And the universe tells you
that for two days,
and you listen to it?

427
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,561
You know, l...
I know you're going to
find this hard to believe,

428
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:23,533
but I think that the universe
is actually louder than you.

429
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,728
(LAUGHS)

430
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:28,137
Honey, the reason
I wanted to marry you

431
00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:30,607
is 'cause I know
it's important to you.

432
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:35,306
I wanted you to know that
even though sometimes
I suck at this...

433
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:36,779
I'm not going anywhere.

434
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:39,747
Well, I know that now.

435
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:42,412
I just want what we had
two days ago...

436
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:43,716
Forever.

437
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,316
You mean,
us not married.

438
00:18:47,292 --> 00:18:50,386
Yeah. Us, not married,
at home, in sweats,

439
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:53,260
with your finger
not broken,
and having had sex.

440
00:18:54,533 --> 00:18:55,966
Okay.
But we did all this.

441
00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:57,899
We came all the way
down here,

442
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,301
and we're five minutes away
from getting married,

443
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,395
and we're just going
to bail on it.

444
00:19:01,573 --> 00:19:05,839
Oh, my God.
That is so us.

445
00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:08,875
Yeah, that is so us.

446
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,709
(CHUCKLES)

447
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:20,015
You know,
I have an idea

448
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:22,526
for something
that's even more
permanent than this.

449
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,364
So, do you really want
to do this?

450
00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:31,595
I do.

451
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:33,363
Do you really
want to do this?

452
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,431
I do.

453
00:19:35,574 --> 00:19:37,303
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYlNG)

454
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:06,362
Hi.

455
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,664
Hi.

456
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:15,137
Don't fall in love
with me.

457
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,272
Okay, I won't.

458
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:24,147
(CHUCKLES)