1 00:00:02,901 --> 00:00:05,120 Oh, my God. I love this chicken. 2 00:00:05,122 --> 00:00:06,705 Oh, you know what they say, 3 00:00:06,707 --> 00:00:10,208 best things in life are free. 4 00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:12,177 Okay, you're right. I eat your food a lot. 5 00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:13,128 Now, how about this? 6 00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,929 You can raid my fridge anytime you want. 7 00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,715 Oh, that's very kind of you. 8 00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,884 Next time I have a hankering to wash down a D-cell battery 9 00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,553 with a jar of old pickle juice, 10 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,972 I'll come a-knockin'. 11 00:00:23,974 --> 00:00:26,141 Hey, Raj, you didn't send your RSVP in. 12 00:00:26,143 --> 00:00:29,060 I'm suppose to ask you if you're bringing someone to the wedding. 13 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,862 I'll let you know. 14 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:32,197 Well, can you make it soon? 15 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,232 There's a battle royale going on over the seating charts. 16 00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:37,935 In one corner, Bernadette's mom, in the other three, mine. 17 00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,789 Yeah, I hate wedding receptions. 18 00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:42,207 Yeah, I wish the bride and groom 19 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,625 would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins. 20 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:46,795 Slip on the ring, disappear, and everyone goes home. 21 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,631 Mm, you liked Professor Geyser's wedding. 22 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:52,200 They had a make-your-own-sundae bar. 23 00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:54,586 Oh, that was a night to remember. 24 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:59,090 Do you know, on one trip, I just had a bowl of nuts. 25 00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,843 Anyway, you got to let me know if you have a plus one. 26 00:01:01,845 --> 00:01:04,145 Because if not, my mom's trying to sneak in the doctor 27 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,598 who sucked the fat out of her neck. 28 00:01:10,152 --> 00:01:11,653 All right, uh, fine. 29 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,655 I'm coming and I'm bringing somebody. 30 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,106 Uh, Koothrappali plus one. 31 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:15,973 Who you bringing? 32 00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,075 Who are you bringing?! 33 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,362 He's bringing me; who are you bringing? 34 00:01:20,364 --> 00:01:24,148 Wow, what a bunch of Nosey O'Donnells. 35 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,683 Come on, who is it? 36 00:01:25,685 --> 00:01:27,535 I'm not telling. 37 00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:30,588 I'm from Asia, I'm mysterious, deal with it. 38 00:01:31,657 --> 00:01:34,342 Howard aren't having a make-your-own-sundae bar? 39 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:36,177 I don't think so. 40 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:37,212 Well, you should. 41 00:01:37,214 --> 00:01:39,264 50% of marriages end in divorce, 44 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:51,226 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 45 00:01:51,228 --> 00:01:52,777 ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ 46 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,096 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 47 00:01:55,098 --> 00:01:57,732 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 48 00:01:57,734 --> 00:02:00,468 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 49 00:02:00,470 --> 00:02:02,353 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 50 00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,622 ♪ Bang! ♪ 51 00:02:04,647 --> 00:02:07,947 The Big Bang Theory 5x20 The Transporter Malfunction Original Air Date on March 29, 2012 52 00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:11,248 == sync, corrected by elderman == 53 00:02:11,267 --> 00:02:13,401 Hello, Mummy, Daddy. How are you? 54 00:02:13,403 --> 00:02:15,486 Pretty good. Can't complain. 55 00:02:15,488 --> 00:02:17,055 Oh, I'm sure you can. 56 00:02:17,057 --> 00:02:19,724 Just give it a minute. 57 00:02:19,726 --> 00:02:21,142 Listen, uh, 58 00:02:21,144 --> 00:02:23,361 there's something I want to talk to you about. 59 00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:25,914 I wasn't ready until now, but... 60 00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,481 I think it's time. 61 00:02:27,483 --> 00:02:29,033 It's finally happening. 62 00:02:29,035 --> 00:02:31,636 You're coming out of the closet, aren't you? 63 00:02:32,688 --> 00:02:35,540 We love you, and we accept your alternate lifestyle. 64 00:02:35,542 --> 00:02:38,860 Just... keep it to yourself. 65 00:02:38,862 --> 00:02:41,579 No, I'm not gay. 66 00:02:42,298 --> 00:02:44,682 If anything, I'm metrosexual. 67 00:02:44,684 --> 00:02:45,817 What's that? 68 00:02:45,819 --> 00:02:47,518 It means I like women 69 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,771 as well as their skin-care products. 70 00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:51,489 Well, if you're not coming out, 71 00:02:51,491 --> 00:02:54,425 why did you call us during the cricket semifinals? 72 00:02:54,427 --> 00:02:57,562 I'm tired of trying to meet someone, 73 00:02:57,564 --> 00:03:01,282 and I think I'd like you to help me find a... 74 00:03:01,284 --> 00:03:03,151 a wife. 75 00:03:03,153 --> 00:03:05,169 And just to clarify... 76 00:03:05,171 --> 00:03:06,938 a female wife? 77 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:09,290 Yes! 78 00:03:09,292 --> 00:03:12,293 Matchmaking-- very smart move, son. 79 00:03:12,295 --> 00:03:14,445 Much better than marrying for love. 80 00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:21,853 We married for love. 81 00:03:21,855 --> 00:03:25,523 And it's been wonderful! 82 00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:32,046 Quantum physics makes me so happy. 83 00:03:32,048 --> 00:03:33,398 Yeah, I'm glad. 84 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,084 It's like looking at the universe naked. 85 00:03:43,860 --> 00:03:45,743 Hi. Guys got a minute? 86 00:03:45,745 --> 00:03:46,995 Sure. What's up? 87 00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:49,563 Well, I was thinking about Sheldon's little joke 88 00:03:49,565 --> 00:03:51,699 the other night about me eating all your food. 89 00:03:51,701 --> 00:03:53,868 Oh! That was no joke. But... 90 00:03:54,753 --> 00:03:55,870 I understand your confusion, 91 00:03:55,872 --> 00:03:57,956 as I am our group's resident cutup. 92 00:03:59,591 --> 00:04:00,692 I'm sorry, 93 00:04:00,694 --> 00:04:02,593 you are our resident cutup? 94 00:04:02,595 --> 00:04:04,929 Yes. 95 00:04:04,931 --> 00:04:06,914 Oh, prove it. 96 00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:07,966 Knock-knock. 97 00:04:07,968 --> 00:04:09,634 - Who's there? - Interrupting physicist. 98 00:04:09,636 --> 00:04:12,553 Interrupting phys... Muon! 99 00:04:15,307 --> 00:04:17,925 Anyway, I got a little residual check from my commercial, 100 00:04:17,927 --> 00:04:20,078 and I thought, hey, how about I get the guys 101 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:22,430 a little thank you to pay them back? 102 00:04:22,432 --> 00:04:23,264 So, Sheldon... 103 00:04:23,266 --> 00:04:25,066 ta-da! 104 00:04:25,068 --> 00:04:27,768 A vintage mint-in-box 105 00:04:27,770 --> 00:04:30,771 1975 Mego Star Trek Transporter 106 00:04:30,773 --> 00:04:32,240 with real transporter action. 107 00:04:32,242 --> 00:04:34,108 Hot darn! 108 00:04:34,110 --> 00:04:36,744 Where did you get that? 109 00:04:36,746 --> 00:04:38,212 From Stuart, at the comic book store. 110 00:04:38,214 --> 00:04:41,299 You went to the comic book store by yourself? 111 00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:42,967 Yeah. It was fun. 112 00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:46,304 I walked in, and two different guys got asthma attacks. 113 00:04:47,306 --> 00:04:49,290 Felt pretty good. 114 00:04:49,292 --> 00:04:51,809 This calls for an expression of gratitude. 115 00:04:51,811 --> 00:04:54,562 Ooh, am I about to get a rare Sheldon Cooper hug? 116 00:04:54,564 --> 00:04:56,898 No, not this time. Then they wouldn't be special. 117 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:58,299 Thanks, Penny. 118 00:05:00,185 --> 00:05:01,652 You're welcome. 119 00:05:01,654 --> 00:05:03,654 Don't worry, I didn't forget about you. 120 00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:04,972 Oh... 121 00:05:04,974 --> 00:05:07,191 Leonard, I got you... 122 00:05:07,193 --> 00:05:09,093 a label-maker! 123 00:05:14,983 --> 00:05:18,152 Wow... 124 00:05:18,154 --> 00:05:19,537 No, it's great. 125 00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:22,490 - Also mint-in-box. - Mm. 126 00:05:22,492 --> 00:05:24,842 And I got you a transporter, too! 127 00:05:24,844 --> 00:05:26,377 Awesome! 128 00:05:29,882 --> 00:05:32,133 Look, it was actually designed for 129 00:05:32,135 --> 00:05:33,667 my vintage Mr. Spock action figure. 130 00:05:33,669 --> 00:05:35,920 Oh, that's great! Let's open them up and put him in there. 131 00:05:35,922 --> 00:05:37,972 - Open it?! - Oh, good Lord, no! 132 00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:40,191 Why? They're just toys. 133 00:05:40,193 --> 00:05:42,360 - They're collectibles. - They're mint-in-box. 134 00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:44,112 Come on. Can't we open one up and take a look? 135 00:05:44,114 --> 00:05:46,347 No, don't! 136 00:05:46,349 --> 00:05:49,484 Once you open the box, it loses its value. 137 00:05:49,486 --> 00:05:52,820 Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. 138 00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:56,824 Gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun 139 00:05:56,826 --> 00:05:59,010 taking it out and playing with it. 140 00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:04,365 Are you sure you want us here when you meet this woman? 141 00:06:04,367 --> 00:06:05,333 Oh, yes. 142 00:06:05,335 --> 00:06:06,501 In my culture, it's expected 143 00:06:06,503 --> 00:06:08,503 to have a chaperone to oversee a first date. 144 00:06:08,505 --> 00:06:11,089 Plus, I want to make a good impression, and no offense, 145 00:06:11,091 --> 00:06:14,842 but with you guys here, I look like I'm six-two. 146 00:06:16,345 --> 00:06:19,347 The nuns always chaperoned the dances at my high school. 147 00:06:19,349 --> 00:06:23,484 They used to make us leave room between us for the Holy Spirit. 148 00:06:23,486 --> 00:06:25,019 Uh, Hindus do the same thing. 149 00:06:25,021 --> 00:06:28,022 Except they leave room for a cow. 150 00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:31,576 Listen, I love your charming racist humor, but any chance 151 00:06:31,578 --> 00:06:33,945 you could not mock my religion while she's here? 152 00:06:33,947 --> 00:06:36,164 Yesterday, you made fun of me for eating lox. 153 00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,166 It's different, your people don't worship lox. 154 00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:41,219 Clearly, you've never been to brunch with my cousins. 155 00:06:42,337 --> 00:06:44,122 So, arranged marriages-- the parents just decide 156 00:06:44,124 --> 00:06:45,923 and then you have to get married? 157 00:06:45,925 --> 00:06:47,842 No, no, I get a say in it. 158 00:06:47,844 --> 00:06:50,044 But I'm sure whoever shows up will be better company 159 00:06:50,046 --> 00:06:51,379 than the threesome I've been having 160 00:06:51,381 --> 00:06:53,931 with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth. 161 00:06:55,851 --> 00:06:57,552 Excuse me, are you Rajesh? 162 00:06:57,554 --> 00:06:58,436 Ah, yes. 163 00:06:58,438 --> 00:06:59,470 You must be Lakshmi. 164 00:06:59,472 --> 00:07:00,754 Uh, nice to meet you. 165 00:07:00,756 --> 00:07:02,223 Nice to meet you, too. 166 00:07:03,109 --> 00:07:04,592 Oh! These are my friends. 167 00:07:04,594 --> 00:07:06,277 - This is Bernadette. - Hello. 168 00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,146 - And this is Howard. - Nice to meet you. 169 00:07:08,148 --> 00:07:10,698 - You, too. - Please, have a seat. 170 00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:13,401 I'm thinking double wedding. 171 00:07:17,739 --> 00:07:20,825 Dr. Cooper. 172 00:07:22,628 --> 00:07:25,763 Dr. Cooper? 173 00:07:25,765 --> 00:07:26,998 Is someone there? 174 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:29,600 Down here. On your desk. 175 00:07:33,455 --> 00:07:35,289 Spock? 176 00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:38,159 I need to speak with you. 177 00:07:38,161 --> 00:07:41,295 Fascinating. 178 00:07:41,297 --> 00:07:44,649 The only logical explanation is that this is a dream. 179 00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:47,485 It is not the only logical explanation. 180 00:07:47,487 --> 00:07:50,054 For example, you could be hallucinating 181 00:07:50,056 --> 00:07:54,559 after being hit on the head by, say, a coconut. 182 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:58,312 Was I hit on the head by a coconut? 183 00:07:58,314 --> 00:08:02,283 I am not going to dignify that with a response. 184 00:08:03,535 --> 00:08:04,735 Now to the matter at hand. 185 00:08:04,737 --> 00:08:07,305 You need to play with the transporter toy. 186 00:08:07,307 --> 00:08:08,756 But it's mint-in-box. 187 00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:09,907 Yes. 188 00:08:09,909 --> 00:08:11,993 And to open it would destroy its value. 189 00:08:11,995 --> 00:08:14,946 But remember, like me, 190 00:08:14,948 --> 00:08:17,014 you also have a human half. 191 00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:21,001 Well, I'm not going to dignify that with a response. 192 00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:23,421 Consider this. 193 00:08:23,423 --> 00:08:25,289 What is the purpose of a toy? 194 00:08:25,291 --> 00:08:26,691 To be played with. 195 00:08:26,693 --> 00:08:29,694 Therefore, to not play with it would be...? 196 00:08:29,696 --> 00:08:31,195 Illogical. 197 00:08:31,197 --> 00:08:34,848 Damn it, Spock, you're right. 198 00:08:34,850 --> 00:08:37,118 I'll do it. 199 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,686 Sheldon, wait. 200 00:08:39,605 --> 00:08:41,239 You have to wake up first. 201 00:08:41,241 --> 00:08:43,357 Oh, of course. 202 00:08:43,359 --> 00:08:46,677 Set phasers to dumb, right? 203 00:08:47,663 --> 00:08:49,363 Goodie, goodie, goodie! 204 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,167 This is wrong, this is wrong. 205 00:08:53,169 --> 00:08:55,720 I'm so excited, but this is wrong. 206 00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:00,341 I'm going to do it. 207 00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:02,093 I'm doing it. 208 00:09:02,095 --> 00:09:04,145 I did it. 209 00:09:08,718 --> 00:09:11,569 That's what I always thought 1975 smelled like. 210 00:09:14,656 --> 00:09:17,992 One to beam down, Mr. Scott. 211 00:09:17,994 --> 00:09:19,827 Aye, aye, Mr. Spock. 212 00:09:19,829 --> 00:09:21,362 Energize. 213 00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:26,851 Energize. 214 00:09:36,878 --> 00:09:38,462 No. No. 215 00:09:38,464 --> 00:09:40,464 Don't be broken. 216 00:09:40,466 --> 00:09:43,100 Oh, please, don't be broken. 217 00:09:44,919 --> 00:09:48,055 What did you make me do?! 218 00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:51,359 Okay, okay, think. 219 00:09:57,783 --> 00:09:59,984 It's only logical. 220 00:10:04,686 --> 00:10:05,572 My goodness, 221 00:10:05,573 --> 00:10:07,189 that was delicious. 222 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,992 Well, I hope you saved room for chocolate lava cake. 223 00:10:10,994 --> 00:10:12,543 Impressive. 224 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,997 What goes into making something like that? 225 00:10:14,999 --> 00:10:16,715 Well, you start out by trying to 226 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:19,768 make chocolate soufflé, and when it falls, you panic, 227 00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:22,671 quickly change the name, and voila, lava cake. 228 00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:26,975 I bet our parents are dying to know how things are going here. 229 00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:28,927 Well, let's see. 230 00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:32,097 Yep, three missed calls. 231 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,899 Four missed calls, two text messages 232 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,967 and a failed video chat. I win! 233 00:10:37,521 --> 00:10:40,239 So, what are we going to tell them? 234 00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:43,075 I'd like to tell them things are going well. 235 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,243 Me, too. 236 00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,911 But before we get their hopes up, 237 00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,363 we should probably make sure we're on the same page. 238 00:10:48,365 --> 00:10:50,282 Okay. 239 00:10:50,284 --> 00:10:52,668 What page are you on? 240 00:10:52,670 --> 00:10:53,952 I'm on the one 241 00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:56,121 where I'm under a lot of pressure 242 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:58,657 from my parents to get married and settle down 243 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,292 and have a family, 244 00:11:00,294 --> 00:11:03,445 and I'm going to do it so they don't find out I'm gay. 245 00:11:05,114 --> 00:11:07,516 Say again? 246 00:11:07,518 --> 00:11:08,850 I'm gay. 247 00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:11,620 Like... dude-on-dude, 248 00:11:11,622 --> 00:11:14,256 but with women? 249 00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:16,725 I know a fake marriage isn't an honest way to live, 250 00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:19,177 but you of all people should know how difficult it is 251 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,679 to come out in our culture. 252 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,515 Why me of all people?! 253 00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,968 Well, there's a rumor back in New Delhi that you're-- 254 00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:27,469 how shall we say-- 255 00:11:27,471 --> 00:11:30,122 comfortable in a sari. 256 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,207 I'm not gay! 257 00:11:32,209 --> 00:11:33,709 Really? The chocolate lava cake, 258 00:11:33,711 --> 00:11:36,378 the little soaps in the bathroom, and I'm sorry, 259 00:11:36,380 --> 00:11:39,081 but you're wearing more perfume than I am. 260 00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:43,552 That's Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar. 261 00:11:43,554 --> 00:11:46,254 And for your information, it's unisex. 262 00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:47,973 Fill in the blank. 263 00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,708 I love the nightlife... 264 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:51,159 I like to boogie. 265 00:11:51,161 --> 00:11:52,210 Got you. 266 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,847 With women! I like to boogie with women! 267 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,783 That's disappointing. 268 00:11:57,785 --> 00:12:00,485 You were exactly the kind of phony-baloney husband 269 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,054 I was looking for. 270 00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:03,722 Thank you. 271 00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:07,693 And once again, my baloney likes girls. 272 00:12:07,695 --> 00:12:10,061 W-W-Wait! 273 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,280 You don't want to put a bite of that in your mouth 274 00:12:12,282 --> 00:12:14,716 without trying my homemade Chantilly cream. 275 00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:18,387 Yeah, okay, that time I heard it. 276 00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:34,019 Oh, dear. 277 00:12:34,021 --> 00:12:37,522 Two suns and no sunscreen. 278 00:12:42,028 --> 00:12:43,595 Hello again, Sheldon. 279 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,467 What is it now, Tiny Spock? 280 00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:50,535 I am very disappointed in you. 281 00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,138 You broke your toy and switched it with Leonard's. 282 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,507 You should be ashamed of yourself. 283 00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:58,243 You're the one who told me to play with it. 284 00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:00,545 If I told you to jump off the bridge of the Enterprise, 285 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:02,013 would you do it? 286 00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,916 Oh, if I got on the bridge of the Enterprise, 287 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,502 I would never, ever leave. 288 00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:11,656 Trust me, it gets old after a while. 289 00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:15,160 You must right your wrongs, Sheldon. 290 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,128 Why? I got away with it. 291 00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,649 Leonard has his toy, and he's never going to open it, 292 00:13:20,651 --> 00:13:22,434 so he won't know it's broken. 293 00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:24,770 And I have a toy that isn't broken. 294 00:13:24,772 --> 00:13:26,104 Everybody's happy. 295 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,856 Well, I am unhappy. 296 00:13:27,858 --> 00:13:30,792 I thought where you come from they don't have emotions. 297 00:13:30,794 --> 00:13:35,363 I come from a factory in Taiwan. 298 00:13:36,265 --> 00:13:37,833 Now, do the right thing. 299 00:13:37,835 --> 00:13:39,501 You know what you are? 300 00:13:39,503 --> 00:13:42,654 Well, you're a green-blooded buzz kill. 301 00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,156 Perhaps it's time you beam on out of here. 302 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,091 Fine. 303 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:48,243 I will just use the transporter. 304 00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:49,511 Oh, right. 305 00:13:49,513 --> 00:13:51,947 You broke it. 306 00:13:51,949 --> 00:13:54,132 Very well. 307 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:57,219 Cooper to Enterprise, one to beam up. 308 00:13:57,221 --> 00:13:59,354 Energize. 309 00:14:10,551 --> 00:14:13,502 Tiny Spock, help. 310 00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,708 Ready for lunch? 311 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,159 Yeah, one sec. 312 00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:23,378 Oh, good. Ma would've killed me 313 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:26,748 if she found out I broke my retainer. 314 00:14:28,184 --> 00:14:29,634 Hey, uh... 315 00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:32,036 can I run something by you? It's about Lakshmi. 316 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,922 Yeah, sure. How are things going? 317 00:14:33,924 --> 00:14:35,724 We hit a couple of bumps. 318 00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:36,892 She lives over in Manhattan Beach, 319 00:14:36,894 --> 00:14:39,010 so it takes, like, an hour to get there. 320 00:14:39,729 --> 00:14:41,446 And she's a lesbian. 321 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:44,599 What do you mean, "she's a lesbian"? 322 00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:46,852 Well, you know how whenever you and I would try 323 00:14:46,854 --> 00:14:49,220 to hit on women in bars and they'd blow us off 324 00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,406 and then we'd tell each other they were probably gay? 325 00:14:51,408 --> 00:14:52,407 It's like that. 326 00:14:52,409 --> 00:14:55,393 Except this time, it's true. 327 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,729 Then why did she even go out with you? 328 00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,030 She was looking 329 00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,416 for a husband so she can appear to be straight. 330 00:15:01,418 --> 00:15:02,667 And, you know, 331 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:05,287 it sounded crazy to me at first... 332 00:15:05,289 --> 00:15:08,406 but I'm actually thinking about doing it. 333 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,927 Okay, so the reason that might sound crazy... 334 00:15:11,929 --> 00:15:14,296 is 'cause it's crazy! 335 00:15:14,298 --> 00:15:16,298 Look, Howard, you're in a relationship. 336 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:18,800 You know you have to make compromises. 337 00:15:18,802 --> 00:15:21,520 Yes, but my compromises are about which bedspread to buy 338 00:15:21,522 --> 00:15:24,139 or whose turn it is to do the laundry, 339 00:15:24,141 --> 00:15:26,057 Bernadette's or my mom's. 340 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,196 It's a great deal. 341 00:15:31,198 --> 00:15:32,931 We both get our parents off our backs, 342 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,534 I don't have to come home to an empty apartment every night. 343 00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:38,203 Plus, once I'm married, I can finally eat carbs again 344 00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,956 and let myself go. 345 00:15:40,958 --> 00:15:43,274 Why don't you tell your parents 346 00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:45,660 you want to try to find someone else? 347 00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:48,713 Maybe one who hasn't slept with more woman than you. 348 00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,333 Because this one wants to marry me. 349 00:15:51,335 --> 00:15:54,285 I might never find another one who does. 350 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,471 So you're seriously thinking about marrying someone 351 00:15:56,473 --> 00:15:58,473 you're never gonna have sex with? 352 00:15:58,475 --> 00:15:59,925 I can't believe your attitude. 353 00:15:59,927 --> 00:16:03,011 I thought you were in favor of gay people getting married. 354 00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:07,265 Yes, to other gay people! 355 00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:11,453 Do you hear how homophobic you sound? 356 00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:54,679 Oh, I don't want a broken toy. 357 00:16:57,617 --> 00:17:00,535 Nothing! 358 00:17:00,537 --> 00:17:02,037 What? 359 00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:04,239 Nothing. I said nothing. 360 00:17:04,241 --> 00:17:05,240 That was weird. 361 00:17:05,242 --> 00:17:07,575 Really? I don't even notice anymore. 362 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,529 I cannot believe you guys aren't gonna play with these. 363 00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,531 Well, I told you, you don't. It's mint-in-box. 364 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,368 I don't know. I just think it's a waste. 365 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,375 Relax. I'm just looking at the box. 366 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,061 Perhaps you should look with your eyes 367 00:17:26,063 --> 00:17:29,380 and not your muscular Nebraska man hands. 368 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,383 What is your problem?! 369 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,553 My problem is that I don't want you to break Leonard's toy. 370 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,439 Which you probably did by shaking it! 371 00:17:37,441 --> 00:17:40,275 She shook it, we all saw her. 372 00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:41,576 Leonard, I bought you this 373 00:17:41,578 --> 00:17:43,611 'cause I wanted you to have fun with it. 374 00:17:43,613 --> 00:17:45,580 I don't want it to sit in this box. 375 00:17:45,582 --> 00:17:48,199 You know, you're right. 376 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,334 I mean, it's from you, 377 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:51,586 I'm never gonna sell it. 378 00:17:51,588 --> 00:17:53,071 - I'm opening it. - Yes! 379 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,185 - It's broken. - What? 380 00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,304 Oh, nice job, man hands! 381 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:11,723 I didn't break it. 382 00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:14,809 I guess Stuart sold it to me like this. 383 00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:17,395 Yes. Yes, he did. 384 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:20,865 That is a perfectly satisfying and plausible explana... 385 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,584 Let's all be mad at Stuart! 386 00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:25,453 You know, I paid a lot for this. 387 00:18:25,455 --> 00:18:27,271 Let's take it over there and show him. 388 00:18:27,273 --> 00:18:28,757 Absolutely. 389 00:18:31,077 --> 00:18:32,460 Wait! 390 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,132 It was me. 391 00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:40,468 I opened your toy... 392 00:18:40,470 --> 00:18:44,422 discovered it was broken and didn't tell you. 393 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,008 Why would you open mine? 394 00:18:47,010 --> 00:18:49,227 I didn't. That was a lie. 395 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,980 I opened my own toy... 396 00:18:51,982 --> 00:18:55,517 and it was already broken, so I switched them. 397 00:18:55,519 --> 00:18:57,986 You should talk to Stuart. 398 00:18:57,988 --> 00:19:00,088 I can't, because that was a lie. 399 00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:03,691 Yours was broken in an earthquake-- 400 00:19:03,693 --> 00:19:06,111 and that's a lie. 401 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,814 What is the truth? 402 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,584 My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream 403 00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:14,335 and forced me to open it. 404 00:19:14,337 --> 00:19:18,423 And when the toy broke, I switched it for yours. 405 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,491 Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing, 406 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,826 and I defied him. 407 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:25,130 And then I was attacked by a Gorn. 408 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,052 Okay, that I believe. 409 00:19:31,054 --> 00:19:33,504 Leonard, Penny, I just, I want you both to know 410 00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,840 that I regret my actions towards the two of you. 411 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,842 That's a lie. 412 00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,395 So, is that one mine? 413 00:19:40,397 --> 00:19:41,396 Yes. 414 00:19:41,398 --> 00:19:43,481 Well, hand it over so I can open it. 415 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,116 Okay. 416 00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,852 And, Leonard, even though I don't have one anymore, 417 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,188 I hope you have fun playing with it. 418 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:53,041 And that's a lie, right? It's a big, fat whopper. 419 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,377 I hope it breaks. 420 00:20:03,168 --> 00:20:04,243 This is a treat. 421 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,110 What brings you guys by? 422 00:20:06,112 --> 00:20:09,463 Raj, Howie told me what's going on with you and Lakshmi. 423 00:20:09,465 --> 00:20:10,998 You told her? 424 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,434 I told everybody. 425 00:20:14,786 --> 00:20:16,337 We believe there's someone out there 426 00:20:16,339 --> 00:20:17,839 who will love you for you. 427 00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,707 Actually, we kind of agreed to disagree 428 00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:21,759 on that one, but we both think 429 00:20:21,761 --> 00:20:23,994 you shouldn't marry this woman. 430 00:20:23,996 --> 00:20:26,997 So, while I'm waiting for this mysterious perfect match 431 00:20:26,999 --> 00:20:30,351 who may or may not exist, I'm supposed to just be alone? 432 00:20:30,353 --> 00:20:32,687 Not necessarily. I think 433 00:20:32,689 --> 00:20:36,607 we found someone for you to cuddle with. 434 00:20:36,609 --> 00:20:39,610 Oh, my goodness. 435 00:20:39,612 --> 00:20:43,847 Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! 436 00:20:45,033 --> 00:20:46,850 You got him for me? 437 00:20:46,852 --> 00:20:50,238 Her. We thought you two would hit it off. 438 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,689 I think we already have. 439 00:20:51,691 --> 00:20:53,524 Thank you guys so much. 440 00:20:53,778 --> 00:20:57,580 Let's go see if you fit in my man purse. 441 00:20:59,352 --> 00:21:01,218 Heterosexual, my ass. 442 00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:05,220 == sync, corrected by elderman ==