1 00:00:02,765 --> 00:00:04,984 Oh, my God. I love this chicken. 2 00:00:04,986 --> 00:00:06,569 Oh, you know what they say, 3 00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:10,072 best things in life are free. 4 00:00:10,074 --> 00:00:12,041 Okay, you're right. I eat your food a lot. 5 00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:12,992 Now, how about this? 6 00:00:12,994 --> 00:00:14,793 You can raid my fridge anytime you want. 7 00:00:14,795 --> 00:00:16,579 Oh, that's very kind of you. 8 00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:19,748 Next time I have a hankering to wash down a D-cell battery 9 00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,417 with a jar of old pickle juice, 10 00:00:21,419 --> 00:00:23,575 (clicks tongue) I'll come a-knockin'. 11 00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:26,228 Hey, Raj, you didn't send your RSVP in. 12 00:00:26,278 --> 00:00:28,848 I'm suppose to ask you if you're bringing someone to the wedding. 13 00:00:28,926 --> 00:00:30,110 I'll let you know. 14 00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:31,204 Well, can you make it soon? 15 00:00:31,204 --> 00:00:33,579 There's a battle royale going on over the seating charts. 16 00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:36,707 In one corner, Bernadette's mom, in the other three, mine. 17 00:00:37,783 --> 00:00:40,131 Yeah, I hate wedding receptions. 18 00:00:40,193 --> 00:00:41,622 Yeah, I wish the bride and groom 19 00:00:41,622 --> 00:00:43,151 would take a cue from Bilbo Baggins. 20 00:00:43,201 --> 00:00:46,369 Slip on the ring, disappear, and everyone goes home. 21 00:00:46,661 --> 00:00:49,495 Mm, you liked Professor Geyser's wedding. 22 00:00:49,497 --> 00:00:51,724 They had a make-your-own-sundae bar. 23 00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:54,161 Oh, that was a night to remember. 24 00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:58,727 Do you know, on one trip, I just had a bowl of nuts. 25 00:00:58,799 --> 00:01:01,441 Anyway, you got to let me know if you have a plus one. 26 00:01:01,488 --> 00:01:03,788 Because if not, my mom's trying to sneak in the doctor 27 00:01:03,847 --> 00:01:06,298 who sucked the fat out of her neck. 28 00:01:09,899 --> 00:01:11,083 All right, uh, fine. 29 00:01:11,151 --> 00:01:13,086 I'm coming and I'm bringing somebody. 30 00:01:13,122 --> 00:01:14,571 Uh, Koothrappali plus one. 31 00:01:14,697 --> 00:01:15,533 Who you bringing? 32 00:01:15,556 --> 00:01:16,984 Who are you bringing?! 33 00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,960 He's bringing me; who are you bringing? 34 00:01:20,095 --> 00:01:23,879 Wow, what a bunch of Nosey O'Donnells. 35 00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:25,547 Come on, who is it? 36 00:01:25,963 --> 00:01:26,962 I'm not telling. 37 00:01:27,018 --> 00:01:30,069 I'm from Asia, I'm mysterious, deal with it. 38 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,776 Howard aren't having a make-your-own-sundae bar? 39 00:01:33,950 --> 00:01:35,783 I don't think so. 40 00:01:35,871 --> 00:01:36,801 Well, you should. 41 00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:38,877 50% of marriages end in divorce, 44 00:01:47,187 --> 00:01:50,806 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 45 00:01:50,808 --> 00:01:52,357 ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ 46 00:01:52,359 --> 00:01:55,273 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 47 00:01:55,273 --> 00:01:57,261 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 48 00:01:57,314 --> 00:02:00,048 ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ 49 00:02:00,050 --> 00:02:01,933 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 50 00:02:01,935 --> 00:02:03,907 ♪ Bang! ♪ 51 00:02:03,907 --> 00:02:07,031 The Big Bang Theory 5x20 The Transporter Malfunction Original Air Date on March 29, 2012 52 00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:10,515 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 53 00:02:11,148 --> 00:02:12,889 Hello, Mummy, Daddy. How are you? 54 00:02:12,955 --> 00:02:15,038 Pretty good. Can't complain. 55 00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:16,385 Oh, I'm sure you can. 56 00:02:16,444 --> 00:02:19,111 Just give it a minute. 57 00:02:19,302 --> 00:02:20,718 Listen, uh, 58 00:02:20,783 --> 00:02:22,629 there's something I want to talk to you about. 59 00:02:22,752 --> 00:02:25,303 I wasn't ready until now, but... 60 00:02:25,695 --> 00:02:26,977 I think it's time. 61 00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:28,543 It's finally happening. 62 00:02:28,596 --> 00:02:31,197 You're coming out of the closet, aren't you? 63 00:02:32,327 --> 00:02:34,982 We love you, and we accept your alternate lifestyle. 64 00:02:35,025 --> 00:02:38,343 Just... keep it to yourself. 65 00:02:38,501 --> 00:02:41,218 No, I'm not gay. 66 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,836 If anything, I'm metrosexual. 67 00:02:44,323 --> 00:02:45,456 What's that? 68 00:02:45,458 --> 00:02:47,157 It means I like women 69 00:02:47,159 --> 00:02:49,410 as well as their skin-care products. 70 00:02:49,412 --> 00:02:51,128 Well, if you're not coming out, 71 00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:54,064 why did you call us during the cricket semifinals? 72 00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:57,201 I'm tired of trying to meet someone, 73 00:02:57,203 --> 00:03:00,921 and I think I'd like you to help me find a... 74 00:03:00,923 --> 00:03:02,790 a wife. 75 00:03:02,792 --> 00:03:04,534 And just to clarify... 76 00:03:04,591 --> 00:03:06,358 a female wife? 77 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:08,450 Yes! 78 00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:11,610 Matchmaking-- very smart move, son. 79 00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:13,833 Much better than marrying for love. 80 00:03:18,890 --> 00:03:21,492 We married for love. 81 00:03:21,494 --> 00:03:25,162 And it's been wonderful! 82 00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:31,685 Quantum physics makes me so happy. 83 00:03:31,687 --> 00:03:33,037 Yeah, I'm glad. 84 00:03:33,039 --> 00:03:35,723 It's like looking at the universe naked. 85 00:03:36,691 --> 00:03:40,377 (moaning sigh) 86 00:03:42,196 --> 00:03:43,497 (knocking) 87 00:03:43,499 --> 00:03:45,382 Hi. Guys got a minute? 88 00:03:45,384 --> 00:03:46,634 Sure. What's up? 89 00:03:46,636 --> 00:03:49,202 Well, I was thinking about Sheldon's little joke 90 00:03:49,204 --> 00:03:51,071 the other night about me eating all your food. 91 00:03:51,113 --> 00:03:53,280 Oh! That was no joke. But... 92 00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:55,321 I understand your confusion, 93 00:03:55,393 --> 00:03:57,477 as I am our group's resident cutup. 94 00:03:59,230 --> 00:04:00,331 I'm sorry, 95 00:04:00,333 --> 00:04:02,232 you are our resident cutup? 96 00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:04,568 Yes. 97 00:04:04,570 --> 00:04:06,553 Oh, prove it. 98 00:04:06,555 --> 00:04:07,605 Knock-knock. 99 00:04:07,607 --> 00:04:09,273 - Who's there? - Interrupting physicist. 100 00:04:09,275 --> 00:04:12,192 Interrupting phys... Muon! (laughs) 101 00:04:14,946 --> 00:04:17,564 Anyway, I got a little residual check from my commercial, 102 00:04:17,566 --> 00:04:19,717 and I thought, hey, how about I get the guys 103 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,069 a little thank you to pay them back? 104 00:04:22,071 --> 00:04:22,903 So, Sheldon... 105 00:04:22,905 --> 00:04:24,460 ta-da! 106 00:04:24,527 --> 00:04:27,227 (gasps) A vintage mint-in-box 107 00:04:27,284 --> 00:04:30,122 1975 Mego Star Trek Transporter 108 00:04:30,177 --> 00:04:31,644 with real transporter action. 109 00:04:31,685 --> 00:04:33,551 Hot darn! 110 00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:35,983 Where did you get that? 111 00:04:36,033 --> 00:04:37,692 From Stuart, at the comic book store. 112 00:04:37,735 --> 00:04:40,180 You went to the comic book store by yourself? 113 00:04:40,229 --> 00:04:42,254 Yeah. It was fun. 114 00:04:42,311 --> 00:04:45,646 I walked in, and two different guys got asthma attacks. 115 00:04:46,945 --> 00:04:48,839 Felt pretty good. 116 00:04:48,931 --> 00:04:51,304 This calls for an expression of gratitude. 117 00:04:51,363 --> 00:04:53,970 Ooh, am I about to get a rare Sheldon Cooper hug? 118 00:04:54,015 --> 00:04:56,349 No, not this time. Then they wouldn't be special. 119 00:04:56,539 --> 00:04:57,938 (clicks tongue) Thanks, Penny. 120 00:04:59,605 --> 00:05:01,072 You're welcome. 121 00:05:01,293 --> 00:05:03,293 Don't worry, I didn't forget about you. 122 00:05:03,295 --> 00:05:04,343 Oh... 123 00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:06,066 Leonard, I got you... 124 00:05:06,144 --> 00:05:08,873 a label-maker! 125 00:05:14,622 --> 00:05:17,311 Wow... 126 00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:18,753 No, it's great. 127 00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:21,738 - Also mint-in-box. - Mm. 128 00:05:22,131 --> 00:05:24,481 And I got you a transporter, too! 129 00:05:24,483 --> 00:05:26,016 Awesome! 130 00:05:29,521 --> 00:05:31,451 Look, it was actually designed for 131 00:05:31,451 --> 00:05:32,983 my vintage Mr. Spock action figure. 132 00:05:33,057 --> 00:05:35,347 Oh, that's great! Let's open them up and put him in there. 133 00:05:35,381 --> 00:05:37,431 - Open it?! - Oh, good Lord, no! 134 00:05:37,613 --> 00:05:39,830 Why? They're just toys. 135 00:05:39,832 --> 00:05:41,999 - They're collectibles. - They're mint-in-box. 136 00:05:42,001 --> 00:05:43,751 Come on. Can't we open one up and take a look? 137 00:05:43,753 --> 00:05:45,986 (screams) No, don't! 138 00:05:45,988 --> 00:05:49,123 Once you open the box, it loses its value. 139 00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:52,459 Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. 140 00:05:54,262 --> 00:05:56,463 Gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun 141 00:05:56,465 --> 00:05:58,649 taking it out and playing with it. 142 00:06:01,052 --> 00:06:04,004 Are you sure you want us here when you meet this woman? 143 00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:04,972 Oh, yes. 144 00:06:04,974 --> 00:06:06,140 In my culture, it's expected 145 00:06:06,142 --> 00:06:08,142 to have a chaperone to oversee a first date. 146 00:06:08,144 --> 00:06:10,728 Plus, I want to make a good impression, and no offense, 147 00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:14,481 but with you guys here, I look like I'm six-two. 148 00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:18,986 The nuns always chaperoned the dances at my high school. 149 00:06:18,988 --> 00:06:23,123 They used to make us leave room between us for the Holy Spirit. 150 00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:24,658 Uh, Hindus do the same thing. 151 00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,661 Except they leave room for a cow. (chuckles) 152 00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:31,215 Listen, I love your charming racist humor, but any chance 153 00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:33,584 you could not mock my religion while she's here? 154 00:06:33,586 --> 00:06:35,803 Yesterday, you made fun of me for eating lox. 155 00:06:35,805 --> 00:06:37,805 It's different, your people don't worship lox. 156 00:06:37,807 --> 00:06:40,858 Clearly, you've never been to brunch with my cousins. 157 00:06:41,296 --> 00:06:43,624 So, arranged marriages-- the parents just decide 158 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,359 and then you have to get married? 159 00:06:45,384 --> 00:06:47,301 No, no, I get a say in it. 160 00:06:47,358 --> 00:06:49,350 But I'm sure whoever shows up will be better company 161 00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:50,781 than the threesome I've been having 162 00:06:50,825 --> 00:06:53,375 with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth. 163 00:06:55,013 --> 00:06:56,818 Excuse me, are you Rajesh? 164 00:06:56,864 --> 00:06:57,842 Ah, yes. 165 00:06:58,077 --> 00:06:59,109 You must be Lakshmi. 166 00:06:59,111 --> 00:07:00,393 Uh, nice to meet you. 167 00:07:00,395 --> 00:07:01,862 Nice to meet you, too. 168 00:07:01,864 --> 00:07:02,746 (chuckles) 169 00:07:02,748 --> 00:07:04,231 Oh! These are my friends. 170 00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:05,649 - This is Bernadette. - Hello. 171 00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,436 - And this is Howard. - Nice to meet you. 172 00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:10,017 - You, too. - Please, have a seat. 173 00:07:10,339 --> 00:07:13,040 (quietly): I'm thinking double wedding. 174 00:07:17,378 --> 00:07:20,464 SPOCK: Dr. Cooper. 175 00:07:22,267 --> 00:07:25,402 Dr. Cooper? 176 00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,637 Is someone there? 177 00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:29,239 Down here. On your desk. 178 00:07:33,094 --> 00:07:34,703 Spock? 179 00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:37,618 I need to speak with you. 180 00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:40,455 Fascinating. 181 00:07:40,795 --> 00:07:43,937 The only logical explanation is that this is a dream. 182 00:07:44,024 --> 00:07:46,858 It is not the only logical explanation. 183 00:07:47,126 --> 00:07:49,693 For example, you could be hallucinating 184 00:07:49,695 --> 00:07:54,198 after being hit on the head by, say, a coconut. 185 00:07:55,691 --> 00:07:57,847 Was I hit on the head by a coconut? 186 00:07:57,953 --> 00:08:01,922 I am not going to dignify that with a response. 187 00:08:02,424 --> 00:08:03,929 Now to the matter at hand. 188 00:08:03,929 --> 00:08:06,497 You need to play with the transporter toy. 189 00:08:06,946 --> 00:08:08,395 But it's mint-in-box. 190 00:08:08,397 --> 00:08:09,546 Yes. 191 00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:11,632 And to open it would destroy its value. 192 00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:14,585 But remember, like me, 193 00:08:14,587 --> 00:08:16,653 you also have a human half. 194 00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:20,640 Well, I'm not going to dignify that with a response. 195 00:08:20,642 --> 00:08:23,060 Consider this. 196 00:08:23,062 --> 00:08:24,928 What is the purpose of a toy? 197 00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:26,330 To be played with. 198 00:08:26,332 --> 00:08:29,333 Therefore, to not play with it would be...? 199 00:08:29,335 --> 00:08:30,492 Illogical. 200 00:08:30,539 --> 00:08:34,190 Damn it, Spock, you're right. 201 00:08:34,340 --> 00:08:35,651 I'll do it. 202 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,879 Sheldon, wait. 203 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,830 You have to wake up first. 204 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:42,358 Oh, of course. 205 00:08:42,708 --> 00:08:46,026 Set phasers to dumb, right? (chuckles) 206 00:08:47,122 --> 00:08:48,822 Goodie, goodie, goodie! 207 00:08:50,868 --> 00:08:52,557 This is wrong, this is wrong. 208 00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:55,171 I'm so excited, but this is wrong. 209 00:08:58,229 --> 00:08:59,980 I'm going to do it. 210 00:08:59,982 --> 00:09:01,732 I'm doing it. 211 00:09:01,734 --> 00:09:03,784 I did it. 212 00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:07,037 (sniffs) 213 00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:08,355 (sighs) 214 00:09:08,357 --> 00:09:11,208 That's what I always thought 1975 smelled like. 215 00:09:14,295 --> 00:09:17,631 One to beam down, Mr. Scott. 216 00:09:17,633 --> 00:09:19,466 Aye, aye, Mr. Spock. 217 00:09:19,468 --> 00:09:21,001 Energize. 218 00:09:24,722 --> 00:09:26,490 Energize. 219 00:09:28,042 --> 00:09:30,210 (plastic clink) 220 00:09:36,517 --> 00:09:38,101 No. No. 221 00:09:38,103 --> 00:09:40,103 Don't be broken. 222 00:09:40,105 --> 00:09:42,739 Oh, please, don't be broken. 223 00:09:44,558 --> 00:09:47,694 What did you make me do?! 224 00:09:47,696 --> 00:09:50,998 Okay, okay, think. 225 00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,623 It's only logical. 226 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:05,289 My goodness, 227 00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:06,906 that was delicious. 228 00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:10,709 Well, I hope you saved room for chocolate lava cake. 229 00:10:11,265 --> 00:10:12,750 Impressive. 230 00:10:12,805 --> 00:10:14,891 What goes into making something like that? 231 00:10:14,926 --> 00:10:16,762 Well, you start out by trying to 232 00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:19,699 make chocolate soufflé, and when it falls, you panic, 233 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,645 quickly change the name, and voila, lava cake. 234 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,692 I bet our parents are dying to know how things are going here. 235 00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,644 Well, let's see. 236 00:10:29,947 --> 00:10:31,814 Yep, three missed calls. 237 00:10:31,816 --> 00:10:33,616 Four missed calls, two text messages 238 00:10:33,618 --> 00:10:35,684 and a failed video chat. I win! 239 00:10:35,686 --> 00:10:37,236 (chuckles) 240 00:10:37,238 --> 00:10:39,956 So, what are we going to tell them? 241 00:10:39,958 --> 00:10:42,792 I'd like to tell them things are going well. 242 00:10:42,794 --> 00:10:43,960 Me, too. 243 00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:45,628 But before we get their hopes up, 244 00:10:45,630 --> 00:10:48,080 we should probably make sure we're on the same page. 245 00:10:48,082 --> 00:10:49,999 Okay. 246 00:10:50,001 --> 00:10:52,385 What page are you on? 247 00:10:52,387 --> 00:10:53,669 I'm on the one 248 00:10:53,671 --> 00:10:55,838 where I'm under a lot of pressure 249 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,374 from my parents to get married and settle down 250 00:10:58,376 --> 00:11:00,009 and have a family, 251 00:11:00,011 --> 00:11:03,162 and I'm going to do it so they don't find out I'm gay. 252 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,233 Say again? 253 00:11:07,235 --> 00:11:08,567 I'm gay. 254 00:11:08,569 --> 00:11:11,337 Like... dude-on-dude, 255 00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:13,973 but with women? 256 00:11:13,975 --> 00:11:16,442 I know a fake marriage isn't an honest way to live, 257 00:11:16,444 --> 00:11:18,894 but you of all people should know how difficult it is 258 00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:20,396 to come out in our culture. 259 00:11:20,398 --> 00:11:23,232 Why me of all people?! 260 00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:25,685 Well, there's a rumor back in New Delhi that you're-- 261 00:11:25,687 --> 00:11:27,186 how shall we say-- 262 00:11:27,188 --> 00:11:29,839 comfortable in a sari. 263 00:11:29,841 --> 00:11:31,924 I'm not gay! 264 00:11:31,926 --> 00:11:33,426 Really? The chocolate lava cake, 265 00:11:33,428 --> 00:11:36,095 the little soaps in the bathroom, and I'm sorry, 266 00:11:36,097 --> 00:11:38,798 but you're wearing more perfume than I am. 267 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:43,269 That's Unbreakable by Khloe and Lamar. 268 00:11:43,271 --> 00:11:45,971 And for your information, it's unisex. 269 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,690 Fill in the blank. 270 00:11:47,692 --> 00:11:49,425 I love the nightlife... 271 00:11:49,427 --> 00:11:50,876 I like to boogie. 272 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:51,927 Got you. 273 00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:55,564 With women! I like to boogie with women! 274 00:11:55,566 --> 00:11:57,500 That's disappointing. 275 00:11:57,502 --> 00:12:00,202 You were exactly the kind of phony-baloney husband 276 00:12:00,204 --> 00:12:01,771 I was looking for. 277 00:12:01,773 --> 00:12:03,439 Thank you. 278 00:12:03,441 --> 00:12:07,410 And once again, my baloney likes girls. 279 00:12:07,412 --> 00:12:09,778 W-W-Wait! 280 00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:11,997 You don't want to put a bite of that in your mouth 281 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:14,433 without trying my homemade Chantilly cream. 282 00:12:15,618 --> 00:12:18,104 Yeah, okay, that time I heard it. 283 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,736 Oh, dear. 284 00:12:33,738 --> 00:12:37,239 Two suns and no sunscreen. 285 00:12:41,745 --> 00:12:43,312 Hello again, Sheldon. 286 00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:48,184 What is it now, Tiny Spock? 287 00:12:48,186 --> 00:12:50,252 I am very disappointed in you. 288 00:12:50,254 --> 00:12:52,855 You broke your toy and switched it with Leonard's. 289 00:12:52,857 --> 00:12:55,224 You should be ashamed of yourself. 290 00:12:55,226 --> 00:12:57,960 You're the one who told me to play with it. 291 00:12:57,962 --> 00:13:00,262 If I told you to jump off the bridge of the Enterprise, 292 00:13:00,264 --> 00:13:01,730 would you do it? 293 00:13:01,951 --> 00:13:04,899 Oh, if I got on the bridge of the Enterprise, 294 00:13:04,947 --> 00:13:07,044 I would never, ever leave. 295 00:13:07,776 --> 00:13:11,928 Trust me, it gets old after a while. 296 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,877 You must right your wrongs, Sheldon. 297 00:13:14,973 --> 00:13:17,482 Why? I got away with it. 298 00:13:17,651 --> 00:13:20,985 Leonard has his toy, and he's never going to open it, 299 00:13:20,985 --> 00:13:22,354 so he won't know it's broken. 300 00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,593 And I have a toy that isn't broken. 301 00:13:24,668 --> 00:13:25,871 Everybody's happy. 302 00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:27,781 Well, I am unhappy. 303 00:13:27,864 --> 00:13:30,442 I thought where you come from they don't have emotions. 304 00:13:31,222 --> 00:13:35,418 I come from a factory in Taiwan. 305 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,550 Now, do the right thing. 306 00:13:38,044 --> 00:13:39,710 You know what you are? 307 00:13:39,766 --> 00:13:42,297 Well, you're a green-blooded buzz kill. 308 00:13:42,373 --> 00:13:44,873 Perhaps it's time you beam on out of here. 309 00:13:44,875 --> 00:13:45,808 Fine. 310 00:13:45,810 --> 00:13:47,960 I will just use the transporter. 311 00:13:48,103 --> 00:13:49,369 Oh, right. 312 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,614 You broke it. 313 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,442 Very well. 314 00:13:54,538 --> 00:13:57,623 Cooper to Enterprise, one to beam up. 315 00:13:58,023 --> 00:14:00,156 Energize. 316 00:14:04,981 --> 00:14:06,628 (roaring) 317 00:14:06,664 --> 00:14:08,747 (screaming) 318 00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,266 (grunts softly) 319 00:14:10,681 --> 00:14:13,632 Tiny Spock, help. 320 00:14:18,234 --> 00:14:19,651 Ready for lunch? 321 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,149 Yeah, one sec. 322 00:14:21,964 --> 00:14:24,008 Oh, good. Ma would've killed me 323 00:14:24,008 --> 00:14:27,376 if she found out I broke my retainer. 324 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,351 Hey, uh... 325 00:14:29,353 --> 00:14:31,753 can I run something by you? It's about Lakshmi. 326 00:14:31,755 --> 00:14:34,022 Yeah, sure. How are things going? 327 00:14:34,185 --> 00:14:35,630 We hit a couple of bumps. 328 00:14:35,669 --> 00:14:36,835 She lives over in Manhattan Beach, 329 00:14:36,837 --> 00:14:38,953 so it takes, like, an hour to get there. 330 00:14:39,591 --> 00:14:41,308 And she's a lesbian. 331 00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,745 What do you mean, "she's a lesbian"? 332 00:14:44,790 --> 00:14:47,251 Well, you know how whenever you and I would try 333 00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:49,238 to hit on women in bars and they'd blow us off 334 00:14:49,238 --> 00:14:51,422 and then we'd tell each other they were probably gay? 335 00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:52,518 It's like that. 336 00:14:52,802 --> 00:14:55,075 Except this time, it's true. 337 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,499 Then why did she even go out with you? 338 00:14:58,537 --> 00:14:59,580 She was looking 339 00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:01,416 for a husband so she can appear to be straight. 340 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:02,432 And, you know, 341 00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:04,615 it sounded crazy to me at first... 342 00:15:05,518 --> 00:15:07,961 but I'm actually thinking about doing it. 343 00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:12,012 Okay, so the reason that might sound crazy... 344 00:15:12,142 --> 00:15:14,029 is 'cause it's crazy! 345 00:15:14,558 --> 00:15:16,754 Look, Howard, you're in a relationship. 346 00:15:16,802 --> 00:15:18,543 You know you have to make compromises. 347 00:15:18,601 --> 00:15:22,228 Yes, but my compromises are about which bedspread to buy 348 00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:24,337 or whose turn it is to do the laundry, 349 00:15:24,362 --> 00:15:26,278 Bernadette's or my mom's. 350 00:15:29,591 --> 00:15:31,058 It's a great deal. 351 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:32,793 We both get our parents off our backs, 352 00:15:32,795 --> 00:15:35,396 I don't have to come home to an empty apartment every night. 353 00:15:35,398 --> 00:15:38,065 Plus, once I'm married, I can finally eat carbs again 354 00:15:38,067 --> 00:15:40,818 and let myself go. 355 00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:43,136 Why don't you tell your parents 356 00:15:43,138 --> 00:15:45,522 you want to try to find someone else? 357 00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:48,575 Maybe one who hasn't slept with more woman than you. 358 00:15:48,577 --> 00:15:51,195 Because this one wants to marry me. 359 00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:54,147 I might never find another one who does. 360 00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:56,333 So you're seriously thinking about marrying someone 361 00:15:56,335 --> 00:15:58,335 you're never gonna have sex with? 362 00:15:58,337 --> 00:15:59,787 I can't believe your attitude. 363 00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:02,873 I thought you were in favor of gay people getting married. 364 00:16:04,809 --> 00:16:07,127 Yes, to other gay people! 365 00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:11,315 Do you hear how homophobic you sound? 366 00:16:24,512 --> 00:16:27,147 (sighs) 367 00:16:51,886 --> 00:16:54,838 Oh, I don't want a broken toy. 368 00:16:57,479 --> 00:17:00,397 Nothing! 369 00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:01,899 What? 370 00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:04,101 Nothing. I said nothing. 371 00:17:04,103 --> 00:17:05,102 That was weird. 372 00:17:05,104 --> 00:17:07,437 Really? I don't even notice anymore. 373 00:17:09,157 --> 00:17:11,391 I cannot believe you guys aren't gonna play with these. 374 00:17:11,393 --> 00:17:13,393 Well, I told you, you don't. It's mint-in-box. 375 00:17:13,395 --> 00:17:16,230 I don't know. I just think it's a waste. 376 00:17:16,232 --> 00:17:18,398 (squeals) 377 00:17:21,536 --> 00:17:24,237 Relax. I'm just looking at the box. 378 00:17:24,239 --> 00:17:25,923 Perhaps you should look with your eyes 379 00:17:25,925 --> 00:17:29,242 and not your muscular Nebraska man hands. 380 00:17:29,244 --> 00:17:32,245 What is your problem?! 381 00:17:32,247 --> 00:17:35,415 My problem is that I don't want you to break Leonard's toy. 382 00:17:35,417 --> 00:17:37,301 Which you probably did by shaking it! 383 00:17:37,303 --> 00:17:40,137 She shook it, we all saw her. 384 00:17:40,139 --> 00:17:41,438 Leonard, I bought you this 385 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,473 'cause I wanted you to have fun with it. 386 00:17:43,475 --> 00:17:45,442 I don't want it to sit in this box. 387 00:17:45,444 --> 00:17:48,061 You know, you're right. 388 00:17:48,063 --> 00:17:49,196 I mean, it's from you, 389 00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:51,448 I'm never gonna sell it. 390 00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:52,933 - I'm opening it. - Yes! 391 00:17:52,935 --> 00:17:54,651 (nervous yelp) 392 00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:07,047 - It's broken. - What? 393 00:18:07,049 --> 00:18:09,166 Oh, nice job, man hands! 394 00:18:10,117 --> 00:18:11,585 I didn't break it. 395 00:18:11,587 --> 00:18:14,671 I guess Stuart sold it to me like this. 396 00:18:14,673 --> 00:18:17,257 Yes. Yes, he did. 397 00:18:17,259 --> 00:18:20,727 That is a perfectly satisfying and plausible explana... 398 00:18:20,729 --> 00:18:22,446 Let's all be mad at Stuart! 399 00:18:23,464 --> 00:18:25,315 You know, I paid a lot for this. 400 00:18:25,317 --> 00:18:27,133 Let's take it over there and show him. 401 00:18:27,135 --> 00:18:28,619 Absolutely. 402 00:18:30,939 --> 00:18:32,322 Wait! 403 00:18:34,776 --> 00:18:36,994 It was me. 404 00:18:38,162 --> 00:18:40,330 I opened your toy... 405 00:18:40,332 --> 00:18:44,284 discovered it was broken and didn't tell you. 406 00:18:44,286 --> 00:18:46,870 Why would you open mine? 407 00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:49,089 I didn't. That was a lie. 408 00:18:49,091 --> 00:18:51,842 I opened my own toy... 409 00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:55,379 and it was already broken, so I switched them. 410 00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:57,848 You should talk to Stuart. 411 00:18:57,850 --> 00:18:59,950 I can't, because that was a lie. 412 00:19:01,185 --> 00:19:03,553 Yours was broken in an earthquake-- 413 00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:05,973 and that's a lie. 414 00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,676 What is the truth? 415 00:19:09,678 --> 00:19:12,446 My Mr. Spock doll came to me in a dream 416 00:19:12,448 --> 00:19:14,197 and forced me to open it. 417 00:19:14,199 --> 00:19:18,285 And when the toy broke, I switched it for yours. 418 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:20,353 Later, he encouraged me to do the right thing, 419 00:19:20,355 --> 00:19:21,688 and I defied him. 420 00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:24,992 And then I was attacked by a Gorn. 421 00:19:28,262 --> 00:19:30,914 Okay, that I believe. 422 00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:33,366 Leonard, Penny, I just, I want you both to know 423 00:19:33,368 --> 00:19:35,702 that I regret my actions towards the two of you. 424 00:19:35,704 --> 00:19:37,704 That's a lie. 425 00:19:37,706 --> 00:19:40,257 So, is that one mine? 426 00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:41,258 Yes. 427 00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:43,343 Well, hand it over so I can open it. 428 00:19:43,345 --> 00:19:44,978 Okay. 429 00:19:44,980 --> 00:19:47,714 And, Leonard, even though I don't have one anymore, 430 00:19:47,716 --> 00:19:50,050 I hope you have fun playing with it. 431 00:19:50,052 --> 00:19:52,903 And that's a lie, right? It's a big, fat whopper. 432 00:19:54,388 --> 00:19:56,239 I hope it breaks. 433 00:20:03,053 --> 00:20:04,128 This is a treat. 434 00:20:04,129 --> 00:20:05,995 What brings you guys by? 435 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:09,348 Raj, Howie told me what's going on with you and Lakshmi. 436 00:20:09,350 --> 00:20:10,883 You told her? 437 00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,553 I told everybody. 438 00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,222 We believe there's someone out there 439 00:20:16,224 --> 00:20:17,724 who will love you for you. 440 00:20:17,726 --> 00:20:19,592 Actually, we kind of agreed to disagree 441 00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,644 on that one, but we both think 442 00:20:21,646 --> 00:20:23,879 you shouldn't marry this woman. 443 00:20:23,881 --> 00:20:26,882 So, while I'm waiting for this mysterious perfect match 444 00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:30,236 who may or may not exist, I'm supposed to just be alone? 445 00:20:30,238 --> 00:20:32,572 Not necessarily. I think 446 00:20:32,574 --> 00:20:36,492 we found someone for you to cuddle with. 447 00:20:36,494 --> 00:20:39,495 (gasps) Oh, my goodness. 448 00:20:39,497 --> 00:20:43,732 Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! 449 00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:46,735 You got him for me? 450 00:20:46,737 --> 00:20:50,123 Her. We thought you two would hit it off. 451 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,574 I think we already have. 452 00:20:51,576 --> 00:20:53,409 Thank you guys so much. 453 00:20:53,663 --> 00:20:57,465 Let's go see if you fit in my man purse. 454 00:20:59,237 --> 00:21:01,103 Heterosexual, my ass. 455 00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:07,354 == sync, corrected by elderman == Resync for WEB-DL by Norther