1 00:00:01,362 --> 00:00:04,230 This is a historic day for Greendale. 2 00:00:04,231 --> 00:00:09,135 This state-of-the-art Subway sandwichery in our cafetorium 3 00:00:09,136 --> 00:00:11,921 represents Greendale's first steps forward 4 00:00:11,922 --> 00:00:14,157 into the realm of the legitimate! 5 00:00:14,158 --> 00:00:15,241 Students: Ooh. 6 00:00:15,242 --> 00:00:17,310 Oh, oh. No problem. You know what? 7 00:00:17,311 --> 00:00:19,412 I'm just going to get it started with my teeth. 8 00:00:19,413 --> 00:00:21,931 The legitimate! Oh. The legitimate! 9 00:00:21,932 --> 00:00:23,750 That should be my sandwich shop. 10 00:00:23,751 --> 00:00:25,635 It was my idea to put one there. 11 00:00:25,636 --> 00:00:27,103 - We're here for you, Shirley. - Yeah. 12 00:00:27,104 --> 00:00:28,921 Troy, Annie, and I know what it's like to be displaced. 13 00:00:28,922 --> 00:00:30,940 They're tenting our building for termites, so we're homeless. 14 00:00:30,941 --> 00:00:32,692 I'm staying in the sleep study lab. 15 00:00:32,693 --> 00:00:34,477 All I have to do is wake up every three hours and go... 16 00:00:34,478 --> 00:00:37,447 [Screams] And I get two credits. 17 00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:39,201 Yeah, and we're going to build a super awesome pillow fort 18 00:00:39,202 --> 00:00:40,950 - here at the school. - Another pillow fort? 19 00:00:40,951 --> 00:00:42,485 Kind of repeating yourselves, aren't you? 20 00:00:42,486 --> 00:00:45,038 That was a blanket fort. This will be a pillow fort. 21 00:00:45,039 --> 00:00:47,040 Way more difficult, way better. 22 00:00:47,041 --> 00:00:49,292 All difficult things are better, like carrying a disease 23 00:00:49,293 --> 00:00:51,127 - or holding in a fart right now. - Aha! 24 00:00:51,128 --> 00:00:54,297 I just found out how Shirley and I are going to take down Subway. 25 00:00:54,298 --> 00:00:55,965 - Oh, how? - Dean? 26 00:00:55,966 --> 00:00:58,768 I assume you're familiar with the Greendale bylaws. 27 00:00:58,769 --> 00:01:01,721 - I am not. - Shirley, you do the honors. 28 00:01:01,722 --> 00:01:03,640 My brain starts getting weird this time of night. 29 00:01:03,641 --> 00:01:05,475 It's 10:00 a.m. 30 00:01:05,476 --> 00:01:07,644 - You're welcome. - Uh-oh. 31 00:01:07,645 --> 00:01:09,896 "Any business operating for profit on Greendale's campus 32 00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:13,483 must be at least 51% owned by a registered Greendale student"! 33 00:01:13,484 --> 00:01:15,151 That's too bad, Dean. 34 00:01:15,152 --> 00:01:16,986 I don't recall seeing Subway 35 00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,822 in my premenopausal, postfeminist 36 00:01:18,823 --> 00:01:20,607 experiential marketing class. 37 00:01:20,608 --> 00:01:22,826 Actually, I'm on the wait list 38 00:01:22,827 --> 00:01:25,328 - for the premen/postfem/ex mark. - Who are you? 39 00:01:25,329 --> 00:01:28,665 Gang, meet Greendale's newest student, Subway. 40 00:01:28,666 --> 00:01:30,450 Your name is Subway? 41 00:01:30,451 --> 00:01:33,920 Yep, using a groundbreaking but surprisingly legal process 44 00:01:39,677 --> 00:01:40,927 of business owners. 45 00:01:40,928 --> 00:01:42,962 I have contractually waived my birth identity 46 00:01:42,963 --> 00:01:47,834 and am now a man and student named... Subway. 47 00:01:47,835 --> 00:01:49,936 I don't believe this. 48 00:01:49,937 --> 00:01:52,522 Come on, Subway, there is no way you're 5'10". 49 00:01:52,523 --> 00:01:55,007 So you can vote? 50 00:01:55,008 --> 00:01:57,393 Actually, no, because technically I'm only a week old. 51 00:01:57,394 --> 00:01:58,695 Aww. 52 00:01:58,696 --> 00:01:59,696 But please don't think of me 53 00:01:59,697 --> 00:02:00,980 as any less human than yourselves. 54 00:02:00,981 --> 00:02:03,066 I'm here to hang out, take weird classes, 55 00:02:03,067 --> 00:02:06,119 and party as hearty as my morality clause allows. 56 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:09,155 Eat fresh? Eat fresh? 57 00:02:09,156 --> 00:02:11,207 - Eat fresh. - That's my man. 58 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:12,742 Wow, did you know Greendale students 59 00:02:12,743 --> 00:02:15,490 are technically in the army reserves? 60 00:02:17,197 --> 00:02:19,499 Let's say a little prayer for peace. 61 00:02:20,368 --> 00:02:23,553 ♪ Give me some rope, time in a tree ♪ 62 00:02:23,554 --> 00:02:26,723 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 63 00:02:26,724 --> 00:02:30,226 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 64 00:02:30,227 --> 00:02:34,147 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 65 00:02:34,148 --> 00:02:39,102 ♪ I can't count the reasons I should stay ♪ 66 00:02:39,103 --> 00:02:43,439 ♪ one by one they all just fade away ♪ 67 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:46,104 Sync and corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 68 00:02:46,803 --> 00:02:49,045 Annie, you've got to get me into this sleep lab. 69 00:02:49,046 --> 00:02:51,281 I can't think of a better use of my time here 70 00:02:51,282 --> 00:02:52,415 than being unconscious. 71 00:02:52,416 --> 00:02:54,000 It's not a blowoff class, Jeff. 72 00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:56,035 We're only allowed to bring one stuffed animal. 73 00:02:56,036 --> 00:02:57,904 I'm bringing Ruthie... 74 00:02:57,905 --> 00:03:00,540 [Whispers] But using her pouch to sneaking Nathan. 75 00:03:00,541 --> 00:03:02,548 Well, have fun. 76 00:03:04,745 --> 00:03:06,763 Wait, since when do we have lockers? 77 00:03:06,764 --> 00:03:09,599 Uh, since registration day, 2009. 78 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:11,250 Jeff, did you skip 79 00:03:11,251 --> 00:03:13,186 the Preorientation Freshman Welcome Seminar 80 00:03:13,187 --> 00:03:15,254 and Diversity Fire Circle? 81 00:03:15,255 --> 00:03:17,140 This explains so much about you. 82 00:03:17,141 --> 00:03:20,059 Are you saying I've had a locker here for 2 1/2 years? 83 00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:26,265 Whoa, whoa. Wow. 84 00:03:26,266 --> 00:03:28,651 "Halloween dance." "Post-Halloween dance." 85 00:03:28,652 --> 00:03:29,903 "Dance contest." 86 00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:31,454 "Contest dance." Oh, come on. 87 00:03:31,455 --> 00:03:34,741 What's this? "Save Garrett"? What's wrong with Garrett? 88 00:03:34,742 --> 00:03:38,628 Nothing now. We saved him. 89 00:03:38,629 --> 00:03:39,629 Aah! 90 00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:41,748 Wait, that's "saved" Garrett? 91 00:03:41,749 --> 00:03:44,617 Ooh, what's this? Love letter? 92 00:03:44,618 --> 00:03:46,803 Oh, it's probably one of many. 93 00:03:46,804 --> 00:03:48,888 Oh, no. This is a hate letter. 94 00:03:48,889 --> 00:03:50,289 What? Let me see that. 95 00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:51,925 "Dear Jeff, this might come as a shock 96 00:03:51,926 --> 00:03:53,893 "to someone who thinks he's God's gift to the world, 97 00:03:53,894 --> 00:03:55,895 "but you're actually an inconsiderate jerk. 98 00:03:55,896 --> 00:03:56,963 Kim." 99 00:03:56,964 --> 00:03:58,848 - "Inconsiderate"? - Who's Kim? 100 00:03:58,849 --> 00:04:01,017 I don't know, and clearly she doesn't know me. 101 00:04:01,018 --> 00:04:02,602 - [Sneezes] - Gesundheit. 102 00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:03,603 I didn't sneeze. 103 00:04:03,604 --> 00:04:06,105 [Scoffs] 104 00:04:07,408 --> 00:04:08,758 Look at these idiots. 105 00:04:08,759 --> 00:04:10,476 Cattle, sheep... 106 00:04:10,477 --> 00:04:12,946 Other animals that travel in herds. 107 00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:14,146 I want to say snakes. 108 00:04:14,147 --> 00:04:16,199 Am I the only person enraged by the fact 109 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,501 that corporations are taking human form? 110 00:04:18,502 --> 00:04:21,537 I totally predicted this in my High School newspaper column 111 00:04:21,538 --> 00:04:22,989 "Britta unfiltered." 112 00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:25,992 - Unfiltered. I get it. - Get what? 113 00:04:25,993 --> 00:04:29,495 Actually, maybe Subway taking human form could be its undoing. 114 00:04:29,496 --> 00:04:30,997 Uh, Britta... 115 00:04:30,998 --> 00:04:33,132 You're a, uh, progressive woman 116 00:04:33,133 --> 00:04:37,437 of a more... liberated looseness. 117 00:04:37,438 --> 00:04:39,806 You could get close to Subway and find out some dirt on him. 118 00:04:39,807 --> 00:04:42,275 Corporate espionage. I like it. 119 00:04:42,276 --> 00:04:45,728 Microphones hidden in lipstick. Lipstick hidden in microphones. 120 00:04:45,729 --> 00:04:47,447 And the deadliest weapon of them all... 121 00:04:47,448 --> 00:04:51,017 - The penis flytrap. - Okay! This conversation is over. 122 00:04:51,018 --> 00:04:53,619 I am not a whore, and not that I've done the math, 123 00:04:53,620 --> 00:04:55,905 but if I were, I'd be the super classy kind 124 00:04:55,906 --> 00:04:58,992 that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel. 125 00:05:03,247 --> 00:05:05,832 - Abed, Troy. - Ah, don't worry, Dean. 126 00:05:05,833 --> 00:05:07,500 We have all the proper permits right here. 127 00:05:07,501 --> 00:05:08,801 Oh, silly me! 128 00:05:08,802 --> 00:05:11,721 This is a coupon for 20% off at bed bath & beyond. 129 00:05:11,722 --> 00:05:15,842 No need to bribe me, Troy. Actually... 130 00:05:15,843 --> 00:05:17,393 There's plenty more where that came from. 131 00:05:17,394 --> 00:05:19,846 Look, I was just googling record lengths of stuff, 132 00:05:19,847 --> 00:05:22,265 and apparently there's a guinness world record 133 00:05:22,266 --> 00:05:24,650 for the biggest pillow... or blanket fort. 134 00:05:24,651 --> 00:05:26,819 So you boys... you should go for it. 135 00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:30,389 Put this school on the map. 136 00:05:30,390 --> 00:05:31,741 We'd have a better chance of setting the record 137 00:05:31,742 --> 00:05:34,494 if we made this a blanket fort, you know, take less time. 138 00:05:34,495 --> 00:05:35,912 We wanted to make a pillow fort. 139 00:05:35,913 --> 00:05:37,997 I don't want to sacrifice quality for square footage. 140 00:05:37,998 --> 00:05:40,116 We don't need a world record to tell us we did something cool. 141 00:05:40,117 --> 00:05:41,400 But if we won, we might meet that dude 142 00:05:41,401 --> 00:05:42,418 with the curly fingernails. 143 00:05:42,419 --> 00:05:43,920 Shridhar Chillal? Not interested. 144 00:05:43,921 --> 00:05:48,591 I saw him on a talk show. He came off as pretentious. 145 00:05:48,592 --> 00:05:50,910 - I'm going to go get a drink. - Okay. 146 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:55,131 - Troy Barnes. - Vice Dean Laybourne. 147 00:05:55,132 --> 00:05:58,684 You have a beard... And a ponytail. 148 00:05:58,685 --> 00:06:00,219 Going through some stuff right now, Troy. 149 00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:02,038 Don't worry about it. [Clears throat] 150 00:06:02,039 --> 00:06:03,806 Any chance you've given a second thought to joining 151 00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:05,024 my air conditioning repair school? 152 00:06:05,025 --> 00:06:06,426 Sorry. 153 00:06:06,427 --> 00:06:09,428 Kind of busy at the moment doing some awesome work with Abed. 154 00:06:09,429 --> 00:06:11,848 Ah, yeah, Abed. 155 00:06:11,849 --> 00:06:14,534 You guys watch that television show together, don't you? 156 00:06:14,535 --> 00:06:16,069 Inspector Spacetime. 157 00:06:16,070 --> 00:06:17,269 Funny, Troy. 158 00:06:17,270 --> 00:06:19,105 You and Abed have always reminded me 159 00:06:19,106 --> 00:06:21,440 of the inspector and his trusty constable Reggie. 160 00:06:21,441 --> 00:06:22,708 [Chuckles] Cool! 161 00:06:22,709 --> 00:06:24,911 The inspector, of course, is smart, decisive, 162 00:06:24,912 --> 00:06:26,629 and Reggie is... 163 00:06:26,630 --> 00:06:29,115 Well, he's Reggie. 164 00:06:29,116 --> 00:06:31,667 Reggie is trained in zero-gravity martial arts 165 00:06:31,668 --> 00:06:32,718 and has a whistle. 166 00:06:32,719 --> 00:06:33,970 [Whispers] Yeah. 167 00:06:33,971 --> 00:06:36,506 But he never really gets to blow the whistle 168 00:06:36,507 --> 00:06:38,975 unless the inspector says it's okay. 169 00:06:38,976 --> 00:06:42,461 Less of a friendship, more of a self-centered nerd 170 00:06:42,462 --> 00:06:44,147 and his naive, obedient lapdog. 171 00:06:44,148 --> 00:06:45,715 Well, I got a thing. 172 00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:49,018 You take care. 173 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:51,470 Well, according to the office, this is the locker 174 00:06:51,471 --> 00:06:55,158 of the only Kim I've had any class with since 2009. 175 00:06:55,159 --> 00:06:57,410 Wonder what you did to make her so mad. 176 00:06:57,411 --> 00:07:00,530 Maybe the two of you made out, and then you forgot about her. 177 00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:03,416 Annie, that's what you think of me? 178 00:07:03,417 --> 00:07:04,917 I don't make out with forgettable women. 179 00:07:04,918 --> 00:07:05,952 Can I help you? 180 00:07:05,953 --> 00:07:07,920 We're looking for Kim McFadden. 181 00:07:07,921 --> 00:07:10,289 - This is her locker, right? - Are you serious? 182 00:07:10,290 --> 00:07:13,042 She slipped a note into my locker a couple years ago. 183 00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:14,326 I guess I pissed her off somehow. 184 00:07:14,327 --> 00:07:17,847 - I'm hoping to apologize. - That might not be easy. 185 00:07:17,848 --> 00:07:20,166 Kim's no longer with us. 186 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:23,102 - She died two weeks ago. - What? 187 00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:25,021 Sorry to drop that on you and run, 188 00:07:25,022 --> 00:07:26,689 but there's a rally for Garrett. 189 00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:29,308 But we saved him. 190 00:07:29,309 --> 00:07:33,112 Did we? 191 00:07:35,866 --> 00:07:36,949 What do you recommend? 192 00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,951 What's it to you, meat pusher? 193 00:07:38,952 --> 00:07:40,820 Sounds like you might be a vegetarian. 194 00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:42,405 You should try Subway's Veggie Delite. 195 00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:44,857 You should try reading Orwell's 1984. 196 00:07:44,858 --> 00:07:46,626 I have. It's a great book. 197 00:07:46,627 --> 00:07:48,060 It really awakened me in High School. 198 00:07:48,061 --> 00:07:49,361 I think kids should be forced to read it. 199 00:07:49,362 --> 00:07:52,348 Me too. Anyway, you're living it. 200 00:07:52,349 --> 00:07:54,984 You're a human puppet with big sandwich's hand up your ass. 201 00:07:54,985 --> 00:07:56,419 Is this what you dreamt of being? 202 00:07:56,420 --> 00:07:59,722 Unfortunately I'm not allowed to discuss my former life 203 00:07:59,723 --> 00:08:01,174 or engage in any nonplatonic relations, 204 00:08:01,175 --> 00:08:02,808 practice religion in public, 205 00:08:02,809 --> 00:08:05,211 or eat any nonfresh, unhealthy food like that 206 00:08:05,212 --> 00:08:06,846 found anywhere outside Subway. 207 00:08:06,847 --> 00:08:08,281 Why are you getting all that? 208 00:08:08,282 --> 00:08:10,216 I wanted to stand next to you for a moment. 209 00:08:10,217 --> 00:08:12,718 It was worth it. 210 00:08:12,719 --> 00:08:18,157 Like a good book by Orwell or a Veggie Delite. 211 00:08:20,911 --> 00:08:23,279 Is that you, Subway? 212 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,081 My eyesight ain't what it used to be. 213 00:08:25,082 --> 00:08:26,732 Eat these tater tots, Harry. 214 00:08:26,733 --> 00:08:29,502 For what it's worth, I think you might see more than all of us. 215 00:08:29,503 --> 00:08:32,571 [Shirley giggling] 216 00:08:32,572 --> 00:08:33,873 Did you see him smiling at you? 217 00:08:33,874 --> 00:08:35,925 Top-notch whoresmanship, Britta. 218 00:08:35,926 --> 00:08:38,361 - Pierce. - Sorry. Whoreswomanship. 219 00:08:38,362 --> 00:08:40,046 [Chuckles] Forgot it was the '90s. 220 00:08:40,047 --> 00:08:41,464 Uh-oh. 221 00:08:41,465 --> 00:08:43,466 Anyway... Thank you, Britta. 222 00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:45,851 I knew we could count on you to help us take him down! 223 00:08:45,852 --> 00:08:47,970 Yep, that's me, the girl who's going to destroy 224 00:08:47,971 --> 00:08:50,606 the big sandwich company with the dreamy eyes. 225 00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:53,542 [Giggles] Ooh! We did it, Pierce. 226 00:09:05,853 --> 00:09:08,483 [Sighs] 227 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:11,875 Powerful passage, isn't it? 228 00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:14,995 "She had become a physical necessity." 229 00:09:14,996 --> 00:09:17,297 You circled this paragraph. 230 00:09:17,298 --> 00:09:19,600 I can't say that I did. 231 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,019 I just think it's a striking expression of love's ability 232 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:25,539 to persevere within the cracks and cogs of inhuman systems. 233 00:09:25,540 --> 00:09:29,009 Who were you, Subway, before you were Subway? 234 00:09:29,010 --> 00:09:30,644 I can't say. 235 00:09:30,645 --> 00:09:32,045 I have to live within the rules. 236 00:09:32,046 --> 00:09:34,064 This identity is my life. 237 00:09:34,065 --> 00:09:35,849 If I do this for three more years, 238 00:09:35,850 --> 00:09:37,017 I can live a real dream. 239 00:09:37,018 --> 00:09:38,485 Well, at least tell me what that is. 240 00:09:38,486 --> 00:09:41,555 I want to run a nonprofit shelter for handicapped animals. 241 00:09:41,556 --> 00:09:43,557 Dogs with wheels for hind legs. 242 00:09:43,558 --> 00:09:45,192 - Deaf hamsters. - [Whispers] One-eyed cats? 243 00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:49,079 Well, they weren't on the top of my list, but sure. 244 00:09:49,080 --> 00:09:50,180 I should go. 245 00:09:50,181 --> 00:09:51,782 This is getting out of bounds for me. 246 00:09:51,783 --> 00:09:53,667 [Whispers] Eat fresh. 247 00:09:53,668 --> 00:09:56,336 [Vocalizing] 248 00:09:56,337 --> 00:09:58,287 You should put the small ones in the middle, 249 00:09:58,288 --> 00:09:59,565 or the wall won't hold the ceiling. 250 00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,185 Why do I always have to be your Reggie? 251 00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:02,209 What? 252 00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,410 I wanted to make a blanket fort, 253 00:10:03,411 --> 00:10:05,546 and you never even gave it a second thought. 254 00:10:05,547 --> 00:10:07,514 I'm not even your sidekick. I'm your underkick. 255 00:10:07,515 --> 00:10:09,516 I never said you couldn't do anything. 256 00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:12,469 If you want to make a blanket fort, that's fine with me. 257 00:10:12,470 --> 00:10:13,720 Thank you. 258 00:10:13,721 --> 00:10:17,558 Just don't make it part of my pillow fort. 259 00:10:20,094 --> 00:10:21,979 Fine. 260 00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:23,430 I'll start it somewhere else. 261 00:10:23,431 --> 00:10:27,784 Have fun stacking pillows like a baby. 262 00:10:27,785 --> 00:10:30,737 Jeff, are you okay? 263 00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:33,123 I'm lying on campus furniture, so no. 264 00:10:33,124 --> 00:10:37,544 Is it about this Kim girl? 265 00:10:37,545 --> 00:10:40,847 She is someone who died thinking I was a dick. 266 00:10:40,848 --> 00:10:42,616 I can never apologize. 267 00:10:42,617 --> 00:10:44,384 I can never change her mind. 268 00:10:44,385 --> 00:10:46,920 That makes me a dick forever. 269 00:10:46,921 --> 00:10:49,172 You think that's what an apology is? 270 00:10:49,173 --> 00:10:52,726 A spell you cast on another person to make them forgive you? 271 00:10:52,727 --> 00:10:56,096 Apologies are opportunities to admit your own mistakes. 272 00:10:56,097 --> 00:10:57,648 Apologize to her locker. 273 00:10:57,649 --> 00:11:00,567 But how can I apologize if I don't know what I did wrong? 274 00:11:00,568 --> 00:11:04,521 Well, didn't she call you inconsiderate? 275 00:11:04,522 --> 00:11:08,859 Sounds to me like you know exactly what you did wrong. 276 00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:11,995 - Leonard, what are you doing? - Abed's fort needs pillows. 277 00:11:11,996 --> 00:11:13,580 But I was going to lie there. 278 00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:16,983 I was going to invest in IBM in 1952, 279 00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:19,453 but life is full of disappointments. 280 00:11:23,124 --> 00:11:25,008 Eating fresh, are we? 281 00:11:25,009 --> 00:11:27,494 Have you found any dirt on Subway yet? 282 00:11:27,495 --> 00:11:29,763 No, nothing. I should probably hang out with him more. 283 00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:32,599 You know what I think? I think you're falling for him. 284 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,935 I am not. Who do you think I am? 285 00:11:34,936 --> 00:11:36,136 I lived in New York. 286 00:11:36,137 --> 00:11:38,171 You never lived anywhere. 287 00:11:38,172 --> 00:11:39,957 You're a weapon designed for sex. 288 00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:41,308 You only think you lived in New York 289 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,809 'cause I implanted your memories. 290 00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:45,679 Oh, Pierce, stop it! Look what we're becoming. 291 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,698 I'm sorry we pulled you into this dirty game. 292 00:11:47,699 --> 00:11:48,699 I want you to stop. 293 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,183 Yeah, we're pulling you out... 294 00:11:50,184 --> 00:11:52,736 Right after your last assignment. 295 00:11:52,737 --> 00:11:55,656 This pen is a microphone. 296 00:11:55,657 --> 00:12:00,410 It's also a miniflask. 297 00:12:00,411 --> 00:12:02,045 Did you just drink ink? 298 00:12:02,046 --> 00:12:03,847 Just plant this on Subway, 299 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,499 and you'll never have to see him again. 300 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,634 Until then, keep him interested. 301 00:12:07,635 --> 00:12:11,221 And for God's sakes, slap some life on those dead lips. 302 00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:13,140 [Scoffs] 303 00:12:13,141 --> 00:12:14,874 [Militaristic music] 304 00:12:14,875 --> 00:12:17,928 Hello, Abed. How's the pillow fort going? 305 00:12:17,929 --> 00:12:20,230 It's hard making something perfect, but it's worth it. 306 00:12:20,231 --> 00:12:22,316 Yeah, I'll remember that when I'm being given a key 307 00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:24,067 to the secret guinness record holders' clubhouse, 308 00:12:24,068 --> 00:12:26,286 where I'll be hanging with those two fat guys on motorcycles 309 00:12:26,287 --> 00:12:28,488 and being fitted for a beard of bees. 310 00:12:28,489 --> 00:12:31,491 Whoo! Well, Troy, I just got off the phone with Guinness, 311 00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:33,026 and they are sending a representative 312 00:12:33,027 --> 00:12:35,829 to have a look-see at your blanket fort. 313 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:38,865 - Are we world-record ready? - Garrett? 314 00:12:38,866 --> 00:12:41,868 We are still more than 2,000 square feet shy of the record. 315 00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:44,738 Abed's pillow fort is the only thing standing in our way. 316 00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:46,573 Well, what are we going to do here, guys? 317 00:12:46,574 --> 00:12:48,241 Is there a way we can connect them? 318 00:12:48,242 --> 00:12:50,043 You can't connect the blanket fort to the pillow fort 319 00:12:50,044 --> 00:12:51,211 and still call it a pillow fort. 320 00:12:51,212 --> 00:12:52,295 Even if you could, I'd rather see 321 00:12:52,296 --> 00:12:53,680 my work destroyed than compromise it. 322 00:12:53,681 --> 00:12:56,416 Great, Abed will destroy his pillow fort, 323 00:12:56,417 --> 00:12:59,519 and Troy will expand his blanket fort into the space. 324 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:00,887 Everyone wins. 325 00:13:00,888 --> 00:13:04,107 Except Abed, but you know, not everyone can win. 326 00:13:04,108 --> 00:13:05,892 Is that what you want, Troy? 327 00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:09,713 For me to destroy my pillow fort so you could set your record? 328 00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:12,466 - It is. - Magnitude. 329 00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:15,392 Evacuate fort Abed, and prepare for self-destruct. 330 00:13:15,393 --> 00:13:18,271 - Sir? - Do it. We're done here. 331 00:13:18,272 --> 00:13:22,108 Pop, pop, Captain. 332 00:13:29,884 --> 00:13:32,002 Oh! [Gasps] Subway. 333 00:13:32,003 --> 00:13:34,304 Britta, I was worried you wouldn't come. 334 00:13:34,305 --> 00:13:38,308 - I can't stop thinking about you. - Shh. 335 00:13:40,595 --> 00:13:42,229 They wanted me to plant a bug on you. 336 00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:43,780 I can't, and I won't. 337 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:47,100 Our values, our identities... they mean nothing to me now. 338 00:13:47,101 --> 00:13:48,602 Only the primal remains. 339 00:13:48,603 --> 00:13:52,572 To me, you are simply a physical necessity. 340 00:13:52,573 --> 00:13:53,824 - Mmm. - Mmm. 341 00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:56,443 Oh, Subway. 342 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:59,246 [Moaning] 343 00:13:59,247 --> 00:14:01,114 Subway. 344 00:14:01,115 --> 00:14:03,583 - Oh, Subway. - Mmm. 345 00:14:03,584 --> 00:14:05,919 Oh, Subway. [Gasps] 346 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:06,920 Oh, no, no. 347 00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:08,488 No, this is wrong, Pierce. 348 00:14:08,489 --> 00:14:09,489 I just wanted to open a sandwich shop. 349 00:14:09,490 --> 00:14:10,674 I did not sign up for this. 350 00:14:10,675 --> 00:14:12,459 You don't want to get your hands dirty, fine. 351 00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:14,177 I will. 352 00:14:14,178 --> 00:14:18,673 Nice knowing you, Subway. If that is your real name. 353 00:14:21,185 --> 00:14:24,187 Ahh. 354 00:14:33,103 --> 00:14:37,139 Kim. It's me, Jeff. 355 00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,358 The inconsiderate jerk. 356 00:14:39,359 --> 00:14:41,226 Look, I don't remember hurting you, 357 00:14:41,227 --> 00:14:43,712 and I have to assume that's what hurt you. 358 00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:45,347 God knows what crime you've committed 359 00:14:45,348 --> 00:14:47,699 to deserve me disregarding you entirely. 360 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:50,486 But whatever your crime, I think we both know 361 00:14:50,487 --> 00:14:52,738 the real crime is mine. 362 00:14:52,739 --> 00:14:54,656 I'm a self-centered, shallow jackass. 363 00:14:54,657 --> 00:15:00,295 And I just want to... thank you for your note 364 00:15:00,296 --> 00:15:03,382 because I'm going to try and change. 365 00:15:03,383 --> 00:15:05,033 I just wish you were here to forgive me. 366 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,868 I am. 367 00:15:06,869 --> 00:15:09,371 And I do. 368 00:15:09,372 --> 00:15:10,389 I'm Kim. 369 00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:11,423 What? 370 00:15:11,424 --> 00:15:13,308 You said Kim was dead. 371 00:15:13,309 --> 00:15:15,928 Because you never remember who I am. 372 00:15:15,929 --> 00:15:17,846 First year, we hung out, like, ten times. 373 00:15:17,847 --> 00:15:19,898 And each time, you introduced yourself to me. 374 00:15:19,899 --> 00:15:21,433 That's why I wrote that note. 375 00:15:21,434 --> 00:15:23,718 And then today, it's like you still don't remember me. 376 00:15:23,719 --> 00:15:25,988 And... and you still assume from my name that I am a girl. 377 00:15:25,989 --> 00:15:28,607 I had no choice but to make up that awesome story 378 00:15:28,608 --> 00:15:31,193 about a dead chick to hurt you like you hurt me. 379 00:15:31,194 --> 00:15:35,330 I am so sorry... 380 00:15:35,331 --> 00:15:37,332 Kim. Right? 381 00:15:37,333 --> 00:15:40,502 Do you know how long I've waited to hear you say that? 382 00:15:42,338 --> 00:15:44,373 What the hell is this crap? 383 00:15:44,374 --> 00:15:46,258 Annie, this is Kim. 384 00:15:46,259 --> 00:15:47,593 I think because he had a girl's name, 385 00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:48,927 I never took him seriously. 386 00:15:48,928 --> 00:15:50,712 It happens literally all the time, 387 00:15:50,713 --> 00:15:53,748 which is insane because 16% of all people named Kim are men. 388 00:15:53,749 --> 00:15:56,518 - [Chuckles] I'm sorry, buddy. - Don't apologize to this guy. 389 00:15:56,519 --> 00:15:59,671 - You told me to apologize. - To a dead girl's locker. 390 00:15:59,672 --> 00:16:03,225 I thought I was representing the sisterhood. 391 00:16:03,226 --> 00:16:04,426 Thought I was teaching you a lesson 392 00:16:04,427 --> 00:16:06,562 about all the girls you dominate 393 00:16:06,563 --> 00:16:07,946 and then ignore. 394 00:16:07,947 --> 00:16:11,316 Not to waste your energy on some weird, cloying, 395 00:16:11,317 --> 00:16:14,102 hypersensitive stalker with a girl's name. 396 00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,121 Hey! You are really mean. 397 00:16:16,122 --> 00:16:18,570 Put it in a letter, Jane Austen. 398 00:16:20,627 --> 00:16:24,613 Prepare to initiate Protocol Omega. 399 00:16:24,614 --> 00:16:27,749 Good-bye, pillow fort. You were a beautiful dream. 400 00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:31,119 More than a dream. It's here. 401 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,287 Who are you? 402 00:16:32,288 --> 00:16:33,839 Someone who understands dedication 403 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,791 to craftsmanship in the face of mediocrity. 404 00:16:36,792 --> 00:16:39,478 This world is run by the unremarkables. 405 00:16:39,479 --> 00:16:41,797 Don't do what you always do, Abed. 406 00:16:41,798 --> 00:16:44,799 Don't corrupt the host to pacify the parasites. 407 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,884 Ask yourself... 408 00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:49,454 "What if I stopped worrying about their acceptance of me?" 409 00:16:49,455 --> 00:16:52,991 What if it fell to the Reggies of the world 410 00:16:52,992 --> 00:16:57,095 to keep up with the inspectors or perish? 411 00:16:57,096 --> 00:17:01,216 Now please turn your head while I crawl away. 412 00:17:01,217 --> 00:17:04,786 I'm going through some stuff right now. 413 00:17:04,787 --> 00:17:07,556 I'm very insecure. 414 00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:10,492 What's going on? 415 00:17:10,493 --> 00:17:12,411 I'll ask the questions here. 416 00:17:12,412 --> 00:17:15,297 You had sex with Subway, and I recorded it. 417 00:17:15,298 --> 00:17:17,499 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 418 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:20,135 - Mm-hmm. - Hmm. 419 00:17:20,136 --> 00:17:21,687 You know what, I'm going to let this one slide. 420 00:17:21,688 --> 00:17:22,688 - What? - What? 421 00:17:22,689 --> 00:17:23,689 I know we have very strict rules 422 00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:25,190 against romantic entanglements 423 00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:28,360 with our corpohumanoids, but at this point in time, 424 00:17:28,361 --> 00:17:30,696 we can't stop them from having hearts. 425 00:17:30,697 --> 00:17:33,115 These two are clearly in love. 426 00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:34,783 If they want to express that love 427 00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:38,737 in a perfectly healthy way, then... okay, hold on. 428 00:17:38,738 --> 00:17:40,973 Th... is this what I think it is? 429 00:17:42,525 --> 00:17:44,643 That got unhealthy real quick. 430 00:17:44,644 --> 00:17:46,845 That... okay, that's... yeah, that's weird. 431 00:17:46,846 --> 00:17:49,047 That is well out of the mainstream. 432 00:17:49,048 --> 00:17:50,332 You know, I was raised in the... 433 00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,034 the Bay Area, but I... I'm a father now. 434 00:17:53,035 --> 00:17:54,869 [Clears throat] 435 00:17:54,870 --> 00:17:58,006 Subway cannot stand for that, and frankly, Rick, 436 00:17:58,007 --> 00:18:00,542 - I-I'm surprised you did. - My name is Subway. 437 00:18:00,543 --> 00:18:02,210 Not anymore. 438 00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,179 - The bread is stale. - No! No! 439 00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,682 - Oh, my God. - Subway, I love you! 440 00:18:06,683 --> 00:18:07,849 - Britta! - Shut up. 441 00:18:07,850 --> 00:18:09,351 [Whispers] How could you? 442 00:18:09,352 --> 00:18:13,272 Well, if that'll be all, I'll be on my way. 443 00:18:13,273 --> 00:18:16,491 If someone could hand me my jacket. 444 00:18:16,492 --> 00:18:18,910 It's right over there on the coatrack next to the door. 445 00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:21,880 If somebody could just hand it to me, that would be great. 446 00:18:25,118 --> 00:18:26,568 I guess I'm confused. 447 00:18:26,569 --> 00:18:28,236 Why don't you just grab it on your way out the door... 448 00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,122 You know what? Now I'm not leaving. 449 00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:32,207 Now I'm just going to sit for a while 450 00:18:32,208 --> 00:18:35,927 and focus on how unacceptable today was. 451 00:18:35,928 --> 00:18:38,430 Jeff. 452 00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:40,632 I wanted to apologize. 453 00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:44,419 I never realized I had my own issues regarding gender roles, 454 00:18:44,420 --> 00:18:47,356 and it was certainly unfair of me to take them out on Kim. 455 00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:48,940 Mm. 456 00:18:48,941 --> 00:18:51,593 Who's Kim? 457 00:18:51,594 --> 00:18:54,479 Corporate America has destroyed love. 458 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,783 - Again? - Subway! 459 00:18:57,784 --> 00:19:00,935 Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else. 460 00:19:00,936 --> 00:19:03,772 Britta, you silly. It is me, Subway. 461 00:19:03,773 --> 00:19:05,240 What? 462 00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,459 I had a great time with you last night in the pillow fort, 463 00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:10,045 the one exception being the deviant sex act 464 00:19:10,046 --> 00:19:12,993 you initiated without my consent. 465 00:19:15,218 --> 00:19:17,786 Eat fresh. 466 00:19:17,787 --> 00:19:18,787 Aah! 467 00:19:18,788 --> 00:19:20,121 - Whoa! - Oh, jeez. 468 00:19:20,122 --> 00:19:22,457 There is a situation developing in the study room. 469 00:19:22,458 --> 00:19:24,343 I would elaborate, but I am out of breath 470 00:19:24,344 --> 00:19:26,144 because I walked here very briskly. 471 00:19:26,145 --> 00:19:27,396 [Panting] 472 00:19:27,397 --> 00:19:29,130 [Overlapping shouting] 473 00:19:29,131 --> 00:19:31,266 Calm down! 474 00:19:31,267 --> 00:19:35,103 Calm! Down! 475 00:19:35,104 --> 00:19:37,806 - What's going on here? - Abed won't tear down his fort. 476 00:19:37,807 --> 00:19:39,641 I shouldn't have to compromise my craftsmanship 477 00:19:39,642 --> 00:19:41,576 - to placate mediocrity. - Mediocrity? 478 00:19:41,577 --> 00:19:43,578 Okay, b... boys, boys. 479 00:19:43,579 --> 00:19:45,914 The Guinness rep will be here in two days. 480 00:19:45,915 --> 00:19:49,150 Can we just flip a coin to decide who has to back down? 481 00:19:49,151 --> 00:19:50,452 - No. - No. 482 00:19:50,453 --> 00:19:52,987 Well, I'm Dean, so I'm making the call. 483 00:19:52,988 --> 00:19:55,340 [Dramatic music] 484 00:19:55,341 --> 00:19:57,259 The pillow fort comes down. 485 00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,594 - All right, you stay back. - Watch it, Star-Burns. 486 00:19:59,595 --> 00:20:01,596 My name is Alex! 487 00:20:01,597 --> 00:20:03,632 [Screams] 488 00:20:07,603 --> 00:20:09,671 This is war! [Overlapping shouting] 489 00:20:09,672 --> 00:20:12,674 [Exciting music] 490 00:20:12,675 --> 00:20:14,275 ♪ ♪ 491 00:20:17,647 --> 00:20:20,148 [Dramatic music] 492 00:20:20,149 --> 00:20:22,150 [Gunshot] 493 00:20:22,151 --> 00:20:24,035 [Horse neighs] 494 00:20:24,036 --> 00:20:25,954 [Militaristic music] 495 00:20:25,955 --> 00:20:27,522 - Back, back. - Back. 496 00:20:27,523 --> 00:20:30,158 - Go. - Back, back, back in the fort. 497 00:20:30,159 --> 00:20:32,193 [Dramatic music] 498 00:20:32,194 --> 00:20:35,180 To be continued. 499 00:20:44,156 --> 00:20:46,291 Sir, it appears that Troy Barnes' blanket fort 500 00:20:46,292 --> 00:20:48,643 may go to war with Abed Nadir's pillow fort. 501 00:20:48,644 --> 00:20:49,795 Of course. 502 00:20:49,796 --> 00:20:52,380 Soon Troy and Abed will be torn asunder, 503 00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:56,184 and an unencumbered Troy will turn to his destiny... 504 00:20:56,185 --> 00:20:58,553 The air conditioning repair school. 505 00:20:58,554 --> 00:21:01,204 You are a cold-blooded man, sir. 506 00:21:01,205 --> 00:21:02,483 Yes. 507 00:21:02,484 --> 00:21:05,798 How unfortunate for Troy and Abed. 508 00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:10,640 See you in band practice.