1
00:00:01,878 --> 00:00:03,978
Here are all my receipts.
2
00:00:04,019 --> 00:00:05,269
Look, I don't
need these, Liz.
3
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,054
Your tax return
is the same every year.
4
00:00:07,072 --> 00:00:08,405
Actually, I'll have you know
5
00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:10,963
that this has been
a year of change, Howard.
6
00:00:10,963 --> 00:00:12,786
I joined
an over-40 dance team,
7
00:00:12,845 --> 00:00:15,582
I started eating the lettuce on
my plate under my onion rings,
8
00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:19,161
and I have taken up meditation
thanks to my boyfriend Criss.
9
00:00:19,234 --> 00:00:22,837
Yeah, do you remember what
you said to me last year?
10
00:00:22,871 --> 00:00:25,256
This has been
a year of change, Howard.
11
00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:28,092
I'm actually eating the onion
part of my onion rings,
12
00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:30,878
I started journaling thanks
to my exciting relationship
13
00:00:30,912 --> 00:00:32,537
with Carol, who is a man.
14
00:00:32,598 --> 00:00:34,932
Although we have done nothing
that lesbians could not do.
15
00:00:35,107 --> 00:00:35,920
Uhhuh.
16
00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:37,733
Do you remember what
you said to me last year?
17
00:00:37,886 --> 00:00:40,087
I bought a restaurant-grade
onion ringer,
18
00:00:40,105 --> 00:00:42,022
and I'm having a go
at cycling,
19
00:00:42,057 --> 00:00:44,892
thanks to my boyfriend Wesley,
whom I hate.
20
00:00:44,926 --> 00:00:46,929
Have I never washed
this sweater?
21
00:00:46,985 --> 00:00:48,973
Look, there's nothing wrong
with being predictable.
22
00:00:49,030 --> 00:00:50,865
Every morning I get up
and come to this office
23
00:00:50,899 --> 00:00:52,650
while my wife cheats
on me with Jared.
24
00:00:52,701 --> 00:00:53,734
Well, you're wrong.
25
00:00:53,768 --> 00:00:55,870
I bought a meditation
stool, and...
26
00:00:55,904 --> 00:00:57,571
Both: This year's gonna
be different.
27
00:01:03,378 --> 00:01:05,996
Jack, am I just in
a permanent rut?
28
00:01:06,047 --> 00:01:07,614
I don't have time for
your nonsense, Lemon.
29
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:08,404
I'm working.
30
00:01:08,442 --> 00:01:09,887
I know this doesn't
look like work,
31
00:01:09,887 --> 00:01:11,512
but are you familiar with
the shower principle?
32
00:01:11,586 --> 00:01:12,786
I remember Mrs. Doyle
33
00:01:12,804 --> 00:01:14,054
pulling me aside
to talk about it
34
00:01:14,089 --> 00:01:15,267
- in the seventh grade.
- Uh, no.
35
00:01:15,266 --> 00:01:17,531
The shower principle is
a term scientists use
36
00:01:17,592 --> 00:01:19,977
to describe moments
of inspiration that occur
37
00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:22,096
when the brain is distracted
from the problem at hand.
38
00:01:22,130 --> 00:01:24,098
For example,
when you're showering.
39
00:01:24,132 --> 00:01:25,983
I was in the shower when
I finally got the title
40
00:01:26,017 --> 00:01:27,268
of the movie Face off.
41
00:01:27,302 --> 00:01:29,374
Face off,
face off.
44
00:01:32,542 --> 00:01:33,876
by showering or putting,
45
00:01:33,942 --> 00:01:35,826
then another part of the brain,
46
00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:38,529
the anterior superior
temporal gyrus is activated.
47
00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:42,583
This is the site of sudden
cognitive inspiration.
48
00:01:42,617 --> 00:01:44,818
[Coughs] Nerd alert,
nerd alert.
49
00:01:44,836 --> 00:01:46,670
[Coughing]
50
00:01:46,705 --> 00:01:49,156
The problem at hand
is this man,
51
00:01:49,174 --> 00:01:50,708
my boss, Hank Hooper.
52
00:01:50,742 --> 00:01:52,493
Kabletown has grown a lot
53
00:01:52,527 --> 00:01:55,429
over the years,
but it's still a family company
54
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:57,598
with a very simple goal...
55
00:01:57,632 --> 00:01:58,983
To entertain folks.
56
00:01:59,017 --> 00:02:00,684
That's all people want.
57
00:02:00,719 --> 00:02:02,853
To sit on their sofas...
58
00:02:02,887 --> 00:02:04,271
Oh, why am I putting on airs?
59
00:02:04,306 --> 00:02:05,773
To sit on their couches,
60
00:02:05,807 --> 00:02:07,841
and hear stories.
Here's one.
61
00:02:07,859 --> 00:02:09,361
1968.
62
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:11,949
We were on patrol somewhere near
the Cambodian border.
63
00:02:12,013 --> 00:02:14,453
Uh, we can skip this part.
64
00:02:14,799 --> 00:02:16,450
So we boiled the skull,
65
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:18,018
and made a tea kettle
out of it.
66
00:02:18,036 --> 00:02:20,204
[Laughs]
67
00:02:20,238 --> 00:02:23,574
My point is, I believe that
slow and steady wins the race.
68
00:02:23,608 --> 00:02:26,443
We don't take risks.
We make profits.
69
00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:30,464
So now, let's get this
dog fashion show started!
70
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:33,200
"Everyone hide your bones."
71
00:02:33,218 --> 00:02:36,667
"Dogbeard the pirate
just sailed into woof harbor."
72
00:02:36,706 --> 00:02:37,440
Ugh.
73
00:02:37,474 --> 00:02:39,365
You know what else Hank
announced at that meeting?
74
00:02:39,424 --> 00:02:40,591
Record profits.
75
00:02:40,625 --> 00:02:42,376
Really?
Can we start getting real soda?
76
00:02:42,394 --> 00:02:44,845
Because I think Corka-Coola
brand diet banana lime
77
00:02:44,879 --> 00:02:46,680
- causes "tum nungnuss."
- No.
78
00:02:46,714 --> 00:02:48,761
And do you know what Hank wants
to do with that money?
79
00:02:48,838 --> 00:02:50,639
Pay a shareholder dividend.
80
00:02:50,769 --> 00:02:54,021
Meanwhile, the Kabletown blimp
is in such disrepair,
81
00:02:54,055 --> 00:02:57,608
we got a "jeers"
in Corporate Blimps Weekly.
82
00:02:57,659 --> 00:02:59,893
I want to use that money
to transform this company,
83
00:02:59,911 --> 00:03:02,162
but first I have to convince
Hank Hooper,
84
00:03:02,197 --> 00:03:05,115
a white man
who still buys Cadillacs.
85
00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:08,279
I just need the right idea.
86
00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:10,921
Do you think
a year ago today
87
00:03:10,955 --> 00:03:13,090
we were having this
same conversation?
88
00:03:13,124 --> 00:03:14,375
Because it sure
feels like it.
89
00:03:14,409 --> 00:03:15,426
Probably.
90
00:03:15,460 --> 00:03:16,877
And knowing you,
as you were leaving
91
00:03:16,911 --> 00:03:19,380
you did something
comically undignified.
92
00:03:19,414 --> 00:03:22,132
Well, not this time, friend.
93
00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:24,968
- Whoa, gumballs!
- Lemon!
94
00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:38,899
[Exciting jazz music]
95
00:03:38,933 --> 00:03:40,533
♪ ♪
96
00:03:48,281 --> 00:03:51,081
30 ROCK
S06 Ep15 - The shower principle
97
00:03:51,336 --> 00:03:54,836
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
98
00:03:58,999 --> 00:04:02,537
Why is all the healthy food
on the top shelf today?
99
00:04:03,336 --> 00:04:04,736
Cut it out, you perverts.
100
00:04:04,754 --> 00:04:05,838
I know what you're doing.
101
00:04:05,872 --> 00:04:07,406
It's the first warm
day of the year,
102
00:04:07,424 --> 00:04:09,741
and women are starting to take
off their winter clothes...
103
00:04:09,759 --> 00:04:11,377
Good morning!
104
00:04:11,411 --> 00:04:13,295
Eyes down here, boys.
105
00:04:13,346 --> 00:04:14,913
I have breasts, you know.
106
00:04:14,931 --> 00:04:15,914
Nope, Hazel.
107
00:04:15,932 --> 00:04:17,016
Button up.
108
00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:18,717
Cerie, put on one
of my soup ponchos.
109
00:04:18,751 --> 00:04:20,302
This happens every spring,
110
00:04:20,353 --> 00:04:21,970
and it makes Jenna feel
threatened, and old,
111
00:04:22,022 --> 00:04:23,355
and she takes it out on me
112
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:24,356
and the show.
113
00:04:24,391 --> 00:04:26,809
Every year she...
114
00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:28,477
Every year.
115
00:04:28,528 --> 00:04:33,598
The same thing
happens every year.
116
00:04:33,616 --> 00:04:36,735
Take a picture,
it'll last longer.
117
00:04:36,769 --> 00:04:38,203
Here you go.
118
00:04:43,376 --> 00:04:45,327
Hey, Liz, at 11:00
we have...
119
00:04:45,378 --> 00:04:46,545
Our annual budget meeting.
120
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:48,580
You know what I did
a year ago today?
121
00:04:48,614 --> 00:04:50,716
Met with my accountant,
went up to see Jack,
122
00:04:50,750 --> 00:04:52,885
told Cerie to cover herself up.
123
00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,470
Yeah, stop doing that.
124
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:56,638
Paula canceled my subscription
to shape magazine.
125
00:04:56,673 --> 00:04:58,223
Why do you have
to take Cerie away too?
126
00:04:58,258 --> 00:04:59,341
'Cause Jenna's
gonna freak out,
127
00:04:59,392 --> 00:05:00,559
and she'll take it out on me.
128
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:01,927
Last year,
129
00:05:01,961 --> 00:05:05,064
Jenna accused me
of trying to destroy her
130
00:05:05,098 --> 00:05:07,900
because her lines didn't
have any "K" sounds,
131
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:09,634
which she thinks
is the funniest sound.
132
00:05:09,652 --> 00:05:10,635
Oh, my God.
133
00:05:10,653 --> 00:05:12,321
My cousin Karl
crashed his car,
134
00:05:12,355 --> 00:05:14,139
and now he's in a coma
at the Kendall clinic.
135
00:05:14,157 --> 00:05:15,691
[Laughs]
Well...
136
00:05:15,742 --> 00:05:17,693
Look, you don't know
what Jenna's gonna do.
137
00:05:17,744 --> 00:05:19,311
Yeah, I do.
It's in the book,
138
00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:21,080
and the book has been
right about everything.
139
00:05:21,114 --> 00:05:22,559
It can see the future.
140
00:05:22,594 --> 00:05:23,372
Well, hang on.
141
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:24,876
If all of your problems
are in the book,
142
00:05:24,918 --> 00:05:26,418
aren't the solutions
in there too?
143
00:05:26,453 --> 00:05:27,375
Well, we'll see.
144
00:05:27,405 --> 00:05:30,791
Last year, Jenna didn't come
to her senses till I...
145
00:05:31,827 --> 00:05:34,988
It's all here.
This is how I break the cycle.
146
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:40,265
Today, I prove the universe,
and my accountant, wrong.
147
00:05:41,634 --> 00:05:42,801
Oh, and, Pete,
148
00:05:42,835 --> 00:05:45,104
don't try to force
a nickname this year.
149
00:05:45,138 --> 00:05:46,472
But I just bought
a Letterman jacket
150
00:05:46,506 --> 00:05:49,674
with "the German"
embroidered on it.
151
00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:51,610
It's not refundable
if you personalize it!
152
00:05:51,644 --> 00:05:54,780
[Thunder]
153
00:05:54,814 --> 00:05:55,847
Jenna?
154
00:05:55,865 --> 00:05:57,116
I know you're gonna
freak out today.
155
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:58,367
You're trying to destroy me.
156
00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,119
I refuse to be in that sketch.
157
00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:01,120
The MacBeth sketch?
158
00:06:01,154 --> 00:06:02,354
Shh, stop it.
159
00:06:02,372 --> 00:06:04,540
You never say that name
in the theater.
160
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:05,551
It is curs-ed.
161
00:06:05,589 --> 00:06:06,933
Jenna, that's just
a superstition.
162
00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:08,829
Elizabeth, I was trained
163
00:06:08,861 --> 00:06:11,029
in stage acting
and game show pointing
164
00:06:11,047 --> 00:06:13,632
at the Royal Tampa Academy
of dramatic tricks.
165
00:06:13,666 --> 00:06:16,084
Where I studied
theater superstition,
166
00:06:16,136 --> 00:06:18,504
under Professor
Duane "Crawfish" Kenny.
167
00:06:18,538 --> 00:06:20,556
I'm not doing a sketch about
the Scottish play.
168
00:06:20,590 --> 00:06:22,040
Yeah, but this isn't
MacBeth.
169
00:06:22,058 --> 00:06:24,709
It's a timely satire
of MacBeth,
170
00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:26,812
where mayor McCheese
and his wife,
171
00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:29,348
an ambitious pickle,
murder king Ronald.
172
00:06:29,382 --> 00:06:31,567
Liz, I don't need
any more bad luck.
173
00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:33,018
Do you know how many
mirrors I've smashed
174
00:06:33,052 --> 00:06:35,070
just thinking it was
a blonde woman mocking me?
175
00:06:35,104 --> 00:06:38,230
Okay, fine.
Like last year I will...
176
00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:39,775
Just ask Cerie to do it.
177
00:06:39,826 --> 00:06:41,152
Sure, I'll do it.
178
00:06:41,191 --> 00:06:42,498
I just have to be out
in time for my band
179
00:06:42,529 --> 00:06:43,829
to be on Letterman.
180
00:06:43,863 --> 00:06:46,198
[Crowd cheering,
electronic harmony]
181
00:06:46,232 --> 00:06:49,334
Perfect.
Now everyone's happy.
182
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,040
[Sighs] That Jenna sure
is a handful, huh?
183
00:06:55,074 --> 00:06:56,341
Hazel, damn it!
184
00:06:56,376 --> 00:06:57,593
I know she takes
you for granted.
185
00:06:57,627 --> 00:06:59,244
But I don't.
186
00:06:59,262 --> 00:07:02,097
Say, I bought a groupon
for a couples' massage
187
00:07:02,131 --> 00:07:04,600
at a resort in the Catskills
where Henny Youngman
188
00:07:04,634 --> 00:07:06,301
used to take his mistresses.
189
00:07:06,352 --> 00:07:07,352
What do you say?
190
00:07:07,387 --> 00:07:09,555
No. But if you want
to help me,
191
00:07:09,589 --> 00:07:10,939
just keep an eye on Jenna.
192
00:07:10,974 --> 00:07:12,424
I know she's gonna cave,
193
00:07:12,442 --> 00:07:14,726
I just want to make sure she
doesn't do anything crazy first.
194
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:17,362
As the doctor said to me
after my hepatitis test,
195
00:07:17,397 --> 00:07:21,066
"you got it, sweetheart."
196
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:22,651
Banks will provide...
197
00:07:22,702 --> 00:07:23,652
Hey, Tray.
198
00:07:23,703 --> 00:07:24,703
Hold up, double "L".
199
00:07:24,737 --> 00:07:26,121
I just want to clear this level.
200
00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:28,373
To navigate
the mortgage mess...
201
00:07:28,408 --> 00:07:29,441
Tracy, that's the news.
202
00:07:29,459 --> 00:07:31,293
It's the only way
we can watch it.
203
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:34,213
Coming up next, how safe
is your building's elevator?
204
00:07:34,247 --> 00:07:36,215
Yes! A thousand points!
205
00:07:36,249 --> 00:07:37,716
Sure.
206
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:40,502
Tracy, I know you insist
on doing your own taxes
207
00:07:40,553 --> 00:07:41,503
for some reason.
208
00:07:41,554 --> 00:07:42,787
I don't trust my accountant.
209
00:07:42,805 --> 00:07:45,090
I think he's lying to
me about being Jewish.
210
00:07:45,124 --> 00:07:47,726
I step on more wine
glasses than he does.
211
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,512
Well, last year on this date,
you flipped out
212
00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:52,481
because you didn't know
it was the 14th.
213
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,900
- So, this is an early warning...
- Wait, hold up.
214
00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:56,768
I didn't even know
it was April.
215
00:07:56,802 --> 00:07:57,969
I was gonna tell Dotcom
216
00:07:57,987 --> 00:08:00,522
I loved his novel
as an April fool's joke.
217
00:08:00,573 --> 00:08:02,741
This is all hands on deck!
218
00:08:02,775 --> 00:08:08,247
K-9, form of desk.
219
00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:09,814
Get the receipts out.
220
00:08:09,832 --> 00:08:11,450
This big one's
for your sneakers.
221
00:08:11,484 --> 00:08:13,802
Yes, do your taxes, yes.
222
00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:21,355
Why do you look so weird?
223
00:08:21,387 --> 00:08:23,946
Have I never seen you carry
a bag before?
224
00:08:24,008 --> 00:08:25,758
I went and took a shower
at the Racquet Club,
225
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:29,762
where I saw Lou Dobbs step
on his own testicles.
226
00:08:29,797 --> 00:08:31,047
It was horrifying.
227
00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:33,099
Still trying to get
the ol' jumper cables
228
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:35,718
on the tires
of your brain muffler?
229
00:08:35,752 --> 00:08:36,970
I don't know cars.
230
00:08:37,004 --> 00:08:38,938
I get ten minutes
with Hank Hooper tonight.
231
00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:40,556
Ten minutes to convince him
232
00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:43,026
to change his company forever.
233
00:08:43,060 --> 00:08:44,027
This is a crossroads, Lemon.
234
00:08:44,061 --> 00:08:46,428
[Elevator dings]
235
00:08:47,104 --> 00:08:48,688
You know what I miss about G.E.?
236
00:08:49,175 --> 00:08:51,093
The factories.
The sight of work being done,
237
00:08:51,268 --> 00:08:52,869
of things being made.
238
00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:54,821
The deafening noise
of machinery.
239
00:08:54,872 --> 00:08:56,739
[Shouts] You have
to talk like this!
240
00:08:56,773 --> 00:08:58,791
You can only say
what's essential!
241
00:08:58,826 --> 00:09:01,461
And you get to point at things!
242
00:09:01,495 --> 00:09:02,462
Okay, well I, for one,
243
00:09:02,496 --> 00:09:03,963
am crushing it today.
244
00:09:03,998 --> 00:09:06,132
I pre-solved my Tracy
and Jenna problems,
245
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:08,301
my budget meeting with
Pete took three seconds,
246
00:09:08,335 --> 00:09:12,388
and I got this meditation
candle for 80% off.
247
00:09:12,423 --> 00:09:14,807
"Summer horse grave"?
248
00:09:14,842 --> 00:09:16,142
Did you say
meditation candle?
249
00:09:16,176 --> 00:09:18,011
Lemon, are you planning
to meditate?
250
00:09:18,062 --> 00:09:20,263
Yeah. I bought a meditation
stool, I have a mantra.
251
00:09:20,297 --> 00:09:21,397
You have a mantra?
252
00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:22,899
What is it?
253
00:09:22,933 --> 00:09:24,863
You're not supposed to tell
anybody what your mantra is.
254
00:09:24,878 --> 00:09:25,660
Oh, come on.
255
00:09:25,686 --> 00:09:28,304
Meditation is a waste of time,
like learning French,
256
00:09:28,322 --> 00:09:31,274
or kissing after sex.
257
00:09:31,308 --> 00:09:32,775
There you are, lemonade.
258
00:09:32,809 --> 00:09:34,610
Distract her with your
craziness, Tracy.
259
00:09:34,644 --> 00:09:35,912
Otherwise she's going
to meditate.
260
00:09:35,946 --> 00:09:37,413
I don't have time
for that, J.D.
261
00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:39,856
I have to go
to Alaska immediately.
262
00:09:40,043 --> 00:09:41,746
Alaska, what are
you talking about?
263
00:09:41,769 --> 00:09:42,621
Well, Ms. Lemon,
264
00:09:42,652 --> 00:09:45,755
Mr. Jordan had a lot more income
this year than he anticipated,
265
00:09:45,789 --> 00:09:48,291
thanks to his frequent
scratch-off lotto victories,
266
00:09:48,325 --> 00:09:49,926
finding all that treasure
on the island
267
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,210
he owns in the Caribbean.
268
00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:52,929
Quite an adventure.
269
00:09:52,963 --> 00:09:54,464
And designing Kate
Middleton's wedding gown.
270
00:09:54,498 --> 00:09:55,631
She was wonderful.
271
00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:58,501
Collaborative, fun,
and a little dangerous.
272
00:09:58,519 --> 00:10:01,637
Okay, so you have
to go to Alaska because...
273
00:10:01,671 --> 00:10:02,638
In order to pay my tax bill,
274
00:10:02,672 --> 00:10:04,390
I had to sign on
to do a movie,
275
00:10:04,441 --> 00:10:05,674
Five dog now five.
276
00:10:05,693 --> 00:10:07,843
- Gibberish.
- No, that's just the confusing
277
00:10:07,861 --> 00:10:10,846
title Disney gave
the fifth Snow dogs movie.
278
00:10:10,864 --> 00:10:12,615
The "S" s are fives.
279
00:10:12,649 --> 00:10:14,650
Running time, 26 minutes.
280
00:10:14,684 --> 00:10:16,235
Why do you need to do
a movie to pay your taxes?
281
00:10:16,286 --> 00:10:17,236
You're loaded.
282
00:10:17,287 --> 00:10:19,072
I'm not liquid, Liz Lemon.
283
00:10:19,123 --> 00:10:20,656
I'm completely solid.
284
00:10:20,690 --> 00:10:23,692
I took all of my money and put
it in my pool and froze it.
285
00:10:23,711 --> 00:10:25,244
Nope, this isn't last year.
286
00:10:25,295 --> 00:10:26,412
I am breaking the cycle.
287
00:10:26,463 --> 00:10:27,863
I will deal with this later,
288
00:10:27,881 --> 00:10:30,483
after I meditate.
289
00:10:30,517 --> 00:10:31,918
Cycle?
290
00:10:31,969 --> 00:10:35,221
I forgot, I sponsored the dude
that won the Tour de France.
291
00:10:35,255 --> 00:10:37,874
Add another zero, Ken.
292
00:10:37,908 --> 00:10:40,426
"Out, out,
damn spot of mustard."
293
00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:44,380
[Crowd laughing]
294
00:10:44,398 --> 00:10:46,983
This is the first time
I've ever liked this show.
295
00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:49,152
It's so funny.
296
00:10:49,186 --> 00:10:54,490
[Applause]
297
00:10:54,525 --> 00:10:56,275
There's a saying
in show business.
298
00:10:56,326 --> 00:10:57,693
[Crowd boos, jeers]
299
00:10:57,727 --> 00:10:59,445
The show must go on.
300
00:10:59,496 --> 00:11:01,581
And I couldn't go another
minute without being around
301
00:11:01,615 --> 00:11:04,951
the greatest non-pornography
crew I've ever worked with.
302
00:11:05,002 --> 00:11:07,086
It feels so weird
being up here.
303
00:11:07,121 --> 00:11:08,621
What if I get discovered?
304
00:11:08,672 --> 00:11:11,090
♪ Amazing... ♪
305
00:11:11,125 --> 00:11:16,078
♪ ...zing grace ♪
306
00:11:16,096 --> 00:11:18,431
I don't care if this
production is cursed.
307
00:11:18,465 --> 00:11:19,766
Like Lady McCheese,
308
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,918
I will "screw my courage
to the sticking McNugget."
309
00:11:22,936 --> 00:11:27,023
I will do the sketch.
310
00:11:27,057 --> 00:11:28,558
Let me help you down, sweet.
311
00:11:28,592 --> 00:11:30,726
Careful, don't stab yourself.
312
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,430
Okay, let's take it from
Grimace's family being murdered.
313
00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:36,098
[Bzzz]
Jenna, look out!
314
00:11:36,116 --> 00:11:38,868
[Crash]
315
00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:40,369
I could have been killed.
316
00:11:40,404 --> 00:11:41,704
It's the curse!
317
00:11:41,738 --> 00:11:43,539
[Giggles]
Sorry.
318
00:11:43,574 --> 00:11:45,324
Hard "K" sounds.
319
00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:47,326
Mm.
320
00:11:47,377 --> 00:11:50,329
[Exhales]
[Sitar music playing]
321
00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:54,950
♪ ♪
322
00:11:54,968 --> 00:11:57,170
[Silence]
323
00:11:57,221 --> 00:11:59,505
I'm going to Alaska!
Five now dog five!
324
00:11:59,556 --> 00:12:00,789
Five now dog five!
325
00:12:00,808 --> 00:12:02,124
Everyone's trying
to destroy me.
326
00:12:02,142 --> 00:12:04,293
Five now dog five!
Five now dog five!
327
00:12:04,311 --> 00:12:05,595
Budget meeting, "the germ."
328
00:12:05,629 --> 00:12:07,780
Pam putch, car waiting times,
"the germ."
329
00:12:07,815 --> 00:12:10,516
Distractions begone!
330
00:12:10,551 --> 00:12:12,602
Congratulations, Elizabeth.
331
00:12:12,636 --> 00:12:14,687
You have achieved
transcendence,
332
00:12:14,738 --> 00:12:16,606
a state of pure inner peace,
333
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:20,776
where all pants have
built-in underwear.
334
00:12:20,810 --> 00:12:23,979
You have reached
a plane of total enlightenment,
335
00:12:23,997 --> 00:12:26,082
and you are realizing
that Jack was right,
336
00:12:26,116 --> 00:12:27,950
meditation is a waste of time,
337
00:12:27,984 --> 00:12:29,168
time you could have spent
338
00:12:29,203 --> 00:12:32,088
reading that book he gave
you on business lunches,
339
00:12:32,122 --> 00:12:34,407
Buffett on buffets.
340
00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:35,424
But that doesn't make sense.
341
00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:36,792
If I've achieved enlightenment,
342
00:12:36,826 --> 00:12:38,094
how is this a waste of time?
343
00:12:38,128 --> 00:12:40,763
Let me answer your question
with a question.
344
00:12:40,797 --> 00:12:44,550
Why don't you just shut up
and tell me your mantra?
345
00:12:44,601 --> 00:12:46,636
Is it,
"time to make the donuts"?
346
00:12:46,670 --> 00:12:48,221
[Gasps]
What are you doing?
347
00:12:48,272 --> 00:12:50,773
[Growls]
348
00:12:50,807 --> 00:12:52,058
"Hank Hooper is coming,
Lemon.
349
00:12:52,109 --> 00:12:53,309
"I don't have time
for your nonsense.
350
00:12:53,343 --> 00:12:54,510
"I'm always criticizing
your shoes,
351
00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:56,062
but never offering
solutions."
352
00:12:56,113 --> 00:12:58,781
Don't you have a big idea you're
supposed to be coming up with?
353
00:12:58,815 --> 00:13:01,067
That's exactly what
I'm trying to do.
354
00:13:01,118 --> 00:13:03,018
I realized something today.
355
00:13:03,036 --> 00:13:06,072
Putting, showering,
they don't work for me.
356
00:13:06,123 --> 00:13:08,574
Only you can stimulate
357
00:13:08,625 --> 00:13:11,327
my anterior superior
temporal gyrus.
358
00:13:11,361 --> 00:13:14,080
Buy me a drink first.
Ow.
359
00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:15,965
For the past six years,
360
00:13:15,999 --> 00:13:18,918
nothing has been a better
distraction than rescuing you
361
00:13:18,969 --> 00:13:22,305
from your various wrong turns
on the road of life.
362
00:13:22,339 --> 00:13:23,923
And I just don't know what
to do now.
363
00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:25,508
I'm scared, Jack.
364
00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:27,393
Lemon, just get another DVR
in the bedroom,
365
00:13:27,427 --> 00:13:30,263
and then you can record
all four shows at once.
366
00:13:30,314 --> 00:13:32,431
I've got it.
367
00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:35,551
Dump all the unsold
dishwashers into the ocean.
368
00:13:35,569 --> 00:13:38,271
As it turns out,
you are my shower principle,
369
00:13:38,322 --> 00:13:40,239
so shower me, Lemon.
370
00:13:40,274 --> 00:13:41,890
Shower me in the inane waters
371
00:13:41,909 --> 00:13:44,860
of television, food,
and feet.
372
00:13:44,894 --> 00:13:47,496
You know what?
Maybe you should try meditating.
373
00:13:47,531 --> 00:13:48,664
I am serious.
374
00:13:48,699 --> 00:13:50,666
The whole point
is to clear your mind.
375
00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:53,252
Meditate, Lemon?
I once pantsed Deepak Chopra
376
00:13:53,287 --> 00:13:54,837
while Craig T. Nelson
taped it.
377
00:13:54,871 --> 00:13:55,838
I don't meditate.
378
00:13:55,872 --> 00:13:56,614
Hey, Liz,
379
00:13:56,656 --> 00:13:58,054
does your journal say
anything about Frank
380
00:13:58,125 --> 00:14:00,743
trying to drink a gallon
of milk last year?
381
00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:01,744
It can't be done.
382
00:14:01,762 --> 00:14:02,795
- Oh, God, the carpet.
- Ugh!
383
00:14:02,846 --> 00:14:04,246
Somebody hold my hair back.
384
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,217
Oh, no!
385
00:14:08,251 --> 00:14:09,936
My Johnny Choon.
386
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,086
Are you all right?
387
00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:12,972
I've seen people
killed with shoes,
388
00:14:13,023 --> 00:14:14,390
but never like that.
389
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:15,942
I can't believe
this is happening.
390
00:14:15,976 --> 00:14:17,760
I was just using the curse
of the Scottish play
391
00:14:17,778 --> 00:14:19,428
as an excuse to act out.
392
00:14:19,446 --> 00:14:20,696
But it's real.
393
00:14:20,731 --> 00:14:23,098
Ugh, like I need
another curse.
394
00:14:23,116 --> 00:14:25,768
Too busty.
395
00:14:25,786 --> 00:14:26,819
[Crack]
396
00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:28,821
- Ah!
- Oh!
397
00:14:44,087 --> 00:14:48,224
I'm running out of time.
398
00:14:51,395 --> 00:14:53,929
Meditate perfectly.
399
00:14:53,963 --> 00:14:56,015
[Sitar music playing]
400
00:14:56,066 --> 00:14:57,767
Jack, tell me what
to do about my...
401
00:14:57,801 --> 00:15:00,969
Boyfriend! DVR! Feet!
402
00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:04,857
SMAS mondays at 10:00!
Female mustache.
403
00:15:04,908 --> 00:15:08,027
My casserole's burning!
My casserole's burnt!
404
00:15:08,078 --> 00:15:10,279
Nut up, Donaghy,
and meditate!
405
00:15:10,313 --> 00:15:11,580
Congratulations, Jack.
406
00:15:11,615 --> 00:15:12,748
You have attained...
407
00:15:12,783 --> 00:15:14,450
Shut up,
I don't have time for this.
408
00:15:14,484 --> 00:15:15,751
Give me my inspiration.
409
00:15:15,786 --> 00:15:17,653
My God, you're good
at meditating.
410
00:15:17,671 --> 00:15:19,872
The answer you seek has
been there all along.
411
00:15:19,923 --> 00:15:20,923
It's right behind you.
412
00:15:20,957 --> 00:15:22,091
Behind you.
413
00:15:22,125 --> 00:15:23,926
Behind you,
behind yo...
414
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,378
I don't need an echo.
415
00:15:25,429 --> 00:15:26,896
I heard you.
416
00:15:26,930 --> 00:15:30,182
Meditation over!
417
00:15:30,217 --> 00:15:32,518
Behind me.
418
00:15:32,552 --> 00:15:34,387
Behind me.
419
00:15:34,438 --> 00:15:36,439
I've got it!
420
00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:41,255
You know what they'd thought
when I saw up your skirt.
421
00:15:41,372 --> 00:15:42,372
Nice.
422
00:15:42,406 --> 00:15:44,374
Someone won
the crotch jackpot.
423
00:15:44,408 --> 00:15:46,395
I need a drink.
424
00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:49,592
[Snap]
Ah! My hand!
425
00:15:49,672 --> 00:15:52,924
But I'm auditioning to play
senor wences' wife tomorrow!
426
00:15:53,085 --> 00:15:54,785
Ah, ah.
427
00:15:54,811 --> 00:15:56,424
I can't take this any more.
428
00:15:56,466 --> 00:15:59,935
This curse is ruining
my life.
429
00:16:00,009 --> 00:16:01,092
No, it's not.
430
00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:02,272
I am.
431
00:16:02,299 --> 00:16:03,650
What are you talking about?
432
00:16:03,683 --> 00:16:07,464
The light, your shoe,
the chair, your hand.
433
00:16:07,585 --> 00:16:08,785
It was all me, Jenna.
434
00:16:09,091 --> 00:16:10,465
Wh... why would you do that?
435
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,296
Because, I want to
be Liz Lemon's best friend.
436
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:15,262
I want to know her secrets,
437
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,245
sing Motown together
into hairbrushes,
438
00:16:18,302 --> 00:16:21,605
have a pair of vintage
Jordache jeans that we share.
439
00:16:21,913 --> 00:16:24,624
But, love has enemies...
You.
440
00:16:24,704 --> 00:16:27,623
- So you tried to kill me?
- Of course not, silly.
441
00:16:27,659 --> 00:16:30,180
I can't afford a third strike.
442
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:31,667
I just wanted to scare you off.
443
00:16:31,764 --> 00:16:37,518
And I'll stop, if you
never speak to Liz again.
444
00:16:37,824 --> 00:16:39,575
Nice try, Hazel.
445
00:16:39,610 --> 00:16:40,943
But you made the same mistake
446
00:16:40,994 --> 00:16:42,995
Mickey Rourke made
on that catamaran.
447
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,684
You didn't kill me
when you had the chance.
448
00:16:48,244 --> 00:16:49,578
Can I get you anything, Hank?
449
00:16:49,753 --> 00:16:51,621
Bottled water?
450
00:16:51,672 --> 00:16:53,339
I'm not fancy like that, Jack.
451
00:16:53,373 --> 00:16:55,841
If I get thirsty, I'll just
drink the water from lunch
452
00:16:55,876 --> 00:16:56,959
I saved in my cheek.
453
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,720
I've got one word
for you, Hank...
454
00:17:00,468 --> 00:17:01,584
Couches.
455
00:17:01,627 --> 00:17:02,992
I've been thinking
about what you told
456
00:17:03,038 --> 00:17:04,334
the investors the other day.
457
00:17:04,366 --> 00:17:08,369
Kabletown fulfills our fellow
Americans' most American need...
458
00:17:08,522 --> 00:17:10,640
To sit on a couch,
talking on the phone,
459
00:17:10,691 --> 00:17:12,191
about a TV show
they're watching,
460
00:17:12,225 --> 00:17:14,026
based on a YouTube clip.
461
00:17:14,061 --> 00:17:16,195
Is NBC developing a show
462
00:17:16,229 --> 00:17:18,097
for that cat that jumps
in the boxes?
463
00:17:18,115 --> 00:17:20,199
No, that's, uh... yes!
464
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,734
Heh!
As a matter of fact, we are.
465
00:17:21,768 --> 00:17:23,769
But my point is,
Kabletown controls
466
00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:25,821
nearly every aspect
of that experience.
467
00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:27,740
The phone, Internet, TV,
that's all us.
468
00:17:27,774 --> 00:17:30,776
But, we don't control
the couch.
469
00:17:30,794 --> 00:17:33,445
Why are we outsourcing
the American dream, Hank?
470
00:17:33,463 --> 00:17:36,482
Why are the couches our
customers sit on made in...
471
00:17:36,516 --> 00:17:39,118
Oh, I don't know... Vietnam?
472
00:17:39,136 --> 00:17:41,087
[Groans]
473
00:17:41,121 --> 00:17:43,339
Taking my original buttocks
474
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:46,142
wasn't enough
for those bastards.
475
00:17:46,176 --> 00:17:47,727
Here's what I want to do
476
00:17:47,761 --> 00:17:49,345
with our profits this quarter.
477
00:17:49,396 --> 00:17:51,147
I want to make couches, Hank.
478
00:17:51,181 --> 00:17:52,398
Kabletown couches.
479
00:17:52,432 --> 00:17:54,100
American couches.
480
00:17:54,134 --> 00:17:56,235
Boy, I do love
a good couch, Jack.
481
00:17:56,269 --> 00:17:59,071
You know, I'm like a couch
in a lot of ways.
482
00:17:59,106 --> 00:18:02,241
I fell asleep at a Raymour
and Flanigan last week,
483
00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:04,810
and a black family
tried to buy me.
484
00:18:04,828 --> 00:18:08,247
Let's do it!
Let's make us some couches.
485
00:18:08,281 --> 00:18:09,481
You won't
regret this, Hank.
486
00:18:09,499 --> 00:18:11,784
I only have three regrets
in my life, Jack.
487
00:18:11,818 --> 00:18:14,754
Not buying the Phillies,
not marrying my wife sooner,
488
00:18:14,788 --> 00:18:16,989
and not surprising you
any quicker with this hug.
489
00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:19,458
Ooh!
490
00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:27,049
Yup, same as last year.
491
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,685
My situation has progressed in
an interesting way, Liz Lemon.
492
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:31,137
I don't want to hear it.
493
00:18:31,171 --> 00:18:33,439
To solve my tax problem, I
called the treasury department
494
00:18:33,473 --> 00:18:35,941
and told them I won't
pay my taxes until I see
495
00:18:35,976 --> 00:18:37,676
your president's
birth certificate.
496
00:18:37,694 --> 00:18:40,012
They told me if I did that,
they would arrest me.
497
00:18:40,030 --> 00:18:41,113
Things got heated,
498
00:18:41,148 --> 00:18:42,898
so I said I had a bomb.
499
00:18:42,949 --> 00:18:44,900
Hazel is trying
to destroy me.
500
00:18:44,951 --> 00:18:47,069
Really? Now Hazel
is trying to destroy you?
501
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:49,822
Jenna, do you know how
crazy you sound right now?
502
00:18:49,856 --> 00:18:53,492
Liz and I, or "Lazel,"
are really worried about you.
503
00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:56,128
Oh, my God.
Doesn't matter what I do,
504
00:18:56,163 --> 00:18:57,797
- nothing ever changes.
- Ms. Lemon,
505
00:18:57,831 --> 00:18:59,698
I'm sorry to interrupt,
but I need to get
506
00:18:59,716 --> 00:19:01,133
a recommendation from you
507
00:19:01,168 --> 00:19:04,703
to reapply
to the NBC page program.
508
00:19:04,721 --> 00:19:06,172
We've already done
that, Kenneth.
509
00:19:06,206 --> 00:19:07,423
We've done all of this!
510
00:19:07,474 --> 00:19:09,892
All I wanted was
one shred of evidence
511
00:19:09,926 --> 00:19:11,710
that my life
is moving forward.
512
00:19:11,728 --> 00:19:13,479
Baby doll, what about me?
513
00:19:13,513 --> 00:19:15,047
- I'm new.
- Are you, Hazel?
514
00:19:15,065 --> 00:19:16,399
You're just another
weird page,
515
00:19:16,433 --> 00:19:17,716
and I already have
one of those.
516
00:19:17,734 --> 00:19:19,351
Aw, thank you.
517
00:19:19,385 --> 00:19:21,053
You people,
you are the reason
518
00:19:21,071 --> 00:19:23,939
my life is a stagnant,
monotonous hell!
519
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:26,158
Oh, no, that reminds me.
520
00:19:26,193 --> 00:19:28,894
My stand-up tour.
Add another zero, Ken.
521
00:19:31,915 --> 00:19:34,950
Jack?
Why did you invite me here?
522
00:19:35,001 --> 00:19:38,120
Oh, you're gonna murder me,
aren't you?
523
00:19:38,171 --> 00:19:40,039
- Eh, it's okay.
- Up here, Lemon.
524
00:19:40,073 --> 00:19:42,591
I haven't secured that
level from the rats yet.
525
00:19:42,626 --> 00:19:45,127
[Gun clicks]
526
00:19:45,178 --> 00:19:48,130
[Pellet fires]
[Rat squeaking]
527
00:19:48,181 --> 00:19:49,548
What the hell is this place?
528
00:19:49,582 --> 00:19:52,751
This is where
I remake Kabletown.
529
00:19:52,769 --> 00:19:55,054
And where Americans,
and for cost reasons,
530
00:19:55,088 --> 00:19:59,058
quite a few "foreign Americans,"
will make couches.
531
00:19:59,092 --> 00:20:01,393
To watch TV on.
532
00:20:01,427 --> 00:20:03,195
Do I finally understand
vertical integration?
533
00:20:03,230 --> 00:20:04,563
Yes.
534
00:20:04,597 --> 00:20:08,433
Well, at least one of us
got out of their rut today.
535
00:20:08,452 --> 00:20:09,434
Eh!
536
00:20:09,453 --> 00:20:11,537
Lemon, what are you doing?
537
00:20:11,571 --> 00:20:14,790
I realized today that I cannot
do my job without you.
538
00:20:14,825 --> 00:20:16,909
This is all because of you.
539
00:20:16,943 --> 00:20:18,828
You're admitting
you need me,
540
00:20:18,879 --> 00:20:20,779
and all my nonsense.
541
00:20:20,797 --> 00:20:22,548
You haven't done that since...
542
00:20:22,582 --> 00:20:23,833
[Sitar music playing]
543
00:20:23,884 --> 00:20:25,701
You've never done that.
544
00:20:25,735 --> 00:20:27,720
I wanted a new G.E.
545
00:20:27,754 --> 00:20:30,556
I got a couch factory,
but it's a start.
546
00:20:30,590 --> 00:20:33,625
Baby steps, Lemon.
547
00:20:33,643 --> 00:20:35,594
- To new beginnings.
- Lemon?
548
00:20:35,628 --> 00:20:39,682
The cycle is broken.
549
00:20:39,733 --> 00:20:42,401
Jack, the rats have
my meditation stool.
550
00:20:42,435 --> 00:20:44,136
Ah!
551
00:20:44,154 --> 00:20:46,188
Help! Shoot it free!
552
00:20:46,223 --> 00:20:47,807
Let her go, you bastard!
553
00:20:48,969 --> 00:20:51,461
Tomorrow, and tomorrow,
and tomorrow,
554
00:20:51,461 --> 00:20:54,428
creeps in this petty
pace from day to day
555
00:20:54,428 --> 00:20:57,169
to the last syllable
of recorded time.
556
00:20:57,169 --> 00:20:59,687
And all our yesterdays
have lighted fools
557
00:20:59,722 --> 00:21:01,505
the way to dusty death.
558
00:21:01,523 --> 00:21:03,507
Out, out, brief candle.
559
00:21:03,525 --> 00:21:05,310
Life's but a walking shadow,
560
00:21:05,344 --> 00:21:09,063
a poor player that struts and
frets his hour upon the stage,
561
00:21:09,114 --> 00:21:11,231
and then is heard no more.
562
00:21:11,335 --> 00:21:13,383
It is a tail told by an idiot,
563
00:21:13,448 --> 00:21:16,248
full sound of furry,
signifying nothing.
564
00:21:16,601 --> 00:21:19,401
Would you like to try our apple dippers?
565
00:21:19,466 --> 00:21:20,866
[applause]
566
00:21:21,950 --> 00:21:25,450
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther