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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Mmm!
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00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:38,016
Damn it.
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Mmm, this bagel is so good.
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It's Thomas'.
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They made a bagel just like...
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...a real New York bagel.
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Hey, taxi!
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This is the most amazing bagel.
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I wish I could tell
more people about it,
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strangers even.
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Why not get on Facebook?
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00:00:56,785 --> 00:00:58,386
What's that?
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00:00:58,454 --> 00:01:00,922
It's the Web site you go to
when you're done yanking it.
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Here, I'll set you up, Mom.
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00:01:04,393 --> 00:01:07,195
Do people really care
what I just ate?
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Facebook is all
about reconnecting.
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Give me the name
of someone from your past.
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How about Kelly Wilk?
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No!
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I forbid you
to locate Kelly Wilk.
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Which, of course,
means I have to.
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Oh, my God, that's Kelly.
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I haven't seen her in 20 years.
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They called her
The Kidney Killer
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because she made
people party so hard,
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their kidneys would shut down.
35
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We used to go down
to this club called The Button
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and get destroyed.
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One time I passed out hugging
the toilet bowl,
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my face two inches from a turd
somebody left on the seat.
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Ah, I miss it.
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I know The Button.
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I used to cruise and
sell ecstasy there.
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I did too create ecstasy.
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I'll prove it.
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00:01:56,612 --> 00:01:57,979
Klaus, my files.
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I am not your secretary.
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00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,184
Now I am.
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00:02:11,894 --> 00:02:13,728
Nonsense.
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00:02:14,947 --> 00:02:17,165
Excuse me.
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00:02:25,741 --> 00:02:27,809
Mom, Kelly lives
in D.C.
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You should friend her.
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00:02:29,044 --> 00:02:30,178
Do not friend her.
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Kelly is too wild.
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No good can come of it.
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Come on, let Mom have
some fun once in a while.
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Why don't you ever
take my side?
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Because your side
is always wrong.
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Your side is always wrong.
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Ow!
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Ha-ha,
can't get me.
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00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:47,045
Come on, Mom, it might be fun
to reconnect after 20 years.
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Sure, I'm game.
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00:03:00,359 --> 00:03:02,427
Oh, my God, that must be her.
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Party till you puke!
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Kelly, you crazy...
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Francine.
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...nun!
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00:03:10,369 --> 00:03:12,170
Sister Wilk, actually.
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As it says in Leviticus...
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00:03:13,906 --> 00:03:16,791
Ah, I don't know what the
it says in Leviticus!
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00:03:16,859 --> 00:03:18,026
I'm just messing with you!
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00:03:18,093 --> 00:03:23,031
Oh, you crazy tramp.
You haven't changed a bit.
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00:03:23,098 --> 00:03:24,766
Oh, Kelly, this is
my daughter Hayley.
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Nice to meet you.
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What's your tattoo say?
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"Eat out more often."
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Hey, what do you say we
grab some drinks? I'm in.
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Hayley, you think you can hang?
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00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:35,276
Oh, trust me, I can hang.
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00:03:35,344 --> 00:03:36,577
Whoo-hoo!
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00:03:36,645 --> 00:03:38,980
Hey, you want to see
a real Pontiac Fiero?
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You still have that?
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Yeah, it's my good luck car.
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I've only gotten 19 DUIs in it.
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One, two, three!
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Ooh.
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Francine, you raised
a lightweight.
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Bistore!
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Bistore.
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00:04:02,554 --> 00:04:03,905
Oh, no.
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00:04:03,972 --> 00:04:06,808
That's right--
Ultimate Kellys.
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00:04:06,875 --> 00:04:07,842
What's, what's in it?
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00:04:07,910 --> 00:04:09,360
Don't worry about it.
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Let's just say it's why
Montel Williams has M.S.
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00:04:14,566 --> 00:04:16,417
Honey, you sit this one out.
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They don't call her
The Kidney Killer for nothing.
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No, I'm, I'm fine, I can hang.
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♪ Take you back ♪
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♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
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♪ Take you back ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
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00:04:36,171 --> 00:04:39,090
♪ Take
you, take you... ♪
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00:04:39,158 --> 00:04:40,324
George, what's the matter?
105
00:04:40,392 --> 00:04:41,659
The alcohol.
106
00:04:41,727 --> 00:04:43,795
I can't take it anymore, Joe.
107
00:04:43,862 --> 00:04:46,063
I'm, I'm shutting down.
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00:04:46,131 --> 00:04:48,166
What?
Georgie, no.
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00:04:48,233 --> 00:04:51,068
One, two, three!
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00:04:51,136 --> 00:04:52,403
Good-bye, Joe.
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00:04:52,471 --> 00:04:55,506
I'll always remember
that trip we took to the anus.
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00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:58,843
No!
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I can't make it alone.
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00:05:07,152 --> 00:05:09,754
My insides hurt.
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00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:17,128
What happened?
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00:05:17,196 --> 00:05:19,647
Oh, Stan, we were out
having a drink with Kelly
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00:05:19,715 --> 00:05:22,550
and one
of Hayley's kidneys died,
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00:05:22,618 --> 00:05:25,153
and her other kidney is failing.
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She's going to need
a transplant.
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00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:28,623
Oh, my God.
121
00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:31,192
I'd give her mine,
but I only have one.
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00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:32,493
Kelly killed my other one
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00:05:32,561 --> 00:05:34,595
when we had
a tequila-pounding contest
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00:05:34,663 --> 00:05:37,398
with comedian George Wallace,
who went on to become
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00:05:37,466 --> 00:05:40,067
the second most famous black man
in a Kangol hat.
126
00:05:40,135 --> 00:05:41,302
Who's the first most famous?
127
00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:43,070
Samuel L. Jackson.
128
00:05:43,138 --> 00:05:46,140
Then I guess I'll have
to give her one of my kidneys.
129
00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:49,977
Or... we could
leave her hooked up
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00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:51,646
to a machine her whole life,
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00:05:51,713 --> 00:05:53,698
like me and my coffeemaker,
I tell you what.
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00:05:53,765 --> 00:05:54,715
What are you talking about?
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00:05:54,783 --> 00:05:56,000
She's my daughter.
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I'm giving her my kidney.
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I'm ready.
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Somebody shave my groin.
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00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:01,539
I like it against the grain.
138
00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:05,109
Stan, wait, I don't know
if you'll be a match.
139
00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:06,277
What?
Don't be ridiculous.
140
00:06:06,345 --> 00:06:07,512
Why wouldn't I be a match?
141
00:06:07,579 --> 00:06:10,548
Well...
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00:06:10,616 --> 00:06:12,650
there's a chance
you're not Hayley's father.
143
00:06:19,539 --> 00:06:23,806
I... might not be
Hayley's father?
144
00:06:23,873 --> 00:06:25,341
You cheated on me?
145
00:06:25,408 --> 00:06:26,809
I'm sorry.
146
00:06:26,876 --> 00:06:28,844
It happened a few days
before our wedding
147
00:06:28,912 --> 00:06:30,646
at my bachelorette party.
148
00:06:30,714 --> 00:06:32,948
A few days before the wedding?!
149
00:06:33,016 --> 00:06:34,750
While I was dealing
with small details
150
00:06:34,818 --> 00:06:35,901
that ultimately made it
151
00:06:35,986 --> 00:06:38,020
the most beautiful day
of my life?
152
00:06:38,088 --> 00:06:41,190
A box of
flip-flops so the girls could dance.
153
00:06:41,257 --> 00:06:44,193
I was freaking out that
my life was changing.
154
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:46,295
I was going from
being this party girl
155
00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:50,783
to being someone's wife,
and I got drunk and--
156
00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:53,919
oh, it was the biggest
mistake I ever made.
157
00:06:53,987 --> 00:06:57,656
Can you ever forgive me?
158
00:06:57,724 --> 00:07:00,959
You big whore.
159
00:07:01,027 --> 00:07:02,928
I don't know why
I'm holding you like this.
160
00:07:02,996 --> 00:07:04,997
It must be very confusing.
161
00:07:05,065 --> 00:07:06,665
Mr. and Mrs.
Smith, bad news.
162
00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:09,735
Your daughter's second kidney
is only working at 20%.
163
00:07:09,803 --> 00:07:12,705
If it fails, she dies.
164
00:07:12,772 --> 00:07:15,140
Hayley will likely need
a kidney transplant.
165
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,408
Well, I may not be compatible
166
00:07:16,476 --> 00:07:17,643
because right before
our wedding,
167
00:07:17,711 --> 00:07:19,995
my wife had warm-up sex
with another man.
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00:07:20,063 --> 00:07:21,830
I can test to see if
you're her father,
169
00:07:21,898 --> 00:07:23,999
but it'll take a few days.
170
00:07:24,067 --> 00:07:25,634
Your insurance is terrible.
171
00:07:25,702 --> 00:07:27,503
It won't pay for us to
overnight your samples
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00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:31,206
to the lab in Dallas, so
we'll have to use Robby.
173
00:07:31,274 --> 00:07:33,242
I'm Robby!
174
00:07:33,309 --> 00:07:35,544
I'm not allowed to stay
up and watch Castle!
175
00:07:37,113 --> 00:07:39,048
In the meantime, you'd better
track down the other man
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00:07:39,115 --> 00:07:42,885
you slept with, in case
your daughter needs that kidney.
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00:07:42,952 --> 00:07:44,253
So who is he, Francine?
178
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:45,888
I'm not sure.
179
00:07:45,955 --> 00:07:50,059
Just someone I m in a bar and
had sex with in the coat room.
180
00:07:50,126 --> 00:07:53,128
You had sex with a stranger
in the coat room?
181
00:07:53,196 --> 00:07:54,696
Coat room sex, huh?
182
00:07:54,764 --> 00:07:58,467
Did you take off his
pants and jacket?
183
00:07:58,535 --> 00:08:01,236
Ah...!
184
00:08:01,304 --> 00:08:03,505
My grandmother's here.
185
00:08:03,573 --> 00:08:06,341
She's dying.
186
00:08:06,409 --> 00:08:07,376
Stan, I know you're upset.
187
00:08:07,444 --> 00:08:08,811
Upset?
188
00:08:08,878 --> 00:08:10,112
I'm just now finding out
189
00:08:10,180 --> 00:08:11,980
my daughter
might not even be mine.
190
00:08:12,048 --> 00:08:13,148
I can't believe it.
191
00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:14,850
I mean, I changed her diapers,
192
00:08:14,918 --> 00:08:16,769
I fed her, I clothed her,
I got her braces,
193
00:08:16,836 --> 00:08:18,570
I sent her to college.
194
00:08:18,638 --> 00:08:21,273
Holy , that guy
owes me so much money.
195
00:08:21,341 --> 00:08:23,509
Hold on, Stan,
there's a good chance
196
00:08:23,576 --> 00:08:25,043
Hayley is your daughter.
197
00:08:25,111 --> 00:08:28,113
You and I had sex three
days after I was with him.
198
00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:29,715
No, no, this all makes sense.
199
00:08:29,783 --> 00:08:31,984
I can't believe
I never saw it before.
200
00:08:32,051 --> 00:08:34,920
Hayley and I have never agreed
on a single thing:
201
00:08:34,988 --> 00:08:37,790
the environment, health care,
favorite fast food mascot.
202
00:08:37,857 --> 00:08:39,691
I say the Hamburglar
because he's an outlaw
203
00:08:39,759 --> 00:08:40,926
and that's sexy as hell.
204
00:08:40,994 --> 00:08:42,361
I don't remember
what Hayley said,
205
00:08:42,445 --> 00:08:44,429
but it wasn't the Hamburglar,
so I didn't listen.
206
00:08:44,497 --> 00:08:46,899
When I was a kid
we called him the Ham-booger.
207
00:08:46,966 --> 00:08:49,935
Stan, come on, we have to
find out who this guy is,
208
00:08:50,003 --> 00:08:52,588
just in case she
needs his kidney.
209
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:53,989
Fine.
210
00:08:54,057 --> 00:08:56,658
Honey, I'm sorry
about all this.
211
00:08:56,726 --> 00:08:59,711
Can you find it in your
heart to forgive me?
212
00:09:01,247 --> 00:09:04,933
No, the Devil sent you
into my life to destroy it.
213
00:09:05,001 --> 00:09:06,502
You make me sick.
214
00:09:06,569 --> 00:09:07,836
I'm starting to think
215
00:09:07,904 --> 00:09:14,576
my body language could
use some improvement.
216
00:09:14,644 --> 00:09:16,912
Says here on your
mom's Facebook page
217
00:09:16,980 --> 00:09:18,514
that Hayley's kidneys
have failed.
218
00:09:18,581 --> 00:09:19,982
Goodness!
219
00:09:20,049 --> 00:09:22,985
Her next update says your dad
might not be Hayley's father.
220
00:09:23,052 --> 00:09:24,686
Six people "like" this.
221
00:09:24,754 --> 00:09:26,822
So, that leaves you as
the next logical donor.
222
00:09:26,890 --> 00:09:27,923
Oh.
223
00:09:27,991 --> 00:09:29,858
You know how
they take kidneys out?
224
00:09:29,926 --> 00:09:30,926
No.
225
00:09:30,994 --> 00:09:32,928
You'll walk into your room
226
00:09:32,996 --> 00:09:35,664
and there will be plastic sheets
all over the floor.
227
00:09:35,731 --> 00:09:39,618
Before you can react, a man in a
ski mask will tie you to a chair
228
00:09:39,702 --> 00:09:43,422
with an Indian braided belt he
got on vacation in Santa Fe.
229
00:09:43,506 --> 00:09:46,542
He'll turn on some Huey Lewis,
and then cut the damn thing out
230
00:09:46,593 --> 00:09:48,577
with a rusty keyhole saw.
231
00:09:48,628 --> 00:09:49,678
No antiseptic.
232
00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:50,512
No novocaine.
233
00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:51,847
No nothing.
234
00:09:51,914 --> 00:09:54,016
Just the song "Hip to Be Square"
235
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:56,602
drowning out
your boyish screams.
236
00:10:06,112 --> 00:10:08,046
Now no one has anything.
237
00:10:10,750 --> 00:10:14,469
Computer, locate all the male
patrons who were at The Button
238
00:10:14,537 --> 00:10:17,139
in Crane's Creek three nights
before my wedding.
239
00:10:17,207 --> 00:10:20,142
Researching.
Researching.
240
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:21,393
Zero results.
241
00:10:21,461 --> 00:10:23,111
Oh come on, run it again.
242
00:10:23,179 --> 00:10:25,280
You're a half-billion-dollar
super computer!
243
00:10:25,348 --> 00:10:27,783
What do we do?
What do I say?
244
00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:31,053
Just say something, we're
gonna lose the money!
245
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,222
Up-- update!
246
00:10:33,289 --> 00:10:35,524
Updating iTunes.
247
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:47,452
Where did this come from?
248
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,221
We finally figured
out time travel.
249
00:10:49,289 --> 00:10:51,556
Hmm.
250
00:10:51,624 --> 00:10:54,493
This could come into play with
what's going on in my life.
251
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,445
Come on, boy.
Who wants a carrot?
252
00:10:58,314 --> 00:11:00,415
Why are you so mean to me?
253
00:11:00,483 --> 00:11:03,118
All I want to do is ride you
to McDonald's.
254
00:11:05,755 --> 00:11:07,456
Okay, we're ready.
255
00:11:07,523 --> 00:11:10,325
All right, we're just gonna find
the guy I slept with,
256
00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:12,661
get his name,
and then look him up in
257
00:11:12,712 --> 00:11:14,630
the present in case
Hayley needs his kidney.
258
00:11:14,697 --> 00:11:16,581
I can't wait to give
this jerk the bill
259
00:11:16,649 --> 00:11:18,317
for what it cost me
to raise her.
260
00:11:18,384 --> 00:11:20,619
The only thing
I'm not charging him for
261
00:11:20,687 --> 00:11:22,220
is circus camp.
That was my idea.
262
00:11:22,305 --> 00:11:23,805
I was trying to live
vicariously through her.
263
00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:25,274
That's on me.
264
00:11:25,341 --> 00:11:27,643
But does that really
make me a bad guy,
265
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:29,578
wanting my daughter
to be in Cavalia,
266
00:11:29,646 --> 00:11:31,897
the greatest show
Larry King's ever seen?
267
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:34,349
And don't forget,
you absolutely have
268
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,184
to transport back by midnight.
269
00:11:36,252 --> 00:11:38,620
What happens if we don't get
back before midnight?
270
00:11:38,688 --> 00:11:40,238
Duper made it back
at 12:02.
271
00:11:41,524 --> 00:11:43,608
I did it, though.
272
00:11:43,676 --> 00:11:45,744
I took a way better
high school photo.
273
00:11:53,336 --> 00:11:55,971
Keep your eyes peeled
for your younger self.
274
00:11:56,039 --> 00:11:57,706
She'll lead us
right to the guy.
275
00:12:00,543 --> 00:12:03,061
Oh, remember this place, Stan?
276
00:12:03,146 --> 00:12:05,380
Right over there
I slipped on a Beanie Baby
277
00:12:05,431 --> 00:12:06,648
and tore my flannel shirt,
278
00:12:06,716 --> 00:12:08,383
'cause it was
the '90s, you see.
279
00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:09,985
I don't want
to reminisce with you.
280
00:12:10,052 --> 00:12:11,320
Let's just find this guy,
281
00:12:11,387 --> 00:12:13,105
get his name
and get out of here.
282
00:12:13,189 --> 00:12:14,323
Look! There you are!
283
00:12:14,390 --> 00:12:17,175
To Madonna,
a wonderful person who will
284
00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:20,312
never become a ghoulish mummy
with bird-like appendages!
285
00:12:21,848 --> 00:12:23,498
I gotta say, Francine,
286
00:12:23,566 --> 00:12:26,018
I'm really surprised
you're getting married.
287
00:12:26,085 --> 00:12:28,503
Yeah, but when you find
the right person...
288
00:12:28,571 --> 00:12:30,555
Whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
289
00:12:30,623 --> 00:12:31,857
Think about it.
290
00:12:31,924 --> 00:12:34,459
The same guy, the same thing,
day after day,
291
00:12:34,544 --> 00:12:38,647
year after year until you die.
292
00:12:38,715 --> 00:12:40,349
Oh, God!
293
00:12:44,754 --> 00:12:47,723
Come on.
You're not married yet!
294
00:12:47,790 --> 00:12:49,791
And neither am I!
295
00:12:49,859 --> 00:12:53,395
Hey, who wants to see
if my Valtrex is working?!
296
00:12:55,732 --> 00:12:56,898
That must be him!
297
00:12:56,966 --> 00:12:58,300
He doesn't look
like anything special.
298
00:12:58,368 --> 00:13:01,136
I remember him being
super smooth.
299
00:13:01,204 --> 00:13:03,138
Baby, would you like
to sit down?
300
00:13:03,206 --> 00:13:05,323
Here, let me wipe
your seat off for you.
301
00:13:06,459 --> 00:13:08,060
Bah!
302
00:13:10,229 --> 00:13:12,397
There I am, taking him
to the coatroom.
303
00:13:12,465 --> 00:13:14,533
Let's get his name
and get out of here.
304
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,269
Fine. I'll pick his pocket and
look at his driver's license.
305
00:13:18,488 --> 00:13:19,821
...and then I add
candied almonds
306
00:13:19,889 --> 00:13:21,990
and sprinkle it
with some blue cheese.
307
00:13:22,058 --> 00:13:24,226
Sounds like a really
good salad.
308
00:13:24,293 --> 00:13:26,261
Yeah, it's the best salad ever.
309
00:13:26,329 --> 00:13:27,829
So do you wanna have
sex with me or...
310
00:13:27,897 --> 00:13:28,997
I don't know.
311
00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:31,533
I got a lot of salads
to think up.
312
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,375
Stop watching.
Just get the wallet.
313
00:13:40,443 --> 00:13:41,843
You're so into it!
314
00:13:41,911 --> 00:13:43,545
Oh, I see you have no problem
315
00:13:43,613 --> 00:13:45,213
kissing him there
without a shower!
316
00:13:45,281 --> 00:13:46,782
Shh!
317
00:13:53,156 --> 00:13:54,456
His name is Joel Larsen.
318
00:13:54,524 --> 00:13:56,158
Great. Let's go!
319
00:13:56,225 --> 00:13:58,727
A down payment for all
the night retainers she lost.
320
00:14:08,471 --> 00:14:10,939
Mmm, that's nice.
321
00:14:11,007 --> 00:14:12,407
That is not nice, young lady!
322
00:14:12,475 --> 00:14:14,176
You are getting
married in three days!
323
00:14:14,243 --> 00:14:15,694
What do you think you're doing?
324
00:14:15,761 --> 00:14:17,696
Not tucking my tank top
into my underwear,
325
00:14:17,763 --> 00:14:18,814
that's for sure.
326
00:14:18,881 --> 00:14:20,682
So weird.
327
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:24,186
You remind me of my fiancé,
but much older and fatter.
328
00:14:24,253 --> 00:14:26,822
Look, in the future there's
a place called Jamba Juice
329
00:14:26,873 --> 00:14:29,691
and they make you think it's healthy,
but it just makes you fat.
330
00:14:29,759 --> 00:14:32,194
I don't know
what I was thinking!
331
00:14:32,261 --> 00:14:33,278
I can't do this!
332
00:14:33,346 --> 00:14:35,063
Thanks a lot, jerk.
333
00:14:35,131 --> 00:14:37,532
Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-
bluh-bluh-bluh... blocked!
334
00:14:39,452 --> 00:14:41,136
Stan, what the hell
did you do?!
335
00:14:41,204 --> 00:14:42,504
I couldn't just watch that!
336
00:14:42,572 --> 00:14:44,039
Besides, what are you
so mad about?
337
00:14:44,106 --> 00:14:45,474
That I broke up
your little humpfest?
338
00:14:45,541 --> 00:14:47,576
Yes, exactly!
339
00:14:47,643 --> 00:14:49,611
Because if that guy
is Hayley's father,
340
00:14:49,679 --> 00:14:53,682
then Hayley will no
longer exist in the present!
341
00:14:53,749 --> 00:14:56,651
Oh. Right.
342
00:14:56,719 --> 00:14:59,187
Look at you,
understanding time travel.
343
00:14:59,255 --> 00:15:00,622
We have to fix this!
344
00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:02,657
We have to get young me
345
00:15:02,725 --> 00:15:04,926
to sleep with that
guy by midnight.
346
00:15:04,994 --> 00:15:07,696
That's right, Stan,
you gotta get me laid!
347
00:15:07,763 --> 00:15:10,332
I think I can help you
with that.
348
00:15:10,399 --> 00:15:12,300
Coat dwarf!
349
00:15:12,368 --> 00:15:13,835
I forgot what a problem
350
00:15:13,903 --> 00:15:16,137
coat dwarfs were in the '90s.
351
00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:23,036
Where'd your friend
Francine go?!
352
00:15:23,103 --> 00:15:25,271
She has to have sex
with that guy over there!
353
00:15:25,339 --> 00:15:28,107
Bah!
354
00:15:28,175 --> 00:15:29,609
She got upset over something
355
00:15:29,677 --> 00:15:31,711
and went
to her fiancé's apartment.
356
00:15:31,779 --> 00:15:33,346
Hey, you kind of look like him,
357
00:15:33,414 --> 00:15:35,315
except older and fatter.
358
00:15:35,382 --> 00:15:37,250
In the future,
you live in a cheap motel
359
00:15:37,318 --> 00:15:39,719
and drive a Pontiac Fiero.
360
00:15:39,787 --> 00:15:41,788
I get a Pontiac Fiero?!
361
00:15:44,558 --> 00:15:49,162
I almost made the
biggest mistake of my life.
362
00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:50,597
The important thing is
363
00:15:50,664 --> 00:15:52,232
that you didn't go
through with it.
364
00:15:55,736 --> 00:15:57,103
Don't freak out!
365
00:15:57,171 --> 00:15:58,671
Who, who are you?
366
00:15:58,739 --> 00:16:01,574
We're you...
from the future.
367
00:16:01,642 --> 00:16:03,459
How is that possible?!
368
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:07,030
I know it sounds crazy,
but we can explain everything.
369
00:16:07,097 --> 00:16:09,432
And through expanding
the wormhole,
370
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,601
we were able
to transport into the past.
371
00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:13,770
So... time travel?
372
00:16:13,837 --> 00:16:15,138
Like Back to the Future?
373
00:16:15,205 --> 00:16:16,673
Oh, yeah,
Back to the Future came out.
374
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:18,341
I could've just said
"like Back to the Future."
375
00:16:20,377 --> 00:16:21,277
Okay, we believe you.
376
00:16:21,345 --> 00:16:22,779
So you're in?
377
00:16:22,846 --> 00:16:25,648
You expect me to help my fiancée
have sex with a stranger?
378
00:16:25,716 --> 00:16:27,550
In public, unprotected, yes.
379
00:16:27,618 --> 00:16:29,953
I'm done drinking
and fooling around.
380
00:16:30,020 --> 00:16:32,822
I'm not sleeping with
anyone except my Stan!
381
00:16:32,890 --> 00:16:34,474
But you have to!
382
00:16:34,541 --> 00:16:36,910
Well, if she is my daughter,
then she'll exist,
383
00:16:36,977 --> 00:16:39,028
and if she's not my daughter,
why would I care?
384
00:16:39,096 --> 00:16:41,497
Because...
385
00:16:41,582 --> 00:16:44,483
Because you're me and we put so
much time into her.
386
00:16:44,535 --> 00:16:47,120
You're gonna feed her, and sing
to her when she's sick,
387
00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:49,756
and, and go to her school plays,
and buy her bunnies
388
00:16:49,823 --> 00:16:52,008
and run over her bunnies
and buy her new bunnies
389
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:53,426
before she finds out.
390
00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:56,930
Sure, she's a pain in the ass,
but we raised her.
391
00:16:56,997 --> 00:16:59,098
So regardless of who her
biological father is,
392
00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:02,268
she's our daughter,
and she deserves to exist!
393
00:17:03,954 --> 00:17:05,421
That all may be true,
394
00:17:05,489 --> 00:17:07,624
but there's nothing
on this planet
395
00:17:07,691 --> 00:17:09,025
that could get me wasted enough
396
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:10,526
to sleep with that guy.
397
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:11,661
I'm sorry.
398
00:17:11,729 --> 00:17:13,296
Roger that.
399
00:17:14,498 --> 00:17:16,065
Roger!
400
00:17:21,972 --> 00:17:23,389
Elian?
401
00:17:23,457 --> 00:17:25,024
Is that you, baby?
402
00:17:25,092 --> 00:17:26,826
Come on in. You're safe here.
403
00:17:26,894 --> 00:17:28,728
I will not send you back
to Coo-ba.
404
00:17:28,796 --> 00:17:30,413
Dr. Ya Ya?
405
00:17:30,497 --> 00:17:32,598
We'd like to talk to you
about getting some ecstasy.
406
00:17:32,666 --> 00:17:34,000
What do you know about ecstasy?
407
00:17:34,068 --> 00:17:35,668
Only that you created it.
408
00:17:35,736 --> 00:17:38,271
I'm trying to create it,
me and my roommate Dave.
409
00:17:40,374 --> 00:17:42,375
We're very close
to cracking the formula.
410
00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:45,144
We have the MDM,
but we're missing something.
411
00:17:47,581 --> 00:17:50,249
Of course!
Amphetamine!
412
00:17:50,317 --> 00:17:52,085
The missing ingredient!
413
00:17:52,152 --> 00:17:53,086
That's my stationery.
414
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:55,054
My handwriting?
415
00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:57,724
How did you get this?
Who are you?
416
00:17:57,791 --> 00:17:59,392
We're time travelers
from the future.
417
00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:01,327
Now, I'm sure you have
a lot of questions...
418
00:18:01,395 --> 00:18:02,462
Nope, I'm good.
419
00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:04,163
We only have until midnight!
420
00:18:04,231 --> 00:18:06,749
Tell us where we can get
some amphetamines!
421
00:18:06,834 --> 00:18:11,838
Dave's been partying
for four days straight.
422
00:18:11,905 --> 00:18:13,122
He's a great artist.
423
00:18:13,207 --> 00:18:15,708
He painted the painting
you see behind me.
424
00:18:15,776 --> 00:18:18,428
Let's see what we have, some
downers, yellow jackets,
425
00:18:18,512 --> 00:18:21,764
a Tinkerbell keychain
which I will hold onto...
426
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:24,467
Ah! Here we go!
Amphetamines!
427
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,574
Oh, my God!
428
00:18:31,642 --> 00:18:35,378
I have such a feeling
of euphoria!
429
00:18:35,446 --> 00:18:38,614
I, I... Glow stick dance!
430
00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:41,951
Dave, look at me!
431
00:18:42,036 --> 00:18:45,838
Our years of research have
finally paid off!
432
00:18:45,906 --> 00:18:48,524
This will make your younger self
totally uninhibited.
433
00:18:48,592 --> 00:18:51,044
How can I ever repay you?
434
00:18:51,111 --> 00:18:53,446
Someday I'll call on
you for a favor.
435
00:18:53,497 --> 00:18:55,064
Cryptic!
436
00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:04,757
And there's the guy.
437
00:19:04,825 --> 00:19:07,293
Damn...
you're fine...
438
00:19:07,361 --> 00:19:09,896
Why you so fine...?
439
00:19:11,965 --> 00:19:13,533
You gotta go sleep
with that girl, bro.
440
00:19:15,652 --> 00:19:18,154
She's getting married.
She's not interested.
441
00:19:18,222 --> 00:19:19,722
We drugged her.
She's good to go!
442
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:21,357
Noice!
443
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:31,217
FYI, the Giants win
the Super Bowl.
444
00:19:31,285 --> 00:19:32,852
I'm not sure which year,
445
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,288
so just bet everything
you have every year.
446
00:19:35,339 --> 00:19:38,758
Stan, we've gotta go!
It's 11:57!
447
00:19:38,825 --> 00:19:40,877
Oh, and hey...
448
00:19:40,944 --> 00:19:43,279
at some point in the future,
you're gonna try
449
00:19:43,347 --> 00:19:45,782
to squat 300 pounds at the gym,
and it's too much,
450
00:19:45,849 --> 00:19:47,416
and you're gonna blow out
your sphincter, bro,
451
00:19:47,484 --> 00:19:49,252
in front of all these gym dudes.
452
00:19:49,319 --> 00:19:51,154
The paramedics have
to cut your pants off,
453
00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:53,689
and it looks like you're casing
sausage out of your butt.
454
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,057
Just, just don't do it.
455
00:20:02,199 --> 00:20:03,232
Hey!
456
00:20:03,317 --> 00:20:05,751
Aw, Duper, you got in my sock!
457
00:20:09,857 --> 00:20:11,474
Sorry it took so long.
458
00:20:11,542 --> 00:20:14,110
I found out my girlfriend I'm
living with is a prostitute!
459
00:20:14,178 --> 00:20:15,545
It's pretty heavy stuff, man!
460
00:20:15,612 --> 00:20:17,480
Shut it!
461
00:20:17,548 --> 00:20:19,482
Mr. Smith,
your results are in.
462
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:22,285
No, Doc, I want you
to take out my kidney
463
00:20:22,352 --> 00:20:24,320
regardless of what it says
inside that envelope.
464
00:20:24,388 --> 00:20:25,955
My kidney
or Joel Larsen's kidney,
465
00:20:26,023 --> 00:20:27,757
one of them will be a match.
466
00:20:27,825 --> 00:20:30,209
I don't want to know
which one you use.
467
00:20:30,277 --> 00:20:32,812
She's my daughter,
no matter what.
468
00:20:36,012 --> 00:20:37,725
Mr. Smith, just curious.
469
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:39,685
How did you get
the other kidney?
470
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:40,939
I called in a favor.
471
00:20:47,528 --> 00:20:49,795
♪ It's hip to be square... ♪
472
00:20:50,598 --> 00:21:00,657
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com