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♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
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Aah!
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Mmm!
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Damn it.
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Mmm, this bagel is so good.
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It's Thomas'.
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They made a bagel just like...
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...a real New York bagel.
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Hey, taxi!
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This is the most amazing bagel.
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I wish I could tell
more people about it,
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strangers even.
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Why not get on Facebook?
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00:00:55,585 --> 00:00:57,186
What's that?
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00:00:57,254 --> 00:00:59,722
It's the Web site you go to
when you're done yanking it.
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Here, I'll set you up, Mom.
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00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,995
Do people really care
what I just ate?
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Facebook is all
about reconnecting.
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Give me the name
of someone from your past.
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How about Kelly Wilk?
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No!
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I forbid you
to locate Kelly Wilk.
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Which, of course,
means I have to.
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Oh, my God, that's Kelly.
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I haven't seen her in 20 years.
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They called her
The Kidney Killer
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because she made
people party so hard,
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their kidneys would shut down.
35
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We used to go down
to this club called The Button
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and get destroyed.
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One time I passed out hugging
the toilet bowl,
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my face two inches from a turd
somebody left on the seat.
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Ah, I miss it.
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I know The Button.
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I used to cruise and
sell ecstasy there.
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I did too create ecstasy.
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I'll prove it.
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Klaus, my files.
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I am not your secretary.
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Now I am.
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00:02:10,694 --> 00:02:12,528
Nonsense.
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Excuse me.
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00:02:24,541 --> 00:02:26,609
Mom, Kelly lives
in D.C.
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00:02:26,676 --> 00:02:27,777
You should friend her.
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00:02:27,844 --> 00:02:28,978
Do not friend her.
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Kelly is too wild.
55
00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:31,447
No good can come of it.
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Come on, let Mom have
some fun once in a while.
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Why don't you ever
take my side?
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Because your side
is always wrong.
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Your side is always wrong.
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Ow!
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Ha-ha,
can't get me.
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Come on, Mom, it might be fun
to reconnect after 20 years.
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Sure, I'm game.
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Oh, my God, that must be her.
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Party till you puke!
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Kelly, you crazy...
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Francine.
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...nun!
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Sister Wilk, actually.
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As it says in Leviticus...
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00:03:12,706 --> 00:03:15,591
Ah, I don't know what the
it says in Leviticus!
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I'm just messing with you!
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00:03:16,893 --> 00:03:21,831
Oh, you crazy tramp.
You haven't changed a bit.
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00:03:21,898 --> 00:03:23,566
Oh, Kelly, this is
my daughter Hayley.
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Nice to meet you.
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00:03:24,634 --> 00:03:25,835
What's your tattoo say?
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"Eat out more often."
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Hey, what do you say we
grab some drinks? I'm in.
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Hayley, you think you can hang?
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Oh, trust me, I can hang.
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Whoo-hoo!
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Hey, you want to see
a real Pontiac Fiero?
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You still have that?
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Yeah, it's my good luck car.
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I've only gotten 19 DUIs in it.
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One, two, three!
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Ooh.
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Francine, you raised
a lightweight.
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Bistore!
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Bistore.
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00:04:01,354 --> 00:04:02,705
Oh, no.
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That's right--
Ultimate Kellys.
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What's, what's in it?
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Don't worry about it.
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Let's just say it's why
Montel Williams has M.S.
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00:04:13,366 --> 00:04:15,217
Honey, you sit this one out.
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00:04:15,285 --> 00:04:17,570
They don't call her
The Kidney Killer for nothing.
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No, I'm, I'm fine, I can hang.
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♪ Take you back ♪
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♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
101
00:04:30,634 --> 00:04:31,767
♪ Take you back ♪
102
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
103
00:04:34,971 --> 00:04:37,890
♪ Take
you, take you... ♪
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00:04:37,958 --> 00:04:39,124
George, what's the matter?
105
00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:40,459
The alcohol.
106
00:04:40,527 --> 00:04:42,595
I can't take it anymore, Joe.
107
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:44,863
I'm, I'm shutting down.
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00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:46,966
What?
Georgie, no.
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00:04:47,033 --> 00:04:49,868
One, two, three!
110
00:04:49,936 --> 00:04:51,203
Good-bye, Joe.
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00:04:51,271 --> 00:04:54,306
I'll always remember
that trip we took to the anus.
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00:04:56,509 --> 00:04:57,643
No!
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I can't make it alone.
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00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:08,554
My insides hurt.
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00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:15,928
What happened?
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00:05:15,996 --> 00:05:18,447
Oh, Stan, we were out
having a drink with Kelly
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00:05:18,515 --> 00:05:21,350
and one
of Hayley's kidneys died,
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00:05:21,418 --> 00:05:23,953
and her other kidney is failing.
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She's going to need
a transplant.
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Oh, my God.
121
00:05:27,490 --> 00:05:29,992
I'd give her mine,
but I only have one.
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Kelly killed my other one
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00:05:31,361 --> 00:05:33,395
when we had
a tequila-pounding contest
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00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:36,198
with comedian George Wallace,
who went on to become
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00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:38,867
the second most famous black man
in a Kangol hat.
126
00:05:38,935 --> 00:05:40,102
Who's the first most famous?
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00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:41,870
Samuel L. Jackson.
128
00:05:41,938 --> 00:05:44,940
Then I guess I'll have
to give her one of my kidneys.
129
00:05:45,008 --> 00:05:48,777
Or... we could
leave her hooked up
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00:05:48,845 --> 00:05:50,446
to a machine her whole life,
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00:05:50,513 --> 00:05:52,498
like me and my coffeemaker,
I tell you what.
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00:05:52,565 --> 00:05:53,515
What are you talking about?
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She's my daughter.
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I'm giving her my kidney.
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I'm ready.
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Somebody shave my groin.
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00:05:58,805 --> 00:06:00,339
I like it against the grain.
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00:06:00,390 --> 00:06:03,909
Stan, wait, I don't know
if you'll be a match.
139
00:06:03,977 --> 00:06:05,077
What?
Don't be ridiculous.
140
00:06:05,145 --> 00:06:06,312
Why wouldn't I be a match?
141
00:06:06,379 --> 00:06:09,348
Well...
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00:06:09,416 --> 00:06:11,450
there's a chance
you're not Hayley's father.
143
00:06:17,639 --> 00:06:21,906
I... might not be
Hayley's father?
144
00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:23,441
You cheated on me?
145
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,909
I'm sorry.
146
00:06:24,976 --> 00:06:26,944
It happened a few days
before our wedding
147
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,746
at my bachelorette party.
148
00:06:28,814 --> 00:06:31,048
A few days before the wedding?!
149
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:32,850
While I was dealing
with small details
150
00:06:32,918 --> 00:06:34,001
that ultimately made it
151
00:06:34,086 --> 00:06:36,120
the most beautiful day
of my life?
152
00:06:36,188 --> 00:06:39,290
A box of
flip-flops so the girls could dance.
153
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,293
I was freaking out that
my life was changing.
154
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,395
I was going from
being this party girl
155
00:06:44,463 --> 00:06:48,883
to being someone's wife,
and I got drunk and--
156
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:52,019
oh, it was the biggest
mistake I ever made.
157
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:55,756
Can you ever forgive me?
158
00:06:55,824 --> 00:06:59,059
You big whore.
159
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,028
I don't know why
I'm holding you like this.
160
00:07:01,096 --> 00:07:03,097
It must be very confusing.
161
00:07:03,165 --> 00:07:04,765
Mr. and Mrs.
Smith, bad news.
162
00:07:04,833 --> 00:07:07,835
Your daughter's second kidney
is only working at 20%.
163
00:07:07,903 --> 00:07:10,805
If it fails, she dies.
164
00:07:10,872 --> 00:07:13,240
Hayley will likely need
a kidney transplant.
165
00:07:13,308 --> 00:07:14,508
Well, I may not be compatible
166
00:07:14,576 --> 00:07:15,743
because right before
our wedding,
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00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:18,095
my wife had warm-up sex
with another man.
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00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:19,930
I can test to see if
you're her father,
169
00:07:19,998 --> 00:07:22,099
but it'll take a few days.
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00:07:22,167 --> 00:07:23,734
Your insurance is terrible.
171
00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:25,603
It won't pay for us to
overnight your samples
172
00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:29,306
to the lab in Dallas, so
we'll have to use Robby.
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00:07:29,374 --> 00:07:31,342
I'm Robby!
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00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,644
I'm not allowed to stay
up and watch Castle!
175
00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:37,148
In the meantime, you'd better
track down the other man
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00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:40,985
you slept with, in case
your daughter needs that kidney.
177
00:07:41,052 --> 00:07:42,353
So who is he, Francine?
178
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,988
I'm not sure.
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00:07:44,055 --> 00:07:48,159
Just someone I m in a bar and
had sex with in the coat room.
180
00:07:48,226 --> 00:07:51,228
You had sex with a stranger
in the coat room?
181
00:07:51,296 --> 00:07:52,796
Coat room sex, huh?
182
00:07:52,864 --> 00:07:56,567
Did you take off his
pants and jacket?
183
00:07:56,635 --> 00:07:59,336
Ah...!
184
00:07:59,404 --> 00:08:01,605
My grandmother's here.
185
00:08:01,673 --> 00:08:04,441
She's dying.
186
00:08:04,509 --> 00:08:05,476
Stan, I know you're upset.
187
00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:06,911
Upset?
188
00:08:06,978 --> 00:08:08,212
I'm just now finding out
189
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,080
my daughter
might not even be mine.
190
00:08:10,148 --> 00:08:11,248
I can't believe it.
191
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,950
I mean, I changed her diapers,
192
00:08:13,018 --> 00:08:14,869
I fed her, I clothed her,
I got her braces,
193
00:08:14,936 --> 00:08:16,670
I sent her to college.
194
00:08:16,738 --> 00:08:19,373
Holy , that guy
owes me so much money.
195
00:08:19,441 --> 00:08:21,609
Hold on, Stan,
there's a good chance
196
00:08:21,676 --> 00:08:23,143
Hayley is your daughter.
197
00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:26,213
You and I had sex three
days after I was with him.
198
00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:27,815
No, no, this all makes sense.
199
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:30,084
I can't believe
I never saw it before.
200
00:08:30,151 --> 00:08:33,020
Hayley and I have never agreed
on a single thing:
201
00:08:33,088 --> 00:08:35,890
the environment, health care,
favorite fast food mascot.
202
00:08:35,957 --> 00:08:37,791
I say the Hamburglar
because he's an outlaw
203
00:08:37,859 --> 00:08:39,026
and that's sexy as hell.
204
00:08:39,094 --> 00:08:40,461
I don't remember
what Hayley said,
205
00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:42,529
but it wasn't the Hamburglar,
so I didn't listen.
206
00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:44,999
When I was a kid
we called him the Ham-booger.
207
00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:48,035
Stan, come on, we have to
find out who this guy is,
208
00:08:48,103 --> 00:08:50,688
just in case she
needs his kidney.
209
00:08:50,755 --> 00:08:52,089
Fine.
210
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,758
Honey, I'm sorry
about all this.
211
00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:57,811
Can you find it in your
heart to forgive me?
212
00:08:59,347 --> 00:09:03,033
No, the Devil sent you
into my life to destroy it.
213
00:09:03,101 --> 00:09:04,602
You make me sick.
214
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:05,936
I'm starting to think
215
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:12,676
my body language could
use some improvement.
216
00:09:12,444 --> 00:09:14,712
Says here on your
mom's Facebook page
217
00:09:14,780 --> 00:09:16,314
that Hayley's kidneys
have failed.
218
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,782
Goodness!
219
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,785
Her next update says your dad
might not be Hayley's father.
220
00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,486
Six people "like" this.
221
00:09:22,554 --> 00:09:24,622
So, that leaves you as
the next logical donor.
222
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:25,723
Oh.
223
00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:27,658
You know how
they take kidneys out?
224
00:09:27,726 --> 00:09:28,726
No.
225
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:30,728
You'll walk into your room
226
00:09:30,796 --> 00:09:33,464
and there will be plastic sheets
all over the floor.
227
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:37,418
Before you can react, a man in a
ski mask will tie you to a chair
228
00:09:37,502 --> 00:09:41,222
with an Indian braided belt he
got on vacation in Santa Fe.
229
00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:44,342
He'll turn on some Huey Lewis,
and then cut the damn thing out
230
00:09:44,393 --> 00:09:46,377
with a rusty keyhole saw.
231
00:09:46,428 --> 00:09:47,478
No antiseptic.
232
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:48,312
No novocaine.
233
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,647
No nothing.
234
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,816
Just the song "Hip to Be Square"
235
00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:54,402
drowning out
your boyish screams.
236
00:10:03,912 --> 00:10:05,846
Now no one has anything.
237
00:10:08,550 --> 00:10:12,269
Computer, locate all the male
patrons who were at The Button
238
00:10:12,337 --> 00:10:14,939
in Crane's Creek three nights
before my wedding.
239
00:10:15,007 --> 00:10:17,942
Researching.
Researching.
240
00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:19,193
Zero results.
241
00:10:19,261 --> 00:10:20,911
Oh come on, run it again.
242
00:10:20,979 --> 00:10:23,080
You're a half-billion-dollar
super computer!
243
00:10:23,148 --> 00:10:25,583
What do we do?
What do I say?
244
00:10:25,650 --> 00:10:28,853
Just say something, we're
gonna lose the money!
245
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,022
Up-- update!
246
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,324
Updating iTunes.
247
00:10:43,819 --> 00:10:45,252
Where did this come from?
248
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,021
We finally figured
out time travel.
249
00:10:47,089 --> 00:10:49,356
Hmm.
250
00:10:49,424 --> 00:10:52,293
This could come into play with
what's going on in my life.
251
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,245
Come on, boy.
Who wants a carrot?
252
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,215
Why are you so mean to me?
253
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:00,918
All I want to do is ride you
to McDonald's.
254
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:05,256
Okay, we're ready.
255
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:08,125
All right, we're just gonna find
the guy I slept with,
256
00:11:08,193 --> 00:11:10,461
get his name,
and then look him up in
257
00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:12,430
the present in case
Hayley needs his kidney.
258
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,381
I can't wait to give
this jerk the bill
259
00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:16,117
for what it cost me
to raise her.
260
00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:18,419
The only thing
I'm not charging him for
261
00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:20,020
is circus camp.
That was my idea.
262
00:11:20,105 --> 00:11:21,605
I was trying to live
vicariously through her.
263
00:11:21,656 --> 00:11:23,074
That's on me.
264
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,443
But does that really
make me a bad guy,
265
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,378
wanting my daughter
to be in Cavalia,
266
00:11:27,446 --> 00:11:29,697
the greatest show
Larry King's ever seen?
267
00:11:29,765 --> 00:11:32,149
And don't forget,
you absolutely have
268
00:11:32,217 --> 00:11:33,984
to transport back by midnight.
269
00:11:34,052 --> 00:11:36,420
What happens if we don't get
back before midnight?
270
00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,038
Duper made it back
at 12:02.
271
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,408
I did it, though.
272
00:11:41,476 --> 00:11:43,544
I took a way better
high school photo.
273
00:11:51,136 --> 00:11:53,771
Keep your eyes peeled
for your younger self.
274
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,506
She'll lead us
right to the guy.
275
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,861
Oh, remember this place, Stan?
276
00:12:00,946 --> 00:12:03,180
Right over there
I slipped on a Beanie Baby
277
00:12:03,231 --> 00:12:04,448
and tore my flannel shirt,
278
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,183
'cause it was
the '90s, you see.
279
00:12:06,234 --> 00:12:07,785
I don't want
to reminisce with you.
280
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,120
Let's just find this guy,
281
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,905
get his name
and get out of here.
282
00:12:10,989 --> 00:12:12,123
Look! There you are!
283
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:14,975
To Madonna,
a wonderful person who will
284
00:12:15,043 --> 00:12:18,112
never become a ghoulish mummy
with bird-like appendages!
285
00:12:19,648 --> 00:12:21,298
I gotta say, Francine,
286
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,818
I'm really surprised
you're getting married.
287
00:12:23,885 --> 00:12:26,303
Yeah, but when you find
the right person...
288
00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:28,355
Whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
289
00:12:28,423 --> 00:12:29,657
Think about it.
290
00:12:29,724 --> 00:12:32,259
The same guy, the same thing,
day after day,
291
00:12:32,344 --> 00:12:36,447
year after year until you die.
292
00:12:36,515 --> 00:12:38,149
Oh, God!
293
00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:45,523
Come on.
You're not married yet!
294
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:47,591
And neither am I!
295
00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:51,195
Hey, who wants to see
if my Valtrex is working?!
296
00:12:53,532 --> 00:12:54,698
That must be him!
297
00:12:54,766 --> 00:12:56,100
He doesn't look
like anything special.
298
00:12:56,168 --> 00:12:58,936
I remember him being
super smooth.
299
00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:00,938
Baby, would you like
to sit down?
300
00:13:01,006 --> 00:13:03,123
Here, let me wipe
your seat off for you.
301
00:13:04,259 --> 00:13:05,860
Bah!
302
00:13:08,029 --> 00:13:10,197
There I am, taking him
to the coatroom.
303
00:13:10,265 --> 00:13:12,333
Let's get his name
and get out of here.
304
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,069
Fine. I'll pick his pocket and
look at his driver's license.
305
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:17,621
...and then I add
candied almonds
306
00:13:17,689 --> 00:13:19,790
and sprinkle it
with some blue cheese.
307
00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:22,026
Sounds like a really
good salad.
308
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,061
Yeah, it's the best salad ever.
309
00:13:24,129 --> 00:13:25,629
So do you wanna have
sex with me or...
310
00:13:25,697 --> 00:13:26,797
I don't know.
311
00:13:26,865 --> 00:13:29,333
I got a lot of salads
to think up.
312
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,175
Stop watching.
Just get the wallet.
313
00:13:38,243 --> 00:13:39,643
You're so into it!
314
00:13:39,711 --> 00:13:41,345
Oh, I see you have no problem
315
00:13:41,413 --> 00:13:43,013
kissing him there
without a shower!
316
00:13:43,081 --> 00:13:44,582
Shh!
317
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,256
His name is Joel Larsen.
318
00:13:52,324 --> 00:13:53,958
Great. Let's go!
319
00:13:54,025 --> 00:13:56,527
A down payment for all
the night retainers she lost.
320
00:14:06,271 --> 00:14:08,739
Mmm, that's nice.
321
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,207
That is not nice, young lady!
322
00:14:10,275 --> 00:14:11,976
You are getting
married in three days!
323
00:14:12,043 --> 00:14:13,494
What do you think you're doing?
324
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:15,496
Not tucking my tank top
into my underwear,
325
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,614
that's for sure.
326
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,482
So weird.
327
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:21,986
You remind me of my fiancé,
but much older and fatter.
328
00:14:22,053 --> 00:14:24,622
Look, in the future there's
a place called Jamba Juice
329
00:14:24,673 --> 00:14:27,491
and they make you think it's healthy,
but it just makes you fat.
330
00:14:27,559 --> 00:14:29,994
I don't know
what I was thinking!
331
00:14:30,061 --> 00:14:31,078
I can't do this!
332
00:14:31,146 --> 00:14:32,863
Thanks a lot, jerk.
333
00:14:32,931 --> 00:14:35,332
Bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh-
bluh-bluh-bluh... blocked!
334
00:14:37,252 --> 00:14:38,936
Stan, what the hell
did you do?!
335
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,304
I couldn't just watch that!
336
00:14:40,372 --> 00:14:41,839
Besides, what are you
so mad about?
337
00:14:41,906 --> 00:14:43,274
That I broke up
your little humpfest?
338
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:45,376
Yes, exactly!
339
00:14:45,443 --> 00:14:47,411
Because if that guy
is Hayley's father,
340
00:14:47,479 --> 00:14:51,482
then Hayley will no
longer exist in the present!
341
00:14:51,549 --> 00:14:54,451
Oh. Right.
342
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,987
Look at you,
understanding time travel.
343
00:14:57,055 --> 00:14:58,422
We have to fix this!
344
00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:00,457
We have to get young me
345
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,726
to sleep with that
guy by midnight.
346
00:15:02,794 --> 00:15:05,496
That's right, Stan,
you gotta get me laid!
347
00:15:05,563 --> 00:15:08,132
I think I can help you
with that.
348
00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:10,100
Coat dwarf!
349
00:15:10,168 --> 00:15:11,635
I forgot what a problem
350
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,937
coat dwarfs were in the '90s.
351
00:15:18,002 --> 00:15:19,336
Where'd your friend
Francine go?!
352
00:15:19,403 --> 00:15:21,571
She has to have sex
with that guy over there!
353
00:15:21,639 --> 00:15:24,407
Bah!
354
00:15:24,475 --> 00:15:25,909
She got upset over something
355
00:15:25,977 --> 00:15:28,011
and went
to her fiancé's apartment.
356
00:15:28,079 --> 00:15:29,646
Hey, you kind of look like him,
357
00:15:29,714 --> 00:15:31,615
except older and fatter.
358
00:15:31,682 --> 00:15:33,550
In the future,
you live in a cheap motel
359
00:15:33,618 --> 00:15:36,019
and drive a Pontiac Fiero.
360
00:15:36,087 --> 00:15:38,088
I get a Pontiac Fiero?!
361
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:45,462
I almost made the
biggest mistake of my life.
362
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:46,897
The important thing is
363
00:15:46,964 --> 00:15:48,532
that you didn't go
through with it.
364
00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:53,403
Don't freak out!
365
00:15:53,471 --> 00:15:54,971
Who, who are you?
366
00:15:55,039 --> 00:15:57,874
We're you...
from the future.
367
00:15:57,942 --> 00:15:59,759
How is that possible?!
368
00:15:59,827 --> 00:16:03,330
I know it sounds crazy,
but we can explain everything.
369
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,732
And through expanding
the wormhole,
370
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,901
we were able
to transport into the past.
371
00:16:07,969 --> 00:16:10,070
So... time travel?
372
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,438
Like Back to the Future?
373
00:16:11,505 --> 00:16:12,973
Oh, yeah,
Back to the Future came out.
374
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,641
I could've just said
"like Back to the Future."
375
00:16:16,677 --> 00:16:17,577
Okay, we believe you.
376
00:16:17,645 --> 00:16:19,079
So you're in?
377
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:21,948
You expect me to help my fiancée
have sex with a stranger?
378
00:16:22,016 --> 00:16:23,850
In public, unprotected, yes.
379
00:16:23,918 --> 00:16:26,253
I'm done drinking
and fooling around.
380
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,122
I'm not sleeping with
anyone except my Stan!
381
00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:30,774
But you have to!
382
00:16:30,841 --> 00:16:33,210
Well, if she is my daughter,
then she'll exist,
383
00:16:33,277 --> 00:16:35,328
and if she's not my daughter,
why would I care?
384
00:16:35,396 --> 00:16:37,797
Because...
385
00:16:37,882 --> 00:16:40,783
Because you're me and we put so
much time into her.
386
00:16:40,835 --> 00:16:43,420
You're gonna feed her, and sing
to her when she's sick,
387
00:16:43,471 --> 00:16:46,056
and, and go to her school plays,
and buy her bunnies
388
00:16:46,123 --> 00:16:48,308
and run over her bunnies
and buy her new bunnies
389
00:16:48,392 --> 00:16:49,726
before she finds out.
390
00:16:49,793 --> 00:16:53,230
Sure, she's a pain in the ass,
but we raised her.
391
00:16:53,297 --> 00:16:55,398
So regardless of who her
biological father is,
392
00:16:55,466 --> 00:16:58,568
she's our daughter,
and she deserves to exist!
393
00:17:00,254 --> 00:17:01,721
That all may be true,
394
00:17:01,789 --> 00:17:03,924
but there's nothing
on this planet
395
00:17:03,991 --> 00:17:05,325
that could get me wasted enough
396
00:17:05,393 --> 00:17:06,826
to sleep with that guy.
397
00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:07,961
I'm sorry.
398
00:17:08,029 --> 00:17:09,596
Roger that.
399
00:17:10,798 --> 00:17:12,365
Roger!
400
00:17:18,272 --> 00:17:19,689
Elian?
401
00:17:19,757 --> 00:17:21,324
Is that you, baby?
402
00:17:21,392 --> 00:17:23,126
Come on in. You're safe here.
403
00:17:23,194 --> 00:17:25,028
I will not send you back
to Coo-ba.
404
00:17:25,096 --> 00:17:26,713
Dr. Ya Ya?
405
00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:28,898
We'd like to talk to you
about getting some ecstasy.
406
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:30,300
What do you know about ecstasy?
407
00:17:30,368 --> 00:17:31,968
Only that you created it.
408
00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:34,571
I'm trying to create it,
me and my roommate Dave.
409
00:17:36,674 --> 00:17:38,675
We're very close
to cracking the formula.
410
00:17:38,743 --> 00:17:41,444
We have the MDM,
but we're missing something.
411
00:17:43,881 --> 00:17:46,549
Of course!
Amphetamine!
412
00:17:46,617 --> 00:17:48,385
The missing ingredient!
413
00:17:48,452 --> 00:17:49,386
That's my stationery.
414
00:17:49,453 --> 00:17:51,354
My handwriting?
415
00:17:51,422 --> 00:17:54,024
How did you get this?
Who are you?
416
00:17:54,091 --> 00:17:55,692
We're time travelers
from the future.
417
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,627
Now, I'm sure you have
a lot of questions...
418
00:17:57,695 --> 00:17:58,762
Nope, I'm good.
419
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:00,463
We only have until midnight!
420
00:18:00,531 --> 00:18:03,049
Tell us where we can get
some amphetamines!
421
00:18:03,134 --> 00:18:08,138
Dave's been partying
for four days straight.
422
00:18:08,205 --> 00:18:09,422
He's a great artist.
423
00:18:09,507 --> 00:18:12,008
He painted the painting
you see behind me.
424
00:18:12,076 --> 00:18:14,728
Let's see what we have, some
downers, yellow jackets,
425
00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:18,064
a Tinkerbell keychain
which I will hold onto...
426
00:18:18,132 --> 00:18:20,767
Ah! Here we go!
Amphetamines!
427
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:27,874
Oh, my God!
428
00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:31,678
I have such a feeling
of euphoria!
429
00:18:31,746 --> 00:18:34,914
I, I... Glow stick dance!
430
00:18:36,334 --> 00:18:38,251
Dave, look at me!
431
00:18:38,336 --> 00:18:42,138
Our years of research have
finally paid off!
432
00:18:42,206 --> 00:18:44,824
This will make your younger self
totally uninhibited.
433
00:18:44,892 --> 00:18:47,344
How can I ever repay you?
434
00:18:47,411 --> 00:18:49,746
Someday I'll call on
you for a favor.
435
00:18:49,797 --> 00:18:51,364
Cryptic!
436
00:18:58,389 --> 00:19:01,057
And there's the guy.
437
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:03,593
Damn...
you're fine...
438
00:19:03,661 --> 00:19:06,196
Why you so fine...?
439
00:19:08,265 --> 00:19:09,833
You gotta go sleep
with that girl, bro.
440
00:19:11,952 --> 00:19:14,454
She's getting married.
She's not interested.
441
00:19:14,522 --> 00:19:16,022
We drugged her.
She's good to go!
442
00:19:16,090 --> 00:19:17,657
Noice!
443
00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:27,517
FYI, the Giants win
the Super Bowl.
444
00:19:27,585 --> 00:19:29,152
I'm not sure which year,
445
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:31,588
so just bet everything
you have every year.
446
00:19:31,639 --> 00:19:35,058
Stan, we've gotta go!
It's 11:57!
447
00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:37,177
Oh, and hey...
448
00:19:37,244 --> 00:19:39,579
at some point in the future,
you're gonna try
449
00:19:39,647 --> 00:19:42,082
to squat 300 pounds at the gym,
and it's too much,
450
00:19:42,149 --> 00:19:43,716
and you're gonna blow out
your sphincter, bro,
451
00:19:43,784 --> 00:19:45,552
in front of all these gym dudes.
452
00:19:45,619 --> 00:19:47,454
The paramedics have
to cut your pants off,
453
00:19:47,521 --> 00:19:49,989
and it looks like you're casing
sausage out of your butt.
454
00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:51,357
Just, just don't do it.
455
00:19:58,499 --> 00:19:59,532
Hey!
456
00:19:59,617 --> 00:20:02,051
Aw, Duper, you got in my sock!
457
00:20:06,157 --> 00:20:07,774
Sorry it took so long.
458
00:20:07,842 --> 00:20:10,410
I found out my girlfriend I'm
living with is a prostitute!
459
00:20:10,478 --> 00:20:11,845
It's pretty heavy stuff, man!
460
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:13,780
Shut it!
461
00:20:13,848 --> 00:20:15,782
Mr. Smith,
your results are in.
462
00:20:15,850 --> 00:20:18,585
No, Doc, I want you
to take out my kidney
463
00:20:18,652 --> 00:20:20,620
regardless of what it says
inside that envelope.
464
00:20:20,688 --> 00:20:22,255
My kidney
or Joel Larsen's kidney,
465
00:20:22,323 --> 00:20:24,057
one of them will be a match.
466
00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:26,509
I don't want to know
which one you use.
467
00:20:26,577 --> 00:20:29,112
She's my daughter,
no matter what.
468
00:20:32,312 --> 00:20:34,025
Mr. Smith, just curious.
469
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,985
How did you get
the other kidney?
470
00:20:36,105 --> 00:20:37,239
I called in a favor.
471
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:46,095
♪ It's hip to be square... ♪
472
00:20:46,898 --> 00:20:56,957
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com