1
00:00:03,147 --> 00:00:05,893
So, I got the craziest
e-mail this morning.
2
00:00:05,894 --> 00:00:07,593
I don't mean to burst
your bubble, dude,
3
00:00:07,595 --> 00:00:10,947
but those penile enlargement
pills do not work.
4
00:00:10,949 --> 00:00:14,400
Believe me, I know.
5
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,385
The e-mail I got was
6
00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:18,321
from the office of
Stephen Hawking.
7
00:00:18,323 --> 00:00:19,889
- You're kidding.
- Why?
8
00:00:19,891 --> 00:00:22,241
He's coming to the university
for a couple weeks to lecture,
9
00:00:22,243 --> 00:00:24,527
and he's looking for an
engineer to help maintain
10
00:00:24,529 --> 00:00:26,462
the equipment on his wheelchair.
11
00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:27,497
That's amazing.
12
00:00:27,499 --> 00:00:30,082
You'll be like his pit crew.
13
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,953
A word of caution:
I would not do
14
00:00:33,955 --> 00:00:36,122
your Stephen Hawking
impression in front of him.
15
00:00:37,591 --> 00:00:39,592
You're right.
16
00:00:40,744 --> 00:00:45,414
I suppose that could be
considered offensive.
17
00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:48,467
Boy, Sheldon's going
to freak out.
18
00:00:48,469 --> 00:00:50,419
Yeah, he worships Hawking.
19
00:00:50,421 --> 00:00:52,054
I was actually thinking
about bringing him along
20
00:00:52,056 --> 00:00:54,624
when I go over there so
he can meet the great man.
21
00:00:54,626 --> 00:00:55,808
That's really nice
of you, Howard.
22
00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,393
It's no big deal.
23
00:00:57,395 --> 00:00:59,979
Boy, a restraining order
from Stephen Hawking.
24
00:00:59,981 --> 00:01:03,599
It'll look so nice next to
the ones he's already got
25
00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:06,619
from Leonard Nimoy,
Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.
26
00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:09,488
Leonard, do you recall
27
00:01:09,490 --> 00:01:11,073
when I said that I was going
28
00:01:11,075 --> 00:01:13,042
to revolutionize
humanity's understanding
29
00:01:13,044 --> 00:01:15,328
of the Higgs boson particle,
and you said,
30
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:17,997
"Sheldon, it's 2:00 a.m.,
get out of my bedroom"?
31
00:01:17,999 --> 00:01:19,949
Like it was ten hours ago.
32
00:01:19,951 --> 00:01:21,634
What about it?
33
00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:23,002
Well, I believe I've done it.
34
00:01:23,004 --> 00:01:24,787
And I'm only saying "believe"
to sound modest,
35
00:01:24,789 --> 00:01:27,306
because, sweet Sam Houston,
I did it.
36
00:01:27,308 --> 00:01:29,508
Really?
That's incredible. Oh, here.
37
00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:30,476
Break out the math.
38
00:01:30,478 --> 00:01:32,061
Oh, okay, let me see this.
39
00:01:32,063 --> 00:01:34,597
All right, so
this particle here
40
00:01:34,599 --> 00:01:37,350
is the boson moving
forward in time.
41
00:01:37,352 --> 00:01:39,518
Now, I was thinking...
Howard, you go ahead and eat.
44
00:01:46,911 --> 00:01:50,145
Yeah, good for you,
and don't stop working on it.
45
00:01:50,147 --> 00:01:52,582
Are you still
going to tell him
46
00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:54,667
about you-know-who?
Yep.
47
00:01:54,669 --> 00:01:55,952
Are you still going
to introduce him?
48
00:01:55,954 --> 00:01:57,587
Not on your life.
49
00:01:58,655 --> 00:02:02,208
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
50
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:05,544
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
51
00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:07,179
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
52
00:02:07,181 --> 00:02:09,715
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
53
00:02:09,717 --> 00:02:12,385
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
54
00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:15,054
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
55
00:02:15,056 --> 00:02:16,973
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
56
00:02:16,975 --> 00:02:18,941
♪ Bang! ♪
57
00:02:18,966 --> 00:02:22,966
The Big Bang Theory 5x21
The Hawking Excitation
Original Air Date on April 5, 2012
58
00:02:22,967 --> 00:02:26,967
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
59
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:30,435
Please, please, please
60
00:02:30,437 --> 00:02:32,304
let me meet Hawking.
61
00:02:32,306 --> 00:02:33,472
I told you, no.
62
00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:35,307
But I said I'm sorry.
63
00:02:35,309 --> 00:02:38,227
No, you said, "Would it help
if I said I'm sorry?"
64
00:02:38,229 --> 00:02:41,196
And you never answered me.
65
00:02:41,198 --> 00:02:43,515
So who owes whom an apology now?
66
00:02:43,517 --> 00:02:46,151
Sheldon,
you're a condescending jerk.
67
00:02:46,153 --> 00:02:48,704
Why on earth would I want
to do something nice for you?
68
00:02:48,706 --> 00:02:49,905
Um...
69
00:02:49,907 --> 00:02:51,990
to go to Jewish heaven?
70
00:02:51,992 --> 00:02:55,377
Jews don't have heaven.
71
00:02:55,379 --> 00:02:57,429
Then to avoid Jewish hell?
72
00:02:57,431 --> 00:02:58,547
Have you met my mother?
73
00:02:58,549 --> 00:02:59,798
I live in Jewish hell.
74
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,217
Howard, please.
75
00:03:02,219 --> 00:03:03,852
This is Stephen Hawking.
76
00:03:03,854 --> 00:03:06,171
Perhaps my only
intellectual equal.
77
00:03:06,173 --> 00:03:08,957
Oh, you can't be serious.
78
00:03:08,959 --> 00:03:11,510
Try to put yourself
in my place.
79
00:03:11,512 --> 00:03:14,045
Imagine you're the
sole human being
80
00:03:14,047 --> 00:03:16,982
living on a planet populated
with nothing but dogs.
81
00:03:16,984 --> 00:03:18,901
And then it turns out
82
00:03:18,903 --> 00:03:21,820
there's another human being.
83
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:24,990
Hang on.
84
00:03:24,992 --> 00:03:28,193
Are you saying
the rest of us are dogs?
85
00:03:28,195 --> 00:03:30,779
Okay, I can see you're going
to take this the wrong way.
86
00:03:30,781 --> 00:03:32,030
Let me try again.
87
00:03:32,032 --> 00:03:33,282
Imagine you're the
sole human being
88
00:03:33,284 --> 00:03:38,070
living on a planet populated
with nothing but chimps.
89
00:03:38,072 --> 00:03:39,905
Get out of my lab.
90
00:03:39,907 --> 00:03:41,506
Oh, now they're so much smarter
than dogs.
91
00:03:41,508 --> 00:03:43,275
Have you seen them
on those little bicycles?
92
00:03:43,277 --> 00:03:45,460
Get out.
93
00:03:46,579 --> 00:03:48,180
How about dolphins?
94
00:03:48,182 --> 00:03:48,931
Out!
95
00:03:51,768 --> 00:03:54,303
So, come on, how was
the first day with Hawking?
96
00:03:54,305 --> 00:03:55,470
It was great.
97
00:03:55,472 --> 00:03:56,939
We talked about movies...
98
00:03:56,941 --> 00:03:58,857
Oh...
99
00:03:58,859 --> 00:04:00,309
I showed him some card tricks...
100
00:04:00,311 --> 00:04:02,060
Oh!
101
00:04:02,062 --> 00:04:04,529
He even let me read a couple
pages from his new book.
102
00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:07,266
Oh!
103
00:04:07,268 --> 00:04:10,935
Something got
you down there, bunky?
104
00:04:10,937 --> 00:04:14,122
Howard, please,
I'm begging you.
105
00:04:14,124 --> 00:04:15,824
Raj,
you're our group historian.
106
00:04:15,826 --> 00:04:17,492
Has Sheldon ever begged before?
107
00:04:17,494 --> 00:04:18,877
Three times.
108
00:04:18,879 --> 00:04:22,331
He begged the Fox network
not to cancel Firefly.
109
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:23,632
He begged
110
00:04:23,634 --> 00:04:27,035
the TNT network
to cancel Babylon 5.
111
00:04:28,454 --> 00:04:31,223
And when he got food poisoning
at the Rose Bowl Parade,
112
00:04:31,225 --> 00:04:33,091
he begged a deity
he doesn't believe in
113
00:04:33,093 --> 00:04:34,793
to end his life quickly.
114
00:04:36,312 --> 00:04:39,431
Do you understand how
important Hawking is to me?
115
00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:41,266
When I was six years old,
116
00:04:41,268 --> 00:04:44,486
I dressed up as
him for Halloween.
117
00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:47,105
You're kidding.
118
00:04:47,107 --> 00:04:49,808
No, sir, no, I took
my dad's desk chair,
119
00:04:49,810 --> 00:04:51,360
attached a Speak
& Spell to it
120
00:04:51,362 --> 00:04:53,779
and made my sister push
me up and down the block
121
00:04:53,781 --> 00:04:55,297
to trick or treat.
122
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:58,583
Granted most people
thought I was R2-D2,
123
00:04:58,585 --> 00:05:01,370
but still, I got a lot of candy.
124
00:05:01,372 --> 00:05:03,255
You don't seem
to be understanding
125
00:05:03,257 --> 00:05:04,790
the English word "no."
126
00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:07,009
Maybe a different language
will help.
127
00:05:07,011 --> 00:05:08,210
Russian: nyet.
128
00:05:08,212 --> 00:05:10,462
Chinese: bu.
129
00:05:10,464 --> 00:05:11,847
Japanese: iie.
130
00:05:11,849 --> 00:05:14,332
Klingon: qo'.
131
00:05:14,334 --> 00:05:19,304
Binary coded Ascii:
0110111001101111.
132
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,075
It's actually 01100111.
133
00:05:23,077 --> 00:05:23,942
No!
134
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:27,195
I'm not asking for me,
135
00:05:27,197 --> 00:05:30,799
I'm asking for Hawking.
136
00:05:30,801 --> 00:05:35,320
Let me try gansta:
Hells naw.
137
00:05:38,691 --> 00:05:40,358
Okay, look, how about this?
138
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,027
Just give him my paper
on the Higgs boson.
139
00:05:43,029 --> 00:05:44,329
If he sees the
incredible breakthrough
140
00:05:44,331 --> 00:05:46,248
I've made, he'll
reach out to me.
141
00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,215
What if he doesn't?
142
00:05:47,217 --> 00:05:49,184
He will; he's really smart.
143
00:05:51,571 --> 00:05:52,971
That's an interesting idea.
144
00:05:52,973 --> 00:05:54,222
Why don't you give me
145
00:05:54,224 --> 00:05:56,641
a minute to talk it over
with my friends?
146
00:05:56,643 --> 00:05:58,009
- How do I do that?
- You walk away.
147
00:05:58,011 --> 00:06:00,211
Walking away.
148
00:06:08,488 --> 00:06:11,606
You do realize
you own his ass right now.
149
00:06:11,608 --> 00:06:13,725
I do.
150
00:06:13,727 --> 00:06:15,744
You can make him
do anything you want.
151
00:06:15,746 --> 00:06:17,696
Yeah, I know, I'm just trying
to figure out
152
00:06:17,698 --> 00:06:19,664
how much I want to punish him.
153
00:06:19,666 --> 00:06:20,949
Well, don't be too mean.
154
00:06:20,951 --> 00:06:22,167
Hey, fellas,
155
00:06:22,169 --> 00:06:23,401
I'm thinking about making some
156
00:06:23,403 --> 00:06:25,704
freshly brewed iced tea
if anyone would like some.
157
00:06:25,706 --> 00:06:26,872
I wouldn't mind a glass.
158
00:06:26,874 --> 00:06:28,223
I wasn't talking to you.
159
00:06:30,093 --> 00:06:33,195
Bring him to his bony knees.
160
00:06:36,716 --> 00:06:38,266
Sheldon, come on back.
161
00:06:38,268 --> 00:06:41,470
Yes, yes.
162
00:06:44,474 --> 00:06:46,057
What did you decide?
163
00:06:46,059 --> 00:06:48,927
I'll give your paper
to Professor Hawking.
164
00:06:48,929 --> 00:06:50,395
Great, thank you!
165
00:06:50,397 --> 00:06:52,230
Oh, that's terrific!
166
00:06:52,232 --> 00:06:56,485
But in exchange, I'd like you
to do a few things for me.
167
00:06:56,487 --> 00:06:58,320
What kinds of things?
168
00:06:58,322 --> 00:07:03,241
Are you familiar
with the 12 labors of Hercules?
169
00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:06,378
Of course.
170
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:08,947
You should be so lucky.
171
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:13,335
All right.
172
00:07:13,337 --> 00:07:14,970
What would you like me
to do first?
173
00:07:14,972 --> 00:07:16,955
Well, I thought
I'd start you off
174
00:07:16,957 --> 00:07:19,007
by polishing my belt buckles.
175
00:07:19,009 --> 00:07:20,124
Oh.
176
00:07:20,126 --> 00:07:21,560
By all means.
177
00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:24,629
When I was a boy, I would
polish my Mee-Maw's silver.
178
00:07:24,631 --> 00:07:26,798
And she would entertain me
with stories
179
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,350
about growing up in Oklahoma.
180
00:07:28,352 --> 00:07:29,601
Interesting woman.
181
00:07:29,603 --> 00:07:34,072
She once killed a prairie dog
with a gravy boat.
182
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:36,992
That's nice.
183
00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:49,070
That's a lot of belt buckles.
184
00:07:49,072 --> 00:07:52,841
Funny thing is,
I only have one belt.
185
00:07:53,876 --> 00:07:55,927
Anyway, I'll let
you get started.
186
00:07:55,929 --> 00:07:57,295
Oh, by the way,
187
00:07:57,297 --> 00:07:59,998
the little marks, uh,
that look like water spots--
188
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,285
I tend to stand too close
to the urinal, so...
189
00:08:04,854 --> 00:08:08,190
...what you're seeing there
is splash back.
190
00:08:10,510 --> 00:08:12,844
You make sissy
on your belt buckles?
191
00:08:15,765 --> 00:08:18,683
Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
192
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:21,786
Here is a black light
to check them.
193
00:08:21,788 --> 00:08:23,321
And for your own peace of mind,
194
00:08:23,323 --> 00:08:26,208
you might not want to shine that
around the rest of the room.
195
00:08:35,701 --> 00:08:38,053
Sheldon, these look great.
196
00:08:38,055 --> 00:08:40,555
They're like
magnificent little crowns
197
00:08:40,557 --> 00:08:44,009
to hang over
my magnificent little jewels.
198
00:08:46,095 --> 00:08:47,395
How'd you get them so shiny?
199
00:08:47,397 --> 00:08:49,931
Oh, I-I buffed them
with Turtle Wax.
200
00:08:49,933 --> 00:08:52,383
The man down at Pep Boys
says from now on,
201
00:08:52,385 --> 00:08:55,403
the urine should just bead up
and roll right off.
202
00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:57,388
Way to go the extra mile.
203
00:08:57,390 --> 00:08:59,074
Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
204
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:01,526
My Mee-Maw
must never know of this.
205
00:09:01,528 --> 00:09:04,746
Now will you give
Professor Hawking my paper?
206
00:09:04,748 --> 00:09:06,064
Oh, my dear boy, no.
207
00:09:06,066 --> 00:09:07,165
Okay.
208
00:09:07,167 --> 00:09:09,000
Next,
209
00:09:09,002 --> 00:09:12,754
this is
a sexy French maid costume
210
00:09:12,756 --> 00:09:14,089
I bought for Bernadette.
211
00:09:14,091 --> 00:09:15,707
I thought it might
spice things up
212
00:09:15,709 --> 00:09:18,009
and get her to dust
my room at the same time,
213
00:09:18,011 --> 00:09:21,913
but I was wrong
and really wrong.
214
00:09:21,915 --> 00:09:24,049
And you want me to
return it for you?
215
00:09:24,051 --> 00:09:27,519
No, no, no, mon petit cherie.
216
00:09:41,651 --> 00:09:43,535
What are you all staring at?
217
00:09:43,537 --> 00:09:45,904
You ever seen a man try
to get a meeting
218
00:09:45,906 --> 00:09:47,772
with Stephen Hawking before?
219
00:10:01,926 --> 00:10:03,063
Hey.
220
00:10:03,064 --> 00:10:04,680
Hello.
221
00:10:04,682 --> 00:10:05,615
It's not Saturday night.
222
00:10:05,617 --> 00:10:07,516
Why are you doing
your laundry?
223
00:10:07,518 --> 00:10:11,070
This is not
my laundry.
224
00:10:11,072 --> 00:10:12,054
Wow, are these Amy's?
225
00:10:12,056 --> 00:10:15,625
Kind of trashy-- good for her.
226
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:17,493
Those are Howard's.
227
00:10:17,495 --> 00:10:19,579
Ugh...
228
00:10:20,547 --> 00:10:22,165
Why are you washing
229
00:10:22,167 --> 00:10:25,501
Howard's man panties?
230
00:10:25,503 --> 00:10:26,752
Because if I don't,
231
00:10:26,754 --> 00:10:29,639
he won't give my paper
to Stephen Hawking.
232
00:10:29,641 --> 00:10:31,340
- He's a famous physicist.
- Yeah, yeah,
233
00:10:31,342 --> 00:10:35,761
I know, he's the wheelchair dude
who invented time.
234
00:10:37,681 --> 00:10:40,016
That's close enough.
235
00:10:40,018 --> 00:10:41,400
I don't understand,
why doesn't Howard
236
00:10:41,402 --> 00:10:43,052
just introduce you to the guy?
237
00:10:43,054 --> 00:10:47,290
Because he's punishing me for
being a "condescending jerk."
238
00:10:47,292 --> 00:10:49,892
You don't think
I'm condescending, do you?
239
00:10:49,894 --> 00:10:51,694
Well, kind of...
240
00:10:51,696 --> 00:10:54,163
Oh, I'm sorry,
condescending means...
241
00:10:54,165 --> 00:10:55,414
I know what it means.
242
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,783
And yes,
you love correcting people
243
00:10:57,785 --> 00:10:58,951
and putting them down.
244
00:10:58,953 --> 00:11:00,369
Au contraire.
245
00:11:00,371 --> 00:11:03,506
When I correct people
I am raising them up.
246
00:11:05,459 --> 00:11:08,211
You should know, I do it
for you more than anyone.
247
00:11:10,130 --> 00:11:12,381
Come on, you do it
to feel superior.
248
00:11:12,383 --> 00:11:13,549
I see that twinkle in your eye
249
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:15,885
when someone says "who"
instead of "whom"
250
00:11:15,887 --> 00:11:18,938
or thinks the moon is a planet.
251
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:22,959
Or Don Quixote is a book
about a donkey named Hotay.
252
00:11:22,961 --> 00:11:24,994
See,
253
00:11:24,996 --> 00:11:26,229
there it is,
there's that twinkle.
254
00:11:26,231 --> 00:11:27,396
Well, I can't help it.
255
00:11:27,398 --> 00:11:29,649
That's an involuntary twinkle.
256
00:11:30,534 --> 00:11:32,735
What do you want me
to tell you, Sheldon?
257
00:11:32,737 --> 00:11:34,153
I want you to tell me
258
00:11:34,155 --> 00:11:36,622
that Howard is being mean to me
for no reason.
259
00:11:36,624 --> 00:11:39,992
Fine, Howard is being mean
to you for no reason.
260
00:11:39,994 --> 00:11:41,827
I knew it.
261
00:11:46,467 --> 00:11:47,700
What's the matter?
262
00:11:47,702 --> 00:11:49,285
Every time I spend the night,
263
00:11:49,287 --> 00:11:53,539
your mom slaps me on the behind
and says, "Go get 'em."
264
00:11:53,541 --> 00:11:55,675
It's not her fault.
265
00:11:55,677 --> 00:11:58,761
She's getting
hormone replacement therapy.
266
00:12:01,064 --> 00:12:04,100
Makes her crazy horny.
267
00:12:04,818 --> 00:12:06,352
Check this out,
I got Sheldon
268
00:12:06,354 --> 00:12:08,738
to wear the French
maid's costume.
269
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,606
Oh, my God,
that's terrible.
270
00:12:10,608 --> 00:12:13,726
Hey, I gave you
first crack at it.
271
00:12:13,728 --> 00:12:15,444
Why are you doing that?
272
00:12:15,446 --> 00:12:16,896
You're being mean to him.
273
00:12:16,898 --> 00:12:18,314
He's mean to me all the time.
274
00:12:18,316 --> 00:12:20,700
You've heard him tease me
about not having a doctorate.
275
00:12:20,702 --> 00:12:22,501
If you don't want
to get teased about that,
276
00:12:22,503 --> 00:12:23,669
get a doctorate.
277
00:12:26,656 --> 00:12:28,925
I have one; they're great.
278
00:12:29,843 --> 00:12:32,728
Oh, come on, the
man torments me.
279
00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:33,662
I'm just letting him have
280
00:12:33,664 --> 00:12:35,648
a little taste
of his own medicine.
281
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:37,166
It's not the same thing.
282
00:12:37,168 --> 00:12:38,718
Sheldon doesn't know
when he's being mean
283
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,553
because the part of his brain
that should know
284
00:12:40,555 --> 00:12:43,472
is getting a wedgie
from the rest of his brain.
285
00:12:46,193 --> 00:12:48,361
Fine, I'll just make him do
a couple more things,
286
00:12:48,363 --> 00:12:49,312
then I'll stop.
287
00:12:49,314 --> 00:12:51,180
No, you have to stop now.
288
00:12:51,182 --> 00:12:54,216
Bernadette, I want to remind you,
289
00:12:54,218 --> 00:12:58,487
you promised to take me
dress shopping tomorrow!
290
00:12:58,489 --> 00:13:01,874
Oh, damn.
291
00:13:01,876 --> 00:13:05,294
I'm sorry,
I can't make it,
292
00:13:05,296 --> 00:13:09,165
but Sheldon's going
to go with you!
293
00:13:14,921 --> 00:13:18,090
And that's the last thing
you do to him.
294
00:13:21,345 --> 00:13:25,514
Sheldon!
295
00:13:25,516 --> 00:13:28,784
I need your help!
296
00:13:28,786 --> 00:13:31,454
What is it now, Mrs. Wolowitz?
297
00:13:31,456 --> 00:13:32,822
It's this dress!
298
00:13:32,824 --> 00:13:37,476
When I put my front in,
my back pops out!
299
00:13:39,579 --> 00:13:44,583
When I put my back in,
my front pops out!
300
00:13:44,585 --> 00:13:48,371
It's like trying to keep
two dogs in a bathtub!
301
00:13:50,207 --> 00:13:52,291
What do you want me to do?
302
00:13:52,293 --> 00:13:54,794
We're gonna have
to work as a team!
303
00:13:54,796 --> 00:13:59,365
Get in here, grab a handful,
and start stuffing!
304
00:14:05,756 --> 00:14:08,708
I'm not sure how to do this.
305
00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:13,429
It's easy, just pretend you're
putting away a sleeping bag.
306
00:14:14,948 --> 00:14:19,768
Sleeping bags don't usually
sweat this much, but okay.
307
00:14:19,770 --> 00:14:21,704
Now zip me up.
308
00:14:21,706 --> 00:14:23,456
Oh, if we squeeze
you any tighter,
309
00:14:23,458 --> 00:14:25,991
you may turn
into a diamond.
310
00:14:28,261 --> 00:14:31,881
You're right,
who am I kidding?
311
00:14:31,883 --> 00:14:34,950
You should have seen me
when I was young, Sheldon.
312
00:14:34,952 --> 00:14:39,839
The fellas used to line up
and bring me boxes of candy.
313
00:14:40,724 --> 00:14:43,109
Why did I eat it all?!
314
00:14:46,396 --> 00:14:47,980
Would you hold me?
315
00:14:47,982 --> 00:14:51,350
Oh... no, you know, I'm not
really the holding kind of...
316
00:14:51,352 --> 00:14:53,936
Oh!
317
00:14:56,189 --> 00:14:58,157
Oh, guys, I just remembered.
318
00:14:58,159 --> 00:15:01,643
I got you
some Hawking souvenirs.
319
00:15:01,645 --> 00:15:02,811
What are these?
320
00:15:02,813 --> 00:15:04,980
Gears and springs
from his wheelchair.
321
00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:06,449
Pretty cool, huh?
322
00:15:07,317 --> 00:15:10,035
Wow, that's amazing.
323
00:15:10,037 --> 00:15:12,204
I made an adjustment
on the motor drive
324
00:15:12,206 --> 00:15:14,423
and when I was putting it
back together
325
00:15:14,425 --> 00:15:17,927
I could not for the life of me
figure out where they went.
326
00:15:19,996 --> 00:15:22,264
I did it.
327
00:15:22,266 --> 00:15:24,600
Had to go
to three clothing stores,
328
00:15:24,602 --> 00:15:29,472
but we finally found a dress
that could envelop your mother.
329
00:15:30,557 --> 00:15:31,673
I should have sent you
330
00:15:31,675 --> 00:15:34,059
to the custom car cover place
in Altadena.
331
00:15:34,061 --> 00:15:35,978
They have her pattern on file.
332
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:38,481
Humorous.
333
00:15:39,116 --> 00:15:41,350
Now will you
please present
334
00:15:41,352 --> 00:15:43,569
my paper
to Professor Hawking?
335
00:15:43,571 --> 00:15:44,653
I don't know.
336
00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:45,955
Oh, for heaven's sake.
337
00:15:45,957 --> 00:15:49,291
I did your laundry, I pee-pee-
proofed your belt buckles,
338
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:50,409
I, I even sprained
339
00:15:50,411 --> 00:15:54,046
my wrist helping
your mother lift her bosom.
340
00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,552
All right, Sheldon,
341
00:15:59,554 --> 00:16:02,505
there's only one thing left
I want you to do.
342
00:16:02,507 --> 00:16:04,140
Don't worry, it's an easy one.
343
00:16:04,142 --> 00:16:05,458
Okay.
344
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,309
Give me a compliment.
345
00:16:07,311 --> 00:16:09,595
Fine.
346
00:16:09,597 --> 00:16:11,397
You have very tiny hands.
347
00:16:14,234 --> 00:16:16,986
No... about my job.
348
00:16:16,988 --> 00:16:20,639
I want you to tell me
I'm good at what I do.
349
00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:23,209
You're obviously good
at what you do.
350
00:16:23,211 --> 00:16:26,428
Well, then why are you
always ripping on me?
351
00:16:26,430 --> 00:16:28,581
Oh, I understand
the confusion.
352
00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:31,750
I have never said that you are
not good at what you do.
353
00:16:31,752 --> 00:16:36,121
It's just that what you do
is not worth doing.
354
00:16:40,844 --> 00:16:42,878
It's nicer than anything
he's ever said to me.
355
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,014
I'd take it and run.
356
00:16:46,349 --> 00:16:48,334
Thank you, Sheldon.
357
00:16:48,336 --> 00:16:50,236
Now will you give
my paper to Hawking?
358
00:16:50,238 --> 00:16:51,504
Sorry, I can't.
359
00:16:51,506 --> 00:16:52,705
What, why not?
360
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,807
I gave it to him three days ago.
361
00:16:54,809 --> 00:16:57,309
He was really
impressed.
362
00:16:57,311 --> 00:16:58,744
He wants to meet you.
363
00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:02,748
All right, then.
364
00:17:03,550 --> 00:17:05,100
Thank you, Howard.
365
00:17:05,102 --> 00:17:07,736
Please let
Professor Hawking know
366
00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:11,440
that I'm available
at his earliest convenience.
367
00:17:11,442 --> 00:17:14,193
I thought he might be
a little more excited.
368
00:17:14,195 --> 00:17:15,194
Give it a second.
369
00:17:27,752 --> 00:17:29,558
Professor Hawking,
370
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:32,912
it's an honor and a privilege
to meet you, sir.
371
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:37,950
I know.
372
00:17:38,952 --> 00:17:42,571
I want to thank you for
taking time to see me.
373
00:17:43,524 --> 00:17:44,607
My pleasure.
374
00:17:44,609 --> 00:17:48,294
I enjoyed reading
your paper very much.
375
00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:50,863
You clearly have
a brilliant mind.
376
00:17:50,865 --> 00:17:54,400
I know.
377
00:17:54,402 --> 00:17:58,537
Your thesis that the Higgs boson
is a black hole
378
00:17:58,539 --> 00:18:02,341
accelerating backwards
through time is fascinating.
379
00:18:02,343 --> 00:18:04,426
Thank you.
380
00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:08,280
It just-- it came to me
one morning in the shower.
381
00:18:10,835 --> 00:18:12,134
That's nice.
382
00:18:12,136 --> 00:18:15,154
Too bad it's wrong.
383
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,442
What do you mean wrong?
384
00:18:21,579 --> 00:18:24,930
You made an arithmetic mistake
on page two.
385
00:18:27,218 --> 00:18:30,686
It was quite the boner.
386
00:18:32,472 --> 00:18:36,008
No, no... that
can't be right.
387
00:18:36,010 --> 00:18:38,878
I-I don't make
arithmetic mistakes.
388
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,913
Are you saying I do?
389
00:18:40,915 --> 00:18:41,881
Oh, no,
390
00:18:41,883 --> 00:18:43,315
no, no, of course not.
391
00:18:43,317 --> 00:18:44,600
It's just, I
was thinking...
392
00:18:44,602 --> 00:18:47,186
Oh, gosh, golly,
I made a boo-boo,
393
00:18:47,188 --> 00:18:50,272
and I gave it to
Stephen Hawking.
394
00:18:55,547 --> 00:18:57,882
Great, another fainter.
395
00:18:57,884 --> 00:18:59,950
== sync, corrected by elderman ==