1
00:00:03,131 --> 00:00:05,802
So, I got the craziest
e-mail this morning.
2
00:00:05,848 --> 00:00:07,547
I don't mean to burst
your bubble, dude,
3
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:10,901
but those penile enlargement
pills do not work.
4
00:00:12,254 --> 00:00:14,497
Believe me, I know.
5
00:00:15,273 --> 00:00:16,339
The e-mail I got was
6
00:00:16,341 --> 00:00:18,275
from the office of
Stephen Hawking.
7
00:00:18,277 --> 00:00:19,843
- You're kidding.
- Why?
8
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:22,195
He's coming to the university
for a couple weeks to lecture,
9
00:00:22,197 --> 00:00:24,481
and he's looking for an
engineer to help maintain
10
00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,416
the equipment on his wheelchair.
11
00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:27,451
That's amazing.
12
00:00:27,453 --> 00:00:30,036
You'll be like his pit crew.
13
00:00:31,289 --> 00:00:33,907
I would not do
14
00:00:33,909 --> 00:00:36,076
your Stephen Hawking
impression in front of him.
15
00:00:37,545 --> 00:00:39,930
You're right.
16
00:00:41,471 --> 00:00:45,604
I suppose that could be
considered offensive.
17
00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:48,604
Boy, Sheldon's going
to freak out.
18
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,406
Yeah, he worships Hawking.
19
00:00:50,407 --> 00:00:52,137
I was actually thinking
about bringing him along
20
00:00:52,138 --> 00:00:54,522
when I go over there so
he can meet the great man.
21
00:00:54,580 --> 00:00:56,069
That's really nice
of you, Howard.
22
00:00:56,162 --> 00:00:57,600
It's no big deal.
23
00:00:57,653 --> 00:00:59,889
Boy, a restraining order
from Stephen Hawking.
24
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,913
It'll look so nice next to
the ones he's already got
25
00:01:03,914 --> 00:01:06,932
from Leonard Nimoy,
Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.
26
00:01:07,886 --> 00:01:09,676
Leonard, do you recall
27
00:01:09,677 --> 00:01:11,145
when I said that I was going
28
00:01:11,146 --> 00:01:13,219
to revolutionize
humanity's understanding
29
00:01:13,220 --> 00:01:15,392
of the Higgs boson particle,
and you said,
30
00:01:15,393 --> 00:01:18,060
"Sheldon, it's 2:00 a.m.,
get out of my bedroom"?
31
00:01:18,664 --> 00:01:20,301
Like it was ten hours ago.
32
00:01:20,302 --> 00:01:21,226
What about it?
33
00:01:21,269 --> 00:01:22,875
Well, I believe I've done it.
34
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,020
And I'm only saying "believe"
to sound modest,
35
00:01:25,021 --> 00:01:27,185
because, sweet Sam Houston,
I did it.
36
00:01:27,262 --> 00:01:29,462
Really?
That's incredible. Oh, here.
37
00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,430
Break out the math.
38
00:01:30,432 --> 00:01:32,015
Oh, okay, let me see this.
39
00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:34,551
All right, so
this particle here
40
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:37,304
is the boson moving
forward in time.
41
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,472
Now, I was thinking...
Howard, you go ahead and eat.
44
00:01:46,865 --> 00:01:50,099
Yeah, good for you,
and don't stop working on it.
45
00:01:50,101 --> 00:01:52,536
Are you still going to tell him
46
00:01:52,538 --> 00:01:54,621
about you-know-who?
Yep.
47
00:01:54,623 --> 00:01:56,100
Are you still going
to introduce him?
48
00:01:56,101 --> 00:01:57,733
Not on your life.
49
00:01:58,968 --> 00:02:02,421
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
50
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:06,286
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
51
00:02:06,287 --> 00:02:07,717
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
52
00:02:07,718 --> 00:02:10,587
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
53
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,644
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
54
00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:15,408
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
55
00:02:15,409 --> 00:02:17,417
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
56
00:02:17,418 --> 00:02:19,078
♪ Bang! ♪
57
00:02:19,079 --> 00:02:21,604
The Big Bang Theory 5x21
The Hawking Excitation
Original Air Date on April 5, 2012
58
00:02:21,605 --> 00:02:24,349
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
59
00:02:25,087 --> 00:02:27,505
Please, please, please
60
00:02:27,663 --> 00:02:29,061
let me meet Hawking.
61
00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:30,251
I told you, no.
62
00:02:30,286 --> 00:02:31,821
But I said I'm sorry.
63
00:02:31,848 --> 00:02:35,279
No, you said, "Would it help
if I said I'm sorry?"
64
00:02:36,229 --> 00:02:37,980
And you never answered me.
65
00:02:38,035 --> 00:02:40,352
So who owes whom an apology now?
66
00:02:40,962 --> 00:02:43,338
Sheldon,
you're a condescending jerk.
67
00:02:43,339 --> 00:02:45,798
Why on earth would I want
to do something nice for you?
68
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:46,798
Um...
69
00:02:46,829 --> 00:02:48,912
to go to Jewish heaven?
70
00:02:50,406 --> 00:02:51,914
Jews don't have heaven.
71
00:02:51,915 --> 00:02:53,965
Then to avoid Jewish hell?
72
00:02:54,416 --> 00:02:55,532
Have you met my mother?
73
00:02:55,534 --> 00:02:56,783
I live in Jewish hell.
74
00:02:57,347 --> 00:02:59,137
Howard, please.
75
00:02:59,204 --> 00:03:00,837
This is Stephen Hawking.
76
00:03:00,839 --> 00:03:03,156
Perhaps my only
intellectual equal.
77
00:03:03,158 --> 00:03:05,942
Oh, you can't be serious.
78
00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:08,495
Try to put yourself
in my place.
79
00:03:08,497 --> 00:03:11,030
Imagine you're the
sole human being
80
00:03:11,032 --> 00:03:13,967
living on a planet populated
with nothing but dogs.
81
00:03:13,969 --> 00:03:15,886
And then it turns out
82
00:03:15,888 --> 00:03:18,805
there's another human being.
83
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:21,848
Hang on.
84
00:03:21,867 --> 00:03:24,934
Are you saying
the rest of us are dogs?
85
00:03:24,969 --> 00:03:27,553
Okay, I can see you're going
to take this the wrong way.
86
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:28,827
Let me try again.
87
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,312
Imagine you're the
sole human being
88
00:03:31,313 --> 00:03:34,540
living on a planet populated
with nothing but chimps.
89
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:36,008
Get out of my lab.
90
00:03:36,023 --> 00:03:38,239
Oh, now they're so much smarter
than dogs.
91
00:03:38,493 --> 00:03:40,822
Have you seen them
on those little bicycles?
92
00:03:41,238 --> 00:03:42,921
Get out.
93
00:03:43,985 --> 00:03:45,134
How about dolphins?
94
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:45,916
Out!
95
00:03:48,753 --> 00:03:51,288
So, come on, how was
the first day with Hawking?
96
00:03:51,290 --> 00:03:52,297
It was great.
97
00:03:52,298 --> 00:03:53,765
We talked about movies...
98
00:03:53,824 --> 00:03:55,740
Oh...
99
00:03:55,812 --> 00:03:57,262
I showed him some card tricks...
100
00:03:57,296 --> 00:03:59,045
Oh!
101
00:03:59,047 --> 00:04:01,289
He even let me read a couple
pages from his new book.
102
00:04:01,290 --> 00:04:04,024
Oh!
103
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,620
Something got
you down there, bunky?
104
00:04:08,078 --> 00:04:10,906
Howard, please,
I'm begging you.
105
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,660
Raj,
you're our group historian.
106
00:04:12,678 --> 00:04:14,344
Has Sheldon ever begged before?
107
00:04:14,479 --> 00:04:15,862
Three times.
108
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:19,316
He begged the Fox network
not to cancel Firefly.
109
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:20,617
He begged
110
00:04:20,619 --> 00:04:24,020
the TNT network
to cancel Babylon 5.
111
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:28,208
And when he got food poisoning
at the Rose Bowl Parade,
112
00:04:28,210 --> 00:04:30,076
he begged a deity
he doesn't believe in
113
00:04:30,078 --> 00:04:31,778
to end his life quickly.
114
00:04:33,297 --> 00:04:36,416
Do you understand how
important Hawking is to me?
115
00:04:36,418 --> 00:04:38,251
When I was six years old,
116
00:04:38,253 --> 00:04:41,471
I dressed up as
him for Halloween.
117
00:04:42,690 --> 00:04:44,090
You're kidding.
118
00:04:44,092 --> 00:04:46,793
No, sir, no, I took
my dad's desk chair,
119
00:04:46,795 --> 00:04:48,345
attached a Speak & Spell to it
120
00:04:48,347 --> 00:04:50,764
and made my sister push
me up and down the block
121
00:04:50,766 --> 00:04:52,282
to trick or treat.
122
00:04:53,818 --> 00:04:55,568
Granted most people
thought I was R2-D2,
123
00:04:55,570 --> 00:04:58,355
but still, I got a lot of candy.
124
00:04:58,357 --> 00:05:00,240
You don't seem
to be understanding
125
00:05:00,242 --> 00:05:01,775
the English word "no."
126
00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:03,994
Maybe a different language
will help.
127
00:05:03,996 --> 00:05:05,195
Nyet.
128
00:05:05,197 --> 00:05:07,447
Bu.
129
00:05:07,449 --> 00:05:08,832
Iie.
130
00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:11,061
Qo'.
131
00:05:11,139 --> 00:05:16,109
0110111001101111.
132
00:05:18,025 --> 00:05:20,210
It's actually 01100111.
133
00:05:20,234 --> 00:05:21,578
No!
134
00:05:22,265 --> 00:05:24,568
I'm not asking for me,
135
00:05:24,802 --> 00:05:27,177
I'm asking for Hawking.
136
00:05:28,465 --> 00:05:32,421
Hells naw.
137
00:05:35,676 --> 00:05:37,343
Okay, look, how about this?
138
00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:39,844
Just give him my paper
on the Higgs boson.
139
00:05:39,845 --> 00:05:41,462
If he sees the
incredible breakthrough
140
00:05:41,463 --> 00:05:43,201
I've made, he'll
reach out to me.
141
00:05:43,235 --> 00:05:44,200
What if he doesn't?
142
00:05:44,202 --> 00:05:46,169
He will; he's really smart.
143
00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:50,430
That's an interesting idea.
144
00:05:50,431 --> 00:05:51,448
Why don't you give me
145
00:05:51,449 --> 00:05:53,603
a minute to talk it over
with my friends?
146
00:05:53,628 --> 00:05:54,994
- How do I do that?
- You walk away.
147
00:05:54,996 --> 00:05:57,196
Walking away.
148
00:06:05,473 --> 00:06:08,591
You do realize
you own his ass right now.
149
00:06:08,593 --> 00:06:10,710
I do.
150
00:06:10,712 --> 00:06:12,579
You can make him
do anything you want.
151
00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:14,314
Yeah, I know, I'm just trying
to figure out
152
00:06:14,354 --> 00:06:16,320
how much I want to punish him.
153
00:06:16,651 --> 00:06:17,934
Well, don't be too mean.
154
00:06:17,936 --> 00:06:19,043
Hey, fellas,
155
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,276
I'm thinking about making some
156
00:06:20,277 --> 00:06:22,579
freshly brewed iced tea
if anyone would like some.
157
00:06:22,613 --> 00:06:23,746
I wouldn't mind a glass.
158
00:06:23,747 --> 00:06:25,570
I wasn't talking to you.
159
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,547
Bring him to his bony knees.
160
00:06:33,701 --> 00:06:35,251
Sheldon, come on back.
161
00:06:35,253 --> 00:06:37,904
Yes, yes.
162
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,385
What did you decide?
163
00:06:43,872 --> 00:06:46,111
I'll give your paper
to Professor Hawking.
164
00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:47,087
Great, thank you!
165
00:06:47,088 --> 00:06:48,308
Oh, that's terrific!
166
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:53,173
But in exchange, I'd like you
to do a few things for me.
167
00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,305
What kinds of things?
168
00:06:55,307 --> 00:07:00,226
Are you familiar
with the 12 labors of Hercules?
169
00:07:01,645 --> 00:07:03,363
Of course.
170
00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:05,932
You should be so lucky.
171
00:07:08,486 --> 00:07:10,320
All right.
172
00:07:10,322 --> 00:07:11,955
What would you like me
to do first?
173
00:07:11,957 --> 00:07:13,822
Well, I thought
I'd start you off
174
00:07:13,823 --> 00:07:15,873
by polishing my belt buckles.
175
00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,109
Oh.
176
00:07:17,111 --> 00:07:18,266
By all means.
177
00:07:18,267 --> 00:07:21,334
When I was a boy, I would
polish my Mee-Maw's silver.
178
00:07:21,530 --> 00:07:23,697
And she would entertain me
with stories
179
00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:25,335
about growing up in Oklahoma.
180
00:07:25,337 --> 00:07:26,586
Interesting woman.
181
00:07:26,588 --> 00:07:31,057
She once killed a prairie dog
with a gravy boat.
182
00:07:31,449 --> 00:07:33,902
That's nice.
183
00:07:43,554 --> 00:07:46,055
That's a lot of belt buckles.
184
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:50,125
Funny thing is,
I only have one belt.
185
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,853
Anyway, I'll let
you get started.
186
00:07:52,914 --> 00:07:53,806
Oh, by the way,
187
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,836
the little marks, uh,
that look like water spots--
188
00:07:56,985 --> 00:08:00,270
I tend to stand too close
to the urinal, so...
189
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,651
what you're seeing there
is splash back.
190
00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:09,633
You make sissy
on your belt buckles?
191
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:15,441
Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
192
00:08:15,670 --> 00:08:18,771
Here is a black light
to check them.
193
00:08:18,773 --> 00:08:20,061
And for your own peace of mind,
194
00:08:20,062 --> 00:08:22,946
you might not want to shine that
around the rest of the room.
195
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:35,038
Sheldon, these look great.
196
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,728
They're like
magnificent little crowns
197
00:08:37,799 --> 00:08:41,251
to hang over
my magnificent little jewels.
198
00:08:42,361 --> 00:08:44,188
How'd you get them so shiny?
199
00:08:44,210 --> 00:08:46,744
Oh, I-I buffed them
with Turtle Wax.
200
00:08:46,918 --> 00:08:49,207
The man down at Pep Boys
says from now on,
201
00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:52,226
the urine should just bead up
and roll right off.
202
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,313
Way to go the extra mile.
203
00:08:54,375 --> 00:08:55,805
Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
204
00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:58,277
My Mee-Maw
must never know of this.
205
00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:01,654
Now will you give
Professor Hawking my paper?
206
00:09:01,733 --> 00:09:03,049
Oh, my dear boy, no.
207
00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:04,150
Okay.
208
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,985
Next,
209
00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:09,739
this is
a sexy French maid costume
210
00:09:09,741 --> 00:09:11,074
I bought for Bernadette.
211
00:09:11,076 --> 00:09:12,692
I thought it might
spice things up
212
00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:14,994
and get her to dust
my room at the same time,
213
00:09:14,996 --> 00:09:18,898
but I was wrong
and really wrong.
214
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,034
And you want me to
return it for you?
215
00:09:21,036 --> 00:09:24,504
No, no, no, mon petit cherie.
216
00:09:38,636 --> 00:09:40,520
What are you all staring at?
217
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,570
You ever seen a man try
to get a meeting
218
00:09:42,571 --> 00:09:44,978
with Stephen Hawking before?
219
00:09:55,903 --> 00:09:56,895
Hey.
220
00:09:56,970 --> 00:09:58,586
Hello.
221
00:09:58,659 --> 00:09:59,592
It's not Saturday night.
222
00:09:59,594 --> 00:10:01,337
Why are you doing your laundry?
223
00:10:01,495 --> 00:10:04,586
This is not my laundry.
224
00:10:05,049 --> 00:10:06,031
Wow, are these Amy's?
225
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:09,602
Kind of trashy-- good for her.
226
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,425
Those are Howard's.
227
00:10:11,472 --> 00:10:13,556
Ugh...
228
00:10:14,524 --> 00:10:16,142
Why are you washing
229
00:10:16,144 --> 00:10:19,066
Howard's man panties?
230
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:20,472
Because if I don't,
231
00:10:20,582 --> 00:10:23,467
he won't give my paper
to Stephen Hawking.
232
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,239
- He's a famous physicist.
- Yeah, yeah,
233
00:10:25,288 --> 00:10:29,707
I know, he's the wheelchair dude
who invented time.
234
00:10:31,658 --> 00:10:33,662
That's close enough.
235
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,551
I don't understand,
why doesn't Howard
236
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,976
just introduce you to the guy?
237
00:10:37,031 --> 00:10:41,267
Because he's punishing me for
being a "condescending jerk."
238
00:10:41,269 --> 00:10:43,869
You don't think
I'm condescending, do you?
239
00:10:44,159 --> 00:10:45,597
Well, kind of...
240
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,601
Oh, I'm sorry,
condescending means...
241
00:10:47,602 --> 00:10:49,585
I know what it means.
242
00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:51,760
And yes,
you love correcting people
243
00:10:51,762 --> 00:10:52,928
and putting them down.
244
00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:54,346
Au contraire.
245
00:10:54,348 --> 00:10:57,483
When I correct people
I am raising them up.
246
00:10:59,436 --> 00:11:02,188
You should know, I do it
for you more than anyone.
247
00:11:04,107 --> 00:11:06,358
Come on, you do it
to feel superior.
248
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:07,526
I see that twinkle in your eye
249
00:11:07,528 --> 00:11:09,862
when someone says "who"
instead of "whom"
250
00:11:09,864 --> 00:11:12,915
or thinks the moon is a planet.
251
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:16,936
Or Don Quixote is a book
about a donkey named Hotay.
252
00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:18,971
See,
253
00:11:18,973 --> 00:11:20,206
there it is,
there's that twinkle.
254
00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:21,373
Well, I can't help it.
255
00:11:21,375 --> 00:11:23,626
That's an involuntary twinkle.
256
00:11:24,511 --> 00:11:26,712
What do you want me
to tell you, Sheldon?
257
00:11:26,714 --> 00:11:28,130
I want you to tell me
258
00:11:28,132 --> 00:11:30,599
that Howard is being mean to me
for no reason.
259
00:11:30,601 --> 00:11:33,969
Fine, Howard is being mean
to you for no reason.
260
00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:35,804
I knew it.
261
00:11:40,444 --> 00:11:41,677
What's the matter?
262
00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:43,262
Every time I spend the night,
263
00:11:43,264 --> 00:11:47,516
your mom slaps me on the behind
and says, "Go get 'em."
264
00:11:47,518 --> 00:11:49,652
It's not her fault.
265
00:11:49,654 --> 00:11:52,738
She's getting
hormone replacement therapy.
266
00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:58,077
Makes her crazy horny.
267
00:11:58,795 --> 00:12:00,329
Check this out, I got Sheldon
268
00:12:00,331 --> 00:12:02,715
to wear the French
maid's costume.
269
00:12:02,717 --> 00:12:04,583
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
270
00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:07,703
Hey, I gave you
first crack at it.
271
00:12:07,705 --> 00:12:09,421
Why are you doing that?
272
00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:10,873
You're being mean to him.
273
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:12,291
He's mean to me all the time.
274
00:12:12,293 --> 00:12:14,677
You've heard him tease me
about not having a doctorate.
275
00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:16,478
If you don't want
to get teased about that,
276
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:17,646
get a doctorate.
277
00:12:20,633 --> 00:12:22,902
I have one; they're great.
278
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:26,705
Oh, come on, the
man torments me.
279
00:12:26,707 --> 00:12:27,639
I'm just letting him have
280
00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:29,625
a little taste
of his own medicine.
281
00:12:29,627 --> 00:12:31,143
It's not the same thing.
282
00:12:31,145 --> 00:12:32,695
Sheldon doesn't know
when he's being mean
283
00:12:32,697 --> 00:12:34,530
because the part of his brain
that should know
284
00:12:34,532 --> 00:12:37,449
is getting a wedgie
from the rest of his brain.
285
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,338
Fine, I'll just make him do
a couple more things,
286
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:43,289
then I'll stop.
287
00:12:43,291 --> 00:12:45,157
No, you have to stop now.
288
00:12:45,159 --> 00:12:48,193
Bernadette, I want to remind you,
289
00:12:48,195 --> 00:12:52,464
you promised to take me
dress shopping tomorrow!
290
00:12:52,466 --> 00:12:55,851
Oh, damn.
291
00:12:55,853 --> 00:12:59,271
I'm sorry, I can't make it,
292
00:12:59,273 --> 00:13:03,142
but Sheldon's going
to go with you!
293
00:13:08,898 --> 00:13:12,067
And that's the last thing
you do to him.
294
00:13:15,322 --> 00:13:19,491
Sheldon!
295
00:13:19,493 --> 00:13:22,761
I need your help!
296
00:13:22,763 --> 00:13:25,431
What is it now, Mrs. Wolowitz?
297
00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:26,799
It's this dress!
298
00:13:26,801 --> 00:13:31,453
When I put my front in,
my back pops out!
299
00:13:33,556 --> 00:13:38,560
When I put my back in,
my front pops out!
300
00:13:38,562 --> 00:13:42,348
It's like trying to keep
two dogs in a bathtub!
301
00:13:44,184 --> 00:13:46,268
What do you want me to do?
302
00:13:46,270 --> 00:13:48,771
We're gonna have
to work as a team!
303
00:13:48,773 --> 00:13:53,342
Get in here, grab a handful,
and start stuffing!
304
00:13:59,733 --> 00:14:02,685
I'm not sure how to do this.
305
00:14:02,687 --> 00:14:07,406
It's easy, just pretend you're
putting away a sleeping bag.
306
00:14:08,925 --> 00:14:13,745
Sleeping bags don't usually
sweat this much, but okay.
307
00:14:13,747 --> 00:14:15,681
Now zip me up.
308
00:14:15,683 --> 00:14:17,433
Oh, if we squeeze
you any tighter,
309
00:14:17,435 --> 00:14:19,968
you may turn into a diamond.
310
00:14:22,238 --> 00:14:25,858
You're right, who am I kidding?
311
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:28,927
You should have seen me
when I was young, Sheldon.
312
00:14:28,929 --> 00:14:33,816
The fellas used to line up
and bring me boxes of candy.
313
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:37,086
Why did I eat it all?!
314
00:14:40,373 --> 00:14:41,957
Would you hold me?
315
00:14:41,959 --> 00:14:45,327
Oh... no, you know, I'm not
really the holding kind of...
316
00:14:45,329 --> 00:14:47,913
Oh!
317
00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:52,134
Oh, guys, I just remembered.
318
00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:55,620
I got you
some Hawking souvenirs.
319
00:14:55,622 --> 00:14:56,788
What are these?
320
00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:58,957
Gears and springs
from his wheelchair.
321
00:14:58,959 --> 00:15:00,426
Pretty cool, huh?
322
00:15:01,294 --> 00:15:04,012
Wow, that's amazing.
323
00:15:04,014 --> 00:15:06,181
I made an adjustment
on the motor drive
324
00:15:06,183 --> 00:15:08,400
and when I was putting it
back together
325
00:15:08,402 --> 00:15:11,904
I could not for the life of me
figure out where they went.
326
00:15:13,973 --> 00:15:16,241
I did it.
327
00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:18,577
Had to go
to three clothing stores,
328
00:15:18,579 --> 00:15:23,449
but we finally found a dress
that could envelop your mother.
329
00:15:24,065 --> 00:15:25,411
I should have sent you
330
00:15:25,412 --> 00:15:27,892
to the custom car cover place
in Altadena.
331
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,810
They have her pattern on file.
332
00:15:31,617 --> 00:15:32,817
Humorous.
333
00:15:33,577 --> 00:15:35,787
Now will you please present
334
00:15:35,788 --> 00:15:37,452
my paper to Professor Hawking?
335
00:15:37,492 --> 00:15:38,536
I don't know.
336
00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:39,837
Oh, for heaven's sake.
337
00:15:39,934 --> 00:15:43,268
I did your laundry, I pee-pee-
proofed your belt buckles,
338
00:15:43,270 --> 00:15:44,738
I, I even sprained
339
00:15:44,739 --> 00:15:48,374
my wrist helping
your mother lift her bosom.
340
00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:53,778
All right, Sheldon,
341
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:56,442
there's only one thing left
I want you to do.
342
00:15:56,484 --> 00:15:58,117
Don't worry, it's an easy one.
343
00:15:58,119 --> 00:15:59,435
Okay.
344
00:15:59,437 --> 00:16:01,286
Give me a compliment.
345
00:16:01,288 --> 00:16:03,572
Fine.
346
00:16:03,574 --> 00:16:05,374
You have very tiny hands.
347
00:16:08,211 --> 00:16:10,963
No... about my job.
348
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:14,616
I want you to tell me
I'm good at what I do.
349
00:16:14,618 --> 00:16:17,186
You're obviously good
at what you do.
350
00:16:17,188 --> 00:16:20,405
Well, then why are you
always ripping on me?
351
00:16:20,407 --> 00:16:22,558
Oh, I understand the confusion.
352
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,727
I have never said that you are
not good at what you do.
353
00:16:25,729 --> 00:16:30,098
It's just that what you do
is not worth doing.
354
00:16:34,821 --> 00:16:37,080
It's nicer than anything
he's ever said to me.
355
00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:39,215
I'd take it and run.
356
00:16:40,326 --> 00:16:42,006
Thank you, Sheldon.
357
00:16:42,078 --> 00:16:44,107
Now will you give
my paper to Hawking?
358
00:16:44,215 --> 00:16:45,408
Sorry, I can't.
359
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:46,520
What, why not?
360
00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:48,621
I gave it to him three days ago.
361
00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,138
He was really impressed.
362
00:16:51,194 --> 00:16:52,627
He wants to meet you.
363
00:16:54,557 --> 00:16:56,725
All right, then.
364
00:16:57,527 --> 00:16:59,077
Thank you, Howard.
365
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,423
Please let
Professor Hawking know
366
00:17:01,424 --> 00:17:05,126
that I'm available
at his earliest convenience.
367
00:17:06,327 --> 00:17:08,114
I thought he might be
a little more excited.
368
00:17:08,172 --> 00:17:09,171
Give it a second.
369
00:17:18,768 --> 00:17:20,347
Professor Hawking,
370
00:17:20,412 --> 00:17:23,764
it's an honor and a privilege
to meet you, sir.
371
00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:28,966
I know.
372
00:17:29,788 --> 00:17:33,046
I want to thank you for
taking time to see me.
373
00:17:34,391 --> 00:17:35,688
My pleasure.
374
00:17:35,843 --> 00:17:38,937
I enjoyed reading
your paper very much.
375
00:17:38,983 --> 00:17:41,550
You clearly have
a brilliant mind.
376
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,178
I know.
377
00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:49,270
Your thesis that the Higgs boson
is a black hole
378
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:53,169
accelerating backwards
through time is fascinating.
379
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:54,984
Thank you.
380
00:17:55,044 --> 00:17:58,896
It just-- it came to me
one morning in the shower.
381
00:18:01,554 --> 00:18:02,853
That's nice.
382
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,225
Too bad it's wrong.
383
00:18:08,532 --> 00:18:11,239
What do you mean wrong?
384
00:18:12,408 --> 00:18:15,689
You made an arithmetic mistake
on page two.
385
00:18:17,788 --> 00:18:21,256
It was quite the boner.
386
00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:26,477
No, no... that
can't be right.
387
00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:29,378
I-I don't make
arithmetic mistakes.
388
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:31,601
Are you saying I do?
389
00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:32,662
Oh, no,
390
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,127
no, no, of course not.
391
00:18:34,153 --> 00:18:35,436
It's just, I was thinking...
392
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:38,061
Oh, gosh, golly,
I made a boo-boo,
393
00:18:38,399 --> 00:18:41,483
and I gave it to
Stephen Hawking.
394
00:18:46,563 --> 00:18:49,329
Great, another fainter.
395
00:18:51,688 --> 00:18:56,544
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther