1
00:00:03,147 --> 00:00:05,893
So, I got the craziest
e-mail this morning.
2
00:00:05,894 --> 00:00:07,593
I don't mean to burst
your bubble, dude,
3
00:00:07,595 --> 00:00:10,947
but those penile enlargement
pills do not work.
4
00:00:10,949 --> 00:00:14,400
Believe me, I know.
5
00:00:15,319 --> 00:00:16,385
The e-mail I got was
6
00:00:16,387 --> 00:00:18,321
from the office of
Stephen Hawking.
7
00:00:18,323 --> 00:00:19,889
- You're kidding.
- Why?
8
00:00:19,891 --> 00:00:22,241
He's coming to the university
for a couple weeks to lecture,
9
00:00:22,243 --> 00:00:24,527
and he's looking for an
engineer to help maintain
10
00:00:24,529 --> 00:00:26,462
the equipment on his wheelchair.
11
00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:27,497
That's amazing.
12
00:00:27,499 --> 00:00:30,082
You'll be like his pit crew.
13
00:00:31,335 --> 00:00:33,953
A word of caution:
I would not do
14
00:00:33,955 --> 00:00:36,122
your Stephen Hawking
impression in front of him.
15
00:00:37,591 --> 00:00:39,592
You're right.
16
00:00:40,744 --> 00:00:45,414
I suppose that could be
considered offensive.
17
00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:48,467
Boy, Sheldon's going
to freak out.
18
00:00:48,469 --> 00:00:50,419
Yeah, he worships Hawking.
19
00:00:50,421 --> 00:00:52,054
I was actually thinking
about bringing him along
20
00:00:52,056 --> 00:00:54,624
when I go over there so
he can meet the great man.
21
00:00:54,626 --> 00:00:55,808
That's really nice
of you, Howard.
22
00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,393
It's no big deal.
23
00:00:57,395 --> 00:00:59,979
Boy, a restraining order
from Stephen Hawking.
24
00:00:59,981 --> 00:01:03,599
It'll look so nice next to
the ones he's already got
25
00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:06,619
from Leonard Nimoy,
Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.
26
00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:09,488
Leonard, do you recall
27
00:01:09,490 --> 00:01:11,073
when I said that I was going
28
00:01:11,075 --> 00:01:13,042
to revolutionize
humanity's understanding
29
00:01:13,044 --> 00:01:15,328
of the Higgs boson particle,
and you said,
30
00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:17,997
"Sheldon, it's 2:00 a.m.,
get out of my bedroom"?
31
00:01:17,999 --> 00:01:19,949
Like it was ten hours ago.
32
00:01:19,951 --> 00:01:21,634
What about it?
33
00:01:21,636 --> 00:01:23,002
Well, I believe I've done it.
34
00:01:23,004 --> 00:01:24,787
And I'm only saying "believe"
to sound modest,
35
00:01:24,789 --> 00:01:27,306
because, sweet Sam Houston,
I did it.
36
00:01:27,308 --> 00:01:29,508
Really?
That's incredible. Oh, here.
37
00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:30,476
Break out the math.
38
00:01:30,478 --> 00:01:32,061
Oh, okay, let me see this.
39
00:01:32,063 --> 00:01:34,597
All right, so
this particle here
40
00:01:34,599 --> 00:01:37,350
is the boson moving
forward in time.
41
00:01:37,352 --> 00:01:39,518
Now, I was thinking...
Howard, you go ahead and eat.
44
00:01:46,911 --> 00:01:50,145
Yeah, good for you,
and don't stop working on it.
45
00:01:50,147 --> 00:01:52,582
Are you still
going to tell him
46
00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:54,667
about you-know-who?
Yep.
47
00:01:54,669 --> 00:01:55,952
Are you still going
to introduce him?
48
00:01:55,954 --> 00:01:57,587
Not on your life.
49
00:01:58,655 --> 00:02:02,208
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
50
00:02:02,210 --> 00:02:05,544
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
51
00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:07,179
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
52
00:02:07,181 --> 00:02:09,715
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
53
00:02:09,717 --> 00:02:12,385
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
54
00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:15,054
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
55
00:02:15,056 --> 00:02:16,973
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
56
00:02:16,975 --> 00:02:18,941
♪ Bang! ♪
57
00:02:18,966 --> 00:02:21,966
The Big Bang Theory 5x21
The Hawking Excitation
Original Air Date on April 5, 2012
58
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:24,767
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
59
00:02:24,831 --> 00:02:27,249
Please, please, please
60
00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:29,118
let me meet Hawking.
61
00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:30,286
I told you, no.
62
00:02:30,288 --> 00:02:32,121
But I said I'm sorry.
63
00:02:32,123 --> 00:02:35,041
No, you said, "Would it help
if I said I'm sorry?"
64
00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:38,010
And you never answered me.
65
00:02:38,012 --> 00:02:40,329
So who owes whom an apology now?
66
00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:42,965
Sheldon,
you're a condescending jerk.
67
00:02:42,967 --> 00:02:45,518
Why on earth would I want
to do something nice for you?
68
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:46,719
Um...
69
00:02:46,721 --> 00:02:48,804
to go to Jewish heaven?
70
00:02:48,806 --> 00:02:52,191
Jews don't have heaven.
71
00:02:52,193 --> 00:02:54,243
Then to avoid Jewish hell?
72
00:02:54,245 --> 00:02:55,361
Have you met my mother?
73
00:02:55,363 --> 00:02:56,612
I live in Jewish hell.
74
00:02:56,614 --> 00:02:59,031
Howard, please.
75
00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:00,666
This is Stephen Hawking.
76
00:03:00,668 --> 00:03:02,985
Perhaps my only
intellectual equal.
77
00:03:02,987 --> 00:03:05,771
Oh, you can't be serious.
78
00:03:05,773 --> 00:03:08,324
Try to put yourself
in my place.
79
00:03:08,326 --> 00:03:10,859
Imagine you're the
sole human being
80
00:03:10,861 --> 00:03:13,796
living on a planet populated
with nothing but dogs.
81
00:03:13,798 --> 00:03:15,715
And then it turns out
82
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:18,634
there's another human being.
83
00:03:20,654 --> 00:03:21,804
Hang on.
84
00:03:21,806 --> 00:03:25,007
Are you saying
the rest of us are dogs?
85
00:03:25,009 --> 00:03:27,593
Okay, I can see you're going
to take this the wrong way.
86
00:03:27,595 --> 00:03:28,844
Let me try again.
87
00:03:28,846 --> 00:03:30,096
Imagine you're the
sole human being
88
00:03:30,098 --> 00:03:34,884
living on a planet populated
with nothing but chimps.
89
00:03:34,886 --> 00:03:36,719
Get out of my lab.
90
00:03:36,721 --> 00:03:38,320
Oh, now they're so much smarter
than dogs.
91
00:03:38,322 --> 00:03:40,089
Have you seen them
on those little bicycles?
92
00:03:40,091 --> 00:03:42,274
Get out.
93
00:03:43,393 --> 00:03:44,994
How about dolphins?
94
00:03:44,996 --> 00:03:45,745
Out!
95
00:03:48,582 --> 00:03:51,117
So, come on, how was
the first day with Hawking?
96
00:03:51,119 --> 00:03:52,284
It was great.
97
00:03:52,286 --> 00:03:53,753
We talked about movies...
98
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,671
Oh...
99
00:03:55,673 --> 00:03:57,123
I showed him some card tricks...
100
00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,874
Oh!
101
00:03:58,876 --> 00:04:01,343
He even let me read a couple
pages from his new book.
102
00:04:01,345 --> 00:04:04,080
Oh!
103
00:04:04,082 --> 00:04:07,749
Something got
you down there, bunky?
104
00:04:07,751 --> 00:04:10,936
Howard, please,
I'm begging you.
105
00:04:10,938 --> 00:04:12,638
Raj,
you're our group historian.
106
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,306
Has Sheldon ever begged before?
107
00:04:14,308 --> 00:04:15,691
Three times.
108
00:04:15,693 --> 00:04:19,145
He begged the Fox network
not to cancel Firefly.
109
00:04:19,147 --> 00:04:20,446
He begged
110
00:04:20,448 --> 00:04:23,849
the TNT network
to cancel Babylon 5.
111
00:04:25,268 --> 00:04:28,037
And when he got food poisoning
at the Rose Bowl Parade,
112
00:04:28,039 --> 00:04:29,905
he begged a deity
he doesn't believe in
113
00:04:29,907 --> 00:04:31,607
to end his life quickly.
114
00:04:33,126 --> 00:04:36,245
Do you understand how
important Hawking is to me?
115
00:04:36,247 --> 00:04:38,080
When I was six years old,
116
00:04:38,082 --> 00:04:41,300
I dressed up as
him for Halloween.
117
00:04:42,519 --> 00:04:43,919
You're kidding.
118
00:04:43,921 --> 00:04:46,622
No, sir, no, I took
my dad's desk chair,
119
00:04:46,624 --> 00:04:48,174
attached a Speak
& Spell to it
120
00:04:48,176 --> 00:04:50,593
and made my sister push
me up and down the block
121
00:04:50,595 --> 00:04:52,111
to trick or treat.
122
00:04:53,647 --> 00:04:55,397
Granted most people
thought I was R2-D2,
123
00:04:55,399 --> 00:04:58,184
but still, I got a lot of candy.
124
00:04:58,186 --> 00:05:00,069
You don't seem
to be understanding
125
00:05:00,071 --> 00:05:01,604
the English word "no."
126
00:05:01,606 --> 00:05:03,823
Maybe a different language
will help.
127
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,024
Russian: nyet.
128
00:05:05,026 --> 00:05:07,276
Chinese: bu.
129
00:05:07,278 --> 00:05:08,661
Japanese: iie.
130
00:05:08,663 --> 00:05:11,146
Klingon: qo'.
131
00:05:11,148 --> 00:05:16,118
Binary coded Ascii:
0110111001101111.
132
00:05:17,854 --> 00:05:19,889
It's actually 01100111.
133
00:05:19,891 --> 00:05:20,756
No!
134
00:05:20,758 --> 00:05:24,009
I'm not asking for me,
135
00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:27,613
I'm asking for Hawking.
136
00:05:27,615 --> 00:05:32,134
Let me try gansta:
Hells naw.
137
00:05:35,505 --> 00:05:37,172
Okay, look, how about this?
138
00:05:37,174 --> 00:05:39,841
Just give him my paper
on the Higgs boson.
139
00:05:39,843 --> 00:05:41,143
If he sees the
incredible breakthrough
140
00:05:41,145 --> 00:05:43,062
I've made, he'll
reach out to me.
141
00:05:43,064 --> 00:05:44,029
What if he doesn't?
142
00:05:44,031 --> 00:05:45,998
He will; he's really smart.
143
00:05:48,385 --> 00:05:49,785
That's an interesting idea.
144
00:05:49,787 --> 00:05:51,036
Why don't you give me
145
00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:53,455
a minute to talk it over
with my friends?
146
00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:54,823
- How do I do that?
- You walk away.
147
00:05:54,825 --> 00:05:57,025
Walking away.
148
00:06:05,302 --> 00:06:08,420
You do realize
you own his ass right now.
149
00:06:08,422 --> 00:06:10,539
I do.
150
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:12,558
You can make him
do anything you want.
151
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,510
Yeah, I know, I'm just trying
to figure out
152
00:06:14,512 --> 00:06:16,478
how much I want to punish him.
153
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,763
Well, don't be too mean.
154
00:06:17,765 --> 00:06:18,981
Hey, fellas,
155
00:06:18,983 --> 00:06:20,215
I'm thinking about making some
156
00:06:20,217 --> 00:06:22,518
freshly brewed iced tea
if anyone would like some.
157
00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:23,686
I wouldn't mind a glass.
158
00:06:23,688 --> 00:06:25,037
I wasn't talking to you.
159
00:06:26,907 --> 00:06:30,009
Bring him to his bony knees.
160
00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:35,080
Sheldon, come on back.
161
00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:38,284
Yes, yes.
162
00:06:41,288 --> 00:06:42,871
What did you decide?
163
00:06:42,873 --> 00:06:45,741
I'll give your paper
to Professor Hawking.
164
00:06:45,743 --> 00:06:47,209
Great, thank you!
165
00:06:47,211 --> 00:06:49,044
Oh, that's terrific!
166
00:06:49,046 --> 00:06:53,299
But in exchange, I'd like you
to do a few things for me.
167
00:06:53,301 --> 00:06:55,134
What kinds of things?
168
00:06:55,136 --> 00:07:00,055
Are you familiar
with the 12 labors of Hercules?
169
00:07:01,474 --> 00:07:03,192
Of course.
170
00:07:03,194 --> 00:07:05,761
You should be so lucky.
171
00:07:08,315 --> 00:07:10,149
All right.
172
00:07:10,151 --> 00:07:11,784
What would you like me
to do first?
173
00:07:11,786 --> 00:07:13,769
Well, I thought
I'd start you off
174
00:07:13,771 --> 00:07:15,821
by polishing my belt buckles.
175
00:07:15,823 --> 00:07:16,938
Oh.
176
00:07:16,940 --> 00:07:18,374
By all means.
177
00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:21,443
When I was a boy, I would
polish my Mee-Maw's silver.
178
00:07:21,445 --> 00:07:23,612
And she would entertain me
with stories
179
00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:25,164
about growing up in Oklahoma.
180
00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:26,415
Interesting woman.
181
00:07:26,417 --> 00:07:30,886
She once killed a prairie dog
with a gravy boat.
182
00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:33,806
That's nice.
183
00:07:43,383 --> 00:07:45,884
That's a lot of belt buckles.
184
00:07:45,886 --> 00:07:49,655
Funny thing is,
I only have one belt.
185
00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:52,741
Anyway, I'll let
you get started.
186
00:07:52,743 --> 00:07:54,109
Oh, by the way,
187
00:07:54,111 --> 00:07:56,812
the little marks, uh,
that look like water spots--
188
00:07:56,814 --> 00:08:00,099
I tend to stand too close
to the urinal, so...
189
00:08:01,668 --> 00:08:05,004
...what you're seeing there
is splash back.
190
00:08:07,324 --> 00:08:09,658
You make sissy
on your belt buckles?
191
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:15,497
Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
192
00:08:15,499 --> 00:08:18,600
Here is a black light
to check them.
193
00:08:18,602 --> 00:08:20,135
And for your own peace of mind,
194
00:08:20,137 --> 00:08:23,022
you might not want to shine that
around the rest of the room.
195
00:08:32,515 --> 00:08:34,867
Sheldon, these look great.
196
00:08:34,869 --> 00:08:37,369
They're like
magnificent little crowns
197
00:08:37,371 --> 00:08:40,823
to hang over
my magnificent little jewels.
198
00:08:42,909 --> 00:08:44,209
How'd you get them so shiny?
199
00:08:44,211 --> 00:08:46,745
Oh, I-I buffed them
with Turtle Wax.
200
00:08:46,747 --> 00:08:49,197
The man down at Pep Boys
says from now on,
201
00:08:49,199 --> 00:08:52,217
the urine should just bead up
and roll right off.
202
00:08:52,219 --> 00:08:54,202
Way to go the extra mile.
203
00:08:54,204 --> 00:08:55,888
Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
204
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,340
My Mee-Maw
must never know of this.
205
00:08:58,342 --> 00:09:01,560
Now will you give
Professor Hawking my paper?
206
00:09:01,562 --> 00:09:02,878
Oh, my dear boy, no.
207
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:03,979
Okay.
208
00:09:03,981 --> 00:09:05,814
Next,
209
00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:09,568
this is
a sexy French maid costume
210
00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:10,903
I bought for Bernadette.
211
00:09:10,905 --> 00:09:12,521
I thought it might
spice things up
212
00:09:12,523 --> 00:09:14,823
and get her to dust
my room at the same time,
213
00:09:14,825 --> 00:09:18,727
but I was wrong
and really wrong.
214
00:09:18,729 --> 00:09:20,863
And you want me to
return it for you?
215
00:09:20,865 --> 00:09:24,333
No, no, no, mon petit cherie.
216
00:09:38,465 --> 00:09:40,349
What are you all staring at?
217
00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:42,718
You ever seen a man try
to get a meeting
218
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,586
with Stephen Hawking before?
219
00:09:56,081 --> 00:09:57,218
Hey.
220
00:09:57,219 --> 00:09:58,835
Hello.
221
00:09:58,837 --> 00:09:59,770
It's not Saturday night.
222
00:09:59,772 --> 00:10:01,671
Why are you doing
your laundry?
223
00:10:01,673 --> 00:10:05,225
This is not
my laundry.
224
00:10:05,227 --> 00:10:06,209
Wow, are these Amy's?
225
00:10:06,211 --> 00:10:09,780
Kind of trashy-- good for her.
226
00:10:10,615 --> 00:10:11,648
Those are Howard's.
227
00:10:11,650 --> 00:10:13,734
Ugh...
228
00:10:14,702 --> 00:10:16,320
Why are you washing
229
00:10:16,322 --> 00:10:19,656
Howard's man panties?
230
00:10:19,658 --> 00:10:20,907
Because if I don't,
231
00:10:20,909 --> 00:10:23,794
he won't give my paper
to Stephen Hawking.
232
00:10:23,796 --> 00:10:25,495
- He's a famous physicist.
- Yeah, yeah,
233
00:10:25,497 --> 00:10:29,916
I know, he's the wheelchair dude
who invented time.
234
00:10:31,836 --> 00:10:34,171
That's close enough.
235
00:10:34,173 --> 00:10:35,555
I don't understand,
why doesn't Howard
236
00:10:35,557 --> 00:10:37,207
just introduce you to the guy?
237
00:10:37,209 --> 00:10:41,445
Because he's punishing me for
being a "condescending jerk."
238
00:10:41,447 --> 00:10:44,047
You don't think
I'm condescending, do you?
239
00:10:44,049 --> 00:10:45,849
Well, kind of...
240
00:10:45,851 --> 00:10:48,318
Oh, I'm sorry,
condescending means...
241
00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:49,569
I know what it means.
242
00:10:50,355 --> 00:10:51,938
And yes,
you love correcting people
243
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:53,106
and putting them down.
244
00:10:53,108 --> 00:10:54,524
Au contraire.
245
00:10:54,526 --> 00:10:57,661
When I correct people
I am raising them up.
246
00:10:59,614 --> 00:11:02,366
You should know, I do it
for you more than anyone.
247
00:11:04,285 --> 00:11:06,536
Come on, you do it
to feel superior.
248
00:11:06,538 --> 00:11:07,704
I see that twinkle in your eye
249
00:11:07,706 --> 00:11:10,040
when someone says "who"
instead of "whom"
250
00:11:10,042 --> 00:11:13,093
or thinks the moon is a planet.
251
00:11:13,095 --> 00:11:17,114
Or Don Quixote is a book
about a donkey named Hotay.
252
00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:19,149
See,
253
00:11:19,151 --> 00:11:20,384
there it is,
there's that twinkle.
254
00:11:20,386 --> 00:11:21,551
Well, I can't help it.
255
00:11:21,553 --> 00:11:23,804
That's an involuntary twinkle.
256
00:11:24,689 --> 00:11:26,890
What do you want me
to tell you, Sheldon?
257
00:11:26,892 --> 00:11:28,308
I want you to tell me
258
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,777
that Howard is being mean to me
for no reason.
259
00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:34,147
Fine, Howard is being mean
to you for no reason.
260
00:11:34,149 --> 00:11:35,982
I knew it.
261
00:11:40,622 --> 00:11:41,855
What's the matter?
262
00:11:41,857 --> 00:11:43,440
Every time I spend the night,
263
00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:47,694
your mom slaps me on the behind
and says, "Go get 'em."
264
00:11:47,696 --> 00:11:49,830
It's not her fault.
265
00:11:49,832 --> 00:11:52,916
She's getting
hormone replacement therapy.
266
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:58,255
Makes her crazy horny.
267
00:11:58,973 --> 00:12:00,507
Check this out,
I got Sheldon
268
00:12:00,509 --> 00:12:02,893
to wear the French
maid's costume.
269
00:12:02,895 --> 00:12:04,761
Oh, my God,
that's terrible.
270
00:12:04,763 --> 00:12:07,881
Hey, I gave you
first crack at it.
271
00:12:07,883 --> 00:12:09,599
Why are you doing that?
272
00:12:09,601 --> 00:12:11,051
You're being mean to him.
273
00:12:11,053 --> 00:12:12,469
He's mean to me all the time.
274
00:12:12,471 --> 00:12:14,855
You've heard him tease me
about not having a doctorate.
275
00:12:14,857 --> 00:12:16,656
If you don't want
to get teased about that,
276
00:12:16,658 --> 00:12:17,824
get a doctorate.
277
00:12:20,811 --> 00:12:23,080
I have one; they're great.
278
00:12:23,998 --> 00:12:26,883
Oh, come on, the
man torments me.
279
00:12:26,885 --> 00:12:27,817
I'm just letting him have
280
00:12:27,819 --> 00:12:29,803
a little taste
of his own medicine.
281
00:12:29,805 --> 00:12:31,321
It's not the same thing.
282
00:12:31,323 --> 00:12:32,873
Sheldon doesn't know
when he's being mean
283
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:34,708
because the part of his brain
that should know
284
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:37,627
is getting a wedgie
from the rest of his brain.
285
00:12:40,348 --> 00:12:42,516
Fine, I'll just make him do
a couple more things,
286
00:12:42,518 --> 00:12:43,467
then I'll stop.
287
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:45,335
No, you have to stop now.
288
00:12:45,337 --> 00:12:48,371
Bernadette, I want to remind you,
289
00:12:48,373 --> 00:12:52,642
you promised to take me
dress shopping tomorrow!
290
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:56,029
Oh, damn.
291
00:12:56,031 --> 00:12:59,449
I'm sorry,
I can't make it,
292
00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:03,320
but Sheldon's going
to go with you!
293
00:13:09,076 --> 00:13:12,245
And that's the last thing
you do to him.
294
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:19,669
Sheldon!
295
00:13:19,671 --> 00:13:22,939
I need your help!
296
00:13:22,941 --> 00:13:25,609
What is it now, Mrs. Wolowitz?
297
00:13:25,611 --> 00:13:26,977
It's this dress!
298
00:13:26,979 --> 00:13:31,631
When I put my front in,
my back pops out!
299
00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:38,738
When I put my back in,
my front pops out!
300
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:42,526
It's like trying to keep
two dogs in a bathtub!
301
00:13:44,362 --> 00:13:46,446
What do you want me to do?
302
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:48,949
We're gonna have
to work as a team!
303
00:13:48,951 --> 00:13:53,520
Get in here, grab a handful,
and start stuffing!
304
00:13:59,911 --> 00:14:02,863
I'm not sure how to do this.
305
00:14:02,865 --> 00:14:07,584
It's easy, just pretend you're
putting away a sleeping bag.
306
00:14:09,103 --> 00:14:13,923
Sleeping bags don't usually
sweat this much, but okay.
307
00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:15,859
Now zip me up.
308
00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:17,611
Oh, if we squeeze
you any tighter,
309
00:14:17,613 --> 00:14:20,146
you may turn
into a diamond.
310
00:14:22,416 --> 00:14:26,036
You're right,
who am I kidding?
311
00:14:26,038 --> 00:14:29,105
You should have seen me
when I was young, Sheldon.
312
00:14:29,107 --> 00:14:33,994
The fellas used to line up
and bring me boxes of candy.
313
00:14:34,879 --> 00:14:37,264
Why did I eat it all?!
314
00:14:40,551 --> 00:14:42,135
Would you hold me?
315
00:14:42,137 --> 00:14:45,505
Oh... no, you know, I'm not
really the holding kind of...
316
00:14:45,507 --> 00:14:48,091
Oh!
317
00:14:50,344 --> 00:14:52,312
Oh, guys, I just remembered.
318
00:14:52,314 --> 00:14:55,798
I got you
some Hawking souvenirs.
319
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:56,966
What are these?
320
00:14:56,968 --> 00:14:59,135
Gears and springs
from his wheelchair.
321
00:14:59,137 --> 00:15:00,604
Pretty cool, huh?
322
00:15:01,472 --> 00:15:04,190
Wow, that's amazing.
323
00:15:04,192 --> 00:15:06,359
I made an adjustment
on the motor drive
324
00:15:06,361 --> 00:15:08,578
and when I was putting it
back together
325
00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:12,082
I could not for the life of me
figure out where they went.
326
00:15:14,151 --> 00:15:16,419
I did it.
327
00:15:16,421 --> 00:15:18,755
Had to go
to three clothing stores,
328
00:15:18,757 --> 00:15:23,627
but we finally found a dress
that could envelop your mother.
329
00:15:24,712 --> 00:15:25,828
I should have sent you
330
00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:28,214
to the custom car cover place
in Altadena.
331
00:15:28,216 --> 00:15:30,133
They have her pattern on file.
332
00:15:31,436 --> 00:15:32,636
Humorous.
333
00:15:33,271 --> 00:15:35,505
Now will you
please present
334
00:15:35,507 --> 00:15:37,724
my paper
to Professor Hawking?
335
00:15:37,726 --> 00:15:38,808
I don't know.
336
00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,110
Oh, for heaven's sake.
337
00:15:40,112 --> 00:15:43,446
I did your laundry, I pee-pee-
proofed your belt buckles,
338
00:15:43,448 --> 00:15:44,564
I, I even sprained
339
00:15:44,566 --> 00:15:48,201
my wrist helping
your mother lift her bosom.
340
00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:53,707
All right, Sheldon,
341
00:15:53,709 --> 00:15:56,660
there's only one thing left
I want you to do.
342
00:15:56,662 --> 00:15:58,295
Don't worry, it's an easy one.
343
00:15:58,297 --> 00:15:59,613
Okay.
344
00:15:59,615 --> 00:16:01,464
Give me a compliment.
345
00:16:01,466 --> 00:16:03,750
Fine.
346
00:16:03,752 --> 00:16:05,552
You have very tiny hands.
347
00:16:08,389 --> 00:16:11,141
No... about my job.
348
00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:14,794
I want you to tell me
I'm good at what I do.
349
00:16:14,796 --> 00:16:17,364
You're obviously good
at what you do.
350
00:16:17,366 --> 00:16:20,583
Well, then why are you
always ripping on me?
351
00:16:20,585 --> 00:16:22,736
Oh, I understand
the confusion.
352
00:16:22,738 --> 00:16:25,905
I have never said that you are
not good at what you do.
353
00:16:25,907 --> 00:16:30,276
It's just that what you do
is not worth doing.
354
00:16:34,999 --> 00:16:37,033
It's nicer than anything
he's ever said to me.
355
00:16:37,035 --> 00:16:39,169
I'd take it and run.
356
00:16:40,504 --> 00:16:42,489
Thank you, Sheldon.
357
00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:44,391
Now will you give
my paper to Hawking?
358
00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:45,659
Sorry, I can't.
359
00:16:45,661 --> 00:16:46,860
What, why not?
360
00:16:46,862 --> 00:16:48,962
I gave it to him three days ago.
361
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:51,464
He was really
impressed.
362
00:16:51,466 --> 00:16:52,899
He wants to meet you.
363
00:16:54,735 --> 00:16:56,903
All right, then.
364
00:16:57,705 --> 00:16:59,255
Thank you, Howard.
365
00:16:59,257 --> 00:17:01,891
Please let
Professor Hawking know
366
00:17:01,893 --> 00:17:05,595
that I'm available
at his earliest convenience.
367
00:17:05,597 --> 00:17:08,348
I thought he might be
a little more excited.
368
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:09,349
Give it a second.
369
00:17:18,802 --> 00:17:20,608
Professor Hawking,
370
00:17:20,610 --> 00:17:23,962
it's an honor and a privilege
to meet you, sir.
371
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:29,000
I know.
372
00:17:30,002 --> 00:17:33,621
I want to thank you for
taking time to see me.
373
00:17:34,574 --> 00:17:35,657
My pleasure.
374
00:17:35,659 --> 00:17:39,344
I enjoyed reading
your paper very much.
375
00:17:39,346 --> 00:17:41,913
You clearly have
a brilliant mind.
376
00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:45,450
I know.
377
00:17:45,452 --> 00:17:49,587
Your thesis that the Higgs boson
is a black hole
378
00:17:49,589 --> 00:17:53,391
accelerating backwards
through time is fascinating.
379
00:17:53,393 --> 00:17:55,476
Thank you.
380
00:17:55,478 --> 00:17:59,330
It just-- it came to me
one morning in the shower.
381
00:18:01,885 --> 00:18:03,184
That's nice.
382
00:18:03,186 --> 00:18:06,204
Too bad it's wrong.
383
00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:11,492
What do you mean wrong?
384
00:18:12,629 --> 00:18:15,980
You made an arithmetic mistake
on page two.
385
00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:21,736
It was quite the boner.
386
00:18:23,522 --> 00:18:27,058
No, no... that
can't be right.
387
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:29,928
I-I don't make
arithmetic mistakes.
388
00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:31,963
Are you saying I do?
389
00:18:31,965 --> 00:18:32,931
Oh, no,
390
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:34,365
no, no, of course not.
391
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:35,650
It's just, I
was thinking...
392
00:18:35,652 --> 00:18:38,236
Oh, gosh, golly,
I made a boo-boo,
393
00:18:38,238 --> 00:18:41,322
and I gave it to
Stephen Hawking.
394
00:18:46,597 --> 00:18:48,932
Great, another fainter.
395
00:18:48,934 --> 00:18:51,000
== sync, corrected by elderman ==