1
00:00:03,753 --> 00:00:06,755
So l got the craziest e-mail
this morning.

2
00:00:06,923 --> 00:00:11,719
l don't mean to burst your bubble,
but penile-enlargement pills do not work.

3
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,055
Believe me, l know.

4
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:19,143
The e-mail l got was from the office
of Stephen Hawking.

5
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:20,728
-You're kidding.
-Why?

6
00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,938
He's coming to the university
to lecture...

7
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:27,192
...and he's looking for an engineer to
maintain equipment on his wheelchair.

8
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,738
That's amazing.
You'll be like his pit crew.

9
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:36,076
A word of caution, l would not do
your Stephen Hawking impression...

10
00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:37,995
...in front of him.

11
00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:40,247
[MlMlCS STEPHEN HAwKlNG]
You're right.

12
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:41,623
[BOTH CHUCKLlNG]

13
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:46,170
[MlMlCS STEPHEN HAwKlNG] l suppose
that could be considered offensive.

14
00:00:46,921 --> 00:00:49,339
Oh, boy.
Oh, Sheldon's going to freak out.

15
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,258
Yeah, he worships Hawking.

16
00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:55,387
l was thinking about bringing him along,
so he can meet the great man.

17
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:58,223
-That's really nice of you, Howard.
-lt's no big deal.

18
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,643
Boy, a restraining order
from Stephen Hawking.

19
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,563
lt'll look so nice
next to the ones he's got...

20
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,274
...from Leonard Nimoy,
Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.

21
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:11,820
Leonard, do you recall when l said
that l was going...

22
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:15,074
...to revolutionize understanding
of the Higgs boson particle...

23
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,786
...and you said, "Sheldon, it's 2 a.m.
Get out of my bedroom"?

24
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,663
Like it was 1 0 hours ago.
What about it?

25
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,415
Well, l believe l've done it.

26
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:25,709
l'm only saying "believe"
to sound modest...

27
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:28,128
...because, sweet Sam Houston,
l did it.

28
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,297
-Really?
-That's incredible. Oh, here.

29
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,841
-Break out the math.
-Oh, okay. Let me see this.

30
00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:37,679
All right, so this particle here
is the boson moving forward in time.

31
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,598
Now, l was thinking--

32
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:43,227
Howard, you go ahead and eat.
This isn't gonna make any sense to you.

33
00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:47,689
Sheldon, l have a working understanding
of physics.

34
00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:50,484
Yeah, good for you.
And don't stop working on it.

35
00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,487
You still going to tell him...

36
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,572
-...about you-know-who?
-Yep.

37
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,242
-Still gonna introduce him?
-Not on your life.

38
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:29,189
Please, please, please.
Let me meet Hawking.

39
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:32,317
-l told you no.
-But l said l'm sorry.

40
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:35,237
No, you said,
"Would it help if l said 'l'm sorry'?"

41
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,157
Well, and you never answered me.

44
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:46,707
Why on earth would l want
to do something nice for you?

45
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,917
To go to Jewish heaven?

46
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,379
Jews don't have heaven.

47
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,381
Well, then, to avoid Jewish hell?

48
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:56,758
Have you met my mother?
l live in Jewish hell.

49
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,971
Howard, please.
This is Stephen Hawking.

50
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:04,183
Perhaps my only intellectual equal.

51
00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:06,476
You can't be serious.

52
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,187
Try to put yourself in my place.

53
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,106
lmagine you're the sole human being...

54
00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:13,984
...living on a planet
populated with nothing but dogs.

55
00:03:14,152 --> 00:03:18,655
And then it turns out
there's another human being.

56
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,204
Hang on.
Are you saying the rest of us are dogs?

57
00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:27,789
l can see you're gonna
take this the wrong way.

58
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,208
Let me try again.

59
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,460
lmagine
you're the sole human being...

60
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:35,047
...living on a planet
populated with nothing but chimps.

61
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:36,298
Get out of my lab.

62
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,675
Oh, now,
they're so much smarter than dogs.

63
00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,303
Have you seen them
on those little bicycles?

64
00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:43,597
Get out!

65
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,642
-How about dolphins?
-Out!

66
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,355
So come on,
how was the first day with Hawking?

67
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,899
lt was great. We talked about movies.

68
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,484
Oh.

69
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:59,071
-l showed him some card tricks.
-Oh.

70
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,490
He even let me read a couple pages
from his new book.

71
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,617
Oh....

72
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,913
Something got you down there,
bunky?

73
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,083
Howard, please, l'm begging you.

74
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:14,503
Raj, you're our group historian.
Has Sheldon ever begged before?

75
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:15,879
Three times.

76
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,341
He begged the Fox network
not to cancel Firefly.

77
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:23,887
He begged the TNT network
to cancel Babylon 5.

78
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,350
And when he got food poisoning
at the Rose Bowl parade...

79
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:32,187
...he begged a deity he doesn't believe in
to end his life quickly.

80
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:36,400
Do you understand
how important Hawking is to me?

81
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:41,238
When l was 6 years old,
l dressed up as him for Halloween.

82
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:44,825
-You're kidding.
-No, sir.

83
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:48,453
No, l took my dad's desk chair,
attached a Speak & Spell to it...

84
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:52,040
...and made my sister push me up
and down the block to trick-or-treat.

85
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:58,338
Granted, most people thought l was
R2-D2, but still, l got a lot of candy.

86
00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:01,925
You don't seem to be understanding
the English word "no."

87
00:05:02,093 --> 00:05:04,052
Maybe a different language will help.

88
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:11,059
Russian: Nyet. Chinese: bú.
Japanese: iie. Klingon: qo'.

89
00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:16,064
Binary coded ASCll:
01 1 01 1 1 001 1 01 1 1 1 .

90
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,321
-lt's actually 01 1 01 1 1 1 0--
-No!

91
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,906
l'm not asking for me.

92
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:27,576
l'm asking for Hawking.

93
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:32,122
Let me try gangster: Hells no.

94
00:05:35,793 --> 00:05:37,377
Okay, look. How about this?

95
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:40,130
You just give him my paper
on the Higgs boson.

96
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,258
lf he sees the breakthrough l've made,
he'll reach out to me.

97
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:46,053
-What if he doesn't?
-Yeah, he will. He's really smart.

98
00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:50,515
That's an interesting idea.

99
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:53,727
Why don't you give me a minute
to talk it over with my friends?

100
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:55,020
-How?
-Walk away.

101
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,813
Walking away!

102
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:08,658
You do realize
you own his ass right now.

103
00:06:08,826 --> 00:06:10,786
l do.

104
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,829
You can make him
do anything you want.

105
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:16,625
Yeah, l know. l'm just trying to figure out
how much l wanna punish him.

106
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,001
Well, don't be too mean.

107
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:19,961
Hey, l'm thinking about making...

108
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,631
...freshly brewed iced tea
if anyone would like some.

109
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:25,759
-l wouldn't mind a glass.
-l wasn't talking to you.

110
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:31,181
Bring him to his bony knees.

111
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:35,310
Sheldon, come on back.

112
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,479
Yes, yes!

113
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,068
What did you decide?

114
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,946
l'll give your paper to Hawking.

115
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:48,240
Great. Thank you. Oh, that's terrific.

116
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:53,537
But in exchange,
l'd like you to do a few things for me.

117
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,330
What kinds of things?

118
00:06:55,498 --> 00:07:00,085
Are you familiar
with the 12 labors of Hercules?

119
00:07:01,879 --> 00:07:03,380
Of course.

120
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:05,799
You should be so lucky.

121
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:12,013
All right.
What would you like me to do first?

122
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:17,144
Well, l thought l'd start you off
by polishing my belt buckles.

123
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:21,648
By all means. Yeah, when l was a boy,
l would polish my Mee-Maw's silver.

124
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:25,402
And she would entertain me with stories
about growing up in Oklahoma.

125
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:26,653
lnteresting woman.

126
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:30,991
You know, she once killed a prairie dog
with a gravy boat.

127
00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:33,827
That's nice.

128
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,043
Whew. Heh.

129
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,131
That's a lot of belt buckles.

130
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,676
Funny thing is l only have one belt.

131
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,096
Anyway, l'll let you get started.

132
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:57,350
Oh, by the way, the little marks
that look like water spots...

133
00:07:57,518 --> 00:08:00,145
...l tend to stand too close
to the urinal, so....

134
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:06,026
What you're seeing there
is splash-back.

135
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,696
You make sissy on your belt buckles?

136
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,785
Mee-Maw's forks never had that.

137
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:19,831
Here is a black light to check them.
For your own peace of mind...

138
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:23,084
...you might not wanna shine that
around the rest of the room.

139
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,096
Sheldon, these look great.

140
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,974
l mean,
they're like magnificent little crowns...

141
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:40,852
...to hang
over my magnificent little jewels.

142
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,481
How did you get them so shiny?

143
00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:47,067
Oh, l buffed them with Turtle wax.

144
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:49,319
The man down at Pep Boys
says from now on...

145
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:52,405
...the urine should just bead up
and roll right off.

146
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,117
Way to go the extra mile.
Your Mee-Maw would be proud.

147
00:08:56,285 --> 00:08:58,828
My Mee-Maw
must never know of this.

148
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,623
Now will you give
Professor Hawking my paper?

149
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,000
Oh, my dear boy, no. Okay.

150
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:11,007
Next, this is a sexy French maid
costume l bought for Bernadette.

151
00:09:11,175 --> 00:09:12,968
l thought it might spice things up...

152
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,887
...and get her to dust my room
at the same time, heh...

153
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,848
...but l was wrong and really wrong.

154
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,059
You want me to return it for you?

155
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:24,229
[lN FRENCH ACCENT]
No, no, no, ma petite chérie.

156
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,204
What are you all staring at?

157
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:44,916
You ever seen a man try to get
a meeting with Stephen Hawking before?

158
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,712
[LAUGHlNG]

159
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:58,179
-Hey.
-Hello.

160
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:01,141
lt's not Saturday night.
Why are you doing your laundry?

161
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:04,644
This is not my laundry.

162
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:09,733
Wow, are these Amy's?
Kind of trashy. Good for her.

163
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,611
-Those are Howard's.
-Eww.

164
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:19,200
Why are you washing
Howard's man-panties?

165
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:23,246
Because if l don't,
he won't give my paper to Stephen Hawking.

166
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:25,040
-He's a famous physicist--
-Yeah.

167
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:28,710
l know. He's the wheelchair dude
who invented time.

168
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,715
Close enough.

169
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:36,760
Why doesn't Howard
just introduce you to the guy?

170
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:40,930
Because he's punishing me
for being a, quote, "condescending jerk."

171
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:43,558
You don't think l'm condescending,
do you?

172
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,519
-Well....
-Oh, l'm sorry.

173
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,938
-Condescending means--
-l know what it means!

174
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:52,734
And, yes, you love correcting people
and putting them down.

175
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:57,072
Au contraire, when l correct people,
l am raising them up.

176
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,743
You should know.
l do it for you more than anyone.

177
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,081
Come on, you do it to feel superior.

178
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:09,459
l see that twinkle when someone
says "who" instead of "whom"...

179
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,754
...or thinks the moon is a planet.

180
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,675
Or Don Quixote is a book
about a donkey named Hotay.

181
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,428
See? There it is. There's that twinkle.

182
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,223
Well, l can't help it.
That's an involuntary twinkle.

183
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,434
What do you want me to tell you,
Sheldon?

184
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:30,438
l want you to tell me
that Howard is being mean to me for no reason.

185
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,733
Fine. Howard is being mean to you
for no reason.

186
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,402
l knew it.

187
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:40,115
[GROANS]

188
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:43,243
-What's the matter?
-Every time l spend the night...

189
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:47,247
...your mom slaps me on the behind
and says, "Go get 'em."

190
00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:52,335
lt's not her fault.
She's getting hormone-replacement therapy.

191
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:57,382
Makes her crazy horny.

192
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:02,303
Check this out. l got Sheldon
to wear the French maid's costume.

193
00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:04,389
My God, that's terrible.

194
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,434
What?
Hey, l gave you first crack at it.

195
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,603
Why are you doing that?
You're being mean to him.

196
00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,021
He's mean all the time.

197
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:15,024
You've heard him tease me
about not having a doctorate.

198
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,653
You don't wanna get teased about that,
get a doctorate.

199
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,490
l have one. They're great.

200
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:26,494
Come on. The man torments me.

201
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:29,372
l'm letting him have a little taste
of his own medicine.

202
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:33,626
lt's not the same. Sheldon doesn't know
he's being mean. The part of his brain...

203
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:37,130
...that should know is getting a wedgie
from the rest of his brain.

204
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:43,136
Fine. l'll just make him do
a couple more things, then l'll stop.

205
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,013
No, you have to stop now.

206
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,890
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
Bernadette!

207
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:52,061
l wanna remind you, you promised
to take me dress-shopping tomorrow!

208
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:54,564
Oh, damn.

209
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,943
l'm sorry, l can't make it!

210
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:02,697
But Sheldon's gonna go with you!

211
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:11,623
And that's the last thing
you do to him.

212
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,755
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
Sheldon!

213
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,425
l need your help.

214
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,094
What is it now, Mrs. wolowitz?

215
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:26,721
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
lt's this dress.

216
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:31,309
When l put my front in,
my back pops out.

217
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:38,107
When l put my back in,
my front pops out.

218
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:41,903
lt's like trying to keep two dogs
in a bathtub.

219
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:46,199
What do you want me to do?

220
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,451
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
We're gonna have to work as a team.

221
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:52,914
Get in here, grab a handful,
and start stuffing.

222
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:02,257
SHELDON:
l'm not sure how to do this.

223
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:07,595
MRS. WOLOWlTZ: lt's easy. Just pretend
you're putting away a sleeping bag.

224
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:13,059
SHELDON: Sleeping bags don't usually
sweat this much, but okay.

225
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,353
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
Now zip me up.

226
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:20,024
SHELDON: Oh, if we squeeze you any tighter,
you might turn into a diamond.

227
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,486
MRS. WOLOWlTZ:
You're right.

228
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,572
Who am l kidding?

229
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,616
You should've seen me
when l was young, Sheldon.

230
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:32,829
The fellas used to line up
and bring me boxes of candy.

231
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,330
[MRS. wOLOWlTZ SOBS]

232
00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:37,250
Why did l eat it all?

233
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,713
Would you hold me?

234
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:45,174
Oh. No, you know,
l'm not really the holding kind of--

235
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,634
Oh!

236
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,098
Oh, guys, l just remembered.

237
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:55,351
l got you some Hawking souvenirs.

238
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,603
What are these?

239
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,771
Gears and springs
from his wheelchair.

240
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,023
Pretty cool, huh?

241
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,649
[HOWARD CHUCKLES]

242
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:03,484
Wow. That's amazing.

243
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,945
Yeah, l made an adjustment
on the motor drive...

244
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,281
...and when l was putting it
back together...

245
00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,492
...l could not for the life of me
figure out where they went.

246
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,205
l did it.

247
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:18,416
Had to go to three clothing stores...

248
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:23,046
...but we finally found a dress
that could envelop your mother.

249
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,675
l should have sent you to the custom
car cover place in Altadena.

250
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,677
They have her pattern on file.

251
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:32,722
Ha-ha. Humorous.

252
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:37,185
Now, will you please present
my paper to Professor Hawking?

253
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,687
-l don't know.
-Oh, for heaven's sake.

254
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:43,024
l did your laundry.
l pee-pee-proofed your belt buckles.

255
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:47,570
l even sprained my wrist
helping your mother lift her bosom.

256
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:56,037
All right, Sheldon. There's only
one thing left l want you to do.

257
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:59,207
-Don't worry, it's an easy one.
-Okay.

258
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,042
Give me a compliment.

259
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:03,211
Fine.

260
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,963
You have very tiny hands.

261
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,718
No. About my job.

262
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:14,347
l want you to tell me
l'm good at what l do.

263
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,016
You're obviously good
at what you do.

264
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:20,103
Well, then, why are you always ripping
on me?

265
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,771
Oh, l understand the confusion.

266
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:25,400
No. l have never said
that you are not good at what you do.

267
00:16:25,901 --> 00:16:29,696
lt's just that what you do
is not worth doing.

268
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:38,538
lt's nicer than anything
he's ever said to me. l'd take it and run.

269
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,041
Thank you, Sheldon.

270
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,876
Will you give my paper to Hawking?

271
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,379
-Sorry, l can't.
-What? Why not?

272
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:48,589
l gave it to him three days ago.

273
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:50,967
He was really impressed.

274
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,260
He wants to meet you.

275
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,264
All right, then.

276
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,808
Thank you, Howard.

277
00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:01,436
Please let Professor Hawking know...

278
00:17:01,603 --> 00:17:04,564
...that l'm available
at his earliest convenience.

279
00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:08,901
-Thought he might be more excited.
-Give it a second.

280
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:11,654
[SHELDON SCREAMlNG]

281
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:23,249
Professor Hawking, it's an honor
and a privilege to meet you, sir.

282
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,960
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

283
00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:28,129
STEPHEN HAWKlNG [OVER COMPUTER]:
l know.

284
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,884
l wanna thank you
for taking time to see me.

285
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,093
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

286
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:35,386
My pleasure.

287
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:38,514
l enjoyed reading your paper
very much.

288
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:41,225
You clearly have a brilliant mind.

289
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:43,352
l know.

290
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:45,354
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

291
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:48,983
Your thesis that the Higgs boson
is a black hole...

292
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:52,695
...accelerating backwards
through time is fascinating.

293
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:58,576
Thank you. lt just-- lt came to me
one morning in the shower.

294
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,287
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

295
00:18:01,455 --> 00:18:02,747
That's nice.

296
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,333
Too bad it's wrong.

297
00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:10,713
What do you mean, "wrong"?

298
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:12,173
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

299
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,259
You made an arithmetic mistake
on page two.

300
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:20,056
It was quite the boner.

301
00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:26,395
No, no. But that can't be right.

302
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:29,232
l don't make arithmetic mistakes.

303
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,192
Are you saying I do?

304
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,778
Oh, no. No, no, of course not.

305
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,532
lt's just, l was thinking--
Oh, gosh, golly. l made a boo-boo.

306
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:41,077
And l gave it to Stephen Hawking.

307
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:46,541
[COMPUTER BEEPS]

308
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:49,836
Great. Another fainter.

309
00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:18,906
[English - US - SDH]