1
00:00:01,812 --> 00:00:04,558
So, I got the craziest
e-mail this morning.
2
00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:06,258
I don't mean to burst
your bubble, dude,
3
00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:09,612
but those penile enlargement
pills do not work.
4
00:00:09,614 --> 00:00:13,065
Believe me, I know.
5
00:00:13,984 --> 00:00:15,050
The e-mail I got was
6
00:00:15,052 --> 00:00:16,986
from the office of
Stephen Hawking.
7
00:00:16,988 --> 00:00:18,554
- You're kidding.
- Why?
8
00:00:18,556 --> 00:00:20,906
He's coming to the university
for a couple weeks to lecture,
9
00:00:20,908 --> 00:00:23,192
and he's looking for an
engineer to help maintain
10
00:00:23,194 --> 00:00:25,127
the equipment on his wheelchair.
11
00:00:25,129 --> 00:00:26,162
That's amazing.
12
00:00:26,164 --> 00:00:28,747
You'll be like his pit crew.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,618
A word of caution:
I would not do
14
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:34,787
your Stephen Hawking
impression in front of him.
15
00:00:36,256 --> 00:00:38,257
You're right.
16
00:00:39,409 --> 00:00:44,079
I suppose that could be
considered offensive.
17
00:00:44,081 --> 00:00:47,132
Boy, Sheldon's going
to freak out.
18
00:00:47,134 --> 00:00:49,084
Yeah, he worships Hawking.
19
00:00:49,086 --> 00:00:50,719
I was actually thinking
about bringing him along
20
00:00:50,721 --> 00:00:53,289
when I go over there so
he can meet the great man.
21
00:00:53,291 --> 00:00:54,473
That's really nice
of you, Howard.
22
00:00:54,475 --> 00:00:56,058
It's no big deal.
23
00:00:56,060 --> 00:00:58,644
Boy, a restraining order
from Stephen Hawking.
24
00:00:58,646 --> 00:01:02,264
It'll look so nice next to
the ones he's already got
25
00:01:02,266 --> 00:01:05,284
from Leonard Nimoy,
Carl Sagan and Stan Lee.
26
00:01:06,286 --> 00:01:08,153
Leonard, do you recall
27
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:09,738
when I said that I was going
28
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:11,707
to revolutionize
humanity's understanding
29
00:01:11,709 --> 00:01:13,993
of the Higgs boson particle,
and you said,
30
00:01:13,995 --> 00:01:16,662
"Sheldon, it's 2:00 a.m.,
get out of my bedroom"?
31
00:01:16,664 --> 00:01:18,614
Like it was ten hours ago.
32
00:01:18,616 --> 00:01:20,299
What about it?
33
00:01:20,301 --> 00:01:21,667
Well, I believe I've done it.
34
00:01:21,669 --> 00:01:23,452
And I'm only saying "believe"
to sound modest,
35
00:01:23,454 --> 00:01:25,971
because, sweet Sam Houston,
I did it.
36
00:01:25,973 --> 00:01:28,173
Really?
That's incredible. Oh, here.
37
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,141
Break out the math.
38
00:01:29,143 --> 00:01:30,726
Oh, okay, let me see this.
39
00:01:30,728 --> 00:01:33,262
All right, so
this particle here
40
00:01:33,264 --> 00:01:36,015
is the boson moving
forward in time.
41
00:01:36,017 --> 00:01:38,183
Now, I was thinking...
Howard, you go ahead and eat.
44
00:01:45,576 --> 00:01:48,810
Yeah, good for you,
and don't stop working on it.
45
00:01:48,812 --> 00:01:51,247
Are you still
going to tell him
46
00:01:51,249 --> 00:01:53,332
about you-know-who?
Yep.
47
00:01:53,334 --> 00:01:54,617
Are you still going
to introduce him?
48
00:01:54,619 --> 00:01:56,252
Not on your life.
49
00:01:57,320 --> 00:02:00,873
♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪
50
00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:04,209
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
51
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:05,844
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
52
00:02:05,846 --> 00:02:08,380
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
53
00:02:08,382 --> 00:02:11,050
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
54
00:02:11,052 --> 00:02:13,719
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
55
00:02:13,721 --> 00:02:15,638
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
56
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,606
♪ Bang! ♪
57
00:02:17,631 --> 00:02:21,331
The Big Bang Theory 5x21
The Hawking Excitation
Original Air Date on April 5, 2012
58
00:02:21,332 --> 00:02:25,032
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
59
00:02:25,104 --> 00:02:27,522
Please, please, please
60
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:29,391
let me meet Hawking.
61
00:02:29,393 --> 00:02:30,559
I told you, no.
62
00:02:30,561 --> 00:02:32,394
But I said I'm sorry.
63
00:02:32,396 --> 00:02:35,314
No, you said, "Would it help
if I said I'm sorry?"
64
00:02:35,316 --> 00:02:38,283
And you never answered me.
65
00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:40,602
So who owes whom an apology now?
66
00:02:40,604 --> 00:02:43,238
Sheldon,
you're a condescending jerk.
67
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:45,791
Why on earth would I want
to do something nice for you?
68
00:02:45,793 --> 00:02:46,992
Um...
69
00:02:46,994 --> 00:02:49,077
to go to Jewish heaven?
70
00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:52,464
Jews don't have heaven.
71
00:02:52,466 --> 00:02:54,516
Then to avoid Jewish hell?
72
00:02:54,518 --> 00:02:55,634
Have you met my mother?
73
00:02:55,636 --> 00:02:56,885
I live in Jewish hell.
74
00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:59,304
Howard, please.
75
00:02:59,306 --> 00:03:00,939
This is Stephen Hawking.
76
00:03:00,941 --> 00:03:03,258
Perhaps my only
intellectual equal.
77
00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:06,044
Oh, you can't be serious.
78
00:03:06,046 --> 00:03:08,597
Try to put yourself
in my place.
79
00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:11,132
Imagine you're the
sole human being
80
00:03:11,134 --> 00:03:14,069
living on a planet populated
with nothing but dogs.
81
00:03:14,071 --> 00:03:15,988
And then it turns out
82
00:03:15,990 --> 00:03:18,907
there's another human being.
83
00:03:20,927 --> 00:03:22,077
Hang on.
84
00:03:22,079 --> 00:03:25,280
Are you saying
the rest of us are dogs?
85
00:03:25,282 --> 00:03:27,866
Okay, I can see you're going
to take this the wrong way.
86
00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:29,117
Let me try again.
87
00:03:29,119 --> 00:03:30,369
Imagine you're the
sole human being
88
00:03:30,371 --> 00:03:35,157
living on a planet populated
with nothing but chimps.
89
00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:36,992
Get out of my lab.
90
00:03:36,994 --> 00:03:38,593
Oh, now they're so much smarter
than dogs.
91
00:03:38,595 --> 00:03:40,362
Have you seen them
on those little bicycles?
92
00:03:40,364 --> 00:03:42,547
Get out.
93
00:03:43,666 --> 00:03:45,267
How about dolphins?
94
00:03:45,269 --> 00:03:46,018
Out!
95
00:03:48,855 --> 00:03:51,390
So, come on, how was
the first day with Hawking?
96
00:03:51,392 --> 00:03:52,557
It was great.
97
00:03:52,559 --> 00:03:54,026
We talked about movies...
98
00:03:54,028 --> 00:03:55,944
Oh...
99
00:03:55,946 --> 00:03:57,396
I showed him some card tricks...
100
00:03:57,398 --> 00:03:59,147
Oh!
101
00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:01,616
He even let me read a couple
pages from his new book.
102
00:04:01,618 --> 00:04:04,353
Oh!
103
00:04:04,355 --> 00:04:08,022
Something got
you down there, bunky?
104
00:04:08,024 --> 00:04:11,209
Howard, please,
I'm begging you.
105
00:04:11,211 --> 00:04:12,911
Raj,
you're our group historian.
106
00:04:12,913 --> 00:04:14,579
Has Sheldon ever begged before?
107
00:04:14,581 --> 00:04:15,964
Three times.
108
00:04:15,966 --> 00:04:19,418
He begged the Fox network
not to cancel Firefly.
109
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:20,719
He begged
110
00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:24,122
the TNT network
to cancel Babylon 5.
111
00:04:25,541 --> 00:04:28,310
And when he got food poisoning
at the Rose Bowl Parade,
112
00:04:28,312 --> 00:04:30,178
he begged a deity
he doesn't believe in
113
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:31,880
to end his life quickly.
114
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:36,518
Do you understand how
important Hawking is to me?
115
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,353
When I was six years old,
116
00:04:38,355 --> 00:04:41,573
I dressed up as
him for Halloween.
117
00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:44,192
You're kidding.
118
00:04:44,194 --> 00:04:46,895
No, sir, no, I took
my dad's desk chair,
119
00:04:46,897 --> 00:04:48,447
attached a Speak
& Spell to it
120
00:04:48,449 --> 00:04:50,866
and made my sister push
me up and down the block
121
00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:52,384
to trick or treat.
122
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,670
Granted most people
thought I was R2-D2,
123
00:04:55,672 --> 00:04:58,457
but still, I got a lot of candy.
124
00:04:58,459 --> 00:05:00,342
You don't seem
to be understanding
125
00:05:00,344 --> 00:05:01,877
the English word "no."
126
00:05:01,879 --> 00:05:04,096
Maybe a different language
will help.
127
00:05:04,098 --> 00:05:05,297
nyet.
128
00:05:05,299 --> 00:05:07,549
bu.
129
00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:08,934
iie.
130
00:05:08,936 --> 00:05:11,419
qo'.
131
00:05:11,421 --> 00:05:16,391
Binary coded Ascii:
0110111001101111.
132
00:05:18,127 --> 00:05:20,162
It's actually 01100111.
133
00:05:20,164 --> 00:05:21,029
No!
134
00:05:21,031 --> 00:05:24,282
I'm not asking for me,
135
00:05:24,284 --> 00:05:27,886
I'm asking for Hawking.
136
00:05:27,888 --> 00:05:32,407
Hells naw.
137
00:05:35,778 --> 00:05:37,445
Okay, look, how about this?
138
00:05:37,447 --> 00:05:40,114
Just give him my paper
on the Higgs boson.
139
00:05:40,116 --> 00:05:41,416
If he sees the
incredible breakthrough
140
00:05:41,418 --> 00:05:43,335
I've made, he'll
reach out to me.
141
00:05:43,337 --> 00:05:44,302
What if he doesn't?
142
00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:46,271
He will; he's really smart.
143
00:05:48,658 --> 00:05:50,058
That's an interesting idea.
144
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:51,309
Why don't you give me
145
00:05:51,311 --> 00:05:53,728
a minute to talk it over
with my friends?
146
00:05:53,730 --> 00:05:55,096
- How do I do that?
- You walk away.
147
00:05:55,098 --> 00:05:57,298
Walking away.
148
00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:08,693
You do realize
you own his ass right now.
149
00:06:08,695 --> 00:06:10,812
I do.
150
00:06:10,814 --> 00:06:12,831
You can make him
do anything you want.
151
00:06:12,833 --> 00:06:14,783
Yeah, I know, I'm just trying
to figure out
152
00:06:14,785 --> 00:06:16,751
how much I want to punish him.
153
00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:18,036
Well, don't be too mean.
154
00:06:18,038 --> 00:06:19,254
Hey, fellas,
155
00:06:19,256 --> 00:06:20,488
I'm thinking about making some
156
00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:22,791
freshly brewed iced tea
if anyone would like some.
157
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:23,959
I wouldn't mind a glass.
158
00:06:23,961 --> 00:06:25,310
I wasn't talking to you.
159
00:06:27,180 --> 00:06:30,282
Bring him to his bony knees.
160
00:06:33,803 --> 00:06:35,353
Sheldon, come on back.
161
00:06:35,355 --> 00:06:38,557
Yes, yes.
162
00:06:41,561 --> 00:06:43,144
What did you decide?
163
00:06:43,146 --> 00:06:46,014
I'll give your paper
to Professor Hawking.
164
00:06:46,016 --> 00:06:47,482
Great, thank you!
165
00:06:47,484 --> 00:06:49,317
Oh, that's terrific!
166
00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:53,572
But in exchange, I'd like you
to do a few things for me.
167
00:06:53,574 --> 00:06:55,407
What kinds of things?
168
00:06:55,409 --> 00:07:00,328
Are you familiar
with the 12 labors of Hercules?
169
00:07:01,747 --> 00:07:03,465
Of course.
170
00:07:03,467 --> 00:07:06,034
You should be so lucky.
171
00:07:08,588 --> 00:07:10,422
All right.
172
00:07:10,424 --> 00:07:12,057
What would you like me
to do first?
173
00:07:12,059 --> 00:07:14,042
Well, I thought
I'd start you off
174
00:07:14,044 --> 00:07:16,094
by polishing my belt buckles.
175
00:07:16,096 --> 00:07:17,211
Oh.
176
00:07:17,213 --> 00:07:18,647
By all means.
177
00:07:18,649 --> 00:07:21,716
When I was a boy, I would
polish my Mee-Maw's silver.
178
00:07:21,718 --> 00:07:23,885
And she would entertain me
with stories
179
00:07:23,887 --> 00:07:25,437
about growing up in Oklahoma.
180
00:07:25,439 --> 00:07:26,688
Interesting woman.
181
00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:31,159
She once killed a prairie dog
with a gravy boat.
182
00:07:31,161 --> 00:07:34,079
That's nice.
183
00:07:43,656 --> 00:07:46,157
That's a lot of belt buckles.
184
00:07:46,159 --> 00:07:49,928
Funny thing is,
I only have one belt.
185
00:07:50,963 --> 00:07:53,014
Anyway, I'll let
you get started.
186
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:54,382
Oh, by the way,
187
00:07:54,384 --> 00:07:57,085
the little marks, uh,
that look like water spots--
188
00:07:57,087 --> 00:08:00,372
I tend to stand too close
to the urinal, so...
189
00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:05,277
...what you're seeing there
is splash back.
190
00:08:07,597 --> 00:08:09,931
You make sissy
on your belt buckles?
191
00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:15,770
Mee-Maw's forks never had that.
192
00:08:15,772 --> 00:08:18,873
Here is a black light
to check them.
193
00:08:18,875 --> 00:08:20,408
And for your own peace of mind,
194
00:08:20,410 --> 00:08:23,295
you might not want to shine that
around the rest of the room.
195
00:08:32,788 --> 00:08:35,140
Sheldon, these look great.
196
00:08:35,142 --> 00:08:37,642
They're like
magnificent little crowns
197
00:08:37,644 --> 00:08:41,096
to hang over
my magnificent little jewels.
198
00:08:43,182 --> 00:08:44,482
How'd you get them so shiny?
199
00:08:44,484 --> 00:08:47,018
Oh, I-I buffed them
with Turtle Wax.
200
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,470
The man down at Pep Boys
says from now on,
201
00:08:49,472 --> 00:08:52,490
the urine should just bead up
and roll right off.
202
00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:54,475
Way to go the extra mile.
203
00:08:54,477 --> 00:08:56,161
Your Mee-Maw would be proud.
204
00:08:56,163 --> 00:08:58,613
My Mee-Maw
must never know of this.
205
00:08:58,615 --> 00:09:01,833
Now will you give
Professor Hawking my paper?
206
00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:03,151
Oh, my dear boy, no.
207
00:09:03,153 --> 00:09:04,252
Okay.
208
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,087
Next,
209
00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:09,841
this is
a sexy French maid costume
210
00:09:09,843 --> 00:09:11,176
I bought for Bernadette.
211
00:09:11,178 --> 00:09:12,794
I thought it might
spice things up
212
00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:15,096
and get her to dust
my room at the same time,
213
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:19,000
but I was wrong
and really wrong.
214
00:09:19,002 --> 00:09:21,136
And you want me to
return it for you?
215
00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:24,606
No, no, no, mon petit cherie.
216
00:09:38,738 --> 00:09:40,622
What are you all staring at?
217
00:09:40,624 --> 00:09:42,991
You ever seen a man try
to get a meeting
218
00:09:42,993 --> 00:09:44,859
with Stephen Hawking before?
219
00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:56,590
Hey.
220
00:09:56,591 --> 00:09:58,207
Hello.
221
00:09:58,209 --> 00:09:59,142
It's not Saturday night.
222
00:09:59,144 --> 00:10:01,043
Why are you doing
your laundry?
223
00:10:01,045 --> 00:10:04,597
This is not
my laundry.
224
00:10:04,599 --> 00:10:05,581
Wow, are these Amy's?
225
00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:09,152
Kind of trashy-- good for her.
226
00:10:09,987 --> 00:10:11,020
Those are Howard's.
227
00:10:11,022 --> 00:10:13,106
Ugh...
228
00:10:14,074 --> 00:10:15,692
Why are you washing
229
00:10:15,694 --> 00:10:19,028
Howard's man panties?
230
00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:20,279
Because if I don't,
231
00:10:20,281 --> 00:10:23,166
he won't give my paper
to Stephen Hawking.
232
00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:24,867
- He's a famous physicist.
- Yeah, yeah,
233
00:10:24,869 --> 00:10:29,288
I know, he's the wheelchair dude
who invented time.
234
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:33,543
That's close enough.
235
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:34,927
I don't understand,
why doesn't Howard
236
00:10:34,929 --> 00:10:36,579
just introduce you to the guy?
237
00:10:36,581 --> 00:10:40,817
Because he's punishing me for
being a "condescending jerk."
238
00:10:40,819 --> 00:10:43,419
You don't think
I'm condescending, do you?
239
00:10:43,421 --> 00:10:45,221
Well, kind of...
240
00:10:45,223 --> 00:10:47,690
Oh, I'm sorry,
condescending means...
241
00:10:47,692 --> 00:10:48,941
I know what it means.
242
00:10:49,727 --> 00:10:51,310
And yes,
you love correcting people
243
00:10:51,312 --> 00:10:52,478
and putting them down.
244
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,896
Au contraire.
245
00:10:53,898 --> 00:10:57,033
When I correct people
I am raising them up.
246
00:10:58,986 --> 00:11:01,738
You should know, I do it
for you more than anyone.
247
00:11:03,657 --> 00:11:05,908
Come on, you do it
to feel superior.
248
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:07,076
I see that twinkle in your eye
249
00:11:07,078 --> 00:11:09,412
when someone says "who"
instead of "whom"
250
00:11:09,414 --> 00:11:12,465
or thinks the moon is a planet.
251
00:11:12,467 --> 00:11:16,486
Or Don Quixote is a book
about a donkey named Hotay.
252
00:11:16,488 --> 00:11:18,521
See,
253
00:11:18,523 --> 00:11:19,756
there it is,
there's that twinkle.
254
00:11:19,758 --> 00:11:20,923
Well, I can't help it.
255
00:11:20,925 --> 00:11:23,176
That's an involuntary twinkle.
256
00:11:24,061 --> 00:11:26,262
What do you want me
to tell you, Sheldon?
257
00:11:26,264 --> 00:11:27,680
I want you to tell me
258
00:11:27,682 --> 00:11:30,149
that Howard is being mean to me
for no reason.
259
00:11:30,151 --> 00:11:33,519
Fine, Howard is being mean
to you for no reason.
260
00:11:33,521 --> 00:11:35,354
I knew it.
261
00:11:39,994 --> 00:11:41,227
What's the matter?
262
00:11:41,229 --> 00:11:42,812
Every time I spend the night,
263
00:11:42,814 --> 00:11:47,066
your mom slaps me on the behind
and says, "Go get 'em."
264
00:11:47,068 --> 00:11:49,202
It's not her fault.
265
00:11:49,204 --> 00:11:52,288
She's getting
hormone replacement therapy.
266
00:11:54,591 --> 00:11:57,627
Makes her crazy horny.
267
00:11:58,345 --> 00:11:59,879
Check this out,
I got Sheldon
268
00:11:59,881 --> 00:12:02,265
to wear the French
maid's costume.
269
00:12:02,267 --> 00:12:04,133
Oh, my God,
that's terrible.
270
00:12:04,135 --> 00:12:07,253
Hey, I gave you
first crack at it.
271
00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:08,971
Why are you doing that?
272
00:12:08,973 --> 00:12:10,423
You're being mean to him.
273
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:11,841
He's mean to me all the time.
274
00:12:11,843 --> 00:12:14,227
You've heard him tease me
about not having a doctorate.
275
00:12:14,229 --> 00:12:16,028
If you don't want
to get teased about that,
276
00:12:16,030 --> 00:12:17,196
get a doctorate.
277
00:12:20,183 --> 00:12:22,452
I have one; they're great.
278
00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:26,255
Oh, come on, the
man torments me.
279
00:12:26,257 --> 00:12:27,189
I'm just letting him have
280
00:12:27,191 --> 00:12:29,175
a little taste
of his own medicine.
281
00:12:29,177 --> 00:12:30,693
It's not the same thing.
282
00:12:30,695 --> 00:12:32,245
Sheldon doesn't know
when he's being mean
283
00:12:32,247 --> 00:12:34,080
because the part of his brain
that should know
284
00:12:34,082 --> 00:12:36,999
is getting a wedgie
from the rest of his brain.
285
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,888
Fine, I'll just make him do
a couple more things,
286
00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:42,839
then I'll stop.
287
00:12:42,841 --> 00:12:44,707
No, you have to stop now.
288
00:12:44,709 --> 00:12:47,743
Bernadette, I want to remind you,
289
00:12:47,745 --> 00:12:52,014
you promised to take me
dress shopping tomorrow!
290
00:12:52,016 --> 00:12:55,401
Oh, damn.
291
00:12:55,403 --> 00:12:58,821
I'm sorry,
I can't make it,
292
00:12:58,823 --> 00:13:02,692
but Sheldon's going
to go with you!
293
00:13:08,448 --> 00:13:11,617
And that's the last thing
you do to him.
294
00:13:14,872 --> 00:13:19,041
Sheldon!
295
00:13:19,043 --> 00:13:22,311
I need your help!
296
00:13:22,313 --> 00:13:24,981
What is it now, Mrs. Wolowitz?
297
00:13:24,983 --> 00:13:26,349
It's this dress!
298
00:13:26,351 --> 00:13:31,003
When I put my front in,
my back pops out!
299
00:13:33,106 --> 00:13:38,110
When I put my back in,
my front pops out!
300
00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:41,898
It's like trying to keep
two dogs in a bathtub!
301
00:13:43,734 --> 00:13:45,818
What do you want me to do?
302
00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:48,321
We're gonna have
to work as a team!
303
00:13:48,323 --> 00:13:52,892
Get in here, grab a handful,
and start stuffing!
304
00:13:59,283 --> 00:14:02,235
I'm not sure how to do this.
305
00:14:02,237 --> 00:14:06,956
It's easy, just pretend you're
putting away a sleeping bag.
306
00:14:08,475 --> 00:14:13,295
Sleeping bags don't usually
sweat this much, but okay.
307
00:14:13,297 --> 00:14:15,231
Now zip me up.
308
00:14:15,233 --> 00:14:16,983
Oh, if we squeeze
you any tighter,
309
00:14:16,985 --> 00:14:19,518
you may turn
into a diamond.
310
00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:25,408
You're right,
who am I kidding?
311
00:14:25,410 --> 00:14:28,477
You should have seen me
when I was young, Sheldon.
312
00:14:28,479 --> 00:14:33,366
The fellas used to line up
and bring me boxes of candy.
313
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:36,636
Why did I eat it all?!
314
00:14:39,923 --> 00:14:41,507
Would you hold me?
315
00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:44,877
Oh... no, you know, I'm not
really the holding kind of...
316
00:14:44,879 --> 00:14:47,463
Oh!
317
00:14:49,716 --> 00:14:51,684
Oh, guys, I just remembered.
318
00:14:51,686 --> 00:14:55,170
I got you
some Hawking souvenirs.
319
00:14:55,172 --> 00:14:56,338
What are these?
320
00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:58,507
Gears and springs
from his wheelchair.
321
00:14:58,509 --> 00:14:59,976
Pretty cool, huh?
322
00:15:00,844 --> 00:15:03,562
Wow, that's amazing.
323
00:15:03,564 --> 00:15:05,731
I made an adjustment
on the motor drive
324
00:15:05,733 --> 00:15:07,950
and when I was putting it
back together
325
00:15:07,952 --> 00:15:11,454
I could not for the life of me
figure out where they went.
326
00:15:13,523 --> 00:15:15,791
I did it.
327
00:15:15,793 --> 00:15:18,127
Had to go
to three clothing stores,
328
00:15:18,129 --> 00:15:22,999
but we finally found a dress
that could envelop your mother.
329
00:15:24,084 --> 00:15:25,200
I should have sent you
330
00:15:25,202 --> 00:15:27,586
to the custom car cover place
in Altadena.
331
00:15:27,588 --> 00:15:29,505
They have her pattern on file.
332
00:15:30,808 --> 00:15:32,008
Humorous.
333
00:15:32,643 --> 00:15:34,877
Now will you
please present
334
00:15:34,879 --> 00:15:37,096
my paper
to Professor Hawking?
335
00:15:37,098 --> 00:15:38,180
I don't know.
336
00:15:38,182 --> 00:15:39,482
Oh, for heaven's sake.
337
00:15:39,484 --> 00:15:42,818
I did your laundry, I pee-pee-
proofed your belt buckles,
338
00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:43,936
I, I even sprained
339
00:15:43,938 --> 00:15:47,573
my wrist helping
your mother lift her bosom.
340
00:15:50,961 --> 00:15:53,079
All right, Sheldon,
341
00:15:53,081 --> 00:15:56,032
there's only one thing left
I want you to do.
342
00:15:56,034 --> 00:15:57,667
Don't worry, it's an easy one.
343
00:15:57,669 --> 00:15:58,985
Okay.
344
00:15:58,987 --> 00:16:00,836
Give me a compliment.
345
00:16:00,838 --> 00:16:03,122
Fine.
346
00:16:03,124 --> 00:16:04,924
You have very tiny hands.
347
00:16:07,761 --> 00:16:10,513
No... about my job.
348
00:16:10,515 --> 00:16:14,166
I want you to tell me
I'm good at what I do.
349
00:16:14,168 --> 00:16:16,736
You're obviously good
at what you do.
350
00:16:16,738 --> 00:16:19,955
Well, then why are you
always ripping on me?
351
00:16:19,957 --> 00:16:22,108
Oh, I understand
the confusion.
352
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:25,277
I have never said that you are
not good at what you do.
353
00:16:25,279 --> 00:16:29,648
It's just that what you do
is not worth doing.
354
00:16:34,371 --> 00:16:36,405
It's nicer than anything
he's ever said to me.
355
00:16:36,407 --> 00:16:38,541
I'd take it and run.
356
00:16:39,876 --> 00:16:41,861
Thank you, Sheldon.
357
00:16:41,863 --> 00:16:43,763
Now will you give
my paper to Hawking?
358
00:16:43,765 --> 00:16:45,031
Sorry, I can't.
359
00:16:45,033 --> 00:16:46,232
What, why not?
360
00:16:46,234 --> 00:16:48,334
I gave it to him three days ago.
361
00:16:48,336 --> 00:16:50,836
He was really
impressed.
362
00:16:50,838 --> 00:16:52,271
He wants to meet you.
363
00:16:54,107 --> 00:16:56,275
All right, then.
364
00:16:57,077 --> 00:16:58,627
Thank you, Howard.
365
00:16:58,629 --> 00:17:01,263
Please let
Professor Hawking know
366
00:17:01,265 --> 00:17:04,967
that I'm available
at his earliest convenience.
367
00:17:04,969 --> 00:17:07,720
I thought he might be
a little more excited.
368
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:08,721
Give it a second.
369
00:17:18,701 --> 00:17:20,507
Professor Hawking,
370
00:17:20,509 --> 00:17:23,861
it's an honor and a privilege
to meet you, sir.
371
00:17:26,649 --> 00:17:28,899
I know.
372
00:17:29,901 --> 00:17:33,520
I want to thank you for
taking time to see me.
373
00:17:34,473 --> 00:17:35,556
My pleasure.
374
00:17:35,558 --> 00:17:39,243
I enjoyed reading
your paper very much.
375
00:17:39,245 --> 00:17:41,812
You clearly have
a brilliant mind.
376
00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:45,349
I know.
377
00:17:45,351 --> 00:17:49,486
Your thesis that the Higgs boson
is a black hole
378
00:17:49,488 --> 00:17:53,290
accelerating backwards
through time is fascinating.
379
00:17:53,292 --> 00:17:55,375
Thank you.
380
00:17:55,377 --> 00:17:59,229
It just-- it came to me
one morning in the shower.
381
00:18:01,784 --> 00:18:03,083
That's nice.
382
00:18:03,085 --> 00:18:06,103
Too bad it's wrong.
383
00:18:07,989 --> 00:18:11,391
What do you mean wrong?
384
00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:15,879
You made an arithmetic mistake
on page two.
385
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:21,635
It was quite the boner.
386
00:18:23,421 --> 00:18:26,957
No, no... that
can't be right.
387
00:18:26,959 --> 00:18:29,827
I-I don't make
arithmetic mistakes.
388
00:18:29,829 --> 00:18:31,862
Are you saying I do?
389
00:18:31,864 --> 00:18:32,830
Oh, no,
390
00:18:32,832 --> 00:18:34,264
no, no, of course not.
391
00:18:34,266 --> 00:18:35,549
It's just, I
was thinking...
392
00:18:35,551 --> 00:18:38,135
Oh, gosh, golly,
I made a boo-boo,
393
00:18:38,137 --> 00:18:41,221
and I gave it to
Stephen Hawking.
394
00:18:46,496 --> 00:18:48,831
Great, another fainter.
395
00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:50,899
== sync, corrected by elderman ==