1 00:00:04,211 --> 00:00:05,992 "Between two groups of people 2 00:00:05,993 --> 00:00:09,028 "who want to make inconsistent kinds of worlds, 3 00:00:09,029 --> 00:00:11,364 I see no remedy but force." 4 00:00:11,365 --> 00:00:13,186 Oliver Wendell Holmes. 5 00:00:14,535 --> 00:00:15,919 [Sounds of battle] 6 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,371 There was a point where all I saw were feathers. 7 00:00:18,372 --> 00:00:20,390 Then I started swinging. 8 00:00:20,391 --> 00:00:25,011 And then I hit something and heard someone fall. 9 00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:27,880 Could've been somebody from my side. 10 00:00:27,881 --> 00:00:29,532 [Gunshot] 11 00:00:29,533 --> 00:00:32,268 Narrator: In 2012, Greendale Community College 12 00:00:32,269 --> 00:00:34,904 was the site of the largest and longest pillow fight 13 00:00:34,905 --> 00:00:36,556 in community college history. 14 00:00:36,557 --> 00:00:39,526 It shaped and scarred the landscape of their campus 15 00:00:39,527 --> 00:00:42,212 and forever changed the lives of those involved. 16 00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:43,913 [Somber patriotic music] 17 00:00:43,914 --> 00:00:45,992 A health care administration student, 18 00:00:45,993 --> 00:00:48,751 who turned the storage room into a sanctuary for soldiers 19 00:00:48,752 --> 00:00:51,955 with broken glasses and lightly grazed testicles. 20 00:00:51,956 --> 00:00:54,924 A high school dropout and amateur photographer 21 00:00:54,925 --> 00:00:56,576 whose borrowed camera would capture 22 00:00:56,577 --> 00:00:59,879 some of the war's blurriest, most poorly framed moments. 23 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,648 [Gunshots] 24 00:01:01,649 --> 00:01:03,583 A disgraced former lawyer 25 00:01:03,584 --> 00:01:05,935 whose words would inspire tens of students 26 00:01:05,936 --> 00:01:07,537 to take up pillows and fight, 27 00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:10,390 most likely to avoid an upcoming test. 28 00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:13,426 A loving wife and mother who would prove to be 29 00:01:13,427 --> 00:01:17,363 as skilled at kicking asses as she was at wiping them. 30 00:01:17,364 --> 00:01:20,817 The dried-up heir to a moist towelette empire, 31 00:01:20,818 --> 00:01:22,886 who would prove to be the dried-up heir 32 00:01:22,887 --> 00:01:25,238 to a moist towelette empire. 33 00:01:25,239 --> 00:01:27,073 The sensitive high school quarterback 34 00:01:27,074 --> 00:01:29,792 who became commander in chief of his own army. 35 00:01:29,793 --> 00:01:32,579 He would later say of the war, "it was awesome, 36 00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:35,114 but also, it wasn't." 37 00:01:35,115 --> 00:01:37,533 And his socially dysfunctional best friend 38 00:01:37,534 --> 00:01:39,335 turned bitter rival, 39 00:01:39,336 --> 00:01:42,589 an uncompromising tactical mastermind feared by all 40 00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:44,641 yet unable to pay parking tickets 41 00:01:44,642 --> 00:01:45,958 or know left from right 44 00:01:50,464 --> 00:01:52,732 into a conflict lasting days, 45 00:01:52,733 --> 00:01:54,183 costing hundreds of dollars 46 00:01:54,184 --> 00:01:57,153 and resulting in over 12 transfers. 47 00:01:57,154 --> 00:02:00,640 There are people who say, "I don't get it. 48 00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:02,525 So it was a pillow fight," 49 00:02:02,526 --> 00:02:04,160 to which I say... 50 00:02:04,161 --> 00:02:07,163 "You weren't there." 51 00:02:07,777 --> 00:02:10,301 Sync and corrections by Elderfel www.addic7ed.com 52 00:02:10,902 --> 00:02:13,503 Jeffrey, you have to come mediate Troy and Abed. 53 00:02:13,504 --> 00:02:16,072 They look up to you. What's with the film crew? 54 00:02:16,073 --> 00:02:18,658 - Don't worry about that. - Oh, I am worried about that. 55 00:02:18,659 --> 00:02:19,742 If there's one thing I've learned at this place, 56 00:02:19,743 --> 00:02:21,311 it's that a film crew means disaster. 57 00:02:21,312 --> 00:02:23,046 Okay, they are here to document 58 00:02:23,047 --> 00:02:24,297 Greendale's guinness record, 59 00:02:24,298 --> 00:02:26,265 which you are going to make sure we get 60 00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:28,167 by talking to Troy and Abed right now. 61 00:02:28,168 --> 00:02:29,669 - This is your fault. - No, it's your fault. 62 00:02:29,670 --> 00:02:30,670 - This is your fault. - Your fault. 63 00:02:30,671 --> 00:02:31,837 - Your fault! - Your fault! 64 00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:34,107 Okay, I've got good news for both of you. 65 00:02:34,108 --> 00:02:36,442 Neither of you has to apologize because what you're doing 66 00:02:36,443 --> 00:02:37,627 is equally ridiculous. 67 00:02:37,628 --> 00:02:39,278 So here's the solution I'm pitching. 68 00:02:39,279 --> 00:02:42,181 I'm giving you two imaginary Friendship Hats 69 00:02:42,182 --> 00:02:43,900 that automatically make you friends again. 70 00:02:43,901 --> 00:02:45,735 Are we done? 71 00:02:45,736 --> 00:02:48,354 Sorry, Jeff, but this matter's a little more serious than that. 72 00:02:48,355 --> 00:02:49,455 No, it's not. 73 00:02:49,456 --> 00:02:51,658 You're children acting like grown-ups. 74 00:02:51,659 --> 00:02:52,992 I mean, it's fine. 75 00:02:52,993 --> 00:02:53,993 But just don't pretend it's anything but that. 76 00:02:53,994 --> 00:02:55,194 [Upbeat banjo tune] 77 00:02:55,195 --> 00:02:57,547 Narrator: Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir. 78 00:02:57,548 --> 00:02:59,716 Friends so close, they once graced the cover 79 00:02:59,717 --> 00:03:03,786 of Friends Weekly, a pretend magazine of their own design. 80 00:03:03,787 --> 00:03:06,139 Earlier that day, they begin construction 81 00:03:06,140 --> 00:03:07,957 on a fort made of pillows. 82 00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:10,059 Its name... New Fluffytown. 83 00:03:10,060 --> 00:03:13,930 Its goal... to be a newer, fluffier town than Fluffytown, 84 00:03:13,931 --> 00:03:16,482 their blanket fort from the previous year. 85 00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:19,602 New Fluffytown don't care who you were. 86 00:03:19,603 --> 00:03:23,006 You were surrounded by softness. 87 00:03:23,007 --> 00:03:26,109 It's just like crawling through a hug. 88 00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:27,110 Well... 89 00:03:27,111 --> 00:03:30,513 I guess all hugs have to come to an end. 90 00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:35,034 Narrator: When an opportunity arises for a world record, 91 00:03:35,035 --> 00:03:37,069 it creates a rift. 92 00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:38,838 Troy wants to go for the record 93 00:03:38,839 --> 00:03:41,541 using blankets for rapid expansion. 94 00:03:41,542 --> 00:03:43,493 Abed insists on pillows, 95 00:03:43,494 --> 00:03:46,045 declaring world records to be dumb. 96 00:03:46,046 --> 00:03:48,214 Troy declares the Declaration Lame, 97 00:03:48,215 --> 00:03:51,384 stating that thinking records are dumb is stupid. 98 00:03:51,385 --> 00:03:53,536 He secedes from New Fluffytown 99 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,671 and begins constructing Blanketsburg 100 00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:57,256 on the other side of the campus. 101 00:03:57,257 --> 00:03:59,425 Abed renames his fort Pillowtown 102 00:03:59,426 --> 00:04:01,227 for the sake of conceptual symmetry. 103 00:04:01,228 --> 00:04:05,898 Both forts expand until both are in each other's way. 104 00:04:05,899 --> 00:04:07,933 Study Room "F," 3:00 P.M., 105 00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:10,462 things quickly reach their boiling point. 106 00:04:10,463 --> 00:04:12,321 - You stand back. - Watch it, Star-Burns. 107 00:04:12,322 --> 00:04:15,074 - My name is Alex! - [Shrieks] 108 00:04:15,075 --> 00:04:17,910 Narrator: A softly lobbed, hypoallergenic sealy select 109 00:04:17,911 --> 00:04:19,545 in a floral print case 110 00:04:19,546 --> 00:04:21,748 collides with a load-bearing broomstick, 111 00:04:21,749 --> 00:04:25,044 collapsing a queen-sized section of blanket fort. 112 00:04:27,004 --> 00:04:29,806 [Overlapping shouting] 113 00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:32,558 [Shouts indistinctly] 114 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,448 Narrator: It was later named "The Study Room Kerfuffle." 115 00:04:40,449 --> 00:04:42,151 Protect everyone! Protect Pillowtown! 116 00:04:42,152 --> 00:04:43,936 Jeffrey, you're not mediating. 117 00:04:43,937 --> 00:04:45,605 Ah, Dean, what do you want me to say, huh? 118 00:04:45,606 --> 00:04:47,657 I mean, some conflicts are so pointless, 119 00:04:47,658 --> 00:04:49,308 they just have to play themselves out. 120 00:04:49,309 --> 00:04:50,743 Fine. 121 00:04:50,744 --> 00:04:52,144 The Legit Republic of Blanketsburg 122 00:04:52,145 --> 00:04:53,813 says Pillowtown has until midnight tonight 123 00:04:53,814 --> 00:04:55,932 to surrender its territory. 124 00:04:55,933 --> 00:04:57,900 The United Forts of Pillowtown declines the request. 125 00:04:57,901 --> 00:04:59,418 It's not a request. 126 00:04:59,419 --> 00:05:01,287 I'm giving you an "all tomato," 127 00:05:01,288 --> 00:05:03,372 meaning that you give me the whole tomato or else. 128 00:05:03,373 --> 00:05:06,275 Or else what? 129 00:05:06,276 --> 00:05:07,960 [Militaristic drum roll] 130 00:05:07,961 --> 00:05:09,378 See you at midnight. 131 00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:13,499 Oh, my God. 132 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,468 Do people go to classes? 133 00:05:15,469 --> 00:05:17,553 Narrator: The deadline divides friendships, 134 00:05:17,554 --> 00:05:19,522 families, even study groups. 135 00:05:19,523 --> 00:05:21,524 Pierce Hawthorne takes Troy's side, 136 00:05:21,525 --> 00:05:24,310 citing that Abed is weirder and more foreign. 137 00:05:24,311 --> 00:05:26,279 Shirley Bennett decides her allegiance 138 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,347 in a text message to her husband. 139 00:05:28,348 --> 00:05:30,066 I'll be home late, sugar boots. 140 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,535 Abed hurt Troy's feelings by being a robot. 141 00:05:32,536 --> 00:05:33,903 Need to stay with my boy to make sure 142 00:05:33,904 --> 00:05:35,371 Britta doesn't put him on the weed. 143 00:05:35,372 --> 00:05:37,373 Please record forensic files. 144 00:05:37,374 --> 00:05:39,358 Narrator: Troy appoints Shirley Bennett 145 00:05:39,359 --> 00:05:41,477 as his second-in-command, at which point, 146 00:05:41,478 --> 00:05:44,130 Pierce switches to Abed's side. 147 00:05:44,131 --> 00:05:46,749 There were those who thought that midnight might come and go, 148 00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:48,718 and nothing would happen. 149 00:05:48,719 --> 00:05:52,171 Well, I was in Korea, and I knew the sound of crap 150 00:05:52,172 --> 00:05:54,891 when it was about to hit the fan. 151 00:05:54,892 --> 00:05:57,894 You know what it sounded like? 152 00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:01,981 That's right, Jackson. 153 00:06:01,982 --> 00:06:03,850 Silence. 154 00:06:03,851 --> 00:06:07,553 Narrator: Midnight comes, and a campus holds its breath. 155 00:06:07,554 --> 00:06:09,438 I know there's a lot of blanket stackers 156 00:06:09,439 --> 00:06:10,723 and pillow packers out there 157 00:06:10,724 --> 00:06:12,275 thinking it's going to go down tonight. 158 00:06:12,276 --> 00:06:15,027 But there's a lot of us folks from the scene in between 159 00:06:15,028 --> 00:06:17,363 saying, "Hey, we're all looking to chill out 160 00:06:17,364 --> 00:06:18,998 and lay down with someone special." 161 00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:21,751 This is real Neil with pipes of steel, 162 00:06:21,752 --> 00:06:24,036 signing of with the smooth sounds 163 00:06:24,037 --> 00:06:25,121 of daybreak. 164 00:06:25,122 --> 00:06:28,124 [Daybreak plays] 165 00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:30,009 ♪ ♪ 166 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:31,344 I gotta get this on film. 167 00:06:31,345 --> 00:06:34,096 I am straight trouncing spaz in go fish. 168 00:06:34,097 --> 00:06:35,381 - [Laughs] - Dude, what are you doing? 169 00:06:35,382 --> 00:06:36,465 Don't record this. 170 00:06:36,466 --> 00:06:37,583 [Music stops] 171 00:06:37,584 --> 00:06:40,102 Wait, did you hear that? 172 00:06:40,103 --> 00:06:42,755 - [People screaming] - What the hell is that? 173 00:06:42,756 --> 00:06:44,307 Narrator: 12:07 A.M. 174 00:06:44,308 --> 00:06:47,143 Blanketsburg soldiers charge a pillow fort in the library. 175 00:06:47,144 --> 00:06:49,762 The pillowtonians move quickly to defend. 176 00:06:49,763 --> 00:06:51,948 There were no rules in that first battle. 177 00:06:51,949 --> 00:06:53,766 You hit someone, and if they went down, 178 00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:56,152 you stop hitting them. 179 00:06:56,153 --> 00:06:58,037 Call that Common Courtesy. 180 00:06:58,038 --> 00:07:00,606 Then what if they get up? 181 00:07:00,607 --> 00:07:03,226 Do you maybe keep hitting them till they learn to stay down? 182 00:07:03,227 --> 00:07:06,662 We call that Common Sense. 183 00:07:06,663 --> 00:07:08,047 [Gunshot] 184 00:07:08,048 --> 00:07:09,949 Narrator: The battle lasts six minutes. 185 00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:12,285 No territory changes hands. 186 00:07:12,286 --> 00:07:14,503 Blanketsburg has drawn first blood. 187 00:07:14,504 --> 00:07:17,456 Pillowtown will draw First Blood part II. 188 00:07:17,457 --> 00:07:22,228 Citizens of Blanketsburg, I ask you now 189 00:07:22,229 --> 00:07:25,014 to prepare for war. 190 00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:29,435 And I ask Garrett to please fix the microphone on my laptop. 191 00:07:29,436 --> 00:07:31,637 [Echoing] It's doing that thing again. 192 00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:35,857 The United Forts of Pillowtown 193 00:07:35,858 --> 00:07:37,392 and the Legit Republic of Blanketsburg 194 00:07:37,393 --> 00:07:38,777 are at war, 195 00:07:38,778 --> 00:07:42,147 each side attempting to kick down and replace the other. 196 00:07:42,148 --> 00:07:43,248 [Gunshot] 197 00:07:43,249 --> 00:07:44,866 The unmoving line between them 198 00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:47,219 is a campus-wide, fleece-laden strip 199 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:49,821 of pillow-to-pillow combat. 200 00:07:49,822 --> 00:07:50,939 [Grunts] 201 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,824 Narrator: Britta Perry attempts to capture 202 00:07:52,825 --> 00:07:55,377 the war's sublime indignities on film. 203 00:07:55,378 --> 00:07:57,445 Unfortunately for Britta 204 00:07:57,446 --> 00:07:59,114 and millions of photographers like her, 205 00:07:59,115 --> 00:08:01,666 just because something is in black and white 206 00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:03,919 doesn't mean it's good. 207 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,839 Rules are agreed upon, but casualties are inevitable. 208 00:08:09,124 --> 00:08:10,458 Narrator: Outside the science lab, 209 00:08:10,459 --> 00:08:12,210 at the Battle of Big Bulletin Board, 210 00:08:12,211 --> 00:08:14,462 Pierce Hawthorne suffers broken glasses, 211 00:08:14,463 --> 00:08:17,298 a hurt finger, and erectile dysfunction, 212 00:08:17,299 --> 00:08:19,734 which, in his words, had never happened ever 213 00:08:19,735 --> 00:08:20,819 before that battle. 214 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:21,970 [Gunshot] 215 00:08:21,971 --> 00:08:24,239 "Pillows, but no sleep. 216 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,324 "Feathers, but no birds. 217 00:08:26,325 --> 00:08:27,993 "Pajamas without children. 218 00:08:27,994 --> 00:08:29,611 "Violence without purpose. 219 00:08:29,612 --> 00:08:32,831 I saw mommy kissing Exxon Mobil." 220 00:08:32,832 --> 00:08:33,915 Amanda Johnson. 221 00:08:33,916 --> 00:08:37,485 Poet by choice, lesbian by birth. 222 00:08:37,486 --> 00:08:39,621 Narrator: Even Jeff Winger, who, before the war, 223 00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:43,291 lacked interest in it, has now found a leading role. 224 00:08:43,292 --> 00:08:45,126 Soldiers of Blanketsburg, 225 00:08:45,127 --> 00:08:47,762 we fight not because we want war. 226 00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:49,130 We fight, 227 00:08:49,131 --> 00:08:51,666 - that we might gain peace! - All: Yeah! 228 00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,184 Narrator: Winger's critics suggest 229 00:08:53,185 --> 00:08:56,137 he merely improvised hot-button patriotic dogma 230 00:08:56,138 --> 00:09:00,609 in a Ferris Bueller-ian attempt to delay schoolwork. 231 00:09:00,610 --> 00:09:02,777 Winger decries the accusation as, 232 00:09:02,778 --> 00:09:06,364 "A slanderous betrayal akin to 9/11." 233 00:09:06,365 --> 00:09:07,782 Later after the war, 234 00:09:07,783 --> 00:09:11,469 he would refer to the theory as "essentially accurate." 235 00:09:11,470 --> 00:09:13,622 Annie Edison provides humanitarian relief 236 00:09:13,623 --> 00:09:15,106 for both sides. 237 00:09:15,107 --> 00:09:18,126 Her text conversations with Jeff Winger give us a glimpse 238 00:09:18,127 --> 00:09:20,962 beneath the cushions of war to the lost pennies 239 00:09:20,963 --> 00:09:25,617 and grody q-tips of war's emotional toll. 240 00:09:25,618 --> 00:09:28,670 "Jeff, heard from one of Troy's soldiers about a speech 241 00:09:28,671 --> 00:09:30,388 "you gave to troops at the blanket fort. 242 00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:31,890 "Wish this war could be over. 243 00:09:31,891 --> 00:09:34,059 But proud of you for taking a stance." 244 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:35,243 Text message. 245 00:09:35,244 --> 00:09:36,928 Annie Edison. 246 00:09:36,929 --> 00:09:38,046 "Thank you, Annie. 247 00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:39,881 "I'm proud of you too and of us all. 248 00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:41,349 "Also with the nightmare would end. 249 00:09:41,350 --> 00:09:43,735 But using what I'm given to give what I can." 250 00:09:43,736 --> 00:09:45,053 Jeff Winger. 251 00:09:45,054 --> 00:09:46,905 "Jeff, just heard from one of Abed's soldiers 252 00:09:46,906 --> 00:09:49,223 "that you gave an identical speech to troops at Pillowtown. 253 00:09:49,224 --> 00:09:50,742 "WTF? Sad face. 254 00:09:50,743 --> 00:09:52,644 Special icon of a downward thumb." 255 00:09:52,645 --> 00:09:54,245 "Annie, okay, you caught me. 256 00:09:54,246 --> 00:09:55,947 "I prefer war to homework. 257 00:09:55,948 --> 00:09:57,532 "How do you do that little thumb icon? 258 00:09:57,533 --> 00:09:59,200 I can't find it on my phone." 259 00:09:59,201 --> 00:10:00,435 Jeff Winger. 260 00:10:00,436 --> 00:10:02,070 "Jeff, you're disgusting. 261 00:10:02,071 --> 00:10:04,255 "Troy and Abed's friendship is at stake. 262 00:10:04,256 --> 00:10:06,624 "You can buy special icons and packages at the app store. 263 00:10:06,625 --> 00:10:09,627 Piece of Sushi, birthday cake, stop sign, snowman, umbrella." 264 00:10:09,628 --> 00:10:11,029 Annie Edison. 265 00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:12,931 Narrator: Pierce Hawthorne, humiliated 266 00:10:12,932 --> 00:10:14,683 in the Battle of Big Bulletin Board, 267 00:10:14,684 --> 00:10:16,584 wants a chance to redeem himself. 268 00:10:16,585 --> 00:10:19,471 I'm working on something. Look at this. 269 00:10:21,256 --> 00:10:22,774 You can build this? 270 00:10:22,775 --> 00:10:24,859 [Chuckles] You just give me the pillows. 271 00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:27,428 I hope to God we'll never have to use it. 272 00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:28,980 Oh, me too. 273 00:10:28,981 --> 00:10:30,348 Narrator: Rumors of Hawthorne's weapon 274 00:10:30,349 --> 00:10:31,700 find their way to Troy. 275 00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:33,451 Troy Barnes will take no chances. 276 00:10:33,452 --> 00:10:37,055 He turns to Ben Chang, Greendale's chief of security, 277 00:10:37,056 --> 00:10:39,124 rumored to be literally psychotic, 278 00:10:39,125 --> 00:10:42,877 and who has been kept on the sidelines until this moment. 279 00:10:42,878 --> 00:10:44,829 [Calming music] 280 00:10:44,830 --> 00:10:46,631 [People screaming] 281 00:10:46,632 --> 00:10:48,116 [Rap music] 282 00:10:48,117 --> 00:10:50,001 ♪ Go, go, go ♪ 283 00:10:50,002 --> 00:10:51,703 ♪ I'm a killer, man ♪ 284 00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,304 Aah! 285 00:10:53,305 --> 00:10:54,956 Narrator: Chang has recruited an army 286 00:10:54,957 --> 00:10:57,225 of preteen security interns 287 00:10:57,226 --> 00:10:59,728 while moonlighting at a local Bar Mitzvah. 288 00:10:59,729 --> 00:11:03,131 They were later nicknamed "The Changlorious Basterds," 289 00:11:03,132 --> 00:11:05,133 like Inglourious Basterds, 290 00:11:05,134 --> 00:11:07,736 but with "Chang" instead of "In." 291 00:11:07,737 --> 00:11:09,304 I don't get it either. 292 00:11:09,305 --> 00:11:11,406 Most of the soldiers in this war 293 00:11:11,407 --> 00:11:13,858 hadn't fought with a pillow in years. 294 00:11:13,859 --> 00:11:15,693 These little bastards. 295 00:11:15,694 --> 00:11:17,929 Pillow fighting was a way of life for them. 296 00:11:17,930 --> 00:11:20,031 One of the interns said they were making necklaces 297 00:11:20,032 --> 00:11:21,499 out of mattress tags. 298 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:24,369 This is when things get as ugly as they can get... 299 00:11:24,370 --> 00:11:27,288 While still being a pillow fight. 300 00:11:27,289 --> 00:11:28,656 "Crazy war, huh? 301 00:11:28,657 --> 00:11:31,042 "I heard Chang's kids are really ducking stuff up. 302 00:11:31,043 --> 00:11:33,044 "Hey, check it out. I downloaded that thing. 303 00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:35,947 "Birthday cake, birthday cake, unicorn, woman's shoe. 304 00:11:35,948 --> 00:11:36,948 How's the nurse thing going?" 305 00:11:36,949 --> 00:11:39,501 No response. 306 00:11:39,502 --> 00:11:41,770 - [Sobbing] - You guys like pillows? 307 00:11:41,771 --> 00:11:43,138 How do you like these pillows? 308 00:11:43,139 --> 00:11:45,774 Narrator: The Changlorious Basterds have turned the war 309 00:11:45,775 --> 00:11:48,843 into a chaotic sea of high-thread-count terror. 310 00:11:48,844 --> 00:11:50,979 Under advice from his top general, 311 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:54,682 Abed sees no choice but to unleash his doomsday device. 312 00:11:54,683 --> 00:11:56,684 [Indistinct shouting] 313 00:11:59,738 --> 00:12:02,740 You're going to die, you little [bleep] bastards! 314 00:12:02,741 --> 00:12:04,358 What the heck is that? 315 00:12:04,359 --> 00:12:06,461 Narrator: He is part man, part pillow... 316 00:12:06,462 --> 00:12:10,048 All carnage. 317 00:12:10,049 --> 00:12:11,049 [Screaming] 318 00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:13,084 Pierce Hawthorne has transformed himself 319 00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:16,754 into an unstoppably plush juggernaut. 320 00:12:16,755 --> 00:12:18,890 Guys, guys, let's retreat. Go, go! 321 00:12:18,891 --> 00:12:21,709 "The war won't stop with First Blood part II. 322 00:12:21,710 --> 00:12:24,112 "It will escalate to Rambo III, which should really be called 323 00:12:24,113 --> 00:12:26,047 "Rambo II: First Blood part III. 324 00:12:26,048 --> 00:12:28,082 "But the Rambo titles never made sense. 325 00:12:28,083 --> 00:12:29,801 And neither does war." 326 00:12:29,802 --> 00:12:31,102 Abed Nadir. 327 00:12:31,103 --> 00:12:33,304 Facebook status update. 328 00:12:33,305 --> 00:12:35,273 Leonard likes this post. 329 00:12:43,039 --> 00:12:44,473 Why are you ignoring me? 330 00:12:44,474 --> 00:12:45,658 What's the point of talking to you? 331 00:12:45,659 --> 00:12:47,026 Your words don't mean anything. 332 00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,844 They're just things you say to get what you want. 333 00:12:48,845 --> 00:12:51,697 Well, that's what conversation is, Annie. 334 00:12:51,698 --> 00:12:53,649 People saying things to get stuff. 335 00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:55,300 Then maybe you should just shut up. 336 00:12:55,301 --> 00:12:57,286 Do you ever just... 337 00:12:57,287 --> 00:12:59,355 Write stuff down in a journal, Jeff? 338 00:12:59,356 --> 00:13:02,057 One you don't show people or use to get anything with? 339 00:13:02,058 --> 00:13:04,293 A place that's just for you to... 340 00:13:04,294 --> 00:13:05,594 Sort out the truth? 341 00:13:05,595 --> 00:13:06,845 If I write stuff down in a Hello Kitty book, 342 00:13:06,846 --> 00:13:09,048 will you like me again? 343 00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,132 [Sighs] 344 00:13:10,133 --> 00:13:12,685 I'm taking that as yes. 345 00:13:12,686 --> 00:13:14,970 Narrator: The war brings out the worst in people. 346 00:13:14,971 --> 00:13:18,223 Worse yet, Troy's forces intercept an e-mail 347 00:13:18,224 --> 00:13:20,275 written by Abed to his commanders, 348 00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:22,428 outlining Troy's weaknesses. 349 00:13:22,429 --> 00:13:24,780 "Troy will hold on until he is broken emotionally. 350 00:13:24,781 --> 00:13:26,448 "Fortunately, this will not be hard. 351 00:13:26,449 --> 00:13:28,183 "He gets distracted by loud noises, 352 00:13:28,184 --> 00:13:30,586 "the color red, smooth jazz, shiny things 353 00:13:30,587 --> 00:13:32,654 "food smells, music boxes, bellbottoms, 354 00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:35,424 "boobs, barking dogs, and anyone saying, "Look over there!" 355 00:13:35,425 --> 00:13:37,793 "He's insecure about his level of intelligence. 356 00:13:37,794 --> 00:13:40,329 "His greatest vulnerability of all is his emotional frailty. 357 00:13:40,330 --> 00:13:42,047 "It's incredibly easy to make him cry. 358 00:13:42,048 --> 00:13:43,766 And he's incredibly ashamed of that fact." 359 00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:45,050 Get away! 360 00:13:45,051 --> 00:13:46,301 Narrator: Unfortunately, the only photographer there 361 00:13:46,302 --> 00:13:48,670 to capture the scene is Britta Perry. 362 00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:51,073 [Camera snaps] Yeah, gee. 363 00:13:51,074 --> 00:13:52,658 There's a good one. 364 00:13:52,659 --> 00:13:54,426 Pictured here lying down, 365 00:13:54,427 --> 00:13:57,846 Troy's does not take Abed's e-mail lying down. 366 00:13:57,847 --> 00:14:00,265 "Hey, dick. Read your dumb e-mail. 367 00:14:00,266 --> 00:14:02,267 "Really enjoyed it. Guess what? 368 00:14:02,268 --> 00:14:03,652 "You may have been my best friend, 369 00:14:03,653 --> 00:14:05,571 "but we both know I was your first friend. 370 00:14:05,572 --> 00:14:07,122 "And what I know but you don't know 371 00:14:07,123 --> 00:14:08,524 "because you have mental issues 372 00:14:08,525 --> 00:14:10,492 "is that you're never going to have another friend. 373 00:14:10,493 --> 00:14:13,495 "Because... all caps... nobody else will ever have 374 00:14:13,496 --> 00:14:15,080 my patience with you." 375 00:14:15,081 --> 00:14:18,584 Troy Barnes. Four-part text message. 376 00:14:18,585 --> 00:14:20,102 Word got around these two 377 00:14:20,103 --> 00:14:22,704 were now hurting each other's feelings. 378 00:14:22,705 --> 00:14:25,557 And I thought about what Annie said, 379 00:14:25,558 --> 00:14:27,042 and then I thought about 380 00:14:27,043 --> 00:14:29,745 what I might do to make things right. 381 00:14:29,746 --> 00:14:31,847 Narrator: At 8:00 P.M. of the second night, 382 00:14:31,848 --> 00:14:34,249 both sides are honoring an agreed upon cease-fire 383 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:36,802 so that the infantry can watch the hit TV show 384 00:14:36,803 --> 00:14:38,403 Ski, Shoot, Sing, 385 00:14:38,404 --> 00:14:41,356 a combination biathlon singing competition, 386 00:14:41,357 --> 00:14:43,308 which was no fun to watch time-shifted 387 00:14:43,309 --> 00:14:45,644 because then you'd be the last to know who won. 388 00:14:45,645 --> 00:14:47,179 During the cease-fire, 389 00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:50,566 Jeff summons Troy and Abed to a secret summit meeting. 390 00:14:50,567 --> 00:14:52,434 - This has to stop. - Tell him. 391 00:14:52,435 --> 00:14:53,535 Me? What about your e-mail? 392 00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:54,820 You weren't supposed to see that. 393 00:14:54,821 --> 00:14:55,904 You weren't supposed to think those things. 394 00:14:55,905 --> 00:14:58,273 Guys, look at yourselves. 395 00:14:58,274 --> 00:14:59,992 You didn't used to be like this. 396 00:14:59,993 --> 00:15:03,695 You were Troy and Abed. Things used to be easy. 397 00:15:03,696 --> 00:15:05,530 He's right. 398 00:15:05,531 --> 00:15:07,916 Our friendship is dead. What? 399 00:15:07,917 --> 00:15:09,668 Yeah, I think we should agree right now 400 00:15:09,669 --> 00:15:12,304 that whoever wins this war can stay in the apartment. 401 00:15:12,305 --> 00:15:13,872 Loser has to find a new place. 402 00:15:13,873 --> 00:15:16,875 Agreed. 403 00:15:19,145 --> 00:15:21,763 Uh, I wanted that to go different. 404 00:15:21,764 --> 00:15:25,417 [Dramatic music] 405 00:15:25,418 --> 00:15:27,269 Narrator: The North Cafeteria, 406 00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:29,188 named after admiral William North, 407 00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:32,207 is located in the western portion of East Hall, 408 00:15:32,208 --> 00:15:34,393 gateway to the western half of North Hall, 409 00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:36,445 which is named not after William North, 410 00:15:36,446 --> 00:15:38,881 but for its position above the South Wall. 411 00:15:38,882 --> 00:15:41,566 It is the most contested and confusing battlefield 412 00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:42,985 on Greendale's campus, 413 00:15:42,986 --> 00:15:45,170 next to the English Memorial Spanish Center, 414 00:15:45,171 --> 00:15:47,089 named after English Memorial, 415 00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:49,458 a portuguese sailor that discovered Greendale 416 00:15:49,459 --> 00:15:52,377 while looking for a fountain that cured syphilis. 417 00:15:52,378 --> 00:15:55,931 In a fit of hurt feelings, Troy redirects most of his infantry 418 00:15:55,932 --> 00:15:57,182 to the Cafeteria. 419 00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:59,384 They arrive at the same time 420 00:15:59,385 --> 00:16:01,770 as 100 Pillowtown troops. 421 00:16:05,391 --> 00:16:10,229 Just after dawn, the end of the war begins. 422 00:16:10,230 --> 00:16:13,398 [Overlapping shouting] 423 00:16:13,399 --> 00:16:16,401 [Somber music] 424 00:16:16,402 --> 00:16:20,956 ♪ ♪ 425 00:16:25,278 --> 00:16:28,780 [Cackling] 426 00:16:28,781 --> 00:16:30,381 ♪ ♪ 427 00:16:34,754 --> 00:16:36,889 Aah! Okay, I'm out. 428 00:16:36,890 --> 00:16:38,590 [Grunts] I'm dead, I'm dead. 429 00:16:38,591 --> 00:16:40,008 I'm dead. I'm dead. 430 00:16:40,009 --> 00:16:42,578 ♪ ♪ 431 00:16:42,579 --> 00:16:45,581 [Heroic music] 432 00:16:45,582 --> 00:16:47,182 ♪ ♪ 433 00:17:09,005 --> 00:17:13,959 [Whistle blowing] 434 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,093 Well, that's it. 435 00:17:15,094 --> 00:17:16,762 I just heard from the Guinness rep. 436 00:17:16,763 --> 00:17:17,846 He's not coming. 437 00:17:17,847 --> 00:17:20,165 He's been fired, in what he described 438 00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:22,167 as the world's biggest mistake. 439 00:17:22,168 --> 00:17:24,686 I doubt that will make the next edition. 440 00:17:24,687 --> 00:17:25,971 Anyway, it's over. 441 00:17:25,972 --> 00:17:30,675 What a colossal waste of 2 1/2 days. 442 00:17:30,676 --> 00:17:33,812 Narrator: The war has no more reason to continue, 443 00:17:33,813 --> 00:17:38,350 and yet it does between the two that began it. 444 00:17:38,351 --> 00:17:40,569 They just kept fighting. 445 00:17:40,570 --> 00:17:45,574 Like, for hours. 446 00:17:45,575 --> 00:17:46,575 Come on, guys. Let's wrap this up. 447 00:17:46,576 --> 00:17:47,576 I don't want to. 448 00:17:47,577 --> 00:17:49,111 - Me neither. - Why not? 449 00:17:49,112 --> 00:17:50,862 This is going to be the last thing we ever do together. 450 00:17:50,863 --> 00:17:52,530 We can't stop. 451 00:17:52,531 --> 00:17:55,033 Doesn't that kind of solve your problem? 452 00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:56,918 The realization that you like each other so much, 453 00:17:56,919 --> 00:18:00,538 you'd hit each other with pillows forever? 454 00:18:00,539 --> 00:18:03,258 Knowing that doesn't feel like enough anymore. 455 00:18:03,259 --> 00:18:04,926 Yeah. We're grown-ups now. 456 00:18:04,927 --> 00:18:05,961 We have grown-up problems. 457 00:18:05,962 --> 00:18:09,298 That's very clear. 458 00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:11,900 Unless... 459 00:18:11,901 --> 00:18:14,670 You use those magical friendship hats that I got for you. 460 00:18:14,671 --> 00:18:17,055 We're not stupid, Jeffrey. 461 00:18:17,056 --> 00:18:18,607 We know you made those sarcastically. 462 00:18:18,608 --> 00:18:19,775 Yes, yes. 463 00:18:19,776 --> 00:18:21,743 And I will roll my eyes at both of you 464 00:18:21,744 --> 00:18:25,897 when I put them on your heads because that's the way I am. 465 00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:30,085 But that's not the way you have to be. 466 00:18:38,211 --> 00:18:39,411 We might be interested. 467 00:18:39,412 --> 00:18:42,914 Okay, then. 468 00:18:42,915 --> 00:18:45,050 Here's your magical Friendship Hat, and... 469 00:18:45,051 --> 00:18:47,135 - Jeff. - What? 470 00:18:47,136 --> 00:18:48,720 You left the magical Friendship Hats 471 00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:51,089 at the Dean's office. 472 00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:52,224 Right. 473 00:18:52,225 --> 00:18:55,110 Of course. I'll go get them. 474 00:18:55,111 --> 00:18:56,428 So Jeff went out, 475 00:18:56,429 --> 00:18:58,397 and he stayed out long enough to make them believe 476 00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,449 he had gone back to the office. 477 00:19:00,450 --> 00:19:02,501 That was a nice touch. [Laughs] 478 00:19:05,905 --> 00:19:08,323 There you go. 479 00:19:08,324 --> 00:19:11,660 Lucky no one grabbed them, huh? 480 00:19:14,664 --> 00:19:15,831 [Camera snaps] 481 00:19:15,832 --> 00:19:17,366 Narrator: Britta Perry is there to immortalize 482 00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,134 the moment on film... 483 00:19:19,135 --> 00:19:21,970 Accidentally while trying to get a picture of the light 484 00:19:21,971 --> 00:19:24,306 hitting a stack of nearby waffles. 485 00:19:24,307 --> 00:19:25,974 Pierce, take that off. 486 00:19:25,975 --> 00:19:28,093 I can't hear you! Your cheeks are in the way. 487 00:19:28,094 --> 00:19:29,895 First entry in my stupid journal. 488 00:19:29,896 --> 00:19:32,814 Today I had to run and get two imaginary Friendship Hats 489 00:19:32,815 --> 00:19:34,015 from an office. 490 00:19:34,016 --> 00:19:35,517 I could've just walked around the corner 491 00:19:35,518 --> 00:19:37,552 and the come back, but for some reason, 492 00:19:37,553 --> 00:19:39,071 I actually went all the way back 493 00:19:39,072 --> 00:19:40,638 to where they were supposed to be. 494 00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:42,774 One was crumpled up a bit. That was Troy's. 495 00:19:42,775 --> 00:19:45,077 The other was just a little dusty. That was Abed's. 496 00:19:45,078 --> 00:19:48,230 I fixed them up even though I was the only one watching 497 00:19:48,231 --> 00:19:50,482 because I settled on a truth today 498 00:19:50,483 --> 00:19:52,167 that's always going to be true. 499 00:19:52,168 --> 00:19:54,819 I would do anything for my friends, 500 00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:57,205 which I think is how everyone in the world feels, 501 00:19:57,206 --> 00:20:00,208 which finally makes me understand war. 502 00:20:01,961 --> 00:20:04,930 Guys... 503 00:20:04,931 --> 00:20:06,598 I wasn't going to show this to anyone, 504 00:20:06,599 --> 00:20:08,683 but, uh, it's pretty profound. 505 00:20:08,684 --> 00:20:10,519 I kind of nailed it. 506 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,271 If you want, I can read it in the documentary. 507 00:20:13,272 --> 00:20:15,006 That is, unless you get Tom Hanks. 508 00:20:15,007 --> 00:20:16,191 Narrator: We tried to get Tom Hanks, 509 00:20:16,192 --> 00:20:17,509 but he's too expensive. 510 00:20:17,510 --> 00:20:20,395 So we used the people involved for their own voiceover. 511 00:20:20,396 --> 00:20:22,230 Yeah, and I nailed that too. 512 00:20:22,231 --> 00:20:23,532 Narrator: Why are you here at the same time as me? 513 00:20:23,533 --> 00:20:24,682 Tight schedule. 514 00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:27,519 - Hey, were you in The Cape? - No. 515 00:20:30,057 --> 00:20:31,057 [Phone rings] Wow. 516 00:20:31,058 --> 00:20:32,508 - Mm. - I've got goosebumps. 517 00:20:32,509 --> 00:20:33,726 Me too. Such a great story. 518 00:20:33,727 --> 00:20:35,344 I was on the edge of my seat, and I was in it. 519 00:20:35,345 --> 00:20:36,812 You want to know what struck me while I was watching 520 00:20:36,813 --> 00:20:38,230 - that marvelous documentary? - Hmm? 521 00:20:38,231 --> 00:20:39,799 You can't get quality programming like that 522 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,534 anywhere else but right here on Greendale Campus Television. 523 00:20:41,535 --> 00:20:43,319 Just thinking that same thing. 524 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,371 You can't get Troy and Abed: Pillows and Blankets. 525 00:20:45,372 --> 00:20:46,789 Or any of these other great specials, 526 00:20:46,790 --> 00:20:48,591 like Craig Pelton: A Year in Paris. 527 00:20:48,592 --> 00:20:50,993 From Labs to Riches: The Annie's Boobs Story 528 00:20:50,994 --> 00:20:52,528 or That's Enter-Chang-Ment. 529 00:20:52,529 --> 00:20:55,331 Folks, we know you hate these constant pledge drives. 530 00:20:55,332 --> 00:20:56,665 We know you hate them. We don't love doing them. 531 00:20:56,666 --> 00:20:57,833 We don't like doing them either. 532 00:20:57,834 --> 00:20:59,469 - I'd rather be at home right now. - Mm-hmm. 533 00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:01,797 Okay, taking a warm bath with my wife. 534 00:21:02,764 --> 00:21:05,016 But if you want to help us out, 535 00:21:05,017 --> 00:21:06,798 if you want to help Greendale Campus Television 536 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,630 to stay on the air, keep the lights on. 537 00:21:08,631 --> 00:21:10,986 We are literally this close to losing our...