1
00:00:00,695 --> 00:00:02,068
Hey there, business lady.
2
00:00:02,188 --> 00:00:03,372
How's your business lady
trip going?
3
00:00:03,407 --> 00:00:05,903
Sweet, actually.
We had some good meetings--
4
00:00:06,023 --> 00:00:07,330
Hey, listen, um...
5
00:00:07,876 --> 00:00:10,305
Do you want to
get into a sexy Skype?
6
00:00:10,649 --> 00:00:14,035
Why spend 16.95 for hotel room
porn with strangers
7
00:00:14,069 --> 00:00:15,653
when you can pay nothing
8
00:00:15,704 --> 00:00:18,786
for this?
Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:18,906 --> 00:00:20,239
- Chris--
- It's all in your room--
10
00:00:20,273 --> 00:00:21,708
- Don't. I can't.
- Knock, knock, knock.
11
00:00:21,742 --> 00:00:22,648
- Reagan.
- Yes.
12
00:00:22,768 --> 00:00:23,989
Don't tell me you're
done drinking, are ya?
13
00:00:24,206 --> 00:00:26,174
There's a dude in your room.
That's fun.
14
00:00:26,208 --> 00:00:29,093
- Hey, dude.
- 'Sup, Luke?
15
00:00:29,128 --> 00:00:30,628
Hey, what's with
the unbutton shirt, man?
16
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:32,830
You guys about to get
compu-sexy in here?
17
00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:34,599
Uh, no, it's--
[Chuckles]
18
00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:36,500
It's a classic
goof around--
19
00:00:36,518 --> 00:00:38,720
Do you mind just moving a little
bit so I can see Reagan?
20
00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:40,805
Listen, I'm gonna have to
call you tomorrow. I love you.
21
00:00:40,839 --> 00:00:43,591
- I love you.
- All right. Bye.
22
00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:50,481
- Yes, honey?
- Hey, I'm sorry, babe.
23
00:00:50,515 --> 00:00:51,566
I just, um...
24
00:00:51,617 --> 00:00:54,185
In the last, I-I said,
"I love you,"
25
00:00:54,203 --> 00:00:55,787
and then I don't know
if you got cut off...
26
00:00:55,821 --> 00:00:57,021
Nope. That was it.
27
00:00:57,039 --> 00:00:58,206
I had already said,
"I love you,"
28
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,858
you said, "I love you,"
and that was the end.
29
00:01:00,876 --> 00:01:02,710
Is-and is Luke still there?
30
00:01:02,745 --> 00:01:04,462
- Yeah.
- He's still here.
31
00:01:04,496 --> 00:01:09,700
Still there! Bye!
Rock on! Classico Lukie.
32
00:01:09,718 --> 00:01:11,085
What is that?
33
00:01:11,136 --> 00:01:14,138
[Upbeat music]
34
00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:24,323
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
35
00:01:25,401 --> 00:01:27,652
[Baby giggles]
36
00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:31,388
Hi!
37
00:01:31,407 --> 00:01:32,990
Welcome back.
How was the meeting?
38
00:01:33,025 --> 00:01:34,609
Luke and I really wowed Yvonne.
39
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:36,494
- Yeah?
- Yeah, we had fun.
40
00:01:36,528 --> 00:01:38,246
I-I no longer classify him
as a total turd.
41
00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:40,748
Good.
44
00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:47,889
For literacy.
45
00:01:47,923 --> 00:01:48,890
To be honest,
when I first agreed
46
00:01:48,924 --> 00:01:50,674
to sponsor and run
in this event,
47
00:01:50,692 --> 00:01:53,394
I was not super-aware
of what a "k" was.
48
00:01:53,445 --> 00:01:54,729
I know.
49
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:57,365
But I stuck with it.
And I'm in good shape now.
50
00:01:57,399 --> 00:01:59,784
And I think that's
going to inspire my audience.
51
00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:00,952
Good.
52
00:02:00,986 --> 00:02:02,703
Don't kill the messenger,
53
00:02:02,738 --> 00:02:06,207
but I have something
to show you.
54
00:02:06,241 --> 00:02:08,459
I'm sure you've all heard
55
00:02:08,494 --> 00:02:12,213
of my best gal pal Ava's
10k run for literacy,
56
00:02:12,247 --> 00:02:15,082
well, I think it is so cute
57
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:16,934
that she wants
to inspire people.
58
00:02:16,969 --> 00:02:18,369
Well, guess who's inspired.
59
00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:19,870
- I am.
- Oh, jeez.
60
00:02:19,888 --> 00:02:22,590
[Audience cheers and applauds]
Ava, I am entering your race,
61
00:02:22,641 --> 00:02:26,561
and I am challenging you,
so you better get ready, girl.
62
00:02:26,595 --> 00:02:30,231
That former fatty wants to
show me up at my own game.
63
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:32,600
You cannot
let Shayna upstage you.
64
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:33,851
You're right.
65
00:02:33,885 --> 00:02:36,604
I'm calling Gideon Kirk,
trainer to the stars.
66
00:02:36,655 --> 00:02:38,389
But you only have two days.
67
00:02:38,407 --> 00:02:39,857
Gideon works miracles.
68
00:02:39,891 --> 00:02:41,392
Over the years,
he's helped Oprah
69
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:45,112
lose a total of 16,000 pounds.
70
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:47,231
All right, honey,
I'm off to black market grill.
71
00:02:47,249 --> 00:02:48,282
Luke and I are gonna go finish
72
00:02:48,333 --> 00:02:49,450
that presentation
for Yvonne, so...
73
00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:51,068
Well, have fun with--
74
00:02:51,086 --> 00:02:53,254
with Luke and the whole gang.
75
00:02:53,288 --> 00:02:54,505
It's just gonna
be the two of us.
76
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,257
- No, I know.
- Good-bye. I love you.
77
00:02:56,291 --> 00:02:57,608
Black market?
78
00:02:57,643 --> 00:03:00,261
I would love for gene
to take me a place like that.
79
00:03:00,295 --> 00:03:02,180
- Bye, guys.
- Bye!
80
00:03:02,214 --> 00:03:04,599
I'd need to get a crowbar
to pry his wallet open.
81
00:03:04,633 --> 00:03:07,685
[Laughs] He's got a good heart.
82
00:03:07,719 --> 00:03:09,937
He's actually
on blood thinners.
83
00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:11,973
I just--
that is bothering me.
84
00:03:12,024 --> 00:03:13,007
She's spent a lot of time
85
00:03:13,041 --> 00:03:14,091
hanging out
alone with that dude,
86
00:03:14,126 --> 00:03:15,593
and I don't know,
I'm just--
87
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,361
It's making me
a little uncomfortable.
88
00:03:17,396 --> 00:03:20,014
You and Reagan
should be able to talk about it.
89
00:03:20,048 --> 00:03:22,366
Sonia and I have been
having a little dialogue
90
00:03:22,401 --> 00:03:25,119
about boundaries
at our couple's therapy.
91
00:03:25,153 --> 00:03:26,454
"Boundaries"--
it's so clinical,
92
00:03:26,488 --> 00:03:28,155
it makes it seem
as though there's a--
93
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:29,707
there's a problem,
which there is not.
94
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:31,742
Well, we found it
to be helpful.
95
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,611
I didn't like it
when Sonia carpooled
96
00:03:33,629 --> 00:03:35,746
with one of her
attractive coworkers.
97
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:37,882
I set that boundary,
and she stopped.
98
00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:38,883
That sounds great, man.
99
00:03:38,917 --> 00:03:40,051
It is great.
100
00:03:40,085 --> 00:03:41,752
I did fail to be explicit
101
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:45,590
that she not have intercourse
with him, and that's on me.
102
00:03:45,624 --> 00:03:47,925
She's cheating on you, dude?
103
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,595
Mm. It was painful.
104
00:03:50,629 --> 00:03:52,013
The only good news
is that I'm on
105
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,015
a lot of antidepressants
right now
106
00:03:54,066 --> 00:03:55,683
that are dulling my emotions.
107
00:03:55,717 --> 00:03:59,803
I was just watching
a news special on Haiti.
108
00:03:59,821 --> 00:04:01,572
It's sad. Right?
109
00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,974
You commit your life
to a person,
110
00:04:03,992 --> 00:04:05,610
you think you know them,
111
00:04:05,644 --> 00:04:07,778
but can you ever
really know somebody?
112
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:09,580
Right on, sister.
113
00:04:09,615 --> 00:04:12,383
- I mean, can we get real?
- Yeah, we can.
114
00:04:12,417 --> 00:04:14,201
I'm sorry,
please do not get real.
115
00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:16,704
I-I completely
trust Reagan, okay?
116
00:04:16,738 --> 00:04:18,272
But can you trust Luke?
117
00:04:18,307 --> 00:04:21,676
Yeah, that Luke seems like
some fishy business, hon.
118
00:04:21,710 --> 00:04:24,211
Does seem like fishy business.
119
00:04:24,246 --> 00:04:26,547
- [Groans]
- Oh, you're pathetic.
120
00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:28,182
You are the most out-of-shape
talk show host
121
00:04:28,216 --> 00:04:31,686
I've ever seen in my life!
122
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:32,937
When's this race?
123
00:04:32,971 --> 00:04:35,022
- Tomorrow!
- You're weak.
124
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,223
You're like a hammock
made out of noodles
125
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:37,475
or something like that.
126
00:04:37,509 --> 00:04:38,476
Come on, 30 push-ups.
[Blows whistle]
127
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:39,477
30?
128
00:04:39,511 --> 00:04:40,778
Come on.
With the clap.
129
00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:42,846
With the--
130
00:04:42,864 --> 00:04:45,116
Clap like you're
at a Don Henley concert.
131
00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:46,901
Yay!
[Clapping]
132
00:04:46,952 --> 00:04:48,653
[Groans]
133
00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:49,737
Come on.
134
00:04:49,788 --> 00:04:50,738
Push like
you're pushing your way
135
00:04:50,789 --> 00:04:52,323
to the front row
at a Don Henley concert.
136
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:54,825
Are you saying "Don Henley"
like Don Henley of the Eagles?
137
00:04:54,859 --> 00:04:56,327
Nah, screw the Eagles.
They're pansies. Come on.
138
00:04:56,361 --> 00:04:57,962
Fight!
Fight like you're fighting
139
00:04:57,996 --> 00:04:59,246
for the new Don Henley CD
140
00:04:59,281 --> 00:05:00,581
at an electronics store.
What?
141
00:05:00,616 --> 00:05:03,567
Look at your buttocks.
They're not like globes.
142
00:05:03,602 --> 00:05:05,252
Shoulda seen Phil Donahue
in the '80s.
143
00:05:05,287 --> 00:05:07,488
His buttocks--
they were like globes.
144
00:05:07,522 --> 00:05:09,340
I'm coming for you,
Shayna Mund!
145
00:05:09,374 --> 00:05:11,559
You know Shay Shay?
146
00:05:11,593 --> 00:05:13,010
You know Shay Shay?
147
00:05:13,044 --> 00:05:14,261
I train her.
148
00:05:14,296 --> 00:05:16,097
- You do?
- [Chuckles] Yeah.
149
00:05:16,148 --> 00:05:17,848
She's in the best shape
she's ever been in her life.
150
00:05:17,883 --> 00:05:20,151
Her buttocks--
they are like...
151
00:05:20,185 --> 00:05:22,086
- I-I wanna say, uh...
- Like globes?
152
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,321
Like globes.
153
00:05:23,355 --> 00:05:26,107
Tell me to my face,
Gideon Kirk.
154
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:28,476
Can I beat her?
155
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,871
No.
156
00:05:40,905 --> 00:05:44,925
So for the conference call
on Monday with Yvonne,
157
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,094
why don't you take the lead,
158
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,612
and then I'll jump in
when you get
159
00:05:48,647 --> 00:05:50,598
- all sputter-y and repeat-y.
- Whoa.
160
00:05:50,632 --> 00:05:52,466
Phone conferencing
is, like, my thing.
161
00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:53,584
That's what I do, really.
162
00:05:53,602 --> 00:05:55,269
Whoa, I-I said no pickles,
163
00:05:55,303 --> 00:05:57,087
so I'm gonna need you
to remove those pickles,
164
00:05:57,105 --> 00:05:59,023
and I'm gonna need
a new plate, thanks.
165
00:05:59,057 --> 00:06:01,275
And also if you could
get rid of her pickles too.
166
00:06:01,309 --> 00:06:02,560
What? No. Hold a--
167
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:05,146
No, wait a minute.
I'm starving. Gimme those.
168
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,397
You're weird.
169
00:06:06,431 --> 00:06:08,649
I just have a...
pickle phobia.
170
00:06:08,684 --> 00:06:10,618
Okay, it's a vegetable.
171
00:06:10,652 --> 00:06:12,703
Pickling extends
the life of a vegetable
172
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:14,622
well beyond what God intended.
173
00:06:14,656 --> 00:06:16,540
- [Laughs]
- Where are they?
174
00:06:16,575 --> 00:06:19,243
Here. Grab that menu.
Put your menu up.
175
00:06:19,277 --> 00:06:20,711
- Oh, God. There's a pickle.
- Oh!
176
00:06:20,746 --> 00:06:22,997
[Laughs]
177
00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:24,165
Oh, great, look.
He made her laugh.
178
00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:25,299
Good for Luke.
That's good.
179
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:27,418
Oh. Mini food fight.
That's cute.
180
00:06:27,452 --> 00:06:29,387
I'm not crazy, right?
He's totally into her.
181
00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:31,756
If I wasn't chemically
lobotomized right now,
182
00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:33,224
I'd really feel for you.
183
00:06:33,258 --> 00:06:36,761
Hey, does this look
appropriately sad?
184
00:06:36,795 --> 00:06:40,431
Wait, I can get even sadder.
185
00:06:40,465 --> 00:06:42,650
- Something for you.
- Oh! Very nice of you.
186
00:06:42,684 --> 00:06:43,984
Did he just
hand her a gift bag?
187
00:06:44,019 --> 00:06:45,152
No, man, that's a line crosser.
188
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:46,237
I'm sorry,
I gotta say something.
189
00:06:46,271 --> 00:06:48,856
Bro, don't react emotionally.
190
00:06:48,907 --> 00:06:51,975
It'll make you look weak
and unattractive.
191
00:06:51,993 --> 00:06:55,196
Worst thing I ever did
was accuse my wife of cheating.
192
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:57,364
- But she was.
- She was, indeed.
193
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,483
Now, come on, buddy.
We gotta haul ass.
194
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,001
I'm late for meeting
my side piece.
195
00:07:01,036 --> 00:07:03,821
- You're cheating on your wife?
- I'm in the retaliation stage.
196
00:07:07,663 --> 00:07:09,381
- Hey.
- Hi.
197
00:07:09,432 --> 00:07:11,199
- How was work?
- Good.
198
00:07:11,234 --> 00:07:12,551
Long slog?
199
00:07:12,585 --> 00:07:14,936
Yeah, we got
a lot done today, actually.
200
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:16,521
What you got there?
A little gift bag?
201
00:07:16,556 --> 00:07:18,723
Uh, yeah, yeah.
He got me a little present.
202
00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:20,642
It's an antique snuff box.
203
00:07:20,676 --> 00:07:22,694
I'd pointed one out
when we were in Chinatown.
204
00:07:22,728 --> 00:07:24,112
- Nice.
- Oh.
205
00:07:24,146 --> 00:07:26,248
Nice like when you're
on a walk, window shopping,
206
00:07:26,282 --> 00:07:27,249
kind of walking together...
207
00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:29,034
Where should we put it?
208
00:07:29,068 --> 00:07:30,035
I'm always buying
stuff like that
209
00:07:30,069 --> 00:07:31,536
for my bros
that I play hockey with.
210
00:07:31,571 --> 00:07:34,539
And also women
that I don't want to sleep with.
211
00:07:34,574 --> 00:07:36,241
Okay, what's with
the attitude, honey?
212
00:07:36,275 --> 00:07:37,726
He's totally into you.
213
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,494
- Luke?
- Yeah.
214
00:07:39,528 --> 00:07:42,414
[Laughs] Okay.
You are craze-balls.
215
00:07:42,465 --> 00:07:43,965
The guy was in your hotel room.
216
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,083
He took you out to dinner,
217
00:07:45,134 --> 00:07:46,668
and then he gave you
this romantic gift?
218
00:07:46,702 --> 00:07:48,202
Luke is cool, okay?
219
00:07:48,221 --> 00:07:50,589
We're finally getting along.
That's a good thing.
220
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,558
I f--
221
00:07:53,593 --> 00:07:55,093
I forbid you from seeing him.
222
00:07:55,127 --> 00:07:58,763
[Laughs]
223
00:07:58,814 --> 00:08:00,315
You forbid me?
224
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:02,434
I am--I am forboden
right now?
225
00:08:02,468 --> 00:08:04,152
No, honey,
226
00:08:04,186 --> 00:08:05,437
if you want to have
your paranoid fantasies,
227
00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:06,821
do them in your sleep.
228
00:08:06,856 --> 00:08:08,907
'Cause we need to get rest
for the 10k tomorrow.
229
00:08:08,941 --> 00:08:11,126
Okay?
230
00:08:18,451 --> 00:08:20,452
[Porcelain shatters]
231
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:23,455
Hey, what--
232
00:08:23,506 --> 00:08:27,375
It fell.
233
00:08:28,678 --> 00:08:30,378
Hmm.
234
00:08:30,412 --> 00:08:34,266
Ava Alexander.
235
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,768
Shayna Mund.
You look fantastic.
236
00:08:36,802 --> 00:08:40,055
I can pick up a Kennedy
half-dollar with my buns.
237
00:08:40,089 --> 00:08:43,558
I can write a check with mine,
but who writes checks anymore?
238
00:08:43,592 --> 00:08:45,277
What the hell am I doing here?
239
00:08:45,311 --> 00:08:47,529
I just want to talk
about the race.
240
00:08:47,563 --> 00:08:49,648
I want to make sure
we both do our best
241
00:08:49,699 --> 00:08:52,100
to inspire our audiences.
242
00:08:52,118 --> 00:08:53,735
Would you like some dinner?
243
00:08:53,769 --> 00:08:54,903
I knew it.
244
00:08:54,937 --> 00:08:56,655
You know
I'm a compulsive eater.
245
00:08:56,706 --> 00:08:58,540
You just want to fatten me up.
246
00:08:58,574 --> 00:09:01,442
Well, sabotage
is not on the menu.
247
00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:02,460
Shayna,
248
00:09:02,495 --> 00:09:05,046
I made us both
mixed green salads.
249
00:09:05,081 --> 00:09:06,748
Oh.
250
00:09:10,586 --> 00:09:12,887
I know how hard
we've both worked,
251
00:09:12,922 --> 00:09:16,007
and I would never
want to sabotage you.
252
00:09:16,042 --> 00:09:19,728
That's why I kept the fresh clam
jambalaya on the stove.
253
00:09:19,762 --> 00:09:23,498
Far, far away from your mouth.
254
00:09:23,532 --> 00:09:26,167
I know it's your favorite.
255
00:09:26,202 --> 00:09:27,952
Oh, I am so rude.
256
00:09:27,987 --> 00:09:30,522
I forgot to give you
your hostess gift.
257
00:09:30,573 --> 00:09:33,642
A bottle
of whispering angel rose.
258
00:09:35,310 --> 00:09:38,079
[Thunking and clinking]
259
00:09:41,767 --> 00:09:43,501
It's my favorite.
260
00:09:43,536 --> 00:09:45,353
I drink it like kool-aid.
261
00:09:45,388 --> 00:09:46,421
Do you?
262
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,423
I didn't know that.
263
00:09:48,457 --> 00:09:50,558
I have been on
264
00:09:50,593 --> 00:09:54,312
an 800-calorie-a-day diet
265
00:09:54,347 --> 00:09:59,200
of sea grains for six months.
266
00:09:59,235 --> 00:10:03,621
I have been sober for 80 hours.
267
00:10:06,175 --> 00:10:07,726
I'm just gonna have a little
teaspoon of the jambalaya,
268
00:10:07,777 --> 00:10:08,860
and I'm gonna spit it out.
269
00:10:08,894 --> 00:10:11,613
A little shot of rose
never hurt anybody.
270
00:10:11,647 --> 00:10:13,398
Oh, she's fat.
271
00:10:13,432 --> 00:10:15,950
Both: [Laugh]
272
00:10:15,985 --> 00:10:18,236
Aah!
[Laughter]
273
00:10:20,189 --> 00:10:22,574
Both:
♪ She brings me cake ♪
274
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:24,743
[Laughter]
275
00:10:24,794 --> 00:10:25,910
[Doorbell rings]
276
00:10:25,961 --> 00:10:26,995
I know something else
you can't resist.
277
00:10:27,029 --> 00:10:29,080
Silver fox Asian men?
278
00:10:29,115 --> 00:10:30,749
Come on in, boys.
279
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,168
Domo arigato!
280
00:10:33,202 --> 00:10:37,639
[Laughter]
281
00:10:37,673 --> 00:10:39,090
Hey! Hey!
282
00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:41,843
Hey! Come on!
283
00:10:41,877 --> 00:10:45,096
You got a race tomorrow!
What're you doin'?
284
00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:47,599
Hey, I got a weakness
285
00:10:47,650 --> 00:10:51,186
for silver fox Asian men!
286
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:53,354
♪ I've been trying
to get down ♪
287
00:10:53,388 --> 00:10:55,106
♪ to the heart of the matter ♪
288
00:10:55,157 --> 00:10:58,076
♪ but my will gets weak ♪
289
00:10:58,110 --> 00:11:00,361
♪ and my thoughts
seem to scatter ♪
290
00:11:00,395 --> 00:11:02,280
♪ but I think it's about ♪
291
00:11:02,331 --> 00:11:04,899
♪ forgiveness ♪
292
00:11:04,917 --> 00:11:06,251
♪ forgiveness ♪
293
00:11:06,285 --> 00:11:09,704
[Background chatter]
294
00:11:09,738 --> 00:11:11,592
- Hey, dude.
- Hey.
295
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,042
Yeah, you have a good
pre-race whiz in there or what?
296
00:11:14,076 --> 00:11:16,261
Uh, it was okay.
297
00:11:16,295 --> 00:11:18,412
Slamming the old chest
headlights with some saline.
298
00:11:18,431 --> 00:11:20,632
- Uh-huh.
- Avoid the inevitable chafing.
299
00:11:20,666 --> 00:11:22,133
Can I give it a try?
300
00:11:22,184 --> 00:11:23,685
Oh, you want to share
some of my stuff?
301
00:11:23,719 --> 00:11:25,437
- Yeah, man. Sure.
- Thank you.
302
00:11:25,471 --> 00:11:26,971
You like borrowing
stuff of mine, huh?
303
00:11:27,022 --> 00:11:29,557
Like sharing stuff that's mine?
304
00:11:29,591 --> 00:11:31,609
You probably don't need
as much as me.
305
00:11:31,644 --> 00:11:33,027
Yeah?
Is that 'cause you're--
306
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:34,279
What, are you bragging about the
size of your nipples right now?
307
00:11:34,313 --> 00:11:35,930
They're like silver dollar
pancake, bro.
308
00:11:35,948 --> 00:11:38,783
- Wow.
- They're like manhole covers.
309
00:11:38,818 --> 00:11:40,468
Sometimes with a deep summer V,
310
00:11:40,503 --> 00:11:42,036
you can catch
a little outer nip.
311
00:11:42,071 --> 00:11:43,655
Well, that's good.
That's because that's--
312
00:11:43,706 --> 00:11:44,656
What?
313
00:11:44,690 --> 00:11:45,707
- Hey, guys.
- Yup.
314
00:11:45,741 --> 00:11:46,691
You guys ready to run?
315
00:11:46,725 --> 00:11:47,709
- Yup.
- Hey.
316
00:11:47,743 --> 00:11:49,127
That's my lady, my woman.
317
00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:50,295
Oh. Ow.
318
00:11:50,329 --> 00:11:51,880
Just doing her thing
with her man.
319
00:11:51,914 --> 00:11:54,916
Yeah. Oh, jeez. Okay.
Honey--
320
00:11:54,950 --> 00:11:58,887
Dude. Whoa. Honey, seriously.
What's with all the PDA?
321
00:11:58,921 --> 00:12:01,122
- Fillin' up my love tank.
- Okay.
322
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:02,757
Gettin' the needle
on "F."
323
00:12:02,791 --> 00:12:04,676
I'm gonna--I'll see you guys
on the course, okay?
324
00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:06,478
- Okay. See you out there.
- All right, buddy.
325
00:12:06,512 --> 00:12:07,929
- See you out there.
- All right, dude.
326
00:12:07,963 --> 00:12:09,430
I'll see ya
if I'm running backwards.
327
00:12:09,464 --> 00:12:11,266
You have officially
gone bananas.
328
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:14,903
Oh, where is she?
329
00:12:14,937 --> 00:12:17,939
Oh, God.
Is this the finish line?
330
00:12:17,973 --> 00:12:21,025
Oh, my God. You reek of every
kind of alcohol right now.
331
00:12:21,076 --> 00:12:23,644
- What's going on with you?
- [Sighs]
332
00:12:23,662 --> 00:12:25,663
God. I was up all night
partying with Shayna.
333
00:12:25,698 --> 00:12:27,699
Oh, God, there's lightning
in my brain.
334
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,000
Okay, listen to me.
335
00:12:29,034 --> 00:12:30,618
You have got to
pull it together right now,
336
00:12:30,652 --> 00:12:31,786
because at the end
of this race,
337
00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:33,788
there is a cameraman
who is documenting
338
00:12:33,822 --> 00:12:36,508
what I am hoping to be
a very inspirational finish.
339
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:39,627
Oh, God. Ugh...
340
00:12:39,661 --> 00:12:41,846
I'm gonna go to town
on your ass, shorty.
341
00:12:41,881 --> 00:12:44,098
Well, you'll never catch me.
I'll just...
342
00:12:44,133 --> 00:12:45,600
Be a blur.
343
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,969
Runners, take your mark...
344
00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:49,270
And go!
345
00:12:49,305 --> 00:12:51,723
Oh, no, no!
346
00:12:51,774 --> 00:12:53,892
Oh, God.
347
00:12:53,943 --> 00:12:58,446
[Crowd cheering and applauding]
348
00:12:58,480 --> 00:12:59,731
How ya doin', chief?
349
00:12:59,782 --> 00:13:02,367
Yeah, it's me.
I'm right here on ya.
350
00:13:02,401 --> 00:13:03,651
I'm like a ghost.
351
00:13:03,685 --> 00:13:06,905
Yeah, you got a game
that you're working,
352
00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:08,489
but I'm playing too, dude.
353
00:13:08,523 --> 00:13:10,208
[Hoarse] I'm part of the story.
354
00:13:10,242 --> 00:13:11,743
[Clears throat]
I'm part of the story.
355
00:13:11,794 --> 00:13:13,244
Okay. Yeah.
356
00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:16,247
[Cups clatter]
Oh! Hey!
357
00:13:28,594 --> 00:13:30,678
Oh, God.
We're almost there.
358
00:13:30,713 --> 00:13:32,597
This way. This way.
[Panting]
359
00:13:32,631 --> 00:13:35,466
How does it feel to...
[Panting]
360
00:13:35,501 --> 00:13:37,602
- Eat my dust?
- Ugh...
361
00:13:37,653 --> 00:13:42,190
That's about the only thing
left to eat,
362
00:13:42,224 --> 00:13:45,743
since you ate
everything, tubby.
363
00:13:45,778 --> 00:13:47,395
Oh...
364
00:13:47,413 --> 00:13:48,413
What's with the limp?
365
00:13:48,447 --> 00:13:52,000
One of those Asian men
bit my toe.
366
00:13:52,034 --> 00:13:55,620
To be fair, I did have my foot
in his mouth at the time.
367
00:13:55,654 --> 00:13:58,590
- Oh, God.
- Oh!
368
00:13:58,624 --> 00:13:59,674
Go around!
369
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,377
Oh, my golly, move on!
370
00:14:02,411 --> 00:14:04,679
[On speaker] I'm required
to stay behind the last racer.
371
00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:06,464
Oh, God!
372
00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:12,654
- Hey.
- Hey.
373
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,664
Well, you beat me, babe.
374
00:14:16,698 --> 00:14:19,667
Well, I guess
that means I'm his now.
375
00:14:19,701 --> 00:14:23,004
Oh, babe, I'm sorry.
376
00:14:23,038 --> 00:14:25,906
I so didn't want to be
that guy, and then I just...
377
00:14:25,924 --> 00:14:27,925
saw myself being that guy,
and I couldn't stop,
378
00:14:27,959 --> 00:14:29,126
and I was just like...
379
00:14:29,177 --> 00:14:30,911
It was like that gorilla
with the suitcase.
380
00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:33,297
- Remember that commercial?
- Not really.
381
00:14:33,348 --> 00:14:37,601
I usually just nod because you
talk about it so much.
382
00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:41,922
Look, sweetie,
as nutty as you were,
383
00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:44,141
it was, uh...
384
00:14:44,192 --> 00:14:46,610
It was kinda flattering.
385
00:14:46,645 --> 00:14:48,729
Well, yeah,
of course it's flattering.
386
00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:51,065
- You're hot, babe.
- Aww.
387
00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:55,569
Why do you think
I wifed you up?
388
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,620
Oh.
389
00:14:56,655 --> 00:15:00,541
Luke.
Oh ho ho.
390
00:15:00,575 --> 00:15:03,828
- Who's that?
- I--must be his girlfriend?
391
00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:07,081
- I'm presuming?
- Of course that's who he dates.
392
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,917
[Laughs] I can't believe
I was worried!
393
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,969
Look at who he dates,
babe, look at her!
394
00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:13,721
Yeah, she's very pretty.
Beautiful.
395
00:15:13,755 --> 00:15:17,258
Uh, pretty? She's smokin' hot!
Look at who he dates!
396
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:18,976
That's who a guy
like that dates.
397
00:15:19,010 --> 00:15:20,010
That's his level.
398
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,095
Yeah, all right.
399
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:24,315
- She's like...
- All right. All right.
400
00:15:24,349 --> 00:15:26,767
Both: [Groaning]
- Well, we're almost there.
401
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:30,187
Are those men up ahead
pointing guns at us?
402
00:15:30,238 --> 00:15:31,655
Or are they cameras?
Please say guns.
403
00:15:31,690 --> 00:15:35,276
Let's go in the woods and
cover ourselves up with leaves.
404
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:37,445
Hey, guys.
Finished like an hour ago.
405
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:38,996
What's going on with you?
Why are you stopping?
406
00:15:39,030 --> 00:15:42,199
We can't--we can't finish
like this--looking like this.
407
00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:43,868
We're going in the woods.
408
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:45,453
Okay...
409
00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:47,455
Oh, look.
410
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,924
Look at that little girl
cheering us on.
411
00:15:49,958 --> 00:15:52,159
She has no idea
how disgusting we are.
412
00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:53,761
- No.
- God.
413
00:15:53,795 --> 00:15:56,430
She's really Cindy Lou
whoing us, and we're the Grinch.
414
00:15:56,465 --> 00:15:58,599
Aw...
Shoo!
415
00:15:58,633 --> 00:16:00,518
- Go away, Cindy Lou who!
- No.
416
00:16:00,552 --> 00:16:02,052
- Get out.
- No.
417
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,505
You don't understand, Shayna.
418
00:16:04,523 --> 00:16:05,606
What?
419
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,025
We got into this race
to inspire people.
420
00:16:08,059 --> 00:16:11,145
And that's what
we're going to do.
421
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:15,533
We are going to finish this race
no matter how ugly we look.
422
00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:16,534
Okay.
423
00:16:16,568 --> 00:16:18,235
Okay.
424
00:16:18,286 --> 00:16:20,237
Look at us, Reagan.
We're keeping it real.
425
00:16:20,288 --> 00:16:22,456
Yeah.
426
00:16:22,491 --> 00:16:23,857
You know what,
I didn't win Orange County
427
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:26,494
Television Association's
Producer of the Year award
428
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,580
for not having hair and makeup
behind the Porta Johns.
429
00:16:29,631 --> 00:16:31,999
Hair and makeup, you say?
430
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,135
- Oh, that sounds...
- My gosh.
431
00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:36,337
- Get--get it!
- Go!
432
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,339
Get it! Get it!
Aah!
433
00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:40,474
[Continues shouting
indistinctly]
434
00:16:40,509 --> 00:16:41,642
[Crowd cheering and applauding]
435
00:16:41,676 --> 00:16:44,228
- Thank you.
- I know. Whatever.
436
00:16:44,262 --> 00:16:47,014
We are champions!
Whoo!
437
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,098
We did it!
438
00:16:48,150 --> 00:16:49,683
We are the champions,
my friends!
439
00:16:49,717 --> 00:16:51,602
Yeah.
440
00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,220
Please continue to hold.
441
00:16:53,238 --> 00:16:54,855
[Olivia Newton John's I Honestly
Love You plays on phone]
442
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:55,990
Luke, seriously.
It's a phone call.
443
00:16:56,024 --> 00:16:57,408
She's not gonna see your hair.
444
00:16:57,442 --> 00:17:00,161
If I'm askew,
she can hear it in my voice.
445
00:17:00,195 --> 00:17:05,683
- Oh.
- ♪ Maybe I hang around you ♪
446
00:17:05,717 --> 00:17:09,069
I really want to apologize
for Chris at the race
447
00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:11,939
with that whole thing.
I mean, it's--
448
00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:15,793
It was so weird, honestly.
You're not gonna believe this.
449
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:17,011
Was it about his nipples?
450
00:17:17,045 --> 00:17:18,212
'Cause he talked
about them a lot.
451
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,798
[Laughs]
Yeah. No, no.
452
00:17:20,849 --> 00:17:24,852
He got it into his head
that you had a crush on me.
453
00:17:24,886 --> 00:17:25,936
Like, what?
454
00:17:25,971 --> 00:17:28,389
[Laughs]
455
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,691
It's so ridiculous.
456
00:17:30,725 --> 00:17:34,228
Pfff!
[Laughs]
457
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:35,529
[Clears throat]
458
00:17:35,564 --> 00:17:38,148
[Laughs]
I c--
459
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:39,783
♪ I love you ♪
460
00:17:39,818 --> 00:17:42,703
♪ ooh, I know ♪
461
00:17:42,737 --> 00:17:47,875
♪ I honestly love you ♪
462
00:17:47,909 --> 00:17:50,377
♪ ooh ♪
463
00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:51,745
- I-I-I--
- You know,
464
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:54,231
it's so weird.
I was just thinking...
465
00:17:54,266 --> 00:17:56,217
But I can't remember,
is it--London--
466
00:17:56,251 --> 00:17:58,252
is it 8 hours behind
or 8 hours ahead?
467
00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:00,087
- It's 8 or 10 hours ahead.
- I don't really remember.
468
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,556
You know what, it's--
it's really interesting
469
00:18:02,591 --> 00:18:05,593
is also--that bothers me,
it bothers me
470
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:06,927
is Greenwich Mean Time.
471
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,129
It's like,
I know what "mean" means,
472
00:18:09,147 --> 00:18:10,631
I know "mean" is, like,
the average of everything,
473
00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:11,899
but it's like it still
sounds like they're saying,
474
00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:13,350
like, it's Greenwich
"mean" time.
475
00:18:13,401 --> 00:18:15,519
Like only for,
like, mean people.
476
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:16,520
Right. Yeah. I know.
Like mean-spirited, right?
477
00:18:16,571 --> 00:18:18,155
You know who does not observe
478
00:18:18,189 --> 00:18:20,524
daylight savings?
This one's gonna blow your mind.
479
00:18:20,575 --> 00:18:21,575
Arizona.
480
00:18:21,610 --> 00:18:22,910
Arizona.
I was gonna say Arizona.
481
00:18:22,944 --> 00:18:24,144
Arizona doesn't observe
daylight savings time.
482
00:18:24,162 --> 00:18:25,412
Except for the Navajo nation
that's there,
483
00:18:25,447 --> 00:18:26,614
and I tend to side
with the Navajos.
484
00:18:26,648 --> 00:18:28,415
People--they're--
right, so...
485
00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:30,167
Because say all you want,
they were here first.
486
00:18:30,201 --> 00:18:31,985
- We took the land from them.
- Hello.
487
00:18:32,003 --> 00:18:34,705
Yvonne, hi, how are you?
We're here.
488
00:18:34,756 --> 00:18:36,957
Hi! Yvonne! Yes, we're here.
We're both here.
489
00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:38,726
Please hold for Yvonne.
490
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,729
[Music plays loudly]
♪ I honestly love you ♪
491
00:18:41,763 --> 00:18:44,098
♪ ♪
492
00:18:44,132 --> 00:18:46,884
♪ Ooh ♪
493
00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:51,872
Wonder if there's
a volume...switch on here?
494
00:18:51,907 --> 00:18:54,224
- Hey.
- Hey.
495
00:18:54,276 --> 00:18:56,009
How was the conference call?
496
00:18:56,027 --> 00:18:57,311
Uh...
497
00:18:57,345 --> 00:19:00,898
The conference call,
when we linked up with Yvonne?
498
00:19:00,949 --> 00:19:02,015
- Mm-hmm.
- Was good.
499
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:04,451
And then the, um,
part beforehand,
500
00:19:04,486 --> 00:19:07,788
when it was just the two of us,
there was a thing.
501
00:19:07,822 --> 00:19:09,790
That dude totally
has a crush on me.
502
00:19:09,824 --> 00:19:12,076
- What?
- He didn't do anything.
503
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,577
It was--he just--
it was like a look.
504
00:19:13,612 --> 00:19:15,629
- Just a look.
- [Laughs] I knew it!
505
00:19:15,664 --> 00:19:17,464
I knew it, babe.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!
506
00:19:17,499 --> 00:19:20,050
I called it! I knew it!
Didn't I say? I knew it!
507
00:19:20,085 --> 00:19:22,469
Okay, you're psyched
because you were right?
508
00:19:22,504 --> 00:19:24,171
Yeah, because you're
usually so right,
509
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,506
and I'm usually so dumb.
510
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:27,508
And now you're so dumb.
You're so, so dumb.
511
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:28,509
You're so dumb.
512
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:30,644
Okay.
I don't get it.
513
00:19:30,679 --> 00:19:33,263
I mean, he's got this
really hot girlfriend, and...
514
00:19:33,315 --> 00:19:36,317
Makes sense. He's got the hot,
and now he wants the brains.
515
00:19:36,351 --> 00:19:38,185
Who's also hot.
516
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:41,388
It's just--I guess we need
to just be aware of this stuff,
517
00:19:41,406 --> 00:19:43,273
you know? It's like...
518
00:19:43,325 --> 00:19:45,943
The two of us, we're--you know,
we're holding it together,
519
00:19:45,994 --> 00:19:47,328
attractiveness-wise, right?
520
00:19:47,362 --> 00:19:49,997
And I guess it's like
521
00:19:50,031 --> 00:19:52,199
gotta remember
that people are out there.
522
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,418
They're gonna wanna
break a piece of that off.
523
00:19:54,452 --> 00:19:56,337
Yeah, you're right.
524
00:19:56,371 --> 00:19:58,339
Some online gaming ladies
outta Japan
525
00:19:58,373 --> 00:20:00,007
have been throwing some--
some flirt my way.
526
00:20:00,041 --> 00:20:04,712
A little vanilla fever outta--
outta Kyoto.
527
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,213
[Laughs]
528
00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:07,514
Maybe we just need to be--
529
00:20:07,549 --> 00:20:09,600
We just have to desexualize
ourselves a little bit
530
00:20:09,634 --> 00:20:10,651
when we're out there
in the world.
531
00:20:10,685 --> 00:20:11,952
We could try.
532
00:20:11,987 --> 00:20:15,472
They'll just keep flirting--
not an issue.
533
00:20:15,523 --> 00:20:18,192
Yeah. We could just do like--
physically, just like...
534
00:20:18,226 --> 00:20:21,595
- Like...
- Just like...
535
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,649
- I'd still do you.
- I'd totally do you.
536
00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:30,909
We should set some boundaries
537
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,527
of what we're allowed to do
with the opposite sex.
538
00:20:33,647 --> 00:20:34,772
I'm gonna go first.
539
00:20:34,892 --> 00:20:37,496
No dinners with a man
at a restaurant with candles.
540
00:20:37,616 --> 00:20:39,954
You--no drinking wine
at play dates.
541
00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:41,424
You could dress down
at work. Okay.
542
00:20:41,459 --> 00:20:43,413
And--and maybe
wear a man suit.
543
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:44,994
And a big, weird hat.
544
00:20:45,012 --> 00:20:47,130
And maybe, like,
a walking stick.
545
00:20:47,164 --> 00:20:49,165
You want me to look like
the guy from Monopoly.
546
00:20:49,183 --> 00:20:50,667
Well,
I was thinking Mr. Peanut,
547
00:20:50,685 --> 00:20:53,376
but any depression-era cartoon
sophisticate would be fine.
548
00:20:53,496 --> 00:20:56,183
You, no tight V-tees that
549
00:20:56,303 --> 00:20:57,935
reach to your little chest hair tuft.
550
00:20:58,261 --> 00:21:00,821
I'm sorry, woman, *** party is over.
551
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:02,600
Let me get into that tuft.
552
00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,872
Wa-wa-wait.
553
00:21:03,992 --> 00:21:05,192
Careful with the nipples.
554
00:21:05,416 --> 00:21:07,662
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com