1 00:00:00,050 --> 00:00:01,383 Best friends, best friends... 2 00:00:01,503 --> 00:00:02,571 ♪ Making a cake ♪ - Wait. 3 00:00:02,638 --> 00:00:03,772 Ah. 4 00:00:03,839 --> 00:00:04,873 Both: ♪ Best friends, best friends ♪ 5 00:00:04,941 --> 00:00:06,174 ♪ making a cake ♪ - Pyoo! 6 00:00:06,469 --> 00:00:08,137 I never thought I'd miss it. 7 00:00:08,205 --> 00:00:10,720 How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group? 8 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:11,885 Both: Aw! 9 00:00:12,005 --> 00:00:13,418 Don't patronize me. 10 00:00:13,487 --> 00:00:14,753 Both: Oh. 11 00:00:14,821 --> 00:00:16,355 ♪ She'll be coming around the mountain ♪ 12 00:00:16,422 --> 00:00:18,189 ♪ when she comes, whoo-whoo ♪ 13 00:00:18,256 --> 00:00:19,524 Just letting the students know 14 00:00:19,592 --> 00:00:21,225 that if you're on campus this weekend, 15 00:00:21,293 --> 00:00:23,027 you'll have to park on the street 16 00:00:23,095 --> 00:00:24,529 because of the carnival. 17 00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:27,398 On an unrelated note, I'm into trains now. 18 00:00:27,466 --> 00:00:28,967 A real carnival? 19 00:00:29,034 --> 00:00:31,235 Is the company called red beard's amusements? 20 00:00:31,303 --> 00:00:32,503 Name rings a bell. 21 00:00:32,570 --> 00:00:33,937 But with me, that could mean anything. 22 00:00:34,005 --> 00:00:35,772 I wonder. 23 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,174 I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival. 24 00:00:38,242 --> 00:00:39,877 [Cackling] 25 00:00:39,944 --> 00:00:41,578 [Chuckling] 26 00:00:41,646 --> 00:00:42,946 I'm sorry, Britta. 27 00:00:43,014 --> 00:00:44,715 Some things are funny because they make no sense. 28 00:00:44,782 --> 00:00:46,850 And that is not one of them. 29 00:00:46,918 --> 00:00:50,252 Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings. 30 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,522 And if that's not my job, what is? 31 00:00:52,589 --> 00:00:55,224 Choo choo! 32 00:00:55,291 --> 00:00:57,459 Well, you're also supposed to-- 33 00:00:57,528 --> 00:01:00,095 Eh. Administrate the school. 34 00:01:00,163 --> 00:01:03,032 So, Britta, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend. 35 00:01:03,099 --> 00:01:04,866 Why, so you all can get a big laugh? 36 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,067 - Yeah. - I'd love to have a laugh. 37 00:01:06,135 --> 00:01:07,268 - [Giggling] - The exact reason. 38 00:01:07,336 --> 00:01:09,504 Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. 39 00:01:09,572 --> 00:01:10,906 And if it entertains you guys, 40 00:01:10,973 --> 00:01:13,474 that's great because we're friends. 41 00:01:13,543 --> 00:01:15,109 His name is Blade and... 44 00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:20,114 She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, 45 00:01:20,182 --> 00:01:22,382 and we're still laughing. That's how funny it is! 46 00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,117 His name is Blade. Is that legal? 47 00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,519 Shouldn't new line cinema be suing him? 48 00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,821 He was called that before that stupid movie. 49 00:01:27,889 --> 00:01:30,691 He was called that before the fantastic movie. 50 00:01:30,759 --> 00:01:32,192 And it was a marvel comic in 1973. 51 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,460 Well, nerd alert. 52 00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:35,262 Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert. 53 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,463 [Chuckling] 54 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:39,198 Her love life makes Pierce seem with it. 55 00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:40,600 Her pain unifies us. 56 00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:43,102 She has the king Arthur of bad taste in men. 57 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,171 I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. 58 00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:47,707 I need to be reminded that he is the worst on earth. 59 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,876 Because if he comes through town and calls me, 60 00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,477 I will be there in five minutes. 61 00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,912 - I don't understand. - Uh, Andre much? 62 00:01:53,980 --> 00:01:55,814 - Okay, I understand. - I don't. 63 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:56,949 - You will. - What's that mean? 64 00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,817 - He's hung. - Oh, God! 65 00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:00,118 Pierce, you're disgusting. 66 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,620 Just like that I'm disgusting again. 67 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,790 [Scoffs] I was one of the gang. It was in my hand. 68 00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:06,524 Sometimes, a woman meets a man 69 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:08,493 that she just can't shake from her system 70 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,194 no matter much she knows better. 71 00:02:10,261 --> 00:02:12,463 I lucked out with Andre, but God help me. 72 00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:14,198 As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with. 73 00:02:14,265 --> 00:02:17,034 So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy 74 00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:19,003 who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie? 75 00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:21,639 A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie. 76 00:02:21,707 --> 00:02:24,975 No, I don't believe in love because of this guy... 77 00:02:25,042 --> 00:02:27,376 [Choking up] Named after a kickboxing vampire movie. 78 00:02:27,444 --> 00:02:28,778 Oh, Britta! 79 00:02:28,846 --> 00:02:30,413 Oh, sweetie. 80 00:02:30,481 --> 00:02:31,414 You wanna watch Blade tonight? 81 00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:32,616 Yes. 82 00:02:32,683 --> 00:02:36,653 ♪ Give me some rope, time in a tree ♪ 83 00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:39,555 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 84 00:02:39,624 --> 00:02:42,791 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 85 00:02:42,859 --> 00:02:46,762 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 86 00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:57,373 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com. 87 00:02:59,474 --> 00:03:01,876 Ugh, I love that I have a locker now. 88 00:03:01,944 --> 00:03:03,611 All that wasted time going to my car 89 00:03:03,679 --> 00:03:05,847 for mid-afternoon wardrobe adjustments. 90 00:03:05,914 --> 00:03:08,516 What do you think, hmm? Stick with what's working? 91 00:03:08,583 --> 00:03:09,684 You're gonna change your shirt? 92 00:03:09,752 --> 00:03:11,218 Not if it's working. 93 00:03:11,286 --> 00:03:13,286 - It's not working. - Yeah. 94 00:03:13,354 --> 00:03:15,321 You're right. I knew it. 95 00:03:15,389 --> 00:03:18,224 - I'll have what she's having. - Hey, grow up, lady! 96 00:03:18,292 --> 00:03:20,727 - Annie! - His shirt wasn't working! 97 00:03:20,795 --> 00:03:22,095 I need your help. 98 00:03:22,163 --> 00:03:23,530 It Blade's carnival that's coming. 99 00:03:23,597 --> 00:03:25,565 He's working the BB gun duck-shooting gallery. 100 00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:27,467 I guess he finally got the promotion. 101 00:03:27,535 --> 00:03:28,901 And he will call me. 102 00:03:28,969 --> 00:03:30,269 And left unattended, 103 00:03:30,336 --> 00:03:32,271 I will end up doing him like a crossword, 104 00:03:32,338 --> 00:03:33,839 and I will regret it. 105 00:03:33,907 --> 00:03:35,174 So I need you to take my phone, 106 00:03:35,241 --> 00:03:36,508 and don't give it back until Monday! 107 00:03:36,576 --> 00:03:37,509 Of course. Okay. 108 00:03:37,577 --> 00:03:39,011 - For real? - Pipe it! 109 00:03:39,079 --> 00:03:41,113 And I need to stay with you this weekend. 110 00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:43,883 Not just stay with you, I need to be on lockdown. 111 00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:46,484 You were a pillhead, so think of Blade as Adderall. 112 00:03:46,552 --> 00:03:48,219 And handcuff me to the radiator 113 00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:50,722 like a mother-flipping carny-banging werewolf. 114 00:03:50,790 --> 00:03:52,256 I got this. I got this. 115 00:03:52,324 --> 00:03:53,591 Our apartment has central heating, 116 00:03:53,659 --> 00:03:55,226 but I get the idea-- stay strong. 117 00:03:55,294 --> 00:03:57,762 Man, I wonder how many women I've affected this way. 118 00:03:57,830 --> 00:03:58,963 Ha ha! 119 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,165 [Forced laughter] 120 00:04:00,232 --> 00:04:02,733 [Exaggerated laughter] 121 00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,201 Whoo whoo! 122 00:04:04,268 --> 00:04:06,469 All aboard the human being railway! 123 00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,271 Next stop, spo-- 124 00:04:08,339 --> 00:04:09,740 - I'll get to the point. 125 00:04:09,808 --> 00:04:11,408 I'd like your student Troy Barnes 126 00:04:11,475 --> 00:04:13,877 enrolled in the air conditioning repair program immediately. 127 00:04:13,945 --> 00:04:17,080 Oh, a wonderful opportunity for a young man of... 128 00:04:17,147 --> 00:04:18,681 Urban race. 129 00:04:18,749 --> 00:04:21,650 Yet try as I might, I'm unable to make him see it that way. 130 00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,553 I need you to change his mind. 131 00:04:24,621 --> 00:04:26,756 But if he's not interested, what can I do? 132 00:04:26,824 --> 00:04:29,325 Dean, have we forgotten that your school 133 00:04:29,392 --> 00:04:31,828 is under the ac repair school's thumb? 134 00:04:31,895 --> 00:04:33,294 Uh, we have not. 135 00:04:33,362 --> 00:04:36,497 Then mine is not to tell you how to do what I want done. 136 00:04:36,565 --> 00:04:38,133 Mine is to want 137 00:04:38,201 --> 00:04:41,002 and to say my want. 138 00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:42,938 Yours is to know and to do. 139 00:04:43,005 --> 00:04:44,639 I know exactly what to do. 140 00:04:47,443 --> 00:04:52,646 Natalie, could you get me a, um, book on how to do things? 141 00:04:52,714 --> 00:04:54,749 You know what, just make me a scotch and soda. 142 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,650 - Make it yourself! - I don't know how. 143 00:04:56,718 --> 00:04:58,252 [Screaming on TV] 144 00:04:58,319 --> 00:04:59,720 I love Blade's special Blade weapons. 145 00:04:59,788 --> 00:05:01,588 Yeah, see that sword? It has two blades. 146 00:05:01,656 --> 00:05:02,823 One blade is silver, 147 00:05:02,891 --> 00:05:03,991 the other blade is infused with garlic. 148 00:05:04,059 --> 00:05:05,992 - I should check my messages. - No. 149 00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:08,427 Guys, could we maybe watch a different movie 150 00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:10,630 or just stop saying that word six times per minute? 151 00:05:10,697 --> 00:05:11,998 - What word? - Blade. 152 00:05:12,066 --> 00:05:13,199 Oh, because of Britta's ex-boyfriend. 153 00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:14,567 Can you check my messages for me 154 00:05:14,635 --> 00:05:15,769 and tell me if he called? 155 00:05:15,836 --> 00:05:17,036 I don't think that's a good idea. 156 00:05:17,104 --> 00:05:18,371 What if my mother died? 157 00:05:18,438 --> 00:05:20,273 You guys are really talking over Blade. 158 00:05:20,340 --> 00:05:22,607 - Not cool! - Annie, subdue your guest. 159 00:05:22,675 --> 00:05:24,309 Annie, think for one second. 160 00:05:24,377 --> 00:05:26,544 You have my phone, and you're not even checking it. 161 00:05:26,612 --> 00:05:27,880 What if my mother is dying? 162 00:05:27,947 --> 00:05:29,281 This is junkie talk. 163 00:05:29,348 --> 00:05:30,749 You just wanna know where your phone's hidden. 164 00:05:30,817 --> 00:05:32,284 I just wanna know if my mother is dying. 165 00:05:32,351 --> 00:05:34,987 It's a simple yes or no. I'll cover my eyes. 166 00:05:35,054 --> 00:05:36,588 You go check my phone and say, 167 00:05:36,656 --> 00:05:39,556 "no, your mother isn't dying" or "yes, your mother is dying," 168 00:05:39,624 --> 00:05:43,094 and then we go back to watching the film. 169 00:05:43,162 --> 00:05:46,097 [Sighs] 170 00:05:55,072 --> 00:05:56,606 Give it to me! 171 00:05:56,674 --> 00:05:58,374 That's right, Britta. It's a banana. 172 00:05:58,442 --> 00:06:00,877 Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet? 173 00:06:00,945 --> 00:06:03,313 Read the banana, Britta. 174 00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:05,381 "You are a lying junkie." 175 00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:06,883 I'm sure those words hurt. 176 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:10,152 But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true. 177 00:06:10,220 --> 00:06:13,655 I am so weak. 178 00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:16,591 But we are not defined by our limitations. 179 00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,928 We are defined by our potentials. 180 00:06:18,995 --> 00:06:20,495 I have the potential to watch Blade. 181 00:06:20,563 --> 00:06:23,065 You two are bad friends! Bad. 182 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,333 That's unfair. What about you guys? 183 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,802 Okay, you don't like our movie, we can't say the word "Blade," 184 00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,370 there's phones in the refrigerator. 185 00:06:29,438 --> 00:06:30,839 Oops. 186 00:06:30,906 --> 00:06:33,074 - Troy, Abed! - Let me see if he called! 187 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,376 I have a right to know! You're monsters! 188 00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:38,112 You're Hitlers! You're racist pedophiles! 189 00:06:38,180 --> 00:06:40,081 You're the opposites of Batman! 190 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,414 You don't know what that means. 191 00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:43,583 Gonna rip out your throats and eat your-- 192 00:06:43,651 --> 00:06:45,052 Still think the lock was overkill? 193 00:06:45,119 --> 00:06:46,786 [Banging] No. 194 00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:48,788 [Imitating troy] There's phones in the refrigerator. 195 00:06:48,857 --> 00:06:51,524 [Loud banging] It's you. 196 00:06:51,592 --> 00:06:54,061 [Knocking at front door] 197 00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:58,564 ♪ Boys' night! ♪ 198 00:06:58,631 --> 00:06:59,966 I need help reacting to something. 199 00:07:00,033 --> 00:07:01,447 Hi! 200 00:07:05,554 --> 00:07:07,768 I heard it's just a quick icky play. 201 00:07:07,888 --> 00:07:08,877 You tell anyone we did this, 202 00:07:08,997 --> 00:07:10,710 I will stop letting you do things with me 203 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,245 I'm afraid to tell anyone about. 204 00:07:12,312 --> 00:07:13,185 Hey, I get it. 205 00:07:13,305 --> 00:07:14,503 You wanna take a look at Britta's ex-boyfriend. 206 00:07:14,623 --> 00:07:16,443 If you did it by yourself, you'd be weird. 207 00:07:18,085 --> 00:07:19,551 You're the only one that really understands me. 208 00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:20,283 Oh, funky. 209 00:07:20,403 --> 00:07:21,302 Ha! 210 00:07:21,912 --> 00:07:23,267 What, are you guys on a date? 211 00:07:23,585 --> 00:07:25,452 Pretty awkward. Look what Pierce won me. 212 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:26,954 What is this? 213 00:07:27,022 --> 00:07:29,334 I decided to go outside the group for a best friend. 214 00:07:29,454 --> 00:07:30,754 And you couldn't do better than Chang? 215 00:07:30,821 --> 00:07:31,921 You take that back! 216 00:07:31,989 --> 00:07:33,423 He could do plenty better than me. 217 00:07:33,491 --> 00:07:35,391 I was the first to say yes. 218 00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:36,592 Well, have fun forcing life. 219 00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:38,894 Both: We will. 220 00:07:38,962 --> 00:07:40,229 What do you wanna do next? 221 00:07:40,297 --> 00:07:41,531 - Cotton candy? - Russian roulette? 222 00:07:41,598 --> 00:07:44,167 - What did you say? - Cotton candy sounds great. 223 00:07:45,735 --> 00:07:48,671 Oh, thank you. 224 00:07:52,141 --> 00:07:54,309 That's it? Huh. 225 00:07:54,377 --> 00:07:56,178 Hmm. He's not as good-looking as you. 226 00:07:56,245 --> 00:07:57,845 - I wasn't fishing for that. - No, no, no. 227 00:07:57,913 --> 00:08:00,382 I offered it freely. Come on, I wanna go on a ride. 228 00:08:00,449 --> 00:08:01,550 This is a window for me. 229 00:08:01,617 --> 00:08:03,017 I spent my carnival years pregnant. 230 00:08:03,085 --> 00:08:04,352 Shirley, I'm not jealous. 231 00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:05,787 I just wanted to see what the deal was. 232 00:08:05,854 --> 00:08:07,621 Obviously the deal is he's a dirtball, 233 00:08:07,689 --> 00:08:09,790 Britta hates herself, voila. 234 00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,124 What do you wanna do? 235 00:08:11,193 --> 00:08:12,426 I'd like to go on a ride. 236 00:08:12,494 --> 00:08:14,127 Let's go shoot some ducks. 237 00:08:14,196 --> 00:08:15,929 Jeffrey! 238 00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:17,764 Eight of clubs. I win. 239 00:08:17,832 --> 00:08:20,067 Nice! [Giggling] 240 00:08:20,134 --> 00:08:22,902 - How are you feeling? - Good. 241 00:08:22,969 --> 00:08:25,037 Great, actually. Thank you, Annie. 242 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,539 I could've never done this without you. 243 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:28,107 I'm glad to be able to help you. 244 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,442 I want you to know-- 245 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,610 and I've never said these words-- 246 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,044 but I've always felt them. 247 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,213 You're a sister to me. 248 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,681 [Gasps] 249 00:08:34,748 --> 00:08:37,049 Britta! 250 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,784 Whoo! 251 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:41,186 Hey, little sis, 252 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,088 do you think you could trust me to have my phone back now? 253 00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:44,789 I've got my email on there, 254 00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:47,158 my calendar, homework assignments. 255 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,460 I'm kinda screwed without it. 256 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,795 You're not just manipulating me, right? 257 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:53,665 Oh, because of... Oh, jeez. 258 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:55,933 Yeah, whatever. That's over, Annie. 259 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:57,101 Seriously. 260 00:08:57,168 --> 00:08:59,604 Okay, I have it right here. 261 00:08:59,671 --> 00:09:01,439 It's a gateway to further trust. 262 00:09:01,506 --> 00:09:02,940 Perfect. Thank you. 263 00:09:03,007 --> 00:09:07,278 Love the gateway. Honoring the gateway. 264 00:09:07,346 --> 00:09:09,847 I have to call my doctor for some results. 265 00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:12,148 Don't worry, I'm fine. It's just a little personal. 266 00:09:12,216 --> 00:09:15,285 You need privacy, sure thing. I'll check on you later. 267 00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:17,820 Bye. Thank you, sweetie. 268 00:09:20,358 --> 00:09:21,725 [Screaming on TV] 269 00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:24,060 Boy, this guy doesn't give vampires 270 00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,428 a square inch of leeway. 271 00:09:25,496 --> 00:09:26,862 He's harsh. 272 00:09:29,299 --> 00:09:31,233 What's wrong, Annie? 273 00:09:31,301 --> 00:09:32,601 You came out of the bedroom smiling, 274 00:09:32,669 --> 00:09:34,803 and then your smile faded as you leaned against the door. 275 00:09:34,871 --> 00:09:36,405 I gave Britta her phone. 276 00:09:36,473 --> 00:09:38,140 You did? Why? 277 00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:40,376 She needs to feel trust to recover, or she'll relapse. 278 00:09:40,443 --> 00:09:42,443 She's gonna relapse because you gave her her phone. 279 00:09:42,511 --> 00:09:44,679 No, I secretly switched Blade's number in her phone 280 00:09:44,747 --> 00:09:46,013 to my number. 281 00:09:46,081 --> 00:09:47,315 So if she tries to get in touch with him, 282 00:09:47,383 --> 00:09:49,016 - it'll come to me. - That's diabolical. 283 00:09:49,084 --> 00:09:50,685 Yeah, you're just like Blade, man. 284 00:09:50,753 --> 00:09:52,019 Straight up. 285 00:09:52,087 --> 00:09:53,788 I just hope she can find the strength to-- 286 00:09:53,855 --> 00:09:55,690 [phone buzzing] 287 00:09:55,758 --> 00:09:57,392 She's probably just telling him 288 00:09:57,459 --> 00:09:59,493 she's...dying to feel the warmth of his... 289 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,895 Are you kidding me? 290 00:10:01,962 --> 00:10:03,930 She said we were sisters. 291 00:10:03,998 --> 00:10:07,000 I am so sad right now. [Phone buzzing] 292 00:10:07,067 --> 00:10:10,537 And she is so codependent! 293 00:10:10,605 --> 00:10:11,871 And such a bad speller. 294 00:10:11,939 --> 00:10:16,141 [Phone buzzing] 295 00:10:17,477 --> 00:10:19,512 Nice shootin'. Tough luck. 296 00:10:19,579 --> 00:10:22,315 Thanks. I'll go another round. 297 00:10:22,382 --> 00:10:24,650 There's room in our bed for three bears, right, honey? 298 00:10:24,718 --> 00:10:26,352 And then some, sugar. 299 00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:27,886 You're very nice... 300 00:10:27,954 --> 00:10:29,922 For a man named... What'd you say it was? Blade? 301 00:10:29,989 --> 00:10:31,289 Yup. 302 00:10:31,357 --> 00:10:33,090 But that's a carnival name though, right? 303 00:10:33,158 --> 00:10:35,360 A nom de corn dog? 304 00:10:35,428 --> 00:10:36,695 Why would I have a carnival name? 305 00:10:36,762 --> 00:10:37,995 Your parents named you Blade? 306 00:10:38,063 --> 00:10:39,364 Apparently. 307 00:10:39,432 --> 00:10:41,966 Well, you seem okay with it. 308 00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:44,068 Not much to do about it. 309 00:10:44,136 --> 00:10:45,069 Both: You could change it. 310 00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:48,372 To what? Templeton Ferrari III? 311 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,407 Won't change how mustard tastes. 312 00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:52,710 I'll be right back. 313 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,812 Huh. Won't change how mustard tastes. 314 00:10:54,879 --> 00:10:56,913 I get it. I see the appeal. 315 00:10:56,981 --> 00:10:58,749 He's relaxed, he's cool. 316 00:10:58,817 --> 00:11:02,418 N-not as cool as you. 317 00:11:02,486 --> 00:11:05,020 Mr. Blade. I want three more rounds. 318 00:11:05,088 --> 00:11:06,255 Jeffrey! 319 00:11:06,323 --> 00:11:07,623 Not gonna change the way mustard tastes. 320 00:11:07,691 --> 00:11:09,024 Oh, and you're so cool, Shirley. 321 00:11:09,092 --> 00:11:10,693 Sometimes I am. 322 00:11:10,761 --> 00:11:13,363 [Pierce and Chang chuckling] 323 00:11:13,430 --> 00:11:14,897 How many times are they gonna do that? 324 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:16,566 Aw, this is it, isn't it? 325 00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:17,967 We're becoming best friends. 326 00:11:18,034 --> 00:11:21,570 I think so. I think so. 327 00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:26,040 ♪ Would you let me be your best friend ♪ 328 00:11:26,108 --> 00:11:29,511 ♪ I would call you every day ♪ 329 00:11:29,579 --> 00:11:30,746 [Screaming on TV] 330 00:11:30,813 --> 00:11:35,015 Oh, my God! One after the other! 331 00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:36,817 "I'm texting to tell you I'm not texting you any more. 332 00:11:36,885 --> 00:11:39,219 "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. 333 00:11:39,287 --> 00:11:41,288 "Are you mad at me now? 334 00:11:41,356 --> 00:11:43,524 Fine. I guess you don't wanna know our two-year-old." 335 00:11:43,592 --> 00:11:44,925 Can we please just put it 336 00:11:44,993 --> 00:11:46,193 under a stack of mattresses or something? 337 00:11:46,261 --> 00:11:47,695 I don't know. When is she gonna take a hint? 338 00:11:47,763 --> 00:11:49,830 Britta's attracted to unavailable men. 339 00:11:49,898 --> 00:11:52,932 - Dean, why are you here? - Ouch. 340 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,968 Fine. Let's make him available. 341 00:11:56,036 --> 00:11:57,970 - What are you doing? - Ending this. 342 00:11:58,038 --> 00:12:01,007 "Leave me alone." All: No! 343 00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:03,976 That's so much worse. 344 00:12:04,044 --> 00:12:06,078 See? She stopped. 345 00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:09,648 [Phone buzzing] 346 00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:12,551 She's calling him? 347 00:12:12,619 --> 00:12:13,985 She was born in the '80s. 348 00:12:14,053 --> 00:12:15,754 She still uses her phone as a phone. 349 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,188 - Uh-oh. - That's fine, it's fine. 350 00:12:17,256 --> 00:12:20,292 - We just won't answer it. - Won't it go to your voicemail? 351 00:12:21,861 --> 00:12:25,062 Hello? Blade? 352 00:12:25,130 --> 00:12:30,000 [Throaty masculine chuckle] 353 00:12:31,870 --> 00:12:32,870 There you go. 354 00:12:32,938 --> 00:12:34,271 I don't know! 355 00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:36,574 Change your settings so it doesn't go to voicemail. 356 00:12:36,642 --> 00:12:38,875 Too late. 357 00:12:38,943 --> 00:12:41,511 You guys act like a carnival. Be a carnival. 358 00:12:41,579 --> 00:12:43,513 [Beep] Now! 359 00:12:43,581 --> 00:12:45,482 - Step right up! - Ding, ding, ding! 360 00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:46,950 [Oldtimey voice] Get your popcorn here. 361 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,920 - Hello? - [Deep voice] Busy, babe. 362 00:12:49,987 --> 00:12:51,655 Blade, just wait. Wait, Bla... 363 00:12:51,722 --> 00:12:52,923 [Beep] 364 00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:56,058 I told you not to call me at work! 365 00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:58,494 [Phone buzzing] "I'm sorry, I forgot. 366 00:12:58,562 --> 00:13:00,429 Don't be mad at me." 367 00:13:00,497 --> 00:13:02,531 She's whipped by an imaginary douche. 368 00:13:02,599 --> 00:13:05,367 Hey, don't knock it till you try it. 369 00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,402 I got my fake bachelor's degree, 370 00:13:07,471 --> 00:13:09,505 and then I cheated on the LSAT. 371 00:13:09,573 --> 00:13:11,506 You're probably wondering, how do you cheat on the LSAT? 372 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:12,774 How? 373 00:13:12,842 --> 00:13:14,241 A magician never reveals his secrets, my friend. 374 00:13:14,309 --> 00:13:16,010 Ah. 375 00:13:16,078 --> 00:13:19,046 [Shooting, ducks quacking] 376 00:13:19,114 --> 00:13:22,249 - Yeah! In your face! - Good job. 377 00:13:22,317 --> 00:13:25,052 Uh, give me the big one! Yeah, that's the one. 378 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,287 Yeah. 379 00:13:27,355 --> 00:13:28,689 Not too shabby, huh? 380 00:13:28,756 --> 00:13:30,824 Yeah, you really did it, baby. 381 00:13:30,892 --> 00:13:32,292 So you dropped out of high school 382 00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:33,861 and joined the carnival. 383 00:13:33,928 --> 00:13:35,462 And 15 years later, here you are. 384 00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:37,097 - Jeffrey! - Guess that's about it. 385 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,665 So what's the record? 386 00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:40,233 What's the best anyone's ever done in this booth? 387 00:13:40,301 --> 00:13:42,969 - I guess eight ducks. - All right, one more round. 388 00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:44,136 One more round. 389 00:13:44,204 --> 00:13:46,038 - Jeff? - Honey? 390 00:13:46,106 --> 00:13:47,707 Will you excuse us just for a moment, please? 391 00:13:47,774 --> 00:13:48,908 Certainly. 392 00:13:48,976 --> 00:13:51,043 Can you get over here? 393 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,581 - What is your end game here? - I don't know. 394 00:13:55,649 --> 00:13:57,249 - I wanna know. - Wanna know what? 395 00:13:57,317 --> 00:13:59,217 I wanna know what drove Britta crazy about him. 396 00:13:59,284 --> 00:14:01,753 Are you jealous? Are you in love with Britta? 397 00:14:01,821 --> 00:14:03,054 No, I am not in love with Britta. 398 00:14:03,122 --> 00:14:04,589 And yes, I'm insanely jealous of him. 399 00:14:04,657 --> 00:14:06,057 What's his secret? 400 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:07,959 Why do you wanna know the secret to making a woman psycho? 401 00:14:08,027 --> 00:14:09,794 Why do we wanna know how to blow up the earth 402 00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:11,763 or grow a human ear on a mouse? 403 00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:13,264 In case we have to, Shirley. 404 00:14:13,332 --> 00:14:14,598 In case we have to. 405 00:14:14,666 --> 00:14:17,568 - I'm going to find Pierce. - Good! 406 00:14:17,636 --> 00:14:20,237 One of those bears is mine! 407 00:14:20,304 --> 00:14:22,772 So this is best friendship. 408 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,206 Something else, isn't it? 409 00:14:24,274 --> 00:14:25,608 How do we keep it going? 410 00:14:25,676 --> 00:14:26,943 How do we know we won't get into a fight? 411 00:14:27,011 --> 00:14:28,578 I say we just let it happen. 412 00:14:28,646 --> 00:14:30,880 Don't tell me what to do! 413 00:14:30,948 --> 00:14:32,215 - What's your problem? - What's yours? 414 00:14:32,335 --> 00:14:33,844 I'm outta here! 415 00:14:36,186 --> 00:14:40,388 ♪ This is the last time ♪ 416 00:14:40,456 --> 00:14:45,226 ♪ this is the last time I'll see you smile ♪ 417 00:14:45,261 --> 00:14:47,295 ♪ good-bye ♪ 418 00:14:47,396 --> 00:14:49,631 ♪ my friend ♪ 419 00:14:49,732 --> 00:14:53,635 ♪ I'll miss you every night ♪ 420 00:14:57,539 --> 00:14:59,273 ♪ good-bye ♪ 421 00:15:06,312 --> 00:15:09,347 Blade, 'sup? Message. 422 00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:12,817 Okay. We can stop worrying about voicemail now. 423 00:15:12,885 --> 00:15:14,386 Back to the matter at hand. 424 00:15:14,453 --> 00:15:15,920 Now what are you doing? 425 00:15:15,988 --> 00:15:18,288 - Dean, why are you here? - Yikes. 426 00:15:18,356 --> 00:15:20,457 I figured it out. I know exactly what to do. 427 00:15:20,525 --> 00:15:23,360 I'm just gonna be really, really, really mean to her. 428 00:15:23,428 --> 00:15:24,594 Uh. 429 00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:25,962 What don't you get about the concept? 430 00:15:26,031 --> 00:15:29,033 Britta likes guys who are mean to her. 431 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,201 She doesn't like herself. 432 00:15:31,269 --> 00:15:34,203 Give me the phone. 433 00:15:39,076 --> 00:15:40,843 [Phone beeps] What did you say? 434 00:15:40,911 --> 00:15:42,078 Something nice. 435 00:15:42,146 --> 00:15:44,180 Don't worry about it. 436 00:15:44,248 --> 00:15:48,584 I'm deleting it from your phone. 437 00:15:48,652 --> 00:15:51,086 - Hi. - What's up? 438 00:15:51,154 --> 00:15:53,588 You guys still watching movies? 439 00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:57,259 Hi, Dean. Why are you here? 440 00:15:57,326 --> 00:15:59,661 Hi, Britta. And ouch. 441 00:15:59,728 --> 00:16:01,329 And you don't know anything about carpentry. 442 00:16:01,397 --> 00:16:02,730 - Nope. - Or aquariums-- 443 00:16:02,798 --> 00:16:04,399 freshwater or saltwater. 444 00:16:04,467 --> 00:16:06,367 - Do you have a big weiner? - Nope. 445 00:16:06,435 --> 00:16:08,169 I don't get it, Blade! 446 00:16:08,236 --> 00:16:10,971 What's your secret? Why do I wanna impress you? 447 00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:15,109 Are you dumb or smart? Are you a loser or winner? 448 00:16:15,177 --> 00:16:16,743 Or are you just a human mirror? 449 00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,512 Do we all see what we wanna see in you? 450 00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:21,549 A magician never reveals, right? 451 00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:25,685 Right. 452 00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:28,488 Later. 453 00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:30,856 Okay. 454 00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:35,161 You dropped over 300 bucks on my booth, so I'll tell ya. 455 00:16:35,229 --> 00:16:36,729 You wanna know my secret? 456 00:16:36,797 --> 00:16:40,199 Yes. 457 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,535 Yes, I do. 458 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:47,106 [Screaming on TV] 459 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,440 Britta and Troy: What are you doing? 460 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,941 I wanna know. 461 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,943 Okay, I'm sorry. 462 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,645 I was texting with Blade, but it's over now. 463 00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:58,583 He's...a loser. 464 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:01,986 Good night. 465 00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,522 Uh, uh, uh... Troy! 466 00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:05,990 You should really join 467 00:17:06,057 --> 00:17:07,791 the air conditioning repair program. 468 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,727 - No. - Well, that didn't work. 469 00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:11,194 That's what I get for improvising. 470 00:17:11,262 --> 00:17:14,197 Good night. 471 00:17:14,265 --> 00:17:15,698 So I don't get it. 472 00:17:15,766 --> 00:17:18,201 He's a vampire, but he can walk around during the day? 473 00:17:18,269 --> 00:17:22,305 - What...is wrong with you? - Huh? 474 00:17:22,373 --> 00:17:24,508 You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us. 475 00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:26,475 I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine. 476 00:17:26,543 --> 00:17:29,778 - You tricked me? - You tricked me! 477 00:17:29,846 --> 00:17:32,047 You ask for my help, you tell me I'm your sister, 478 00:17:32,115 --> 00:17:35,717 I do everything I can to make you hate this turd, 479 00:17:35,785 --> 00:17:38,654 and the first nice thing he says, and you're over him? 480 00:17:38,721 --> 00:17:41,257 Who are you? 481 00:17:41,324 --> 00:17:42,657 And why didn't it stick? 482 00:17:42,724 --> 00:17:46,694 I was texting with you guys this whole time? 483 00:17:46,762 --> 00:17:50,365 So Blade...isn't a loser! [Gasps] 484 00:17:50,432 --> 00:17:51,832 Uh-oh. 485 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:55,637 No, let her go. Lost cause, man. 486 00:17:55,704 --> 00:17:57,605 Jeff! What are you doing here? 487 00:17:57,673 --> 00:17:59,239 I just got back from the carnival... 488 00:17:59,307 --> 00:18:00,374 Where I met Blade. 489 00:18:00,441 --> 00:18:01,508 Is he okay? How is he? 490 00:18:01,576 --> 00:18:02,909 He's brain damaged. 491 00:18:02,977 --> 00:18:04,844 - Well, let's not be petty. - No, I'm serious. 492 00:18:04,912 --> 00:18:06,146 He showed me the scar. 493 00:18:06,214 --> 00:18:08,315 Ten years ago, before he even met you, 494 00:18:08,383 --> 00:18:10,784 a loose bolt flew off a Ferris wheel 495 00:18:10,851 --> 00:18:12,286 and imbedded in his skull, 496 00:18:12,353 --> 00:18:17,190 destroying the part of his brain that feels shame. 497 00:18:17,257 --> 00:18:20,693 He's basically irresistible to people for the same reason 498 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,129 he can pretty much only work at a carnival. 499 00:18:24,198 --> 00:18:26,465 He has nothing to prove or disprove 500 00:18:26,533 --> 00:18:29,168 about himself or to himself. 501 00:18:29,236 --> 00:18:30,502 He has no shame. 502 00:18:30,570 --> 00:18:32,204 Why wouldn't he have told me that? 503 00:18:32,271 --> 00:18:33,971 Because he didn't care if you knew. 504 00:18:34,039 --> 00:18:36,274 That is so like him. 505 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,943 - I have to go to him. - No, woman. 506 00:18:39,011 --> 00:18:42,146 None of us have to "go to" anyone. 507 00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:43,682 And the idea we do is a mental illness 508 00:18:43,749 --> 00:18:45,750 we contracted from breath mint commercials 509 00:18:45,818 --> 00:18:47,117 and Sandra bullock. 510 00:18:47,185 --> 00:18:48,919 We can't keep going to each other 511 00:18:48,986 --> 00:18:53,156 until we learn to go to ourselves. 512 00:18:53,225 --> 00:18:56,827 Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job 513 00:18:56,894 --> 00:18:59,697 and just stop hating ourselves. 514 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:04,234 [Screaming on TV] 515 00:19:04,301 --> 00:19:07,604 [Door opens, closes] 516 00:19:07,671 --> 00:19:10,106 Annie, I want you to take my phone. 517 00:19:10,173 --> 00:19:11,907 Do not let me call Chang. 518 00:19:11,975 --> 00:19:15,745 I'm locking myself in your room. 519 00:19:16,847 --> 00:19:18,380 What are you guys doing out here? 520 00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:19,914 Self-actualizing. 521 00:19:19,982 --> 00:19:21,283 Well, it's loud. 522 00:19:21,351 --> 00:19:23,685 Come watch Blade. 523 00:19:23,753 --> 00:19:26,388 Okay. 524 00:19:58,986 --> 00:20:00,887 This movie is fantastic. 525 00:20:02,425 --> 00:20:11,969 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com. 526 00:20:14,582 --> 00:20:16,353 Y'all ever notice that cold spot in the hallway? 527 00:20:16,473 --> 00:20:17,117 Oh, yeah! 528 00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:19,286 That thing is freezing! 529 00:20:19,353 --> 00:20:21,453 You know what could learn a lesson from that cold spot? 530 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:24,690 The air conditioning unit in my living room. 531 00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:26,959 Ladies and gentlemen, 532 00:20:27,027 --> 00:20:28,261 so yesterday, typical Sunday. 533 00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,328 I was hanging out in my dreamatorium. 534 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,696 Whoo! 535 00:20:30,764 --> 00:20:32,331 This ever happen to you guys? 536 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,033 I couldn't remember where I imagined the door. 537 00:20:34,101 --> 00:20:35,168 [Troy chuckling] 538 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:38,303 Then I realized I was in an actual bathroom. 539 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:42,640 Uh, no offense, but this material 540 00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,609 seems pretty specific to your apartment. 541 00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:46,845 I don't think it'll work at an open mic. 542 00:20:52,217 --> 00:20:53,350 Y'all ever notice the difference 543 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,619 between me and Troy brushing our teeth? 544 00:20:55,687 --> 00:20:58,722 I brush my teeth like this. 545 00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:01,658 Troy brushes his teeth like this. 546 00:21:02,994 --> 00:21:04,061 [Chuckling] I do! 547 00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,263 I do! I brush my teeth just like that. 548 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:07,977 Now you know what I'm gonna talk about next. 549 00:21:08,097 --> 00:21:09,590 Troy and Abed: Toaster oven! 550 00:21:09,710 --> 00:21:11,156 It's from his album.