1 00:00:00,250 --> 00:00:01,583 Best friends, best friends... 2 00:00:01,703 --> 00:00:02,771 ♪ Making a cake ♪ - Wait. 3 00:00:02,838 --> 00:00:03,972 Ah. 4 00:00:04,039 --> 00:00:05,073 ♪ Best friends, best friends ♪ 5 00:00:05,141 --> 00:00:06,374 ♪ making a cake ♪ - Pyoo! 6 00:00:06,669 --> 00:00:08,337 I never thought I'd miss it. 7 00:00:08,405 --> 00:00:10,920 How come I'm not best friends with anyone in the group? 8 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,085 Aw! 9 00:00:12,205 --> 00:00:13,618 Don't patronize me. 10 00:00:13,687 --> 00:00:14,953 Oh. 11 00:00:15,021 --> 00:00:16,555 ♪ She'll be coming around the mountain ♪ 12 00:00:16,622 --> 00:00:18,389 ♪ when she comes, whoo-whoo ♪ 13 00:00:18,456 --> 00:00:19,724 Just letting the students know 14 00:00:19,792 --> 00:00:21,425 that if you're on campus this weekend, 15 00:00:21,493 --> 00:00:23,227 you'll have to park on the street 16 00:00:23,295 --> 00:00:24,729 because of the carnival. 17 00:00:24,797 --> 00:00:27,598 On an unrelated note, I'm into trains now. 18 00:00:27,666 --> 00:00:29,167 A real carnival? 19 00:00:29,234 --> 00:00:31,435 Is the company called red beard's amusements? 20 00:00:31,503 --> 00:00:32,703 Name rings a bell. 21 00:00:32,770 --> 00:00:34,137 But with me, that could mean anything. 22 00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:35,972 I wonder. 23 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,374 I have an ex-boyfriend that travels with a carnival. 24 00:00:41,846 --> 00:00:43,146 I'm sorry, Britta. 25 00:00:43,214 --> 00:00:44,915 Some things are funny because they make no sense. 26 00:00:44,982 --> 00:00:47,050 And that is not one of them. 27 00:00:47,118 --> 00:00:50,452 Well, it looks like my news has incited some doings. 28 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,722 And if that's not my job, what is? 29 00:00:52,789 --> 00:00:55,424 Choo choo! 30 00:00:55,491 --> 00:00:57,659 Well, you're also supposed to-- 31 00:00:57,728 --> 00:01:00,295 Eh. Administrate the school. 32 00:01:00,363 --> 00:01:03,232 So, Britta, tell us about your carnival worker boyfriend. 33 00:01:03,299 --> 00:01:05,066 Why, so you all can get a big laugh? 34 00:01:05,134 --> 00:01:06,267 - Yeah. - I'd love to have a laugh. 35 00:01:06,335 --> 00:01:07,468 The exact reason. 36 00:01:07,536 --> 00:01:09,704 Fine. I'm not ashamed of my past. 37 00:01:09,772 --> 00:01:11,106 And if it entertains you guys, 38 00:01:11,173 --> 00:01:13,674 that's great because we're friends. 39 00:01:13,743 --> 00:01:15,309 His name is Blade and... 40 00:01:16,746 --> 00:01:17,912 What? Oh, no, Britta! 41 00:01:17,980 --> 00:01:20,314 She invoked friendship to undercut the laugh, 44 00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,719 Shouldn't new line cinema be suing him? 45 00:01:25,787 --> 00:01:28,021 He was called that before that stupid movie. 46 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:30,891 He was called that before the fantastic movie. 47 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,392 And it was a marvel comic in 1973. 48 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,660 Well, nerd alert. 49 00:01:33,728 --> 00:01:35,462 Well, ex-boyfriend named Blade alert. 50 00:01:36,731 --> 00:01:39,398 Her love life makes Pierce seem with it. 51 00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:40,800 Her pain unifies us. 52 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,302 She has the king Arthur of bad taste in men. 53 00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,371 I'm glad you guys are reacting this way. 54 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,907 I need to be reminded that he is the worst on earth. 55 00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:50,076 Because if he comes through town and calls me, 56 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,677 I will be there in five minutes. 57 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,112 - I don't understand. - Uh, Andre much? 58 00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:56,014 - Okay, I understand. - I don't. 59 00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:57,149 - You will. - What's that mean? 60 00:01:57,216 --> 00:01:59,017 - He's hung. - Oh, God! 61 00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:00,318 Pierce, you're disgusting. 62 00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:01,820 Just like that I'm disgusting again. 63 00:02:01,888 --> 00:02:04,990 I was one of the gang. It was in my hand. 64 00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:06,724 Sometimes, a woman meets a man 65 00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,693 that she just can't shake from her system 66 00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,394 no matter much she knows better. 67 00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:12,663 I lucked out with Andre, but God help me. 68 00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:14,398 As you all know, there's not a lot he couldn't get away with. 69 00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:17,234 So what, Britta? You're in love with a guy 70 00:02:17,302 --> 00:02:19,203 who's named after a kickboxing vampire movie? 71 00:02:19,271 --> 00:02:21,839 A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie. 72 00:02:21,907 --> 00:02:25,175 No, I don't believe in love because of this guy... 73 00:02:25,242 --> 00:02:27,576 Named after a kickboxing vampire movie. 74 00:02:27,644 --> 00:02:28,978 Oh, Britta! 75 00:02:29,046 --> 00:02:30,613 Oh, sweetie. 76 00:02:30,681 --> 00:02:31,614 You wanna watch Blade tonight? 77 00:02:31,682 --> 00:02:32,816 Yes. 78 00:02:32,883 --> 00:02:36,853 ♪ Give me some rope, time in a tree ♪ 79 00:02:36,921 --> 00:02:39,755 ♪ give me the hope to run out of steam ♪ 80 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:42,991 ♪ somebody said we could be here ♪ 81 00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:46,962 ♪ we could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year ♪ 82 00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:57,573 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com. 83 00:02:59,674 --> 00:03:02,076 Ugh, I love that I have a locker now. 84 00:03:02,144 --> 00:03:03,811 All that wasted time going to my car 85 00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:06,047 for mid-afternoon wardrobe adjustments. 86 00:03:06,114 --> 00:03:08,716 What do you think, hmm? Stick with what's working? 87 00:03:08,783 --> 00:03:09,884 You're gonna change your shirt? 88 00:03:09,952 --> 00:03:11,418 Not if it's working. 89 00:03:11,486 --> 00:03:13,486 - It's not working. - Yeah. 90 00:03:13,554 --> 00:03:15,521 You're right. I knew it. 91 00:03:15,589 --> 00:03:18,424 - I'll have what she's having. - Hey, grow up, lady! 92 00:03:18,492 --> 00:03:20,927 - Annie! - His shirt wasn't working! 93 00:03:20,995 --> 00:03:22,295 I need your help. 94 00:03:22,363 --> 00:03:23,730 It Blade's carnival that's coming. 95 00:03:23,797 --> 00:03:25,765 He's working the BB gun duck-shooting gallery. 96 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,667 I guess he finally got the promotion. 97 00:03:27,735 --> 00:03:29,101 And he will call me. 98 00:03:29,169 --> 00:03:30,469 And left unattended, 99 00:03:30,536 --> 00:03:32,471 I will end up doing him like a crossword, 100 00:03:32,538 --> 00:03:34,039 and I will regret it. 101 00:03:34,107 --> 00:03:35,374 So I need you to take my phone, 102 00:03:35,441 --> 00:03:36,708 and don't give it back until Monday! 103 00:03:36,776 --> 00:03:37,709 Of course. Okay. 104 00:03:37,777 --> 00:03:39,211 - For real? - Pipe it! 105 00:03:39,279 --> 00:03:41,313 And I need to stay with you this weekend. 106 00:03:41,381 --> 00:03:44,083 Not just stay with you, I need to be on lockdown. 107 00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,684 You were a pillhead, so think of Blade as Adderall. 108 00:03:46,752 --> 00:03:48,419 And handcuff me to the radiator 109 00:03:48,487 --> 00:03:50,922 like a mother-flipping carny-banging werewolf. 110 00:03:50,990 --> 00:03:52,456 I got this. I got this. 111 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:53,791 Our apartment has central heating, 112 00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:55,426 but I get the idea-- stay strong. 113 00:03:55,494 --> 00:03:57,962 Man, I wonder how many women I've affected this way. 114 00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,163 Ha ha! 115 00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:04,401 Whoo whoo! 116 00:04:04,468 --> 00:04:06,669 All aboard the human being railway! 117 00:04:06,737 --> 00:04:08,471 Next stop, spo-- 118 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:09,940 - I'll get to the point. 119 00:04:10,008 --> 00:04:11,608 I'd like your student Troy Barnes 120 00:04:11,675 --> 00:04:14,077 enrolled in the air conditioning repair program immediately. 121 00:04:14,145 --> 00:04:17,280 Oh, a wonderful opportunity for a young man of... 122 00:04:17,347 --> 00:04:18,881 Urban race. 123 00:04:18,949 --> 00:04:21,850 Yet try as I might, I'm unable to make him see it that way. 124 00:04:21,919 --> 00:04:24,753 I need you to change his mind. 125 00:04:24,821 --> 00:04:26,956 But if he's not interested, what can I do? 126 00:04:27,024 --> 00:04:29,525 Dean, have we forgotten that your school 127 00:04:29,592 --> 00:04:32,028 is under the ac repair school's thumb? 128 00:04:32,095 --> 00:04:33,494 Uh, we have not. 129 00:04:33,562 --> 00:04:36,697 Then mine is not to tell you how to do what I want done. 130 00:04:36,765 --> 00:04:38,333 Mine is to want 131 00:04:38,401 --> 00:04:41,202 and to say my want. 132 00:04:41,270 --> 00:04:43,138 Yours is to know and to do. 133 00:04:43,205 --> 00:04:44,839 I know exactly what to do. 134 00:04:47,643 --> 00:04:52,846 Natalie, could you get me a, um, book on how to do things? 135 00:04:52,914 --> 00:04:54,949 You know what, just make me a scotch and soda. 136 00:04:55,016 --> 00:04:56,850 - Make it yourself! - I don't know how. 137 00:04:58,519 --> 00:04:59,920 I love Blade's special Blade weapons. 138 00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:01,788 Yeah, see that sword? It has two blades. 139 00:05:01,856 --> 00:05:03,023 One blade is silver, 140 00:05:03,091 --> 00:05:04,191 the other blade is infused with garlic. 141 00:05:04,259 --> 00:05:06,192 - I should check my messages. - No. 142 00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:08,627 Guys, could we maybe watch a different movie 143 00:05:08,695 --> 00:05:10,830 or just stop saying that word six times per minute? 144 00:05:10,897 --> 00:05:12,198 - What word? - Blade. 145 00:05:12,266 --> 00:05:13,399 Oh, because of Britta's ex-boyfriend. 146 00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:14,767 Can you check my messages for me 147 00:05:14,835 --> 00:05:15,969 and tell me if he called? 148 00:05:16,036 --> 00:05:17,236 I don't think that's a good idea. 149 00:05:17,304 --> 00:05:18,571 What if my mother died? 150 00:05:18,638 --> 00:05:20,473 You guys are really talking over Blade. 151 00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,807 - Not cool! - Annie, subdue your guest. 152 00:05:22,875 --> 00:05:24,509 Annie, think for one second. 153 00:05:24,577 --> 00:05:26,744 You have my phone, and you're not even checking it. 154 00:05:26,812 --> 00:05:28,080 What if my mother is dying? 155 00:05:28,147 --> 00:05:29,481 This is junkie talk. 156 00:05:29,548 --> 00:05:30,949 You just wanna know where your phone's hidden. 157 00:05:31,017 --> 00:05:32,484 I just wanna know if my mother is dying. 158 00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:35,187 It's a simple yes or no. I'll cover my eyes. 159 00:05:35,254 --> 00:05:36,788 You go check my phone and say, 160 00:05:36,856 --> 00:05:39,756 "No, your mother isn't dying" or "Yes, your mother is dying," 161 00:05:39,824 --> 00:05:43,294 and then we go back to watching the film. 162 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:56,806 Give it to me! 163 00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:58,574 That's right, Britta. It's a banana. 164 00:05:58,642 --> 00:06:01,077 Why is there a banana in your DVD cabinet? 165 00:06:01,145 --> 00:06:03,513 Read the banana, Britta. 166 00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,581 "You are a lying junkie." 167 00:06:05,649 --> 00:06:07,083 I'm sure those words hurt. 168 00:06:07,151 --> 00:06:10,352 But you wouldn't be reading them if they weren't true. 169 00:06:10,420 --> 00:06:13,855 I am so weak. 170 00:06:13,923 --> 00:06:16,791 But we are not defined by our limitations. 171 00:06:16,859 --> 00:06:19,128 We are defined by our potentials. 172 00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:20,695 I have the potential to watch Blade. 173 00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:23,265 You two are bad friends! Bad. 174 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:25,533 That's unfair. What about you guys? 175 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,002 Okay, you don't like our movie, we can't say the word "Blade," 176 00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,570 there's phones in the refrigerator. 177 00:06:29,638 --> 00:06:31,039 Oops. 178 00:06:31,106 --> 00:06:33,274 - Troy, Abed! - Let me see if he called! 179 00:06:33,342 --> 00:06:35,576 I have a right to know! You're monsters! 180 00:06:35,644 --> 00:06:38,312 You're Hitlers! You're racist pedophiles! 181 00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:40,281 You're the opposites of Batman! 182 00:06:40,349 --> 00:06:41,614 You don't know what that means. 183 00:06:41,682 --> 00:06:43,783 Gonna rip out your throats and eat your-- 184 00:06:43,851 --> 00:06:45,252 Still think the lock was overkill? 185 00:06:45,319 --> 00:06:46,986 No. 186 00:06:47,055 --> 00:06:48,988 There's phones in the refrigerator. 187 00:06:49,057 --> 00:06:51,724 It's you. 188 00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:58,764 ♪ Boys' night! ♪ 189 00:06:58,831 --> 00:07:00,166 I need help reacting to something. 190 00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:01,647 Hi! 191 00:07:05,754 --> 00:07:07,968 I heard it's just a quick icky play. 192 00:07:08,088 --> 00:07:09,077 You tell anyone we did this, 193 00:07:09,197 --> 00:07:10,910 I will stop letting you do things with me 194 00:07:10,978 --> 00:07:12,445 I'm afraid to tell anyone about. 195 00:07:12,512 --> 00:07:13,385 Hey, I get it. 196 00:07:13,505 --> 00:07:14,703 You wanna take a look at Britta's ex-boyfriend. 197 00:07:14,823 --> 00:07:16,643 If you did it by yourself, you'd be weird. 198 00:07:18,285 --> 00:07:19,751 You're the only one that really understands me. 199 00:07:19,819 --> 00:07:20,483 Oh, funky. 200 00:07:20,603 --> 00:07:21,502 Ha! 201 00:07:22,112 --> 00:07:23,467 What, are you guys on a date? 202 00:07:23,785 --> 00:07:25,652 Pretty awkward. Look what Pierce won me. 203 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,154 What is this? 204 00:07:27,222 --> 00:07:29,534 I decided to go outside the group for a best friend. 205 00:07:29,654 --> 00:07:30,954 And you couldn't do better than Chang? 206 00:07:31,021 --> 00:07:32,121 You take that back! 207 00:07:32,189 --> 00:07:33,623 He could do plenty better than me. 208 00:07:33,691 --> 00:07:35,591 I was the first to say yes. 209 00:07:35,659 --> 00:07:36,792 Well, have fun forcing life. 210 00:07:36,860 --> 00:07:39,094 We will. 211 00:07:39,162 --> 00:07:40,429 What do you wanna do next? 212 00:07:40,497 --> 00:07:41,731 - Cotton candy? - Russian roulette? 213 00:07:41,798 --> 00:07:44,367 - What did you say? - Cotton candy sounds great. 214 00:07:45,935 --> 00:07:48,871 Oh, thank you. 215 00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:54,509 That's it? Huh. 216 00:07:54,577 --> 00:07:56,378 Hmm. He's not as good-looking as you. 217 00:07:56,445 --> 00:07:58,045 - I wasn't fishing for that. - No, no, no. 218 00:07:58,113 --> 00:08:00,582 I offered it freely. Come on, I wanna go on a ride. 219 00:08:00,649 --> 00:08:01,750 This is a window for me. 220 00:08:01,817 --> 00:08:03,217 I spent my carnival years pregnant. 221 00:08:03,285 --> 00:08:04,552 Shirley, I'm not jealous. 222 00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:05,987 I just wanted to see what the deal was. 223 00:08:06,054 --> 00:08:07,821 Obviously the deal is he's a dirtball, 224 00:08:07,889 --> 00:08:09,990 Britta hates herself, voila. 225 00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,324 What do you wanna do? 226 00:08:11,393 --> 00:08:12,626 I'd like to go on a ride. 227 00:08:12,694 --> 00:08:14,327 Let's go shoot some ducks. 228 00:08:14,396 --> 00:08:16,129 Jeffrey! 229 00:08:16,197 --> 00:08:17,964 Eight of clubs. I win. 230 00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:20,267 Nice! 231 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,102 - How are you feeling? - Good. 232 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,237 Great, actually. Thank you, Annie. 233 00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:26,739 I could've never done this without you. 234 00:08:26,807 --> 00:08:28,307 I'm glad to be able to help you. 235 00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,642 I want you to know-- 236 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:30,810 and I've never said these words-- 237 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,244 but I've always felt them. 238 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,413 You're a sister to me. 239 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,249 Britta! 240 00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,984 Whoo! 241 00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,386 Hey, little sis, 242 00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,288 do you think you could trust me to have my phone back now? 243 00:08:43,355 --> 00:08:44,989 I've got my email on there, 244 00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:47,358 my calendar, homework assignments. 245 00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,660 I'm kinda screwed without it. 246 00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,995 You're not just manipulating me, right? 247 00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:53,865 Oh, because of... Oh, jeez. 248 00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:56,133 Yeah, whatever. That's over, Annie. 249 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,301 Seriously. 250 00:08:57,368 --> 00:08:59,804 Okay, I have it right here. 251 00:08:59,871 --> 00:09:01,639 It's a gateway to further trust. 252 00:09:01,706 --> 00:09:03,140 Perfect. Thank you. 253 00:09:03,207 --> 00:09:07,478 Love the gateway. Honoring the gateway. 254 00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:10,047 I have to call my doctor for some results. 255 00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:12,348 Don't worry, I'm fine. It's just a little personal. 256 00:09:12,416 --> 00:09:15,485 You need privacy, sure thing. I'll check on you later. 257 00:09:15,553 --> 00:09:18,020 Bye. Thank you, sweetie. 258 00:09:21,992 --> 00:09:24,260 Boy, this guy doesn't give vampires 259 00:09:24,328 --> 00:09:25,628 a square inch of leeway. 260 00:09:25,696 --> 00:09:27,062 He's harsh. 261 00:09:29,499 --> 00:09:31,433 What's wrong, Annie? 262 00:09:31,501 --> 00:09:32,801 You came out of the bedroom smiling, 263 00:09:32,869 --> 00:09:35,003 and then your smile faded as you leaned against the door. 264 00:09:35,071 --> 00:09:36,605 I gave Britta her phone. 265 00:09:36,673 --> 00:09:38,340 You did? Why? 266 00:09:38,407 --> 00:09:40,576 She needs to feel trust to recover, or she'll relapse. 267 00:09:40,643 --> 00:09:42,643 She's gonna relapse because you gave her her phone. 268 00:09:42,711 --> 00:09:44,879 No, I secretly switched Blade's number in her phone 269 00:09:44,947 --> 00:09:46,213 to my number. 270 00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:47,515 So if she tries to get in touch with him, 271 00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:49,216 - it'll come to me. - That's diabolical. 272 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,885 Yeah, you're just like Blade, man. 273 00:09:50,953 --> 00:09:52,219 Straight up. 274 00:09:52,287 --> 00:09:53,988 I just hope she can find the strength to-- 275 00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:57,592 She's probably just telling him 276 00:09:57,659 --> 00:09:59,693 she's...dying to feel the warmth of his... 277 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,095 Are you kidding me? 278 00:10:02,162 --> 00:10:04,130 She said we were sisters. 279 00:10:04,198 --> 00:10:07,200 I am so sad right now. 280 00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:10,737 And she is so codependent! 281 00:10:10,805 --> 00:10:12,071 And such a bad speller. 282 00:10:17,677 --> 00:10:19,712 Nice shootin'. Tough luck. 283 00:10:19,779 --> 00:10:22,515 Thanks. I'll go another round. 284 00:10:22,582 --> 00:10:24,850 There's room in our bed for three bears, right, honey? 285 00:10:24,918 --> 00:10:26,552 And then some, sugar. 286 00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:28,086 You're very nice... 287 00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:30,122 For a man named... What'd you say it was? Blade? 288 00:10:30,189 --> 00:10:31,489 Yup. 289 00:10:31,557 --> 00:10:33,290 But that's a carnival name though, right? 290 00:10:33,358 --> 00:10:35,560 A nom de corn dog? 291 00:10:35,628 --> 00:10:36,895 Why would I have a carnival name? 292 00:10:36,962 --> 00:10:38,195 Your parents named you Blade? 293 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,564 Apparently. 294 00:10:39,632 --> 00:10:42,166 Well, you seem okay with it. 295 00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:44,268 Not much to do about it. 296 00:10:44,336 --> 00:10:45,269 You could change it. 297 00:10:45,337 --> 00:10:48,572 To what? Templeton Ferrari III? 298 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,607 Won't change how mustard tastes. 299 00:10:50,675 --> 00:10:52,910 I'll be right back. 300 00:10:52,977 --> 00:10:55,012 Huh. Won't change how mustard tastes. 301 00:10:55,079 --> 00:10:57,113 I get it. I see the appeal. 302 00:10:57,181 --> 00:10:58,949 He's relaxed, he's cool. 303 00:10:59,017 --> 00:11:02,618 N-not as cool as you. 304 00:11:02,686 --> 00:11:05,220 Mr. Blade. I want three more rounds. 305 00:11:05,288 --> 00:11:06,455 Jeffrey! 306 00:11:06,523 --> 00:11:07,823 Not gonna change the way mustard tastes. 307 00:11:07,891 --> 00:11:09,224 Oh, and you're so cool, Shirley. 308 00:11:09,292 --> 00:11:10,893 Sometimes I am. 309 00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:15,097 How many times are they gonna do that? 310 00:11:15,165 --> 00:11:16,766 Aw, this is it, isn't it? 311 00:11:16,833 --> 00:11:18,167 We're becoming best friends. 312 00:11:18,234 --> 00:11:21,770 I think so. I think so. 313 00:11:21,837 --> 00:11:26,240 ♪ Would you let me be your best friend ♪ 314 00:11:26,308 --> 00:11:29,711 ♪ I would call you every day ♪ 315 00:11:31,013 --> 00:11:35,215 Oh, my God! One after the other! 316 00:11:35,283 --> 00:11:37,017 "I'm texting to tell you I'm not texting you any more. 317 00:11:37,085 --> 00:11:39,419 "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. 318 00:11:39,487 --> 00:11:41,488 "Are you mad at me now? 319 00:11:41,556 --> 00:11:43,724 Fine. I guess you don't wanna know our two-year-old." 320 00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:45,125 Can we please just put it 321 00:11:45,193 --> 00:11:46,393 under a stack of mattresses or something? 322 00:11:46,461 --> 00:11:47,895 I don't know. When is she gonna take a hint? 323 00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:50,030 Britta's attracted to unavailable men. 324 00:11:50,098 --> 00:11:53,132 - Dean, why are you here? - Ouch. 325 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,168 Fine. Let's make him available. 326 00:11:56,236 --> 00:11:58,170 - What are you doing? - Ending this. 327 00:11:58,238 --> 00:12:01,207 - "Leave me alone." - No! 328 00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:04,176 That's so much worse. 329 00:12:04,244 --> 00:12:06,278 See? She stopped. 330 00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:12,751 She's calling him? 331 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,185 She was born in the '80s. 332 00:12:14,253 --> 00:12:15,954 She still uses her phone as a phone. 333 00:12:16,022 --> 00:12:17,388 - Uh-oh. - That's fine, it's fine. 334 00:12:17,456 --> 00:12:20,492 - We just won't answer it. - Won't it go to your voicemail? 335 00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:25,262 Hello? Blade? 336 00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:33,070 There you go. 337 00:12:33,138 --> 00:12:34,471 I don't know! 338 00:12:34,539 --> 00:12:36,774 Change your settings so it doesn't go to voicemail. 339 00:12:36,842 --> 00:12:39,075 Too late. 340 00:12:39,143 --> 00:12:41,711 You guys act like a carnival. Be a carnival. 341 00:12:41,779 --> 00:12:43,713 Now! 342 00:12:43,781 --> 00:12:45,682 - Step right up! - Ding, ding, ding! 343 00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:47,150 Get your popcorn here. 344 00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:50,120 - Hello? - Busy, babe. 345 00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:51,855 Blade, just wait. Wait, Bla... 346 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:56,258 I told you not to call me at work! 347 00:12:56,325 --> 00:12:58,694 "I'm sorry, I forgot. 348 00:12:58,762 --> 00:13:00,629 Don't be mad at me." 349 00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:02,731 She's whipped by an imaginary douche. 350 00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:05,567 Hey, don't knock it till you try it. 351 00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:07,602 I got my fake bachelor's degree, 352 00:13:07,671 --> 00:13:09,705 and then I cheated on the LSAT. 353 00:13:09,773 --> 00:13:11,706 You're probably wondering, how do you cheat on the LSAT? 354 00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:12,974 How? 355 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,441 A magician never reveals his secrets, my friend. 356 00:13:14,509 --> 00:13:16,210 Ah. 357 00:13:19,314 --> 00:13:22,449 - Yeah! In your face! - Good job. 358 00:13:22,517 --> 00:13:25,252 Uh, give me the big one! Yeah, that's the one. 359 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,487 Yeah. 360 00:13:27,555 --> 00:13:28,889 Not too shabby, huh? 361 00:13:28,956 --> 00:13:31,024 Yeah, you really did it, baby. 362 00:13:31,092 --> 00:13:32,492 So you dropped out of high school 363 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,061 and joined the carnival. 364 00:13:34,128 --> 00:13:35,662 And 15 years later, here you are. 365 00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:37,297 - Jeffrey! - Guess that's about it. 366 00:13:37,364 --> 00:13:38,865 So what's the record? 367 00:13:38,933 --> 00:13:40,433 What's the best anyone's ever done in this booth? 368 00:13:40,501 --> 00:13:43,169 - I guess eight ducks. - All right, one more round. 369 00:13:43,236 --> 00:13:44,336 One more round. 370 00:13:44,404 --> 00:13:46,238 - Jeff? - Honey? 371 00:13:46,306 --> 00:13:47,907 Will you excuse us just for a moment, please? 372 00:13:47,974 --> 00:13:49,108 Certainly. 373 00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:51,243 Can you get over here? 374 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,781 - What is your end game here? - I don't know. 375 00:13:55,849 --> 00:13:57,449 - I wanna know. - Wanna know what? 376 00:13:57,517 --> 00:13:59,417 I wanna know what drove Britta crazy about him. 377 00:13:59,484 --> 00:14:01,953 Are you jealous? Are you in love with Britta? 378 00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:03,254 No, I am not in love with Britta. 379 00:14:03,322 --> 00:14:04,789 And yes, I'm insanely jealous of him. 380 00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:06,257 What's his secret? 381 00:14:06,325 --> 00:14:08,159 Why do you wanna know the secret to making a woman psycho? 382 00:14:08,227 --> 00:14:09,994 Why do we wanna know how to blow up the earth 383 00:14:10,062 --> 00:14:11,963 or grow a human ear on a mouse? 384 00:14:12,031 --> 00:14:13,464 In case we have to, Shirley. 385 00:14:13,532 --> 00:14:14,798 In case we have to. 386 00:14:14,866 --> 00:14:17,768 - I'm going to find Pierce. - Good! 387 00:14:17,836 --> 00:14:20,437 One of those bears is mine! 388 00:14:20,504 --> 00:14:22,972 So this is best friendship. 389 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,406 Something else, isn't it? 390 00:14:24,474 --> 00:14:25,808 How do we keep it going? 391 00:14:25,876 --> 00:14:27,143 How do we know we won't get into a fight? 392 00:14:27,211 --> 00:14:28,778 I say we just let it happen. 393 00:14:28,846 --> 00:14:31,080 Don't tell me what to do! 394 00:14:31,148 --> 00:14:32,415 - What's your problem? - What's yours? 395 00:14:32,535 --> 00:14:34,044 I'm outta here! 396 00:14:36,386 --> 00:14:40,588 ♪ This is the last time ♪ 397 00:14:40,656 --> 00:14:45,426 ♪ this is the last time I'll see you smile ♪ 398 00:14:45,461 --> 00:14:47,495 ♪ good-bye ♪ 399 00:14:47,596 --> 00:14:49,831 ♪ my friend ♪ 400 00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:53,835 ♪ I'll miss you every night ♪ 401 00:14:57,739 --> 00:14:59,473 ♪ good-bye ♪ 402 00:15:06,512 --> 00:15:09,547 Blade, 'sup? Message. 403 00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:13,017 Okay. We can stop worrying about voicemail now. 404 00:15:13,085 --> 00:15:14,586 Back to the matter at hand. 405 00:15:14,653 --> 00:15:16,120 Now what are you doing? 406 00:15:16,188 --> 00:15:18,488 - Dean, why are you here? - Yikes. 407 00:15:18,556 --> 00:15:20,657 I figured it out. I know exactly what to do. 408 00:15:20,725 --> 00:15:23,560 I'm just gonna be really, really, really mean to her. 409 00:15:23,628 --> 00:15:24,794 Uh. 410 00:15:24,862 --> 00:15:26,162 What don't you get about the concept? 411 00:15:26,231 --> 00:15:29,233 Britta likes guys who are mean to her. 412 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,401 She doesn't like herself. 413 00:15:31,469 --> 00:15:34,403 Give me the phone. 414 00:15:39,276 --> 00:15:41,043 What did you say? 415 00:15:41,111 --> 00:15:42,278 Something nice. 416 00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:44,380 Don't worry about it. 417 00:15:44,448 --> 00:15:48,784 I'm deleting it from your phone. 418 00:15:48,852 --> 00:15:51,286 - Hi. - What's up? 419 00:15:51,354 --> 00:15:53,788 You guys still watching movies? 420 00:15:56,292 --> 00:15:57,459 Hi, Dean. Why are you here? 421 00:15:57,526 --> 00:15:59,861 Hi, Britta. And ouch. 422 00:15:59,928 --> 00:16:01,529 And you don't know anything about carpentry. 423 00:16:01,597 --> 00:16:02,930 - Nope. - Or aquariums-- 424 00:16:02,998 --> 00:16:04,599 freshwater or saltwater. 425 00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,567 - Do you have a big weiner? - Nope. 426 00:16:06,635 --> 00:16:08,369 I don't get it, Blade! 427 00:16:08,436 --> 00:16:11,171 What's your secret? Why do I wanna impress you? 428 00:16:11,239 --> 00:16:15,309 Are you dumb or smart? Are you a loser or winner? 429 00:16:15,377 --> 00:16:16,943 Or are you just a human mirror? 430 00:16:17,011 --> 00:16:18,712 Do we all see what we wanna see in you? 431 00:16:18,780 --> 00:16:21,749 A magician never reveals, right? 432 00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,885 Right. 433 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:28,688 Later. 434 00:16:28,756 --> 00:16:31,056 Okay. 435 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:35,361 You dropped over 300 bucks on my booth, so I'll tell ya. 436 00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:36,929 You wanna know my secret? 437 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:40,399 Yes. 438 00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,735 Yes, I do. 439 00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,640 What are you doing? 440 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,141 I wanna know. 441 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,143 Okay, I'm sorry. 442 00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,845 I was texting with Blade, but it's over now. 443 00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:58,783 He's...a loser. 444 00:17:00,919 --> 00:17:02,186 Good night. 445 00:17:02,253 --> 00:17:04,722 Uh, uh, uh... Troy! 446 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,190 You should really join 447 00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:07,991 the air conditioning repair program. 448 00:17:08,059 --> 00:17:09,927 - No. - Well, that didn't work. 449 00:17:09,994 --> 00:17:11,394 That's what I get for improvising. 450 00:17:11,462 --> 00:17:14,397 Good night. 451 00:17:14,465 --> 00:17:15,898 So I don't get it. 452 00:17:15,966 --> 00:17:18,401 He's a vampire, but he can walk around during the day? 453 00:17:18,469 --> 00:17:22,505 - What...is wrong with you? - Huh? 454 00:17:22,573 --> 00:17:24,708 You weren't texting Blade, you were texting us. 455 00:17:24,775 --> 00:17:26,675 I switched Blade's number in your phone to mine. 456 00:17:26,743 --> 00:17:29,978 - You tricked me? - You tricked me! 457 00:17:30,046 --> 00:17:32,247 You ask for my help, you tell me I'm your sister, 458 00:17:32,315 --> 00:17:35,917 I do everything I can to make you hate this turd, 459 00:17:35,985 --> 00:17:38,854 and the first nice thing he says, and you're over him? 460 00:17:38,921 --> 00:17:41,457 Who are you? 461 00:17:41,524 --> 00:17:42,857 And why didn't it stick? 462 00:17:42,924 --> 00:17:46,894 I was texting with you guys this whole time? 463 00:17:46,962 --> 00:17:50,565 So Blade...isn't a loser! 464 00:17:50,632 --> 00:17:52,032 Uh-oh. 465 00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:55,837 No, let her go. Lost cause, man. 466 00:17:55,904 --> 00:17:57,805 Jeff! What are you doing here? 467 00:17:57,873 --> 00:17:59,439 I just got back from the carnival... 468 00:17:59,507 --> 00:18:00,574 Where I met Blade. 469 00:18:00,641 --> 00:18:01,708 Is he okay? How is he? 470 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,109 He's brain damaged. 471 00:18:03,177 --> 00:18:05,044 - Well, let's not be petty. - No, I'm serious. 472 00:18:05,112 --> 00:18:06,346 He showed me the scar. 473 00:18:06,414 --> 00:18:08,515 Ten years ago, before he even met you, 474 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:10,984 a loose bolt flew off a Ferris wheel 475 00:18:11,051 --> 00:18:12,486 and imbedded in his skull, 476 00:18:12,553 --> 00:18:17,390 destroying the part of his brain that feels shame. 477 00:18:17,457 --> 00:18:20,893 He's basically irresistible to people for the same reason 478 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,329 he can pretty much only work at a carnival. 479 00:18:24,398 --> 00:18:26,665 He has nothing to prove or disprove 480 00:18:26,733 --> 00:18:29,368 about himself or to himself. 481 00:18:29,436 --> 00:18:30,702 He has no shame. 482 00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:32,404 Why wouldn't he have told me that? 483 00:18:32,471 --> 00:18:34,171 Because he didn't care if you knew. 484 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,474 That is so like him. 485 00:18:36,542 --> 00:18:39,143 - I have to go to him. - No, woman. 486 00:18:39,211 --> 00:18:42,346 None of us have to "go to" anyone. 487 00:18:42,415 --> 00:18:43,882 And the idea we do is a mental illness 488 00:18:43,949 --> 00:18:45,950 we contracted from breath mint commercials 489 00:18:46,018 --> 00:18:47,317 and Sandra bullock. 490 00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:49,119 We can't keep going to each other 491 00:18:49,186 --> 00:18:53,356 until we learn to go to ourselves. 492 00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:57,027 Stop making our hatred of ourselves someone else's job 493 00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,897 and just stop hating ourselves. 494 00:19:07,871 --> 00:19:10,306 Annie, I want you to take my phone. 495 00:19:10,373 --> 00:19:12,107 Do not let me call Chang. 496 00:19:12,175 --> 00:19:15,945 I'm locking myself in your room. 497 00:19:17,047 --> 00:19:18,580 What are you guys doing out here? 498 00:19:18,648 --> 00:19:20,114 Self-actualizing. 499 00:19:20,182 --> 00:19:21,483 Well, it's loud. 500 00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,885 Come watch Blade. 501 00:19:23,953 --> 00:19:26,588 Okay. 502 00:19:59,186 --> 00:20:01,087 This movie is fantastic. 503 00:20:07,682 --> 00:20:09,453 Y'all ever notice that cold spot in the hallway? 504 00:20:09,573 --> 00:20:10,217 Oh, yeah! 505 00:20:10,285 --> 00:20:12,386 That thing is freezing! 506 00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:14,553 You know what could learn a lesson from that cold spot? 507 00:20:14,621 --> 00:20:17,790 The air conditioning unit in my living room. 508 00:20:17,858 --> 00:20:20,059 Ladies and gentlemen, 509 00:20:20,127 --> 00:20:21,361 so yesterday, typical Sunday. 510 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:22,428 I was hanging out in my dreamatorium. 511 00:20:22,496 --> 00:20:23,796 Whoo! 512 00:20:23,864 --> 00:20:25,431 This ever happen to you guys? 513 00:20:25,499 --> 00:20:27,133 I couldn't remember where I imagined the door. 514 00:20:28,335 --> 00:20:31,403 Then I realized I was in an actual bathroom. 515 00:20:33,907 --> 00:20:35,740 Uh, no offense, but this material 516 00:20:35,808 --> 00:20:37,709 seems pretty specific to your apartment. 517 00:20:37,777 --> 00:20:39,945 I don't think it'll work at an open mic. 518 00:20:45,317 --> 00:20:46,450 Y'all ever notice the difference 519 00:20:46,518 --> 00:20:48,719 between me and Troy brushing our teeth? 520 00:20:48,787 --> 00:20:51,822 I brush my teeth like this. 521 00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:54,758 Troy brushes his teeth like this. 522 00:20:56,094 --> 00:20:57,161 I do! 523 00:20:57,229 --> 00:20:59,363 I do! I brush my teeth just like that. 524 00:20:59,431 --> 00:21:01,077 Now you know what I'm gonna talk about next. 525 00:21:01,197 --> 00:21:02,690 Toaster oven! 526 00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:04,256 It's from his album.