1
00:00:01,298 --> 00:00:02,894
Previously on:
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:04,369
Why don't you move in with me?
3
00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:06,047
What?
4
00:00:06,333 --> 00:00:08,050
Yeah, you and Ava
move in with me.
5
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:10,509
I love you,
and I want you in my life,
6
00:00:10,534 --> 00:00:12,186
I want... I want
to have a future with you.
7
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:14,789
If Ava and I move in,
8
00:00:14,814 --> 00:00:18,275
isn't somebody going
to have to move out?
9
00:00:20,798 --> 00:00:25,502
Hmm.
10
00:00:25,504 --> 00:00:28,588
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's the ticket.
11
00:00:31,893 --> 00:00:34,627
Yes. Out with the bad.
12
00:00:36,397 --> 00:00:37,731
Morning.
13
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,099
Morning.
14
00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:40,116
Hey, I'm glad you're up.
15
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I wanted...
16
00:00:41,303 --> 00:00:43,486
Oh, whoa.
17
00:00:43,488 --> 00:00:45,855
Sorry.
18
00:00:50,111 --> 00:00:51,978
Is that really
a good workout?
19
00:00:51,980 --> 00:00:54,364
Oh, yeah, yeah.
It's great for the circulation,
20
00:00:54,366 --> 00:00:56,816
stretches the spine.
21
00:00:56,818 --> 00:00:58,835
Your ball is hanging out.
22
00:00:58,837 --> 00:01:00,620
Oopsie-daisy.
23
00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:03,456
Back in the barn.
24
00:01:03,458 --> 00:01:06,159
Wha... All right, listen, uh,
25
00:01:06,161 --> 00:01:09,129
it's spring break this week,
so Zoey and her daughter
26
00:01:09,131 --> 00:01:11,331
are going to stay here.
Oh, that's nice.
27
00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:14,334
Yeah, it's kind of like
a... trial run.
28
00:01:14,336 --> 00:01:16,353
You know, see what it's like
to live together
29
00:01:16,355 --> 00:01:18,855
before we decide
to do anything permanent.
30
00:01:18,857 --> 00:01:20,273
Oh, that's a good idea.
31
00:01:20,275 --> 00:01:21,808
Living together is tricky.
32
00:01:23,011 --> 00:01:25,979
Ball.
33
00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,781
Sorry.
34
00:01:27,783 --> 00:01:29,032
Of course it's going
to be a little tight
35
00:01:29,034 --> 00:01:30,850
with all of us living here.
36
00:01:30,852 --> 00:01:32,518
Yeah.
37
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,571
That's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
38
00:01:34,573 --> 00:01:37,374
Oh, don't worry. I'll tell Jake
to go to his mom's.
39
00:01:37,376 --> 00:01:38,858
Good, good.
40
00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:41,161
And I'll make myself scarce.
You won't even know I'm here.
41
00:01:43,081 --> 00:01:47,700
Oop.
Stepped on a duck.
44
00:01:52,891 --> 00:01:54,540
What, wait, the whole week?
45
00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:56,343
Yeah, you and Zoey
don't really gel,
46
00:01:56,345 --> 00:01:58,228
so, I just thought
it'd be for the best.
47
00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:00,814
Oh, oh, that's fine.
Uh, but, uh, you know,
48
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:03,983
just for the record, I gel
with pretty much everybody.
49
00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:07,854
I mean, ask around,
I'm positively gelatinous.
50
00:02:07,856 --> 00:02:10,523
I know, it's her.
51
00:02:11,859 --> 00:02:13,443
So, the plan is, I come
back after a week?
52
00:02:13,445 --> 00:02:16,579
Uh, you might want to think of
this as a trial run of your own.
53
00:02:16,581 --> 00:02:18,665
I mean, in case
Zoey and I do decide to
54
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:20,066
live together permanently.
55
00:02:20,068 --> 00:02:22,252
Sure, sure, I get it.
56
00:02:22,254 --> 00:02:24,737
Uh, and, uh,
let me just add that
57
00:02:24,739 --> 00:02:26,506
no one is rooting for your
personal happiness
58
00:02:26,508 --> 00:02:27,957
more than I am.
59
00:02:27,959 --> 00:02:29,609
That's good to hear.
60
00:02:30,544 --> 00:02:32,796
Thanks, man.
Oh, no, no, no.
61
00:02:32,798 --> 00:02:36,099
Thank you, buddy.
62
00:02:40,187 --> 00:02:42,689
No reason to panic.
63
00:02:42,691 --> 00:02:45,425
Just got to find
a temporary new home...
64
00:02:56,504 --> 00:02:58,955
...and three new balls.
65
00:02:58,957 --> 00:03:01,274
♪ Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men ♪
66
00:03:01,276 --> 00:03:03,384
♪ Ah. ♪
♪ Men. ♪
67
00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:07,409
♪ Two and a Half Men 9x21 ♪
Mr. Hose Says Yes
Original Air Date on April 16, 2012
68
00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:11,434
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
69
00:03:12,335 --> 00:03:15,004
What are you doing?
I'm taking a break.
70
00:03:15,006 --> 00:03:17,473
Didn't you just get here?
71
00:03:17,475 --> 00:03:19,291
Yeah.
72
00:03:20,994 --> 00:03:22,895
Anyway,
73
00:03:22,897 --> 00:03:25,948
I just wanted
to give you a heads up
74
00:03:25,950 --> 00:03:27,816
that Zoey's going to stay here
for the week.
75
00:03:27,818 --> 00:03:30,202
Uh-huh.
And she's bringing her daughter.
76
00:03:30,204 --> 00:03:32,071
How old?
Seven.
77
00:03:32,073 --> 00:03:33,572
See ya in a week.
78
00:03:33,574 --> 00:03:35,908
Oh, come on, Berta.
79
00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:38,193
You'll love her.
She's adorable.
80
00:03:38,195 --> 00:03:39,962
Maybe to her mother,
81
00:03:39,964 --> 00:03:42,498
and someone who's trying to get
into her mother's pants.
82
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:45,551
All right, look, it's not going
to be any extra work for you.
83
00:03:45,553 --> 00:03:47,536
What ever Zoey doesn't
take care of, I'll handle.
84
00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:48,871
Really?
85
00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:50,923
You're going to take care
of a seven-year-old?
86
00:03:50,925 --> 00:03:52,725
Yeah.
We get a long great.
87
00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:54,727
And besides,
I got to learn sometime.
88
00:03:54,729 --> 00:03:58,847
I mean, if Zoey and I get
married, I'll be Ava's stepdad.
89
00:03:58,849 --> 00:04:03,018
You know, once upon a time,
90
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:06,906
a cute little boy came to live
in this house for a few days.
91
00:04:06,908 --> 00:04:08,390
Maybe you've met him.
92
00:04:08,392 --> 00:04:11,527
He's the pot-soaked
masturbating couch potato
93
00:04:11,529 --> 00:04:14,396
who eats all your cookies.
94
00:04:14,398 --> 00:04:16,749
Is he the one who
finished off my macaroons?
95
00:04:16,751 --> 00:04:19,067
Your macaroons and my pot.
96
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:24,707
My point being,
fool me once, shame on you.
97
00:04:24,709 --> 00:04:29,911
Fool me twice, I want a fully
funded 401 and a Camaro.
98
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:33,132
Come on, Berta, it's just
going to be for a week,
99
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:34,466
and it's just
the three of us.
100
00:04:34,468 --> 00:04:38,354
Really? Did Zippy
finally hang himself?
101
00:04:38,356 --> 00:04:40,222
No.
102
00:04:40,224 --> 00:04:41,757
He's going to
stay somewhere else.
103
00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:43,976
Zoey and I want to see what it's
like to live like a family,
104
00:04:43,978 --> 00:04:45,227
with a housekeeper.
105
00:04:45,229 --> 00:04:48,614
Who's got a retirement plan
and a muscle car.
106
00:04:48,616 --> 00:04:51,317
All right, look, Berta, if you
don't want to help me with this,
107
00:04:51,319 --> 00:04:52,868
I will find another housekeeper
108
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,738
who's willing to do very little
work for a very large salary
109
00:04:55,740 --> 00:04:57,439
in a Malibu beach house.
110
00:04:57,441 --> 00:05:01,961
You're cute,
but you got a mean streak.
111
00:05:05,749 --> 00:05:08,801
All right, here we are.
112
00:05:08,803 --> 00:05:09,969
What do you think?
113
00:05:09,971 --> 00:05:11,754
Oh, boy, the ocean!
114
00:05:11,756 --> 00:05:13,706
Stay on the deck!
115
00:05:13,708 --> 00:05:17,226
Oh, she's so excited, she didn't
sleep at all last night.
116
00:05:17,228 --> 00:05:18,644
Yeah, I'm kind of excited, too.
117
00:05:18,646 --> 00:05:21,814
Really? I'm terrified.
Why?
118
00:05:21,816 --> 00:05:24,400
Well, because if this little
experiment doesn't work,
119
00:05:24,402 --> 00:05:26,301
it pretty much means
we're done, doesn't it?
120
00:05:26,303 --> 00:05:30,239
Wow, now I'm terrified, too.
121
00:05:30,241 --> 00:05:32,491
Oh, hey, there she is,
122
00:05:32,493 --> 00:05:34,443
the new queen of the castle,
123
00:05:34,445 --> 00:05:37,112
uh, milady.
124
00:05:37,114 --> 00:05:38,530
Hello, Alan.
125
00:05:38,532 --> 00:05:40,148
Thank you so much
for letting my boyfriend
126
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:41,700
use his own house
for the week.
127
00:05:41,702 --> 00:05:43,085
Snidely put.
128
00:05:43,087 --> 00:05:45,037
Thank you.
So, where are you staying?
129
00:05:45,039 --> 00:05:48,257
Uh, well, I was thinking that
I was going to rent a suite
130
00:05:48,259 --> 00:05:50,342
at the Bel Air Hotel,
uh, but then I realized
131
00:05:50,344 --> 00:05:51,827
that cost money
and I have none.
132
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:55,014
So, um, I'm just going
to stay with Lyndsey.
133
00:05:55,016 --> 00:05:57,850
How wonderful for her.
134
00:05:59,970 --> 00:06:01,770
So, um,
135
00:06:01,772 --> 00:06:04,172
all right, I will, uh,
I will see you in a week.
136
00:06:04,174 --> 00:06:05,724
See ya.
In a week.
137
00:06:05,726 --> 00:06:08,227
Yeah.
Say it.
138
00:06:08,229 --> 00:06:10,195
I'll see ya in a week.
139
00:06:10,197 --> 00:06:12,297
Okay, you two have fun.
140
00:06:12,299 --> 00:06:13,532
All right.
141
00:06:13,534 --> 00:06:15,734
Oh, oh, wait.
What room are you planning
142
00:06:15,736 --> 00:06:17,820
to put the little girl in?
Yours.
143
00:06:17,822 --> 00:06:20,322
Oh, oh, well, then I better
144
00:06:20,324 --> 00:06:21,657
get a few things out of there.
145
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:24,626
Mostly magazines.
146
00:06:26,079 --> 00:06:27,529
Maybe we should put her
in Jake's room.
147
00:06:27,531 --> 00:06:29,698
No, that's actually worse.
148
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:33,752
♪ Men. ♪
149
00:06:33,754 --> 00:06:35,370
You ready for another beer?
150
00:06:35,372 --> 00:06:37,089
Oh, aren't you a doll.
151
00:06:37,091 --> 00:06:39,675
You know...
152
00:06:39,677 --> 00:06:41,593
Eldridge is with his
father this week.
153
00:06:41,595 --> 00:06:43,712
Whoo, and Jake's with his mother.
Mmm.
154
00:06:43,714 --> 00:06:46,548
So, I guess we can
do anything we want.
155
00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:50,051
Yeah, and what do you want,
you dirty girl?
156
00:06:50,053 --> 00:06:53,272
Well, you know what would
make me really happy?
157
00:06:53,274 --> 00:06:55,223
Whatever it is,
I'll do it.
158
00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:58,911
The guest toilet is broken.
I want you to fix it.
159
00:07:01,281 --> 00:07:04,133
Uh, are we role-playing?
160
00:07:04,984 --> 00:07:07,286
Am I the naughty plumber
161
00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:11,006
here to snake your drain?
162
00:07:11,008 --> 00:07:13,509
No.
163
00:07:13,511 --> 00:07:17,729
You're the loving boyfriend
here to fix my toilet.
164
00:07:17,731 --> 00:07:19,398
Seriously?
165
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,366
Seriously.
166
00:07:21,368 --> 00:07:23,769
Now?
Now.
167
00:07:23,771 --> 00:07:26,188
All right.
168
00:07:28,057 --> 00:07:29,558
Hey, uh, when you're
done with that,
169
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,643
would you take the patio
furniture out of the garage
170
00:07:31,645 --> 00:07:33,112
and put it in the backyard?
171
00:07:33,114 --> 00:07:34,396
Sure.
172
00:07:34,398 --> 00:07:36,365
Make sure you wash it first.
173
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:38,099
You got it.
174
00:07:38,101 --> 00:07:41,269
Yep, I got it, all right.
175
00:07:46,993 --> 00:07:49,444
I forgot a few things.
I'm going to run to the store.
176
00:07:49,446 --> 00:07:51,914
Oh, you know, relax.
I'll go for you.
177
00:07:51,916 --> 00:07:53,448
Actually, there's things
I need to buy
178
00:07:53,450 --> 00:07:55,617
that I'd rather
you not know I need.
179
00:07:55,619 --> 00:07:57,419
Say no more.
180
00:07:57,421 --> 00:07:59,888
Put your coat on, Ava.
I don't want to go-- I'm playing.
181
00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:01,957
Ava, come on.
No, she's fine.
182
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,226
I'll watch her.
You sure?
183
00:08:04,228 --> 00:08:06,395
Yeah, of course.
It's no big deal.
184
00:08:06,397 --> 00:08:08,013
Do you want to
stay here with Walden?
185
00:08:08,015 --> 00:08:09,348
Yes, please.
186
00:08:09,350 --> 00:08:11,633
Okay. See you in about an hour
187
00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:13,869
Bye.
Bye.
188
00:08:16,574 --> 00:08:20,442
The sweet, sweet smell
of freedom.
189
00:08:25,315 --> 00:08:27,482
Oh.
190
00:08:27,484 --> 00:08:30,435
Hi.
I'm bored.
191
00:08:30,437 --> 00:08:32,588
I thought you were playing
with your dolls.
192
00:08:32,590 --> 00:08:34,673
I finished.
193
00:08:34,675 --> 00:08:36,875
What do you want to do?
194
00:08:36,877 --> 00:08:39,094
Well...
195
00:08:39,096 --> 00:08:41,980
(Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want
to Have Fun" plays)
196
00:08:54,561 --> 00:08:57,162
♪ I come home
in the morning light ♪
197
00:08:57,164 --> 00:09:02,734
♪ My mother says, "When you
gonna live your life right?" ♪
198
00:09:02,736 --> 00:09:06,321
♪ Oh, mother dear,
we're not the fortunate ones ♪
199
00:09:06,323 --> 00:09:09,658
♪ And girls,
they want to have fun ♪
200
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:14,580
♪ Oh, girls
just want to have fun ♪
201
00:09:19,519 --> 00:09:20,836
♪ ♪
202
00:09:20,838 --> 00:09:23,922
♪ The phone rings
in the middle of the night ♪
203
00:09:23,924 --> 00:09:28,310
♪ My father yells, "What you
gonna do with your life?" ♪
204
00:09:28,312 --> 00:09:32,164
♪ Oh, daddy dear, you know
you're still number one ♪
205
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:35,934
♪ But girls,
they want to have fun ♪
206
00:09:35,936 --> 00:09:38,654
♪ Oh, girls just want to have ♪
207
00:09:38,656 --> 00:09:42,557
♪ That's all they really want ♪
208
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,861
♪ Some fun ♪
209
00:09:45,863 --> 00:09:49,665
♪ When the working day is done ♪
210
00:09:49,667 --> 00:09:53,252
♪ Oh, girls,
they want to have fun ♪
211
00:09:53,254 --> 00:09:56,088
♪ Oh, girls just want
to have... ♪
212
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:58,257
There's my good girl.
213
00:09:58,259 --> 00:09:59,574
Hi, Mommy.
214
00:09:59,576 --> 00:10:01,426
Where's Walden?
215
00:10:01,428 --> 00:10:03,378
Right there.
216
00:10:05,581 --> 00:10:08,100
He said it's his nap time.
217
00:10:09,285 --> 00:10:12,020
♪ Men. ♪
218
00:10:12,022 --> 00:10:15,423
I think I found your problem!
219
00:10:15,425 --> 00:10:17,476
You have got
a blown out fuse!
220
00:10:17,478 --> 00:10:18,560
Can you fix it?
221
00:10:18,562 --> 00:10:21,262
I don't see any
spare fuses but, uh,
222
00:10:21,264 --> 00:10:24,700
I do know a little trick.
What's that?
223
00:10:24,702 --> 00:10:26,118
Well, most people
don't know this,
224
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,903
but you can use
an ordinary copper penny
225
00:10:27,905 --> 00:10:31,206
to replace a fuse.
No kidding?
226
00:10:31,208 --> 00:10:32,958
Yeah, electricians
won't tell you
227
00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,293
'cause they
want to charge you...
228
00:10:41,301 --> 00:10:44,119
It worked! The TV's back on!
229
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:46,505
♪ Men. ♪
230
00:10:51,742 --> 00:10:53,892
"They were married
soon after,
231
00:10:53,894 --> 00:10:56,812
"and lived happily together
for many, many years.
232
00:10:56,814 --> 00:10:59,014
The end."
233
00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:02,217
Big surprise, huh?
234
00:11:06,005 --> 00:11:08,257
Thank God.
235
00:11:15,715 --> 00:11:17,883
It's too dark.
236
00:11:19,102 --> 00:11:21,103
Oh, sorry. Here you go.
237
00:11:21,105 --> 00:11:24,723
That's too bright.
238
00:11:25,591 --> 00:11:29,260
Okay. Uh... how about...
239
00:11:29,262 --> 00:11:33,482
I turn the bathroom light on
and leave the door open a crack?
240
00:11:34,484 --> 00:11:35,984
How's that?
241
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,286
Better.
242
00:11:37,288 --> 00:11:38,287
All right.
243
00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:39,321
Good night.
244
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:41,239
Did you look under the bed?
245
00:11:41,241 --> 00:11:45,210
No. Why, did you find
some funny magazines?
246
00:11:45,212 --> 00:11:48,297
You have to check for monsters.
247
00:11:48,299 --> 00:11:50,082
Oh.
248
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:55,286
Nope, no monsters.
249
00:11:55,288 --> 00:11:57,288
Okay. Good night.
250
00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:58,807
What about the closet?
251
00:11:58,809 --> 00:12:00,342
What about it?
252
00:12:00,344 --> 00:12:02,477
Monsters.
253
00:12:04,013 --> 00:12:06,315
I don't want to have nightmares.
254
00:12:06,317 --> 00:12:08,350
Right.
255
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:09,685
It's all clear.
256
00:12:12,905 --> 00:12:14,940
Aah... great.
257
00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,308
Now I'm gonna have nightmares.
258
00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:19,310
Okay, okay, good night.
259
00:12:19,312 --> 00:12:20,929
I'm thirsty.
260
00:12:22,314 --> 00:12:23,749
You're joking.
261
00:12:23,751 --> 00:12:26,118
Why would I joke about thirsty?
262
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,669
Thirsty's not funny.
263
00:12:28,871 --> 00:12:30,922
I'll get you a glass of water.
264
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,642
No, I want fizzy water.
265
00:12:34,493 --> 00:12:36,628
You want Perrier?
266
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,497
Pellegrino would be fine.
267
00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:41,466
Okay.
268
00:12:41,468 --> 00:12:43,852
I'll go see what we have.
269
00:12:45,504 --> 00:12:47,272
How did the story end?
270
00:12:47,274 --> 00:12:49,641
Uh... they got married,
271
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:52,878
and they lived happily together
for many, many years.
272
00:12:55,148 --> 00:12:57,282
Till they had kids.
273
00:12:58,735 --> 00:13:00,819
♪ Men. ♪
274
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:02,237
How are you feeling?
275
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:03,521
All right.
276
00:13:03,523 --> 00:13:06,408
My hand's still a little numb.
277
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:09,527
Well, let's see if I can
make it all better.
278
00:13:09,529 --> 00:13:10,879
Mmm...
Ooh! Ooh!
279
00:13:10,881 --> 00:13:12,464
Make it all better.
280
00:13:12,466 --> 00:13:14,299
Daddy like.
Mmm...
281
00:13:16,136 --> 00:13:16,954
Did you hear something?
282
00:13:16,979 --> 00:13:18,947
Mm, nothing but the
rustling in my jammies.
283
00:13:20,474 --> 00:13:22,257
No!
284
00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,009
There's someone downstairs.
285
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,811
No, there isn't. Come
on, make it all better.
286
00:13:25,813 --> 00:13:27,479
Alan!
287
00:13:27,481 --> 00:13:29,981
There's someone
in the house. Go look.
288
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:33,885
Really? With a dead hand and
the beginnings of an erection?
289
00:13:33,887 --> 00:13:35,220
Go.
290
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:42,611
And thus ends the erection.
291
00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:10,421
Who keeps their weed
in the crisper?
292
00:14:10,423 --> 00:14:13,091
What, you want to get
crispy, don't you?
293
00:14:18,314 --> 00:14:20,482
Ow!
294
00:14:27,623 --> 00:14:29,491
Good morning.
295
00:14:31,961 --> 00:14:34,079
It's still dark out.
296
00:14:34,081 --> 00:14:35,881
It's breakfast time.
297
00:14:35,883 --> 00:14:38,633
Maybe in London.
298
00:14:38,635 --> 00:14:40,001
What's going on?
299
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:42,554
She wants breakfast.
300
00:14:42,556 --> 00:14:44,639
Okay.
301
00:14:44,641 --> 00:14:46,758
Just give me a minute.
302
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,394
No, you sleep;
I'll get it.
303
00:14:49,396 --> 00:14:50,562
Thanks.
304
00:14:50,564 --> 00:14:52,848
That's it? No argument?
305
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:56,151
Shh...
306
00:15:00,139 --> 00:15:01,857
All right.
307
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,325
What do you want?
308
00:15:03,327 --> 00:15:06,111
Corn Flakes or Cheerios or...
309
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,079
Eggs Benedict.
310
00:15:08,081 --> 00:15:10,248
Of course.
311
00:15:10,950 --> 00:15:13,418
♪ Men. ♪
312
00:15:13,420 --> 00:15:15,320
Watch your step.
313
00:15:15,322 --> 00:15:17,589
Yeah, wouldn't want
to get hurt.
314
00:15:21,493 --> 00:15:23,962
Those pain pills starting
to kick in yet?
315
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:24,996
Oh, yeah.
316
00:15:24,998 --> 00:15:27,498
You could spread me on a toast.
317
00:15:28,684 --> 00:15:29,684
Okay.
318
00:15:29,686 --> 00:15:31,686
Let's get you into bed.
319
00:15:31,688 --> 00:15:33,855
No, no.
320
00:15:33,857 --> 00:15:35,506
Let's get you into bed.
321
00:15:35,508 --> 00:15:36,507
Seriously?
322
00:15:36,509 --> 00:15:37,675
You want to fool around?
323
00:15:37,677 --> 00:15:39,144
Parts of me do.
324
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:45,066
Mr. Nose says, "No," but Mr.
Hose says (falsetto): "Yes""
325
00:15:45,068 --> 00:15:46,868
Tell you what,
326
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:50,521
why don't you just lie down
and let me take care of you.
327
00:15:50,523 --> 00:15:52,040
Really?
328
00:15:52,042 --> 00:15:54,626
You took care of me when I thought
there was someone in the house.
329
00:15:54,628 --> 00:15:56,027
Oh, right, right, I did.
330
00:15:56,029 --> 00:15:58,380
I was brave.
331
00:15:58,382 --> 00:16:00,882
Let's just get this belt
and zipper undone.
332
00:16:00,884 --> 00:16:03,534
Good thing you could breathe
through your nose.
333
00:16:04,136 --> 00:16:06,371
- Ow! - What?!
Ball snag!
334
00:16:06,373 --> 00:16:08,006
Oh, sorry!
No, no, don't touch it!
335
00:16:08,008 --> 00:16:09,540
Don't...! Oh!
336
00:16:11,761 --> 00:16:15,130
I think I broke Mr. Hose.
337
00:16:26,158 --> 00:16:27,609
Hey!
338
00:16:27,611 --> 00:16:29,894
What?
339
00:16:29,896 --> 00:16:31,729
What in the hell
happened here?
340
00:16:31,731 --> 00:16:33,698
I tried to make breakfast
for the kid.
341
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,533
"Tried"?
342
00:16:35,535 --> 00:16:38,203
Yeah. The eggs were too runny,
343
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:41,957
so I made oatmeal
that was too dry,
344
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:45,594
so I made waffles
that were-- and I quote--
345
00:16:45,596 --> 00:16:48,513
"Bloody dreadful."
346
00:16:48,515 --> 00:16:50,215
Where is she now?
347
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:53,668
I don't know; I don't care.
348
00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:55,770
I can't do this, Berta.
349
00:16:55,772 --> 00:16:57,188
It's just... it's too much.
350
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,890
She just never stops.
351
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,192
Yeah, I raised
four daughters.
352
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:04,980
The only thing that slows them
down is jail and johnsons.
353
00:17:05,898 --> 00:17:08,950
I told Zoey
we were gonna be a family.
354
00:17:08,952 --> 00:17:10,368
What am I gonna do?
355
00:17:10,370 --> 00:17:11,987
The kid's seven?
356
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:13,038
Yeah.
357
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,123
Wait nine years.
358
00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:16,541
What happens in nine years?
359
00:17:16,543 --> 00:17:20,245
If you're lucky, she runs away
with a coke-addled bass player.
360
00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:22,497
And if I'm not lucky?
361
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:24,666
A drummer.
362
00:17:26,085 --> 00:17:28,386
♪ Men. ♪
363
00:17:31,807 --> 00:17:33,291
Hey.
364
00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:35,644
Oh, you're up.
365
00:17:35,646 --> 00:17:37,228
How are you feeling?
366
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:38,430
A little better.
367
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,597
I'm glad.
368
00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:42,067
Not looking forward
to ripping the Band-Aid
369
00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:43,485
off my scrotum, but...
370
00:17:43,487 --> 00:17:46,187
we'll cross that bridge
when we get to it.
371
00:17:46,189 --> 00:17:48,940
I'm so, so sorry.
372
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,475
Yeah, just...
373
00:17:50,477 --> 00:17:54,145
FYI, if you'd like to try again,
I'm wearing sweatpants.
374
00:17:55,781 --> 00:17:57,666
No zipper.
375
00:17:57,668 --> 00:18:00,502
I cannot believe
you're still horny.
376
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:03,838
Me neither,
but there it is.
377
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,591
Well, I do owe you one.
378
00:18:07,627 --> 00:18:09,427
Oh, boy.
379
00:18:09,429 --> 00:18:10,679
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
380
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:15,800
Do you smell that?
381
00:18:15,802 --> 00:18:16,801
Oh, don't worry.
382
00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:18,219
That's just the Neosporin.
383
00:18:18,221 --> 00:18:20,138
No.
384
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:22,640
It-it smells
like something dead.
385
00:18:22,642 --> 00:18:25,360
It's not Mr. Hose.
386
00:18:25,362 --> 00:18:28,146
He's very much alive.
387
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:30,648
Go ahead. Check.
388
00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:33,785
I think it's coming
from under the house.
389
00:18:33,787 --> 00:18:36,687
I'm sorry, I-I really
can't smell anything
390
00:18:36,689 --> 00:18:38,573
'cause of my broken nose...
391
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:40,158
'cause of what you owe me.
392
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,211
It-it's probably just a raccoon
or a possum.
393
00:18:43,213 --> 00:18:44,195
Hang on one sec.
394
00:18:44,197 --> 00:18:45,863
Let me call the exterminator.
395
00:18:45,865 --> 00:18:47,916
Oh, no, no, no,
that's going to take too long.
396
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:51,503
I'll ju... I'll just get
a shovel and a garbage bag
397
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,471
and deal with it.
398
00:18:53,473 --> 00:18:55,306
You're that horny?
399
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:58,309
I know, it's starting
to worry me, too.
400
00:19:01,565 --> 00:19:03,815
You okay down there?
401
00:19:03,817 --> 00:19:06,735
Yeah. Yeah, I think I see it.
402
00:19:08,739 --> 00:19:11,556
Looks like a-a dead possum.
403
00:19:11,558 --> 00:19:12,741
Be careful.
404
00:19:12,743 --> 00:19:14,743
Oh, don't worry about it.
405
00:19:14,745 --> 00:19:16,494
I-I'm just going
to shovel him into my...
406
00:19:16,496 --> 00:19:18,413
Not dead! Not dead!
407
00:19:18,415 --> 00:19:20,448
Ow! Ow!
408
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,784
Yah! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
409
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,419
I didn't mean...
Ow! No! Ow!
410
00:19:24,421 --> 00:19:26,087
Come on!
411
00:19:26,089 --> 00:19:28,739
Oh, that's going
to get infected.
412
00:19:28,741 --> 00:19:30,241
Ah! Ahh!
413
00:19:32,473 --> 00:19:33,757
♪ Men. ♪
414
00:19:35,229 --> 00:19:37,012
Thank you.
415
00:19:42,819 --> 00:19:44,120
Hey.
416
00:19:44,122 --> 00:19:46,488
Oh, hey.
Thanks for meeting me, man.
417
00:19:46,490 --> 00:19:48,490
Whoa!
418
00:19:48,492 --> 00:19:50,659
What happened to you?
419
00:19:50,661 --> 00:19:53,713
Well, let's see, uh...
420
00:19:53,715 --> 00:19:56,132
Electrocuted, got
my nose bashed in,
421
00:19:56,134 --> 00:19:59,018
and possibly rabies.
422
00:20:07,778 --> 00:20:09,845
How are you?
423
00:20:09,847 --> 00:20:12,865
I am really tired.
424
00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:15,151
My heart bleeds for you.
425
00:20:15,153 --> 00:20:18,871
Also my left ball sack.
426
00:20:18,873 --> 00:20:20,790
What's that smell?
427
00:20:20,792 --> 00:20:25,745
Oh, Neosporin, which
just a hint of possum.
428
00:20:27,297 --> 00:20:30,883
So, uh, how are things going
living with Zoey and her daughter?
429
00:20:30,885 --> 00:20:32,635
It's good, it's good.
430
00:20:32,637 --> 00:20:33,753
Oh.
431
00:20:33,755 --> 00:20:35,054
How's living with Lyndsey?
432
00:20:35,056 --> 00:20:36,472
Oh, it's terrific.
433
00:20:36,474 --> 00:20:38,641
That's great.
434
00:20:40,477 --> 00:20:42,645
That's great.
435
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,650
If I could get rid of them...
Yes! A hundred times yes!
436
00:20:47,652 --> 00:20:51,652
== sync, corrected by elderman ==