1
00:00:02,757 --> 00:00:04,792
I can't decide
between a veil or a hat.
2
00:00:04,794 --> 00:00:07,294
I mean, I want to look elegant,
but with a, you know,
3
00:00:07,296 --> 00:00:08,379
sense of whimsy.
4
00:00:08,381 --> 00:00:09,964
Traditional, but fun.
5
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,832
Maybe they have one of
those beer can hats,
6
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:13,550
but for champagne flutes.
7
00:00:13,552 --> 00:00:15,335
That's elegant and fun.
8
00:00:15,337 --> 00:00:17,671
Victoria, my wedding
is in three weeks,
9
00:00:17,673 --> 00:00:19,690
and you're either part
of the problem
10
00:00:19,692 --> 00:00:21,809
or you're part of the solution.
11
00:00:21,811 --> 00:00:23,360
Don't upset your sister.
12
00:00:23,362 --> 00:00:25,679
I think the veil
you're wearing is gorgeous.
13
00:00:25,681 --> 00:00:26,697
I hate it.
14
00:00:26,699 --> 00:00:28,282
I hate it, too.
15
00:00:28,284 --> 00:00:30,317
Here we are.
16
00:00:30,319 --> 00:00:32,019
(All gasping)
17
00:00:32,021 --> 00:00:33,687
Oh, it's so beautiful.
18
00:00:33,689 --> 00:00:35,539
Amazing.
19
00:00:35,541 --> 00:00:38,492
Oh, my God. I think
I'm going to cry.
20
00:00:38,494 --> 00:00:42,129
Where the hell are the
wrist loops to carry the train?
21
00:00:42,131 --> 00:00:44,798
The seamstress will add those
after this final fitting.
22
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,500
Information, communication.
23
00:00:46,502 --> 00:00:48,869
That is the only way
this is going to work.
24
00:00:50,005 --> 00:00:51,639
Just fork it over.
25
00:00:51,641 --> 00:00:53,424
Joyce: She's got
a little case
26
00:00:53,426 --> 00:00:55,092
of the pre-wedding
jitters.
27
00:00:55,094 --> 00:00:58,178
Yeah, this morning, she
made the florist cry.
28
00:00:58,180 --> 00:01:01,214
He said it was allergies,
but we all knew.
29
00:01:01,216 --> 00:01:03,317
What we're saying is,
it's been a long day already,
30
00:01:03,319 --> 00:01:06,053
so keep the free hooch flowing.
31
00:01:06,055 --> 00:01:07,988
I'll grab you another bottle.
32
00:01:07,990 --> 00:01:10,140
Just so you know,
three is the limit.
33
00:01:10,142 --> 00:01:12,443
Then three it shall be.
34
00:01:13,528 --> 00:01:14,745
(Sighs)
35
00:01:14,747 --> 00:01:17,414
Appreciate you
coming along with us today.
36
00:01:17,416 --> 00:01:18,565
Having an eyewitness
37
00:01:18,567 --> 00:01:20,200
kept me from killing her
about four times.
38
00:01:20,202 --> 00:01:21,702
Do what you need to do, mom.
39
00:01:21,704 --> 00:01:23,370
I'm no snitch.
40
00:01:23,372 --> 00:01:25,873
She's going to be a beautiful
bride, though, isn't she?
41
00:01:25,875 --> 00:01:27,174
Absolutely.
44
00:01:30,346 --> 00:01:31,879
Until about two years ago,
45
00:01:31,881 --> 00:01:34,131
I'd have bet cash money
she was going to be
46
00:01:34,133 --> 00:01:35,883
one of those cranky,
old spinsters
47
00:01:35,885 --> 00:01:38,251
in sensible shoes
and a boy's haircut.
48
00:01:38,253 --> 00:01:39,803
Living in a mobile home
49
00:01:39,805 --> 00:01:42,639
filled with stacks of
old Redbook magazines
50
00:01:42,641 --> 00:01:44,925
and 25 uncaged parakeets.
51
00:01:44,927 --> 00:01:46,643
We'd go visit her
on the weekends
52
00:01:46,645 --> 00:01:48,228
and walk through her gauntlet
53
00:01:48,230 --> 00:01:50,614
of wind chimes
and dream catchers,
54
00:01:50,616 --> 00:01:52,616
ignoring the
health department citations
55
00:01:52,618 --> 00:01:55,602
and her prominent
chin whiskers.
56
00:01:55,604 --> 00:01:57,488
Ta-da.
57
00:01:57,490 --> 00:01:59,439
There she is.
58
00:01:59,441 --> 00:02:01,625
The most beautiful bride
in the whole world.
59
00:02:01,627 --> 00:02:03,276
Not too shabby, right?
60
00:02:03,278 --> 00:02:05,329
You look amazing.
61
00:02:05,331 --> 00:02:08,082
Let's get you zipped up.
62
00:02:09,584 --> 00:02:11,969
(Grunting)
Okay.
63
00:02:11,971 --> 00:02:13,804
All right.
64
00:02:13,806 --> 00:02:15,122
Oh!
65
00:02:15,124 --> 00:02:17,624
Looks like we might need
to let this out just a smidge.
66
00:02:17,626 --> 00:02:18,809
No, you won't.
67
00:02:18,811 --> 00:02:20,728
I'm just a few pounds
from my target weight,
68
00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:22,346
and when I set a
goal for myself,
69
00:02:22,348 --> 00:02:23,680
I-I reach it.
70
00:02:23,682 --> 00:02:25,298
Honey, the wedding
is in three weeks.
71
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,867
Which means
I'm right on schedule.
72
00:02:28,103 --> 00:02:30,104
I am going to drop
those last six pounds
73
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:31,739
easy peasy lemon squeezy.
74
00:02:31,741 --> 00:02:32,990
Of course you will!
75
00:02:32,992 --> 00:02:35,442
Those six pounds
will be your bitch.
76
00:02:35,444 --> 00:02:37,310
Damn right, they will.
77
00:02:37,312 --> 00:02:38,645
Now, why don't you
go get changed
78
00:02:38,647 --> 00:02:40,664
and I'll take my two girls out
for a nice lunch.
79
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:42,866
Lunch?
I have six pounds to lose.
80
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:45,335
Am I in this by myself?!
81
00:02:45,337 --> 00:02:48,238
Back up. Back up.
82
00:02:50,508 --> 00:02:53,393
We're going to need that
third bottle in a to-go bag.
83
00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:59,967
♪ For the first time
in my life ♪
84
00:02:59,969 --> 00:03:03,336
♪ I see love. ♪
85
00:03:03,361 --> 00:03:09,361
Sync & corrections by into-the-light
www.addic7ed.com
86
00:03:14,618 --> 00:03:17,336
{Pub}(Alarm blaring)
87
00:03:17,338 --> 00:03:19,622
Mike, come on.
Get out of bed.
88
00:03:19,624 --> 00:03:20,822
What's wrong?
89
00:03:20,824 --> 00:03:22,007
Is the house on fire?
90
00:03:22,009 --> 00:03:24,960
Wake me when it gets
to the stairs.
91
00:03:24,962 --> 00:03:27,680
Get up. You and I are going
for a two-mile run.
92
00:03:27,682 --> 00:03:28,931
All right, sweetie,
93
00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:30,649
I think you're sleepwalking.
94
00:03:30,651 --> 00:03:31,800
Just climb back into bed
95
00:03:31,802 --> 00:03:33,835
and don't pee
in the clothes hamper.
96
00:03:35,805 --> 00:03:37,473
We are getting married
in three weeks,
97
00:03:37,475 --> 00:03:39,558
and you and I
are going to tone up.
98
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,810
Hey, we Biggs don't tone,
and we don't tan.
99
00:03:41,812 --> 00:03:43,979
We burn, and we stroke out.
100
00:03:45,365 --> 00:03:48,117
(Grunting):
And three.
101
00:03:48,119 --> 00:03:50,319
Let's do this.
102
00:03:53,189 --> 00:03:54,740
Honey roasted peanuts.
103
00:03:54,742 --> 00:03:56,692
You think Molly will
be tempted by these?
104
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:57,710
You remember what happened
105
00:03:57,712 --> 00:03:59,194
the last time
she starved herself.
106
00:03:59,196 --> 00:04:01,330
She ate half a jar
of my avocado face scrub.
107
00:04:01,332 --> 00:04:03,916
In her defense, it does
look like guacamole.
108
00:04:03,918 --> 00:04:06,051
That may be, but a sane woman
109
00:04:06,053 --> 00:04:08,087
doesn't dig around
her mother's makeup kit
110
00:04:08,089 --> 00:04:10,372
looking for a snack.
111
00:04:10,374 --> 00:04:12,675
What's going on?
112
00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:14,843
Molly's trying to drop
six pounds before the wedding,
113
00:04:14,845 --> 00:04:17,045
so we're getting rid of
everything but ice and onions.
114
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:18,931
If she's really serious about
this weight loss thing,
115
00:04:18,933 --> 00:04:21,333
starving herself
is not the answer.
116
00:04:21,335 --> 00:04:22,735
Oh, she's exercising, too.
117
00:04:22,737 --> 00:04:24,603
She's out right now
jogging around the neighborhood.
118
00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:26,522
Not talking diet and exercise.
119
00:04:26,524 --> 00:04:28,440
I'm referring
to the weight loss miracle
120
00:04:28,442 --> 00:04:30,442
known as horse laxatives.
121
00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:31,911
Vince, don't be an ass.
122
00:04:31,913 --> 00:04:33,612
I'm serious.
I got a jockey buddy
123
00:04:33,614 --> 00:04:36,699
who sometimes has to drop
five pounds in six hours.
124
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:39,285
All he needs is one cap full
of "hi-yo, silver"
125
00:04:39,287 --> 00:04:40,669
and a good book.
126
00:04:40,671 --> 00:04:42,671
(Door opens and closes)
127
00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:46,091
Two and a half miles.
128
00:04:46,093 --> 00:04:47,660
Pretty good.
Tomorrow, we'll go for three.
129
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,028
I thought we were supposed
130
00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:50,896
to take a day off.
131
00:04:50,898 --> 00:04:55,250
You know, let the muscles
reattach themselves to the bone.
132
00:04:56,603 --> 00:04:58,086
No, you can't have a day off.
133
00:04:58,088 --> 00:04:59,471
It's all about speeding up
your metabolism.
134
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,774
Now, I'm going to go take
a shower and make us
135
00:05:01,776 --> 00:05:04,059
a nice, healthy smoothie
out of beets, carrots and kale.
136
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:05,594
That's my reward for
running in the dark
137
00:05:05,596 --> 00:05:09,014
and giving myself a two
and a half mile wedgie?
138
00:05:09,899 --> 00:05:12,568
It's all yours.
139
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:14,703
Really?
140
00:05:14,705 --> 00:05:16,772
Yeah, but eat it
behind the garage.
141
00:05:16,774 --> 00:05:18,424
God bless you.
142
00:05:24,947 --> 00:05:26,281
That is your fifth
cup of coffee.
143
00:05:26,283 --> 00:05:28,417
You better have an empty
milk jug in the car
144
00:05:28,419 --> 00:05:29,802
'cause I'm not spending
my entire day
145
00:05:29,804 --> 00:05:32,054
trying to find porta-potties
and big trees.
146
00:05:32,056 --> 00:05:33,672
Molly dragged me out of bed
147
00:05:33,674 --> 00:05:35,924
at 5:00 this morning
to go jogging.
148
00:05:35,926 --> 00:05:37,009
Oh, that was you?
149
00:05:37,011 --> 00:05:38,310
I have to call my roommates
150
00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:40,095
and tell them
it wasn't Godzilla.
151
00:05:40,930 --> 00:05:42,481
I have hot coffee in my hand,
152
00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:44,433
and I'm going on
about five hours of sleep.
153
00:05:44,435 --> 00:05:45,634
Boy, someone woke up
154
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,853
on the wrong side of Tokyo
this morning.
155
00:05:49,322 --> 00:05:50,990
I'm guessing this
new fitness regime
156
00:05:50,992 --> 00:05:52,974
has something to do with
your impending nuptials.
157
00:05:52,976 --> 00:05:54,810
She's driving me crazy, Carl.
158
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:55,944
I don't know why she's making
159
00:05:55,946 --> 00:05:57,613
such a big deal
out of a wedding.
160
00:05:57,615 --> 00:05:59,665
Hey, this is a huge milestone
in a woman's life.
161
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:00,866
It's something
she's been dreaming
162
00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:02,785
and fantasizing about
since she was a young girl.
163
00:06:02,787 --> 00:06:04,203
But it's just one day.
164
00:06:04,205 --> 00:06:05,788
One day
she will remember forever.
165
00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,656
For me and you,
that's like the first time
166
00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,625
we ever saw
a real-life naked boob.
167
00:06:09,627 --> 00:06:11,877
October 6, 1988.
168
00:06:13,430 --> 00:06:14,930
Joy Harmon was her name.
169
00:06:14,932 --> 00:06:17,166
She was the first girl
in our class to get boobs,
170
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,668
and I was the third guy to see them.
Mm-hmm.
171
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,470
And I bet you the time
leading up to that
172
00:06:21,472 --> 00:06:22,554
was filled with hope
and expectation.
173
00:06:22,556 --> 00:06:24,223
Oh, God, yes.
She told me at lunch
174
00:06:24,225 --> 00:06:25,891
I could see one of them
after school.
175
00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:27,026
I remember it was pizza day
176
00:06:27,028 --> 00:06:28,977
and I left half of it
on my plate.
177
00:06:28,979 --> 00:06:30,479
That speaks volumes right there.
178
00:06:31,314 --> 00:06:32,448
When the bell rang,
179
00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:34,116
I ran to meet her
underneath the bleachers.
180
00:06:34,118 --> 00:06:35,684
My heart was pounding
with anticipation.
181
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:36,952
Of course it was.
182
00:06:36,954 --> 00:06:38,537
There can be
no other first time,
183
00:06:38,539 --> 00:06:40,789
and you wanted it to be perfect.
And it was.
184
00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,791
I could tell she liked me
'cause she showed me
185
00:06:42,793 --> 00:06:44,293
the second one
without me even asking.
186
00:06:44,295 --> 00:06:46,361
And that's after I drooled
all over the first one.
187
00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:47,329
Mmm.
188
00:06:47,331 --> 00:06:48,547
Yeah.
189
00:06:48,549 --> 00:06:50,416
Can't see one without the other.
190
00:06:50,418 --> 00:06:52,634
It's like the Kill Bill movies.
191
00:06:52,636 --> 00:06:55,220
They were like two perfect
pieces of flan.
192
00:06:55,222 --> 00:06:57,840
You know, if you put
a Hershey’s kiss on each one.
193
00:06:57,842 --> 00:06:59,475
(Chuckling)
194
00:06:59,477 --> 00:07:00,642
Now, if you'd like to get
195
00:07:00,644 --> 00:07:02,061
into your bride's head
a little bit,
196
00:07:02,063 --> 00:07:03,712
just change boobs
to holy matrimony
197
00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,647
and you can understand
where she's coming from.
198
00:07:05,649 --> 00:07:07,516
Wow. I always knew
it was important to her,
199
00:07:07,518 --> 00:07:10,069
but I never realized
it consumed her every thought
200
00:07:10,071 --> 00:07:12,237
and dictated her every action.
Mm-hmm.
201
00:07:12,239 --> 00:07:14,222
Well, sometimes
you got to step back
202
00:07:14,224 --> 00:07:16,892
and look at things
from an intellectual standpoint.
203
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,560
Thanks for helping me
understand.
204
00:07:18,562 --> 00:07:20,028
No problem.
205
00:07:20,030 --> 00:07:21,897
So I'm guessing
Joy Harmon is the reason
206
00:07:21,899 --> 00:07:23,849
you always order
two pieces of flan?
207
00:07:23,851 --> 00:07:28,120
You know, I hope one day
Molly gets me the way you do.
208
00:07:29,873 --> 00:07:32,841
All right, here we go.
209
00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,126
Oh.
210
00:07:34,128 --> 00:07:38,013
Feeling good. Feeling good.
211
00:07:38,015 --> 00:07:39,765
Feeling good. Oh...
212
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:42,134
Whoops.
213
00:07:42,136 --> 00:07:44,720
Hello, old friend.
214
00:07:44,722 --> 00:07:47,189
We meet again.
215
00:07:48,858 --> 00:07:50,609
All right, stop.
216
00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:53,061
Stop, stop, stop!
217
00:07:53,063 --> 00:07:55,414
Son of a bitch!
218
00:07:57,567 --> 00:07:58,867
Molly:
Liar!
219
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,270
Uh-oh. She's arguing
with the scale again.
220
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,405
Just so you know,
when the pothead ties the knot,
221
00:08:03,407 --> 00:08:04,873
we're going to go live
in a hotel.
222
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,376
Probably Europe.
Molly: Mom!
223
00:08:07,378 --> 00:08:09,044
Down here, sweetie.
224
00:08:09,046 --> 00:08:11,563
Hide the chips and try
not to piss her off.
225
00:08:11,565 --> 00:08:13,465
The smoothie you made me
for dinner tonight,
226
00:08:13,467 --> 00:08:14,716
did you put banana in it?
227
00:08:14,718 --> 00:08:16,585
Um...
'Cause I specifically said
228
00:08:16,587 --> 00:08:18,921
no banana!
229
00:08:18,923 --> 00:08:20,255
Well, if you said no banana,
230
00:08:20,257 --> 00:08:22,674
then there was not
a banana in there.
231
00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:24,092
There were two bananas
in the kitchen.
232
00:08:24,094 --> 00:08:25,427
If I go in there right now,
233
00:08:25,429 --> 00:08:26,929
are there still
going to be two bananas?
234
00:08:26,931 --> 00:08:28,013
Vince ate them.
235
00:08:28,015 --> 00:08:29,481
No, I didn't.
I hate bananas.
236
00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:32,985
They got a weird texture,
and they make me look apish.
237
00:08:32,987 --> 00:08:35,404
You look apish holding a pen!
238
00:08:36,472 --> 00:08:38,974
One banana's not
going to kill you, sweetie.
239
00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,993
It's pure starch,
and my glycemic index spikes.
240
00:08:40,995 --> 00:08:42,310
I mean, you might as well
241
00:08:42,312 --> 00:08:43,862
fill the blender with fudge.
242
00:08:43,864 --> 00:08:45,247
You're all trying
to sabotage me.
243
00:08:45,249 --> 00:08:46,248
Don't even, pal.
244
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:48,116
I see you.
245
00:08:48,118 --> 00:08:50,035
Hi, hon.
Did you have a good day?
246
00:08:50,037 --> 00:08:52,087
Grab your gym bag.
We're taking a spinning class.
247
00:08:52,089 --> 00:08:53,705
I just walked in the door.
248
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:54,706
For the love of God,
249
00:08:54,708 --> 00:08:56,324
grab your bag
and get her out of here!
250
00:08:56,326 --> 00:08:58,010
If she looks in the
trash and finds
251
00:08:58,012 --> 00:09:00,662
two banana peels,
we're all dead.
252
00:09:03,883 --> 00:09:05,884
You realize this
is a nightmare for me.
253
00:09:05,886 --> 00:09:07,469
I'm a fat guy in a little room
254
00:09:07,471 --> 00:09:08,804
on a bike that goes nowhere.
255
00:09:08,806 --> 00:09:10,022
You don't get on that bike,
256
00:09:10,024 --> 00:09:11,390
you're going to have
a new nightmare.
257
00:09:11,392 --> 00:09:12,808
All right, let's mount up.
258
00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:15,694
Oh, good, the seats
are really small.
259
00:09:18,681 --> 00:09:20,866
Remember not to stay
in the saddle the whole time.
260
00:09:20,868 --> 00:09:24,286
You need to move up and down
and lift with your core.
261
00:09:25,187 --> 00:09:27,188
This should put me
on the fast track
262
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:29,024
to erectile dysfunction.
263
00:09:29,026 --> 00:09:31,126
I thank you for that.
264
00:09:31,128 --> 00:09:32,461
Molly?
265
00:09:32,463 --> 00:09:33,495
Yeah.
266
00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:34,663
It's Allison.
267
00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:37,049
We met at OA a couple years ago.
Oh, my God.
268
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:39,751
Allison.
Well, you look great.
269
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:41,887
What'd you lose,
like 40 pounds?
270
00:09:41,889 --> 00:09:44,089
Fifty-two.
Fifty-two.
271
00:09:44,091 --> 00:09:46,675
Took me almost three years,
but I did it.
272
00:09:46,677 --> 00:09:49,811
Well, I'm... I'm happy for you,
seriously.
273
00:09:49,813 --> 00:09:52,014
Oh, this is, uh,
my fiancé, Mike.
274
00:09:52,016 --> 00:09:53,315
Hi.
275
00:09:53,317 --> 00:09:54,766
Doesn't she look great?
276
00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:56,068
Sure.
277
00:09:56,070 --> 00:09:57,886
52 pounds.
278
00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,938
Well, you set a goal
and you hit it.
279
00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:01,106
Bully for you.
280
00:10:01,108 --> 00:10:03,358
The key is not to try
and lose it too quick.
281
00:10:04,193 --> 00:10:05,611
Absolutely.
282
00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:07,529
Yeah, that's what
283
00:10:07,531 --> 00:10:09,731
I'm always trying to tell
this guy over here.
284
00:10:09,733 --> 00:10:10,999
Slow and steady wins the race.
285
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,834
Don't I always say that?
She does.
286
00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:16,004
Never in this context, but
it's a good rule anywhere.
287
00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:17,205
Those crash diets never work.
288
00:10:17,207 --> 00:10:18,239
You try starving yourself,
289
00:10:18,241 --> 00:10:20,008
you just end up
gaining more weight.
290
00:10:20,010 --> 00:10:21,627
Right.
291
00:10:21,629 --> 00:10:22,878
I say that, too.
292
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,212
That's... yeah, yeah.
293
00:10:24,214 --> 00:10:28,750
Oh... I-I forgot
my sports bra in the car.
294
00:10:29,919 --> 00:10:31,270
Looks like I'm wearing one,
295
00:10:31,272 --> 00:10:33,922
but that's just because
they're naturally perky.
296
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,357
Excuse me.
Where you going?
297
00:10:35,359 --> 00:10:37,109
Are you coming back?
298
00:10:37,111 --> 00:10:38,644
Welcome, everybody.
299
00:10:38,646 --> 00:10:40,145
Let's wake those legs up.
300
00:10:40,147 --> 00:10:41,930
Spin away the cares of the day.
301
00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,567
In the saddle, out of the saddle.
Ow. Ow!
302
00:10:45,569 --> 00:10:47,769
In the saddle,
out of the saddle.
303
00:10:47,771 --> 00:10:49,521
Ow!
304
00:10:53,493 --> 00:10:56,244
"The key is try not
to lose it too quick."
305
00:10:56,246 --> 00:10:58,497
So smug.
306
00:10:58,499 --> 00:11:01,667
She has a tiny ass and one chin.
307
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,257
Come on, Biggs.
308
00:11:09,259 --> 00:11:11,977
I know you've got candy
in here somewhere.
309
00:11:15,732 --> 00:11:18,684
Come on, think like Mike, think
like Mike, think like Mike.
310
00:11:22,572 --> 00:11:24,823
Bup-bup-bup.
311
00:11:24,825 --> 00:11:27,409
Jackpot!
312
00:11:27,411 --> 00:11:29,578
Yep.
313
00:11:35,785 --> 00:11:38,319
Thought you had me, didn't you?
314
00:11:38,321 --> 00:11:41,590
Not this time,
you fun-sized son of a bitch.
315
00:11:43,459 --> 00:11:45,160
(Door thumps)
316
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:46,327
Hey.
317
00:11:46,329 --> 00:11:47,429
Oh.
318
00:11:47,431 --> 00:11:48,513
Excuse me.
319
00:11:48,515 --> 00:11:49,881
You hit my car.
320
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:51,850
Sorry. It's covered
in dents already
321
00:11:51,852 --> 00:11:53,602
and my car's fine,
so no big whoop.
322
00:11:53,604 --> 00:11:55,336
Whoa-whoa, whoa-whoa.
323
00:11:55,338 --> 00:11:57,939
It's a whoop,
it's a very big whoop.
324
00:11:57,941 --> 00:12:00,508
Come on, I'm late
for spin class.
325
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:04,179
And, FYI, this parking lot
is for gym members only.
326
00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:07,182
Well, FYI, I am a gym member.
327
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,034
(Chuckles)
Of course you are.
328
00:12:09,036 --> 00:12:11,703
Look, how about I give you
five dollars,
329
00:12:11,705 --> 00:12:14,740
buy yourself a slice of pizza,
we'll call it even.
330
00:12:20,496 --> 00:12:21,546
(Car alarm wailing)
331
00:12:21,548 --> 00:12:24,332
Now we're even!
332
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,368
Oh!
333
00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,754
Think you're so smart,
don't you?
334
00:12:28,756 --> 00:12:29,888
My boyfriend's a cop;
335
00:12:29,890 --> 00:12:33,091
he still needs a cheat sheet
for the microwave!
336
00:12:33,093 --> 00:12:34,393
Molly?
337
00:12:34,395 --> 00:12:35,594
Mike!
338
00:12:35,596 --> 00:12:37,212
Molly!
339
00:12:37,214 --> 00:12:38,379
Mike!
340
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:40,482
Molly, you've got my keys!
341
00:12:40,484 --> 00:12:43,018
Ow! Ow! Ow!
342
00:12:53,288 --> 00:12:55,035
{Pub}I can't believe this!
343
00:12:55,504 --> 00:12:58,161
- I've never been arrested in my life.
- What'd you do?
344
00:12:58,924 --> 00:13:02,036
A woman in the parking lot
got very snotty with me, I...
345
00:13:02,494 --> 00:13:05,342
... accidentally kicked off
her side view mirror.
346
00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:08,251
I admire your restraint.
347
00:13:08,781 --> 00:13:11,939
I one bit off a woman's ear lob
for giving me a bad manicure.
348
00:13:14,158 --> 00:13:16,671
Well... there's nothing worst than
a bad manicure.
349
00:13:18,584 --> 00:13:22,036
Yeah! I couldn't speak Korean,
so I opted for the universal language of
350
00:13:22,074 --> 00:13:23,729
I'm biting your ear off, bitch.
351
00:13:27,229 --> 00:13:29,448
Surely, girl's gotta make her point.
352
00:13:31,673 --> 00:13:33,910
If the gal's on angel dust
and bathtub crack,
353
00:13:33,912 --> 00:13:38,965
it could take four cops and a
dog to get her off her soapbox.
354
00:13:38,967 --> 00:13:40,483
So what's your poison?
355
00:13:40,485 --> 00:13:45,055
Well, I've been on kind
of a crazy juice fast.
356
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:49,092
And I'm not gonna lie to you,
I'm tweaking pretty bad.
357
00:13:50,811 --> 00:13:55,131
Oh, I am never so mean
as when I am hungry.
358
00:13:55,133 --> 00:14:00,053
I did four days on Jenny Craig,
lit my boyfriend's legs on fire.
359
00:14:00,055 --> 00:14:02,322
Oh, my God.
360
00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:03,973
I was actually
aiming for his junk,
361
00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:06,142
but the welding torch sparked.
362
00:14:07,644 --> 00:14:09,829
Those things can be tricky.
363
00:14:11,782 --> 00:14:13,083
Other than that, though,
364
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:16,953
did you have any success
on Jenny Craig?
365
00:14:16,955 --> 00:14:21,207
You know what, portion control
ain't my strong suit.
366
00:14:21,209 --> 00:14:22,876
Tell me about it.
367
00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:27,630
When I open a can of Pringles,
I don't stop till I hit dust.
368
00:14:27,632 --> 00:14:29,799
I'm just so emotional lately,
369
00:14:29,801 --> 00:14:31,551
and I'm getting married
in three weeks,
370
00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:33,686
and I've been acting crazy.
371
00:14:33,688 --> 00:14:36,005
That's a stressful time.
372
00:14:36,007 --> 00:14:38,108
Lots of couples
can't take the pressure,
373
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:41,778
especially if you lit
the groom-to-be's legs on fire.
374
00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:48,017
I can see how that might
give a fella cold feet.
375
00:14:48,019 --> 00:14:49,452
Ironically.
376
00:14:49,454 --> 00:14:51,738
(Laughs)
377
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,256
I just don't want to give up.
378
00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:57,177
I set a goal for myself and,
my God, I want to meet it.
379
00:14:57,179 --> 00:15:00,246
Hopefully without
killing somebody.
380
00:15:00,248 --> 00:15:02,999
Or paying somebody else
to do it for you.
381
00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:07,287
I didn't hear a thing.
382
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:14,210
(Gasps) So, is
everything okay?
383
00:15:14,212 --> 00:15:15,678
The woman agreed
to drop the charges
384
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,348
if I paid for a new side view
mirror and a new brake light.
385
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:21,818
That brake light was
broken before I kicked it!
386
00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,320
I said I believe you.
387
00:15:24,322 --> 00:15:25,939
Now, why don't you run upstairs
and take a shower.
388
00:15:25,941 --> 00:15:28,441
Not that he's trying
to tell you what to do.
389
00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:29,993
Nah, I would never do that.
390
00:15:29,995 --> 00:15:31,077
Shower if you want.
391
00:15:31,079 --> 00:15:33,029
I mean, you did
sit in somebody's pee,
392
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,581
but it's your call.
393
00:15:34,583 --> 00:15:36,749
I'm gonna go take a shower.
394
00:15:39,703 --> 00:15:41,838
I don't know who that woman is!
395
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,006
Shh.
396
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:44,090
Keep your voice down.
397
00:15:44,092 --> 00:15:45,241
And if you're gonna cry,
398
00:15:45,243 --> 00:15:46,509
cry in the kitchen.
399
00:15:46,511 --> 00:15:48,044
Thought I was marrying
a sweet little schoolteacher,
400
00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:50,413
not some car-kicking lunatic.
401
00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:51,798
There's three weeks
until the wedding
402
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,716
and Molly's already been
thrown in the pokey.
403
00:15:53,718 --> 00:15:57,086
At this rate, our honeymoon's
gonna be a conjugal visit!
404
00:15:57,088 --> 00:15:59,472
Ow!
405
00:15:59,474 --> 00:16:01,057
Buck up and sit down!
406
00:16:01,059 --> 00:16:02,909
Great, she's a kicker
and you're a hitter.
407
00:16:02,911 --> 00:16:05,111
What kind of family
am I marrying into?
408
00:16:05,113 --> 00:16:07,030
A loving, supportive one.
409
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:08,815
And we are gonna
help my little angel
410
00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:10,600
look her best for her wedding.
411
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:11,985
What if she doesn't
lose the weight?
412
00:16:11,987 --> 00:16:13,319
What if the dress doesn't fit?
413
00:16:13,321 --> 00:16:15,605
That is not an option!
414
00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:18,825
Please don't hit me again.
415
00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:20,577
Look, I've been through this
with her before.
416
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:22,111
She gets her mind
set on something
417
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:24,130
and God help anything
that gets in her way.
418
00:16:24,132 --> 00:16:25,882
Wait, so she's acted
this way before?
419
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,634
Are you kidding me?
420
00:16:27,636 --> 00:16:31,721
Prom, senior picture day,
and one God-awful summer
421
00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:35,008
when she decided to
master the accordion.
422
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:36,426
I didn't know
she could play the accordion.
423
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:37,393
Huh.
424
00:16:37,395 --> 00:16:38,645
Second runner-up,
425
00:16:38,647 --> 00:16:42,649
Cook County Polka Festival,
pre-teen division.
426
00:16:42,651 --> 00:16:45,468
Three worst days of my life.
427
00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:47,070
So are you gonna go talk to her?
428
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:49,572
I've had a lifetime
of talking to her.
429
00:16:49,574 --> 00:16:52,475
You're gonna be her husband,
so now it's your turn.
430
00:16:52,477 --> 00:16:54,110
Take this to your future bride.
431
00:16:54,112 --> 00:16:57,196
Sleepy time tea...
always calms her down.
432
00:16:57,198 --> 00:16:58,364
Okay.
433
00:16:58,366 --> 00:16:59,832
Sometimes I find
it's helpful to drop
434
00:16:59,834 --> 00:17:03,319
an ambien in, just to make
sure crazy goes night-night.
435
00:17:07,708 --> 00:17:09,125
What the hell?
436
00:17:09,127 --> 00:17:11,827
Nobody gains weight in prison!
437
00:17:15,115 --> 00:17:17,967
Knock, knock.
438
00:17:17,969 --> 00:17:19,302
Brought you your tea.
439
00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:21,604
Put an ice cube in there
so it's not so hot,
440
00:17:21,606 --> 00:17:25,058
in case you spill it
or it gets thrown.
441
00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:28,111
You think I'm crazy, don't you?
442
00:17:28,113 --> 00:17:29,279
What? I don't think that.
443
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,530
And I certainly
wouldn't say that.
444
00:17:30,532 --> 00:17:33,616
If I did, who'd be
the crazy one then, right?
445
00:17:33,618 --> 00:17:35,568
I'm so caught up
in this wedding,
446
00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:38,237
and I know I'm driving
everybody nuts.
447
00:17:38,239 --> 00:17:39,956
You've been a little
off your game,
448
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,874
but I don't think
anyone else has noticed.
449
00:17:41,876 --> 00:17:43,860
Come on.
450
00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,712
Few cops, couple eyewitnesses...
451
00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:48,548
but for all they know,
you're like that all the time.
452
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:51,968
I'm sorry to put you
through all this.
453
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:55,388
I just, I wanted to look perfect
for you on our wedding day.
454
00:17:55,390 --> 00:17:57,840
Are you kidding?
455
00:17:57,842 --> 00:18:02,211
You look perfect
to me all the time.
456
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:04,230
Whether it's just
waking up in the morning
457
00:18:04,232 --> 00:18:06,616
wearing one of my
football jerseys
458
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:09,352
or cleaning the garage
in those goofy-looking overalls
459
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:11,521
or this whole
gypsy fortune-teller thing
460
00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:12,888
you got going on here.
461
00:18:12,890 --> 00:18:14,791
(Laughs)
462
00:18:16,610 --> 00:18:19,746
Listen, you don't have to
squeeze into some wedding dress
463
00:18:19,748 --> 00:18:21,464
to look perfect to me.
464
00:18:22,866 --> 00:18:26,469
You're already the most
beautiful woman in the world.
465
00:18:28,288 --> 00:18:29,505
I love you.
466
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,674
I love you, too.
467
00:18:34,077 --> 00:18:36,245
Come on, let's get into bed.
468
00:18:36,247 --> 00:18:38,181
I know better than
to argue with a crazy woman.
469
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,599
We got to get up
bright and early
470
00:18:39,601 --> 00:18:41,083
if we're gonna get in
those three miles.
471
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:43,269
Wait, did you not hear
a word I just said?
472
00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:44,754
I am getting married
in three weeks,
473
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:46,639
and I'm gonna fit
in that freaking wedding dress
474
00:18:46,641 --> 00:18:49,108
if it kills us all!
475
00:18:49,110 --> 00:18:51,227
God, what's it gonna be like
when she's pregnant?
476
00:18:51,229 --> 00:18:52,945
Mike!
Coming!
477
00:19:01,668 --> 00:19:03,436
{Pub}Okay, which button is it?
478
00:19:03,438 --> 00:19:05,604
It's the red one, mother.
479
00:19:09,776 --> 00:19:12,278
All right, Molly,
play it for mommy.
480
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:15,748
(Playing polka music)
481
00:19:15,750 --> 00:19:17,283
That's beautiful.
482
00:19:17,285 --> 00:19:19,618
Is that, uh,
"frère Jacques?"
483
00:19:19,620 --> 00:19:23,422
"Beer barrel polka," mother.
484
00:19:23,424 --> 00:19:27,376
Wow, it's like having Lawrence
Welk in the living room.
485
00:19:27,378 --> 00:19:29,211
Isn't she good, Victoria?
486
00:19:29,213 --> 00:19:31,380
Amazing!
487
00:19:34,234 --> 00:19:36,168
Okay, sweetie,
you keep playing.
488
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:37,970
Mommy's gonna make
us all some lunch.
489
00:19:37,972 --> 00:19:40,272
No, mom, I'm getting
to the best part!
490
00:19:40,274 --> 00:19:42,674
You're gonna miss the best part!
491
00:19:42,676 --> 00:19:45,444
Okay, I'll stay.
492
00:19:45,446 --> 00:19:48,364
Victoria, get mama's
vodka out of the freezer.
493
00:19:48,366 --> 00:19:50,533
Amazing!
494
00:19:53,353 --> 00:19:55,020
Tall glass, two cubes!
495
00:19:55,222 --> 00:19:56,821
Victoria:
Amazing!
496
00:19:56,823 --> 00:20:01,823
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